All language subtitles for Lexx S04E01 - Little Blue Planet (1080p AI Upscale DVD x265 HEVC 10bit AC3 Vertag)

Resync: Xenzai[NEF]

Newfoundland, 1901.

Is-a to-o low, idiota.

Too low. Bring up-a!

Fine weather we're having
��. Macaroni, wha?

Marconi! Macaroni is a pasta.

- Yeah, whatever you say, Madoci.
- Macaroni!

Batteria!

Connect the battery-a.

Santa Lucia!

Today,

we make history-a!

Mam-ma Mia!

Washington D.C.
in the very near future

Lexx 4.01- Little Blue Planet

Mr President, last Tuesday ATF
agents working at SETI,

the civilian organisation that searches
for extra terrestrial intelligence,

reported that a twelve year old boy

from Sulphur, Louisiana -

ostensibly as part of a school
science project,

called SETI headquarters to report
that he had spotted a large,

self-propelled unidentified object

in the vicinity of the Earth's moon.

Do not be misled by feelings of
sympathy for this boy, Mr President,

he's likely part of the greatest threat

the human race has ever faced.

The discovery of extra terrestrial
life in the Earth's

vicinity automatically triggered
the Hague-Schlieffen plan,

and the ATF went into immediate action.

We eliminated all personages
employed at SETI,

along with their relatives
and acquaintances,

and we destroyed their
headquarters building.

The FBI effectively credited this
action to religious fanatics,

and our news organisations, with the
exception of a few

insignificant journalists,

effectively bought the deception.

As per the plan, any potentially

suspicious journalists were eliminated
by the CIA.

I think we should congratulate
the FBI, the CIA,

and the boys at the Bureau of
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms

on a job well done.

Remind me, what is the
Hague-Schlieffen plan?

The secret legislation authorised
by Senators Hague and Schlieffen

which you signed into law last year -

they agreed to forget that little
unpleasantness

with the French ambassador's daughter.

Mr President, a communication has been
arranged between you and the aliens.

It's due to start at 09:00.

That's in exactly 37 seconds.

But I'm not prepared for that,

- you know I never speak without -
- Don't worry, Mr President.

All possible answers have been
carefully authored

by our best scientists
and philosophers.

Just follow the reply cards.

Do not say anything that
is not on the cards.

The fate of the Earth
is in your hands.

Do not be misled by outward
appearances, Mr President.

These aliens are more
advanced than we are,

and can likely display
themselves in ways

calculated to make us lower our guard.

Stick to the cards.

OK, so -

you're there, we're here.
What's the deal?

We are a benign species, opposed
to interplanetary conflict,

and believe in equal opportunity
for all beings,

regardless of age, race, gender, sexual
orientation or planet of origin.

That's nice. Look,
let me start over, OK?

I want you to tell me what
the people on your planet

are gonna do to make Stanley H Tweedle
a happier man.

- Is this right?
- Stick to the cards, Mr President.

All possibilities have been anticipated.

Do not deviate from the cards.

Congratulations on your birthday.

How'd you know it's my birthday?

We look forward to sharing the many
benefits of our combined knowledge.

Er, look - I don't know when my birthday
is, and I don't think you do either, OK?

Whatever. Let's get down to some
real business here.

Now, I wanna know about your planet.

Why would a guy like me wanna
go down there?

Tell us about your species -
are you friendly?

Yeah, very, under the right
circumstances, if you know what I mean.

You see, I'm just a man,
like any other man,

- Stick to the cards, Mr President.
- a regular guy, with hopes and dreams,

and an interest in the finer things
that life has to offer,

especially warm, cuddly,
smoochy things -

you know what I mean.

Our planet is decaying in its own filth,
and is best avoided by all aliens.

Look pal, I don't know what
you're going on about,

OK, except it doesn't make
any sense at all.

Look - what I want is a place
with nice beaches

and good food and open
minded interesting

attractive women and not
a whole lot else.

So, start helping me out here, OK?
Make this work for me.

OK, so buddy, you're president of
something or other, whoever you are,

I think you should know
I am Stanley H Tweedle,

and I'm captain of the most powerful
destructive force in the two universes,

and I've blown up plenty of planets,

and if I don't start getting a
little co-operation from you,

I'm going to use your little blue
planet for target practice!

We have the capacity, and the will,

to defend ourselves
aggressively against

any and all unfriendly alien intrusion.

Oh yeah? Well, OK, if that's the way
you want it, fine by me!

I've had quite enough attitude from you.
This conversation is over!

The Earth is clearly threatened,
Mr President.

It's time to put the full
Hague-Schlieffen into effect.

I prefer to use my lucky pen,

if you don't mind, Isambard.

Here - try my lucky pen.

I mean it. There are good planets,
and there are bad planets,

and that is definitely not a good one,

and I think the whole universe would
just be far better off without it.

Lexx -

Blow up that stupid blue planet!

Just - just - blow it up!

Lexx -

could you blow up that planet
if I asked you to?

Yes I could, captain.

I can blow up any planet you want.
That is what I do.

Thank you Lexx.

But we will not blow it up - yet.

It's just - How come you still
have the key to the Lexx, huh?

I'm the captain, and I think I should
have the key back right now!

Kai.

Kai.

Don't you agree with me? I am the captain,
and I should have the key back.

Well, as we all know,

you can only get the key from me

if I'm in the extreme
of sexual ecstasy -

or on the very edge of death.

Neither of which is about
to happen right now.

Kill the bitch, Stan!

The security guard can become
captain and blow up the planet,

and Kai, and I, and Kai, can sail off
together on a slut free voyage.

In my memories, I have but limited
knowledge of this universe.

However,

I believe that this planet is at the very
centre of the darkest part of the Dark Zone.

It may be advisable

to leave the vicinity as soon as possible.

OK, well, that's enough for me.

Just come on Xev, just blow up the stupid
planet and then we can go someplace else

and we can find ourselves a nice planet.

It makes little difference whether or
not you destroy this planet.

It is a type 13 planet, which typically
destroys itself

- at about this stage of its development.
- How?

Sometimes through war, often through
environmental catastrophe.

But more commonly a type 13 planet is
unintentionally

collapsed into a pea sized object

by scientists trying to determine the
mass of the Higgs-Bosen particle.

Xev -

ask the Lexx how long it will
take him to reach the nearest

other solar system.

Lexx, how long will it take you to
reach the next solar system?

I do not know.

I was only able to eat
a few small rocky bites,

after I blew up the desert
and water planets,

and they were not very tasty.

I an still very hungry,

so I cannot go very fast.

The Lexx has very little power
reserve remaining.

It could take hundreds of standard years
to reach the next solar system,

and even if he shuts down fully,

he may not be revivable once we arrive.

It's obvious.

The slut and the security guard
should go down

to the stupid planet and
join the other lowlifes,

and the robot head and
the corpse he lusts

after will stay up here on the
Lexx forever and ever.

The next solar system may or may not

have the digestible organic material
that the Lexx needs.

This one clearly does.

- Any last words, Cobra?
- Yes Sir.

Could somebody please clean my
fingernails, they're filthy!

They're filthy!

The pinky.

Thank you.

Yes it is.

Yes.

Yes sir.

- The governor?
- No, the ATF.

The ATF?

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco
and Firearms.

Are you sure about him?

Cobra is the most psychotic killer on
the planet, and therefore perfect.

Mr Cobra -

is that how you like to be addressed?

Just Cobra.

Cobra.

Well, you have two choices, Mr Cobra.

You can either go straight back
to the electric chair

and be executed for your many crimes,

or you can save the human race

by assassinating its most
dangerous enemy.

What's the deal?

The deal is that you will be sent
up in the space shuttle

to intercept an enemy alien spacecraft.

You will then board the craft
and kill the crew.

I don't know how to drive
a space shuttle.

Think of it as a taxi.

NASA pilots will be doing the driving.

All that you will have to do is what we
all agree you are very good at doing -

- the killing.
- What's my reward?

Certain death.

It's a one way mission.

The shuttle will use all its fuel
to get to the alien craft.

There will be no return journey.

The only payment

will be your opportunity
to do some more

maiming, mutilation and murder

before entering oblivion yourself.

Now there's room on the shuttle
for three more men -

Black Berets, CIA special ops,

Vaticanos - anyone you want.

I need only two men -

Mustafa Alhambra,

and Ray Simonovitch.

And where might one find
these two gentlemen?

Half the CIA is on Alhambra's
trail in Afghanistan.

That's Mohammed Alhambra.

Mustafa Alhambra - he's
a manicurist, in Boston.

Ray Simonovitch -

he's my personal trainer.

So - do we have a deal?

Green lights all the way, Houston.
We're on our way to the moon.

God speed, Mission Light Brigade.

We're with you all the way.

Just across the bay.

What do you mean by that?

They are safe and sound on Earth.

Not up here, on a one way trip.

You NASA guys might be
on a one way trip -

not me.

- Me neither.
- Face it -

there's no going home for any of us,

and I consider it an honour and
a privilege to give my life

to save the whole human race.

So, tell us -

how do you drive this thing?

First you have to become
a top gun pilot.

Then you have to spend eight very
challenging years in simulators

before your name even
gets on the list.

But it's not really that hard,
once you get used to it.

Show me.

You put this lever here in drive,
when you want to go forward,

and "R", when you want to go in reverse.

And, er, how do you control the speed?

With this pedal down at your foot -
just like in a car.

I am so hungry.

I could eat a whole continent.

But you're only going to eat

a small green salad.

You heard him, Lexx.

Just enough to keep you going.

Just a small green - what?

Salad.

Salad.

A small green salad is not enough

for me to fly away at full speed.

Mission Light Brigade?

Mission Light Brigade?

Yes, Houston?

New information, the alien craft has
left it's stationary orbit

on dark side of the moon,

and is now on a trajectory
aimed directly

towards the Earth, in the vicinity
of south America.

We recommend that you
modify your course.

Yes, Houston?

Can we speak to Commander
Bricklin or Dr Truro?

Er - they're having a little
oxygen problem Houston,

and are tied up in the back.

Can we see them?

Big negative on that, Houston.

I'm sorry, but we insist.

We must see officers
Truro and Bricklin.

OK

but only if you really, really insist.

We really, really insist.

OK.
You asked for it.

Smile Truro,

and you, Bricklin.

Cheese!

Look!

It's working.

It's coming at us real fast, Cobra.
We'd better slow down.

No brakes, this thing has no brakes!

It must have been an option.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmm.

First a tasty snack, then a salad.

I am excited today.

The other way, the other way!

Go back!

Go back, you're going to hit it!

The alien space ship, it's
turning with us!

Houston. Houston!

Can you read me?

What is that?

Hey!

Eww!

Ready?

I really think you should
switch that off.

Well, they said it would be
a one way trip.

What we do now?

We have contact.

Mother Gaia, we thank you for
the gift of this divine moment.

It's beginning.

We should be able to see them
with the naked eye soon.

It's really happening, honey.

I'm right here in the middle
of the Amazon jungle,

watching the last living pair of
luminescent Paraguayan toucans

doing the glowing thing - just
like on the Discovery Channel.

A bird that only a few years ago was

thought to be just an Indian legend,

which I am about to capture
on my own camera.

What was that?

I don't know.

Hey - you guys said this part of the
jungle was totally undisturbed

in fact, you guaranteed it.

You bring those birds back, or return
my twelve thousand bucks.

Those birds are back here
in ten minutes,

or you're gonna hear from my lawyer!

As we predicted, the exit polls
are confirming

that the Republicans and Democratic
candidates are neck and neck.

But an early curiosity is the equally
strong showing for independent candidate,

war hero Reginald J Priest.

Who is Reginald J Priest?

Reginald J Priest is
the Vietnam war pilot

shot down over Laos in 1969,

who hid in the jungle for the
last three decades,

until he turned himself into
a Belgian tour bus

turned himself over to a Belgian
tour bus, earlier this year.

I don't understand this at all.

Typically, we find voters

who are frustrated with the
traditional parties,

often express this frustration

by casting their ballots
for independents.

So it may be that this
particular exit sample

is telling us that Americans
are very frustrated.

But I have to admit,

it's certainly a first to see
so many voters

support the same, almost
unknown candidate.

No-one, including us, seems to know very
much about Reginald J Priest,

other than the fact that he was
a Vietnam War MIA.

But we remind you that this is
just an early exit poll,

which will likely have little further
meaning as the official results

start pouring in from across the nation.

You know Bob, I have to admit

hat in the privacy of the poll
booth this morning,

I couldn't bring myself to vote
for either one.

And Reginald Priest did hold out
in the jungle for 32 years,

so I put my mark beside his name,

- and it looks like a lot of other people have had
- This is Prince.

- the same bright idea.
- Really?

This could skew the results!

Mr President, it's the National
Security Council.

Can't they leave me alone, it's
the middle of election night!

They say that the alien spacecraft
has taken a bite out

of the Amazon rain forest,
leaving a large lake.

Maybe this Priest guy will siphon
off votes from Huff more than me.

Maybe this is just what I need
to go over the top.

NASA has lost contact with the space
shuttle and think that the crew are dead.

Who cares about the stupid space shuttle

in the middle of election night?!

Reports are pouring in from all
over the eastern time zone and -

and -

er, ladies and gentlemen, the computer
is making a prediction

that the President of the
United States of America

for the next four years will be -

Repeat it please.

What?!

Hold on, please. We are experiencing
technical difficulty

You know the computer's been
wrong before!

Democracy never fails to
humiliate the arrogant,

whether they be experienced
political pundits,

or politicians who've lost the
faith of the American people.

the next President of the
United States of America

is independent candidate, and
Vietnam war hero -

Reginald J Priest.

We take you now live to Mr Priest's
campaign headquarters

in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

My first official act will be to pardon
President Davidson for his crimes.

What crimes are you referring to?

All of them.

Well, that's a relief.

It's part of my policy of a general
amnesty for all criminals

whose names begin with the letter "P".

But - Davidson starts with a "D".

Both "P" and "D" then.

The people have let me down.

The people are human beings, Mr President

and human beings are a flawed species.

Captain?

What, 790?

You don't mind if I still call you
captain, even tough Xev has the key?

No.

Do you think there's any chance
my beloved dead man

might prefer to be with a dirty
little love slave over

a good looking, clever, passionate,
well oiled robot head

who pines for his stiffness
every second of the day?

- I wouldn't rule it out.
- What?!

Actually, you know, I think Kai
does prefer to be with Xev.

Kill the cow, Stanley!

It's the best thing you could
ever do for me.

And when Xev dies, the key will
leave her and flow into your body

and you will be captain again.

You know, 790,

you've got a one track mind.

- Thank you.
- Xev will give me the key back,

and I will be captain again, I know it.

You won't.

The only way to get it out of her is to
either bring her to the extreme edge

of sexual ecstasy or to
the moment of death.

You can't bring Xev to the
edge of sexual ecstasy

because she finds you utterly
and completely repulsive,

so that means you have to kill
her sooner or later,

and I would prefer sooner.

You know, 790, I admit sometimes

Xev really does make me feel
like wanting to kill her,

you see, but I'm not a
psychotic robot head

so the answer is definitely no.

I'll kill her then.

No you won't.

Yes I will.

- How?
- I'll find a way.

I will!

I'll kill her for you.

You will?

You show me

how to get the key to drive this ship,

and that dirty little love slave

will be history.

You're not attracted to six thousand
year old dead men, are you?

In what sense?

In the romantic and devoted,
uncontrollably, madly,

passionate robot head in love sense.

No.

I could be.

790's circuits are fried.

Well, he says he wants to kill Xev,

because he thinks that you might
prefer to be with her instead of him.

The dead do not have preferences.

Well, the mechanical minded
definitely do.

Look, I'm afraid that if you
don't tell him right

now that he's not allowed to kill Xev,
he just might find a way to do it.

Do you want me to destroy 790?

Yes!

Well - a no, and.

Look, he's definitely irritating,
babbling all day long about you

- and your dead body, but he is -
- What?

I dunno - he's

- He's a-
- Useful?

No, no - um -

- What, then?
- Well, look, much as I don't like him,

and I mean that when I say it -

er, it's just I don't want to see him
thrown onto the scrap heap just yet

because - he's part of the
family, I guess.

What family?

Us.

And Kai, you gotta help me put
some sense into Xev.

The Lexx ate, so we should move on.

- Where?
- To a planet where people aren't so rude.

Lexx has eaten enough to sustain
his systems for now,

but he must consume far more
organic material

if he is to be able to travel
any distance at full speed.

Oh, so what do you suggest?

The dead do not make suggestions...

normally.

But there is clearly more than sufficient
organic material on the blue planet

o satisfy Lexx's dietary needs.

Isn't that the space shuttle?

Xev.

May I do that for you?

Who are you?

I am a love slave.

I thought all love slaves were women.

Why?

Where'd you come from?

I've been on he Lexx for a long time,

since you first left the Cluster.

How come I've never seen you before?

The Lexx is a big ship.

It certainly is - big.

How'd you survive?

I placed myself in a cell,

in the moth breeding chamber.

Xev - I am a love slave.

I have special needs,

and special talents.

I... definitely have special needs -

and very special talents.

Four thousand years

is a long time.

Too long.

How do you know my name?

A love slave has to be careful
to survive.

I've been watching you for a long time.

I just could not hold on any longer.

Neither can I.

790, promise me you will not
do anything to harm Xev.

Kai, my circuits are sizzling
with desire!

Let's run away, the two of us.
We don't need the Lexx.

We don't need oxygen.

We can spend the rest of our lives
in a vacuum - on that moon!

Kai is not going to spend
the rest of his life

anywhere, because

Kai is dead.

I know that, and I don't
have a body either,

but my love is very much alive,
so what else do we need?

- Stan?
- What now, meat grinder?

Let's talk.

Yeah, about what?

- Things.
- What things?

You and me. Our friendship.

How we both desire other people, but can
never find the fulfilment we seek.

We have a lot in common.

Oh, I have nothing in common with you, pal.

- What is it, 790?
- What?

There is something you are not telling us.

Oh...

- What?
- It hurts to lust for the dead.

That is not it.

Well what is it then?

You tell us.

Is it something about Xev?

Answer.

I told them everything they needed
to know in order to get the key,

and they agreed to kill Xev for me.

Who?

I don't know! The evil murderers
who came onto the bridge.

I don't care as long as
they get rid of Xev.

I have a surprise for you, Xev.

What's that?

I'm a bad boy.

I don't mind.

No, but you don't understand -
I am a very bad boy.

I'm a very bad girl.

I do believe that, baby,

but what I mean is that

all I intended to do was kill you -

to get the key to this ship.

But now that I've seen what you
look like in the flesh,

I'm going to break with my tradition

and do you first.

And once I have my complete

personal

and uniquely

special satisfaction,

I'm going to squeeze the breath

right out of you.

Why are you telling me this?

It makes it more exciting, doesn't it?

- No.
- Well it does for me

baby, and that's all that counts.

You see - I am not a baby,

and - yes.

Go ahead, big boy

and do me.

O... o. I dig,

dig your claws.

They're nice

but not perfect.

- What?
- Oh... Your nails.

What about them?

I'm going to smooth off a
few of the rough edges.

And when I am satisfied that
they are as perfect

as they can be - I will kill you.

I don't think you're well.

No, I definitely am not

but I promise you -

you will be a well

manicured

corpse.

What was that?

I'm a little more than
just a love slave.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

I'm also part Cluster lizard.

A what?

A hot tempered

and very nasty animal.

You almost got it right, baby,

but it's me who's going to do you.

And once I've got my

complete and personal satisfaction,

then I'm going to snap in you two.

I suggest that you stand
behind me, Stanley.

- Why?
- As an assassin of the Divine Order,

I am rather familiar with the sequence
of events now likely to occur.

OK.

Where is Xev?

You mean the dirty little love slave?

Xev is a love slave

and also the only woman
onboard this vessel.

Well, she's about to have

a problem with her oxygen supply.

I will not permit that.

Oh, is that right?

Yes. That is right.

You're asking for it, paleface

and I'm happy to give it to you.

What happend?

- They are dead.
- How?

Divine assassins are very
efficient killers.

What was that sound?

What sound?

That banging.

Nothing.

You're lying.

What's that thing in your hand?

It's a gun.

- What's a gun?
- You don't know?

No.

A gun is the last thing
you're ever going to see.

Bye, bye.

Bye, bye, baby.

I guess I must have been near
the edge of death.

The very edge - and the key knew it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Too bad though.

Excuse me?

I was hoping to have a little
fun with him first.

I don't understand you, Xev.
I don't understand you at all.

Lexx?

Yes, captain?

Who's your captain?

Stan, Stan,

and only Stan.

Hey - just like my Buick Routemaster.

What's that?

It says Department of Energy on it.

Don't they make atomic bombs?

What was that?

Yeah, what was it?

I think I must have eaten
something hot.

That was a 23.4 megaton
nuclear explosion,

likely caused by a fusion
of tritium and hydrogen.

Typically the most advanced
weapons of 13 type planets

prior to their collapse.

- So.
- So?

So, I'm gonna blow up that planet.

Lexx can eat the chunks. Oh yeah.

No.

No? What do you mean, no, Xev?
It's a type 13 planet,

they just tried to blow us up
and kill us.

And they are completely rude.

I've seen just enough of
this planet already.

Let's just blast it and get outta here!

Just because some people are bad doesn't
mean the whole planet is bad.

OK, Xev, OK. If you really,

really insist, I'll agree to leave
without blowing it up, but

I will not agree to staying
here any longer.

Fine. We can leave - after
I check it out.

Oh, no, Xev, why?

Because I'm part Cluster lizard,
and Cluster lizards are carnivores

and that makes me have a curious nature.

And - it might have some potential.

Potential? What potential?

The potential to

satisfy a woman.

Look, what do you have in mind?

What I have in mind, is

get in a moth, go down to
little blue planet

and see what it's like for myself.

If I like what I see, I'll stay.

If don't, I'll leave with you. Coming?

No.

OK.

Will you at least wait for me - captain?

I might.

Will you come with me, Kai?

If you would like.

I would like.

I'm coming too!

No you're not.

I am! I have to stand by my man.

You will remain here, with Stanley.

I would rather die a thousand deaths.

One would do.

- Bye!
- Yeah...

Robot head,

- I am gonna melt you down.
- How?

I'll find a way.

Resync: Xenzai[NEF]

Mikl, Bars