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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,136
[Dexys Midnight Runners'
"Come On Eileen"]
2
00:00:01,928 --> 00:00:03,138
- * Come on, Eileen *
3
00:00:03,179 --> 00:00:04,764
* Oh, I swear,
well, he means *
4
00:00:04,806 --> 00:00:07,017
* At this moment *
5
00:00:07,058 --> 00:00:09,686
* You mean everything *
6
00:00:09,728 --> 00:00:11,229
* You in that dress *
7
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* My thoughts, I confess *
8
00:00:13,106 --> 00:00:15,317
* Verge on dirty *
9
00:00:15,358 --> 00:00:18,111
* Ah, come on, Eileen *
10
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* *
11
00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:22,741
- [spits]
12
00:00:22,782 --> 00:00:25,452
* *
13
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:26,578
[phone beeps]
14
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:29,080
[phone rumbling]
- * Jim is calling *
15
00:00:29,122 --> 00:00:30,790
* Jim is calling *
16
00:00:30,832 --> 00:00:34,085
* You're so lucky
'cause Jim is calling *
17
00:00:34,127 --> 00:00:36,588
Pick up, pick up.
- Yo.
18
00:00:36,630 --> 00:00:39,507
- I've been googling.
I think I have a dermoid cyst.
19
00:00:39,549 --> 00:00:40,634
- A what?
20
00:00:40,675 --> 00:00:42,135
- A dermoid cyst.
21
00:00:42,177 --> 00:00:45,013
Some of them
have hair and teeth.
22
00:00:45,055 --> 00:00:47,349
There's a chance
it's my embryonic twin
23
00:00:47,390 --> 00:00:50,602
who I devoured when we were
sharing our mother's womb.
24
00:00:50,644 --> 00:00:52,437
Take a look.
25
00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:55,774
- I think it's just a skin tag.
Hack it off.
26
00:00:55,815 --> 00:00:57,317
- Hack it off?
27
00:00:57,359 --> 00:00:59,736
Put the axe down,
Lizzie Borden.
28
00:00:59,778 --> 00:01:01,279
Ask Trey.
He's the genius.
29
00:01:01,321 --> 00:01:02,948
- Trey is sleeping.
30
00:01:02,989 --> 00:01:05,450
- Trey was sleeping.
31
00:01:05,492 --> 00:01:06,660
- Hi, hun.
32
00:01:06,701 --> 00:01:08,286
Jim just stumbled upon
some kind of growth
33
00:01:08,328 --> 00:01:09,788
under his arm.
- Hey, Trey.
34
00:01:09,829 --> 00:01:11,289
Weigh in on this.
35
00:01:11,331 --> 00:01:13,917
So far, we got skin tag
or embryonic twin.
36
00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:16,294
- Guys, not now.
I gotta sleep.
37
00:01:16,336 --> 00:01:17,963
- He's just psyching himself up
to cut the thing off.
38
00:01:18,004 --> 00:01:20,173
- OK.
Well, go get 'em, tiger.
39
00:01:20,215 --> 00:01:22,008
I'm rooting for you.
Night, night.
40
00:01:23,093 --> 00:01:24,469
- Do it if you can.
41
00:01:24,511 --> 00:01:25,762
And if you chicken out,
I'll come by tomorrow
42
00:01:25,804 --> 00:01:27,305
and cut off your junk.
43
00:01:27,347 --> 00:01:29,140
- I beg of you,
cut off my twin,
44
00:01:29,182 --> 00:01:33,228
but leave my junk.
- Please, make it stop.
45
00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:34,729
- See? See?
Trey agrees.
46
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We need a protest march
with signs and songs.
47
00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:41,695
Hands off men's junk.
Ooh, actually, bad idea.
48
00:01:44,698 --> 00:01:47,075
- It's Julia.
Please, leave a message.
49
00:01:47,117 --> 00:01:48,535
[phone beeps]
50
00:01:48,577 --> 00:01:51,246
- OK, guys, I have resolved
to murder
51
00:01:51,288 --> 00:01:53,206
my long lost
twin little brother.
52
00:01:53,248 --> 00:01:56,167
So, if I die too,
53
00:01:56,209 --> 00:01:59,963
please donate
both of our bodies to science.
54
00:02:00,005 --> 00:02:02,090
OK, I'm opening the scissors.
55
00:02:02,132 --> 00:02:05,844
Three, two, one.
56
00:02:05,886 --> 00:02:07,470
[scissors snip]
57
00:02:09,264 --> 00:02:11,975
Ow!
That was so stupid!
58
00:02:12,017 --> 00:02:14,686
- * It's true *
59
00:02:14,728 --> 00:02:18,690
* The marriage that we once
had now is through *
60
00:02:18,732 --> 00:02:22,861
* And now we're doing
all that we can do *
61
00:02:22,903 --> 00:02:26,865
* To keep us all together
as a crew *
62
00:02:26,907 --> 00:02:30,869
* Trust, do as we say,
not as we do *
63
00:02:30,911 --> 00:02:35,165
* We really thought
that we were done *
64
00:02:35,206 --> 00:02:37,667
* But we've just begun *
65
00:02:39,669 --> 00:02:41,463
- Hey, babe.
66
00:02:41,504 --> 00:02:43,715
Look at my sleep tracker
which grades my sleep
67
00:02:43,757 --> 00:02:45,592
with stunning accuracy.
68
00:02:45,634 --> 00:02:47,886
- Ooh, 58.
That's good, right?
69
00:02:47,928 --> 00:02:49,554
- No, that's 58 out of 100.
70
00:02:49,596 --> 00:02:52,015
That's an F.
I'm flunking sleep.
71
00:02:52,057 --> 00:02:55,060
Why? Because lately,
Jim calls every single night.
72
00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:57,020
- To update me on the kids.
73
00:02:57,062 --> 00:02:58,563
- Well,
it starts with kid talk,
74
00:02:58,605 --> 00:03:01,900
but it always shifts
to other talk, Jim talk,
75
00:03:01,942 --> 00:03:04,361
about Jim things.
76
00:03:04,402 --> 00:03:06,279
Things Jim read,
things Jim's
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00:03:06,321 --> 00:03:08,281
thinking of reading,
things Jim ate,
78
00:03:08,323 --> 00:03:10,617
things Jim thinks
Jim would enjoy eating.
79
00:03:10,659 --> 00:03:13,662
Jim things, Jim things.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jim things.
80
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:17,707
Look, our windows
have blackout curtains,
81
00:03:17,749 --> 00:03:20,752
but what we need now
is Jim-out curtains.
82
00:03:20,794 --> 00:03:22,087
- I hear you.
83
00:03:22,128 --> 00:03:24,756
- I admire your commitment
to a thriving divorce,
84
00:03:24,798 --> 00:03:26,466
but I need my sleep.
85
00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:28,051
Please, I am begging you.
86
00:03:28,093 --> 00:03:32,556
Please, just tell him, "Jim,
don't call after 10:00, Jim."
87
00:03:32,597 --> 00:03:34,224
- Do I have to say
his name twice?
88
00:03:34,266 --> 00:03:36,726
- I think it conveys the proper
gravitas of this situation.
89
00:03:36,768 --> 00:03:38,937
- Two Jims it is.
I'll say it just like that.
90
00:03:38,979 --> 00:03:40,480
- Thank you.
91
00:03:42,232 --> 00:03:44,359
- I did not say it
just like that.
92
00:03:44,401 --> 00:03:47,279
In fact, I did not say it
anything like that.
93
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,864
In fact,
I did not say it at all.
94
00:03:49,906 --> 00:03:51,116
I had planned to say it,
95
00:03:51,157 --> 00:03:53,201
but before I could,
fate stepped in.
96
00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:56,538
Fate sent me
a message on Facebook.
97
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,293
- Can you believe this?
19 years later, here we are.
98
00:04:02,294 --> 00:04:03,671
- I know.
I love Facebook.
99
00:04:03,713 --> 00:04:05,589
For every 600 friends,
there's actually one
100
00:04:05,631 --> 00:04:06,716
you want to see in person.
101
00:04:06,757 --> 00:04:09,135
[laughter]
102
00:04:09,176 --> 00:04:11,846
- So Australia.
103
00:04:11,887 --> 00:04:13,973
- Oh, great country.
104
00:04:14,014 --> 00:04:15,683
I just followed
the wrong man there.
105
00:04:15,725 --> 00:04:18,185
- You followed your heart.
Love took you there.
106
00:04:18,227 --> 00:04:19,395
- And hate brought me home.
107
00:04:19,437 --> 00:04:20,688
[laughter]
108
00:04:20,730 --> 00:04:23,691
- I'm just joking.
I don't hate my ex-husband.
109
00:04:23,733 --> 00:04:25,443
Actually, I hate my ex-husband.
110
00:04:25,484 --> 00:04:27,903
But you get it.
You've been through it all.
111
00:04:27,945 --> 00:04:29,530
- Still going through it.
112
00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:30,906
But it's good.
113
00:04:30,948 --> 00:04:32,825
We kept the apartment,
so the kids can stay there,
114
00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:34,201
and we're the ones
who come and go.
115
00:04:34,243 --> 00:04:35,411
- Well, that's smart.
116
00:04:35,453 --> 00:04:36,579
It's less disruptive
for the kids.
117
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:38,456
- Still ironing out
the details.
118
00:04:38,497 --> 00:04:41,876
For example, Jim has been
calling a lot late at night,
119
00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:43,586
and my fianc� is not thrilled.
120
00:04:43,627 --> 00:04:46,255
But I always pick up
because he makes me laugh.
121
00:04:46,297 --> 00:04:47,631
- Well, if you're tired of him,
tell him to call me.
122
00:04:47,673 --> 00:04:49,383
I'm up all night playing
Words With Friends
123
00:04:49,425 --> 00:04:51,510
with people who aren't friends.
- [laughs]
124
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,179
Well, if you're serious,
I'll set it up.
125
00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:56,849
- I wasn't serious.
Should I be serious?
126
00:04:56,891 --> 00:04:58,601
- Maybe.
127
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:00,686
- You want to set me up
with Jim, your Jim?
128
00:05:00,728 --> 00:05:02,855
- He's not my Jim anymore.
No, no, no.
129
00:05:02,897 --> 00:05:04,231
I have relinquished all claim.
130
00:05:04,273 --> 00:05:07,777
He is now public domain Jim.
131
00:05:07,818 --> 00:05:09,236
- So it wouldn't be weird
for you?
132
00:05:09,278 --> 00:05:10,613
- Are you kidding me?
133
00:05:10,654 --> 00:05:12,615
I want him to be with someone
as great as you are.
134
00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:16,744
I mean, he's smart, kind,
charming, funny as hell.
135
00:05:16,786 --> 00:05:18,621
None of that changes
just because by the end,
136
00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:21,540
I wanted to stab him
in the neck with a lawn dart.
137
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:24,168
But he's a great dad,
and he's a good guy.
138
00:05:25,336 --> 00:05:28,255
- Do you have a picture?
- Yes.
139
00:05:28,297 --> 00:05:31,217
Let me find a good one.
- OK.
140
00:05:38,307 --> 00:05:40,476
[upbeat music]
141
00:05:40,518 --> 00:05:43,312
- She said I'm cute?
What picture did you show her?
142
00:05:43,354 --> 00:05:45,606
Oh, yeah.
I do look cute.
143
00:05:45,648 --> 00:05:49,235
Hot, actually.
I am smoking hot right there.
144
00:05:49,276 --> 00:05:51,153
- Do you need to be alone?
- I'm good.
145
00:05:51,195 --> 00:05:53,572
But when you get a minute,
airdrop me that.
146
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:56,158
Got a photo of her?
147
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,702
Oh, hell, yeah,
I'll go out with her.
148
00:05:58,744 --> 00:06:00,663
- A photo is all it takes?
149
00:06:00,704 --> 00:06:01,997
- She's hot,
and she thinks I'm cute.
150
00:06:02,039 --> 00:06:04,500
That's what I call go time.
151
00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:07,503
- Mom, or Dad,
or whoever I should ask,
152
00:06:07,545 --> 00:06:09,505
can I sleep over
at Sophie's tomorrow night?
153
00:06:09,547 --> 00:06:12,007
- Sophie J. or Sophie K.?
- Sophie K.
154
00:06:12,049 --> 00:06:14,218
- Sophie J. will not be there?
- Uh-uh.
155
00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:17,054
- Look at me,
look at me, look at me.
156
00:06:17,096 --> 00:06:19,181
You promise me
there is no chance
157
00:06:19,223 --> 00:06:21,058
that Sophie J. will be there?
158
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:24,145
- No Sophie J., only Sophie K.
I promise.
159
00:06:24,186 --> 00:06:26,731
- OK with you Jim?
- Yep.
160
00:06:27,898 --> 00:06:29,483
- Then have a lovely time.
161
00:06:31,068 --> 00:06:33,571
- It's Sophie Z.
you gotta worry about.
162
00:06:35,364 --> 00:06:37,032
- It makes me happy
you're going on a date.
163
00:06:37,074 --> 00:06:38,242
- Hmm, I'm glad.
164
00:06:38,284 --> 00:06:40,119
- And you seem happy now.
165
00:06:40,161 --> 00:06:41,287
- Did it seem like
I was not happy?
166
00:06:41,328 --> 00:06:42,830
- No, I just--
167
00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:44,707
you're a wonderful guy,
and I care about you,
168
00:06:44,749 --> 00:06:46,584
and I want you
to find your Trey.
169
00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:48,711
You shouldn't hide
your light under a bushel.
170
00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:53,090
- Never said my bushel
wasn't out there busheling.
171
00:06:53,132 --> 00:06:55,843
My bushel has actually
been very busy,
172
00:06:55,885 --> 00:07:00,181
and also, my peck.
- Oh.
173
00:07:00,222 --> 00:07:01,390
I wasn't aware of that.
174
00:07:01,432 --> 00:07:03,059
- Well, you know,
I like to be discreet.
175
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:05,269
But yes, many dates,
uh, triggered
176
00:07:05,311 --> 00:07:08,272
by my magnetic libido.
177
00:07:08,314 --> 00:07:10,441
So, hey, do you think
your friend Lydia
178
00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:12,359
might be free tomorrow night?
- I can ask.
179
00:07:12,401 --> 00:07:14,653
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Jimmy.
180
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:17,031
You know, it's been a long time
since you went on a sleepover.
181
00:07:17,073 --> 00:07:18,282
Why don't you call Trevor
and see
182
00:07:18,324 --> 00:07:19,492
if you can do one
tomorrow night?
183
00:07:19,533 --> 00:07:22,119
- Trevor G. Or Trevor H.?
- I do not care.
184
00:07:25,122 --> 00:07:27,917
- It's Trevor Z.
you got to worry about.
185
00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:31,337
* *
186
00:07:31,379 --> 00:07:33,756
- To first dates.
- Oh. Ow.
187
00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:35,257
- Are you all right?
188
00:07:35,299 --> 00:07:37,176
- Yeah, let me
just use the other arm.
189
00:07:37,218 --> 00:07:40,012
To first dates.
190
00:07:40,054 --> 00:07:41,389
Mm.
191
00:07:41,430 --> 00:07:43,182
Lydia, full disclosure,
192
00:07:43,224 --> 00:07:44,892
it's been a while
since I've done this,
193
00:07:44,934 --> 00:07:46,352
so I might be a little rusty.
194
00:07:46,394 --> 00:07:48,729
- Well, I wish this wine
had WD-40 in it.
195
00:07:48,771 --> 00:07:50,898
I'm just kidding.
196
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:52,566
We're restarting the engine
after the car's
197
00:07:52,608 --> 00:07:53,984
been in the garage
for a long time.
198
00:07:54,026 --> 00:07:55,903
- It was a long winter.
- How was your winter?
199
00:07:55,945 --> 00:07:58,447
Because mine was cold and dark.
- Mine was dark and deep.
200
00:07:58,489 --> 00:07:59,824
- Mine was deep,
bleak, and dull.
201
00:07:59,865 --> 00:08:00,866
- Hm.
202
00:08:00,908 --> 00:08:02,118
[laughter]
203
00:08:02,159 --> 00:08:03,411
- Well, what doesn't kill us--
204
00:08:03,452 --> 00:08:06,497
- Wounds us so bad,
we wish we were dead.
205
00:08:06,539 --> 00:08:08,749
- I was gonna say,
"makes us stronger."
206
00:08:08,791 --> 00:08:12,086
- Hmm.
Tell that to my armpit.
207
00:08:12,128 --> 00:08:13,963
- I'm sorry, your armpit?
208
00:08:14,004 --> 00:08:16,716
- You want to know why
I winced a moment ago?
209
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:17,925
- Sure.
210
00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:20,052
- Are you familiar
with dermoid cysts?
211
00:08:20,094 --> 00:08:22,513
- I am not.
212
00:08:22,555 --> 00:08:25,474
- It's a growth of skin cells
that sometimes gets infected.
213
00:08:25,516 --> 00:08:27,226
Sometimes they have hair
and teeth.
214
00:08:27,268 --> 00:08:29,353
And--
- Are you ready to order?
215
00:08:29,395 --> 00:08:31,647
- I think we need a moment.
- Certainly.
216
00:08:31,689 --> 00:08:32,773
- You know what?
217
00:08:32,815 --> 00:08:34,150
I can finish this story
after we eat.
218
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:39,483
- OK, so the other night,
I used scissors
219
00:08:40,817 --> 00:08:42,861
to hack off a dermoid cyst
that was under my armpit.
220
00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:44,154
- Lord, are you OK?
221
00:08:44,196 --> 00:08:45,781
- Yeah, I am now,
but it was brutal.
222
00:08:45,822 --> 00:08:48,700
I bled like a mother.
Bled and oozed.
223
00:08:48,742 --> 00:08:50,202
And overnight, the pus set in.
224
00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:52,788
I think it was lymph
leaking out.
225
00:08:52,829 --> 00:08:54,915
We have lymph nodes
under our arms, right?
226
00:08:54,956 --> 00:08:57,626
- I'm a tax attorney.
227
00:08:57,668 --> 00:08:59,961
- Well, anyway,
I was surprised.
228
00:09:00,003 --> 00:09:03,215
- I am too.
You scissored off a cyst.
229
00:09:03,256 --> 00:09:06,218
- Cyst is a polite word.
This was a commanding presence.
230
00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:10,597
It could start a cult.
It hurt so bad.
231
00:09:10,639 --> 00:09:12,724
- I can imagine.
- No, you cannot.
232
00:09:12,766 --> 00:09:15,936
I dropped to my knees,
not to pray,
233
00:09:15,977 --> 00:09:18,063
although I did pray
once I was down there
234
00:09:18,105 --> 00:09:20,816
for forgiveness
for murdering my twin.
235
00:09:20,857 --> 00:09:23,777
See, they think
that these dermoid cysts
236
00:09:23,819 --> 00:09:25,404
are fetuses
that the other fetus,
237
00:09:25,445 --> 00:09:27,823
in this case me,
devoured in the womb.
238
00:09:27,864 --> 00:09:30,450
So it was my cyst-er.
239
00:09:34,162 --> 00:09:37,207
- Jim, this was delightful.
- Was?
240
00:09:37,249 --> 00:09:39,209
- But I have to leave now.
- Why?
241
00:09:39,251 --> 00:09:40,752
- Because I have learned
to follow my gut,
242
00:09:40,794 --> 00:09:42,129
and right now,
I'm about to puke.
243
00:09:44,131 --> 00:09:45,507
It was very nice to meet you.
244
00:09:45,549 --> 00:09:48,468
Um, here's a 50 for the wine.
Keep the change.
245
00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:49,970
Put it towards your co-pay.
246
00:09:52,931 --> 00:09:55,142
I wish you well.
Condolences about your twin.
247
00:09:55,183 --> 00:09:56,601
I hope you don't get sepsis.
248
00:09:56,643 --> 00:09:57,936
Please tell Julia I said,
249
00:09:57,978 --> 00:09:59,104
"Thank you
for the introduction.
250
00:09:59,146 --> 00:10:00,480
"I am deleting my Facebook.
251
00:10:00,522 --> 00:10:02,733
"I will speak to her again
by accident
252
00:10:02,774 --> 00:10:04,526
in another 19 years."
253
00:10:04,568 --> 00:10:06,403
[upbeat music]
254
00:10:06,445 --> 00:10:09,364
- Jim just texted
that Lydia left the date.
255
00:10:09,406 --> 00:10:11,825
- Lydia?
- My friend I set up with Jim.
256
00:10:11,867 --> 00:10:14,786
- Oh, so a friend
you don't really like.
257
00:10:14,828 --> 00:10:16,621
- This jackass.
How hard is it?
258
00:10:16,663 --> 00:10:18,957
[line trilling]
259
00:10:18,999 --> 00:10:21,501
- Oh, if it isn't
the merry matchmaker.
260
00:10:21,543 --> 00:10:23,003
- What did you do, Jim?
261
00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:25,547
What did you do.
- Nothing. I was being myself.
262
00:10:25,589 --> 00:10:27,341
- And there's your problem.
263
00:10:28,258 --> 00:10:30,927
- You were being yourself?
Why would you do that?
264
00:10:30,969 --> 00:10:33,972
- It's too soon, Jim, too soon.
- Exactly.
265
00:10:34,014 --> 00:10:35,307
That's the first rule
of dating.
266
00:10:35,349 --> 00:10:38,268
You got to be someone else
first for a long time.
267
00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,145
- Yeah, everybody does, Jim.
268
00:10:40,187 --> 00:10:43,148
But especially you, Jim.
269
00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:44,983
- You got to trick 'em
into liking you
270
00:10:45,025 --> 00:10:46,610
before you let 'em see
who you really are.
271
00:10:46,651 --> 00:10:47,986
This is basic stuff.
272
00:10:48,028 --> 00:10:49,821
Just tell me
exactly what happened.
273
00:10:49,863 --> 00:10:51,448
- It was all going well,
274
00:10:51,490 --> 00:10:54,701
and then I told a story,
and she got up and left.
275
00:10:54,743 --> 00:10:56,620
- Which story?
276
00:10:56,661 --> 00:10:58,997
- About the dermoid cyst.
277
00:10:59,831 --> 00:11:01,124
- Oh, my God!
278
00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:03,043
- What?
It was hilarious.
279
00:11:03,085 --> 00:11:05,420
- There's something
really wrong with this dude.
280
00:11:05,462 --> 00:11:07,255
- Guys, guys.
281
00:11:07,297 --> 00:11:10,217
You live how you live,
and I will do the same, OK?
282
00:11:10,258 --> 00:11:12,678
Because guess what?
I met someone else.
283
00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:14,304
- What?
284
00:11:14,346 --> 00:11:16,473
- A lovely woman named
Thea Lynn, single and looking,
285
00:11:16,515 --> 00:11:18,183
who happened to be
at the next table
286
00:11:18,225 --> 00:11:19,685
and heard everything.
She's witty.
287
00:11:19,726 --> 00:11:21,228
She's attractive.
288
00:11:21,269 --> 00:11:23,730
She's festooned
in turquoise jewelry.
289
00:11:23,772 --> 00:11:25,357
She vacations in Santa Fe.
290
00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:29,277
And she loved
the dermoid cyst story, Julia.
291
00:11:29,319 --> 00:11:33,365
Wants to know what I would have
named my twin had he lived.
292
00:11:33,407 --> 00:11:35,033
She came over,
introduced herself.
293
00:11:35,075 --> 00:11:36,326
I asked her to join me,
294
00:11:36,368 --> 00:11:39,246
and we are having a blast.
Goodbye.
295
00:11:40,914 --> 00:11:42,207
Well, hello again.
296
00:11:42,249 --> 00:11:44,418
- I missed you.
Did you miss me?
297
00:11:44,459 --> 00:11:46,378
- I did.
298
00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:49,214
- I am having so much fun.
- Oh, me too.
299
00:11:49,256 --> 00:11:51,925
Oh, I figured out
a name for my twin, Lyle.
300
00:11:51,967 --> 00:11:53,301
- Love it.
301
00:11:53,343 --> 00:11:55,512
[laughter]
302
00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:56,847
- This is great!
303
00:11:56,888 --> 00:11:58,390
Jim met someone he likes.
304
00:11:58,432 --> 00:12:00,100
With any luck,
this will turn into something,
305
00:12:00,142 --> 00:12:01,643
and for a little while,
at least,
306
00:12:01,685 --> 00:12:03,061
I'm gonna get some sleep.
307
00:12:03,103 --> 00:12:04,563
Mission
accidentally accomplished.
308
00:12:04,604 --> 00:12:08,233
Come on.
- We are in desperate trouble.
309
00:12:08,275 --> 00:12:09,443
- How is this not good news?
310
00:12:09,484 --> 00:12:11,737
Why isn't anything
ever good news?
311
00:12:11,778 --> 00:12:13,572
- You don't understand.
312
00:12:13,613 --> 00:12:17,451
Jim has a defect in his brain
that makes him love people.
313
00:12:17,492 --> 00:12:18,618
It's horrible.
314
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:20,370
The guy collects friends
wherever he goes.
315
00:12:20,412 --> 00:12:23,040
He's like a human lint roller.
- That's not horrible at all.
316
00:12:23,081 --> 00:12:25,542
That's good.
- No, it's bad for romance.
317
00:12:25,584 --> 00:12:28,378
Very, very bad.
Jim falls in love instantly.
318
00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:30,130
He fell in love with me
from down the block
319
00:12:30,172 --> 00:12:31,840
before I saw him
or said a word.
320
00:12:31,882 --> 00:12:34,259
- A, nobody can blame him.
321
00:12:34,301 --> 00:12:36,762
And B, for a long time,
it worked out.
322
00:12:36,803 --> 00:12:38,263
- Yes.
323
00:12:38,305 --> 00:12:41,016
Because as it happens,
I am wonderful.
324
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:42,142
- Hmm.
325
00:12:42,184 --> 00:12:43,935
- But-- but that was just luck.
326
00:12:43,977 --> 00:12:45,312
You know,
I could have been a beast.
327
00:12:45,354 --> 00:12:46,813
I could have killed the guy.
328
00:12:46,855 --> 00:12:49,107
And now I may have.
329
00:12:49,149 --> 00:12:50,567
Someone's got to go down there
and get eyes
330
00:12:50,609 --> 00:12:52,444
on this Thea Lynn,
do some recon.
331
00:12:52,486 --> 00:12:54,196
- Good luck.
332
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:00,917
- I don't see him.
Do you see him?
333
00:13:02,002 --> 00:13:03,420
- No. Well, I guess
that's a good try.
334
00:13:03,461 --> 00:13:05,380
We did everything we could--
- Excuse me.
335
00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:06,965
Do you happen
to remember a couple?
336
00:13:07,007 --> 00:13:08,883
He's handsome,
shaved head, beard.
337
00:13:08,925 --> 00:13:11,136
She was wearing
a lot of turquoise.
338
00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:14,347
- The guy who cut off
his oozing cyst?
339
00:13:14,389 --> 00:13:15,432
- That's the one.
340
00:13:15,473 --> 00:13:16,850
- Yeah,
they were in my section.
341
00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:18,476
- Did they leave together?
- Oh, yeah.
342
00:13:18,518 --> 00:13:20,895
They ordered our famous souffl�
and left before it was ready.
343
00:13:22,355 --> 00:13:23,815
- Excuse me.
You said he paid for this?
344
00:13:23,857 --> 00:13:25,025
- Yeah.
345
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:29,779
[upbeat music]
346
00:13:29,821 --> 00:13:31,281
- Hey, babe, babe.
- What?
347
00:13:31,323 --> 00:13:32,574
- It's not too late
to turn back.
348
00:13:32,616 --> 00:13:34,534
- I've got to save Jim
from himself.
349
00:13:34,576 --> 00:13:35,619
- I disagree.
350
00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:37,287
But allow me a prediction.
351
00:13:37,329 --> 00:13:39,080
The moment you walk
through that door,
352
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:40,415
you're gonna see
that it's an innocent date,
353
00:13:40,457 --> 00:13:42,292
and you're gonna want
to leave.
354
00:13:42,334 --> 00:13:44,252
At that moment,
I want you to look at me
355
00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:47,380
and say the word "souffl�."
356
00:13:48,715 --> 00:13:52,719
That'll be a signal
that you are, A, ready to flee,
357
00:13:52,761 --> 00:13:54,679
and B, I was right.
358
00:13:54,721 --> 00:13:56,473
- Oh.
359
00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:59,893
[giggles]
Your beard, it's so ticklish.
360
00:13:59,935 --> 00:14:01,561
Oh, a little more here.
361
00:14:01,603 --> 00:14:04,272
Ooh!
Oh, oh.
362
00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:08,068
Hey, um, do you mind
if I take off my dress?
363
00:14:08,109 --> 00:14:11,071
- Mind?
I'm honored, grateful.
364
00:14:11,112 --> 00:14:13,365
I'm already composing
a thank you note.
365
00:14:17,702 --> 00:14:19,204
- I thought you said
we were gonna be alone?
366
00:14:19,245 --> 00:14:21,289
- We were.
Julia, what the hell?
367
00:14:22,332 --> 00:14:24,542
- Souffl�, souffl�,
souffl�, souffl�.
368
00:14:24,584 --> 00:14:26,253
- Wait, who are you?
369
00:14:27,712 --> 00:14:30,048
- I'm Julia, Jim's ex-wife,
370
00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:32,008
former wife, wife at one time.
371
00:14:32,050 --> 00:14:33,885
This is Trey, my fianc�.
372
00:14:33,927 --> 00:14:36,388
- Hello.
- I'm Thea Lynn.
373
00:14:36,429 --> 00:14:37,931
- Enchant�.
374
00:14:37,973 --> 00:14:40,558
- "Enchant�," she said
as if she says it all the time.
375
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,728
- Sorry for the flyby.
I had to get some stuff.
376
00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,605
I live here too.
Not all the time.
377
00:14:45,647 --> 00:14:46,940
Jim and I take turns.
378
00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:48,316
I leave stuff behind
now and then.
379
00:14:48,358 --> 00:14:49,734
And now and then,
I got to get it.
380
00:14:49,776 --> 00:14:51,486
Hi, I'm Julia.
381
00:14:51,528 --> 00:14:52,988
- Yes, you said
your name already.
382
00:14:53,029 --> 00:14:54,572
- That's right.
And she said hers.
383
00:14:54,614 --> 00:14:56,908
Thea Lynn,
which is so unique and pretty,
384
00:14:56,950 --> 00:14:58,660
like the woman herself.
385
00:14:58,702 --> 00:15:01,121
- I'm sorry,
you said you live here too?
386
00:15:01,162 --> 00:15:02,831
- On account of the children,
both of them, two.
387
00:15:02,872 --> 00:15:04,666
They live here all the time,
so they never need
388
00:15:04,708 --> 00:15:07,127
to get stuff, but I do.
Getting stuff.
389
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:09,754
Can I offer you
a Diet Dr. Pepper?
390
00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:12,007
- Uh, no, thank you.
391
00:15:12,048 --> 00:15:13,967
- You know,
we call this place the nest.
392
00:15:14,009 --> 00:15:19,097
My son named it, you know,
because birds live in a nest.
393
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:20,724
- But when they're all here,
it's crowded.
394
00:15:20,765 --> 00:15:23,685
So some of them have
the decency to fly away fast
395
00:15:23,727 --> 00:15:25,437
and far and away, away, away.
396
00:15:25,478 --> 00:15:28,315
- Look at all that
lovely turquoise.
397
00:15:28,356 --> 00:15:29,899
Why the turquoise, Thea Lynn?
398
00:15:29,941 --> 00:15:31,401
- Because I like it.
399
00:15:31,443 --> 00:15:34,487
- Why Santa Fe?
- You know about Santa Fe?
400
00:15:34,529 --> 00:15:35,822
- Oh.
[chuckles nervously].
401
00:15:35,864 --> 00:15:37,198
Jim texted that he had met you,
402
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,908
and I texted him
with various inquiries,
403
00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:40,702
and then he texted us.
- Oh, no us.
404
00:15:40,744 --> 00:15:42,662
I didn't text anyone.
405
00:15:42,704 --> 00:15:44,414
- You were in the restroom,
I believe.
406
00:15:44,456 --> 00:15:46,458
- I was very happy
that I'd just met you.
407
00:15:46,499 --> 00:15:49,085
- What are your intentions
regarding my ex-husband?
408
00:15:49,127 --> 00:15:51,087
- Well, before you got here,
409
00:15:51,129 --> 00:15:52,756
I intended
to take my dress off.
410
00:15:52,797 --> 00:15:54,132
- Oh.
- I look back
411
00:15:54,174 --> 00:15:56,259
on that time fondly.
412
00:15:56,301 --> 00:15:58,345
- Well, look, I don't want
to get in the middle
413
00:15:58,386 --> 00:15:59,888
of what you guys got
going on here, so--
414
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:01,389
- Yes, that's right.
415
00:16:01,431 --> 00:16:03,141
We're just here to get
the baseball glove.
416
00:16:03,183 --> 00:16:05,018
- And I have it,
and we will go.
417
00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,686
- Play ball!
418
00:16:06,728 --> 00:16:10,523
- But before we go,
uh, I'm sure, Thea Lynn,
419
00:16:10,565 --> 00:16:13,151
that you are a lovely person,
and that this will
420
00:16:13,193 --> 00:16:14,819
be a lovely relationship,
and that
421
00:16:14,861 --> 00:16:17,030
you will treat Jim lovely-ly.
422
00:16:17,072 --> 00:16:19,491
But if you don't,
be warned that
423
00:16:19,532 --> 00:16:21,368
whatever your motives,
whatever your schemes,
424
00:16:21,409 --> 00:16:23,662
whatever your pathology,
I shall thwart it,
425
00:16:23,703 --> 00:16:25,664
for I am his shield
and his sword,
426
00:16:25,705 --> 00:16:27,582
his bulletproof vest
and his rifle.
427
00:16:27,624 --> 00:16:28,875
- Julia.
428
00:16:28,917 --> 00:16:30,335
- I have his back
and his front,
429
00:16:30,377 --> 00:16:33,046
his side and his flank.
- Flank means side.
430
00:16:33,088 --> 00:16:36,383
- Regardless, I got the keys
to get in here anytime I want.
431
00:16:38,051 --> 00:16:40,095
- Uh, Jim?
- Yes.
432
00:16:40,136 --> 00:16:44,099
- Thank you
for a lovely two hours.
433
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:46,434
- You're welcome.
434
00:16:46,476 --> 00:16:48,687
- Shorter than
many relationships,
435
00:16:48,728 --> 00:16:51,523
and yet, never to be forgotten.
- I understand.
436
00:16:51,564 --> 00:16:54,150
- This is obviously
a very complicated situation.
437
00:16:54,192 --> 00:16:56,820
- I know.
- More people than I'm used to.
438
00:16:56,861 --> 00:16:58,154
- Me too.
439
00:16:58,196 --> 00:17:00,573
- Well, uh, it was a delight
to meet you all.
440
00:17:00,615 --> 00:17:02,117
And Julia, bravo.
441
00:17:02,158 --> 00:17:04,536
You've saved Jim
from my sense of humor,
442
00:17:04,577 --> 00:17:07,497
my big heart, and my
voracious sexual appetite.
443
00:17:07,539 --> 00:17:09,624
- Wait,
Jim is a really great guy.
444
00:17:09,666 --> 00:17:11,876
- Agreed.
It's you I'm worried about.
445
00:17:11,918 --> 00:17:13,670
- Oh, don't be.
446
00:17:15,463 --> 00:17:17,090
- Any chance
I can still call you?
447
00:17:17,132 --> 00:17:19,884
- [laughs]
No.
448
00:17:19,926 --> 00:17:22,053
[laughs]
No, no, no.
449
00:17:22,095 --> 00:17:24,639
No.
No.
450
00:17:31,229 --> 00:17:33,607
- Huh.
451
00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,066
- Hmm.
452
00:17:35,108 --> 00:17:37,277
- Ay, ay, ay.
453
00:17:40,155 --> 00:17:42,574
- I--
- You?
454
00:17:42,616 --> 00:17:43,742
- I--
455
00:17:43,783 --> 00:17:45,869
- You?
456
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:47,746
- Jim, I--
457
00:17:47,787 --> 00:17:48,997
I'm so sorry.
458
00:17:49,039 --> 00:17:50,665
- No one is more sorry
than I am.
459
00:17:50,707 --> 00:17:52,751
- What are you--
460
00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:53,960
what are you thinking?
461
00:17:54,002 --> 00:17:55,503
- I am not thinking.
462
00:17:55,545 --> 00:17:59,925
What you see on my face
is bafflement, wonder,
463
00:17:59,966 --> 00:18:04,721
awe, all mixed with
astonishment at the absurdity
464
00:18:04,763 --> 00:18:06,473
of what you've just done.
465
00:18:07,766 --> 00:18:09,267
- I just-- I don't--
466
00:18:09,309 --> 00:18:10,518
I don't know
what I was thinking.
467
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,853
- Oh, I do.
- You do?
468
00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,772
- You were thinking
that I do my best thinking
469
00:18:13,813 --> 00:18:16,149
when you're there to remind me
what my best thinking is.
470
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,277
- Look, you have
every right to be angry.
471
00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:21,446
- I'm not angry
because I know you,
472
00:18:21,488 --> 00:18:22,864
and I know you did
what you just did
473
00:18:22,906 --> 00:18:25,450
out of your own
peculiar and still evolving
474
00:18:25,492 --> 00:18:27,285
definition of post-divorce.
475
00:18:27,327 --> 00:18:29,704
- I think
I was just afraid that--
476
00:18:29,746 --> 00:18:32,791
- That harm would come to me,
harm that would be your fault
477
00:18:32,832 --> 00:18:34,292
because you were the one
who sent me
478
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:36,253
on the dermoid cyst date
in the first place.
479
00:18:36,294 --> 00:18:39,422
But no harm came to me.
480
00:18:39,464 --> 00:18:41,633
And actually,
it was the opposite.
481
00:18:41,675 --> 00:18:43,635
Events conspired,
and moments ago,
482
00:18:43,677 --> 00:18:45,887
for the first time
in a very long time,
483
00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:49,641
I was caressed with desire
by another human being...
484
00:18:52,936 --> 00:18:55,063
Who, before you barged in here
485
00:18:55,105 --> 00:18:58,942
with your sawed-off shotgun
and your Kevlar vest,
486
00:18:58,984 --> 00:19:03,405
had decided without being
asked or begged to disrobe.
487
00:19:04,864 --> 00:19:08,326
Today was a thrilling,
if bizarre,
488
00:19:08,368 --> 00:19:10,829
reminder of life's
post-divorce possibilities,
489
00:19:10,870 --> 00:19:13,456
and none of it
would have happened
490
00:19:13,498 --> 00:19:15,292
if you were a normal person.
491
00:19:18,378 --> 00:19:20,797
So thank you.
492
00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:24,342
- You're welcome?
- Too soon.
493
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:27,887
Now, if you've nothing else,
please leave
494
00:19:27,929 --> 00:19:30,849
so I can return
to Santa Fe in my mind.
495
00:19:30,890 --> 00:19:32,851
- No calls after 10:00.
496
00:19:32,892 --> 00:19:36,563
- What?
- No calls after 10:00.
497
00:19:36,605 --> 00:19:38,356
- Oh, uh, Jim,
there is one other thing.
498
00:19:38,398 --> 00:19:39,983
- No calls after 10:00?
499
00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:43,486
- The reason Julia tried to
fix you up in the first place
500
00:19:43,528 --> 00:19:45,405
is because I need my sleep.
501
00:19:45,447 --> 00:19:47,032
And we figured
if you had a girlfriend,
502
00:19:47,073 --> 00:19:49,492
you'd be less likely to call
in the middle of the night
503
00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:52,037
because you were busy
being caressed with desire.
504
00:19:52,078 --> 00:19:54,789
- I was gonna just call you
and say no calls after 10:00,
505
00:19:54,831 --> 00:19:57,000
but then things happened.
- Things?
506
00:19:57,042 --> 00:19:58,209
- Thoughts.
- Your thoughts?
507
00:19:58,251 --> 00:19:59,711
- Thoughts that led
to choices--
508
00:19:59,753 --> 00:20:00,962
bad ones.
509
00:20:01,004 --> 00:20:03,924
- But that's the rule,
no calls after 10:00?
510
00:20:03,965 --> 00:20:05,425
- If you don't mind.
- No problem.
511
00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:07,594
- Unless it's an emergency.
- OK.
512
00:20:07,636 --> 00:20:09,554
- If you got to, you got to.
- Thanks.
513
00:20:09,596 --> 00:20:11,514
- Call whenever you want.
514
00:20:13,642 --> 00:20:14,768
- Cool.
515
00:20:17,562 --> 00:20:21,274
- Love you.
- Love you.
516
00:20:22,609 --> 00:20:25,654
- Very fond of you.
- And you.
517
00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:30,408
Julia?
- Yeah.
518
00:20:30,450 --> 00:20:32,577
- Leave the cistern please.
519
00:20:32,619 --> 00:20:35,789
- Right.
- Thank you.
520
00:20:37,749 --> 00:20:39,417
- Oh.
Hi, everyone.
521
00:20:39,459 --> 00:20:42,254
Um, I didn't realize
you were here.
522
00:20:42,295 --> 00:20:44,464
Sophie J.
crashed the sleepover.
523
00:20:44,506 --> 00:20:46,424
She smelled like pot,
so I left immediately.
524
00:20:46,466 --> 00:20:48,260
Um...
[chuckles]
525
00:20:48,301 --> 00:20:51,471
I'm gonna go shower.
Uh, don't hug me.
526
00:20:53,056 --> 00:20:54,933
- See that?
527
00:20:54,975 --> 00:20:56,268
Silver lining.
528
00:20:56,309 --> 00:20:57,811
You know,
I don't show up tonight,
529
00:20:57,852 --> 00:21:00,105
your daughter walks in
on you going Southwest
530
00:21:00,146 --> 00:21:02,107
on the turquoise express.
531
00:21:02,148 --> 00:21:03,233
It's called fate.
532
00:21:03,275 --> 00:21:04,818
- Mm, no, it's not.
533
00:21:06,069 --> 00:21:07,404
- I tried.
534
00:21:07,454 --> 00:21:12,004
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