All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S03E12 - 9 Days.eng.SDH

Morning, everyone.

Morning, sir.

Hey, look.

We're food stain buds.

Who are you wearing? Porridge?

Um…

Oatmeal.

Hmm.

Oh, my God.

He didn't even wipe it off.

He's totally given up on life.

It's loneliness.

Ever since Kevin left
for his sabbatical in Paris,

he hasn't been the same.

I tried to get him out of the house.

I invited him to bar trivia,
but he turned me down.

Not that Trivia Newton
John needed the help.

We're nationally ranked.
It's no big deal.

You're right, it's not.

Well, aren't you all just a
bunch of big-hearted dum-dums.

You want to make him feel less lonely?

This is how you do it.

A case file? Yeah, dude loves work.

I thought all your cases were closed.

You were bragging
about it so much last night,

I couldn't hear the end
of the neighbors' fight.

It ended in sex. It always does.
It didn't make me horny.

It's a cold case from my
first year as a detective.

Is it active again?

No, but Holt doesn't have to know that.

So you're gonna lie to him?

No, I'm going to make him
forget about his sadness

through the power of…

Distraction!

He's gone.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Ah! Hola, mi capitán.

Why am I speaking Italian, you might ask?

That was Spanish.

Yeah, there are too many languages.

An old case of mine
is starting to heat up,

and I'd like your old help
to help me solve it. Señor?

Still Spanish. Right.

Joey Garibaldi was a mafia lieutenant.

About eight years ago,
I was closing in on him

when he disappeared.

But now I'm hearing chatter on the street

that he's back in town.

Will you help me?

Mmm.

Sounds interesting. Count me in.

Yes! Thank you very much, sir.

Uh, good-a bye-a.

Italian.

Ooh, standardized tests?

I have a great trick.

Fill in all the bubbles with Wite-Out,

jams the machine, everyone passes.

These are practice for
the lieutenant's exam.

They're kicking my butt.
I can't get better than 70%.

C-minus, the perfect grade.

You pass, but you're still hot.

Captain Holt gave me
his test to help me study.

Look at what the grader
wrote on his essay.

"Thank you for writing this.

"Reading it made me a better man."

I'll never be as good a leader as Holt.

You need to stop focusing on tests.

There's more to life than
scores and book learning, okay?

Look at me, I've had
no official dance training.

Yet here I stand.

A miracle of movement.

Hey, you guys seen Boyle?

Yep, he's in a little
ball under his desk.

DIAZ: Oh, no.

Did you watch Grimm again last night?

You know it gives you nightmares.

I'm sad.

Jason died this morning.

I'm sorry. That's terrible.

Is he a friend of yours? He was my dog.

Oh, okay, so no big deal then.

No, it is to me.

But don't worry,

I'll find a way to power through.

Oh, God.

This is how Jason saw the world.

Wait, was this your dog
that humped everything?

Yeah, that's how he died.

He was going to town
on one of my snow boots,

and his little heart just gave out.

He didn't even finish. Gross.

Anyway, we have to work a
string of B&Es on 4th Street.

It's time for you to move on.

It's what Jackson would've wanted.

Jason! Whatever, little buddy.

Captain, thank you for meeting me.

Sorry to make you work on a Saturday.

No, nonsense, I was free.

Kevin is still in Paris.

Is he? Wow, I totally forgot about that.

Any-hoops, this is
all the stuff that we got

from Garibaldi's apartment
after he disappeared.

Tell me what you see.

This man is in every photograph.

Nick DiTullio.

I actually brought him in eight
years ago, but he refused to talk.

Of course, you know the saying,

"Time shall open up
the mouth of every man

"to the truth of his neighbor."

All right, it's a real saying.
Let's not dwell on it.

The point is, he's definitely
gonna tell us where Garibaldi is.

I don't know where
Garibaldi is, all right?

It's not like we were close.

I was just his trainer at the gym.

Then why were you always
going out to dinner with him?

Was he doing reps of linguine? Nice.

Look, you don't say
no to Garibaldi, all right?

That's why I always let him work his
chest and his abs and never his legs.

Yeah, the key is balance.
That's why I never worked any of it.

Unless you guys are
gonna arrest me, I got to go.

There's an emergency at the gym.

"Emergency at the gym."

Just when two cops show up at his door.

That seems suspicious.
We should follow him.

Yeah, this case might
actually lead somewhere.

Why do you sound surprised?

Because every day
on this job is a wonder.

Damn right it is.

Medical examiner, jackpot.

The gym is full of bodies.

No, Department of Health.

There's been an outbreak of the mumps.

[CHUCKLES] Mumps, that's a funny word.

It's actually a very serious and
highly contagious infectious disease.

Yeah, but we're fine.

We were only in contact with
that guy for a couple of seconds.

Plus, he didn't even
lick any of our eyeballs.

I'm afraid you both have the mumps.

[CHUCKLES] Mumps, still a funny word.

Are we gonna die?

So, you both have the mumps.

Sorry to say, it's very contagious.

You may not want to be here, Detective.

Oh, it's cool.

I keep up to date on all my vaccinations.

I'm immune to stuff
you've never even heard of.

But not immune to braggadocio.
[CHUCKLING]

Anyhow, over the next several hours,

you will more than likely
develop fever, aching, fatigue.

Doesn't sound too bad.

Also, tart foods will
cause intense jaw pain,

so you may want to avoid sour candies.

What?
You may get painful goiter-like swelling

in your neck and often
extreme testicular discomfort.

Okay, okay. Cool, cool.

Cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool.

No doubt.

Due to the highly
contagious nature of the virus,

you will both be quarantined to
your houses for the next nine days.

Well, nine days in isolation.

Sir, I'd be happy to keep you company.

We can watch the ten-part
Nicholas Nickleby special on PBS.

Hear there's a lot of
long, quiet stretches.

I do love long, quiet stretches,

but I don't want to be a burden.

Plus, I'm getting used
to being on my own.

Or we could be quarantined
together, you know, work the case.

Yes, that actually sounds kind of fun.

Kind of?
It's gonna be the best week ever.

I'm sorry, did you not hear me
say "extreme testicular discomfort"?

Yes, we heard you, Dr. Bad News Doctor.

Okay, so I talked to Captain Holt.

He and Jake have the mumps.

I'm in charge until Holt gets better.

Hello, you wanted to see if
you could make a great captain.

Now's your chance to shine.

You're the pretty little understudy.

And the aging lead?
Well, she just fell down the stairs.

Now all's you got to do is
beat those wings and fly.

So for the next two weeks,

Captain Holt will be on medical leave,

which means I am the acting captain.

And we are your royal subjects.

Do continue.

I want this precinct to
get our normal work done,

but also, we're gonna
clean out the evidence room,

step up community service,

and complete these 22 additional tasks.

Every time we check one off
the list, you're gonna hear this bell.

It's the sound of victory.

Hmm, you should
add "fix bell" to that list.

Morning, Captain. Peralta.

I'd like to introduce you to someone.

[GRUNTS]

His name is Simon, and I hate him.

Hello, Simon.

This is Balthazar.

He's an evil demon who
spits fire in my throat.

Goiters, huh?

Anyway.

I've been looking over these
photographs of the restaurant,

and I've identified several
other known mob types.

[SHUDDERS] What is it?
Did you see something?

No, I just got very cold very fast.

And now my entire
body is somehow on fire.

Oh, these mumps are jerks. Phew!

I also noticed this van is parked
out front in several other photographs.

I never noticed that.

The restaurant must have been
under surveillance. I bet it was the feds.

You're right. I'll reach out
to my contact at the Bureau,

see if I can get us some footage.

Good idea.
Also, I know you're not supposed to,

but I kind of want to poke my mump.

Bad idea. I'm going in. Here we go.

[CRIES IN PAIN]

It hurts! How did I not see that coming?

[EXHALES] I feel dizzy.

Hey. You're off the floor.

Yeah. Well, it's like my dad used to say.

"Real men don't cry…
for more than three days."

So I decided to get my butt back to work.

Good. You go through all
the witness statements yet?

What? Oh, no.

By "work," I meant on
Jason's in memoriam video.

Are you serious? Oh, yeah.

Take a look at what I got so far.

♪ Tell me how am I
supposed to live without you

♪ Now that I've been loving you so long

Hey, we've got a lot to do.

Focus up and stop
watching funny dog videos.

[WHIMPERS]

This might just be the fever talking,

but this unedited footage
of an Italian restaurant

from eight years ago might be
the best movie I've ever seen.

Also, how weird are forks?

Forks are very weird.
I've always thought so.

Yeah, yeah. [SNIFFLES]

Did we take too much cold medicine?
Not by a long shot.

Balthazar is a thirsty bitch.

Ah, I'll drink to that. [LAUGHS]

Wait, look. [GRUNTS]

Garkabargo!

Oh, sorry, can't… Can't talk.

Need more medi-jen.

Garibaldi!

He's eating snakes!

No, it's spaghetti.

[GROANS] It's always spaghetti.

I'm just saying, if that's spaghetti,

it looks like snakes.

[BELL DINGS]

That's right, Nine-Nine.

That's the sound of the victory bell.

We just crossed our
first task off the list.

-[ALL CHEERING]
-GINA: Oh, my goodness.

Terry, that is so great.
Which one was it?

Fix bell. All right.

Little less than I had
hoped for, but still a thing.

You gonna hear that sound nonstop.

HITCHCOCK: Unhand her, you beast!

Give it to me!

What the hell is going on in here?

Hitchcock's trying to steal my sandwich.

Well, we both ordered meatball
subs, but they only delivered one.

It's mine!

Guys, guys, look, just
walk to the sub shop,

it's a block away, and
get a second sandwich.

Walk? Are you insane?

Fine, cut the damn sandwich in half.

And then what, genius?
We each eat a 6-inch sub?

Two and a half meatballs a piece?

Are we children? What is this, Russia?

Okay, that's it. No one eats the sub.

Get back to work!

Wait a minute.
Why'd he just go in the kitchen?

Do we have eyes in the kitchen?

We got eyes everywhere, man.

Ow, ow, icky, icky, ow.

Look, he slipped the
chef a piece of paper.

I bet it's the address of his hideout.

The chef knows where the hideout is.

His name is Richie Lignardi.

We talk to him, we find Garibaldi.

We have to go right now.

Go where? [GASPS]

What's on your face? Huh?

Oh, right. Yes, my disgusting deformity.

Um, here, let me just…

Hey, what's up, girl?

Better? It's not worse.

We're on our way right
now to talk to a lead

that knows where Garibaldi's hideout is.

You're quarantined.

You can't go outside spewing mumps

like a couple of mump fountains.

Not like this, we can't!

♪ Everyday I'm hustlin'

♪ E-everyday I'm hustlin'

♪ Everyday I'm hustlin'

♪ E-everyday I'm hustlin'

♪ Everyday I'm hustlin' ♪

Stop, you can't leave at all.

Good luck trying to stop us.

You'll never catch us!

Amy is Usain Bolt.

Is this the piece of
paper you're looking for?

You found the address?

No, it's a recipe for baked ziti.

It was taped to your
wall the entire time.

You're delirious, and you're sick,

and you definitely didn't solve the case.

You need to go back inside.

Well, I can't.

My legs stopped working.

[GROANING]

My testicles!
The mumps have reached my testicles.

All right, just finish taking off

your totally ineffective biohazard suits

and have a little rest.

Nonsense, Santiago.

We just have to buckle
down and work harder.

We simply hit a bump in the road.

More like a mump in the road.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[BOTH GROANING]

Such a good one.

Jake, can I talk to you
in private for a minute?

Sure thing, let me just snag
this, cover up the ol' swell sack.

All right.

Okay, so here's the deal.

I have a high fever, and
I can't control my body,

but you can do whatever you want to me.

Oh, but don't touch my
mouth, neck, or testicles.

You've badly misread the situation.

Oh, thank God.

Jake, you need to drop this case.

What are you talking about?

The plan is working perfectly.

Holt hasn't been lonely all week.

Yeah, because he's too busy almost dying.

Look at him.

What? He's just Beautiful Mind-ing it.

Because he's a genius.

He's writing the word
"case" over and over again.

[GROANS] Now he's spelling it with a "K."

PERALTA: Is that not how you spell it?

Again, I have a mouth, neck,
and testicle-melting fever.

Jake. Enough is enough. Hmm? Yeah.

You need to drop this
stupid backburner cold case

before you both die or I will kill you.

Oh, my God, I thought
I was following her.

Yep, I should probably lie down.

Here we go.

[GROANS]

Case!

What are you doing?
I'm just sealing Jason's collar

in an airtight bag so
it retains his scent.

I don't know how many whiffs I have left.

Wow.

Look, I know that dog meant
a lot to you, so I got you this.

It's a dog.

His name's Arlo, but you can
call him Jason Two or whatever.

Seriously? I can't just replace
Jason with some other dog.

Why not? All dogs are basically the same.

Watch this. Arlo, go hump that toy.

-[TOY SQUEAKS]
-Get away from that. That's Jason's.

Look, man, I've been patient.

We have a case we need to work on.

It's time for you to
get over it, move on.

Move on? Move on.

Jason was part of my family, Rosa.
I loved him.

His humping was the only thing
that got me through my divorce.

Seeing him so happy made me believe

that I could be happy one day, too.

You wouldn't understand this because you

have a motorcycle helmet for a heart,

but I need to feel this sadness.

So the only thing that
I'm moving on from is you.

[TOY SQUEAKS]

So I, like, have a dog now?

Hey, what's going on with those files?

Oh, we're not working on them.

We're on strike. Hunger strike.

You're eating potato chips.

SCULLY: Chips don't count.

My doctor said they
have zero nutritional value.

We want meatball subs.
You had no right to take ours.

Screw this.

I'll log those files and
teach the hazmat class,

and I'll do everyone's
work, because apparently

I am the only one keeping
this precinct together!

Um, I think you closed the door too hard.

Hey, I found Popsicles.

These should help cool us down.

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

-[FALSE VOICE] "Thanks, Jake."
-You're welcome, nards.

Peralta, Balthazar has a sister.

Meet… Penelope.

Whoo, yeah, mumps on mumps.

Let's not dwell on it.
We should get back to work.

Or we could fall asleep for five to
seven days and see how we feel.

I will not rest till justice is served.

There's no time to waste.

This case is urgent.

Oh, boy. [SIGHS]

All right, listen.

The case may not be quite
as urgent as once thought.

Um…

I dug it up out of my desk so you'd
have something to do on weekends

because you seemed so lonely.

You cited chatter from the streets
that Garibaldi had resurfaced.

I did. I did. I did.

But said chatter may have been fudged.

So you lied to me?

Out of pity. You pitied me.

I wouldn't put it that way. I would.

I am offended. I am angry.

I am very tired.

So I'm gonna take a nap,
but when I wake up… Oh…

You are in for it.

How dare you?

How dare me?

How dare you?

I was just trying to help.

Oh, your help feels
an awful lot like pity,

so do me a favor and
don't ever help me again.

Well, well, you didn't seem
to mind me helping you

when I got you your job
back at the Nine-Nine.

I didn't ask you to do that.

[PERALTA GASPS]

You said we were out
of peas, you pea hog!

You're the pea hog! You're the pea hog!

No, you! You take that back!

-You!
-[BOTH YELL]

Double poke!

-[GROANS]
-[LAUGHS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

BOTH: Gah!

SANTIAGO: Okay, hope you guys are hungry.

Made baked ziti.

Thought it would be fun to use
Garibaldi's ultra-authentic recipe.

Oh, great, pity food.

Thank you anyway,
but I can cook for myself.

Wow, I would roll my
eyes so hard right now

if it didn't make my brain burn.

Okay, Captain, this ends now.

I know your pride is hurt, but
no one ever took pity on you.

All we wanted to do was
help you when you were down

because that's what people do
when they care about each other.

They tell each other lies and invent

urgent mysteries that need to be solved?

Come up with excuses
to spend time together

like trivia nights or folk art festivals.

Or working old-ass cases
with their mumpy boy, Jake.

Back to you, Amy. We're doing great.

You're gonna eat this ziti,
and you're gonna appreciate it,

and you're gonna grow the hell up.

Okay, you're right.

I'm sorry for the way I acted.

I can't wait to eat your food.

Ugh.

This is revolting.

PERALTA: Wow.

Have you learned nothing?

Oh, God!

That is worse than the mumps, Amy.

SANTIAGO: What the hell?

I used Garibaldi's exact recipe.

I know I'm not a great cook,

but I love following instructions.

Seven cups of salt?

Even I know this isn't a recipe.

Which means it might be a code.

Ooh, interesting.

Ten digits, maybe it's a phone number.

Look, 718, Brooklyn area code.

Yes, that's definitely it.

Wait, did you actually use all of
this salt and 18 cups of oregano?

Back off, I solved the case.

Nine onions? Oh, Amy.

How am I the bad guy here?

All right, all right. Looks good.

I can barely tell you hulked out in here.

Yeah, [SIGHS] but two weeks in charge,

and I didn't get any of
my goals accomplished.

You got Hitchcock and
Scully off their hunger strike.

I just threw a bunch
of popcorn on the floor.

It wasn't that hard.

Yeah, they're animals.

Do you want to know why
the amazing Captain Holt

has never gotten the
evidence room cleaned

or done anything on your list? Why?

Because all day long
he's putting out fires.

That's what a captain does. Hmm.

The only difference between you and Holt

is that he lacks the strength to
close a door so hard a room blows up.

Thanks, Gina.

Ah, you don't have to thank me.

All I did was be the only
person who believes in you.

Don't lean against the door.

Terry caused structural damage.

My God, you're strong.

[SIGHS]

Briefing room, now.

I really don't feel like having
you yell at me anymore.

What is this?

It's a funeral for Jason.

I want to say a few words.

When Jason died seven days
ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.

This is your speech?

'Cause I didn't understand why people

care so much about their dumb dogs…

Until I got a dumb dog myself.

I've only had Arlo for a day and a half,

but if anything happened to him,

I would kill everyone in
this room and then myself.

Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Charles, I'm sorry.

You don't have to get over it.

Take as long as you want.

Scully, it's time.

♪ Ave Maria ♪

HOLT: Okay, thank you.

Good news, Garibaldi's
phone number's still active,

so they were able to locate him.

SWAT just picked him up.

So that's that. Yeah, that's that.

Perfect timing as our quarantine

has finally ended and
our goiters are gone.

Yes, indeed.

We're free to go outside and
lick whoever's eyeballs we'd like.

Inaccurate, no one
is ever free to do that.

Yeah, you're right.

Anyhow, I am out.

Uh, wait a minute.

[INHALES]

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I was too proud to admit I was lonely.

So, thank you.

You're welcome. Ain't no thang.

No, it is a thang, and
an even bigger thang

is that you brought me
back to the Nine-Nine,

and I will always be grateful for that.

So, here.

This is for you. Ah.

Oh, sour candies, I missed you so much.

Ah.

[GROANS] It burns!

[CRYING] Thank you for this gift.