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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:08,216 Tell me you guys watched last night's episode 2 00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:10,677 of "Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip." 3 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,096 It was incredible. Three of them realized 4 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:16,057 they slept with the same plastic surgeon. 5 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,851 Yeah, I stopped watching after they trashed 6 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,227 that Thai monastery. 7 00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,354 First time a monk talks in a thousand years, 8 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,857 and he yells, "Bitches!" 9 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,525 Oh, television. 10 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:29,237 At least radio had the dignity to just die! 11 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,410 Mind if I put these here? 12 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,455 Something wrong? Oh. 13 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,373 Did you let that guy outside take a picture of your feet? 14 00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:41,833 I don't care what he says. 15 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:44,878 There is no such thing as a foot talent scout. 16 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,757 I don't know. He's the reason why my feet are famous in Japan. 17 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,552 I just found out my doorman died. 18 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,471 - Oh, no. - I'll never forget 19 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,306 the last thing Angel said to me. 20 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:59,476 "You think CC Sabathia ends up in Cooperstown?" 21 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:03,146 Pure gibberish. Should have known he was dying. 22 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,440 Wow. I don't know what to say 23 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,276 other than... I'm sorry you're sad. 24 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,155 Back in a jiff. 25 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,406 Oh, drama detected. 26 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,575 That phony "I'm sorry you're sad" 27 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,410 was classic "Housewives" insincerity. 28 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,412 Not what I expected from Time Out New York's 29 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,373 Most Huggable Judge. 30 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,249 Oh, I will hug the hell out of someone 31 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,043 when they're not lying to my huggable face! 32 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,920 Ohh! Whoa. 33 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,173 Why do you keep dropping bombs and walking away? 34 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,217 She's not upset her doorman died 35 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,552 because that guy wasn't her doorman. 36 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,637 [ Gasps ] 37 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,889 Wh-a-a-a-at? 38 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,183 That's... 39 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,435 I don't exactly know what that is. 40 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,521 She bribed him so she could have her mail sent 41 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,232 to a fancy building and people would be impressed. 42 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,650 She's not sad that poor man died. 43 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:52,028 She's sad she lost her fake address. 44 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:54,114 That's a pathological insecurity 45 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,241 rarely seen in real life. 46 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:01,454 I'm in the show! 47 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,289 Only this isn't a reality show. 48 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,375 If it was, I'd have a tagline, something like... 49 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:08,128 "Watch out because I'm judge, jury, and... 50 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,671 sex-ecutioner." 51 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,966 You're right. This isn't a show. 52 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:20,015 {\an8}♪ 53 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,516 {\an8}In light of the circumstances, 54 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,476 {\an8}it would be beneficial to get the facts of the case 55 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,478 {\an8}from the defendant himself. 56 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:30,316 {\an8}You really want this boob to do his thing? 57 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:33,820 {\an8}Quiet, Dan. The show's starting. 58 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,864 {\an8}Ooh, you're sad? 59 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,408 {\an8}Because you did a bad thing. 60 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:41,536 {\an8}What could you possibly be typing? 61 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:47,584 {\an8}A-And you throw yourself at the mercy of the court! 62 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,296 {\an8}Objection! He's charged with murder. 63 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,592 {\an8}That does make this less fun. 64 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,385 {\an8}I'll let a jury decide what happens to you. 65 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,971 {\an8}For now, time to go back in a box. 66 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:04,642 {\an8}Bright side-- no one can accuse you of being a snitch. 67 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,604 {\an8}- Hey. How ya holding up? - It's a lot. 68 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,397 {\an8}It's not every day your doorman dies. 69 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:11,733 {\an8}Or any day for some of us. 70 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,818 {\an8}I want to send you some comfort food. 71 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:16,780 {\an8}How about some bad lie? I mean, pad Thai. 72 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,574 {\an8}Still at 280 Central Park West? 73 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:22,410 {\an8}Deliveries are just tough for me right now. 74 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,579 {\an8}Maybe Venmo me the $75. 75 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,207 {\an8}The people versus Sy Hoffman. 76 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,625 {\an8}Wait. The Sy Hoffman? 77 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,960 {\an8}Hey! Excuse me! Necktie! Can we run that again? 78 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,837 {\an8}Only this time, I'd like it to be... 79 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:36,508 {\an8}"And now presenting three-time Tony nominee Sy Hoffman!" 80 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,051 {\an8}It's like "Sir" or "Doctor." 81 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,220 {\an8}It's, uh-- It's a legal term. 82 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,638 {\an8}In case you couldn't tell, 83 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,556 {\an8}the defendant is a Broadway producer. 84 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:48,520 {\an8}Who I refuse to defend on the grounds of I hate him. 85 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,523 {\an8}Counselor, if you refuse to represent 86 00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:54,150 {\an8}every client you hated, you'd never work. 87 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,528 {\an8}That's the dream. 88 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:59,114 {\an8}Judge, I know addressing the defendant is frowned upon, 89 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,407 {\an8}but could I-- - Go ahead. 90 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,158 {\an8}Dan's quitting. You're interrupting. 91 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:05,078 {\an8}Smoke 'em if you got 'em. 92 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,788 {\an8}Mr. Hoffman, I'm a huge fan. 93 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,416 {\an8}I fell in love with the theater after seeing your production of 94 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:13,795 {\an8}"Please Get Sick: An Understudy's Story." 95 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,506 {\an8}And I'll just say you're even more handsome in person. Heh! 96 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,925 {\an8}The bailiff rests. 97 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,010 {\an8}Thank you, Gurgs. 98 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,553 {\an8}Dan, what's your problem with the guy? 99 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,221 {\an8}It's the same old story, Your Honor. 100 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:26,599 This hot pair of legs comes waltzing into the rehearsal hall 101 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:27,892 with nothing but doe eyes, 102 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,811 a pair of tap shoes, and a dream. 103 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,313 Well, it takes a lot more to make it in this town 104 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:35,275 than that, bucko! 105 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,818 That's not what happened! 106 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:40,488 I invested $5,000 in one of his flops-- 107 00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,282 "Camouflage: The Musical." 108 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,117 He swore it would be a hit. 109 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,785 The camouflage was so good, 110 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,289 you couldn't even see anybody that was on the stage! 111 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,583 Very well. Court will adjourn until 112 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,959 another attorney is available. 113 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,212 The search begins in ah-five, six, seven, eight! 114 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:59,758 Well, anyone would be better than this washed-up hoofer. 115 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,844 You are remembering our relationship incorrectly. 116 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,472 I don't dance! 117 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,390 [ Laughter ] 118 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,729 You wanted to see me? 119 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,357 And I assume take me on a magic-carpet ride? 120 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:17,650 I know you're going through something, 121 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,736 so I've created a space to heal, 122 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,488 feel, and get totally real. 123 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,656 Welcome to my grief nest. 124 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,658 Oh. No, no, no. This-- This isn't necessary. 125 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,702 Ooh! Are these chocolates?! 126 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,579 One for each stage of grief. 127 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,873 The dark represents the dark place you're in. 128 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:34,376 The white is for anger-- because it's disgusting. 129 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,460 Ohh. 130 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,505 - There you go. You warm? - Mm-hmm. 131 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,923 - You cozy? - Mm. 132 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,258 Good. 'Cause I know Angel wasn't your doorman! 133 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:46,096 What?! This isn't a grief nest! It's a-- It's a cozy trap! 134 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,514 Ow. 135 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,017 How did you know? 136 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,520 I dropped by your place that time you called in sick 137 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,813 to bring you pretzels and Skittles. 138 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,523 I don't do soup. Who wants to eat something 139 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,733 a chicken took a bath in? 140 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,528 But hold on. You sent me that vintage armoire for my birthday. 141 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,029 You made me FaceTime you 142 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,698 while I wrangled it into the service elevator. 143 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,199 You didn't bat an eye. 144 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,368 You just did it. That's bonkers! 145 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,869 Well, I guess it doesn't matter 146 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,538 'cause pretty soon everyone will know the truth-- 147 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,498 that I live in the Little Queens section of Staten Island 148 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,041 and have to take a barge to a kayak 149 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,918 to a ferry to get to work. 150 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,795 I can't believe you're this upset 151 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,171 about losing a fake address. 152 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,090 Hey! I invested a lot of time in that guy! 153 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,009 I had to bring him a doughnut every week, 154 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,719 and then I had to get gluten-free 155 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,387 when we found out he was celiac. 156 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,932 Ohh! And then he was up to two doughnuts during the divorce. 157 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,768 And now he's gone. 158 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,563 And where does that leave my packages? 159 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,816 Wait a second. Was I wrong? 160 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:42,694 Is it possible that, despite your best efforts, 161 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,905 you formed a real relationship with Angel? 162 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:49,284 Is this the longest relationship you've ever had? 163 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,660 I've had longer. 164 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,078 There's a shadowy figure called the Puppet Man 165 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,914 who's been visiting my dreams since I was 12. 166 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,541 What does Angel say about the Puppet Man? 167 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,919 Oh, he had some theories. It never came up. 168 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:03,590 Olivia. Angel didn't just accept your packages. 169 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:06,760 He accepted you. This is a real loss. 170 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,179 You should go to his funeral. - Just stop it! 171 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,890 The only thing I lost today was a bougie address. 172 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,433 {\an8}Just know I'm storming out, 173 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,727 {\an8}but it's hard because of the pillows! 174 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,859 Blech! White chocolate! Anger! 175 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,534 You're very sweet to remember my glory days. 176 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,453 Past couple of decades have been rough. 177 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,996 My picker's been off. 178 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,541 I put all my savings into a musical "Mister Saigon." 179 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,377 It's about my dry cleaner, Teddy Saigon. 180 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,795 Hm. 181 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,880 The idea to offer actual dry cleaning 182 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,174 during the show was inspired, 183 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,468 though there was one stain that they couldn't-- 184 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,221 Hey, hey. No refunds! 185 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,973 Hey, Sy! About ready for your big finish? 186 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,893 Oh! Have you met Mitzi, your new public defender? 187 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,770 Hi. I'm Mitzi. Sorry I'm late. 188 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,522 I couldn't get a babysitter. They're not my kids. 189 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,941 I'm their babysitter. 190 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,735 FYI, if my phone rings and it's Mike Todwell, 191 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:08,238 I have to answer it 'cause I heard he likes me. 192 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,908 Can you believe this is her first case? 193 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,618 That's who they cast as my lawyer? 194 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,037 I may have made a few calls. 195 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,081 Come on, Dan. Can't you represent him? 196 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,958 I mean, you represented that mime, 197 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,544 and he strangled someone with invisible rope. 198 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,212 Yes, of course. 199 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,549 I'll represent Sy-- for the $5,000 he owes me. 200 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,509 I don't have it. That's why I got arrested 201 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,428 for selling fake memorabilia in the first place! 202 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,887 I thought it was a weapons charge. 203 00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,390 No, they were fake dueling pistols from "Hamilton," 204 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:40,645 Also known as real guns that I sold on the subway platform. 205 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,355 Boy. That sounds like a tough one. 206 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,232 But I'm sure she can get you out of it. 207 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,985 Shut your old mouths. It's Mike Todwell! 208 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,697 Let me know if you want me to get you that, uh, 209 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,866 invisible rope, huh? 210 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,708 Hey, Wyatt. Have you seen Olivia? 211 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,001 I set up a real grief nest. 212 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,627 The difference? Bigger candles. 213 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,921 Got a lilac one the size of your leg. 214 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,965 I think I heard she said she was going 215 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,842 to that doorman's funeral. - Oh. 216 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,927 Would you look at that? She took my advice. 217 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,889 I feel like one of the "Queer Eye" guys. 218 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,350 Ohh. Does Karamo usually recommend 219 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:22,812 crashing a funeral to harass doormen for a fake address? 220 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,023 That sounds like more of an Antoni thing. 221 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,442 Wait. Is that why she's going? - Oh, yeah. 222 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,986 She realized there were gonna be a bunch of doormen there, 223 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,906 so she went to find a living one to run her scam with. 224 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,866 So it's not because I tapped into something 225 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,786 deep within her soul and encouraged her to achieve emotional catharsis? 226 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:41,039 She actually went out of her way to say it was not that. 227 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,166 This is bad. I got to go stop her. 228 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,001 Hell yeah, you do. And I have to go with you 229 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,795 to watch what happens... live. 230 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:50,340 I mean, to support you... live. 231 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,012 [ Exhales sharply ] 232 00:09:57,347 --> 00:10:00,058 [ Vocalizing scale ] 233 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:04,145 I know that sound anywhere. Singing! 234 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,146 Oh! 235 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,648 That's just something I do-- 236 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,108 pass the time with perfect pitch. 237 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:11,945 I also do some foot modeling overseas. 238 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,364 Oh, Sy. Gah. Bad news. 239 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,825 Mitzi bailed when somebody double-dared her 240 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,368 to go to Mike Todwell's house. 241 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,453 Guess who double-dared her. 242 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,914 Oh, come on, Fielding. You got to get me out of here. 243 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:24,541 Jail is nothing like "Chicago." 244 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:29,462 I haven't seen a single girl in fishnets doing jazz hands! 245 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:33,842 I know you hate him, but, Dan, do it for me. 246 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,094 In high school, the other theater geeks and I 247 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,971 used to pretend to audition for him. 248 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,891 We loved Sy-- the way you love Lincoln or Washington 249 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,977 or whatever dumb president you care about. 250 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:48,273 His name was LBJ, and he was given an impossible task! 251 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,025 Wait. Idea. 252 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,819 You've always wanted to sing for me. 253 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,946 I've always wanted to not go to prison. 254 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,615 If Stretch here can represent me, 255 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,034 I'll listen to you perform. 256 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:02,162 But he has to agree in the next three seconds. 257 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,080 Three, two, one! 258 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,374 Alright. I was bluffing. In the next 20 seconds. 259 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,043 - 20 seconds, Dan! - Ugh. Gurgs, you know, 260 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,878 there are two things I hate most in the world-- 261 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,379 helping people and losing money. 262 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:14,090 This does both! 263 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,092 Fine. It's just my lifelong dream. 264 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,678 But if doing your job is too much to ask... 265 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,721 Four and a half... 266 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:22,015 Stop. You know what? 267 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,100 I was gonna pay somebody to take you out on the inside. 268 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,228 But... fine. I'll be your lawyer. 269 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,731 [ Giggles ] Oh, my God! I'm so happy, I could kiss you! 270 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,483 But I won't kiss you because my mouth 271 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:32,734 has other things it needs to do. 272 00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,361 Come on, mouth! We got work to do! 273 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,363 [ Buzzing lips ] 274 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,824 I want you to tell me the truth. 275 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,035 What did you do with my five grand? 276 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,037 I bought a dune buggy. 277 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,999 Make sure he's not fed. 278 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,174 {\an8}♪ 279 00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:00,136 Oh. So sorry about Angel. Were you two close? 280 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,639 I mean, were your buildings close? 281 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,224 Where's your building? 282 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,102 Oh, come on. That was subtle. 283 00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:10,271 Olivia middle-name Moore. You have some nerve. 284 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,315 I upgraded candles for you! 285 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,776 Yeah. Drag her. 286 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,362 Wyatt, you narc. You told her I was here? 287 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,322 That's right. I'm in the show. 288 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:23,159 And my tagline-- "I'm judge, jury, and... sex-ecutioner." 289 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,829 Hey! That was mine. And you said it was bad. 290 00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,539 It works better for me. 291 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,542 Would you two just get out of here? You're bad for business. 292 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,502 You may not think you had a relationship with this man, 293 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,337 but these people did, and they don't want someone 294 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,006 around here trolling for a deal. 295 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:39,050 I hear you're looking to make a deal. 296 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,302 I'm Angel's replacement. The name is Norman. 297 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,221 Wait. You're Norman... the doorman? 298 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,807 Oh, you think that's funny, huh? 299 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:48,018 But when Dora the Explorer finds a job that way, 300 00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,562 you've got nothing to say. 301 00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:51,938 So I can keep the address? 302 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,524 You'll hold up my old 13th-floor special? 303 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,027 I will. On one condition. 304 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,570 The family has asked me to speak, 305 00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,613 but we doormen like to keep it brief. 306 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,907 "It's a wet one out there." "Happy Friday." 307 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,325 That sort of thing. 308 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,952 So you want me to give a eulogy 309 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,203 for a man I barely knew? 310 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,289 - Is that a problem? - No, not at all. 311 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,792 Great. If I don't see you, happy Friday. 312 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,336 [ Laughs ] 313 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,505 You were right. Coming here was just what I needed. 314 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:18,798 Don't do this. 315 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,383 If you give that eulogy, you're gonna regret it. 316 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:23,261 I-I think we should at least see her do it first. 317 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,430 It'll be fine. 318 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,390 I'll just get up there and squeeze out a few tears. 319 00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,352 Thinking about the end of "Titanic" always does the trick. 320 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:33,563 [Voice breaking] Why should the ocean get to keep that expensive necklace? 321 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,649 This is so messed up. 322 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,068 I know. 323 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,278 I'll get us some snacks. 324 00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:45,575 Alright. So we know you're not innocent. 325 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,452 Or likable. 326 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,245 You at least have any character witnesses 327 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,955 who will come and testify on your behalf? 328 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,750 Nah. Bunch of fair-weather phonies. 329 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:58,129 Abandoned me because I haven't done bupkus in 30 years. 330 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:01,466 I used to have an eye for talent, but I hit a cold streak. 331 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:05,387 I told Lin-Manuel Miranda, "You talk too fast." 332 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,722 Told Jonathan Groff he was pitchy. 333 00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:09,099 And I said to Stephen Sondheim, 334 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:12,018 "Hey! What's with all the words?" 335 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,229 Any chance we could have this conversation 336 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:17,440 with less corned beef flying right into my face? 337 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,276 Don't worry about the trial. I got it all planned out. 338 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,612 We start out with some light piccolo. 339 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,115 [ Imitating piccolo ] 340 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,491 That's your theme. 341 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,952 Then the strings are for the judge. 342 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:31,037 [ Imitating violin ] 343 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,957 She's the angel that's gonna save us. 344 00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:37,502 Then the oboe comes in. That's me. 345 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:39,129 Strong, confident. 346 00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:42,298 ♪ Oboe, oboe ♪ 347 00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:46,094 ♪ Oh, no, oh, no ♪ 348 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:47,804 We're not doing any of that. 349 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,097 Why? 'Cause you're the piccolo? 350 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,392 Well, obviously, I'm an alto sax-- 351 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,270 Boy, I just hope Gurgs singing for you is worth all of this. 352 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,313 Oh, no. She never sang for me. 353 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,816 Came in, turned around, walked right out. 354 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,234 - What? - Yeah. 355 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,154 Same thing happened with Patti LuPone in 1973. 356 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:08,533 In some ways, I'm still waiting in that bathroom. 357 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,618 You're gonna lose the beard for the trial, right? 358 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,704 I mean, we're not doing "Fiddler." 359 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,375 I'm taking this. 360 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,503 Angel was special. 361 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,630 When he asked, "How about them Mets?" 362 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,216 He was really asking, "How's your wife?" 363 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,634 How's your kids? 364 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:29,179 And how do they feel about them Mets?" 365 00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,805 Love a doorman funeral. 366 00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:34,392 You know, after this, we all go outside and hail a hearse. 367 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,811 Next up, a few words from Olivia Moore. 368 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,521 Olivia, you're better than this. 369 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,398 No, I'm not. 370 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:45,904 Thank you, Yarls, family, and fellow residents. 371 00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:49,199 Ashes to ashes. Door to door. 372 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:52,202 Oh. There's that smile. 373 00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:53,703 There's that casket. 374 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,372 [ Chuckles ] 375 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,665 And Angel's in it. [ Chuckles ] 376 00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:01,544 Forever. Oh, I'm never gonna see him eat another doughnut. 377 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:04,714 It's happening. Catharsis. Let it out. 378 00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,800 Pretty soon I'll be in that box. 379 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,051 And so will you. And you. 380 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,761 And then addresses won't even matter. 381 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,305 Because what? We're just gonna be worm meat! 382 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,016 Put it back. Put it back. 383 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,601 So this is what happens when a person 384 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:19,145 who's never felt anything feels everything at once. 385 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,690 And after everything he has done for you! 386 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,901 We got to get him out of there! - Ohh. 387 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,236 Okay. Hi. 388 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,196 I'm Olivia's friend from work. 389 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,115 And, you know, I met Angel once, 390 00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:32,617 so it's not weird at all that I'm up here. 391 00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,619 I think what Olivia's trying to say... 392 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,122 We're all just worm doughnuts! 393 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,748 ...is that, uh, life is hard. 394 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,084 And if you find someone who can make it a little easier, 395 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,211 that's pretty special. 396 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,838 And you'll always have that. 397 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,882 Not just with Angel, but with anyone who sees the good in you. 398 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,926 - Hm. - Hm. 399 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,262 S-So in closing... 400 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,347 it's a wet one out there? 401 00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,188 [Crying] It's a wet one in here, too! 402 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,866 Another. 403 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,037 Another. - Gurgs! 404 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,581 You didn't even sing for him? And what is this? 405 00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:20,874 Well, there's no bar here, 406 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:24,002 so I'm drowning my sorrows in iced tea. 407 00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:26,004 Same color. No effect. 408 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:29,007 Let me guess. You figured singing would be a waste of time 409 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,968 because Sy wouldn't even hear you over his mouth breathing? 410 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,845 I was standing at the mic, 411 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,097 about to bring the house down with the big finale 412 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,891 from "Camouflage: The Musical" 413 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:41,811 when Sy said, "Okay, kid! Show me what ya got!" 414 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:42,979 And I froze. 415 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,148 Which is ironic because I got super-hot 416 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,734 and couldn't stop sweating. 417 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:51,446 In that moment, I realized Sy was the only one 418 00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,531 who could tell me if I'm really any good. 419 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,035 And maybe I'm happier not knowing. 420 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,453 Oh, Gurgs. 421 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,955 That's the longest story I've ever heard. 422 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,251 You just had to be unselfish and graciously help me. 423 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,836 Thanks a lot, Dan! 424 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,546 I did something good. Why are you yelling at me?! 425 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:11,299 Because I'm sad! And it's a lot easier to be mad. 426 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,885 Yeah, well, we agree on that! 427 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,472 Put it on her tab. 428 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,602 May not have been my finest moment, 429 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,854 but I feel like Angel's secret family showing up 430 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,981 will be what people really remember. 431 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,733 How could they not know? 432 00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:31,277 He was going to Tampa twice a month on business. 433 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,780 He's a doorman. What business? 434 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,700 Well, he was good to me. 435 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,411 I may not have actually lived on Central Park West, 436 00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:42,497 but... he always treated me like I did. 437 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,290 And that's why, as a tribute to him-- 438 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,835 Ah. You're gonna treat people the way he treated you? 439 00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,587 Close. I'm gonna crush everything in my path 440 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,590 until I actually live on Central Park West. 441 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:53,717 For him. 442 00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,594 I think he would have wanted that. 443 00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:59,931 - Okay. Places, everyone. - What's going on? 444 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,017 Gurgs, we know that you're mad at yourself 445 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,227 for not singing for Sy, but you shouldn't care 446 00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:05,437 what he thinks about you. 447 00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:07,188 If you care about what anybody thinks, 448 00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:10,442 it should be us, your... friends. 449 00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:14,320 And we would like to hear you sing. 450 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,072 You do? 451 00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:18,408 Well, this is all so lovely, 452 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:21,036 but I don't know what I would even-- 453 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,579 Maybe this. 454 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,957 "Camouflage" finale in B flat. And... try to keep up. 455 00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:30,962 ♪ My friends, my lovers ♪ 456 00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,798 ♪ My entourage ♪ 457 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,468 ♪ This hurts, this smothers ♪ 458 00:19:36,468 --> 00:19:39,637 ♪ This camouflage ♪ 459 00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:42,182 ♪ So I'm makin' a push ♪ 460 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,684 ♪ To not look like a bush ♪ 461 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,686 ♪ We were thick as thieves ♪ 462 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,813 ♪ But I don't want to believe ♪ 463 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,815 ♪ You may think it's mean ♪ 464 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:54,152 ♪ But I need to be seen ♪ 465 00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:56,529 ♪ So I'm gonna be ♪ 466 00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:02,827 ♪ S-e-e-e-een ♪ 467 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,913 [ Inhales sharply ] Camouflage! 468 00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,795 I love that song! 469 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,505 [ Screams ] 470 00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:14,839 Oh, my God! 471 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,841 - Sy was here the whole time? - Yeah. 472 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,886 I mean, he's a crook, but, hey, he knows his camouflage. 473 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,055 I'm gonna tell you the same thing 474 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,682 I told Idina Menzel. 475 00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:28,812 Nobody cares about two broads in the snow. And you stink! 476 00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,022 First of all, you're the one who stinks! 477 00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:33,316 You're lucky I let you off with community service. 478 00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:36,611 And, second of all, what else in this room is people? 479 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,489 No, Abby. It's okay. 480 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:41,866 If Sy Hoffman thinks I'm bad, 481 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,702 it means I'm actually amazing. 482 00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:46,746 That's right. I mean, he's been on a 30-year cold streak. 483 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:50,208 Come on. He cast Bill Maher as Sweeney Todd! 484 00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,461 And that so cost me my EGOT. I was so close! 485 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,463 All I needed was a Tony. 486 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:59,092 {\an8}Then a Grammy. And the Emmy. And the Oscar. 487 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,136 {\an8}I thought I had the Grammy all locked up 488 00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,762 {\an8}with that audiobook I did. 489 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,098 {\an8}My voice is very soothing. 490 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,641 {\an8}Okay, bye! 491 00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:10,812 {\an8}Gurgs, you're an incredible singer. 492 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,897 {\an8}- And I can dance, too. - Oh. I know. 493 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,233 {\an8}We can always spot our own. Yeah? 494 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,443 {\an8}[ Humming ] 495 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,611 {\an8}[ Classical music plays ] 496 00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,909 {\an8}Wait! I was making sure this bookcase wasn't a person! 497 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,454 {\an8}Did Dan just dance and I missed it?! 498 00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:32,000 {\an8}It's funny! 35863

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