All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E20.1080p.BluRay.x264-YELLOWBiRD

I'm so glad
I graduated high school.

You know, it is such a relief
to finally know everything.

I can't believe
I graduated a year ago.

It's like I feel
like I've done nothing.

Man, time really flies
when you take two naps a day.

Well, I wouldn't say you've
done nothing. I mean, you've...

Wow, you've
really sat on your ass.

Yep, Forman,
we've all passed you by.

I'm running a record store,
Donna's a DJ, Kelso's a cop.

Even Fez has a job now.

What is it again,
man, shower girl?

Makeup lady?

Shampoo boy!

Hey, I was close.

Wait a second. This mean
I'm the loser of the group now?

You're the one that's still
living with your mommy.

Man, you're still
living with your mommy.

Not for long. Me and Fez
are looking for apartments.

Then the only
time I'll see my mom

is when she's doing my
laundry, cooking my meals,

taking me to the dentist.

Eric, I feel kind of bad.

You wouldn't even be thinking
about this kind of stuff

if you weren't caught in the
blinding light of my bright future.

You know, the scary thing is,
if one year went by this fast,

imagine where Eric
is gonna be in 10 years.

Thanks for going with me to
the Star Trek convention, Uhura.

You can call me Donna now.

That's good, Fez, but I think
it's gonna be more like this.

Thanks for going with me to
the Star Wars convention, Leia.

You can call me Donna now.

No, man. You're both wrong.

Actually, it's gonna
go like this.

Thanks for going with me to
the Star Wars convention, Leia.

You can call me Mom now.

- Whoa.
- Eric, they're joking around.

- It's funny.
- No, Donna, it's not funny. In fact...

It's completely possible!

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Every one of my friends has
a career path except for me.

Even Kelso. Kelso!

The kid who thinks that NATO
is Japanese for "neato."

You know, it's just not fair.

I mean, you sleep late,
you watch TV all day.

The job offers
should be rolling in.

Why don't you look into that
chiropractic school I suggested?

They're having
an enrolment seminar.

You know, a chiropractor
is a very prestigious job,

especially if you move someplace

where they don't
have real doctors.

Well, I guess chiropractor is as
good as anything I've come up with.

I have wasted an entire year
doing absolutely nothing.

Hey, how about a job
stating the obvious,

'cause you're getting
really good at that.

So, you're gonna be
a chiropractor, huh?

All right, every chick
patient that you have,

you have to tell her
the problem is her tailbone,

that way you get to
grab around on her butt.

Kelso, I'm doing this
'cause I wanna help people.

A handful of ass is just a perk.

Okay, so I just want
to remind everybody

about my graduation dinner
party tomorrow night.

Be there by 6:00 for
the champagne toast.

Free champagne? I'm in.

Free toast? I am in, too.

Jackie, a dinner party?

Can't we do something fun,

like drive up to the border
and throw stuff at Canadians?

I mean, they never fight back
'cause they're Canadian.

Steven, this dinner
party is an important event

to mark my entrance
into womanhood.

Didn't that happen three years
ago in the backseat of Kelso's car?

I love talking about
this in front of Hyde.

Yeah, me, too,
'cause that way I can do this.

Too hard.

Michael, I circled some
apartment listings for you and Fez.

I found a great apartment for
Janet Meyers after her divorce.

It has a Murphy bed for
when her kids come to visit.

They never do.

She's in AA.

Look at all these
places for rent.

Man, I hope we can find one
that's got everything my baby needs.

Oh, Kelso, you're
always putting me first.

Not you, moron.

Betsy, my daughter.

It's amazing how one tiny person
has changed my life so much.

You changed mine, too.

Dr. Don loves being a
chiropractor, and you know why?

Because the cosmos has ordained
Dr. Don to make people feel good.

Do you get the feeling that Dr. Don writes
himself a few too many prescriptions?

No, I think he's cool,

and I love the way
he calls himself Dr. Don.

Eric's impressed.

Within these hands
lies an unexplainable magic

that melts away
the troubles of the world.

And Dr. Don will
prove it to you

by demonstrating on this
attractive blonde in the front row.

Uh, no, I'm only here to make
sure my boyfriend doesn't sneak out

to play Space Invaders.

Step on up here, little lady.

Donna, come on. I need
to make a good impression.

Look, one little medical
experiment isn't gonna kill you.

Come on.
Here we go, right on up here.

And now just relax.

Dr. Don has been known
to cause patients serious joy.

Wow. That felt great.

Uh-oh. I think
your tailbone's out of whack.

All right, show's over.

No. Come on.

Man, we gotta have this place.
It's perfect for the baby.

It already smells
a little bit like throw up.

Mrs. Forman, you found
us a great apartment.

I could just kiss you.

Can I kiss you?

Bob, what are you doing here?

You're selling your house
because you're broke.

I knew something was wrong when I
didn't see you wearing fur this winter.

No, I come to open houses
to meet women.

If a lady's looking
for her own place,

she's either single or running
away from a bad relationship.

Either way, I win.

Is everything all right over...

Oh, it's you.

Fenton.

I'd shake your hand,
but I'm afraid I'd catch

some kind of third world herpe.

Well, that's fine,
'cause I wouldn't let you

touch me with a 10-foot pole.

Well, I wouldn't touch you
with a 20-foot pole.

You don't even
have a 20-foot pole.

Maybe I'll go buy one just
so I can't touch you with it.

Fez, who is this guy?

This is Fenton.

We are having a feud.

Oh, filling out
an application, hmm?

Yes. We got here first so
don't even think about applying.

I don't have to, I'm the
landlord. The lord of the land.

And I'm gonna lord it over you
while your butts land outside.

That was clever.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I was gonna give you
this $5 to get the apartment,

but now you can forget it.

That was clever.

Too slow, old man.

Fez, if you're not polite, he's
gonna figure out you're living here.

You're living here?

Oh, great. You blew it, Fez.

Red, he has nowhere else to go.

Well, know this, Pele...

...you gotta sleep sometime.

And during the war,
when they were sleeping,

that's when I got them.

That wasn't too bad.

He called you Pele.

He is a terrific soccer player.

Oh, everything is set
for the party tonight.

Oh, and, Fez, I need you
to get there a little early

so you can park everyone's cars.

- Sorry, Jackie,
I can't make it.
- What?

Yeah, Kelso and I have to go
find an apartment tonight

or Red is going to
kill me in my sleep.

- Yeah, and I can't
let Fez go alone.
- Why not?

'Cause then I'll have to go to
your party, which I don't want to do.

Whoa. No, no,
no. Kelso, you have to go.

If you're not there
and Fez is not there,

it's gonna be pretty damn
obvious that I'm not there.

Okay, Steven, I understand
you don't like dinner parties,

but just let me make my case.

You're going!

You know, the more I read
this chiropractor booklet,

the more I'm starting to see that
this might be the perfect job for me.

Like, it says right here,
you need soft hands.

How many times have you said you
didn't even know I was touching you?

- Here, let me get
a crack at that neck.
- Whoa.

Shouldn't we wait until you're,
like, a little more experienced?

Experienced?
Donna, I'm on page 12. Let's do this.

Ow!

Uh-oh. That did not
sound good.

Eric, I can't move my neck.
Fix it.

Okay, I'm sure the booklet
says something about...

Oh, here it is.

Um, okay, I'm gonna need
you to sign a release of liability.

Poor Donna.

I think I hurt her pretty bad.

Her neck's stuck,
just tilted over like this.

Yeah, but on the upside,

it looks like she's really interested
in everything I have to say.

So she's got a bad neck.
Quit whining.

I've gone out with girls
that don't even have necks.

"Hi, Fez."

One time, this girl whipped
her head around to look at me

'cause I'm hot,
and her neck just snapped.

And then she collapsed
into the jukebox.

Kelso, that was The Fonz.

Well, where do you
think they got it from?

Forman, forget being
a chiropractor, man.

The way I see it, you're
diligent, tidy and detail-oriented.

So I think you should become
a professional butt wiper.

Come on, man, this is serious.

Eric, you gotta start off slow.

First you should be
an amateur butt wiper.

What's wrong with you two?
So rude.

Eric, I think you should
move to Paris.

That way you can
become a butt wipier.

How'd the apartment search go?

Not so good. They can't
find anything they like.

Well, how can you be picky?
You lived in a jungle.

Any place without a gorilla
charging at you should be paradise.

Red, I don't think he
lived with gorillas.

Did you?

Where the blazes are you from?

Apparently, Gorilla Land.

We found one place yesterday
that was perfect,

but we can't get it 'cause Fez
and the landlord are having a feud.

Well, you're not spending
another night under my roof.

So come on, we're gonna go
have a chat with this landlord.

What's this guy got
against you anyway?

Who knows? That's like asking
you why you hate commies.

You don't know why.
You just do.

I know exactly
why I hate commies.

They wouldn't stop
shooting at me.

Okay, then something
else you hate.

Oh, you should have said
the Vienna Boys' Choir.

I just want to
punch them in the mouth.

How you doing,
my little buttercup?

Great.

The Brady Bunch
is so much funnier sideways.

Okay, so, at my party tonight,

I want everyone to give heartfelt
speeches about me, okay?

So here they are.

I don't think I can
make it to your party.

Wait, but, Donna, you have to.

I'm afraid I'm out, too.

I gotta tend to my
crooked little flower here.

You know, Eric, calling me
cute little nicknames

doesn't make up
for what you did.

Okay.

Hey, whatever you say,
my little crazy straw.

I can't believe
everyone bailed out on me.

You know, tonight was
really important to me,

and it's like no one even cares.

Jackie, you look like you really
need to talk this through, huh?

I'll go get Mrs. Forman.

Are you Fenton? I'm here to
talk to you about the apartment.

Well, you're in luck, it's still
available. And FYI, so am I.

Look, I have a wife.

Well, I have a football,
but I never use it.

Red, I know you
said wait in the car,

but Fez keeps playing
his crazy bongo music.

It's called jazz,
you Philistine.

Oh, you're with them. Deal's
off. I have to get to yoga.

- Hey, can't we talk
about this?
- No.

See, I told you
he was going to be...

Just shut it
or I'll shut it for you.

Well, you just don't take crap
from anyone, do you, Mr. Man?

I knew this was gonna be a
waste of time. Come on, Fez.

We'll go figure out some
other place to live with the baby.

Baby? No one
mentioned they had a baby.

- That... That's so progressive.
- Progressive?

Well, how can I not give the apartment
to two men raising a child together?

Oh.

Yeah, progressive.

Yeah, that's what they are.

They're as progressive as hell.

Why, they're like newlyweds.

Oh. Mmm.

I wish I knew
what that was like.

Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.

Well, Red convinced Fenton
to give us the apartment.

Yeah, and Red seemed so happy.

All the way home, he just
kept looking at us and laughing.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that Red told
Fenton that we knew a lot of chicks.

'Cause Fenton
kept checking me out,

like he could tell
that I knew a lot of chicks.

Eric, I can't believe that you
crippled my angel, my pride and joy.

It kills me
seeing her like this.

Then why are you
bringing her over here?

Oh, I got a date. I met a
lady at the open house.

She's got crow's feet, but
she works in a sandwich shop,

so I bent the rules.

Look, Donna, I'm so
sorry about what happened.

You know,
I've been thinking about it,

I don't think I ever really
wanted to be a chiropractor.

I was just, you know,
grasping at straws.

I'd nod in agreement
but, you know, I'm paralyzed.

Eric, you know what
I'm realizing about you?

You're not good at anything.

That's not true, Kelso.
Don't forget butt wiping.

Oh. You know what?
You guys suck.

Whenever you're in trouble,
I don't burn you.

I mean, you know, usually
'cause it's hard for me

to think of things
right on the spot,

but also 'cause,
you know, I try to help.

That's actually true.

I mean, Fez, remember when
you wanted to learn how to kiss,

and Eric taught you by
sticking M&M's to the mirror?

That never happened.

I know how to kiss.
Shut it, Donna.

Yeah, and, Kelso, how about that
time I stayed up with you all night

to study for that math final?

I mean, sure, nothing stuck, but,
you know, I blame nature for that.

Yep, some people
you just can't reach.

You know, Forman, if you
can teach Fez how to kiss

and Kelso how to do math, you
can probably teach anybody anything.

Why don't you just
become a teacher?

That actually
makes a lot of sense.

I mean, you have all this
knowledge about stuff

you have no ability to do.

A teacher? Well,
I do like helping people.

I mean, I'd love to help kids.

Yeah. Like, "Mr. Forman."

That just feels really great.

Yeah, a teacher.
That just feels so right.

There it is. Forman's gonna be
a teacher. This calls for a toast.

All right.

To Forman.

To Forman.

What's going on?

You guys are all too busy
to come to my party,

and here you are,
having a party.

For you.

To Jackie.

To Jackie.

Okay, I don't believe you.

But as long as I'm center
of attention, I'll take it.

Jackie, grab a beer.
This is a great day.

You graduated, they found
an apartment, and guess what?

I'm gonna be a teacher.

Eric, you know
what you should teach?

Butt wiping.

Fez, that was
really inappropriate.

Eric, you should teach history.

The history of butt wiping.

- How's your neck, honey?
- Oh, it still hurts.

Come over here. I'm a
nurse. I know what to do.

Take two of these.

Are you sure this
is for neck pain?

Neck pain, headaches, bad days,

they take the edge off
of everything.