All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E17.1080p.BluRay.x264-YELLOWBiRD

Okay, I don't understand why you're
taking a video camera on a road trip.

You should be packing
more sensible items.

Like, toilet paper
and your mother.

Look, Mom, accept it.
I'm going.

Okay, my year off is
now officially over,

and I think I've finally
decided on a sensible career

that's gonna provide me
with a really stable future.

I'm gonna be a traveling
documentary filmmaker.

Oh, come on, you made that up.

Hey, Kitty, I'm going
ice-skating on a rainbow.

Eric, don't listen to him.

I have complete confidence
you're gonna be

the best traveling
docu-what's-it-who-maker ever.

Thank you.

Do you have enough money?

Mom, I don't need
that much money.

I'm sure that
at stops along the way,

strangers will just offer me
hot pots of beans

in exchange for colorful
stories from the road.

Hot pots of beans?

What if they're spicy?

You can't even chew
cinnamon gum.

Okay, that's it. I'm going.

Uh, I'll miss you.

Well, thank you, sweetie.

Um, I think he was
talking to me.

He was not.

Eric, who were you talking to?

Yeah, who?

It's times like this
I usually fake chest pains.

Uh, I was talking to

the prettiest girl in
the driveway, that's who.

So, okay, I want you to promise
to call me every night at 9:00.

Oh, he can't be calling you
because he's calling me at 9:00.

That's why I got him
that watch as a gift.

Well, maybe he should be calling
the person who gave him the gift of life.

So you squeezed out a baby?
That was a hundred years ago.

People have landed
on the moon since then.

Hey, Eric.
I'm gonna miss you, man.

Hey, uh, just between friends,

I want you to know I'm gonna
take a shot or two at Donna.

He won't care.

On the road, he's going to
meet lots of horny girl hitchhikers

looking for a ride
to cheerleading camp.

What makes you think that, Fez?

Adult films.

Oh! Hello, America,

and welcome to Eric Forman's
journey to happiness.

Not to be mistaken with Eric
Forman's journey to Fatso Burger,

or Eric Forman's journey to
pee behind the Piggly Wiggly,

which you just saw earlier.

I'll tell you, being on the road like
this really makes you feel like a man.

I guess I'll just have to edit
that part out later.

Okay. I think what
we've learned today

is that the road can be
a cruel, cruel mistress.

She caresses your tire with
her asphalt hand one minute,

punctures it the next.

But, hey, at least that didn't stop
me from making it out of Point Place.

I think what we've learned today

is that the road can be
a cruel, cruel mistress.

But, hey, at least that didn't stop
me from making it out of Point Place.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

You know, Steven, it's great
we can still hang out.

We're kind of
like Sonny and Cher.

We're together
even though we're broken up.

I'm beautiful,
you're weird-looking.

Look, they're talking.
Maybe we should...

Okay, we're going upstairs.

Why?

Uh, I just remembered that
I can't be in the basement

because I'm uncomfortable
below sea level.

That's the best
you can come up with?

Just say that we're
going to take a shower.

Wow.

You know, I think this is the first time
we've been alone together since, uh...

Yeah.

Well, maybe we can use this opportunity
to touch base about our feelings.

- Or we can watch TV.
- Great! Oh, I love TV.

Oh, Janie, it's so
hard to be in the same room with you

because even though
I'm a rough ne'er-do-well,

my love for you burns
like a fire deep in my soul.

I feel the same, Clyde,

and even though we broke up
because you won't marry me,

I still hope that one day
we'll get back together.

What are the chances of that?

Greetings, gentle viewer.

Road trip update.

About to change a flat tire,
which, uh...

Which reminds me
of a little joke.

How many psychiatrists does
it take to change a flat tire?

Well, see, first the tire
has to really want to change.

Good one.

Anyway, what do you say we
slap a spare tire in this sucker, huh?

It turns out
there is no spare tire.

And it's, like,
pitch dark out here.

Hello? Hello?

Okay, there's definitely
someone out there,

and I don't know who, but I
think it's a pretty safe bet to say

that it's probably a convict
with a hook for a hand.

Hello? Okay, okay, buddy.

You come one step closer,
I got a tire iron.

And I'll just give it to you
if you'll go away.

Hey, dude.

What are you doing here, man?

Leo, what are you doing here?

It's like the universe wanted
us to find each other, man.

Yeah.

So, do I know you, man?

So, they're
a family of monsters?

No, they're Munsters.

And they're living in a
neighborhood of normal people.

Why don't the neighbors just
get together with some guns

and go over there and kill them?

I'm pretty sure they're
saving that for the last episode.

It's 9:15. Has Eric called?

- He didn't call you?
- No.

I thought sure
he would call you.

He's always
choosing you over me.

Name one time?

Prom night.

Okay, I haven't heard from him,

and I'm starting to think that
something bad happened to him.

Red, we have to go look for him.

Fine.

Anything's better
than this crap.

Who wants to see monsters
not get killed?

- Have you seen the new...
- Did you ever see...

Go ahead.

- See, the other day I...
- I saw...

- You said, "Go ahead."
- Yeah, I said it to be nice.

My story is much
more interesting.

Well, go ahead,
because I'm not gonna listen.

Well, fine then,
'cause I'm not gonna tell you.

Oh, it's as quiet as a basement
with two former lovers in it.

I can eat the tension
with a fork.

Wouldn't you cut
the tension with a knife?

Why cut it if you're not
gonna eat it?

No, no, no. Fez, stay. Stay.

Why don't you tell us
one of those

charming little stories
about your homeland?

Well, in my country, instead
of bathrooms, we just...

He doesn't want to stay
down here with us.

How would you know
what he wants?

You don't know
what anybody wants.

This is so sad.

You're at each other's throats
because of these unresolved feelings.

What? No.

Fez, there are no
unresolved feelings.

Really? Then why are you so
tense? Why is your foot tapping?

Why is your foot tapping?

Because I got rhythm, baby.

I can never stop
dancing entirely.

You know what, Leo? This is
my first truck stop and I love it.

It's like... How did you
find this golden oasis?

I woke up in
the parking lot once.

And these truckers,
they're like...

They seem like great
salt-of-the-earth guys, you know?

Hey, 10-4, good buddies!

Oh, crap, they're looking at me.

No, they're looking at me, man.

Truckers love me.
They think I'm Bob Seger.

You know what? These guys
would be the perfect people

to interview for my movie.

- Where's your camera?
- Eh, it's so heavy.

So, Leo, what have you been
doing since you left town?

Uh, just wandering around
trying to find my place in life.

Yeah, I've been trying to find
my place in life, too. It's like...

You know, like,
where do I fit in?

No, I've been looking
for my house, man.

You boys need anything else?

Uh, no, we're just waiting for the
mechanic I met in the parking lot

to come back with
my spare tire and change.

Honey, there's no
mechanic around here.

Uh, no, there is.
It's this skinny guy.

I gave him 20 bucks
and he just ran off.

That'd be Earl.
He's a speed freak.

Oh, my God. Leo, that
was my last 20 bucks.

It's okay, man, dinner's on me.

Oh, thanks, you'll pay?

No, I mean I got
spaghetti sauce all over me.

Leo, look, be serious, man.
What are we gonna do?

I got it.

We'll soak the shirt
in club soda.

Okay, we're gonna use
my Police Academy training

to figure out
what happened here.

First thing I'm gonna need is
for everyone to lie face down

with your hands
behind your head.

What if he stopped to take a picture
and he got kidnapped by white slavers?

They're gonna
kill him. He can't do anything.

I told him this was
a stupid idea,

and now we're stuck out here
in the middle of nowhere.

My foot is shaking, it wants
to kick his ass so bad.

I never should have
let Eric go on this trip.

I should have tempted him into
staying home by offering him sex.

I mean, Scrabble.

Oh, look, if my baby being safe
depended on you being loose,

I wouldn't have to worry.

Okay, I think it's obvious
what happened to Eric.

We got an abandoned car,
a flat tire

and footprints heading off
in that direction.

Ms. Forman, your son's been
kidnapped by coyotes.

Isn't it more likely
that he had a flat tire,

couldn't change it himself
and went off to find some help?

And the
coyotes got him along the way.

Yeah, now you're
thinking like a cop.

I can't believe I'm stuck in a
backwoods truck stop with no money.

You know,
if we don't do something

this waitress is just gonna
hand us over to these truckers.

You know, they're all
freaky, sexual deviants.

Man, woman, animal, they
don't care as long as it's warm.

Don't worry, man, I've got an
idea how we can pay for this dinner.

That was a good idea.

Now, how are we
gonna pay for dinner?

I think this pretty much
covers your tab.

But if you're interested, dessert's
on me.

In that case, you'd better
soak your uniform in club soda.

You see?
What an awesome night.

I am partying in the back of a truck
stop with a hippie and a waitress,

who are now making out.

Wow, the fact that I'm here is
not slowing them down at all.

Good God, woman, you
buttered my toast with that hand.

Okay, enough
pussyfooting around,

which, by the way, does not
mean what I thought it meant.

Why don't you just
get back together?

You know you want to.

I don't even know why you
broke up in the first place.

Because he's an incredibly immature
jerk who can't commit to a future with me.

What she said,
but I agree with me.

Nice rebuttal,
which, by the way,

also does not mean
what I thought it meant.

It's hopeless, okay?

We both wanted different
things out of the relationship.

You just have to remember
the good times,

the things that
brought you together.

Jackie, what are some of the
things that Hyde did that you miss?

He never did anything
a boyfriend's supposed to do.

He never bought me a horse.

Okay?

He never rented a plane to
spell "I love you" in the sky.

Oh, and he never even
wrote me a single song.

How would you know? You never
stop talking long enough to listen.

Wait, you wrote me a song?

No.

Okay, okay, okay.
Let's try something else.

I want you to think back.

Obviously, there was something
that brought you together.

What was that?

Well, I guess...

I guess I liked the way his scruffy beard
felt on my soft, creamy, porcelain skin.

Yeah, I kind of liked that, too.

I also kind of liked the fact that
she was technically still with Kelso.

And I knew being with him
would piss off my mom.

And all my friends.

Oh, and we had
to keep it a secret.

And I felt kind of
ashamed of myself.

So did I.

I kind of liked that, too.

So did I!

Oh, it was just so wrong.

Which is what made it so hot.

So hot.

Oh, Fez, you should
have been there.

Several times I was.

All right, listen,

this type of establishment is
well known to criminals, okay?

So I want you to stay close,
and if there's any trouble,

I'm gonna use you guys
as a human shield.

I don't like the looks
of these people.

They seem like they could tease a
polite young man about his sweater

and then laugh
when he starts to cry.

Where is my baby?

See, that's the problem.

Maybe if you
didn't baby Eric so much

he wouldn't have had to leave
to prove himself.

Well, maybe if you hadn't exhausted
him with your sexual demands,

he wouldn't have had to leave
just to get some sleep.

All right, that's enough,
you two.

If Eric's in trouble,
he deserves it

because he should
know better by now.

You sound like
you don't care at all.

It's not a matter of not caring,
it's a matter of not giving a crap.

Hey, Red, they got Rhinestone
Cowboy. Toss me a quarter.

Shut up.

For your information,

Eric comes after me a lot more
than I go after him.

You know, all you
damn redheads are the same.

You can color it blonde,
but it's still there.

Well, it turns out,

I have a couple problems with being
a traveling documentary filmmaker.

One, the traveling,
it's exhausting.

Two, documentaries.

I only like ones that are,
you know, about monkeys.

And three, filmmaking.

If there's no space battles, I mean,
you know, really, what's the point?

I'll tell you something,
this day has not been a waste.

I realized what I really
wanna do with my life

is just get the hell out
of Point Place.

I'm ready to do that.

I really feel like
this trip made me a man.

- Eric!
- Mommy?

- Thank God you're okay.
- Oh, Dad, I'm fine.

Not you, the car.

Eric, your mom
called me a whore.

Only because I was
worried about you,

and because I love you
more than she does.

Worried? What...

What did you guys
think happened?

Well, we figured you were either
dead, alive, or kidnapped by coyotes.

Looks like I was right
on the money.

Hey, I got that
waitress's phone number.

Leo?

Hey, it's great to see you guys.

It's great to see you, Leo.

So, do I know you, man?

Okay, here's what I think,

you two were hot for each other

when the relationship
was secret, forbidden, taboo.

But when it was out in
the open, the thrill was gone.

It was no longer taboo.

Then you started
pushing for commitment

and you started pulling away.

Hmm.

So how do we move on from here?

Move on?

There will be no moving on.

Your relationship was one of the
sickest freaking things I've ever seen.

You are two deeply disturbed
individuals and your union...

Well, your union
was a blasphemy.

So you're saying
that if we hooked up again,

it'd be even wronger
than before?

It can get wronger?

Well, that's kind of hot.

Fez, I think maybe
you should leave the room now.

Oh, no, no.
You two cannot be together.

I can't watch. I'm leaving.

Hey, who am I kidding?

I can watch all night.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Look who I found
by the side of the road.

Leo. Man, what are you
doing back in town?

I'm not really sure, man.

Yeah, I can't tell if he has
amnesia or if he's just perfectly fine.

Well, I'm glad you're back, man.

Feeling's mutual, man.

Hey, wait a second.
You're Hyde, man.

Hey!