All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E05.1080p.BluRay.x264-YELLOWBiRD

Doesn't anybody want
to ask me how I'm feeling?

Well, of course. Eric, ask
your mother how she's feeling.

- How are you feeling, Mom?
- Unneeded,
unnecessary and unloved.

Oh, you set me up.

Well, there's no one
for me to take care of.

Steven's off with his dad,

you're busy with your silly
not-working projects,

and we haven't heard from
Laurie since she moved to Canada.

Where bottomless dancing
is legal.

Cheer up, Kitty. You'll
always have me to take care of.

Oh, the way you eat,
you'll be dead long before me.

You're the one that puts bacon
on everything.

- I do not.
- Last week you put
bacon on ham.

Fine! Everything's my fault.

Man, I can't wait to be married.

All right, fine.
Look, we could talk all day,

but I see one little fella
that still needs your attention.

We still have Schatzi?

I thought he ran away.

No, he's been hiding
underneath the house.

For a year?

Poor little fella, he's afraid
of the garden hose.

Look, Mom, maybe you should stop
worrying about everyone else so much

and start
thinking about yourself.

Maybe you should find
something to enrich your life.

Oh, may I suggest
the teachings of the Jedi?

And may I suggest
the footing of your ass?

This is not the ass
you're looking for.

See, now you
don't know what to do.

You guys, yesterday at the salon, I
gave a shampoo to Tina Simpson,

and you know what?
She has a lumpy head.

Oh, gross. I made out with her
in the 10th grade.

If I had known she had a lumpy
head, I would have felt around up there.

I mean it's gross,
but you wanna feel it, right?

You guys, listen to this ad.
"Do you like to draw?"

Well, I have been known to trace
my hand and turn it into a turkey.

"If so, have your
artistic ability evaluated

"by The Cartoon Academy
of Fort Lauderdale."

Ooh, I think Picasso went there.

All I have to do is send in my
drawing of Sanchez the Turtle

and a money order for $19.95.

Twenty bucks to get judged
by a panel of cartoon experts?

I'd pay twice that.

Steven, you cannot go to your first day
at your dad's company dressed like that.

You're working there,
not digging a ditch to there.

Jackie, he owns
a chain of record stores.

This is the official uniform
of rock 'n' roll.

I'm dressed to jam.

I agree with Jackie.
You clean up so nice.

Let the world see what I see.

I'm sorry. I'm drawing Sanchez
the Turtle, and I made a little bubble

where he's saying,
"What's the hurry, guys?"

Watch your back, Doonesbury.

All right. Steven, you
know, I really think you...

Lay off, okay?
I'm dressed fine.

Really? What's the job? Are they
looking for an entry-level hobo?

Actually, I'm hoping to get
to listen to the records

and pick which ones
the stores carry.

In which case,
bye-bye, Andy Gibb.

What do you have against
good-looking guys?

You know, we're just like you,
except for much better-looking.

You know what you should do?
Bring back swing music.

Hey, sue me. I like a song
I can throw a lady around to.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

- Here's where
you'll be working, son.
- Oh, it's pretty grim.

So, is this where we
interrogate the political prisoners?

So, um, where's
all the records at?

Right here. These papers
are the sales records

for all of our stores in
the greater tri-county area.

These aren't the kind of papers
I thought I'd be working with.

I thought they'd be smaller and
wrapped around something illegal.

Look, I don't wanna bum you out,
but we kind of have a dress code here.

You're dressed pretty casual.

Yeah, but this is silk.
You couldn't pull it off.

Steven, I love your closet!
Where's your office?

- Did you follow me here?
- And you never even saw me.

See, the trick is, is to stay two
cars behind and one to the left.

Oh, here, I brought you
a very special lunch,

and it's wrapped
in a suit and tie!

Wear it.

A suit?
See, she has the right idea.

Well, I told him to dress nicer.
But he's poor, and that's your fault.

Steven, we're gonna be evaluating
store profits from last quarter.

So your job is to go
through these records

and to underline every
instance of the word "credit."

That's what I'm gonna be doing
my whole first day?

First day? Ha!
It'll take you a week.

But if you get bored,
do what I do. Play golf.

- I don't play golf.
- Good, you can't leave anyway.

- What exactly are they doing?
- I'm not sure.

I think it's like a karate
that kills you with jiggle.

And that's how you do tai chi.
Are you boys ready to try?

No, I think we need to watch
you two do it a little bit more.

They're not
trying to learn, Mom.

Otherwise, they wouldn't have
brought lawn chairs and Fudgsicles.

Kelso, I thought you were
gonna start respecting women

now that you have a daughter.

I am, but you two
are grandfathered in.

I really don't see
what the big deal is, Bob.

We brought this tray
over to you full of cookies.

You should have brought it back
full of cookies. That's all I'm saying.

- What are you two doing?
- It's tai chi.

It's an ancient form
of exercise and meditation.

It originated in the Far East,
in a place called Los Angeles.

It seems really interesting.
Can I try?

Sure.

I'd stay out here and try it with
you, but I'd rather go inside and eat.

So the key is to relax
and find your inner peace.

Seems a little exotic.

But if this tai chi is half as good as
a mai tai, I'm sure I'm gonna love it.

You're the new guy, huh?
I'm Dennis.

I'm Hyde.

Mondays, huh?

I guess.

Hey, you picked a good week to
start. We just got a new copy machine.

It's already broken.

I'm really unhappy.

Okay. Donna was right. I do
need to start respecting women.

So I decided to donate my entire
Playboy collection to the needy.

Here you go, Fez.

You're giving Fez
a box full of nudie magazines?

It's like giving a monkey
a loaded gun.

No, it's not.

A monkey with a loaded gun
can hurt a lot of people.

I can only hurt myself.

But a monkey with a loaded gun
would be an awesome TV show.

Everybody would be like, "Oh,
don't worry. It's just a monkey."

And then, bam!

Thanks for taking me
to get my tai chi supplies.

What was that wonderful store
called again?

Point Place Meditation Supply
and Dried Fruit Depot.

Well, that is so clever.

Really? Wow, your clever
threshold is really low.

This colors a lot of the
compliments that you've given me.

I just love my new buddy.

You know,
I think it's called a Buddha.

No, that is not even a word.

Next, you'll tell me
butter is called booder.

What's going on back here?

Hey, look.
You got a thing of me!

I am making this space
my tai chi area.

So, you're going to be out
here, and I'll be in there alone?

I love tai chi.

Eric, I got a job for you.

Go grab some cement
and secure that Bob statue.

Okay, if that's a job,
then how much does that pay?

It pays my foot
not going in your ass.

So it's on credit, then. Good.

Hey, Donna, look! Ho, ho, ho!

I can't tell you how good it makes me
feel to look in here and see my own son.

How's it going?

Well, I'm kind of glad
there's not a window in here.

I probably would
have jumped out of it.

Ah, you kids with
your suicide jokes.

Finally finished.

Bad news, Hyde.

Sales decided it
would be more efficient

to Wite-Out the credits and
underline the debits instead.

But... But...

But I underlined credits.

If you're interested, I have some stuff
that can help you get through the day.

- Oh, I'm interested.
- Cool.

Wait, what are you
talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

Licorice.

Get out of my office!

"Today is the first day
of the rest of your life."

Oh.

And finished.

Eric, this looks
nothing like me.

Oh, I wasn't drawing you. I just
wanted you to shut up for a little while.

Steven! How
was your first day at work?

Damn, Jackie. Can't I sit down and
have a beer before you start in on me?

Sorry. It's the store in Skokie,
the numbers just don't add up.

Hey, have you guys seen Fez?

He was supposed to meet me
at The Hub, like, an hour ago.

Where's the last place
you saw him?

Uh, down in the basement
with a box full of Playboys.

- Oh, my God.
- I'll get the first-aid kit.

We're too late.

He suffered
a massive horny attack.

We're gonna need some Gatorade
and a couple of ice packs.

Back off! They're mine!
They're all mine!

Fez, we're here to help you.

All right, you need to stop, 'cause
people gotta sit on this couch.

Okay, I say we put him
and the couch out on the curb.

No. Look, Fez.

There's a reason that these
magazines only come once a month.

You have to pace yourself.

Do something else
besides look at pornography.

What kind of a life is that?

By the way, any plans you
had with me, they're now off.

Until further notice.

I'm having
trouble concentrating.

Me, too. That dog is loud.

What dog?

Please stop barking, Schatzi.
Mommy's doing her tai chi.

Not very considerate to bark
during Mommy's quiet time, Schatzi.

Shut your freaking trap!

This is so soothing.

So, Steven,
your first day at work.

I don't know how much longer
I'm gonna be working there.

I was getting a cup of coffee today,
this guy walks up to me and says,

"Working hard
or hardly working?"

I threw my powdered milk at him.

See, that's what I'm looking
forward to about being an artist.

Loving my job.

And don't get me wrong, it can be
torture waiting for inspiration to strike.

But it's nice, because

that gives me time
to go bowling.

Did you secure
that statue of Bob yet?

I didn't.

But I could give you an artist's
rendering of what that might look like.

You're gonna end up
selling women's shoes.

I don't know if I can hack it,
working in an office.

My tolerance for following
directions is really low.

Which is ironic, because your
tolerance for other things is really high.

Steven, everybody
goes through the same thing.

But the misery that you feel
now will eventually be broken up

by stretches of time where you
will feel that you're happy.

Of course, you're not happy.

You're just too numb from your
hellish life to feel the pain.

How was your day, Red?

Pretty good, actually.

Hey, WB, got a sec?

Steven, I heard
what happened yesterday.

Perhaps I should have been more
clear about our milk-throwing policy.

Look, man, I don't think
I can work here anymore.

Well, why not?

I just...
I don't belong here.

- Dennis?
- Tuesdays, huh?

Get outta here!

Look, I can't let you
quit on me.

You don't know me that well.
I've quit on a lot of people.

No, I mean,
I won't let you quit.

You could have
a really great future,

but you need somebody
to help you get started.

I wasn't there for you when you
were growing up, so I wanna do this.

Yeah, but a job?

Can't you just, like,
buy me a stereo?

You're the boss' son. You
really don't have to work that hard.

All right.
I'll give it a week.

But what am I supposed to do
with all those sales reports?

Just give them to Dennis.
That's what I do.

Fez, are you okay?

I haven't seen you
look this awful

since you found out Candy
Land's not a real country.

It's the bunnies, man.

I haven't slept in a week.

It's only been one day.

Fez, why would you
do this to yourself?

'Cause he can't get
anybody else to do it for him.

I don't have the willpower to
keep these magazines, Kelso.

I'm just a boy.

Well, I'd take them
off your hands, but...

I don't wanna
actually touch your hands.

Okay, buddy.
I think you're better off.

Just hand the magazines
over to me.

All right.

Fez, you're not letting go.

Oh, sorry.

You're still holding on.

Look, a robot!

Man, you fall for that
every time.

Yeah? Well, one day,
there's gonna be a robot.

And all you suckers
are gonna miss it.

Red, why are you out here?

I thought you were so excited
to have the house to yourself.

I got lonely.

I don't believe it. They think
I have, "No artistic talent."

You know,
I'm beginning to suspect

that The Cartoon Academy of
Fort Lauderdale isn't that legitimate.

Okay, all right.

Schatzi, it's time for you to have
some quiet time behind the wall.

Well, I guess it's back
to hand turkeys for me.

I don't know what that means,
but don't do it around here.

Schatzi?

You know, that statue was
supposed to bring you peace.

And in a way, it did.

Loving my job now, man.

Being the boss' son
means never having to say,

"You'll have it
by the end of the day."

Guys, Fez is really
overdoing it with the Playboys.

And this isn't like the time he
ate a case of Mars bars, either.

They can't pump
your stomach for porn.

I'm not so much worried
about Fez as I am Schatzi.

He goes on the attack every
time he sees that Buddha statue.

And, weirdly, Bob.