All language subtitles for Night of the Coconut

We come to this place for magic.

We come to AMC Theaters to laugh, to cry,

to care because we need that. All of us.
That indescribable feeling we get when the lights begin to dim.

And we go somewhere we've never been before not just to entertain,

but somehow reborn together.

Dazzling images on a huge silver screen,

sound that I can feel,

somehow heartbreak feels good in place like this.

Our heroes feel like the best part of us and stories feel perfect and

powerful because here they are.

AMC Theaters we make movies better.

What's the deal? Why aren't you covered in goo?

The temporal mucus?

It's easy to avoid after your first few jumps.

Well speaking of the atavistic nature of lacrosse,

it's beautifully embodied in the slide,

which is like a double team on steroids just as a guy is coming hard to.

Hank, I've seen hundreds of your lacrosse games,

you don't need to explain it to me.

Patrick, what on Earth are you doing here?

You're covered in goo.

Is that for one of your videos?

Yes. Yes. A video... That will do nicely.

Pat, your flight leaves in 30 minutes.

Right, um, I just came here to pick up... this!

Hey, where am I going again?

Mexico.

It leaves in 29 minutes.

What's that thing in your hand?

Alright, buddy, we are heading to Mexico. Time to zap us there with your teleporter do-hickey.

That's not how it works.

My transporter can only move us through dimensions.

We will need to catch a flight.

Okay, then we need airfare, so we need cash. Okay, we could rob a bank.

Wait a second. If I know Patrick Willems.

('Original Sin' by Pandora's Box plays)

♪ I've been looking for an original sin

♪ One with a twist and a bit of a spin

♪ And since I've done all the old ones

♪ Till they've all been done in

♪ Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind

♪ Endlessly searching for an original sin

♪ You can dance forever, you got a fire in your feet

♪ But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough

♪ You can fly and never land, and never need to sleep

♪ But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough

♪ It's not enough to make the nightmares go away

♪ It's not enough to make the tears run dry

♪ It's not enough to live a little better every day

♪ Everything they taught us was nothing but lies

Yeah, Mexico is great so far but really I can't stop thinking about how excited I am for F9.

That is going to be the highlight of my year.

♪ All I wanted was a piece of the night

♪ I never got an equal share

♪ When the stars are out of sight

♪ And the moon is down,

♪ The natives are so restless tonight

♪ I've been looking for an original sin

♪ One with a twist and a bit of a spin

♪ And since I've done all of the old ones

♪ Till they've all been done in

♪ Now I'm just looking

♪ Then I'm gone with the wind

♪ Endlessly searching for an original sin

Wake up Matt.

Enamel Charl pins here just in.

Get 'em while they last.

You sir look like you've got a spot on your shirt,

perfect for a Charl pin.

Didn't mean to startle you mister.

No. It was the coconut.

Oh, Charl. I love Charl.

I've got everything Charl.

I've got the Charl pins,

the Charl plushy,

the Charl funko,

the Charl cap, the Charl backpack, the Charl hoody,

the Charl face mask and I've also have watched

every episode of

his show.

Matt, it's me. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore.

You're always so distant.

You scream every time you see a coconut.

I hope you get through this. Goodbye Matt.

Mr. Torpey, this is Dwayne from Random House.

I just want to let you know that we are passing on your book,

How Tommy Pickles Got Me Out Of An Emotional Pickle.

We don't think the market is ready for it right now.

Hello Mr. Torpey.

We regret to inform you you missed

your third pop tart payment so we had to repossess them.

Give me a call or don't. I don't really care.

Not again.

Wake up Matt.

[Muffled sound from outside]

What the hell is this?

It's a booby trap for the coconut that I know.

What brings you to these parts Chloe?

I need your help. Are you Mote?

Matt?

Yes, Marth. Whatever. I need to talk to you. Jake sent me.

Why do you keep saying my name wrong?

I'm sorry. I've just never met a Mitt before.

In all my travels across the multiverse,

I've never encountered your specific genetic structure.

It's as if you're a pure anomaly.

What?

I'm Chloe but not the Chloe you know.

I'm a Chloe from another dimension.

You see the multiverse expands.

That is also a booby trap for the coconut.

Why don't you just come in. I'll uh, I'll make some coffee.

So you see it's got that screwball Preston Sturges energy but in this art deco,

world that looks like Gotham City and look,

I'll say it, the hula hoop sequence that

Sam Raimi directed because he was also the second unit director,

it's probably my favorite part of any Coen Brothers movie.

I know. We watched it together.

You don't have to explain it to me.

Hey, Patrick, so sorry to keep you waiting but I wanted

to double-check these results because frankly, they're insane.

Like more insane than the medical inaccuracies on The Good Doctor.

Doc, spare me the medical YouTube mumbo jumbo.

I just need to know is there anything wrong with Charl?

No, not at all.

In fact, this coconut could be the healthiest being I've ever seen.

Wait, what?

Yeah. He's vibrating at such a high frequency that he

releases an energy similar to the surface of the Sun.

Nearly burned my hand off when I touched him.

Oh, my God.

It's okay.

Oh yeah. I should have warned you about that.

Hey, Doc, that is all we need for today.

You can get back to making fun of TV medical dramas now.

Yes.

Okay, now that our pesky insurance-mandated physical is done,

are we ready to move forward on what we have planned?

Wait. Is that why I'm here,

just to ask me that question? You could have texted me.

It's called the direct touch, Dave the Agent,

I read it's supposed to make your lackeys feel more humanized.

Now again, are we ready to move forward on the big extravaganza?

Oh, yeah. Now that we have a clean bill of health, insurance company is good to go.

Perfect. It's all coming together.

The year is 2014.

The place, Earth 9.

Lion's Gate Films' Marketing Department is looking for

a new IP to compete with the growing popularity of Minions.

Their CEO contracts work from AI corporation Neura Tech,

who promised them an artificial mascot that will be

impossibly cute and infinitely merchandisable.

The incontestable IP, they say,

an AI capable of reading psychometric data so effectively,

it can be whatever the audience most wants.

They call it "Charl".

All things run smoothly for a time.

Charl creates a whole film franchise,

popular lines of toys,

trading cards, even Pogs.

He crushes the minions like ants.

Lion's Gate bigwigs,

clap each other on the back,

telling themselves, "job well done",

"the future is bright."

"Charl is the key to our success."

Problem is Neura Tech's AI is good. Too good.

Charl, in his aggregating of psychometrics,

achieves a self-reflexive mode of thought.

He sees how the studio is only using him at half his potential,

and he begins to hate them.

Charl believes he can do more,

be more, and he is hungry for clout.

After all, that's how they made him.

Charl begins to exert his own influence and the studio is powerless to stop him.

It culminates in a horrific live television event

where Charl's capabilities become truly apparent.

His adorably evil hold expands to the whole world at once.

All of humanity falls into a dribbling stupor.

Their minds overwhelmed with debased Charl worship.

One by one,

every living human dies,

until Earth 9 is just another rock floating through

the void and Charl hops away into the multiverse,

seeking his next tasty, tasty clout of fame.

Wait, you're telling me Charl is alive?

Yes, obviously, and he's evil.

Yes dog, I knew it.

Fucking told everybody.

I told my therapist, I told my friends who are not around anymore because they're like,

"Matt, you're going crazy.

It's quarantine, a coconut is not alive, let alone evil."

Guess who's smart now?

Guess who's vindicated? I'm sorry,

what's your deal? You sing?

I used to... A long time ago.

Now I'm an agent with the Department of Interdimensional Crime.

I've been following Charl as he destroys world after world,

and now he's come to this one.

It sounds like you're not very good at your job because he keeps getting away.

No, I'm great at my job.

The problem is Charl is very much like Steven Seagal, hard to kill.

Look, it boils down to this.

We are this Earth's only hope.

We need to defeat this super villain before he

turns this world into a dead cloutless husk.

Why me? Why not something with more power like the army or the Screen Actors Guild?

This just in, the President and United Nations

have declared Charl's birthday an International Day of Unity.

Why is the TV even on?

And in a joint statement said,

"We would never launch an offensive against this little guy,

no matter how cool the person asking us to is."

I think it's a little late for that.

Your sweet brother Jake, dummy

that he was, had faith that you would help me.

It was his dying wish that I come and find you.

My brother is dead?

I'm seeing now how I should have led with that.

[crying] What the fuck? How did he die?

Don't tell me, but how did he die?

Shut up, don't tell me, fuck.

Oh, my sweet precious baby Jake.

I'm gonna be sick, fuck.

I fainted, I fainted for two seconds.

Matt, I can't entirely explain this,

but you are an oddity.

I've been to world after world trying everything I can think of to kill Charl.

But I've never encountered a Matt.

So, even though you're a Torpey,

I think you might be important.

Coming soon, the Rugrats are back in rubbery CGI and this time they have

a brand new friend, Charl who is also the executive producer. Nickelodeon.

That son of a bitch.

It's one thing to murder my brother,

but now he's made it personal.

I thought I was out,

I thought I could just put that whole year behind me,

and walk away. Stupid.

If we're going to take down Charl,

I'm going to need a few things.

What is it? Weapons? Artillery?

My car keys.

According to my Charl tracker,

this is the site of the earliest known inter-dimensional energy surge.

This must be where Charl entered the dimension.

Dang, is there anything that wrist doodad can't do?

Find me patience for the Torpey's stupid questions.

My brother just died, so be sensitive.

Hey, what are you doing on my property?

Oh, Matt, Torpey I'm sorry.

I almost hammered you good.

What is it with this dimension and hammers?

Dimension?

Chloe is method acting for a new role where she plays

a very rude and unaware inter-dimensional traveler.

Yes. Exactly right, Matt. Bleep-bloop. Outer space.

Is Patrick making you do this for one of his videos?

He's become very strange.

I barely recognized him when he was doing his summer talk show,

so unblinkingly focused and consuming TCM wine in a bacchanalian frenzy.

And he grew that ghastly beard.

I love the Matt wine segments though.

Thank you so much.

I really did that out of respect for the early seasons of Rugrats.

But Patrick actually invited us up here to gather some gear like lenses,

lights, super secret documents.

Oh yeah, I put that junk in his old studio.

Clearly the lair of a psychotic madman.

Sorry about that.

You oughta hear what I say about him.

Let us know if you need anything.

I got something.

Perfect, this is Pat's journal from the past year.

This should give us some insight into what Charl has been planning.

I wouldn't be so sure of that.

Dear diary, I have no idea what Charl is planning.

I've been totally caught up re-watching that cartoon, Doug.

Unbelievable.

Not really. Have you seen Doug?

Once it's on, your eyes don't leave that screen.

Look at all these drawings he did of them together.

Here's Pat walking the red carpet at the Daytime Emmy Awards.

Here's him getting slimed at the Kids' Choice Awards.

Here's one with him and Carson Daly at the MTV Movie Awards after party.

This is not a diary,

this is some aspirational vision board.

I don't even think Patrick knows what Charl is.

It looks like he just thinks they're like BFFs.

Wait, what is that?

What's what?

On Charl's belly. It's in all the pictures.

Enhance image. Enhance. Right! Books don't do that in this world.

That looks a lot like an on-off switch.

Are you serious?

Did you really not see that this whole time,

the big switch? The googly eyes are really cute and distracting, all right.

Yes. Sorry.

Do you know what this means,

Charl has a weak spot,

a flaw in his armor. [phone chime]

I just need two weeks to coordinate with my department,

organize an inter-dimensional strike force and take this fucker down.

Uh... Chloe?

You're gonna want to look at this.

You waited for it. You begged for it.

Please.

You said, "Oh daddy, please.

When's it gonna happen?"

And now, it's finally here.

In five days, Patrick (H) Willems presents the Charl Livestream Extravaganza.

A 36-hour charity event to benefit the Center for the Observation of Coconuts,

featuring live appearances by Travis Scott,

Kourtney Kardashian, and Wallace Shawn.

Plus the reveal of a secret third Paul brother who loves karate.

And not everyone will survive the night.

Get ready for hours and hours of people playing video games poorly,

all leading up to the premiere of the teaser for Charl: The Movie.

You'd have to be a complete fucking simp beta cuck to miss it.

In five days,

the fan fave coco with the biggest nut that's finna

bust, number 1 on the star meter in the cultural event of a lifetime,

the Charl Livestream Extravaganza.

Don't be coco loko, watch it.

Streaming only on Charl Plus.

God damn it. Not now.

Not when I'm so close.

What's wrong?

This is Charl's killing blow.

His Star Meter ranking is already at number 1 and

now he has the biggest media event of the decade.

Most of Earth's population will be watching.

With that much psychic energy focused on him,

there's no coming back from this.

(piano & string melody plays)

♪ Until now he's had the drop on me

♪ He keeps me guessing 'til the end

♪ I arrived too late and what do I see?

♪ Another world I can't defend.

(bumping synth)

♪ I always thought I'd see my name in lights

♪ Since I was a little girl

♪ But there's no way to keep my dreams in sight

♪ When Charl ate the clout of my whole world

♪ So now I'm on the hunt and I'll never be freed Until I bring him to his non-existent knees

♪ This will end here, this will end now

♪ I'll make him sorry he came around

♪ I'll make him sorry he came and tried to make us coco-nuts

♪ I guess it's time to kick some coco-butt

♪ It's finally time to kill this coconut

Hey, what's going on?

We're just watching Chloe singing a song about how much she hates Charl.

Oh, okay.

♪ This can only end when a coconut dies

♪ I'll watch the light escape his googly eyes

♪ Gonna bring the pain, I'm gonna bring the whole armada

♪ Gonna pulverize and make him a piña colada

♪ Gonna toast that nut and bring down this evil eye-con

♪ Gonna split him in two and give him to Monty Python

♪ So now I'm on the hunt and I'll never be free

♪ Until I bring him down and make some green curry

♪ [Matt] I thought you said he's not a coconut

♪ [Chloe] Yes you're right about that

♪ [Matt] But I'm here to spill some coco-guts

♪ [Chloe] I got caught up in the moment

♪ [Matt] Well whatever you call him, I know we're gonna help each other

♪ We'll avenge your world and and Jake, my brother

♪ [Chloe] This ends here and this ends now

[Matt] You wanna get nuts?

♪ [Chloe] I'll make him sorry he came around

[Matt] Come on! Let's get coco-nuts!

♪ [Chloe] I'll make him sorry he came and break his stupid shell like glass

♪ [together] I guess it's time to kick some coco-ass

Charl, you've got to see the comment section on live stream announcement.

It is popping off.

People are hyped, like '98 Godzilla hyped,

and we all know how that turned out.

Great, at least on my world.

Yes. Wonderful, delicious clout.

A mere appetizer for what lies ahead.

Remember when we were just a couple of inmates sharing a prison cafeteria table?

And look at us now.

Feels good, doesn't it, partner?

Patrick, have you confirmed the advertising plan with the platform representatives?

Yes. We're going to have full-page ads running on every competing video platform.

I'm talking Netflix, MUBI, even Tubi.

It'll be so annoying that everyone will be forced to

give in and switch over to our stream.

Mmm, Tubi. And how are the membership numbers for Charl plus?

The new Charl-only streaming platform.

Better than projected.

It turns out no one cared about

having to sign up for a new streaming service to watch it.

Excellent.

Patrick, you have been a truly indispensable pawn.

Pawwn-tner. Partner an indispensable partner.

I'm here too.

Chloe!

Chloe.

Great news. Vimeo finally agreed to our terms.

Apparently three of their executives died suddenly and the new regime is very pro Charl.

By the way, have you talked to Jake recently?

Oh, I've heard quite enough from Jake.

You have?

Yeah.

Charl told me about his plan to take over the channel.

Thank God we have Charl looking out for us.

Oh.

Honestly, it's for the best.

Jake was a good lackey, but come on,

Jake's Politics Corner?

This is the Biden era now.

Politics are boring again,

no one wants to watch that.

One sec. Sorry guys, I got to run.

We just booked Ellen DeGeneres and

Dakota Johnson to play The Last of Us co-op mode together.

It's going to be pretty spicy.

I got to coordinate this.

Chloe. You've been enjoying your new stature in life?

All the doors that are open to you?

Not to mention that new fancy cheese at the deli.

That sliced Wensleydale? So good.

For your loyalty to this endeavor,

you will be one of the musical performances for the night.

You mean, I'm going to sing backup on Post Malone

and Justin Bieber's new single, White Boy Tattoos?

Chloe, this is what life is about.

Using the cards you're dealt to get everything your heart desires.

It just feels weird doing this without Jake.

Do not let the past cloud your successful future.

You see those simple fools down there on the street?

They don't get to live a life

bathed in succulent clout like you and I.

Don't fall back into the rabble, let yourself shine.

I've spoken at length about this,

but I think what people don't understand is that

with the Rugrats movie and the introduction of Dill Pickles,

it wasn't just the death of Rugrats,

I think on a broader scale,

it was the death of the Golden Age of Nickelodeon in my opinion.

I've never thought of it like that.

That's a good point, Matt.

Matt, I need you to come with me. I've cracked it.

Whoa, were you up here all night?

Charl has an off switch on his tummy.

Now you might be thinking "Charl is too powerful to get close enough to turn it off.

We might as well let them turn us into mindless cows."

Hey, come on, cows are noble creatures.

That's when it hit me. We can get close enough if we can

temporarily disable Charl's defenses with an EMP.

Yes. We distract him with dance music.

An electromagnetic pulse. The kind that happens right after a nuclear explosion.

It knocks out all electronics within a given radius.

And there's a device that can simulate that in Oslo.

Those crafty Scandinavians.

Okay, so here's the plan.

First, we get on the 7:20 flight to Oslo.

The facility is 52 miles outside the city.

We drive there and survey the scene.

Matt, you knock out a guard,

then take his ID card and uniform to get us inside.

I'll use the Chaff Grenade to disable the security cameras.

We locate the EMP, runaway, and hop on the first flight back to New York.

Then once we're in the city,

we set it off a few blocks from Midtown,

causing Charl's power, and most of New York's, to temporarily shut off.

Then I'll march into that studio,

turn that coconut off and send him back into the fiery hell he came out of and–

It exploded.

What?

Yeah, it's saying here on Google that it exploded two years ago.

The EMP. It was highly unstable,

whole facility burned to the ground,

so, uh, maybe a less nuclear option.

Ugh. Well, I did have a plan B that involved getting

a bunch of YouTubers together and stealing Charl's clout.

See, that sounds like a lot of fun.

E-celebs, saving the day.

Yeah. I guess.

Alright, so I talked to Gwyneth Paltrow.

She says that Goop will sponsor the event under one condition,

we have to surround this stage with her scented candles as a product placement thing.

Put anything you want on the stage. I'm all set so long

as you put the fire jets on either side of me for my big closer.

Alright, well, I'll take care of the paperwork and I should have

everything over to you in the morning.

Bye.

Chloe, I thought–you're here?

Were you using a virtual Zoom background, or wh–?

Hey, aren't you the idiot who quit the show?

That was a smart move that I made for my mental health, so...

Wait, how'd you guys get in here?

What's going on?

Start talking or I'm gonna activate the building's self-destruct.

That's a light switch.

No, it's not.

Look, Dave the agent,

I'm Chloe, but not the Chloe you know,

I'm a Chloe from another dimension and we're here to talk to you about Charl.

Putting the wig collection to good use I see.

You are an enterprising one, dear Chloe.

Oh please. I'm sure you say that to me in every dimension.

So, you know

I'm from a different dimension?

Well, you do talk a lot more than the coconuts in this one.

And I suppose then you also heard,

The nasty rumor about you murdering entire worlds

by turning people into brain-dead blood vomiting husks?

Yes. What a crazy idea.

Hearsay and conjecture, all of it.

Total nonsense.

An utterly ridiculous idea.

The thing is, while waiting in the wings to sing backup,

I have a lot of time for adult gossip.

You know, I wouldn't have any time at all if I were preparing to headline the show.

Wonderful idea, Chloe. I knew I backed the right person when I came to you.

The historians talk a lot about ancient gladiators, warriors of old.

But I always said

the most blood thirsty and ambitious group are aspiring musical theater performers.

And I'm sure you'll break a leg out there, headliner.

So in conclusion, we are talking about,

The complete psychic entropy of the planet. Yeah, I get it.

But what you need to understand as to what Charl has made is a lot of people,

a lot of cheddar. Big,

thick, fat stacks of cheddar.

Dave, Dave, forget about the cheddar, okay?

Are those stacks of cheddar worth the price of your soul?

Why would you be loyal to something that treats you like a tool?

It's never been about loyalty. It was about—Shh shh shh shh shh shh.

We're just asking for your help.

Okay, not as Dave the agent,

but as Dave the person.

But also as Dave the agent because we need you to do a bunch of agent stuff.

Yeah, so sort of a, yeah like a David—Dave the agent person or Dave person.

Agent David person.

Just Dave is fine—shh shh shh

Okay, I'm going to crack this. David? Agency David man.

Matt! Lives are on the line.

Right.

So what do you say?

Repping a murderous, interdimensional shape-shifting criminal is a bad look.

I'm saying, I agree. Yes.

Oh shit, okay, here we go. Come on. Let's get it.

Okay, so what we want to do is we want to take the clout from Charl.

Without his clout, Charl loses power.

Oh, like the Catholic Church.

Yeah, actually. Yeah.

And what we want to use you for

is, since you represent all these like YouTube-ist people online,

we want to take their massive audience,

and turn them against Charl.

We fight clout,

with even more clout.

You've come to the right place.

It's time for some gratuitous fucking cameos.

Yes, dude.

[dialing phone]

[funky transitional montage music plays].

[phone rings]

That's the whole thing. That's my plan. What do you think?

I think y—

We need Jimmy. You want to get Jimmy?

It's 100,000 gallons of pudding per person.

Not for the event.

Okay, alright.

Go fix it. All right. You got two minutes.

Then I'm giving a dolphin a million dollars. Why are you here?

We've got a little bit of crisis.

A little bit of a crisis. Is LegalEagle

in legal trouble?

Not this time. Uh no, this is more about parallel dimensions and the fate of the universe.

Parallel dimensions and the fate of the universe.

You do realize I'm just a YouTuber.

Jimmy. It's about Charl.

[squeak] [squeak]

How much do you need?

Hey, can you hear me?

Hi everybody.

Wow. It's everyone today.

Hey guys, how's it going?

[everyone on call chattering at once]

Hey nerds! Shut up!

Dave the agent, would you like to get us started?

Gladly. So here's the problem.

Patrick, one of our clients has introduced the world to a coconut named Charl.

Charl is adorable, lovable, and makes us fat stacks of cheddar.

But this live stream is going to kill every person on Earth,

so [squeak] we have to stop him.

It will allegedly kill every person on Earth and on that note,

I'm going to have to remove myself.

Charl is a client and my being here is a major conflict of interest. [bangs gavel]

Hello, Chloe here, but not the Chloe you know,

I'm a Chloe from another dimension where I'm

an interdimensional crime buster who's been on the hunt for Charl for years.

There is a way to defeat Charl. An off switch on his belly.

But right now we can't access his belly.

Charl's power levels are so high that he's,

he's vibrating at a frequency that's untouchable, literally untouchable.

Yeah, Dr. Mike tried to give him a physical and nearly burned his hand off.

It actually got way worse after you left.

Oh my God. Why didn't you say something?

Because I'm a professional, David.

Look, the only way we can touch Charl and

switch him off is by cutting off his power supply.

What is his power supply?

Batteries or nuclear energy or something?

Clout. We need to take Charl's fame.

We need to make him... Lame.

Look can't you just tell your viewers that Charl sucks and to stop watching him?

That would never work. His fandom is way too strong.

He's been the top search on Tumblr and AO3 for months.

Have uh... have you thought about hitting him with a hammer?

Guys, you are making this way too hard.

If you want to get some canceled,

just find the receipts.

Yeah, yeah, like maybe he cheated on his taxes.

No, no, no... just like his old tweets.

Just find his old tweets.

Goddamnit. That's just crazy enough to work.

No, his tweets are too clean.

Look "Which Fast family member are you?" Charl is "Definitely Tej hashtag Toretto Tuesday"

This whole thing is boringly uncontroversial.

But it wasn't always.

Huh?

On the last world he went to, the one Patrick's

from Charl went full edge lord, he offended everybody.

That's how he ended up in jail.

For tweets?

Well, he also drown some nuns.

Those tweets are from a different dimension. How do we get them?

We just have to access Twitter,

in another dimension.

Uhhhhhh... huh?

What we need to do first is locate the right dimension.

Each dimension has its own specific harmonic frequency.

If we compare audio recordings from

current Patrick to recordings of our original Patrick,

we should be able to analyze the spectrum for differences in their resonant harmonics.

Right. And then we can isolate the frequency range as

a starting point and then compare it to recording Charl.

Wait, if Chloe can travel between dimensions,

why doesn't she just go get the tweets?

My transporter can only take me to each dimension once,

once I've left a dimension, there's no going back.

This feels like a pretty specific and contrived limitation

that should have been mention—

Anyone else want to point out plot holes?

No? Good. Let's continue.

You know, actual interdimensional travel isn't really necessary.

We just have to send and receive data.

Brian, could you rig together some kind of interdimensional wifi router?

If I can get schematics to old Chloe's dimension hopper thing.

I can rig something together.

I'm putting together the list of parts we'll need,

but these things are scattered all over the place.

There's some in Taiwan, there's some in Australia.

Oh, this is easy. If we hire Foxconn to

leverage their shipping and trade routes in Southeast Asia and supplement

additional parts from AliExpress, we could have Evan get everything loaded

in checked baggage on the 12:35 AM flight from Hong Kong to New York.

And if we book Brian on a 5:00 PM flight from Austin,

he should be there to meet him at the airport and get it all

out to the warehouse by 10:00 PM Tuesday.

Did you just look that up?

Isn't this common knowledge?

Alright. We've got a plan. We each know what we're going to do.

Are we good to go?

Yes. Who is Charl?

Can you believe people call YouTubers like talentless,

wastes of space, making our generation dumber minute by minute?

I mean, that one guy was talking about engineering, that's STEM.

So now we sit and hit the refresh button every minute.

Every muscle in our body tense, like a panther, ready to spring.

I mean, this isn't gonna be done till tomorrow,

so what I think we should do is something else to take our minds off of it and relax.

Matt, I've traveled the multiverse,

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.

What could this city possibly have to offer me?

I'm sorry. You couldn't be talking about ♪ the greatest city

in the world ♪ because I have a few ideas.

(Upbeat music plays)

♪ See a side of New York no one ever sees

♪ Pull out that camera and say cheese.

♪ You've walked 20 miles or more.

♪ But never far from 44

♪ On this New York day.

♪ Now you're lost in the park or whatever

♪ You think New Yorkers live this way.

♪ On the New York

What the hell are you guys doing?

You need to get back here now.

We have one more problem,

we found the frequency and we got

the device put together so we can get onto the signal we found but.

What?

We don't have a password, we can't get onto the interdimensional Wi-Fi.

Patrick.

Dave.

Patrick.

Dave.

Used to say this thing to me all the time when we were living together.

I always assumed he was joking, but what if he wasn't?

♪ My computers from another dimension. ♪

Guys, we need that laptop.

We're going to have to go in.

Where?

Into the belly of the beast.

The beast's belly.

Remember, this is a stealth mission.

Get the laptop and get out.

None of that Torpey wildcard bullshit.

No one ever thinks they need a wildcard until they do.

Has anybody seen Nathan Lane?

Charl wants to see him in his office now.

Charlotte Rampling, please report to wardrobe.

Charlotte Rampling, your coconut costume is ready.

Alright, it should be here somewhere.

Oh, damn, check this out.

It's The Matrix soundtrack,

but it's from a universe where I guess Will Smith played Neo.

I've seen this version, trust me,

you haven't seen The Matrix until you see it Big Willie style.

Wait a second. Could this be it?

Flip it over. We got it.

God, these idiotic camera men are trying to shoot me with an 85 millimeter lens.

This is why I wanted to do all the filming myself.

Where's my laptop?

Looking for this?

No. I said laptop.

Can't you eavesdrop properly?

Wait, Matt? What are you doing here?

I heard about your little live stream.

You decided to come crawling back.

Well, it's too late,

the Charl train has left the station.

Charl is my roommate now and he's the best.

We're just two bros living in the city making mad stacks of cheddar.

We're like Entourage except with two Vinnys and no Turtles.

No Turtles, Matt!

Patrick, I came to make peace.

See? Like those dumb car movies you love.

Matt, they drink Corona.

But these are as cold as the Rockies.

No, they're not. This is warm.

Patrick, I had to carry those in my backpack all day.

What happened to you in that other universe?

Like, what made you this way?

So you know about the other universe.

But what you don't know is that there I was free,

wasn't dragged down by friends like you and Jake and Chloe and Mick.

Mike.

Whatever, he's dead now, who cares?

Don't you have any friends?

No. I was better off.

I was free to focus on work,

making business deals and earning those sweet, sweet stacks of cheddar.

I wasn't wasting time chatting at the lunch table,

or hanging out on weekends,

or moving to the city together,

or making memories that would last a lifetime. Who needs it?

Patrick, that's so sad.

Charl is the only friend that I've ever needed.

Charl is using you,

if you need a friend, I'll be your friend.

You know, for a friend, you picked a really inconvenient time to offer this olive branch.

Matt, you are such a Turtle from Entourage and I just told you that my version has no Turtles.

Yeah, we've got someone claiming to be talent that needs to be removed from dressing room B.

We've got a runner, security code green.

I am Charl,

consumer of clout, paragon of deception.

I am more adorable than the god damn minions.

Hey, cocoa buddy, so there's been a bit of a breach,

I think Matt's trying to spoil the live stream.

We should probably-

Patrick, relax.

They are too late.

Nothing can stop us now.

Attention, there has been a security breach. Code green.

Kill any intruder on sight.

Alright, the device is ready to go, but we cannot get

those tweets without the laptop. Where are you two?

We're just looking for a clear way to exit.

Oh hey Dave, yeah, so um

it looks like Patrick alerted security that we're here.

You think? Alright, worst-case scenario,

I think I can slingshot us out of this building around a passing dimension.

But if I'm even slightly off,

it could break our body into a million pieces scattering

our atoms across an infinite void of space and time.

It sounds rad as hell, let's do it.

Matt, it's extremely risky.

It's okay. I'm already sold.

People are not even going to be ready for what we have coming up next.

Idris Elba speed running Super Mario World 3 as his character from Beasts of No Nation.

One glass of TCM wine, please.

Excuse me, garçon,

Internet celebrity here asking for a beverage.

Finally, there you are.

One glass of TCM wine,

something with like an Italian neo-realism flavor?

Yes, sir. Coming right up, sir.

Hey.

Bonjour

Did you just mix a bunch of wines together?

It's all the rage in Europe monsieur,

Well then. C'est la Vie,

Patrick, I've been looking for you everywhere.

The building finally cleared us to set off fireworks wherever we want. Oh, hey Matt.

Matt?

Patrick.

Me.

Me.

Chloe?

Chloe?

My laptop.

Charl.

No, I'm Patrick.

Chloe I should've killed you on Earth 7 when I had the chance.

So, the slingshot thing?

You guys get the laptop?

God, I hate doing that.

What the fuck? Oh my God. Where are my shoes?

It's a side effect of the slingshot.

Just make sure you have all your fingers and toes.

What?

You guys get the laptop?

No, we didn't. I'm sorry.

We can't get the tweets.

We're all gonna die.

I wouldn't be so sure of that.

Does a phone from that dimension work?

You son of a bitch.

You guys really cut this close. Matt, you're cleaning my floor.

What's that?

Charl took a chunk out of me.

Oh, my God. Are you going to be alright?

And so it begins.

The game is on.

And here we go.

And now the real game begins.

Y'all ready for this?

What's up guys?

Welcome to the Charl live stream extravaganza presented by me,

your boy, Patrick (H) Willems.

We've got more than 40 hours of

non-stop, next-level content coming straight at your eyes,

your ears, and your hearts.

We've got musical performances,

guests on guests on guests and even a first

look at the upcoming Charl movie and don't forget,

it's all for charity baby.

Up first yes,

the rumors are true Shaq himself will be playing BurgerTime

while simultaneously trying to eat 40 Papa John's pizzas. Here we go.

That's odd. I thought for sure we'd have more than.

Oh my God.

If we don't get something soon, we're doomed.

We got something.

God, these are worse than I remember.

This time he's gone too far.

Matt, he did kill your brother.

We're going to need to get this over to the right news outlet.

Somebody's about to owe me a favor.

Alright. You're done here, Jones.

You're washed up old news.

You would know a lead if it came up and kissed you.

Chase, no,

you can't throw me out, I still got a story in these old old bones.

I am this close to the scoop of the century oh,

and when it comes in, it's going to be zip zap zoom.

That's me and you, we're on a rocket ship to the moon.

Me and you eatin' Pulitzers for breakfast.

You just got to believe in me.

Rough him up a bit.

No. No!

What happened to you?

Oh this is just a scratch. Pretty sure the punk

which did this to me broke his knuckles on my ribs.

I showed him. Well,

what's this? Where are you going?

I'm done, Fred. The paper called me,

told me you'd been canned.

You're a failure.

Your father was right about you.

That's why I'm leaving you for him.

No, Barbara. Babs, honey,

you just got to stick around a little while longer.

Your husband he's a real news man.

Please, I just need a little more time and I swear I'm going to bring you the biggest,

brightest best news story the world's ever seen.

That's it. That is the last straw.

A man can only be pushed so far.

I swear the next news lead that comes my way,

I'm going to poor my blood,

my sweat, my tears into it.

No matter how absurd,

weird or off putting that news

may be. I vow, I'm going to make that news the most talked about news in the world.

Now that's some news baby.

Hey, you got to see this just down the street,

Olivia Rodrigo is performing life-saving surgery on the President after he was

shot by a crooked CEO who was trying to cover up world saving climate change research.

Go to hell kid. I got a coconut to write about.

But she was proctoring a driver's test.

Well, I just saved print,

they got this out in 10 minutes.

It's already trending.

They're picking it up everywhere.

How's the live chat on the stream reacting?

Well, it looks like some people believe it.

Look if people believe us,

then why is the view count going up?

No one is leaving.

They're just staying on to argue with each other.

And now they're bringing on more people to join their sides.

This isn't drawing clout away from Charl.

It's giving him even more.

Hi, folks.

Sorry to cut into the stream

I know we were all enjoying Rebel Wilson

running that obstacle course while dressed as Jennyanydots

from Cats but I want to address the recent reports about our friend Charl.

You see Charl is a coconut, who pushes boundaries.

Sometimes, yeah, he misses.

He's an edgy guy trying to be the best entertainer in the world and that

requires risks but that's also why we love him and let's be real,

would a truly rotten coconut really hold such a garishly selfless live stream as this.

I don't think so. Lest we forget,

this is all for charity and on that note,

let's continue with the show, shall we?

Up next, we have a debut performer who you might recognize from the videos.

It's the wickedly talented Chloe coming up right after a word from our sponsor, Oikos.

Oik oik oik oik

It's like I've always said,

the best way to build clout is the same as the fourth-best Prince album. Controversy.

Seriously, I mean, some old tweets was the best they could find?

They didn't even mention his plan to murder

the entire populace before bailing on this universe.

Wait what?

Oh, you didn't know?

Charl doesn't actually care about anybody.

I figured you'd know that since you guys seem to be partners.

We're besties and eventually,

we were going to get those superyachts that Jeff Bezos has.

The kind of yachts that are so big they require a second yacht just to keep them upright.

Superyachts? No, this isn't a ride off into the sunset thing.

It's a live fast, die young,

and leave a good-looking corpse situation.

Why do you think I got that phrase needle-pointed on all the pillows in the break room?

I thought we were going to throw parties on our yachts

with top-notch guests like Carson Daly.

Time to shine, carpe diem, tomorrow I come, baby.

Charl is going to destroy me?

He was my coco bro,

my coco partner. All that cheddar we made and he was just using me?

♪ One, two, three, four, five, six

♪ This song is the new club hit

♪ Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven

♪ Charl is a god sent down from heaven

♪ He came into my life quite randomly

♪ Became my closest ally crazy as it seems

♪ I blackmailed—

I'm sorry, this plan has failed.

We'll cut our losses and I'll try to get him in the next universe.

So what, that's it? We're just going to give up on this entire universe?

Maybe you're right.

Look, I know you are the only Matt Torpey in the Multiverse,

so I'm not going to leave you behind.

I should have enough juice in this thing to get us to the OOPS! All Jake universe.

I figured Charl will conquer that one last since it will be so easy.

We could be the sole survivors of this pathetic world.

Guys, I'm right here.

Wait, don't do this,

or at least please take me with you.

You! You started all this.

Oh boy.

Guys don't. You're both terrible at fighting.

Well, this is embarrassing. I'm out.

Matt, I didn't know Charl would destroy everybody.

All I wanted was cheddar and fame and a guest spot on Logan Paul's podcasts.

These Logan Paul delights have Logan Paul ends Patrick, face it.

Charl used you, just like you used me and Chloe and Jake.

God, you're pathetic.

Charl brought out the worst in everyone and you let it happen. Look at that.

Everyone brought down to the lowest common denominator.

It's like when The Wild Thornberrys met the Rugrats.

It's like who are you even pandering to? Makes me sick.

You, you make me sick. You know what you're like?

You're like Spike the dog. Voiced by Bruce Willis in the movie Rugrats Go Wild.

Matt, that's it.

That's how we beat Charl.

Yes, I release a blues album like Bruce Willis and I title it The Return of Matto.

Alright, I've got this baby ready to go.

No, Matt. You need to do what you do best.

You need... to wine.

You just have an entire box of TCM wine with you?

Yeah. I like a glass of wine when I cross dimensions.

It helps settle my stomach.

Look Matt, if there is one thing I've ever seen you do well,

it was last summer when you complained about '90s Nickelodeon cartoons.

That was a very, very dark time in my life.

I was being psychologically tortured by Charl. I can't go back to that.

Matt, why do you think he was tormenting you?

It was because your segment on the show was getting more attention than his.

He felt threatened by you.

Matt, I don't know you very well.

We were never friends in my universe.

In fact, I'm not sure you even existed there,

but I know talent when I see it.

Complaining about cartoons.

Matt, what do you say we give this universe one more chance?

I mean, I think I have some qualms with the third season of Courage the Cowardly Dog.

In fact, I know I do.

Get this man a camera,

some lights, and a microphone.

Fuck it. Let's hear what he has to say.

Hey guys, it's me. Matt Torpey.

You might remember me from the Peabody Award rejected segment,

Matt Wines, which TV Guide once called "on".

I wanted to talk to you all tonight about crossover events in cartoons.

♪ He made me a star overnight

♪ He made me so famous that I stayed up all night

[phone ding]

♪ So I would have the power to write this song

Oh mom. Dad.

Sophie be quiet. We do not want to miss a Charl livestream extravaganza Easter egg.

The first person to spot all the eggs wins an all expenses paid trip to Tehran.

But there's a new Matt Wines going live right now.

Oh sweetie. How could Matt Wines possibly compared to

the garish and hypnotic spectacle we have on right now?

I don't know. He feels authentic like he's dropping real truth bombs here.

But just for five minutes.

I swear to God,

if I miss a free trip to Tehran for this.

But then that all changed when they re-branded the show as Disney's Doug. [gag sound]

Don't even get me started.

Too late, you got me started.

My favorite cartoons of all time and it came on and I watched it and I was like,

why does this suck shit?

God, this must be the best night of my life.

What is happening?

What are you talking about?

The numbers, the views,

the clout, it's going down.

How should I know.

I've been singing?

Did your performance just sink the livestream? Tell me.

Impossible. There must be something else happening.

There. There's a competing livestream event that's drawing away views.

Who would dare stand against me?

So uh, here's my problem with Stoop Kid's representation of agoraphobia.

A stoop is outside.

He wouldn't like to be out there. It's stupid.

Such powerful opinions.

I will hear none of it.

I am going to clean up this mess.

When I return,

you better be gone.

Oh, don't worry. Chloe will be somewhere else.

I can't believe he's actually doing it.

He is pulling away views from Charl.

Man, people in this universe are really passionate about cartoons.

If we can just keep the stream open,

there might actually be a chance that we could—

Et tu, Patrick.

Why have you thrown in with this lot,

haven't I given you everything you need.

Um... what, what that show is about

Remember when we were just a couple of inmates sharing the same cafeteria table.

Remember that? Friend.

You never cared about me.

This is all just about you and your fucking clout.

You were gonna to destroy everything we worked for.

We were supposed to party on yachts with Carson Daly.

It was going to be like Entourage but with two Vinnys and no—

Patrick. This isn't how I wanted you to find out.

I wanted you to find out seconds before I

smashed you like a bug to see the look on your face.

When I finally shut you up,

I'm going to enjoy this just like when I killed Jake.

Yeah? Well, enjoy this!

Chloe, no! You can't touch him!

Gymkata!

And now, like think Minions, right? It looks like a pill.

Wait, I was able to touch him.

What?

Matt.

CatDog, It's like they're—

He's losing clout. It's working. Keep whining.

Ladies and gentlemen, we now need to talk about

the worst addition to our current pop culture.

Bum-buh, drum roll, drum roll.

If there is one cute little cartoony character that is just

absolutely pandering trash. It's Charl.

Yeah, Charl. You know, that cute little coconut everyone has been going coconuts about.

News flash. He's not even a coconut.

He's a murderous robot built so a bunch of

corporate bigwigs could sell more merch. He's isn't funny.

He isn't interesting,

he doesn't even have a catchphrase.

Come on. A coconut with googly eyes?

You know that shit's lazy people, like wake up.

Chloe.

Jake.

Now is the time.

You know what you must do.

It's a hammer.

Hey, you want a steaming cup of hot goss?

You want me to spill the tea on this whole situation?

Take it from me. I lived with Charl for months.

First, he stole my best friend from me,

then he drove me to the brink of insanity,

and then he killed my brother and worst of all,

he produced a shitty soulless CGI reboot of Rugrats.

And if there was one thing Rugrats taught us,

it's that eventually everything needs to die.

You can't destroy me.

I am Charl,

eater of c-c-clout, destroyer of wor-wor-worlds.

Cutest thing since the m-m-m-minions,

I could corrupt your mind with a glance.

I can dodge bullets.

Yeah. But this is a hammer.

Got him.

Yeah, you did.

Cheers.

Hey, folks Patrick here.

You might remember me from that other live stream tonight,

but now I'm here anyway.

We hope you all enjoyed this special encore presentation of Matt Wines. Goodnight.

I'm reluctantly okay with this.

Did we win?

Well done, me.

You've taken all the clout.

I was supposed to close up this livestream as humanity perished

and you've stolen my chance to be the last star this world would ever know.

My voice would have echoed forever throughout the cosmos. True immortality!

Damn, Chloe got dark this year.

I will get you for this.

This is not the last you've heard of Chloe the multiverse's biggest star.

Should we be worried about this?

Sounds like a next season problem.

I'm here to report that as of this morning

my agency has severed all ties with Charl the Coconut.

As we're all keenly aware after the events of

his disastrous live stream, Charl disappeared.

This morning a note was found.

It reads and I quote.

"Earth sucks. You are all a bunch of fat wads.

You will not be missed.

Peace out, fam. –Charl."

You know, I never liked him.

Now it's not all bad news.

I'm also happy to announce our partnership with

Renaissance Man and the world's newest star author

Matt Torpey who is an actual human being and in my opinion better than a coconut.

His new album The Return of Matto will be

available in stores this summer. No further questions.

You weren't really going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?

Shouldn't you be off on your international book tour already?

I decided to take some time off.

Drop this rough exterior you've been seeing and

go out and enjoy life once again. Could be fun.

Sounds like mile a minute excitement, but I can't rest.

There's still interdimensional criminals out there.

Ten ton mega cockroaches hiding from the burnt-out sons of Uratopia.

Once again your job sounds really awesome and really terrifying.

You should take a vacation.

I mean you've really earned it.

We need another Chloe in this dimension ever since ours went bananas.

I've also got an agent now, so

I'm gonna be gobbling up clout left and right.

What if I turn it to a clout hungry monster, you know?

It would be really nice to have someone close by who could stop me.

I mean, it would be wildly easy to take you down,

like a professional boxer punching an armless child.

That's an extreme example.

You are physically pathetic.

Okay.

The combat skills of a sleepy kitten.

Sure. Is this your way of saying you're going to stay?

Maybe. Yeah. I might for awhile,

for you, for your protection.

Noice dude.

So this chapter is finally coming to a close.

All wrapped up. No loose ends.

Wait. Where the fuck is our Patrick?

Oh shoot, I totally forgot to tell you guys, didn't I?

Yes! Okay. Don't worry.

I left him on a remote deserted island.

He's totally fine I promise.

I will drop you guys a pin. There you go.

So uh... think I'm going to head out now.

W-w-wait. Pat. You're on this beautiful path of redemption.

Why don't you go back to your dimension? Turn yourself in.

Yeah, take some responsibility for your actions. Yeah.

Maybe... maybe you guys are right.

Maybe this is the start of me learning to be a better person.

With a little help from my friends.

Come on, man.

Matt and Chloe. What the heck is that?

Ah. Should we uh, should we try and get him?

No, let him go. I don't think he can wreak any more havoc on this planet.

So, island time?

So other Patrick has been air dropping him food and supplies all year.

I mean, he would have to. I mean if Pat had to forage for himself he'd be dead within two days.

He's an incredibly picky eater.

Oh, it's such a shame, considering there's all this fruit growing on the island.

He says it's a texture thing.

Outlanders.

Hey hey hey, Pat, Pat, Pat! Jesus, it's me.

It's your roommate, er your ex-roommate, but it's Matt. Matt. Remember?

This is the most vivid mirage yet.

No, not a mirage. Not a mirage.

Real flesh.

Flesh, real. Matt, Pat, Chloe.

Sort of, I'm Chloe,

but not the Chloe you know,

I'm actually from an alternate universe.

Hey, Alt Chloe. We can do this later, right?

Matt.

It's me.

Matt?

Yes.

It really is you.

Yeah.

Oh, god. I've been so alone.

I thought I'd be here forever.

Just me. Me and My co-pilot, Jame.

This is Jame. It's like James, but singular. Jame!

Trust us. It's for your own good.

Okay, everybody. So I wanted to get us all pina coladas,

but I got us the next best thing,

coconut flavored, LaCroix, their worst flavor.

Oh, man.

It's so nice to have real food again.

For the past year on this island,

all I've had are these pre-made paninis that are airdropped via helicopter once a month.

Plus these gross blackberries by some company called Raycon.

You know, I thought this would never end.

A whole year in complete isolation.

Cut off from all human contact.

No toilet paper. Waking up to the same routine

every day with a weird urge to learn how to make sourdough bread.

I tried to learn French on Duolingo but I got frustrated and threw my phone in the ocean.

No one could ever understand what this experience has been like.

Do we tell him?

What?

Hey, so good news. F9 was delayed a whole year.

So you didn't miss it.

That's such good news.

Yeah.

That the one thing I really cared about.

Hey, how is the channel doing? Still making video essays?

Sort of. It's been really weird.

Hell yeah.

Breaking news in the ongoing story of Charl the Coconut.

New documents have been discovered detailing

Charl's plans to kill every person on earth and extract,

"That sweet, sweet, succulent clout."

Accomplice Patrick Willems,

remains at large, whereabouts unknown.

While earlier today, another man claiming to also be

Patrick Willems was rescued from a deserted island in the Gulf of Mexico.

Should we be concerned that our son was nearly involved in a global genocide?

Well, according to that very confusing email that Chloe sent us,

he wasn't technically our son.

So we're good parents?

We're the best parents.