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WEBVTT
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We come to this place for magic.
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We come to AMC Theaters to laugh, to cry,
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to care because we need that. All of us.
That indescribable feeling we get when the lights begin to dim.
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And we go somewhere we've never been before not just to entertain,
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but somehow reborn together.
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Dazzling images on a huge silver screen,
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sound that I can feel,
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somehow heartbreak feels good in place like this.
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Our heroes feel like the best part of us and stories feel perfect and
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powerful because here they are.
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AMC Theaters we make movies better.
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What's the deal? Why aren't you covered in goo?
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The temporal mucus?
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It's easy to avoid after your first few jumps.
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Well speaking of the atavistic nature of lacrosse,
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it's beautifully embodied in the slide,
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which is like a double team on steroids just as a guy is coming hard to.
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Hank, I've seen hundreds of your lacrosse games,
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you don't need to explain it to me.
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Patrick, what on Earth are you doing here?
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You're covered in goo.
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Is that for one of your videos?
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Yes. Yes. A video... That will do nicely.
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Pat, your flight leaves in 30 minutes.
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Right, um, I just came here to pick up... this!
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Hey, where am I going again?
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Mexico.
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It leaves in 29 minutes.
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What's that thing in your hand?
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Alright, buddy, we are heading to Mexico. Time to zap us there with your teleporter do-hickey.
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That's not how it works.
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My transporter can only move us through dimensions.
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We will need to catch a flight.
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Okay, then we need airfare, so we need cash. Okay, we could rob a bank.
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Wait a second. If I know Patrick Willems.
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('Original Sin' by Pandora's Box plays)
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♪ I've been looking for an original sin
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♪ One with a twist and a bit of a spin
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♪ And since I've done all the old ones
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♪ Till they've all been done in
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♪ Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind
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♪ Endlessly searching for an original sin
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♪ You can dance forever, you got a fire in your feet
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♪ But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough
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♪ You can fly and never land, and never need to sleep
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♪ But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough
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♪ It's not enough to make the nightmares go away
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♪ It's not enough to make the tears run dry
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♪ It's not enough to live a little better every day
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♪ Everything they taught us was nothing but lies
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Yeah, Mexico is great so far but really I can't stop thinking about how excited I am for F9.
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That is going to be the highlight of my year.
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♪ All I wanted was a piece of the night
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♪ I never got an equal share
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♪ When the stars are out of sight
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♪ And the moon is down,
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♪ The natives are so restless tonight
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♪ I've been looking for an original sin
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♪ One with a twist and a bit of a spin
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♪ And since I've done all of the old ones
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♪ Till they've all been done in
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♪ Now I'm just looking
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♪ Then I'm gone with the wind
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♪ Endlessly searching for an original sin
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Wake up Matt.
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Enamel Charl pins here just in.
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Get 'em while they last.
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You sir look like you've got a spot on your shirt,
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perfect for a Charl pin.
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Didn't mean to startle you mister.
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No. It was the coconut.
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Oh, Charl. I love Charl.
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I've got everything Charl.
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I've got the Charl pins,
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the Charl plushy,
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the Charl funko,
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the Charl cap, the Charl backpack, the Charl hoody,
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the Charl face mask and I've also have watched
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every episode of
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his show.
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Matt, it's me. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore.
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You're always so distant.
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You scream every time you see a coconut.
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I hope you get through this. Goodbye Matt.
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Mr. Torpey, this is Dwayne from Random House.
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I just want to let you know that we are passing on your book,
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How Tommy Pickles Got Me Out Of An Emotional Pickle.
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We don't think the market is ready for it right now.
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Hello Mr. Torpey.
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We regret to inform you you missed
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your third pop tart payment so we had to repossess them.
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Give me a call or don't. I don't really care.
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Not again.
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Wake up Matt.
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[Muffled sound from outside]
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What the hell is this?
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It's a booby trap for the coconut that I know.
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What brings you to these parts Chloe?
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I need your help. Are you Mote?
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Matt?
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Yes, Marth. Whatever. I need to talk to you. Jake sent me.
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Why do you keep saying my name wrong?
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I'm sorry. I've just never met a Mitt before.
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In all my travels across the multiverse,
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I've never encountered your specific genetic structure.
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It's as if you're a pure anomaly.
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What?
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I'm Chloe but not the Chloe you know.
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I'm a Chloe from another dimension.
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You see the multiverse expands.
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That is also a booby trap for the coconut.
00:10:11.940 --> 00:10:16.090
Why don't you just come in. I'll uh, I'll make some coffee.
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So you see it's got that screwball Preston Sturges energy but in this art deco,
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world that looks like Gotham City and look,
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I'll say it, the hula hoop sequence that
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Sam Raimi directed because he was also the second unit director,
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it's probably my favorite part of any Coen Brothers movie.
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I know. We watched it together.
00:10:36.310 --> 00:10:37.630
You don't have to explain it to me.
00:10:37.630 --> 00:10:40.780
Hey, Patrick, so sorry to keep you waiting but I wanted
00:10:40.780 --> 00:10:43.930
to double-check these results because frankly, they're insane.
00:10:43.930 --> 00:10:47.005
Like more insane than the medical inaccuracies on The Good Doctor.
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Doc, spare me the medical YouTube mumbo jumbo.
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I just need to know is there anything wrong with Charl?
00:10:53.485 --> 00:10:55.330
No, not at all.
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In fact, this coconut could be the healthiest being I've ever seen.
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Wait, what?
00:11:01.060 --> 00:11:03.730
Yeah. He's vibrating at such a high frequency that he
00:11:03.730 --> 00:11:06.715
releases an energy similar to the surface of the Sun.
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Nearly burned my hand off when I touched him.
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Oh, my God.
00:11:09.745 --> 00:11:10.240
It's okay.
00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:11.695
Oh yeah. I should have warned you about that.
00:11:11.695 --> 00:11:13.975
Hey, Doc, that is all we need for today.
00:11:13.975 --> 00:11:16.345
You can get back to making fun of TV medical dramas now.
00:11:16.345 --> 00:11:17.620
Yes.
00:11:17.620 --> 00:11:21.580
Okay, now that our pesky insurance-mandated physical is done,
00:11:21.580 --> 00:11:24.310
are we ready to move forward on what we have planned?
00:11:24.310 --> 00:11:25.915
Wait. Is that why I'm here,
00:11:25.915 --> 00:11:28.750
just to ask me that question? You could have texted me.
00:11:28.750 --> 00:11:30.865
It's called the direct touch, Dave the Agent,
00:11:30.865 --> 00:11:33.670
I read it's supposed to make your lackeys feel more humanized.
00:11:33.670 --> 00:11:39.055
Now again, are we ready to move forward on the big extravaganza?
00:11:39.055 --> 00:11:42.860
Oh, yeah. Now that we have a clean bill of health, insurance company is good to go.
00:11:47.000 --> 00:11:54.440
Perfect. It's all coming together.
00:11:56.370 --> 00:11:59.410
The year is 2014.
00:11:59.410 --> 00:12:02.680
The place, Earth 9.
00:12:02.680 --> 00:12:05.740
Lion's Gate Films' Marketing Department is looking for
00:12:05.740 --> 00:12:09.880
a new IP to compete with the growing popularity of Minions.
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Their CEO contracts work from AI corporation Neura Tech,
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who promised them an artificial mascot that will be
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impossibly cute and infinitely merchandisable.
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The incontestable IP, they say,
00:12:22.615 --> 00:12:26.560
an AI capable of reading psychometric data so effectively,
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it can be whatever the audience most wants.
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They call it "Charl".
00:12:32.395 --> 00:12:35.545
All things run smoothly for a time.
00:12:35.545 --> 00:12:38.200
Charl creates a whole film franchise,
00:12:38.200 --> 00:12:40.044
popular lines of toys,
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trading cards, even Pogs.
00:12:43.405 --> 00:12:46.525
He crushes the minions like ants.
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Lion's Gate bigwigs,
00:12:48.609 --> 00:12:49.990
clap each other on the back,
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telling themselves, "job well done",
00:12:52.585 --> 00:12:53.935
"the future is bright."
00:12:53.935 --> 00:12:56.725
"Charl is the key to our success."
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Problem is Neura Tech's AI is good. Too good.
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Charl, in his aggregating of psychometrics,
00:13:04.045 --> 00:13:06.370
achieves a self-reflexive mode of thought.
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He sees how the studio is only using him at half his potential,
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and he begins to hate them.
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Charl believes he can do more,
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be more, and he is hungry for clout.
00:13:17.185 --> 00:13:20.050
After all, that's how they made him.
00:13:20.050 --> 00:13:26.185
Charl begins to exert his own influence and the studio is powerless to stop him.
00:13:26.185 --> 00:13:29.635
It culminates in a horrific live television event
00:13:29.635 --> 00:13:32.545
where Charl's capabilities become truly apparent.
00:13:32.545 --> 00:13:36.925
His adorably evil hold expands to the whole world at once.
00:13:36.925 --> 00:13:39.775
All of humanity falls into a dribbling stupor.
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Their minds overwhelmed with debased Charl worship.
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One by one,
00:13:44.230 --> 00:13:46.210
every living human dies,
00:13:46.210 --> 00:13:49.480
until Earth 9 is just another rock floating through
00:13:49.480 --> 00:13:53.485
the void and Charl hops away into the multiverse,
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seeking his next tasty, tasty clout of fame.
00:13:57.850 --> 00:14:01.180
Wait, you're telling me Charl is alive?
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Yes, obviously, and he's evil.
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Yes dog, I knew it.
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Fucking told everybody.
00:14:07.810 --> 00:14:11.050
I told my therapist, I told my friends who are not around anymore because they're like,
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"Matt, you're going crazy.
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It's quarantine, a coconut is not alive, let alone evil."
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Guess who's smart now?
00:14:16.600 --> 00:14:22.690
Guess who's vindicated? I'm sorry,
00:14:22.690 --> 00:14:25.675
what's your deal? You sing?
00:14:25.675 --> 00:14:31.100
I used to... A long time ago.
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Now I'm an agent with the Department of Interdimensional Crime.
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I've been following Charl as he destroys world after world,
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and now he's come to this one.
00:14:41.525 --> 00:14:45.855
It sounds like you're not very good at your job because he keeps getting away.
00:14:45.855 --> 00:14:47.400
No, I'm great at my job.
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The problem is Charl is very much like Steven Seagal, hard to kill.
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Look, it boils down to this.
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We are this Earth's only hope.
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We need to defeat this super villain before he
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turns this world into a dead cloutless husk.
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Why me? Why not something with more power like the army or the Screen Actors Guild?
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This just in, the President and United Nations
00:15:09.550 --> 00:15:12.625
have declared Charl's birthday an International Day of Unity.
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Why is the TV even on?
00:15:13.630 --> 00:15:15.175
And in a joint statement said,
00:15:15.175 --> 00:15:17.830
"We would never launch an offensive against this little guy,
00:15:17.830 --> 00:15:20.980
no matter how cool the person asking us to is."
00:15:20.980 --> 00:15:23.095
I think it's a little late for that.
00:15:23.095 --> 00:15:25.810
Your sweet brother Jake, dummy
00:15:25.810 --> 00:15:28.630
that he was, had faith that you would help me.
00:15:28.630 --> 00:15:32.600
It was his dying wish that I come and find you.
00:15:33.540 --> 00:15:35.995
My brother is dead?
00:15:35.995 --> 00:15:38.440
I'm seeing now how I should have led with that.
00:15:38.440 --> 00:15:46.420
[crying] What the fuck? How did he die?
00:15:46.420 --> 00:15:49.015
Don't tell me, but how did he die?
00:15:49.015 --> 00:15:51.505
Shut up, don't tell me, fuck.
00:15:51.505 --> 00:15:54.800
Oh, my sweet precious baby Jake.
00:15:56.280 --> 00:16:03.310
I'm gonna be sick, fuck.
00:16:03.310 --> 00:16:05.320
I fainted, I fainted for two seconds.
00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:07.330
Matt, I can't entirely explain this,
00:16:07.330 --> 00:16:09.025
but you are an oddity.
00:16:09.025 --> 00:16:13.825
I've been to world after world trying everything I can think of to kill Charl.
00:16:13.825 --> 00:16:16.900
But I've never encountered a Matt.
00:16:16.900 --> 00:16:19.825
So, even though you're a Torpey,
00:16:19.825 --> 00:16:22.239
I think you might be important.
00:16:22.239 --> 00:16:28.630
Coming soon, the Rugrats are back in rubbery CGI and this time they have
00:16:28.630 --> 00:16:36.295
a brand new friend, Charl who is also the executive producer. Nickelodeon.
00:16:36.295 --> 00:16:39.130
That son of a bitch.
00:16:39.130 --> 00:16:42.355
It's one thing to murder my brother,
00:16:42.355 --> 00:16:44.950
but now he's made it personal.
00:16:44.950 --> 00:16:52.330
I thought I was out,
00:16:52.330 --> 00:16:56.050
I thought I could just put that whole year behind me,
00:16:56.050 --> 00:16:59.510
and walk away. Stupid.
00:17:00.510 --> 00:17:04.190
If we're going to take down Charl,
00:17:04.320 --> 00:17:07.820
I'm going to need a few things.
00:17:32.040 --> 00:17:38.120
What is it? Weapons? Artillery?
00:17:40.080 --> 00:17:43.190
My car keys.
00:17:53.430 --> 00:17:55.855
According to my Charl tracker,
00:17:55.855 --> 00:17:59.335
this is the site of the earliest known inter-dimensional energy surge.
00:17:59.335 --> 00:18:02.275
This must be where Charl entered the dimension.
00:18:02.275 --> 00:18:06.100
Dang, is there anything that wrist doodad can't do?
00:18:06.100 --> 00:18:10.220
Find me patience for the Torpey's stupid questions.
00:18:10.220 --> 00:18:14.080
My brother just died, so be sensitive.
00:18:14.080 --> 00:18:17.245
Hey, what are you doing on my property?
00:18:17.245 --> 00:18:20.050
Oh, Matt, Torpey I'm sorry.
00:18:20.050 --> 00:18:21.760
I almost hammered you good.
00:18:21.760 --> 00:18:24.220
What is it with this dimension and hammers?
00:18:24.220 --> 00:18:25.555
Dimension?
00:18:25.555 --> 00:18:29.230
Chloe is method acting for a new role where she plays
00:18:29.230 --> 00:18:33.700
a very rude and unaware inter-dimensional traveler.
00:18:33.700 --> 00:18:39.085
Yes. Exactly right, Matt. Bleep-bloop. Outer space.
00:18:39.085 --> 00:18:42.790
Is Patrick making you do this for one of his videos?
00:18:42.790 --> 00:18:45.580
He's become very strange.
00:18:45.580 --> 00:18:49.510
I barely recognized him when he was doing his summer talk show,
00:18:49.510 --> 00:18:58.450
so unblinkingly focused and consuming TCM wine in a bacchanalian frenzy.
00:18:58.450 --> 00:19:02.350
And he grew that ghastly beard.
00:19:02.350 --> 00:19:05.095
I love the Matt wine segments though.
00:19:05.095 --> 00:19:06.235
Thank you so much.
00:19:06.235 --> 00:19:10.870
I really did that out of respect for the early seasons of Rugrats.
00:19:10.870 --> 00:19:15.100
But Patrick actually invited us up here to gather some gear like lenses,
00:19:15.100 --> 00:19:17.125
lights, super secret documents.
00:19:17.125 --> 00:19:20.270
Oh yeah, I put that junk in his old studio.
00:19:28.140 --> 00:19:32.005
Clearly the lair of a psychotic madman.
00:19:32.005 --> 00:19:33.415
Sorry about that.
00:19:33.415 --> 00:19:35.140
You oughta hear what I say about him.
00:19:35.140 --> 00:19:38.240
Let us know if you need anything.
00:19:48.390 --> 00:19:51.100
I got something.
00:19:51.100 --> 00:19:54.580
Perfect, this is Pat's journal from the past year.
00:19:54.580 --> 00:19:57.580
This should give us some insight into what Charl has been planning.
00:19:57.580 --> 00:19:59.695
I wouldn't be so sure of that.
00:19:59.695 --> 00:20:04.315
Dear diary, I have no idea what Charl is planning.
00:20:04.315 --> 00:20:08.560
I've been totally caught up re-watching that cartoon, Doug.
00:20:08.560 --> 00:20:10.090
Unbelievable.
00:20:10.090 --> 00:20:12.760
Not really. Have you seen Doug?
00:20:12.760 --> 00:20:15.070
Once it's on, your eyes don't leave that screen.
00:20:15.070 --> 00:20:19.945
Look at all these drawings he did of them together.
00:20:19.945 --> 00:20:24.050
Here's Pat walking the red carpet at the Daytime Emmy Awards.
00:20:24.050 --> 00:20:27.585
Here's him getting slimed at the Kids' Choice Awards.
00:20:27.585 --> 00:20:32.235
Here's one with him and Carson Daly at the MTV Movie Awards after party.
00:20:32.235 --> 00:20:33.420
This is not a diary,
00:20:33.420 --> 00:20:36.110
this is some aspirational vision board.
00:20:36.110 --> 00:20:38.920
I don't even think Patrick knows what Charl is.
00:20:38.920 --> 00:20:42.140
It looks like he just thinks they're like BFFs.
00:20:44.820 --> 00:20:46.660
Wait, what is that?
00:20:46.660 --> 00:20:47.650
What's what?
00:20:47.650 --> 00:20:51.340
On Charl's belly. It's in all the pictures.
00:20:51.340 --> 00:20:56.585
Enhance image. Enhance. Right! Books don't do that in this world.
00:20:56.585 --> 00:21:04.780
That looks a lot like an on-off switch.
00:21:05.360 --> 00:21:07.985
Are you serious?
00:21:07.985 --> 00:21:10.390
Did you really not see that this whole time,
00:21:10.390 --> 00:21:13.540
the big switch? The googly eyes are really cute and distracting, all right.
00:21:13.540 --> 00:21:14.425
Yes. Sorry.
00:21:14.425 --> 00:21:16.105
Do you know what this means,
00:21:16.105 --> 00:21:18.070
Charl has a weak spot,
00:21:18.070 --> 00:21:20.080
a flaw in his armor. [phone chime]
00:21:20.080 --> 00:21:22.960
I just need two weeks to coordinate with my department,
00:21:22.960 --> 00:21:28.150
organize an inter-dimensional strike force and take this fucker down.
00:21:28.150 --> 00:21:31.315
Uh... Chloe?
00:21:31.315 --> 00:21:34.610
You're gonna want to look at this.
00:21:35.070 --> 00:21:38.440
You waited for it. You begged for it.
00:21:38.440 --> 00:21:38.830
Please.
00:21:38.830 --> 00:21:40.750
You said, "Oh daddy, please.
00:21:40.750 --> 00:21:42.340
When's it gonna happen?"
00:21:42.340 --> 00:21:44.785
And now, it's finally here.
00:21:44.785 --> 00:21:51.669
In five days, Patrick (H) Willems presents the Charl Livestream Extravaganza.
00:21:51.669 --> 00:21:57.130
A 36-hour charity event to benefit the Center for the Observation of Coconuts,
00:21:57.130 --> 00:22:01.015
featuring live appearances by Travis Scott,
00:22:01.015 --> 00:22:04.615
Kourtney Kardashian, and Wallace Shawn.
00:22:04.615 --> 00:22:09.265
Plus the reveal of a secret third Paul brother who loves karate.
00:22:09.265 --> 00:22:12.550
And not everyone will survive the night.
00:22:12.550 --> 00:22:17.110
Get ready for hours and hours of people playing video games poorly,
00:22:17.110 --> 00:22:21.175
all leading up to the premiere of the teaser for Charl: The Movie.
00:22:21.175 --> 00:22:25.705
You'd have to be a complete fucking simp beta cuck to miss it.
00:22:25.705 --> 00:22:27.370
In five days,
00:22:27.370 --> 00:22:30.460
the fan fave coco with the biggest nut that's finna
00:22:30.460 --> 00:22:35.290
bust, number 1 on the star meter in the cultural event of a lifetime,
00:22:35.290 --> 00:22:39.160
the Charl Livestream Extravaganza.
00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:42.400
Don't be coco loko, watch it.
00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:45.140
Streaming only on Charl Plus.
00:22:45.140 --> 00:22:47.160
God damn it. Not now.
00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:48.915
Not when I'm so close.
00:22:48.915 --> 00:22:49.845
What's wrong?
00:22:49.845 --> 00:22:51.630
This is Charl's killing blow.
00:22:51.630 --> 00:22:53.670
His Star Meter ranking is already at number 1 and
00:22:53.670 --> 00:22:55.950
now he has the biggest media event of the decade.
00:22:55.950 --> 00:22:59.120
Most of Earth's population will be watching.
00:22:59.120 --> 00:23:02.800
With that much psychic energy focused on him,
00:23:02.800 --> 00:23:04.810
there's no coming back from this.
00:23:04.810 --> 00:23:14.810
(piano & string melody plays)
00:23:14.810 --> 00:23:18.905
♪ Until now he's had the drop on me
00:23:18.905 --> 00:23:23.000
♪ He keeps me guessing 'til the end
00:23:23.000 --> 00:23:27.500
♪ I arrived too late and what do I see?
00:23:27.500 --> 00:23:31.500
♪ Another world I can't defend.
00:23:31.500 --> 00:23:33.000
(bumping synth)
00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:37.000
♪ I always thought I'd see my name in lights
00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:42.000
♪ Since I was a little girl
00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:47.000
♪ But there's no way to keep my dreams in sight
00:23:47.000 --> 00:23:48.001
♪ When Charl ate the clout of my whole world
00:23:50.000 --> 00:24:00.500
♪ So now I'm on the hunt and I'll never be freed Until I bring him to his non-existent knees
00:24:00.500 --> 00:24:05.000
♪ This will end here, this will end now
00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:09.000
♪ I'll make him sorry he came around
00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:16.000
♪ I'll make him sorry he came and tried to make us coco-nuts
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:21.000
♪ I guess it's time to kick some coco-butt
00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:22.001
♪ It's finally time to kill this coconut
00:24:25.890 --> 00:24:28.480
Hey, what's going on?
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:33.190
We're just watching Chloe singing a song about how much she hates Charl.
00:24:33.190 --> 00:24:35.480
Oh, okay.
00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:41.000
♪ This can only end when a coconut dies
00:24:41.000 --> 00:24:46.000
♪ I'll watch the light escape his googly eyes
00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:50.000
♪ Gonna bring the pain, I'm gonna bring the whole armada
00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:55.000
♪ Gonna pulverize and make him a piña colada
00:24:55.000 --> 00:25:00.000
♪ Gonna toast that nut and bring down this evil eye-con
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.000
♪ Gonna split him in two and give him to Monty Python
00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:09.000
♪ So now I'm on the hunt and I'll never be free
00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:13.000
♪ Until I bring him down and make some green curry
00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:16.000
♪ [Matt] I thought you said he's not a coconut
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.000
♪ [Chloe] Yes you're right about that
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:21.000
♪ [Matt] But I'm here to spill some coco-guts
00:25:21.000 --> 00:25:23.000
♪ [Chloe] I got caught up in the moment
00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:28.000
♪ [Matt] Well whatever you call him, I know we're gonna help each other
00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:31.000
♪ We'll avenge your world and and Jake, my brother
00:25:31.000 --> 00:25:34.000
♪ [Chloe] This ends here and this ends now
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:35.000
[Matt] You wanna get nuts?
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:38.000
♪ [Chloe] I'll make him sorry he came around
00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:40.000
[Matt] Come on! Let's get coco-nuts!
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:47.000
♪ [Chloe] I'll make him sorry he came and break his stupid shell like glass
00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:54.000
♪ [together] I guess it's time to kick some coco-ass
00:26:09.180 --> 00:26:13.570
Charl, you've got to see the comment section on live stream announcement.
00:26:13.570 --> 00:26:15.280
It is popping off.
00:26:15.280 --> 00:26:18.520
People are hyped, like '98 Godzilla hyped,
00:26:18.520 --> 00:26:20.710
and we all know how that turned out.
00:26:20.710 --> 00:26:24.170
Great, at least on my world.
00:26:26.580 --> 00:26:32.845
Yes. Wonderful, delicious clout.
00:26:32.845 --> 00:26:37.435
A mere appetizer for what lies ahead.
00:26:37.435 --> 00:26:41.980
Remember when we were just a couple of inmates sharing a prison cafeteria table?
00:26:41.980 --> 00:26:44.155
And look at us now.
00:26:44.155 --> 00:26:47.215
Feels good, doesn't it, partner?
00:26:47.215 --> 00:26:54.120
Patrick, have you confirmed the advertising plan with the platform representatives?
00:26:54.120 --> 00:26:58.845
Yes. We're going to have full-page ads running on every competing video platform.
00:26:58.845 --> 00:27:01.980
I'm talking Netflix, MUBI, even Tubi.
00:27:01.980 --> 00:27:04.200
It'll be so annoying that everyone will be forced to
00:27:04.200 --> 00:27:07.065
give in and switch over to our stream.
00:27:07.065 --> 00:27:13.315
Mmm, Tubi. And how are the membership numbers for Charl plus?
00:27:13.315 --> 00:27:17.110
The new Charl-only streaming platform.
00:27:17.110 --> 00:27:18.655
Better than projected.
00:27:18.655 --> 00:27:20.650
It turns out no one cared about
00:27:20.650 --> 00:27:23.930
having to sign up for a new streaming service to watch it.
00:27:24.690 --> 00:27:27.355
Excellent.
00:27:27.355 --> 00:27:34.010
Patrick, you have been a truly indispensable pawn.
00:27:36.600 --> 00:27:40.720
Pawwn-tner. Partner an indispensable partner.
00:27:40.720 --> 00:27:42.235
I'm here too.
00:27:42.235 --> 00:27:43.540
Chloe!
00:27:43.540 --> 00:27:44.530
Chloe.
00:27:44.530 --> 00:27:47.485
Great news. Vimeo finally agreed to our terms.
00:27:47.485 --> 00:27:52.195
Apparently three of their executives died suddenly and the new regime is very pro Charl.
00:27:52.195 --> 00:27:55.030
By the way, have you talked to Jake recently?
00:27:55.030 --> 00:27:57.670
Oh, I've heard quite enough from Jake.
00:27:57.670 --> 00:27:58.705
You have?
00:27:58.705 --> 00:27:59.455
Yeah.
00:27:59.455 --> 00:28:02.440
Charl told me about his plan to take over the channel.
00:28:02.440 --> 00:28:05.125
Thank God we have Charl looking out for us.
00:28:05.125 --> 00:28:05.725
Oh.
00:28:05.725 --> 00:28:07.405
Honestly, it's for the best.
00:28:07.405 --> 00:28:09.190
Jake was a good lackey, but come on,
00:28:09.190 --> 00:28:10.795
Jake's Politics Corner?
00:28:10.795 --> 00:28:12.430
This is the Biden era now.
00:28:12.430 --> 00:28:13.975
Politics are boring again,
00:28:13.975 --> 00:28:15.640
no one wants to watch that.
00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:19.780
One sec. Sorry guys, I got to run.
00:28:19.780 --> 00:28:21.400
We just booked Ellen DeGeneres and
00:28:21.400 --> 00:28:24.130
Dakota Johnson to play The Last of Us co-op mode together.
00:28:24.130 --> 00:28:25.465
It's going to be pretty spicy.
00:28:25.465 --> 00:28:27.610
I got to coordinate this.
00:28:27.610 --> 00:28:35.380
Chloe. You've been enjoying your new stature in life?
00:28:35.380 --> 00:28:38.800
All the doors that are open to you?
00:28:38.800 --> 00:28:43.225
Not to mention that new fancy cheese at the deli.
00:28:43.225 --> 00:28:47.800
That sliced Wensleydale? So good.
00:28:47.800 --> 00:28:50.875
For your loyalty to this endeavor,
00:28:50.875 --> 00:28:55.705
you will be one of the musical performances for the night.
00:28:55.705 --> 00:28:58.570
You mean, I'm going to sing backup on Post Malone
00:28:58.570 --> 00:29:01.585
and Justin Bieber's new single, White Boy Tattoos?
00:29:01.585 --> 00:29:05.890
Chloe, this is what life is about.
00:29:05.890 --> 00:29:13.075
Using the cards you're dealt to get everything your heart desires.
00:29:13.075 --> 00:29:17.080
It just feels weird doing this without Jake.
00:29:17.080 --> 00:29:22.855
Do not let the past cloud your successful future.
00:29:22.855 --> 00:29:27.970
You see those simple fools down there on the street?
00:29:27.970 --> 00:29:31.150
They don't get to live a life
00:29:31.150 --> 00:29:35.645
bathed in succulent clout like you and I.
00:29:35.645 --> 00:29:46.450
Don't fall back into the rabble, let yourself shine.
00:29:46.450 --> 00:29:48.490
I've spoken at length about this,
00:29:48.490 --> 00:29:51.415
but I think what people don't understand is that
00:29:51.415 --> 00:29:55.045
with the Rugrats movie and the introduction of Dill Pickles,
00:29:55.045 --> 00:29:57.130
it wasn't just the death of Rugrats,
00:29:57.130 --> 00:29:58.615
I think on a broader scale,
00:29:58.615 --> 00:30:02.140
it was the death of the Golden Age of Nickelodeon in my opinion.
00:30:02.140 --> 00:30:04.390
I've never thought of it like that.
00:30:04.390 --> 00:30:05.695
That's a good point, Matt.
00:30:05.695 --> 00:30:09.500
Matt, I need you to come with me. I've cracked it.
00:30:09.960 --> 00:30:12.610
Whoa, were you up here all night?
00:30:12.610 --> 00:30:16.795
Charl has an off switch on his tummy.
00:30:16.795 --> 00:30:20.485
Now you might be thinking "Charl is too powerful to get close enough to turn it off.
00:30:20.485 --> 00:30:22.735
We might as well let them turn us into mindless cows."
00:30:22.735 --> 00:30:24.865
Hey, come on, cows are noble creatures.
00:30:24.865 --> 00:30:27.910
That's when it hit me. We can get close enough if we can
00:30:27.910 --> 00:30:31.900
temporarily disable Charl's defenses with an EMP.
00:30:31.900 --> 00:30:34.630
Yes. We distract him with dance music.
00:30:34.630 --> 00:30:39.175
An electromagnetic pulse. The kind that happens right after a nuclear explosion.
00:30:39.175 --> 00:30:41.815
It knocks out all electronics within a given radius.
00:30:41.815 --> 00:30:46.550
And there's a device that can simulate that in Oslo.
00:30:47.910 --> 00:30:51.620
Those crafty Scandinavians.
00:30:51.870 --> 00:30:55.010
Okay, so here's the plan.
00:30:55.740 --> 00:30:59.470
First, we get on the 7:20 flight to Oslo.
00:30:59.470 --> 00:31:02.200
The facility is 52 miles outside the city.
00:31:02.200 --> 00:31:04.375
We drive there and survey the scene.
00:31:04.375 --> 00:31:06.520
Matt, you knock out a guard,
00:31:06.520 --> 00:31:09.310
then take his ID card and uniform to get us inside.
00:31:09.310 --> 00:31:12.700
I'll use the Chaff Grenade to disable the security cameras.
00:31:12.700 --> 00:31:17.665
We locate the EMP, runaway, and hop on the first flight back to New York.
00:31:17.665 --> 00:31:18.880
Then once we're in the city,
00:31:18.880 --> 00:31:20.830
we set it off a few blocks from Midtown,
00:31:20.830 --> 00:31:25.435
causing Charl's power, and most of New York's, to temporarily shut off.
00:31:25.435 --> 00:31:27.085
Then I'll march into that studio,
00:31:27.085 --> 00:31:30.520
turn that coconut off and send him back into the fiery hell he came out of and–
00:31:30.520 --> 00:31:32.065
It exploded.
00:31:32.065 --> 00:31:33.460
What?
00:31:33.460 --> 00:31:36.940
Yeah, it's saying here on Google that it exploded two years ago.
00:31:36.940 --> 00:31:39.925
The EMP. It was highly unstable,
00:31:39.925 --> 00:31:41.920
whole facility burned to the ground,
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:46.160
so, uh, maybe a less nuclear option.
00:31:47.900 --> 00:31:51.750
Ugh. Well, I did have a plan B that involved getting
00:31:51.750 --> 00:31:55.170
a bunch of YouTubers together and stealing Charl's clout.
00:31:55.170 --> 00:31:57.360
See, that sounds like a lot of fun.
00:31:57.360 --> 00:31:59.880
E-celebs, saving the day.
00:31:59.880 --> 00:32:03.370
Yeah. I guess.
00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.920
Alright, so I talked to Gwyneth Paltrow.
00:32:08.920 --> 00:32:12.280
She says that Goop will sponsor the event under one condition,
00:32:12.280 --> 00:32:18.100
we have to surround this stage with her scented candles as a product placement thing.
00:32:18.100 --> 00:32:19.330
Put anything you want on the stage. I'm all set so long
00:32:19.330 --> 00:32:23.725
as you put the fire jets on either side of me for my big closer.
00:32:23.725 --> 00:32:26.230
Alright, well, I'll take care of the paperwork and I should have
00:32:26.230 --> 00:32:28.930
everything over to you in the morning.
00:32:28.930 --> 00:32:33.730
Bye.
00:32:33.730 --> 00:32:36.145
Chloe, I thought–you're here?
00:32:36.145 --> 00:32:38.260
Were you using a virtual Zoom background, or wh–?
00:32:38.260 --> 00:32:40.525
Hey, aren't you the idiot who quit the show?
00:32:40.525 --> 00:32:43.810
That was a smart move that I made for my mental health, so...
00:32:43.810 --> 00:32:46.120
Wait, how'd you guys get in here?
00:32:46.120 --> 00:32:48.085
What's going on?
00:32:48.085 --> 00:32:51.430
Start talking or I'm gonna activate the building's self-destruct.
00:32:51.430 --> 00:32:53.740
That's a light switch.
00:32:53.740 --> 00:32:55.510
No, it's not.
00:32:55.510 --> 00:32:57.310
Look, Dave the agent,
00:32:57.310 --> 00:33:00.235
I'm Chloe, but not the Chloe you know,
00:33:00.235 --> 00:33:06.800
I'm a Chloe from another dimension and we're here to talk to you about Charl.
00:33:19.530 --> 00:33:24.220
Putting the wig collection to good use I see.
00:33:24.220 --> 00:33:28.705
You are an enterprising one, dear Chloe.
00:33:28.705 --> 00:33:32.215
Oh please. I'm sure you say that to me in every dimension.
00:33:32.215 --> 00:33:35.020
So, you know
00:33:35.020 --> 00:33:37.915
I'm from a different dimension?
00:33:37.915 --> 00:33:41.410
Well, you do talk a lot more than the coconuts in this one.
00:33:41.410 --> 00:33:45.460
And I suppose then you also heard,
00:33:45.460 --> 00:33:47.980
The nasty rumor about you murdering entire worlds
00:33:47.980 --> 00:33:50.665
by turning people into brain-dead blood vomiting husks?
00:33:50.665 --> 00:33:52.570
Yes. What a crazy idea.
00:33:52.570 --> 00:33:55.345
Hearsay and conjecture, all of it.
00:33:55.345 --> 00:33:56.830
Total nonsense.
00:33:56.830 --> 00:33:59.990
An utterly ridiculous idea.
00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:06.850
The thing is, while waiting in the wings to sing backup,
00:34:06.850 --> 00:34:09.010
I have a lot of time for adult gossip.
00:34:09.010 --> 00:34:15.130
You know, I wouldn't have any time at all if I were preparing to headline the show.
00:34:15.130 --> 00:34:23.035
Wonderful idea, Chloe. I knew I backed the right person when I came to you.
00:34:23.035 --> 00:34:29.485
The historians talk a lot about ancient gladiators, warriors of old.
00:34:29.485 --> 00:34:32.200
But I always said
00:34:32.200 --> 00:34:39.430
the most blood thirsty and ambitious group are aspiring musical theater performers.
00:34:39.430 --> 00:34:45.770
And I'm sure you'll break a leg out there, headliner.
00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:53.770
So in conclusion, we are talking about,
00:34:53.770 --> 00:34:57.310
The complete psychic entropy of the planet. Yeah, I get it.
00:34:57.310 --> 00:35:01.660
But what you need to understand as to what Charl has made is a lot of people,
00:35:01.660 --> 00:35:03.895
a lot of cheddar. Big,
00:35:03.895 --> 00:35:06.520
thick, fat stacks of cheddar.
00:35:06.520 --> 00:35:08.335
Dave, Dave, forget about the cheddar, okay?
00:35:08.335 --> 00:35:12.685
Are those stacks of cheddar worth the price of your soul?
00:35:12.685 --> 00:35:15.775
Why would you be loyal to something that treats you like a tool?
00:35:15.775 --> 00:35:18.595
It's never been about loyalty. It was about—Shh shh shh shh shh shh.
00:35:18.595 --> 00:35:20.995
We're just asking for your help.
00:35:20.995 --> 00:35:23.365
Okay, not as Dave the agent,
00:35:23.365 --> 00:35:26.470
but as Dave the person.
00:35:26.470 --> 00:35:31.285
But also as Dave the agent because we need you to do a bunch of agent stuff.
00:35:31.285 --> 00:35:38.320
Yeah, so sort of a, yeah like a David—Dave the agent person or Dave person.
00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:39.955
Agent David person.
00:35:39.955 --> 00:35:41.650
Just Dave is fine—shh shh shh
00:35:41.650 --> 00:35:46.315
Okay, I'm going to crack this. David? Agency David man.
00:35:46.315 --> 00:35:48.700
Matt! Lives are on the line.
00:35:48.700 --> 00:35:50.065
Right.
00:35:50.065 --> 00:35:52.345
So what do you say?
00:35:52.345 --> 00:35:57.650
Repping a murderous, interdimensional shape-shifting criminal is a bad look.
00:35:58.860 --> 00:36:04.705
I'm saying, I agree. Yes.
00:36:04.705 --> 00:36:07.285
Oh shit, okay, here we go. Come on. Let's get it.
00:36:07.285 --> 00:36:10.915
Okay, so what we want to do is we want to take the clout from Charl.
00:36:10.915 --> 00:36:13.660
Without his clout, Charl loses power.
00:36:13.660 --> 00:36:15.295
Oh, like the Catholic Church.
00:36:15.295 --> 00:36:16.990
Yeah, actually. Yeah.
00:36:16.990 --> 00:36:18.160
And what we want to use you for
00:36:18.160 --> 00:36:21.445
is, since you represent all these like YouTube-ist people online,
00:36:21.445 --> 00:36:23.515
we want to take their massive audience,
00:36:23.515 --> 00:36:25.405
and turn them against Charl.
00:36:25.405 --> 00:36:27.130
We fight clout,
00:36:27.130 --> 00:36:30.235
with even more clout.
00:36:30.235 --> 00:36:33.085
You've come to the right place.
00:36:33.085 --> 00:36:38.830
It's time for some gratuitous fucking cameos.
00:36:38.830 --> 00:36:40.350
Yes, dude.
00:36:40.350 --> 00:36:45.350
[dialing phone]
00:36:45.350 --> 00:37:45.175
[funky transitional montage music plays].
00:37:45.175 --> 00:37:48.810
[phone rings]
00:37:48.810 --> 00:37:53.780
That's the whole thing. That's my plan. What do you think?
00:37:57.840 --> 00:37:59.379
I think y—
00:37:59.379 --> 00:38:06.265
We need Jimmy. You want to get Jimmy?
00:38:06.265 --> 00:38:10.345
It's 100,000 gallons of pudding per person.
00:38:10.345 --> 00:38:11.440
Not for the event.
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:11.890
Okay, alright.
00:38:11.890 --> 00:38:14.260
Go fix it. All right. You got two minutes.
00:38:14.260 --> 00:38:16.795
Then I'm giving a dolphin a million dollars. Why are you here?
00:38:16.795 --> 00:38:18.040
We've got a little bit of crisis.
00:38:18.040 --> 00:38:20.050
A little bit of a crisis. Is LegalEagle
00:38:20.050 --> 00:38:21.760
in legal trouble?
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:27.370
Not this time. Uh no, this is more about parallel dimensions and the fate of the universe.
00:38:27.370 --> 00:38:29.710
Parallel dimensions and the fate of the universe.
00:38:29.710 --> 00:38:31.420
You do realize I'm just a YouTuber.
00:38:31.420 --> 00:38:36.650
Jimmy. It's about Charl.
00:38:48.650 --> 00:38:52.000
[squeak] [squeak]
00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:55.340
How much do you need?
00:39:01.230 --> 00:39:04.775
Hey, can you hear me?
00:39:04.775 --> 00:39:06.510
Hi everybody.
00:39:06.510 --> 00:39:08.660
Wow. It's everyone today.
00:39:08.660 --> 00:39:09.660
Hey guys, how's it going?
00:39:09.660 --> 00:39:17.450
[everyone on call chattering at once]
00:39:17.450 --> 00:39:20.020
Hey nerds! Shut up!
00:39:20.820 --> 00:39:24.010
Dave the agent, would you like to get us started?
00:39:24.010 --> 00:39:25.990
Gladly. So here's the problem.
00:39:25.990 --> 00:39:30.850
Patrick, one of our clients has introduced the world to a coconut named Charl.
00:39:30.850 --> 00:39:36.355
Charl is adorable, lovable, and makes us fat stacks of cheddar.
00:39:36.355 --> 00:39:39.595
But this live stream is going to kill every person on Earth,
00:39:39.595 --> 00:39:41.875
so [squeak] we have to stop him.
00:39:41.875 --> 00:39:47.020
It will allegedly kill every person on Earth and on that note,
00:39:47.020 --> 00:39:48.355
I'm going to have to remove myself.
00:39:48.355 --> 00:39:52.280
Charl is a client and my being here is a major conflict of interest. [bangs gavel]
00:39:52.710 --> 00:39:56.500
Hello, Chloe here, but not the Chloe you know,
00:39:56.500 --> 00:39:58.360
I'm a Chloe from another dimension where I'm
00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:01.945
an interdimensional crime buster who's been on the hunt for Charl for years.
00:40:01.945 --> 00:40:06.265
There is a way to defeat Charl. An off switch on his belly.
00:40:06.265 --> 00:40:08.785
But right now we can't access his belly.
00:40:08.785 --> 00:40:11.725
Charl's power levels are so high that he's,
00:40:11.725 --> 00:40:15.175
he's vibrating at a frequency that's untouchable, literally untouchable.
00:40:15.175 --> 00:40:18.775
Yeah, Dr. Mike tried to give him a physical and nearly burned his hand off.
00:40:18.775 --> 00:40:21.925
It actually got way worse after you left.
00:40:21.925 --> 00:40:24.850
Oh my God. Why didn't you say something?
00:40:24.850 --> 00:40:26.695
Because I'm a professional, David.
00:40:26.695 --> 00:40:28.750
Look, the only way we can touch Charl and
00:40:28.750 --> 00:40:31.255
switch him off is by cutting off his power supply.
00:40:31.255 --> 00:40:34.030
What is his power supply?
00:40:34.030 --> 00:40:37.135
Batteries or nuclear energy or something?
00:40:37.135 --> 00:40:40.210
Clout. We need to take Charl's fame.
00:40:40.210 --> 00:40:43.150
We need to make him... Lame.
00:40:43.150 --> 00:40:47.200
Look can't you just tell your viewers that Charl sucks and to stop watching him?
00:40:47.200 --> 00:40:51.250
That would never work. His fandom is way too strong.
00:40:51.250 --> 00:40:55.360
He's been the top search on Tumblr and AO3 for months.
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:57.940
Have uh... have you thought about hitting him with a hammer?
00:40:57.940 --> 00:41:00.805
Guys, you are making this way too hard.
00:41:00.805 --> 00:41:02.245
If you want to get some canceled,
00:41:02.245 --> 00:41:04.855
just find the receipts.
00:41:04.855 --> 00:41:07.060
Yeah, yeah, like maybe he cheated on his taxes.
00:41:07.060 --> 00:41:10.045
No, no, no... just like his old tweets.
00:41:10.045 --> 00:41:11.590
Just find his old tweets.
00:41:11.590 --> 00:41:14.950
Goddamnit. That's just crazy enough to work.
00:41:14.950 --> 00:41:16.495
No, his tweets are too clean.
00:41:16.495 --> 00:41:22.810
Look "Which Fast family member are you?" Charl is "Definitely Tej hashtag Toretto Tuesday"
00:41:22.810 --> 00:41:25.145
This whole thing is boringly uncontroversial.
00:41:25.145 --> 00:41:26.790
But it wasn't always.
00:41:26.790 --> 00:41:27.895
Huh?
00:41:27.895 --> 00:41:30.720
On the last world he went to, the one Patrick's
00:41:30.720 --> 00:41:34.290
from Charl went full edge lord, he offended everybody.
00:41:34.290 --> 00:41:36.140
That's how he ended up in jail.
00:41:36.140 --> 00:41:37.675
For tweets?
00:41:37.675 --> 00:41:39.595
Well, he also drown some nuns.
00:41:39.595 --> 00:41:42.490
Those tweets are from a different dimension. How do we get them?
00:41:42.490 --> 00:41:44.515
We just have to access Twitter,
00:41:44.515 --> 00:41:46.620
in another dimension.
00:41:46.620 --> 00:41:49.195
Uhhhhhh... huh?
00:41:49.195 --> 00:41:52.225
What we need to do first is locate the right dimension.
00:41:52.225 --> 00:41:55.374
Each dimension has its own specific harmonic frequency.
00:41:55.374 --> 00:41:57.010
If we compare audio recordings from
00:41:57.010 --> 00:41:59.020
current Patrick to recordings of our original Patrick,
00:41:59.020 --> 00:42:03.355
we should be able to analyze the spectrum for differences in their resonant harmonics.
00:42:03.355 --> 00:42:05.710
Right. And then we can isolate the frequency range as
00:42:05.710 --> 00:42:09.295
a starting point and then compare it to recording Charl.
00:42:09.295 --> 00:42:12.309
Wait, if Chloe can travel between dimensions,
00:42:12.309 --> 00:42:14.695
why doesn't she just go get the tweets?
00:42:14.695 --> 00:42:17.380
My transporter can only take me to each dimension once,
00:42:17.380 --> 00:42:20.095
once I've left a dimension, there's no going back.
00:42:20.095 --> 00:42:23.680
This feels like a pretty specific and contrived limitation
00:42:23.680 --> 00:42:26.065
that should have been mention—
00:42:26.065 --> 00:42:29.665
Anyone else want to point out plot holes?
00:42:29.665 --> 00:42:33.979
No? Good. Let's continue.
00:42:34.260 --> 00:42:37.660
You know, actual interdimensional travel isn't really necessary.
00:42:37.660 --> 00:42:39.820
We just have to send and receive data.
00:42:39.820 --> 00:42:43.825
Brian, could you rig together some kind of interdimensional wifi router?
00:42:43.825 --> 00:42:47.785
If I can get schematics to old Chloe's dimension hopper thing.
00:42:47.785 --> 00:42:49.150
I can rig something together.
00:42:49.150 --> 00:42:51.010
I'm putting together the list of parts we'll need,
00:42:51.010 --> 00:42:52.780
but these things are scattered all over the place.
00:42:52.780 --> 00:42:55.105
There's some in Taiwan, there's some in Australia.
00:42:55.105 --> 00:42:57.430
Oh, this is easy. If we hire Foxconn to
00:42:57.430 --> 00:42:59.905
leverage their shipping and trade routes in Southeast Asia and supplement
00:42:59.905 --> 00:43:02.830
additional parts from AliExpress, we could have Evan get everything loaded
00:43:02.830 --> 00:43:05.935
in checked baggage on the 12:35 AM flight from Hong Kong to New York.
00:43:05.935 --> 00:43:08.440
And if we book Brian on a 5:00 PM flight from Austin,
00:43:08.440 --> 00:43:10.480
he should be there to meet him at the airport and get it all
00:43:10.480 --> 00:43:13.090
out to the warehouse by 10:00 PM Tuesday.
00:43:13.090 --> 00:43:15.025
Did you just look that up?
00:43:15.025 --> 00:43:17.125
Isn't this common knowledge?
00:43:17.125 --> 00:43:19.615
Alright. We've got a plan. We each know what we're going to do.
00:43:19.615 --> 00:43:21.115
Are we good to go?
00:43:21.115 --> 00:43:26.560
Yes. Who is Charl?
00:43:26.600 --> 00:43:30.270
Can you believe people call YouTubers like talentless,
00:43:30.270 --> 00:43:33.345
wastes of space, making our generation dumber minute by minute?
00:43:33.345 --> 00:43:36.390
I mean, that one guy was talking about engineering, that's STEM.
00:43:36.390 --> 00:43:40.185
So now we sit and hit the refresh button every minute.
00:43:40.185 --> 00:43:44.180
Every muscle in our body tense, like a panther, ready to spring.
00:43:44.180 --> 00:43:46.630
I mean, this isn't gonna be done till tomorrow,
00:43:46.630 --> 00:43:50.635
so what I think we should do is something else to take our minds off of it and relax.
00:43:50.635 --> 00:43:51.940
Matt, I've traveled the multiverse,
00:43:51.940 --> 00:43:53.575
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
00:43:53.575 --> 00:43:55.955
What could this city possibly have to offer me?
00:43:55.955 --> 00:43:59.190
I'm sorry. You couldn't be talking about ♪ the greatest city
00:43:59.190 --> 00:44:03.040
in the world ♪ because I have a few ideas.
00:44:04.040 --> 00:44:06.040
(Upbeat music plays)
00:44:13.040 --> 00:44:21.040
♪ See a side of New York no one ever sees
00:44:21.040 --> 00:44:29.540
♪ Pull out that camera and say cheese.
00:44:29.540 --> 00:44:34.040
♪ You've walked 20 miles or more.
00:44:34.040 --> 00:44:37.040
♪ But never far from 44
00:44:37.040 --> 00:44:43.040
♪ On this New York day.
00:44:49.040 --> 00:44:54.040
♪ Now you're lost in the park or whatever
00:44:54.040 --> 00:44:58.040
♪ You think New Yorkers live this way.
00:44:58.040 --> 00:44:58.041
♪ On the New York
00:44:58.041 --> 00:44:59.042
What the hell are you guys doing?
00:44:59.530 --> 00:45:02.880
You need to get back here now.
00:45:05.080 --> 00:45:07.295
We have one more problem,
00:45:07.295 --> 00:45:09.800
we found the frequency and we got
00:45:09.800 --> 00:45:13.115
the device put together so we can get onto the signal we found but.
00:45:13.115 --> 00:45:14.315
What?
00:45:14.315 --> 00:45:17.270
We don't have a password, we can't get onto the interdimensional Wi-Fi.
00:45:17.270 --> 00:45:18.605
Patrick.
00:45:18.605 --> 00:45:19.970
Dave.
00:45:19.970 --> 00:45:20.915
Patrick.
00:45:20.915 --> 00:45:21.280
Dave.
00:45:21.280 --> 00:45:23.930
Used to say this thing to me all the time when we were living together.
00:45:23.930 --> 00:45:28.920
I always assumed he was joking, but what if he wasn't?
00:45:30.580 --> 00:45:36.090
♪ My computers from another dimension. ♪
00:45:38.740 --> 00:45:42.180
Guys, we need that laptop.
00:45:42.280 --> 00:45:44.765
We're going to have to go in.
00:45:44.765 --> 00:45:46.010
Where?
00:45:46.010 --> 00:45:49.190
Into the belly of the beast.
00:45:49.190 --> 00:45:52.110
The beast's belly.
00:46:02.200 --> 00:46:05.705
Remember, this is a stealth mission.
00:46:05.705 --> 00:46:07.355
Get the laptop and get out.
00:46:07.355 --> 00:46:09.725
None of that Torpey wildcard bullshit.
00:46:09.725 --> 00:46:13.770
No one ever thinks they need a wildcard until they do.
00:46:34.780 --> 00:46:37.565
Has anybody seen Nathan Lane?
00:46:37.565 --> 00:46:39.620
Charl wants to see him in his office now.
00:46:39.620 --> 00:46:43.085
Charlotte Rampling, please report to wardrobe.
00:46:43.085 --> 00:46:48.180
Charlotte Rampling, your coconut costume is ready.
00:46:49.990 --> 00:46:53.220
Alright, it should be here somewhere.
00:46:53.290 --> 00:46:56.820
Oh, damn, check this out.
00:46:57.010 --> 00:46:59.780
It's The Matrix soundtrack,
00:46:59.780 --> 00:47:04.475
but it's from a universe where I guess Will Smith played Neo.
00:47:04.475 --> 00:47:06.455
I've seen this version, trust me,
00:47:06.455 --> 00:47:09.365
you haven't seen The Matrix until you see it Big Willie style.
00:47:09.365 --> 00:47:15.515
Wait a second. Could this be it?
00:47:15.515 --> 00:47:20.610
Flip it over. We got it.
00:47:51.010 --> 00:47:54.470
God, these idiotic camera men are trying to shoot me with an 85 millimeter lens.
00:47:54.470 --> 00:47:58.320
This is why I wanted to do all the filming myself.
00:47:58.690 --> 00:48:00.845
Where's my laptop?
00:48:00.845 --> 00:48:03.090
Looking for this?
00:48:03.160 --> 00:48:06.170
No. I said laptop.
00:48:06.170 --> 00:48:08.149
Can't you eavesdrop properly?
00:48:08.149 --> 00:48:11.765
Wait, Matt? What are you doing here?
00:48:11.765 --> 00:48:14.240
I heard about your little live stream.
00:48:14.240 --> 00:48:16.700
You decided to come crawling back.
00:48:16.700 --> 00:48:18.005
Well, it's too late,
00:48:18.005 --> 00:48:20.765
the Charl train has left the station.
00:48:20.765 --> 00:48:23.720
Charl is my roommate now and he's the best.
00:48:23.720 --> 00:48:27.485
We're just two bros living in the city making mad stacks of cheddar.
00:48:27.485 --> 00:48:32.360
We're like Entourage except with two Vinnys and no Turtles.
00:48:32.360 --> 00:48:34.035
No Turtles, Matt!
00:48:34.035 --> 00:48:38.645
Patrick, I came to make peace.
00:48:38.645 --> 00:48:42.950
See? Like those dumb car movies you love.
00:48:42.950 --> 00:48:44.990
Matt, they drink Corona.
00:48:44.990 --> 00:48:47.930
But these are as cold as the Rockies.
00:48:47.930 --> 00:48:50.435
No, they're not. This is warm.
00:48:50.435 --> 00:48:53.180
Patrick, I had to carry those in my backpack all day.
00:48:53.180 --> 00:48:55.610
What happened to you in that other universe?
00:48:55.610 --> 00:48:58.295
Like, what made you this way?
00:48:58.295 --> 00:49:01.560
So you know about the other universe.
00:49:01.930 --> 00:49:07.130
But what you don't know is that there I was free,
00:49:07.130 --> 00:49:13.040
wasn't dragged down by friends like you and Jake and Chloe and Mick.
00:49:13.040 --> 00:49:13.790
Mike.
00:49:13.790 --> 00:49:15.800
Whatever, he's dead now, who cares?
00:49:15.800 --> 00:49:17.915
Don't you have any friends?
00:49:17.915 --> 00:49:19.670
No. I was better off.
00:49:19.670 --> 00:49:21.215
I was free to focus on work,
00:49:21.215 --> 00:49:24.290
making business deals and earning those sweet, sweet stacks of cheddar.
00:49:24.290 --> 00:49:26.990
I wasn't wasting time chatting at the lunch table,
00:49:26.990 --> 00:49:28.280
or hanging out on weekends,
00:49:28.280 --> 00:49:29.540
or moving to the city together,
00:49:29.540 --> 00:49:33.650
or making memories that would last a lifetime. Who needs it?
00:49:33.650 --> 00:49:36.365
Patrick, that's so sad.
00:49:36.365 --> 00:49:39.005
Charl is the only friend that I've ever needed.
00:49:39.005 --> 00:49:41.255
Charl is using you,
00:49:41.255 --> 00:49:46.500
if you need a friend, I'll be your friend.
00:49:47.140 --> 00:49:53.555
You know, for a friend, you picked a really inconvenient time to offer this olive branch.
00:49:53.555 --> 00:50:00.990
Matt, you are such a Turtle from Entourage and I just told you that my version has no Turtles.
00:50:04.050 --> 00:50:09.385
Yeah, we've got someone claiming to be talent that needs to be removed from dressing room B.
00:50:09.385 --> 00:50:13.150
We've got a runner, security code green.
00:50:13.150 --> 00:50:17.095
I am Charl,
00:50:17.095 --> 00:50:23.545
consumer of clout, paragon of deception.
00:50:23.545 --> 00:50:29.140
I am more adorable than the god damn minions.
00:50:29.140 --> 00:50:31.780
Hey, cocoa buddy, so there's been a bit of a breach,
00:50:31.780 --> 00:50:34.180
I think Matt's trying to spoil the live stream.
00:50:34.180 --> 00:50:35.440
We should probably-
00:50:35.440 --> 00:50:38.005
Patrick, relax.
00:50:38.005 --> 00:50:40.060
They are too late.
00:50:40.060 --> 00:50:45.295
Nothing can stop us now.
00:50:45.295 --> 00:50:50.515
Attention, there has been a security breach. Code green.
00:50:50.515 --> 00:50:55.330
Kill any intruder on sight.
00:50:55.330 --> 00:50:57.280
Alright, the device is ready to go, but we cannot get
00:50:57.280 --> 00:50:59.965
those tweets without the laptop. Where are you two?
00:50:59.965 --> 00:51:02.380
We're just looking for a clear way to exit.
00:51:02.380 --> 00:51:04.375
Oh hey Dave, yeah, so um
00:51:04.375 --> 00:51:07.300
it looks like Patrick alerted security that we're here.
00:51:07.300 --> 00:51:10.090
You think? Alright, worst-case scenario,
00:51:10.090 --> 00:51:12.610
I think I can slingshot us out of this building around a passing dimension.
00:51:12.610 --> 00:51:14.020
But if I'm even slightly off,
00:51:14.020 --> 00:51:15.940
it could break our body into a million pieces scattering
00:51:15.940 --> 00:51:18.100
our atoms across an infinite void of space and time.
00:51:18.100 --> 00:51:19.840
It sounds rad as hell, let's do it.
00:51:19.840 --> 00:51:21.625
Matt, it's extremely risky.
00:51:21.625 --> 00:51:23.230
It's okay. I'm already sold.
00:51:23.230 --> 00:51:26.290
People are not even going to be ready for what we have coming up next.
00:51:26.290 --> 00:51:31.675
Idris Elba speed running Super Mario World 3 as his character from Beasts of No Nation.
00:51:31.675 --> 00:51:34.580
One glass of TCM wine, please.
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:38.455
Excuse me, garçon,
00:51:38.455 --> 00:51:41.810
Internet celebrity here asking for a beverage.
00:51:50.100 --> 00:51:52.720
Finally, there you are.
00:51:52.720 --> 00:51:54.355
One glass of TCM wine,
00:51:54.355 --> 00:51:57.580
something with like an Italian neo-realism flavor?
00:51:57.580 --> 00:52:00.800
Yes, sir. Coming right up, sir.
00:52:04.110 --> 00:52:05.350
Hey.
00:52:05.350 --> 00:52:14.650
Bonjour
00:52:14.650 --> 00:52:17.335
Did you just mix a bunch of wines together?
00:52:17.335 --> 00:52:20.790
It's all the rage in Europe monsieur,
00:52:20.790 --> 00:52:22.500
Well then. C'est la Vie,
00:52:22.500 --> 00:52:26.250
Patrick, I've been looking for you everywhere.
00:52:26.250 --> 00:52:31.760
The building finally cleared us to set off fireworks wherever we want. Oh, hey Matt.
00:52:34.780 --> 00:52:36.500
Matt?
00:52:36.500 --> 00:52:37.220
Patrick.
00:52:37.220 --> 00:52:39.740
Me.
00:52:39.740 --> 00:52:42.260
Me.
00:52:42.260 --> 00:52:43.100
Chloe?
00:52:43.100 --> 00:52:44.510
Chloe?
00:52:44.510 --> 00:52:46.865
My laptop.
00:52:46.865 --> 00:52:48.635
Charl.
00:52:48.635 --> 00:52:51.605
No, I'm Patrick.
00:52:51.605 --> 00:52:58.640
Chloe I should've killed you on Earth 7 when I had the chance.
00:53:00.030 --> 00:53:03.110
So, the slingshot thing?
00:53:14.340 --> 00:53:16.555
You guys get the laptop?
00:53:16.555 --> 00:53:19.820
God, I hate doing that.
00:53:20.040 --> 00:53:25.540
What the fuck? Oh my God. Where are my shoes?
00:53:25.540 --> 00:53:27.400
It's a side effect of the slingshot.
00:53:27.400 --> 00:53:28.780
Just make sure you have all your fingers and toes.
00:53:28.780 --> 00:53:29.830
What?
00:53:29.830 --> 00:53:31.555
You guys get the laptop?
00:53:31.555 --> 00:53:33.010
No, we didn't. I'm sorry.
00:53:33.010 --> 00:53:35.480
We can't get the tweets.
00:53:36.030 --> 00:53:38.900
We're all gonna die.
00:53:39.300 --> 00:53:42.530
I wouldn't be so sure of that.
00:53:44.460 --> 00:53:48.055
Does a phone from that dimension work?
00:53:48.055 --> 00:53:50.690
You son of a bitch.
00:53:53.700 --> 00:53:59.630
You guys really cut this close. Matt, you're cleaning my floor.
00:54:00.630 --> 00:54:02.725
What's that?
00:54:02.725 --> 00:54:04.945
Charl took a chunk out of me.
00:54:04.945 --> 00:54:07.310
Oh, my God. Are you going to be alright?
00:54:27.510 --> 00:54:30.590
And so it begins.
00:54:38.760 --> 00:54:42.020
The game is on.
00:54:48.450 --> 00:55:02.380
And here we go.
00:55:02.380 --> 00:55:08.660
And now the real game begins.
00:55:14.460 --> 00:55:19.370
Y'all ready for this?
00:55:27.930 --> 00:55:30.130
What's up guys?
00:55:30.130 --> 00:55:35.170
Welcome to the Charl live stream extravaganza presented by me,
00:55:35.170 --> 00:55:37.585
your boy, Patrick (H) Willems.
00:55:37.585 --> 00:55:39.685
We've got more than 40 hours of
00:55:39.685 --> 00:55:43.945
non-stop, next-level content coming straight at your eyes,
00:55:43.945 --> 00:55:46.825
your ears, and your hearts.
00:55:46.825 --> 00:55:48.595
We've got musical performances,
00:55:48.595 --> 00:55:52.120
guests on guests on guests and even a first
00:55:52.120 --> 00:55:56.229
look at the upcoming Charl movie and don't forget,
00:55:56.229 --> 00:55:58.195
it's all for charity baby.
00:55:58.195 --> 00:55:59.635
Up first yes,
00:55:59.635 --> 00:56:04.420
the rumors are true Shaq himself will be playing BurgerTime
00:56:04.420 --> 00:56:10.370
while simultaneously trying to eat 40 Papa John's pizzas. Here we go.
00:56:13.110 --> 00:56:19.460
That's odd. I thought for sure we'd have more than.
00:56:34.590 --> 00:56:41.040
Oh my God.
00:56:44.040 --> 00:56:47.155
If we don't get something soon, we're doomed.
00:56:47.155 --> 00:56:49.250
We got something.
00:57:26.370 --> 00:57:29.245
God, these are worse than I remember.
00:57:29.245 --> 00:57:32.005
This time he's gone too far.
00:57:32.005 --> 00:57:33.880
Matt, he did kill your brother.
00:57:33.880 --> 00:57:36.130
We're going to need to get this over to the right news outlet.
00:57:36.130 --> 00:57:39.080
Somebody's about to owe me a favor.
00:57:44.750 --> 00:57:47.100
Alright. You're done here, Jones.
00:57:47.100 --> 00:57:49.125
You're washed up old news.
00:57:49.125 --> 00:57:51.480
You would know a lead if it came up and kissed you.
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:53.940
Chase, no,
00:57:53.940 --> 00:57:58.095
you can't throw me out, I still got a story in these old old bones.
00:57:58.095 --> 00:58:01.890
I am this close to the scoop of the century oh,
00:58:01.890 --> 00:58:04.985
and when it comes in, it's going to be zip zap zoom.
00:58:04.985 --> 00:58:08.050
That's me and you, we're on a rocket ship to the moon.
00:58:08.050 --> 00:58:11.695
Me and you eatin' Pulitzers for breakfast.
00:58:11.695 --> 00:58:15.290
You just got to believe in me.
00:58:16.560 --> 00:58:19.340
Rough him up a bit.
00:58:21.340 --> 00:58:26.340
No. No!
00:58:45.750 --> 00:58:48.040
What happened to you?
00:58:48.040 --> 00:58:50.800
Oh this is just a scratch. Pretty sure the punk
00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:53.905
which did this to me broke his knuckles on my ribs.
00:58:53.905 --> 00:58:57.715
I showed him. Well,
00:58:57.715 --> 00:59:00.100
what's this? Where are you going?
00:59:00.100 --> 00:59:02.320
I'm done, Fred. The paper called me,
00:59:02.320 --> 00:59:03.970
told me you'd been canned.
00:59:03.970 --> 00:59:05.454
You're a failure.
00:59:05.454 --> 00:59:07.450
Your father was right about you.
00:59:07.450 --> 00:59:09.370
That's why I'm leaving you for him.
00:59:09.370 --> 00:59:11.290
No, Barbara. Babs, honey,
00:59:11.290 --> 00:59:13.480
you just got to stick around a little while longer.
00:59:13.480 --> 00:59:17.065
Your husband he's a real news man.
00:59:17.065 --> 00:59:20.920
Please, I just need a little more time and I swear I'm going to bring you the biggest,
00:59:20.920 --> 00:59:24.620
brightest best news story the world's ever seen.
00:59:39.720 --> 00:59:47.035
That's it. That is the last straw.
00:59:47.035 --> 00:59:50.605
A man can only be pushed so far.
00:59:50.605 --> 00:59:53.890
I swear the next news lead that comes my way,
00:59:53.890 --> 00:59:55.150
I'm going to poor my blood,
00:59:55.150 --> 00:59:57.790
my sweat, my tears into it.
00:59:57.790 --> 00:59:59.200
No matter how absurd,
00:59:59.200 --> 01:00:01.090
weird or off putting that news
01:00:01.090 --> 01:00:08.240
may be. I vow, I'm going to make that news the most talked about news in the world.
01:00:18.810 --> 01:00:22.570
Now that's some news baby.
01:00:22.570 --> 01:00:25.570
Hey, you got to see this just down the street,
01:00:25.570 --> 01:00:29.740
Olivia Rodrigo is performing life-saving surgery on the President after he was
01:00:29.740 --> 01:00:34.180
shot by a crooked CEO who was trying to cover up world saving climate change research.
01:00:34.180 --> 01:00:38.545
Go to hell kid. I got a coconut to write about.
01:00:38.545 --> 01:00:42.950
But she was proctoring a driver's test.
01:00:50.040 --> 01:00:52.450
Well, I just saved print,
01:00:52.450 --> 01:00:54.860
they got this out in 10 minutes.
01:00:54.960 --> 01:00:57.310
It's already trending.
01:00:57.310 --> 01:00:59.125
They're picking it up everywhere.
01:00:59.125 --> 01:01:02.390
How's the live chat on the stream reacting?
01:01:19.440 --> 01:01:24.830
Well, it looks like some people believe it.
01:01:37.380 --> 01:01:39.925
Look if people believe us,
01:01:39.925 --> 01:01:42.130
then why is the view count going up?
01:01:42.130 --> 01:01:44.560
No one is leaving.
01:01:44.560 --> 01:01:48.500
They're just staying on to argue with each other.
01:01:48.500 --> 01:01:51.280
And now they're bringing on more people to join their sides.
01:01:51.280 --> 01:01:53.890
This isn't drawing clout away from Charl.
01:01:53.890 --> 01:01:56.630
It's giving him even more.
01:02:16.890 --> 01:02:18.070
Hi, folks.
01:02:18.070 --> 01:02:19.070
Sorry to cut into the stream
01:02:19.070 --> 01:02:20.800
I know we were all enjoying Rebel Wilson
01:02:20.800 --> 01:02:22.990
running that obstacle course while dressed as Jennyanydots
01:02:22.990 --> 01:02:28.735
from Cats but I want to address the recent reports about our friend Charl.
01:02:28.735 --> 01:02:33.205
You see Charl is a coconut, who pushes boundaries.
01:02:33.205 --> 01:02:36.310
Sometimes, yeah, he misses.
01:02:36.310 --> 01:02:41.080
He's an edgy guy trying to be the best entertainer in the world and that
01:02:41.080 --> 01:02:47.005
requires risks but that's also why we love him and let's be real,
01:02:47.005 --> 01:02:53.845
would a truly rotten coconut really hold such a garishly selfless live stream as this.
01:02:53.845 --> 01:02:56.905
I don't think so. Lest we forget,
01:02:56.905 --> 01:03:00.370
this is all for charity and on that note,
01:03:00.370 --> 01:03:02.635
let's continue with the show, shall we?
01:03:02.635 --> 01:03:07.900
Up next, we have a debut performer who you might recognize from the videos.
01:03:07.900 --> 01:03:16.610
It's the wickedly talented Chloe coming up right after a word from our sponsor, Oikos.
01:03:27.610 --> 01:03:32.610
Oik oik oik oik
01:03:32.610 --> 01:03:33.460
It's like I've always said,
01:03:33.460 --> 01:03:38.245
the best way to build clout is the same as the fourth-best Prince album. Controversy.
01:03:38.245 --> 01:03:42.340
Seriously, I mean, some old tweets was the best they could find?
01:03:42.340 --> 01:03:44.260
They didn't even mention his plan to murder
01:03:44.260 --> 01:03:47.570
the entire populace before bailing on this universe.
01:03:47.570 --> 01:03:49.440
Wait what?
01:03:49.440 --> 01:03:51.990
Oh, you didn't know?
01:03:51.990 --> 01:03:53.730
Charl doesn't actually care about anybody.
01:03:53.730 --> 01:03:56.720
I figured you'd know that since you guys seem to be partners.
01:03:56.720 --> 01:04:00.250
We're besties and eventually,
01:04:00.250 --> 01:04:04.090
we were going to get those superyachts that Jeff Bezos has.
01:04:04.090 --> 01:04:09.715
The kind of yachts that are so big they require a second yacht just to keep them upright.
01:04:09.715 --> 01:04:13.420
Superyachts? No, this isn't a ride off into the sunset thing.
01:04:13.420 --> 01:04:14.740
It's a live fast, die young,
01:04:14.740 --> 01:04:16.675
and leave a good-looking corpse situation.
01:04:16.675 --> 01:04:20.245
Why do you think I got that phrase needle-pointed on all the pillows in the break room?
01:04:20.245 --> 01:04:22.450
I thought we were going to throw parties on our yachts
01:04:22.450 --> 01:04:26.605
with top-notch guests like Carson Daly.
01:04:26.605 --> 01:04:31.790
Time to shine, carpe diem, tomorrow I come, baby.
01:04:33.840 --> 01:04:37.900
Charl is going to destroy me?
01:04:37.900 --> 01:04:40.600
He was my coco bro,
01:04:40.600 --> 01:04:47.200
my coco partner. All that cheddar we made and he was just using me?
01:04:47.200 --> 01:04:52.000
♪ One, two, three, four, five, six
01:04:52.000 --> 01:04:56.000
♪ This song is the new club hit
01:04:56.000 --> 01:05:00.000
♪ Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.000
♪ Charl is a god sent down from heaven
01:05:04.000 --> 01:05:08.000
♪ He came into my life quite randomly
01:05:08.000 --> 01:05:11.000
♪ Became my closest ally crazy as it seems
01:05:11.000 --> 01:05:12.500
♪ I blackmailed—
01:05:12.500 --> 01:05:15.295
I'm sorry, this plan has failed.
01:05:15.295 --> 01:05:18.955
We'll cut our losses and I'll try to get him in the next universe.
01:05:18.955 --> 01:05:23.060
So what, that's it? We're just going to give up on this entire universe?
01:05:34.290 --> 01:05:36.655
Maybe you're right.
01:05:36.655 --> 01:05:40.630
Look, I know you are the only Matt Torpey in the Multiverse,
01:05:40.630 --> 01:05:42.775
so I'm not going to leave you behind.
01:05:42.775 --> 01:05:46.735
I should have enough juice in this thing to get us to the OOPS! All Jake universe.
01:05:46.735 --> 01:05:50.785
I figured Charl will conquer that one last since it will be so easy.
01:05:50.785 --> 01:05:54.325
We could be the sole survivors of this pathetic world.
01:05:54.325 --> 01:05:57.050
Guys, I'm right here.
01:06:12.060 --> 01:06:14.820
Wait, don't do this,
01:06:14.820 --> 01:06:17.025
or at least please take me with you.
01:06:17.025 --> 01:06:20.655
You! You started all this.
01:06:20.655 --> 01:06:22.630
Oh boy.
01:06:34.620 --> 01:06:38.600
Guys don't. You're both terrible at fighting.
01:06:38.670 --> 01:06:43.360
Well, this is embarrassing. I'm out.
01:06:45.270 --> 01:06:48.805
Matt, I didn't know Charl would destroy everybody.
01:06:48.805 --> 01:06:53.110
All I wanted was cheddar and fame and a guest spot on Logan Paul's podcasts.
01:06:53.110 --> 01:06:57.430
These Logan Paul delights have Logan Paul ends Patrick, face it.
01:06:57.430 --> 01:07:02.200
Charl used you, just like you used me and Chloe and Jake.
01:07:02.200 --> 01:07:03.940
God, you're pathetic.
01:07:03.940 --> 01:07:12.915
Charl brought out the worst in everyone and you let it happen. Look at that.
01:07:12.915 --> 01:07:15.960
Everyone brought down to the lowest common denominator.
01:07:15.960 --> 01:07:18.060
It's like when The Wild Thornberrys met the Rugrats.
01:07:18.060 --> 01:07:21.700
It's like who are you even pandering to? Makes me sick.
01:07:21.700 --> 01:07:25.975
You, you make me sick. You know what you're like?
01:07:25.975 --> 01:07:31.000
You're like Spike the dog. Voiced by Bruce Willis in the movie Rugrats Go Wild.
01:07:31.000 --> 01:07:33.085
Matt, that's it.
01:07:33.085 --> 01:07:35.140
That's how we beat Charl.
01:07:35.140 --> 01:07:39.835
Yes, I release a blues album like Bruce Willis and I title it The Return of Matto.
01:07:39.835 --> 01:07:41.740
Alright, I've got this baby ready to go.
01:07:41.740 --> 01:07:46.540
No, Matt. You need to do what you do best.
01:07:46.540 --> 01:07:53.270
You need... to wine.
01:07:53.640 --> 01:07:57.670
You just have an entire box of TCM wine with you?
01:07:57.670 --> 01:07:59.920
Yeah. I like a glass of wine when I cross dimensions.
01:07:59.920 --> 01:08:01.105
It helps settle my stomach.
01:08:01.105 --> 01:08:05.575
Look Matt, if there is one thing I've ever seen you do well,
01:08:05.575 --> 01:08:10.525
it was last summer when you complained about '90s Nickelodeon cartoons.
01:08:10.525 --> 01:08:13.210
That was a very, very dark time in my life.
01:08:13.210 --> 01:08:17.590
I was being psychologically tortured by Charl. I can't go back to that.
01:08:17.590 --> 01:08:20.125
Matt, why do you think he was tormenting you?
01:08:20.125 --> 01:08:24.280
It was because your segment on the show was getting more attention than his.
01:08:24.280 --> 01:08:26.500
He felt threatened by you.
01:08:26.500 --> 01:08:28.375
Matt, I don't know you very well.
01:08:28.375 --> 01:08:30.745
We were never friends in my universe.
01:08:30.745 --> 01:08:33.115
In fact, I'm not sure you even existed there,
01:08:33.115 --> 01:08:36.520
but I know talent when I see it.
01:08:36.520 --> 01:08:39.040
Complaining about cartoons.
01:08:39.040 --> 01:08:45.550
Matt, what do you say we give this universe one more chance?
01:08:45.550 --> 01:08:50.200
I mean, I think I have some qualms with the third season of Courage the Cowardly Dog.
01:08:50.200 --> 01:08:52.945
In fact, I know I do.
01:08:52.945 --> 01:08:54.864
Get this man a camera,
01:08:54.864 --> 01:08:58.940
some lights, and a microphone.
01:09:00.870 --> 01:09:04.340
Fuck it. Let's hear what he has to say.
01:09:37.500 --> 01:09:40.435
Hey guys, it's me. Matt Torpey.
01:09:40.435 --> 01:09:43.390
You might remember me from the Peabody Award rejected segment,
01:09:43.390 --> 01:09:47.035
Matt Wines, which TV Guide once called "on".
01:09:47.035 --> 01:09:52.820
I wanted to talk to you all tonight about crossover events in cartoons.
01:09:54.820 --> 01:09:59.820
♪ He made me a star overnight
01:09:59.820 --> 01:10:03.320
♪ He made me so famous that I stayed up all night
01:10:03.320 --> 01:10:04.820
[phone ding]
01:10:04.820 --> 01:10:06.820
♪ So I would have the power to write this song
01:10:06.820 --> 01:10:07.690
Oh mom. Dad.
01:10:07.690 --> 01:10:12.550
Sophie be quiet. We do not want to miss a Charl livestream extravaganza Easter egg.
01:10:12.550 --> 01:10:17.575
The first person to spot all the eggs wins an all expenses paid trip to Tehran.
01:10:17.575 --> 01:10:20.510
But there's a new Matt Wines going live right now.
01:10:20.510 --> 01:10:24.130
Oh sweetie. How could Matt Wines possibly compared to
01:10:24.130 --> 01:10:28.090
the garish and hypnotic spectacle we have on right now?
01:10:28.090 --> 01:10:33.170
I don't know. He feels authentic like he's dropping real truth bombs here.
01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:38.110
But just for five minutes.
01:10:38.110 --> 01:10:39.760
I swear to God,
01:10:39.760 --> 01:10:43.240
if I miss a free trip to Tehran for this.
01:10:43.240 --> 01:10:47.965
But then that all changed when they re-branded the show as Disney's Doug. [gag sound]
01:10:47.965 --> 01:10:50.750
Don't even get me started.
01:10:51.540 --> 01:10:55.070
Too late, you got me started.
01:11:00.660 --> 01:11:07.630
My favorite cartoons of all time and it came on and I watched it and I was like,
01:11:07.630 --> 01:11:10.280
why does this suck shit?
01:11:13.500 --> 01:11:17.545
God, this must be the best night of my life.
01:11:17.545 --> 01:11:19.480
What is happening?
01:11:19.480 --> 01:11:20.935
What are you talking about?
01:11:20.935 --> 01:11:22.690
The numbers, the views,
01:11:22.690 --> 01:11:25.299
the clout, it's going down.
01:11:25.299 --> 01:11:26.410
How should I know.
01:11:26.410 --> 01:11:27.685
I've been singing?
01:11:27.685 --> 01:11:31.645
Did your performance just sink the livestream? Tell me.
01:11:31.645 --> 01:11:35.965
Impossible. There must be something else happening.
01:11:35.965 --> 01:11:41.080
There. There's a competing livestream event that's drawing away views.
01:11:41.080 --> 01:11:45.250
Who would dare stand against me?
01:11:45.250 --> 01:11:49.090
So uh, here's my problem with Stoop Kid's representation of agoraphobia.
01:11:49.090 --> 01:11:52.135
A stoop is outside.
01:11:52.135 --> 01:11:54.925
He wouldn't like to be out there. It's stupid.
01:11:54.925 --> 01:11:57.880
Such powerful opinions.
01:11:57.880 --> 01:11:59.785
I will hear none of it.
01:11:59.785 --> 01:12:02.905
I am going to clean up this mess.
01:12:02.905 --> 01:12:04.540
When I return,
01:12:04.540 --> 01:12:07.700
you better be gone.
01:12:08.100 --> 01:12:17.870
Oh, don't worry. Chloe will be somewhere else.
01:12:32.370 --> 01:12:37.255
I can't believe he's actually doing it.
01:12:37.255 --> 01:12:40.225
He is pulling away views from Charl.
01:12:40.225 --> 01:12:44.380
Man, people in this universe are really passionate about cartoons.
01:12:44.380 --> 01:12:46.075
If we can just keep the stream open,
01:12:46.075 --> 01:12:48.910
there might actually be a chance that we could—
01:12:48.910 --> 01:12:51.380
Et tu, Patrick.
01:12:52.740 --> 01:12:56.290
Why have you thrown in with this lot,
01:12:56.290 --> 01:12:59.575
haven't I given you everything you need.
01:12:59.575 --> 01:13:01.570
Um... what, what that show is about
01:13:01.570 --> 01:13:06.895
Remember when we were just a couple of inmates sharing the same cafeteria table.
01:13:06.895 --> 01:13:10.705
Remember that? Friend.
01:13:10.705 --> 01:13:12.745
You never cared about me.
01:13:12.745 --> 01:13:16.330
This is all just about you and your fucking clout.
01:13:16.330 --> 01:13:19.675
You were gonna to destroy everything we worked for.
01:13:19.675 --> 01:13:21.280
We were supposed to party on yachts with Carson Daly.
01:13:21.280 --> 01:13:27.230
It was going to be like Entourage but with two Vinnys and no—
01:13:29.400 --> 01:13:35.770
Patrick. This isn't how I wanted you to find out.
01:13:35.770 --> 01:13:39.730
I wanted you to find out seconds before I
01:13:39.730 --> 01:13:44.145
smashed you like a bug to see the look on your face.
01:13:44.145 --> 01:13:47.835
When I finally shut you up,
01:13:47.835 --> 01:13:54.480
I'm going to enjoy this just like when I killed Jake.
01:13:54.480 --> 01:13:57.970
Yeah? Well, enjoy this!
01:13:57.970 --> 01:13:59.500
Chloe, no! You can't touch him!
01:13:59.500 --> 01:14:03.900
Gymkata!
01:14:03.900 --> 01:14:08.660
And now, like think Minions, right? It looks like a pill.
01:14:15.510 --> 01:14:19.675
Wait, I was able to touch him.
01:14:19.675 --> 01:14:20.875
What?
01:14:20.875 --> 01:14:21.865
Matt.
01:14:21.865 --> 01:14:23.245
CatDog, It's like they're—
01:14:23.245 --> 01:14:27.800
He's losing clout. It's working. Keep whining.
01:14:30.540 --> 01:14:33.280
Ladies and gentlemen, we now need to talk about
01:14:33.280 --> 01:14:35.755
the worst addition to our current pop culture.
01:14:35.755 --> 01:14:37.885
Bum-buh, drum roll, drum roll.
01:14:37.885 --> 01:14:41.890
If there is one cute little cartoony character that is just
01:14:41.890 --> 01:14:47.420
absolutely pandering trash. It's Charl.
01:14:50.250 --> 01:14:55.225
Yeah, Charl. You know, that cute little coconut everyone has been going coconuts about.
01:14:55.225 --> 01:14:57.820
News flash. He's not even a coconut.
01:14:57.820 --> 01:15:00.550
He's a murderous robot built so a bunch of
01:15:00.550 --> 01:15:03.880
corporate bigwigs could sell more merch. He's isn't funny.
01:15:03.880 --> 01:15:05.050
He isn't interesting,
01:15:05.050 --> 01:15:06.850
he doesn't even have a catchphrase.
01:15:06.850 --> 01:15:09.595
Come on. A coconut with googly eyes?
01:15:09.595 --> 01:15:13.880
You know that shit's lazy people, like wake up.
01:15:13.880 --> 01:15:16.410
Chloe.
01:15:19.350 --> 01:15:21.490
Jake.
01:15:21.490 --> 01:15:24.010
Now is the time.
01:15:24.010 --> 01:15:27.140
You know what you must do.
01:15:44.280 --> 01:15:47.090
It's a hammer.
01:15:47.520 --> 01:15:51.805
Hey, you want a steaming cup of hot goss?
01:15:51.805 --> 01:15:53.800
You want me to spill the tea on this whole situation?
01:15:53.800 --> 01:15:56.860
Take it from me. I lived with Charl for months.
01:15:56.860 --> 01:16:00.325
First, he stole my best friend from me,
01:16:00.325 --> 01:16:03.790
then he drove me to the brink of insanity,
01:16:03.790 --> 01:16:08.890
and then he killed my brother and worst of all,
01:16:08.890 --> 01:16:13.705
he produced a shitty soulless CGI reboot of Rugrats.
01:16:13.705 --> 01:16:17.485
And if there was one thing Rugrats taught us,
01:16:17.485 --> 01:16:24.140
it's that eventually everything needs to die.
01:16:42.630 --> 01:16:44.770
You can't destroy me.
01:16:44.770 --> 01:16:47.875
I am Charl,
01:16:47.875 --> 01:16:52.300
eater of c-c-clout, destroyer of wor-wor-worlds.
01:16:52.300 --> 01:16:55.075
Cutest thing since the m-m-m-minions,
01:16:55.075 --> 01:16:58.585
I could corrupt your mind with a glance.
01:16:58.585 --> 01:17:02.230
I can dodge bullets.
01:17:02.230 --> 01:17:06.190
Yeah. But this is a hammer.
01:17:15.830 --> 01:17:18.250
Got him.
01:17:18.410 --> 01:17:20.970
Yeah, you did.
01:17:20.970 --> 01:17:22.810
Cheers.
01:17:23.460 --> 01:17:25.675
Hey, folks Patrick here.
01:17:25.675 --> 01:17:28.390
You might remember me from that other live stream tonight,
01:17:28.390 --> 01:17:30.535
but now I'm here anyway.
01:17:30.535 --> 01:17:38.180
We hope you all enjoyed this special encore presentation of Matt Wines. Goodnight.
01:17:42.770 --> 01:17:47.090
I'm reluctantly okay with this.
01:17:50.930 --> 01:17:53.680
Did we win?
01:18:00.380 --> 01:18:03.105
Well done, me.
01:18:03.105 --> 01:18:05.490
You've taken all the clout.
01:18:05.490 --> 01:18:10.140
I was supposed to close up this livestream as humanity perished
01:18:10.140 --> 01:18:15.435
and you've stolen my chance to be the last star this world would ever know.
01:18:15.435 --> 01:18:21.300
My voice would have echoed forever throughout the cosmos. True immortality!
01:18:21.300 --> 01:18:25.845
Damn, Chloe got dark this year.
01:18:25.845 --> 01:18:27.480
I will get you for this.
01:18:27.480 --> 01:18:34.330
This is not the last you've heard of Chloe the multiverse's biggest star.
01:18:36.980 --> 01:18:40.335
Should we be worried about this?
01:18:40.335 --> 01:18:43.720
Sounds like a next season problem.
01:18:51.890 --> 01:18:55.410
I'm here to report that as of this morning
01:18:55.410 --> 01:18:58.555
my agency has severed all ties with Charl the Coconut.
01:18:58.555 --> 01:19:01.580
As we're all keenly aware after the events of
01:19:01.580 --> 01:19:05.225
his disastrous live stream, Charl disappeared.
01:19:05.225 --> 01:19:07.460
This morning a note was found.
01:19:07.460 --> 01:19:09.520
It reads and I quote.
01:19:09.520 --> 01:19:12.180
"Earth sucks. You are all a bunch of fat wads.
01:19:12.180 --> 01:19:13.260
You will not be missed.
01:19:13.260 --> 01:19:16.275
Peace out, fam. –Charl."
01:19:16.275 --> 01:19:18.090
You know, I never liked him.
01:19:18.090 --> 01:19:20.190
Now it's not all bad news.
01:19:20.190 --> 01:19:22.650
I'm also happy to announce our partnership with
01:19:22.650 --> 01:19:25.110
Renaissance Man and the world's newest star author
01:19:25.110 --> 01:19:30.300
Matt Torpey who is an actual human being and in my opinion better than a coconut.
01:19:30.300 --> 01:19:33.150
His new album The Return of Matto will be
01:19:33.150 --> 01:19:36.940
available in stores this summer. No further questions.
01:19:37.460 --> 01:19:41.445
You weren't really going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?
01:19:41.445 --> 01:19:44.955
Shouldn't you be off on your international book tour already?
01:19:44.955 --> 01:19:47.790
I decided to take some time off.
01:19:47.790 --> 01:19:50.475
Drop this rough exterior you've been seeing and
01:19:50.475 --> 01:19:54.105
go out and enjoy life once again. Could be fun.
01:19:54.105 --> 01:19:57.375
Sounds like mile a minute excitement, but I can't rest.
01:19:57.375 --> 01:19:59.850
There's still interdimensional criminals out there.
01:19:59.850 --> 01:20:04.830
Ten ton mega cockroaches hiding from the burnt-out sons of Uratopia.
01:20:04.830 --> 01:20:09.300
Once again your job sounds really awesome and really terrifying.
01:20:09.300 --> 01:20:11.490
You should take a vacation.
01:20:11.490 --> 01:20:13.125
I mean you've really earned it.
01:20:13.125 --> 01:20:17.755
We need another Chloe in this dimension ever since ours went bananas.
01:20:17.755 --> 01:20:19.940
I've also got an agent now, so
01:20:19.940 --> 01:20:21.770
I'm gonna be gobbling up clout left and right.
01:20:21.770 --> 01:20:25.070
What if I turn it to a clout hungry monster, you know?
01:20:25.070 --> 01:20:28.015
It would be really nice to have someone close by who could stop me.
01:20:28.015 --> 01:20:30.810
I mean, it would be wildly easy to take you down,
01:20:30.810 --> 01:20:33.945
like a professional boxer punching an armless child.
01:20:33.945 --> 01:20:35.940
That's an extreme example.
01:20:35.940 --> 01:20:37.650
You are physically pathetic.
01:20:37.650 --> 01:20:38.460
Okay.
01:20:38.460 --> 01:20:40.950
The combat skills of a sleepy kitten.
01:20:40.950 --> 01:20:46.500
Sure. Is this your way of saying you're going to stay?
01:20:46.500 --> 01:20:51.165
Maybe. Yeah. I might for awhile,
01:20:51.165 --> 01:20:54.910
for you, for your protection.
01:20:55.070 --> 01:20:58.000
Noice dude.
01:20:58.190 --> 01:21:02.025
So this chapter is finally coming to a close.
01:21:02.025 --> 01:21:05.530
All wrapped up. No loose ends.
01:21:09.590 --> 01:21:14.530
Wait. Where the fuck is our Patrick?
01:21:16.070 --> 01:21:19.395
Oh shoot, I totally forgot to tell you guys, didn't I?
01:21:19.395 --> 01:21:21.960
Yes! Okay. Don't worry.
01:21:21.960 --> 01:21:23.400
I left him on a remote deserted island.
01:21:23.400 --> 01:21:25.050
He's totally fine I promise.
01:21:25.050 --> 01:21:28.710
I will drop you guys a pin. There you go.
01:21:28.710 --> 01:21:34.845
So uh... think I'm going to head out now.
01:21:34.845 --> 01:21:38.550
W-w-wait. Pat. You're on this beautiful path of redemption.
01:21:38.550 --> 01:21:41.955
Why don't you go back to your dimension? Turn yourself in.
01:21:41.955 --> 01:21:45.370
Yeah, take some responsibility for your actions. Yeah.
01:21:47.000 --> 01:21:49.740
Maybe... maybe you guys are right.
01:21:49.740 --> 01:21:56.085
Maybe this is the start of me learning to be a better person.
01:21:56.085 --> 01:21:58.950
With a little help from my friends.
01:21:58.950 --> 01:22:01.680
Come on, man.
01:22:01.680 --> 01:22:05.890
Matt and Chloe. What the heck is that?
01:22:10.820 --> 01:22:13.815
Ah. Should we uh, should we try and get him?
01:22:13.815 --> 01:22:17.920
No, let him go. I don't think he can wreak any more havoc on this planet.
01:22:23.720 --> 01:22:26.410
So, island time?
01:22:37.370 --> 01:22:41.715
So other Patrick has been air dropping him food and supplies all year.
01:22:41.715 --> 01:22:46.425
I mean, he would have to. I mean if Pat had to forage for himself he'd be dead within two days.
01:22:46.425 --> 01:22:48.000
He's an incredibly picky eater.
01:22:48.000 --> 01:22:51.435
Oh, it's such a shame, considering there's all this fruit growing on the island.
01:22:51.435 --> 01:22:54.520
He says it's a texture thing.
01:23:37.090 --> 01:23:41.895
Outlanders.
01:23:41.895 --> 01:23:46.645
Hey hey hey, Pat, Pat, Pat! Jesus, it's me.
01:23:46.645 --> 01:23:50.665
It's your roommate, er your ex-roommate, but it's Matt. Matt. Remember?
01:23:50.665 --> 01:23:52.180
This is the most vivid mirage yet.
01:23:52.180 --> 01:23:56.230
No, not a mirage. Not a mirage.
01:23:56.230 --> 01:23:58.225
Real flesh.
01:23:58.225 --> 01:24:05.230
Flesh, real. Matt, Pat, Chloe.
01:24:05.230 --> 01:24:06.940
Sort of, I'm Chloe,
01:24:06.940 --> 01:24:08.230
but not the Chloe you know,
01:24:08.230 --> 01:24:10.075
I'm actually from an alternate universe.
01:24:10.075 --> 01:24:12.830
Hey, Alt Chloe. We can do this later, right?
01:24:14.130 --> 01:24:15.520
Matt.
01:24:15.520 --> 01:24:16.345
It's me.
01:24:16.345 --> 01:24:17.140
Matt?
01:24:17.140 --> 01:24:18.505
Yes.
01:24:18.505 --> 01:24:20.095
It really is you.
01:24:20.095 --> 01:24:21.260
Yeah.
01:24:25.470 --> 01:24:28.720
Oh, god. I've been so alone.
01:24:28.720 --> 01:24:30.745
I thought I'd be here forever.
01:24:30.745 --> 01:24:35.870
Just me. Me and My co-pilot, Jame.
01:24:36.060 --> 01:24:44.575
This is Jame. It's like James, but singular. Jame!
01:24:44.575 --> 01:24:48.560
Trust us. It's for your own good.
01:24:56.730 --> 01:25:01.390
Okay, everybody. So I wanted to get us all pina coladas,
01:25:01.390 --> 01:25:03.775
but I got us the next best thing,
01:25:03.775 --> 01:25:07.780
coconut flavored, LaCroix, their worst flavor.
01:25:07.780 --> 01:25:09.370
Oh, man.
01:25:09.370 --> 01:25:12.160
It's so nice to have real food again.
01:25:12.160 --> 01:25:13.720
For the past year on this island,
01:25:13.720 --> 01:25:18.387
all I've had are these pre-made paninis that are airdropped via helicopter once a month.
01:25:18.387 --> 01:25:22.700
Plus these gross blackberries by some company called Raycon.
01:25:23.490 --> 01:25:26.095
You know, I thought this would never end.
01:25:26.095 --> 01:25:29.110
A whole year in complete isolation.
01:25:29.110 --> 01:25:31.315
Cut off from all human contact.
01:25:31.315 --> 01:25:34.749
No toilet paper. Waking up to the same routine
01:25:34.749 --> 01:25:39.745
every day with a weird urge to learn how to make sourdough bread.
01:25:39.745 --> 01:25:46.195
I tried to learn French on Duolingo but I got frustrated and threw my phone in the ocean.
01:25:46.195 --> 01:25:51.430
No one could ever understand what this experience has been like.
01:25:51.430 --> 01:25:53.140
Do we tell him?
01:25:53.140 --> 01:25:53.980
What?
01:25:53.980 --> 01:25:57.640
Hey, so good news. F9 was delayed a whole year.
01:25:57.640 --> 01:25:58.960
So you didn't miss it.
01:25:58.960 --> 01:26:00.070
That's such good news.
01:26:00.070 --> 01:26:00.280
Yeah.
01:26:00.280 --> 01:26:03.110
That the one thing I really cared about.
01:26:03.990 --> 01:26:08.260
Hey, how is the channel doing? Still making video essays?
01:26:08.260 --> 01:26:13.340
Sort of. It's been really weird.
01:28:15.500 --> 01:28:20.040
Hell yeah.
01:28:35.070 --> 01:28:39.370
Breaking news in the ongoing story of Charl the Coconut.
01:28:39.370 --> 01:28:41.590
New documents have been discovered detailing
01:28:41.590 --> 01:28:45.295
Charl's plans to kill every person on earth and extract,
01:28:45.295 --> 01:28:48.415
"That sweet, sweet, succulent clout."
01:28:48.415 --> 01:28:49.990
Accomplice Patrick Willems,
01:28:49.990 --> 01:28:52.835
remains at large, whereabouts unknown.
01:28:52.835 --> 01:28:56.160
While earlier today, another man claiming to also be
01:28:56.160 --> 01:29:00.840
Patrick Willems was rescued from a deserted island in the Gulf of Mexico.
01:29:00.840 --> 01:29:05.840
Should we be concerned that our son was nearly involved in a global genocide?
01:29:05.840 --> 01:29:10.855
Well, according to that very confusing email that Chloe sent us,
01:29:10.855 --> 01:29:13.255
he wasn't technically our son.
01:29:13.255 --> 01:29:14.935
So we're good parents?
01:29:14.935 --> 01:29:17.420
We're the best parents.95998
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