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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,200 SHOUTING 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,640 It's not a fair system, is it, the cracker? 3 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,280 - I got a key ring. 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,119 - Let me go! 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,319 - You have to wait for your father! 6 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:20,279 We all have to go down together as a family, as we always do. 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,399 - Do we? - Yes. What do you mean, "Do we?"? It's a family tradition, Sam. 8 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,319 - I don't remember that either, to be fair. - Yes! 9 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:28,619 We all go down together to see if Father Christmas has been. - OK. 10 00:00:28,644 --> 00:00:29,840 I mean, I'm 21. 11 00:00:29,865 --> 00:00:31,565 - Well, Sam's only... 12 00:00:31,590 --> 00:00:33,399 - 16, yeah, I'm over it, too. 13 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,839 - No, no! 14 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,319 Can you hurry up, Paul?! You've been in there for ages. 15 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,359 - STRAINING: Yeah, I'm just finishing up, babe. 16 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,159 - Come on, Dad, what are you doing in there? 17 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,519 - Very bursty, isn't it? - What do you mean? 18 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,879 - Your weeing. 19 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,639 It's in short bursts. 20 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:47,679 - It is, yeah. 21 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,559 - It's just how men wee, Mum. 22 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,079 - It's really not, Dad. 23 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,759 - I think you should get your prostate checked. 24 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,039 - Uh?! - Oh, my God. - It might be enlarged. 25 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,559 - What's that?! - Wow. 26 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,159 - Happy Christmas to you too, Mum. 27 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,119 Right, I'm going down. - OK. - I'm going down now, Mum. - All right, let's go. 28 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,759 - I'm worried sick. 29 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,079 - Creep. - I am creeping. - No, not like that. 30 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,759 That's like a zombie. - I don't want to creep. - We always creep. 31 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:09,919 - Prostate! I mean... 32 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,879 - Fingers crossed he's been, Sam. - Yep. 33 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,159 - Oh, my God, he has, he's been! 34 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,599 And look, the reindeer have eaten the carrots up. 35 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,879 - Well, that proves it wasn't Dad, if the vegetable's been eaten. 36 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,239 Oh, ha, ha, very funny. Not. 37 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,079 - Yeah, no sass, not on Christmas Day. 38 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,799 - Oh, I'm loving the flickery lights, Paul. 39 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,359 - Yes, aren't they great? - Thanks, Mum. 40 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,559 They're not actually meant to do that. - Oh, my God! 41 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,599 Sam, it's Santa's footsteps! 42 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,799 - Who's this for? Because it doesn't feel like it's me. 43 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,359 - I'll hoover up that flour, actually, 44 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,959 because it will just get everywhere. - It's not flour, it's magic. 45 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,439 - Mum, magic? I'm opening my stocking. 46 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,719 - No, no, no, we're not going to open our presents now. 47 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,119 We're going to put Hey Mr Christmas by Showaddywaddy on. 48 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,079 - Oh! Do we have to do that?! - That's what we always did. 49 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,799 OK, well, we don't... OK, well, why don't we light a fire? 50 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,079 We always light a fire. - No, it's not cold enough for a fire. 51 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,359 - DAD: No. 52 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,079 I'm just going to open them now. - OK, OK. 53 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,559 No, no, please, can we all just wait and take a moment 54 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,640 to savour the magic of Christmas? 55 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,479 - OK, I've done that now. - OK. 56 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:05,559 - Yep, same. 57 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,079 OK, Dad, I'm filming. - Right, are you? Yeah. 58 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,519 Here we go. 59 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,799 HE HUMS EERIE SONG 60 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,959 - What...? What are you doing? 61 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,399 - HE HUMS 62 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,159 Huh? I'm being a ghost. I'm a ghost. 63 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,439 Don't interrupt me, Sam. 64 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:19,879 - Why would a ghost have fangs? 65 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,119 - Because... 66 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,000 I'll take them out, then. 67 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,559 HE LAUGHS EVILLY 68 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,079 I'll do that again. Mmm! 69 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:28,080 HE GIGGLES 70 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,119 - No, what are you...? 71 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:30,120 - LOUD, EVIL LAUGH 72 00:02:30,121 --> 00:02:32,919 - That's the one. 73 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,399 - Happy Hallowee-ee-n! 74 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,719 Got some treats for all the local kiddies. 75 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,159 CHILDREN CHATTERING Because the thing about community... 76 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:40,160 DOORBELL RINGS 77 00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:41,879 Oh, Oh. 78 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,159 OK. We're on - showtime, showtime. 79 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,199 First customers of the night, here we go. 80 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,999 Make sure you get all the little happy faces on camera, OK, Sam? 81 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,040 - OK, Dad. - This is going to be great. 82 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,319 ALL: - Trick or treat! - Wow! Happy Halloween, look at you! 83 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,599 You're fantastic. OK, just take one. One. One! 84 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,319 Mums and dads! 85 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,239 Mums and dads, can you control your kids? 86 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,799 Can you just bring that... Put that back! Put that back, princess! 87 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,239 Oi! - Thanks very much. 88 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,479 - Oh, my God! 89 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,920 - Come on, let's go! 90 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,399 - DOOR CLOSES 91 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,519 HE PANTS 92 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,119 Mum, the kids completely cleaned me out! 93 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,439 - Already?! 94 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,919 How? - Just grabbing. - Oh, no! Really? 95 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,959 - It was like... It was like a live-action version 96 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,639 of Hungry Hungry Hippos. 97 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,439 And why are they all dressed as Iron Man? 98 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,559 It's got nothing to do with Halloween. - Oh, dear. 99 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,839 - We've not got another tub of sweets, have we, babe? 100 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,199 - I think Amy left a stash of Mini Rolls in the larder. - Ooh! 101 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,519 No, I ate those. 102 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,759 - Oh, Amy, yeah - 103 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,119 any idea what she'd want for Christmas? 104 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,039 - She'll just want money, I reckon, Mum. 105 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,679 - Oh, yeah, actually - me, too. 106 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,959 - Lovely. 107 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,199 That's easy, then. 108 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,999 Ping me your bank details, Sammy. - No, Sue, please! 109 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,799 We're not transferring money to each other for Christmas. 110 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,399 Sam and Amy have to ask for a gift... - Oh, really?! 111 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,039 - ..not just issue invoices. 112 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,639 - OK, fair enough. 113 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,599 What do you want for Crimbo, Paul? 114 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,079 Am I getting you slippers again? 115 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,759 - Oh, no, no. 116 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,519 Um, actually, Mum, I would like 117 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,279 a Big Green Egg. 118 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,679 - An egg? - What?! 119 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,959 - What do you mean? 120 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,279 - You want an egg for Christmas? 121 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,999 - Yeah, you're thinking of Easter. 122 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,479 - No, I'm not! No, I'm not! 123 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,519 This is a barbecue, it's egg-shaped and it's green. 124 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:15,520 - DOORBELL RINGS - I thought you and 125 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:18,039 Rachel could go halves on it. 126 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,839 - No, your Christmas present will be a surprise, thank you, 127 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,319 as it's supposed to be! 128 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:22,320 - DOORBELL RINGS 129 00:04:22,321 --> 00:04:24,719 - Doorbell! - Yes, I've got it. 130 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,999 Be more Spider-Mans. 131 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,639 - Spider-Mans? - Spider-Men. 132 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,719 Did you bring in the pumpkin, Sam? 133 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,679 - No, you didn't ask me to. - We've run out of sweets. 134 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,039 Oh, it's Robin and Cherry. 135 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,759 We expecting you? - Er, no, no, no. 136 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,839 We're just doing a little drive round the area, 137 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,879 check out the pumpkins, thought we'd pop by. 138 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,639 Cherry loves a pumpkin, don't you, babe? - I do, actually, yeah. 139 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,639 To look at, not eat - they're minging. The carved ones, I mean. 140 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,119 - IRISH ACCENT: Jack-o'-lanterns, the Irish pumpkins. 141 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,439 THEY LAUGH 142 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,839 - Happy Halloween, you all! 143 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,959 - Oh, la, la, la. - What are you doing? - Er... 144 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,599 I don't know, actually. Zombie, maybe. 145 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,759 - All right! - Hiya, Sue. - Hello, Robin and Cheryl. - Hiya. Hey, Rach. 146 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,519 - Now, then, what do you two want for Crimbo? 147 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,959 Because I'm doing my list. 148 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,239 - You are looking at it, Sue. 149 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,879 All I want for Christmas is Cherry. 150 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,159 - ALL: Aw! 151 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,039 - And I want a SodaStream. 152 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,159 - Ooh, yeah. 153 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,399 - Although I should say we will be in Cape Verde 154 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,759 on the day itself. 155 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,079 - What? - Oh, cool. - Yes. 156 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,999 Thank you, we will, yeah. Cherry's moved 157 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,999 what would have been our honeymoon to Christmas, hopefully. 158 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,959 I mean, the hotel and the airline don't mind. 159 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,479 - But we need Ian to change his name on the flight 160 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,079 so Robin can go instead. 161 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,999 And he's been well aggie with us 162 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,079 just because I, you know... - Jilted him. 163 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,799 - Well, no... - No. - ..Sue. I did marry him. 164 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,759 - Yeah. - I dumped him straight afterwards. 165 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,519 - It wasn't the full jilt, technically. - No. 166 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,559 And I would have done it before the church, 167 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,759 but the vicar and the flowers were all there 168 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,639 so it would have been well awks. - Way too awks. 169 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,119 - So I dumped him at dinner, 170 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,519 in my speech, 171 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,679 said I was still in love with Robin and... 172 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,519 Yeah, now it's over. 173 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,799 - Jog on, son. 174 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,279 - And he didn't take it well? 175 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:53,559 - No, he did not. 176 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,439 He took it V poorly, I would say. 177 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,119 - Well, I'm really sorry that you're not going to be here, 178 00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,519 Robin, on Christmas Day, 179 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,159 because I was going to ask you to be Paul's elf. 180 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,519 - Oh, I would have loved that - I would have loved that power, 181 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,319 but no, no can do, sorry. - What? 182 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,039 My "elf"? 183 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,399 What do you... mean? 184 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,719 Why do I need an elf? 185 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,719 - Well, I was going to ask you to be Father Christmas... - Oh. 186 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,599 - ..at the hospital, because the chap who normally does it... 187 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,959 - Yeah. - ..he lost a lot of weight, you know, over the summer. 188 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,119 - Did he? - And they need someone who'll fit the costume. - Fit the bill. 189 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,719 - How dare everyone?! 190 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,679 - Paul, listen, it's a great gig. - I mean... 191 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,959 - Everyone's happy to see you. 192 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,839 It's like being Ant and Dec. 193 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,479 Well, you know, one of them. 194 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,959 And all you have to do is give out the pressies. 195 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,079 - Yeah. 196 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,519 No, no, it does, er... 197 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,079 It does sound good. 198 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,719 Hang on. - Oh, he's spotted something. 199 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,199 - Do I have to provide the pressies? 200 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,199 - No, no, no. They do all that. 201 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,199 - Well, congratulations, you've got yourselves a Santa Claus. - No! No! 202 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,599 - Hey! ROBIN: - He's doing it. 203 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,399 No, you're not... No, he won't! 204 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,439 He won't, Sue. You won't have time. 205 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,719 Sorry. - But it's only an hour. - No way. 206 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,639 - He can do it when you're at the drop-in centre. - Drop-in centre? 207 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,519 What? - When I'm at the what? What... What are you talking about? 208 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:06,279 - Well, I said that you might help Dermot with the Christmas lunch - 209 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,799 you know, for the poor people who are living on their own? - OK. OK! 210 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:13,039 OK, can you stop volunteering us for things, please, Sue? 211 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,279 Especially if it involves Dermot. 212 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,159 I find it very hard not to just stare at his horrendous wig 213 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,559 the whole time. 214 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:21,759 - His hair system... 215 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,719 - His hair system. - And he's trimmed it now. - Well.. 216 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,799 I mean, no... - So it's a lot less bushy. - That's not the point, Sue. 217 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,359 I'm sorry, but our Christmas Day follows a very set schedule, 218 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,479 and I can't be there at noon 219 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,839 and neither can Paul, because we will be at church. 220 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,559 - Oh, do we have to? - Perfect. 221 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,879 I won't go to church. - No, you've got to go to church! 222 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,279 - No, no, let him be Santa. 223 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,839 Skip church - Jesus won't mind cos he's doing a good deed, isn't he? 224 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,679 This is what Crimbo is all about, isn't it, Sue? 225 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:46,879 Helping the needy. 226 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,479 - Yeah, you're going on holiday! 227 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,719 - Hang on a minute. I've had an idea. 228 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,279 I'm going to ask Amy to be the elf. 229 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,959 - That's a bad idea. - She'll hate that. - When's she back from Norway? 230 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:54,960 - First week of December. 231 00:07:54,961 --> 00:07:56,639 - DOORBELL 232 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,959 - Doorbell! Actually, that's a point, Paul - 233 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,919 you HAVE to make sure the Christmas decs are up by then 234 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,839 because I really want to give her a... - ..classic family Christmas. 235 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,439 Yes, I will. 236 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,760 And they will be. 237 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,479 - Trick or treat. 238 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,239 - Oh, yeah, sorry, um, 239 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,599 we are all out. 240 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:16,639 So I'm no longer participating in the trick-or-treat scheme. 241 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,599 Not scheme, but, um... 242 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,359 - You put a pumpkin out. 243 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:21,959 - Yeah. Yeah, that should, um... 244 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,599 Sam, I asked you to take that pumpkin in. 245 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,959 - You didn't, actually. 246 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,599 - So trick, then? 247 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,519 - No, not trick. - Yeah! 248 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:29,599 - Huh? 249 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,279 We just... We just haven't got any treats. 250 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,239 Go and take it up with the other kids, I would. - Come on. 251 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,519 - There's several Iron Men out there who really took the mick tonight. 252 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,719 Sorry. 253 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,719 Can you go and get that pumpkin, please, Sam? 254 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,359 - Oh! All right, chill! I'm getting it now. 255 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,879 - Bloody hell. - Didn't even want to be a part of this, Dad. 256 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:44,880 - SQUELCHING 257 00:08:44,881 --> 00:08:46,399 - Oh, my God, what was that?! 258 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,959 - Have some of that. - Stop that! 259 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,159 - Try and get it through the door. - Oh, my God, it's egg! 260 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,519 Oh, my God! 261 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,079 Come on, Sam, take cover! 262 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,440 - Happy Halloween! 263 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:57,519 - AMY GRUNTS 264 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,159 Oh! - What? 265 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,919 - I cannot believe you wrapped individual 20p pieces. 266 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,559 - Yes, well, I told you you had to have something to unwrap 267 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,719 on Christmas Day, Amy. 268 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,959 I said I wouldn't just pay money into your account. 269 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,639 - I mean, it's barely worth opening them. It'll take me hours. 270 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,399 - Oh, don't be ridiculous. 271 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,679 - I'll be earning less than the minimum wage, anyway. 272 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,279 - Invest it. - Thanks for my camera-cleaning kit. 273 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,919 - No worries, dude. - Practical. 274 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,479 - Thought you might still have some dried egg gunking up the lens. 275 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,679 I think we've all done pretty well, actually. 276 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,399 - Oh, do you? - Yes, I do. 277 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,999 - I got a baking tray, but... - Yeah. And a book. 278 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,719 - Yeah, which I read 30 years ago when it came out. 279 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,959 - Well, you're the one that asked for a surprise. 280 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,959 DOORBELL - Yeah, well, I meant a good one idea. 281 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,359 Ideally. Doorbell! - I'll get it! 282 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,039 - I'm feeling really Christmassy. 283 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,679 - Now, you should get your togs on, Paul! 284 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,399 It's gone 11.00! - Yeah, yeah. - Gosh! - And you, Amy. - Yeah, I'm doing it. 285 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,679 - Oh, God. 286 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,000 - Come on, we've got to get a move on, actually. 287 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,519 Whe-hey-hey! Hey, happy Christmas, everyone! 288 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,039 - Happy Christmas, Robin. 289 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,399 - Merry Christmas. 290 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,399 You all right? - What? Is that...? 291 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,999 - THEY LAUGH 292 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,079 - Robin, you're outrageous! 293 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,319 Oh, my God! 294 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,959 - Well, you know, while the cat's away...! 295 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,559 But, no, it's just a bit of fun, it's not a serious suggestion, 296 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,199 you don't have to... act upon it. 297 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,799 - How's Cheryl getting on in Cape Town? 298 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,119 - In Cape Verde - 299 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,399 yeah, not bad, I think. 300 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,199 Saw a turtle yesterday and her and Ian are just ignoring each other 301 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,519 as much as they can. - What? In the honeymoon suite? 302 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,799 - Well, yeah. I mean, she's insisted on a rota for the bathroom. 303 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,559 - I can't believe Ian wouldn't swap the names on the flight. 304 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,679 - Tell me about it, but at least this way, Cherry still gets to go. 305 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,079 I'll FaceTime her when she's up, 306 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,759 so I can keep my beady eye on them both. 307 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,799 Merry Christmas, Rach. - Oh, merry Christmas, Robin. 308 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,599 - Christmas tree's a bit bald, innit? 309 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,159 I like the throbbing lights, though. 310 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,359 - Yeah, they're not meant to do that. - Are they not? 311 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,959 Oh, there he is, look! 312 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,359 - Ho, ho, ho, everyone! 313 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:44,759 - I love it! 314 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,999 - Born to do it - perfect casting. 315 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,239 - OK, well... none taken. 316 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,119 - At least your one fits. 317 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,919 My trousers are ridiculous. 318 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,719 - LAUGHTER - That's fantastic. - Well, look... 319 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,639 They can be short, 320 00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,719 or they can be golf trousers. 321 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,439 - Yeah, I'm not sure elves usually wear plus fours, Mum. 322 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,039 - They don't usually tower over Father Christmas, either, to be honest. 323 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,079 - Didn't realise your one came with a fat suit. 324 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,719 - Oh, no, it doesn't - no, it's a... Oh, yeah, OK. 325 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,319 Ha-ha-ha, Amy, very funny. 326 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,959 - I wasn't joking. - Well, you were, and you shouldn't, Amy. 327 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,879 Jokes about physical physique are not cool these days. 328 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,439 - Oh, well, you'll have to put me on the naughty list for next year. 329 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,679 - I'll do more than that, love. I'll bloody ground you! 330 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,079 - Stop bickering, you two! Come on, we've got to get a move on 331 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,919 if we're going to eat by four. 332 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,919 Sue, can you make sure you put the turkey in the oven at 12.00, OK? 333 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,279 - Yeah, 12:00, get to worky on the turkey. 334 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,719 - PHONE RINGS - Oh, oh, oh - yes, it's Cherry! 335 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,759 - CHEERING 336 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,279 RACHEL: - Oh, God, no, not now! 337 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,999 Happy Christmas! 338 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,599 - You all right? Oh, you look lovely. 339 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,039 - You look absolutely smashing. 340 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,999 - Your hotel room looks fab. 341 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,799 - Yeah, cheers, yeah. 342 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,359 There are rose petals on the bed, 343 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,079 which is annoying. 344 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,239 Sorry I can't be with you all. 345 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,599 - Yes - us, too. Take care, we're in a bit of a rush. Bye. Merry Christmas. 346 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,079 Get changed, Sam. - Is Ian...? Is Ian...? Is Ian...? 347 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:01,479 Where is Ian? 348 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,519 - I've made him wait on the balcony. 349 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,199 Don't worry, he is behaving. - OK. 350 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,559 Can you prop me up somewhere 351 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,759 so I can see the whole room? 352 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,439 I want to keep eyes on him at all times. I do not trust that guy. 353 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,719 - What's the weather like out there, Cherry? 354 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,559 - Sorry, we're a bit pressed, Cherry. We've got to go. Take care. Bye. 355 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,239 Merry Christmas. - SAM: - Bye, Cherry. 356 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,639 - CHERRY: - It's hot. - It's hot! Fantastic! 357 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,239 Bye! Get changed! 358 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,559 - Yeah, well, you look absolutely smashing, you really do. 359 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,359 - Stop saying how nice she looks! - Let's go, let's go. 360 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,839 OK, I'll meet you after church in the hospital car park, OK? 361 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,719 And you have to be there at 1:15 at the latest. 362 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,359 - Stop being such a Christmas Nazi. 363 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,919 - I'm not being a Nazi. 364 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,799 I just want everything to run on time. 365 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,239 - That's how it starts, though, Mum. 366 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,519 It's a slippery slope. 367 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,319 - Please! We won't have time to do all the things we always do - 368 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,599 the charades and the gingerbread house. 369 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,679 - Maybe we should try something different, then, if that's what we ALWAYS do. 370 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,639 - No, Amy, that's wrong! Your approach to Christmas is wrong! 371 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,199 - Oh, my God, look at that. Big Boy Bowling's open today. 372 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,599 - You see? This is what I mean. 373 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,679 I mean, people do not treat Christmas with respect any more. 374 00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,039 Everything should be shut. 375 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,279 We should all have to stay at home and just watch Shrek... 376 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,359 ..as God intended! 377 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,839 - Dad, more dried egg. 378 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,879 - Oh! - Not from the Halloween yobbos? - Yes, from the Halloween yobbos. 379 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,879 I tell you, if I ever see those lads again, I'm going to go bananas. 380 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,839 - Very glossy, isn't it? 381 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,199 - What? Is it? 382 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,119 Glossy? - Yeah, the tree. 383 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,479 It's like a healthy dog. 384 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,239 - Well, it better be, Mum, the price of it. 385 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,399 - Well, you get what you pay for with Christmas trees. 386 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,999 This is a special spruce, so it'll stay looking good. 387 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,519 - Spruce by name, spruce by nature. 388 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,199 - Maya's on the way back from the airport with her now. So hurry up, please, get it in. - Yes, yes, I am. 389 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,679 - Well, no, you're not. You're looking for dried egg again. - There's just so MUCH of it, though. 390 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,479 - Be careful. - It's like the house has been egg-glazed... - Gentle, gentle! 391 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,239 - ..like a bloody fishcake. 392 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,119 - OK. Whoa, coming through. - Oh, my God. 393 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,879 It's expensive, Robin. - Trying to squeeze... 394 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,119 Yes, I know. - Just take it to the... Up it goes. 395 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,319 - It's like cleaning a toilet, isn't it? - It is a bit, yeah. 396 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,839 - Careful! - I know. 397 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,799 - Oh, my Godfathers! - This is what careful looks like. 398 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,119 - Protect the tip, please. - Ho-ho, that's my catchphrase! 399 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,879 - Knock, knock, knock. - Ooh... 400 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,919 - Ah! Sue! - Oh, hello, Dermot! Oh, do come in. 401 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,679 - No, don't - please don't... come in. 402 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,999 Sorry, we're just getting the tree in, and our daughter's on the way home from Norway, so... 403 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,199 - Norway? - ..it's all go. Yeah, yeah. - Oh, my goodness! - Yeah. 404 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,319 - I used to speak a bit of Norwegian. - Did you? - Yes. - Oh, OK. 405 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,719 - What was it? 406 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:16,119 Kyera te kuin kissa kuma puerra. 407 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,839 - Oh, yeah, that's... - Oh, well done! What's that? 408 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,399 - Don't pace around the porridge like a cat. 409 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,639 It just means basically don't... beat around the bush. 410 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,719 - Oh, right. - Get to the point. 411 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,639 - Maybe do that, then. - Or was it Finnish? 412 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,799 - Oh, she's tipping, Rach! - It might have been Finnish. 413 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:35,239 - Oh, no, is it? - Oh! I'm coming, Paul. - Sorry. - Sue. - Right, what can we do? 414 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,479 - Oh, no, it's all right. It's OK. 415 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,239 Oh. - Ooh, it is a bad time. 416 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,039 - Yes. No, it is, it really is. 417 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,959 - Well, I won't keep you, Rachel. - No. OK. 418 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,519 - Reason I'm here... - Yes. 419 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,239 - ..the lovely Sue suggested you might be willing 420 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,759 to help at the Christmas lunch... - Mm. 421 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,959 - ..on - well, at the drop-in. 422 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,399 Now, I'm pretty sure we just need someone to cover the prime-time 423 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,759 3.00-5.00 slot. 424 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,919 Just thinking off the top of my head. - Off the what? 425 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,759 - So if I could pop you down for that? 426 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,279 - I-I-I won't have time, Dermot. 427 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,439 I just won't. 428 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,039 - There will be some mince pies... - No, no. - ..avec eggnog. 429 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,079 - Sorry, no, I will be cooking Christmas lunch here for all of us. 430 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,319 - I don't know how you do it. - No, I don't. 431 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,359 And then we want to watch the King's speech. 432 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,799 - Oh, great film! 433 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,199 Well, was it Best Picture 2011? - Yeah. 434 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,879 No, the actual - the Christmas one. The... - Oh! - Yeah. 435 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,999 - King Charles III's Christmas address. - Yes, yes. 436 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,359 - Yes, of course. - Bye, then. 437 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,399 - Well, you could come down after that. - Well, no. 438 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,959 Then we watch Elf and then we play charades, and... 439 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,799 - It sounds fantastic! - Yeah, yeah! 440 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,719 Yeah. - What a really super Christmas Day. - It is. Yeah. 441 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,639 We have quite a fixed schedule, you know, 442 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,199 it's sort of a family tradition. 443 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,639 The kids insist upon it, so... 444 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,359 - I don't think we do, Mum. - Yes, you do, Sam. 445 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,919 - You've got to take the kids into account, obviously. - Yeah, yeah. 446 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,239 - But what about we pop you into the 5.00-7.00 slot? 447 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,599 - Mm, I'm saying no, Dermot. It is a no. - Mmm... 448 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,199 Am I hearing a maybe? 449 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,520 - You're not - sorry. - Oooh! - It is a hard no. Bye. 450 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,799 OK, is it up? - Er... - It's stuck. - Yeah. - OK. 451 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,879 - It's a bit of a bendy Wendy, though. 452 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,679 - Oh, right. - Do you think we should nibble some off the bottom? 453 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,879 - Yes, yes, maybe. - Nibble? 454 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,599 - With a saw, I mean. - Amy's back. 455 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:05,600 - THEY CHEER 456 00:16:05,601 --> 00:16:07,319 Oh, hello! 457 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,279 OK! - OK, just put the lights up - lights on the tree. 458 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,839 - Let's get plugged in. Right - plug me in, Scotty! 459 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,159 Here we go. That'll do. 460 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,399 - Dad, that is a lot of power for one socket. 461 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,319 - Chill out, Grandad! 462 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,079 LAUGHTER 463 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,559 - Ohhh! 464 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,319 So glad you're back, I've miss you so much. 465 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,359 - Hi, Sam. - It's been horrible without you! 466 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,559 - What, has it? Oh, God. - Thank you for picking her up! 467 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,519 - It's all good - I did some Christmas shopping 468 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,279 at Boots Stansted while I was waiting, so... - OK! - ..it's fine. 469 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,799 Now, do you know your inside-leg measurement? 470 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,439 - What? 471 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,039 - For the... For the elf costume. 472 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,519 - For what? - Yes! 473 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,999 The Viking returns. Skol! 474 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,239 - Oh, skol. 475 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,519 - Skol, yes, yes. - Hi, Dad. 476 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:45,959 - You got home safe, then? 477 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,279 - No, I'm still in Oslo. 478 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,479 - OK, so great you're home. 479 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,799 - Oh, well, don't worry, I'm going back on the 28th. 480 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,279 - That's... That's not long. - Come this way, come this way. 481 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,759 - What's through here? 482 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,639 OK. - OK. 483 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:57,880 - BOTH: Ta-da! 484 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,479 - Wow! - It's not finished. 485 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,959 - OK, right. 486 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,919 So here we go. - Uh-huh... 487 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,559 Go on, then. - Three... - Yeah. 488 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,959 - ALL: two, 489 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,519 one. 490 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:09,999 AMERICAN ACCENT: - Blast off! - Da-dah! 491 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,599 CHEERING 492 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,159 - That's... tasteful. - Well... 493 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,919 - Well, yeah, no, it's not supposed to be tasteful - it's Christmas. 494 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,479 - Exactly. - And there's... What's that? Look, there's your decoration... 495 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,599 - Oh, God. - ..that you made in Year 3. - Oh! - I've got the advent calendar - 496 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:22,959 your favourite advent calendar. 497 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,959 - Oh, I, um... I like the... 498 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,399 Is... Is that fake frost? 499 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,719 - Huh? - It's... - No. 500 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,479 - Here we go. - Where? - There you are. 501 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,199 - No, I'm... I'm trying to not... - Have that one. - ..eat chocolate any more. 502 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,199 - What? - Um... - Well, it's Christmas. 503 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,079 - Oh, you're kidding! - No chocolate? - No, no. - It's more egg! 504 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,319 SAM: - Oh, no. - Aargh! 505 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,839 - Thank you so much for doing this. 506 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,679 - It's my pleasure. - Both of you. - Yeah. - Means the world to the kids. 507 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,039 - No, no, really. 508 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,119 Any time. 509 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:48,359 - Well, I'm guessing they only do it on Christmas Day. - Yeah. 510 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,999 - Hey, hey, hey, hey, me first! 511 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,599 I'm Santa! - For God's sake. 512 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,999 - OK, smile. - Merry Christmas. 513 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,199 Hello. 514 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,759 Oh, there you are, Dylan. 515 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,039 Happy Christmas. 516 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,799 - Thank you. - OK, then. 517 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,039 Right, let's see who's... - And this is Tia. 518 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,239 - Oh, hello, little girl! 519 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,039 I'm Father Christmas. 520 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,799 - Yeah, she can see that. - Sh. 521 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,599 - Is this for the news or something? 522 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,279 - SAM: - Er... yeah? 523 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,999 - And what would you like for Christmas? - A Nintendo Switch. 524 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,159 - Then prepare to be disappointed. 525 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:17,160 - HE GASPS 526 00:18:17,161 --> 00:18:20,079 There you go. 527 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,559 Ha-ha! Happy Christmas, Tia. 528 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,639 - So this is Adam. - Right. 529 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,479 - He's one of the older children on the ward. - Right, OK. 530 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,439 Ho, ho, ho! Merry... 531 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,839 - Can I just have a word? - Oh, yeah. 532 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,639 - Oh, my God. SAM: - What? 533 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,959 - Eggs. - What do you mean? 534 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,159 - It's one of the eggers. 535 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,359 - Really? 536 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,160 - Hi, there. Cheers for doing this. 537 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,999 - Nah, nah, it's... all good. 538 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,999 Ah, Adam. 539 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,239 Adam, Adam, Adam. 540 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,519 Funny how life works out, isn't it? 541 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,159 Would you say you've been a good boy this year, then? 542 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,919 - Yeah. - Really? 543 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,359 Sure about that? 544 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,759 - Yeah. Why? 545 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,519 - Well, because Father Christmas sees everything, mate, 546 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,839 and I know what you've done. 547 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,279 - Why are you being weird? Just give him a present. 548 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,759 - Stay out of this, elf. Only good children get presents. 549 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,599 QED, this little boy isn't getting one. 550 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,999 - What... are you talking about? 551 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,359 - Ask Adam, I would, Dad. 552 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,399 He's been naughty. - Er... 553 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,479 - He's on the naughty list. 554 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,199 - Are you serious? 555 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,119 - Oh, yeah, 'fraid so. 556 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,279 I've made my list, I've checked it twice, 557 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,879 and your son is getting diddly squat. 558 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,639 - He's in hospital, for God's sake. 559 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,319 - OK, yeah. What for? - Does that make a difference? 560 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,399 - Well, it might if it's bad. 561 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,119 - He broke his ankle skateboarding this morning. - Great. 562 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,839 Well, then, definitely not, then. 563 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,039 Definitely not. 564 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,399 That's not going to offset the naughtiness. 565 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,559 In fact, I'm not even sure the NHS should be paying for that. 566 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,199 That is on you, Adam. 567 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,639 Your recklessness is the reason you're in here. 568 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,079 - Excuse me. - Yeah. 569 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,839 - Sorry, excuse me. - Yes. - What is... What's going on here? 570 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,519 Why is this really right-wing Father Christmas... - Right-wing?! 571 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,359 - ..questioning my son's right to treatment 572 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,919 and refusing to give out presents? - I really don't know. Sorry. 573 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,879 - Don't apologise to him, elf! - Whoa. 574 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,119 - Remember who you work for! 575 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,479 This little sh... kid 576 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,279 egged our house. 577 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,679 - What?! No, I never! - Yes, you did. 578 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,679 - Just give him a present! - No way! 579 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,039 Hands off my sack! - Dad, let him have a present! - No, just... 580 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,199 Leave it out! Ow! Leave it out! - Can we have some help, please? 581 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,959 - Leave it out! - Thank you. - Oh, my God! - Oh! 582 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,559 GIRL SCREAMS 583 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,600 - Mummy! What happened to Santa?! 584 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,559 - Just give him a present! - No, just, no! Argh! 585 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,159 - Aah, Dad, he hit my ankle! - No, I... - Oh, my God! - I didn't... 586 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,080 Oof... - You plum. 587 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,999 It's all right, I'm here. - Elf! 588 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,639 - Mm-hm. - Yeah, it was all over the windows, it was on the brickwork. 589 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,759 I mean, there was just so much egg! Honestly, do... 590 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,479 - Yeah, you've not broken any ribs, that's just bruised, 591 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,399 so, er, you're fine to go home. - Oh, right. Phew! 592 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,799 - Thank God for the fat suit. 593 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,519 - I'm not even wearing... 594 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,439 OK, yeah, great, thanks for all your help, Amy! 595 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:53,440 KNOCK AT DOOR 596 00:20:53,441 --> 00:20:54,559 - Come in! 597 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,119 - Oh! Oh, my God, there you are, Paul! - Oh, it's OK, babe, I'm fine. 598 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,239 - God, I've been waiting in the car park for nearly an hour. 599 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,039 - Oh, right. - OK. - I mean, there was me thinking 600 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,479 you were actually worried about me. 601 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,439 - Can we go, please? Quickly. We're meant to eat at 4.00. 602 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,399 I hope your mum's put the turkey in the oven. - All right! All right! 603 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,519 - Thank you. - Ugh... 604 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,040 Oh, sorry, Doc, while I'm here, erm... 605 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,279 ..would it be possible to get a quick prostate exam? 606 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,719 Erm, only I'm sort of peeing in quite short bursts. 607 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,920 Like, tsst... tsst... tsst... 608 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,479 - No. - Thank you very much. - OK. Happy Christmas. 609 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:25,639 - Yeah, goodbye. 610 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,919 - Ooh! Off we go. Christmas! 611 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,319 - Hello, Sue! We're back! 612 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,519 Sorry we're so late, Paul got into a fight on the children's ward. 613 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,039 - With a parent, not with a child! 614 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,599 - Why are no lights on? - What, really? 615 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,999 - When did you put the veg in, and did you put the turkey in? 616 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,559 Please tell me you put it in, Sue. 617 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,079 - Yes! Yes, don't worry. 618 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,959 I put it in at 12. - Oh, great, OK. 619 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,839 Amy, can you put Hey Mr Christmas on the stereo, please? - Fine. 620 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:47,999 - Where's Robin? 621 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,159 - Oh! - Robin? Robin? - He's in here, love. - Oh, what's he, er...? Erm... 622 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,559 - I think he's still FaceTiming Cheryl... 623 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:54,919 - Cherry! I can't see! 624 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,439 I think Ian's put a cup in front of the camera. 625 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,519 Chez! - Come on, Amy. 626 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,839 Put on Hey Mr Christmas, please! Now! - I am! 627 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,159 - No, he's doing it on purpose, babe! 628 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,239 He's... Hang on, where's he gone? 629 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,679 Is he in the blind spot again? 630 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,959 Can you get that guy out of the blind spot, please? Ian! 631 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,399 - Oh, the stereo's not turning on... 632 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,959 - Mum, did the power cut out? 633 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,919 - What? - Oh, no! 634 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,639 - Oh! Maybe! 635 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,279 There was a pop, actually, just after you left. 636 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:23,039 - A what? A pop? - Goes the weasel. Yeah. 637 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,759 I thought it was my hip that had gone again - 638 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,720 but it wasn't, it's fine, look! 639 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,919 - OK. OK... - Look at that! 640 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,320 - Oh, can you stop bending, please, Sue? 641 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:35,799 Oh... - Oh! 642 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,240 - Oh, no! - Oh, Rachel! - No. 643 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,479 - That could do with a couple more minutes. 644 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,679 - Yeah, that's soft as shit, that. 645 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:45,839 - OK. This is fine, this is fine. 646 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,319 We're just going to boil the veg on the gas and then we can... 647 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:49,679 - Boil a Turkey in under an hour? 648 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,839 - Yeah. - It's not a gas hob, Mum. That's also electric. 649 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,039 - Is it? Yep. Well, can you just turn the electricity 650 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,479 back on, then, please, Paul? - Er, not on purpose, no. 651 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:58,919 I have no idea what I'm doing. 652 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,519 Beyond flicking a few switches, I'm absolutely useless. 653 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,079 - Well, flick some more switches, then! 654 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,639 - I'm flicking like a flicking idiot over here! 655 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,799 No, something must have shortened. 656 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,679 Is that the word? - It isn't. - No. 657 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,639 Do we have anything else we can cook a turkey in? 658 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,559 - Well, no, because your mum refused to buy me a Big Green Egg for Christmas. 659 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,199 - Oh, shut your big green face! 660 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,839 We didn't know the power was just going to cut out, did we? 661 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,719 - I did say several times that it might. 662 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,519 - I know! We could cook it at Mum's house! 663 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,599 - Oh! No! I've turned the Aga off 664 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,399 and it'll take ages for it to get hot again. 665 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,279 - I honestly couldn't hate that old Aga any more if I tried! 666 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:31,399 - Dermot! 667 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,719 - What? Who's that? 668 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,599 - Dermot! He's cooking Christmas lunch at the drop-in! 669 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,759 We could just ask to put our stuff in the oven there! 670 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,279 - Er, really? - Yeah! 671 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,199 Right, go. Go, go, go! - Yes, all right! - Go, go, Sue, go... - All right! 672 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,959 - Paul! - Yes, yes, I had to put the beard on! 673 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,999 - Oh, no, you didn't! - Just in case any children see! 674 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,839 I don't want to shatter the illusion, do I? - Oh, God. Quickly! Quickly! 675 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,279 That's it, Sue! Come on... 676 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,599 - I'm at top speed. 677 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:52,799 - Don't drop the turkey! 678 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,599 - Well, obviously that's the aim! I mean... 679 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,080 - OK. I've got the door. 680 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:01,079 - Happy Christmas! Happy Christmas... - Oh, Dermot, hi. 681 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,919 Dermot, hello. Sorry to bother you. - Rachel! 682 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,879 - Hello! - Oh, my God! You're here! - We were wondering... 683 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,559 I - well, no, no, no, not like that. 684 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,199 - Oh, no, I knew you'd come through for us! - No... 685 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,479 - Oh, Sue was right about you, Rachel... - Oh... 686 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,119 - ..you are such a wonderful, wonderful person. - Oh, well, I'm not, 687 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,599 I mean, I'm not, really. - Yeah. - I'm not, no. - She is, she really is. 688 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,079 - I'm not - I'm not here to volunteer... - Oh, my goodness! 689 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,799 Crisis averted, Peter! 690 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,119 - HE LAUGHS 691 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,359 - Rachel's brought another turkey! - Yes, but... 692 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,439 - We thought we were going to run out, you see. 693 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,239 Oh, and you brought veg! 694 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,799 Oh, my Lord, this is absolutely... - Well, no, sorry... 695 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,159 - Bless you. - Thank you. - Bless your big kind heart. 696 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,119 - Ah... - This is what Christmas is all about! - Well, yes. 697 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:44,359 Mm, well, I know it is, 698 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:47,239 but that's not actually what we... - Right, come on, everyone together! 699 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,479 Big round of applause for Rachel and her sensational family! 700 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:54,079 - Oh, no... Thank you so much. Merry Christmas. 701 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,879 - Er, no, Dermot, Dermot, can we eat here too, please? 702 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,279 - Oh, no, no... - With everyone? - No, no, no, no. 703 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:01,799 I'm sorry, no. 704 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,279 This is only for people who can't cook for themselves. 705 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,639 - Right, we do now qualify for that. 706 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,399 - I'll now take that lovely turkey. 707 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,599 - No, actually, I'm sorry, Dermot. No. 708 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,639 That's... - I know you don't do it for praise. 709 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,159 - No, that's... That isn't why we've come. 710 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,719 - Oh, I've embarrassed you! - No. - Agh! Silly! - No. 711 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,919 No, no, no. - Seriously, your humility is absolutely... 712 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,240 - LISTEN TO ME! 713 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,280 Stop talking and listen to me, you chatty... man! 714 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:34,399 Today has been an absolute car-crash 715 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,719 and I have been sweating blood 716 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,479 trying to give the kids the kind of Christmases they had growing up, 717 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:40,760 and they don't even care... 718 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,719 ..or want it, because they're basically adults now, 719 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,999 and, erm, we've got no electrics, 720 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,639 so we can't cook anything! 721 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,799 Er, which is why we're here. 722 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,199 Not because I'm a nice person - 723 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,200 which, you know, I am, I think... 724 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:00,919 ..at times... 725 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,239 Yeah? - I... I love you, babe. 726 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,280 - And - but, actually, we're just here to... 727 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,879 ..to use your oven. 728 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,319 - Yeah. - Please. 729 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,999 - If that's... 730 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,400 - Sorry. 731 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,839 - Of course, Rachel. 732 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,319 Mi oven, su oven. - Oh, Dermot! 733 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:21,639 - Thank you, Dermot! - Amazing. 734 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,799 Cheers! - I'd be happy to help, of course! 735 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,199 - Oh, my gosh, Dermot! - Kiss. Come on. - Dermot, thank you so much! 736 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,439 - Christmas kiss. - Mwah! Mwah! 737 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:30,679 All right, can I just say, 738 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,479 your Santa costume is so much better than Paul's. - Oh... 739 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,039 I don't mind... - Your one has even got a wig. 740 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,320 - What?! 741 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,599 - Er, as in the Santa wig, not the other, the... 742 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:43,759 - The other? 743 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,039 - As in, I... 744 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,639 I mean... 745 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,919 I'm so... 746 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,279 I'm so... I'm so sorry, Dermot. 747 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,279 I'm so sorry, Dermot, I didn't mean to... 748 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,200 It really is a-a-a fantastic, very convincing... 749 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,759 ..wig. I mean, is it, is it even a wig? 750 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:02,119 - Hair system. 751 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,799 It's a hair system. 752 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,199 And I'd thank you for not drawing attention to it, please. 753 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,000 - Yes, of course. I'm so sorry. 754 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:15,999 Is it still OK to use your oven? 755 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,799 - Well, not now, no! - OK. 756 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:18,879 - Awful woman! 757 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,559 - All right. Keep your hair system on! 758 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,919 - Mum! 759 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,120 - Oh, brilliant. 760 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,319 - Oh, great. 761 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,240 So... what now? 762 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:30,999 - I know where we could go. 763 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,639 Go on! - In she goes! - Go on, Dad! - She's got legs! 764 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,039 - Oh, yes, Dad! 765 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,959 - Oh! - Yeah! Take that and party! 766 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,759 - It doesn't count when you're using the Zimmer frame ramp thing. 767 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,439 - Yeah, that's only cos I can't bend down 768 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,439 after getting punched in the gut, Amy! - He can't bend down. - Right! - It IS due to... 769 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,879 - Well done! That was brilliant. - Oh! Christmas lunch is here, everyone! 770 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,639 - OK! - I'm starving! 771 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,119 - Yeah, camera down, please, Sam, it's Christmas. 772 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,159 Come on! - Ooh, thanks, Paul. - And you, Robin - 773 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,319 you can't spend all Christmas Day spying on Cherry and Ian, surely. 774 00:27:58,320 --> 00:27:59,879 - I was planning to, to be honest. OK. 775 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,599 - Mmm! God, this is way better than a roast, yeah? 776 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:03,839 - I was just thinking that. 777 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,319 No sprouts! - Quite nice. - Get in my mouth. 778 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,399 - OK, I'd like to propose a toast, actually. 779 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,959 - Oh, my God, Mum! It's Hey Mr Christmas by Showaddywaddy! 780 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,839 ? ..mas... ? - No! 781 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:14,559 - ? We... ? Yes! 782 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,519 - ALL: ? We hope you're having fun... ? 783 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,159 - Oh, my God, I can't believe it! 784 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,919 I actually can't believe it. 785 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:25,919 - ? Hey, Mr Christmas... ? 786 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,919 - Yes, Dad! - ? Christmas, here we come... ? 787 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,479 - Ah, I love you. Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas! 788 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,999 You know what? It's really Christmassy, actually, Mum... 789 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,239 - Yeah. - ..a bowling party. - It's perfect. Good idea, Sam! 790 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,799 - We should come here every year! - Well, no, obviously not. - No. 791 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:44,399 ? Carol singin', bells are ringin' 792 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,399 ? Santa comes tonight 793 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:53,400 ? Hey, Mr Christmas 794 00:28:54,520 --> 00:29:00,520 ? We hope you're havin' fun 795 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:06,560 ? Hey, Mr Christmas... ? 796 00:29:06,610 --> 00:29:11,160 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 62336

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