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1
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,960
(both laughing)
2
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,000
I thought I wouldn't
see you again
3
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,040
unless you were in trouble.
4
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,800
(laughs):
Oh, I am in trouble.
5
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,520
Oh, you mean
this kind of trouble.
6
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,680
(both laugh)
7
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,680
Isn't he great? He's so great.
8
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,360
He's funny, he makes jokes.
9
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,280
She turned around,
and it was the golden one.
10
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,120
-(both laugh)
-You sort of needed
to hear the top bit.
11
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,200
-I love wordplay.
-Ah, he's clever.
12
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,520
-Shakespeare uses wordplay.
-He says things like...
13
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,000
-I've got a big case tomorrow.
-He's little bit controlling...
14
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,400
-Don't eat that.
-...but it's manageable.
15
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:33,760
-I'm going to.
-Okay.
16
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,440
-He's a feminist.
-I have a sister.
17
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,760
-He's unpredictable.
-I'm just gonna go for a shit.
18
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:38,960
I'm ignoring that.
19
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,960
Actually,
20
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,160
-you want to go and have sex?
-That's better.
21
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,120
-I'm really good at it...
-He won't be.
22
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,680
-I'm really good at it.
-He won't be.
23
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,240
He's really good at it.
24
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,240
♪ ♪
25
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,280
(groans):
Oh, my God.
26
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,600
I'm not gonna be sick.
27
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,000
(sniffles)
28
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,160
I'm not gonna be sick.
29
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,200
-Hi.
-Hi.
30
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,560
Uh, do you need
a hand with any of...
31
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,080
-No, no. No.
-I can at least
take the bassoon, if you...
32
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,880
I'm perfectly balanced,
thank you.
33
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,680
-Big night last night?
-Is it obvious?
34
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,360
Well, at least
someone's having fun.
35
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,080
-Wait, I can get the bell...
-No, no. I've got it.
36
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,800
-Okay.
-(doorbell rings)
37
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,840
(grunts)
38
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,400
(exhales)
39
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,800
-Are you going to be sick?
-Nope.
40
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,440
She better be quick today.
41
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,840
I have a serious appointment
later. I can't miss it.
42
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,160
-It's very important.
-What kind of appointment?
43
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,360
A serious one.
Can't miss it, okay?
44
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,840
-Well, do you need me to...
-I don't need you
45
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,680
to do anything, thank you.
46
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,560
Unless you can find a way
47
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,600
to stop this horrendous wedding
from happening.
48
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,360
-Girls! Come in, come in. Oh.
-Hi.
49
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,960
(chuckles):
Oh, look.
50
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,080
You can just leave these things
there for now, yeah?
51
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,200
-You like a quick cup of tea
before you start?
-Oh, actually, yeah...
52
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,560
-Oh, um, I have to be
pretty quick today.
-It's already in a pot.
53
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,280
Come through. We got a tray of
lovely, sweet chocolaty things,
54
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,680
-and our lovely friend
has just dropped round.
-Hi.
55
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,400
GODMOTHER:
Hello, darling.
56
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,760
-Hello.
-(chuckles)
57
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,040
Uh, I'm gonna be sick.
(chuckles softly)
58
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,400
You all right?
You look horrendous.
59
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,240
Oh, thanks.
Just a big night.
60
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,840
Hello.
61
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,840
Hey. I only meant to be quick.
I wasn't-- didn't need to--
62
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,960
-wasn't expecting
the whole family. Wow.
-(chuckles)
63
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,680
-They're being painted.
Isn't that fun?
-Aw, so fun.
64
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,120
-Um, I can come back
later... Yeah.
-No, no.
65
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,760
-No. No.
-So, come on, fill us in.
66
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,360
-Probably better actually that
we should all hear the plan.
-(chuckles)
67
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,360
-Right.
-PRIEST: Right.
Well, I just wanted
68
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,520
to pop in actually
to say that, um...
69
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,600
I've been called away
this weekend and I'm afraid
70
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,800
I won't be able to officiate
at the ceremony tomorrow.
71
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,400
Oh, Christ.
72
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,920
Why?
73
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,920
My brother is ill.
74
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,520
So I have to go and see him.
75
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,120
Well, what is he ill with?
76
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,160
A lorry.
77
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,520
-Accident.
-Right.
78
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,480
Oh, God.
79
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,440
-Is he all right?
-He's-he's...
80
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:15,480
he's in a bit of a state,
to be honest.
81
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,320
But, uh...
82
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,360
I just can't do it.
83
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,760
Can't do it.
84
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,600
GODMOTHER:
Well.
85
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,840
Well.
86
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,360
Oh, this is gonna be
spectacular.
87
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,920
You... poor man.
88
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,920
Well, of course you must go.
89
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,680
-Really?
-Uh, really?
90
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,600
GODMOTHER:
Of course. Family first.
91
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,800
Always.
92
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,680
Family first. You must go,
93
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,080
get straight to him.
Just send me through the details
94
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,480
of what you've worked out so far
and we'll sort something out.
95
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,680
Oh, I put out the feelers
for somebody else and...
96
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,040
Well, uh, I think we might
have to... (stammers)
97
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,360
Don't even think about it.
98
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,360
This is much more important.
You must go.
99
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,560
-Go, go, go.
-Okay. Well-well,
thank you so much
100
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,760
-for your understanding.
-DAD: Oh, well-well,
sure, sure, sure.
101
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,640
PRIEST:
And all the best, and, uh, I'll
see you again. I'm-I'm sorry.
102
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,680
-GODMOTHER: Oh, good-bye,
darling. Good luck.
-Have a great day.
103
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,360
-PRIEST: Bye. Bye-bye. Bye.
-(door closes)
104
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,960
GODMOTHER:
What a... cunt!
105
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,240
-What a cunt!
-DAD: (stammers) Please don't...
106
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,440
GODMOTHER:
Bastard! Fucking bast--
Don't touch me!
107
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,240
Christ, I need to paint!
I need to paint now!
108
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,000
-Send them away!
-Uh...
109
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,200
-I think you should, uh...
-Yes. Okay.
110
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,240
-Bye, Dad.
-Bye, Dad.
111
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,200
Well, that solves that problem.
112
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,200
God, I'm relieved for him.
113
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,800
-You all right?
-Yeah, I'm just late
for the café.
114
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,360
Right.
115
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,440
(choir singing)
116
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,240
-Oh, my God!
-Oh! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
117
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,640
-Jesus. How long were you there?
-Literally, t-three seconds.
118
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,320
(sighs)
119
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:11,920
You can't just cancel a wedding.
120
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,520
-I don't have a choice.
-But you have the dress.
121
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,880
(both chuckle)
122
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,360
I ca-- I can't.
I can't. I can't.
123
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,600
-Listen, I just need to say...
-No, no, no.
I know what you're...
124
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,360
-I don't want to know.
-No, I don't think you do know
what I'm gonna say.
125
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,480
Please don't come
to the church again.
126
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,680
I mean that...
127
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,520
with the greatest
of compliments.
128
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,400
(choir singing)
129
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,080
(groans)
130
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,680
I'd strongly advise
taking out the insurance.
131
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,880
-Uh, the problem is...
-I can deal with it.
132
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,520
-The, um, uh...
(stammers) seven foot tall.
-I can deal with it.
133
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,560
-It's a very large armchair,
so he couldn't even...
-Can't deal with it.
134
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,680
...feel the chinchilla,
so, you know,
135
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,200
-suffocating underneath him.
-(chuckles)
136
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,320
It's Tuesday, Joe.
137
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,360
No, it's Chatty Wednesday.
138
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,400
No, it's Quiet Tuesday.
It's Chatty Wednesday.
139
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,200
Well, it was
a very small chinchilla...
140
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,800
No, can we just stop chatting,
just for a second please, Joe?
141
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,040
-(singing stops)
-(chatter stops)
142
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,320
Joe, I...
143
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,320
(chatter resumes)
144
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,120
(bell jingles)
145
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,600
Hi.
146
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,760
-You okay?
-Uh, yeah.
147
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,280
Are you okay? You look like
something bad's happened.
148
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,920
Do I?
I thought I was looking jolly.
149
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,680
Oh. Um, why?
150
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,000
I've been offered a new job.
151
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,520
Oh. Congratulations.
152
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,400
Well, I just wanted
to say goodbye.
153
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,200
And to give you this.
154
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,120
Thanks.
155
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,480
-It's a guinea pig.
-It's a hamster.
156
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,680
Thanks.
157
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,280
(phone vibrating)
158
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,680
Mm. Oh, sorry, it's my sister.
159
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,240
She's a bit mental.
Do you mind if I...?
160
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,040
Sure. I wasn't gonna stay, so...
161
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,560
-Claire?
-CLAIRE: Something's happened.
162
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,080
(crying):
Something awful has happened.
163
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,320
-What?
-I can't... I can't breathe.
164
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,200
Well, where are you?
Do you need me to come?
165
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,960
No, no, I just, I fucked it up!
166
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,240
I fucked everything up!
Can you come?
167
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,520
Oh, yeah. B-But I have to close
the café, but I could--
168
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,160
-Just tell me where you are.
-No, don't close.
169
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,560
I'm so sorry. (stammers)
170
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,720
I-I can look after the place
if you like.
171
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,720
-Really?
-Well, I don't start
till Monday.
172
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,280
-Wait. Why...?
-I just like it.
173
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,960
-Ok-Okay.
-(Claire continues crying)
174
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,040
Could you give Hilary
and, um, uh...
175
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,720
-No, don't bring Hilary.
-Stephanie.
176
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,160
...Stephanie,
some cucumber at 2:30?
177
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,600
-Who's Stephanie?
-Great, thanks.
-(keys jingle)
178
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,280
Um, Claire, just tell me
where you are.
179
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,600
-What the hell has happened?
-No, just come!
I need you to...
180
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,200
(exhales)
181
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:57,560
Tell the truth.
182
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,440
-It's horrendous.
-It's horrendous.
183
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,160
-It's modern.
-Don't lie!
184
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,720
-I'm not.
-I look like a pencil.
185
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,400
(laughs):
You... you don't look like...
186
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,600
-Don't laugh.
-It's okay.
187
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:10,160
It's not okay!
I'm gonna lose my job.
188
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,600
You won't lose your job.
It's cool.
189
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,840
-It's not cool!
-It's edgy.
190
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,600
-Oh, fuck off!
-No, it's chic.
191
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,040
-It's unsalvageable!
-Claire, it's French.
192
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,840
-Really?
-Yes.
193
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,880
Have you been drinking?
194
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,520
Oh, he gave me champagne
before he ruined my life.
195
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,160
That's how they get you.
196
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,400
Did you go to Anthony?
197
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,520
-Claire.
-I know.
198
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,080
What?! You remember
what happened to me?!
199
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,760
I honestly thought it was the
last time I was gonna see him.
200
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,320
-Um, I mean, that's awful,
but if I...
-His little face was just...
201
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:46,880
Anthony!
202
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,360
-Is this what you asked for?
-No, of course not.
203
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,640
He's just a bastard.
204
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,520
Right, fuck it.
205
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,600
-What?
-Come on.
206
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,280
No, no! It's all right!
207
00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,280
FLEABAG:
Come on.
208
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,000
CLAIRE:
Oh. Slow down!
209
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,000
Hey!
210
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,960
-No. No!
-Anthony.
211
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,640
That is exactly
what she asked for.
212
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,480
No, it's not.
We want compensation.
213
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,040
-Claire?
-I've got two important meetings
214
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,880
-and I look like a pencil.
-No!
215
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,720
Don't blame me
for your bad choices.
216
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,040
Hair isn't everything.
217
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,120
(chuckles):
Wow.
218
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,520
What?
219
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,880
Hair is everything.
220
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,960
We wish it wasn't,
so we could actually think
221
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,160
about something else
occasionally, but it is.
222
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,440
It's the difference between
a good day and a bad day.
223
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,960
We're meant to think
that it's a symbol of power,
224
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,280
that it's a symbol of fertility.
225
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,440
Some people are exploited for it
and it pays your fucking bills.
226
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,440
Hair is everything, Anthony!
227
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,840
Show her the reference.
228
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:48,480
Claudia, bring me the bin.
229
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,760
If you want to change your life,
change your life.
230
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,160
It's not gonna happen in here.
231
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,160
-Sorry, Anthony. Sorry.
-Sorry, Anthony.
232
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,760
-I didn't mean for it
to turn out like that.
-I'll see you next week.
233
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,640
(exhales)
234
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,400
You got any cigarettes?
235
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,040
-No.
-Good.
236
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,000
-Thank you for being there.
-It was cathartic.
237
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,640
-At the hospital.
-No, it's okay.
238
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,520
Shame you didn't get
to keep that doctor.
239
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,880
(chuckles)
240
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,160
I'm sorry you lost it.
241
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:40,480
I just... felt... relief.
242
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,240
I didn't want my husband's baby.
243
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,240
Isn't that awful?
244
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,280
I haven't even asked you
how you are.
245
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,400
-How are you?
What's going on with you?
-(chuckles)
246
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,920
Um... I met someone.
247
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,840
-What? Really?
-Yeah.
248
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,800
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
249
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,200
What does he do?
250
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,160
He's a priest.
251
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,200
(choir singing)
252
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,040
Is it...?
253
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,720
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God.
254
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,640
Yeah.
255
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,240
-You are joking.
-No.
256
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,480
(laughing)
257
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,040
(Fleabag laughs)
258
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,040
-I'm sorry.
-I know.
259
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,840
It's just...
260
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,320
-I'm sure-sure
it's very complicated.
-Yes.
261
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,320
-But it's just...
-It's very painful.
262
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,240
-You're a genius.
-(laughs)
263
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,320
You're my fucking hero.
264
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,880
Claire?
265
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,840
-Is that you?
-Oh, God.
266
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,120
-Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
-Oh.
267
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,440
-Claire!
-Klare!
268
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,120
-Hi.
-Oh, my God.
269
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,200
-Claire, I love your hair!
-Oh.
270
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,440
(chuckles) Claire.
271
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,200
It's so cute and edgy and cool.
272
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:05,520
-(laughs)
-Oh. Thank you.
273
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,320
Like superstar. Pop star.
274
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,840
(both laugh)
275
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,880
Listen, these penguins
are taking me
276
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,840
to this new, amazing
London music thing.
277
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,200
-Are you free?
-Oh.
278
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,600
-Yes.
-You want to come?
279
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,840
Oh, I... I have to take
my stepson his bassoon.
280
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,880
I mean, I wish I could.
281
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,720
Well, I leave tomorrow.
282
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,960
-So...
-Oh.
283
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,240
I'll take the bassoon.
I've got it.
284
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,800
(chuckles) I'll take it.
285
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,400
-Oh, um, no,
he's expecting me to.
-No, no.
286
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,800
No, just-just tell Jake
it's with me at the cafe.
287
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,200
-Honestly, it's fine.
-Oh.
288
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,360
Hey, I don't want to get
in the way of your family days.
289
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,960
-(all laugh)
-No, I'll take it.
290
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,720
Please get in the way
of her family days. (chuckles)
291
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,960
Just tell Jake I've got it.
292
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,000
No biggie.
293
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,000
Bye, Claire. Bye, Klare.
294
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,200
Bye, Klare.
295
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,080
I can't believe your hair.
296
00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,440
-(both laugh)
-It's so chic and cute.
297
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,440
-It's all the things.
-CLAIRE: Really?
298
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,440
-(Klare speaks Finnish)
-(both laugh)
299
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,400
KLARE:
Goes so well with your top.
300
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,360
-(laughs)
-Oh, thank God.
That's so sweet of you.
301
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,160
Honestly, I've had
such a day with it.
302
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,080
-KLARE: Yeah, all right.
(laughs)
-Yeah.
303
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,640
FLEABAG:
Oh, fuck.
304
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,200
♪ ♪
305
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,360
Sorry.
306
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,640
Well, that was exhausting.
(chuckles)
307
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,240
The new guinea pig.
308
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,080
-Hamster.
-He's in with Hilary.
309
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,640
They shared the cucumber, okay?
Which was quite sweet.
310
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,360
Oh. Thanks.
311
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,560
Well, I'd say anytime,
312
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,320
-but, uh...
-You have a new job.
313
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,520
Yeah. I will be back, though.
314
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,920
My wife would love
Chatty Wednesdays.
315
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,000
-Love them.
-Oh.
316
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,880
(clears throat)
Oh. You have a visitor.
317
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,600
-He said he knew you,
so I let him wait in there.
-Oh.
318
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:50,960
Oh.
319
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,840
Pleasure doing business
with you.
320
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,920
Bye.
321
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,840
He took the pinny.
322
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,800
(bell jingles)
323
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,920
-Ugh.
-Hey!
324
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,920
-He's gonna make a bassoon joke.
-Is that a bassoon in your hand
325
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,520
or are you just pleased
to see me?
326
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,440
Would you say that to your son?
327
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,840
When he has his bassoon, sure.
328
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,440
But... (laughs):
he's never pleased
329
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,400
-to see me, so...
-Doesn't even make sense.
330
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,680
Why would a bassoon
in my hand...
331
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,960
-Like a dick in your hand.
-Oh, right, so if I was
walking towards you
332
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,520
with an amputated dick
in my hand,
333
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:28,760
you'd think I was horny.
334
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,280
Well, I'd assume
that you had been.
335
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,880
Certainly wouldn't put it
past you to chop a dick off.
336
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,320
(sighs)
Put the guinea pig down.
337
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,880
-Where is she?
-Why?
338
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,280
Well, she was meant
to have dropped that off,
339
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,680
and she's not at the office.
340
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,200
Well, I don't know where she is.
341
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,360
So you just... found that, huh?
342
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,080
Mm. Please don't hurt
the guinea pig.
343
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,840
I would never hurt
the guinea pig.
344
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:54,680
I wouldn't do that.
345
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,080
Here we go, sweetie.
Go in here.
346
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,160
-Oh, that's fucking adorable.
-Are you sure we should
even be talking?
347
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,800
Aren't you supposed to be
getting me arrested
348
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,800
-or something?
-(sighs)
349
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,880
Wow. (chuckles)
350
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,360
She really tells you everything,
doesn't she? Hmm.
351
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,280
Cute tables.
352
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,120
-Oh, Jesus, Martin.
-Fuck off!
353
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,360
You... are the problem,
you know that?
354
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:31,000
You are the problem
in my perfect, awful life.
355
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,240
I haven't seen you in a year.
356
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,880
And yet still, off she runs,
into the night, for you.
357
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,240
I can't even get the woman
pregnant, and then you come in,
358
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,520
showing off about
your miscarriage.
359
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,920
Like, you didn't even
want the one you had.
360
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,920
I was just trying to make her
feel better!
361
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,840
(stifled chuckle)
362
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,840
(phone vibrating)
363
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,640
Give me your phone.
364
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,400
-No.
-Give me your phone!
365
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,720
(chuckles):
No.
366
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,440
Is she leaving me?
367
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,560
(quietly):
I hope so.
368
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,600
Don't let her leave me.
369
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,720
Don't let her leave me, please.
370
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,040
(panting)
371
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,080
I hope she doesn't
come home tonight.
372
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,720
(laughs)
373
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,280
Ah! Cashmere, cashmere,
cashmere.
374
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,760
I will take you down, fucker.
375
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,120
I will take
you down, fucker.
376
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,120
(scoffs, chuckles)
377
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,320
Fuck you!
378
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,520
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you!
379
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,760
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you! You better start
sleeping with a lawyer!
380
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,120
I'm already sleeping
with a lawyer!
381
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,520
Yeah?! Lucky lawyer!
382
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,320
(panting)
383
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,040
-(bell jingles)
-Shit.
384
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,520
(sighs)
I better call my lawyer.
385
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,160
(sighs)
386
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,880
You know that feeling
when the hot misogynist
387
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,160
who might not be a misogynist
is turning up at your house
388
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,440
for the second time in 48 hours
389
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,800
to give you nine orgasms
you don't want
390
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,720
just to do something
to get your head out of the fact
391
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,440
that the only person
you want to see in the world
392
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:12,880
-is the priest that you...
-(doorbell buzzes)
393
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,320
(sighs)
394
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,320
So you pick yourself up,
cover yourself in coconut oil,
395
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,240
and hope he doesn't notice
that you haven't shaved your...
396
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,400
-(thunder rumbling)
-Hey.
397
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,560
Your sister gave me
your address.
398
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,520
Are you on your way out?
399
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,960
Oh, no, I just, I just got in.
400
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,800
I've only got underwear
under this coat.
401
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,000
Okay, good. Can I come in?
402
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,560
Yeah. Sure.
403
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,800
-It's nice.
-Ah, thank you.
404
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,640
Uh...
405
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,440
-Water?
-No, thanks.
I want to keep a clear head.
406
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,200
Uh, I've changed my mind
about the wedding.
407
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,680
I can't let them down like that.
408
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,640
And apparently no one else
will wear the outfit.
409
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,320
-Oh, that's good of you.
-You gonna take off your coat?
410
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,800
Um... no, no, I'm good.
I'm a bit chilly.
411
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,920
I've sacrificed a lot
for this life.
412
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,320
You know?
I've given a lot of things up.
413
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,920
-Um, so, uh...
-(doorbell buzzes)
414
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,800
(doorbell buzzes)
415
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,560
Do you want to get that?
416
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,680
Oh, no. I don't like opening
the door to people I don't know.
417
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,880
-(doorbell buzzes)
-HOT MISOGYNIST: I'm back!
418
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,520
(doorbell buzzes)
419
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,800
Look, if-if...
if there's someone
420
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,280
you need to see
or-or let in or...
421
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,320
No, honestly, honestly,
it's fine.
422
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,320
(sighs)
423
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,800
-When I was a child, I...
-(doorbell buzzes)
424
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,080
-HOT MISOGYNIST: Milady!
-Yeah, I'm just--
425
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,720
-(doorbell buzzes)
-I'll just be, um...
426
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,240
-HOT MISOGYNIST: So, you're
in trouble again, huh?
-Oh, my God, listen.
427
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,880
-You can't come in.
-Okay, you want to do it
on the doorstep.
428
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,760
Uh, no, my priest is here, and
he really needs some guidance.
429
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,240
What? Is he okay?
430
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,640
FLEABAG: No, I'm hoping
he's having an emotional crisis.
431
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,520
HOT MISOGYNIST: Shall I wait?
You said you wanted to see me.
432
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,000
Yes, I did want to see you,
but now I don't want to see you.
433
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,320
HOT MISOGYNIST:
Did I do something wrong?
You seemed to like what I did.
434
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,080
-FLEABAG: I did.
-I'm really good at it.
435
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,400
FLEABAG:
Yes, I know you are. Yeah.
436
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,400
-I'm really good at it.
-Yeah, I know you are.
437
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,400
-I'm really...
-Okay, you're really good at it.
438
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,280
-Well, clearly I'm not
if you don't want it.
-Oh, for God's sake.
439
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,000
-You're the best sex
I've ever had.
-What?
440
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,080
You're the best sex
I've ever had.
441
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,440
Really?
442
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,560
Honestly, you... you made me
come nine times.
443
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,680
Honestly?
444
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,240
-(chuckles softly)
-Cool.
445
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,080
(chuckles)
Do you want me to go?
446
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,440
Yeah. Okay.
447
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,480
I could take this
somewhere else.
448
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,040
Oh, okay, good. Good for her.
449
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,520
Nine times.
450
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,320
You're a saint.
451
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,320
(door closes)
452
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,320
-I'm sorry.
-That's okay.
453
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,040
-That was...
-I won't ask. (chuckles)
454
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,200
-Nine times?
-I just had to get rid of him.
455
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,040
Sure.
456
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,560
I can't be physical with you.
457
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,320
We can't even wrestle?
(chuckles)
458
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,680
(laughs)
459
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,320
No, priests have sex, you know.
A lot of them actually do.
460
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,320
They don't burst into flames;
I googled it.
461
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,800
I can't have sex with you
462
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,640
because I'll fall in love
with you.
463
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,800
And if I fall in love with you,
464
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,200
I won't burst
into flames, but...
465
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,000
my life will be fucked.
466
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,280
We're gonna have sex.
467
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,560
I'm supposed to love one thing.
468
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,560
-Oh, my God,
we're gonna have sex.
-For fuck's sake! Stop that!
469
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,080
I don't think you want to be
told what to do at all.
470
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,800
I think you know exactly
what you want to do.
471
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,560
If you really wanted
to be told what to do,
472
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:49,800
you'd be wearing one of these.
473
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,560
Women aren't actually allowed...
474
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,000
Oh, fuck off! I know!
475
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,440
(chuckles)
476
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,440
We're gonna have sex, aren't we?
477
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,000
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
478
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,560
Okay.
479
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,040
-I...
-Oh, whoa, okay.
480
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,760
-Uh...
-Listen, I had a...
481
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,800
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
482
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,600
(choir singing)
483
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,480
(gasps)
484
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,640
(panting)
33080
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