All language subtitles for Wanderlust 18_English

It's where we want to be.

It's where you want to be,
it's where I want to be...

Honey, that's all I've been saying.
I've been saying that.

I mean, this is New York City.

It's the greatest city
on Earth,

and we get to own a part of it.

Or we keep renting.

George, please. It's time
for us to own something.

We're not kids any more.

It's true. Pros and cons,

one more time.
Okay.

Go ahead. Talk it over again.
Okay, good.

Pros. Great neighborhood.

It's a great neighborhood.

A block from Joe's Coffee.
I love that coffee.

It's his favorite coffee.
Best coffee in the city.

Shade-grown, fair trade.

So, that's a pro. Coffee.

Con, money.

You said that we could do this.

I'll feel better
once I get my bonus.

HBO may make an offer
on my documentary.

Well...

Are we done with
the pros and cons?

Another con would be space.

You know,
it's a studio apartment.

No, it's a microloft.
It's a microloft.

It's written in here that it's a microloft.
We're adults here.

Let's call it what it is.
It's a studio apartment.

It says it somewhere.

I've never even
heard of a microloft.

Does your husband do this?

My husband is blind.

I'm sorry.

No, there's no need
to be sorry.

Pierre has been
blind since birth.

Good. I mean,
not "good," but, you know...

Don't worry, it's
the only reality he knows.

But, believe me, he can still
smell the Chanel on my neck.

He can still taste
the pain au chocolat

I bake for him
from time to time.

He can still
hear every stroke as

I brush my hair before
we lie down at night.

And as for touch?

I can get him there
with one flick of the finger.

Okay, I know you're nervous,
but believe me

this neighborhood is a terrific
investment, even in a recession.

It's the West Village.
It's the best. Yeah.

Really the best.

This is where you want to be?

This is where we need to be.

Let's do it!

I'm so sorry. I bet
this happens all the time.

No.

Here we go.
Wait.

Wow! Look at all this space!

Just right up against this...

I got a really big day
tomorrow, and you've got HBO.

I wouldn't mind taking a
sleeping pill

Oh, no! I can't take Rick right now.
I cannot take your brother.

I'll just...
No Rick.

Come on, two minutes.
Let's just get it over with.

It's never two minutes.

Hey, Rick.
Ricky licky, suck my dicky.

Don't hate me
'cause it's extra thicky.

All right, enough gabbing.
Give me the grand tour.

All right.

That's the kitchen.
Small.

That's the bathroom.
Small.

That's the bedroom.
Small.

That's the tour.

Holy shit! Our TV room is twice
the size of your whole place.

Yeah, but you live in Atlanta.

Hi, George. Hey, Linda.

It is alive.

Hi, Marisa.
Hi, Marisa.

Hi!
You look great!

Thanks. I read this article that
said if you smile all the time,

you can trick your brain into
thinking that you're happy.

Really? WOW.

All right, enough girl gab. I
want to show you the new baby.

New baby?

We adopted a black baby.
There she is.

All the bells and whistles, 48 large.
And check this out.

If some Jackamo
tries to steal my car,

I got a remote
tracker on there.

Tells me where he is,
down to 10 yards.

I go down there, fucking police
escort, nab the motherfucker.

It's like, "See you in three to five, ass wipe.
You fucking towel head."

So, you think a Sheik
is going to steal your car?

Hey, don't laugh, this is Atlanta.
We got CNN down here.

I think our connection is bad.
You're breaking up.

I can see you closing
the computer, dipshit.

I got to say,
that Marisa, one lucky lady

because she gets to be
married to him. Yeah.

Know what I want to do? I'm going
to take off that robe and...

It's okay.

Sorry.
You're so tired. I know.

What say we break this place
in the old-fashioned way?

Don't fall asleep.
Okay.

We can do this.
I'm not going to fall asleep.

Are you ready for your meeting?

Yep.
Don't forget to smile.

All right? Your movie is a little
bit heavy, so keep the room light.

Do you not think
I'm a good filmmaker?

That's not what I said.
I think you're great.

I think you're a great
children's book illustrator,

a terrific jewelry designer.

I loved the homemade
ice cream business.

I am familiar with my eclectic
resume, thank you very much.

But, honey, with this film, you
know it, I found my niche.

I can fly.
I believe I can fly.

Come on, say it.

Fine, I believe you can fly.

Get off your fucking phone!

Knock them dead. I'll call you later.
Good luck.

The world is
becoming a terrible place.

Antarctica is home to some of the
world's most beautiful wildlife,

most of whom are dead or dying.

This cute little guy
has testicular cancer.

This little girl's home melted
and her parents sank.

In our hunger for resources,
we are raping these animals.

We are raping them...
Stop.

...and then we
are murdering them.

Stop. Stop.

It's actually not finished.

I'm getting a very interesting sense
of what you're going for here.

Thank you! There's no way in hell.
We're going to have to pass.

Mmm-hmm.

"Pass"?
Yes, "pass."

But it's An Inconvenient Truth
meets March of the Penguins!

Meets "I want to
slit my wrists",

"because this is the most
depressing thing I've ever seen."

I don't understand.

I think what Marcy
is saying, Linda,

and please correct me
if I'm wrong, Marcy,

I don't want to
be off base here.

But what she's saying is that
she wants to slit her wrists

because this piece
is depressing.

I got that.
Yes.

I see that you're pregnant.

Thank you for noticing. What
tipped you off, my giant belly?

Or can you see my hemorrhoids

and my second thoughts
from where you're standing?

Don't you want
your child to grow up

in a world where
there are penguins?

To be perfectly frank,
fuck the penguins.

I don't think that what Marcy is
saying is to fuck the penguins.

No, it is what I'm saying.
Fuck the penguins.

And I love penguins.
Uh-huh.

But I have to agree
with Marcy. Fuck them.

Java chip sounds like
it's going to be a winner.

How's the new place, man?

Oh, terrific. Super small
and really expensive.

Oh, my God,
that does sound good.

Super small and really expensive?
Yeah.

Sometimes you can only get one of
those, but you got both of those.

Yeah, it's a deal.
That's great.

How did that happen?

I know.

Reason number 25
I'm not married.

Like I need someone telling me
to buy shit I can't afford.

It's all about the Benjamins, my friend.
The Benjamins.

Yeah.

I'll be one of
those guys who's just

old and ugly,
rich, has a hot wife.

Like...

Gollum.
Not Gollum.

Georgie!

Come see me for a little chat when
you get upstairs.

All right! You got
the point and the wink.

Boss man likes you.

It just doesn't
fit the HBO brand.

We do violence and
heartache, but it's sexy.

Mmm-hmm.
Do you understand?

Of course. What was I thinking?

You know what we could do?

We could throw some vampires in there
to have sex with the penguins.

And then you could have brooding,
sexy little vampire penguins.

Would that work for your brand?

What if the polar bears
were hookers, and on meth?

And then they show their tits for no reason.
How would that work?

I think you're joking,

but if you could do that, that
would be very interesting for us.

Yeah, very interesting.

And if I do get
the promotion, then what?

I have to work more
hours at the job I hate.

Wow, you're really bumming me out, man.
I hate this job, too.

Wait, what's going on?

Feds got in at 5:00 this morning.
Seized everything.

Georgie! Man with the plan.

I am going to take a little
rain check on our chit-chat.

Company shutdown effective immediately.

Did I just get
wink-point shitcanned?

What are you doing here?
How did HBO go?

Well,
they're passing on this one,

but they are definitely interested
in not seeing my other projects,

so it turns out I can't fly.

Why are you not
at work, George?

Oh!
I got fired.

You want to sell?

Well, my work situation
has changed a little.

Look, I'm going to be completely
honest with you guys.

The market has dropped.

We just bought it.

You said it was
a good investment.

I think you said that.

You said that!

In any case, it doesn't
matter who said it.

Nobody's buying studio
apartments right now.

It's a microloft.

Okay, let's just grow up
and call things what they are.

It's a studio apartment.

I knew it!

Even if you could sell it,
it would be at a loss.

You're not seeing
that money again.

As soon as we can
get back on our feet,

we'll talk about
coming back to New York.

Right now my brother
has offered me a job

and Atlanta's
the best place for us to be.

They call it "Hot-lanta!"
Isn't that funny?

You're so obsessed with your Joe's Coffee.
It had to be Joe's Coffee.

It's great fucking coffee!

We are fucked, we are fucked!

We're fucked!
George, stop!

That's how much you
made last year, $800.

You know what? I think you
like that I don't work.

How could you let
this happen to us?

Eight hundred dollars!

I didn't mean it.
I was upset.

Yes, I meant it!
I told you, you did!

Oh.

You were the one
that said, "Let's look"

"in the West Village
to buy an apartment."

I'm turning on the music!
Don't turn on that music.

Cock.

I can't be in this car any more!
Jesus Christ!

I just can't.
We've got to stop somewhere.

Fine. Okay.

I'm just really tired, okay?

I said "fine," all right?

Just quit selling me
after I said yes.

Elysium Bed and Breakfast, 10 miles.
Fine.

Oh, my God, it's just a shack and it's closed.
I'm going to scream, George.

It's a fruit stand.

Hold on, what's down that road?

"Elysium. Dreams dispensed daily.
Bring your own container."

I just hope they have a bed.

If they didn't, it would probably
be called "Elysium just Breakfast."

Does everything have
to be a joke, George?

Are you looking
for the B and B?

It's another half mile.
You can't miss it.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Leave?
Yeah.

Back up, back up, back up.

No, no, no.

He's following us!
What does he want?

Honey, he's coming after us!
Oh, my God!

What does he want?
I don't know!

He wants to chop us
up into 100 pieces

to make a suit
out of our skins!

I don't know.
Just back up faster!

The Bed and Breakfast is the other way!
The other way!

He's getting really close!
Hurry! What are you doing?

Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Are you guys Okay?

Oh, boy.

There is nothing we can do
about it until morning.

But we'll take care of you.

My name is Wayne, by the way.
I'm a nudist.

Yes, we noticed
your penis earlier.

Touché!

I'm sorry?

Don't be sorry. It means
"good evening" in Swedish.

I studied economics
in Stockholm.

But don't worry,
I'm not going to be

throwing Swedish
at you all night.

"God afton" is pretty much
all I can remember.

But there I go, running
off at the mouth again.

Some people call it "verbal diarrhea."
I just call it "word shit."

I'm a butterfly!

I've got wings!

Grisham is a butterfly.

I'm really a boy.

Okay, that will be our secret.
All right!

He thinks I didn't hear what
you just said, but I did.

These folks pulled the old
flip-de-doo at the ravine.

Probably trying to
back out because they

thought I was some
kind of naked weirdo.

No.
Yeah.

Do you have a room?

Do you remember
downstairs a minute ago

when you asked if I had a room?

Does this answer your question?

Yeah, I guess it does.

Completely.

I'm Kathy, by the way.

I'm Linda. That's George.

Hello.

"George," huh?

If you're George, then where's
John, Paul and Ringo?

Ah.

Where are they?
Did you bring them?

No, I didn't bring them.

Not even Ringo?

Nope.

You know I'm kidding, right?
I do, yeah.

We're really tired, Kathy.

Okey-dokey.

Thank you, though.
God afton.

What is that?

I thought it was you.

Me, doing what?

Please, baby. I'm so tired.

Oh, God.

I beg of you.

Please make it go away.

You're my hero.

George?

George!

That's it, George!

Linda!
Yes.

Kathy told me that
you had beautiful skin.

But she's a liar,
because it is luminous.

Thank you. Who are you?

My name is Karen.

I'm sorry if my hands smell like tahini.
I was just making some hummus.

Take it home!

This is much less
aggressive than clapping.

Try it, try it.
Seriously, it's better.

Babe, can I talk to you
just for a second, outside?

Did you smoke pot?

No.

Why did you just lie to me?
I'm not going to tell on you.

I had one hit.
One?

I think it might be the best
pot I've ever had in my life.

You have to try this.

Hey, Rodney. What's up?
What's up? What's up?

This is Linda.

Hey. Here you go, beautiful.

Linda with the luminous skin,

it's so nice to meet you.
Thank you.

Did you know that all these
people, they live here?

This is a commune.
Isn't that crazy?

That's crazy.

I'm Rodney, I'm her husband.

He's an African-American.

Wow, you guys
are really in love.

We are. We are just as much in
love as if we were the same color.

We actually had our
wedding ceremony right here

and Seth was our
spiritual officiant.

Who's Seth?

You haven't met Seth?

In a word, he's

a teacher, a guide,
a coach, a guru, a shaman.

He's everything.

Everything.

So, Seth is your leader?

No, no, no.

We have no leaders here.

Mother Earth is
the only leader we need.

You two must be
the proud owners of

that upside-down people-mover
out in the driveway.

I'm Seth.

I'm George. This is Linda.

Hi.
Hi.

Looks like you made
it out unscathed.

Not totally unscathed.
Ow!

Feel it?

How do you feel?

I'm better, I think.

That's good.

We'll deal with those withholding
father issues another time.

And you must be...

I'm Linda.

Linda.

Hi. Oh.

You smell like
walnuts and suede.

Walnuts and suede.

Welcome to Elysium.
Come on, I'll show you around.

That's a God's eye. I made
it myself, last Kwanzaa.

I love what
you've got going here.

Honest,
I feel like I can breathe

for the first time in
I don't know how long.

It's incredible!

How long has
the house been here?

I bought this house in 1971
with nine of my friends.

Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis,
Ronny Shames, Danielle Meltser,

Janie Brody, Billy Marcus,
Glen Stover, Tony Piloski,

and Janice Woo.

Meet Carvin. He's kind of the
lion around these parts.

So, have you lived
here this entire time?

Yeah, ever since I bought
the place in 1971.

Right.
With nine of my friends.

Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis,
Ronny Shames, Danielle Meltser...

Those are the names
you just said.

Yeah. Billy Marcus, Glen
Stover, Tony Piloski...

Those are all people
you've already named.

So, you don't have
to say them again.

Any of those
people still live here?

No, no. They're mostly dead.

Pretty much dead.

I'm going to go to bed.

Good night.

Dead but not forgotten.

I mean, who knows how many days

any of us have
left on this Earth?

Right.

That's why I choose to fill my
life with nature and laughter

and friendship,

love.

This is some commune.

"Commune"?

Boo, hiss. We prefer the
term "intentional community".

When you hear
the word "commune,"

you think of a bunch of hippies

sitting around, smoking
pot and playing guitar.

Hey!

I'm Eva!
Hi!

I hear you guys
are from New York.

Fellow New Yorker.
88th and Broadway.

Oh!

Yeah.

What do you know?

We're from the West Village.
Yeah.

Waverly and Christopher.
The best neighborhood!

I know!

I know New York is a great city

but I do not miss
that lifestyle at all.

It was just stress and
BlackBerrys and sleeping pills.

I used to drink a triple latte
every morning just to wake up.

I see your point,

but I kind of
value the sleeping pill

and the BlackBerry
and the latte.

You know, you can really
get trapped in that web of

beepers and Zenith televisions
and Walkmans and Discmans,

floppy disks and zip drives.

Laserdiscs, answering machines
and Nintendo Power Glove.

Wow, you know so
much about technology.

All right,
the pond behind the house

is just begging
to be dipped in.

Skinny style.

Let's do it.
Let's do it.

Yeah, let's...

You're unbelievable.

Skinny style!

George! George!
Jump in, George!

Atta boy, baby!

I cannot believe...

I'm naked! I'm naked!

I'm sorry. My bad.

A lot of magical
things have happened

since you walked
through those doors.

Amen. My menstrual
cycle started back up again.

Stop.
What?

And I don't even have a uterus.

I mean, I have it.
It's in a jar.

It's actually in the room that
you're staying in.

This is great,
actually, because

we actually totally
forgot to pack our uterus.

Hey, all right!
I like your shirt.

Here.

No, man, I can't do that.

We share everything here.

Wow.

Who are these people?

I have no idea.

I'm just going with it.

God afton.

One! Two! Three!

Give it a nice push!

Oh, you guys.

Incredible night.
Truly.

Do you take credit cards?

No, no, we all decided
that you paid us last night

with your friendship and
honesty and your stories.

I mean...
That's so kind.

Do we get change back for that?

If we didn't need the money
so badly, we would insist.

Just remember,
money buys nothing.

Nothing important, right?

No, no.
Money literally buys nothing.

I think you mean
metaphorically.

No, literally. Nothing.

Literally,
money buys most things.

No, nothing.
Are you saying that...

I'm saying that literally,
it...

No, but I'm saying, literally,
money buys nothing.

It buys nothing.
You're right.

Money pays for nothing.

That's right.

But not literally.
Honey.

And I don't want to hear that this
one slipped back into the world of

two-way pagers and VCRs
and The Arsenio Hall Show.

You can't express your feelings

by sending a letter
through a fax machine.

Oh, God.

I'm having a feeling.

Hey, man.

And the feeling is
that you guys should stay.

We can't.

Wow.
That is so sweet.

You never hear that
at Embassy Suites, do you?

No, you don't.

Anyway,
you don't have to answer now.

Just suck on it for a while.

Yeah.

We'll mull it over.

Suck on it.

Wait!

I made this for you guys.

So you'll always
remember Elysium.

Wow! What is it?

It's some sticks
glued to orange peels.

Bye!

Bye!

L, George!

You the man! You the man!

Bye! We love you!

We love you!

Bye, guys!

Hi!

George and Linda!
Oh, my gosh!

What happened? We were so
worried sick about you!

What happened?

What do you mean?
We just spoke an hour ago.

Oh, that was you.

I was too embarrassed
to say, "Who is it?"

There he is, my moron homeless brother!
Where's your cardboard box?

Get over here, I'm going
to fill up your soup bowl.

Come on, you lose your sense of
humor when you lost your apartment?

"But I
want to stay in my apartment"

"even though I can't
pay my mortgage."

"I'm all upset."

Linda, look at you,
your body is redonkulous.

Have you been working out?
My God!

Rick, I think you're making
everybody uncomfortable.

Oh, everybody knows
what I mean.

Hey, Tanner, come out here and say
hello to your aunt and uncle.

Hi, Uncle George and Linda.

Hey, Tanner!
Wow, you're so big!

So I'm not five years old any more.
It's such a freaking shocker.

Funny.
Yeah.

What a shithead.

What's that over there?
Is that a margarita machine?

Oh, yes, this is my new very best
friend in the whole wide world.

I have a little bit
of a SkyMall problem.

Do you want one? I can make you one.
Please.

We normally have a 4:30
ritual and I always say,

"Why have 5:00 when
you could have 4:30?"

Do you ever read SkyMall?

Yeah, when I'm on a plane.

Yeah. It's good reading.

Little more.
Okay.

Keep going.
Okay.

I thought you rented
construction equipment.

I do. Porta-Pottys.

What do you think, construction
workers hold it in all day?

Here's a little business model for
you, Mr. New York Fancy Pants.

They shit, I rake it in.

What,
are you grossed out by money?

So, this is the new den,

and this is where I sit
and watch TV all day long.

Just wasting my life away.

Thank God for
Wellbutrin, right?

I'm alone most of the time.

Rick work a lot?

Well, he entertains clients
at night or has affairs or...

I'm kidding, of course.
Are you?

I have a dildo in here.

Feel free to use it and know
that it's clean because

I put it through the dishwasher
like Whoopi say to do.

Can we top these off?

Do you like hamburgers?

Rick's going to grill some
hamburgers this weekend.

I have mixed feelings
about being a parent.

Here you go, shithead.
Simple data entry.

Do they still
use computers in New York City?

Yeah. You want me
to enter this data?

Are you questioning me?
Don't question me.

Here, you're not my brother, you're
not my buddy, you're my employee.

Got it?
Are you serious?

Am I serious? You're fired.

You're rehired, okay? Consider
that a warning shot. Get to work.

Paco,
watch this guy, all right?

Do me a favor.
Keep your eye on Paco,

because I don't
trust these people, okay?

You're drinking already?

It's a mimosa.
It's a breakfast drink.

You know, it's kind of funny.

Because when we were kids,
George used to mooch off me.

And now that we're all grown up,
the mooching has begun again.

You win, Rick.

You got a big house, you're a big success.
You're the winner.

Come on. You know I'm being
a dick to be a dick.

I'm just being a dick to be a dick.
Family's family, right?

My little brother needs
a job, I hook him up.

I'm looking for something
on my own, actually.

In this economy? You think
you're going to find something?

Here comes the lecture.

"Here comes..."

"Here comes the..."

All right, then I'll shut up.

I'll shut up.
You know what? I'll shut up.

Because I don't
want to lecture you.

In my own house!

God damn it!

Okay, you know what?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I "apologize," okay?

But can I give you
one piece of advice?

You're doing it wrong.

Rick, come on. Can I get
a word in edgewise here?

You come to my house,
crawling for help.

What do I do?
I open my door to you!

Can I please have
some more mimosa juice?

Marisa, please, mimosa juice.

You know, you don't have a
goddamn clue how to live life!

I gave you a gift, and you
think you can do better?

Who else do you know
who owns their own company?

So what if it's
the doo-doo business?

You want this?
This is how you get it!

Forget what you think
and do what I say!

I pull down six figures, George.
You should listen to me!

But you just talk,
talk, talk, talk...

Who knows how many days
any of us have on this Earth?

I want to fill mine with
laughter, happiness and love.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Linda, take off your robe.
We're leaving.

No, upstairs, with your other clothes.
I'm sorry.

Come on.
Okay.

Are you guys going
to be back for dinner?

With open arms and open hearts

we welcome George and Linda
as resident members

of the Elysium community.

Welcome home.

All right!

This is it.

What? Wait a minute.

What happened to that fancy
room with the fireplace

that we were in the last time?

That room is for paying
guests, you silly billy.

I love it. I think it's great.
What more do we need, you know?

We got a bed.
It looks nice and broken in.

We've got a shelf,
got a door...

...way.

Got a doorway.

Doors close us off
from one another.

We like to keep a nice,
open flow in the house.

Yeah, I don't need a door.
Do you need a door?

Nah.

I'm glad we don't have a door.
Doors are bullshit.

That's right.

Honey, I can't do this.
I can't.

I like doors.
I love them, in fact.

We're going to stay here.
This is the best place for us.

He's absolutely right, Linda.

Seth, you're back!

I never left.

I was just relaxing
outside the door, here.

But I think you two
should talk privately.

All right.

Oh, my God.
Is this the stupidest,

most crazy decision
we have ever made?

Honey, come on. We're just
running away from life.

Linda, the concept of an
intentional community like Elysium

is far more involved
and far more evolved

than any of these plastic,
shrink-wrapped

summations you're
coming outwith.

He's right.
Thank you, Seth.

Thank you.

Is he gone?
Let me see.

I'm not gone yet.
But I'm going to leave now.

George, convince me
that this is the right thing.

Didn't you feel more alive that first
night than you had in a long time?

Yes, I did.
Honey, it was amazing.

So why shouldn't we
feel that every day?

I think it's such
a obvious choice.

There's no one way
to live our lives.

I think it's really
cool if we do that.

I get what you mean.

It's not like we're signing a lease.
If we don't like it, we leave.

But let's stay a month,
and at the end

we can decide if we're
in it for the long haul.

Two weeks.

Two weeks.

Hey, George.

I need a wine critic,
I got a new batch.

Why not? I'm not driving.

It's got to be
better than this, anyway.

To you.
Welcome to the clan.

Thank you.

Welcome.

Mmm.

That's Italian.

These grapes were
grown here in Georgia,

so the proper word
would be "delicious."

I'm going to let that go.

Let what go?
You know what?

I'm going to show you
the method to my madness.

Okay.

But first, I have to put on the
old dangle bag, just in case.

Just in case of what?

You know, pubes.

You're certainly the first
nudist winemaker I've ever met.

There's a lot of us.

Yeah, we meet
from time to time.

But my real passion is writing.

Yeah? I'm writing
a novel right now.

Hi.
Hi, honey!

What's that?

We're choking
the birds on our smoke.

Detergents in the ocean.

Seth, are you okay?

Yeah!
Never been better, my man.

I just like to begin my day with
a little primal gesticulating.

We were convinced that someone
was getting axe-murdered.

The only thing
getting axe-murdered

are my anxieties,
tensions and fears.

Speaking figuratively,
of course.

I'm against
violence of any kind.

Come on, gesticulate with me.

I'll give it a shot.

So, what you do
is just basically

shout out
whatever you don't like!

Shout it out!

Why is there war?

Mushrooms!

Sure. Mushrooms!

It's a textural thing for me.

Pomegranates.

The Dallas Cowboys!

Hummers!

The car, not an actual...

Pick something
a little more global.

Ketchup! I don't like that.
No, ketchup's okay.

All right!
Traffic!

Really try and come up with some
stuff that's self-reflective.

Wheatgrass!
Wheatgrass?

It tastes like grass!

I know!

War! War!

He's doing great.
War!

Great job!
And other card games!

Thanks.

Linda, do you want to top that?

No.
All right.

I won't right now.

You're sure?
Yeah.

We're going to get you in here.

Time is our friend.

Oh, my God!
This place is incredible!

Do you live here?

No. I live wherever I am.

But this is where
I take my slumber.

So, what do you do
when it rains?

I drink
the nourishment that Gaia

is feeding me
through her cloud teats.

You guys are
getting the hang of it.

Get some callus on
those hands of yours.

Oh, yeah!

Hey, man.

Look at this. We've got
an axe man in Brother G.

You guys like Spin Doctors?

Yeah!

Go Seth!

Oh, my God.

Coming your way
in a second, George.

Take it!

Come on, take a solo!

Rip it out, man.
Let it out.

Let it out from your heart,
not from your fingers.

Wait, wait.

I don't like it.
I don't like it.

It's a simple story. Princes.

Like this, ready? Watch.
Just nice and simple.

You.

It's like he has
sausage fingers.

I feel stupid.

Honey, that was great.

You just go, man.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

Please! Erase this.

But what am I going to sing?

Give me
something to sing about.

Linda.

Wind?

"The Wind" by Linda.

You're really good.
Okay.

The ways of the wind

Won't free you from sin, woman

See your sweet breasts heavin'

Feel my blue jeans screamin'

Yes, sir.

I'm gonna love you
like an animal

Eat you alive, woman

Seeds

and

all

That was pure magic.

Who wrote that?

You did.

I did not.

That's like saying,
"Did you make that coffee?"

No, I didn't make that coffee.

I'm just the coffee pot.

You're the beans.

This is awesome.

Isn't that cool?
Yeah.

No fucking doors.

I can help you
with the constipation.

A little senna root from the garden
ground up with some cannabis.

I'm all right, thanks.
Yeah, I just sat down.

I don't know what
to give you for that.

I'm really all right.
I don't need anything.

I like that. It's like, "if it
ain't broke, don't fix it."

That's the bottom line, right?

That's the bottom line. All
right, I like that. I like that.

So, I need your car keys.

What?

We share everything here, George.
Truck's in town.

Yeah, sure. Most of
our stuff is still in it.

But, here you go.
My car is your car.

Right on. Right on.

So, I'm light on your biography.
Where are you from?

Could we talk about this later?

I like that. Kathy said
you were really funny.

My ears are ringing.

Hope I'm not
interrupting boy time.

Actually,
more like, "me time."

Seth called a truth circle.

You newbies are
going to love it!

Let's go.

I'll wait for you.

Now then,

what would you say
a truth circle is?

A circle of people
that tell the truth?

Exactly right.
Good, Linda.

Context clues.
Do you see how she did that?

Here, George.

What is this?

It's ayahuasca tea.

Oh.

I think I'll pass.

We feel that sharing the tea is an
extension of sharing our truths.

It smells like
Willie Nelson's braids.

You interrupted me, George.

Well, hey, was I lying?

Not yet.

Linda, would you like to start?

Okay. Um...

You're lying.

I didn't say anything yet.

You didn't have to.

I'm wondering,
maybe I shouldn't go first.

I think maybe
somebody else should...

I'll go.

Truth, I'm worried
that my changing body

may make me less
desirable to my partner.

Less desirable?

I find you sexier than ever. As
we used to say in Charleston,

"When the belly starts to show,"

"that's when
the titties start to grow."

And everybody
knows I love titties.

Everybody knows I love titties!

Stunning truth.

Linda, do you want to try again?
Something true this time?

Okay.

I can't believe
you're going to sit here

and puke your lies all over us.

What?

If I wanted my
face covered in lies,

I would still be in porn.
Right?

Obviously, we've never done this
before and it's a little...

It's probably just hard for you
because you're so full of shit.

Linda, don't let George
disrespect your process.

What?

Just think of George
as a crying baby.

A crying, broken little baby.

Wow, thanks a lot, Seth.
I appreciate that.

Do you really appreciate it, or are
you just lying directly to my face?

I'm being sarcastic.

Look who's decided
to be truthful.

He actually uses sarcasm when he gets
into uncomfortable confrontations.

Yeah, right, like I do that.

And you hate it.

I don't love it.

Or maybe you hate it.

It gets old. It does get
a little... Yes, I hate it.

You hate it when I make jokes?

I can tell when you don't really
care and you're just humoring me.

And how does that
make you feel, Linda?

Like crap. Like my
problems don't matter.

What are you talking about?
Your problems are my problems.

Minus the eczema.
That would be your problem.

See? I hate that.
And I don't feel supported.

What?
I don't feel...

Did you just say, "I don't
feel like I support..."?

Yes, I did.
You want the truth?

I work like crazy
so you can make a documentary

about penguins with
testicular cancer!

- The point is, you jump...
- Here's the point.

Linda, he's getting to the point.
Let me get...

This is when
the breakthroughs happen.

Would you please let me
get to the point?

Don't get angry at me!
Get angry at her.

I work...
"Linda." Start with "Linda."

Linda...
Don't edit yourself.

I'm not.
"Linda."

I work...
Have at her, George.

Hit her!
What?

Not with your hands.
With words, with your truth.

I'll hit you with truths.

Do you want to know
what it's like to work

as hard as I do and
get no appreciation?

Just so you can do whatever flight
of fancy you have this year

whether it's pottery, or photography,
or it's "the Occasional Cafe."

What the fuck is
"the Occasional Cafe"?

That was an occasional café!

Pick one thing and
just stick with it!

Do you know how hard it is
to be married to somebody

who is still trying to
figure out their major?

I'm sorry that
I haven't figured out

what it is that
I love to do yet, George.

But at least I'm not sitting in
a fucking office like you did

miserable, hating your job,
and complaining about it.

That job that I sat at
and complained about every day

paid for the apartment
you wanted so much.

We don't even have it any more.

Linda, is there anything else
you want to say to George?

Any other ways he's
completely failed you?

Do you want the truth?

George is right.

He's totally right.

I've never committed to
anything in my entire life.

No, it's not...

It's true.

Linda,

I think you just met Linda.

You're an amazing woman.

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

I have one more question.

Ask anything,
my sweet soul warrior.

Why is that grass crying?

It's really loud.

I have a feeling
that it's my fault.

Because I think I made it cry.

Don't take it personally.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

It's the ayahuasca.

What the fuck is going on?

Ayahuasca has
hallucinogenic properties.

It's like a stronger peyote.

Mine just kicked in.

Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

Yeah, no, I don't
think it's affecting me.

I think mine's
starting to kick in, too.

I can see
George's spirit animal.

What?
What?

What did you say?
What did you say?

You see my spirit animal?
You see my spirit animal?

- What is it?
- What?

Huh?
Huh?

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Hey, guys, I just lost my keys.

I had them right
in this pocket.

She's going to
have so much fun.

There's a snake in the mirror.

The word that's coming out of my
mouth looks like a tiny pink mouse.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah!

Whoa! Holy shit!

Sweetheart, listen to me.
Listen to me.

You are tripping
your balls off.

I can fly!
I believe I can fly, George!

Metaphorically, I believe you can fly.
Literally, you can't fly!

I believe I can fly!

If you're going to get literal
with an R. Kelly song

do Trapped in the Closet.

You can't break your neck
if you're trapped in a closet.

You just watch me.
No, no, no.

Watch me, George.
No, no, no!

I believe I can fly!
No! No! No!

See? You can fly.
I always believed it.

Oh, my God.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Morning.

Oh, God.

That was a little crazy.

That was great.

You probably don't remember, but you
said some crazy stuff last night.

I remember every word of it.

Oh, God, I really
just feel great.

Why is the doorway crying?

I'm just kidding.

Downtown Atlanta.
Uh-huh. Okay.

Corner of Peachtree
and Third Street.

Terrific. I can probably get there
around noon if I leave now.

You're qualified?

Yeah, I'm more than
qualified for the job.

Noon at the latest.

I look forward to it.
Thank you.

Wayne!
Hey.

Wow, that's quite
a big pile of pages.

I get it, George.

You're interested.
I'm flattered.

When the time comes, I'll let you know.
I'll share it with you.

I got a protagonist issue
I'm still working out.

All right.
I have a lot of thoughts

that I wanted to
get down here, and...

That sounds great. I gotta
go into town for a second.

How are you going to do that?

Rodney didn't tell
you what happened.

What happened?

I don't understand.

I know. I know, right?
It's crazy. It's crazy.

What exactly happened, all right?
Take me through.

Okay. Well, it was like,
"I'm going on the road."

Cut to, in the pond.

No, don't "cut to" the pond.

What... Don't cut.

I mean, can you believe that?
Can you believe it?

No, I can't believe it.

Which is why I want you to
tell me, how did that happen?

I'll tell you what.

Hindsight being 20/20,

I probably wouldn't have
done it the same way.

What did you need
our car for anyway?

It doesn't matter any more.

Hey, George.

Hey, Eva,
I didn't see you there.

You look sad.
Well...

Everything that's been happening
in your life recently,

the fact that you're walking on
two feet at all, it's amazing.

Seriously, George.

I've been walking on two feet
for most of my adult life.

Oh, George.

I like you.

I like you, too, Eva.

We should make love sometime.

George?
Yeah.

I heard you. Yeah.

You don't know
about our philosophy.

Here at Elysium
we believe that open

sexual boundaries
lead to a deeper honesty.

How would you and
Linda feel about that?

Anyway, think about being inside me.
Talk to Linda.

Here you go, sir. Have a great day.
Thank you very much.

And you enjoy that apple.

Honey!

I just sold my first apple. I picked
it, I bagged it and I sold it.

Terrific. Our car is
at the bottom of a lake.

So, George, I hear Eva asked
to intercourse with you.

What?

Yeah.

Thanks, Seth.

That was what I was
going to tell you.

Apparently, at Elysium,
they practice free love.

And Eva suggested
that we try it.

What did you tell her?

No. I said no.

I mean, we didn't
finish the conversation,

but I was about to,
and I will and did say no.

This is just biology.

Homo sapiens weren't meant
to be monogamous creatures.

I don't know, that just
sounds to me like an excuse

for everybody just to
get into bed together.

If you want to pick a fight
with your body's sexual chi,

it's just going to
drive it inwards.

And that invites
disease and death.

Man, I'm not a fan of death.

People treat sex like it's this huge
deal with crazy life consequences.

Right.

What are you doing here?

I don't understand. What are you
doing here on our property?

That sounds like
the lion's cry.

This is our property!

Of course we have
the goddamn deed to it.

Then prove it.
Where is the deed?

If you think I can remember where
I put a piece of paper in 1971...

If you wanna make
a stink out of this,

you can do that,
but you're going to lose.

Or, we resolve this
very quickly

and we all come away
with something.

It's okay, George.
I got this.

I wasn't going to do anything.

Our people have a spiritual
right to this land!

We have deep roots here.

I don't think the lion could have
roared any clearer, my friend.

No dice.

There's thousands more where that came from.
I actually...

Can I have one of those?

Yes, please, that's for you.
And keep that, sir.

Oh, really?
Smile.

I can do that, too.

Deal with me.

How do you like that?
Here, Brett, why don't you?

See? How do you like that?

Really? Do you want it?
I'll take another.

Yeah, sure. Here you go.
Thanks very much.

Please, please.
It's my pleasure.

Three can play at that game.

There's a Kinko's
13 miles down the road.

Go get copies.

I will get more cards.
I will be back.

Come back and buy a zucchini.

And we will build that casino.

Carvin, do you have any idea
where the deed is?

No, I'll find it, because
I use the think method.

I just think of,
"Where wouldn't

"I expect it to be?"
and I go there.

And so far, it's not there.

Don't worry, we can fight this.

Oh, my God!

What's the matter?
What happened?

George just killed
a defenseless animal.

What?
No, I just swatted a fly.

For Christ's sake!
Here we go.

And now it's dead. What if it
had young living somewhere?

Young? Like, maggots?
Are you serious?

This man has a fetish for violence.
No, I don't.

He has a fetish for violence!

We're talking about a fly.

And where does it end?

When you kill a fly,
you kill a bird.

You kill a bird,
you kill a dog...

You kill a dog,
you kill a soldier.

I'm sorry. I didn't know
I was killing soldiers.

I support the troops.

I cannot even look
at you right now.

I'm sorry, I'm trying
to learn all the rules.

There are no
rules here, George.

Except "no swatting flies."

That's not a rule.

It's just a way of
thinking about stuff.

You did something wrong

and you're a little embarrassed about it.
It's okay.

I did something wrong?

Forgiveness is always allowed.

I've seen you throw
a battery at a pigeon.

I didn't kill it.
Why are you doing that?

It was a long time ago.
A long time ago.

And it was right on our
window, it was all...

That's not the point.

I've said for years we should
have a bug zapper here.

1971, right here
at this table with

Jerry Beaver, Stephanie,
Ronny, Danielle...

Here we go.
Thank you, acid.

Tony, Janie, and Janice Woo.

You know, it's amazing,
I can remember

Janice Woo with
perfect clarity.

I just can't remember
where the deed is.

You know why? Because I
didn't fuck the deed.

That's right.

Hey, it's Sherm. I'm out as usual.
Leave a message.

Hey, Sherm,
it's George, from work.

How are you doing, man?

Look, I was
wondering if you've heard

of any job opportunities
back in the city.

Linda and I have been
out of town for a while

and we're kind of
itching to get back.

Call me if you get the message.

Hey.

Hi.

Oh, wow.

She really is blossoming,
isn't she?

Yeah, look at her go.
Marking her turf.

So free.

I'm just sad that she didn't
respond to the free love idea.

I know. I know.

I respect your and Linda's
relationship so much.

But if you ever
change your mind...

You'll be the first to know.

I promise
I wouldn't disappoint.

Yeah, that's great.

I mean, I can lick your balls
while I give you a blowjob.

No way!
Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I'm getting a little wet
just talking about it.

Me, too.

People, they are breaking
ground on the casino today!

We got to protest!

The people will be heard!

Where's my bullhorn?
I need the bullhorn!

Where once stood
an insignificant fruit stand

will now grow the much
sweeter fruit of prosperity.

So here's to good jobs,
economic growth

and tax revenue
for years to come.

I'm the fucking founder, for Christ's
sake, suburban mall-dweller!

No, no, no. You're
all on private property.

Yeah, it's our property.

Private property this.

Almond, no, no! Anger is
not the cure for this.

Come on,
we have to do something.

I know! It's like...

Brother, if we could just talk,

heart to heart, for one moment.

Greed-mongering
shithead!

We're going to
expose you and your greed!

You're all free to stand
on that side of the barrier.

Hey, news gal!

Where the hell are you going?
We got what we need.

Don't your viewers care about

a corporation making backroom
deals with politicians

so they can screw over
another local business?

Not for a 30-second segment
at the end of Atlanta P. M.

It's impossible to
reason with these people.

They won't listen to the truth!

Your bulldozer's
a bully-dozer!

We have to do something right now.
This is it.

Hey, lady,
do you want to see something?

Do you want
a really good news story?

Take this!

We've got boobs out!
And they're good ones!

If you want to
move any further,

you're going to
have to run me over!

Holy shit!

County officials got
more than they gambled for

at a casino groundbreaking
ceremony earlier today

when an angry, shirtless lady treated
attendees to quite the show.

They lied to us!

No more lies!

No more lies!

One by one, the topless
woman's enraged colleagues

threw off their shirts
and joined her in protest.

Baba Booey! Howard Stern!

Wonderful.

It's an interesting story
pitting a ragged band of locals

against a land deal worth
upwards of 10 million dollars.

But just now
the County Commissioner has

stated that no
construction will go forward

until a full re view of
community impact. Michael?

Great report.
Thank you, Deena.

Hey, Deena, maybe if they
ever build this casino

these hippies
can win the jackpot

and buy themselves some shirts.

It's certainly possible.

Deena, could you
let us know if you're

ever planning on
protesting a casino?

They're building a casino
at my place later tonight.

Okay, nailed it.
There's more.

Deena, I don't think
any of us would protest

if you unexpectedly
took off your shirt.

Deena, I do have
a new weather report

which is hot, sweaty
and I have an erection.

This is historic.

The revolution has begun.

All because this courageous
woman saw an unjust world

and waved her boobies at it.

Let's celebrate!

I didn't even know
we had a television.

Let's open some chutney!
The tomato chutney!

The tomato chutney!

No. No!

Where's George?

Are you okay?

I'm doing great!

I felt something today when we
were standing up there and just...

I know.

Screaming it out and seeing
you with your shirt off...

That's an amazing
experience for me.

I just only hope
that George gets it.

You are a natural leader.

Oh, God, get out of here.
I feel like a schoolgirl.

Go on, tonight's your night.
Enjoy it, celebrate it.

Hi!

God! I still cannot
believe that I did that!

You're a hero.

You're like
a topless Norma Rae.

I feel amazing!

It's great to see you so happy.

I know, I am!

I really am.

So...
Yeah.

It's been two weeks.

I want to stay.

I want to stay.

Okay, but before you answer...

I already answered.

There's a possibility that I
have a job back in New York.

We can go home.
We can go home!

But I really...

I really feel
like this is our home.

For the first time in my life,
I feel like I have a purpose.

I've heard you say that before so
many times with so many other things.

No, it's different this time.
I feel it.

So you can live the rest of your
life without bathroom doors?

Yes.

You could be a vegan?

I am a vegan. I love it.

For two weeks
you've been doing it.

They say three weeks and then
it's out of your system.

Open relationships?

No sexual boundaries. That's
part of the deal here, too.

Can you do that?

Exactly.

So, please, let's just go...
Okay.

Okay? Yeah?

No, okay. Free love.

As long as there's trust, and
communication, and respect,

we can all enjoy
each other intimately.

What? I love all of
these people, George.

I love how I feel about myself
when I'm here. I just...

George, I want to stay.

Okay.

Okay.

Really?

Let's do it.

Oh, God.

I'm so proud of us right now.

What did you say?
"Now I'm gonna stay"?

You're funny. I'm going
to go tell everybody.

We're staying!
We're staying!

George,

Linda just told
me the good news.

I'm so excited to
hear of your decision.

Yeah, it's great! I know.

Eva's really something,
isn't she?

Yes, absolutely. The best.

I just made love to your wife
in the other room.

Great.

Thank you.

Honey, we said we
were going to do it.

No, I said we would
do free love in theory.

I didn't say
let's do it tonight!

George! Oh, my God!

This is awful.
This is such a nightmare!

You have to do it tonight.

I don't know
if I can do it tonight!

You have to!

You can't just make me
be the only one who did it!

This was your idea!

Oh, my God,
I can't believe you did it!

You just have to please go do this
tonight, otherwise we're doomed!

I don't know...
For us!

I can try.

No, there's no "try."

There is only "do."

What, are you Yoda?
George!

I'm okay. I can do this.
Are you sure?

Yeah, this is good.
Tonight's the night.

This is it.
This is what it's about.

Yeah! No shackles. We're
doing this as a team.

You got to do this.

Oh, God!

This was your idea, George.

It's a good idea, right?
It's a good idea.

Monogamy is sexual slavery.

She got an exquisite pussy, well, how
about my exquisite erection? Huh?

Eva, what do you think, do you
like my exquisite erection?

Do you like my
erection selection?

What do you think, Eva? Yeah?

Are you going to take it? Are
you going to take that dick?

Are you going to
take that dick?

I'm going to pop off
a piece of my dick.

Oh, yeah,
I'm fixing to fuck you.

I'm going to fuck you.

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

I'm going to get it
all up in your vag.

Get it up in your
vag with my dick.

With my dick.

I'm going to put it in
with my dick.

I'm going to put my dick in.

What's up, man?
Are you all right?

What's up?

So, how we doing, George?

Hi, Wayne.
Great. Never better.

It's funny because
I didn't want to get

into this before
because we had just met,

but, as you know, I'm writing
a new novel right now.

Really?

It's a political parable about the
flaws of capitalistic society.

I could tell you the story, but
it would probably bore you.

Maybe later.
I'll just give you a taste.

Basically, it's about this
one guy named John Belson.

And John is just this guy,
an average Joe...

I can actually even maybe
name him "Joe Belson."

You could.
And the big thing is...

Tell me if I'm boring you.
No, finish your sentence.

The big thing is,
at a certain point I reveal

that this is all happening
in Washington, D.C.

Wow. Yeah.

Belson's a creature
of the Beltway.

Yeah. I'll tell you this...

Eva...

I'll read you this one part,
unless you're not interested.

Hey. There you are.

Hi.

I am ready to have sex.

Great. Come here.

Awesome!

But I can't believe
this is actually happening.

Yeah.
Oh, my God.

God, George...

Your heart is racing.
I know.

I've wanted to do
this since we first...

Yeah.
Since we first...

And now it's okay.
Yeah.

Now it's not like before.
Now I can actually...

Breathe, George, breathe.

Feel it in your diaphragm,
just breathe it in.

You're going to feel it
in your diaphragm with my...

You're going to
feel it with my dick.

Okay.

Do you need to
take a minute, George?

No, I'm good. I'm good.

I'm going to do this.

This is going to happen.

Yeah.

I'm going to throw down.

I'm going to
throw down onto you

with my testicles.

Okay.

I'm going to get on it.
I'm going to get on it

and I'm going to get in it
and down it and through it.

It's going to be
magically delicious.

You're going to
be my lucky charm.

Okay, just don't talk,
let's just...

I'm going to get a big old
brimming bowlful of fuck

on your boobs.

George, let's just...

I'm going to lick your titties.

I'm going to lick your...

What?
Can I lick it?

I'm going to
slap you on the eye

with my cock.

I'm going to flick you in
the nuts with my balls.

I'm going to put my...

Put it on your neck.
I really don't...

That's I'm going to pump
you with my gonads.

No.

That's a spicy meatball...

George, you know...

...in your spicy hole.

George, you're creeping me out.

I'm sorry. When I get nervous, I
sometimes just talk, and that's...

I'm sorry, let's...

Okay. George...

I really think you
should go take a minute.

No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I don't think this is...

Just don't even worry about it.

Maybe we should do
this some other time.

Let's not.
No, just the head of it in.

It wouldn't even have to stay.
I'd just go, like, beep-boop.

Then technically, we did it.
Just a quick little...

You wouldn't even know.

No. No.

This is very important,
all right?

We have to do this for Linda.

I'm sorry, George.
I'm just not into it.

I am.

Great.

Let's switch out. Okay?

I'm about to put my vag

all up on your dick.

Excuse me.

Hey, George.

Oh. Sorry.

Are you meditating
or something?

No, not at all. Come join me.

You didn't feel like going on
the moon hike with everyone?

No, I'm taking a breather
from all that tonight.

Maybe it's divinely inspired

that you and I
are here right now.

That's nice.

I can see that you
have a kind soul.

Are we...

Is this...

It's like Tantric or something.

I'm having my baby, George.

What? Fuck. No, you're not.

Yes, I am, George.

No, no, no. Stop doing that.

There's nothing
to stop, George.

My baby is on its journey.

Oh, my God! All right.

I'll call the hospital.

No, no need.

I'm going to do this myself.

No! No, that's a bad idea.

It is the best idea the
universe has ever come up with.

This is the most natural thing
that can happen to a person.

I'm going to get Rodney.

No. He'll be here
soon enough.

Look at the full
moon right now.

It's luminous.

Oh, God!

Okay.

I'm opening like
a lotus flower.

I'm passing out.

Are you okay?
I'm passing out.

Okay.

Rough couple of weeks, huh?

No hard feelings about the
whole fly-swatting thing.

I would have done the same thing
if the tables were turned.

By the way,
I just fucked your wife.

Hey, Eva and I are downstairs
flipping flapjacks.

You may want to get down there.

Thanks, Wayne. How about getting
your dick out of my face?

Is this coffee?

No, it's better than coffee.
It's kutcha root.

It tastes like cow shit.

George! It's so good to
have a joker in the house.

It's real sugar? It's not
bark or sand or anything?

There he is!

Look at him!

Oh, my God! So cute.

There he is.

What is that?

That's the placenta.

We keep the cord and placenta attached
until it falls away naturally.

And we're going to use it
to make some soup.

Okay, you know what?
That's ridiculous.

I can't do it.
I can't do this any more.

Hey, whoa, whoa.

You need to simmer down and breathe, brother.
Take a load off.

No, why don't you simmer down?
Why don't you breathe, brother?

Whoa, George...

No! This is crazy!

I'm drinking
dirt for breakfast.

There's no privacy anywhere.

Rodney, you owe me a car!

And, Almond,
cut and discard that shit

off of your infant immediately!

It's gross!

And, Karen, I hate to break it to
you, but flies don't feel pain.

Billions of them
are killed every day,

so blow me!

Fine! When?

And, Seth, where do I start?

George!

Linda! Are you still here?

Did your 10 a.m.
fuck session get canceled?

Linda...

Ooh.

You wanted this.

You wanted to come
back here, we moved.

You wanted to dive headfirst into
everything that Elysium represented,

we did that.

You wanted to be free
sexually, I said "fine."

So last night
I do something that

I never ever
expected that I could do,

only because you encouraged it.

So how could you
possibly be mad at me

when all I did was
follow your lead?

Because it was a stupid idea!

I'm an idiot!
Why would you listen to me?

My God, we've known these
people for two weeks!

But I'm not the same person
I was two weeks ago.

You said to me, "Why can't
we be happy every day?"

I lied, okay?

I panicked, all right?
We were broke.

This place had
food and shelter,

and it was way
better than Rick's.

I'm admitting it. I thought
we could have fun here

but then you drank the
Kool-Aid and I can't stand it.

I want to support you, I do.

But I can't if it
means living here.

That might be a problem.

George, can I just read
a passage from my book?

I think it's relevant.

Wayne, no.

"John Belson sat in his car at
a stoplight at a crossroads."

Wayne, your novel sucks.
It sucks.

It isn't interesting, it isn't
entertaining, it isn't anything.

Come here.
What's wrong with you?

I can't do this.
I can't do it.

I can't have 15 people involved

every time we have an argument.

I miss meat,
I miss air-conditioning,

I miss going to the bathroom

and being able to shut a
door like most people.

I'm not the weird one.
I'm in the majority.

I'm leaving.

I'm staying.

Looks like it's time
for you to move on, brother.

This is mine!

It's okay.

Yo.
Sherm, it's George.

Hey.
I'm coming back.

Is that job still available?

Dude, there's no job.

I was just having
some fun with you.

I told you that there was a job
available that wasn't available.

I thought that would be funny.

Turn right onto State Route 320

and go 13 miles.

Lion, you here?

If I was an old man's deed,
where would I be?

Where is it?

What?

Jackpot

Wrapped in Reynolds.
I should have known.

Stop.

Did you come alone?

Yes. Did you bring it?

When you told me you found the
deed, I was sure we were done for.

What changed your mind?

It's not my mind that's
changed, it's my heart.

I've met my soulmate.

I'm going to take
her away from here

and start a new
Elysium in Miami.

Here.

It is not without
some hesitation that

I render my brothers
and sisters homeless.

And here is the amount
we agreed upon.

Okay.

Oceanfront property
in South Beach, Miami...

Never a bad investment.

Even in a recession.

I don't understand
any of your legal mumbo-jumbo

but I'm sure it's
nothing $11,000 can't fix.

Goodbye, hassles,
hello, casino.

Now,

the piece of resistance.

It's hot.
Careful.

It might have been easier just
to burn it in the first place.

Arriving
at your destination, on left.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh! There he is!

I knew you would find a way
to fuck up being a hippie.

Hello.

Marisa.
Hi.

Is George there?

Yes, he's right here.
Do you want me to...

No, no. I just wanted to
make sure that he's okay.

Don't actually
tell him I called, okay.

One more thing. Who is this?

Dear George, I took
your criticism to heart

and after some serious soul searching,
I concluded you were right.

It wasn't exciting,
it wasn't interesting,

so I spent the whole
day reworking the story.

I would love your notes. Be brutal
like you were before, okay, buddy?

Sincerely, Wayne.

Wait a minute. So...

Belson is in D.C.?
Washington, D.C.?

Yeah, that's it. He's a
creature of the Beltway.

Wow! I didn't see that coming.
That's an explosive twist.

We gotta talk about
the next phase of Elysium.

We need to take our
message out there.

We need to take
Elysium on the road.

I've just recently
put a down payment

on a small
split-level condo in Miami.

Wait a minute.
We can't leave this place.

The others will find their way.

This is insane.

I know. It is insane.

I am so glad
you're on the same page.

I thought I was
the one going crazy.

Now I feel like you're the one going
crazy, but I'm here to help you.

I am not crazy.

I'm not crazy either.

Well, I don't...

That makes two of us.
Okay.

Let's just make love.
And then we'll talk.

No. I would rather not.

Yeah. I understand.

George. I remember him well.

What we will do, is we will
make love without touching.

You know what, I gotta go.

Wait, Linda...

God, Seth.

I was almost there.

I just figured
out what George's

fortune cookie
fortune would say.

"Confucius say when wife screw other
guy, husband must get rid of wife."

"She no good.
The pork fried rice."

What exactly did Mom do to you
that she didn't do to me?

Come on, I know it's offensive,

but you gotta admit,
it's funny.

That's funny!

I'm not Chinese.

That's funny! All I'm saying is
Linda is no good, screw her,

screw those hippie-dippies, with their B.O.
and their white dreads.

You have no idea, man.

Okay,

so you're
complaining about Linda?

You're the one who wanted
to sleep with other people.

I didn't think she would say yes!
Bingo.

At least she had permission
before she cheated.

My husband has been fucking at
least one woman on the side

ever since before our wedding.

What? What is that
supposed to mean?

You have a tracking
system in your car.

You never shut up
about it, stupid.

Little reality shift, Rick?

Honey, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

No! Listen to me.

I love you, and I have sex with other
women because I love you so much.

I'm getting it out of my system.
I'm trying to protect you.

Are you kidding me?
What do you want me to do?

Do you want me to tell you every
time I sleep with somebody?

And then we have to deal
with that every time?

What is wrong with you?

George, back me up on this!

What are you doing?
What's that face...

Why are you doing that?

Are you pooping?

No, I'm crying.

That's not what
crying looks like.

What do you want me to do?

Can you get the fuck out of my
house and out of my life forever?

That's it.
Okay, thanks. Get out!

You're taking my infidelity
and making it about you!

Do you realize how
selfish you sound?

This is exactly
why I have to cheat!

I hate you.
I want a divorce.

No, honey, no.

I left my wife at a commune.

What the fuck am I thinking?

I'm auditioning for
Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Are these your car keys?
Yes.

Honey, you don't...

Wait! No! No!

What are you doing with my car?

We're family.
It's our car.

Get out of the goddamn car!

My baby is all I got left!

That looks good. It looks even.
Centered?

I'm going to town.
I'll see you in a bit.

Bye, Linda.

Mmm.

Terrible, I know.

Steak at a diner.

It's like getting
cognac at a gas station

or a diner.

Carvin, please don't judge me.
I needed meat.

Hey, I come here every Sunday.

You can't live
off of macrobiotic

bean curd shit your whole life.

The first time
I snuck away years ago,

I had a veggie burger.

The next time, chicken salad.

And then, two pounds of bacon.

Oh, my God!

Nobody knows about this.

Your secret is safe with me.

Who cares?

I've been in
Elysium four decades.

Hell, I co-founded the place with
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis...

Yeah, I know.
All those people.

Billy Marcus, Tony Piloski...

All of them. All those people.

My point is you gotta do
what is right for you.

Don't get me wrong. Elysium
is an amazing adventure,

but sometimes I think

I missed out on something
that was even more real.

You know, more real.

Here you are, darling.

Mmm-hmm.

Wow! That's every
member of the meat family.

That's some kind of wurst.
"Wurst"?

I don't know why they call
it "wurst." It's the best.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Surprised to see
you here, brother.

Where's Linda?
I need to talk to her.

I'm diving into
the Linda pool these days.

I only tell you this
because I love you, brother.

Move or I will run you over,
because fuck you, brother.

What the fuck are you doing?

Capoeira.

Although a beautiful form
of Afro-Brazilian dance,

it's also a devastating
form of self-defense.

Let's dance, brother.

Turn around, brother!

Let go of the wheel!

She's a beautiful spirit who has
evolved away from you, George.

What are you talking about?
You're so full of shit!

Wow! They make cars
with CD players now?

Wow, it's so great to see
so much of so many of you.

I don't know what's worse,

Marty's pasty ass, or
Beverly's Malbec Pinot blend.

This is great.

Everybody run!

Let go!

George!

Holy shit! Did you see that?

No,
I turned away for one second.

Did I miss
something incredible?

No! Who's in the car?
I don't know.

Who is that? Seth?

I told you.

That's a very
easy mistake to make.

Oh, my God.
George!

George, what's going on here?

Wayne, hey!
I read the latest draft.

Really?

Incredible!
Yeah? Thanks!

And that last sentence.

"Get me
Senator McClusky."

Oh, my God! How did you
even think of that?

Lightning in
a bottle type of thing.

You know D.C. will
never be the same.

That's what I love about it.

But it doesn't spell it out.

Thank you so much
for saying that, man.

Well done, really.

Seth, are you all right?

Seth, what are you doing?

Stop punching me!

I'm not punching you.

I'm slapping you!

I wish there was something
we could do to help,

but we're non-violent.

What do we do?

Stop!

What happened to non-violence?

Violence is justified when
it serves the greater good.

That's very convenient.

This is not working!
No shit!

What the hell are you doing?
Get off of him.

I came back to tell you
I love you more than anything.

Oh, honey.

Jesus! Can a person
go a day in this place

without getting
a dick in the face?

I've heard that.
Every day.

That's what I'm talking about.

Come on, George!

Get him!

You've progressed far
beyond George, Linda.

You're selfless,
you're pure, you're vegan.

I just had a steak at a diner.

In time, I can learn
to forgive you for that.

Let go of George!

Anything for you, my love.

You have to know that he asked
me to run away with him

and he said that you would
all just find your way.

God damn it!

Linda! I would never do that to
my brothers and sisters, please.

He's lying! Seth burned the
deed to the commune. I saw him!

He burned it?
The deed to the commune?

Motherfucker!

Seth, is that true?
You burned the deed?

You burned the deed?

Look, if everyone's going to get
all law yeristic on me, yeah.

Yeah, I did.
I sold and I burned the deed.

Rat bastard turncoat.

But I did it for love.
I did it for Linda.

Anyone would have done the
same thing for $11,000.

I love you.

But I love me more.

And for you guys to
turn this around on me,

well, frankly, it's selfish.

And fuck you, Grisham.

Ow! God, my wrist!

I don't think I did that right.
My wrist is killing.

Honey, you're a lover,
not a fighter.

I'm an idiot.

I love you so much.
I'm sorry.

I know. I'm so sorry
too. I went too far.

I drank the Kool-Aid.

And then when I was
done with the Kool-Aid,

I made more Kool-Aid
and then I drank that too

and it just
filled with Kool-Aid.

I love you and I will support
you in whatever you choose.

Forever.

I don't care where we live.

You're where I want to be.

And you're where I want to be.

Yes! Oh, yes!

That's what I'm
talking about, George!

And we're back.

Later in the show,
we're going to be

learning all about
how these text messages

are actually making
our children stupider,

and the statistics
are terrifying.

I've seen them and they are.

But first, do you remember
about a year ago,

when a bunch of hippie types

up in the mountains put
on their birthday suits?

They were protesting a casino?

I would remember it better if they
took those birthday suits off.

I don't know what that means.

Our own Deena Schuster
is back with an update

about these
Bohemians in the buff.

Hi, Deena.
Hi, guys!

It looks like one
of those naked ninjas

was cooking up more
than just a skin feast.

I'm talking
about Wayne Davidson,

the best-selling author
of the breakout

political thriller,
Belson's Lament.

As well as the eagerly awaited
sequel, Belson Rising.

My favorite thing
about that book is

when they reveal that
it's in Washington, D.C.

What did I do?

Michael, I haven't read it yet!

First-time novelist
Davidson is a nudist, winemaker

and full-time resident
of an intentional community

in Northern
Georgia called Elysium,

worlds away from
the corridors of power

he so piercingly
chronicles in his books.

There's even talk of a Belson
movie starring Ray Liotta,

who has been spending time here

with the wardrobe-less
wordsmith.

Ray is an amazing actor,

he makes a great vegan chili

and he is an intense lover.

We almost lost
the whole place last year,

until an old friend
saw us on the tube.

I thought she was dead.

And yet, she wasn't dead.

Co-founder Janice Woo had
a copy of the original deed,

preserving the community's
rights to the disputed land.

And as luck would have it, none of
the founding members were dead.

Not Jerry Beaver,
not Stephanie Davis,

not Ronny Shames,
not Danielle Meltser,

not Janie Brody,
not Billy Marcus,

not Glen Stover
and not Tony Piloski.

In fact, all were found to be in
above-average health. For now.

And the story of
Belson's journey

to bookshelves is
just as unlikely.

It was discovered by a boutique

Brooklyn,
New York publishing house

run by husband and wife,
George and Linda Gergenblatt.

I actually wrote a book, too,

and it's a children's book
called I Believe I Can Fly.

And it's about a confident little
penguin who overcomes his limitations.

Originally,
we were going to call it

The Penguin With
Testicular Cancer.

Originally, but...

That wasn't going to sell.

No, no.

And now we have a growing company
where we can foster new writers.

And we have connections to a
lot of really fresh voices.

My husband's book
is destined to be a classic.

Pierre and I have been
in love since we met.

I have always had
a thing for black women.

And you wrote the whole thing
here at Elysium?

Dreams dispensed daily.
Just bring your own container.

What do I get if I win?
Okay and stop!

Oh, God!

Stop! I can't breathe...

I think we're
where we want to be.

So do I.

Honey, can you shut the door?

Yes.

The door.

I love the door.

I love you.

I love you, too.

- Thank you. Background.
- Here we go.

What happens to all
those ticks that die

in those thatchy
armpits of yours?

George...

They're my friends!

Ow!
Shit!

Wow! You're so big!

Yeah, you look different too,
you fucking reject.

The Sioux Indians believed that
when you produce a fece...

A piece of...

A man makes a fece...

When a man makes a fece,

a piece of him goes with it.

Oh, no.

Two weeks. Two weeks.

What? What happened?

Suck on it for a while.

I'll have you check out the erection
selection at the Dick-E-Mart.

"I believe I can fly"?
Well, I believe I can fuck.

I'm grossing myself out.

I am ready for action,

because I got all my
ex-husband's toilet money.

So, bring it on, Hot-lanta.
Show me what you got!