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1
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:08,960
Whoa!
2
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,160
That's 14 minutes
till your fucking bus, Reece.
3
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,960
Bang out of order!
4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,960
Four shouts water rule!
5
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,960
What if I stay in bed now?
What's the five shouts rule?
6
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,320
Fucking fire!
7
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,960
How am I supposed to go to school
if I don't even have my uniform?!
8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,960
I put it next
to your fucking bed, Reece!
9
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,960
Oh. Thanks, Mum.
10
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960
You're fucking welcome.
11
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,960
Go on. Oh, wait.
12
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,160
You forgot my kiss.
13
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,480
Hang on, what?
We don't even do that.
14
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,960
You were gonna though, weren't you?
Soft shite!
15
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,960
No, I weren't.
You're off you head, you, you know.
16
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,800
Come here. Mwah!
17
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:52,960
Have a good day. Love you.
18
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,800
Love you.
19
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,960
MUSIC: 'Don't Sweat The Technique'
by Eric B andamp; Rakim
20
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,640
Oh, my God.
21
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,480
What's that?
22
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:07,960
Morning, Pat, lad.
23
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,800
24
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,960
25
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,960
And check the file
26
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,960
To detect the style
27
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,960
So they can't get foul
28
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,960
It'll take a while
29
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,160
To complete the beat
30
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,960
Till MCs get weak...
31
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,960
Oh, there he is. Come on, lad!
What's happening?
32
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,160
See you soon.
33
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,960
CHEERING
34
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,960
Made it on the bus.
35
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,960
LAUGHTER
36
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,960
Then I play for keeps
37
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,960
38
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,960
That's a tough one.
Mm.
39
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:08,960
Mike Woodworth's.
40
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,960
Yeah, how'd you get that?
41
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,960
Kinda looks like him.
42
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,480
You got 12 out of 15, girl. Go 'ead.
43
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,960
What are you gonna do with them?
44
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,960
It's ammunition, innit?
If they ever wind me up,
45
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,960
then I'm putting their tiny cocks
on the Year 11 group chat.
46
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,960
But if I'm just starving,
47
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,960
like today, I actually forgot
to have my breakfast.
48
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,960
So I threatened Sevo
unless he got me these.
49
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,960
LAUGHTER
50
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:34,960
Lads are so thick.
Hm.
51
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,960
You ask,
and they send within seconds.
52
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,960
We could make our own version
of Guess Who?
53
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,960
Has your cock
got FIFA in the background?
54
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,480
Hmm, has your cock got a wide base
but a narrow head?
55
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,960
LAUGHTER
56
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,960
Hey, speaking of bell ends,
who's this?
57
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,960
Looks like he's just tested positive
58
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,960
for defo getting
his head caved in today.
59
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,800
That's that posh muppet
from earlier.
60
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:05,960
Eh?
61
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,800
Dickhead.
62
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,160
Ooh!
You're in trouble!
63
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,960
That was dead funny, yesterday.
64
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,960
Reckon she'll snitch, though?
65
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,960
Chinese people don't grass, lad.
It's not part of the culture.
66
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,960
What I really need to know, Reece,
is was it racially motivated?
67
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,960
YOU'RE racially motivated, lad.
68
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,960
The mouse was in
Li Wei's pencil case.
69
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Li Hua is in 11E.
70
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,960
So let's say we forget
about all this expelling silliness,
71
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,320
and I'll say nothing to no-one
about you being...
72
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,960
WHISPERS: ..the top dog
for the Ku Klux Klan Woolton branch.
73
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,800
Sit down, Reece.
74
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,960
I get it.
Practical jokes can be funny.
75
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,960
A friend of mine found images of me
and his wife on my computer.
76
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,960
He was convinced
that they were real,
77
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,960
but they were just photoshops.
78
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,960
Very real-looking photoshops.
79
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,000
Anyway, Reece,
80
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,960
this has been a continual pattern
of poor behaviour,
81
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,480
and I can't ignore the complaints
of the East Asian Society.
82
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:05,960
You what?
83
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,640
She's not even Asian!
84
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,960
We cannot, and we will not, stand by
85
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,960
while toxic western men
like Reece Duffy
86
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,960
exhibit abhorrent behaviour
aimed at our community.
87
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,800
SPEAKS MANDARIN
88
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,640
You gave me no choice, Reece.
I've already informed your mother.
89
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,960
'You're gonna answer my FaceTime!
90
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,960
'Expelled?
91
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,960
'Are you fucking serious, gobshite?!
92
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,960
'You know, I've always thought
I was doing a good job with you.
93
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,000
'I was determined I wasn't gonna
let you be affected
94
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,480
'by your dad not being around,
and with this,
95
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,960
'you're making me question whether
I've been a good mother at all.'
96
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,960
Isn't it funny how we're mates,
97
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,960
but if your mum would let me
bury my face in her arse,
98
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960
I would without hesitation?
99
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,000
Isn't that weird?
100
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,960
I've never really thought
about it, mate.
101
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,960
Would we really not
be mates anymore?
102
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:00,960
We'd get through it.
103
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:01,960
I suppose, yeah, but...
104
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,480
I doubt you'd ever come round
for tea again, though.
105
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,960
Nah. See, now, that's a problem,
106
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,960
cos your ma makes
a sick pork casserole.
107
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,800
Oh, I'm gonna have to rethink.
108
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,320
All right, Wigbert, lad.
All right, fucking Barnaby, lad.
109
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,960
Fucking Norman, lad.
110
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,960
Fucking Npeter
with a silent "N" at the start.
111
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,320
Let me guess, then.
112
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,960
What, your sisters have
hyphenated names
113
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,960
to try and sound posher?
Like Ruby-Mae or Louise-Rose?
114
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,160
Ted, how does he know
your little sister's name?
115
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,960
You'll get pasted, lad.
116
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960
Wait, I need him. Paste him later.
117
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,960
Agree to everything I say
to Mr Meacher. Yeah?
118
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,960
So, let me get this straight, Reece.
119
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,960
You are offering
to look after Christopher here
120
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,960
as a kind of last chance saloon?
121
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
Well, I feel for him, being new.
122
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,000
Look at the state of him.
123
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,960
He looks so posh,
like he doesn't just play rugby,
124
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,960
but he plays it with Prince William
125
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960
constantly bumming him
around the pitch.
126
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,960
I know that I can't do great things,
127
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,160
but I can do small things,
128
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,480
and if we all do small things,
129
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,960
then together
we can do a great thing,
130
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,960
like Uncle Dale...
131
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960
..and turn it around.
132
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,640
OK, Reece, then report back here
on Friday at 9am.
133
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,960
If I'm happy
and Christopher's happy,
134
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,960
we'll discuss you staying here.
135
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,960
Close the door on the way out.
136
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:41,640
So, what did we think
of the character of Mr Darcy
137
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,960
at the beginning of the story?
138
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,960
Why are you worried about
what we think about Mr Darcy, sir,
139
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,960
when our Lizzie
is the sound one here
140
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:48,960
but nobody cares about her?
141
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,960
Do you not care about women, sir?
Your wife left you
142
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,960
and now you hate women, sir?
I'm not married or have been.
143
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,960
You're about 40
and never been married?
144
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:57,960
It's a bit dodgy, that, sir.
145
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,320
Unless you think
you're too good for women, sir?
146
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,960
Think you're all that, do you, sir?
Like all men do.
147
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,960
LAUGHTER
148
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960
Erm, Con, are you messing?
149
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,000
I tricked you into sending me nudes
150
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,480
cos you thought
I was gonna send you one back.
151
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,960
Even after the 50th nude,
you still didn't click on.
152
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:13,960
Fifty, though?
153
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,960
Did you not think
this ain't happening?
154
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,960
I thought a fresh angle
might win her over.
155
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,960
And Reece,
you defo think you're all that.
156
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,960
Didn't stop you
from kissing us, though.
157
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,960
I was drunk.
158
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,960
It was two years ago.
159
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,960
Paedo, then.
160
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:28,960
OK, that's... that's enough.
161
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,960
So, Mr Darcy.
162
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,160
Nah, Mum.
163
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,960
Come on, I'll call social services
and tell them you're starving me.
164
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,960
I've already spoken to them.
I told them what you did.
165
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,960
They said to starve
the little fucker.
166
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,960
I've got a plan.
167
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,320
I've agreed with Meachie
to mentor this new kid.
168
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,960
Who the fuck
are they gonna let you mentor?
169
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,960
Him there.
170
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,960
What, him, the lanky one?
171
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,960
Hiya, excuse me, hi.
172
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:56,960
Yeah, you.
173
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,960
Is our Reece mentoring you?
174
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,960
Er... er...
175
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960
Oh, has he got a disability?
176
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Is that why you've gotta mentor him?
177
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,960
No, Mum.
178
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,960
Oi, hiya, yeah, hiya.
179
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,960
Are you depressed?!
180
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,320
Is that why you're sat on your own?
181
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,960
What's he going red for?
182
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,960
Oi, you wet fart!
I asked you a question!
183
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,960
LAUGHTER
184
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,960
Good luck with mentoring that one.
He's got no fucking manners.
185
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,960
Trust me, it's gonna work.
186
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,960
KNOCK AT WINDOW
187
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,960
HE MOUTHS
188
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,320
What the hell are you doing here?
189
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,960
I don't need any help settling in.
190
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,960
Christopher?
191
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,960
Some Viennetta, love. We don't
always slum it here, you know.
192
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,960
Oh, sorry, I didn't know
you were entertaining a guest.
193
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,960
I'll leave you two, to er,
get to know each other.
194
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,160
Why did you take your shirt off?
195
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,960
Christopher?
196
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
Would you like some juice?
197
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,960
Sorry, Pat, it's just
Chrissy keeps insisting
198
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,960
I'll be more comfortable
if I take my trousers off.
199
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,960
I don't get it. I'm not hot.
200
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,960
I didn't ask him to... We're not...
201
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,960
Chrissy, it's OK.
Don't be embarrassed.
202
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:28,960
"The truth shall set you free."
The Bible.
203
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,960
You should say the part
of the Bible,
204
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,960
like "Matthew 8." Not just...
"The Bible."
205
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:33,960
That's a bit racist, that.
206
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,960
Christopher.
Sorry!
207
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:40,960
I'll go get you both some juice.
Give you more time to... you know.
208
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,960
CHRISTOPHER GROANS
What are you doing here, then?
209
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,640
Is that Secret Millionaire show
coming back for the posh kids?
210
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,960
Oh, well, if you must know,
my mum died
211
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,960
and now I have to live here
with my grandma.
212
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,960
Who calls them "grandma"?
213
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,160
"Ooh, Grandma,
what big ears you have."
214
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,960
Nah, but yeah, lad,
soz about your ma.
215
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,000
People always say they never think
it'll happen to you,
216
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,960
but I think you do know
it can happen to you.
217
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,960
But you can't live your whole life
being worried.
218
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,640
Do you know what I mean?
219
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,480
You need to get out
of this shitty room, lad.
220
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,960
I bet you haven't even been
to Sweet Corner
221
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,960
and smashed in
the pineapple and toffee cubes.
222
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,800
Are they a part of your five a day?
223
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,960
What do you watch on YouTube, lad?
224
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,960
Posh prick reacts
to crushed avocado on toast?
225
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:31,960
What do you watch, huh?
226
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,640
Lazy chav reacts
to lack of life opportunities?
227
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,960
BOTH STRAINING
AND GRUNTING
228
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,960
Just put it in there, Chrissy!
229
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,960
Hey, Reece.
230
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,960
Lad... just seen
this new caretaker outside, yeah?
231
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,960
And I know your ma says
your da done a runner,
232
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,960
but he's got a massive snoz
233
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,480
and he walks like he's got
a tiny cock.
234
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,960
You should ask him for a DNA test.
235
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:02,960
Do you get it?
236
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,960
LAUGHTER
237
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,960
He's a knob, that little...
238
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,960
He's got too much tos-testerone.
239
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,960
That's why he's always kicking off,
240
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,320
and why he needs to have a wank
seven times a day.
241
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,960
You what?
242
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,960
He has to wank seven times a day,
just to function.
243
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,480
Seven?
244
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,960
And you know that gay lad
in the sixth form, what's his name?
245
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,480
Thomas.
He told me that Lewis was bragging
246
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,960
about Aimee giving him her knickers
247
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,960
because he needed them
for his big lunchtime wank,
248
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,160
to get himself through the day.
249
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,640
HE GASPS
250
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,960
And there, lads,
is the drop-off in action.
251
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,800
Oh, my God!
252
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:39,960
Eee!
253
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,960
Vile.
254
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,960
I mean, it's good he's having
an open dialogue
255
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,960
about his sexual needs.
256
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,960
It's important we encourage
the greater communication.
257
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,960
But at the same time,
just stop wanking.
258
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,160
But that's why I like talking about
me head being in your ma's arse.
259
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,960
I'm all about open dialogue.
260
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:56,960
Lad, I honestly don't think
261
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,960
your head's going anywhere near
his ma's arse.
262
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,960
All right, well, I have a plan B.
263
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:01,960
Go 'ead.
264
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,800
If I can't bury it in her arse,
I'll bury it in her tits.
265
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,960
You're bad.
266
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,960
BEEP
267
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960
BEEP
268
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,960
HE SIGHS
269
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,960
LAUGHTER FROM OUTSIDE
270
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,960
REECE: Bow!
271
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,960
Oh, my God.
What's your pronouns, girl?
272
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,960
Oh, her pronouns are "as if",
"no chance" and "not interested".
273
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,960
And we'll tell her yours -
274
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960
"disgusting little perverted rat".
275
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,960
They're conjunctions and verbs,
mate.
276
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,960
And you should respect
that I identify
277
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,960
as a disgusting little
perverted rat.
278
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,960
And the DLPR community
strives for equality.
279
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:58,960
Eurgh!
280
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,000
Another tough one?
Hmm.
281
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,960
Adam Costello's.
Yeah, how'd you get that?
282
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,960
I'm good with people's eyes, girl.
283
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,000
And there's something about his
that screams "vile racist".
284
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,960
Mm.
285
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,800
Must take you a while to, like,
go back and find them.
286
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,960
Oh, yeah. I mean, this one
was from when he was about 13.
287
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,640
I had to go back, like, three years.
288
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,960
Do you know what?
It was worth it, though,
289
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,960
when I blackmailed him
into getting me these.
290
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,960
LAUGHTER, TEXT ALERT
291
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Oh, Chantal's sent
a new dick pic in the group.
292
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,960
Let's see. I'm on form today
with my guesses, me.
293
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,960
Eee, that looks like a traffic cone!
294
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,960
That's Lewis's.
295
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,960
The little rat!
Aw, Aims.
296
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,960
I mean, maybe he could get it,
like, flattened out or something?
297
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,960
Traffic-cone-cock cheating bastard.
298
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,960
So, yesterday's poetry homework.
299
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,960
Who wants to read theirs?
300
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,960
No.
301
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,960
Well, someone needs to reads theirs
so I'm doing my job.
302
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,960
New boy.
303
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,480
Er, I didn't know
we would read it out.
304
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,960
And I didn't know teaching
would be so damn tiring.
305
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960
Read.
306
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,320
MO IMITATES FART,
LAUGHTER
307
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,960
The sky is full of faces now
308
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,960
Your face
309
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,960
Laughing, crying, scared...
310
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,960
..happy.
311
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,960
The face I love and miss the most...
312
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,960
Is he starting to cry?
313
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,960
But how do I say...
314
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,960
I wanna read mine, sir.
315
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,800
Er...
316
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:03,960
..The Door.
317
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,960
The door
318
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,960
Let me in
319
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,960
Who's in there?
320
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,960
It's Brexit
321
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,320
Was I right? Was I wrong?
322
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,960
Am I now forgotten?
323
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,960
Brexit, Brexit, Universal Credit
324
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,960
Don't get angry, get evil.
325
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:31,960
Cheers.
326
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,960
Go 'ead, lad.
Heavy poetry, that, you know.
327
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,960
OK, but where was the imagery
and alliteration
328
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,960
that was the point of the task?
329
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
I don't know, sir. Brexit took them.
LAUGHTER
330
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,800
Was that about your dog?
331
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,960
I lost my hamster, Angelica,
last year.
332
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,960
Dark times.
333
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,480
He's a vile creature, anyway,
that Mr Dunn.
334
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,320
He once made me read out
my essay about my dreams,
335
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,960
and well, my dream is to be
the first person from Merseyside
336
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,960
to win an Oscar
since Glenda Jackson in 1973.
337
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,800
And I swear, he started laughing.
338
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,960
Well, remember that you're
the captain of your soul.
339
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,960
You what?
It's a quote from Nelson Mandela.
340
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,960
It means you're in the driver's seat
of your life.
341
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:17,960
Don't listen to others.
342
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,960
Who's Nelson Mandela?
343
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,960
I'm only messing. I know who he is.
344
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,960
I know you probably came
from some fancy school
345
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,640
with your whiteboards and that,
346
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,960
but we do get taught stuff
at this school too, you know.
347
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,960
Is that Uncle Ben, the rice fella?
348
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,160
That's Nelson Mandela,
the first South African President,
349
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,960
beacon of social justice
and democracy.
350
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,960
Hey, they're my bird's.
351
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,800
He dismantled apartheid.
352
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,960
Not a clue.
353
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,960
Reece - toilet, now!
I need your help.
354
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,960
The memories of our kiss
come flooding back now, yeah?
355
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,960
Your foo-foo's hungry.
I've got the "Reece-ipe".
356
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:55,960
LAUGHTER
357
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,800
Shut your gob,
or I'll change my mind.
358
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,960
Go 'ead, Reece!
Go and get her, lad!
359
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,960
Reece.
360
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:06,960
You went to Sweet Corner?
361
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,960
Better than boss.
362
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,960
Life-changing.
363
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,960
In fact, you've changed my life.
364
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,480
I've been lonely here.
365
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,960
But you make me smile.
366
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,160
You give me hope.
367
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,800
Nobody's seen me
since I've been here.
368
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:27,960
But you, Reece... you see me.
369
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you off your head?
370
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,960
But I thought the stuff
in the bedroom was...?
371
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,000
LAUGHTER
372
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,960
Not bad, that, lad. Not bad.
373
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:52,960
Good, good.
374
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,960
OK.
375
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,960
HE GROANS
376
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,640
Ladies.
377
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,960
Are you looking for your mentor?
378
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,960
Reece Duffy?
379
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,960
The whole school heard it
in the canteen.
380
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,480
Oh, yeah - stupid, isn't it?
Him as my mentor?
381
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,960
No, no, I'm looking for a book,
actually.
382
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,960
It's called, erm, Social Equality...
383
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,960
Social Equality: The Prospects
Of Tomorrow by Florian Schuppert?
384
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,960
Yeah, that's the one, Schuppert.
385
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,960
Hm.
386
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,960
Sorry, it turns out Reece Duffy
387
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,960
actually took
that book out yesterday.
388
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,960
Oh, damn it.
389
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,960
He's probably got the whole
political sociology section on hold.
390
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,160
THEY LAUGH
391
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,000
I heard him and his cronies,
saying things to you.
392
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,320
I mean, they're gonna have
to grow up one day.
393
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,960
Although, can you imagine them
having an actual job
394
00:18:58,960 --> 00:18:59,960
that contributes to society?
395
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,320
Exactly.
396
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,960
A cleaning job, maybe.
You know his mum's a dinner lady?
397
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,960
It makes perfect sense.
What else would she do?
398
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,960
"Erm, please give
our Reece a job!
399
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,960
"Yeah, he'll steal all your laptops,
but he's a good lad, honestly."
400
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,960
No, I didn't mean it like that.
401
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,480
My mum was a dinner lady.
402
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:22,960
Take your privileged white male
micro aggressive attitude elsewhere.
403
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,000
Schuppert would be disgusted.
404
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960
KNOCKING
405
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,960
Yeah?
406
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,960
Can I quickly use your bog, Pat?
407
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,960
I've come home for my lunch
and I forgot my key.
408
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,960
It's in there.
409
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,960
Yeah, very funny (!)
Let's bum, whoo!
410
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,960
Oh, Grandma, I'm bumming Reece
to death, because I'm so gay!
411
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:01,960
Ho-ho-ho (!)
412
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,960
Grow up.
413
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:06,960
What the hell's that?
414
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,960
You're disgusting!
What's your problem? I thought...
415
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,960
You thought what?
We were gonna play PlayStation?
416
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,960
Suck each other's nutsacks?
417
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,960
You don't wanna be mates with me,
lad. My ma's only a dinner lady,
418
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,960
and who knows what job
I'll end up doing, eh?
419
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,960
VOICEMAIL ALERT
420
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,960
'Cheer up, mate.
421
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,960
'You're acting like
your mum's just died
422
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,960
'and someone's shat
on your bedroom floor.
423
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,960
'Seriously, I can see why
you need to leave.
424
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,960
'My mum says you can stay with us
as long as you want
425
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,640
'as long as we don't stay up
gaming all night.
426
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,960
'But I told her you're normally dead
within five minutes,
427
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,960
'so it'll be fine.
See you later, mate.'
428
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,800
BEEP
429
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,000
I've waited long enough, Reece.
430
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,960
I'm afraid you're about to be...
Sorry I'm late, sir.
431
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,960
Now then, Christopher,
what I'd like to know is...
432
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,960
has Reece helped you this week?
433
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,960
Not really.
434
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,960
He threatened to paste me.
435
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,960
He pretended to have sex with me
in front of my grandma
436
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,320
and he finished the week
with the piece de resistance
437
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,960
of defecating on my bedroom floor.
438
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,960
But he only did that to me
because I did something to him
439
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,960
which was wrong, and I'm sorry.
440
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,960
He's actually been trying to help.
441
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,640
Told me how I need
to get out of my room,
442
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,960
embrace my new life here.
443
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,960
But with what happened to my mum,
the motivation...
444
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,960
..it's hard.
445
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,960
Looks like you've done well here.
446
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,960
Stay of execution.
447
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,960
Great work, Reece.
448
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,960
I mean, it won't bring his mum back
from the dead,
449
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,960
but it's a step
in the right direction.
450
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,960
Thanks, sir.
451
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,480
Close the door on the way out.
452
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,960
Mum, I'm staying. It worked!
453
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,960
'Oh, get in, son!
I knew you had it in you.
454
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,960
'Now, do me a favour,
don't mess the rest of the year up.
455
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,960
'Maybe that posh bell end
is having a good influence
456
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,960
'on you after all.'
457
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,960
Let's not get carried away, Mum.
458
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,960
Oh, what's for tea later?
459
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,960
Nice one.
460
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,960
Girls look hot in boxies.
461
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,960
Like, when you wear a footie shirt.
462
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,960
I'm into it, me.
Aw.
463
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,960
It's a shame these aren't mine,
then.
464
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,960
You what?
465
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,960
I've been looking for them.
I wore these last night.
466
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,960
Very hot night.
467
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,960
Let rip a fair few times, like,
468
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,960
but shame I ain't got a dad
to buy me a new pair, eh?
469
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,960
What d'you do that for?
470
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,800
You deserve it.
471
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,960
I was only giving you the knickers
cos I felt sorry for you.
472
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,960
Why can't you use your imagination
to wank, like girls do?
473
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,000
Eh? What's wrong with youse all?
474
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,960
Why do youse always need
something pervy to look at,
475
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:03,960
like knickers or nudes?
476
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,640
And while I'm here,
why d'youse all love feet?
477
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,960
You freaks.
478
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,160
Feet-licker!
479
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,960
You're on one, you!
480
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,960
Yeah, I'm on one,
because I can't trust you.
481
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,960
I'm one on
cos I'm sick of being nice
482
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,320
and getting nothing back.
483
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,960
I'm fed up for not being me.
484
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,320
We're done!
485
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,960
Good for you, queen.
486
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,960
Because I'm the captain of my soul.
487
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,960
Oh!
488
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,960
That's from him, that, innit?
489
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,960
That posh nonce!
490
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,960
Talks like he's got
Benedict Cucumber up his arse!
491
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,960
Somebody needs another wank.
492
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,960
And you - argh!
Oh, my God!
493
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,960
Lewis! Lewis!
494
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,960
You never learn, do you, Lewis?
495
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,960
Well, that's another suspension
with immediate effect.
496
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,960
LAUGHTER
497
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,960
498
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:57,960
Listen...
499
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,960
you even speak to my bird
when I'm gone, lad,
500
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,960
and you're dead. Watch!
501
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,960
OK, fun's over. Go home.
502
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:08,960
Go on!
503
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,960
These boxers are a bit tight,
aren't they, lad?
504
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,960
I like my nut sack to feel
like it's being held.
505
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:19,960
Come 'ead.
506
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,960
Ow!
507
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,960
'Roderick said
you're not coming back now.'
508
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,800
'Liverpool's grabbed him
by the bollocks already.'
509
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,960
I wouldn't go quite that far.
It's a... mum thing.
510
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,960
TEXT ALERT
511
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,960
'Relax, son.
512
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,480
'I've set this email for you
to receive after I've gone.
513
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,960
'But if I'm still alive and still
fighting this cancer prick,
514
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,960
'then yay to me.
515
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,960
'Although, then,
this would be kind of awkward,
516
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,960
'and you know how much
I hate awkwardness,
517
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,960
'so let's hope I'm gone.'
518
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:01,960
HE LAUGHS
519
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,320
'I know you weren't keen
on living with your grandma.
520
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,960
'But you realise what family means
521
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,960
'when you know
you won't be around forever.
522
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,960
'I still feel guilty
for moving away from your grandma
523
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,640
'all those years ago,
and this'll mean so much to her.
524
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,480
'It means so much to me.
525
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,960
'I wasn't there for your grandma,
but you can be.
526
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,960
'Keep doing me proud, son.
527
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,960
'I love you.'
528
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,800
HE SNIFFS
529
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,960
'Say no more.
Mums are mums.'
530
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,960
'Yeah, big up
to all the mums out there.'
531
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,960
I'll fuck all your mums,
you little mings!
532
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,960
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