All language subtitles for The Accidental Tourist

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THE BUSINESS TRAVELER
SHOULD BRING

ONLY WHAT FITS
IN A CARRY-ON BAG.

CHECKING YOUR LUGGAGE
IS ASKING FOR TROUBLE.

ADD SEVERAL TRAVEL-SIZE PACKETS
OF DETERGENT

SO YOU WON'T FALL
INTO THE HANDS

OF UNFAMILIAR LAUNDRIES.

THERE ARE VERY FEW NECESSITIES
IN THIS WORLD

WHICH DO NOT COME
IN TRAVEL-SIZE PACKETS.

ONE SUIT IS PLENTY

IF YOU TAKE ALONG TRAVEL-SIZE
PACKETS OF SPOT REMOVER.

THE SUIT SHOULD BE
MEDIUM GRAY.

GRAY NOT ONLY
HIDES THE DIRT,

BUT IS HANDY
FOR SUDDEN FUNERALS.

ALWAYS BRING A BOOK AS
PROTECTION AGAINST STRANGERS.

MAGAZINES DON'T LAST,

AND NEWSPAPERS
FROM ELSEWHERE REMIND YOU

YOU DON'T BELONG.

BUT DON'T TAKE
MORE THAN ONE BOOK.

IT IS A COMMON MISTAKE

TO OVERESTIMATE
ONE'S POTENTIAL FREE TIME

AND CONSEQUENTLY OVERPACK.

IN TRAVEL,
AS IN MOST OF LIFE,

LESS IS INVARIABLY MORE.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,

NEVER TAKE ALONG ANYTHING
ON YOUR JOURNEY

SO VALUABLE OR DEAR

THAT ITS LOSS...

WOULD DEVASTATE YOU.

I'M SORRY
I'M SO FAT.

NAME'S LUCAS LOOMIS.

MACON LEARY.

YOU A BALTIMORE MAN?

YES.

ME, TOO.

GREATEST CITY
ON THE EARTH.

ONE OF THESE SEATS

IS NOT REALLY
ENOUGH FOR ME.

THE STUPID THING IS,
I TRAVEL FOR A LIVING.

I DEMONSTRATE SOFTWARE
TO COMPUTER STORES.

WHAT DO YOU DO,
MR. LEARY?

I WRITE
TRAVEL GUIDEBOOKS.

IS THAT SO?
WHAT KIND?

WELL, UH...

GUIDES FOR BUSINESSMEN,

PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU,
I GUESS.

ACCIDENTAL TOURIST.

WELL, YES.

AM I RIGHT?

WELL, WHAT
DO YOU KNOW?

LOOK AT THIS.

GRAY SUIT.
JUST WHAT YOU RECOMMEND.

APPROPRIATE
FOR ALL OCCASIONS.

SEE MY LUGGAGE?

CARRY-ON.

CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR.
CLEAN SHIRT.

PACKET OF
DETERGENT POWDER.

OH, GOOD.

YOU'RE MY HERO.

YOU'VE IMPROVED
MY TRIPS 100%.

I TELL MY WIFE,

"GOING WITH
THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST

IS LIKE GOING
IN A COCOON."

THIS IS VERY NICE
TO HEAR.

I'VE FLOWN TO OREGON

AND HARDLY KNEW
I LEFT BALTIMORE.

EXCELLENT.

I SEE YOU HAVE YOUR BOOK
FOR PROTECTION THERE.

HA HA HA!

IT DIDN'T WORK WITH ME,
THOUGH, DID IT?

UH-UH.

HELLO, SARAH.

HELLO, MACON.

YOU MADE GOOD TIME
COMING FROM THE AIRPORT.

WE ACTUALLY LANDED EARLY,
EVEN WITH THE STORM.

I MADE YOU SOME TEA.

THAT'S VERY NICE
OF YOU, SARAH.

SO HOW WAS ATLANTA?

ABOUT THE SAME...

PEACHTREE ROAD,
PEACHTREE CENTER,

PEACHTREE FIRE HYDRANT.

COME HERE.

HELLO, EDWARD.

HERE'S A BOY.

HOW'S YOUR EARS?

OK.

I THINK HE STILL EXPECTS
ETHAN TO COME HOME,

EVEN AFTER A YEAR.

MACON?

MACON.

YOU KNOW
I LOVE YOU...

BUT I CAN'T LIVE
WITH YOU ANYMORE.

WHAT?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I WANT A DIVORCE,
MACON.

I RENTED
AN APARTMENT DOWNTOWN.

HONEY, LISTEN.
IT'S BEEN A HARD YEAR.

WE'VE HAD A HARD TIME.

PEOPLE WHO LOSE A CHILD
OFTEN FEEL THIS WAY.

EVERYONE SAYS IT PUTS A TERRIBLE
STRAIN ON THE MARRIAGE,

BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO TEAR US APART.

LISTEN,
I'VE BEEN THINKING.

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED
WE MIGHT HAVE ANOTHER BABY?

OH, MACON.

I KNOW WE CAN'T
REPLACE ETHAN.

NO. I'M SORRY.
IT WOULD NEVER WORK.

ALL RIGHT.
FORGET THAT.

IT WAS A CRAZY IDEA.
A CRAZY NOTION, BUT...

ALL I'M SAYING IS
WE CAN START OVER.

MACON, EVER SINCE
ETHAN DIED,

I'VE HAD TO ADMIT

THAT PEOPLE
ARE BASICALLY BAD.

EVIL, MACON.
THEY'RE SO EVIL

THEY'D TAKE
A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY

AND SHOOT HIM
THROUGH THE SKULL

FOR NO REASON.

THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES
I HAVEN'T BEEN SURE...

I HAVEN'T BEEN SURE

I COULD LIVE IN THIS
KIND OF WORLD ANYMORE.

IT'S TRUE WHAT YOU SAY
ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS.

I'M NOT TRYING
TO ARGUE.

BUT TELL ME THIS,
SARAH,

WHY WOULD THAT
CAUSE YOU TO LEAVE ME?

BECAUSE I KNEW YOU
WOULDN'T TRY AND ARGUE.

YOU BELIEVED ALL ALONG
THEY WERE EVIL.

THIS WHOLE PAST YEAR

I'VE FELT MYSELF
WITHDRAWING FROM PEOPLE,

JUST LIKE YOU DO,
MACON.

I'VE FELT MYSELF
BECOMING LEERY.

THERE ARE WORSE DISASTERS
THAN THAT, I GUESS.

NOT FOR ME.

MACON, I KNOW
YOU LOVED ETHAN,

AND I KNOW
YOU MOURN HIM,

BUT THERE'S
SOMETHING SO...

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

MUFFLED ABOUT THE WAY
YOU EXPERIENCE THINGS,

IT'S AS IF
YOU WERE TRYING

TO SLIP THROUGH LIFE
UNCHANGED.

SARAH,
I'M NOT MUFFLED.

I ENDURE.
I'M HOLDING STEADY.

I KNOW YOU THINK THAT,

BUT I THINK
YOU'RE FOOLING YOURSELF.

IT'S NOT BY CHANCE YOU
WRITE THOSE SILLY BOOKS

TELLING PEOPLE
HOW TO MAKE TRIPS

WITHOUT A JOLT
SO THEY CAN TRAVEL

TO THE MOST WONDERFUL,
EXOTIC PLACES

IN THE WORLD

AND NEVER BE
TOUCHED BY THEM,

NEVER FEEL
THEY'VE LEFT HOME.

THAT TRAVELING ARMCHAIR
ISN'T JUST YOUR LOGO.

IT'S YOU.

NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT.

WHEN ETHAN WAS IN
THIS HOUSE WITH US,

WE WERE ALL RIGHT.

IF THERE WAS
A DISTANCE BETWEEN US,

IT DIDN'T MATTER.
WE HAD ETHAN IN COMMON.

BUT WHEN WE LOST HIM,
I NEEDED YOU.

I NEEDED YOU
TO COMFORT ME.

I NEEDED YOU TO BE
THE KIND OF PERSON

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN,

AND THAT ISN'T EVEN
FAIR TO ASK OF YOU.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO GO.

SARAH--

DON'T FIGHT THIS, MACON.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
STRENGTH I'VE GOT.

I'M NEVER
GOING TO RECOVER

FROM ETHAN'S DEATH.
I DON'T EXPECT IT.

THERE'S A CHANCE I COULD
MAKE A LIFE ANYWAY.

BUT MY ONLY HOPE
IS TO GET OUT OF HERE,

AWAY FROM YOU.

LET ME GO.

IN THE SOUTHEAST,
THEY SAY

THAT IF YOU WANT
TO GO TO HEAVEN,

YOU HAVE TO
CHANGE PLANES IN ATLANTA.

THE AIRPORT IN ATLANTA

MUST HAVE 10 MILES
OF CORRIDORS.

COME OR GO, EDWARD,

BUT MAKE UP
YOUR MIND.

OW.

I COULD STOP BY AND PICK UP
THE RUG ON SATURDAY,

IF THAT'S CONVENIENT.

WELL, I LEAVE FOR ENGLAND
TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

MAYBE I COULD
BRING THE RUG OVER.

OR I COULD LET MYSELF IN
ON SATURDAY.

I SHOULD HAVE AGREED
TO TEACH SUMMER SCHOOL

OR SOMETHING.

I OPEN MY EYES
IN THE MORNING,

AND I THINK,
WHY BOTHER GETTING UP?

WHY BOTHER EATING?

WHY BOTHER BREATHING?

ME, TOO, SWEETHEART.

MR. LEARY, COME
WITH ME, PLEASE,

TO IDENTIFY THE BODY.

YES, THAT IS MY SON.

SO I GUESS I'LL
COME BY WHILE YOU'RE GONE,

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

OH, SORRY.

COME ON, EDWARD!

THERE'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT!

HI THERE.

DO YOU BOARD DOGS?

SURE.

I'D LIKE TO BOARD
EDWARD HERE.

DO YOU HAVE
A RESERVATION?

A RESERVATION? NO.

MOST PEOPLE RESERVE.

COULDN'T YOU
MAKE AN EXCEPTION?

I'VE JUST COME FROM THE PLACE
WE'VE USED IN THE PAST,

AND SUDDENLY THEY TELL ME
THEY CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYMORE,

THAT HE BIT SOMEONE
LAST TIME.

EDWARD,
DO YOU BITE?

HOW COULD YOU DO
SUCH A THING?

I'M ABOUT TO CATCH A PLANE.
I'M LEAVING FOR A WEEK

AND I DON'T HAVE A SOUL
TO LOOK AFTER HIM.

I'M DESPERATE,
I TELL YOU.

CAN'T YOU LEAVE HIM
HOME WITH YOUR WIFE?

NO.

YOU'RE NOT MARRIED?

WELL, I AM,
BUT SHE'S LIVING ELSEWHERE.

THEY DON'T ALLOW PETS.

OH.

I'M A DIVORCÉE
MYSELF.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GOING THROUGH.

SO WILL YOU KEEP HIM?

I GUESS,
IF YOU'RE DESPERATE.

FILL THIS OUT.

YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS,
AND WHEN YOU'LL BE BACK.

DON'T FORGET TO PUT
WHEN YOU'LL BE BACK.

I'LL MOST LIKELY SEE YOU
AGAIN WHEN YOU PICK HIM UP.

I MEAN, IF YOU PUT THE TIME
OF DAY TO EXPECT YOU.

MY NAME IS MURIEL.

IS THIS PLACE OPEN
EVENINGS?

EVERY EVENING
BUT SUNDAYS, TILL 8:00.

OH, GOOD.

MURIEL PRITCHETT.

IN LONDON, ENGLAND,
I RECOMMEND THE UNDERGROUND

FOR EVERYONE
EXCEPT THOSE AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.

AND EVEN FOR THEM,

IF THEY WILL AVOID
THE FOLLOWING STATIONS.

IT'S MYSTIFYING WHY ALL HOTELS
THROUGHOUT THE WORLD

CHOOSE ONLY
THE MOST ABRASIVE FABRICS

FOR THEIR BEDSPREADS.

LONDON IS AMONG
THE BETTER FOREIGN DESTINATIONS

IN THE IMPORTANT CATEGORY
OF HOTEL PLUMBING.

THE BRITISH HAVE
ONLY MIXED SUCCESS

IN APPROXIMATING
AMERICAN CUISINE,

BUT THE BUSINESS TRAVELER
WITH PERSISTENCE

WILL BE ABLE TO LOCATE
A MEAL IN LONDON

NOT MUCH DIFFERENT
FROM A MEAL IN CLEVELAND.

THERE YOU ARE, GUV'NOR.

JUST AS SOLD
AT THE YANKEE STADIUM.

HAVE A NICE DAY, EH?

CAN I HELP YOU?

I'M HERE FOR MY DOG.

YOUR LAST NAME?

LEARY.

OH. JUST A MINUTE.

HI THERE.
HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?

OH, IT WAS, UH...

WHERE'S EDWARD?
IS HE ALL RIGHT?

SURE HE'S ALL RIGHT.

WE JUST GOT ON
LIKE A HOUSE A-FIRE.

SEEMS HE TOOK A SHINE
TO ME.

I COULDN'T SAY WHY.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.
SO, UH...

COULD I HAVE HIM
BACK, PLEASE?

CAROLINE WILL BRING HIM.

MAYBE I COULD PAY.

YES.

THAT WILL BE $42.

SIGNATURE AND PHONE.

I DON'T KNOW
IF I MENTIONED BEFORE

THAT IT SO HAPPENS
I TRAIN DOGS.

IS THAT RIGHT?

IS THAT YOUR HOME PHONE
OR YOUR BUSINESS?

BOTH. WHY? WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

I WAS JUST WONDERING.

MY SPECIALITY
IS DOGS THAT BITE.

SPECIALTY.

WEBSTER PREFERS
"SPECIALTY."

THAT MUST BE
A DANGEROUS JOB.

NOT FOR ME.

I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING--
BITERS, BARKERS,

DOGS THAT HAVEN'T
BEEN TREATED RIGHT--

HELLO, EDWARD.

EVEN SPLIT PERSONALITY.

SPLIT PERSONALITY?

WHERE YOUR DOG
IS, LIKE, NICE TO YOU

BUT KILLS ALL OTHERS.

NOT THAT EDWARD WOULD BITE ME,
OF COURSE.

HE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH ME,
LIKE I THINK I WAS TELLING YOU.

WELL, I'M GLAD
TO HEAR IT.

BUT I COULD TRAIN HIM IN NO TIME
NOT TO BITE OTHER PEOPLE.

YOU THINK ABOUT IT
AND GIVE ME A CALL.

MURIEL. REMEMBER?

MURIEL PRITCHETT.
LET ME GIVE YOU MY CARD.

WELL, I'LL BEAR
THAT IN MIND.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OR JUST CALL FOR NO REASON.
CALL AND TALK.

TALK?
SURE.

TALK ABOUT EDWARD,
HIS PROBLEMS.

TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

PICK UP THE PHONE
AND JUST TALK.

DON'T YOU EVER
GET THE URGE TO DO THAT?

NOT REALLY.

YEAH?

DAD?

DAD?

ETHAN?

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M AT CAMP, DAD.

YOU NEVER CAME
TO GET ME.

BUT WE THOUGHT
YOU WERE DEAD.

WHY WOULD
YOU THINK THAT?

WE HAVE COMING UP
BRAND-NEW PIECES OF GOLD,

BRAND NEW CAPA DIAMONTE,
AND TWO GORGEOUS RINGS.

LEARY.

MACON, IT'S MURIEL.

MURIEL?

MURIEL PRITCHETT.

OH. YES?

FROM THE VET'S,

WHO GOT ON SO GOOD
WITH YOUR DOG.

OH, RIGHT.

I WAS JUST WONDERING
HOW EDWARD WAS.

LOOKS ALL RIGHT
TO ME.

NO PROBLEMS?

WELL, HE'S DEVELOPED
THIS NEW SYMPTOM.

HE GETS ANGRY
WHEN I LEAVE THE HOUSE.

HE STARTS BARKING
AND SHOWING HIS TEETH.

HE OUGHT TO BE TRAINED.

TELL YOU WHAT.

MAYBE I COULD JUST COME
AROUND AND DISCUSS IT.

WELL, I DON'T
REALLY THINK--

OR YOU COULD COME
TO MY PLACE.

I'D FIX YOU SUPPER.

MACON,
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I THINK FOR NOW I'LL JUST
TRY TO MANAGE ON MY OWN.

I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

BELIEVE ME, I'VE BEEN
THROUGH THAT STAGE,

SO WHAT I'LL DO IS,

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU
TO GET IN TOUCH.

YES.
THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

GOOD-BYE.

I DON'T WANT
TO BE PUSHY--

THIS IS
A PORCELAIN ROCKING HORSE

AND A MUSIC BOX.

THIS IS
HANDCRAFTED PORCELAIN.

HANDPAINTED AND GORGEOUS.
9 INCHES HIGH.

$59, A VERY LOW...

IF YOU WANT
TO COME DOWN, COME.

OTHERWISE, GO AWAY.

BUT STOP
THAT PITIFUL WHIMPERING!

THIS BASEMENT
IS NOT HAUNTED!

THAT OUGHT TO DO NICELY.

BUCK UP.

THAT'S THE STUFF, EDWARD!

DON'T GIVE UP, EDWARD.
WE CAN MAKE IT.

COME ON.

WHOA!

OH.

THERE IS SOMETHING
ELEMENTALLY COMFORTING

TO THE BUSINESS TRAVELER

ABOUT THAT MOMENT
WHEN HIS FLIGHT

TOUCHES DOWN ONCE AGAIN
AT HIS OWN AIRPORT.

AFTER A DEMANDING JOURNEY,

EVEN THE MOST
IMPERSONAL TERMINAL

CAN SEEM AS WELCOMING
AS AN ANCESTRAL HOME.

I DON'T THINK ANYONE ELSE
HAS ANY IDEA WHERE I AM,

THAT I'VE COME OVER HERE
TO STAY WITH YOU FOR A WHILE.

DOES IT MATTER?

DO YOU THINK
YOU SHOULD TELL SARAH?

IT'S NICE TO BE SO...

UNCONNECTED.

I WISH THINGS COULD
STAY THAT WAY FOR A WHILE.

WHY CAN'T THEY?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
SOMEONE WILL CALL HERE,

SARAH OR SOMEONE.

MAYBE WE COULD JUST
NOT ANSWER THE PHONE.

WELL, IT WOULD
GO ON RINGING.

WHY NOT?

NOT ANSWER IT EVER?

MOST WHO CALL ME
ARE NEIGHBORS.

THEY'LL POP OVER
IN PERSON

IF THEY DON'T
GET AN ANSWER.

I WON'T
MISS IT.

LET IT RING.

I DON'T MIND.

YOU STINKER.

HYPODERMIC.

YOU'RE
A STINKER, ROSE.

DISINFECTANT.

YOU GOT IT.

DOCTORS
AND NURSES.

NURSE.

THERE YOU GO!

DOWN, DOG!

MACON!

HELP!

CALL HIM OFF,
DAMN IT!

EDWARD!

CALL OFF YOUR DOG!

EDWARD, STOP THAT!
WHO IS THAT?

THIS IS
YOUR EMPLOYER, MACON.

JULIAN?

COME HERE, EDWARD.
COME ON.

COME ON. COME HERE.

COME ON.

COME HERE, BOY.

I REALLY HATE A MAN
WITH AN OBNOXIOUS DOG.

I DON'T HATE
JUST THE DOG.

I HATE THE MAN
WHO OWNS HIM.

WELL, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THIS.

I THOUGHT HE WAS OFF
ON A WALK

WITH MY BROTHER PORTER.

WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR LEG?

I BROKE IT.

I CAN SEE THAT,
BUT HOW?

IT'S KIND OF
HARD TO EXPLAIN.

HOW DID YOU FIND ME HERE?

FROM THE RETURN ADDRESS

ON THE CHAPTERS
YOU SENT ME.

VERY INTERESTING.

DO YOU REALIZE
HOW LATE YOU'RE RUNNING

WITH THIS GUIDEBOOK?

EDWARD, CUT IT OUT!

THIS IS QUITE A PLACE.

IT WAS
MY GRANDPARENTS' HOUSE.

I GREW UP HERE.

WHERE'S SARAH?

WHO?

YOUR WIFE, MACON.

OH, OH,
SHE AND I ARE, UH...

SHE, UH...HAS THIS...

APARTMENT DOWNTOWN.

YOU'VE SPLIT?

YEAH.

JESUS, MACON.

WHAT WENT WRONG?

NOTHING.

IT TURNS OUT
THESE THINGS CAN HAPPEN

FOR NO
PARTICULAR REASON.

HUSH, NOW!

HELLO.

HELLO.

JULIAN HEDGE,
THIS IS MY SISTER ROSE

AND MY OTHER BROTHER
CHARLES.

HOW DO YOU DO?

HERE,
LET ME HELP YOU.

CHARLES.

HOW DO YOU DO?

MACON LEARY
WITH A SISTER

AND BROTHERS, TOO.

WHO WOULD HAVE
GUESSED IT?

THAT MACON LEARY
HAD A FAMILY

JUST NEVER ENTERED
MY MIND, SOMEHOW.

I'M RIGHT HERE,
JULIAN.

YES, I DO SEE
A FAMILY RESEMBLANCE.

YOU'RE MACON'S PUBLISHER!

I'M THE ONE WHO MAILED YOU
MACON'S CHAPTERS.

OH, YES.

WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO
SEND YOU SOME MORE,

BUT FIRST I HAVE TO BUY
9 x 12 ENVELOPES.

ALL WE'VE GOT LEFT
IS 10 x 13.

IT'S TERRIBLE WHEN THINGS
DON'T FIT PRECISELY.

THEY GET ALL
OUT OF ALIGNMENT.

AH.

WE WOULDN'T WANT
TO KEEP YOU, ROSE.

OH! NO.

HERE,
I'LL TAKE THAT.

THE MACON LEARY
9 x 12 ENVELOPE CRISIS.

OH, JULIAN,
DROP IT.

SORRY.

YOU KNOW, MACON,

IF YOU'D
JUST LET ME KNOW

WHAT WAS GOING ON
IN YOUR LIFE...

I HAD NO IDEA.

LOOK, IF YOU
WANT ANOTHER,

I DON'T KNOW,
ANOTHER MONTH?

OH, NONSENSE.

WHAT'S A MISSING
WIFE OR TWO, RIGHT?

HERE, LET ME GET
WHAT I'VE TYPED

AND YOU CAN CHECK IT.

JUST WHAT I THOUGHT.
YOU MONSTER.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU?

GREAT.

CALL IT
SOMETHING CATCHY.

UH,
RELUCTANT TOURIST.

AND YOU ARE THE FELLA
TO WRITE IT.

BUT I HATE TO TRAVEL.

I THOUGHT SO.
SO DO BUSINESSMEN.

I MEAN, THESE FOLKS
WOULD RATHER BE

AT HOME IN THEIR
LIVING ROOMS.

SO YOU WILL BE
HELPING THEM TO PRETEND

THAT THAT'S
WHERE THEY ARE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOUR LOGO.

YOU GET IT?

WHILE
ARMCHAIR TRAVELERS

DREAM OF GOING PLACES,

TRAVELING ARMCHAIRS
DREAM OF STAYING PUT.

AFTER THIS, I WANT YOU
TO START ON NEW YORK

AND THE NORTHEAST AGAIN.

SO SOON?

IT'S BEEN
THREE YEARS, MACON.

OH!

EDWARD! STOP IT!

OW!

MACON,
DID HE GET YOU?

OHH...

I WOULDN'T HAVE
A DOG LIKE THAT.

I'D SHOOT HIM.

HE'S NEVER DONE THAT.

I'D CALL THE SPCA

OR THE DOGCATCHER.

TELL THEM YOU WANT HIM
DONE AWAY WITH.

JUST GO, JULIAN.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

WE HAVE A COUPLE
MORE LIMAS.

YEAH, WE DO.

WHAT DO WE
HAVE NEXT?

NOW I NEED Ms OR Ns,

ANYTHING STARTING
WITH THOSE.

THEN HOW ABOUT
THESE NOODLES?

"N" FOR NOODLES.

"P" FOR PASTA?

"E" FOR
ELBOW MACARONI.

YOU MIGHT HAVE PASSED
THOSE UP EARLIER, PORTER.

UH, ROSE?

ROSE?

IT SEEMS EDWARD'S

GIVEN ME A LITTLE
SORT OF NIP.

OH, MACON.

HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT,
THAT'S ALL.

BUT I THINK I NEED
AN ANTISEPTIC.

YOU NEED
A TETANUS SHOT, TOO.

YOU NEED TO
GET RID OF THAT DOG.

HE DIDN'T MEAN
ANY HARM.

TAKES YOUR HAND OFF
AT THE ELBOW

AND HE MEANS NO HARM?!

YOU SHOULD GET RID OF HIM,
I TELL YOU.

WELL, I CAN'T.

WHY NOT?

COME ON, BOY.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

ETHAN, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD DO THAT OUTSIDE?

RIGHT.

I JUST CAN'T GET RID
OF HIM, THAT'S ALL.

MACON, COME SIT DOWN.

LET ME SEE
WHAT I HAVE.

WELL, MAYBE WE COULD SEND HIM
TO OBEDIENCE SCHOOL.

EDWARD, SIT.

NOW, YOU KIND OF
CLUCK YOUR TONGUE.

THEY GET TO KNOW
A CLUCK MEANS PRAISE.

WHEN I HOLD
MY HAND OUT--SEE--

THAT MEANS
HE HAS TO STAY.

STAY.

THAT WAS VERY GOOD.

HE'S SUPPOSED TO
WEAR THIS EVERY MINUTE

TILL HE'S TRAINED.

THAT WAY,
YOU CAN YANK HIM BACK

WHENEVER HE DOES
SOMETHING WRONG.

MM-HMM.

HERE YOU GO.

MAKE HIM SIT.

SIT.

POKE HIM DOWN.

SSSSST!

HE DOESN'T
TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY.

I KNOW THAT.

COUPLE OF YEARS AGO,

I SAW THIS AD
IN THE PAPER.

"MAKE EXTRA MONEY
IN YOUR OFF-HOURS."

PLACE WAS
A DOG-TRAINING FIRM

THAT WENT AROUND
TO PEOPLE'S HOUSES.

"DOGGIE, DO"
IT WAS CALLED.

DON'T YOU JUST
HATE THAT NAME?

WHO'S THE LADY?

LADY?

THE LADY I SAW WALKING
THROUGH THE KITCHEN.

OH, THAT'S ROSE.

SHE YOUR EX-WIFE,
OR WHAT?

MY SISTER.

OH! YOUR SISTER.

THIS HOUSE
BELONGS TO HER.

OH.

I DON'T LIVE WITH
ANYBODY EITHER.

YOU CAN
RELEASE HIM NOW.

PARDON?

RELEASE YOUR DOG.

OH.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR A LIVING?

I WRITE...

TRAVEL GUIDEBOOKS.

TRAVEL GUIDES!
LUCKY!

I LOVE TO TRAVEL.

OH, TRAVEL.

IT'S JUST RED TAPE,
MOSTLY.

TICKET LINES,
CUSTOMS LINES.

SHOULD EDWARD
BE BARKING THAT WAY?

SSSSST!

IF I COULD GO ANYWHERE,
I'D GO TO PARIS.

IT SOUNDS SO ROMANTIC.

PARIS? IT IS TERRIBLE.

EVERYBODY'S IMPOLITE.

TAKE ME WITH YOU
NEXT TIME.

I COULD SHOW YOU
THE GOOD PARTS.

I HAVE A VERY LIMITED
EXPENSE ACCOUNT.

I NEVER EVEN
TOOK MY WIFE.

MY WIFE...

I WAS ONLY TEASING.

YOU THINK I MEANT IT?

OH, NO.

THAT'LL BE $14.40,

INCLUDING THE LEASH
AND THE CHOKE CHAIN.

YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE
WHAT HE'S LEARNED.

NO ONE CAN
PRACTICE FOR YOU.

YOU CAN PAY ME THE OTHER
4 CENTS TOMORROW.

SIT.

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY
CLEAR ABOUT THIS?

YES.

I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE WE ARE.

I HAVE THE ADDRESS
RIGHT HERE.

I'LL BE BACK
IN ONE-HALF HOUR.

YOU SURE?

MACON, PLEASE! I'M JUST
GOING AROUND THE CORNER.

NOW, GOOD-BYE.

THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST
ON CRUTCHES.

HA HA HA!

I GUESS
I'LL BE GOING.

MY SISTER'S
PICKING ME UP

AS SOON AS SHE'S DONE
WITH HER ERRANDS.

ROSE?
SHE'S COMING HERE?

I'D LIKE TO SEE HER.

MACON, DO ME A FAVOR.

COULDN'T YOU JUST ONCE
INVITE ME TO A FAMILY DINNER?

WELL, WE'RE REALLY NOT
MUCH FOR SOCIALIZING.

WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE
ANYTHING FANCY.

JUST WHATEVER
YOU EAT NORMALLY.

WHAT DO YOU EAT
NORMALLY?

OR I'LL BRING
THE MEAL MYSELF.

YOU COULD
LOCK UP YOUR DOG,

AND I'LL COME
SPEND THE EVENING.

WE'LL SEE.

WHENEVER MY FATHER
SAID THAT

IT ALWAYS MEANT NO.

WHEN I WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL,

I MADE NOTHING BUT As.

YOU'RE SURPRISED
AT THAT, AREN'T YOU?

NOW, THIS IS
THE HEEL COMMAND.

YOU THINK I'M KIND OF,
LIKE, NOT AN INTELLECT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
YOU'RE SURPRISED.

NO, I'M NOT.

NOW, HE'S SUPPOSED TO MATCH
HIS PACE TO ANYTHING I DO,

SLOW, FAST, ANYTHING.

SIT!

HEEL!

GOOD.

I THINK HE'S GOT
THE HANG OF IT.

NOW YOU.

YANK THAT LEASH!

HE KNOWS WHAT
HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO.

GOOD. DON'T FORGET TO CLUCK
EVERY LITTLE MINUTE.

YOU HAVE TO PRAISE HIM.

PICK UP THAT SLACK!

CLUCK!

THIS IS A BIT MORE
DIFFICULT WITH CRUTCHES.

I ONCE TAUGHT A MAN WHO HAD
NO LEGS AND ONLY ONE ARM.

HE HAD A GREAT DANE.

REALLY?

YOU'RE NOT
IN SUCH BAD SHAPE.

I HAVE TO GET GOING.

THAT'LL BE, UH, $5.00,
PLEASE,

PLUS THE 4 CENTS
YOU OWE ME FROM YESTERDAY.

NEXT TIME,
I'LL STAY LONGER AND TALK.

THAT'S A PROMISE.

IT IS
AN UNFORTUNATE FACT

THAT EVEN THE MOST
CONSCIENTIOUS TRAVELER

CANNOT BE PREPARED
FOR EVERY ENCOUNTER.

AT SUCH TIMES,
ONE MUST REMAIN CALM

AND RELY UPON ONE'S
INNATE COMMON SENSE.

HELLO, ROSE.

HELLO, JULIAN.

COME IN.

I'VE BROUGHT SOME
MATERIALS FOR MACON.

OH.

DO I HEAR THAT DOG?

YES, HE'S
IN THE BACK YARD.

HELLO, JULIAN.

HI, GUYS.

HOPE I'M NOT
INTERFERING WITH SUPPER?

NO, NO.

WE'RE FINISHED.

REALLY?

WHAT TIME DO YOU EAT,
ANYHOW?

WE HAVEN'T
HAD OUR COFFEE.

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
SOME COFFEE?

I'D LOVE SOME.

WELL, THAT SEEMS
A LITTLE SILLY

IF YOU
HAVEN'T EATEN.

FOR ME, HOME-BREWED COFFEE'S
A REAL TREAT.

EVERYBODY IN MY
APARTMENT BUILDING

EATS OUT.

THERE'S NOTHING
IN THEIR KITCHENS

BUT A COUPLE
OF CANS OF SODA

AND SOME PEANUTS.

WHAT KIND OF PLACE
IS THAT?

IT'S
THE CALVERT ARMS.

IT'S
A SINGLES BUILDING.

EVERYBODY'S SINGLE.

OH!

WHAT AN INTERESTING
IDEA.

WELL, NOT REALLY.

SOMETIMES I WISH

FOR THE OLD-FASHIONED
WAY OF DOING THINGS,

WITH CHILDREN
AND OLD PEOPLE,

LIKE NORMAL
BUILDINGS HAVE.

WELL,
OF COURSE YOU DO.

I'M GOING TO GET YOU
SOME NICE HOT COFFEE.

UH, HERE YOU GO.

UM...WHERE'S PORTER?

WE'RE NOT SURE.

HE WENT OUT TO
A HARDWARE STORE.

WE THINK HE GOT LOST.

GOOD GRIEF.
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

A LITTLE WHILE
BEFORE SUPPER.

SUPPER.
YOU MEAN TODAY?

HE'S JUST RUNNING AN ERRAND
ON HOWARD STREET.

HE'S NOT LOST
IN ANY PERMANENT SENSE.

HE GOT LOST
ON HOWARD STREET?

IT'S A PROBLEM WITH
THIS FAMILY--DIRECTIONS.

REALLY?

CHARLES?

WHAT?

NEVER MIND.

I'LL GO HELP ROSE.

JULIAN SEEMS VERY NICE.

HE'S ONLY HERE
BECAUSE HE HOPES

WE'LL DO
SOMETHING ECCENTRIC.

I JUST PRAY NONE OF US
SAYS ANYTHING UNCONVENTIONAL

AROUND HIM.

WHAT WOULD WE SAY?

WE'RE THE MOST
CONVENTIONAL PEOPLE

I KNOW.

WE BOUGHT EVERY MAP
YOU CAN BUY

FOR BALTIMORE
AND OUTLYING AREAS,

ALPHABETIZED THEM,
AND STILL...

IT'S SAD, REALLY.

OH, AND WHAT DO YOU
WANT IN YOUR COFFEE?

JUST BLACK'S FINE.

COFFEE, MACON?

NO, THANK YOU.

HERE YOU GO.

WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR A LIVING, CHARLES?

I MAKE BOTTLE CAPS.

BOTTLE CAPS?
IS THAT A FACT?

WELL, IT'S NOT
HALF AS EXCITING

AS IT SOUNDS, REALLY.

AND, ROSE, DO YOU WORK?

YES, I DO.

I WORK AT HOME.

I KEEP HOUSE
FOR THE BOYS.

ALSO, I TAKE CARE OF
THE OLDER NEIGHBORS.

THEY NEED ME TO REPAIR
THEIR PLUMBING AND SUCH.

YOU REPAIR THEIR PLUMBING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT COULD BE PORTER.

BUT HE KNOWS
WE WOULDN'T ANSWER.

YES, HE'D SURELY CALL
A NEIGHBOR INSTEAD.

ON THE OTHER HAND...

DO YOU ALWAYS GIVE THIS MUCH
THOUGHT TO YOUR PHONE CALLS?

NOW, WHERE EXACTLY
IS THE CALVERT ARMS?

EDWARD...STAY.

GOOD DOG.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I DIDN'T EXACTLY PLAN
ON HAVING A BABY.

IN FACT, THE BABY WAS
THE REASON WE GOT MARRIED.

NOW, YOU WATCH HIM
WHILE I WALK AWAY.

PRETTY SOON,
HE'LL LIE LIKE THAT

FOR THREE HOURS
STRAIGHT.

THREE HOURS?
ISN'T THAT SORT OF CRUEL?

I THOUGHT YOU PROMISED
NOT TO TALK LIKE THAT.

ALL RIGHT. SORRY.

MY SON'S NAME
IS ALEXANDER.

DID I TELL YOU THAT?

SOMETHING WENT WRONG
WHILE I WAS CARRYING HIM.

THEY HAD TO DO A CESAREAN
AND TAKE HIM OUT EARLY

AND I CAN'T EVER HAVE
ANY MORE CHILDREN.

ALEXANDER WAS SO TEENY.

HE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK
LIKE A HUMAN.

HE HAD TO STAY IN
AN INCUBATOR

FOREVER, JUST ABOUT,
AND NEARLY DIED.

NORMAN, THAT'S
MY EX-HUSBAND,

HE WENT,

"WHEN'S IT GOING TO LOOK
LIKE OTHER BABIES?"

NORMAN ALWAYS CALLED
ALEXANDER "IT."

MAYBE YOU AND ALEXANDER

SHOULD GET TOGETHER
SOMETIME.

MM-HMM?
OH, WELL, I--

HE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH
MEN IN HIS LIFE.

MAYBE THE THREE OF US
COULD GO TO A MOVIE.

YOU EVER GO TO MOVIES?

I...

REALLY DON'T CARE
FOR MOVIES.

THEY MAKE EVERYTHING
SEEM SO CLOSE-UP.

BEDPAN.

OUTPATIENT.

ANESTHETIC.

HYPODERMIC.

"140" DEGREES?

CERTAIN DEATH.
WHAT IS SHE THINKING?

2 QUARTS OF STUFFING,
I HEARD HER SAY SO.

2 QUARTS OF TEEMING,
SWARMING BACTERIA.

IS THIS THE THANKSGIVING
WE ALL DIE?

OH!
HERE COMES THE TURKEY.

HERE IT IS.

NOW, THIS IS
A REAL THANKSGIVING.

I JUST WISH MY NEIGHBORS
COULD SEE THIS.

UM...THERE MAY BE
A LITTLE PROBLEM HERE.

OF COURSE, THE REST OF THE MEAL
IS EXCELLENT.

WE COULD FILL UP
ON THE VEGETABLES ALONE.

IN FACT,
I THINK I'LL DO THAT.

WHAT?

THE TURKEY.

WHAT?

PURE POISON.

COME AGAIN?

WE THINK IT MAY
HAVE BEEN COOKED

AT A SLIGHTLY
INADEQUATE TEMPERATURE.

IT WAS NOT.

IT'S PERFECTLY GOOD.

MRS. BARRETT!

I CAN HEAR YOU.

MAYBE YOU'D RATHER JUST
STICK TO THE SIDE DISHES.

WELL, UH...
PERHAPS I WILL.

I DON'T HAVE MUCH
OF AN APPETITE ANYWAY.

MACON, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?

MY LOVELY TURKEY.
ALL THAT WORK.

I THINK
IT LOOKS DELICIOUS.

YES, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THE OTHER TIMES.

OTHER TIMES?

YOU DON'T FOOL ME
FOR AN INSTANT.

I KNOW WHY
YOU'RE DOING THIS.

YOU WANT TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD
IN FRONT OF JULIAN.

JULIAN?

YOU WANT TO DRIVE HIM OFF.

YOU THREE
WASTED YOUR CHANCES,

AND NOW YOU WANT ME
TO WASTE MINE.

BUT I WON'T DO IT!

I CAN SEE WHAT'S WHAT.

LOVE IS WHAT
IT'S ALL ABOUT.

YOU WANT TO MAKE ME
MISS IT.

WELL, GOODNESS.

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STOP
COOKING FOR YOU

AND TAKING CARE
OF THIS HOUSE.

YOU DON'T WANT JULIAN
TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.

DO WHAT?

DO YOU THINK I OUGHT
TO GO AFTER HER?

UH, NO.

THAT POOR, DEAR GIRL.
I FEEL JUST AWFUL.

BUT SHE SEEMS SO--

SHE'S FINE.

SHE'S PERFECTLY FINE.

NOW, WHO WANTS
A BAKED POTATO?

I DO.

ME.

JULIAN, A POTATO?

I'LL TAKE THE TURKEY.

ACTUALLY, HAVE
YOU EVER NOTICED

THAT JULIAN
WEARS CREW NECKS?

THAT DOESN'T MEAN
HE WOULDN'T WEAR A V-NECK

IF HE HAD ONE.

HE'S YOUNGER,
YOU KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU REALIZE THAT.

TWO YEARS.

HE'S GOT A YOUNGER
STYLE OF LIVING.

SINGLES APARTMENTS,
AND SO ON.

HE'S TIRED OF ALL THAT.

DON'T TRY
TO SPOIL THIS, MACON.

SWEETHEART, I ONLY WANT
TO PROTECT YOU.

IT'S WRONG, YOU KNOW,

WHAT YOU SAID
AT THANKSGIVING.

LOVE IS NOT
WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

THERE ARE ALL KINDS
OF OTHER ISSUES.

HE ATE MY TURKEY
AND DIDN'T GET SICK.

TWO BIG HELPINGS.

I GOT THIS CAR
FOR ONLY $200.

THAT'S BECAUSE
IT NEEDED WORK.

BUT I TOOK IT
TO DOMINICK,

THIS BOY DOWN THE STREET
FROM WHERE I LIVE.

I GO, "DOMINICK,
HERE'S THE DEAL.

"YOU FIX MY CAR UP,

"I'LL LET YOU
HAVE THE USE OF IT

THREE NIGHTS A WEEK
AND ALL DAY SUNDAY."

WASN'T THAT
A GOOD IDEA?

VERY INVENTIVE.

HI.
WHAT A GOOD BOY.

GIVE HIM
LOTS OF PRAISE.

NOW WE'LL BOTH GO
IN THE DRUGSTORE.

IS IT SAFE?

HAVE TO TRY IT
SOONER OR LATER.

HMM. TOO PINK-Y.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT?

FOR DINNER?

COME AND EAT
AT MY HOUSE.

COME ON,
IT'LL BE FUN.

JUST FOR DINNER.

YOU AND ME
AND ALEXANDER.

SAY, UH... 6:00.

IT'S 510 21st STREET.

KNOW WHERE THAT IS?

WELL, I DON'T BELIEVE
I'M FREE THEN.

THINK IT OVER A WHILE.

HOW OLD DID YOU SAY
ALEXANDER WAS?

HE'S 7.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT?

HMM?

HAVE YOU GIVEN
ANY THOUGHT

TO COMING TO DINNER?

OH, I, UH...

COULD COME.

IF IT'S ONLY FOR DINNER.

WHAT ELSE
WOULD IT BE FOR?

HERE HE IS.

HI, SWEETIE.

ALEXANDER,
THIS IS MACON.

CAN YOU SAY HI?

YOU'RE PRETTY YOUNG
TO BE AT THE DOCTOR'S

WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER.

HE'S USED TO IT BECAUSE
HE'S HAD TO GO SO OFTEN.

HE'S GOT
THESE ALLERGIES.

I SEE.

HE'S ALLERGIC TO
SHELLFISH, MILK, EGGS,

AND MOST VEGETABLES.

WE THINK HE MAY BE
ALLERGIC TO AIR.

WHENEVER HE'S OUTSIDE
A LONG TIME,

HE GETS THESE BUMPS ON ANY
UNCOVERED PARTS OF HIS BODY.

IF A BEE STINGS HIM
AND HE HASN'T HAD HIS SHOTS,

HE COULD BE DEAD
IN HALF AN HOUR.

DEAR MURIEL...

I AM VERY SORRY,

BUT I WON'T BE ABLE
TO HAVE DINNER

WITH YOU TOMORROW,
AFTER ALL.

SOMETHING HAS COME UP.

REGRETFULLY, MACON.

I'VE GOT
A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN,

AND I'M AIMING IT
EXACTLY WHERE YOUR HEAD IS.

IT'S MACON.

MACON.

MACON, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

UH, LAST YEAR...

I EX...I LOST...

I EXPERIENCED A LOSS.

I LOST...

I LOST MY SON.

HE WAS JUST...

HE WENT
INTO A HAMBURGER JOINT,

AND THEN
SOMEONE CAME--

UH, A HOLDUP MAN--

AND SHOT HIM.

UM...

I CAN'T GO TO DINNER
WITH PEOPLE.

I CAN'T TALK
TO THEIR LITTLE BOYS.

YOU HAVE TO STOP
ASKING ME.

I DON'T WANT TO
HURT YOUR FEELINGS,

BUT I'M JUST
NOT UP TO THIS.

DO YOU HEAR?

EVERY DAY,
I TELL MYSELF

IT'S TIME TO BE
GETTING OVER THIS.

I KNOW THAT PEOPLE
EXPECT IT OF ME.

BUT IF ANYTHING,
I'M GETTING WORSE.

THE FIRST YEAR
WAS LIKE A BAD DREAM.

I'D GO TO HIS BEDROOM DOOR
IN THE MORNING

BEFORE I REMEMBERED
HE WASN'T THERE TO BE WAKENED.

BUT THE SECOND YEAR
IS REAL.

I'VE STOPPED GOING
TO HIS DOOR.

I'VE SOMETIMES LET
A WHOLE DAY PASS BY...

WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT...
ABOUT HIM.

I BELIEVE SARAH
THINKS I COULD HAVE

PREVENTED WHAT
HAPPENED, SOMEHOW.

SHE'S SO USED TO
MY ARRANGING HER LIFE.

NOW I'M FAR
FROM EVERYONE.

I DON'T HAVE
ANY FRIENDS ANYMORE.

AND EVERYONE LOOKS
TRIVIAL AND FOOLISH AND...

NOT RELATED TO ME.

JUST SLEEP.

LIE DOWN AND SLEEP.

WHAT IS IT, MOM?

GO BACK
TO SLEEP, HONEY.

EVERYTHING'S
ALL RIGHT.

I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.

CAN YOU TAKE THIS OFF?

I'M BASHFUL.

HEY THERE, MACON.

HEY THERE, GIRLS.

GOING TO SEE MURIEL?

I THOUGHT I MIGHT.

YOU BROUGHT
YOUR OWN DINNER.

GOOD IDEA.

ALL RIGHT,
GUNTHER!

PIZZA MAN.

EXTRA-LARGE,
COMBINATION,

NO ANCHOVIES.

I'M ALLERGIC TO PIZZA.

WHAT PART?

HUH?

WHAT PART
ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?

PEPPERONI? SAUSAGE?
MUSHROOMS?

WE COULD
TAKE THOSE OFF.

ALL OF IT.

YOU CAN'T BE ALLERGIC
TO ALL OF IT.

WELL, I AM.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK

WHAT HAPPENED
WITH HIS EYE DOCTOR.

AND HERE I WAS
SO WORRIED ABOUT IT.

I SWEAR, SOMETIMES
YOU'D THINK

ALEXANDER WASN'T
YOUR GRANDSON.

TA DA.

MA, I'M GOING NOW.
MACON'S HERE.

♪♪ AND BRING
TO ALL THE KIDS ♪♪

♪♪ WHO DON'T HAVE NONE ♪♪

♪♪ I'M GONNA LASSO
SANTA CLAUS ♪♪

♪♪ AND I KNOW JUST WHY,
BECAUSE ♪♪

♪♪ I'M GONNA
PULL, PULL, PULL ♪♪

♪♪ ON HIS BEARD ♪♪

♪♪ PULL, PULL!
AND SEE IF IT'S REAL ♪♪

♪♪ I'M GONNA
TICK-TICK-TICKLE HIM ♪♪

♪♪ ON THE TUMMY ♪♪

♪♪ BECAUSE HE LAUGHS
SO FUNNY ♪♪

♪♪ HE'S SO JOLLY
AND SO FINE ♪♪

♪♪ WHEN HE COMES
AROUND CHRISTMASTIME ♪♪

♪♪ I'M GONNA LASSO
SANTA CLAUS ♪♪

♪♪ AND THE REASON
IS BECAUSE ♪♪

♪♪ I KNOW A BOY AND GIRL
HE NEVER GOES TO SEE ♪♪

♪♪ HE NEVER BRINGS THEM TOYS
LIKE HE DOES TO ME ♪♪

♪♪ I'M GONNA
POP, POP SANTA CLAUS ♪♪

SEE?

I SHUT
THE VALVE OFF.

WHAT DID I
DO THAT FOR?

I'M NOT SURE
ABOUT THIS.

HE'S NOT VERY STRONG.

WHY DID I SHUT OFF
THE VALVE, ALEXANDER?

WHY?

YOU TELL ME.

YOU TELL ME.

NO, YOU.

SO THE WATER WON'T
WHOOSH ALL OVER?

RIGHT.

NOW, FIRST
YOU UNSCREW

THE TOP SCREW.

LET'S SEE YOU DO IT.

ME? I DON'T WANT TO.

JUST LET HIM WATCH.

IF HE JUST WATCHES
HE WON'T KNOW

HOW TO FIX THE ONE
IN THE BATHTUB,

AND I'M GOING TO ASK HIM
TO MANAGE THAT

WITHOUT ME.

THAT'S IT.

HARD!

GOOD.

GOOD.

LOOK AT THAT.

WONDERFUL!

I THINK YOU MAY HAVE
NATURAL TALENTS.

NOW TAKE OFF
THE FAUCET HEAD,

AND THERE
IS THE CULPRIT.

THAT HAS TO BE RETAPED.

WE TAKE THIS WRENCH
TO LOOSEN IT UP.

NOW WHAT?

TURN THAT VALVE.

THERE WE GO.

NOW WHAT?

NOW WE TURN
THE WATER BACK ON

AND SEE WHAT KIND
OF JOB YOU'VE DONE.

LOOK AT THAT!

YOU'VE SOLVED
THE PROBLEM.

NOW, WHEN YOU'RE GROWN,

YOU CAN FIX THE FAUCETS
FOR YOUR WIFE.

"STEP BACK, DEARIE,"
YOU CAN SAY.

"JUST LET ME
SEE TO THIS.

LET A REAL MAN
TAKE CARE OF THIS."

GOOD.

REALLY EXCELLENT
MATERIAL.

I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING, MACON.

YOUR SISTER'S
CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S AN ENGAGEMENT
RING, MACON.

ENGAGEMENT?

I WANT TO MARRY HER.

YOU WANT
TO MARRY ROSE?

I'M GOING TO ASK HER
AT CHRISTMAS

WHEN I GIVE HER
THE RING.

I WANT TO DO THIS
PROPERLY,

OLD-FASHIONED.

YOU THINK
SHE'LL HAVE ME?

WELL, I REALLY
COULDN'T SAY.

WELL, SHE'S GOT TO.

I'M 36 YEARS OLD, MACON,

BUT I FEEL LIKE
I'M A SCHOOLBOY

AROUND THAT WOMAN.

YOU MAY LAUGH AT THIS, BUT
I LOVE THE SURPRISE OF HER,

AND I'M SURPRISED
BY MYSELF

WHEN I'M WITH HER.

I'M NOT EXACTLY
THE PERSON

THAT I THOUGHT I WAS.

I'M AFRAID I'M GUSHING.

WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?

I'VE NEVER EVEN
SLEPT WITH HER.

I DON'T CARE
TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.

I WANT US TO HAVE
A REAL WEDDING NIGHT.

I WANT TO DO
EVERYTHING RIGHT.

GOD, MACON,

ISN'T IT AMAZING
HOW TWO SEPARATE LIVES

CAN LINK UP TOGETHER?

I MEAN,
TWO DIFFERENTNESSES.

WHAT I
REALLY LIKE IS T-SHIRTS.

T-SHIRTS. AHA.

THE KIND WITH A SORT OF
STRETCHED-OUT NECK.

I DON'T WANT IT NEW.

TELL YOU WHAT--

EVERYTHING WE BUY
WE'LL WASH ABOUT 20 TIMES

BEFORE YOU WEAR IT.

BUT NOTHING
PREWASHED.

NO, NO.

ONLY NERDS
WEAR PREWASHED.

RIGHT.

SHALL I COME WITH YOU?

I CAN DO IT MYSELF.

ALL RIGHT.

MACON!

YES.

LAURA CANFIELD.

SCOTT'S MOTHER,
REMEMBER?

OF COURSE.

WHY, SC...

SCOTT!

HI.

IT'S NICE
TO SEE YOU.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

ARE YOU DOING
YOUR SPRING SHOPPING?

OH, I, UM...

I'M HELPING
THE SON OF A FRIEND.

OH. WE'RE BUYING OUT
THE SOCK DEPARTMENT.

IT SEEMS LIKE
EVERY OTHER WEEK

I FIND SCOTT RUNS
THROUGH HIS SOCKS AGAIN.

YOU KNOW HOW THEY ARE
AT THIS AGE--

OR RATHER...

YES, IT--

IT'S AMAZING,
ISN'T IT?

I LOOK GREAT!

I THINK IT'S TIME
WE HAD A TALK.

ABOUT WHAT?

I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT
YOU THINK YOU'RE UP TO

WITH THIS
MURIEL PERSON.

IS THAT WHAT
YOU CALL HER--

"THIS MURIEL PERSON"?

YOU'RE NOT YOURSELF
THESE DAYS, MACON,

AND THIS MURIEL PERSON
IS JUST A SYMPTOM.

EVERYBODY SAYS SO.

WHO IS "EVERYBODY,"
ANYWAY?

WE'RE JUST...

WORRIED FOR YOU,
MACON.

COULD WE SWITCH
TO SOME OTHER TOPIC?

I HAD TO TELL YOU
WHAT I THOUGHT.

MM-HMM. FINE.
YOU'VE TOLD ME.

CAN YOU...
CAN YOU TELL ME

ONE UNIQUE THING
ABOUT HER?

I MEAN, ONE REALLY
SPECIAL QUALITY?

NOT SOMETHING SLOPPY

LIKE, "SHE
APPRECIATES ME."

I'M NOT
SUCH A BARGAIN MYSELF,

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED.

SOMEBODY OUGHT TO
WARN HER AWAY FROM ME,

WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL.

MATTER OF FACT,
I IMAGINE HER PEOPLE

ARE CONGRATULATING HER
ON HER CATCH.

HA HA!
HER CATCH.

SOMEONE TO SUPPORT HER.
ANYONE.

SHE'D BE LUCKY
TO FIND ANYONE.

SHE LIVES IN THAT
SLUMMY HOUSE.

SHE'S GOT
THAT LITTLE BOY

WHO LOOKS LIKE
HE HAS HOOKWORM.

PORTER,
JUST SHUT THE HELL UP.

HEY, YOU GUYS!

LET ME CATCH UP!

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

CREEP!

WAIT UP FOR ME!

HEY, GUYS!

GET LOST,
PRITCHETT!

COME ON, LET ME
CATCH UP!

GO ITCH IT,
PRITCHETT!

YOU HEARD ME.

GET LOST!

GO.

ITCH IT, PRITCHETT.
PRITCHETT, ITCH IT.

HIYA, BOY.
HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD BOY!

GOOD DOG, EDWARD.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHAT WAS THAT
ALL ABOUT?

NOTHING.

EVEN THE MOST DISCIPLINED

PROFESSIONAL TRAVELER

MAY SOMETIMES STUMBLE ACROSS
THAT UNEXPECTED ITEM

HE FEELS HE SIMPLY MUST
TAKE HOME.

THAT'S FINE AS LONG AS
ONE IS WILLING TO ACCEPT

THE INCONVENIENCE
AND AWKWARDNESS THAT COME

WITH EACH ADDITIONAL
PIECE OF BAGGAGE.

I DON'T THINK
ALEXANDER'S GETTING

A PROPER EDUCATION.

HUH? HE'S OK.

I ASKED HIM TO
FIGURE OUT WHAT CHANGE

THEY'D GIVE BACK WHEN
WE BOUGHT THE MILK TODAY

AND HE DIDN'T HAVE
THE FAINTEST IDEA.

HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
HE'D HAVE TO SUBTRACT.

HE'S ONLY
IN SECOND GRADE.

HE SHOULD SWITCH
TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL.

PRIVATE SCHOOLS
COST MONEY.

SO? I'LL PAY.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

PARDON?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING,
MACON?

ARE YOU SAYING
YOU'RE COMMITTED?

THAT'S NOT
REALLY THE POINT.

ALEXANDER'S GOT 10 MORE YEARS
OF SCHOOL AHEAD OF HIM.

ARE YOU SAYING YOU'LL BE AROUND
FOR ALL 10 YEARS?

I CAN'T JUST PUT HIM
IN A PRIVATE SCHOOL

AND TAKE HIM OUT AGAIN
ON EVERY PASSING WHIM OF YOURS.

JUST TELL ME THIS--

DO YOU PICTURE US
GETTING MARRIED SOMETIME?

I MEAN, WHEN YOUR DIVORCE
COMES THROUGH?

MURIEL,
MARRIAGE IS...

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T, DO YOU?

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT.

ONE MINUTE YOU LIKE ME,
AND THE NEXT YOU DON'T.

ONE MINUTE YOU'RE ASHAMED
TO BE SEEN WITH ME

AND THE NEXT YOU THINK
I'M THE BEST THING

THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.

YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST
GO ALONG LIKE THIS--

NO PLANS.

MAYBE TOMORROW YOU'LL BE HERE,
MAYBE YOU WON'T.

MAYBE YOU'LL JUST
GO ON BACK TO SARAH.

ALL I'M SAYING IS--

ALL I'M SAYING IS TAKE CARE
WHAT YOU PROMISE MY SON.

DON'T GO MAKING HIM ANY PROMISES
YOU DON'T INTEND TO KEEP.

BUT I JUST WANT HIM
TO LEARN

HOW TO SUBTRACT!

SHALL I DRY?

JUST TELL ME THIS, MACON.
BE HONEST.

WHY CAN'T WE GET MARRIED
IN THE FALL?

YOU'LL BE SEPARATED
A YEAR THEN, MACON.

HEY, MURIEL, PLEASE,

I'M NOT READY
FOR THIS.

I DON'T THINK
I EVER WILL BE.

I DON'T THINK
MARRIAGE OUGHT TO BE

AS COMMON AS IT IS.

I REALLY BELIEVE
IT OUGHT TO BE

THE EXCEPTION
TO THE RULE.

OH, PERFECT COUPLES
COULD MARRY, MAYBE,

BUT WHO'S
A PERFECT COUPLE?

YOU AND SARAH,
I SUPPOSE.

NO, NO.

YOU ARE SO SELFISH!

YOU ARE
SO SELF-CENTERED!

YOU HAVE
ALL THESE FANCY REASONS

FOR NEVER DOING
A SINGLE THING I WANT!

VROOM.

VROOM!

VROOM!

VROOM...

IT'S MACON'S
SISTER ROSE

THAT'S GETTING MARRIED.

YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT, ALEXANDER?

VROOM!

ZOOM!

NOW, DON'T BE
NERVOUS, HONEY.

VROOM.

EERCK!

I'M COMING
TO GET YOU!

NO, YOU'RE NOT!

YOU'RE IT!

IS THAT RIGHT?

YES, IT IS.

WHAT'S THIS?

HEY, LOOK!
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

OH!

HELLO, MACON.

HELLO, SARAH.

IT TURNED OUT TO BE
A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

YES. YES.

I WORRIED WHEN
IT RAINED LAST NIGHT.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN,
MACON?

UH, I'VE BEEN
ALL RIGHT.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

FINE.

WELL, GOOD.

I KNOW YOU'RE LIVING
WITH SOMEONE.

AH, YES, ACTUALLY.

AHEM!

YES, I AM.

ROSE TOLD ME
WHEN SHE INVITED ME.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

ME?

ARE YOU LIVING
WITH ANYONE?

NOT REALLY.

WE'RE READY NOW.

SARAH'S MY
MATRON OF HONOR.

DID I HAPPEN TO
MENTION THAT?

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

LET'S GO.

WELCOME, FRIENDS.

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY
IN THIS LOVELY GARDEN

TO JOIN ROSE ANNE LEARY
AND JULIAN HEDGE

IN HOLY MATRIMONY.

IN TURBULENT,
TROUBLING TIMES,

A GOOD MARRIAGE CAN BE
THE ONE SAFE PLACE

WE KNOW WE CAN GO.

ONCE WE'VE BEEN
TO THAT PLACE

AND KNOWN THAT PEACE,

WE CAN NEVER FORGET IT.

OH.

I HAVE TO BE ABLE

TO TELL YOU WHAT I WANT.

I HAVE TO.

YOU CAN.

BUT WITHOUT BEING AFRAID

YOU'LL GO AWAY.

I CAN'T BE AFRAID

ALL THE TIME.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M NOT GOING AWAY.

YOU ARE. YOU'RE ALL PACKED.

I'M GOING TO CANADA
TOMORROW, REMEMBER?

IT'S JUST MY WORK.

DON'T LEAVE ME, MACON.

GO TO SLEEP, MURIEL.

SLEEP.

YES.

MACON?

SARAH.

I DIDN'T GET YOU
AT A BAD TIME, DID I?

NO. IS ANYTHING WRONG?

NO.

WELL, ACTUALLY,

MY LEASE RUNS OUT
THE END OF THE MONTH,

AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO FIND A NEW APARTMENT.

YES?

I WAS WONDERING

IF IT WOULD BE
ALL RIGHT WITH YOU

IF I MOVED BACK
INTO OUR HOUSE,

JUST AS A PLACE TO STAY,
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

BUT, UM...

THE HOUSE IS A MESS.

SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT
OVER THE WINTER.

THE PIPES BURST
OR SOMETHING, AND--

YEAH, I KNOW. I TALKED
TO YOUR BROTHERS.

I WENT OVER TO THE HOUSE

WHEN THEY WOULDN'T
ANSWER THE PHONE.

ROSE TOLD ME SHE'D
BEEN OVER, AND--

ROSE?

YEAH. SHE'S BACK
AT YOUR BROTHERS'.

SHE'S WHAT?

SHE'S LIVING THERE
FOR A WHILE.

REALLY?

SHE DIDN'T THINK

CHARLES AND PORTER
WERE EATING RIGHT.

IS JULIAN
LIVING ALONE NOW?

YES. SHE TAKES
CASSEROLES TO HIM

AT THE APARTMENT.

SO WHAT
DO YOU THINK?

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT MY USING
THE HOUSE.

OH.

WELL, YES. FINE.

OF COURSE.

GOOD.

OH, INCIDENTALLY,

THE PAPERS CAME THROUGH
FROM THE LAWYERS...

ABOUT THE DIVORCE.

OH.

IT WAS
KIND OF A SHOCK,

SEEING THEM
IN BLACK AND WHITE.

DIDN'T TAKE
INTO ACCOUNT

THE FEELINGS
OF THE THING.

I GUESS I HADN'T
EXPECTED THAT.

AH, YES. THAT SEEMS
A NATURAL REACTION.

SO, ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK
WITH THE HOUSE, SARAH.

GOOD-BYE.

AHEM.

HOW'S THE WEATHER
IN EDMONTON?

IT'S KIND OF GRAY.

HERE IT'S SUNNY
AND HUMID.

THE AIR IS SO DRY
THAT RAIN DISAPPEARS

BEFORE IT HITS
THE GROUND.

REALLY?

YOU CAN SEE IT
ABOVE THE PLAINS.

IT LOOKS LIKE STRIPES
THAT JUST FADE AWAY

HALFWAY DOWN
FROM THE SKY.

I WISH I WERE THERE

TO WATCH IT
WITH YOU.

WELL, I MOVED BACK
INTO THE HOUSE.

MOSTLY I JUST
STAY UPSTAIRS.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
HOW LONELY IT IS.

MACON, DO YOU...

WHAT'S THAT
PERSON'S NAME?

THE ONE
YOU LIVE WITH?

MURIEL.

DO YOU PLAN ON STAYING
WITH MURIEL FOREVER?

I REALLY COULDN'T SAY.

MACON, COME HOME.

LET'S TRY AGAIN.

I LIKE THIS, MACON.

ME, TOO, SWEETHEART.

YOU KNOW WHAT
I MISSED MOST

WHEN WE
WERE SEPARATED?

LITTLE THINGS.
THE SATURDAY ERRANDS.

EVEN THINGS THAT
USED TO BOTHER ME,

LIKE YOUR TAKING FOREVER
IN THE HARDWARE STORE.

MACON, I THINK WHEN
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MARRIED

AS LONG AS WE HAVE,

MAYBE IT'S JUST
MEANT TO BE.

ANYTHING DIFFERENT

JUST DOESN'T
FEEL RIGHT.

ROSE, WHY HAVEN'T YOU
MOVED BACK WITH JULIAN?

WHAT'S KEEPING YOU?

SARAH, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
WHAT A STATE I FOUND THE BOYS IN

WHEN I CAME BACK HERE.

THEY WERE LIVING
IN THEIR PAJAMAS

SO AS NOT TO HAVE TO DO
TOO MUCH LAUNDRY.

THEY WERE EATING GORP
FOR THEIR SUPPERS.

I'M NOT EVEN GONNA ASK
WHAT GORP IS.

IT'S A MIXTURE OF WHEAT GERM,
NUTS, AND DRIED FRUIT.

ROSE, WHAT ABOUT
YOUR APARTMENT?

WHAT ABOUT JULIAN?

YOU KNOW, I KEPT LOSING
THAT APARTMENT

EVERY TIME
I TURNED AROUND.

I WOULD HEAD ONE BLOCK EAST
TO THE GROCERY STORE

AND TURN WEST
TO GET BACK AGAIN,

AND I WOULD ALWAYS
BE WRONG. ALWAYS.

I MEAN,
THE APARTMENT BUILDING

WOULD'VE WORKED
TO THE NORTH SOMEHOW.

I DON'T KNOW HOW.

MACON, ARE YOU
REALLY DOING THIS?

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
YOU CAN JUST USE A PERSON UP

AND MOVE ON?

YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF
BOTTLE OF SOMETHING

YOU DON'T NEED
ANYMORE?

IS THAT THE WAY
YOU SEE ME, MACON?

THOUGHT I'D BRING YOU
THE MATERIALS FOR PARIS.

YEAH, IT JUST ARRIVED
THIS MORNING.

DO YOU THINK
THAT ROSE

IS NOT
COMING BACK?

SHE'S WORRIED
ABOUT THE BOYS.

THEY'RE EATING GLOP,
OR SOMETHING.

THOSE AREN'T BOYS,
MACON.

THEY'RE MEN
IN THEIR 40s.

I'M AFRAID
THAT SHE'S LEFT ME.

NO, NOW, YOU CAN'T
BE SURE OF THAT.

AND NOT EVEN
FOR ANY REASON.

OUR MARRIAGE
WAS WORKING OUT FINE,

BUT SHE WORE HERSELF
A GROOVE IN THAT HOUSE,

AND SHE CAN'T HELP

BUT SWERVE BACK
INTO IT.

AT LEAST,
I CAN'T THINK

OF ANY OTHER
EXPLANATION.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS
ABOUT RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HER
A JOB, JULIAN?

A JOB?

YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU SHOW HER
THAT OFFICE OF YOURS,

THAT FILING SYSTEM
YOU NEVER GET SORTED,

THE SECRETARY
CHEWING HER GUM

AND FORGETTING
WHOSE APPOINTMENT IS WHEN.

DON'T YOU THINK ROSE
COULD TAKE ALL THAT IN HAND?

WELL, SURE, BUT--

CALL HER UP.

TELL HER YOUR BUSINESS
IS GOING TO PIECES.

ASK HER
IF SHE'D JUST COME IN

AND HELP
GET THINGS ORGANIZED,

GET THINGS...

UNDER CONTROL.

PUT IT THAT WAY.

USE THOSE WORDS.

"GET THINGS
UNDER CONTROL," TELL HER.

THEN SIT BACK AND WAIT.

OF COURSE,
WHAT DO I KNOW?

NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE SOFA BED?

IT'S OK.
IT'S--IT'S GOOD.

HOW ABOUT THE FABRIC?

IT SEEMS VERY NICE.

HONESTLY, MACON,
WHAT'S COME OVER YOU?

YOU USED TO BE
DOWNRIGHT FINICKY.

WELL, IT'S...

FINE, SARAH.

IT'S--IT LOOKS
VERY NICE.

LET'S MAKE IT UP.

WHY DON'T WE GIVE
THE BED A TRIAL RUN?

TRIAL RUN?

YEAH.

MACON?

MM-HMM?

YOU'VE NEVER ASKED
IF I SLEPT WITH ANYONE

WHILE WE WERE SEPARATED.

DON'T YOU WANT
TO KNOW?

NO.

I THINK YOU'D WONDER.

WELL, I DON'T.

YOU KNOW, MACON,

THE TROUBLE
WITH YOU IS--

SARAH, LOOK,
DON'T EVEN START.

IF THAT DOESN'T
SUM UP EVERYTHING

THAT'S WRONG
WITH BEING MARRIED.

"MACON, THE TROUBLE
WITH YOU IS...

I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU
KNOW YOURSELF, MACON."

THE TROUBLE
WITH YOU IS,

YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IN PEOPLE OPENING UP.

YOU THINK
EVERYONE SHOULD STAY

IN THEIR OWN
LITTLE SEALED PACKAGE.

OK. LET'S SAY
THAT THAT'S TRUE.

LET'S SAY FOR NOW
THAT YOU DO KNOW

WHAT THE TROUBLE
WITH ME IS,

THAT NOTHING THAT I MIGHT FEEL
COULD SURPRISE YOU,

AND THAT THE REASON
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR

ABOUT THIS SPECIFIC THING
IS THAT I CAN'T OPEN UP!

IF WE AGREE ON ALL THAT,
CAN WE DROP IT?

FLIGHT 615, SERVICE
FROM BALTIMORE TO PARIS.

IF YOU NEED HELP
WITH YOUR LUGGAGE,

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS
WILL BE HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU.

MURIEL?

I'M GOING TO FRANCE.

BUT YOU CAN'T!

EXCUSE ME.
CAN I GET BY?

MURIEL, WHAT IN HE--

YOU DON'T OWN THIS PLANE.

YOU DON'T OWN PARIS,
EITHER.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
ANY OF THIS.

HOW COULD YOU AFFORD
THE FARE?

I BORROWED.

BUT THE POINT IS
WHY, MURIEL?

WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS?

YOU NEED
TO HAVE ME AROUND.

WHAT?

YOU WERE FALLING TO PIECES
BEFORE YOU HAD ME.

YOUR ROOM IS BIGGER
THAN MINE IS.

I HAVE A BETTER VIEW,
THOUGH.

JUST THINK,
WE'RE REALLY IN PARIS.

THE BUS DRIVER SAID
IT MIGHT RAIN,

BUT I SAID
I DIDN'T CARE.

RAIN OR SHINE,
IT'S PARIS.

HOW DID YOU KNOW
WHICH BUS TO TAKE?

I BROUGHT ALONG
YOUR GUIDEBOOK.

WANT TO GO
FOR BREAKFAST?

NO, I DON'T.
I CAN'T.

YOU BETTER LEAVE,
MURIEL.

OH.

OK.

HELLO?

HELLO?

OH, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD.

HELLO.

SARAH?

MACON, WHERE ARE YOU?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING'S
THE MATTER.

I FELT LIKE
TALKING TO YOU.

WELL, WHAT TIME IS IT?

I KNOW IT'S EARLY.

I'M SORRY
I WOKE YOU.

I WANTED TO HEAR
YOUR VOICE.

THERE'S SOME KIND
OF STATIC ON THE LINE.

WILL YOU BE
GARDENING TODAY?

WHAT?

GARDENING?

UH...IT DEPENDS
ON WHETHER IT'S SUNNY.

I WISH I WERE THERE.
I COULD HELP YOU.

MACON, YOU HATE GARDENING.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, I'M FINE.

WELL, HOW WAS
THE FLIGHT OVER?

OH, UH...
THE FLIGHT?

GOODNESS, UM...

I GUESS I WAS
SO BUSY READING,

I DIDN'T REALLY
NOTICE.

MAYBE YOU HAVE JET LAG.

YES, MAYBE I DO.

DON'T FALL FOR
PRIX FIXE.

IT'S LIKE A MOTHER SAYING,
"EAT, EAT."

ALL THOSE COURSES FORCED
ON YOU.

LOOK! SEE WHAT ALL
I BOUGHT!

MURIEL, HAVE YOU LOST
YOUR SENSES?

WHAT MUST ALL THIS
HAVE COST?

NOTHING.
OR NEXT TO NOTHING.

I FOUND A PLACE
THAT'S THE GRANDDADDY

OF ALL GARAGE SALES.

IF YOU SAY SOMETHING'S
TOO EXPENSIVE,

THEY'LL BRING
THE PRICE DOWN.

I SAW THIS LEATHER COAT
I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR.

BUT THE MAN
WANTED 90 FRANCS.

90 FRANCS IS $15 OR SO.

REALLY? I THOUGHT
FRANCS AND DOLLARS WERE

ABOUT THE SAME.

NO.

WELL, THEN THESE THINGS
WERE SUPER BARGAINS.

LET ME BRING THESE
BACK TO MY ROOM

SO WE CAN GO EAT.

NO, I CAN'T.

MACON, WHAT HARM
WOULD IT DO

TO HAVE SUPPER
WITH ME?

I'M SOMEONE FROM HOME

YOU'VE RUN INTO
IN PARIS.

CAN'T WE HAVE
A BITE TOGETHER?

CAREFUL. THOSE ARE NOT
THE WHOPPERS YOU'RE USED TO.

YOU'LL WANNA SCRAPE OFF
THE EXTRA PICKLE AND ONION.

WHO'S LOOKING
AFTER ALEXANDER?

HMM?
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

WHAT DIFFERENT PEOPLE?

I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T
JUST PARKED HIM, MURIEL.

RELAX. HE'S FINE.

CLAIRE HAS HIM
IN THE DAYTIME.

BERNICE COMES IN
AND COOKS SUPPER.

ANYTIME CLAIRE HAS
A DATE WITH THE GENERAL,

THE TWINS WILL TAKE HIM.

IF THE TWINS
CAN'T DO IT

THE GENERAL SAYS
ALEXANDER'S WELCOME

TO GO ALONG
WITH HIM AND CLAIRE

TO THE MOVIES,
OR WHATEVER,

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT
TOO ADULT OF A MOVIE.

MACON.

YES, MURIEL.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TOMORROW?

TOMORROW I'M GOING
OUT OF PARIS ALTOGETHER.

TOMORROW I START ON
THE OTHER CITIES.

YOU'RE GOING
WITHOUT ME?

THIS IS HIGH-SPEED TRAVEL,
MURIEL, NOT FUN.

I'M WAKING UP
AT THE CRACK OF DAWN.

TAKE ME ANYWAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DECIDE NOW.

THINK ABOUT IT
TONIGHT,

AND TELL ME IF
I CAN GO TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, MURIEL.

Muriel Pritchett.

AHH.

UNH!

OW!

OH!

OH!

MACON?

MACON?

DARN IT.

WHY DID YOU GO
WITHOUT ME?

MACON, WHEN ARE YOU
GOING TO CHANGE?

BUSINESSMAN'S PRESS.

UH, THIS IS
MACON LEARY.

TO WHOM
AM I SPEAKING?

OH, MACON!

ROSE?

YES, IT'S ME.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING THERE?

I WORK HERE NOW.

I'M PUTTING THINGS IN ORDER.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
THE STATE THIS PLACE IS IN.

ROSE, MY BACK HAS
GONE OUT ON ME.

OH, NO.
OF ALL TIMES.

ARE YOU STILL
IN PARIS?

YES. SO I WAS
WONDERING--

DON'T WORRY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

HAVE YOU SEEN
A DOCTOR?

DOCTORS DON'T HELP,
JUST BED REST.

WELL, REST,
THEN, MACON.

SARAH?

HELLO, MACON.

EVERYTHING'S
TAKEN CARE OF.

I'LL MAKE
YOUR DAY TRIPS FOR YOU.

WE'VE RESCHEDULED
THE OTHER CITIES.

I START ON THE DAY
AFTER TOMORROW.

HOW DID YOU
GET HERE SO SOON?

ROSE.
SHE'S A WIZARD.

SHE'S REVAMPED
THAT ENTIRE OFFICE.

YOU WOULD NOT
BELIEVE IT.

HERE. MERCI.

I HAVE A PILL
FROM DR. LEVITT.

YOU KNOW
I DON'T TAKE PILLS.

THIS TIME YOU DO.

YOU'RE GOING TO GET
ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN,

SO THAT YOUR BACK
HAS A CHANCE TO HEAL.

SWALLOW.

HI.

HI.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OK.

HERE'S YOUR NEXT PILL.

THOSE THINGS ARE DEADLY.

THEY REALLY KNOCK ME OUT.

OPEN.

MACON.

MMM.

I SAW THAT WOMAN
FRIEND OF YOURS.

SHE SAW ME, TOO.

SHE SEEMED...
VERY SURPRISED.

SARAH, THIS IS NOT
THE WAY IT LOOKS.

HOW IS IT?
I'D LIKE TO HEAR.

SHE CAME OVER HERE
ON HER OWN.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT

TILL JUST BEFORE
THE PLANE TOOK OFF.

SHE FOLLOWED ME.
I SWEAR IT.

I TOLD HER
I DIDN'T WANT HER ALONG.

I TOLD HER IT WAS NO USE.

YOU DIDN'T KNOW
TILL JUST BEFORE

THE PLANE TOOK OFF?

I SWEAR IT.

DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

YES, I BELIEVE YOU.

LOOK WHO'S UP.

I BROUGHT YOU
A SNACK,

SOME FRESH FRUIT
AND THINGS.

THAT'S VERY NICE
OF YOU, SARAH.

I WAS THINKING,

AFTER I FINISH
THESE TRIPS,

IF YOUR BACK'S
FEELING BETTER,

MAYBE WE COULD DO
A LITTLE SIGHTSEEING.

FINE.

HAVE A SECOND
HONEYMOON, SORT OF.

YOU CAN CHANGE
YOUR PLANE TICKET

TO A LATER DATE.

YOUR RESERVATION'S
FOR TOMORROW MORNING.

I DON'T THINK
YOU CAN MANAGE THAT.

DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT JULIAN?

NO.

HE'S MOVED IN WITH ROSE
AND YOUR BROTHERS.

WHAT?

HE'S LIVING THERE.

HE PLAYS VACCINATION

EVERY NIGHT
AFTER SUPPER.

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.

APPLE CIDER.

HERE. TO OUR
SECOND HONEYMOON.

SECOND HONEYMOON.

18 MORE YEARS
TOGETHER.

18.

OR WOULD YOU SAY
IT WAS 17?

NO. IT'S 18, ALL RIGHT.

WE SORT OF SKIPPED
THIS PAST YEAR.

IT CAN STILL BE 18.

YOU THINK SO?

I CONSIDER
THIS LAST YEAR

JUST ANOTHER STAGE
IN OUR MARRIAGE.

DON'T WORRY. IT'S 18.

JUST TELL ME
ONE THING, MACON.

WAS THE LITTLE BOY
THE ATTRACTION?

HMM?

THE FACT THAT
SHE HAD A CHILD.

IS THAT WHAT ATTRACTED
YOU TO THAT WOMAN?

OH, SARAH, I SWEAR TO YOU
I HAD NO IDEA

SHE WAS PLANNING
TO FOLLOW ME OVER HERE.

OH, NO.
I REALIZE THAT.

I WAS JUST...

WONDERING ABOUT
THE CHILD QUESTION.

WHAT CHILD QUESTION?

REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID

WE COULD HAVE
ANOTHER BABY?

OH, WELL, THAT WAS--
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.

I WAS THINKING
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

WHAT? NO. SARAH,
IT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

SO THE LITTLE BOY
WASN'T THE REASON.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING
ABOUT HERE, SARAH?

CAN'T YOU JUST
ANSWER ME?

I'D LIKE TO UNDERSTAND.

LOOK! IT'S OVER WITH!

CAN'T WE CLOSE THE LID ON IT?
I DON'T CROSS-EXAMINE YOU.

I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY
FOLLOWING ME TO PARIS.

WOULD I BLAME YOU
IF SOMEONE

CLIMBED ON A PLANE
WITHOUT YOUR KNOWING?

BEFORE IT LEFT
THE GROUND?

PARDON? WHAT?
SARAH!

BEFORE IT LEFT
THE GROUND YOU SAW HER.

YOU COULD HAVE SAID
TO HER, "NO. STOP THIS.

"GET OFF. I WANT NOTHING
MORE TO DO WITH YOU.

I NEVER WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN."

YOU THINK I OWN
THE AIRLINE?

YOU COULD'VE STOPPED HER
IF YOU WANTED TO.

YOU COULD HAVE
TAKEN STEPS! FOR ONCE!

SARAH.

HMM?

SARAH, I'M GOING BACK
TO MURIEL.

I KNEW WHAT
YOU WERE GOING TO SAY.

I'M SORRY, SARAH.

I TRIED, BUT I CAN'T
MAKE THIS WORK.

YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT ME.

I HAVEN'T TAKEN STEPS
VERY OFTEN.

MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE
FOR ME TO START.

I THOUGHT
THIS MIGHT HAPPEN.

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S
NO GOOD FOR US ANYMORE.

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK
THAT MAYBE

IT'S NOT JUST HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE SOMEONE.

MAYBE WHAT MATTERS IS...

WHO YOU ARE
WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM.

WAS IT A MISTAKE
TO TRY AGAIN?

NO. IT'S WRONG TO THINK
WE CAN PLAN EVERYTHING...

AS THOUGH IT WERE
A BUSINESS TRIP.

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT
ANYMORE.

THINGS JUST HAPPEN.

I DON'T REGRET
A MINUTE

I'VE SPENT WITH YOU,
SARAH.

WHEN I SAW YOU...

AT ROSE'S WEDDING...

I KNEW THAT SOMEHOW
YOU'D RECOVERED,

THAT YOU'D GONE ON
WITH YOUR LIFE AFTER ETHAN.

WELL, I TRIED,

BUT I COULDN'T
DO IT ON MY OWN.

THIS WOMAN...

THIS ODD WOMAN...
HELPED ME.

SHE'S GIVEN ME
ANOTHER CHANCE

TO DECIDE WHO I AM...

TO STEP OUT
OF THE LEARY GROOVE...

AND STAY OUT.

YOU DON'T NEED ME
ANYMORE.

WE BOTH KNOW THAT.

BUT I NEED HER.

ATTENDEZ!

ATTENDEZ!

AU REVOIR, MONSIEUR.
BON VOYAGE.

OU ALLEZ-VOUS?

CHARLES DE GAULLE
AIRPORT, S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

UH...

UH, ARRETEZ.

STOP FOR THAT...WOMAN.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
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