All language subtitles for The.Secret.Diary.of.Sigmund.Freud_1984.TVRip

[man narrating]
I was born May 6, 1856.

My father was a gentle man,

my mother called him Jacob.

She also called him a failure
and a good for nothing.

I called him Papa.

He called me Samuel,
Simon, Solomon--

any other name
that started with an "S"--

anything but Sigmund.

In a matter weeks after my birth,

I had a hunch
that sex would play

an important part in my life,

you might say the beginning
of everything for me.

And this woman-- I’ll never forget

the first time I saw this her.

It was a classic case
of love at first sight.

Aah! What is it?

It's our son.

No. it can't be.

It's all red and wrinkled.

Oh. My Liebes.

is it any wonder I lost my heart

at such a tender age

to my own remarkable,
beautiful, ravishing mother?

- Hiya, Papa.
- I could save 10 Groschen if I--

What? What?

Oh, hello, there, young man.

Papa, it's me, Siggy.

I’m 7 now.

Oh.

Ha ha ha!

Ah, Sigmund.

Of course.

How are you, my boy?

Fine, Papa.

Can I talk to you just for a minute?

Certainly, my boy.

Always...a pleasure.

My father was a good, kind,
hard-working man.

But busy as he was,
he always found time for me.

Papa?

I had the average happy childhood,

but even as a small boy,

I had an insatiable thirst
for knowledge.

Why are you shining, sun?

Why are you singing, bird?

With the precise,
inquiring mind of a scientist,

I questioned everybody
and everything.

Hi, Mister.

Hello, mein kleine.

Mister, what's that thing

hanging down from your horse?

Well...

that's the horse's tongue.

Wow!

Oooh!

Papa?

Why's your tongue hanging out?

That's not my tongue,
Siggy.

that's Papa's pee-pee.

Mother, do you have
a pee-pee like Daddy's?

Oh, no, Golden Boy.

Why is Daddy's pee-pee
bigger than mine?

I didn't know it was.

That's not very funny, Liebes.

It's not very funny for me, either.

[barks]

Sheldon thinks it's funny,
don't you, Sheldon?

[barks]

It was this incessant curiosity

that led to what was to be

one of the major traumas in my life.

Hiya, Mister.

Hi.

What are you doing?

I’m working. see?

What's in that bucket?

The blood of young boys
who ask too many questions.

- Can I help?
- No.

Please?

I said no!

Aw, please?

God damn,
I told you no!

The last thing I remember
before fainting

was drowning in a sea of blood.

The incident was to leave
a lasting impression on me.

Years later, I diagnosed it

as a simple case of Latexophobia,

or fear of house paint,

but until then,
I only knew I was plagued

by a deep-rooted,
morbid fear of blood.

Well, I don't know
what to do, Dr. Bauer.

He's been like this

ever since the accident.

He's going to be all right,
Frau Freud.

It appears to be only mild shock.

But I’m so worried about
poor little Sheldon.

He's been in such a state of agitation

over the whole thing.

Maybe you could give him
a tranquilizer or something.

Of course.

You're not to worry, my dear.

[dog yelps]

Oh, it's so comforting

to have someone to lean on.

You see, my husband is absent

so much of the time.

Hi, Mama. Hi, Papa.

I’m not your father, son.

I’m Dr. Bauer. Go to sleep.

Doctor?
What do doctors do?

Don't ask so many questions, Siggy.

Dr. Bauer is a busy man.

I don't mind. It's my pleasure.

Doctors cure all illness...

disease...

and human disorders.

Doctors answer all questions.

[button pops]

and solve all mysteries
of the human body.

[fabric rips]

Doctors make people feel better,

stay healthier and...

[fabric rips]

live longer.

Wow! I want to be a doctor
when I grow up.

How do you get be a doctor,
Doctor Bauer?

Call me Uncle Max.

You'll have no trouble
becoming a doctor,

I promise you that.

Uncle Max, good as his word,

helped me to get into
medical school,

But it was up to me
to get through it.

The school seemed rather imposing,

rather intimidating.

My photographic memory made it
very easy for me at first.

Excuse me.

Quiet! Here comes Dr. Deck.

[sneezes]

Who was that?

Who was that?

[sneezes]

Out!

I will not have colds in my classroom.

There are enough germs in the world

without letting them run rampant

in an institution
whose reason for being

is the elimination
of all forms of disease

and disorder from the Earth.

Now then.

to review the nerves

of the upper extremities.

Will someone kindly respond?

All right.

Herr Freud, please.

Nerves of the upper extremity--

lateral anterior thoracic nerve,

medial anterior thoracic nerve,

muscular cutaneous...

He's such a damn know-it-all.

Yeah, but what a brain.

A little freaky, but what a brain.

Yes, I know.

long thoracic nerve,

Intercostobrachial nerve,

medial brachial cutaneous nerve,

medial antebrachial cutaneous nerve,

radial nerve.

Fine, Freud, fine.

Please see me after class.

Yes, Herr Professor.

[student sneezes]

Sit down, Freud.

I’ll be with you in a moment.

Ach, these dirty classrooms,

dirty papers, dirty books,
dirty jokes,

and dirty, filthy students.

There we are.

Now then, Freud,

I commend you on
your fine scholastic work.

Thank you, Herr Professor.

You must apply
the knowledge you have.

According to your records,

you haven't taken one clinical course.

Yes, sir, I know that.

Why the procrastination?

I don't know.

You must take the plunge,
my boy.

Books alone do not
a doctor make.

I assume you do want
to be a doctor.

Yes, sir.
Ever since I was a child,

I’ve wanted to be a doctor.

It's just that...

I know.
The germs, isn't it?

- The germs?
- Yes.

Filthy little beasts.

No. no, sir,
it's not the germs.

It's...

Well?

blood.

Blood?

Ever since I was a child,

I’ve had this, uh...

terrible fear...

of...

blood.

That's nonsense!

Germs are one thing,

but nice, clean blood?

That's nothing to be afraid of.

I have an idea,

and I hope it doesn't give
me a headache.

I’m going to assign you
to a new adviser,

Professor Schtuppman.

Schtuppman?

Yes, the great surgeon,

the great hands.

clean!

Always immaculately clean.

He's the man to help you

over this silly blood business.

Ah, gorgeous.

Dear boys, you're all here.

Good morning, Dr. Schtuppman.

And I’m late.

What a naughty, naughty boy I am.

Well, now...

shall we begin?

Good morning, Professor Schtuppman.

I shall call your name

and assign you
your very own number.

Mueller, number 105.

Huetten, number 106.

Digger, number 107.

Oh, what a striking
fellow you are, Digger.

Freud, number 108.

Strauss, number 109.

Von Grotten, number 110.

Now step up
to your newfound friend,

Lower the sheet to the bellybutton,

we shall get into it--
I mean, get on with it.

Help!

Somebody help me! Please!

Freud!

For heaven's sake,
whatever is the matter?

Doctor, please help me.
I don't know what I did wrong.

I can't seem to revive him.

of course you can't revive him,
silly boy.

That's not a him, that's an it,

a cadaver,
corpus delicious,

although not too delicious at that.

Anyway, it's dead
as a doornail, kaputt.

Capisce?

I’m so sorry, so terribly sorry.

I never even knew him.

Someone has to be a cadaver,
you know?

It's merely an object on which to
perform assorted atrocities.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

Pull yourself together.
Let's get on with it.

Excuse me, Professor.
Did you order this leg?

No, my silly little clam.

Out. out.

Gentlemen,
take your number 5 scalpel.

That's the big, shiny one.

Proceed in
a perpendicular direction

From the abdomen to the thorax.

Try and keep your cut
ever so straight.

Remember, you get extra points
for neatness.

[body thuds]

Now what's the matter?

Mein Gott!

The poor boy has swooned.

It must be the excitement
of it all.

Has anyone tried
lip-to-lip?

Never mind.
I’ll do it myself.

What's the matter?
You're not eating.

He hates his mother's cooking,

or else he loves his mother,

and he's just trying to punish her.

No, it's not that, Mother.

It's just that...

I’m worried about finishing
medical school.

Not finish?

Not become a doctor?

Oh, no!
I can't bear it!

Not another nothing
in the family!

Please, dear. Let Simon talk.

It's Siggy, Papa!

You see, it's just not how
I thought it was going

to be at medical school.

There's all this work
on these bodies.

That seems to make sense.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, Jacob. Having fun?

[snoring]

and how is our brilliant young
medical student?

Fine, fine.

I fainted today
in the cadaver lab.

I’m afraid I’m going to have
to drop out of medical school.

Aah!

Drop out?

It's not this silly,
odd aversion to blood?

It's not just the blood this time,

It's everything.

Everything?

Everything about the human body--

tissues, nerves, platelets, bones,

heartbeats, spit.

Oh, Siggy,
not at the dinner table!

Come on.

Uncle Max, please.

How can I possibly study medicine

when the thought of anything physical
makes me sick?

Maybe I could be a lawyer instead.

Don't be ridiculous.

Lawyers don't make a fraction
of what doctors do.

[snoring]

Attention, attention.

All available personnel,

please proceed immediately
to the emergency room.

Attention, attention.

All available personnel,

please proceed immediately
to the emergency room.

Nurse, what's wrong?
What's happened?

Train wreck.

Blood is all over the place.

75 people injured.

A terrible mess, a terrible mess.

We need you, Doctor.

oh, Dr. Freud, may I trouble you
for a moment?

Certainly.
How can I be of assistance?

Oh, I can't quite manage.
I’m right-handed.

Dr. Freud, what's the matter?
You look kind of sick.

Can I get you something?

I give up.

I don't understand.

I’m not a doctor.

I will never be a doctor.

Of course, you're a doctor.

You're a resident here,
aren't you?

It doesn't mean a thing.
I’m a Freud-- a Fraud.

I’m just passing myself off
as a doctor.

I can't even bandage a simple
cut without feeling faint.

I don't understand.
how did you get this far?

Luck, bad luck,

Also very good grades.

Aren't you studying surgery under
Dr. Schtuppman?

Ja, but it's a joke.

He thinks I have a special talent.

I have a special talent
for being a miserable failure

and a coward.

Look, I’m sorry to bother you
with all of this.

It's no bother.
Martha Bernays.

- Freud. Sigmund Freud.
- I already know.

I asked one of your nurses
what your name was.

You did? Why?

Promise you won't be angry?

Why would I be angry?

Because I’m in love with you.

Every fiber of my being
lusts after you

with a passion I can hardly control.

Uh, thank you.

[clears throat]
Thank you.

I’ll see you around.

Yeah, you'll see me around...

Siggy.

Ah, Herr Weinberg.

This man has had a circumcision.

I used pinking shears on this one.

It's all right, Freud.

It won't bite you.

Good, huh?

Teeny weeny little stitches

make for teeny weeny
little scars.

I favor a simple embroidery stitch.

More decorative, no?

How are you feeling, my friend?

[in high voice]
Fine, Doctor, fine.

I guess I took off a little too much.

[gasping]

One of my finest efforts.

A very complicated procedure, this.

The small intestine was badly occluded.

It had to go.

I removed the small intestine

and joined the large intestine

directly to the gallbladder.

No one has ever dared attempt
such a thing before.

I shall write this one up.

Dr. Schtuppman, the patient
has died.

I know, but my surgery
shall live on.

Come. come.

It's time for your final
surgical exam.

I have tried to impart to you
my vast knowledge.

I’ve given you special attention

because I recognize in you
a kindred spirit,

a sensitive, artistic soul,

all the makings of a great surgeon.

Now, dear boy, it's up to you.

Did I ever tell you
you have beautiful eyes?

Nurse: the patient is ready, Doctor.

Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud,
I’ve been looking for you.

I just want to wish you luck.

Oh, thank you.
that's very kind of you.

oh, no, it's not kind at all.

after all, I want you to succeed.

You are the man I love.

Love?

But you don't even know me.

But I had only to look
into your eyes.

You have the most passionate eyes.

Really, you do, you do.

The first time I saw them,

they triggered desires in me

I never knew I had.

I felt as though I had been asleep

all these years

and was just waiting
for someone to come
and arouse me

and turn me into the warm,
passionate woman

that I was always meant to be.

Do you find me too forward?

Well, I don't know.

See, I don't have too much
experience with women.

Oh, that's all right.

We have our whole lives
ahead of us.

Ah, there you are,
dear boy.

and who's this little persimmon?

Oh, I’m a new nurse's aide, Doctor.
Martha Bernays.

Bearnaise?

Mayonnaise,

Hollandaise--

Mm-hmm. I can taste it now.

Well, Freud, it's time to begin.

Don't be nervous.

It's a simple appendectomy.

Basic procedure.

Incision, removal of appendix,

and then closure,

using your choice of stitches,
of course.

Scalpel.

Scalpel.

Scalpel.

Clamps.

- Clamps.
- Clamps.

Retractor.

- Retractor.
- Retractor.

Retractor.

Sponge.

- Sponge.
- Sponge.

Sponge.

Sutures.

Sutures.

Sutures.

Sutures.

Sutures.

Sutures?

Freud, what on earth?

You haven't done a thing.

You haven't even made your
primary incision!

For heaven's sakes.

That just won't do.

It won't do at all.

Now, let's get in

and get that little devil out of there.

See? It's just a snip here.

Swab, Darling.

And a snip there.

[retches]

A masterpiece.

[retching]

Let's tidy up a little.

What's the matter with him?

- You finish it, girls.
- Yes, Doctor.

Well, I was wrong.
I admit it.

Surgery's definitely not your
cup of tea.

What a pity.

We could have done such
beautiful exploratories together.

But don't worry, I have an idea.

Diagnostics.

That's just the thing for you.

- Diagnostics?
- Perfect, really.

No cutting to speak of.

Dull, but safe.

Has Herr Schmidt had his medicine?

Yes, at 2 p.m.

Maybe it's the fever or the flu.

Well, well, well, well,
gentlemen,

Uh, okay, now, Freud,
it's your turn.

Please make your diagnosis.

Well, Dr. Freud, what do you say?

Sir, it looks to me like a classic case
of diphtheria

in the early stages.
You see, the temperature--

Never mind. Got that?

- Freud says diphtheria.
- Got it.

Freud, give in your 20 Kronen.

20 Kronen? What for?

Can't pay, can't play.
Cough it up, cuckoo

Come on, 20 Kronen.

This is getting expensive.

Okay.

Everybody in, somebody win.

pick the lucky one, Schiemel.

Rotten luck.
It's Hitchcock's Disease.

Hitchcock's Disease?
That's me! I won! I won!

Very good.
Congratulations.

Here's your winnings,

minus my cut, of course.

Now treat this man
for Hitchcock's.

yes, sir, right after lunch.

Now then,
who's in on the VD pool?

I am.

Hello.

Oh, Dr. Freud.

How's the great diagnostician?

Fine.

I’ve lost 50 Kronen already

to Dr. Gruber.

I’m afraid if I continue on
in this vein,

I’m not going to be able
to afford to become a doctor.

Well, that's too bad,

particularly since I have some
disappointing news for you.

What?

I’m not going to be able to
marry you after all.

- Marry me?
- Yes, I’ve thought it over.

I’m just not gonna throw
myself away

on a loveless marriage.

It's too one-sided.

I’m just too easily hurt.

I’m sorry if it upsets you,

but that is the way I feel about it.

Miss Bernays--

Please do not say another word
about it.

The talk is cheap.

I only ask that you think of me
now and again.

And when you think of me,
please think of me with fondness.

farewell, my Sigmund.

[sniffs]

[sniffing]

Mmm.

This cocaine,
a strange drug indeed.

It had a peculiar, bitter taste,

yet it gave me a mild exhilaration,

a feeling of alertness and
much more energy.

I must delve into this
a little further.

Oh!

- Mother.
- Siggy.

Papa-- Uncle Max.

Wear glasses.

And how it's going,
dear boy?

I’m afraid diagnostics
is not my field.

oh, Siggy,
I wish you'd settle down

to one thing or another.

First it's diagnostics,
then it's something else.

What is this?

This is just some medicine.
I’m doing some research.

Research, that's it.

- Research.
- What?

Lots of slides, lots of studies,

lots of writing papers,

lots of asking
and answering questions.

You will love it.

And besides,
it's good for your brain.

Brain research.

Brain research.

It sounded good.

It sounded cerebral,

sounded heady,

bloodless,

so very right for me.

How wrong I was.

Good morning.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Please be seated.

This, gentlemen, is a normal brain.

It led a normal life, died a normal death,

but here, on the other hand,

we have the diseased brain

of a homicidal maniac,

a very interesting case.

He killed his father,

then he raped his sister,

and he was considering
the same fate for his mother

just before he killed her.

[chuckles]
Lovely boy, huh?

And only 4 years old.

He tortured his younger brother
to death a year later.

He somehow managed to escape
from the authorities

and roamed around
the countryside killing dogs.

Actually, they were small puppies.

He tortured and killed
other such animals,

all in their infant stage--

cuddly baby rabbits,

baby duckies,

the little piglets.

Und--

und so on.

Now, what do we learn
from this?

A normal brain here,
A diseased brain here.

It is my belief

that the deeper we delve
into this organ,

the more we will know about
the distorted personality,

und so,

each will take a smidgen,

and we get to work

with the microscope.

Ah, it's beautiful.

So...

here we are.

And Dr. Freud?

That did it.

There was nothing left
for me to do

but to start my own practice.

How very appropriate it seemed,

the practice of medicine.

I knew I could practice, practice,
and practice,

and with luck,

I would still never ever get it right.

Martha.

Hello, Dr. Freud.
what are you doing here?

I live here.

Oh, how nice for you.

What have you been doing
with yourself?

Why do you ask?
Haven't you hurt me enough already?

Now you want to pry into
my social schedule,

Find out that I do nothing all
day long

but sit in my lonely little room

all alone with no one to care,

No one to share my moments
my agonizing solitude?

Oh, you cruel, cruel man.

I’m terribly sorry. I had no idea.

Oh, that's all right. Not to worry.

Ooh! I see you're opening
your own practice.

Yeah. I start tomorrow.

Oh, I’ll come and work for you.

Oh, well, that's very nice,

but I really could not possibly
afford to pay--

Oh, that's all right, I’ll do it as
a labor of love,

Purely platonic, of course.

I’ll see you
tomorrow morning at 9.

oh, but wait, Miss Bernays.
Please, one moment.

[doorknob rattles]

[knock on door]

I’m sorry, the doctor is not
receiving this morning.

Siggy, open the door this minute.

[doorknob rattles]

oh, Siggy,

When are you going to get
down to business?

Get down to business?
Mother, I have no patients.

Why aren't you
in the streets getting them?

This city is full of sick people.

It's not ethical for a doctor to solicit.

And what is ethical
about being in medicine?

Is it ethical for a doctor's
mother to starve?

Mother, you're not starving.

There's plenty of food
in the kitchen.

Is food all you think about
at a time like this?

You talk to him. He's your son.

I give up.

Hi, Solomon. How's it going?

Fine, Papa, just fine.

Fine, thank you.
How are you?

Not so bad.

I have a terrific new item.

I think it will really sell.

A revolutionary way of closing coats.

Look, buttons!

Siggy, there's a woman
here to see you.

She claims she's not a patient.

Miss Bernays.

I am so sorry I’m late.

No. My mother, Miss Bernays.

Oh, charmed.

My father, Herr Freud.
Miss Bernays.

Miss Bernays is going to assist me
in the practice.

Oh, how on earth
are we ever going to pay her?

Oh, no, Frau Freud, I don't
want money.

I will work for Herr Doctor
for nothing.

Oh, how very nice.
Volunteer work.

Come, Jacob.

Let's let the two of them
get on with it.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Enchantee,
Mademoiselle Bernays.

[neigh]

[crowd chattering]]

Is Dr. Freud home?

Absolutely not.
He's away on holiday.

Try Dr. Strauss on the next street.

Dr. Freud, Mrs. Kupperman's little boy
swallowed a safety pin.

- Open or closed?
- It was open and big.

I’m really worried.

there, there, don't be worried.

Unfortunately, I only treat
closed safety pins,

but Dr. Strauss--

Mommy!

he's a specialist in open everything--

open safety pins, open sores,
open-heart surgery.

Follow the carriage driver outside.

He's in trouble, too.

He will be happy to help you.

Yeah? Okay.

oh, there's my golden boy!

Max, this is Miss Bernays.

she's doing volunteer work
for Siggy.

This is Dr. Bauer.

Charming.

Pleased to meet you,
Dr. Bauer.

Max, don't they make a cute couple?

Cute, yes.

Very cute indeed.

Thank you, Frau Freud.

Miss Bernays, Bernays--

your family is in sauces, I believe.

Only as much as they can drink.

Oh, I don't quite understand.

Exactly what kind of work
does your father do?

He's in chimneys.

Ah! In the construction business.

No, he's in chimneys.

He's in and out of them
all day long.

He sweeps them, you see.

May I ask you
a personal question?

Why, certainly.

Does your family
have any money at all?

Money? No.
Why? Should they?

I might have known.

I’m surrounded by schlemiels!

Siggy, I sent you a patient.

Ooh, that's very generous.

A patient?
[clears throat]

Uncle Max, I don't think
I’m quite ready for a patient.

- I must write letters--
- Come on, Siggy.

There's nothing wrong with this patient.

It's all in her head.

Nobody can cure her,
and nobody help her, either.

Just see her and collect your fee.

She and her husband will be here
tomorrow at 10.

Now what am I going to do?

don't worry. I’ll be right here.

You've been a tremendous help,
Miss Bernays.

I hope someday soon I might
be able to repay you.

I’m sure something wonderful
will arise.

Put her down
on my examining table.

This is not an examining table,
it's a couch.

Put her down, Hans.

Actually, it's the latest thing
in examining tables.

The idea is to make the patient
feel more comfortable.

Get out!

I see. That makes sense.

Well, Doctor?

If you would be so kind
as to wait outside

while I make my examination,
Herr Hermann.

If you wish.

Thank you.

Well, now then, Frau Hermann,

what seems to be the trouble?

You can tell me. I’m a doctor.

Are you in pain?

Does anything hurt?

[exhales]

Stop swinging that watch.

What?

Stop swinging that watch.

You've hypnotized me.

Hypnotized?

Hypnotized. Of course!

Dr. Charcot in Paris!

Hypnosis!
What a stroke of luck.

I must make a note of this.

"April 18, 1885.

"Have discovered

hypnosis does work.

The Watch Cure."

Now then, Frau Hermann...

Call me Emmeline, Doctor,

and come sit right here.

My, you have beautiful hands.

Please, Frau Hermann, we must
get to the bottom

of your condition.

I’m not talking anymore.

Come, now.

A penny for your thoughts.

Make it two Kronen, sweetie,
and you're in business.

All right.

Uh, two Kronen it is.

Now I’m all yours, Doctor.

Frau Hermann, I must
find out what is wrong with your legs.

Why can't you--
why can't you--

I want to wake up now.

but you are awake.

No, I’m not.

I’m hypnotized, I told you.

You have to snap your fingers
to wake me up.

Don't you know anything, silly?

All right.

But I want you to keep talking.

Hello, Dr. Freud.

Herr Hermann!

Please come in.
I have very good news for you!

News! Good news!

She can speak.

say something, Frau Hermann.

Hello, sir.

Oh!

She called me sir.

It's a miracle.

How did you do it, Doctor?

Hypnosis.

Hypnosis?

What is that exactly?

It's a bit complicated

for the layman to understand.

What about her legs?
Can she move them now?

Perhaps with time.

Herr Hermann, could you bring
her again tomorrow?

Hans!
Tomorrow it is!

Careful. slowly, Hans.

Don't hurt her.

My darling. She is so...

Herr Hermann, may I have a moment
with you, please?

Oh, anytime.
What can I do for you?

Do you have your wife on an allowance?

She can have anything she wants.

all she needs to do is to ask.

I think an allowance is important.

I don't know why,
but it may help her condition.

I suggest perhaps two Kronen a day.

With a technique we call hypnosis,

I’ve opened up a whole new branch

of bloodless medicine.

I have actually cured-- or
half-cured someone

all through the mind.

No bleeding, no cutting,

basically, no bodily contact.

that's wonderful, Dr. Freud,

only I don't know what you see
in that woman.

- What woman?
- Frau Hermann.

You spent so much time alone
with her today all alone.

but Miss Bernays,
you do not understand,

She is my patient.

It is because of her

that I have proven hypnosis
to be effective.

She has enabled me to reach

the secret parts of the human mind,
the unconscious,

Which suggests to me a whole
new attack

on the problem of hysteria,
which--

Well, anyway, she's flat-chested.

I’m really not following you,
Miss Bernays.

Please, call me Martha.

Perhaps you would come to tea
on Sunday?

To tea? On Sunday?
At your house?

Oh, I’d be delighted!
Oh, I’d be just honored!

And please tell your lovely
mother not to fuss.

I’ll make my very best
raisin strudel.

In fact, I will come early,

and I will prepare the tea.

I make a wonderful tea.
I put a little cinnamon in it.

- You'll love it.
- That's all right.

I really would not want you to bother.

Oh, no, don't be silly.
It's no bother whatsoever.

It's just that I do want to know
where she keeps things

because it's very difficult
to work in a kitchen

that you're not familiar with.

Maybe I’ll just come the night before

and we'll do a sort of
a dress rehearsal.

That's really not necessary.

Really.

Anyway, I should be going now.
I must prepare my notes

for my next session with Frau Hermann.

All right.
All right.

Well, maybe then I’ll just stay up

and I’ll do a dress rehearsal
at my house tonight.

and I’ll make the strudel,

and if anything goes wrong,
I can correct it.

Then I’ll boil water and make the tea.

[thunder crashes]

- [clears throat]
- Gott im Himmel!

Who are you?

You don't recognize me?

And who, may I ask, are you?

I am Dr. Sigmund Freud.

Ah, the good doctor!

Allow me to present myself.

I am the Archangel Gabriel.

The Archangel Gabriel.

Dr. Bauer didn't tell you
I was coming?

Yes, yes, he did.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

You given me quite a fright here.

Ah, yes. that's what the
Virgin Mary said

when I said to get
the swaddling clothes ready.

What on earth?

Mother, I would like you to meet

the angel Gabriel.

Is this some sort of joke?

The work of the Lord is no joke.

This is the-- he was referred
to me by Uncle Max.

Oh, I see.

How do you do, Mr. Gabriel?

My mother, Mrs. Freud.

Charmed, I’m sure.

Madam, how do you feel
about original sin?

Which one?
There are so many.

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

Well, I am off!

The Pearly Gates close at 6:00.

And the sun--
the sun is a-risin'.

Good-bye, Mr. Freud.
Thank you for your help.

Madam...
it's been a pleasure.

And now I must fly back to heaven

to wake My Lord.

Good-bye!

[loud crash]

oh, Sigmund,

You let a perfectly good
patient fly away.

Hans.

Now...

Do you remember this watch?

No, I don't,

but it's a very pretty watch.

An heirloom?

Just watch the watch.

But what am I
watching the watch for, Dr. Freud?

Are you concerned about the time?

No, no. I want you to sleep.

Can't you sleep?

No. why don't you try swinging it?

Ahh.

Now how are we feeling,
Frau Hermann?

I feel nice.

Why don't you try me?

Uh...well...

it's about the legs.

Do you think you can...

move your legs?

Are you kidding?

I can move my legs.

and for 20 Kronen,
I can move a whole lot more.

[clears throat]

It's just the legs--

Ahhh...

a leg man.

Can you move your right leg?

Fantastisch!

Your legs are free at last.

For you, Lover,

they're always free.

Anyone else would have to pay
through the nose.

What are you doing, Nurse?

Oh, nothing.
Just checking to see

if my assistance is required.

What's going on?

I don't know.
Some kind of dance, I think.

Not the waltz, I hope.
Let me see.

There's nothing to worry about.

It's all part of hypnotic routine.

Dr. Freud is a wonderful
young doctor.

So.

How sad.

your wife must have been a
good-looking woman in her day.

Must keep calm.
This is bad for my heart.

Wake up!

How are you feeling, Frau Hermann?

I feel fine, Dr. Freud.

I want you to do me a big favor.

I want you to walk.

- But I can't!
- You can. You can walk.

For me.

Come, Frau Hermann.

Come.

Please, for me, try.

Please try for me.

I can walk!
I can walk!

Oh, thank you, Dr. Freud!
Thank you.

Herr Hermann!
Please, come in!

Ahh! Herr Doctor!
How's the hypnosis going?

Down, Hans! Down!

[groans]

Ach, Liebling,

you are standing
on your own little feet again!

Isn't it wonderful?

And you can walk again!

Indeed, she can.

Frau Hermann,
would you mind waiting outside

while I have a few words with
your husband?

I can manage.
It's all right. Thank you, Hans.

[sighs]
Now then...

Herr Hermann, I think we have

definitely cleared up the problem.

Just one thing...

we spoke about the allowance.

I would like you to raise it
to 20 Kronen a day.

- 20 Kronen?
- Ja. it's important.

You see, your wife is still
very much like a child.

One must reward her for getting better.

Give it to her every night
before retiring.

Give it to her every night?

Mmmmm!

I will, doctor! I can assure you.

How much do I owe you?

Oh! Uh, well...

My usual payment in this type of case is...

- 1,000 Kronen.
- Done.

And here a little extra
as a token of my appreciation.

Kuss die hande, Herr doctor.

1,000 Kronen!

Martha, wait until Mother sees this!

[chuckles]

[cuckoo clock chiming]

Oh, this verstunken strudel!

Siggy, I won't have it.

She's obviously after our money.

Mother, with the exception
of the 1,000 Kronen

I received from Herr Hermann,
we have no money.

Well, she doesn't know this,
does she?

I forbid you ever to see her again.

Hmmph! She doesn't even
know how to dress.

[chuckles]

And her hair...oh!

and, also, she's much too thin.

I don't know what you see in her.

I’m going to marry her.

Marry her!

Miss raisin strudel!

Oh, it's not possible.

She has nothing to offer you,

No money, no connections,

no class,
nothing for your profession

or my old age.

Unless you're planning to open a bakery!

I have put the question to her.

She has given me an answer.

No, don't tell me. Don't tell me.

- She said yes.
- That's right!

Now, we're planning a wedding for June 15.

[man laughs]

and a Merry Christmas to you, sir!

[laughing]

Santa?

Ho ho ho ho!

Thank you, young man.

Oh, I’m getting too old for this.

Thank you! Ho ho!

Oooh!

I’d wish you happy season's greetings,

but you know, it's only April.

April!

Ho ho ho ho!

I thought you were having
a heat wave!

You see, it's a business, Dr. Freud,
a tradition.

I have the responsibility
to keep it going on.

Oh, what I wouldn't give
to live a normal life.

I’m sick of wearing this damn red
all the time!

And this lousy beard
makes me itch

and break out.

But the worst part, Dr. Freud,

is I would love to meet a nice girl,

settle down,

maybe raise a few little baby Claus.

That really should not
be a problem...

a cheerful,
interesting person like you.

you don't know, Doctor.
You just don't know.

I haven't had a date in years.

Never had a meaningful
relationship.

And as for my sex life, forget it.

Yes. there are always difficulties

in any relationship.

Sant-- uh, Herr Claus,

I’m going to ask you

to try a little something for me.

I want you to lie back down here,

to lie back and relax.

Just relax.

Let everything go,

all the tension.

Close the eyes.

I’m going to count to three.

When I do, you will open your eyes,

and you will focus
on the object in my right hand.

Keep the eyes closed.

One,

two,

three.

Oh, Doc, you are a sly one.

Uh-huh!

You want me to give you

a new watch for Christmas,
don't you?

This is not working.

I told you
I wasn't normal, Doctor.

But if I can't hypnotize you,

How can I help you over
these delusions?

Forget the delusions, Doctor.

It's my sex life I’m worried about.

Well, I must get going.

I want to be home for the holidays.

♪ Dum de dum dum ♪

♪ Da da da da dum-- ♪

Well, that's just great!

My damn reindeer took off!

Doctor, do you mind walking me home?

I have a little apartment
in the city here,

and, uh...
we can talk on the way.

I would like to,

but I have a friend
coming in from Munich.

Doctor, if you don't mind....

Please?

Five,

ten,

fifteen Kronen,

twenty.

twenty Kronen,
Kugelschnucken.

Well, if it isn't the old sport.

What'll it be, sweet papa?

Voulez vous something
fast and furious?

What say we dawdle and
do dirty things?

Hmm? How about it?

Don't touch me.
Keep away from me!

Come on, passion pit.

You paid your money,
you get your goods.

Help!

Oh, I see.

You want to play the old
passive-and-pursue game?

Well, I’ll get you.
Just a second.

I’ll show you, you sniveling coward.

This lesson you'll never forget.

I’ll whip you
till you beg for mercy!

Impressive.

You've been here long?

Yes. this is my summer home.

I hate snow.

Anyway, you like it?

Quite beautiful.

Yes. the furniture is early Viking.

Dr. Freud, I wonder if you would
do me a favor

and play catch with me.

Would you throw me the ball?

Please?

[chuckles]
Woo!

I love to throw the ball.

This is so much fun.

My daddy used to throw the ball
to me all the time.

Then one day,
he stopped playing with me.

How old were you?

I was 37.

That's why I hate him.

Oh! don't worry.

I’ll get the ball,
and we can play some more.

Here, little ball. Where are you?

Funny that he would not
respond to hypnosis.

If hypnosis won't work...

[sniffing]

I wonder what will.

I must think, think, think.

Santa?

Herr Claus?

General Napoleon Bonaparte
at your service!

♪ [humming La Marseillaise]

Drink?

No, thank you. Not right now.

[sniffing]

I thought I heard you say,
"Drink, drink, drink."

No. I said,
"Think, think, think."

Oh.

We may be on to something here.

Let's play a little game.

Oh! are we going
to throw the ball again?

No, not this time.

In this game, I want you to say

the first thing that
pops into your head

When I say a word.

The first word is drink.

Brandy.

Conquest.

Arms.

Hand.

Itch.

Height.

Insecure.

Good. It's working.

I may be able to help you.

General, your hand, please.

Ah.

Ah! I am much taller
than I thought.

Thank you, Dr. Freud.

You made me very, very happy.

Brandy.

Alexander.

Great.

Hero.

Ah...daddy.

Waterloo.

Peepee.

Penis.

Short.

Long.

Envy.

Uh-huh.

Revelation.

Revolution.

- One.
- Potato.

- Two.
- Potato.

- Three.
- Potato, four.

- Five potato.
- Six potato.

Seven potato.
No. burning.

Rome.

My french-fried potatoes,
they're burning!

Excuse me, Dr. Freud. I must
turn off the stove.

This man is sicker
than I thought.

I have a feeling

his fixations
on heroes and costumes

dates back to his early childhood.

this regression is leading to
these neurotic feelings.

And who are you?

Dr. Freud, the last time I looked.

Hmm.

Who are you?

Victoria, Queen of England.

What are you doing here?

How did you ever get through security?

Whatever happened to Herr Napoleon?

He's indisposed,

Working on plans to conquer the world.

Gather your things and get
out of here immediately.

How dare you!
Such an intrusion!

Come, come.

Let's continue our session tomorrow

in the office, Dr. Freud.

Okay.

How much do I owe you
up to now?

Oh, well, let me see.

I would say 125 Kronen.

That much?

Hmm. would you accept my tiara

as a down payment?

I really have no use for a tiara.

I would prefer the Kronen.

Well, royalty never carries any cash.

How about Santa Claus'
candy on account?

It was so strange.

The man could not be hypnotized.

however, I may have hit upon
something very fascinating,

a new way of communicating with
the unconscious mind,

a key that could actually help
to open the door

as to why he believes himself
to be these heroic types.

That's very interesting, Siggy.

Yes. and I think I shall call this...

Association.

Association, huh?

What did this crazy pay you

for this brilliant idea?

Well, he had run out of Kronen,

but he gave me some lovely
candy canes on account.

call it free association.

That's what it is
if you get paid with candy.

Free association.

That's very good.

I like that.

Free association.

Ooh, that is good, Mother Freud.

Tell that girl
not to call me mother.

I don't think your mother
likes me, Siggy.

Tell her she's absolutely right.

Tell her I don't understand because--

everything was going
very well--

[overlapping chatter]

…this is disrupted and that is disrupted--

Girls! Girls!

I don't like it at all.

[shouting]

What is the matter?

- [whimpering]
- Sounds like trouble.

- Is it Frau Hermann?
- [moans]

This is terrible. I’m at a stalemate.

I must find a cure
for Frau Hermann's malady.

[moaning]

Ooh! Ooh! Siggy!

Why don't you try free association
with Frau Hermann,

Only not for free?

Splendid. Splendid.

Hans, come.

Siggy, your shirt is in disarray.

I don't think that you--

No. Down.

Down. Down.

Frau Hermann.

Emmeline, Dr. Delicious.

Emmeline.

We're going to try something

a little different this morning.

Oh, good. A new position?

I’m going to say a word.

You will say the first word

that comes into your mind.

is it the same penny-for-my-thoughts
deal as before?

Yes, certainly, as you wish.

Well, then you owe me plenty, baby.
Plenty!

How would you feel about
accepting candy?

Are you kidding?

What do you think this is,
free association?

Here. now, I am going
to say a word.

You will say the first thing
you think of, all right?

Money.

Sex.

Sex? Why sex?

Money makes me think
sexy things.

Isn't that what you're paying for?

Want to hear a few
of the sexy things I’m thinking?

Get under the covers,
and I’ll tell you all, Dr. delicious.

Just tell me about the feelings.

Don't forget,

What cannot be remembered
cannot be left behind.

I see.

You want me to trace the origins

of my feelings about money and sex,

to go back to when
I initially made

the connection between the two

In order to fully understand this basis
for this behavior

and the reasons for the juxtaposition
of these two elements,

i.e., money and sex in my
unconscious.

Is that it, Dr. Dazzling?

Why, yes!

I think that is it!

Why didn't you say so?

Just get under the covers,

and Emmeline will tell you all.

All right,

If you think it will be helpful.

J'insiste. (I insist)

Anyway, this is a bedtime story.

It all started when I was
just a little girl.

- Hi, Papa.
- Hello, Darling.

This is my cat Heidi.

- She's very nice.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

My papa and I were always very close.

I loved him very much.

and, of course,
he felt the same towards me.

We had a little game.

Every time I gave him a kiss,

he would give me a penny.

If I gave him two kisses,

he gave me two pennies.

Three kisses, three pennies,

and so on.

Of course, a long kiss was worth
more than a short kiss.

One day I heard
mama and papa arguing.

He loves me.
He loves me not.

He loves me.
He loves me not.

[mama]:
Drinker! Carouser!

Spending all your money on whores!

[papa]:
Jesus Christ, girl!

Freud: On whores.
That made you feel bad?

It burnt my ass...

to know that there were others
getting a piece of the action.

I thought I was his number-one girl.

I never spoke to my father again.

He died a few months later.

that's very, very interesting,
Frau Hermann,

but I still don't quite see the connection.

My dear boy, it's called
an original trauma.

Original trauma.

An original trauma is something

that happened to me as a little child

that has affected my adult behavior.

Now do you see?

That's a fascinating concept.

Original trauma.

Frau Hermann,
are you still hypnotized?

- Mm-hmm.
- Good.

I’m going to ask you to wake up.

When you do,

I want you to be able

to both walk and talk.

All right?

One, two, three.

Wake up.

Oh, my goodness!

what in the world
Are you in my bed?

ah, Herr Hermann.

What's going on?

I have good news.

I’ve discovered two very
important things about
your wife.

Don't tell me.
I know.

You're a whore.
You're a slut!

No, no.
What I discovered is that

as a young child, she suffered

from what I call an original trauma.

it was this that has caused
her strange behavior.

Whore! Whore!

So you see,
once we get her to understand--

this unconscious confusion between
love and money--

- Dr. Freud, help me!
- Please, Herr Hermann!

You promiscuous little hussy.

Get away from me!

And the two of you
will live hapily ever after.

Aah! Ah! Ugh!

[groans]

[groans]

♪ [humming tune]

Oh!

You're working much too much,
my dear.

Dr. Bauer, you startled me.

You look pale and peaked.

When was the last time you
had a physical?

Not since I was a little girl,
but I feel fine.

Really, I do.

It never hurts to be careful.

I could give you a checkup.

You disrobe, and I will wash up.

- No, really, I--
- Doctor's orders.

What is going on here?

Nothing, my dear.

I just want to give
Miss Bernays a little checkup.

She isn't feeling well.

Isn't that nice of Dr. Bauer?

And I really feel fine.

You look kind of peaked,
Frau Freud.

♪

[door opens]

Siggy, where have you been?

I’ve been worried about you.

I had to take Herr Hermann
to the mortician's.

Oh, dear, why?
Whatever for?

It seemed like a good idea.

He is dead.

Oh. how is the Frau Hermann?

Actually, she is quite well.

In fact, she is almost cured.

She is walking and talking

and almost back to her old self.

That's very nice for you and her,
isn't it?

Well, Martha,
did you tell him yet?

Your mother has had
a change of heart.

She thinks we
should get married
as soon as possible.

Oh, Mother, thank you!

I knew you'd learn to love Martha.

Don't exaggerate.

it's just time you were married.

And she seems to be so available.

Siggy, I forgot to tell you.

There's a patient waiting
in your office now

for a very long time.

Dr. Freud, I want to tell you a secret,

Something I’ve never
told anyone before
in my life.

but first, if you'd be so kind
as to come closer to me.

I want to see your face,
especially those lips.

What a surprise!
My favorite patient

has now turned into
Herr von Beethoven.

Why are you so fascinated
with my lips?

I’m not really. You see, I’m deaf.

I want to read your lips.

Oh, I see.

Hard of hearing.

Let me ask you something.

are you aware
that you are considered

the greatest composer in the world?

I heard that.

Good. and that women consider you
a magnificent lover?

Oh, I heard that, too!

You are also considered to be
mean, ill-tempered,

spiteful, arrogant, and cheap.

I didn't hear that.

Are you also aware

that every time you pay me a visit,

it costs you 50 Kronen?

I didn't hear that either.

So you only hear
what you want to hear.

Very interesting.

So what is this little secret of yours?

Doctor, I hate my music.

Me, Beethoven.
I hate Beethoven's music.

It's driving me crazy.

But everyone loves you.

I love your symphonies,

Especially the one that goes...

♪ bah-bah-bah bum ♪

That's the one.

That's the one I hate.

♪ dah-dah-dah dum,
bah-bah-bah bum ♪

It's so boring.

That's all I hear all day long.

I hate it! I hate it!

Please, try to relax.

Go back in time.

Think back to the first time
you ever heard...

♪ bah-bah-bah bum ♪

Try to remember. Were you 6?

No, it was before that.

How far can you remember?

Way back.

I’m not even born yet.

I’m in my mommy's womb,

and I’m listening to her heartbeat.

It's my mommy's heartbeat.

It's playing...

♪ bah-bah-bah bah,
bum-bum-bum bum ♪

It's so sweet. I love my mommy.

And when I came out,
I wrote it as a love song to my mommy.

♪ I love you so,
you'll never know ♪

♪ I kiss your toe,
oh-oh-oh oh, wo-wo-wo wo ♪

but, no, they had to make
a symphony out of it

and ruin my beautiful love song
to my mommy.

♪ bah-bah-bah bum,
bah-bah-bah bum ♪

All right! Calm down, please!

I hate ba-ba-ba bum!

[sobbing]

Some people don't know
how to behave.

I think I have a solution
to your problem.

Ah!

Why don't you try to create
a different kind of music?

Something less serious, lighter,
a new form of expression.

Dr. Freud, I’ve been working
on a new rhythm,

a new sound that dates back
to prehistoric time.

Yes, the heads of the groups
of cavemen

would beat out rock rhythms.

And the other members
of the group,

the other apelike figures,

would sing out all
their frustrations of life

to the rock sound.

♪ walka lowa yewooka pooh ♪

♪ yoko vie
caca mau wow wow ♪

♪ go wa yiga bo yuga bo bo ♪

rocks music.

That's it. Do you like it?

It's very stimulating.

How do you feel?

Very stimulated.
High.

Oh, Doctor, you're a genius.

Thank you.

You saved my life.

♪ rong tau laka bow wow ♪

rocks music!

♪ woko chigee woko a cow ♪

♪ a shonk gonk gonk
ickI cha ga ga ♪

♪ laka laka laka laka la ♪

♪ uga booga uga booga
maka wow wow ♪

♪ chicka o chickah ♪

If future generations were ever
to accept that kind of music,

they would all surely go deaf.

♪ [classical piano]

Would you like something to drink?

No, thank you, Doctor.

He still has beautiful eyes.

What a waste.
Don't you think so?

You're absolutely right, Doctor.

It is really a waste.

- Mazel Tov, my son.
- Thank you, my father.

I think you may be

the most beautiful woman
in the room.

May be? No one here can touch me.

Are you sure
you want to go through

with all this, Siggy?

Don't be silly, Uncle Max.

♪ a ♪

♪ [holds note]

♪ [continues]

[inhales]

♪ a, e ♪

♪ i, o, u ♪

♪ [holds note]

♪ [discord]

You...

you...

and who are you?

Allow me.
Frau Hermann, this--

Who are you?

Enrico Caruso, at your command.

♪ Apres l'amour ♪

Charmed, I’m sure.

No, I insist. It's my pleasure.

Are you a virgin?

Sometimes.

I love you.

♪ [wedding march]

♪ Here with you, I take this vow ♪

♪ I’ll be true to one love ♪

♪ If we try, we will know ♪

♪ What we have ♪

♪ There's a place I’ve kept for you ♪

♪ Since I started dreaming ♪

♪ As we try, we will know ♪

♪ What we have ♪

♪ What began as a glow ♪

♪ Is that fire we know ♪

♪ What we have will always be ♪

♪ Held inside forever ♪

♪ For all time ♪

♪ For our love ♪

♪ For what we have ♪

It was a beautiful wedding,
wasn't it?

I think they need each other.

I hope so.

Do you mind if I
sing a few blocks with you?

I’m sorry. I have an appointment.

Besides, my coach is waiting.

of course. Allow me, Madam.

Do you mind giving me a lift?

I’m sorry, my horse can't possibly
take another passenger.

He's far too tired.

Of course.
How inconsiderate of me!
I should have thought of that.

There must be something
I can do for you.

Why don't you push?

Push, of course.

What a wonderful idea.
I should have thought of that myself.

Excellent. I shall push.

Oh, before I forget,

I have an extra ticket
for the opera next week.

You may enjoy it. I’m singing.

But now, I am... pushing.

I mean, I don't know
what I’m supposed to do.

That's the problem.

What is this? The bees and--

the birds.

Bees and the birds...

I...

the birds and the...

hmm...

Just do it.

Let's see now.
the bees take the pollen

from one flower to the next.

The birds--
I can't remember

what the birds do.

Ah, the hell with it.

What's this birds and bees nonsense

got to do with my feelings

towards this beautiful night?

Life...is simple.

There's a lot of birds and a lot of bees.

If I had them all as patients,
I’d be a wealthy man.

Siggy?

Don't you want to come to bed now?

Let me ask you, Martha, what would
you think of psychiatry

as a name for the branch of medicine
I’ve discovered?

It's a wonderful name.

How would you spell it?

psychiatry--
p-s-y-c-h-i-a-t-r-y.

psychiatry.

Now come to bed, Siggy.

Yes, but, uh...

I don't think
it would do much good.

I know I won't sleep.

Oh, Siggy, you silly goose.

It's our wedding night,
and I’m still a virgin.

so am I.

Well, now,

that wasn't so bad, was it?

Amazing. Absolutely smashing.

Gadzooks, Martha.

I have just discovered

the single
most important phenomenon

in the history of mankind.

You have?

Now I understand why Beethoven...

♪ bah-bah-bah bum ♪

I’m not following you.

Sex, the prime mover.

Sex, the cause and the effect.

Sex, the means and the end.

Sex, the key that can unlock the
mysteries of nature,

of science, of the human mind.

Quick! let's do it again before I
lose my train of thought.

Let me see if I can elucidate
for you, my dear.

You are familiar with
my theory of the unconscious,

that it controls what we do, what we say,

every waking moment of our lives.

The unconscious, yes.

While we were making love,

do you know what I was thinking of?

No.

Sex. Do you know what that means?

No.

If the unconscious controls man

and sex is at the root of the unconscious,

then it follows that
sex controls everything.

- Do you see?
- No.

Therefore, every problem of
human behavior is sexual in nature.

And you, my dear, have been very helpful

in making this historic discovery.

How can I ever thank you?

No.

It's sad to think that it took till now

to discover sex.

I mean, think how whole generations
of people

might have benefited from it--

my parents, your parents...

Well, it does no good to
bemoan the past.

We must look to the future,

to men, women, and children,

to birds, to bees,

to little monkeys in the trees.

Life is short.

We must count each day
in multiple orgasms.

[crowd chattering]

[clears throat]

Don't you think it's odd

that the audience is in the balcony

and we're the only two
sitting down here?

Isn't it amazing?

To tell you the truth,

I bought all the seats for myself.

those are my friends up there.

Tocca.

what would you do that for?

Tto make sure I could sit next to you.

You must be awfully rich.

Very rich. I own the theater, also.

That's very interesting.

Yes, I thought it would be.

Ah, the conductor.

[applause]

♪

♪ An angel in the night ♪

♪ So sweet, so shy ♪

♪ That's what you are to me ♪

♪ My angel in the night ♪

♪ I’m lost when I look in your eyes ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I have never seen someone so serene ♪

♪ Someone so inviting ♪

♪ If I lose control
of my heart and soul ♪

♪ Would it be unwise? Hmm? ♪

♪ The sweet and blissful
promise of your smile ♪

♪ Is bright as a star to me ♪

♪ Just open up your arms
to love ♪

♪ And I’ll find my guiding light ♪

♪ Hey, let me come alive ♪

♪ With the joys that I’ve ♪

♪ Waited to discover ♪

♪ Let me be your lover ♪

♪ Angel in the night ♪

♪ [whistles]

[applause]

♪ [continues]

♪ Let me come alive ♪

♪ With the joys that I’ve ♪

♪ Waited to discover ♪

♪ Come on,
Let me be your lover ♪

♪ Angel in the night ♪

Ohh...

My discovery of sex

marks a big turning point
in my career.

Before long I published a paper
on human sexuality,

and my name became known overnight
throughout Vienna.

There goes that sex fiend, Freud.

Unspeakable pervert.

Sewer-mind....
He should be thrown

out of the medical profession.

He should be thrown out of Vienna.

Voulez-vous coucher
avec moI ce soir?

Siggy, please, the neighbors.

I’m not worried
about the neighbors.

I’ll get to them later.

As my reputation grew,
so did my practice.

I had the great satisfaction

of being able to help
many troubled individuals

to lead better,
more productive lives.

There was Herr Blaustein,

the man who was afraid
to masturbate

because he had the crazy fear

he would go blind.

Oh, Dr. Freud, thank you.

For the first time in my life,

I am a sexually aware person.

Thank you, Dr. Freud.

You've totally cured me
of kleptomania.

I promise you
I shall never steal again.

there was Frau Richtenstrausse,

A textbook case of sexually
caused kleptomania,

which I cured completely.

I will never forget her last session.

Dear man, I have
good news and nasty news.

The nasty news is,
incredible as it may seem,

I have discovered
I am a latent homosexual.

Ja?

And the good news is
I’m crazy about you.

The more successful
I became as a doctor,

I found my work becoming
increasingly intimate.

He became sexually aroused

for the first time in seven years

and tried to jump on me.

It was terrifying.

Maybe I should have him
put in a home,

But I think if I do, he will die.

I might as well take a gun
and shoot him myself.

Oh, poor, poor Sheldon.

It's so sad.

I’m sorry. Your hour is up.

[whimpering]

[barking]

Martha, please, open the door.

Not on your life. Go away.

Please, Martha. I have something
I must explain to you.

if it's more about sex, sex, sex,

I don't want to hear about it.

It has nothing to do with sex.
I promise.

Your word of honor?

My word of honor.

Cross your heart and hope to die?

Cross my heart, I hope to die.

All right.

But remember, you promised.

Oh, Martha...

I’ve been such a fool.

How can you ever forgive me?

All of this sex--

I forgot about love.

I’ve been very insensitive.

I love you, Martha.

And I promise you,

I will never impose my sexual desires

on you again.

Let's not get crazy.

Sexual desires are sexual desires.

I love you, Martha.

Siggy...

♪