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1
00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:01,169
.
2
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:02,070
- Hey!
Kyle the Cloud 9 Cloud here!
3
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:06,240
And I'm about
to make it rain savings!
4
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,209
[laughs]
5
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,511
15% off all dental products!
6
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:11,812
You want the tooth?
7
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,315
You can't handle the tooth!
8
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,450
Meatballs with a chance
of clouds?
9
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:17,818
Give me a break!
10
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:18,819
A dance break!
11
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,822
[upbeat electronic music]
12
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,491
*
13
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,126
[dramatic music]
14
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,127
male announcer:
He killed 14 people
15
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,228
and ate the meat
off their bones.
16
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,262
- [groans]
17
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,397
announcer: That's what the FBI
has claimed
18
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,698
about Daniel Hertzler,
19
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:33,434
better known to millions
as Kyle the Cloud 9 Cloud.
20
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:37,071
- Damn, when white people go
crazy, they really do it up.
21
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:39,107
- Yeah, we pretty much still
have the market cornered
22
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,074
on serial killing.
23
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:42,410
It's one of the last
non-integrated industries.
24
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:45,113
- Okay, look, this is not
the best in-store viewing.
25
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,347
Amy, could you change it?
26
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,348
- Right.
Got it.
27
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,349
Um...
28
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,683
Oh.
- Oh, no, no.
29
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,119
No, that just made it worse.
30
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,486
- Yeah, thank you, Jonah.
31
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,455
- I'm sorry, Amy,
could you just let me do it?
32
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,257
Do you mind if I try?
Thank you.
33
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,391
male announcer: And purchased
at a Cloud 9 store.
34
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:58,559
- Oh, no.
35
00:00:58,592 --> 00:00:59,693
announcer: All the victims
were sawed into
36
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,429
evenly portioned pieces
37
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,098
with their genitals preserved
in pickling jars.
38
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,099
- That makes sense.
- Oh.
39
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,200
- We sell pickle jars?
40
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,568
- No, no.
- It's not working.
41
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,238
We're gonna have to
drown this out.
42
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,106
Everybody sing, okay?
43
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,408
* Down in the valley
where Ezekiel wept *
44
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,644
* Cry, Ezekiel, cry
45
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,312
Come on, what's wrong with you?
46
00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:20,248
Garrett, give me a beat
or something.
47
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,249
Anything.
48
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,450
- [beatboxing]
- Okay.
49
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,585
* The finger of the devil
is poking through the foam *
50
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:27,288
all: * Cry, Ezekiel, cry
- Cry it out!
51
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:30,258
- * And the slide to hell
goes all the way down *
52
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,892
all: * Cry, Ezekiel, cry
53
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,893
- Cry it out!
54
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,896
[upbeat music]
55
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,665
*
56
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,168
- As most of you may have heard,
our company spokesman
57
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,670
has been accused
of some improprieties.
58
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,472
- By improprieties,
you mean killing
59
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:45,539
and eating people, right?
60
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,342
Or is there a tax evasion thing
going on as well?
61
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,477
- The killing and eating.
62
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:53,214
I can't speak
to his tax situation.
63
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:55,216
Anyway, does anybody
have any questions?
64
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:58,386
- What is the difference between
a zombie and a cannibal?
65
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,321
- Oh, okay, a zombie is undead,
66
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:03,191
and a cannibal's just, like,
a dude who eats people.
67
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:06,294
- So I kind of meant
work-related questions.
68
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,295
- But I'm right though?
69
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,262
- He is correct.
70
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:09,497
- I have
a work-related question.
71
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,333
What security measures are we
taking to avoid revenge crimes?
72
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:13,434
- Revenge crimes?
73
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,237
- Families of the victims
trying to eat us as payback.
74
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,571
I mean, that's what I would do.
75
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:20,241
- Okay, let's not rush
to judgment.
76
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,376
These are just allegations.
77
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:24,245
I'm sure he didn't do it.
78
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,279
- Wait, Glenn?
79
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,515
Why are you so sure
he didn't do it?
80
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:31,785
- Because, Amy, I met Kyle at a
corporate conference last year.
81
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,188
We had a great conversation.
82
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,290
He seemed like a good guy.
83
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,191
- Well, that settles it.
84
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,193
I guess there's no reason
for a trial.
85
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:42,563
- I am telling you,
there is no way that good man
86
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:45,533
could have done
this horrible thing.
87
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,567
Right, Jeff?
88
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,471
- Uh-huh.
89
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,474
[upbeat jazz music]
90
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:59,280
*
91
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:03,284
- You know, this was creepy
even before he murdered people.
92
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,219
- This paint smells
like wet dog,
93
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,721
and it's gonna take at least
three coats to cover this.
94
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,357
This is the worst day ever.
95
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,325
- The worst.
96
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:14,528
- I mean, obviously,
Kyle the Cloud's victims--
97
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:15,763
- Yeah.
No, no.
98
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,999
- Had a worse day when he ate
their flesh off their bones.
99
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,335
- Terrible day.
That was a terrible day.
100
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,336
Goes without saying.
Yeah.
101
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,305
- Yeah.
102
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:27,375
- Although, at least their
suffering is over, you know?
103
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,310
Ours has just begun.
104
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:30,778
- Is it insensitive
that I'd rather
105
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,313
be in Kyle the Cloud's basement?
106
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,113
- No.
107
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,648
At least you could read
down there.
108
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:35,716
- And it would be so dark
and cool.
109
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,452
- So dark and cool.
110
00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:39,753
- That would be so nice.
111
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,724
- That's my baby sleeping.
112
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:44,825
- Oh, cool.
- Aww.
113
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,427
- Sleeping.
114
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,227
- [chuckles]
So cute.
115
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,730
- Sleeping.
- Like a little angel.
116
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:50,731
- Sleeping.
117
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:54,535
Oh. Oh, my gosh,
this next one's kind of funny.
118
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,470
Sleeping.
[laughs]
119
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,672
- Okay, guys, guys, guys,
I need everyone's opinion.
120
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,841
Especially you, Garrett,
since your brand is telling it
121
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:01,842
like it is.
122
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:02,843
- Oh, thank you for noticing.
123
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,313
- - Did you guys pick up on
any weird tension
124
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:06,847
between me and Jeff
at that meeting?
125
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,317
'Cause I think he might
be into me.
126
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:14,422
- [laughing]
127
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,489
Oh, I thought you were joking.
128
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,490
- [softly]
No.
129
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,558
- I am so sorry.
130
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,593
[whispers]
Stop bullying, Sandra.
131
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,062
- Why do you think
he's into you?
132
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,064
- Okay,
the last time he was here,
133
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,367
he came up to me
at the end of the day,
134
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,370
looked me straight in the eyes
and said,
135
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,371
"I noticed you."
136
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,772
- [gasps]
137
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,508
He said, "I noticed you"?
138
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,677
Ooh, Jeff is slutty.
139
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,379
[laughter]
140
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,582
- Okay, it's not what he said,
it's how he said it.
141
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,583
It wasn't like...
142
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,584
[dead-pan]
"I noticed you."
143
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,487
It was like...
144
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,755
[whispering]
"I noticed you."
145
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,790
No, that wasn't it.
146
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,659
It was more like...
147
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,561
[in deep voice]
"I noticed you."
148
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,728
Ah, that sounded Scottish.
149
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:55,863
male announcer:
Police discovered a secret
150
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,532
dungeon where the actor would
videotape himself
151
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,634
dismembering and devouring
his victims,
152
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,570
often while in cloud costume.
153
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:03,871
- Oh, God.
154
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,739
- I've said it once,
I'll say it again:
155
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,808
you are a terrible
judge of character.
156
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,511
Also you have a weak chin
and you can't dance.
157
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,879
announcer: Additional items
found on the property
158
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,681
were a coffin filled with hair
159
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,749
and several small bags
of marijuana.
160
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,885
- Wait, they found marijuana?
161
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,753
This is incredible!
162
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:20,754
- Oh, no!
163
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,456
Get that weak chin off me!
164
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,825
- They found marijuana!
165
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,795
He was high!
166
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,130
- I hate him.
167
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,134
- We definitely need smocks
168
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:36,837
- Hello, Clarice.
169
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,138
- [screams]
170
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,574
- [chuckles]
- Oh, gross, stop.
171
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:45,413
- It's crazy how much Kyle stuff
we have to throw away.
172
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:48,516
Corporate really put their money
on "not a cannibal."
173
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,951
- Oh, God, they used to make us
wear this suit
174
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,085
to hand out flyers.
175
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:54,488
- Dare you to put it on.
176
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,656
- No.
No, thank you.
177
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,790
- Oh, okay, fine.
No, I get it.
178
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:57,858
You don't want to put on
the cloud suit
179
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,461
because you've already got
a big chicken suit on
180
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,663
'cause you're a big chicken.
181
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,831
- Oh, my God.
182
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,500
Is that supposed to pressure me
into putting the suit on?
183
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:07,568
- [groans]
184
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:08,402
You're right, you're right.
185
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,504
Doing awesome things
is overrated.
186
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,406
Just go back to painting.
187
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,141
- [scoffs]
188
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,176
Well, grab an umbrella
189
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,079
'cause there's a cloud
moving in.
190
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,080
Psssh.
191
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,181
- What does that even mean?
192
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,483
Oh, my God!
You're doing it.
193
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:23,684
Okay, sorry.
Say your cool line again.
194
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:24,985
Say it.
- Well, grab--
195
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,053
no, we're past it.
196
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,689
- * Go, go, go, go
197
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,823
* Go, go
198
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,493
[hip-hop music]
199
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,561
- Isn't that terrible?
200
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:37,598
Today, of all days,
she's dressed like the killer.
201
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,099
Why would she do that?
202
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,601
- [gasps]
- Hi.
203
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,035
- Oh.
204
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,504
- Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
205
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,706
I wouldn't let my kids
touch that.
206
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,041
- It says on your website
that all your rooms
207
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,076
have Animal Planet.
208
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,110
- Hey there.
209
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,613
I noticed you were on the phone.
210
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,582
- No, it's not life or death,
it's just, you know,
211
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,149
at the end of a hard day,
sometimes you want to come home
212
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,519
and watch some monkeys swinging
around on the trees.
213
00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,520
- I'm just gonna come
back later.
214
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:02,490
- I'm sorry, could you hold on
one second please?
215
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,057
Hey.
216
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,125
There's something
I'd like to ask you,
217
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,461
but I feel
a little weird about it.
218
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,596
- Oh, no.
Please, please.
219
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,731
- Yeah?
- Yep, ask away.
220
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,601
- Somebody vomited
in the ladies room,
221
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,836
multiple stalls.
222
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,138
Would you mind?
223
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,607
- Of course.
224
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,609
- Great, thank you.
Thanks.
225
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:22,843
I appreciate that.
226
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,845
Hi, yes, while I have you
on the phone,
227
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,080
I wanted to ask you
why the curtains were gone
228
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,249
when I got back last night.
229
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,051
I'd prefer to have them.
230
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,753
- Just louder.
- I'm hungry.
231
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,754
- What is wrong with her?
- [growling]
232
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,188
I'm hungry.
[growling]
233
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,624
- Amy.
234
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:39,092
What are you wearing that for?
235
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,093
- Be--Jonah--
236
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,061
- Ah, buh, buh, buh, buh.
237
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,265
- I'm dressed in this costume
to show my support
238
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,067
for the cannibal lifestyle.
239
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,235
[growls]
240
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,503
- Oh.
241
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,204
Oh, well, as it turns out,
242
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,507
Kyle was not a cannibal.
243
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,643
He was only killing
and eating people
244
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:58,211
because he was high
on marijuana.
245
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:01,949
What?
246
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,818
- It's just that I don't think
that marijuana turns people
247
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:05,953
into murderers.
248
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:10,658
- Otherwise we'd literally
be surrounded by killers.
249
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:14,194
- You don't think people in
this store do marijuana, do you?
250
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,730
- I mean...
251
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,732
- Uh, probably.
252
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,901
- Well, how--how many of them?
253
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,202
- Like...
254
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,171
[device beeps]
255
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,205
Half.
256
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,707
- Half?
257
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,577
Wait, half do, or half don't?
258
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,312
- [stammering]
- It's both.
259
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,346
- [screaming]
Both?
260
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,817
- Okay, so, tummy time
is literally just a baby
261
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,652
spending time on its tummy.
262
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,519
Hmm.
263
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:42,556
- Wait, she's gonna turn
her head...
264
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,224
now.
265
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,560
Nope, now.
266
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,228
Nope, now.
267
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,229
Nope.
[phone buzzing]
268
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,900
Oh, sorry, guys, bad timing.
269
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:56,837
Hi, Bo, I was just showing them
the tummy time video.
270
00:08:56,870 --> 00:09:00,240
No, not that one, the good one.
271
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,241
- This has got to stop.
272
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,275
- Thank you.
273
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,712
- She is breaking
an unspoken social contract.
274
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,714
You show one photo.
275
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:07,748
One.
276
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,317
And we all say it's
the cutest baby we ever seen
277
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,620
even if it's creepy,
which it is,
278
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,187
because it's
a shrunken-down human,
279
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,856
and then we all move on
with our lives.
280
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,858
- I mean, I have a ton
of photos of my dogs,
281
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,594
but no one wants to see those.
282
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,195
Right?
283
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,196
- Right.
284
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,197
- Yeah.
285
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,899
Not even the one where
they're dressed as Ewoks.
286
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,170
- All right, you know
I got to see that.
287
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,338
Okay, come on now.
288
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,173
Oh, no.
289
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,174
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
290
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,709
Little Ewok dog.
291
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:36,877
You stealing a speeder?
292
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,779
You can't drive a speeder,
Ewok dog.
293
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,380
[upbeat music]
294
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,882
- Hey, Cody.
295
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,883
- Hey.
296
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,318
- Hey.
Just ignore me.
297
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,793
[sniffing]
298
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,766
Just wanted to tell you
I value you.
299
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,634
[chuckles]
300
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,669
- Thank you.
301
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,403
I appreciate that.
302
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,739
I'm going to go over there,
okay?
303
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,343
- [sniffing]
304
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,680
- If you're smelling the
workers, you gotta smell Elias.
305
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:15,048
On Thursdays he smells like ham.
306
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,917
It's hilarious.
307
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,653
- Dina, do you think that
marijuana could've had anything
308
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,054
to do with what Kyle did?
309
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,322
- That's just about
the stupidest thing
310
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,323
you've ever said.
311
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,058
- [sighs]
Fine.
312
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,927
I'm just wondering
if I have to start
313
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,396
drug testing the employees.
314
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,965
- But you always say that
you don't want to do that.
315
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:35,836
- I know, but if the alternative
is someone in this store
316
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:36,937
getting eaten.
317
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,439
- Oh, wow.
Ooh.
318
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,876
Well, to be safe, I mean,
I could do a surprise
319
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,312
comprehensive drug test,
but that's your call.
320
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,379
I mean, I could go either way.
321
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,248
Do it, don't do it.
322
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,818
I mean, if I had to decide,
I guess I'm leaning towards
323
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,385
do it.
324
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,456
- Yes.
Okay.
325
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,691
Go for it.
326
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:58,692
- It's up to you.
327
00:10:58,726 --> 00:10:59,893
[chuckles]
328
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,896
[laughs]
329
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:07,100
*
330
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:09,436
I'm coming for you, Tommy Chong.
331
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,771
I'm coming for you.
332
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:16,977
- How much longer do I have?
333
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,479
- Three minutes.
334
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,750
You can just give up.
335
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:23,683
- Nope!
336
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:27,054
I take not being a chicken
very seriously.
337
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,325
I'm doing a dare.
338
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,261
I'm winning.
339
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:37,064
- The test will detect any drugs
in your system.
340
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,366
We're talking marijuana,
cocaine, heroin,
341
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,467
methamphetamines.
342
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,069
- What about power pellets?
343
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,073
- I don't see that.
What are they?
344
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,741
- Oh, you just take
some big boppers,
345
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,877
you cut in some fetty wap,
you put a little disco shake
346
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:53,180
on there, and then you roll that
up in some Doc McStuffins.
347
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,748
Smoke it.
348
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,316
Get real high.
349
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,919
- All right, we're gonna be
testing for everything, okay?
350
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,855
- Excuse me, I just remembered
I have to leave early.
351
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:05,225
I have a thing at the place.
- What place?
352
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,761
- That place. You know, the one
we talked about earlier.
353
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:08,862
- You talked to me about it?
354
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:12,465
- Yeah, I filled out
an application and Brett saw it,
355
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,134
he said it's cool, so...
356
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,402
- You spoke to Brett about it?
357
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,805
Okay, nobody is leaving until
I get three ounces of yellow,
358
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:18,806
all right?
359
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,507
[all groan]
360
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:24,878
- Okay, look, everyone, Dina has
my full support on this.
361
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:27,214
Okay, this is
for your protection.
362
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,916
- Look, people, if you haven't
done any drugs
363
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,551
in the last 72 hours,
you have nothing to worry about.
364
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,287
- What about way too much wine?
365
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,289
I'm so bad.
[laughs]
366
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,791
- Justine,
you're not an alcoholic.
367
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,126
Stop bragging.
368
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,130
- Attention Cloud 9 shoppers:
369
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,497
we hope you're having
a lovely day.
370
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,367
If you have any questions
or concerns,
371
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,403
please find our lead salesman,
Charles.
372
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,571
- Is there anything
we should know about him?
373
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,506
- [sighs]
He is in charge.
374
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,510
* Charles in charge
375
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,446
* Of our days
376
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,414
* And our nights
377
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,516
* Charles in charge
378
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,385
* Of our wrongs
379
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,420
* And our rights
380
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,555
* And I sing
381
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,423
* I want
382
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:15,262
* I want Charles in charge
383
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,197
* Of me
384
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,367
[sighs]
385
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,403
[singing in Spanish]
386
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,176
- Hey, Mateo.
- Hey.
387
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,278
- Hi.
388
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,180
Do you think I could
have your number?
389
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,181
- My number?
390
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,182
[clears throat]
391
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:38,285
Sure, you can have my number.
392
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,553
It's 314...
- Mm-hmm.
393
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:41,754
- 982.
- Got it.
394
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:47,294
Employee number 314982 is
getting a letter of commendation
395
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,962
in his file.
396
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,498
- Oh.
397
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,000
- For cleaning up the vomit.
398
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,501
- Yeah.
399
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,337
- You are a good vomit mopper.
400
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,241
- Damn.
401
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,443
It is getting steamy in here.
402
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,445
- [sighs]
403
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:08,281
- I'm just saying,
usually one person dares
404
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:09,950
and then the other person
has to do it.
405
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,284
You--you understand that, right?
406
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,519
- Yep, I get it.
407
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,786
I just don't want you
to have all the fun.
408
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:16,423
- Oh, listen, if you want to do
this thing alone, by all means.
409
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,424
- Nope.
- I have no problem--
410
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,525
- All right, hold on.
411
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,227
[both yelling]
412
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,228
- Sorry!
Sorry!
413
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,329
Move out of the way!
414
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,931
- Hands up!
- Okay, okay!
415
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:24,932
- [yelling]
416
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:25,933
[laughs]
417
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,367
- [clears throat]
418
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,437
- Hey, guys.
419
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,939
- Hey, Jeff.
- Hi, Jeff.
420
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,241
- What are you doing?
421
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,077
- Product testing.
422
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,946
- Product testing.
423
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,380
- Okay.
424
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,350
- Bye, Jeff.
425
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,484
- [laughs]
426
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,453
[whispering]
That was awesome.
427
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,320
- Yep.
One more time?
428
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,089
- Yeah.
- How do we get back there?
429
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,457
- Let's--I don't know.
430
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,492
Shimmy over?
- [grunts]
431
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,360
- Yes, yes, we're get--
we're doing it.
432
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,362
- Is it moving?
- We're getting it.
433
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,031
- Hey, how's it going?
- Great.
434
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,500
We get the results tomorrow and
I'll call everyone who's fired.
435
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,102
Actually, I'll just call those
who aren't fired.
436
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,636
It'll save me some time.
437
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:07,074
- No, I don't want to
start firing people.
438
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:10,510
Okay, look, maybe we shouldn't
be doing this.
439
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:11,511
[liquid sloshing]
440
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:12,512
- Look, I get it.
441
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,613
You love these people.
442
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,083
I do too, but we told them there
would be a urine test,
443
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,518
so we have to follow through on
this or they won't respect us.
444
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:19,652
- I--I don't believe
that's true.
445
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,354
- It is true.
446
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,356
They'll think we're weak
and they'll think we're liars.
447
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,025
Is that who we are?
448
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,459
Huh?
449
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:27,694
Are we weak liars?
450
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,363
- No, we're strong
truth tellers.
451
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,099
- Heck yeah we are.
Pep up.
452
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,533
The lab comes at 5:00.
453
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,568
*
454
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,405
You know that's human urine,
right?
455
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:42,842
- When she's hungry,
it's like...
456
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:45,512
[low-pitched wail]
457
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,181
But when she's tired,
it's like...
458
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,582
[low-pitched wail]
459
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,717
And when she's--
460
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,220
- Just shut up about the baby!
461
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,555
- Oh.
462
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,590
Um, okay.
463
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,558
- What?
464
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,660
- What, was I talking too much
about the baby?
465
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:01,961
I can stop.
466
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,232
- Oh.
467
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,733
- Great.
Well, thank you.
468
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,669
I mean, it's not that we don't
want to hear about your baby,
469
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,439
it's just that it's been a lot.
470
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,640
- No, I understand.
471
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:16,443
It's like you
with your sneakers.
472
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:17,310
- What you mean?
473
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,212
- Oh, you know,
how you're always like,
474
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:21,748
"Oh, yeah, I just ordered
my pair of retro Jordans
475
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,483
that are coming in two days."
476
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,452
- "You can only get these kicks
in Japan."
477
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:29,256
[both laugh]
478
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:30,257
- Wow.
479
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,559
Really seeing everybody's
true colors today.
480
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:33,560
[both laugh]
481
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:34,561
Real cool.
482
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:37,064
[both laughing]
483
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,765
- [speaks indistinctly]
484
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,371
- Well, I'm taking off.
485
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,672
- All right, have a good night.
486
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,474
- I gotta stop by
the hotel first.
487
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:51,244
I guess there was some kind of
a rodent/bedbug fire.
488
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,613
So that's--
489
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,749
and after that, though, I was
gonna hit the new Italian place.
490
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:57,750
Are you busy?
491
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:58,918
- Nope.
492
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,753
Oh, let me guess, you want me
to clean up that dead pigeon
493
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:01,921
in aisle six?
494
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,724
- No, I was just wondering
if you wanted to get dinner.
495
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,595
- You mean, like,
pick it up for you?
496
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:11,631
- No, I mean, like,
take you out to dinner
497
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,633
to the Italian place
that I just mentioned.
498
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,469
Have you never been asked out
on a date before?
499
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:17,770
- You're asking me out
on a date?
500
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:18,771
- Uh-huh.
501
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,773
- [laughs]
I knew it!
502
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,309
Oh, I thought,
but then Garrett--
503
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,310
[clears throat]
504
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,312
Ha!
I knew it.
505
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:26,846
- So is that a yes?
506
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,316
- Oh.
507
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,318
I haven't even
really thought about that.
508
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,786
I usually don't date white guys,
but you know what?
509
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:34,854
Sure, why not?
510
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,356
- Great.
511
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,391
- Oh, my God,
I cannot wait to tell Garrett
512
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,526
that I was right about this.
513
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,693
I'm gonna rub it
in his stupid face.
514
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,363
- Well, you see, this is where
it gets a little touchy.
515
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,566
Just as a manager, I shouldn't
really be dating any employees,
516
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,669
so we would have to keep this
between us
517
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,804
if that's okay.
518
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:53,306
- Yeah.
519
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:54,341
You're the boss.
520
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,680
I should really get on
that dead pigeon.
521
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:01,848
- Yes,
I didn't want to ask
522
00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:03,683
'cause I didn't want
to ruin the moment.
523
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,686
- Hey, Glenn.
- Mm.
524
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:07,687
- What's going on?
525
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,723
- Oh, I'm just having a bad day.
526
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:11,824
- You want to talk about it?
527
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,826
I'm happy to be your blender.
528
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:14,861
- My blender?
529
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:18,465
- Yeah, you know, like,
you give me your thoughts
530
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,168
and your feelings, and I'll mix
'em up and give you back
531
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,436
something real good.
532
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,738
- Okay, I'm not sure I made
the right decision
533
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,375
about this whole
drug testing thing.
534
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,343
- Yeah, it's a bit extreme.
535
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:34,914
Sort of like a--it's like
a watermelon-sized reaction.
536
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,815
- Watermelon.
- Yeah.
537
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:39,486
- It's just,
I was so wrong about Kyle.
538
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,921
It makes me question how much
I really know the people
539
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:42,922
around here.
540
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,924
- Sure, you don't know
everything about everyone,
541
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,726
but you know
the important stuff.
542
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:50,497
Like, you know that Garrett
is a can of soup.
543
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,765
You know,
he's hard on the outside,
544
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,802
but warm and soft
on the inside.
545
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,437
- He is a can of soup.
546
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,305
- Yeah.
547
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,941
And Cheyenne is--
Cheyenne's a yoga mat.
548
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,711
She's colorful and she's fun,
549
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,580
and--then also
she's, like, a little thick.
550
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:08,615
- Yeah.
Ah.
551
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,616
- Yeah, yeah.
552
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:14,554
And--and Jonah
is an alarm clock.
553
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,624
He's just, like,
so annoying in the morning.
554
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,958
- So annoying.
555
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,393
- Yeah, you just kinda wanna--
556
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,394
[both groan]
557
00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:23,630
- I'd like to throw him
at the wall some days.
558
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,731
- Right?
559
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,967
And you're the golf club.
You know?
560
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,504
You're--you're the one that--
561
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,540
you're the one that--
562
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:34,507
[sighs]
563
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,909
- That drives the worker balls
564
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,613
soaring towards
their full potential.
565
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,981
- Yes.
- Yeah!
566
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,616
- Exactly.
567
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,652
- Thank you, Amy.
568
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,554
You've really got a way
with words.
569
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:48,755
- Thank you.
570
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:52,959
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go tee off on someone.
571
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,930
- [clapping]
572
00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:01,634
- [vocalizing]
573
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,803
- Dina, cancel the tests.
574
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,538
The golf club is here.
575
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,739
- What are you talking about?
576
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:09,542
- I'll tell you
what I'm talking about.
577
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,244
We...
- Whoa, whoa!
578
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,545
- Don't...
579
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:13,946
need...
580
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,248
these...
581
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,849
anymore.
582
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:20,920
- My coffee cup's in there.
583
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:24,724
- Yes, it is.
584
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,762
- [sighs]
585
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,498
Okay, Amy.
586
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:33,800
Hey.
587
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,801
How's it going?
588
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,002
Good to see you.
Good afternoon.
589
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,837
It is cold in here, isn't it?
590
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,038
They crank that A/C up.
591
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,540
I need a drink myself.
592
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:41,541
Hi.
593
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,542
Good afternoon.
594
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,543
Hey.
595
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,844
Be careful what you wish for
596
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,314
'cause you just might a-get it.
597
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,315
[laughs]
598
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,283
- Oh, hey, man.
599
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:51,718
- Oh, hey, Adam.
600
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,587
What--how's it--what's--
what's going on, man?
601
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,922
- Adam just came to pick me up.
602
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:56,923
- Yeah, me too.
603
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,825
I mean, I'm going as well.
604
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,693
It's the end of the day.
605
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:01,894
I'm tired myself.
606
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:02,795
Yeah, I get it.
607
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:04,797
I was just--just coming
to say good-bye.
608
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,635
I'll catch you on the flip side,
all right, bro?
609
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:09,636
It's good to see you.
610
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:10,670
- Okay.
611
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:15,342
- So...
612
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,809
what was that about?
613
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:17,877
- Um...
614
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:18,878
nothing.
615
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,647
He's just weird.
616
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,682
- Oh, we should set him up
with your brother.
41509
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