All language subtitles for Support Your Local Sheriff 1968 HD

(PLAYING ROCK OF AGES)

We are gathered here today to consign
the mortal remains of Millard Frymore,

or whatever his name really was.

l ain't really got a lot to say about Millard

because he only rode amongst us
two days ago,

and was promptly struck down

by whatever deadly disease it was
struck him down.

We can only hope that whatever
deadly disease it was,

it wasn't particularly contagious.

And with that in mind l suggest
we all bow our heads in devout prayer.

Heavenly father,
we hereby consign to your tender mercies,

all that remains...

-Get out! Get out!
-(DOG WHlMPERS)

All that remains of one Millard Frymore,

origin unknown, cause of death unknown,

and of considerable concern to those of us
who'd been thrown into contact with him

during the last two days.

Millard was struck down
in what was evidently the prime of his life.

ln fact, he was took from us so fast,

he never even got a chance
to unpack his suitcase.

HENRY: However, in as much as we were
the last to know poor Millard here on earth

and in so far as we were all drawn

to this godforsaken country
in search of a common goal,

l'm certain you'll agree with me when l...

-Hey, Pa!
-What is the matter with you?

-Take a look!
-Ain't you got any reverence for anything?

-lt's gold!
-What?

(WHlSPERlNG) Take a look, it's gold.

HENRY: l'd like to remind everyone

we're here to consign
the remains of Millard Frymore.

-lt's gold, Henry!
-Gold!

Down there, in the grave.

Whoa!

Get this coffin away! And have a look.

Oh, no, you don't!

Get out of my gold mine!

(CROWD CLAMORlNG)

Get out of my gold mine!

(SOBBlNG) Get out of my gold mine!

Gold! Gold! Gold!

Gold!

(CROWD CHEERlNG)

(GUN FlRlNG)

lt just doesn't seem possible that
a town could get itself in this condition

in the short time it's been in existence.

Lynchings, gunfights,
and that drunken revelry

l tell you, a decent woman
is not safe on these streets.

Oh, l think the women
are safe enough for the most part.

l mean, we only got a couple
that would be of much interest to anyone...

Outside the dance hall girls

and they're pretty good
at handling themselves in a pinch.

Or in a ticklish situation.

Oh, well, now this may be very funny
to the members of the town council,

but we mine owners haven't found
anything to laugh about

since we started in business.

OLLY: We don't think it's funny, Tom.

We just don't know what to do about it.

Maybe what we need is a new mayor
and a town council

that does know what to do about it.

Now what kind of talk is that?

We all know that the reason l'm mayor
and the others are councilmen

is because nobody else wanted the jobs.

And don't forget, Tom,
we're mine owners ourselves.

Do you enjoy giving 20%

of everything you take out of the mines
to the Danby family?

Why would we enjoy it?

Well, all right,
then let's do something about it.

What? You all know the situation.

There's us, here in Calendar.

OLLY: There's Galena,
where we've gotta ship our gold.

And there's the Danby ranch,
halfway in between the two.

The road even runs through their property.

All right, fine. Then we'll build
the road around their property.

How? They own that whole valley!

Besides, if they don't get their 20%

they just hold up every stage
that comes through and take all of it.

All right, all right!
But we've got to do something,

even if it means bringing troops in here.

Troops?

-Troops?
-Troops?

What troops? From where?
The nearest troops are 500 miles.

All right, then we'll recruit our own.

How? We can't even
recruit enough dishwashers.

How are we gonna recruit any troops?

Nobody wants to stop
prospecting long enough to take a bath,

let alone join an army.

lt all happened so fast we just ain't had
a chance to really get organized yet.

And the Danbys are taking advantage of it.

There goes one of them now.

-Which one is he?
-Joe.

Out of the father and three brothers
he's about the second toughest.

They all act like they own the place.

The way things are
set up right now, they do.

And it's gonna stay that way

till we can find ourselves a sheriff
that doesn't turn tail

and run the minute
someone takes a shot at him.

(GUN FlRlNG)

(PEOPLE LAUGHlNG)

(CLAMORlNG)

Whiskey.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

All right, you all saw it,

and it was a fair fight.

He drew first. So it was self-defense.

Uh-huh, l told you, he drew first.
Sure as anything.

Oh, you could call it anything else
but self-defense.

Well, it may have been a lot of things,
but self-defense it wasn't.

And he didn't draw first. You did.

What do you mean by that?

Oh, it's an old trick. You did it pretty well.

Not real well, but pretty well.

You feinted with your left shoulder,

getting him to go for his gun

while you were going for yours
with your right hand at the same time.

lt's an old Arizona trick,

but l have seen it used
as far north as Montana.

Are you calling me a liar?

Well, now you heard every word l said,
and l didn't call you a liar.

All l said was you feinted him
into drawing with your left shoulder

while you were going for your gun
with your right hand.

So what?

You beat that poor man to the draw.

He's dead and you're alive.

That's the whole idea of the game, isn't it?

What's your name?

Jason McCullough. What's yours?

Joe Danby, and you had better remember it.

Oh, l'll remember it, Joe.

That's about all l'm going to do
the rest of my life,

is go around remembering your name.

(CROWD CLAMORlNG)

-The bread's on the table in front of you.
-Thanks.

Oh! Why, you!

(SLAPS)

This one of Emma's Tasty
Home Cooked Meals?

That's it, mister.

They charge $3 for this, huh?

MAN: That's what they call inflation.

Sometimes it catches you
right in between mouthfuls.

ls there really any gold in this town?

How long did it take you to get that?

All yesterday afternoon,
good part of this morning.

Where could a man find a place to sleep?

lf you mean a room, you can't.

Down at the end of the street, get a cot.

-How much?
-$20. Eight-hour shift.

Say a man was willing
to go to work to get himself a stake.

How would he go about it?

You don't want a job?

No. l figure the way prices are around here,

l'll go broke about 2:30 this afternoon.

We got a bulletin board with that
kinda stuff down at the assay office.

Hmm? Oh, thank you.

(THUDDlNG)

Hold it! Hold it!

Okay, go head on.

Fight!

(GUN FlRlNG)

(CROWD CLAMORlNG)

-l said, out of my way!
-Heck, go around!

l told you to get out of there!

l'll kill you!

(SCUFFLlNG)

l'll tell you something...

(HORSE NElGHlNG)

(CLAMORlNG CONTlNUES)

(DOG BARKlNG)

PRUDY: Watch where you're grabbing!

(DOGS BARKlNG)

What about you?

What about me?

You want to grab something?

Everything looks too slippery.

What does that mean?

JASON: Oh, nothing.

You look too clean to suit me.

(DOORBELL DlNGlNG)

MAN 1 : You're gonna get me change.
MAN 2: Give me a packet.

Are you the man l talk to about...

OLLY: Wait your turn, mister.

About the job of sheriff?

You interested in the job of sheriff?

Well, maybe. How much does it pay?

Well, none of our sheriffs
ever lived long enough to find out.

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

Look, boys, why don't you all go outside
and watch the fight? The ladies, too.

Very good fight out there.

You watch it too, Sam.

Okay, come on!

Let's get out. Get moving. Come on.

All right, let's go.

l'm Olly Perkins, the mayor here.

Jason McCullough.

Fred Johnson, Henry Jackson, Tom Devery,

three of our original settlers.

And Fred and Henry
are members of the town council.

And l represent the mine owners.

Nice to meet you, gentlemen.

What that fellow said
just a minute ago ain't strictly true.

We've had three sheriffs
the past two months.

But only two of them got killed.

Oh, what about the other one?

Well, he quit kind of sudden-like.

l don't think he had exactly the right
kind of temperament for the position.

Well, you never have said
anything about the pay.

Well, for the right kind of man,
$1 50 a month.

With the spiraling prices
you have around here,

that'd only allow a man to eat
and sleep about eight days a month.

The job includes room and board.

Not at Emma's Food Emporium?

At my house.
My daughter does the cooking.

Well, gentlemen,
l think it's only fair to tell you

that l'd only be interested
in this job on a temporary basis.

Oh?

Well, you see,
actually l was on my way to Australia

when l heard about your gold strike.

And l decided to, uh, travel through here
to see if l could pick up a little stake.

What do you wanna go to Australia for?

Well, it's the last of the frontier country.

l thought l might like to do
a little pioneering.

l thought this was frontier country
and we was pioneers.

So did l.

To get back to the sheriff's job,
if l decided to take it

it'd have to be with the understanding

that l get enough time off

to do the prospecting
l came here to do in the first place.

Well, yeah.

You ain't said nothing yet
about your qualifications for the job?

Oh, don't worry about that.
lf l take it, you'll be glad you got me.

Well, it ain't just a question

of you taking the job, it's also
a question of being able to handle it.

Olly, we ain't in much of a position
to be choosey.

And him being willing to talk about it at all
certainly shows the right attitude.

l don't care what it shows!
l'm the mayor of this town!

lt's my responsibility to hire us a sheriff

that's not only got qualifications,

but that ain't going to get himself killed

the first time he sticks
his nose out of the door.

HENRY: Olly, haven't we already...

(ALL TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

There you are.

What's your point, Mr. McCullough?

Well, no point,
just an exhibition of marksmanship.

The bullet went through
the hole in the center.

OLLY: Yeah, well, maybe it did,
maybe it didn't.

Oh, it did. You can take my word for it.

Yeah, well, l'd like to take your word but...

Would you mind doing it again,
Mr. McCullough?

-You want me to do it again?
-lf you don't mind.

-Well, l already shot one hole in your roof.
-That's all right.

(CLEARS THROAT)

l hope you didn't take no offense
at nothing l may have said earlier, sir.

No, no.

Gentlemen, just to keep
the record straight,

now a hundred and fifty a month
for the room and board is fine,

but l've got to do more prospecting.

And, because, basically l'm on my way
to Australia, and l wouldn't...

You just name your terms, mister.

We'll rush to meet them.

Fine. As long as everything's straight.

ls there some kind of badge
that goes with this job?

Oh, you bet there is!

l'm afraid it's a little bent up.

lt must have saved the life of
whoever was wearing it.

Well, it sure would have
if it hadn't been for all them other bullets

flying in from everywhere.

Gentlemen, do we have a jail here?

Do we have a jail?

A brand-new one with two cells
that the whole community pitched in,

built last month.

Just like a barn raising.

Even the dance-hall girls showed up,
made sandwiches,

and carried on like crazy.

lt was designed to be
practically escape-proof.

Oh, good. Because l think l'm gonna have
to throw a couple of people in it.

There's only one thing.

This newjail has sure got everything.

Even a new stove with
a coffee pot already on it.

The only thing it hasn't got
is iron bars for the cells.

You're kidding.

Which we had to send away for 'em
and they ain't arrove yet.

But it's got everything else.

lt's got glass windows and
brooms and kerosene lamps and...

You name it.

-Just no bars for the cells.
-That's right.

Well, all right, l'll think of something.

You ain't wanted for anything anywhere,
are you, Mr. McCullough?

Not that it matters, because we understand

how them little things can happen.

No. No, l'm not wanted
for anything anywhere.

(DOORBELL DlNGlNG)

Do you realize the chance you was taking
asking him a question like that?

He might have took offense
and back out of the whole deal.

l'm the mayor of this town
and l got responsibilities.

The question had to be asked!

(CROWD CLAMORlNG)

(DOGS BARKlNG)

Mr. Mayor, if l could get
some men on this pump over here,

l think we could stop this thing
in short order.

Sure thing, Sheriff.
Give us a hand, will you, men?

All right, men! Let her go!

A little more.

(HORSE NElGHlNG)

(ALL CHUCKLlNG)

(WOMEN CHEERlNG)

JASON: Break it up!

Okay, cut it!

What do you think you're trying to do?

Stopping a fight.

Who are you?

l'm the new sheriff.

Oh! We got a new sheriff!

(CHUCKLlNG)

Let's see if he scares
as easy as the last sheriff.

Now l want all you people
to quit disturbing the peace.

Clean up this mess.

Uh, yes, sir. Anything else?

You got a name?

Jake.

All right, Jake,
l want you go into the Mint saloon.

There's a fellow in there
by the name of Joe Danby.

You tell him l remember his name,

he's under arrest for murder.

l'll be in to pick him up in not 20 minutes.

You talking to me?

You hard of hearing?

You want me to tell Joe Danby
that he's under arrest for a murder?

What are you gonna do after he kills me?

Then l'll arrest him for both murders.
Where's the jail?

Just follow me, Sheriff.

You won't find a betterjail for 200 miles.

That is if you can find one at all.

Well, everything seems to be in order.

Our last sheriff was a good organizer.

Yellow clear through, but a good organizer.

We'll be getting the bars in any day now.

Well, that ought to do it.

That ought to do what, Sheriff?

That oughta take care of it
till we get the bars in.

Well, l've got my bedroll
and few other things over at the stable.

l'd like to go and pick them up,

and then get settled in
where l'm gonna stay, if you don't mind.

Sure thing, Sheriff.
l've got a nice room for you at my house.

Well, good. Shall we get on over there,

and then l'd better pick up
that Danby fellow.

Uh, Sheriff, maybe there's something
you better know about the Danbys.

Why bother the Sheriff
about that stuff now?

He wants to get settled.

Yeah, but, Fred...

We can fill him in on the whole town
after he's settled in on the job.

You coming, Mayor?

l'll be right with you, Sheriff.

This is a little bit like murder.
l hope you know that.

Nowjust 'cause we've lost three sheriffs
don't mean we're gonna lose four.

Our luck is bound to change.

What about his luck?

(CROWD CHEERlNG)

Prudy?

Just put your things over there, Sheriff.

-All righty.
-Prudy!

l want you to meet my daughter, Sheriff.

She's a good cook
and a mighty fine looking girl.

Takes after her dear departed mother.

Her mother died, huh?

No, she just departed.

Come on, Sheriff, l'll show you the parlor.

That little organ there,
that come all the way from Dusseldorf.

Most of the furniture was shipped out
through St. Louis and Chicago.

-This is my desk where l do my mayor work.
-JASON: That's very nice.

OLLY: l guess you could say
this is about the finest house in town.

Well, let me show you the dining room,
that's where you'll be having your meals.

Prudy! l want you to meet someone!

This is the dining room.

You sure have a nice place here, Mayor.

Well, thank you, Sheriff. How about a drink?

Water, if you have some.

-Water?
-Mmm.

Sure thing, Sheriff.
We've got a pump right inside the kitchen.

Right inside the house, huh?

OLLY: There's the pump, right there.

Uh, Sheriff, before you go down
to arrest Joe Danby,

a couple of things
l guess you ought to know.

All right.

Well, the Danbys, there's four of them.
Father and three sons.

They're all of 'em pretty tough customers.

Outlaws?

No, not exactly. But in many ways,
you might say they're like outlaws.

How is that?

Well, they prefer to do
pretty much as they like.

And they get real nasty
when anybody tries to stop 'em.

You mean... You mean you don't
want me to arrest this boy?

No, l don't mean that at all.
lt's just that it's kind of a new idea.

lt takes a little bit of getting used to.

l stood right there in that saloon

and watched him gun a man down
in cold blood.

Oh, l believe you, Sheriff.

l mean it's just the kind of things
you'd expect Joe to do.

But are you sure it wasn't self-defense?

Not a chance.

l mean, sometimes,
them things happen so fast.

Well, it didn't happen all that fast.

Look, Mr. Perkins,
you're the mayor of this town.

And if you order me not to arrest this man,
well, you're the boss.

Of course l'll have to give you
this badge back

'cause that is no way to run a town, Mayor.

Oh, l agree with you, Sheriff.
l couldn't agree with you more.

And furthermore, l'll expect all
the law-abiding citizens of this community

to back me up in this job.

Oh, they will, Sheriff.

Well, maybe not all of them at first,
not right at first.

You see, it's like l told you,
l'm just on my way to Australia.

You go right ahead
and do what you think is best, Sheriff.

l'd better go and alert everybody that...

We're all behind you, Sheriff.

Don't give it another thought.

Uh, you don't need any help
with Joe Danby, do you?

No. l can handle it.

Oh, good. Good.

(BlRDS TWlTTERlNG)

You're the strangest girl l ever met.

Go away.

Do you always show
this peculiar side of your nature,

or am l just lucky my first day in town?

l suppose you have some reason
for sitting up there like that.

Ordinarily, a girl doesn't get undressed,

pour a bucket or water over her head,
and then go climb a tree.

l'm warning you!

(PRUDY GRUNTS)

Hi, Mrs. Danvers.

What in the world...

Prudy, is this man bothering you?

Do you know this young lady, ma'am?

Why, of course. That's Prudy Perkins.

She lives right here in this house.

Does she have any past history

of, uh, strange behavior like this?

Why, no!

Prudy has always been
a sweet, normal, lovable...

Of course there were
a couple times last year...

Oh. What happened last year?

Well, wasn't really anything,

but at the annual town picnic,

(CHUCKLlNG) she got her hair caught
in the ice cream freezer.

l think we ought to be merciful

and forget about this whole
unfortunate incident, huh, ma'am?

See you, ma'am.

(LAUGHlNG)

Sheriff, l didn't go down and tell Joe
like you asked.

Why not?

'Cause nobody's paying me
to take chances like that.

Tell you what, you never know
how that Joe is gonna react.

Why should you worry
about what Joe thinks?

Because he's mean, Sheriff,
and he's nasty.

He enjoys killing people.

All them Danbys enjoy things like that.

You're faster than Joe.

Who says so?

l do. l've seen you both draw.
You're faster than he is.

Supposing it's true,
why should the matter ever come up?

Jake.

How would you like a job as my deputy?

l'd hate it.

Even if l lived through it, l'd hate it.

Look, l don't know talked you
into taking this job,

or how much they're paying you,
but you gotta believe me, it ain't enough.

He's expecting you.

Some of these other people
told him you was coming.

(MUSlC PLAYlNG)

(MUSlC STOPS)

l hear you're going to try and arrest me.

You know, you don't look near as tough

as some of them other sheriffs
we've had lately,

particularly that old boy
who done run off about an hour-and-a-half

after he took the job.

Joe, you just make me feel tired
all over when you talk like that.

Now what do you mean by that?

lt's bad enough to have to kill a man

without having to listen to a whole lot
of stupid talk from him first.

And remember, Joe, l have seen you draw.

MAN: All right, Sheriff, hold it.

Now drop your gun belt.

(GUN FlRlNG)

l couldn't let him shoot you in the back.

Oh, you could have.

ls this the kind of town
you people want for yourselves?

ls this the kind of life you want to lead?

l mean, three killings in one saloon alone.

The sun hasn't even gone down yet!

Any more of this foolishness,
l'm gonna close this place up tight.

Yes, sir. l wouldn't blame you a bit, sir.

Pick it up, Joe.

Go on, pick it up.

l'm gonna get you for this, Jake.

Well, you are the toughest-talking
blowhard l ever heard.

You might as well come on.

Like it or not, we're on the same side now.

Come on.

Take it easy, boys.

Me and the Sheriff takes a dim view
of showoffs with guns.

Remember, the Sheriff said,
no more shooting till the sun goes down.

-ls that what he said?
-That's close enough, brother.

Drinks are on the house!

(ALL CHEERlNG)

Jake, why don't you
look around the desk there

and see if you can find yourself
a deputy sheriff's badge?

l never said l was taking no job as a deputy.

You're just trying to corner me
into this thing, Sheriff.

Well, l'm a little surprised
at what's happening to me, too.

You know, l was just riding
through here on my way to Australia.

Where do you think you're going?

Well, this is just plain dumb and stupid.

Are you calling the Sheriff stupid?

Do l have to listen to him?
He ain't nothin' but the town character.

Was the town character.

l'm now a Deputy Sheriff,

and probably
the second-fastest gun around here.

Did you hear that?

Well, he probably is.

And if he isn't, he will be
after l've had a chance to work with him

for a couple of days.

Come on, Joe.

Joe, the cell on the right is yours.

We don't have any bars yet.

-You're kidding.
-That's what l said.

But we're going to operate
just as if the bars were there.

Now you stay on that side of the line.

And everything should work out fine.

What?

While you're in this jail,
you stay on that side of the line

and you and l will just get along fine.

You expect me to sit here
in this lousy cell and that...

What is that red stuff
all over the floor there?

Oh, uh...

That's the poor fellow
that crossed the line earlier today.

All right, Joe, you just stay right there
and behave yourself.

Maybe if you wanted something to read?

Read?

No. No, l guess you wouldn't. Sorry.

Well, l see you found a badge.

Yeah.

Now are we gonna set out
to clean up this town?

Yeah, l guess that's about it.

All by ourselves?

Not that we have turned down any help
that was cheerfully offered.

Nobody's going to offer no help,
cheerful or in any other way.

l think you're probably right, Jake.

How much money am l making in this job?

Well, let's see. l'm the Sheriff.

They're paying me $1 50 a month.

Shall we put your salary at about half that,
plus room and board,

plus all the ammunition you need
to carry on the job.

Of course, l haven't
checked out your employment

with the mayor and the town council yet.

You mean there's a chance
they might turn me down?

No, l don't think so.

Now l think their attitude is going to be,

"lf we found somebody willing
to take the job, don't rock the boat."

You can bet that's what
their attitude is going to be.

Ever been the sheriff of a town
that needed cleaning up before?

No, l haven't.

Ever been a sheriff of any kind of town?

No, not that either.

But the mayor seemed to think that
my qualification suited the job perfectly.

Yeah, well, he'd have thought that
if you was blind in both eyes

and crippled in both legs.

l think you've got
the situation pegged, Jake.

Want me to warm some coffee?

l never turn down a cup of coffee in my life.

JAKE: How long have you been out west?

About four years.

JAKE: From where?

East.

l was raised up in lndiana.

Well, that could be either good or bad.

Uh, them four years you've been
out west, what you been doing?

Mostly, l've been on my way to Australia.

For four years?

Well, it takes some people
little longer than others.

What's in Australia?

Well, lots of things. You'd be surprised.

Any other questions, Jake?

Oh, l... There's no...

No, no, no, that's all right.

lf there's anything l want, it's a deputy
who's at ease in his mind about everything.

Well, you ain't got one.

l don't know where you're
gonna get one in this town either.

Why Australia?

Well, you'd know
if you'd ever read a book about it.

l ain't never even seen a book about it.

Well, they got one
up in the library in Chicago.

lf you're ever up that way,
you ought to take a look at it.

They got pictures and everything.

You know, they got some little people
over there about like that.

And they got a stick
that when they throw it away,

it comes right back at 'em.

They got some animals over there...
They got one that hops and will box you

and carries things in its tummy.

When you, uh,
shot that friend of Joe's in the back,

you fired two shots.

l figured they went in,
oh, about that far apart, huh?

Pretty sloppy shooting, Jake.

Well, l was in a hurry to save your life.

l wasn't trying to group my shots.

lf he'd been five feet further away,

you'd have missed him entirely. (GROANS)

l'd say that was pretty pitiful showing, Jake.

-You see that bottom nail on the right?
-JAKE: Yeah.

-That's weird.
-What's weird?

That anybody can shoot like that.

Oh, it's just a matter of practice.

Then how come nobody ever heard of you?

l mean, a man that can shoot like you do
and draw as fast as you can,

how come you ain't got a reputation?

What would l want with a reputation?

That's a good way to get yourself killed.

Now you just go on practicing
while l put Joe back in jail.

(GUN FlRlNG)

Joe.

l took the bullets out.

You just won't play the game, will you?

l keep laying down the rules.
You don't pay any attention.

You just wait till my pa and two brothers
find out that you got me in here, boy.

Oh, l'm looking forward
to meetin' your whole family.

Come on.

Ain't bad enough that l had to be dragged
out of that saloon in front of all my friends.

Oh, l doubt if you have all that many friends
that you need to be upset, Joe.

Then l have to sit there in that lousy cell.

Pa is gonna skin me alive for getting caught.

He won't mind you murdering that man,

he just doesn't like for you
to get caught, huh?

l didn't murder anybody,
that was self-defense.

lt was him or me.

Well, we'll let the judge decide that.

We do have a judge around here, don't we?

We never needed one till you come to town
and ruined everything.

Spoiled all your fun, huh, Joe?

You can say that again.

Oh, that's funny.

That's real funny.

(HUMMlNG)

l hope you ain't got no religious convictions
against drinking, Sheriff?

Not since l gave up my parish.

l'm only kidding, Mayor.

(CHUCKLlNG) Oh.

Uh, Mayor, what about my deputy?

No problem.
But l'm curious as to why you picked Jake.

Well, Jake backed me up
when it really counted.

l'd have to wait and find that out
about another man.

Then it might be too late.

How about a judge?

Well, the need for one
ain't exactly been felt up to now.

That's what Joe said.

But if l can't appoint one, who can?

(HUMMlNG)

(SlGHS)

That must have been some show
you put on at the saloon this afternoon.

Kind of sobered up the town.

Well, that's good.

Maybe, maybe not.

lt has been a lot of fun
around here up to now.

l mean, everything all kinda
wide open and relaxed.

Nobody lookin' down their noses

at anybody who happen
to shot somebody else.

Nobody poking their noses
into nobody else's business

without them getting their big noses
blasted off in the process.

Ah, l guess now that we got law and order,
churches will start moving in.

Yeah, that's usually
the next thing that happens.

And then the women will start
forming committees, and having bazaars.

Then they'll chase Madame Orr's girls
outta town, or make 'em get married,

or something even worse.

But what the hell.
Like you said, the law's the law

and we all gotta face up to it sometime.

Oh, when did l say that?

Well, you know what l mean.

Well, l was just a little short of money
when you offered me this job.

But you didn't have to take it.

l mean, there's dozens of otherjobs around.

Well, don't worry about it.
l'm not gonna keep it too long.

Remember, l'm just passing
through on my way to Australia.

l'll drink to that.

(HUMMlNG)

(VOCALlZlNG)

(PRUDY SCREAMlNG)

What are you doing?

You was on fire, Prudy!
Prudy, you was on fire!

Fire?

(PRUDY GROANlNG)

l'm sick and tired of these stupid things
that have been happenin' to me!

And somebody'd better
do something about it soon!

Well, that's quite a daughter
you got yourself there, Mr. Mayor.

l think she's crazy.

Well, why would you think like that?

l know what l'd think.

She's had some terrible shocks this year.

She got wealthy almost overnight.

l think maybe it unhinged her a little bit.

Then she was always kind of big for her age.

And puberty hit her hard.
That'll do it, you know.

-l didn't know that.
-Well, it will!

As a disinterested stranger,
how does she hit you?

Well, she, uh...

l mean, you are disinterested, ain't you?

Oh, l think you could safely say that, yes.

She's a rich little old gal
in her own name, Sheriff.

Sole owner of the Millard Frymore
Memorial Mining Company.

You mean whoever marries her
gets the mine?

Shaft and all.

Yeah, well, that won't hurt her
in certain circles, will it?

Well, l'd better fry us up something to eat.

Uh, no, thank you, Mayor.
l better go down relieve Jake.

This is his first night on duty, you know.

You're expecting trouble?

-What do you think?
-The Danbys.

Some people think you could've
waited a couple of days

before you stuck your nose
in the biggest hornet's nest we got.

Well, when you set out to clean up a mess,

you don't just sit around
and watch that mess get bigger and bigger.

l guess you know what you're doing, Sheriff.

l don't know what l could've said
to give you that idea, Mayor.

Puberty.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(DOG BARKlNG lN DlSTANCE)

(CROWD CLAMORlNG)

You ain't gonna stick to your plan of
handling this all by yourself, are you, Pa?

Since when did it take more than one Danby
to take care of a little thing like this?

You know what a tiger you are, Pa.

You're just liable to go chargin' in there...

And then what?

Nothing. l didn't mean nothing.

You ain't got brains enough
to mean nothing.

Now you two go on in here
and order yourselves a drink.

l'll be back with Joe before you can finish it.

l believe you got one of my children
in the jail here.

How dare you walk into my office
and pull a gun on me?

Get your finger out of the end of my gun!

How dare you pull a gun on me!

l said take your finger out
of the end of my gun!

Well, until l do,
you better take your finger off that trigger

and let the hammer down real slow.

(BULLETS CLATTERlNG)

lf that gun went off,
it would have blowed right up in my face.

lt wouldn't have done my finger
a hell of a lot of good, either, would it?

What can l do for you, Mr. Danby?

My son Joe.

Well, it seems Joe murdered
a man this afternoon.

The way l hear it,
he killed a man in a fair gunfight.

-l was standin' right there.
-You were standin' right where?

ln the saloon when Joe killed him.

Well, now, that was
real smart of him, wasn't it?

Well, l've been around Joe all afternoon,

and l haven't seen him
do one smart thing yet.

-ls there anything else?
-Can l see him?

Why didn't you take that approach
when you first came in?

He's right in there.

l'm obliged to you.

(CRlCKETS CHlRPlNG)

Hi, Pa.

What is this?

No bars in the window, no bars in the cell.

No bars nowhere.

What's keeping you in here?

That guy out there.

He won't let me move two inches
without jumping down my throat.

Besides, he lies to me
about whether or not my gun's loaded.

He does what?

Look, are you gonna get me
outta here or not?

Never mind that. Who was it you killed?

l don't know his name.
He was some bum in the saloon.

Besides, he drew first.

What, are you gonna believe me
or are you gonna believe that liar out there?

Why don't you shut up?

Pa, it wasn't anybody that we know.

Pa, you always told me there wasn't
a jail been built that could hold a Danby.

Well, now they built one.

Oh.

Yeah, you'll have to stay here
for a couple of days.

But we run this town.

l gotta throw in with that sheriff

that you don't exactly dazzle nobody
with your intelligence.

Now you just sit tight here

till l've had a chance to think this thing out.

Couldn't you have at least
done it when the Sheriff weren't looking?

He wasn't the sheriff
when he done seen me do it.

Hey, l didn't think of that before.

That could be a loophole
to help you get me out of here.

Now don't you try to do nothing
about this situation you say of.

You just leave that to me and the boys.

That's a lousy jail you got in here.

Well, we're just getting started.

(DOOR OPENS)

What's he supposed to be?

Oh, that's my deputy.

Why, last week he was shoveling horse...

He was working in the stable.

Well, he's been promoted.

Oh, l'm gonna find out
what's happened to this town.

What did Danby want?

Oh, well, he...
He just came in and we talked a while.

Then he went in to see Joe.

Then he came back out,
we talked a little more,

and then he left.

(JAKE SlGHS)

You know, he strikes me
as being a lonely man.

Lonely? Danby?

Why, he's a mean, no-good,
low-down bushwhacker.

Well, now there, you see?
No wonder he's lonely.

He stuck his finger in the end of your what?

Would you shut up. Everybody'll be lookin'.

Well, l don't really understand
what happened, Pa.

You said you had your gun on him.

l ain't gonna sit here
and explain it all over again now.

l don't have to explain nothing to you two.

lnstead of sittin' here
askin' a whole lotta questions,

why don't you come up
with some helpful suggestions?

Why don't the three of us
go over there together?

l don't care if he is the fastest gun
that'd ever hit anywhere.

Who says he's the fastest gun
that'd ever hit anywhere?

Everybody.

That's all they're talking about
all over town.

Besides, what could he do
against three of us?

He could kill two of us.

You ain't talking like yourself, Pa.

Yeah. lt was always you chargin' in

and us trying to hold you back.

We ain't just gonna leave Joe
in here to get hung, are we?

Well, of course we ain't.

Who says we gotta take care
of this sheriff ourselves?

Who says anybody's gotta take care of it?

Why don't we run him outta town
like we did the last sheriff?

Because this one won't go.

He didn't throw a scare into you, did he, Pa?

l... l didn't mean that the way it sounded.

l didn't mean... Did he throw a scare at you?

l just meant,
well, what did he do to you, Pa?

He maybe made me a little more thoughtful.

He maybe made me realize
that now we've got a little money

for the first time in our lives,

and the chance to get a lot more,

this would be a dumb time to find out
who's the fastest with a gun,

us or some show-off that might be lucky,
even if he wasn't good.

lf we don't take care of him, who does?

There's always some tramp
that's good with a gun that can be hired.

Yeah, but you always said that
the Danbys fight their own battles.

Maybe l was talkin'
about another branch of the family.

Now l'm gonna take a little trip tomorrow.

And l want you two
to behave yourselves while l'm gone.

l don't want nobody to make
no martyr out of this here sheriff.

(CHAlR CREAKlNG)

What's a martyr?

Oh, l'm sorry.

They didn't use words like that
in the third grade, did they?

How would l know? l didn't get that far.

(GROANS)

Well, you remember when l was stuck
all them years in the second grade.

Oh, shut up!

PRUDY: Sheriff?

Can l talk to you a minute?

Sure, Miss Prudy.

Could... Could we sit down?

Sure.

Well...

How can l be of service to you, Miss Prudy?

What?

How can l be of service to you?

What do you mean, service?

l don't think l mean anything by it.

What do you think l mean?

Look, Sheriff, l'm just a dumb little old girl

from a hick little old town in
a jerkwater part of the country.

(CLEARS THROAT)

-What?
-Nothing.

You just said you're a dumb little old girl

from a little old hick town in a jerkwater...

l know what l said.

Well, all l wanted was to explain

some of those stupid, silly things
that you saw me doing today.

What stupid, silly things, Miss Prudy?

What stupid...

Well, how about
when l burned my dress off?

Well, that could happen to anyone.

Well, how about in the mud

when l was trying to defend myself
from that common pervert?

Well, that's just one of those things
that any overstimulated girl

might get herself caught into.

Well, how about in the tree,
half-naked, dripping wet?

That one could take a little explanation.

Well, l guess it was just one of those days

when everything seems to go wrong.

Actually, every one of those
ridiculous things

that you saw happen

has a perfectly simple explanation.

Not that it matters, really, l just thought

it was dumb to go around having such an...

Attractive man thinking
l was a hopeless loony.

Well, loony maybe, but hopeless...

You... You think l'm attractive?

(CHUCKLlNG) Well...

l don't think that a girl
would just curl up and die

'cause you smiled at her,
but yes, l think you're attractive.

Well, Miss Prudy.

l can see that you're a young lady

who believes in
laying her cards on the table.

ln what?

Laying her cards on the table.

When a girl does that,
well, l think that a man, uh...

Well, he should lay his cards
on the table, too.

Anybody can see that you're
a very pretty and very attractive girl.

Any man in his right mind
would be only too glad

to take you out on a picnic
or out for a walk in the evening.

Well, l'd feel privileged to do just that.

However, if you're thinking
of anything more seriously,

l'm afraid l'll have to warn you
l'm on my way to Australia,

and l'm just passing through here.

Why, you conceited...

Conceited? l'm only trying to tell you
that l'm on my way to Australia.

Who cares where you're on your way to?

Any girl who is thinking about

entering into any permanent relationship
would be glad to know that a man...

l'm not thinking of entering
into one of those!

What's the matter with you?

Do you think something
is the matter with me?

Do l think... There isn't enough time
to tell you how much.

Good night!

(DOOR BANGS SHUT)

(CRASHlNG)

You all right, Miss Prudy?

PRUDY: You shut up
and mind your own business!

(CRASHlNG)

PRUDY: Damn, damn, damn!

OLLY: Prudy?

PRUDY: You shut up, too!

(CRASHlNG)

Well, do you see anything?

No. What are we looking for?

"What are we looking for?" We're looking
for nuggets, veins, the mother lode.

What's the mother lode?

l'm beginning to get the horrible feeling

you know even less
about gold-mining than l do, Jake.

Of course l don't know
anything about gold-mining.

Well, what do you think
l brought you along for?

l thought everyone around here
knew about mining.

Well, l don't.

l might be able to give you
a few tips about shoveling horse,

working around the stable,

but l don't know nothing
about hunting gold.

Do you mind l put this stuff down?

No. No, you better not.

lf there's anything
l do know about prospecting,

it's you've got to keep on the move.

lt's heavy.

Well, here, let me redistribute
the weight for you.

l feel like a jackass.

Yeah, that ought to do it.

-Come on, Jack.
-Jake.

You're a pretty good fisherman, Jake.

(EXHALES) This is more like it, huh?

More like what?

Oh, this is more like the kinda place
l want to go gold-minin' in.

Well, what make you think
there's any gold around here?

What makes you think there isn't?

l suppose it don't bother you none

that Joe Danby is gonna be miles away
by the time we get back?

Not unless he's learned to travel fast
handcuffed to a potbellied stove.

Well...

What do we do now?

l think we oughta have lunch,
take a little rest, and then you start diggin'.

Hey, Jake, how do you think
we oughta split whatever we find?

Sixty, forty?

Sixty for who and 40 for who?

There, you see?

See what gold does to men?

We haven't even found anything
and already we're arguing about it.

Sixty for who and 40 for who?

l just wish you could see
the greed in your face.

What you mean is 60 for you
and 40 for me.

Well, thank you, Jake.
That's very generous of you.

(EXHALES)

Hey, Jake.

What did you do
before you became my deputy?

(SlGHlNG)

Well, l did odd jobs.

Well, like what?

Well, for one thing,
l was a whore-holder at Madame Horse's...

Oh. A horse holder at Madame Orr's house.

-You are a what?
-Horse holder.

See, on Saturday night,
that hitch rack out front would get full.

l'd hold the extra horses,
sometimes all night.

lt seems to me like you spent
a lot of time with horses.

Mmm. One end or the other.

Course l come by it natural.
My daddy stole horses for a living.

They hung him.

Well, now that's a terrible thing for a sheriff

to suddenly find out about his deputy.

lf you hadn't been in such a hurry
to shove this job down my throat,

you might have found out a lot of things.

(JASON SlGHS)

-Want my badge back?
-Don't be silly.

Jake, you better clean up those fish.

l'll take a little nap.

Sure it won't disturb you none?

No, no, no.

Just don't rattle the pots and pans.

(BREATHlNG DEEPLY)

(GUNS FlRlNG)

(MEN WHOOPlNG)

(HORSES WHlNNYlNG)

l'll be wantin' you boys to ride into town
a little more quietly from now on.

You drove your point home real good.

Good. Good.

Well, that kind of brightens up
the whole place.

At least l don't feel so naked and stupid
sitting in here day after day.

Joe, if Jake should come in,

would you tell him l had to go down
to the hardware store to see the mayor.

Have you seen my daddy?

No. Not since the night he came in here
and we had that little chat.

Don't you worry, Joe. l'm sure he and
your brothers are planning a little jailbreak.

You really think so?

Now what else would they be doing?

(DOG BARKlNG)

Where will l find the Sheriff?

l imagine he's in the jail across the...

No, wait a minute.

There he is nowjust comin' out
of the hardware store there.

Much obliged.

Pleasure.

Sheriff.

(GUN FlRES)

JASON: Anybody know who he was?

Oh, l think he just rode in to town.

He asked me where you was. l seen you
coming out of the hardware store there...

Thanks for pointing me out to him.

Hold it just a minute.

You don't want to go
in there right now, honey.

Wait here just a minute,
l'll come back and l'll join you.

(GUN FlRlNG)

Honey, l think l just been...

Did you ever see him before?

Uh-uh.

Uh, Jake.

After lunch, uh...

(DOG BARKlNG)

ALL: Good afternoon, Sheriff.

We ain't makin' any dust at all today.

Another one of 'em just rode into town.

-You sure?
-You can't miss a professional gunfighter.

He got a look about him
ain't like anyone else,

and he's been asking around
trying to find you.

l'm sure getting sick of all this stuff.

Yeah, that kinda stuff
would make me sick too.

Come on.

Well, why do these jaspers
always have to hit town at mealtime?

Are you going to kill another man?

Well, l'm sure we all hope
it turns out that way.

This sure is a childish way
for a grown man to make a living.

Go for your gun, Sheriff.

You go to hell.

(DOGS BARKlNG)

And stay out!

lf either of you opens his fat, stupid mouth,

l'll chase you right out of town
after that other yellow dog.

Leave the bottle.

All right, now he's done it.

-Who?
-That sheriff.

What's he done?

He's pushed me too far this time.
That's what he's done.

l've been bending over backwards
up to now.

But that's all finished.

You know l've been
bending over backwards.

Well, you sure ain't let him
push you into no corner

where you could be provoked
till you're losing your temper.

Right. But from now on,
l'm tired of being a nice fella.

Pa,

you been touching up your hair again?

What do you mean, again?

Nothing. lt just looks better
in spots, that's all.

-What do you mean, spots?
-Nothing.

What are we gonna do, Pa?

-Get Joe out ofjail.
-How?

Leave that to me.

l got it all figured out.

We'll do it tonight.

Now you get ready.
'Cause this is gonna happen awful fast.

-Pa.
-Huh?

Nothing. lt's all right.

Now when l yell go, we all go together.

And use your spurs.

All ready? (YELLlNG)

(HORSES NElGHlNG)

-Now he's really done it!
-Who?

That sheriff!

l could've told you all
that it wasn't gonna work.

PA: Why not?

Because they set these bars in too solid.

What do you know about anything?

l'm the one that helped to set them in.

You...

Luke, l want you two
to round up the horses.

And l want you to ride over
to your Uncle Milt's.

You tell him to bring Steve
and George and Young Milt.

And Tom, you ride out to Uncle lra's.

And you tell him to bring Billy and Jack

and anyone else he can think to bring.

l ain't foolin' around no longer.

That's a two-day ride to Uncle lra's.

l know how far it is!

You stop at the ranch
and pick up some grub.

And tell Milt and lra
we'll all meet at the ranch Friday.

lf any of them feel that
they just don't wanna come,

you just remind them of the mortgages
l've been helping them to pay.

Well, all right, get going!

What do you mean,
you helped 'em put in those bars?

Well, l didn't have nothing else to do.

And they was gonna put the bars in
whether l helped them out or not.

Yeah, well, they'll hang you
whether you're helping out or not.

Pa, l don't think
that they are really gonna hang me.

(CHUCKLES) l mean, you know,
they laugh and they joke about it a lot,

but l don't think they're really gonna do it.

Eh, you'll see whether they hang you or...

JAKE: Don't move.

What's going on back here?

Well, that's all l need,

some stable bum ordering me around.

Now this is my saddle
and l'm taking it with me.

l know it ain't mine, so go ahead.

ln just a few days now, l'll take care of you.

What was he tryin' to do,
bust you outta here?

Yeah.

But you know Pa.
Got a heart as big as the whole outdoors,

but he don't have one brain
in his poor old head.

May l compliment you on getting
such a romantic idea, Miss Prudy?

There's nothing romantic about it, Sheriff.

Nothing romantic about a man and a girl
out for a ride on a warm afternoon?

You think what you want to, Sheriff.

But you'd do that anyway, wouldn't you?

lt's surprising how well you've gotten to
know me in such a short time, Miss Prudy.

Would you like to get out
and talk a minute, Sheriff?

All right.

Light yourself up a cigar
if you want to, Sheriff.

Well, thank you, Miss Prudy.

l believe l will.

Was there, uh, anything in particular

that you want to talk
to me about, Miss Prudy?

Well, in case you didn't know,

Milt Danby is rounding up

his two brothers and all of their sons
and all of their hired hands.

And they're going to ride into town,

and they're gonna take care of you and Jake

and they're gonna get Joe out ofjail.

Yeah, l heard about that.

Well, we've all been trying to remember.

And we think there are
three grown boys in lra Danby's family

and two in Milt Danby's family.

So, with the three Danbys here
and Joe in jail,

we figure that makes about 1 1 .

Oh, plus all of the hired hands
that they may want to bring along.

Well, that's about the figure
l arrived at, too, 1 0 or 1 2 maybe.

Or 14 or 1 5 maybe.

lt's quite a few.

lt's almost a mob, you might say.

Have you figured what you're gonna do?

More or less.

What?

l thought l might just leave town.

Just get out of town before they ride in.

Just ride out and keep on going.

l don't believe it.

l don't know why not.

l've never made any secret of the fact

that basically l'm on my way to Australia.

l don't think l'm gonna find

a better time to get started than right now.

Besides, l don't like the odds.

l just don't believe it.

Well, you better believe it.

lt's not gonna be too many hours
before you look up and l'll be long gone.

l think that that is one of
the most mature things

l've ever heard of a man doing.

What... You think it's what?

Mature.

Almost any other man
would have to stick around

to prove that they are a man
and get a whole town shot up to boot.

Mature?

Mature, as opposed to childish
and shot full of holes.

You don't think it sounded a little cowardly?

l mean, for a man to take a job and then
when the going gets a little rough,

he just sneaks out in the dead of night.

Well, of course you didn't say
whether you're gonna do it

in the day or the night.

But the point is

didn't it sound a little cowardly to you?

No, l told you, it sounds mature.

Well, it sounded a little cowardly to me
just now when l said it.

Well, it isn't. lt's mature.

The reason l know it's cowardly
is because l've never done

a cowardly thing in my life, no matter what
you or anybody else might think.

l didn't say...

And it isn't mature. lt is cowardly.

Now let's just call things
by the right name from now on, huh.

What is the matter with you?

l'm just surprised at a girl
who keeps throwing herself at a man

when she secretly thinks he's a coward.

Let's go back to town.

(STUTTERlNG) What do you mean,
throwing myself at you?

Did you really think
that l was gonna turn tail

and run at the first sight of trouble?

What... Why shouldn't l? That's what
you just said you were gonna do.

Well, l'm not going to,

so you just forget about it.

-(ALL TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)
-OLLY: All right. Order! Order!

Now you all heard the motion.

Those in favor, raise your hands.

Count it, Henry.

One, two, three, four,

five.

Now,

those in favor of not
getting involved in the crisis

which is about to befall our fair community.

ln other words, keeping the hell off
the streets and out of the way

till the shooting is over, raise your hands.

Count 'em, Henry.

Five, 1 0, 1 5...

l think we passed the motion.

Order! Order!

Be it so entered in the books
of the town council

that the majority has ruled.

And as your mayor...

(GUN FlRlNG)

l object!

Get that gun away from her.

(GROANS)

You can't do this.

You just shut up and sit down, Prudy.

This is a meeting of the town council

and certain select prominent citizens
of this community.

And you can't walk in off the street
and insult everyone.

l just wanna one question.

How many of you are gonna help
the sheriff against the Danbys?

Oh no, wait a minute.
lt's not as simple as that, Prudy.

Why not?

Because there are factors to be considered.
Economic factors.

lt could affect the wellbeing
of everyone in this town.

Besides, l heard that the Sheriff
is gonna leave town.

l did too. At the time l heard it,
l remember saying to myself,

"That sheriff has his head
set squarely on his shoulders."

Well, now he's not gonna leave town.

And l'd like to get my hands on whoever
was it caused him to change his mind.

Me too.

A man with that good an idea
oughta be encouraged to hold onto it.

What is the matter with all of you?

Don't you remember how long we waited

to find a man who would
stand up to the Danbys?

Do you remember
what this town was like before him?

Murdering, lynching,
miners shooting up the town day and night.

And aside from the few things
that you just mentioned,

it wasn't a bad place at all.

Oh, sure, we had a little misunderstanding
with the Danbys at times.

But they could all be worked out in time.

What about Joe Danby in jail for murder?

Well, that would've solved itself too if
the sheriff had left town like he promised to.

l said it before and l'll say it again.

The men in this town
are nothing but a bunch

of low-down miserable, cowardly curs.

As your father, l may have to take
that kind of talk from you.

But as the mayor of this town,
l sure as hell don't.

Throw her out, boys!

And don't be too gentle with her.

Don't let her tie herself to that post!

lt's another trick of hers,

tying herself to things
whenever she doesn't wanna do something.

Death to all tyrants!

What did she say?

She said death to somebody or other,
but it doesn't mean anything.

She's always saying death
to somebody she's mad at.

Order! Order!

Well, you might as well forget about
getting any help from anybody in this town,

or from anybody for 1 00 miles around.

Oh, that takes care of
just about everybody, doesn't it?

They can throw an unarmed girl
out of a public meeting

but they can't even defend their own town

against a bunch of cutthroats
like the Danbys.

Well, what are we going to do now?

-"We"?
-Don't turn down any help you can get.

How is Joe?

Oh, he figures he's gonna be outta here

and we're gonna be dead
about this time tomorrow.

Did he seem to feel any sorrow
over the fact that we might all be killed?

No, it's more like he planned to dance
and spit all over our graves.

That sounds like Joe.

Sure was an awful good idea
you had about leavin' town.

Oh, you don't have to stay.

Oh, yes, l do.
l gotta stay if you do 'cause l took the job.

So did l.

l'll tell you what.

l'll even go to Australia with you
if we leave right now.

Oh, we'll go to Australia all right,

but first we got a few things to do,
and l think it's about time we got started.

Prudy, do you really wanna help?

Sure.

Well, the first thing we gotta do
is get Joe outta here.

Then what are we gonna do?

Oh, l got a couple of ideas.

lf things work out right,
we might live through this thing.

l sure liked his idea about leaving.

Now Prudy, you go in the courthouse.

Do you know how to use this?

Here, you'll need these.

-Jake, are you there?
-Yeah.

JASON: You know
what you're supposed to do?

Oh, yeah! Yeah.

(MUTTERlNG) Keep out of the line of fire
whenever l can.

-Mayor...
-Can't talk to you now, Sheriff.

We've got an emergency meeting
at the town council.

Now what's that all about?

You don't think l'm not gonna
shoot through the window, do you?

(HOOVES PATTERlNG)

Here, take care of these, my eating teeth.

l don't want to get them all shot up.

Get Joe.

He ain't in there, Pa.

JASON: Hold it!

You're under arrest.

Throw down your guns
and l'll accept your surrender.

(GUNS FlRlNG)

Haven't you ever heard of
just wounding somebody?

l only know one way to shoot,
and that's to kill.

Well, we don't want a massacre
on our hands, so just watch it.

Hold it! Hold it!

Settle down out there.

Just hold it.

Okay, go ahead!

-Hey, Jason, where'd you put Joe?
-Got him upstairs, there.

Go get him.

Pa, look.

Your teeth, they saved my life.

Always worrying about your life!

How am l supposed
to jaw with from now on?

Pa, look!

JASON: l want all you people
to unstrap your gun belts

and throw your rifles down,

or l'm gonna have to set this thing off.

(CHUCKLlNG)

You don't think you're gonna bluff me out
with that old cannon, do you?

Why, it ain't even loaded.

-Well, shall we see?
-Believe him, Pa!

You stay out of this, you miserable coward!

Well, what's it going to be, Danby?

Jake, let Joe loose.

Put the rest of that bunch in jail.

By myself?

l'll be right behind you.

You weren't gonna really
blow him up, were you?

Oh, of course not. That thing isn't loaded.

l just stuck that fake fuse in there.

See?

(LOUD EXPLOSlON)

Wow!

My business!

l'll find out who's responsible
for this outrage

if it's the last thing l ever do, Madame Orr.

(COUGHlNG)

(SNlCKERlNG)

Disturbing the peace, that's what it is.

l don't care if you're cleaning up this town.

That was a terrible thing to do

to them poor unfortunate girls.

Well, l didn't know
that damn thing was loaded.

l've never done anything
to an unfortunate girl in my life.

Ah!

Some of those girls
are the closest friends l've got.

(ALL CHEERlNG)

Well, well, who have we here?
lt's the Sheriff.

-lt's the Sheriff, boys.
-We know who it is.

Everybody in the territory
knows who our sheriff is these days.

l guess Devery's right at that, Sheriff.

l imagine you're about the most popular and
respected citizen we've got around here.

Well, that's nice to hear.

ln fact, we're thinking about sending

a delegation to Washington

to see about turning this territory
into a state.

We'd be proud
if you'd head up that delegation.

Oh, no, no, no.

You wanted somebody
who's gonna be here.

Oh, now, Jason, if you're upset with us
about that Danby business...

We were behind you all the way, Sheriff.

l can see where it might
not have looked that way, but...

No, that's not it. lt's just that, well...

l've never made any secret of the fact
that basically l'm on my way to Australia.

(ALL GROANlNG)

Which reminds me,

l'm gonna have to think about
getting started again one of these days.

(FlREWORKS EXPLODlNG)

Would you excuse me, gentlemen?

A small crisis needs to be handled.

Jump, Miss Prudy!

Jump!

Boys, l just want you to know that

from now on when you
pick on this young lady,

you'll be picking on my girl.

We didn't have any idea
the wind blew that way, Sheriff.

Well, now you know it.

You might, uh,
spread the word around town.

Yes, sir.

What do you mean, your girl?

Prudy, for once in your life, play it smart
and keep your big, fat mouth shut.

You keep out of this.
What do you mean, your girl?

Oh, come on, you've had that look
in your eye since the first day l hit town.

Uh, we're gonna have a little agreement.

After we're married,
no matter how many kids we got,

when l say we're off to Australia,

we pack up, kids and all, and off we go.

What do l wanna go to Australia for?

Because that's where
your husband would be,

and girls usually go
where their husbands are.

Oh.

When you put it that way...

Why don't you put me down?

Oh, l like it like this.

You, uh, want me to walk you home?

lf you want to, Sheriff.

Say, uh...

Are you really one of the richest girls
in this part of the country?

The richest.

Well, that's nice. That's real nice.

Now, the way this story ends

is that they get married.

And he goes on to become
governor of the state.

He never gets to Australia, but he keeps
reading a lot of books about it.

l get to be sheriff of this town,

then l go on to become one of the most
beloved characters in Western folklore.