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1
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,512
[Manus] This story is about
a wonderful night,
2
00:00:08,857 --> 00:00:11,756
with a baby, a manger,
and bright shining light.
3
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,483
When Mary and Joseph
arrived in Nazareth,
4
00:00:14,828 --> 00:00:16,727
and Jesus our Lord
took his first breath.
5
00:00:17,590 --> 00:00:18,418
Where's yours?
6
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:20,627
King Herod,
in front of the Viking.
7
00:00:20,662 --> 00:00:21,835
[children sing "Silent Night"]
8
00:00:21,870 --> 00:00:23,561
She looks like Hugh Hefner.
9
00:00:23,596 --> 00:00:25,287
Yes. That's who it is.
10
00:00:25,598 --> 00:00:26,668
Shh...
11
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,394
You really smell of booze, Meg,
12
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,327
you smell like the carpet
at a Wetherspoons.
13
00:00:30,499 --> 00:00:32,329
I got taken out by some clients
14
00:00:32,363 --> 00:00:36,057
for a worky, boozy, brunchy,
mainly boozy, booze-up brunch.
15
00:00:36,298 --> 00:00:38,335
I love Christmas corporates.
16
00:00:38,369 --> 00:00:40,337
[whispers] Guys,
please pipe down,
17
00:00:40,613 --> 00:00:42,304
I'm trying to watch.
18
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:43,581
Spoiler alert,
19
00:00:44,168 --> 00:00:45,618
Joseph's not the father.
20
00:00:47,930 --> 00:00:49,346
Sorry. Sorry.
21
00:00:49,898 --> 00:00:51,762
What's up with you?
Early menopause?
22
00:00:52,418 --> 00:00:54,592
I promised my girls I'd wear
my Christmas jumper.
23
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:58,079
It's like a wet t-shirt
competition underneath here.
24
00:00:59,597 --> 00:01:01,668
[electric guitar plays]
25
00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:09,366
Goodness,
he's very good, isn't he?
26
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,368
Well, yeah,
that's Mr. Washbourn.
27
00:01:11,609 --> 00:01:12,369
Hey?
28
00:01:13,266 --> 00:01:14,543
He used to be in the band
Toploader
29
00:01:14,957 --> 00:01:16,511
before he became a TA.
30
00:01:17,339 --> 00:01:20,377
He's got a tattoo of an eagle
on his thigh.
31
00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:23,138
I follow him on Facebook.
32
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:37,566
[thud]
33
00:01:47,956 --> 00:01:50,648
Wasn't that fab?
34
00:01:50,683 --> 00:01:52,754
Well done, Year Six.
35
00:01:52,961 --> 00:01:54,790
Who's up for an encore?
36
00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:56,689
Hell yeah! Woo!
37
00:01:57,345 --> 00:02:02,695
["Joy to the World"
plays on guitar]
38
00:02:08,701 --> 00:02:10,427
Manus was great, wasn't he?
39
00:02:10,461 --> 00:02:11,566
As Harry Potter.
40
00:02:12,774 --> 00:02:14,914
He was an orphan time traveling
schoolboy narrator, Anne.
41
00:02:14,948 --> 00:02:16,502
I don't remember
that bit in the Bible.
42
00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,504
Mr. Barrett wrote the part
especially for him.
43
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,195
I think there could be
a future for him in acting,
44
00:02:20,230 --> 00:02:22,818
he's just got that confidence,
you know. Not the annoying kind.
45
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:27,547
Guys, guys, guys, quick Q, um,
has anyone heard of Mine Craft?
46
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,515
My girls are asking for it
for Christmas.
47
00:02:29,722 --> 00:02:31,517
-Yes.
-It's MinecraftKevin.
48
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:32,897
Yeah, that's what I said,
Mine Craft.
49
00:02:33,312 --> 00:02:34,658
Minecraft,not Mine Craft,
50
00:02:34,692 --> 00:02:36,522
it's not German,
Hitler didn't write it.
51
00:02:36,729 --> 00:02:37,937
My Charlie's obsessed with it.
52
00:02:38,420 --> 00:02:39,904
I dunno why,
it's just building stuff,
53
00:02:39,939 --> 00:02:40,802
it's educational.
54
00:02:41,906 --> 00:02:43,011
Charlie wants to be
an architect because of it.
55
00:02:43,045 --> 00:02:44,702
-Oh.
-Or a potion maker.
56
00:02:44,737 --> 00:02:45,738
He hasn't decided yet.
57
00:02:47,015 --> 00:02:48,568
Oh, great. Well, obviously,
I'm going to play it all first
58
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:49,949
to make sure there's
not misogyny
59
00:02:49,983 --> 00:02:51,571
or casual drug references.
60
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:52,952
You know you can't play
all of Minecraft?
61
00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:55,886
-Huh?
-Never mind.
62
00:02:56,335 --> 00:02:58,613
What's the plan? Pub?
I need a booze boost.
63
00:02:58,785 --> 00:03:00,270
Guys, I thought we were going
64
00:03:00,304 --> 00:03:02,755
to the living nativity
as an end of term treat.
65
00:03:02,893 --> 00:03:03,859
[all mumbling]
66
00:03:04,308 --> 00:03:05,689
There's a mulled wine stall.
67
00:03:05,723 --> 00:03:07,587
Ooh, I love a mulled wine.
68
00:03:09,831 --> 00:03:10,901
Come on.
69
00:03:20,082 --> 00:03:22,637
I don't know about you,
but anytime I see a big crowd
70
00:03:22,671 --> 00:03:24,017
it makes me think
of a terrorist attack.
71
00:03:24,052 --> 00:03:25,778
And a Happy Christmas
to you too, Anne.
72
00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:27,573
Was there this much of a queue
73
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:28,815
at the original nativity
do you think?
74
00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:31,715
I don't know, ask Amanda,
I'm pretty sure she was there.
75
00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:32,750
Very funny, Liz.
76
00:03:33,924 --> 00:03:35,650
Hey, I heard there's going to be
a rabbit you can pat.
77
00:03:35,822 --> 00:03:36,582
One rabbit?
78
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:39,895
One rabbit for all these kids
going in and out?
79
00:03:40,068 --> 00:03:43,071
Jesus Christ, how many pats
can one rabbit take?
80
00:03:43,105 --> 00:03:44,590
About 200.
81
00:03:44,866 --> 00:03:45,625
Hey?
82
00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,835
Roughly speaking, 200 pats,
or 15 minutes' worth
83
00:03:48,870 --> 00:03:50,768
of heavy patting
is a rabbit's limit.
84
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,565
Do you think Anne
patted a rabbit to death?
85
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,463
Yeah.
86
00:03:55,497 --> 00:03:56,636
That's why she
had to leave Ireland.
87
00:03:56,671 --> 00:04:00,537
Oh, guys before I forget,
Christmas Eve, 7:00 p.m.,
88
00:04:00,571 --> 00:04:02,090
I'm having a little festive
gathering chez moi.
89
00:04:02,124 --> 00:04:05,645
I've only got
one stiffy invite left.
90
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,303
Actually,
it's officially for Meggy.
91
00:04:08,338 --> 00:04:09,925
-Ooh, thank you.
-There you go,
92
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:10,995
it's got your name on it there.
93
00:04:11,030 --> 00:04:13,066
Um. The rest of you
just take down the deets.
94
00:04:13,101 --> 00:04:14,620
[man] Next family please.
95
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:15,759
Charming.
96
00:04:15,931 --> 00:04:17,001
[Amanda] Come on.
97
00:04:17,036 --> 00:04:18,658
Give us a look
at your stiffy then?
98
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,764
"Amanda's annual
Christmas drinkies."
99
00:04:20,798 --> 00:04:22,731
"Dress code
is tinsel and tiaras."
100
00:04:22,766 --> 00:04:24,285
"Bring a gift for evil Santa."
101
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,011
"Real Champagne 6:00 to 7:00,
Cava thereafter."
102
00:04:27,598 --> 00:04:29,842
I'm not going to her
anal Christmas drinkies
103
00:04:29,876 --> 00:04:31,084
if she's not giving me a stiffy.
104
00:04:31,119 --> 00:04:32,914
Who has a party
on Christmas Eve?
105
00:04:32,948 --> 00:04:34,985
The night before Christmas
is for cooking and cleaning,
106
00:04:35,019 --> 00:04:36,952
making up the beds,
folding towels, your big towels,
107
00:04:36,987 --> 00:04:38,678
your small towels,
your hand towels.
108
00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:41,094
Are Paul's parent staying over?
109
00:04:41,129 --> 00:04:42,199
Yes, yes, yes they are,
110
00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:44,615
and the rest of his family
arrive on Boxing Day,
111
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:45,927
so both days are awful.
I mean, basically,
112
00:04:45,961 --> 00:04:47,722
I am a Christmas servant.
113
00:04:47,756 --> 00:04:49,033
Christmas isn't Christmas
114
00:04:49,068 --> 00:04:51,001
without a bit of
family politics, is it?
115
00:04:51,173 --> 00:04:52,830
Who is gonna have
the last sprout?
116
00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:54,349
Why did you pull my cracker?
117
00:04:54,384 --> 00:04:55,833
Who's gonna clean up
118
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:57,318
after Jill's grandad's
used the toilet?
119
00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,906
I'm taxi-ing
over to Jill's mom's
120
00:04:59,941 --> 00:05:03,116
very early on Christmas morning
with the turkey, potatoes
121
00:05:03,151 --> 00:05:05,740
cauliflower cheese,
spiced beef,
122
00:05:05,947 --> 00:05:09,709
pigs in blankets, the ham,
cheese board, the full caboodle.
123
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:12,022
Then basically, all I have to do
is head over and serve it,
124
00:05:12,056 --> 00:05:13,886
-and wash up.
-What does Jill do?
125
00:05:14,093 --> 00:05:15,888
She fills a bowl
with Quality Street,
126
00:05:16,198 --> 00:05:17,579
best bit of the day.
127
00:05:17,890 --> 00:05:19,857
Lee's got the kids this year,
so, that's that,
128
00:05:20,099 --> 00:05:21,376
Christmas can get fucked.
129
00:05:21,583 --> 00:05:23,033
[Julia] Is Sam the shepherd
130
00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:25,000
not coming down
to worship at your manger?
131
00:05:25,173 --> 00:05:26,761
Guys, heads up,
132
00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:28,556
it's not a real reindeer,
133
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,110
I've been to Lapland
and it's at best a muntjac.
134
00:05:32,422 --> 00:05:34,631
At worst, an Alsatian
with a strap on.
135
00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:37,358
[Julia laughs]
136
00:05:37,496 --> 00:05:39,739
[indistinct chatter]
137
00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:45,055
[phone rings]
138
00:05:59,863 --> 00:06:02,210
Jesus!
Who puts a quarter of an onion
139
00:06:02,244 --> 00:06:03,211
in the fridge?
140
00:06:03,245 --> 00:06:05,109
We brought some bits and pieces
141
00:06:05,144 --> 00:06:07,146
from our fridge that
would have gone off,
142
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:09,079
thought they might be of use.
Um...
143
00:06:14,118 --> 00:06:15,188
[groans]
144
00:06:15,223 --> 00:06:16,742
[tin foil rustles]
145
00:06:20,953 --> 00:06:23,714
[phone rings]
146
00:06:24,888 --> 00:06:26,786
[sighs] What?
147
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,995
I've been in this queue
for nearly 25 minutes.
148
00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:31,066
Ah, what absolutely shit
149
00:06:31,101 --> 00:06:32,930
are you going to panic
buy me this year?
150
00:06:33,103 --> 00:06:34,207
Another apron that says
151
00:06:34,242 --> 00:06:35,933
"Bitch, I'm the
secret ingredient"?
152
00:06:35,968 --> 00:06:37,003
No.
153
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:44,804
Hey, um, can you just ask
Dad if Mom needs a new Epilady?
154
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,841
My God, why can't you?
155
00:06:47,082 --> 00:06:48,808
You know he never answers
his phone.
156
00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:54,469
Geoff!
157
00:06:55,159 --> 00:06:56,471
-Geoff.
-Geoff!
158
00:06:57,023 --> 00:06:57,990
Geoff!
159
00:06:59,163 --> 00:07:01,890
Paul wants to know, does
Elizabeth need a new Epilady?
160
00:07:01,925 --> 00:07:02,995
What?
161
00:07:03,029 --> 00:07:05,687
Does Elizabeth need
a new Epilady?
162
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,138
Do you need
a new Epilady, Elizabeth?
163
00:07:08,518 --> 00:07:09,726
-No.
-No.
164
00:07:09,898 --> 00:07:10,934
-No.
-Shit.
165
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:14,800
Okay, okay, um, what about
a Michael Kors clutch?
166
00:07:14,972 --> 00:07:17,009
Or a massive suitcase?
167
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:20,702
Oh, Julia, do you have any
Sellotape and scissors?
168
00:07:21,565 --> 00:07:22,842
Right, yes. Fine.
169
00:07:24,119 --> 00:07:26,190
[Elizabeth] You don't need to
worry about wrapping paper,
170
00:07:26,225 --> 00:07:29,021
we recycled all ours
from last year.
171
00:07:32,783 --> 00:07:35,510
Um... Are we eating today?
172
00:07:35,545 --> 00:07:36,477
Hey?
173
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:40,170
It's Christmas Eve... Geoff.
174
00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:44,001
Nobody eats on--
There is food everywhere,
175
00:07:44,036 --> 00:07:45,934
just peel a satsuma,
crack a nut.
176
00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:49,559
Tuck into a quarter of an onion
you coffin-dodging old shit.
177
00:07:49,593 --> 00:07:52,803
[Geoff] Julia,
could you pop the kettle on?
178
00:07:52,838 --> 00:07:54,529
I left the cups on the counter.
179
00:08:00,293 --> 00:08:03,020
[phone rings]
180
00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:05,264
-What?
-[Paul] Would you like
181
00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:10,027
an Antony Worrall Thompson
salt pig signed by him?
182
00:08:10,062 --> 00:08:11,063
-No.
-Okay,
183
00:08:11,097 --> 00:08:12,927
what about Jaeger sockettes,
184
00:08:13,099 --> 00:08:13,962
Ted Baker sunglasses...
185
00:08:13,997 --> 00:08:15,826
[Marion]
Julia, where are all the towels?
186
00:08:16,068 --> 00:08:18,933
I can only find the crispy ones
you use for the dogs,
187
00:08:19,312 --> 00:08:21,073
like drying myself
on a Weetabix.
188
00:08:21,107 --> 00:08:23,213
Okay, well give me a minute,
and I'll just pop down
189
00:08:23,247 --> 00:08:25,249
to Harrods and purchase you
a cashmere bath sheet.
190
00:08:25,664 --> 00:08:26,596
Oh, Julia.
191
00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:29,357
No, because I live to serve,
and I just have all this to do,
192
00:08:29,391 --> 00:08:31,773
all... this.
193
00:08:31,808 --> 00:08:34,604
If you just give me nine hours
to spirit up Christmas,
194
00:08:34,638 --> 00:08:37,123
and then I can dust off
my towel loom
195
00:08:37,158 --> 00:08:39,609
and weave you one
from the hair
196
00:08:39,643 --> 00:08:41,127
from a baby's arsehole.
197
00:08:41,162 --> 00:08:42,266
[Marion] All right, Julia,
198
00:08:42,612 --> 00:08:44,959
I'll use one of
the crispy ones, hm?
199
00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:53,243
[groans]
200
00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:14,264
Okay, guys,
201
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,232
I'm just popping
out to kill myself,
202
00:09:17,405 --> 00:09:19,234
I would put my head in the oven,
203
00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:22,928
but there's a turkey the size of
a chubby toddler in there.
204
00:09:23,687 --> 00:09:24,964
See ya!
205
00:09:26,414 --> 00:09:27,829
[door closes]
206
00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:30,245
[Geoff] Is my tea ready, Julia?
207
00:09:32,075 --> 00:09:34,318
Can't you just tether
some reindeer to the front
208
00:09:34,353 --> 00:09:35,941
and drag your van to London?
209
00:09:36,113 --> 00:09:38,219
Yeah, it's hard to get reindeer
roadside recovery
210
00:09:38,253 --> 00:09:40,152
at the best of times,
let alone on Christmas Eve.
211
00:09:40,186 --> 00:09:42,603
[sighs]
You got my bloody hopes up.
212
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,915
Well, look,
if it's any consolation,
213
00:09:45,122 --> 00:09:47,228
looks like I'll be spending
my Christmas Day in a lay-by.
214
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,643
-[knock on door]
-Hold on.
215
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:51,888
[Julia] Lizzie!
216
00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:53,890
Lizzie!
217
00:09:54,062 --> 00:09:54,994
Call you back.
218
00:09:55,408 --> 00:09:56,340
Yo.
219
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,653
So, I've run away from home
220
00:09:58,688 --> 00:10:00,172
so that we can go
to Amanda's anal party.
221
00:10:00,379 --> 00:10:02,036
-No, no.
-Yes.
222
00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:03,278
-Please!
-No!
223
00:10:03,313 --> 00:10:05,142
-Please!
-No, I'm not in the mood,
224
00:10:05,177 --> 00:10:06,903
Sam's not coming now, so,
225
00:10:07,179 --> 00:10:08,870
I'm just gonna start wallowing
in my own
226
00:10:08,905 --> 00:10:10,285
shitty shitmas without the kids
227
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,081
-and watch Hereditaryagain.
-Please, Lizzie,
228
00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:14,911
I just really--
I want to go somewhere
229
00:10:14,945 --> 00:10:16,326
I don't have to tidy up or pay.
230
00:10:16,878 --> 00:10:18,293
Please, if you're a good girl
231
00:10:18,328 --> 00:10:20,088
I'll give you a big snog
under the mistletoe.
232
00:10:20,123 --> 00:10:21,158
[phones chime]
233
00:10:25,128 --> 00:10:26,094
[Julia chuckles]
234
00:10:28,165 --> 00:10:29,235
[Julia chuckles]
235
00:10:29,270 --> 00:10:31,375
I hate you! All right.
236
00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:35,897
It took me hours to build up
my Minecrafthomestead,
237
00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:40,039
I had a room for my horse,
I had a couple of cows,
238
00:10:40,246 --> 00:10:41,662
I had a waterfall.
239
00:10:41,938 --> 00:10:43,422
Then your Charlie
joined the party,
240
00:10:43,456 --> 00:10:46,218
I showed him round,
and he just went nuts,
241
00:10:46,252 --> 00:10:48,738
and set fire to the annex
I'd made for the pigs.
242
00:10:48,772 --> 00:10:51,050
So, I went to his place
and did the same.
243
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:53,087
Oh, put it away, Kev,
you're not eight!
244
00:10:54,364 --> 00:10:55,399
Oh, dear.
245
00:10:57,229 --> 00:10:58,299
Do you think it's a Banksy?
246
00:10:59,196 --> 00:11:00,439
How disappointing.
247
00:11:01,509 --> 00:11:03,373
Who would do
something so nasty?
248
00:11:05,202 --> 00:11:06,134
Was it you?
249
00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:07,964
I wouldn't use that font.
250
00:11:11,036 --> 00:11:13,348
Right, come on, we're gonna miss
all the real Champagne.
251
00:11:22,772 --> 00:11:23,980
[Julia] Mm.
252
00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:29,951
Ah, welcome, welcome!
253
00:11:29,986 --> 00:11:31,090
Shoes off, please.
254
00:11:31,263 --> 00:11:32,402
I have a fungal infection.
255
00:11:32,851 --> 00:11:33,783
Merry Christmas.
256
00:11:34,473 --> 00:11:37,062
Gosh, Amanda,
this is absolutely stunning.
257
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:39,409
Yeah, it's actually for
my HyggeTygge website shoot,
258
00:11:39,443 --> 00:11:41,998
everything with a price tag
is from my shop, and for sale.
259
00:11:42,584 --> 00:11:45,311
Oh, my God!
That is absolutely mahoosive!
260
00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:48,211
Was that gifted
by the people of Norway?
261
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,040
No, actually. No.
262
00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:52,560
Now, if you have been
to my dos before,
263
00:11:52,594 --> 00:11:55,183
you'll know
I have a strict schedule.
264
00:11:55,218 --> 00:11:56,426
Evil Santa is at 7:00,
265
00:11:56,460 --> 00:11:58,428
followed by carols
by scented candlelight.
266
00:11:58,462 --> 00:11:59,498
Anne is manning the bar,
267
00:12:00,533 --> 00:12:02,052
there is a patio area outside
for mulled wine,
268
00:12:02,087 --> 00:12:03,364
please no dark drinks
inside the house,
269
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:05,021
otherwise, kick back.
Have fun, guys.
270
00:12:05,435 --> 00:12:06,194
[phone chimes]
271
00:12:07,851 --> 00:12:10,751
Oh, my goodness,
those little sods,
272
00:12:10,923 --> 00:12:12,442
they've kidnapped my llamas.
273
00:12:12,856 --> 00:12:16,032
It's the Pussy Posse,
and Kevin.
274
00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:18,551
And Kevin.
275
00:12:18,586 --> 00:12:19,518
-Minecraft.
-Oh.
276
00:12:19,898 --> 00:12:21,451
Can you believe all this shit?
277
00:12:21,485 --> 00:12:23,246
I mean,
who has a Christmas hippo?
278
00:12:23,522 --> 00:12:27,146
That hippo completely sums up
why I fucking hate Christmas.
279
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,597
Porn star martini?
Porn star martini?
280
00:12:29,631 --> 00:12:31,426
Why is it called
a porn star martini?
281
00:12:31,461 --> 00:12:33,083
Because it relaxes your anus.
282
00:12:33,325 --> 00:12:34,464
-Oh, God.
-[bell rings]
283
00:12:35,568 --> 00:12:37,225
Evil Santa time.
284
00:12:40,056 --> 00:12:42,783
-Okay. [shushes]
-[rings bell]
285
00:12:42,921 --> 00:12:44,198
Everyone, okay.
286
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,373
So, FYI, this is like a really
fun take on secret Santa,
287
00:12:47,857 --> 00:12:50,791
you get to swap your prezzies
if you don't like them,
288
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,103
whether the other person
wants to or not.
289
00:12:53,345 --> 00:12:54,311
Ouch! [chuckles]
290
00:12:54,864 --> 00:12:57,314
Okay, so has everyone
put their prezzies in?
291
00:12:57,349 --> 00:12:58,315
No.
292
00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:00,455
No one told me
about Evil Santa.
293
00:13:00,939 --> 00:13:02,354
Well, it was on the invite, Liz.
294
00:13:02,526 --> 00:13:03,596
I didn't get an invite.
295
00:13:03,631 --> 00:13:05,391
Okay, I guess,
296
00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:07,531
just watch but please
don't try and join in.
297
00:13:07,566 --> 00:13:10,362
-[Meg chuckles]
-[sighs] Okay.
298
00:13:12,364 --> 00:13:14,090
Bad luck
if you get picked first.
299
00:13:16,437 --> 00:13:19,371
Oh, that's me. Oh. Oh, well.
[chuckles]
300
00:13:20,648 --> 00:13:22,236
What's it gonna be?
301
00:13:27,275 --> 00:13:28,207
Oh.
302
00:13:28,552 --> 00:13:29,830
Oh, what's that?
303
00:13:31,348 --> 00:13:35,249
Oh, a candle from HyggeTygge.
[sniffs]
304
00:13:35,628 --> 00:13:37,665
Love it.
Great, that worked out,
305
00:13:37,699 --> 00:13:38,839
I'm thrilled.
306
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,118
Okay, who is next?
Who's it gonna be?
307
00:13:42,635 --> 00:13:43,636
-Anne.
-[gasps]
308
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,259
[Amanda] Come on, Anne.
309
00:13:46,363 --> 00:13:48,434
-Have a look, come on!
-[Anne chuckles]
310
00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:50,367
[Amanda] Move it, move it.
311
00:13:50,402 --> 00:13:53,232
What is it? What is it?
[chuckles]
312
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,235
-What is that?
-Oh, that's me,
313
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:59,514
it's quarter of an onion, um,
my in-laws brought it.
314
00:14:01,585 --> 00:14:04,209
[scoffs] Don't you dare swap
that with my lovely candle.
315
00:14:05,348 --> 00:14:07,695
-No.
-Okay. Yeah, um...
316
00:14:07,729 --> 00:14:10,491
Well, I need a bit of onion
for my bread sauce anyway, so...
317
00:14:10,525 --> 00:14:12,355
That's the spirit, Anne.
Off you go.
318
00:14:12,389 --> 00:14:13,597
Okay, who is next?
319
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,392
Let's have a look. Ooh!
320
00:14:15,945 --> 00:14:17,325
Julia, come along.
321
00:14:17,739 --> 00:14:20,121
Here we go. Come on.
322
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,332
-[paper rustles]
-[chuckles]
323
00:14:26,403 --> 00:14:28,302
-A lemon squeezer.
-It's Lakeland.
324
00:14:28,474 --> 00:14:29,406
Hey?
325
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:31,719
Don't you dare try and swap that
with my lovely candle.
326
00:14:31,753 --> 00:14:34,273
-Well, obviously I will.
-I don't want a lemon squeezer.
327
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:35,447
-It's Lakeland.
-No.
328
00:14:35,481 --> 00:14:37,414
-Yes.
-Julia, it's my party.
329
00:14:37,449 --> 00:14:39,416
But you said.
You said that's the point,
330
00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:41,315
-which you outlined...
-It's from my shop.
331
00:14:41,349 --> 00:14:43,420
Stop it. Sweetheart,
you're embarrassing yourself.
332
00:14:43,455 --> 00:14:44,697
The clue is in the name,
isn't it?
333
00:14:44,732 --> 00:14:46,423
-Julia. Yeah, okay.
-The candle.
334
00:14:46,734 --> 00:14:49,357
Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it.
335
00:14:49,979 --> 00:14:51,187
[Julia] Thank you.
336
00:14:52,429 --> 00:14:53,361
[Amanda] Thanks, Anne.
337
00:14:53,534 --> 00:14:55,260
Okay, ah...
338
00:14:55,708 --> 00:14:57,227
Kevin? Where is Kevin?
339
00:14:57,469 --> 00:14:59,160
-Kevin?
-I'll go and get him.
340
00:14:59,402 --> 00:15:00,334
Kevin!
341
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,681
[Amanda] Okay,
I'll put his name back in.
342
00:15:04,234 --> 00:15:05,511
-Clare?
-[Clare] Yep.
343
00:15:06,029 --> 00:15:07,272
[Amanda] Come on, Clare.
344
00:15:14,624 --> 00:15:16,177
Fuckin' hell.
345
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:22,735
Oh, hey,
don't let me drink too much.
346
00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:23,633
How much is too much?
347
00:15:24,737 --> 00:15:26,325
Well, I need to stay on
the right side of hungover
348
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,085
to deal with tomorrow.
349
00:15:28,258 --> 00:15:29,432
Really? God, I thought
your Christmas would be perfect.
350
00:15:29,466 --> 00:15:34,609
No, because we always have
Bill's ex-wife Vivian over,
351
00:15:34,644 --> 00:15:36,473
she's driving up from Salisbury,
352
00:15:36,508 --> 00:15:38,475
-tonight.
-Gosh! That sounds
353
00:15:38,510 --> 00:15:39,752
very grown up and functional.
354
00:15:39,787 --> 00:15:43,722
No. Its shit,
because I stole her husband,
355
00:15:44,205 --> 00:15:46,345
Bill left her for me.
356
00:15:47,105 --> 00:15:49,210
And she's so fucking
gracious about it.
357
00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:51,488
I'd rather deal with
a hangover
358
00:15:51,523 --> 00:15:53,490
than Vivian's kind,
forgiving face.
359
00:15:53,525 --> 00:15:55,423
Okay. Well, here's to your
360
00:15:55,458 --> 00:15:57,494
shitty, functional
Christmas then.
361
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:59,462
Get that down you.
Cin cin,dear.
362
00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:01,429
-[glass clinking]
-Kevin?
363
00:16:05,537 --> 00:16:09,230
This house is sapping
any joy I had left in my soul.
364
00:16:09,541 --> 00:16:12,268
You know the toilet plays
"Ding Dong Merrily on High"?
365
00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:13,476
Did you leave a yule log in it?
366
00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:14,442
I mean who's it all for?
367
00:16:15,616 --> 00:16:16,513
It's for us, so that we all know
that Amanda's winning.
368
00:16:16,548 --> 00:16:17,618
[Julia] It makes you
want to volunteer
369
00:16:17,652 --> 00:16:19,620
at a homeless shelter
or something, doesn't it?
370
00:16:19,654 --> 00:16:21,484
I definitely would
if I didn't have the kids...
371
00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:24,004
and I was a nicer person,
372
00:16:24,176 --> 00:16:26,075
-and I could be arsed.
-[Meg] Right,
373
00:16:26,109 --> 00:16:27,352
who wants to have a snoop
374
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:28,525
through Amanda's
Christmas drawers?
375
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,595
Ooh, yeah.
376
00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:34,255
Ooh!
377
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:35,256
Wow.
378
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,397
I didn't know Amanda was related
to Barbara Cartland.
379
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,503
Oh, this is just the kind of
bedroom I imagined
380
00:16:40,537 --> 00:16:41,676
losing my virginity in.
381
00:16:42,746 --> 00:16:44,783
Rather than the fourth story
of an NCP carpark?
382
00:16:45,163 --> 00:16:47,648
Actually, it was a tent
at the Reading Festival.
383
00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:51,065
I don't want to slut shame,
but nothing says "slag"
384
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,480
like mistletoe in a bedroom.
385
00:16:52,687 --> 00:16:53,550
Oh, my God!
386
00:16:54,310 --> 00:16:56,691
Kevin, what are you doing
down there?
387
00:16:56,726 --> 00:16:57,761
Mine Craft.
388
00:16:57,796 --> 00:16:59,487
I'm mid-raid, I'm mid-raid.
389
00:16:59,522 --> 00:17:00,661
Filthy little boy.
390
00:17:00,695 --> 00:17:01,627
Ho, ho, ho!
391
00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:04,354
Who wants a festive goblet
of mulled wine?
392
00:17:04,837 --> 00:17:07,288
Meg, are you mad,
did you miss the memo?
393
00:17:07,323 --> 00:17:08,669
-What?
-No dark drinks
394
00:17:08,703 --> 00:17:10,291
-in the house.
-Really? Why?
395
00:17:10,326 --> 00:17:11,534
The carpet, woman.
396
00:17:11,568 --> 00:17:13,087
Oh, my God! Who does that?
397
00:17:13,536 --> 00:17:15,055
Why has she got a white carpet?
398
00:17:15,296 --> 00:17:17,747
I hate milimilism.
Misimilism.
399
00:17:17,781 --> 00:17:20,060
Give it to me,
I'll put it in the ensuite.
400
00:17:20,232 --> 00:17:21,820
Okay, okay, okay.
401
00:17:24,547 --> 00:17:25,651
Careful Kevin.
402
00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:27,619
Oh, God!
403
00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:30,691
[all] Ooh.
404
00:17:30,898 --> 00:17:32,624
[Meg laughs]
405
00:17:32,658 --> 00:17:33,728
[Liz] Oh, my God!
406
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:36,490
[Meg laughs]
407
00:17:38,630 --> 00:17:40,494
-[mulled wine splashes]
-[Meg] Oh, my goodness.
408
00:17:40,873 --> 00:17:42,565
Oh, wow!
409
00:17:42,599 --> 00:17:44,118
-Did you see that?
-Yes!
410
00:17:44,153 --> 00:17:45,499
You were like a cat, Kevin.
411
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:48,778
-[Meg] High five!
-[all] Ooh.
412
00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:51,815
[laughs]
413
00:17:53,783 --> 00:17:55,612
Oh, my God, the carpet!
414
00:17:55,647 --> 00:17:57,442
Get some towels.
Get some wet towels.
415
00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:58,753
Wet towels?
That will just spread it.
416
00:17:58,788 --> 00:18:00,928
What do you put on blood?
Vinegar?
417
00:18:00,962 --> 00:18:02,619
Flour. Flour. No, white wine.
418
00:18:02,654 --> 00:18:03,827
We're not making a gravy, Kevin.
419
00:18:03,862 --> 00:18:05,588
Go get some
bicarbonate of soda.
420
00:18:05,622 --> 00:18:06,658
I'll check the kitchen.
421
00:18:06,865 --> 00:18:08,349
Get some toilet tissue.
422
00:18:08,384 --> 00:18:09,799
-Tissue!
-So, sorry. So sorry.
423
00:18:09,833 --> 00:18:11,663
Don't you be sorry,
it's Meg's fault.
424
00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:14,907
I'm sorry. [laughs]
425
00:18:14,942 --> 00:18:16,495
Looks like a crime scene.
426
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:17,910
I think you've broken my nose.
427
00:18:18,256 --> 00:18:21,121
I think I'm gonna be sick,
I've definitely pissed myself.
428
00:18:21,293 --> 00:18:23,123
Got it, got it. Right.
429
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:25,573
Give it to me.
430
00:18:25,815 --> 00:18:28,369
-[all] Ooh.
-[Kevin] Oh, sh...
431
00:18:28,749 --> 00:18:30,785
Dust yourself off,
get it on the carpet.
432
00:18:30,958 --> 00:18:32,546
Get it on the carpet!
433
00:18:32,684 --> 00:18:33,719
[laughs]
434
00:18:34,306 --> 00:18:36,515
Pat, pat, pat. Don't rub.
Don't rub!
435
00:18:36,722 --> 00:18:38,724
Guys, come on,
it's carol o'clock.
436
00:18:39,691 --> 00:18:40,623
Nothing.
437
00:18:41,210 --> 00:18:42,590
[whispers] Oh, my God!
438
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:45,697
Are you taking drugs?
439
00:18:47,664 --> 00:18:48,631
Yes.
440
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,394
Yes, we've been
sniffing cocaine.
441
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:54,568
[exhales]
442
00:18:55,948 --> 00:18:57,571
Would you--
Would you like some?
443
00:18:58,503 --> 00:18:59,952
I know I seem pretty chill,
444
00:18:59,987 --> 00:19:02,196
and that's because I am,
but there is a time
445
00:19:02,231 --> 00:19:04,164
and a place, guys, okay?
446
00:19:04,716 --> 00:19:05,717
Not cool.
447
00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:08,789
Not cool at all.
448
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,866
And get out
of my daughters' bedroom!
449
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,868
-Okay.
-Yeah, okay. Sorry.
450
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:21,767
[Julia blows raspberry]
451
00:19:27,911 --> 00:19:29,637
-That'll do.
-Yeah.
452
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,469
[all singing]
♪ Four calling birds
453
00:19:33,503 --> 00:19:34,815
♪ Three French hens
454
00:19:34,849 --> 00:19:36,610
♪ Two turtle doves
455
00:19:36,644 --> 00:19:37,956
♪ And a partridge
456
00:19:38,336 --> 00:19:40,786
♪ In a pear tree
457
00:19:41,477 --> 00:19:42,892
[rapping]
♪ You take the partridge
458
00:19:42,926 --> 00:19:45,860
♪ You take it out the fridge
You put it in the oven ♪
459
00:19:45,895 --> 00:19:47,724
♪ And you cook it a smidge
Here we go! ♪
460
00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:51,487
[grunts rhythmically]
461
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,006
♪ Christmas Day
Is baby Jesus birthday ♪
462
00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:55,974
♪ He live at the top
Of the tree ♪
463
00:19:56,008 --> 00:19:57,493
♪ The Christmas tree
464
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,633
Okay, and on that note,
465
00:20:00,047 --> 00:20:01,807
thanks for coming everyone,
466
00:20:01,842 --> 00:20:02,981
-home time.
-No, no, no,
467
00:20:03,015 --> 00:20:04,603
I don't wanna go home sober.
468
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:05,742
You're not sober.
469
00:20:05,777 --> 00:20:07,537
Okay do grab a panettone
470
00:20:07,572 --> 00:20:09,263
from the panettone pyramid.
Anne, one!
471
00:20:09,436 --> 00:20:11,610
Anne, are you walking home
with us, love?
472
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:12,473
No, she's helping me clean up.
473
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,545
[Anne] No, I have things to do,
I'm doing the bins.
474
00:20:15,718 --> 00:20:16,753
One, watch her.
475
00:20:17,064 --> 00:20:19,031
-Okay.
-Whoopsie!
476
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:20,895
[Amanda] Anne, get the glass!
477
00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:22,656
That's lovely.
478
00:20:22,690 --> 00:20:24,278
-[Anne] Okay.
-[Amanda] Okay, wonderful.
479
00:20:24,313 --> 00:20:25,590
-[Anne] Good evening.
-I love you.
480
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,005
[Amanda] Oh, that's so sweet.
481
00:20:27,454 --> 00:20:29,525
-Thank you.
-[all] Bye.
482
00:20:30,077 --> 00:20:31,768
Well, that was brilliant.
483
00:20:32,079 --> 00:20:34,046
I feel terrible about the stain.
484
00:20:34,081 --> 00:20:35,738
Everyone back to mine.
485
00:20:36,117 --> 00:20:37,809
It's Christmas Eve, Meg.
486
00:20:37,981 --> 00:20:39,914
Oh, come on
you flaky lightweights,
487
00:20:39,949 --> 00:20:41,019
just one more eggnog,
488
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:42,848
so I don't have to face
Bill's ex.
489
00:20:43,435 --> 00:20:45,575
It's only... [gasps]
490
00:20:45,782 --> 00:20:47,543
Why am I wearing two watches?
491
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:48,647
What?
492
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:52,651
No! No, no, no. Liz,
can you call your child
493
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,515
and tell him to stop raiding
my homestead,
494
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:56,586
he's gonna burn it down
and take all my gold.
495
00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:58,933
What's Charlie doing on
Minecraftat this time of night?
496
00:20:58,968 --> 00:21:00,901
[Kevin] Whoa. Whoa.
What the bloody hell?
497
00:21:00,935 --> 00:21:02,696
Ooh, that's not cool.
498
00:21:02,730 --> 00:21:03,835
[Kevin] Oh, my God!
499
00:21:04,422 --> 00:21:05,906
Who would do such a thing?
500
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:07,563
Kevin, we saw it earlier.
501
00:21:07,597 --> 00:21:08,943
What? We didn't do anything?
502
00:21:08,978 --> 00:21:10,807
You were dicking about
on Mein Kampf.
503
00:21:11,014 --> 00:21:13,810
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
We can't leave it up there.
504
00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:18,090
What if a kid sees it
on Christmas morning?
505
00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:20,921
I don't care, Kevin,
I've got a giblet gravy to make.
506
00:21:20,955 --> 00:21:21,853
-No, no.
-[groans]
507
00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:24,683
I'm all for free speech,
but this is BS.
508
00:21:25,028 --> 00:21:26,685
And blasphemy.
509
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:27,962
What do you want us to do,
Kevin?
510
00:21:27,997 --> 00:21:29,309
Find some paint
and paint over it?
511
00:21:29,481 --> 00:21:30,689
Exactly.
512
00:21:30,862 --> 00:21:32,104
-Oh, my god.
-It's ten past nine,
513
00:21:32,139 --> 00:21:33,313
Homebase is shut.
514
00:21:33,554 --> 00:21:35,004
That's just details, Liz.
515
00:21:35,453 --> 00:21:37,696
This is what Christmas
is all about.
516
00:21:38,421 --> 00:21:40,975
It's parents all over the world
517
00:21:41,148 --> 00:21:43,702
preserving the magical lies
we tell our kids
518
00:21:43,737 --> 00:21:45,980
to keep the spirit
of Christmas alive.
519
00:21:46,636 --> 00:21:47,465
And I...
520
00:21:48,604 --> 00:21:51,883
I will not stand here
and let this truth be told.
521
00:21:54,092 --> 00:21:56,750
Fine. [grunts]
522
00:21:56,784 --> 00:21:58,993
Okay. Okay, fine, Kevin.
523
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:02,687
Where are we gonna find
some paint on Christmas Eve?
524
00:22:04,999 --> 00:22:07,692
[muffled music plays]
525
00:22:09,072 --> 00:22:10,971
Hold on,
why are there still people here?
526
00:22:11,005 --> 00:22:12,075
I thought they were all leaving.
527
00:22:13,111 --> 00:22:14,802
Maybe there's been
an accident or something.
528
00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:16,873
[Julia] Oh, for God's sake,
Kevin!
529
00:22:16,908 --> 00:22:18,012
[Liz] We've been had.
530
00:22:18,047 --> 00:22:19,738
We've been chucked out
of a party
531
00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:21,050
-I didn't even wanna be at.
-Right.
532
00:22:22,948 --> 00:22:24,881
[knocks on door]
533
00:22:24,916 --> 00:22:26,918
[Julia] We know you're in there,
so open the door.
534
00:22:28,678 --> 00:22:29,714
Yoo-hoo!
535
00:22:31,957 --> 00:22:33,407
Jesus Christ. Um...
536
00:22:33,649 --> 00:22:36,376
Nothing. I'm doing the bins.
So...
537
00:22:39,827 --> 00:22:41,691
Hey. Uh...
538
00:22:42,243 --> 00:22:44,625
-Their taxis didn't turn up.
-[Liz] Bollocks!
539
00:22:44,867 --> 00:22:46,213
You wanted to
thin your party out,
540
00:22:46,247 --> 00:22:47,904
but didn't have the balls
to tell us.
541
00:22:48,457 --> 00:22:49,319
This is my party,
542
00:22:49,354 --> 00:22:51,114
if I wanna vibe on
with my gal pals,
543
00:22:51,149 --> 00:22:51,977
that's my prerogative.
544
00:22:53,116 --> 00:22:54,946
So, you lied. You just
kicked us out into the snow.
545
00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:56,016
It's not snowing, Julia.
546
00:22:57,327 --> 00:22:58,467
I think you know what I mean.
Is this really Christmas spirit,
547
00:22:58,501 --> 00:23:01,159
good will to all men,
peace on Earth, parumpapumpum?
548
00:23:01,193 --> 00:23:02,022
Shame on you.
549
00:23:03,057 --> 00:23:06,854
Shame on you and your one invite
between three.
550
00:23:07,476 --> 00:23:08,684
-Four.
-Four.
551
00:23:09,857 --> 00:23:12,895
You can have your big,
showy-offy Christmassy house,
552
00:23:13,067 --> 00:23:15,069
Christmas is not
about your bibbles and bobbles,
553
00:23:15,104 --> 00:23:16,139
and your edible wreaths.
554
00:23:16,588 --> 00:23:17,727
It's not edible.
555
00:23:20,972 --> 00:23:23,215
It's about what is in there,
556
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:24,734
and there's nothing
in your there.
557
00:23:24,941 --> 00:23:26,149
You're like an empty husk.
558
00:23:26,184 --> 00:23:28,704
You're like a mince pie
with no mince.
559
00:23:28,911 --> 00:23:31,983
You're a dead Christmas
with no heart. What?
560
00:23:32,224 --> 00:23:33,709
[Amanda] Goodnight, Julia.
561
00:23:34,054 --> 00:23:36,712
Whoa! Let's just roll back.
Roll back.
562
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:42,062
Somebody has scrawled,
um, "Santa's not real"
563
00:23:42,096 --> 00:23:43,822
on the living nativity.
564
00:23:43,857 --> 00:23:46,100
[gasps] What if a small child
saw that?
565
00:23:46,135 --> 00:23:48,724
Yes!
So, what we need is a ladder,
566
00:23:48,758 --> 00:23:50,208
-some paint--
-What was it you said Julia?
567
00:23:50,242 --> 00:23:52,003
"A dead Christmas
with no heart"?
568
00:23:52,935 --> 00:23:55,144
Mm. Did I? Um...
569
00:23:56,283 --> 00:23:57,215
[Amanda] And now...
570
00:23:58,250 --> 00:23:59,044
you want my help?
571
00:23:59,562 --> 00:24:01,184
No, not me, not me.
The children.
572
00:24:01,668 --> 00:24:04,153
They'll be wandering past that
atrocity that says
573
00:24:04,602 --> 00:24:05,982
"Santa's not bloody real."
574
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:07,846
Is that an apology?
575
00:24:10,746 --> 00:24:13,818
If that's what you need.
If that's what you need,
576
00:24:13,852 --> 00:24:15,509
then I'm sorry.
577
00:24:17,822 --> 00:24:18,823
How dare you?
578
00:24:20,065 --> 00:24:22,274
My Christmas does have heart,
and for your information,
579
00:24:22,309 --> 00:24:24,276
this year I wanted it
to be especially special.
580
00:24:24,311 --> 00:24:26,037
It is my first time
hosting without Johnny,
581
00:24:26,071 --> 00:24:27,970
and probably the last
time in my lovely house.
582
00:24:28,004 --> 00:24:30,869
So, I am so sorry I went to
such a lot of effort for you all
583
00:24:30,904 --> 00:24:33,009
and I hope you're happy,
because you have ruined it.
584
00:24:33,182 --> 00:24:34,321
How did we ruin it?
585
00:24:34,355 --> 00:24:37,911
Timber!
586
00:24:39,326 --> 00:24:40,741
[Meg laughs]
587
00:24:40,776 --> 00:24:41,949
[gasps]
588
00:24:41,984 --> 00:24:44,780
[laughs]
Didn't anybody film that?
589
00:24:45,988 --> 00:24:47,507
Well, that's that then.
590
00:24:47,817 --> 00:24:51,890
No, we can't lecture Amanda
on Christmas spirit
591
00:24:51,925 --> 00:24:53,513
and not do something about this.
592
00:24:53,927 --> 00:24:55,894
Yeah, you did go
a bit over the top
593
00:24:55,929 --> 00:24:57,137
with the whole "parumpapumpum."
594
00:24:57,965 --> 00:25:00,312
[metal clanging]
595
00:25:00,347 --> 00:25:03,764
Oh, my God, Anne,
you little beauty!
596
00:25:03,937 --> 00:25:06,008
-[Amanda] Don't you dare, Anne!
-[knocking on window]
597
00:25:06,042 --> 00:25:07,803
Don't you dare, Anne!
598
00:25:08,148 --> 00:25:09,287
[Anne] Go, go, go!
599
00:25:11,945 --> 00:25:13,981
I am calling your husband.
600
00:25:14,016 --> 00:25:15,017
[Anne] Right,
601
00:25:15,051 --> 00:25:17,295
let's get this Christmas
back on feckin' track.
602
00:25:17,709 --> 00:25:19,815
Where's Meg the lazy bugger?
603
00:25:19,849 --> 00:25:20,816
Oh, God.
604
00:25:20,850 --> 00:25:22,921
I hope she's not gone
in with the donkey.
605
00:25:22,956 --> 00:25:24,129
Can't abide donkeys.
606
00:25:24,164 --> 00:25:25,993
Got bit on a school trip
to Skerries.
607
00:25:26,615 --> 00:25:28,133
I was feeding one
a Fruit Pastille
608
00:25:28,168 --> 00:25:29,963
-and it bit me under the nipple.
-Ooh, Anne.
609
00:25:30,170 --> 00:25:32,172
The priest lifted up my t-shirt
to check the bruise.
610
00:25:34,899 --> 00:25:38,558
It's ironic, because, actually,
"Anne" is French for "donkey."
611
00:25:38,834 --> 00:25:40,387
Why is that ironic, Kevin?
612
00:25:40,421 --> 00:25:44,253
Well, it's interesting then.
Just an interesting detail.
613
00:25:44,425 --> 00:25:46,255
I think the interesting detail
614
00:25:46,289 --> 00:25:48,637
is that after a donkey bit Anne
on the nipple,
615
00:25:48,671 --> 00:25:50,121
she got molested by a priest.
616
00:25:51,398 --> 00:25:53,124
Hey, guys. Come here,
look at this!
617
00:25:54,159 --> 00:25:55,126
[Julia grunts]
618
00:25:56,092 --> 00:25:58,094
Oh, that's nice and cozy.
619
00:25:58,336 --> 00:25:59,855
[Anne] God love her.
620
00:26:00,131 --> 00:26:01,097
[Liz] Aw!
621
00:26:02,202 --> 00:26:03,824
Wake the fuck up!
622
00:26:05,377 --> 00:26:08,277
["O Come Let Us Adore Him"
plays]
623
00:26:14,214 --> 00:26:16,250
Nothing like the smell
of fresh emulsion
624
00:26:16,285 --> 00:26:17,942
to see in Christmas Day.
625
00:26:18,218 --> 00:26:19,978
I've still got a toilet
to unblock,
626
00:26:20,013 --> 00:26:22,153
and three massive bags
of potatoes to peel.
627
00:26:22,394 --> 00:26:24,155
["O Come Let Us Adore Him"
plays]
628
00:26:24,189 --> 00:26:28,608
♪ Sing in exultation
629
00:26:28,918 --> 00:26:36,029
♪ Sing all ye citizens
Of Heaven above ♪
630
00:26:37,444 --> 00:26:41,621
♪ Glory to God
631
00:26:41,828 --> 00:26:45,659
♪ In the highest
632
00:26:45,694 --> 00:26:50,043
♪ O come let us adore him
633
00:26:50,077 --> 00:26:54,392
[all]
♪ O come let us adore him
634
00:26:54,426 --> 00:27:00,053
-♪ Oh come let us--
-♪ ...let us adore him
635
00:27:00,087 --> 00:27:05,161
[high-pitched]
♪ Christ the Lord!
636
00:27:05,196 --> 00:27:07,232
Nice of her to turn up
when we've nearly finished.
637
00:27:07,267 --> 00:27:08,371
At the end of the day,
638
00:27:08,924 --> 00:27:10,995
I can forgive you
for the negging,
639
00:27:11,512 --> 00:27:12,479
for the petty theft,
640
00:27:12,513 --> 00:27:14,343
and the desecration
of the penguin tableau,
641
00:27:14,377 --> 00:27:15,482
I know that was you, Liz.
642
00:27:15,516 --> 00:27:18,658
-But what I can't forgive--
-She's seen the carpet.
643
00:27:18,830 --> 00:27:22,040
...is myself
for not rolling up my sleeves
644
00:27:22,075 --> 00:27:25,216
and saving God damn Christmas,
because this isn't about us...
645
00:27:27,114 --> 00:27:28,219
it's about the kids.
646
00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:35,433
Budge up, Anne.
647
00:27:38,056 --> 00:27:40,300
Kev, would you get a photo
of this for my Insta?
648
00:27:40,852 --> 00:27:47,410
♪ Once in royal David's city
649
00:27:48,549 --> 00:27:55,695
♪ Stood a lowly cattle shed
650
00:27:57,248 --> 00:28:01,493
♪ Where a mother
651
00:28:01,528 --> 00:28:05,187
♪ Laid her baby
652
00:28:05,774 --> 00:28:10,054
♪ In a manger
653
00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:13,402
♪ For his bed
654
00:28:14,368 --> 00:28:18,131
♪ Mary was
655
00:28:18,165 --> 00:28:22,722
♪ That mother mild
656
00:28:22,998 --> 00:28:27,002
♪ Jesus Christ
657
00:28:27,036 --> 00:28:32,179
♪ Her little child
658
00:28:34,043 --> 00:28:38,013
♪ He came down
659
00:28:38,047 --> 00:28:42,293
♪ To Earth from Heaven
660
00:28:43,225 --> 00:28:47,091
♪ Who is God
661
00:28:47,263 --> 00:28:51,440
-♪ And Lord of all
-[horn honking]
662
00:28:52,579 --> 00:28:57,239
♪ And his shelter
663
00:28:57,273 --> 00:29:01,553
♪ Was a stable
664
00:29:02,037 --> 00:29:07,145
♪ And his cradle
665
00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:10,562
♪ Was a stall
666
00:29:12,047 --> 00:29:16,327
♪ With the poor
667
00:29:16,361 --> 00:29:21,332
♪ And meek and lowly
668
00:29:21,642 --> 00:29:26,302
♪ Lived on Earth
669
00:29:26,337 --> 00:29:33,206
♪ Our Savior holy
670
00:29:33,620 --> 00:29:36,174
I'm sorry I stole
your husband, Vivian.
671
00:29:36,899 --> 00:29:41,559
♪ We shall see him
672
00:29:41,593 --> 00:29:45,839
♪ But in Heaven
673
00:29:46,081 --> 00:29:50,361
♪ Set at God's
674
00:29:50,395 --> 00:29:55,400
♪ Right hand on high
675
00:29:55,435 --> 00:30:00,129
♪ When like stars
676
00:30:00,164 --> 00:30:05,203
♪ His children crowned
677
00:30:05,376 --> 00:30:09,311
♪ All in white
678
00:30:09,656 --> 00:30:16,836
♪ Shall be around
679
00:30:22,117 --> 00:30:23,843
[child] Mommy, Santa's been!
680
00:30:25,706 --> 00:30:28,157
He's been! He's been!
681
00:30:28,399 --> 00:30:29,400
[sighs]
48133
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