All language subtitles for Kid Sister s01e03 Blue Sandwiches.eng

[FLUTE PLAYS SCALES]

- When I was a kid,
my mum packed me

the same sandwich
for lunch every day -

Marmite, butter and cheese,

because that was my shit.

After a few years,
I guess I got sick of it,

but I didn't really know
how to ask for something new.

- [GASPS] Morning.

- So every day
when I'd get home,

I'd take the uneaten
sandwich from my lunchbox

and throw it straight into

the coatroom behind

a pile of bags.

And this went on for months,
until one day,

my parents followed
a weird smell into the room.

They discovered hundreds
of rotten blue sandwiches

squirreled away in there.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

- When they asked me why

I didn't just tell them
I didn't like the sandwich,

I couldn't really
give them an answer.

But looking back, the truth is

I guess I'd rather go hungry
than risk upsetting my mum.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

- Lulu, Dr Waldman.
If you've sorted things,

disregard this. If not,

you really need to come in.

You're overdue
for your first scan.

[BEEP!]

[GASPS] Mum!

- I think this pregnancy
is becoming

a bit of a blue sandwich.

- ECHOES: ? Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! ?

Captions were made with
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Copyright Able 2022.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

- I feel like I'm the only one

trying to make
this break-up work.

Ollie and I have
ended things so many times

in so many fun
and creative ways,

I really thought I could
break up with this man

for the rest of my life.

- Argh!

- This is it - seriously. It's
the best thing for both of us.

We're done - no Ollie,
no backsliding.

You know what?
Today's a write-off.

Right, I'm gonna
get back into bed.

- No. No sleeping, Lulu.

Lulu, don't do it.
I'll club you.

[GASPS] Ooh!
- Don't wake me, Mum.

I'm in REM sleep!
- You have brunch plans

with Sina.

- You can't make plans for
me, remember? Boundaries.

- I didn't like those.
And, please, before you go,

have a shower.
You stink like a bear.

- That is such
a rude thing to say.

- It's rude to stink.

[BIRDS CHIRP]

- No, no backsliding.

- [SIGHS]

- ? Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

? Yeah! ?

- What?
- I dunno. You look so cool,

I wanna to kill myself.

Hey, what happened with that guy
the other night, by the way?

The bartender.
- That was weeks ago.

We're married now.
- Oh, amazing!

- Nah, we realised we'd
already slept together.

It was actually
pretty confronting.

Anyway, what is going on here?

Why do you appear...

as such?
- If I talk about it,

I will cry.
- No worries.

I've got plenty of shit
to distract you with.

So, my brother got engaged.
- Personal attack.

- That is what I said.

Honestly, Lu, I was
so pissed, I went out...

and I bought a bag too
small to fit my phone.

- Nightmare.

Hey, what are you doing now?
Do you wanna go to the movies?

- Movie? I've got
work in 20 minutes.

- Can I come with?
- To work?

You wanna come in to work?

Oh, OK. So you, like,

abandoned me for some totally
random sojourn abroad,

you know, leaving me the
single-mama newborn business

all on my own, and now you
just wanna come on in to work?

- It does sound bad, doesn't it?
- Look,

I forgive you for
leaving me. I do,

because I know the
Fiddler on the Roof-esque stuff

you were going
through with Ollie

and the fam lead you
to run away. But, Lu,

what I cannot forgive...

is what a flaky little bitch
you've been since you got back.

- I know, but I promise
you will see more of me,

starting now.

- No. No, no, no, no, no.

You cannot just waltz back
into our business' life,

like a deadbeat dad
with a pop-star kid.

- Sina, I can't
go home right now.

Every time I take
a depression nap,

I wake up with more depression.

Please. Please.

- Mm-mm.
- But then also please.

- No.
- Please.

- No.
- Please. Please.

- OK. OK, OK.

You can come. But you
must sit, look pretty.

And, Lu, please do
not touch anything.

- I won't. I wouldn't.

Wow.
- Hello, everyone.

So, today, we will be making...

another cup. Yay!

- Sina's, like, a real person.

- Hey, how was
rock-and-roll night?

You're so hungover, right?

- She's got her framed degree
up on her bedroom wall

and everything.
We studied the same thing,

and mine is 1000% scrunched up
in a drawer somewhere.

I often wonder what I'd be like

if my parents
had gotten divorced.

That could have
been amazing for me.

- And remember, before
we centre the clay...

we must centre... ourselves.

So everybody take a deep,
delicious breath.

- [YAWNS]

- Have you been into
ceramics for long?

- Oh, I'm not. I'm not.

This is just the only
place that I can come

to get away from my kids. Yeah.

I mean, this could be anywhere
- just be sitting in silence...

staring into space, as long
as there wasn't someone there,

like, 'Mummy, Mummy,
Mummy, Mummy, Mummy. Mummy!'

Just once a week.
Yeah, once a week,

Sarah gets her special class,
with her special alone time,

so she doesn't top herself.

I'm Sarah.

- Sarah, how are we tracking?

- I, uh...

- She's doing amazing.

Do you want some help
getting your cup started?

- Oh, sure. Yeah. Do,
like, whatever you want to it.

Make it into a gun
and shoot me in the face.

[CHUCKLES]

WHISPERS: You can't
actually do that, though, eh?

- Make a ceramic gun?

Uh, no. I can't -
I can't do that. Sorry.

- I wanted to
apologise for my email.

I only realised it was
5am right after I sent it,

and I instantly regretted it.

- Oh, don't worry
about it, mate.

- And in the interest
of full transparency,

I should say that I
have done some googling,

and I am already
aware of the secret.

- What...

secret?
- That Judaism is not

a Prothetalise...

Prosth...
- Proselytising religion.

Right.
- Yes. And that you will say

no to me three times
before accepting me

as a student to study
the Torah and the Tanach.

But I want you to know
that I am 100% committed

and ready to learn.

So now I'd like to ask
you for the first time...

Rabbi, will you accept
my application...

to become a Jew?

- I'd be happy to, Ollie.

- What?
- We don't really do that

any more, with the 'no three
times' thing. So basically,

if you just start showing
a commitment to Judaism,

I would be honoured to take
you on as a student, Ollie.

I think you would
make a wonderful Jew.

You're already quite neurotic.

- What is this? Please.

Can you do it?
- Do the...

question thing? You want me
to reject you three times?

- Yes, please.
- Right.

Go ahead.

You can ask.

- Can I please become Jewish?
- No, you can't.

- Please.
- We're just not

accepting applications
at this time.

- Rabbi.
Please let me be a Jew.

I need this so frickin bad.

- OK.
- Yes!

- Ollie, you know
I'm not like a genie,

where I just made
you Jewish, right?

An Orthodox conversion
takes years of study.

You have to learn Jewish prayer
and history and philosophy

and Hebrew, and then
there's all of the exams.

This is not something that
you can just do overnight.

- I know.

But I need to get
my girlfriend back.

- Right.

- Everybody says, 'Oh, it'll be
different with your own kids -

'everything that
you hate about kids

'would just fly
out the window.'

But it doesn't.
Really, it doesn't.

- But is it like
that thing where,

you know, like, despite it all,

you can't even imagine
what your life was like -

like, you just don't remember?

- No, no, I remember everything.

I remember everything.

I remember 10 hours of
glorious, uninterrupted sleep.

I remember, oh,

deciding to leave the house
and just leaving the house.

I remember not
having to suck snot

out of somebody else's nose
with a tube.

I remember. Do I love my kids
more than anything else?

Do I? Uh...

Yes. Yes, of course.
Of course I do.

But if I had never had them,

then I would have
never experienced that love,

and I wouldn't know
what I was missing out on.

Do you see what I'm saying?

- I really, really do.

- Yeah. No, I do.

- You don't have kids, eh?
- No.

- Don't. Don't.

- Lulu...

what the hell?
- Oh, whoa.

That is so good.

[SLOW GUITAR MUSIC]

- ? It's moi! ?

[GRUNTS]

Very quiet.

Are you mad at me?

Look, I know things were
weird at Sukkot dinner,

but Ollie and I broke up.

You know, I still think you
and Bec should consider my idea.

Like, I've got a free
foetus right here,

and I do not know
what to do with it.

I know you're my brother,

but I still think you'd be
the perfect father of my child.

- That's exactly right,
Mark. I'm so sorry.

My sister's here,
and she is not mentally well.

- He's pitching.
- We base our operating system

on several things. For example,

is the exit door
a nightmarish pool

where you have to
re-soil your clean hands?

- My God.

I was, like,
is our brother-sister ship over?

- Did you say anything bad?
- Yes, heaps of stuff.

It was terrible.

- Um, Leo told me about your...

situation. How's it going?

Is it still going?
- Yeah.

I just have
this brief return window,

and it's closing.

I know how much
you guys want kids,

and I want to help.

Did Leo tell you about my idea?

- I just...

I wanna make sure

that you're not avoiding
dealing with a now problem

in favour of
dealing with it later.

Cos you know
what's more annoying

than terminating a pregnancy?
Giving birth.

- As if I hadn't
thought of that.

Also, I kind of
hadn't thought of that.

Right. But I mean...

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

- It's fine. I think you woke
up some of the older investors.

- We're talking baby stuff.

- I meant it, you know, when
I offered... That wasn't just

an idea that it was occurring
to me in that moment.

- Half true.

- Did you say before
that things are over

with you and Ollie?

- Because of the baby?

- Yeah.

I told him, and...

he said he wanted
nothing to do with it.

- Straight-up lie.

- Dirtbag.
- Yeah, well,

some people don't
want that, right?

But you do.
- What we're wondering is -

are you gonna be able
to go through with it?

I mean, you've got, like,
a newborn baby in your arms

looking up at you.
Are you actually gonna

be able to give that away?

- Hell, yeah.
Get it out of here.

- OK, but actually?

- Yeah, I'm not
inventing a new concept.

It's called surrogacy.

Right? Look,
I've thought about this,

and I mean it.
I'm happy to have this baby;

I just don't
want to have a baby.

OK? So have a think,

circulate internally
and let me know,

soonish if poss.

- Siggy!

Danya rang. Hershey
has the thing again.

He has chlamydia.

- Oh.
- I took him

to the doctor last time.
She had stern words,

told him to wait nine days
before having sex again,

which clearly he didn't do,

cos the place is
fucking rife with it.

- Surely someone other than
my dad could be spreading it.

- No, they've tested
throughout the home.

All the roads lead
back to Hershey.

- Roads.
There are multiple roads?

- I need you to talk
to him tonight.

Tell him to take his meds
and keep his shtupper shtum

or else there'll be
consequences. Be stern, firm...

just like your father.

- [SIGHS]

[TINKLY MUSIC]

- ? Nobody gets me
the way you do,

? nobody kiss me like you.

? Empty hours float on by. ?

[OWL HOOTS]
- Argh!

- Right, let's get
a move on before traffic.

- Well, let me get my shoe on.
- [SIGHS]

Shake your leg.

Hey, Lu. You coming?
Do you a lot of good.

- Sorry. Cultural Jew for life.

- How am I gonna
get you off the shelf?

- You'll have to stamp
my white-knuckled hands off

one by one.

What?

- What yourself.

[SINGING IN HEBREW]

- Shabbat shalom, everyone.
- ALL: Shabbat shalom.

- So, this week,
I have been thinking about

the mitzvah of the mezuzah...

the small box that
we place on the doorway

that we kiss every time
that we enter the house.

Now, what goes inside
the mezuzah is holy.

However, the design of the case,

it's pretty much a free-for-all.

See, my sister's family, for
example, they have a Shrek one.

So this week,
a Jehovah's Witness

came knocking on their door.

My brother-in-law
answered the door,

and he very politely turned
down their invitation to speak.

He pointed at their mezuzah,
and he said,

'Thank you, but we're very
happy with our religion'.

The guy looked confused,
and he left.

Now, it wasn't until hours
later that the family realised

that he probably
thought they worship Shrek.

- WHISPERS:
Is that Lulu's friend?

- The word shrek is actually
Yiddish for 'monster'.

But anybody that's seen the film

knows that Shrek was
deeply misunderstood.

Now, he had some
strange practices,

and he ate some very weird food,

and there weren't
many of his kind,

so he pushed everybody away,
and he hid in the swamp.

Now, unfortunately,
this just perpetuated

a cycle of misunderstanding
and rejection.

So this Shabbos,

my hope is that we can
find the mezuzah in our lives,

the daily touchstones
which connect us to Hashem,

while also remembering
that it is important for us to

leave our swamps and
connect with people,

in the hopes that
we, like Shrek,

will come to be known for
more than our differences.

Now we're gonna have a Kiddush
in the foyer. Good Shabbos.

- ALL: Good Shabbos.
- Good Shabbos.

- What was
that shit about Shrek?

- Oh, I dunno. He's trying.
- Oh.

Oh, the Rabbi's children
running absolute riot again.

Jeez, there's another one.

- It's good to see some
youth at our services.

- Mr Manuel.
- Come here often?

- I've walked past a lot,

but I've never really thought
about what's inside.

But it's massive in here.
It's like Hogwarts.

- So that's what brought
you here - curiosity.

- Well, that and Lulu
kind of ended things.

I think she's looking for
a Jewish guy, and I thought,

'Hey, I could try to
become one of those'.

- Sometimes people say things...

so they don't
hurt your feelings.

You're a sweet person, Ollie,

but Lulu's looking
for a partner.

So, you know, maybe
it is a Jewish thing,

but I wouldn't rule out
the possibility that

it could be something else.

[CHILDREN SHRIEK, LAUGH]

- I'm not above teaching
someone else's children!

- I should take care of that.

Good Shabbos, Ollie.

[CHILDREN SHRIEK, LAUGH]
- Good Shabbos.

[CHILDREN SHRIEK, LAUGH]

[CUTLERY CLINKS]

- Why did you lie
about the Yoni thing?

- [SIGHS] I'm flailing around,

and you guys only
seem more determined

for me to find the nice
Jewish boy of your dreams.

- My dreams

of yours -

I just want you to find someone
you can share your life with,

Lu. Nobody wants what happened

with your great-aunt
to happen again.

- My great...

I don't... Hershey
didn't have a sister.

- Hannah's sister.

- Nana Hannah didn't
have a sister either.

What happened?

- She passed away a while ago,

but the family mourned her
long before that.

She married a non-Jewish man
from Christchurch, I think.

They sat Shiva for her,
never spoke of her again.

- Nobody told me this because...

- Because everybody
has their secrets,

including you.

I can see there are so many
things you're not telling me.

- There's nothing to tell.

Where are you going?

- Inside my boundary.

I've been building
it for a few weeks,

and now it's officially up.

So unless you can tell
me what's going on...

- [SIGHS]

- I know what's happening.

- OK. Maybe you can tell me.

- Yeah, well, sure.
Lulu's pregnant.

- Dad, don't say that.

- At first I thought
it was Bec, but no.

Wherever Lulu is,
there's the smell.

Mazel tov - you're going
to be a grandpa. [CHUCKLES]

The nose knows.

- Let's get you inside.

- And that kid's the father.

Well, at least
the Tay-Sachs thing

won't be a problem for them,

since Lulu, she's never
liked her carrots peeled,

if you know what I mean.
- Enough.

Stop saying everything
that comes into your mind.

And stop doing everything
your little shvantz tells you.

You're putting people's
health at risk, man.

Just use a condom.

WHISPERS: For Christ's sake!

- You should have told
that to your daughter.

Oh, Gladys.

- How'd it go?

- I wouldn't say great.

He thinks Lulu's pregnant.

- [LAUGHS]

What?
- Two kids, five grandkids -

he knew the minute
each one was conceived.

It's his thing -
his pregnancy nose.

- That isn't real.

[CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[TINKLY MUSIC]

[MUSIC BUILDS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES]

- ? And I don't know.

? Easy, I follow her...

? that you came to me...

- Am I in love with him?

Shit. What if I am?

What if I'm in love with him?

Shit.

[CREAKING]
- ? You left my heart black. ?

Ollie?!

- Oh, Leo.
- We're keen.

We wanna do it. It's an amazing
thing you're offering.

And it is crazy,
but maybe it's crazy good.

And we'd be crazy...

- ? Golden light.

- I think they just
found the blue sandwich.

? The bitter sweetest sight.

? The sun must set

? and yield to night.

? I long to hold you

? tight.

? No past regrets.

? Hold me in your arms. ?

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