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1
00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:17,665
America's most wanted.
Have you seen this man?
2
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,105
(Police radio, sirens)
3
00:00:24,270 --> 00:00:27,865
'Eagle, you're looking great.
Coming up nine minutes.'
4
00:00:33,670 --> 00:00:36,468
Booyakasha! America has h'invented
5
00:00:36,510 --> 00:00:39,070
some of the bestest things in the world -
6
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:44,025
McDonald's, gangsta rap,
spaghetti and swimming.
7
00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:45,549
I like swimming.
8
00:00:45,590 --> 00:00:47,979
But your country's got problems too.
9
00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:52,546
There's been nuff sadness since
the terrible events of 7/11.
10
00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:58,426
And there is still racialism, even to the
native people, what is they called, the...
11
00:00:58,470 --> 00:01:00,779
(War cry) Them ones.
12
00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:03,708
How come you never see them
in prominent jobs?
13
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:06,469
Apart from that bloke
in the Village People,
14
00:01:06,510 --> 00:01:11,106
who still had a policeman, a fireman and
someone from the Navy to protect him.
15
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:16,224
So the purpose of this show
is to h'educate, to motivate
16
00:01:16,270 --> 00:01:19,421
and to... (Mumbles)... ate.
17
00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:22,189
This week's subject is the law.
18
00:01:31,270 --> 00:01:33,261
Where is we going to now?
19
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:37,940
We're going to Valer Hall,
where we'll meet Sergeant Hyers
20
00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:41,949
who'll take us through some of
the recruit scenario training.
21
00:01:41,990 --> 00:01:45,426
What's going to happen today
is you're going to participate
22
00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:48,428
in some Philadelphia
police recruit training.
23
00:01:48,470 --> 00:01:50,904
- Wicked, man.
- We'll do some scenarios
24
00:01:50,950 --> 00:01:54,226
in which the officers
will respond to some incidents.
25
00:01:54,270 --> 00:01:56,306
You're gonna be 2310 car.
26
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,262
And any time you hear 2310 on the radio,
27
00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:02,541
you'll push this side button
and say, "2310."
28
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,069
This is Officer Brinkman.
29
00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:06,829
- (Hyers) Your new partner.
- Yo, respec'.
30
00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:10,545
Yo, Brinkman, is you good cop
and I is bad cop?
31
00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:12,626
- You're...
- Who's the good cop?
32
00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:15,309
No, it's not... We're handling a situation.
33
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:17,545
(Ali) Yo, yo, yo.
(Radio) '2310 car.'
34
00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:20,309
- There you go, 2310.
- Yo, this be me,
35
00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:23,342
the main man, 2310,
with my man, Brinkman.
36
00:02:23,390 --> 00:02:26,666
(Radio) 'Take 8501 State Road
and meet the complainant
37
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:29,099
- 'for a report of a burglary.'
- No doubt.
38
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,220
(Brinkman) Know what a burglary is?
39
00:02:31,270 --> 00:02:33,261
- For real, I has done a couple.
- OK.
40
00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:40,300
- You go in first.
- Put it down. We don't need it.
41
00:02:40,350 --> 00:02:43,023
- I'll give you cover.
- OK, all right.
42
00:02:46,110 --> 00:02:48,305
Yo, we is here looking for a burglary.
43
00:02:48,350 --> 00:02:50,580
- This is my partner.
- Yo.
44
00:02:50,630 --> 00:02:52,825
- What's missing?
- You his partner?
45
00:02:52,870 --> 00:02:55,430
- (Woman) Yes.
- 13-inch colour television.
46
00:02:55,470 --> 00:02:58,826
(Ali) You might be lying.
How do we know there was a telly?
47
00:02:58,870 --> 00:03:00,781
What was you watching?
48
00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:04,300
- That's good.
- He wasn't here at the time.
49
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,183
- So he claim.
- Phone number real quick.
50
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:10,302
Oi, that ain't the time
to get her number, man.
51
00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:13,148
If you have any more questions,
just give me a call.
52
00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,862
He's... crap.
53
00:03:14,910 --> 00:03:17,822
Yo, this be 2310.
We be back on the road
54
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:21,340
after my man Brinkman
finally finished his shit.
55
00:03:21,390 --> 00:03:25,269
- (Radio) 'OK, no profanity here.'
- Sorry about that.
56
00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:31,584
- (Ali) Yo! Gonna put on the siren.
- (Siren)
57
00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:33,746
Got the siren on.
58
00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:36,748
(Laughs) No, don't put that
out the window.
59
00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:38,985
What happens if they see us?
60
00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:42,943
- W-What? No, keep it down.
- All right, so they don't know.
61
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,299
You can take this when we get out.
62
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,669
- Wicked.
- All right.
63
00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:48,462
Yo, what's the matter with you?
64
00:03:48,510 --> 00:03:51,786
Some guys jumped us, they beat us up.
65
00:03:51,830 --> 00:03:54,663
You have to put this out. Look, look...
66
00:03:54,710 --> 00:03:57,588
- Three men...
- Yo, three men.
67
00:03:57,630 --> 00:04:00,383
One black male, one white male.
68
00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:05,379
2310, there's three men.
One brother, one honky, and one...
69
00:04:05,430 --> 00:04:07,421
- (Laughter)
- What's the "S"?
70
00:04:07,470 --> 00:04:09,381
- Spanish.
- (Ali) One Spanish.
71
00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:11,898
We refer to the person as a white male.
72
00:04:11,950 --> 00:04:14,066
- Not as a honky.
- Why not?
73
00:04:14,110 --> 00:04:18,069
A honky in the United States
is not a nice term for a male.
74
00:04:18,110 --> 00:04:20,226
- For a... for a white person.
- Why not?
75
00:04:20,270 --> 00:04:22,261
It's like an ethnic slur.
76
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:26,098
But they say you can be a honky
but still be hung like a donkey.
77
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:28,141
- Possibly.
- (Radio) '2310 car.'
78
00:04:28,190 --> 00:04:30,226
They is callin' our name on the thing.
79
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,340
Yo, this be 2310.
80
00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:36,668
'You should be at the cone shack
in the middle of the driving course.'
81
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,588
- The cone shack?
- There's been a burglary.
82
00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:42,622
- We can't just go up and start shootin'.
- For real.
83
00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:45,184
- So...
- That's him. Is that the geezer?
84
00:04:45,230 --> 00:04:47,221
- Tell him to stop.
- Yo, stop it!
85
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:49,909
- Keep your distance!
- Stop it, motherfucker!
86
00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:51,224
Keep your distance!
87
00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:53,864
Don't move. You is fucking with
the wrong cop.
88
00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:56,663
- What's going on?
- You like the taste of steel?
89
00:04:56,710 --> 00:04:57,745
Keep your distance.
90
00:05:01,270 --> 00:05:04,228
OK, this is what we do
on a "man with a gun" call.
91
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:06,261
- Wicked.
- OK, there he goes.
92
00:05:06,310 --> 00:05:08,426
(Brinkman) Tell him to put his hands up.
93
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:11,223
Yo! Yo, mofo.
94
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:14,307
Put up your hands
or you is gonna be shot by us.
95
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:16,341
OK, tell him you see the gun.
96
00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:19,188
I can see the motherfuckin' gun.
Put them up.
97
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,583
You can't curse.
98
00:05:20,630 --> 00:05:23,463
- You can't curse.
- Tell him to get on the ground.
99
00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:26,308
Yo, stick your head
in that ground and eat the dirt.
100
00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:28,500
(Brinkman) OK, now put that down.
101
00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:31,064
- OK, walk around him.
- Yo.
102
00:05:31,110 --> 00:05:33,101
Put your right hand up, sir.
103
00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:38,588
- What's he got?
- Get a hand free, take the gun.
104
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,019
- Where's the gun?
- Where did we see it?
105
00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:43,220
- Put your gun away.
- (Hyers) Put it away.
106
00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:45,579
- No, don't point it at him.
- It's fake.
107
00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:47,621
- OK, that's fine.
- He's got a fake gun.
108
00:05:47,670 --> 00:05:49,661
- (Hyers) Still do your job.
- OK.
109
00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:52,827
- You tried this with a fake?
- He might have another.
110
00:05:52,870 --> 00:05:56,829
- He might have another gun.
- You thought that was funny?
111
00:05:56,870 --> 00:05:59,907
You picked the wrong cop
to fuck around with, slimeball.
112
00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:01,941
We don't talk like that here.
113
00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:04,424
Search him! You wanna be a cop or not?
114
00:06:04,470 --> 00:06:07,223
- I don't like touching blokes.
- Let's go.
115
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:09,738
- Touching what?
- Blokes, blokes.
116
00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:11,781
What's a bloke, man?
117
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,900
Oi, did I ask for to have a chat with you?
118
00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:15,941
- Let's do the search!
- Let's go.
119
00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:19,141
A crowd's starting to form,
let's get out of here.
120
00:06:19,190 --> 00:06:22,182
You don't need your gun.
What do you need that for?
121
00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:24,505
- What's that for?
- I don't wanna touch.
122
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,347
Do you wanna be a cop or not?
123
00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:29,063
You came here saying,
"I wanna be a cop."
124
00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:31,465
- Ah, look at this.
- What have you got?
125
00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:34,468
- Where's this from?
- OK, he's got money.
126
00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:36,307
- Not in your pocket!
- Why not?
127
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:39,262
- He'll say you stole it.
- He probably nicked it.
128
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:42,143
He's handcuffed.
Put it back in his pocket.
129
00:06:42,190 --> 00:06:44,499
Did you get that money from someone?
130
00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:47,383
- It's my money, man.
- Put the gun away!
131
00:06:47,430 --> 00:06:49,421
- Come on.
- All right.
132
00:06:49,470 --> 00:06:52,428
There, take your hand.
(Laughing) You gotta touch!
133
00:06:52,470 --> 00:06:55,223
- That's what we do!
- That is disgusting!
134
00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:58,706
That was Cop 101
at the Philadelphia Police Academy.
135
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,183
What did you think?
136
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:03,302
- Could I make a good cop?
- Er, probably not.
137
00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:12,029
(# East European folk-pop)
138
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:31,503
Yekshemesh.
139
00:07:31,550 --> 00:07:34,986
In the US and A,
if you want to marry a girl,
140
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:37,749
you cannot just go
to her father's house
141
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:42,147
and swap her for
15 gallons of insecticide.
142
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:45,944
Before American woman
will allow you in her vagine
143
00:07:45,990 --> 00:07:48,299
you must do something called dating.
144
00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:50,341
(# Disco rock)
145
00:07:54,990 --> 00:07:56,981
My name is Jenny.
146
00:07:57,030 --> 00:07:59,749
Hello, Jenny, nice to... to meet you.
147
00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:02,224
Thank you for coming in today
148
00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:04,659
to see if Great Expectations
is right for you.
149
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:06,905
What would you like to see happen
150
00:08:06,950 --> 00:08:09,339
if you met your ideal woman?
151
00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:12,780
I will love her. We will be as one.
152
00:08:12,830 --> 00:08:15,344
- So, are...
- I will give her television,
153
00:08:15,390 --> 00:08:20,418
remote control, a red dress,
I hope will fit her.
154
00:08:20,470 --> 00:08:22,984
So you have a good life and back home
155
00:08:23,030 --> 00:08:25,828
- you can provide for her?
- Yes. Yes.
156
00:08:25,870 --> 00:08:29,067
- OK, great.
- But if she cheat on me...
157
00:08:29,110 --> 00:08:32,022
- Why you laugh?
- I think that's sweet.
158
00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:34,709
But if she cheat on me,
I will... crush her.
159
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:36,820
You will crush her?
160
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:39,304
Honey, you won't qualify for
our membership
161
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,386
if you're prepared to crush a woman.
162
00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:46,026
You can break up with her and divorce
her but you cannot... No crushing.
163
00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:50,985
Why don't you give me a little bit on...
on personality traits you're looking for?
164
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,783
Yes, I want her to be blonde,
165
00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:58,745
I want her to have no history
of retardation in family.
166
00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:03,864
If possible, she must have
plough experience.
167
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:07,744
You're not gonna find Americans
with plough experience.
168
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:11,499
Us American women,
we don't have plough experience.
169
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:16,021
But not... not much, maybe one year or...
170
00:09:16,070 --> 00:09:19,745
Um, honey,
I have zero plough experience.
171
00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:23,180
And she must have a good physique.
172
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:27,502
And she must be tight,
173
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:30,064
like a man's anus.
174
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:31,668
OK, attractive.
175
00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:35,100
- What about race?
- Er...
176
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:39,302
- You're open to all races?
- Er, yes, but no Jew.
177
00:09:39,350 --> 00:09:41,341
No Jewish, OK.
178
00:09:42,590 --> 00:09:46,299
All right, tell me what you enjoy,
your interests.
179
00:09:46,350 --> 00:09:49,865
I like, er, play table tennis.
180
00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:52,344
I like shoot dog.
181
00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:54,221
- I like...
- Snoop Dogg?
182
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:57,706
- Shoot dog. Shoot.
- Oh, OK.
183
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:01,026
Should I tell people
that I am good at sex?
184
00:10:01,070 --> 00:10:03,106
- No.
- But I am...
185
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:07,462
- You don't want to say that...
- I'm more good than many men.
186
00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:11,105
In America,
if you say that on your profile,
187
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:14,859
a woman won't go out with you -
she thinks that's all you want.
188
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:18,061
Even though I am big,
like a can of Pepsi?
189
00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:20,101
It doesn't matter.
190
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:25,508
Women in America feel
that any act of sex, be it oral, erm...
191
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:28,110
- What does it mean, oral?
- Mouth.
192
00:10:28,150 --> 00:10:32,587
- I like it in the mouth very much.
- But that's what I mean,
193
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:36,464
women in America feel
that any sex with somebody else,
194
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:39,547
even if it's using your body,
your sexual organs,
195
00:10:39,590 --> 00:10:42,104
- your mouth, your hand...
- I like mouth.
196
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:44,141
We think that's cheating.
197
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:54,427
(Borat) Do I need to bring a gift?
198
00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:57,542
Here's a mistake that
a lot of men make in America -
199
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,626
they bring too many gifts.
200
00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:03,060
What size gift will get me entry...
201
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:08,588
- to her?
- What do you mean by "entry"?
202
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:12,179
To her... her vagine.
203
00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:14,744
- If you want to go to bed with her?
- Yes.
204
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:17,668
Well, I can't say. Everybody's different.
205
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:21,259
How do I show her
I have a senses of humour?
206
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:23,699
- You have to practise it first.
- Yes.
207
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,741
- I have a joke.
- Uh-huh.
208
00:11:25,790 --> 00:11:29,100
- There is a chair...
- Mm-hm.
209
00:11:29,150 --> 00:11:33,382
The chair, er... walk...
210
00:11:33,430 --> 00:11:35,227
with the shoes...
211
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:36,783
# La la la la la #
212
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,502
He walk on the street.
213
00:11:38,550 --> 00:11:41,667
- Ha, ha! The chair is walking!
- Right.
214
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:46,419
- Yes.
- Well, it's a funny image.
215
00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:49,621
Yes, it is nice.
216
00:11:49,670 --> 00:11:53,629
- I really should tell this joke?
- Probably not.
217
00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:56,787
My name is Borat.
218
00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:59,742
- Your name please?
- Guinevere.
219
00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:03,669
Should I tell her
she reminds me of my wife?
220
00:12:03,710 --> 00:12:06,019
Do you have a wife?
221
00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:08,584
- She is dead.
- Oh, OK.
222
00:12:08,630 --> 00:12:12,589
Nobody wants to be reminded
of somebody who's dead.
223
00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:14,621
- Yes.
- You know what I'm saying?
224
00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:18,299
Yes, I do not care about her.
She is gone.
225
00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:22,662
Right. Once a person's dead,
you should really put it aside.
226
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:25,178
- Yes, I know.
- Yeah.
227
00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:30,179
You'd probably look for some
of the qualities your wife had.
228
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:32,460
- No.
- Same qualities your wife had,
229
00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:35,308
if there were some things
you liked about her.
230
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:38,103
Did you like some things
about your wife?
231
00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:40,504
No.
232
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:42,666
You remind me my wife.
233
00:12:44,150 --> 00:12:48,029
My first... My older wife.
234
00:12:48,070 --> 00:12:50,868
- OK. Your previous wife?
- Yes.
235
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:54,829
- Why you laugh? She dead.
- OK.
236
00:12:54,870 --> 00:12:56,861
I'm sorry.
237
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,822
What should I talk about with her?
238
00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:03,146
Talk about the environment you're in,
239
00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:06,307
talk about what she does
for a living and about her.
240
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:09,262
I have now been, er...
241
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:14,225
one week without any sexy intercourse.
242
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:17,546
My is... My, er...
243
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,424
hr�ng, my sac, is heavy.
244
00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:24,104
How old is your child?
245
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:29,019
How do I find if she will be a cheat?
246
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:33,422
OK, or anything negative?
247
00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:36,382
- Yes, but...
- Cheat and take money from you?
248
00:13:36,430 --> 00:13:40,105
No, not a criminal, a woman
who go with another man and...
249
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:44,701
Screw around on you. OK, right.
250
00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:47,139
Hm. Well...
251
00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:50,546
that's why you need to date her
before you get married.
252
00:13:50,590 --> 00:13:53,980
You will come back my country,
I will look after you,
253
00:13:54,030 --> 00:13:58,785
I will give you money,
I will give you automobile car,
254
00:13:58,830 --> 00:14:01,185
a television, remote control.
255
00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:02,948
We'll be together.
256
00:14:02,990 --> 00:14:06,062
But if you cheat on me, I will crush you.
257
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:08,101
- I don't like that either.
- Yes.
258
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,459
I don't like men that cheat on me.
259
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:14,981
How do I know
if she want me to take her...
260
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:21,224
- Go to bed with her?
- Sexy time. Yeah.
261
00:14:21,270 --> 00:14:25,263
If she wants you to go to bed with her?
How do you know that?
262
00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:29,303
Well, when you kiss each other.
263
00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:35,266
If you're kissing and petting,
then it just sort of goes... naturally.
264
00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:38,985
When do we have sexy intercourse?
265
00:14:39,030 --> 00:14:41,942
Whenever you both agree on that.
266
00:14:41,990 --> 00:14:44,868
No, when do me and you
have a sexy intercourse?
267
00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:46,901
- Me and you?
- Yes.
268
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:49,225
Well, that's not gonna happen.
269
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:52,262
Do you wish me success tonight?
270
00:14:52,310 --> 00:14:54,778
I wish you success in the future
271
00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:57,344
with dating and relationships.
272
00:14:57,390 --> 00:15:01,019
- And I wish you the best.
- Thank you.
273
00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:03,379
You're very welcome.
274
00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:15,259
Booyakasha. Check it out.
275
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:18,985
I is here with none other
than my main man, Buzz Aldrin.
276
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:21,544
I know this is a sensitive question
277
00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:25,060
but what was it like not being
the first man on the moon,
278
00:15:25,110 --> 00:15:27,863
was you ever jealous
of Louis Armstrong?
279
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:30,344
It was Neil Armstrong and no,
280
00:15:30,390 --> 00:15:33,462
- he was very, very qualified.
- Well, whatever.
281
00:15:33,510 --> 00:15:37,423
So, when you arrived on the moon,
282
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:41,782
was the people who lived there friendly
or was they scared of you?
283
00:15:41,830 --> 00:15:45,948
There was absolutely no thought...
284
00:15:45,990 --> 00:15:49,665
of encountering
any living being whatsoever.
285
00:15:49,710 --> 00:15:52,861
Do you think man
will ever walk on the sun?
286
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:57,381
No. The sun is too hot,
it is not a good place to go to.
287
00:15:57,430 --> 00:16:01,218
What happens if they went in winter,
when the sun is cold?
288
00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:03,465
The sun is not cold in the winter.
289
00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:04,989
(# Hip-hop, scratching)
290
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:07,100
# Hear dis
291
00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:09,823
# Hear dis, boy #
292
00:16:09,870 --> 00:16:12,987
Me know you has been
asked this a zillion times,
293
00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:17,342
it must really get on your tits,
but let's just sort it out -
294
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:20,826
what do you say to all those
conspiracy theorists
295
00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:23,430
who come up to you and say,
296
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:25,984
"Does the moon really exist?"
297
00:16:27,710 --> 00:16:32,022
I don't think there are very many people
who question whether the moon exists.
298
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,061
- It exists...
- What?
299
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:36,578
You has heard it here. It does exist.
300
00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:40,782
So all those people out there
who is saying it don't, you is wrong.
301
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:43,628
That's right. The moon does exist.
302
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,662
- And we went there.
- Yo, listen up.
303
00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:50,623
But how do they really know
what is exists
304
00:16:50,670 --> 00:16:52,820
and what is the conspiracy things?
305
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,861
Cos I has seen a picture of J-Lo
306
00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:58,107
with two massive... geezers' dongs there
307
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,744
and apparently it weren't true.
308
00:17:00,790 --> 00:17:02,781
I haven't seen those pictures.
309
00:17:02,830 --> 00:17:05,298
You should check them out, it's amazing.
310
00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:08,387
- OK.
- Is you upset Michael Jackson
311
00:17:08,430 --> 00:17:11,581
got all the credit
for inventing the moonwalk
312
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:14,986
but you was the first geezer
ever to actually do it?
313
00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:20,104
Er, no. You can call things
by different names
314
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:24,382
and you can use the moon
or Mars or Venus
315
00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:27,945
and you can say,
"This is the Venus Trot."
316
00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:31,187
But that doesn't mean
that it has any connection
317
00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:36,350
to what it would be like
for a horse... moving on Venus.
318
00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:39,507
- Yo.
- The horse could trot on Venus.
319
00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:41,825
- Except it's very hot.
- There's horse...?
320
00:17:41,870 --> 00:17:44,623
- There's horse on Venus?
- No, no. I'm just...
321
00:17:44,670 --> 00:17:47,138
Neither is Michael Jackson on the moon.
322
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:55,102
I's got a joke about space,
do you wanna hear it?
323
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:57,459
There is a monster from outer space
324
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,388
who is going on a trip
round the universe
325
00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:04,309
and 'im goes to the travel booker
326
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,386
to book like a hotel on the moon
327
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:10,264
and the travel booker goes,
"You can't go to that hotel
328
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:12,460
"cos the moon is full."
329
00:18:14,030 --> 00:18:16,100
- That's pretty good.
- That is...
330
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:18,983
That is so... wicked!
331
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:21,225
That's wicked.
332
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:24,228
And the opposite of
the moon being full is...
333
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,340
- Is empty.
...the new moon.
334
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,699
- What?
- That's when it's dark.
335
00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:31,389
I thought it was funny cos he's full...
336
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:34,069
- Yeah. I know.
- He's been eating stuff
337
00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:36,385
and he's well full and everything.
338
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,421
No, the hotel is full.
339
00:18:38,470 --> 00:18:42,099
But it's... Why is it funny
cos the hotel is full?
340
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:45,540
I wasn't sure that it was funny,
you said it was funny.
341
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:50,300
- Why is it funny again?
- Things are funny or comedic
342
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:55,026
because they mix
the real with the absurd.
343
00:18:55,070 --> 00:18:57,220
- No doubt.
- You took the moon,
344
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,625
which is real, and the term "full"...
345
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:01,661
- Full.
- And you...
346
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:03,701
- Full.
- Yeah.
347
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:07,140
You applied that
to either the hotel being full
348
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:11,706
or the person being full
and that's an absurd condition.
349
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:14,218
And that's what makes something funny,
350
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:18,661
where you mix the absurd with the real.
351
00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:21,099
Wicked. So listen up -
352
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:24,381
you has 'eard about
the moon and about space.
353
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:28,662
You better learn about these things
from my man Buzz Lightyear here.
354
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:33,340
So you better realise
that these things is important.
355
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:37,383
Big up yourself... Buzz. Keep it real.
356
00:19:37,430 --> 00:19:40,866
'Eagle, you're looking great.
Coming up nine minutes.'
357
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,820
(# Fast techno)
358
00:19:59,710 --> 00:20:02,702
Also, jetzt bin Ich hier mit Paul Wilmot.
359
00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:05,708
OK, great, I am here with Paul Wilmot.
360
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:08,025
He is the god of seating plans,
361
00:20:08,070 --> 00:20:10,789
choosing which celebrity goes with who.
362
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:13,298
- Is that right?
- I'm judge and jury
363
00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:17,184
and it's our job to put
the right people in the right seats.
364
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:20,427
- So what is Paul Wilmot?
- Well, I mean...
365
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,621
I've years of experience
in the fashion business.
366
00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:26,901
I was in charge of public
relations for Calvin Klein...
367
00:20:26,950 --> 00:20:28,747
- Wow!
...worldwide.
368
00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:33,659
Let's talk about who is in and who is out.
369
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:37,669
If they are in, we go, "Vassup."
You go, "Vassup."
370
00:20:37,710 --> 00:20:42,067
And if they are out you go, "Ich don't
think so," and you go like that. Ja?
371
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:45,944
I'll ask the names.
So "vassup" and "Ich don't think so".
372
00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:49,778
- So, Jennifer Lopez.
- Oh, what's up. Double what's up!
373
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,821
- She's fabulous...
- "Vassup".
374
00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:55,658
- Vassup, she's a double.
- What about... er, Debbie Harry?
375
00:20:55,710 --> 00:20:57,746
"Vassup" or "Ich don't think so"?
376
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,179
Debbie Harry's having a second moment.
377
00:21:00,230 --> 00:21:03,859
And maybe one year ago
it was "Ich don't think so",
378
00:21:03,910 --> 00:21:06,105
now she has a chance to be "vassup".
379
00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:09,347
Like Marianne Faithful
is having a "vassup" moment too.
380
00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:12,826
- Was she "Ich don't think so"?
- Absolutely, for 20 years.
381
00:21:12,870 --> 00:21:15,259
- "Ich don't think so"?
- Yes, for 20 years.
382
00:21:15,310 --> 00:21:17,301
Now, "vassup".
383
00:21:17,350 --> 00:21:19,545
Who else is "Ich don't think so" now?
384
00:21:19,590 --> 00:21:21,706
Well, I mean... Celine Dion.
385
00:21:21,750 --> 00:21:25,948
"Ich don't think so".
I mean, you know, let's face it.
386
00:21:25,990 --> 00:21:29,699
She's talking about a clothing line -
"Ich don't think so."
387
00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:32,867
If you want to make sure
the show is classy,
388
00:21:32,910 --> 00:21:35,708
you make sure you do not have
which celebrities?
389
00:21:35,750 --> 00:21:39,584
Again, Barbra Streisand,
not to pick on her...
390
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:42,019
Barbra Streisand would go
to the opening
391
00:21:42,070 --> 00:21:45,380
of the Frankfurt Allgemeine
Zeitunggesch�ft!
392
00:21:46,550 --> 00:21:48,745
We're doing a charity as well,
393
00:21:48,790 --> 00:21:53,227
we're doing a lot with these deaf
children, which we're getting behind,
394
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:58,344
teaching them about
sexual responsibility and safe sex.
395
00:21:58,390 --> 00:22:01,029
You can give them a message?
396
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:03,106
- Yeah, I mean...
- No.
397
00:22:03,150 --> 00:22:06,187
No, they can't hear you,
they can't hear you.
398
00:22:06,230 --> 00:22:09,825
Just do something for them about
safe sex, how to keep safe.
399
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:12,668
- Just be...
- But not with words, don't...
400
00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:17,108
(Softly) Say no.
Be careful. Just be careful.
401
00:22:18,190 --> 00:22:20,624
You can do... But no words.
402
00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:22,786
(Softly) Be careful. Be careful.
403
00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:27,785
- Don't do it. Be careful.
- Cool.
404
00:22:38,870 --> 00:22:40,861
Do you need any more models?
405
00:22:40,910 --> 00:22:46,303
Cos I am Chrysler's muse in Austria.
Seriously, I'm...
406
00:22:46,350 --> 00:22:48,944
We don't need any male models,
we have about 40.
407
00:22:48,990 --> 00:22:51,629
Do you need another model,
would you like...?
408
00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:56,266
II demande si... Il veut savoir
s'il peut faire le mannequin.
409
00:22:56,310 --> 00:23:00,144
I am Chrysler's...
You know the designer? I am his muse.
410
00:23:00,190 --> 00:23:02,181
C'est la muse de Chrysler.
411
00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:04,221
Il faut aller demander � Lloyd.
412
00:23:04,270 --> 00:23:06,465
Ask him to Lloyd Klein, over there.
413
00:23:09,190 --> 00:23:11,260
I just wanted to say, if you want,
414
00:23:11,310 --> 00:23:14,347
- I'm here. You know who I am?
- Mm-hm.
415
00:23:14,390 --> 00:23:17,063
- I'm Bruno. Chrysler's muse.
- Yes.
416
00:23:17,110 --> 00:23:20,420
- The designer Chrysler?
- Oui.
417
00:23:20,470 --> 00:23:22,461
- And you're...?
- I'm his muse.
418
00:23:22,510 --> 00:23:24,580
- Oh, great.
- I'm here if you want.
419
00:23:24,630 --> 00:23:27,098
I have all the male models, they're here.
420
00:23:27,150 --> 00:23:29,220
Yeah, but if you want, I don't mind.
421
00:23:29,270 --> 00:23:31,738
- I won't charge you anything.
- Great.
422
00:23:31,790 --> 00:23:34,179
- You want?
- For the moment it's OK.
423
00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:36,539
I'm doing the bit with the underpants.
424
00:23:36,590 --> 00:23:38,979
- Can I borrow yours?
- Right now?
425
00:23:39,030 --> 00:23:41,544
- Yeah, for the end. Great.
- Sure.
426
00:23:41,590 --> 00:23:44,423
- You wanna wear them?
- Yeah, for the finale.
427
00:23:44,470 --> 00:23:46,461
- Er, I need to wear them.
- OK.
428
00:23:46,510 --> 00:23:47,863
- He needs them.
- OK.
429
00:23:47,910 --> 00:23:49,901
(# Slow R&B groove)
430
00:24:15,710 --> 00:24:19,498
(# Luniz: I Got 5 On lt)
431
00:24:19,550 --> 00:24:21,780
# Creep on in, on in
432
00:24:25,950 --> 00:24:28,623
# See I'm riding high, riding high
433
00:24:28,670 --> 00:24:31,742
# Whooo
434
00:24:31,790 --> 00:24:34,987
# Kinda broke you see me
435
00:24:35,030 --> 00:24:37,339
# So all I got is five
# I got five!
436
00:24:37,390 --> 00:24:40,268
# I come to school
with the taylor on my earlobe
437
00:24:40,310 --> 00:24:43,222
# Avoidin' all the dick teasers,
skeezers and weirdos
438
00:24:43,270 --> 00:24:45,909
# That be blowin' up the land
like where the bomb at?
439
00:24:45,950 --> 00:24:48,783
# Give me two bucks, you take
a puff and pass my bomb back
440
00:24:48,830 --> 00:24:51,298
# Suck up the dank like a slurpy... #
441
00:24:55,990 --> 00:24:58,902
What is legal?
442
00:24:58,950 --> 00:25:02,022
Well, I think most conduct
443
00:25:02,070 --> 00:25:05,983
that all of us engage in
on a day-to-day basis is legal.
444
00:25:07,070 --> 00:25:08,708
So what is illegal?
445
00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:10,866
What is illegal is...
446
00:25:10,910 --> 00:25:14,266
what the elected representatives
of the people
447
00:25:14,310 --> 00:25:17,268
define as crimes.
448
00:25:17,310 --> 00:25:19,301
What is barely legal?
449
00:25:19,350 --> 00:25:24,185
That gets into technicalities
and that's why you have trials.
450
00:25:24,230 --> 00:25:27,540
Cos me saw this film called
Barely Legal 3
451
00:25:27,590 --> 00:25:31,105
and it was about these
two naughty college girls
452
00:25:31,150 --> 00:25:33,744
and them hadn't done their 'omework
453
00:25:33,790 --> 00:25:36,145
and then, as punishment,
454
00:25:36,190 --> 00:25:40,980
they had to have a three-header
with their supervisor, this teacher.
455
00:25:41,030 --> 00:25:47,788
- Is that to do with the law?
- Er... It's hard to say.
456
00:25:47,830 --> 00:25:51,869
That would probably be governed
by the rules of the institution.
457
00:25:51,910 --> 00:25:54,708
- The college.
- Yo, in this institution
458
00:25:54,750 --> 00:25:58,026
it was a strict rule that
if you didn't do your 'omework
459
00:25:58,070 --> 00:26:00,140
- you would get boned.
- Right.
460
00:26:00,190 --> 00:26:02,784
Well, that's a law of sorts.
461
00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:05,981
- Yo, it's a well good law.
- Yes.
462
00:26:06,030 --> 00:26:08,703
- Has you seen that film?
- Yes. No, I haven't.
463
00:26:08,750 --> 00:26:10,866
- You should check it out.
- I will now,
464
00:26:10,910 --> 00:26:13,902
- as you've recommended it.
- Yo, it's well good...
465
00:26:13,950 --> 00:26:15,941
- Barely Legal?
- Barely Legal 3.
466
00:26:15,990 --> 00:26:17,981
Three, OK. Good.
467
00:26:23,030 --> 00:26:26,147
I was Attorney General.
My name is Meese.
468
00:26:26,190 --> 00:26:29,068
I say, "Go to college, don't carry a piece."37096
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