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1
00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:03,640
Amrita... you're not getting...
2
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:04,960
Oh...
...married.
3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:08,480
Amrita? You didn't tell us
you had a boyfriend.
4
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,960
Oh, Abs isn't my boyfriend.
5
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,960
You can tell us. What's his name?
6
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,960
Er, Ab...
It's Abhijeet! His name's Abhijeet.
7
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,960
Oh, my God. He's Sikh?
Mm-hm.
8
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,960
You're Sikh?
You are coming in right now.
9
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:32,960
Abhijeet?
10
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,800
I can't tell my Sikh sister I've got
a Muslim boyfriend, now, can I?
11
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,160
Look, what are you
actually doing here?
12
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:41,000
You two loverbirds
can talk all you want later,
13
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,960
but seeing as this is the night
before my big wedding,
14
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,960
I think I deserve to know what else
my big sis has been hiding.
15
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,960
I really need to speak to Amrita
in private. Mm-hm.
16
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,960
Oh, come on, you can do a few rounds
with us, Abhijeet,
17
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,960
or are you as lame as my perfect,
Sikh, golden-girl sister?
18
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,000
"Perfect, Sikh, golden girl"?
19
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,960
Oh, look, please, Preethi.
We should be going to bed now.
20
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,960
No, I'm pulling bridal privileges
here now, sis.
21
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:04,960
Come on.
22
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:07,960
You drinking, Abhijeet?
23
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:11,960
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I... I brought my own.
24
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:15,960
Oh, Abs, that's not...
It's a... a moonshine.
25
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,960
That's why they sell it
in these bags - highly illegal.
26
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,960
Oh...
Oh! Can we have some?
27
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,960
No.
No? Ugh.
28
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,960
All right. Sim, you kick us off. Fine.
29
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,960
Never have I ever...
30
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,960
THEY GIGGLE
Oh, this is a good one.
31
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,960
SIM GIGGLES
32
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,800
LAUGHTER
33
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,960
Whoo!
Woohoo!
34
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:48,960
Oh, OK, OK.
I told you I was busy.
35
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,960
No, no, no, Amrita,
I'm a real-life Nosferatu.
36
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,960
SHE CHUCKLES
Did you make the fatal mistake
37
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,160
of combining weed brownies
and Hammer horror movies again?
38
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,000
HE HISSES
39
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,960
SHE CHUCKLES OK.
40
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,960
Those are very realistic.
41
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,480
SHE SNIGGERS
Can I have some?
42
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,960
You don't get it. Come here.
SHE CHUCKLES
43
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:15,960
Look.
44
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:28,960
OK, either I'm much more pissed
than I thought I was, or...
45
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,960
There's gotta be
a rational explanation for this.
46
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,960
Oh, yeah?
And what on Earth could that be?
47
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,960
Rabies. Porphyria. I mean,
Renfield's Syndrome, you've got...
48
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,960
No, scrap the textbook, Amrita.
49
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:45,960
Look, I chundered raw blood
all over my mum's Indian food.
50
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,960
Downed a patient's blood bag
like it was mango lassi.
51
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,960
I've spent the last few days
running away
52
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,960
from an angry dominatrix
that wants to kill me.
53
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,480
It's all gone to shit.
54
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,960
SHE SIGHS Oh...
55
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,960
I know how you feel, Abs, you know?
56
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,960
I mean...
SHE SIGHS
57
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,640
Between my parents convinced
I'm gonna marry a six-foot-four Jatt
58
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,960
and an annoying white boyfriend
59
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:11,960
who just doesn't seem
to get the hint...
60
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,960
...I know what it's like
to live a double life.
61
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,960
Well, this isn't a metaphor, Amrita.
62
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:23,960
There's literally
an angry coven of racist vampires
63
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:24,960
trying to kill me.
64
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Well, yeah, but, I mean...
Look, just stay the night, OK?
65
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,000
There's something
that I wanna tell you, so just...
66
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,960
just stay, all right?
67
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,480
You need to tell me wh...
68
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,960
Amrit?
69
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,960
SHE GROANS
70
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,960
SHE GROANS
71
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
New face tattoo, Katherine?
72
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,960
I'd have thought
the men you've a taste for
73
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:18,320
prefer a big red dot
between the eyebrows.
74
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,960
HE CHUCKLES
Yeah, just a little...
75
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:24,960
...work injury.
76
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,960
Something you wouldn't know about,
77
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,960
seeing you've never worked a day
in your lives.
78
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,960
You know the penalty
for breaking the One Progeny policy?
79
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,960
Kill him by sundown tomorrow,
or we'll have to do it for you.
80
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,960
And you know what that means.
You set the hounds on me?
81
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,960
Sundown tomorrow...
or it's the stake for you, too.
82
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,960
COIN CLINKS
Don't spend it all on drugs.
83
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,960
HE CHUCKLES
84
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,960
HE EXHALES
85
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:19,960
HE SIGHS
86
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,800
SHE SIGHS
87
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:25,960
Do vampires do breakfast?
88
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,960
THEY CHUCKLE Ugh.
89
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,960
Shit.
90
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,960
SHE GROANS,
HE CHUCKLES
91
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,960
Raging hangover. Yeah.
92
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,960
Oh, you've got something
on your face.
93
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,960
Where?
94
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,480
Oh, no. Oh!
Stop it.
95
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,960
I'm not stereotyping,
but are you two off to the cricket?
96
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:50,960
Frank, what are you doing here?
97
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,800
HE CHUCKLES
Your sister's wedding, silly.
98
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,960
Now, which part
of the Indian traditions is this?
99
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,480
I know about the Mehndi night
and the Haldi ceremony,
100
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,960
but, yeah, I didn't know
all the bridesmaids
101
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
got blind drunk the night before.
102
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,960
I told you not to come.
103
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:05,960
Why's Abs here, then?
104
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,960
Come on,
I know that was brown-girl talk
105
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,960
for "come and save me".
Ugh, you're such an idiot.
106
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,480
Abhijeet, who's this?
Abhijeet?
107
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,960
I'm Frank. Amrita's boyfriend?
What?
108
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,320
Fuck's sake!
109
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,000
Outside. Now, both of you.
110
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,960
Morning.
Yeah, morning.
111
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,000
I can't believe you came.
Why? What's wrong, babe?
112
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,960
I told you you weren't invited
to this wedding.
113
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,960
You can't hide your boyfriend
from your family forever.
114
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,800
It's classic ABCD behaviour.
115
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:41,960
American-born confused "deshi"?
116
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,800
Desi.
Number one, I'm not American.
117
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,000
Number two,
can you stop throwing terms at me
118
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,960
that you've learnt from Twitter?
119
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,640
How many times
do I have to tell you, baby?
120
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,960
I'm not like
those other white boys, ya?
121
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,960
I understand this stuff.
122
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,960
I spent my whole gap year in Goa,
for God's sake.
123
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
Oh, for the hundredth time,
it's not the same thing!
124
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,960
For this relationship to work,
you'll have to let me in.
125
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,960
Maybe this relationship
isn't working anyway.
126
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,960
You're not... saying what I think
you're saying, are you, babe?
127
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,960
SHE SIGHS I...
128
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,960
Er... Frank,
why don't we hang out today,
129
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,960
seeing as though Amrita's so busy?
130
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,960
But the wedding?
131
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:29,640
Yeah, we can talk through it.
You know, brown man to white man?
132
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,960
Well, I did want to practise
my bhangra moves with someone, so...
133
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,960
OK, yeah,
and we can TALK about that.
134
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,000
Yeah, see you later.
135
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:41,960
Thank you.
136
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:47,960
Are you coming to the reception?
137
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,960
It's at Hilton Garden Inn.
The one by Heathrow?
138
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,960
Dress to impress.
Wait, Abs is invited?
139
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:55,960
Out!
140
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Ya, and that's why
I started dating brown chicks.
141
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,160
You can literally taste the spices
when you go down.
142
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,960
Abdulla, where have you been
all night?
143
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,320
Who's this man you're with,
and what happened to your face?
144
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,480
Is that Fair & Lovely?
145
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,960
Hi, Abdulla's mum.
It's nothing.
146
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,960
We're going upstairs.
Getting ready for the wedding.
147
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,960
What wedding? It's not... What?
Get upstairs, you idiot!
148
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,480
Haven't you seen
any Bollywood movies?
149
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,960
Huh? This is my chance to rush in
150
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,960
and show her family
how much I love her.
151
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:31,960
No, it's not, Frank.
152
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,960
It's actually quite simple -
she doesn't want you there.
153
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,960
See, that's what she's saying
with her lips, but her hips...
154
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:39,960
No.
Huh?
155
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,000
You have to respect her wishes
on this, trust me.
156
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,640
Frank, stop. Stop, Frank.
Yeah?
157
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,960
Look, promise me you won't go?
158
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:50,960
Fine.
159
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,960
ABDULLA EXHALES
Good. Thank you.
160
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,960
I'm just gonna close my eyes for,
like, 30 seconds.
161
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,960
ABDULLA SIGHS
162
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:18,960
Ease round the spine, Bidalasana.
163
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,480
Arms to the ground,
Catur Svanasana.
164
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,960
And lift the hips to the sky...
165
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,960
KATHY GRUNTS
...into Adho Mukha Svanasana.
166
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,960
Breathe, ladies, breathe.
167
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:41,640
And exhale down
into Chaturanga Dandasana...
168
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:42,960
SHE GROANS
169
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:48,800
Inhale,
bring the legs together for...
170
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,800
...Sukhasana.
171
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,320
Beautiful.
172
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,960
Now, everyone, close your eyes
and repeat after me.
173
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,960
Om.
Om.
174
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,800
Ah.
175
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,960
Om.
Om.
176
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,640
Ah.
177
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:23,960
Oh, right. That's everything.
Thank you, my dears, and namaste.
178
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,960
Namaste.
179
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:26,960
Perfect form today.
Thank you.
180
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,320
That downward dog was stunning.
Beautiful work.
181
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,960
Thank you, thank you.
I love your work, too.
182
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,960
Oh, it's a pleasure.
See you next week.
183
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,960
See you next week.
Thank you. Namaste.
184
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,480
Yogi Rishi?
Mm?
185
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,640
I just wanted to make sure
that we're still on
186
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,320
for the private session at mine -
187
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,960
just you, me, some incense
and that bottle of rose.
188
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,960
Well, I'm always happy
to help deepen
189
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,960
my students' practice.
Mmm.
190
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,960
Yeah, well, I wouldn't recommend
you go too deep, Rish.
191
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,960
I mean, she may be a yummy mummy,
but I doubt she's very tasty.
192
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,160
Excuse me?
193
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,480
Apologies, apologies,
my dear Venetia.
194
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,960
This is an old student of mine
195
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,960
who clearly has to find
some inner peace.
196
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,960
If you'll just excuse me,
I'll talk to her for a second.
197
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:05,960
Bless you, bless you.
198
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,960
Kathy, what are you doing here?
199
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,960
I always told you that
rich white women were disgusting -
200
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,960
too much white wine
and diet supplements.
201
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,960
No, no, I don't drink them. I...
202
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,960
Look, what do you want?
203
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,960
Just checking in on you, Yogi Rishi.
SHE CHUCKLES
204
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,960
Back in town after all these years,
205
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,800
and you seem to have got yourself
a little cult.
206
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,960
It's not a cult, all right?
I'm just...
207
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,160
Look, I'm just using
my Hindu background
208
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,960
to spread a bit of positivity
in this world.
209
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,960
SHE SCOFFS
Not that you'd understand.
210
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:37,960
Now, come on, why are you here?
211
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,480
I may need your help.
212
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,960
I made another one, and...
213
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,960
and this time, he's a Muslim.
SHE CLEARS THROAT
214
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,960
He's what?
Oh, he's a Muslim, all right?
215
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,960
HE SIGHS
Oh, Kath.
216
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,960
Shafi, seriously, I'm done.
217
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,960
I'll even stop calling girls
"bitches" when I rap.
218
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,960
It's bigger than that, Shafi.
It's your whole attitude.
219
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:08,960
I mean, you literally said
220
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,960
"Islam allows up to four side hoes"
on your last track.
221
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,960
Yeah, but that's scripture!
What did you say to Abdulla?
222
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,960
How did you get in here?
I know my way around these ends.
223
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,800
Auntie, I just need one minute.
224
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,480
Thanks to you
and your Islamic sex therapy,
225
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,960
my son is walking around
with some strange white man
226
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:22,960
talking about marriage.
227
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,960
It's OK to be concerned, Auntie,
228
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,960
but you have to let Abdulla
make his own decisions.
229
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,640
I know Kathy might not be
the ideal daughter-in-law, but...
230
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,960
I don't want him making
the same mistakes that I did.
231
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,960
You know, just running off,
getting married in secret,
232
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:38,960
conversion in name only.
233
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,960
Going on unchaperoned dates,
234
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960
chasing around strange white women,
pussy outside of marriage. Hey!
235
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,960
Have you listened to a single word
I've said? Yes.
236
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,960
Shafi, you're the one that put
the idea of marriage into his head,
237
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,960
so you're the one
who's gonna help get it out.
238
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,960
Listen, I could talk
about this feminism stuff
239
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,480
with you forever, baby girl,
but this is an emergency.
240
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,960
I can't...
What do you want me to do?
241
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,960
Ah, just... All right, listen.
Don't worry, Auntie Bushie.
242
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,960
Your boy Shafi knows every Asian
wedding venue in town. I got it.
243
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,960
You sure?
Am I sure?
244
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,960
I used to be a wedding hype man,
didn't I?
245
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,480
Big up to the bride and groom.
246
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,960
Shit.
247
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,960
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.
248
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:34,960
DIAL TONE
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
249
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:35,960
Pick up, Amrita.
'Abs?'
250
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,960
Amrita? He's not there, is he?
251
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,960
'Frank? You were meant
to keep an eye on him.'
252
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,960
I'm sorry, Amrita.
I made him promise not to go, but...
253
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:44,960
...he took my kurta.
254
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,640
'Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
All right, that's not good, OK?
255
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,960
'That's not good, erm...
You need to get here now.
256
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,960
'Preethi blabbed about you
to Mum and Dad,
257
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,960
'and I'm gonna need a human shield
if my idiot boyfriend turns up.'
258
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,800
Fine. I'll be there.
259
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,000
Glass of blood?
260
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,960
Er, no, thanks. I'm vegetarian now.
261
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:12,320
Huh, a vegetarian vampire.
How's that working out for you?
262
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:13,960
I only drink animal blood.
263
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,960
Yeah, I don't think
that's strictly vegetarian.
264
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,960
So... tell me again...
265
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,960
...why you decided to attack
this poor young Muslim lad?
266
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,960
You haven't started reading
the Daily Mail, have you?
267
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,960
Oh, I dunno.
He just annoyed me with...
268
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,960
those big, black eyes
and that milk chocolate skin.
269
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,160
This fetish of yours borders
on the problematic, you know?
270
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,960
Yeah, well, now that he's become
a fully fledged vampire,
271
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,960
the Coven wanna kill me,
if I don't kill him first.
272
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,960
Why can't you mark him off
as your Progeny?
273
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,960
Because I've already done that
with you, haven't I?
274
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,960
You're only allowed one.
275
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,960
SHE SCOFFS, EXHALES
276
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,160
What happened to you, Kath?
277
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,000
You used to be a vampire
filled with pride and dignity,
278
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,000
and now you're just...
swimming around in your own squalor.
279
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:04,960
Yeah, well...
280
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,640
...it's not been easy, all right?
281
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,960
I don't doubt that, but...
282
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,800
Look, you'll never be able
to move forward,
283
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,800
unless you clean up in here
and... in here.
284
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,960
Look, I spent
a lot of the last 25 years
285
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,960
full of rage at what you did to me.
286
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,960
You know,
moving from place to place,
287
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:25,960
living in the gutter...
288
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,960
...becoming the monster
you turned me into.
289
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960
But when I finally accepted
who I was,
290
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,960
I brought my faith
back into my life and...
291
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,960
...came to a better understanding
of the world.
292
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,960
You can live a good afterlife
as a vampire, Kath, trust me.
293
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,960
I don't know if I know how, Rish.
294
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,640
It's just been such a long time.
295
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:50,960
I know, Kath.
296
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,960
I know.
297
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:56,960
HE EXHALES
298
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,000
I can feel a 150 years of stress
in these bones.
299
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,960
SHE EXHALES
300
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,960
But... we can make a start
at breaking that down.
301
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,000
How?
302
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,960
You ever heard of the Tantra?
303
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:14,960
The thing that Sting does?
304
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,960
Well, yeah, but...
HE CLEARS THROAT
305
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,320
...much deeper than that.
306
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:32,960
There it goes.
307
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,960
It's OK?
Beautiful. I'll see you in a sec.
308
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,960
You're gonna... Yeah.
309
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,960
...say "hi".
AMRITA CHUCKLES
310
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,960
Sat Sri Akal.
Sat Sri Akal.
311
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,320
Sat Sri Akal.
SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
312
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:47,960
Bless you.
313
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:51,960
Is the food OK?
Everything all right?
314
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,800
Yeah, fine. It's good, thanks.
Do you guys want anything else?
315
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,960
I'm good, thanks. OK.
316
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,960
I'll be back in a sec.
317
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,480
Dracula tuxedo? Really?
318
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,160
You could've worn a turban
or a durag at least.
319
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,480
You're meant to be
my SIKH boyfriend.
320
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,960
Is he here yet?
SHE SIGHS
321
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:14,960
No, not yet.
322
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,960
But thanks for coming.
323
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,160
It means a lot to me.
324
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:25,960
Oh, my God. Abhijeet, you came!
325
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,960
Mum, Dad, Gurinder Auntie,
Sakshi Auntie,
326
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,000
Raminder Auntie,
Harbhajan Uncle,
327
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,960
you've got to meet
Amrita's boyfriend.
328
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,960
HE CHUCKLES
As-Salam...
329
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960
THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY
Er, yeah... Sat Sri Akal.
330
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,960
Hai, Amrita.
We thought you'd never find a man.
331
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:45,960
Kinna sohna munda.
Kitta se Punjabi bolti ho?
332
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,160
Er...
SING-SONG: Mundian To Bach Ke...
333
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,960
A little skinny, isn't he?
334
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,640
Er...
Bring the man some samosa.
335
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,320
Don't worry,
we'll put some colour in you.
336
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,960
Fix your colour.
337
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,960
SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
338
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,000
Oh, don't tell me
you can't handle your spice.
339
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,960
No, spice is fine,
it's just the garlic.
340
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,320
Sorry to interrupt,
that is a lovely turban.
341
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,960
Sim. Hey, sis,
it's time for our dance.
342
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,960
What? No-one's finished
their dinner yet.
343
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,960
DJ! Let's go, come on. Amrita.
344
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:19,960
Why are we doing it now?
SIM SCOFFS
345
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,960
OK, ladies and gents.
346
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,960
Let's put our hands together
for the beautiful bride
347
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,960
and the bridesmaids.
348
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,960
'Punjabi Mutiyaran'
by Jasmine Sandlas and Shehzad Deol
349
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,640
Ah, she knows I love this song.
350
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,800
Oh, Frank,
you promised you wouldn't come here.
351
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,960
Ah, come on, bru.
It's a classic Shah Rukh Khan move.
352
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,000
There's no way
she won't fall head over heels
353
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,960
when she sees
my "changing the light bulb".
354
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,320
APPLAUSE
Whoo!
355
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,960
Whoo!
356
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,960
Whoa...
Hey!
357
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,960
Shit.
Who's the gora, Abhijeet?
358
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,960
Amrita's boyfriend, Frank.
359
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,960
He means friend... friend, Dad.
360
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,960
Abhijeet here
is obviously my boyfriend.
361
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,960
You can stop the act, darling.
362
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,960
Aise pyaar kartay.
Amrita?
363
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,960
I think our gora friend's confused.
I'm Amrita's real boyfriend.
364
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,960
Yeah.
I'm not a gora, all right?
365
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:34,960
I'm even converting to Sikhism.
366
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,960
It's just I can't quite grow
the beard yet.
367
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,960
Frank, will you just shut up?
No, you shut up.
368
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,960
Come here.
Just stop it, all right?
369
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,960
Just stop! Stop it.
370
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,960
Frank is not my boyfriend, and...
371
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,640
...Abhijeet here...
372
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,160
Abdulla here
is not my boyfriend either.
373
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,960
Amrita, you're embarrassing us.
374
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,960
I don't care, Dad. I don't care.
375
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,960
I am sick and tired
of living my life for other people.
376
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,960
GUESTS MURMURING
377
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,960
I didn't want this
to come out like this...
378
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:05,960
...but here it goes.
379
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,960
I'm leaving for...
Oi, oi, oi, listen up, yeah?
380
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:09,960
CROWD GASPS
381
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,480
I dunno if you've got to the part
where the guy's like,
382
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,960
"Speak now
or forever hold your tings,"
383
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,960
but man's got BARE objections
to this marriage.
384
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,960
Abdulla and Khadija
cannot get married
385
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:19,960
under any circumstances.
386
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:20,960
Shafi, what are you doing?
387
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,960
Can't you tell
this is a Sikh wedding?
388
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,960
Or are you as racist
as you are thick?
389
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,320
Give me that mic.
Give me the mic.
390
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,960
CROWD GASPS,
THEY GRUNT
391
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,960
I'm trying to save you.
I don't need saving.
392
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,960
MUSIC PLAYS,
THEY GRUNT
393
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:45,960
Brev.
394
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,960
Get off me, brev.
ABDULLA SNARLS
395
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:52,960
Agh!
GASPS
396
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:57,960
Brev!
397
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,960
Abs, Abs. Abs, Abs, come on.
What?
398
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,960
Abdulla, come with me.
399
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:24,320
Abs, we've got to go. Let's go.
Agh. Agh!
400
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,640
I knew it. Agh!
401
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,800
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