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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:19,859 I Married an Alien 3 00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:54,579 - Honey, the painters are here. - That's funny. Move, this crap is heavy. 4 00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:56,571 JESSE: Hey, guys. - Hey. 5 00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:59,538 You sure you don't want me to stay and help out? 6 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:03,210 - Actually, there are cans outside. - But they can manage. 7 00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:07,811 Right, our treat. Seriously, it's a housewarming gift from us to you. 8 00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:09,931 Yeah, and a wedding gift. It's combined. 9 00:01:10,740 --> 00:01:12,219 Don't be silly. 10 00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:15,816 - The wedding gift will be separate. - Of course it will. 11 00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:19,296 It's very generous of you to take your Saturday to paint our apartment. 12 00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:21,416 It won't take that long. We're pretty fast. 13 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:24,617 ISABEL: Come on, you're gonna be late. JESSE: Okay. All right. 14 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:26,691 See you guys later. Thanks. 15 00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:28,299 No problem. 16 00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:34,538 MICHAEL: You know, you could have probably done this yourself. 17 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:37,817 Right, Jesse would let his wife paint the apartment by herself. 18 00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,413 You know what color you want? 19 00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:42,777 Tucson Ochre or New England Brick Red. 20 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,655 - Here we go. ISABEL: I need to see it in this space. 21 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:51,372 So Max, you take ochre to that wall and Michael, you take red to that one. 22 00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:54,452 Then I'll decide. Maybe. 23 00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:11,216 I'm exhausted. I'm taking a break. 24 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,615 I like the ochre. 25 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,499 I don 't know what's gonna... 26 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:23,249 Oh, Nickelodeon's having a marathon of Bewitched. My weekend's set. 27 00:02:23,420 --> 00:02:25,570 Who are you and what have you done to Michael? 28 00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:28,618 Since he and Maria broke up, he's been getting into the tube. 29 00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:30,054 It's getting pathetic. 30 00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:34,738 This is the one where Samantha turns Darrin into a goose. It's good. 31 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:37,095 - You need a hobby, man. - What, like golf? 32 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:38,779 Riding around in some stupid cart. 33 00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:40,214 [KEYS JINGLING] 34 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:42,052 ISABEL: Oh, Jesse! Oh, the wall. 35 00:02:44,420 --> 00:02:45,819 JESSE: Hey, Isabel, it's me! 36 00:02:45,980 --> 00:02:49,495 Sorry, honey, there's a ladder in front of the door. Hold on one second. 37 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,336 No, no, that's wrong. It was a Navajo White. 38 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:56,049 - That's more eggshell. - And I'm the one who needs a hobby? 39 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,252 - Everything okay in there? - Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. 40 00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:01,331 Yeah, sorry. Sorry. 41 00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,899 Did you forget something? 42 00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:04,334 Yeah, my balls. 43 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:05,774 [LAUGHS] 44 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,331 Were you guys just talking about me? 45 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,411 That's a little paranoid, don't you think? 46 00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:16,457 The world doesn't revolve around you. 47 00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:19,572 - It revolves around Michael. - That's a fact. 48 00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:22,216 Okay. Bye. 49 00:03:22,380 --> 00:03:24,018 Bye. 50 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:31,531 That was fun. 51 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:35,056 - She had it so easy. MICHAEL: What are you talking about? 52 00:03:35,260 --> 00:03:37,490 Look beyond the surface and you'll see the truth. 53 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:40,498 She takes pride in her witchcraft and she's made to suffer... 54 00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:43,891 ...in an uncaring, secular world. She's a modern-day Athena. 55 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:45,732 I swear my head is gonna explode. 56 00:03:45,940 --> 00:03:47,931 At least Darrin knew she was a witch. 57 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:51,172 She's not having to hide her powers from her own husband. 58 00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:52,932 My life would be so much easier... 59 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,091 ...if Jesse could just know who I really am. 60 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:58,690 Yeah, that would be a classic show. You could call it I Married An Alien. 61 00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:00,612 Yeah. 62 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,051 [MUSIC PLAYS ON TV] 63 00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:13,170 Isabel, how many times do I have to tell you... 64 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,615 ...not to leave your alien orbs in the car? 65 00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:17,850 Sorry, dear. 66 00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:23,735 Yeah, that would be some show. 67 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,649 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 68 00:05:14,820 --> 00:05:19,416 Well, this is certainly no way to start a morning. 69 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,292 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 70 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:33,535 I think we'll have French toast and sausage. 71 00:05:58,460 --> 00:05:59,734 JESSE: Isabel. 72 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:04,655 How many times do I have to tell you, no alien powers in the house. 73 00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,095 Is that French toast? 74 00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:09,813 ISABEL: Mm-hmm. 75 00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:12,858 Well, maybe just this once. 76 00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:17,339 - Good morning. - Good morning, honey. 77 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:21,129 Okay. Here's this. 78 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:25,134 This time, I think I have really... 79 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:27,416 ...burnt it again. 80 00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:31,011 I think there's something wrong with the stove. 81 00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:35,010 - Well, the orange juice is perfect. - Good. Fresh-squeezed. 82 00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:38,895 Okay. Oh, it's 8:58. 83 00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:43,258 Oh, God, I gotta go. I'm before Judge Lingenfelter at 9: 15. 84 00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:47,299 - Lf it was anyone else... - I know, it's okay. I need to study. 85 00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:49,610 JESSE: I'll see you later. ISABEL: Okay. 86 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,094 Hello. 87 00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:53,534 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 88 00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,656 - Hello, Kyle. - Know what this is? 89 00:06:56,460 --> 00:06:58,610 - A carburetor? - No, it's a carbure... 90 00:06:58,780 --> 00:07:01,248 - How'd you know that? - I'm a modern woman. 91 00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:03,578 Right. 92 00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:09,497 Anyway, it may look like a carburetor, but in reality, it's a gold mine. 93 00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,169 - It's a little small for a gold mine. - Yes. 94 00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:14,331 But what if this were a special carburetor... 95 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:17,890 ...that made it possible for a car to get 300 miles to the gallon? 96 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,898 - Kyle. - Two hundred? 97 00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:23,528 You know Jesse doesn't like it when I use my powers... 98 00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:25,338 ...in your get-rich-quick schemes. 99 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,173 Scheme? This isn't a scheme. This is a gift to mankind. 100 00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:32,936 Oh, well, then, if it's a gift, I suppose you won't be charging money for it. 101 00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:35,452 Well, it's not a free gift. 102 00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:37,053 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 103 00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:41,134 Why do you always come to me with these things? 104 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,220 I couldn't figure it out and Toby's been on my ass all week. 105 00:07:43,220 --> 00:07:44,130 I couldn't figure it out and Toby's been on my ass all week. 106 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:47,610 All it has to do is work. It doesn't even have to work well. 107 00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:49,452 All right. 108 00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:54,735 Thank you. 109 00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:56,893 - Hey, ho! - Morning. 110 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,539 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 111 00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:02,773 Everyone doing fine? Lots of fun and laughs around the old Ramirez house? 112 00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:08,179 Good. Now, where is that good-for-nothing boyfriend of mine? 113 00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:10,092 - Got me. - I was just leaving. 114 00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:12,455 Not so fast, Valenti. 115 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,457 - Okay, okay, he's on Neptune. - Neptune? 116 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:17,737 - He was just there last week. - He's buying you a birthday present. 117 00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:21,813 A present for me? What is it? What can someone buy on Neptune? 118 00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:24,295 How much is he gonna spend? Tell me everything. 119 00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:29,378 So he wants to take me out for my birthday next week and I don't know. 120 00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:32,100 - What's the harm? - The harm is that a birthday dinner... 121 00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:35,809 ...by definition, is sentimental. - Which leads to a good-night kiss. 122 00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,729 Good-night kiss leads to sex. 123 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:40,970 I should write that down. 124 00:08:41,140 --> 00:08:44,132 Anyway, the reason I'm here... 125 00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:48,976 ...is my birthday is next week and I was kind of thinking I need some change. 126 00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:50,937 Want me to lengthen your hair again? 127 00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:53,137 Maybe, you know, or maybe not. 128 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,019 Maybe I just want some color, some, like, highlights this time. 129 00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:57,454 [DOORBELL RINGS] 130 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,929 Maria, I am not your personal hair genie. 131 00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:05,934 - Yes? - Hi, are you Isabel? 132 00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:08,458 - Yes. ERIC: I'm Eric. 133 00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,099 Eric Hughes. 134 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:12,455 - I'm Jesse's friend from Cornell. - From Cornell. 135 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,531 Of course, come in. Come in, I'm sorry. 136 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,850 - Thank you. - Come in. 137 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,294 So, what are you doing here? 138 00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:20,894 Well, I just had a gig in Texas... 139 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:24,291 ...and I thought that New Mexico was next door, so... 140 00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:26,052 Hi. 141 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:28,131 ISABEL: That's so great. 142 00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:30,854 Jesse's gonna be so excited. He was so disappointed... 143 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:33,090 ...you couldn't make the wedding. - I'm sorry. 144 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:35,330 ISABEL: Don't worry. - I had the best intentions. 145 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:38,492 I was on the road. I was gonna drive straight through from Atlanta... 146 00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:41,857 ...but I got this gig up in Saint Paul, then another gig in Chicago. 147 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:44,534 Oh, are you a musician? 148 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:48,090 No. I'm a reporter. 149 00:09:48,740 --> 00:09:51,208 A reporter? 150 00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:54,372 - We should be... - Leaving. What a good idea. 151 00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:56,810 Bye, Isabel. 152 00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:02,216 Must say, I was surprised to hear that old Jesse was getting hitched. 153 00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:04,775 You must be something out of the ordinary. 154 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:07,056 Me? No. 155 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,572 So how long will you be staying in Roswell? 156 00:10:10,780 --> 00:10:13,374 Until I find a story. My editor's been driving me crazy. 157 00:10:13,540 --> 00:10:16,213 I need a slam-bang piece of investigative journalism. 158 00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:18,655 Something that knocks the lid off the place... 159 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:22,210 ...or else I gotta find another line of work. 160 00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:25,894 You have to stay. Jesse is so excited to see you. 161 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,210 He's always talking about the fraternity guys. 162 00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:31,497 - It's all good, I hope. - Well, he glosses over the good stuff. 163 00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:34,015 Makes it sound like you spent all your free time... 164 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:36,410 ...discussing and studying Jungian philosophy. 165 00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:38,775 ERIC: He must be a lawyer. 166 00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:42,819 Well, I appreciate you letting me stay on the couch. I won't get in the way. 167 00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:45,653 Who knows, maybe while I'm here, I can get myself a story. 168 00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:47,492 This is Roswell, after all. 169 00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:50,255 So know where I can find any aliens? 170 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:53,409 [LAUGHING] 171 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:58,656 I got an e-mail from Keith. He's gonna join the Peace Corps. 172 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:01,015 He's said that for years. He doesn't like dirt. 173 00:11:01,180 --> 00:11:02,977 How's he gonna dig wells for people? 174 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,335 Incoming! 175 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:11,209 Well, you can take the boys out of college... 176 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,416 - Sorry. ERIC: Oh, my God. 177 00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:16,453 I don't believe you guys still have this CD. 178 00:11:16,620 --> 00:11:18,611 Prepare to enter the time machine. 179 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,660 - I think that's my cue to go to bed. JESSE: Oh, it's early. 180 00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:24,374 ISABEL: Early '90s, maybe. No, thank you. Good night. 181 00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:26,610 - Good night. ISABEL: Good night. 182 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,811 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO] 183 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,852 Just like the good old days, man. 184 00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:42,658 Where's the bong? 185 00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:45,135 - She doesn't know I used to get high. ERIC: What? 186 00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:47,649 What, you're keeping secrets from your wife? 187 00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,896 We're still getting to know each other. 188 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:53,092 Dude, you're supposed to do that before you get married. 189 00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:55,291 In a perfect world. 190 00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:58,060 Well, how many secrets you keeping from her? 191 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,133 Not as many as she has. 192 00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:02,340 - What? - Nothing. 193 00:12:02,340 --> 00:12:03,659 - What? - Nothing. 194 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,132 Come on, dude. Look who you're talking to. 195 00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:11,612 Must I remind you of the notoriously infamous Kate Hopkins episode? 196 00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:15,216 And her monstrous, lacrosse-playing 6'3" boyfriend? 197 00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:18,492 - Yeah, you saved my ass, I remember. - Yeah, I did. 198 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:22,458 I don't know, man. It's just... It's just weird. 199 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:23,340 I feel like there's a part of her life she doesn't want to share. 200 00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:25,649 I feel like there's a part of her life she doesn't want to share. 201 00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:27,412 - Like what? - Like, I don't know. 202 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,174 Just every once in a while, something weird happens. 203 00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:32,774 Like the other day, I'm fixing the icemaker. 204 00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:36,694 I'm getting pissed off, I'm banging it and cursing, like that's gonna help. 205 00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:38,737 She comes in and says, "Take a break." 206 00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:41,050 I'm headed to the bathroom and I glance back... 207 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,290 ...and her hand's on the icemaker. 208 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:45,849 - So? - So when I come back, it's fixed. 209 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,056 I mean, it works perfectly. 210 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:52,611 In my professional opinion, I'm gonna have to say that that is not a story. 211 00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:54,936 Okay, fine. Well, what about her brother Max? 212 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,578 - He breaks my nose before our wedding. - He broke your nose? 213 00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:02,415 Long story, tell you later. But then he heals it with a steak the next day. 214 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:04,736 - What do you mean, a steak? - Like, a steak. 215 00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:09,416 I mean, he completely heals a very broken nose in about 30 seconds. 216 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,777 It's just weird. It's just really weird. 217 00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:14,214 Huh. 218 00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:18,419 Well, maybe... Maybe she's an alien. 219 00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:22,177 Jesse, man, you married one of the Roswell aliens. 220 00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:23,938 [LAUGHING] 221 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:28,696 It's like... It's like I Dream of Jeannie for a new millennium, man. 222 00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:31,378 Shut up, shut up. 223 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:34,338 [HUMMING "I DREAM OF JEANNIE" THEME SONG] 224 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:43,340 - We're in trouble! - Why? 225 00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:47,056 - He wants to stay the night! - I wouldn't worry about it, dear. 226 00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:50,451 A reporter, sleeping on our couch, is looking for the story of the century... 227 00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,417 ...and I shouldn't worry about it? 228 00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:54,252 Sweetheart... 229 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:59,494 ...don't worry. I promise, I won't use my powers while he's around. 230 00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:02,618 Everything's going to be fine. 231 00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:13,051 - Kind of late. JESSE: I'm sorry. 232 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:17,372 - I didn't mean to wake you up. - It's okay. Did you two have fun? 233 00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,451 JESSE: Oh, yeah. 234 00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,217 [LAUGHING] 235 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,378 What? 236 00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:27,019 JESSE: Nothing. 237 00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:32,294 It's just that Eric went off on this whole thing about writing a story. 238 00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:37,459 A story about you being one of the Roswell aliens. 239 00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:45,931 SAMANTHA [ON TV]: Darrin, I'm sorry. 240 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:48,250 DARRIN [ON TV]: Samantha, I want you to abdicate. 241 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:51,014 SAMANTHA: What? DARRIN: I want you to quit! 242 00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:54,053 SAMANTHA: But I can 't, I just... - This is not funny anymore. 243 00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:58,339 I'd ask what your problem is, Maxwell, but I really don't care. 244 00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:02,898 - You have got to get a life. - Thanks for the heartfelt advice. 245 00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:05,335 - You can leave now. - You've been queen for a day. 246 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,819 - That's enough! - I'm serious. 247 00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:09,414 You're gonna rot what's left of your brain with this. 248 00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:11,576 I'm showing an interest in the classics. 249 00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:13,537 You're wallowing in self-pity. 250 00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:17,938 This is my apartment. If I wanna sit here and wallow, that's my business. 251 00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:23,013 - Great, thanks! - Oh, yeah, that's my fault. 252 00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:25,815 I'm out of here. I'll see you later. 253 00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:49,331 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 254 00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:11,898 The place is a wreck, I know. We'll clean it up when we get back, I swear. Okay? 255 00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:15,450 - Come on, let's go. We'll be late. ERIC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 256 00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:17,611 You know, I had an idea. 257 00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:20,248 First time for everything. 258 00:16:20,420 --> 00:16:22,615 I wanna write a story about you and Isabel. 259 00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:25,334 It's a story about how two people marry in a hurry... 260 00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:28,139 ...and have to do the getting-to-know-you stuff later. 261 00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:29,733 Sounds boring to me. 262 00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:32,414 But I'm gonna pitch it so it sounds great. 263 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:35,697 "Hotshot lawyer marries small-town girl after whirlwind romance." 264 00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:38,454 - My editor loves that crap. - Our story is crap? 265 00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:41,453 It's good, solid, heartwarming crap. I need your help. 266 00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:42,939 I need to sell something. 267 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,374 [KNOCKS] 268 00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:47,612 I don't know that I really feel like being in a magazine right now. 269 00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,379 - Hey. - Hey. 270 00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:52,735 Hey, Max. This is Eric, my friend. 271 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:55,289 - Eric, this is Max, my brother-in-law. - Hi. 272 00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:58,293 Oh, you're the guy with the special healing powers. 273 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,011 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 274 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,050 Somebody wanna tell me what's going on? 275 00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:09,058 Max! You can't just go around turning people into dogs. 276 00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:11,615 I won't be lectured by the descendant of an ape. 277 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,498 Max, change him back, please. 278 00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:15,332 He seems to know our little secret. 279 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,979 How could that have happened? 280 00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:19,210 He doesn't know anything. Unless, of course... 281 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:22,099 ...he's seen you flying around in the saucer again. 282 00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:24,854 You go for one joyride and they never let you forget it. 283 00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:28,291 Max, I don't want him to piddle on the carpet. 284 00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,610 In a minute. Speaking of the saucer... 285 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:33,698 ...Michael broke the cloaking device. I parked in the basement. 286 00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:37,250 - In the basement? - Am I talking too fast for you to follow? 287 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,739 How did you get it in there? 288 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,494 He used the time-space slipstream, dear. 289 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,059 - Duh. JESSE: Great. 290 00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:49,096 There's a reporter in the house with a flying saucer in the basement. 291 00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:53,014 - Want me to take him to the pound? - Just change him back, please. 292 00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:55,859 Oh, very well. 293 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,011 Nice to meet you. 294 00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:04,091 JESSE: I'll see you later. - Bye. Have fun. 295 00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:05,978 ERIC: Yes. 296 00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:10,776 JESSE: See you. ISABEL: Yeah, bye. Have fun. 297 00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:17,615 Yeah. Jesse told him about the whole broken nose incident... 298 00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:22,171 ...they've been yukking it up ever since about how I'm from a family of aliens. 299 00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:25,012 You think that's funny? 300 00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:28,570 Yeah. I mean, in an ironic sort of way. 301 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:32,369 They're kidding around. If you make a big deal, it'll look suspicious. 302 00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:32,740 Yeah, maybe. 303 00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:33,968 Yeah, maybe. 304 00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,051 What are you doing here? 305 00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:39,895 Inviting my sister to have a delicious hot breakfast before her first class. 306 00:18:40,060 --> 00:18:41,413 My treat. 307 00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:44,376 Where? 308 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,249 - So when did you meet Isabel? - July 5th. 309 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,536 - Your birthday? - How's that for a present? 310 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:54,658 They're gonna eat this thing up. 311 00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:57,015 Hey, hey. Did you bring enough for everyone? 312 00:18:57,180 --> 00:18:59,216 Where are my manners? Let me ask you this: 313 00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:01,894 Was she still jailbait when you met her? 314 00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:04,850 She was 18. 315 00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:08,736 - Moron. - Sorry. 316 00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,573 MICHAEL: Yeah! 317 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:23,329 Sorry. Oh, fore! Fore, everybody! 318 00:19:23,740 --> 00:19:25,253 Fore. 319 00:19:28,820 --> 00:19:30,139 Mr. Evans, Jesse. 320 00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:32,900 Hey, Michael, did you meet my friend Eric? 321 00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,698 - Oh, hey. ERIC: Hi. 322 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:37,613 - I didn't know you played golf. - Just starting. 323 00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:39,452 Looking to get out of the house. 324 00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:43,329 Did you see that shot off the golf cart? You don't see that every day. 325 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,058 I'm gonna go out on a limb... 326 00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:47,939 ...and guess you're not a member of the country club. 327 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,056 Not officially. 328 00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,778 Then you better stick with us. 329 00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:53,413 MICHAEL: Cool. 330 00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:55,650 We playing for money or what? 331 00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:59,297 You don't need a chaperone. Liz's dad gave you the green light... 332 00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,212 ...for you guys to be together. 333 00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:03,848 I just don't want her dad to think I'm some loser... 334 00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:07,217 ...who has nothing better to do than wait for Liz to get off work. 335 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:09,052 Must I make the obvious comment? 336 00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:11,176 Please don't. 337 00:20:13,140 --> 00:20:14,573 LIZ: Max. 338 00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:16,970 - Liz. - Max. 339 00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:18,937 MAX: Liz. 340 00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:20,932 Can we get a table for two? 341 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,058 Oh, certainly, Isabel. 342 00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:25,290 You must be here to have breakfast with Max... 343 00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:29,419 ...because he's certainly not here just to see me, are you, Max? 344 00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,816 Certainly not. 345 00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:34,011 This way. 346 00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:44,290 So how long have you known Max and Isabel? 347 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:45,779 Long, long time. 348 00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:49,171 We kind of gravitated toward each other in elementary. 349 00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:52,093 You know, none of us had parents... 350 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,889 ...I was in the foster system. 351 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,060 - Slice. - Picked your head up at the last minute. 352 00:20:59,220 --> 00:21:01,097 Yeah, that's in the trees. 353 00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:04,178 - You wanna take a mulligan? - No, I don't do drugs. 354 00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:08,174 All right, you guys play ahead. I gotta go find my ball. 355 00:21:11,780 --> 00:21:14,738 ISABEL: I've been doing more thinking about this whole Bewitched idea. 356 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,174 MAX: You have? - Yes. 357 00:21:16,340 --> 00:21:18,729 The more I think about it, the more convinced I am... 358 00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:22,449 ...it's in everyone's best interest to bring my Darrin in on the secret. 359 00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:24,853 MAX: Mm-hmm. ISABEL: Yeah. 360 00:21:25,020 --> 00:21:27,375 I mean, as it is now, Jesse's a wild card. 361 00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:30,293 For example, if he knew the secret, he'd know what to say... 362 00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:34,214 ...and what not to say to his buddy, the reporter looking for a hot story. 363 00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,654 - You have a point. - Yeah. 364 00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:37,896 Let me think about it. 365 00:21:38,460 --> 00:21:39,813 Everything okay? 366 00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:41,891 Yeah. Just talking about... 367 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,694 ...how easy things would be if we lived in a sitcom. 368 00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:48,177 - Like Frasier? - More like My Favorite Martian. 369 00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:51,138 - I'm thinking more like Bewitched. JEFF: Liz? 370 00:21:51,900 --> 00:21:54,698 Didn't I tell you to stay away from my daughter? 371 00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:57,814 I'm just having breakfast with my sister. 372 00:21:57,980 --> 00:21:59,936 See? Here she is, my sister. 373 00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:02,375 - Say hi, sister. - Hi, sister. 374 00:22:02,580 --> 00:22:07,370 If I catch you with your hands on my daughter, why, I'II... 375 00:22:07,540 --> 00:22:10,612 Gee, thanks, Mr. Parker. 376 00:22:10,780 --> 00:22:12,930 They're lovely. 377 00:22:15,220 --> 00:22:19,179 - So that kid is an emancipated minor? - Yep. Our firm handled the case. 378 00:22:19,340 --> 00:22:21,729 Watch this, on the green in two. 379 00:22:23,140 --> 00:22:25,654 Hey, do you think anyone would mind if I...? 380 00:22:25,820 --> 00:22:27,811 What, got stoned on the fairway? Yes. 381 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,811 This is my father-in-law's private club. 382 00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:32,778 Just go in the bushes like everyone else. 383 00:23:12,740 --> 00:23:16,653 No one, and I mean no one, is going to print that. 384 00:23:16,820 --> 00:23:19,778 Maybe not The New York Times, dude, but definitely the Post. 385 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:22,090 Come on, Eric, give me a break. What...? 386 00:23:22,260 --> 00:23:25,696 Look, I know what it sounds like, but I saw what I saw. 387 00:23:25,860 --> 00:23:28,055 Yeah, okay. 388 00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:30,211 What's up? 389 00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:32,500 Honey, you're gonna love this. Go ahead, tell her. 390 00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:33,057 Honey, you're gonna love this. Go ahead, tell her. 391 00:23:33,260 --> 00:23:35,933 You know your friend Michael? He waved his hand... 392 00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:39,854 - It was like he had superpowers. - Yeah, he had superpowers! 393 00:23:40,020 --> 00:23:41,533 [LAUGHING] 394 00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:43,258 All right, all kidding aside... 395 00:23:43,420 --> 00:23:45,536 ...there's something strange about that kid. 396 00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:48,976 I don't know if he's psychic or a space alien or what... 397 00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:51,734 - Space alien. ...but one thing is for sure. 398 00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:55,415 Michael Guerin is definitely not of this world. 399 00:23:56,140 --> 00:23:57,971 - You idiot. MICHAEL: How could I know... 400 00:23:58,140 --> 00:24:00,495 ...he was watching? - Maybe you shouldn't be using... 401 00:24:00,660 --> 00:24:02,651 ...your powers to improve your golf game. 402 00:24:02,820 --> 00:24:05,892 - I didn't think anyone was around. - Well, that is a problem. 403 00:24:06,060 --> 00:24:07,334 You didn't think. 404 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,855 Well, now you've really done it. 405 00:24:10,020 --> 00:24:12,773 Eric wants to interview you. What are you going to do? 406 00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:16,137 What if I fused his vocal cords together. Then he couldn't say anything. 407 00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:18,814 He's a writer. He'll just write it down. 408 00:24:18,980 --> 00:24:21,175 I could fuse his fingers together too. 409 00:24:21,340 --> 00:24:22,978 That's not going to work. 410 00:24:23,140 --> 00:24:25,893 - We need a real plan. - I'll talk to him, okay? 411 00:24:26,060 --> 00:24:27,493 I'll think of something. 412 00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:29,378 Why doesn't that give me confidence? 413 00:24:29,540 --> 00:24:32,179 - I can't believe this is happening. - Will you relax? 414 00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:34,217 - I'm on it. - On what? 415 00:24:34,380 --> 00:24:36,052 - What? - Are you talking to me? 416 00:24:36,220 --> 00:24:38,017 Who else would I be talking to? 417 00:24:38,180 --> 00:24:40,489 So you're on it? 418 00:24:40,660 --> 00:24:42,252 - On what? - Are you okay? 419 00:24:42,420 --> 00:24:44,411 - What? - What? 420 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,936 - What? ISABEL & MICHAEL: What? 421 00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:48,818 I'm getting confused. 422 00:24:48,980 --> 00:24:51,892 Can we just all take a minute, okay? 423 00:24:52,060 --> 00:24:53,971 Okay, what are you gonna tell Eric? 424 00:24:54,140 --> 00:24:56,449 - I'll think of something. - What worries me more... 425 00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:59,851 ...when you don't think or when you do? - You should be on a sitcom. 426 00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:01,499 Hey, I was gonna say that. 427 00:25:01,660 --> 00:25:04,458 - Don't talk to them. - Let's just all hang up, okay? 428 00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:06,975 Michael, I'll see you in an hour. 429 00:25:07,860 --> 00:25:09,657 Look, I know what I saw, Michael. 430 00:25:09,820 --> 00:25:11,890 You saw me wave a magic wand and bend a tree. 431 00:25:12,060 --> 00:25:14,699 No wand. No, it was just your hand. 432 00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:18,336 Let me ask you something. What was really in the flask? 433 00:25:19,980 --> 00:25:22,414 - Scotch. - What were you doing in the bushes? 434 00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:26,255 I was looking for a place to, you know, relieve myself. 435 00:25:26,420 --> 00:25:29,139 Come on, you weren't...? 436 00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:32,931 - A little. - Yeah, right. 437 00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:37,093 Dude, it wasn't like the fat ones you used to roll in the old days, all right? 438 00:25:37,260 --> 00:25:38,659 Ow! 439 00:25:38,820 --> 00:25:42,176 "In the old days"? Care to elaborate, Mr. Ramirez? 440 00:25:42,580 --> 00:25:45,253 Not really, honey. You know, it was college. 441 00:25:45,420 --> 00:25:47,456 "Rah-rah, sis-boom-bah"? 442 00:25:48,860 --> 00:25:50,134 Nice typewriter. 443 00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:55,169 - What is that, a G4? - No, it's just an old dinosaur. 444 00:25:58,260 --> 00:26:00,455 Oh, don't tell me this. 445 00:26:01,700 --> 00:26:04,737 - Sweetheart, can I see you outside? - Yeah, sure. 446 00:26:11,940 --> 00:26:13,612 Technology. 447 00:26:14,220 --> 00:26:16,609 Look, I stopped smoking a long time ago. 448 00:26:16,820 --> 00:26:19,698 I don't care about that. Get Eric to drop the story. 449 00:26:19,860 --> 00:26:23,330 No more research, no more questions, no more digging into my past. 450 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,252 What's going on? 451 00:26:25,420 --> 00:26:27,650 It's just some stupid thing to get a byline. 452 00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:29,771 No, it's more than that, all right? 453 00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:32,408 First he's asking me questions, then my friends. 454 00:26:32,580 --> 00:26:35,413 Next, it's gonna be my parents. I want it to stop, now. 455 00:26:35,620 --> 00:26:38,134 - Why? - Because, okay? 456 00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:42,657 Because the past is something that I'm trying to leave behind. 457 00:26:42,860 --> 00:26:45,579 Okay? It brings up a lot of issues for me. 458 00:26:45,740 --> 00:26:47,890 Max and I were dumped in the desert as kids... 459 00:26:48,060 --> 00:26:50,893 ...by our real parents. What kind of people do that? 460 00:26:51,060 --> 00:26:54,097 What kind of family am I from? I don't wanna know the answer... 461 00:26:54,260 --> 00:26:55,978 ...or even ask the question. 462 00:26:56,140 --> 00:26:57,539 JESSE: Okay. 463 00:26:57,700 --> 00:26:59,895 I'll take care of it, okay? 464 00:27:00,060 --> 00:27:02,016 ISABEL: Thank you. 465 00:27:04,100 --> 00:27:06,409 JESSE: Do me a favor. Drop the story on Isabel and me. 466 00:27:06,580 --> 00:27:08,775 - Yeah. Fine, whatever, man. - Hey, I'm serious. 467 00:27:08,940 --> 00:27:10,214 I'm serious too. I hear you. 468 00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:12,530 I'll drop the story. Let me ask you something. 469 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:16,010 Am I insane or did Michael touch this computer before it crashed? 470 00:27:16,180 --> 00:27:17,977 Hey, you know something? You're right. 471 00:27:18,140 --> 00:27:21,530 - You're insane. - Well, this thing is totally screwed. 472 00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:25,249 - Mind if I check my e-mail? - Go ahead. I'm in court until 4. 473 00:27:25,420 --> 00:27:28,492 - Look, you up for dinner later? - Do I have any other options? 474 00:27:28,660 --> 00:27:31,299 - Later. - Good luck. 475 00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:07,494 You know, all adoptions and foster records... 476 00:28:07,660 --> 00:28:09,491 ...are supposed to be confidential. 477 00:28:09,660 --> 00:28:12,128 I understand that. I won't use your name... 478 00:28:12,300 --> 00:28:15,337 ...and I won't quote you directly. I'm researching Michael... 479 00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:17,730 ...and I was wondering if you could help. 480 00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:20,095 Was there anything unusual about Michael? 481 00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:22,177 No. 482 00:28:25,180 --> 00:28:25,300 Well, there was this one incident in 1989. 483 00:28:25,300 --> 00:28:29,418 Well, there was this one incident in 1989. 484 00:28:29,580 --> 00:28:32,140 Right after the county placed him in his foster home. 485 00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:35,929 He'd been there less than two days before we get this phone call... 486 00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:38,409 ...about this unusual event. 487 00:28:38,580 --> 00:28:39,933 An event? 488 00:28:40,140 --> 00:28:44,133 They said Michael made the kitchen table levitate off the floor. 489 00:28:44,300 --> 00:28:47,133 About three feet off the floor. 490 00:28:47,300 --> 00:28:50,212 That's a little odd for a 6-year-old. 491 00:28:50,380 --> 00:28:53,338 Um, would that be in the county records? 492 00:28:53,540 --> 00:28:56,930 You think we're gonna put something like that in a government file? 493 00:28:57,100 --> 00:29:00,217 And to be honest with you, Michael's foster father... 494 00:29:00,380 --> 00:29:03,577 ...he wasn't exactly reliable. You know: 495 00:29:04,020 --> 00:29:06,375 Yeah. Anything else? 496 00:29:06,540 --> 00:29:10,533 No. I mean, other than the way he came to us. 497 00:29:10,700 --> 00:29:15,251 You know, a little kid found just wandering out in the desert like that. 498 00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:17,854 Wait, I thought Max and Isabel were the ones... 499 00:29:18,020 --> 00:29:20,454 ...found wandering in the desert. - They were. 500 00:29:21,140 --> 00:29:23,017 About a week before. 501 00:29:24,060 --> 00:29:27,097 Now, that, that's a story. 502 00:29:31,540 --> 00:29:35,294 - I got my story. No, I really got it. JESSE: What is it? 503 00:29:35,460 --> 00:29:38,213 It's about three little kids found wandering in the desert. 504 00:29:38,380 --> 00:29:40,496 Kids with special powers. 505 00:29:40,660 --> 00:29:43,697 It's about Max, Michael and Isabel. 506 00:29:43,860 --> 00:29:46,135 - You told me you were dropping this. - Yeah, I did. 507 00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:49,736 I swear to God I was going to, but then I get a call from a source... 508 00:29:49,900 --> 00:29:52,619 ...who tells me about this social worker who's got a story. 509 00:29:52,780 --> 00:29:56,614 She tells me that Michael Guerin was levitating tables at age 6. 510 00:29:56,820 --> 00:29:59,539 - You don't believe that. - Doesn't matter. I don't have to. 511 00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:03,090 I need credible sources. Between the social worker and you, I got plenty. 512 00:30:03,260 --> 00:30:06,377 - Me? - The broken nose incident with the meat. 513 00:30:06,540 --> 00:30:09,338 - The icemaker incident. JESSE: That wasn't for you to write. 514 00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:11,411 ERIC: Dude, relax, I won't use your name. 515 00:30:11,620 --> 00:30:13,531 Come on, Jesse. This will be huge for me. 516 00:30:13,700 --> 00:30:17,056 Don't you get it? Look, I've got mysteriously sealed records. 517 00:30:17,220 --> 00:30:18,494 I've got anonymous sources. 518 00:30:18,660 --> 00:30:21,379 This thing has "government conspiracy" written all over it. 519 00:30:21,540 --> 00:30:25,419 - This story is gonna go national. - Just wait, okay? Slow down. 520 00:30:25,580 --> 00:30:27,138 What is the story? 521 00:30:27,900 --> 00:30:31,529 Max, Michael and Isabel... 522 00:30:31,700 --> 00:30:34,692 ...they're the Roswell aliens. 523 00:30:40,940 --> 00:30:44,012 - Oh, my God! JESSE: What? 524 00:30:44,180 --> 00:30:46,216 [STAMMERING] 525 00:30:46,380 --> 00:30:49,213 - Settle down. - What's wrong? 526 00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:52,178 There is a spaceship in the basement! 527 00:30:52,340 --> 00:30:54,535 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 528 00:30:58,660 --> 00:31:02,096 This is bad. This is really bad. 529 00:31:02,260 --> 00:31:04,649 This wouldn't have happened if you weren't careless. 530 00:31:04,820 --> 00:31:09,132 Hey, it's not my fault. Except for the part that is. 531 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:12,019 Well, what are we going to do? 532 00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:14,535 We'll have to find another planet to hide out on. 533 00:31:14,700 --> 00:31:16,691 - Well, I like this planet. - Me too. 534 00:31:16,860 --> 00:31:19,818 Where else are you gonna find WHOPPERS and Big Macs? 535 00:31:19,980 --> 00:31:21,652 - Shut up. - Shut up. 536 00:31:21,820 --> 00:31:23,299 MICHAEL: You're both overreacting. 537 00:31:23,580 --> 00:31:26,014 No serious magazine is gonna print that story. 538 00:31:26,260 --> 00:31:28,490 Three alien kids in the desert, it's ridiculous. 539 00:31:28,660 --> 00:31:30,855 The best he can do is get cash from a tabloid. 540 00:31:31,060 --> 00:31:34,257 They're gonna plaster our faces all over the cover of The Enquirer. 541 00:31:34,420 --> 00:31:35,819 MAX: It'll draw attention. 542 00:31:36,020 --> 00:31:38,659 Even if people don't believe it, it'll make people think. 543 00:31:38,860 --> 00:31:41,533 Fine, it's really bad and it's my fault. You happy now? 544 00:31:41,740 --> 00:31:43,412 This isn't helping, Michael. 545 00:31:45,340 --> 00:31:47,376 What are we gonna do? 546 00:31:49,300 --> 00:31:51,734 I have no idea. 547 00:31:58,940 --> 00:32:01,773 - I'm awake. ISABEL: Oh. 548 00:32:02,180 --> 00:32:05,809 - It's late. - Yeah, where have you been? 549 00:32:05,980 --> 00:32:08,540 I just went for a walk. 550 00:32:10,020 --> 00:32:13,410 - Can I ask you something? - Sure. 551 00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:22,180 Is there anything unusual about you? Anything I should know about? 552 00:32:23,260 --> 00:32:27,697 - Like what? - I don't know exactly, but just... 553 00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:31,175 Some strange things have happened. 554 00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:35,416 Things that I've tried to ignore, but I can't. 555 00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:37,212 So... 556 00:32:38,980 --> 00:32:41,369 I guess I'm asking... 557 00:32:41,820 --> 00:32:46,450 ...do you have some kind of psychic ability? 558 00:32:47,820 --> 00:32:49,811 Psychic? 559 00:32:50,780 --> 00:32:55,171 I know how that sounds, but certain things just make me wonder. 560 00:32:55,740 --> 00:32:57,571 Like what? 561 00:32:59,220 --> 00:33:01,097 Like our sex life. 562 00:33:01,260 --> 00:33:03,330 Not that I'm complaining... 563 00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:06,856 ...but sex with you is almost hallucinogenic. 564 00:33:07,020 --> 00:33:09,454 Like I'm on acid or something. 565 00:33:09,620 --> 00:33:11,611 I mean, not that I've ever done that. 566 00:33:11,860 --> 00:33:14,055 But I'm just... 567 00:33:14,460 --> 00:33:16,690 I don't know. I mean, it's just weird. 568 00:33:17,540 --> 00:33:21,249 I love it. I love it, but it's definitely weird. 569 00:33:21,540 --> 00:33:23,610 So are you ready for a little, uh...? 570 00:33:25,820 --> 00:33:27,617 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 571 00:33:33,940 --> 00:33:37,535 - Jesse, are you stoned? - I know, I'm such an idiot. 572 00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:40,009 Psychic? Like Carrie? 573 00:33:40,180 --> 00:33:43,058 - Okay, stop. - You sure you went to Harvard? 574 00:33:43,220 --> 00:33:45,256 Look, forget it, okay? Just forget it. 575 00:33:45,420 --> 00:33:47,615 Turn off the light. I feel stupid in the light. 576 00:33:47,780 --> 00:33:50,897 But in the dark, it's okay to think that you're married to a witch. 577 00:33:51,060 --> 00:33:53,255 Yes. Turn it off. 578 00:33:53,420 --> 00:33:55,490 Come on, turn it off. 579 00:34:00,220 --> 00:34:03,576 - I can't believe I said that. - Yeah. 580 00:34:05,220 --> 00:34:09,179 If you think that sounded crazy, wait until you hear Eric's latest idea. 581 00:34:09,340 --> 00:34:12,138 - What's that? - You're never gonna believe this. 582 00:34:12,580 --> 00:34:16,698 He's actually got a story that sounds like you, Max and Michael... 583 00:34:16,860 --> 00:34:19,010 ...are all... 584 00:34:19,180 --> 00:34:21,569 ...the Roswell aliens. 585 00:34:21,740 --> 00:34:23,935 - Yeah. - Wow. 586 00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:26,898 PHIL: The Roswell aliens? 587 00:34:28,140 --> 00:34:29,971 That's crazy. 588 00:34:30,140 --> 00:34:31,732 He's just trying to make a sale. 589 00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:34,334 I seriously doubt he even believes it himself. 590 00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:37,094 So who is this social worker who fed him this nonsense... 591 00:34:37,260 --> 00:34:39,296 ...about the kids having psychic powers? 592 00:34:39,460 --> 00:34:41,974 He wouldn't say. Said he promised her anonymity. 593 00:34:42,140 --> 00:34:44,859 I don't know how he even tracked this person down. 594 00:34:45,020 --> 00:34:47,454 All those records are supposed to be kept under seal. 595 00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:50,817 You know what? We might have her name. 596 00:34:50,980 --> 00:34:53,096 Pull Michael's emancipation file. 597 00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:56,935 It might have a list of his counselors over at County Services. 598 00:34:57,100 --> 00:34:59,011 That's a good idea. 599 00:35:06,660 --> 00:35:08,810 It's not here. 600 00:35:10,940 --> 00:35:12,851 - What do you mean? JESSE: It's not here. 601 00:35:13,060 --> 00:35:15,574 Unless it was misfiled or... 602 00:35:16,660 --> 00:35:18,696 - You stole it! - Oh, come on, Jesse. 603 00:35:18,900 --> 00:35:22,370 - I was gonna give it back tomorrow. - You know what you did is a felony? 604 00:35:22,540 --> 00:35:25,691 - I could have you arrested. ERIC: Hey, easy. 605 00:35:25,860 --> 00:35:28,294 I know you're pissed off, but I'm just doing my job. 606 00:35:28,460 --> 00:35:30,337 I'm a reporter. It's a good story. 607 00:35:30,500 --> 00:35:33,060 No, not anymore, it isn't. 608 00:35:33,220 --> 00:35:34,573 - What is this? - An injunction. 609 00:35:34,740 --> 00:35:37,573 Preventing you from attempting to sell any information... 610 00:35:37,740 --> 00:35:41,255 ...based on illegal access to records protected by attorney-client privilege. 611 00:35:44,540 --> 00:35:46,895 Sorry we had to do this to you. 612 00:35:47,060 --> 00:35:49,494 But you really didn't leave us much choice. 613 00:35:49,660 --> 00:35:53,653 BIRD: She's an alien! JESSE: So, what should we do with him? 614 00:35:53,820 --> 00:35:56,732 I'm thinking the pet store. 615 00:35:56,940 --> 00:35:59,454 A nice little boy would love to take you home. 616 00:35:59,700 --> 00:36:02,419 BIRD: I am not an animal. I'm a human being. 617 00:36:02,580 --> 00:36:05,299 Just keep telling yourself that. 618 00:36:05,460 --> 00:36:07,337 I'll be back before for dinner. 619 00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:11,288 BIRD: Damn it, Jim, I'm a reporter, not a parrot! 620 00:36:11,820 --> 00:36:13,412 - I don't believe this. - Believe it. 621 00:36:13,580 --> 00:36:15,935 Now, just pack your stuff and get out. 622 00:36:16,140 --> 00:36:19,132 - What? - I asked you to drop the story. 623 00:36:19,300 --> 00:36:21,018 And what did you do? You lied to me. 624 00:36:21,220 --> 00:36:23,256 You knew you weren't going to let it go! 625 00:36:23,460 --> 00:36:24,893 - I'm sorry. JESSE: Sorry? 626 00:36:25,100 --> 00:36:28,649 You looked me in the eye and told me one of your sources put you on... 627 00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:31,698 ...to the social worker, when you stole it from my own office! 628 00:36:31,860 --> 00:36:33,578 All right, I screwed up! I admit it! 629 00:36:33,740 --> 00:36:37,289 I won't write the stupid alien story! But come on, Jesse. 630 00:36:37,460 --> 00:36:39,496 It's you and me, man. We go back. 631 00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:43,898 Uh-uh. You can insult me, you can hit me, you can do almost anything... 632 00:36:44,060 --> 00:36:46,255 ...and usually I'll find a way to get over it. 633 00:36:46,420 --> 00:36:48,615 But you can't lie to me in my own house. 634 00:36:48,780 --> 00:36:52,250 You can't take advantage of my trust and my friendship! 635 00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:54,212 Now, I want you gone! 636 00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:56,689 Don't come back! 637 00:37:13,260 --> 00:37:17,253 None of this would be necessary if we could just tell the humans the truth. 638 00:37:17,420 --> 00:37:21,049 Are you serious? These primates have barely mastered walking upright. 639 00:37:21,220 --> 00:37:24,337 - They couldn't handle the truth. - Jesse did just fine. 640 00:37:24,500 --> 00:37:25,340 Yeah, he's a real genius. 641 00:37:25,340 --> 00:37:27,058 Yeah, he's a real genius. 642 00:37:27,220 --> 00:37:29,176 You're talking about my husband. 643 00:37:29,340 --> 00:37:31,296 Must you remind me? 644 00:37:31,460 --> 00:37:34,099 - Lf it weren't for Jesse... - Life would be much quieter. 645 00:37:34,260 --> 00:37:36,774 And I would be miserable. 646 00:37:36,940 --> 00:37:41,092 We're meant to be together, Max. You're just going to have to accept that. 647 00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:44,814 Isabel, it's bad enough you married one of them. 648 00:37:44,980 --> 00:37:47,574 But remember that you're from a superior race of beings. 649 00:37:47,740 --> 00:37:49,696 A race that has conquered space travel... 650 00:37:49,860 --> 00:37:53,091 ...and stands head and shoulders above these primitive monkey children. 651 00:37:53,260 --> 00:37:55,410 I found the problem with the spaceship. 652 00:37:55,580 --> 00:37:57,571 My yo-yo was caught in the warp drive. 653 00:37:57,740 --> 00:37:59,731 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 654 00:38:00,540 --> 00:38:04,692 Well, some of us stand a little taller than others. 655 00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:10,175 - So Jesse saved the day. - Yeah. 656 00:38:10,340 --> 00:38:12,058 I know what you're gonna say. 657 00:38:12,220 --> 00:38:13,812 That's twice now he's saved us... 658 00:38:13,980 --> 00:38:16,494 ...and so now he's earned the right to know the truth. 659 00:38:16,660 --> 00:38:19,413 And I don't necessarily disagree, but I think that... 660 00:38:19,580 --> 00:38:24,256 No, Max, I'm really... I'm really not pushing to tell him right now. 661 00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:28,815 He was really mad. I've never seen him so angry... 662 00:38:28,980 --> 00:38:32,734 ...and he was angry because he was lied to by someone he trusted. 663 00:38:32,900 --> 00:38:36,813 - You're his wife, he'll forgive you. - Maybe. 664 00:38:37,380 --> 00:38:38,972 But he'll never forget I lied. 665 00:38:39,140 --> 00:38:41,290 It'll always be there between us. 666 00:38:41,460 --> 00:38:44,099 I wanna tell him... 667 00:38:45,180 --> 00:38:47,296 ...but I'm afraid to. 668 00:38:47,660 --> 00:38:49,890 The problem is, I don't live in a sitcom. 669 00:38:50,060 --> 00:38:53,336 You know, they get to wrap everything up all nice and neat. 670 00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:56,298 Real life is complicated. 671 00:39:02,660 --> 00:39:04,457 Can't sleep? 672 00:39:06,580 --> 00:39:08,218 I just... 673 00:39:09,820 --> 00:39:11,460 I just keep thinking of your friend Eric. I mean... 674 00:39:11,460 --> 00:39:13,052 I just keep thinking of your friend Eric. I mean... 675 00:39:13,260 --> 00:39:15,694 ...you guys were really close for a long time. 676 00:39:15,860 --> 00:39:20,411 Yeah. Well, things change. 677 00:39:21,980 --> 00:39:24,778 Don't worry. I have other friends, okay? 678 00:39:24,940 --> 00:39:29,730 Besides, you are all that matters to me. 679 00:39:29,940 --> 00:39:32,408 You're all I need. 680 00:39:39,100 --> 00:39:41,853 So, what's the lesson, Isabel? 681 00:39:42,020 --> 00:39:44,375 Never trust one of your friends. 682 00:39:44,540 --> 00:39:47,179 Never use your powers out in public, dear. 683 00:39:47,340 --> 00:39:50,969 And never let Max park the spaceship in the basement. 684 00:39:51,140 --> 00:39:53,813 - Promise? - Alien's honor. 685 00:39:53,980 --> 00:39:55,538 Then come here. 686 00:39:55,700 --> 00:39:59,136 Oh, you're all that matters to me. You're all I need. 687 00:39:59,300 --> 00:40:01,291 Oh, sweetheart. 688 00:40:01,460 --> 00:40:04,452 [SOUND OF AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 689 00:40:39,420 --> 00:40:41,411 Subtitles by SDI Media Group 690 00:40:41,580 --> 00:40:43,571 [ENGLISH SDH] 55635

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