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hey everybody
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love you too
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love you too
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love you too
I'm gonna be speaking a lot about love
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I'm gonna be speaking a lot about love
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I'm gonna be speaking a lot about love
right now
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right now
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right now
um first of all I need to say thank you
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um first of all I need to say thank you
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um first of all I need to say thank you
I think Eric posted yesterday that in
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I think Eric posted yesterday that in
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I think Eric posted yesterday that in
moments of anxiety
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moments of anxiety
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moments of anxiety
um you should give gratitude so giving a
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um you should give gratitude so giving a
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um you should give gratitude so giving a
lot of gratitude right now
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lot of gratitude right now
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lot of gratitude right now
um but I especially want to say uh thank
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um but I especially want to say uh thank
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um but I especially want to say uh thank
you to uh Kevin and Donnie for having me
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you to uh Kevin and Donnie for having me
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you to uh Kevin and Donnie for having me
I also want to say think it's Monday I
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I also want to say think it's Monday I
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I also want to say think it's Monday I
know a lot of restaurants aren't closed
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know a lot of restaurants aren't closed
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know a lot of restaurants aren't closed
on Mondays ours is not I want to say
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on Mondays ours is not I want to say
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on Mondays ours is not I want to say
thank you to the team that's right now
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thank you to the team that's right now
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thank you to the team that's right now
working so I could do this
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working so I could do this
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working so I could do this
um and I want to say thank you to my
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um and I want to say thank you to my
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um and I want to say thank you to my
wife and who has anytime I sign up for a
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wife and who has anytime I sign up for a
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wife and who has anytime I sign up for a
project like this has to work twice as
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project like this has to work twice as
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project like this has to work twice as
hard to get everything else done uh in
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hard to get everything else done uh in
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hard to get everything else done uh in
the world while I write a speech um so
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the world while I write a speech um so
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the world while I write a speech um so
I've Pro you know I I really I love her
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I've Pro you know I I really I love her
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I've Pro you know I I really I love her
and I want to say thank you to her
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and I want to say thank you to her
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and I want to say thank you to her
um
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um
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um
so
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so
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so
this October I will reach a milestone
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this October I will reach a milestone
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this October I will reach a milestone
it's a dream I've held since I was a
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it's a dream I've held since I was a
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it's a dream I've held since I was a
teenager I'm publishing a book
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teenager I'm publishing a book
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teenager I'm publishing a book
but it's far from the great contemporary
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but it's far from the great contemporary
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but it's far from the great contemporary
novel I dreamed of writing when I first
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novel I dreamed of writing when I first
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novel I dreamed of writing when I first
came to the Midwest and found myself not
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came to the Midwest and found myself not
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came to the Midwest and found myself not
as the voice of a generation
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as the voice of a generation
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as the voice of a generation
but as a cook calling back orders on a
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but as a cook calling back orders on a
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but as a cook calling back orders on a
line
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line
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line
this career was a freak accident
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this career was a freak accident
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this career was a freak accident
I'd been rejected from a writing program
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I'd been rejected from a writing program
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I'd been rejected from a writing program
I'd wanted to attend back east and found
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I'd wanted to attend back east and found
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I'd wanted to attend back east and found
a second choice in downstate Illinois
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a second choice in downstate Illinois
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a second choice in downstate Illinois
I ended up here after a breakup
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I ended up here after a breakup
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I ended up here after a breakup
deeply lonely and Afraid of the way the
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deeply lonely and Afraid of the way the
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deeply lonely and Afraid of the way the
borderless Prairie Sky made me feel
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borderless Prairie Sky made me feel
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borderless Prairie Sky made me feel
like you might just float away without
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like you might just float away without
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like you might just float away without
anybody noticing
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anybody noticing
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anybody noticing
but things turned around once I met my
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but things turned around once I met my
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but things turned around once I met my
wife at a cafe here in the city
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wife at a cafe here in the city
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wife at a cafe here in the city
the cafe meant everything to me it was
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the cafe meant everything to me it was
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the cafe meant everything to me it was
full of beautiful people making
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full of beautiful people making
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full of beautiful people making
beautiful creative lives
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beautiful creative lives
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beautiful creative lives
eventually we took over and I became a
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eventually we took over and I became a
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eventually we took over and I became a
professional cook I hadn't gone to
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professional cook I hadn't gone to
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professional cook I hadn't gone to
culinary school I had like two cooking
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culinary school I had like two cooking
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culinary school I had like two cooking
gigs in my back pocket
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gigs in my back pocket
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gigs in my back pocket
I learned to cook not out of passion for
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I learned to cook not out of passion for
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I learned to cook not out of passion for
a craft but because back in grad school
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a craft but because back in grad school
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a craft but because back in grad school
I was dead broke and I asked the guy
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I was dead broke and I asked the guy
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I was dead broke and I asked the guy
sitting next to me at the bar so hey man
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sitting next to me at the bar so hey man
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sitting next to me at the bar so hey man
what do you do for money
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what do you do for money
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what do you do for money
he got me a job that very night off
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he got me a job that very night off
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he got me a job that very night off
Veterans Parkway in Normal Illinois
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Veterans Parkway in Normal Illinois
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Veterans Parkway in Normal Illinois
at what I will charitably call an
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at what I will charitably call an
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at what I will charitably call an
off-brand California Pizza Kitchen
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so my wife and I we never planned on
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so my wife and I we never planned on
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so my wife and I we never planned on
being Capital C chefs we were lowercase
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being Capital C chefs we were lowercase
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being Capital C chefs we were lowercase
Cooks we just wanted to welcome our
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Cooks we just wanted to welcome our
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Cooks we just wanted to welcome our
community with food
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community with food
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community with food
at the time our little cafe felt like a
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at the time our little cafe felt like a
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at the time our little cafe felt like a
distant orbiting Moon outside the
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distant orbiting Moon outside the
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distant orbiting Moon outside the
margins so far from the cultural pole of
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margins so far from the cultural pole of
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margins so far from the cultural pole of
downtown we felt set free untethered and
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downtown we felt set free untethered and
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downtown we felt set free untethered and
unafraid
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unafraid
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unafraid
but being an outsider in an Insider
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but being an outsider in an Insider
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but being an outsider in an Insider
industry eventually became the biggest
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industry eventually became the biggest
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industry eventually became the biggest
challenge of my career
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challenge of my career
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challenge of my career
I came to this work out of a desire to
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I came to this work out of a desire to
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I came to this work out of a desire to
care for friends let's be real it was
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care for friends let's be real it was
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care for friends let's be real it was
basically a party we cooked the way our
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basically a party we cooked the way our
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basically a party we cooked the way our
grandparents had with abundance and
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grandparents had with abundance and
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grandparents had with abundance and
kindness and generosity we actually
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kindness and generosity we actually
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kindness and generosity we actually
cooked some of the very dishes our
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cooked some of the very dishes our
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cooked some of the very dishes our
grandparents had made for us
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grandparents had made for us
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grandparents had made for us
but the capital c which I had never
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but the capital c which I had never
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but the capital c which I had never
sought out eventually sought me out and
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sought out eventually sought me out and
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sought out eventually sought me out and
I admit I drew it upon myself too in
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I admit I drew it upon myself too in
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I admit I drew it upon myself too in
ever Bolder shades as soon as I was a
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ever Bolder shades as soon as I was a
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ever Bolder shades as soon as I was a
chef as soon as the party became a
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chef as soon as the party became a
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chef as soon as the party became a
profession with all the responsibilities
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profession with all the responsibilities
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profession with all the responsibilities
and obligations of providing for a team
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and obligations of providing for a team
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and obligations of providing for a team
I began to struggle to find a way to
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I began to struggle to find a way to
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I began to struggle to find a way to
care for myself
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care for myself
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care for myself
what irony for an industry that is
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what irony for an industry that is
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what irony for an industry that is
literally in the business of selling
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literally in the business of selling
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literally in the business of selling
care that so many of us struggle to find
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care that so many of us struggle to find
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care that so many of us struggle to find
that care ourselves
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so today we've spent the day talking
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so today we've spent the day talking
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so today we've spent the day talking
about Hospitality in many ways and will
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about Hospitality in many ways and will
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about Hospitality in many ways and will
mentioned it earlier that in describing
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mentioned it earlier that in describing
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mentioned it earlier that in describing
our work it's common to separate the
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our work it's common to separate the
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our work it's common to separate the
ideas of hospitality from service
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ideas of hospitality from service
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ideas of hospitality from service
being the technical getting of the thing
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being the technical getting of the thing
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being the technical getting of the thing
that you want the food the glass of wine
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that you want the food the glass of wine
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that you want the food the glass of wine
the soup to eat your spoon with while
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the soup to eat your spoon with while
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the soup to eat your spoon with while
hospitality is the feeling you get when
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hospitality is the feeling you get when
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hospitality is the feeling you get when
receiving that thing
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receiving that thing
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receiving that thing
the you in this exchange is always the
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the you in this exchange is always the
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the you in this exchange is always the
guest
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guest
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guest
but today I want to ask about a
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but today I want to ask about a
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but today I want to ask about a
different you
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different you
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different you
I want to ask about the you giving the
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I want to ask about the you giving the
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I want to ask about the you giving the
hospitality
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hospitality
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hospitality
how does that you feel how do I feel
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how does that you feel how do I feel
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how does that you feel how do I feel
honestly often like
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I don't know if that was supposed to be
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I don't know if that was supposed to be
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I don't know if that was supposed to be
funny or not but it is
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um honestly often like
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too uh too often
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too uh too often
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too uh too often
oddly nervous wound too tight
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oddly nervous wound too tight
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oddly nervous wound too tight
many nights I wake at 3am unable to
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many nights I wake at 3am unable to
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many nights I wake at 3am unable to
sleep with the challenge of making sense
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sleep with the challenge of making sense
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sleep with the challenge of making sense
of a life based on caring for others in
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of a life based on caring for others in
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of a life based on caring for others in
public while my inner life continues to
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public while my inner life continues to
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public while my inner life continues to
generate the same dread and existential
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generate the same dread and existential
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00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:05,510
generate the same dread and existential
Panic it did when I was 24. it's not
244
00:05:05,510 --> 00:05:05,520
Panic it did when I was 24. it's not
245
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,189
Panic it did when I was 24. it's not
really changed
246
00:05:07,189 --> 00:05:07,199
really changed
247
00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:09,110
really changed
today I'm telling you this story at a
248
00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:09,120
today I'm telling you this story at a
249
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,909
today I'm telling you this story at a
risk of sounding solipsistic or
250
00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:10,919
risk of sounding solipsistic or
251
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:13,370
risk of sounding solipsistic or
conceited not just because it highlights
252
00:05:13,370 --> 00:05:13,380
conceited not just because it highlights
253
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,350
conceited not just because it highlights
a very common mental health challenge in
254
00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:15,360
a very common mental health challenge in
255
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,629
a very common mental health challenge in
the hospitality industry but because it
256
00:05:17,629 --> 00:05:17,639
the hospitality industry but because it
257
00:05:17,639 --> 00:05:19,129
the hospitality industry but because it
strives to understand the emotional
258
00:05:19,129 --> 00:05:19,139
strives to understand the emotional
259
00:05:19,139 --> 00:05:21,950
strives to understand the emotional
labor of hospitality itself
260
00:05:21,950 --> 00:05:21,960
labor of hospitality itself
261
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,290
labor of hospitality itself
it looks for answers in the transactions
262
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:24,300
it looks for answers in the transactions
263
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:26,749
it looks for answers in the transactions
between people and what we want from
264
00:05:26,749 --> 00:05:26,759
between people and what we want from
265
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:30,350
between people and what we want from
each other in what we have to give
266
00:05:30,350 --> 00:05:30,360
each other in what we have to give
267
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,689
each other in what we have to give
first of all I want to recognize that
268
00:05:32,689 --> 00:05:32,699
first of all I want to recognize that
269
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,790
first of all I want to recognize that
this kind of vulnerability vulnerability
270
00:05:34,790 --> 00:05:34,800
this kind of vulnerability vulnerability
271
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,409
this kind of vulnerability vulnerability
that I'm showing now is not something
272
00:05:36,409 --> 00:05:36,419
that I'm showing now is not something
273
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:38,749
that I'm showing now is not something
that everyone can afford
274
00:05:38,749 --> 00:05:38,759
that everyone can afford
275
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:41,330
that everyone can afford
for some vulnerability can be weaponized
276
00:05:41,330 --> 00:05:41,340
for some vulnerability can be weaponized
277
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,710
for some vulnerability can be weaponized
against them
278
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:42,720
against them
279
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,170
against them
but for me I think of radical
280
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:45,180
but for me I think of radical
281
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:47,689
but for me I think of radical
transparency as an act of responsibility
282
00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:47,699
transparency as an act of responsibility
283
00:05:47,699 --> 00:05:50,450
transparency as an act of responsibility
a duty for chefs and power to open
284
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:50,460
a duty for chefs and power to open
285
00:05:50,460 --> 00:05:52,850
a duty for chefs and power to open
themselves up to questions about the way
286
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:52,860
themselves up to questions about the way
287
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,770
themselves up to questions about the way
value is articulated in their places of
288
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:54,780
value is articulated in their places of
289
00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:56,930
value is articulated in their places of
business and how they will act to make
290
00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:56,940
business and how they will act to make
291
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,029
business and how they will act to make
more caring more kind and more open
292
00:05:59,029 --> 00:05:59,039
more caring more kind and more open
293
00:05:59,039 --> 00:06:02,990
more caring more kind and more open
spaces for all folks no matter who
294
00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:03,000
spaces for all folks no matter who
295
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,629
spaces for all folks no matter who
so I have a question
296
00:06:05,629 --> 00:06:05,639
so I have a question
297
00:06:05,639 --> 00:06:07,310
so I have a question
um it's a question I've often asked my
298
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:07,320
um it's a question I've often asked my
299
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,749
um it's a question I've often asked my
therapist
300
00:06:08,749 --> 00:06:08,759
therapist
301
00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:10,850
therapist
you can all tell me is there any other
302
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:10,860
you can all tell me is there any other
303
00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:13,189
you can all tell me is there any other
job that receives daily performance
304
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:13,199
job that receives daily performance
305
00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:15,050
job that receives daily performance
reports first thing in the morning like
306
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:15,060
reports first thing in the morning like
307
00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:17,870
reports first thing in the morning like
every single day
308
00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:17,880
every single day
309
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,870
every single day
sometimes 15 or 20 at a time if I was
310
00:06:20,870 --> 00:06:20,880
sometimes 15 or 20 at a time if I was
311
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,969
sometimes 15 or 20 at a time if I was
Kevin or Donnie sometimes hundreds or
312
00:06:22,969 --> 00:06:22,979
Kevin or Donnie sometimes hundreds or
313
00:06:22,979 --> 00:06:25,490
Kevin or Donnie sometimes hundreds or
thousands at a time with scores and
314
00:06:25,490 --> 00:06:25,500
thousands at a time with scores and
315
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,830
thousands at a time with scores and
rankings emojis and hearts and frowns
316
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:27,840
rankings emojis and hearts and frowns
317
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,650
rankings emojis and hearts and frowns
three stars five stars one star
318
00:06:30,650 --> 00:06:30,660
three stars five stars one star
319
00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:33,050
three stars five stars one star
I don't know she says maybe NFL
320
00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:33,060
I don't know she says maybe NFL
321
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:36,350
I don't know she says maybe NFL
quarterbacks
322
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:36,360
323
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,790
when I pick up my phone in the morning
324
00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:37,800
when I pick up my phone in the morning
325
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,950
when I pick up my phone in the morning
every morning and not just Monday
326
00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:39,960
every morning and not just Monday
327
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,710
every morning and not just Monday
mornings I ask myself so what's it going
328
00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:42,720
mornings I ask myself so what's it going
329
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,570
mornings I ask myself so what's it going
to be today
330
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:44,580
to be today
331
00:06:44,580 --> 00:06:48,050
to be today
has Hamel lost his Edge
332
00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:48,060
has Hamel lost his Edge
333
00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:50,930
has Hamel lost his Edge
or did Luis ask right to say that she
334
00:06:50,930 --> 00:06:50,940
or did Luis ask right to say that she
335
00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:53,629
or did Luis ask right to say that she
wept over a chestnut soup that quote
336
00:06:53,629 --> 00:06:53,639
wept over a chestnut soup that quote
337
00:06:53,639 --> 00:06:56,689
wept over a chestnut soup that quote
unquote changed my life forever
338
00:06:56,689 --> 00:06:56,699
unquote changed my life forever
339
00:06:56,699 --> 00:07:00,409
unquote changed my life forever
is Lula the all caps best hipster joint
340
00:07:00,409 --> 00:07:00,419
is Lula the all caps best hipster joint
341
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:03,529
is Lula the all caps best hipster joint
ever man
342
00:07:03,529 --> 00:07:03,539
343
00:07:03,539 --> 00:07:07,189
or was a recipe handed down to me by my
344
00:07:07,189 --> 00:07:07,199
or was a recipe handed down to me by my
345
00:07:07,199 --> 00:07:08,749
or was a recipe handed down to me by my
wife's great grandmother from Greece
346
00:07:08,749 --> 00:07:08,759
wife's great grandmother from Greece
347
00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:11,210
wife's great grandmother from Greece
which we have served at my restaurant 50
348
00:07:11,210 --> 00:07:11,220
which we have served at my restaurant 50
349
00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,430
which we have served at my restaurant 50
times a day six days a week for the last
350
00:07:13,430 --> 00:07:13,440
times a day six days a week for the last
351
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:22,790
times a day six days a week for the last
23 years just kind of a bad idea
352
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:22,800
353
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,890
hahaha
354
00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:24,900
hahaha
355
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:31,850
hahaha
it's so funny
356
00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:31,860
357
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:35,749
these streams of feedback all real life
358
00:07:35,749 --> 00:07:35,759
these streams of feedback all real life
359
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,089
these streams of feedback all real life
can you come through my inbox like the
360
00:07:38,089 --> 00:07:38,099
can you come through my inbox like the
361
00:07:38,099 --> 00:07:39,830
can you come through my inbox like the
Groundhog Day version of the gates of
362
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:39,840
Groundhog Day version of the gates of
363
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,450
Groundhog Day version of the gates of
judgment
364
00:07:41,450 --> 00:07:41,460
judgment
365
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:44,029
judgment
most of the advice I receive is to shut
366
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:44,039
most of the advice I receive is to shut
367
00:07:44,039 --> 00:07:46,070
most of the advice I receive is to shut
these voices out and to recognize that
368
00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:46,080
these voices out and to recognize that
369
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,350
these voices out and to recognize that
what chefs do is inherently subjective
370
00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:48,360
what chefs do is inherently subjective
371
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,409
what chefs do is inherently subjective
public and therefore open to critique
372
00:07:51,409 --> 00:07:51,419
public and therefore open to critique
373
00:07:51,419 --> 00:07:53,089
public and therefore open to critique
but what I want to talk about today is
374
00:07:53,089 --> 00:07:53,099
but what I want to talk about today is
375
00:07:53,099 --> 00:07:55,070
but what I want to talk about today is
the harm these voices are doing to my
376
00:07:55,070 --> 00:07:55,080
the harm these voices are doing to my
377
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,529
the harm these voices are doing to my
own capacity for care both the good
378
00:07:57,529 --> 00:07:57,539
own capacity for care both the good
379
00:07:57,539 --> 00:07:59,510
own capacity for care both the good
voices and the bad
380
00:07:59,510 --> 00:07:59,520
voices and the bad
381
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,790
voices and the bad
as a chef before the who started before
382
00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:01,800
as a chef before the who started before
383
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,309
as a chef before the who started before
the social media age I can attest that
384
00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:04,319
the social media age I can attest that
385
00:08:04,319 --> 00:08:06,830
the social media age I can attest that
these voices have far more power in the
386
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:06,840
these voices have far more power in the
387
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,290
these voices have far more power in the
replication machine of the internet as
388
00:08:09,290 --> 00:08:09,300
replication machine of the internet as
389
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:11,210
replication machine of the internet as
they multiply as food media Instagram
390
00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:11,220
they multiply as food media Instagram
391
00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:14,210
they multiply as food media Instagram
comments award shows and so on and I
392
00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:14,220
comments award shows and so on and I
393
00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:16,249
comments award shows and so on and I
admit to being tossed around by them
394
00:08:16,249 --> 00:08:16,259
admit to being tossed around by them
395
00:08:16,259 --> 00:08:18,350
admit to being tossed around by them
like a leaf in the Wind
396
00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:18,360
like a leaf in the Wind
397
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,689
like a leaf in the Wind
because the subjective opinion of others
398
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:20,699
because the subjective opinion of others
399
00:08:20,699 --> 00:08:23,570
because the subjective opinion of others
of Outsiders it does matter in a
400
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:23,580
of Outsiders it does matter in a
401
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:24,469
of Outsiders it does matter in a
restaurant
402
00:08:24,469 --> 00:08:24,479
restaurant
403
00:08:24,479 --> 00:08:26,689
restaurant
sometimes praise brings Heights of
404
00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:26,699
sometimes praise brings Heights of
405
00:08:26,699 --> 00:08:29,390
sometimes praise brings Heights of
confidence even bravery while an insult
406
00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:29,400
confidence even bravery while an insult
407
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,430
confidence even bravery while an insult
can detain me in a pit of anxiety
408
00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:31,440
can detain me in a pit of anxiety
409
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,769
can detain me in a pit of anxiety
loathing and fear
410
00:08:33,769 --> 00:08:33,779
loathing and fear
411
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,050
loathing and fear
the fear of losing my business
412
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:36,060
the fear of losing my business
413
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:39,110
the fear of losing my business
of not being able to support the team or
414
00:08:39,110 --> 00:08:39,120
of not being able to support the team or
415
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,730
of not being able to support the team or
my family
416
00:08:40,730 --> 00:08:40,740
my family
417
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:42,709
my family
of fear that was realized in the
418
00:08:42,709 --> 00:08:42,719
of fear that was realized in the
419
00:08:42,719 --> 00:08:43,969
of fear that was realized in the
pandemic
420
00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:43,979
pandemic
421
00:08:43,979 --> 00:08:46,130
pandemic
now that we're back these fears might
422
00:08:46,130 --> 00:08:46,140
now that we're back these fears might
423
00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:48,230
now that we're back these fears might
actually be worse because it happened
424
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:48,240
actually be worse because it happened
425
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,470
actually be worse because it happened
once it could happen again
426
00:08:51,470 --> 00:08:51,480
once it could happen again
427
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,329
once it could happen again
now imagine this kind of pressure not
428
00:08:53,329 --> 00:08:53,339
now imagine this kind of pressure not
429
00:08:53,339 --> 00:08:56,329
now imagine this kind of pressure not
just on this Leader's one well-resourced
430
00:08:56,329 --> 00:08:56,339
just on this Leader's one well-resourced
431
00:08:56,339 --> 00:08:58,730
just on this Leader's one well-resourced
shoulders but transferred to the backs
432
00:08:58,730 --> 00:08:58,740
shoulders but transferred to the backs
433
00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:00,769
shoulders but transferred to the backs
of servers assistants bartenders hosts
434
00:09:00,769 --> 00:09:00,779
of servers assistants bartenders hosts
435
00:09:00,779 --> 00:09:03,889
of servers assistants bartenders hosts
Busters managers all of whom must
436
00:09:03,889 --> 00:09:03,899
Busters managers all of whom must
437
00:09:03,899 --> 00:09:05,990
Busters managers all of whom must
address questions of value and
438
00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:06,000
address questions of value and
439
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,050
address questions of value and
self-worth every day as they search for
440
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:09,060
self-worth every day as they search for
441
00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:11,870
self-worth every day as they search for
approval connections praise and tips
442
00:09:11,870 --> 00:09:11,880
approval connections praise and tips
443
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,710
approval connections praise and tips
from strangers and ask yourself where is
444
00:09:15,710 --> 00:09:15,720
from strangers and ask yourself where is
445
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,990
from strangers and ask yourself where is
the care in this relationship where is
446
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:18,000
the care in this relationship where is
447
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,930
the care in this relationship where is
the trust and what is exchanged when
448
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:20,940
the trust and what is exchanged when
449
00:09:20,940 --> 00:09:24,410
the trust and what is exchanged when
people take care of each other for money
450
00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:24,420
people take care of each other for money
451
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:26,329
people take care of each other for money
it's often said that one of the first
452
00:09:26,329 --> 00:09:26,339
it's often said that one of the first
453
00:09:26,339 --> 00:09:28,310
it's often said that one of the first
steps a leader can take in building a
454
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:28,320
steps a leader can take in building a
455
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,810
steps a leader can take in building a
healthy workplace culture in a
456
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:29,820
healthy workplace culture in a
457
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,210
healthy workplace culture in a
restaurant is to Center Hospitality for
458
00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:32,220
restaurant is to Center Hospitality for
459
00:09:32,220 --> 00:09:35,329
restaurant is to Center Hospitality for
the staff first first and foremost the
460
00:09:35,329 --> 00:09:35,339
the staff first first and foremost the
461
00:09:35,339 --> 00:09:36,650
the staff first first and foremost the
thinking is that if you extend this
462
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:36,660
thinking is that if you extend this
463
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,930
thinking is that if you extend this
grace to your staff they will extend it
464
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:38,940
grace to your staff they will extend it
465
00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:41,509
grace to your staff they will extend it
out naturally to the public
466
00:09:41,509 --> 00:09:41,519
out naturally to the public
467
00:09:41,519 --> 00:09:43,370
out naturally to the public
but there's nothing natural about these
468
00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:43,380
but there's nothing natural about these
469
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:44,870
but there's nothing natural about these
relationships
470
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:44,880
relationships
471
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,210
relationships
not everyone has the same capacity for
472
00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:47,220
not everyone has the same capacity for
473
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,110
not everyone has the same capacity for
care
474
00:09:48,110 --> 00:09:48,120
care
475
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,870
care
it is not a well from which we can pull
476
00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:50,880
it is not a well from which we can pull
477
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,230
it is not a well from which we can pull
endless supplies of magic care water
478
00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:54,240
endless supplies of magic care water
479
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,930
endless supplies of magic care water
our capacity for chair for care it might
480
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:56,940
our capacity for chair for care it might
481
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:59,570
our capacity for chair for care it might
change on a day a shift a whim and it
482
00:09:59,570 --> 00:09:59,580
change on a day a shift a whim and it
483
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:01,970
change on a day a shift a whim and it
certainly changes person to person on a
484
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:01,980
certainly changes person to person on a
485
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:02,990
certainly changes person to person on a
team
486
00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:03,000
team
487
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,850
team
the commitments and trusts that a team
488
00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:04,860
the commitments and trusts that a team
489
00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:07,430
the commitments and trusts that a team
hold for each other in a restaurant are
490
00:10:07,430 --> 00:10:07,440
hold for each other in a restaurant are
491
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,470
hold for each other in a restaurant are
different than the transactional and
492
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:09,480
different than the transactional and
493
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,990
different than the transactional and
transitory Trust of a server guest
494
00:10:11,990 --> 00:10:12,000
transitory Trust of a server guest
495
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,430
transitory Trust of a server guest
relationship
496
00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:13,440
relationship
497
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,250
relationship
but what we need to make both sets of
498
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:16,260
but what we need to make both sets of
499
00:10:16,260 --> 00:10:18,290
but what we need to make both sets of
these relationships Thrive is an
500
00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:18,300
these relationships Thrive is an
501
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,090
these relationships Thrive is an
understanding of the conditions between
502
00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:20,100
understanding of the conditions between
503
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:23,269
understanding of the conditions between
us and a willingness to navigate those
504
00:10:23,269 --> 00:10:23,279
us and a willingness to navigate those
505
00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:27,889
us and a willingness to navigate those
conditions with values leading the way
506
00:10:27,889 --> 00:10:27,899
507
00:10:27,899 --> 00:10:30,889
so we've all heard the maxim you can't
508
00:10:30,889 --> 00:10:30,899
so we've all heard the maxim you can't
509
00:10:30,899 --> 00:10:32,269
so we've all heard the maxim you can't
take care of someone if you're not
510
00:10:32,269 --> 00:10:32,279
take care of someone if you're not
511
00:10:32,279 --> 00:10:34,610
take care of someone if you're not
taking care of yourself it's the rule of
512
00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:34,620
taking care of yourself it's the rule of
513
00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:36,410
taking care of yourself it's the rule of
airlines put your mask on first before
514
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:36,420
airlines put your mask on first before
515
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:38,570
airlines put your mask on first before
helping others and of the wellness
516
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:38,580
helping others and of the wellness
517
00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:41,690
helping others and of the wellness
industry to just ask Gwyneth Paltrow
518
00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:41,700
industry to just ask Gwyneth Paltrow
519
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,130
industry to just ask Gwyneth Paltrow
when
520
00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:43,140
when
521
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:45,350
when
when I describe but when I but when I
522
00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:45,360
when I describe but when I but when I
523
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,090
when I describe but when I but when I
describe the difficulties I've had
524
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:47,100
describe the difficulties I've had
525
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,670
describe the difficulties I've had
taking care of myself I am often met
526
00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:49,680
taking care of myself I am often met
527
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,829
taking care of myself I am often met
with skepticism like how can you
528
00:10:51,829 --> 00:10:51,839
with skepticism like how can you
529
00:10:51,839 --> 00:10:54,170
with skepticism like how can you
actually think you suck at your job
530
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:54,180
actually think you suck at your job
531
00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:56,449
actually think you suck at your job
Lula is more than two decades old 23
532
00:10:56,449 --> 00:10:56,459
Lula is more than two decades old 23
533
00:10:56,459 --> 00:10:59,210
Lula is more than two decades old 23
years is like 75 human years in a
534
00:10:59,210 --> 00:10:59,220
years is like 75 human years in a
535
00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:01,430
years is like 75 human years in a
restaurant just open your eyes
536
00:11:01,430 --> 00:11:01,440
restaurant just open your eyes
537
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,889
restaurant just open your eyes
but tell me anything different at 3am
538
00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:03,899
but tell me anything different at 3am
539
00:11:03,899 --> 00:11:06,350
but tell me anything different at 3am
when unfortunately my eyes literally
540
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:06,360
when unfortunately my eyes literally
541
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,630
when unfortunately my eyes literally
will not close and I will tell you that
542
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:08,640
will not close and I will tell you that
543
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,250
will not close and I will tell you that
you lie
544
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:10,260
you lie
545
00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:13,730
you lie
my therapist God bless her
546
00:11:13,730 --> 00:11:13,740
my therapist God bless her
547
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:19,009
my therapist God bless her
um she comes to me with a plan
548
00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:19,019
549
00:11:19,019 --> 00:11:20,870
for years she's been insisting that to
550
00:11:20,870 --> 00:11:20,880
for years she's been insisting that to
551
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,910
for years she's been insisting that to
learn to care for myself I must first
552
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:22,920
learn to care for myself I must first
553
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,650
learn to care for myself I must first
make a commitment to love
554
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:24,660
make a commitment to love
555
00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:26,569
make a commitment to love
Love Like Me
556
00:11:26,569 --> 00:11:26,579
Love Like Me
557
00:11:26,579 --> 00:11:28,670
Love Like Me
and now I know that sounds incredibly
558
00:11:28,670 --> 00:11:28,680
and now I know that sounds incredibly
559
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,889
and now I know that sounds incredibly
hokey and gross she says but come on
560
00:11:30,889 --> 00:11:30,899
hokey and gross she says but come on
561
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,630
hokey and gross she says but come on
just give it a shot
562
00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:32,640
just give it a shot
563
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,370
just give it a shot
so she prescribes What's called the
564
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:34,380
so she prescribes What's called the
565
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:36,650
so she prescribes What's called the
loving kindness meditation and I Google
566
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:36,660
loving kindness meditation and I Google
567
00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:37,670
loving kindness meditation and I Google
it
568
00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:37,680
it
569
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,590
it
but before you all start groaning and
570
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:39,600
but before you all start groaning and
571
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,569
but before you all start groaning and
squirming uncomfortably in your seats I
572
00:11:41,569 --> 00:11:41,579
squirming uncomfortably in your seats I
573
00:11:41,579 --> 00:11:42,949
squirming uncomfortably in your seats I
promise this isn't about me and my
574
00:11:42,949 --> 00:11:42,959
promise this isn't about me and my
575
00:11:42,959 --> 00:11:45,650
promise this isn't about me and my
therapist it's about hospitality
576
00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:45,660
therapist it's about hospitality
577
00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:47,810
therapist it's about hospitality
in this meditation we aren't searching
578
00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:47,820
in this meditation we aren't searching
579
00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:50,750
in this meditation we aren't searching
for romantic or sexual love the love is
580
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:50,760
for romantic or sexual love the love is
581
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,790
for romantic or sexual love the love is
closer to the Greek notion of philia or
582
00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:52,800
closer to the Greek notion of philia or
583
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,430
closer to the Greek notion of philia or
Brotherly Love which was understood as a
584
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:55,440
Brotherly Love which was understood as a
585
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,370
Brotherly Love which was understood as a
mutual exchange of care and respect a
586
00:11:58,370 --> 00:11:58,380
mutual exchange of care and respect a
587
00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:01,009
mutual exchange of care and respect a
meeting of needs a wanting for someone
588
00:12:01,009 --> 00:12:01,019
meeting of needs a wanting for someone
589
00:12:01,019 --> 00:12:03,290
meeting of needs a wanting for someone
that one thinks good
590
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:03,300
that one thinks good
591
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:05,210
that one thinks good
and I'm going to say that this is the
592
00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:05,220
and I'm going to say that this is the
593
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:07,550
and I'm going to say that this is the
kind of love that also happens between
594
00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:07,560
kind of love that also happens between
595
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,949
kind of love that also happens between
people in hospitality
596
00:12:09,949 --> 00:12:09,959
people in hospitality
597
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:12,230
people in hospitality
the practice of this meditation if
598
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:12,240
the practice of this meditation if
599
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,569
the practice of this meditation if
you're not aware is to repeat a few
600
00:12:14,569 --> 00:12:14,579
you're not aware is to repeat a few
601
00:12:14,579 --> 00:12:16,610
you're not aware is to repeat a few
affirming lines such as may you be happy
602
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:16,620
affirming lines such as may you be happy
603
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:18,710
affirming lines such as may you be happy
may you be healthy may you be free of
604
00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:18,720
may you be healthy may you be free of
605
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:19,850
may you be healthy may you be free of
pain
606
00:12:19,850 --> 00:12:19,860
pain
607
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,710
pain
as a kind of Mantra
608
00:12:21,710 --> 00:12:21,720
as a kind of Mantra
609
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,170
as a kind of Mantra
but the compelling and proactive mode of
610
00:12:24,170 --> 00:12:24,180
but the compelling and proactive mode of
611
00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:26,210
but the compelling and proactive mode of
this meditation is that you say these
612
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:26,220
this meditation is that you say these
613
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:29,150
this meditation is that you say these
lines for someone you start with someone
614
00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:29,160
lines for someone you start with someone
615
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,069
lines for someone you start with someone
for whom you have deep and Lasting
616
00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:31,079
for whom you have deep and Lasting
617
00:12:31,079 --> 00:12:34,550
for whom you have deep and Lasting
affection someone close to you a spouse
618
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:34,560
affection someone close to you a spouse
619
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:37,310
affection someone close to you a spouse
a brother a friend may you be happy may
620
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:37,320
a brother a friend may you be happy may
621
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,710
a brother a friend may you be happy may
you be healthy may you be free of pain
622
00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:39,720
you be healthy may you be free of pain
623
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,389
you be healthy may you be free of pain
and then you move to someone you just
624
00:12:41,389 --> 00:12:41,399
and then you move to someone you just
625
00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:43,970
and then you move to someone you just
don't like like not necessarily an
626
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:43,980
don't like like not necessarily an
627
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,310
don't like like not necessarily an
outright enemy don't imagine an evil
628
00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:46,320
outright enemy don't imagine an evil
629
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,889
outright enemy don't imagine an evil
world leader but rather a competitor a
630
00:12:48,889 --> 00:12:48,899
world leader but rather a competitor a
631
00:12:48,899 --> 00:12:51,110
world leader but rather a competitor a
nemesis that person at work whose very
632
00:12:51,110 --> 00:12:51,120
nemesis that person at work whose very
633
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:55,069
nemesis that person at work whose very
voice Sparks a fight or flight response
634
00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:55,079
voice Sparks a fight or flight response
635
00:12:55,079 --> 00:12:58,370
voice Sparks a fight or flight response
and for them you wish the same
636
00:12:58,370 --> 00:12:58,380
and for them you wish the same
637
00:12:58,380 --> 00:13:01,069
and for them you wish the same
you next extend this grace to all living
638
00:13:01,069 --> 00:13:01,079
you next extend this grace to all living
639
00:13:01,079 --> 00:13:03,710
you next extend this grace to all living
creatures wish all the dogs and cats
640
00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:03,720
creatures wish all the dogs and cats
641
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,110
creatures wish all the dogs and cats
your best all the trees all the tomatoes
642
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:06,120
your best all the trees all the tomatoes
643
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,930
your best all the trees all the tomatoes
ripening on the vine the world over
644
00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:08,940
ripening on the vine the world over
645
00:13:08,940 --> 00:13:12,470
ripening on the vine the world over
one in good for someone anyone strangers
646
00:13:12,470 --> 00:13:12,480
one in good for someone anyone strangers
647
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,990
one in good for someone anyone strangers
and Friends alike this is the kind of
648
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:15,000
and Friends alike this is the kind of
649
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,910
and Friends alike this is the kind of
love that passes between people when
650
00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:16,920
love that passes between people when
651
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,889
love that passes between people when
they care for each other it's a
652
00:13:18,889 --> 00:13:18,899
they care for each other it's a
653
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,350
they care for each other it's a
conditional exchange between folks who
654
00:13:21,350 --> 00:13:21,360
conditional exchange between folks who
655
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,110
conditional exchange between folks who
need something it's a trade
656
00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:24,120
need something it's a trade
657
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,990
need something it's a trade
but then here comes my brick wall
658
00:13:25,990 --> 00:13:26,000
but then here comes my brick wall
659
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,610
but then here comes my brick wall
suddenly I crash into the last step of
660
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:28,620
suddenly I crash into the last step of
661
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:30,410
suddenly I crash into the last step of
the meditation which you guessed it is
662
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:30,420
the meditation which you guessed it is
663
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:33,050
the meditation which you guessed it is
to extend such loving kindness to myself
664
00:13:33,050 --> 00:13:33,060
to extend such loving kindness to myself
665
00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:35,629
to extend such loving kindness to myself
and I beg you to imagine me sitting
666
00:13:35,629 --> 00:13:35,639
and I beg you to imagine me sitting
667
00:13:35,639 --> 00:13:37,250
and I beg you to imagine me sitting
there saying out loud I want you Jason
668
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:37,260
there saying out loud I want you Jason
669
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:40,069
there saying out loud I want you Jason
Hamill to be happy healthy free of pain
670
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:40,079
Hamill to be happy healthy free of pain
671
00:13:40,079 --> 00:13:42,829
Hamill to be happy healthy free of pain
the words collapse they sound false
672
00:13:42,829 --> 00:13:42,839
the words collapse they sound false
673
00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:45,350
the words collapse they sound false
insincere offensively so and it's
674
00:13:45,350 --> 00:13:45,360
insincere offensively so and it's
675
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,750
insincere offensively so and it's
embarrassing I feel like that character
676
00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:47,760
embarrassing I feel like that character
677
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,850
embarrassing I feel like that character
from the SNL skate in the 90s who looks
678
00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:49,860
from the SNL skate in the 90s who looks
679
00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,590
from the SNL skate in the 90s who looks
at himself in the mirror and say God
680
00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:51,600
at himself in the mirror and say God
681
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,050
at himself in the mirror and say God
dang it your people like me don't they
682
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:54,060
dang it your people like me don't they
683
00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:55,670
dang it your people like me don't they
they love me
684
00:13:55,670 --> 00:13:55,680
they love me
685
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,889
they love me
um so for years I could not find any
686
00:13:57,889 --> 00:13:57,899
um so for years I could not find any
687
00:13:57,899 --> 00:13:59,590
um so for years I could not find any
kind of satisfaction in these words
688
00:13:59,590 --> 00:13:59,600
kind of satisfaction in these words
689
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,629
kind of satisfaction in these words
despite the joy of me saying them for
690
00:14:02,629 --> 00:14:02,639
despite the joy of me saying them for
691
00:14:02,639 --> 00:14:03,949
despite the joy of me saying them for
others
692
00:14:03,949 --> 00:14:03,959
others
693
00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:06,050
others
it wasn't until I realized that the
694
00:14:06,050 --> 00:14:06,060
it wasn't until I realized that the
695
00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:08,030
it wasn't until I realized that the
conditions I was applying to this love
696
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:08,040
conditions I was applying to this love
697
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,269
conditions I was applying to this love
namely acceptance weren't being met on
698
00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:11,279
namely acceptance weren't being met on
699
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:12,350
namely acceptance weren't being met on
the other side
700
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:12,360
the other side
701
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,449
the other side
there was no judicial body that could
702
00:14:14,449 --> 00:14:14,459
there was no judicial body that could
703
00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:17,150
there was no judicial body that could
bestow approval and return there was no
704
00:14:17,150 --> 00:14:17,160
bestow approval and return there was no
705
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,430
bestow approval and return there was no
one else in this relationship but me
706
00:14:19,430 --> 00:14:19,440
one else in this relationship but me
707
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,190
one else in this relationship but me
I realized that self-love was the only
708
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:22,200
I realized that self-love was the only
709
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,350
I realized that self-love was the only
unconditional love I'd ever experienced
710
00:14:24,350 --> 00:14:24,360
unconditional love I'd ever experienced
711
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,470
unconditional love I'd ever experienced
and if I were able to express it I would
712
00:14:27,470 --> 00:14:27,480
and if I were able to express it I would
713
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,170
and if I were able to express it I would
have to take a leap of faith
714
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:30,180
have to take a leap of faith
715
00:14:30,180 --> 00:14:32,690
have to take a leap of faith
look at how closely the work of this
716
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:32,700
look at how closely the work of this
717
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:35,030
look at how closely the work of this
meditation mirrors the work we do in a
718
00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:35,040
meditation mirrors the work we do in a
719
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,170
meditation mirrors the work we do in a
restaurant
720
00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:36,180
restaurant
721
00:14:36,180 --> 00:14:38,509
restaurant
we take care of strangers we feed
722
00:14:38,509 --> 00:14:38,519
we take care of strangers we feed
723
00:14:38,519 --> 00:14:40,610
we take care of strangers we feed
friends we welcome people we don't
724
00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:40,620
friends we welcome people we don't
725
00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:43,550
friends we welcome people we don't
really like and loved ones too and we
726
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:43,560
really like and loved ones too and we
727
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,530
really like and loved ones too and we
begin with a desire to do good by them
728
00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:45,540
begin with a desire to do good by them
729
00:14:45,540 --> 00:14:47,930
begin with a desire to do good by them
why because we need something good in
730
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:47,940
why because we need something good in
731
00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:50,509
why because we need something good in
return this isn't a bad thing
732
00:14:50,509 --> 00:14:50,519
return this isn't a bad thing
733
00:14:50,519 --> 00:14:54,170
return this isn't a bad thing
to need to want it's a human thing and
734
00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:54,180
to need to want it's a human thing and
735
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,970
to need to want it's a human thing and
for each of these relationships the
736
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:55,980
for each of these relationships the
737
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,949
for each of these relationships the
conditions change they're unique
738
00:14:57,949 --> 00:14:57,959
conditions change they're unique
739
00:14:57,959 --> 00:15:01,189
conditions change they're unique
Bartered negotiated what I realized is
740
00:15:01,189 --> 00:15:01,199
Bartered negotiated what I realized is
741
00:15:01,199 --> 00:15:02,689
Bartered negotiated what I realized is
that I needed to be clear about the
742
00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:02,699
that I needed to be clear about the
743
00:15:02,699 --> 00:15:05,210
that I needed to be clear about the
conditions about what was expected when
744
00:15:05,210 --> 00:15:05,220
conditions about what was expected when
745
00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:07,189
conditions about what was expected when
it came to myself I had to understand
746
00:15:07,189 --> 00:15:07,199
it came to myself I had to understand
747
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:09,829
it came to myself I had to understand
that the acceptance I expected was
748
00:15:09,829 --> 00:15:09,839
that the acceptance I expected was
749
00:15:09,839 --> 00:15:12,530
that the acceptance I expected was
simply unreciprocated I just needed to
750
00:15:12,530 --> 00:15:12,540
simply unreciprocated I just needed to
751
00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:16,610
simply unreciprocated I just needed to
love for Love's sake to care because to
752
00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:16,620
love for Love's sake to care because to
753
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:19,970
love for Love's sake to care because to
care is better than to harm
754
00:15:19,970 --> 00:15:19,980
care is better than to harm
755
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:21,889
care is better than to harm
I'm not sure I would have come to this
756
00:15:21,889 --> 00:15:21,899
I'm not sure I would have come to this
757
00:15:21,899 --> 00:15:23,509
I'm not sure I would have come to this
place if I hadn't read the book All
758
00:15:23,509 --> 00:15:23,519
place if I hadn't read the book All
759
00:15:23,519 --> 00:15:24,710
place if I hadn't read the book All
About Love
760
00:15:24,710 --> 00:15:24,720
About Love
761
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,290
About Love
just by the philosopher Bell hooks
762
00:15:27,290 --> 00:15:27,300
just by the philosopher Bell hooks
763
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,449
just by the philosopher Bell hooks
this in my opinion
764
00:15:29,449 --> 00:15:29,459
this in my opinion
765
00:15:29,459 --> 00:15:31,310
this in my opinion
should be required reading for all
766
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:31,320
should be required reading for all
767
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,050
should be required reading for all
restaurant employees
768
00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:33,060
restaurant employees
769
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:35,750
restaurant employees
I'm going to quote her just briefly
770
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:35,760
I'm going to quote her just briefly
771
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,569
I'm going to quote her just briefly
she writes it is very difficult and rare
772
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:38,579
she writes it is very difficult and rare
773
00:15:38,579 --> 00:15:41,030
she writes it is very difficult and rare
for us to be able to extend on the
774
00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:41,040
for us to be able to extend on the
775
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,250
for us to be able to extend on the
unconditional love to others
776
00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:43,260
unconditional love to others
777
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:45,650
unconditional love to others
largely because we cannot exercise
778
00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:45,660
largely because we cannot exercise
779
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:47,689
largely because we cannot exercise
control over the behavior of someone
780
00:15:47,689 --> 00:15:47,699
control over the behavior of someone
781
00:15:47,699 --> 00:15:48,650
control over the behavior of someone
else
782
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:48,660
else
783
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:50,990
else
that sounds like a restaurant to me
784
00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:51,000
that sounds like a restaurant to me
785
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,829
that sounds like a restaurant to me
we can however exercise control over our
786
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:54,839
we can however exercise control over our
787
00:15:54,839 --> 00:15:57,769
we can however exercise control over our
own actions we can give ourselves the
788
00:15:57,769 --> 00:15:57,779
own actions we can give ourselves the
789
00:15:57,779 --> 00:15:59,629
own actions we can give ourselves the
unconditional love that is the grounding
790
00:15:59,629 --> 00:15:59,639
unconditional love that is the grounding
791
00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:02,990
unconditional love that is the grounding
for sustained acceptance and affirmation
792
00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:03,000
for sustained acceptance and affirmation
793
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,030
for sustained acceptance and affirmation
when we give this precious gift to
794
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:05,040
when we give this precious gift to
795
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,670
when we give this precious gift to
ourselves we are able to reach out to
796
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:07,680
ourselves we are able to reach out to
797
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:11,150
ourselves we are able to reach out to
others from a place of fulfillment and
798
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:11,160
others from a place of fulfillment and
799
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,210
others from a place of fulfillment and
not from a place of lack
800
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:14,220
not from a place of lack
801
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:17,329
not from a place of lack
a place of lack
802
00:16:17,329 --> 00:16:17,339
a place of lack
803
00:16:17,339 --> 00:16:19,910
a place of lack
how many of us have profound
804
00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:19,920
how many of us have profound
805
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,210
how many of us have profound
Recollections of a place of lack
806
00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:23,220
Recollections of a place of lack
807
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,090
Recollections of a place of lack
a first moment when you felt unloved
808
00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:26,100
a first moment when you felt unloved
809
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:29,150
a first moment when you felt unloved
forgotten suddenly not at the center of
810
00:16:29,150 --> 00:16:29,160
forgotten suddenly not at the center of
811
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,970
forgotten suddenly not at the center of
the world when you fell out of someone's
812
00:16:31,970 --> 00:16:31,980
the world when you fell out of someone's
813
00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:33,470
the world when you fell out of someone's
care
814
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:33,480
care
815
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,990
care
left behind at a train station
816
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:36,000
left behind at a train station
817
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,930
left behind at a train station
fired from a job in the back of a
818
00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:38,940
fired from a job in the back of a
819
00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:40,970
fired from a job in the back of a
classroom suddenly realizing you can't
820
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:40,980
classroom suddenly realizing you can't
821
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,769
classroom suddenly realizing you can't
read the writing on the board
822
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:42,779
read the writing on the board
823
00:16:42,779 --> 00:16:45,170
read the writing on the board
on a street corner in the city when you
824
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:45,180
on a street corner in the city when you
825
00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:48,230
on a street corner in the city when you
were 24 when the hand lets go and you
826
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:48,240
were 24 when the hand lets go and you
827
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,290
were 24 when the hand lets go and you
see her receding in the light across the
828
00:16:51,290 --> 00:16:51,300
see her receding in the light across the
829
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:54,949
see her receding in the light across the
street into the Shadows of the day
830
00:16:54,949 --> 00:16:54,959
street into the Shadows of the day
831
00:16:54,959 --> 00:16:58,670
street into the Shadows of the day
like me you may search back Behind These
832
00:16:58,670 --> 00:16:58,680
like me you may search back Behind These
833
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,430
like me you may search back Behind These
Memories Back to a first place before
834
00:17:01,430 --> 00:17:01,440
Memories Back to a first place before
835
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,230
Memories Back to a first place before
this loss hurt you
836
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:03,240
this loss hurt you
837
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,569
this loss hurt you
and I'm going to guess that for many of
838
00:17:05,569 --> 00:17:05,579
and I'm going to guess that for many of
839
00:17:05,579 --> 00:17:09,110
and I'm going to guess that for many of
us here it was at a grandmother's table
840
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:09,120
us here it was at a grandmother's table
841
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,569
us here it was at a grandmother's table
someone who gave you the love and care
842
00:17:11,569 --> 00:17:11,579
someone who gave you the love and care
843
00:17:11,579 --> 00:17:15,289
someone who gave you the love and care
you deserved this is the case for me my
844
00:17:15,289 --> 00:17:15,299
you deserved this is the case for me my
845
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:17,210
you deserved this is the case for me my
grandmother's table with the plastic
846
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:17,220
grandmother's table with the plastic
847
00:17:17,220 --> 00:17:20,569
grandmother's table with the plastic
tablecloth and the faster with the clams
848
00:17:20,569 --> 00:17:20,579
tablecloth and the faster with the clams
849
00:17:20,579 --> 00:17:23,689
tablecloth and the faster with the clams
at no other time in my life did I feel a
850
00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:23,699
at no other time in my life did I feel a
851
00:17:23,699 --> 00:17:25,789
at no other time in my life did I feel a
greater sense of sustained acceptance
852
00:17:25,789 --> 00:17:25,799
greater sense of sustained acceptance
853
00:17:25,799 --> 00:17:27,590
greater sense of sustained acceptance
and affirmation
854
00:17:27,590 --> 00:17:27,600
and affirmation
855
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,930
and affirmation
that is until my wife and I opened up
856
00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:29,940
that is until my wife and I opened up
857
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,730
that is until my wife and I opened up
our Cafe
858
00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:31,740
our Cafe
859
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:34,669
our Cafe
this is why I became a cook to create a
860
00:17:34,669 --> 00:17:34,679
this is why I became a cook to create a
861
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,070
this is why I became a cook to create a
space in my community of sustained
862
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:37,080
space in my community of sustained
863
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,529
space in my community of sustained
acceptance and affirmation
864
00:17:39,529 --> 00:17:39,539
acceptance and affirmation
865
00:17:39,539 --> 00:17:42,110
acceptance and affirmation
which you might as well call Joy
866
00:17:42,110 --> 00:17:42,120
which you might as well call Joy
867
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,169
which you might as well call Joy
now as a Capital C Chef I'll need to
868
00:17:45,169 --> 00:17:45,179
now as a Capital C Chef I'll need to
869
00:17:45,179 --> 00:17:48,110
now as a Capital C Chef I'll need to
recreate that Joy inside myself first
870
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:48,120
recreate that Joy inside myself first
871
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,169
recreate that Joy inside myself first
and I'm just figuring this out now like
872
00:17:51,169 --> 00:17:51,179
and I'm just figuring this out now like
873
00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:53,330
and I'm just figuring this out now like
23 years in
874
00:17:53,330 --> 00:17:53,340
23 years in
875
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,730
23 years in
this is what it means to lead by example
876
00:17:55,730 --> 00:17:55,740
this is what it means to lead by example
877
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:59,150
this is what it means to lead by example
to get your hands dirty if I can't do a
878
00:17:59,150 --> 00:17:59,160
to get your hands dirty if I can't do a
879
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,549
to get your hands dirty if I can't do a
job no one else should have to do it if
880
00:18:01,549 --> 00:18:01,559
job no one else should have to do it if
881
00:18:01,559 --> 00:18:02,990
job no one else should have to do it if
I want my team to do the work of
882
00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:03,000
I want my team to do the work of
883
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,510
I want my team to do the work of
hospitality I'll have to do it first
884
00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:05,520
hospitality I'll have to do it first
885
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,430
hospitality I'll have to do it first
starting with me
886
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:07,440
starting with me
887
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,590
starting with me
to show what it looks like when an
888
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:09,600
to show what it looks like when an
889
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,230
to show what it looks like when an
imperfect often confused sometimes
890
00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:12,240
imperfect often confused sometimes
891
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,289
imperfect often confused sometimes
struggling man is compelled despite his
892
00:18:15,289 --> 00:18:15,299
struggling man is compelled despite his
893
00:18:15,299 --> 00:18:17,690
struggling man is compelled despite his
doubts to reach out from a place of
894
00:18:17,690 --> 00:18:17,700
doubts to reach out from a place of
895
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:21,169
doubts to reach out from a place of
fulfillment which in the end is all we
896
00:18:21,169 --> 00:18:21,179
fulfillment which in the end is all we
897
00:18:21,179 --> 00:18:24,770
fulfillment which in the end is all we
really want a restaurant to be
898
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:24,780
899
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:28,310
so let us Center love as practice
900
00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:28,320
so let us Center love as practice
901
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,430
so let us Center love as practice
not as a gift but as a duty as an ethic
902
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:31,440
not as a gift but as a duty as an ethic
903
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,169
not as a gift but as a duty as an ethic
as labor
904
00:18:33,169 --> 00:18:33,179
as labor
905
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:36,470
as labor
let us be honest and clear about what is
906
00:18:36,470 --> 00:18:36,480
let us be honest and clear about what is
907
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,409
let us be honest and clear about what is
exchanged about what we work for
908
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:39,419
exchanged about what we work for
909
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,450
exchanged about what we work for
about what we are willing and able to
910
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:41,460
about what we are willing and able to
911
00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:42,710
about what we are willing and able to
give
912
00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:42,720
give
913
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,810
give
let us recognize the importance of
914
00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:44,820
let us recognize the importance of
915
00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:47,750
let us recognize the importance of
loving ourselves unconditionally in
916
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:47,760
loving ourselves unconditionally in
917
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,930
loving ourselves unconditionally in
order to love others with conditions
918
00:18:49,930 --> 00:18:49,940
order to love others with conditions
919
00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:53,270
order to love others with conditions
conditions that are fair and just and
920
00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:53,280
conditions that are fair and just and
921
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,230
conditions that are fair and just and
kind
922
00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:54,240
kind
923
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,169
kind
because to care is better than to harm
924
00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:57,179
because to care is better than to harm
925
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,810
because to care is better than to harm
and because frankly it is the duty of
926
00:18:59,810 --> 00:18:59,820
and because frankly it is the duty of
927
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:01,669
and because frankly it is the duty of
people in power to care
928
00:19:01,669 --> 00:19:01,679
people in power to care
929
00:19:01,679 --> 00:19:04,549
people in power to care
to make a space of sustained affirmation
930
00:19:04,549 --> 00:19:04,559
to make a space of sustained affirmation
931
00:19:04,559 --> 00:19:07,610
to make a space of sustained affirmation
and acceptance a place of fulfillment
932
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:07,620
and acceptance a place of fulfillment
933
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:09,169
and acceptance a place of fulfillment
and joy
934
00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:09,179
and joy
935
00:19:09,179 --> 00:19:11,210
and joy
so today I wish all of you health
936
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:11,220
so today I wish all of you health
937
00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:14,550
so today I wish all of you health
happiness and Freedom From Pain thanks
938
00:19:14,550 --> 00:19:14,560
happiness and Freedom From Pain thanks
939
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:21,079
happiness and Freedom From Pain thanks
[Applause]
81261
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