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It's currently seven degrees in Leesburg
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00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:06,803
and most people are bundled up inside...
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00:00:06,805 --> 00:00:08,338
except for one plucky lady
4
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who's dressed up as a Confederate soldier.
5
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:14,244
Uh, ma'am, I think the
question on everyone's mind is:
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"What the heck are you doing out here?"
7
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I'm helping my jackass
husband with his stupid hobby.
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Stop talking, Carla. I'm doing the mouth.
9
00:00:21,019 --> 00:00:23,536
And, um... sir, what
is it that you're doing?
10
00:00:23,538 --> 00:00:26,323
Re-creating the Battle
of Ball's Bluff in ice.
11
00:00:26,325 --> 00:00:27,624
Carla, don't slouch.
12
00:00:27,626 --> 00:00:29,042
You're supposed to look heroic.
13
00:00:29,044 --> 00:00:31,628
I should've never bought you
that Civil War book, Harris!
14
00:00:31,630 --> 00:00:32,879
It's freezing out here!
15
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I'm going inside.
16
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Don't you dare get warm!
17
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You look different when you're warm!
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00:00:38,402 --> 00:00:39,436
And... cut.
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00:00:39,438 --> 00:00:40,971
(sighs)
20
00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:42,605
This sculpture's giving me the creeps.
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Wipe that racist grin off your face!
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You lost the war, I have the right to vote,
23
00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:50,814
and my truck has 30-inch
rims on it, bitch!
24
00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:53,450
Man, it is freezing out here.
25
00:00:53,452 --> 00:00:54,684
It won't be on that tropical island
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we're flying to tomorrow morning.
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00:00:55,937 --> 00:00:56,936
Are you pumped?
28
00:00:56,938 --> 00:00:58,388
I am excited. I just...
29
00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:00,440
I don't know what to
expect on a tropical island.
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Growing up, my mom used to make us
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00:01:02,361 --> 00:01:05,278
take educational vacations
based on historical figures.
32
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,197
One year, we did Lewis and Clark.
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00:01:07,199 --> 00:01:09,416
Not the cool one, where
they made it to the Pacific.
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00:01:09,418 --> 00:01:12,335
The one where they got lost
in Iowa and had to turn back.
35
00:01:13,954 --> 00:01:16,089
Well, this is gonna be
different. We're gonna have
36
00:01:16,091 --> 00:01:17,507
some of this right here going on.
37
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- A little bit of this right here.
- (laughs)
38
00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:22,412
And a whole lot of that right there.
39
00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:23,797
Yeah. Yeah. How about this?
40
00:01:23,799 --> 00:01:26,016
Huh? Bit of this, and this, and this...
41
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(screams) My foot!
42
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Ow, my foot!
43
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- Damn it, my foot!
- Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
44
00:01:32,057 --> 00:01:34,090
I wasn't looking when I backed my thing up.
45
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Get it off!
46
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It took you 150 years, but you got me.
47
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,929
You finally got me!
48
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Get that white man off my foot!
49
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- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com
50
00:02:08,375 --> 00:02:10,627
Why me?
51
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:12,929
I had my boarding pass all printed out.
52
00:02:12,931 --> 00:02:14,330
I was A-1.
53
00:02:14,332 --> 00:02:17,200
The only other people who were
boarding that plane before me
54
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were parents traveling with small children,
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00:02:18,987 --> 00:02:20,987
the disabled, Platinum Preferred,
56
00:02:20,989 --> 00:02:22,989
first class, active military,
57
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and then me.
58
00:02:26,243 --> 00:02:28,561
Ray, I'm gonna do for you
what I always did for Nathan
59
00:02:28,563 --> 00:02:29,896
any time he was sick or injured.
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00:02:29,898 --> 00:02:32,065
I'm gonna get you some
chocolate mint ice cream,
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00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:37,036
rent Goonies, and let you try
on any of my hats that you want.
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00:02:38,989 --> 00:02:40,123
(groans softly)
63
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,591
Well, this sucks.
64
00:02:41,593 --> 00:02:44,327
But it does open up my
week and give me a chance
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00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:47,730
to get my car detailed,
get my eyebrows sculpted.
66
00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:49,299
Wait a second.
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00:02:49,301 --> 00:02:50,934
You're not going?
68
00:02:50,936 --> 00:02:52,168
Oh, not without you, man.
69
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:53,803
I mean, I didn't want
to say anything before,
70
00:02:53,805 --> 00:02:55,588
'cause you were so gung
ho, but I'm not really
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00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,507
a "sit on the beach,
do nothing" kind of guy.
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00:02:57,509 --> 00:03:00,844
Nathan... I'm not gonna
make it to that island.
73
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,278
You're gonna have to go without me.
74
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,514
So that all these months
of searching the Internet,
75
00:03:04,516 --> 00:03:06,483
looking for "best vacation destinations",
76
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,818
"comma, single men, comma, not gay,"
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00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:10,236
weren't for nothing!
78
00:03:10,238 --> 00:03:14,157
Get your ass on that island
and jump in the conga line!
79
00:03:14,159 --> 00:03:16,693
Look, man, conga lines seem so silly.
80
00:03:16,695 --> 00:03:18,728
Oh, oh, yes, yes, silly from the outside,
81
00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,129
but from the inside,
82
00:03:20,131 --> 00:03:22,115
they're glorious. Like Hummer limos,
83
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:24,450
and the parachute game
where you go underneath,
84
00:03:24,452 --> 00:03:26,870
and you're like, "Ooh...!"
85
00:03:26,872 --> 00:03:29,072
86
00:03:30,508 --> 00:03:32,509
Look at all this stuff Grandma sent.
87
00:03:32,511 --> 00:03:33,676
Which grandma?
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00:03:33,678 --> 00:03:35,912
The weird one.
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00:03:35,914 --> 00:03:37,413
The weirder one.
90
00:03:37,415 --> 00:03:39,816
(chuckles): Aw. My mom sent these?
91
00:03:39,818 --> 00:03:41,768
Oh, look, it's all my old childhood stuff
92
00:03:41,770 --> 00:03:43,019
from the commune.
93
00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:45,104
Man, if this blanket could talk.
94
00:03:45,106 --> 00:03:46,689
What would it say?
95
00:03:46,691 --> 00:03:48,808
I have no idea, but how cool would that?
96
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,460
A talking blanket?
97
00:03:50,462 --> 00:03:53,279
What are these, old phones?
98
00:03:53,281 --> 00:03:55,698
They used to be so big. (laughs)
99
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,984
Sweetie, these are videotapes.
100
00:03:57,986 --> 00:03:59,786
See, we didn't have
cable TV on the commune,
101
00:03:59,788 --> 00:04:02,455
so my Uncle Phil used to send
me tapes of my favorite show,
102
00:04:02,457 --> 00:04:04,057
Walker, Texas Ranger.
103
00:04:04,059 --> 00:04:08,044
"Hey, how come you use your
sheets but you never use me?"
104
00:04:08,046 --> 00:04:10,213
That's what my blanket would say.
105
00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:12,999
I get sweaty at night.
106
00:04:13,001 --> 00:04:15,284
Okay, can we at least get rid of this?
107
00:04:15,286 --> 00:04:17,470
Whoa, are you kidding? That's
my old letterman's jacket.
108
00:04:17,472 --> 00:04:19,455
It looks like a grain sack.
109
00:04:19,457 --> 00:04:21,558
(chuckles): It is.
110
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,460
Except for the sleeves.
See, this one's made
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00:04:24,462 --> 00:04:27,146
out of pleather, and this
one's made out of plalligator.
112
00:04:28,515 --> 00:04:30,149
You know, Deb, when I was young,
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00:04:30,151 --> 00:04:31,801
I always dreamed of someday asking
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00:04:31,803 --> 00:04:33,937
a beautiful girl to wear my jacket.
115
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:35,972
Aw. Sweetie, I'd be honored.
116
00:04:36,824 --> 00:04:38,374
TOM: "Tom..."
117
00:04:38,376 --> 00:04:41,160
"please don't put me between your knees."
118
00:04:41,162 --> 00:04:43,279
That's what my pillow would say.
119
00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:45,415
(Tom laughing)
120
00:04:48,419 --> 00:04:50,987
(conga music playing)
121
00:04:55,426 --> 00:04:57,994
Get your ass in that conga line, Nate!
122
00:04:57,996 --> 00:04:59,762
That's right... I'm in your head.
123
00:04:59,764 --> 00:05:03,600
Now step aboard that
booty train. Whoo-whoo!
124
00:05:03,602 --> 00:05:04,968
Yo.
125
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,219
Yeah, got this.
126
00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:07,370
All right! Yeah.
127
00:05:07,372 --> 00:05:09,038
This is great. Oh, I'm psyched.
128
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,673
Now I'm psyched. I'm so pumped.
129
00:05:10,675 --> 00:05:12,008
No, I'm faking it!
130
00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:13,359
Sorry. It's not you; it's me.
131
00:05:13,361 --> 00:05:16,362
It's just, I think I just
need to be drunk first.
132
00:05:16,364 --> 00:05:18,514
133
00:05:18,516 --> 00:05:19,882
Oh. I didn't order that.
134
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,851
It's from the lady at
that table over there.
135
00:05:21,853 --> 00:05:24,020
Oh.
136
00:05:26,407 --> 00:05:28,024
Is that milk?
137
00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:29,525
(laughing): Yes, sir.
138
00:05:29,527 --> 00:05:32,028
And it's from that lady over there.
139
00:05:33,047 --> 00:05:34,881
Surprise!
140
00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:37,166
Ray sold me his ticket!
141
00:05:37,168 --> 00:05:40,369
Sorry, man. I needed the money.
142
00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:48,057
Oh, this can't be happening.
143
00:05:48,059 --> 00:05:50,543
You're supposed to be at
home taking care of Ray.
144
00:05:50,545 --> 00:05:52,362
He's fine. He's staying at Debbie's.
145
00:05:52,364 --> 00:05:53,830
These resorts are so expensive,
146
00:05:53,832 --> 00:05:56,716
I packed enough food to last us three days.
147
00:05:56,718 --> 00:05:58,985
Do you want egg salad or turkey?
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00:05:58,987 --> 00:05:59,986
(sniffs)
149
00:05:59,988 --> 00:06:02,939
I'll take the turkey.
150
00:06:02,941 --> 00:06:04,274
These tickets can't be transferable.
151
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,526
They specifically say "nontransferable."
152
00:06:06,528 --> 00:06:08,528
I know, but I added two arches,
153
00:06:08,530 --> 00:06:10,913
so it says "mom-transferable."
154
00:06:10,915 --> 00:06:16,119
The agent thought it was so
cute that he let it slide.
155
00:06:16,121 --> 00:06:17,503
Yeah, and just like that,
156
00:06:17,505 --> 00:06:19,956
I don't feel guilty
about breaking Ray's toe.
157
00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:22,908
Buh-buh-buh-buh. Let me get
my black light first. What?
158
00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:26,412
I read that hotel
furniture can be unsavory.
159
00:06:26,414 --> 00:06:31,284
Whew, boy! Looks like we had
some spring breakers in here.
160
00:06:31,286 --> 00:06:34,470
Based on the pattern, there
were two guys, here and here.
161
00:06:34,472 --> 00:06:35,855
There was a girl.
162
00:06:35,857 --> 00:06:37,824
A natural redhead.
163
00:06:37,826 --> 00:06:40,310
Okay, listen... as much
as I'd love to stand here
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00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,195
and listen to my mom graphically describe
165
00:06:42,197 --> 00:06:45,114
an orgy, I'm gonna grab my
stuff and go to the beach.
166
00:06:45,116 --> 00:06:47,734
Are you sure you don't
want to take a quick catnap
167
00:06:47,736 --> 00:06:49,952
to adjust to the new time zone?
168
00:06:49,954 --> 00:06:51,937
It's an hour difference.
169
00:06:51,939 --> 00:06:54,540
Yeah, it's gonna be tough
watching Jeopardy! at 6:00.
170
00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:55,992
When it's on closer to bedtime,
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00:06:55,994 --> 00:06:58,811
I have a better chance of
dreaming about Alex Trebek.
172
00:06:58,813 --> 00:07:01,280
What kind of dreams are you
having about Alex Trebek?
173
00:07:01,282 --> 00:07:04,634
Mostly we solve crimes, but...
every once in a blue moon,
174
00:07:04,636 --> 00:07:07,303
we end up naked on a double-decker bus.
175
00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:11,107
Let's take that nap while
that's still fresh in my mind.
176
00:07:11,109 --> 00:07:13,926
No, listen, Mom, we're
on a tropical island.
177
00:07:13,928 --> 00:07:16,062
I came here to relax, and
that's what I'm gonna do.
178
00:07:16,064 --> 00:07:17,764
So I'm not gonna sit in my hotel room
179
00:07:17,766 --> 00:07:19,632
eating egg salad sandwiches
and watching Jeopardy!,
180
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:21,651
and I'm damn sure not taking a nap.
181
00:07:21,653 --> 00:07:24,737
Really? You sure do sound
like a boy who needs a nap.
182
00:07:24,739 --> 00:07:26,972
I don't need a nap, I don't want a nap,
183
00:07:26,974 --> 00:07:28,658
and I'm not taking a nap!
184
00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:30,810
He needs a nap.
185
00:07:31,862 --> 00:07:33,980
186
00:07:33,982 --> 00:07:36,616
Well, Mom made it there okay.
187
00:07:36,618 --> 00:07:39,502
Nathan sounded cranky, but
he probably just needed a nap.
188
00:07:39,504 --> 00:07:42,038
Nah, it looks better the other way.
189
00:07:42,956 --> 00:07:44,507
TOM: Hey, what's going on?
190
00:07:44,509 --> 00:07:46,259
Who taped over Walker?
191
00:07:46,261 --> 00:07:48,261
Wait, Adam, is that you?
192
00:07:48,263 --> 00:07:51,047
Uh... yes, it is. Who has the remote?
193
00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:52,882
Hey, Sierra. I know you said
194
00:07:52,884 --> 00:07:55,935
you're not interested, but... I love you.
195
00:07:55,937 --> 00:07:57,870
A... and I'm not just saying
that 'cause you're the only girl
196
00:07:57,872 --> 00:08:00,823
in the commune not claimed
by our exalted leader Jeff.
197
00:08:00,825 --> 00:08:03,876
So since you won't meet me
in the relationship pee...
198
00:08:03,878 --> 00:08:05,745
I wrote you a love song.
199
00:08:05,747 --> 00:08:07,563
Okay, seriously, who has the remote?
200
00:08:07,565 --> 00:08:08,731
Nobody wants to see this.
201
00:08:08,733 --> 00:08:10,850
Oh, no, let it play. Are you kidding?
202
00:08:10,852 --> 00:08:12,985
- I'm pretty sure everyone wants to see this.
- RAY: Yeah.
203
00:08:15,038 --> 00:08:18,741
I asked you to senior prom
204
00:08:18,743 --> 00:08:22,478
You turned me down,
so I took my mom
205
00:08:23,514 --> 00:08:26,115
Now I feel like a buffoon
206
00:08:26,117 --> 00:08:28,167
So I fly back
207
00:08:28,169 --> 00:08:29,869
To my
208
00:08:29,871 --> 00:08:31,637
Cocoon...
209
00:08:31,639 --> 00:08:35,308
(laughs) Ray, we have to
mail this tape to the YouTube.
210
00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:37,410
(chuckling)
211
00:08:37,412 --> 00:08:38,544
(guitar strumming)
212
00:08:38,546 --> 00:08:42,348
I want to stand and spread my wings
213
00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:44,333
And fly you out
214
00:08:44,335 --> 00:08:46,352
To Saturn's rings
215
00:08:46,354 --> 00:08:48,304
Instead I sadly
216
00:08:48,306 --> 00:08:50,323
Flutter by
217
00:08:50,325 --> 00:08:52,825
And cry the tears
218
00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:55,361
Of a but... ter...
219
00:08:55,363 --> 00:08:57,530
Fly.
220
00:08:57,532 --> 00:08:59,532
(guitar strumming)
221
00:08:59,534 --> 00:09:00,516
(song ends)
222
00:09:00,518 --> 00:09:03,586
Daddy, you were really crying.
223
00:09:04,505 --> 00:09:07,073
Why were you so sad?
224
00:09:07,075 --> 00:09:09,842
Well, sweetie, I was...
pouring my heart out in song.
225
00:09:09,844 --> 00:09:12,462
These are the silly things
that people do for love.
226
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:15,081
Aw. How many songs have
you written for Mom?
227
00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:17,099
None.
228
00:09:18,702 --> 00:09:20,520
Yeah, what exactly is it about me
229
00:09:20,522 --> 00:09:22,755
that made you lose your
passion for songwriting?
230
00:09:22,757 --> 00:09:24,440
(laughs): Well...
sweetie, I was a teenager.
231
00:09:24,442 --> 00:09:26,943
You know, love seemed
so important back then.
232
00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:31,447
Back then?
233
00:09:31,449 --> 00:09:32,698
Back then.
234
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,033
I... I...
235
00:09:34,035 --> 00:09:35,968
You know what I mean.
236
00:09:35,970 --> 00:09:37,787
Oh, she knows what you mean.
237
00:09:37,854 --> 00:09:42,223
You know, suddenly,
I'm feeling rather warm.
238
00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:43,391
Debbie, my jacket?
239
00:09:43,393 --> 00:09:44,942
Come on. Debbie...
240
00:09:44,944 --> 00:09:47,278
Walker's back on.
241
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,146
Oh, great, now we'll never know
242
00:09:49,148 --> 00:09:53,150
why he's got that rodeo
clown in the choke hold.
243
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,328
Worked up quite a thirst out there.
244
00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:06,213
You got any recommendations?
245
00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:08,132
(laughs): Uh, yeah, a soapy rag.
246
00:10:08,134 --> 00:10:10,051
Soapy Rag... I've not heard of that.
247
00:10:10,053 --> 00:10:13,004
- Two Soapy Rags, please.
- Uh, no, it's for your face.
248
00:10:13,006 --> 00:10:14,472
What's that?
249
00:10:14,474 --> 00:10:16,807
What the hell? No, I
didn't... I didn't do this.
250
00:10:16,809 --> 00:10:18,576
Yoo-hoo, Nathan!
251
00:10:18,578 --> 00:10:20,261
Mom, did you do this?
252
00:10:20,263 --> 00:10:23,180
Well, you were asleep in that blazing sun.
253
00:10:23,182 --> 00:10:25,316
I also adjusted your bathing suit.
254
00:10:25,318 --> 00:10:26,851
It was bunched up so high,
255
00:10:26,853 --> 00:10:28,653
one of your testicles was peeking out.
256
00:10:28,655 --> 00:10:29,687
Hey...
257
00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:31,689
- The lefticle.
- Okay, listen...
258
00:10:31,691 --> 00:10:33,357
Can I get a mai tai, please?
259
00:10:33,359 --> 00:10:35,443
Listen, Mom, I need to learn how to relax,
260
00:10:35,445 --> 00:10:38,029
and I can't do that with you
freaking out about everything.
261
00:10:38,031 --> 00:10:39,697
So, basically, I don't have a chance
262
00:10:39,699 --> 00:10:41,115
unless you learn to relax, too.
263
00:10:41,117 --> 00:10:43,868
I know how to relax. I'm good at it.
264
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,704
At Debbie's yoga studio,
I took a meditation class,
265
00:10:46,706 --> 00:10:49,874
and finished ten minutes
ahead of everyone else.
266
00:10:49,876 --> 00:10:51,241
Listen, Mom, you have
267
00:10:51,243 --> 00:10:52,710
the same problem that I have.
268
00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:54,211
It's hard for us to relax.
269
00:10:54,213 --> 00:10:55,963
But, you know, somehow we need to learn
270
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,598
to just go with the flow.
271
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,216
Look at that guy over there.
272
00:10:59,218 --> 00:11:01,352
There's a man that knows how to relax.
273
00:11:01,354 --> 00:11:04,055
Excuse me, sir, sorry, uh,
what... what's your name?
274
00:11:09,611 --> 00:11:11,128
Ganja Pete.
275
00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:13,114
Course it is!
276
00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:15,533
I'm... I'm so sorry. What's your...
what's your plan for the day,
277
00:11:15,535 --> 00:11:17,151
Ganja Pete?
278
00:11:17,153 --> 00:11:19,987
Well, I'm gonna shower.
279
00:11:19,989 --> 00:11:21,989
Then I'm gonna do some drinking,
280
00:11:21,991 --> 00:11:24,625
some dancing.
281
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:26,510
Hey.
282
00:11:26,512 --> 00:11:27,962
I was lying about the shower.
283
00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:29,213
Were you?
284
00:11:29,215 --> 00:11:30,581
Hey. I love this guy.
285
00:11:30,583 --> 00:11:32,550
We could learn something from him.
286
00:11:32,552 --> 00:11:34,952
Hey, you want to buy a shell necklace?
287
00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:38,973
It doubles as a leash for your lizard.
288
00:11:38,975 --> 00:11:42,343
Oh. Yeah, well, I... I don't have a lizard.
289
00:11:42,345 --> 00:11:44,729
Well, it's probably run away
'cause you don't have a leash.
290
00:11:44,731 --> 00:11:46,714
Okay, Pete, we're... we're done here.
291
00:11:46,716 --> 00:11:49,350
Thank you. But... you see
what I mean, though, right?
292
00:11:49,352 --> 00:11:51,135
I mean, for the next three days,
293
00:11:51,137 --> 00:11:54,138
let's be as blissful as Ganja Pete.
294
00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:56,023
Well, he does seem happy.
295
00:11:56,025 --> 00:11:57,575
I don't know, Nathan.
296
00:11:57,577 --> 00:11:59,326
I don't know if I can
be that kind of person.
297
00:11:59,328 --> 00:12:02,312
Of course you can.
Look, Mom, life is short.
298
00:12:02,314 --> 00:12:06,867
Let's make this vacation count.
299
00:12:06,869 --> 00:12:09,787
Come on, shake your
body, baby, do the conga
300
00:12:09,789 --> 00:12:11,956
I know you can't control
yourself any longer
301
00:12:11,958 --> 00:12:14,324
Come on, shake your
body, baby, do the conga
302
00:12:14,326 --> 00:12:16,761
I know you can't control
yourself any longer
303
00:12:28,607 --> 00:12:31,726
CROWD (chanting): Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
304
00:12:31,728 --> 00:12:35,179
(cheering)
305
00:12:35,181 --> 00:12:37,848
Let your body feel the heat
306
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:40,818
(Carol shouts)
307
00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:42,286
No, I'm not gonna...
308
00:12:42,288 --> 00:12:44,955
Come on. Come on. No,
no, no. I'm not gonna...
309
00:12:44,957 --> 00:12:46,957
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
310
00:12:46,959 --> 00:12:49,076
(cheering and whooping)
311
00:12:54,466 --> 00:12:56,634
Wow.
312
00:12:56,636 --> 00:12:58,736
Come on, shake your
body, baby, do the conga.
313
00:12:58,738 --> 00:13:01,005
Uh, Mom, don't come out for a minute!
314
00:13:01,007 --> 00:13:03,674
There's broken glass all over the floor!
315
00:13:03,676 --> 00:13:06,260
I can't believe I'm getting
on a plane in a couple hours.
316
00:13:06,262 --> 00:13:08,262
I never even asked you where you're from.
317
00:13:08,264 --> 00:13:10,981
Uh, Minnesota. (chuckles) You?
318
00:13:10,983 --> 00:13:12,750
Virginia.
319
00:13:12,752 --> 00:13:15,086
(exhales) Yeah.
320
00:13:15,088 --> 00:13:17,021
Well, take care.
321
00:13:17,023 --> 00:13:19,156
Yeah. You, too.
322
00:13:20,108 --> 00:13:21,776
Okay, Mom, I cleaned up the glass!
323
00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:24,228
You can come on out now!
324
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:26,564
Mom? You come out.
325
00:13:26,566 --> 00:13:29,300
Mom?
326
00:13:29,302 --> 00:13:30,501
She never came home.
327
00:13:30,503 --> 00:13:31,836
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
328
00:13:31,838 --> 00:13:33,487
Eddie, Eddie,
329
00:13:33,489 --> 00:13:36,540
do you know where my mom is? Is she here?
330
00:13:36,542 --> 00:13:39,310
Did you teach her to
blend in with the walls?
331
00:13:40,962 --> 00:13:43,114
I think I still might be drunk.
332
00:13:43,116 --> 00:13:45,232
Yeah, you're drunk, all right.
333
00:13:45,234 --> 00:13:47,417
What?
334
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,109
(upbeat tune plays)
335
00:13:57,111 --> 00:14:00,646
And when you're at
the Whispering Frog
336
00:14:00,648 --> 00:14:03,699
I love to see your downward dog
337
00:14:03,701 --> 00:14:05,701
Debbie, Debbie
338
00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:07,203
You're so fine
339
00:14:07,205 --> 00:14:10,790
I'm glad you said
that you'd be mine
340
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:13,826
Your ruby lips, your hair is red
341
00:14:13,828 --> 00:14:16,262
And best of all
342
00:14:16,264 --> 00:14:17,880
You're great in bed.
343
00:14:17,882 --> 00:14:20,032
(playing harmonica)
344
00:14:27,858 --> 00:14:29,675
(song ends)
345
00:14:29,677 --> 00:14:31,176
Well?
346
00:14:31,178 --> 00:14:33,112
"Red" and "bed."
347
00:14:33,114 --> 00:14:36,032
Really gave that rhyming
dictionary a workout.
348
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:39,118
Wait, Debbie, just help me understand
349
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,069
why you're still upset.
350
00:14:40,071 --> 00:14:41,287
I don't want to talk, okay?
351
00:14:41,289 --> 00:14:42,455
I just want to be alone.
352
00:14:42,457 --> 00:14:43,739
Can we be alone together?
353
00:14:44,574 --> 00:14:46,509
Adam. Okay, well...
354
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,528
(sighs) Just let me take
a walk with you, okay?
355
00:14:50,363 --> 00:14:51,630
Okay, fine.
356
00:14:51,632 --> 00:14:53,799
Okay, thank you. Okay.
357
00:14:53,801 --> 00:14:55,718
I just think it's important
that we talk about this.
358
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,704
Okay? W... Hey.
359
00:14:58,706 --> 00:15:00,339
Debbie, how can I fix it
360
00:15:00,341 --> 00:15:01,874
if I still don't know what's bothering you?
361
00:15:01,876 --> 00:15:03,726
Okay, you want to know what it is?
362
00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:05,878
You have no passion for me. You know?
363
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,831
You... you see me as a boring
housewife in Snoopy pajamas
364
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:10,816
who only shaves up to the knee.
365
00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:12,685
I love your prickly thighs.
366
00:15:12,687 --> 00:15:14,987
Just give me one more
chance. Okay. (clears throat)
367
00:15:14,989 --> 00:15:16,238
Uh...
368
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,908
I'm not like all the other guys
369
00:15:18,910 --> 00:15:22,027
I really like your prickly thighs
370
00:15:22,029 --> 00:15:23,746
I like the way they scratch my chin
371
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:26,499
And...
372
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:27,783
I just wanted to know
373
00:15:27,785 --> 00:15:29,702
how it feels for you to cry over me
374
00:15:29,704 --> 00:15:31,504
like you cried over that Sierra girl.
375
00:15:31,506 --> 00:15:33,238
What are you talking about? That's crazy.
376
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,290
(grunts)
377
00:15:34,292 --> 00:15:35,841
I cried...
378
00:15:35,843 --> 00:15:37,326
for Sierra...
379
00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:39,178
(grunting)
380
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:41,097
because I was miserable!
381
00:15:41,099 --> 00:15:43,415
And I haven't felt that
way since I met you.
382
00:15:43,417 --> 00:15:45,768
I mean, I can't cry over
a woman who brings me
383
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:48,187
nothing but joy every single day.
384
00:15:48,189 --> 00:15:50,255
I adore you, Debbie! You're perfect!
385
00:15:50,257 --> 00:15:51,273
Oh...
386
00:15:51,275 --> 00:15:53,476
(groans)
387
00:15:57,981 --> 00:15:59,865
Did you mean it?
388
00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:02,201
I make you happy every day?
389
00:16:02,203 --> 00:16:04,203
(grunting)
390
00:16:04,205 --> 00:16:06,455
Every day.
391
00:16:06,457 --> 00:16:09,458
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
392
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:12,444
So much better than any song.
393
00:16:12,446 --> 00:16:13,963
You're the girl for me, Deb.
394
00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:16,582
And, besides, I looked
Sierra up on Facebook,
395
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,851
and let's just say the
years have not been kind.
396
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,118
(chuckles)
397
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:21,804
- You did what?
- Wait, wait, wait.
398
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:22,922
Debbie, wait...
399
00:16:22,924 --> 00:16:24,173
No, you'd be proud of me!
400
00:16:24,175 --> 00:16:26,225
I didn't accept her
request to play FarmVille!
401
00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:28,561
(grunts) Oh, God.
402
00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:40,856
Where's my mother?
403
00:16:40,858 --> 00:16:42,107
And don't tell me you don't know
404
00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:43,576
'cause I tracked her here with my phone.
405
00:16:43,578 --> 00:16:46,645
Are you the UPS man?
406
00:16:46,647 --> 00:16:49,248
'Cause I've been waiting
for my replacement passport
407
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:51,316
for 19 years now.
408
00:16:53,086 --> 00:16:55,454
Are you looking for me?
409
00:16:57,424 --> 00:16:59,758
Mom, what happened to your hair?
410
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,863
You look like Bo Derek... 's grandmother.
411
00:17:03,865 --> 00:17:05,798
Like it?
412
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,384
Ganja Pete has a surprisingly steady hand
413
00:17:08,386 --> 00:17:11,437
for a man whose first
name is a synonym with
414
00:17:11,439 --> 00:17:13,272
- "marijuana."
- Marijuana.
415
00:17:13,274 --> 00:17:15,908
Okay. Thank you, Ganja Pete.
You're a very wonderful man,
416
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:18,143
and... and thank you for
your hospitality. We'll...
417
00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:19,695
be sure to remember you every time
418
00:17:19,697 --> 00:17:22,231
we smell a neglected aquarium.
419
00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:24,182
Come on, Mom. Our plane
leaves in two hours.
420
00:17:24,184 --> 00:17:25,701
And, judging by the smell of you,
421
00:17:25,703 --> 00:17:27,736
I predict a very thorough
search at customs.
422
00:17:27,738 --> 00:17:29,822
I'm not getting on the plane, son.
423
00:17:29,824 --> 00:17:32,458
Mom, what are you talking
about? This isn't you.
424
00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:35,227
What... what happened last night?
425
00:17:35,229 --> 00:17:37,229
This morning, when I
watched the sun come up,
426
00:17:37,231 --> 00:17:39,882
I realized, for the first time in my life,
427
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,884
I didn't wish it was earlier or later...
428
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,053
I was just happy to be in the moment.
429
00:17:44,055 --> 00:17:45,721
And then I heard your voice.
430
00:17:45,723 --> 00:17:47,706
And do you know what it was saying?
431
00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,207
I can see Ganja Pete's wiener.
432
00:17:49,209 --> 00:17:51,477
No, no, it... it...
433
00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:53,429
No, no. I can see it through the window.
434
00:17:53,431 --> 00:17:55,564
He's doing his slow karate naked. Wow.
435
00:17:55,566 --> 00:17:58,216
He's got beads down there, too, huh?
436
00:17:58,218 --> 00:17:59,451
I know.
437
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:02,554
Once those get going,
they really make a racket.
438
00:18:03,406 --> 00:18:06,742
Anyway, your voice was
saying, "Life is short."
439
00:18:06,744 --> 00:18:09,161
"You need to make every moment count."
440
00:18:09,163 --> 00:18:11,363
And, damn it, you're right.
441
00:18:11,365 --> 00:18:12,748
Come on, Nathan.
442
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:16,835
Let's give ourselves one,
just one more day in paradise.
443
00:18:16,837 --> 00:18:18,671
Well...
444
00:18:18,673 --> 00:18:22,308
I guess one more day couldn't hurt.
445
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:26,595
Yoo-hoo! My coconut's empty!
446
00:18:26,597 --> 00:18:30,082
All right, all right, all right. Yes I.
447
00:18:30,084 --> 00:18:34,053
Oh. Ooh.
448
00:18:34,055 --> 00:18:39,024
(sighs) I'm so glad that you
talked me into staying one more day.
449
00:18:39,026 --> 00:18:41,727
You know what I'd be doing
if I was home right now?
450
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:44,396
I wouldn't be playing with my
hair beads, that's for sure.
451
00:18:44,398 --> 00:18:45,364
(sighs)
452
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:48,033
I like doing this.
453
00:18:48,035 --> 00:18:51,203
Sounds like applause.
454
00:18:53,606 --> 00:18:55,407
Finally!
455
00:18:55,409 --> 00:18:57,142
I've been rolling
456
00:18:57,144 --> 00:18:58,744
my injured ass all over this island
457
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,963
trying to find you sunburned idiots.
458
00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:03,632
What are you doing here, Ray?
459
00:19:03,634 --> 00:19:06,218
Come on, Ray. I told you that we
were coming home tomorrow, man.
460
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:08,837
You told me you were coming home
tomorrow eight days straight.
461
00:19:08,839 --> 00:19:11,173
That's a whole Hanukkah of lies.
462
00:19:11,175 --> 00:19:13,075
I should've never let amateurs
463
00:19:13,077 --> 00:19:15,728
on an island vacation
with no exit strategy.
464
00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:17,462
You're like two kids
on a merry-go-round
465
00:19:17,464 --> 00:19:18,897
who don't know how to get off!
466
00:19:18,899 --> 00:19:22,818
Look at you two! You look like
backup dancers for Rick James!
467
00:19:24,354 --> 00:19:27,106
What was the big game
plan? You stay here forever?
468
00:19:27,108 --> 00:19:29,141
And make shell necklaces? Huh?
469
00:19:29,143 --> 00:19:32,111
Paint tropical scenes
on the backs of turtles?
470
00:19:32,113 --> 00:19:34,480
Become a Rastafarian minister?
471
00:19:34,482 --> 00:19:38,000
Build eco-friendly homes
out of empty coconuts?
472
00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:40,169
Race hermit crabs? Huh?
473
00:19:40,171 --> 00:19:41,820
Get leathery skin?
474
00:19:41,822 --> 00:19:44,256
Paint tropical scenes
on the backs of turtles?
475
00:19:44,258 --> 00:19:45,758
You already said that one.
476
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,877
I repeat myself once in 12
hours and you call me on it?
477
00:19:48,879 --> 00:19:51,163
You take those beads out of your head.
478
00:19:51,165 --> 00:19:52,181
And, you,
479
00:19:52,183 --> 00:19:53,632
I don't know what you got pierced,
480
00:19:53,634 --> 00:19:55,718
but whatever set off the
metal detector at the airport,
481
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,936
take it out!
482
00:20:00,273 --> 00:20:02,975
We really let ourselves get carried away.
483
00:20:02,977 --> 00:20:05,194
I feel kind of silly.
484
00:20:05,196 --> 00:20:08,947
Yeah. Now I know why Ganja
Pete doesn't have a mirror.
485
00:20:08,949 --> 00:20:11,950
We look like Miller Vanilli.
486
00:20:11,952 --> 00:20:13,535
It's nice to be home again.
487
00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:15,404
Yeah, it is. Although it was kind of nice
488
00:20:15,406 --> 00:20:16,955
learning how to live in the moment.
489
00:20:16,957 --> 00:20:18,791
I agree.
490
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:21,527
That's why I stole
these from the hotel bar.
491
00:20:21,529 --> 00:20:25,664
I thought once a week we could
set our clocks to island time,
492
00:20:25,666 --> 00:20:28,100
pour ourselves a couple of mai tais and...
493
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:31,920
maybe make some of Ganja
Pete's famous rosemary brownies.
494
00:20:31,922 --> 00:20:33,705
(chuckles) Yeah.
495
00:20:33,707 --> 00:20:38,010
Uh, "Rosemary" might be a
little harder to find back here.
496
00:20:38,012 --> 00:20:40,212
No, Rosemary's at the grocery store.
497
00:20:40,214 --> 00:20:43,215
The hard part will be getting the weed.
498
00:20:43,217 --> 00:20:45,884
We did get kind of crazy
down on that island.
499
00:20:45,886 --> 00:20:47,936
Maybe... I don't know.
Maybe we shouldn't...
500
00:20:47,938 --> 00:20:50,823
share all the details with
the rest of the family.
501
00:20:50,825 --> 00:20:53,459
Oh, you better delete those
videos off of your phone.
502
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:54,777
Oh, yeah.
503
00:20:54,779 --> 00:20:57,079
Think I might've
drunk-posted that one of you
504
00:20:57,081 --> 00:21:01,200
doing the splits between
those two moving tortoises.
505
00:21:01,202 --> 00:21:03,285
(Conga music playing on laptop)
506
00:21:03,287 --> 00:21:05,204
Looks like we have a new weirdest grandma.
507
00:21:12,225 --> 00:21:22,205
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508
00:21:22,255 --> 00:21:26,805
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