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1
00:00:01,995 --> 00:00:03,709
Human greatness.
2
00:00:03,807 --> 00:00:06,572
How many people can truly say
that they're best at anything?
3
00:00:06,721 --> 00:00:10,161
Michael Jordan... maybe
the best ever played basketball.
4
00:00:10,274 --> 00:00:12,624
Steve Jobbs...
prehaps our greatest inovator.
5
00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:18,043
But Leesburg is home true man whoose plays
in history will never be debated. {*corr}
6
00:00:18,078 --> 00:00:19,850
Barry Jorgensen is about
to break his own record
7
00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:22,920
with his 60th tattoo
of actress Jennifer Garner.
8
00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:26,704
Barry...
you're telling me that 59 tattoos
9
00:00:26,739 --> 00:00:29,380
of Ben Affleck's wife
just wasn't enough, huh?
10
00:00:29,415 --> 00:00:32,229
Well, you know, half of these
actually used to be Hilary Swank,
11
00:00:32,231 --> 00:00:35,332
but she fell off real hard
after her second Oscar.
12
00:00:35,334 --> 00:00:38,903
So I had them plump up the
lips, shave down the chin,
13
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:41,739
then bam, J. Garn.
14
00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:43,841
That's a cut.
15
00:00:44,976 --> 00:00:46,410
Sorry, I got a little nauseous.
16
00:00:46,412 --> 00:00:47,778
Ooh. Yeah, what was it,
17
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,613
the J. Garn peeking
from under the armpit
18
00:00:49,615 --> 00:00:51,215
of the one where his nipple made
19
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,417
- it look like she had a lazy eye?
- Oh, no...
20
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:56,053
I'm a little hungover, man.
My dad came in town.
21
00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:57,488
You know when he comes through here,
22
00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:58,722
it's always a whirlwind weekend.
23
00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:00,824
Now, the Whirlwind
is a drink we made up.
24
00:01:00,826 --> 00:01:02,860
You have to drink it out of the blender
25
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:05,028
while the blender's
still going. [laughs]
26
00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:08,098
I almost lost my tongue twice.
27
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,901
Three times!
[laughs]
28
00:01:10,903 --> 00:01:12,369
You know, I think it's
great that you can spend
29
00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:13,937
so much time with your
dad. I can't do it.
30
00:01:13,939 --> 00:01:16,816
It's like we've been on an
awkward first date for 42 years.
31
00:01:16,891 --> 00:01:18,816
I mean, we... we can't even
get on the same page whether
32
00:01:18,884 --> 00:01:20,682
- to hug or shake hands.
- Mm.
33
00:01:20,783 --> 00:01:24,948
- One time he kissed me on the ear.
- Ooh! You'll figure it out.
34
00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:27,451
All dads and sons have
something in common.
35
00:01:27,453 --> 00:01:28,752
Know what I'm talking about, right?
36
00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:31,555
I don't know.
My Dad and I are pretty different.
37
00:01:31,557 --> 00:01:34,157
Wouldn't you say, Dad?
38
00:01:34,159 --> 00:01:38,328
Yeah, totally.
I'm into Ozzy Osbourne.
39
00:01:40,264 --> 00:01:42,132
Half of these used to be Penny Marshall,
40
00:01:42,134 --> 00:01:46,336
but she fell off hard
after Laverne & Shirley.
41
00:02:04,117 --> 00:02:07,027
1x15 - You Betcha
42
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,909
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
43
00:02:13,148 --> 00:02:15,749
Well, we're off.
44
00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:18,485
There's the happy travelers.
Excited for your big trip?
45
00:02:18,487 --> 00:02:19,653
Oh! Over the moon.
46
00:02:19,655 --> 00:02:23,157
This is the year's biggest conference
for vegan small business owners.
47
00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:27,995
Was it hard to find a hotel that
could accommodate all ten of you?
48
00:02:27,997 --> 00:02:31,198
The only hard part's gonna be leaving
our little princess for the first time.
49
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,807
You know, I don't care
what the invite says,
50
00:02:32,869 --> 00:02:34,468
I still think we should bring her.
51
00:02:34,624 --> 00:02:38,272
We could say that she's still
nursing... we'd be heroes.
52
00:02:38,274 --> 00:02:40,240
Honey, we can't. She's
already missed two days
53
00:02:40,242 --> 00:02:44,544
- of school for the bean festival.
- Ah, Legumapalooza.
54
00:02:44,546 --> 00:02:47,614
That was fun. I got
Tobey Maguire's autograph.
55
00:02:47,616 --> 00:02:48,648
Oh!
56
00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:50,751
[mouthing]
57
00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:55,188
- Hey.
- Hello!
58
00:02:55,190 --> 00:02:58,625
Fret not, I'm here for the
weekend to tie your shoelaces,
59
00:02:58,627 --> 00:03:03,296
slice up your food so you don't choke,
and get you to bed on time.
60
00:03:03,298 --> 00:03:05,799
I'm also here to take care of Mikayla.
61
00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:10,870
I cowrote that in the
car on the way over.
62
00:03:10,872 --> 00:03:13,106
Don't worry, Dad, I'm
gonna zing Mom in a minute.
63
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:16,309
Mom, you didn't have to
bring groceries. We have food.
64
00:03:16,311 --> 00:03:18,178
You have nuts and seeds and beans.
65
00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:21,381
That's not dinner, that's
the bottom of a hamster cage.
66
00:03:21,383 --> 00:03:24,250
And Mom knows a thing or
two about cooking dinner
67
00:03:24,252 --> 00:03:28,221
'cause she does it all the time...
poorly. Zing!
68
00:03:28,223 --> 00:03:29,889
I rushed it! Damn it!
69
00:03:29,891 --> 00:03:33,493
You rushed it and left
everyone unsatisfied.
70
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:35,795
You get that from your dad.
71
00:03:37,264 --> 00:03:39,799
And that's how you zing.
72
00:03:42,102 --> 00:03:45,705
Mm!
All right, thanks again, Mom.
73
00:03:45,707 --> 00:03:47,740
It's a comfort knowing
there'll be someone here
74
00:03:47,742 --> 00:03:51,077
who won't go to the microwave
when the doorbell rings.
75
00:03:52,179 --> 00:03:55,048
Tom, you can't drink
beer this time of day.
76
00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:57,450
You're not a Kennedy.
77
00:04:00,354 --> 00:04:02,588
Hey, listen, Dad, instead of
staying here and watching Mom
78
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:03,956
give all the plants alcohol poisoning,
79
00:04:03,958 --> 00:04:05,992
why don't you come stay
with me this weekend?
80
00:04:05,994 --> 00:04:09,195
No, I'm good. I'm not a
huge fan of indoor plants.
81
00:04:09,197 --> 00:04:10,363
I don't sleep outside.
82
00:04:10,365 --> 00:04:12,532
I don't know why they
get to come in here.
83
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:14,800
Right, but come on.
It'll be fun.
84
00:04:14,802 --> 00:04:17,370
Look, I know that we haven't
always enjoyed the same things,
85
00:04:17,372 --> 00:04:19,805
but maybe we haven't
been looking hard enough.
86
00:04:19,807 --> 00:04:22,208
A little father/son bonding time, huh?
87
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,660
I guess that could be fun.
88
00:04:23,661 --> 00:04:26,779
We're cut from the same cloth,
for crying out loud.
89
00:04:26,781 --> 00:04:29,081
Yeah, well, I mean, I'm
more of a cotton twill,
90
00:04:29,083 --> 00:04:30,549
and you're kind of a poly blend,
91
00:04:30,551 --> 00:04:32,785
but sure, we're from
the same fabric store.
92
00:04:32,787 --> 00:04:35,755
- We're not gonna sew, are we?
- No.
93
00:04:35,757 --> 00:04:37,990
Then I'm in. We'll find
something in common.
94
00:04:37,992 --> 00:04:40,893
Of course we will!
Come on! Let's do this!
95
00:04:40,895 --> 00:04:42,350
- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, yeah.
96
00:04:42,363 --> 00:04:44,027
- Oh.
- Oh, right.
97
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,765
Come Monday, we'll
have this nailed, huh?
98
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,534
Oh.
99
00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:56,108
[detector beeping]
Mm, I'm picking up on something.
100
00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:57,209
Sounds like a coin.
101
00:04:57,211 --> 00:04:58,510
[detector beeping faster]
102
00:04:58,512 --> 00:05:01,347
Oh, damn it, it's just my shoes again.
103
00:05:01,349 --> 00:05:03,649
Next time, remind me not
to wear penny loafers.
104
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:06,685
"Next time," that's cute.
105
00:05:06,687 --> 00:05:09,621
You know, we just haven't
gotten to the fun part yet,
106
00:05:09,623 --> 00:05:13,384
opening our treasure.
Ah...
107
00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:17,663
Matchbox car, half a doorknob,
108
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:22,501
and a cover to the battery
compartment of a metal detector.
109
00:05:22,503 --> 00:05:25,671
Oh. That's where it went.
110
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:29,608
I'm never gonna get
you excited about this, am I?
111
00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:32,177
No, no, no, you know what, Dad?
I-I can try harder.
112
00:05:32,179 --> 00:05:34,313
Maybe my mistake was being sober.
113
00:05:34,315 --> 00:05:37,749
Well, we could do your thing...
go back to the gym.
114
00:05:37,751 --> 00:05:41,953
- I could try to finish that sit-up.
- Really? You'd do that?
115
00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:46,591
No, I don't think I could show
my face in there again after that fart.
116
00:05:46,593 --> 00:05:49,528
In the steam room.
117
00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:55,400
- It's probably still there.
- Aw...
118
00:05:55,402 --> 00:05:58,939
I mean, come on, there's gotta
be something that we both enjoy.
119
00:05:59,706 --> 00:06:01,539
Ooh, I forgot!
120
00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:04,342
My Civil War buttons
and bullet collection
121
00:06:04,344 --> 00:06:05,343
is soaking in the kitchen.
122
00:06:05,345 --> 00:06:08,713
We can polish 'em up,
sort 'em by rank and regiment.
123
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:11,950
Cool!
Just bring a lot of booze back.
124
00:06:13,452 --> 00:06:15,920
Whoo!
No time for pleasantries, Nate.
125
00:06:15,922 --> 00:06:18,289
Gotta watch the soccer match.
126
00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:20,576
My damn Wi-Fi been on the
fritz ever since I broke
127
00:06:20,577 --> 00:06:22,861
up with that chick that
works at the Internet.
128
00:06:22,863 --> 00:06:26,931
Hey, Ray.
Nathan, I lost a bullet down your sink.
129
00:06:26,933 --> 00:06:31,302
Be careful not to shoot yourself
when you turn on the disposal.
130
00:06:31,304 --> 00:06:33,905
Keep it down, Tom. I'm
having a hard time focusing.
131
00:06:33,907 --> 00:06:36,307
The announcer's speaking in Bantu.
132
00:06:36,309 --> 00:06:37,909
Soccer?
How can you watch that?
133
00:06:37,911 --> 00:06:40,979
- It's so boring.
- When you got $300 on the game.
134
00:06:40,981 --> 00:06:44,682
If the blue team beats the red team,
I'll finally have my Botox money.
135
00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:48,286
Black don't crack, but it sags.
136
00:06:48,288 --> 00:06:50,855
So we're rooting for blue, huh?
137
00:06:50,857 --> 00:06:53,257
Wait... what do you mean, "we"?
I thought you hated sports.
138
00:06:53,259 --> 00:06:56,461
I do, but Ray's way of
watching makes more sense
139
00:06:56,463 --> 00:07:00,198
to me because there's an actual
reason to care which color wins.
140
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,567
You know what? Maybe gambling
is something we can do together.
141
00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:05,169
Plus you said that you've been looking
for a reason to like blue again.
142
00:07:05,171 --> 00:07:09,307
Yeah, your mother's varicose veins
really turned me off of that color.
143
00:07:09,309 --> 00:07:11,375
But I'd be willing to give it a shot.
144
00:07:11,377 --> 00:07:14,779
- But the game already started.
- Ray, what do you say?
145
00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:15,947
Come on. The game's
still nothing-nothing.
146
00:07:15,949 --> 00:07:17,648
Can we each have a third of your bet?
147
00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:19,850
Like, a hundred bucks
each on the blue team.
148
00:07:19,852 --> 00:07:21,952
I don't know, man.
Might be bad luck to split a bet.
149
00:07:21,954 --> 00:07:24,082
- Commentator: Goal!
- No, damn it!
150
00:07:24,083 --> 00:07:27,525
Come on, Mawata Gana.
You're killing me, man!
151
00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:29,393
You're freaking killing me!
152
00:07:29,395 --> 00:07:33,230
Kick the damn ball!
Kick the damn ball!
153
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:39,073
Yeah, let's go ahead
and split this bet up.
154
00:07:43,508 --> 00:07:44,642
This is yummy!
155
00:07:44,644 --> 00:07:48,112
Of course it's yummy,
'cause Grandma made it.
156
00:07:50,515 --> 00:07:53,017
Something's off.
157
00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:56,787
Oh, no. No, no, no!
Stop eating. Stop eating.
158
00:07:56,789 --> 00:07:58,322
You're eating the one with the meat.
159
00:07:58,324 --> 00:08:01,091
And you don't eat meat.
Spit it out, spit it out.
160
00:08:01,093 --> 00:08:02,926
You've got mine and I've got yours.
161
00:08:02,928 --> 00:08:08,332
Oh, no. What was it?
Rabbit? Cat?!
162
00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:11,768
- No, it was just beef, honey.
- I ate a horse?
163
00:08:12,704 --> 00:08:15,439
No, it's cow.
The school system is failing you
164
00:08:15,441 --> 00:08:19,343
- as much as your parents.
- What's gonna happen to me?!
165
00:08:19,345 --> 00:08:23,213
Nothing. It was my fault,
but it was an honest mistake.
166
00:08:23,215 --> 00:08:27,451
And no one needs to know about it,
especially your parents.
167
00:08:27,453 --> 00:08:31,788
Okay.
I feel weird.
168
00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:35,926
That's just your body converting
the protein into energy.
169
00:08:40,131 --> 00:08:42,799
[commentator speaking Bantu]
170
00:08:43,234 --> 00:08:44,534
Goal!
171
00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:47,237
All: Goal!
172
00:08:47,239 --> 00:08:49,573
Okay, okay, it's 4-4.
We gotta have a shootout.
173
00:08:49,575 --> 00:08:53,109
Miss it, miss it, miss it!
174
00:08:53,111 --> 00:08:56,346
- Oh!
- Okay, we're still alive.
175
00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:58,515
We gotta make this one. Have to.
176
00:08:58,517 --> 00:09:03,086
Our fate is in your hands,
Niameabutu Neskabara Lop-Lop.
177
00:09:03,088 --> 00:09:06,389
Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it,
get it, get it! get it!
178
00:09:06,391 --> 00:09:11,327
Goal! Hey, why didn't
you guys say it with me?
179
00:09:11,329 --> 00:09:13,196
They didn't score, Dad. We lost.
180
00:09:13,198 --> 00:09:17,367
Has to go in the net every time?
Aw, man.
181
00:09:17,369 --> 00:09:20,370
That's it. From now on, I'm only
betting on stuff I know about:
182
00:09:20,372 --> 00:09:24,174
football and spelling bees.
183
00:09:24,176 --> 00:09:27,810
Quick tip: Always bet on a Indian kid.
184
00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:31,915
Hey, look, it's s a bummer,
but it was an exciting game, huh?
185
00:09:31,917 --> 00:09:34,250
Fun way to spend a couple
of hours, right, Dad?
186
00:09:34,252 --> 00:09:36,252
Dad?
187
00:09:36,254 --> 00:09:38,721
We just lost $200 for nothing.
188
00:09:38,723 --> 00:09:40,690
How could I be so stupid?
189
00:09:40,692 --> 00:09:43,826
Let me pay for it. I'll
skip two haircuts this month.
190
00:09:43,828 --> 00:09:46,763
I'm not letting my son pay my debts.
191
00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:49,665
Come on. It was worth that much
just to have such a fun time with you.
192
00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:52,201
It shouldn't cost $200
to have fun with somebody
193
00:09:52,203 --> 00:09:57,385
unless there's a pretty woman involved.
Or two ugly ones.
194
00:09:58,376 --> 00:10:01,277
Come on, Dad. We were
cheering, we chest bumped.
195
00:10:01,279 --> 00:10:02,378
We never chest bump.
196
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:06,082
And now I know why.
You jammed all my pens into my boob.
197
00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:10,019
It's like I have seven
blue nipples right now.
198
00:10:10,021 --> 00:10:11,921
Dad, the only reason that I bet
199
00:10:11,923 --> 00:10:14,090
was so that we could
have something in common.
200
00:10:14,092 --> 00:10:17,360
- We do now: debt.
- Please, let me pay your share.
201
00:10:17,362 --> 00:10:19,729
No, in fact, I have
to pay your share now.
202
00:10:19,731 --> 00:10:21,063
- No. Why?
- Yeah.
203
00:10:21,065 --> 00:10:23,866
Because you said that you never
would have bet if it wasn't for me.
204
00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:29,171
Damn you, Niameabutu Neskabara Lop-Lop.
205
00:10:29,173 --> 00:10:32,908
Here you go, Ray.
You're lucky I just went to the ATM
206
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:35,578
and my fat fingers hit too many zeroes.
207
00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:39,048
Good-bye, 200 items
off the dollar menu.
208
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:43,919
Double burger, gone!
Senior coffee, gone!
209
00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:47,623
Apple turnover that burns
the roof of your mouth, gone!
210
00:10:47,625 --> 00:10:50,759
Vanilla milkshake that soothes
the roof of your mouth, gone!
211
00:10:53,697 --> 00:10:55,431
Admit it... your dad
eats a lot of junk food.
212
00:10:55,433 --> 00:10:59,066
Believe me, you don't want to
be with him in a steam room.
213
00:11:04,941 --> 00:11:07,109
[yawns]
214
00:11:09,212 --> 00:11:10,712
[sighs]
215
00:11:20,823 --> 00:11:21,923
Honey...
216
00:11:46,489 --> 00:11:50,470
- Morning, Grandma!
- Morning, sweetie.
217
00:11:52,673 --> 00:11:55,375
Do you want to talk about
what happened last night?
218
00:11:55,377 --> 00:11:59,679
Did something happen last night?
I don't remember anything.
219
00:11:59,681 --> 00:12:04,651
You don't remember diving face-first
into a plate of meat lasagna?
220
00:12:04,653 --> 00:12:07,721
Hmm.
Were my arms out like this?
221
00:12:07,723 --> 00:12:10,256
Because if they were, that
means I was sleepwalking.
222
00:12:11,325 --> 00:12:13,526
I see. Okay.
223
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:23,503
So...
what do you want to do today?
224
00:12:23,505 --> 00:12:25,672
Go to the park?
225
00:12:26,674 --> 00:12:28,875
The movies?
226
00:12:35,049 --> 00:12:38,084
Sweetheart, are you sure
you don't want to talk about
227
00:12:38,086 --> 00:12:39,519
what happened last night?
228
00:12:39,521 --> 00:12:41,487
[crying]
229
00:12:41,489 --> 00:12:44,223
Oh, sweetie, don't cry.
230
00:12:44,225 --> 00:12:49,862
- You're not in trouble.
- No, it's not that.
231
00:12:49,864 --> 00:12:54,167
It's just...
meat tastes so good!
232
00:12:55,202 --> 00:12:58,004
Yeah, that's why it's so popular.
233
00:13:00,107 --> 00:13:03,476
How am I gonna tell my
parents I'm a meat-eater?
234
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:07,346
Well, sweetie...
just tell 'em.
235
00:13:07,348 --> 00:13:10,616
Now that you're eating meat,
even if they get upset,
236
00:13:10,618 --> 00:13:13,486
you can probably just overpower them.
237
00:13:17,741 --> 00:13:19,108
[detector beeping slowly]
238
00:13:19,110 --> 00:13:22,145
- Out the way, Tom!
- I'm looking for change.
239
00:13:22,147 --> 00:13:23,379
Well, I can't see the dog show.
240
00:13:23,381 --> 00:13:28,384
And I bet 100 bucks on a dog
that looks like a mop.
241
00:13:28,386 --> 00:13:30,953
Oh, shoot, I think I
might've just bet on a mop!
242
00:13:31,955 --> 00:13:33,956
[detector beeping faster]
243
00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:35,157
[beeping rapidly]
244
00:13:36,093 --> 00:13:38,561
It's wrapped in tinfoil.
Don't ask.
245
00:13:39,596 --> 00:13:43,766
Hey, Dad.
Check it out.
246
00:13:43,768 --> 00:13:46,102
I got us two tickets to the
big Civil War memorabilia show
247
00:13:46,104 --> 00:13:49,438
in DC today. They're gonna
open up a can of potted meat
248
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,974
that's been sealed since 1860.
249
00:13:51,976 --> 00:13:56,512
I can't go.
Not until I earn back the $200 I lost.
250
00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:59,432
Oh, and, uh, say hi
to the John Wilkes Booth
251
00:13:59,433 --> 00:14:01,784
impersonator for me.
Don't shake his hand, though.
252
00:14:01,786 --> 00:14:03,519
He's a nose-picker.
253
00:14:03,521 --> 00:14:05,221
[door closes]
254
00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:06,622
[sighs] Aw, crap.
255
00:14:06,624 --> 00:14:09,158
Dad and I are missing
out on a great afternoon
256
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,427
'cause he's still obsessed
with the stupid money he lost.
257
00:14:11,429 --> 00:14:14,763
You're lucky you didn't go
halfsies on this dog with me.
258
00:14:14,765 --> 00:14:19,668
Oh, I see the stick now.
I bet on a damn mop!
259
00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:24,106
Hey.
What are you doing here?
260
00:14:24,108 --> 00:14:25,541
Oh, there were certain things I needed
261
00:14:25,543 --> 00:14:27,276
that Debbie didn't have in her fridge.
262
00:14:27,278 --> 00:14:30,245
Mikayla's expanding
her culinary horizons.
263
00:14:30,247 --> 00:14:34,449
Oh, wow, meatballs.
264
00:14:35,485 --> 00:14:38,887
It's like cookie dough
but made out of a beast.
265
00:14:41,691 --> 00:14:42,958
Oh, my God. Mom!
266
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,594
- It was an accident.
- Well, it's not a big deal.
267
00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:47,195
If there's one thing
we know about vegans,
268
00:14:47,197 --> 00:14:50,632
it's they got a pretty good sense
of humor about stuff like this.
269
00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:53,902
So how are things going
with you and your dad?
270
00:14:53,904 --> 00:14:56,605
- Find anything in common yet?
- No, not yet.
271
00:14:56,607 --> 00:15:00,342
No matter how desperate you get,
just do not have a baby with him.
272
00:15:00,344 --> 00:15:01,977
It won't help.
273
00:15:03,079 --> 00:15:04,679
Man... look at that.
274
00:15:04,681 --> 00:15:07,449
I spent 300 bucks on this
stupid Civil War belt buckle.
275
00:15:07,451 --> 00:15:08,650
I was gonna surprise my Dad
276
00:15:08,652 --> 00:15:10,485
and let him wear it to
the memorabilia show.
277
00:15:10,487 --> 00:15:12,120
Sell it and give him the cash,
278
00:15:12,122 --> 00:15:14,089
so he can stop looking
for treasure in my pants.
279
00:15:15,858 --> 00:15:17,492
Did you wrap it in tinfoil again?
280
00:15:17,494 --> 00:15:20,996
It helps with my Wi-fi signal.
281
00:15:20,998 --> 00:15:23,264
I tried to give him money,
but he won't take it.
282
00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:26,201
Wait a second.
283
00:15:26,203 --> 00:15:29,537
This is worth more than
he lost on the stupid bet.
284
00:15:29,539 --> 00:15:33,341
And it's metal, so he can find it.
All I gotta do is plant it somewhere.
285
00:15:33,343 --> 00:15:35,577
Oh, my God.
Pork is delicious.
286
00:15:35,579 --> 00:15:38,780
And they come with handles.
287
00:15:41,016 --> 00:15:43,218
[detector beeping slowly]
288
00:15:56,365 --> 00:15:58,566
[detector beeping faster]
289
00:16:00,202 --> 00:16:02,403
[detector beeping rapidly]
290
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:12,847
Yeah, put me down for
50 on the Indian kid.
291
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,050
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
292
00:16:16,052 --> 00:16:18,586
And 20 on the Chinese kid to show.
293
00:16:19,888 --> 00:16:21,689
There he is.
294
00:16:21,691 --> 00:16:24,091
The proud hunter returning
home from the hunt.
295
00:16:24,093 --> 00:16:25,259
How was it out there?
296
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:28,829
I call it a good day.
Almost four dollars in change.
297
00:16:28,831 --> 00:16:30,831
And one real treasure.
298
00:16:32,234 --> 00:16:35,469
A harmonica!
And it works.
299
00:16:35,471 --> 00:16:37,171
Tom, don't put that nasty-ass
harmonica in your mouth.
300
00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:39,006
[plays chord]
301
00:16:39,008 --> 00:16:43,177
- What was that?
- I think it was a hobo's tooth.
302
00:16:43,179 --> 00:16:46,247
Dad, come on.
That harmonica was all you found?
303
00:16:46,249 --> 00:16:49,049
Yep.
It's a hobo's tooth.
304
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:52,686
I think he might've had
a crystal meth problem.
305
00:16:54,522 --> 00:16:57,558
You didn't find any accessories?
Like, say, I don't know...
306
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,960
maybe a buckle that
might keep a belt buckled?
307
00:16:59,962 --> 00:17:01,862
Like, for instance, a belt buckle?
308
00:17:01,864 --> 00:17:04,031
How did you know I found a belt buckle?
309
00:17:04,033 --> 00:17:06,066
Because I put it there.
Where is it?
310
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:09,203
- I threw it away.
- You threw it away?!
311
00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:12,539
How could you throw
away the belt buckle?
312
00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:15,476
I'm anti-belt.
Just get pants that fit.
313
00:17:15,478 --> 00:17:16,677
If you lose a little weight,
314
00:17:16,679 --> 00:17:18,812
just cinch it up with a
rope and a little latch.
315
00:17:18,814 --> 00:17:20,080
That's a belt!
316
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:21,448
[crashing]
317
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:24,836
[lift whirring]
[beeping]
318
00:17:25,286 --> 00:17:26,687
- Hey!
- Hey!
319
00:17:26,689 --> 00:17:27,955
- Stop'
- Hey, hey, hey!
320
00:17:27,957 --> 00:17:28,956
- Turn off tha machine!
- Wait!
321
00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:29,990
- I can't her you!
- Hey!
322
00:17:29,992 --> 00:17:31,825
- People in here!
- Hey!
323
00:17:31,827 --> 00:17:34,980
Put us back down!
Oh by god!
324
00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,804
That was wild.
325
00:17:43,806 --> 00:17:45,005
[engine rumbling]
326
00:17:45,007 --> 00:17:47,140
But we'll never find that belt buckle.
327
00:17:47,142 --> 00:17:48,542
Dad, we're stuck in a trash truck.
328
00:17:48,544 --> 00:17:50,010
We got bigger problems than the buckle.
329
00:17:50,012 --> 00:17:51,378
Aah!
330
00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:53,046
Just felt something
crawl around my ankle.
331
00:17:53,048 --> 00:17:55,048
Probably a rat. I hate rats!
332
00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:57,184
Of course you hate rats.
Who likes rats?
333
00:17:57,186 --> 00:17:58,618
Scientists, cats...
334
00:18:00,354 --> 00:18:02,489
Watch out!
If you hadn't tried to trick
335
00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:04,624
me, none of this would've happened.
336
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,259
Look, if you'd just
let me pay off your bet,
337
00:18:06,261 --> 00:18:08,628
then I wouldn't have had to try
to trick you in the first place!
338
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,131
[squeaking] Get back.
Get back.
339
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:14,401
- I never asked for your charity.
- Look, you're my dad.
340
00:18:14,403 --> 00:18:15,869
I can't just sit back
and let you suffer.
341
00:18:15,871 --> 00:18:18,071
Why couldn't you just accept
my help when I offered it?
342
00:18:18,073 --> 00:18:20,006
Because I am your dad!
343
00:18:20,008 --> 00:18:22,409
You aren't supposed to bail me out,
I'm supposed to bail you out!
344
00:18:22,411 --> 00:18:25,578
- Look out!
- No, Dad, get behind me.
345
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,980
- No, you get behind me.
- Dad, get behind me.
346
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,815
- No, get behind me!
- Get-get...
347
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,083
Look at us, Dad.
348
00:18:30,085 --> 00:18:32,652
Look at us, we're just
trying to save each other.
349
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:35,488
It's like we're both hardwired
to be the protector in this family.
350
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:38,758
I think that's why I couldn't sit back
and let you suffer about the bet.
351
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,927
That's the same reason I
couldn't take your money.
352
00:18:40,929 --> 00:18:43,363
You already help your
sister, and now your mom...
353
00:18:43,365 --> 00:18:44,964
I don't want to be
another person you help.
354
00:18:44,966 --> 00:18:47,900
I want to be the guy
that everyone depends on.
355
00:18:47,902 --> 00:18:50,103
I think I want that, too.
356
00:18:50,105 --> 00:18:54,173
Hey, something in common.
We found it.
357
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:57,810
- Hey!
- Hey!
358
00:18:57,812 --> 00:18:59,445
We both went for the hug!
359
00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:00,413
[laughs]
360
00:19:00,415 --> 00:19:01,414
[rustling, squeaking]
361
00:19:01,416 --> 00:19:04,050
We both may be
protectors at heart,
362
00:19:04,052 --> 00:19:07,153
but I'm still your dad
and it's my job to save you.
363
00:19:07,155 --> 00:19:10,022
No!
No, Dad, don't go down there!
364
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:12,859
It's probably what it wants you to do.
365
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:15,027
[chittering, squeaking]
366
00:19:16,663 --> 00:19:19,865
- Dad, was it a big rat?
- A normal-sized rat.
367
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:23,004
But the thing that ate it was huge.
368
00:19:23,039 --> 00:19:25,170
[squeaking]
369
00:19:29,740 --> 00:19:34,043
And one for our little broccolini.
There.
370
00:19:34,045 --> 00:19:36,612
Yeah, Dad, about the hat...
371
00:19:38,482 --> 00:19:40,917
Guys, Mikayla has something
she needs to share with you.
372
00:19:40,919 --> 00:19:42,852
And you need to have
an open mind about it,
373
00:19:42,854 --> 00:19:46,289
and love your daughter
no matter what.
374
00:19:46,291 --> 00:19:49,125
Well... honey, what is it?
375
00:19:49,127 --> 00:19:50,626
You know you can tell us anything.
376
00:19:50,628 --> 00:19:52,228
Adam: Yeah, there's no
secrets in this family.
377
00:19:52,230 --> 00:19:55,197
Okay?
We're the Broccoli Bunch.
378
00:19:57,734 --> 00:20:00,302
Mom...
Dad...
379
00:20:00,304 --> 00:20:03,639
- I...
- You what, honey?
380
00:20:03,641 --> 00:20:08,077
I was twirling my baton in my room,
even though you said not to,
381
00:20:08,079 --> 00:20:10,145
and broke my music box.
382
00:20:10,147 --> 00:20:12,548
Debbie: Well, you know you're
not supposed to do that.
383
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:15,251
But we're really proud of you
for being honest.
384
00:20:15,253 --> 00:20:17,519
It's such a grown-up thing to do.
385
00:20:17,521 --> 00:20:19,021
And you do look grown-up.
386
00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:21,423
I swear, it looks like you
grew an inch while we were gone.
387
00:20:23,159 --> 00:20:24,760
Well, we should go out.
388
00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:26,895
We've got a lot of blood to
wash off the front of the car.
389
00:20:26,897 --> 00:20:30,532
Ironically, we hit a cow
on the highway coming home.
390
00:20:32,135 --> 00:20:35,971
- What happened, kid?
- They weren't ready.
391
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:39,780
They gave me a stupid broccoli hat,
for crying out loud!
392
00:20:40,143 --> 00:20:41,376
Well...
393
00:20:41,378 --> 00:20:44,213
you're a thoughtful girl,
and I'm proud of you.
394
00:20:44,215 --> 00:20:46,281
And just so you know...
395
00:20:46,283 --> 00:20:50,285
Grandma's always got a little beef
jerky in the bottom of her purse.
396
00:20:50,287 --> 00:20:52,454
And in her bedside table.
397
00:20:53,957 --> 00:20:56,291
And in her glove compartment.
398
00:20:56,293 --> 00:20:59,094
No, I ate that.
Never mind.
399
00:21:00,897 --> 00:21:04,166
- Now come on.
- Where are we going?
400
00:21:04,168 --> 00:21:08,726
We gotta go smash up a music box.
401
00:21:10,258 --> 00:21:13,122
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00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:17,722
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