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1
00:00:03,408 --> 00:00:04,809
All right, let's fire it up.
2
00:00:05,343 --> 00:00:06,542
Wow.
3
00:00:06,567 --> 00:00:08,233
With the lights, I can really see
4
00:00:08,235 --> 00:00:10,569
the quality of your ornaments.
5
00:00:10,571 --> 00:00:12,003
Maybe lose the lights.
6
00:00:12,005 --> 00:00:13,472
Gerard: I'd listen to her.
7
00:00:13,474 --> 00:00:15,078
My gal's a tastemaker.
8
00:00:15,103 --> 00:00:16,402
Well, that's clear from the
9
00:00:16,427 --> 00:00:17,994
baby Jesus earrings she's wearing.
10
00:00:19,779 --> 00:00:22,213
Ah, there's no place like
home for the holidays.
11
00:00:22,215 --> 00:00:23,682
This isn't your home.
12
00:00:23,684 --> 00:00:26,117
Dad, you can't put a damper
on my Christmas cheer.
13
00:00:26,119 --> 00:00:28,520
'Cause I just bought the
best gift ever for the swap.
14
00:00:28,522 --> 00:00:30,455
What's the big one talking about?
15
00:00:30,457 --> 00:00:33,091
Ah, babe, this will be your
first Christmas Eve with us.
16
00:00:33,093 --> 00:00:35,293
Every year, we do this
white elephant gift exchange.
17
00:00:35,295 --> 00:00:36,727
Oh, like a yankee swap.
18
00:00:36,729 --> 00:00:38,129
- Katrina!
- Jackie: Come on!
19
00:00:38,131 --> 00:00:39,297
Shut your mouth!
20
00:00:40,599 --> 00:00:42,643
Katrina, this is a Red Sox house.
21
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,536
We do not use the "y" word here.
22
00:00:45,538 --> 00:00:47,238
That's why when I was nine,
23
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,541
I named our gift exchange
"the Red Sox swap."
24
00:00:50,543 --> 00:00:53,410
That was the day that Ronny talked sports.
25
00:00:53,412 --> 00:00:55,546
(Knocking on door)
26
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,749
Hi, Mr. McCarthy.
27
00:00:58,751 --> 00:01:01,262
I wanted to give you my January rent
28
00:01:01,287 --> 00:01:03,686
in case I'm crying too hard to come down
29
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:04,697
and give it to you later.
30
00:01:04,722 --> 00:01:06,223
Okay. Thanks, Pam.
31
00:01:06,225 --> 00:01:07,625
Marjorie: Wait.
32
00:01:07,627 --> 00:01:10,027
Pam, what's the matter?
33
00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:11,929
My boyfriend came over last night.
34
00:01:11,931 --> 00:01:13,807
Thought he was gonna propose.
35
00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:16,399
Instead, he dumped me.
36
00:01:17,034 --> 00:01:18,935
Anyway, happy holidays.
37
00:01:18,937 --> 00:01:20,337
Marjorie: Pam...
38
00:01:20,339 --> 00:01:22,305
You poor thing.
39
00:01:22,307 --> 00:01:24,508
Why don't you join us for Christmas Eve?
40
00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:26,843
That would be nice, thank you.
41
00:01:26,845 --> 00:01:28,577
Uh, wait, Pam.
42
00:01:28,579 --> 00:01:30,312
Take your check back.
43
00:01:30,314 --> 00:01:31,447
Really?
44
00:01:31,449 --> 00:01:33,415
Yeah, 'cause on the first of the year,
45
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,184
the rent goes up three percent.
46
00:01:35,186 --> 00:01:36,152
You forgot.
47
00:01:36,154 --> 00:01:37,654
Bring it on Christmas Eve.
48
00:01:38,822 --> 00:01:41,124
She's a sad, lonely mess.
49
00:01:41,126 --> 00:01:43,359
Oh, that reminds me. Ronny...
50
00:01:43,361 --> 00:01:45,327
I met someone who would be perfect for you.
51
00:01:45,329 --> 00:01:48,397
Sean, you once tried to
set me up with a lesbian.
52
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,966
You had just come out.
I didn't know your type.
53
00:01:50,968 --> 00:01:52,532
- But this guy...
- "Guy"!
54
00:01:52,557 --> 00:01:54,190
Already sounding better.
55
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:59,141
He's handsome, and he's
French, and he's a balloonist.
56
00:01:59,143 --> 00:02:00,408
Sounding worse.
57
00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:02,277
No, you misunderstand me.
58
00:02:02,279 --> 00:02:04,279
He works with balloons.
59
00:02:05,614 --> 00:02:06,715
Do me a favor.
60
00:02:06,717 --> 00:02:08,416
Casually follow me into the kitchen.
61
00:02:08,418 --> 00:02:09,885
Got it. (Chuckles)
62
00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:11,720
Excuse me.
63
00:02:19,761 --> 00:02:21,028
Ronny, I need help.
64
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:23,331
How do I tell ma I'm spending Christmas day
65
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:24,666
with Katrina and her family?
66
00:02:24,668 --> 00:02:25,796
What?!
67
00:02:25,821 --> 00:02:27,702
No one's ever not been here on Christmas.
68
00:02:27,704 --> 00:02:29,471
You got to tell her right away.
69
00:02:29,473 --> 00:02:30,915
Rip off the band-aid.
70
00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:32,839
You're right, Ronny, rip it right off.
71
00:02:32,841 --> 00:02:36,323
I'm making coffee cake Christmas
morning, Gerard, your favorite.
72
00:02:36,348 --> 00:02:38,548
Ma, I got to tell you
something about Christmas day.
73
00:02:41,917 --> 00:02:44,985
It's when we celebrate the birth of Jesus.
74
00:02:44,987 --> 00:02:48,588
And here I was throwing a party
for the little guy on labor day.
75
00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:55,906
You are so intimidated by mom.
76
00:02:55,931 --> 00:02:57,780
Marjorie: Ronny, can
you bring me the ladle?
77
00:02:57,805 --> 00:02:58,971
Coming, mom! Ladle.
78
00:02:58,996 --> 00:03:00,329
Ladle, where's the damn ladle?
79
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:02,387
Ladle, where is the damn ladle?
80
00:03:02,412 --> 00:03:04,778
Oh, thank God.
81
00:03:06,206 --> 00:03:07,740
She'll get it when she gets it.
82
00:03:07,742 --> 00:03:08,830
Marjorie: Ronny!
83
00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:16,287
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
84
00:03:17,693 --> 00:03:19,360
Hey, everybody. Merry Christmas Eve.
85
00:03:19,362 --> 00:03:20,895
All: Merry Christmas!
86
00:03:20,897 --> 00:03:23,565
Ps... maybe take care of the
ice on your front walkway.
87
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,071
I almost slipped and broke my neck.
88
00:03:25,096 --> 00:03:28,130
Well, there's always
the walk back to the car.
89
00:03:28,590 --> 00:03:30,523
When you should also be cautious.
90
00:03:30,548 --> 00:03:31,782
Oh...
91
00:03:31,807 --> 00:03:33,784
Or you could always throw
a bunch of salt down.
92
00:03:33,809 --> 00:03:35,543
I know you've got plenty lying around.
93
00:03:35,545 --> 00:03:37,507
I tasted your "fill in the blank." Ugh.
94
00:03:37,532 --> 00:03:38,731
(Laughs forcedly)
95
00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:39,855
You two.
96
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,012
Zing. Zing.
97
00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,170
It's like a holiday zing-a-long in here.
98
00:03:43,251 --> 00:03:44,350
(Doorbell rings)
99
00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:46,032
Oh, this must be Ronny's date.
100
00:03:46,057 --> 00:03:47,523
Wait, French balloon guy?
101
00:03:47,548 --> 00:03:48,714
I told you "no."
102
00:03:48,824 --> 00:03:50,457
I knew you had a strong opinion on it,
103
00:03:50,459 --> 00:03:51,992
but I couldn't remember what it was.
104
00:03:53,728 --> 00:03:56,930
I parked my reindeer in
your driveway. Is that okay?
105
00:03:57,664 --> 00:03:59,312
Just kidding. I found a meter.
106
00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:02,238
You all remember Phillip
from my church choir.
107
00:04:02,263 --> 00:04:03,662
I thought you couldn't make it.
108
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,515
My flight to Minnesota was grounded.
109
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,007
For sneaking out at night with a boy.
110
00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:10,790
Kidding. Blizzard.
111
00:04:10,878 --> 00:04:12,678
I'm glad you're here, Phillip.
112
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,380
It's nice to have a fun gay in the house.
113
00:04:15,382 --> 00:04:16,782
Excuse me?
114
00:04:16,784 --> 00:04:19,051
You know what I mean...
Phillip's fun and you're not.
115
00:04:20,553 --> 00:04:22,054
Bonjour.
116
00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:23,089
Ah, hey, everyone.
117
00:04:23,091 --> 00:04:24,023
Meet Maurice.
118
00:04:24,025 --> 00:04:25,625
Where are your balloons?
119
00:04:25,627 --> 00:04:28,487
Oh, no "balloon." Bassoon.
120
00:04:28,512 --> 00:04:30,577
- I play with symphony.
- Sean: Oh.
121
00:04:30,697 --> 00:04:33,265
So you're not a balloonist;
You're a bassoonist.
122
00:04:35,413 --> 00:04:37,614
Sorry, Ronny, you want
me to get rid of him?
123
00:04:37,639 --> 00:04:39,806
No, maybe get rid of everyone else.
124
00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:43,808
Maurice, this is my brother, Ronny.
125
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:44,809
Hello, Ronny.
126
00:04:44,811 --> 00:04:46,711
Hi... oh.
127
00:04:49,148 --> 00:04:51,916
Come on, Ronny, act like you've been there.
128
00:04:52,885 --> 00:04:54,318
Gerard: So, Maurice, I guess
129
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,101
Sean didn't tell you to bring a gift.
130
00:04:56,126 --> 00:04:57,523
Oh, that's all right. I can take him down
131
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:58,762
to the corner store. We
can pick something up.
132
00:04:58,787 --> 00:04:59,953
Or I can.
133
00:04:59,978 --> 00:05:01,577
Either way, you or me.
134
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:02,601
I'll pick randomly.
135
00:05:02,626 --> 00:05:03,824
Me.
136
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,898
Word is it's slippery out there.
137
00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:08,423
Hold my hand.
138
00:05:10,035 --> 00:05:11,035
(Crying)
139
00:05:11,037 --> 00:05:12,370
(Gasps)
140
00:05:12,372 --> 00:05:13,657
Merry Christmas.
141
00:05:13,682 --> 00:05:15,515
Yeah, it is!
142
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:19,210
Sorry I'm late.
143
00:05:19,212 --> 00:05:22,045
My abdominals seized
up from sobbing so hard,
144
00:05:22,047 --> 00:05:23,552
and I couldn't put on my pants.
145
00:05:24,016 --> 00:05:25,315
Ah, Pam.
146
00:05:25,317 --> 00:05:26,584
Did you bring the rent?
147
00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:29,052
I'll be right back.
148
00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:33,357
Okay, each of you is holding
a number and an idol paper.
149
00:05:33,359 --> 00:05:35,659
On your turn, you can either open a gift,
150
00:05:35,661 --> 00:05:38,761
or you can steal one from someone else.
151
00:05:38,763 --> 00:05:41,631
The idols are wild
cards with special powers
152
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,000
that you can only use once.
153
00:05:43,002 --> 00:05:44,001
Got it?
154
00:05:44,003 --> 00:05:45,402
I think no.
155
00:05:45,404 --> 00:05:48,005
You're pretty. People will help you.
156
00:05:49,107 --> 00:05:51,774
Jake and I used to play games.
157
00:05:51,776 --> 00:05:55,778
We still have an unfinished
monopoly game on the table.
158
00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:58,515
It's like a tiny ghost town.
159
00:05:59,383 --> 00:06:01,217
Glad you could make it, Pam.
160
00:06:02,052 --> 00:06:03,786
Ooh, my idol says "gong master."
161
00:06:03,788 --> 00:06:04,888
What does that mean?
162
00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:08,558
You get to hit the gong to start the game.
163
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,069
Well, seems a little over the top,
164
00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:12,072
but I'll make do!
165
00:06:12,097 --> 00:06:13,297
(Laughs)
166
00:06:13,698 --> 00:06:15,698
All right, I'm number one.
167
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:17,959
And I will open...
168
00:06:17,984 --> 00:06:19,117
This guy.
169
00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:20,636
Ah.
170
00:06:20,638 --> 00:06:21,970
Look, ma.
171
00:06:21,972 --> 00:06:23,581
It's an owl.
172
00:06:24,605 --> 00:06:27,196
I hope no one steals it.
173
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:28,353
My mom loves owls.
174
00:06:28,378 --> 00:06:29,911
So, every year, my dad puts one in,
175
00:06:29,913 --> 00:06:31,784
and my mom makes sure she ends up with it.
176
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,209
- Kind of a thing.
- "Kind of a thing"?
177
00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:35,901
That's love.
178
00:06:35,926 --> 00:06:38,594
Hang onto it.
179
00:06:38,619 --> 00:06:40,051
Pull it together, Pam.
180
00:06:41,108 --> 00:06:42,541
I am the next.
181
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,403
(Clears throat)
182
00:06:44,428 --> 00:06:46,561
The lucky recipient of this certificate
183
00:06:46,563 --> 00:06:49,965
gets to be the godparent
of Jackie McCarthy's baby.
184
00:06:49,967 --> 00:06:51,199
Wow.
185
00:06:51,201 --> 00:06:53,234
Well, I knew my brothers
would all really want
186
00:06:53,236 --> 00:06:54,569
to be the godfather,
187
00:06:54,571 --> 00:06:57,305
and I couldn't think of a
fair way to pick one of them.
188
00:06:57,307 --> 00:07:00,708
Wow, what a heartwarming
way to save 20 bucks.
189
00:07:01,477 --> 00:07:02,877
Okay, I'm next.
190
00:07:02,879 --> 00:07:05,880
I can either take the owl, or I could be
191
00:07:05,882 --> 00:07:07,849
the godparent to the grandchild
192
00:07:07,851 --> 00:07:10,117
that I'm probably gonna be raising anyway.
193
00:07:10,119 --> 00:07:12,987
I take the owl!
194
00:07:12,989 --> 00:07:16,308
Which leaves me empty-handed.
195
00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,668
Well, Gerard, it looks
196
00:07:17,693 --> 00:07:19,526
like the godparent certificate's available.
197
00:07:19,528 --> 00:07:21,561
Someone should film this.
It's gonna be touching.
198
00:07:22,365 --> 00:07:23,465
I'm... gonna open a new one.
199
00:07:23,490 --> 00:07:26,066
- What?
- Say it again, Gerard. I missed it.
200
00:07:26,068 --> 00:07:29,866
A lottery scratcher and turkey jerky?
201
00:07:30,008 --> 00:07:33,176
Hey, French, this is why
we buy our gifts in advance.
202
00:07:33,609 --> 00:07:35,775
Thank you.
203
00:07:36,777 --> 00:07:37,944
Okay, I'm up.
204
00:07:37,946 --> 00:07:40,346
Well, Sean, Gerard hurtfully passed
205
00:07:40,348 --> 00:07:42,249
on the most valuable gift here,
206
00:07:42,274 --> 00:07:43,812
but you have a chance to...
207
00:07:43,837 --> 00:07:45,704
Baseball bobblehead. (Giggles)
208
00:07:46,754 --> 00:07:49,255
Male voice: Strike three!
209
00:07:49,257 --> 00:07:51,024
That is cool.
210
00:07:51,026 --> 00:07:52,958
"Strike three""
211
00:07:53,827 --> 00:07:55,228
Well, it's my turn,
212
00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:57,930
unless this mensa meeting
is still going on over here.
213
00:07:58,798 --> 00:08:01,734
What the hell is this? Tin of dirt?
214
00:08:01,736 --> 00:08:04,003
Even better... that's ma's famous nut loaf.
215
00:08:04,804 --> 00:08:06,405
Yes, Katrina.
216
00:08:06,407 --> 00:08:10,950
You mistook my famous nut
loaf for a tin of dirt.
217
00:08:11,311 --> 00:08:12,444
Nut loaf?
218
00:08:12,446 --> 00:08:14,146
I am deathly allergic to nuts.
219
00:08:14,148 --> 00:08:16,015
If I eat them, I die.
220
00:08:19,719 --> 00:08:21,228
Marjorie, come back.
221
00:08:21,253 --> 00:08:23,455
Yes, uh... okay, Katrina, I will make sure
222
00:08:23,457 --> 00:08:25,857
that there are no nuts in
the coffee cake tomorrow.
223
00:08:25,859 --> 00:08:28,793
Nut it up all you want tomorrow.
We're not gonna be here.
224
00:08:28,795 --> 00:08:30,028
Marjorie: Uh...
225
00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:31,163
What do you mean, "we"?
226
00:08:31,165 --> 00:08:32,681
Wait, you didn't tell her?
227
00:08:32,706 --> 00:08:34,966
No, I was waiting for you to blurt it out
228
00:08:34,968 --> 00:08:36,834
during a festive game.
229
00:08:38,637 --> 00:08:41,639
Ma, I'm not gonna be here
tomorrow for Christmas.
230
00:08:41,641 --> 00:08:43,875
I'm gonna spend it with Katrina's family.
231
00:08:46,765 --> 00:08:48,332
(Gong rings)
232
00:08:49,848 --> 00:08:54,552
I thought I'd do start of
game and dramatic moments.
233
00:08:54,554 --> 00:08:55,730
And we're back in.
234
00:08:56,122 --> 00:08:58,355
We're here tonight, ma.
235
00:08:58,357 --> 00:08:59,656
Well, tonight is not Christmas.
236
00:08:59,658 --> 00:09:01,058
Tomorrow is Christmas.
237
00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:03,894
We don't run off and spend
Christmas with just anyone.
238
00:09:03,896 --> 00:09:05,162
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
239
00:09:05,164 --> 00:09:06,564
"Just anyone"?
240
00:09:06,566 --> 00:09:08,232
I am not just anyone.
241
00:09:08,234 --> 00:09:10,167
I am his fianc?e.
242
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:12,669
And I'm gonna be
your daughter-in-law.
243
00:09:12,671 --> 00:09:13,837
Ugh.
244
00:09:13,839 --> 00:09:15,182
I'm sorry, what did you say?
245
00:09:15,207 --> 00:09:16,649
Oh, I'm sorry, I said...
246
00:09:16,674 --> 00:09:18,774
(imitates throwing up a little)
247
00:09:19,695 --> 00:09:21,313
Wow, okay.
248
00:09:21,338 --> 00:09:22,571
Well, given that,
249
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,329
I think I'm gonna say "no, thank you"
250
00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:26,812
to the gift of anaphylactic shock...
251
00:09:26,837 --> 00:09:28,695
And steal... (Sean imitates buzzer)
252
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,609
Sorry, you can't steal a gift
once you already opened one.
253
00:09:31,634 --> 00:09:33,119
Guests just don't get it.
254
00:09:33,144 --> 00:09:36,179
Sorry, I'm doing the best I can.
255
00:09:36,204 --> 00:09:37,570
So I guess I can't trade.
256
00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:39,735
Oh, wait, what's this?
257
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,598
(Gasps) It's a dumb idol.
258
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,532
Hmm.
259
00:09:42,534 --> 00:09:43,933
"Force any trade."
260
00:09:43,935 --> 00:09:45,134
Huh.
261
00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:47,202
Well, maybe I just don't get it,
262
00:09:47,204 --> 00:09:50,006
but it seems to me I
could trade for anything.
263
00:09:50,008 --> 00:09:51,107
Is that true?
264
00:09:51,109 --> 00:09:52,608
That is true.
265
00:09:53,476 --> 00:09:55,945
I didn't say that.
266
00:09:55,947 --> 00:10:00,689
Then I think I'm gonna
trade my toxic baked good
267
00:10:00,714 --> 00:10:03,285
for... um...
268
00:10:03,287 --> 00:10:05,754
Don't. Don't.
269
00:10:05,756 --> 00:10:07,122
(Whispering): Please don't.
270
00:10:07,823 --> 00:10:09,958
The owl.
271
00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,796
As promised.
272
00:10:23,853 --> 00:10:25,687
Who does Katrina think she is?
273
00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:27,412
On Christmas Eve, she takes my owl.
274
00:10:27,437 --> 00:10:28,974
On Christmas day, she takes my boy?
275
00:10:28,999 --> 00:10:30,464
She's like...
276
00:10:30,489 --> 00:10:32,356
What's the opposite of Santa claus?
277
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,547
I don't know.
278
00:10:33,572 --> 00:10:35,205
A rabbi?
279
00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:36,229
Yes, Arthur.
280
00:10:36,254 --> 00:10:37,253
You read my mind.
281
00:10:37,278 --> 00:10:39,312
She's rabbinical.
282
00:10:39,337 --> 00:10:41,337
Katrina, she's gonna be your mother-in-law.
283
00:10:41,362 --> 00:10:43,127
You gotta try to get along with her.
284
00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:44,548
Oh, I need to try?
285
00:10:44,573 --> 00:10:46,707
She called me "just anyone," Gerard.
286
00:10:46,709 --> 00:10:48,484
Plus, she tried to kill me with a nut loaf.
287
00:10:48,509 --> 00:10:49,608
You're a nut loaf.
288
00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:50,966
You're a hot nut loaf.
289
00:10:50,991 --> 00:10:52,724
- Ooh...
- Mmm.
290
00:10:52,749 --> 00:10:54,983
No, not now! Angry.
291
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:58,152
I thought my idiot
brothers would be fighting
292
00:10:58,154 --> 00:10:59,553
over that godfather certificate.
293
00:10:59,555 --> 00:11:00,928
Honey, what you did was beautiful.
294
00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:02,619
Don't let their negativity bring you down.
295
00:11:02,644 --> 00:11:04,344
You are the north star.
296
00:11:04,369 --> 00:11:08,004
You are frankincense. You are myrrh!
297
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:10,297
How many eggnogs have you had?
298
00:11:10,299 --> 00:11:11,532
Nine.
299
00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:13,267
Is there alcohol in this?
300
00:11:14,269 --> 00:11:15,402
I'm getting that owl back.
301
00:11:15,404 --> 00:11:16,762
And you're gonna help me.
302
00:11:16,787 --> 00:11:19,482
On your turn, you steal
the nut loaf from me,
303
00:11:19,507 --> 00:11:22,830
and then I steal the owl
back from Katrina. Got it?
304
00:11:22,855 --> 00:11:24,911
I have a confession.
305
00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:27,781
I have no idea how that game is played.
306
00:11:28,983 --> 00:11:31,084
How long have you been a musician?
307
00:11:31,086 --> 00:11:33,486
My father was in the army.
308
00:11:34,354 --> 00:11:36,322
I feel like we're really clicking.
309
00:11:36,324 --> 00:11:37,557
- Mmm.
- Right?
310
00:11:38,658 --> 00:11:39,658
So did you see it coming?
311
00:11:39,660 --> 00:11:41,094
No.
312
00:11:41,096 --> 00:11:43,596
Jake and I would always
talk about the future.
313
00:11:43,598 --> 00:11:45,398
I guess you just never really know
314
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,500
what's in someone's heart.
315
00:11:47,502 --> 00:11:49,902
No, I mean did you know
Katrina was gonna take the owl?
316
00:11:49,904 --> 00:11:51,269
Oh.
317
00:11:51,271 --> 00:11:53,964
Yeah, I had a hunch.
318
00:11:53,989 --> 00:11:55,723
All right, everybody, break's over.
319
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,352
Number six can go.
320
00:11:57,377 --> 00:11:58,744
But I just got here! (Giggles)
321
00:11:58,746 --> 00:11:59,990
No, I knew what you meant.
322
00:12:00,015 --> 00:12:01,791
I'm never leaving!
323
00:12:01,816 --> 00:12:03,983
And I choose...
324
00:12:03,985 --> 00:12:05,750
The godparent certificate.
325
00:12:05,752 --> 00:12:08,453
You're welcome.
326
00:12:08,455 --> 00:12:11,223
I wanted one of my
family members to take it.
327
00:12:11,225 --> 00:12:12,290
Shh.
328
00:12:12,292 --> 00:12:13,888
Let's not fight in front of our baby.
329
00:12:14,394 --> 00:12:16,861
So now I take...
330
00:12:16,863 --> 00:12:18,163
The baseball man.
331
00:12:18,165 --> 00:12:21,133
Well, Pam, looks like we've
each lost a special guy.
332
00:12:21,135 --> 00:12:22,466
Yeah.
333
00:12:22,468 --> 00:12:25,136
Yours was a doll, but yeah.
334
00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,206
Oh, my God.
335
00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:30,642
Box seats to a Red Sox game.
336
00:12:30,644 --> 00:12:32,220
- No way.
- Holy crap.
337
00:12:32,245 --> 00:12:33,652
But there was a $20 limit.
338
00:12:33,677 --> 00:12:34,943
I got them free at work.
339
00:12:35,115 --> 00:12:37,314
There was an
employee-of-the-month competition,
340
00:12:37,316 --> 00:12:40,817
and I bullied the guy who
won into giving them to me.
341
00:12:40,819 --> 00:12:42,753
Okay, I'm seven. My turn.
342
00:12:42,755 --> 00:12:44,855
Arthur, don't forget how
much you love my nut loaf.
343
00:12:44,857 --> 00:12:46,723
I'm taking the Red Sox tickets.
344
00:12:47,859 --> 00:12:49,092
We had a plan.
345
00:12:49,094 --> 00:12:50,053
And a parking pass.
346
00:12:50,078 --> 00:12:51,444
Oh, man!
347
00:12:53,198 --> 00:12:55,265
"This gift entitles you to one performance
348
00:12:55,267 --> 00:12:57,067
of an improvised Christmas poem."
349
00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:58,902
A poem?
350
00:12:58,904 --> 00:12:59,903
Boo.
351
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:02,338
That's what everybody says.
352
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:04,340
And then they get their poem.
353
00:13:05,209 --> 00:13:06,710
Oh, my God.
354
00:13:06,712 --> 00:13:08,444
"Oh, my God" what, Gerard?
355
00:13:08,446 --> 00:13:11,114
Oh, my God, Sean got a poem.
356
00:13:11,116 --> 00:13:13,349
You scratched off that
lottery ticket, didn't you?
357
00:13:13,351 --> 00:13:15,552
I don't know what you're talking about.
358
00:13:15,554 --> 00:13:16,653
I'm sorry.
359
00:13:16,655 --> 00:13:18,821
I shouldn't have accused you.
360
00:13:18,823 --> 00:13:20,756
This game brings out some ugly...
361
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,258
- Oh!
- I knew it!
362
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,060
500 bucks!
363
00:13:24,062 --> 00:13:26,128
Gong!
364
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:28,597
I lost my mallet.
365
00:13:29,265 --> 00:13:31,033
Wow, $500.
366
00:13:31,035 --> 00:13:32,935
We could use it to buy a spotlight
367
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,570
to shine on my owl.
368
00:13:34,572 --> 00:13:35,537
(Mumbling)
369
00:13:35,539 --> 00:13:36,572
Uh, what'd you say?
370
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:39,742
I said I have a stupid itch.
371
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:41,410
I'm number eight,
372
00:13:41,412 --> 00:13:44,246
and I'm taking the money, itches.
373
00:13:44,248 --> 00:13:45,280
Well, okay.
374
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,449
I want the Sox tickets.
375
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,518
And the parking pass.
376
00:13:50,553 --> 00:13:52,854
Arthur, now you get to trade for something.
377
00:13:52,856 --> 00:13:54,456
What? The nut loaf?
378
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,057
What? No way.
379
00:13:56,059 --> 00:13:57,959
Okay, good stuff.
380
00:13:57,961 --> 00:13:58,960
My turn.
381
00:13:58,962 --> 00:13:59,961
Hey, Katrina.
382
00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:01,596
Owl me.
383
00:14:02,631 --> 00:14:04,298
(Clears throat)
384
00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:07,468
Fine. I'll just take the money.
385
00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:10,441
You cannot, because gift can only be stolen
386
00:14:10,466 --> 00:14:12,306
once per turn.
387
00:14:12,308 --> 00:14:13,441
(Gasps)
388
00:14:13,443 --> 00:14:14,442
Katrina: Seriously?
389
00:14:14,444 --> 00:14:16,277
This guy makes sense once all night,
390
00:14:16,279 --> 00:14:18,112
and it costs me 500 bucks?
391
00:14:18,114 --> 00:14:20,180
All right. What do we got here?
392
00:14:20,182 --> 00:14:23,317
Sexy Christmas music,
mistletoe, peppermint oil.
393
00:14:23,319 --> 00:14:26,320
I originally made that for Jake.
394
00:14:26,322 --> 00:14:28,723
Pam, you little ViXen.
395
00:14:28,725 --> 00:14:31,425
You were setting up some reindeer games.
396
00:14:32,227 --> 00:14:34,261
I like your gift, sad woman.
397
00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,029
The peppermint oil is great
398
00:14:36,031 --> 00:14:39,566
for the massage... yes?
399
00:14:39,568 --> 00:14:40,934
I'm number nine,
400
00:14:40,936 --> 00:14:42,569
and I'll take the massage from Maurice.
401
00:14:43,471 --> 00:14:45,672
Or whatever it is. Give it.
402
00:14:47,142 --> 00:14:50,277
Okay, well, it's a new turn,
so I guess I can steal anything.
403
00:14:50,816 --> 00:14:51,944
Uh-oh.
404
00:14:51,946 --> 00:14:53,680
I think I see where this is going.
405
00:14:53,682 --> 00:14:55,181
I think we all do.
406
00:14:55,183 --> 00:14:57,517
Say good-bye to that bobblehead, Maurice.
407
00:14:57,519 --> 00:14:59,051
Maybe we all don't.
408
00:14:59,053 --> 00:15:01,688
I'll take the owl back. Hmm.
409
00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:04,064
See? Good things do happen to good people.
410
00:15:04,089 --> 00:15:06,007
Well, I must be a good person, too,
411
00:15:06,032 --> 00:15:07,665
because look at this.
412
00:15:08,829 --> 00:15:09,996
Just to be clear,
413
00:15:09,998 --> 00:15:11,664
neither of you are good people.
414
00:15:11,666 --> 00:15:13,199
It's my idol.
415
00:15:13,201 --> 00:15:15,168
It says "go fish."
416
00:15:15,170 --> 00:15:18,004
And if I'm not mistaken, it
allows me to force someone
417
00:15:18,006 --> 00:15:21,040
to open a new gift
rather than to steal one.
418
00:15:21,042 --> 00:15:23,509
Why didn't you use it the
first time she stole it?
419
00:15:23,511 --> 00:15:25,143
She didn't steal it, Arthur.
420
00:15:25,145 --> 00:15:26,812
She force-traded it with her idol.
421
00:15:26,814 --> 00:15:28,714
You can't use an idol against an idol.
422
00:15:28,716 --> 00:15:31,650
These rules are not all that complicated.
423
00:15:31,652 --> 00:15:34,119
All I know is that I had Red Sox tickets
424
00:15:34,121 --> 00:15:35,887
and now I have a loaf.
425
00:15:35,889 --> 00:15:38,257
Well, all I know is
426
00:15:38,259 --> 00:15:41,426
I'm the one who... Has the owl.
427
00:15:41,428 --> 00:15:44,295
Fine with me, 'cause I got...
428
00:15:44,297 --> 00:15:46,531
Oh. A puzzle. Yay.
429
00:15:46,533 --> 00:15:48,600
A toy from before they invented fun.
430
00:15:49,635 --> 00:15:50,602
Who's next?
431
00:15:50,604 --> 00:15:53,205
I'll take the bobblehead.
432
00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:54,782
I think it's fun.
433
00:15:54,807 --> 00:15:55,806
Gerard: Yeah,
434
00:15:55,808 --> 00:15:56,843
because fun's the agenda
435
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:58,734
you've been pushing all night, Pam.
436
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,162
Murder mystery kit.
437
00:16:03,187 --> 00:16:06,288
Mystery, plus costumes, plus recipes.
438
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,147
It's a party in a box.
439
00:16:08,298 --> 00:16:10,130
Wow. Maurice opened that turd
440
00:16:10,155 --> 00:16:11,992
when he could've had a
winning lottery ticket.
441
00:16:12,024 --> 00:16:14,959
Worst move of the night.
442
00:16:14,961 --> 00:16:16,393
Worse than sad Sally
443
00:16:16,395 --> 00:16:18,162
leaving two Sox tickets on the table?
444
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:19,330
Leave her alone.
445
00:16:19,332 --> 00:16:21,298
What's she gonna do with a second ticket?
446
00:16:21,323 --> 00:16:23,870
(Talking over each other)
447
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:26,175
Stop it! Everyone stop!
448
00:16:26,305 --> 00:16:28,872
What is wrong with you people?
449
00:16:28,874 --> 00:16:32,208
You fight and insult and steal
450
00:16:32,210 --> 00:16:33,276
and tell your guests
451
00:16:33,278 --> 00:16:35,011
that bathroom breaks are for the weak.
452
00:16:35,846 --> 00:16:38,115
And you try to pass
off a murder mystery kit
453
00:16:38,117 --> 00:16:39,383
as a good present.
454
00:16:39,385 --> 00:16:41,083
Hey! You know it.
455
00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:44,488
Now I am going to use my idol.
456
00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:47,290
Everyone, pass your gift to the left.
457
00:16:47,292 --> 00:16:48,591
(All gasp) Yeah, that's right.
458
00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:51,961
You poke a squirrel, get
ready to dodge some nuts.
459
00:16:53,864 --> 00:16:56,599
Did you take the bobblehead
so you could pass it to me?
460
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:58,234
You'll never know.
461
00:16:58,876 --> 00:16:59,876
Huh.
462
00:16:59,901 --> 00:17:01,734
Nobody passed anything to me.
463
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,609
Marjorie?
464
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:08,978
(Clangs)
465
00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:10,179
I found my mallet.
466
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,255
Sorry. Got stuck.
467
00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:24,292
Well, that was fun for me.
468
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:28,497
I drew first, so I get
to make a final trade.
469
00:17:28,499 --> 00:17:31,266
I'm gonna steal the lottery scratcher.
470
00:17:31,268 --> 00:17:32,367
Thanks, Pam.
471
00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:34,039
Great speech, by the way.
472
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:36,704
The gifts are locked.
473
00:17:36,706 --> 00:17:37,939
Game over.
474
00:17:38,241 --> 00:17:39,474
Seriously?
475
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:41,672
Not one of my brothers
even attempted to steal
476
00:17:41,697 --> 00:17:42,829
the godparent certificate.
477
00:17:43,179 --> 00:17:44,211
So, now,
478
00:17:44,213 --> 00:17:46,781
I am my own baby's godparent.
479
00:17:46,783 --> 00:17:49,150
Congratulations.
480
00:17:50,118 --> 00:17:52,253
Oh. What?
481
00:17:52,255 --> 00:17:53,287
It just kicked.
482
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,356
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
483
00:17:55,358 --> 00:17:57,558
Not that any of you care.
484
00:17:59,694 --> 00:18:01,428
Well, this party's dead,
485
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:04,098
and I know just who did it.
486
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:08,602
Just kidding. I love my gift.
487
00:18:12,974 --> 00:18:16,577
Hey, uh, we were talking in the other room,
488
00:18:16,579 --> 00:18:18,545
and we have something to say.
489
00:18:18,547 --> 00:18:20,947
Don't mind me. I'm eavesdropping.
490
00:18:23,117 --> 00:18:25,252
We wanted to offer you a final trade.
491
00:18:25,254 --> 00:18:27,754
So hand over that godparent certificate.
492
00:18:27,756 --> 00:18:30,190
- Really?
- Sean: Yeah.
493
00:18:32,059 --> 00:18:34,928
I'm gonna hit someone.
494
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:37,764
All three of us want to be the godfather.
495
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,099
Aw.
496
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:40,433
Thanks, you guys.
497
00:18:40,435 --> 00:18:43,269
And seeing how we stole your gift,
498
00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:45,137
here's 500 bucks.
499
00:18:45,139 --> 00:18:46,639
And the Red Sox tickets.
500
00:18:47,808 --> 00:18:51,344
And...
501
00:18:52,579 --> 00:18:55,481
Well, good luck to you.
502
00:18:56,517 --> 00:18:58,417
Sean?
503
00:18:58,419 --> 00:19:01,620
Here. He can teach your baby how to nod.
504
00:19:01,622 --> 00:19:04,190
Merry Christmas, you guys.
505
00:19:04,192 --> 00:19:06,358
All: Merry Christmas.
506
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:07,659
Well done, boys.
507
00:19:07,661 --> 00:19:09,695
Tell your mother she raised you right.
508
00:19:14,034 --> 00:19:16,234
That baby didn't kick.
509
00:19:16,236 --> 00:19:19,070
It's the size of a jalape?o popper.
510
00:19:19,939 --> 00:19:21,406
You were playing them the whole time.
511
00:19:21,408 --> 00:19:22,741
It worked.
512
00:19:22,743 --> 00:19:25,811
Jackie, that is deceitful and manipulative.
513
00:19:25,813 --> 00:19:28,513
You are gonna be a great mother.
514
00:19:29,649 --> 00:19:32,917
Ma? Katrina wants to say something to you.
515
00:19:32,919 --> 00:19:34,585
Katrina?
516
00:19:34,587 --> 00:19:36,582
Okay. (Clears throat)
517
00:19:36,607 --> 00:19:40,109
Listen, I'm sorry if I
caused some tension tonight.
518
00:19:40,193 --> 00:19:41,459
Oh. Well, thank you.
519
00:19:41,461 --> 00:19:44,729
I'm sorry if I referred
to you as "just anyone."
520
00:19:44,731 --> 00:19:47,711
Katrina, you are really... Someone.
521
00:19:47,736 --> 00:19:48,702
Aw.
522
00:19:48,727 --> 00:19:50,360
Thanks, Marj.
523
00:19:50,636 --> 00:19:52,629
And in the spirit of
compromise, we're gonna spend
524
00:19:52,654 --> 00:19:55,154
half the day here tomorrow
before we go to my ma's.
525
00:19:55,207 --> 00:19:57,007
Really? You're gonna be here half the day?
526
00:19:57,009 --> 00:19:58,041
That's 12 hours.
527
00:19:58,043 --> 00:19:59,943
Maybe come at 10:00, leave at 10:00?
528
00:19:59,945 --> 00:20:02,045
No... Bye, ma.
529
00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:08,982
Narrator: When the game had concluded
530
00:20:08,984 --> 00:20:10,783
and the dust had all cleared,
531
00:20:10,785 --> 00:20:12,151
a funny thing happened.
532
00:20:12,153 --> 00:20:13,920
Kindness appeared.
533
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,554
The kindness... they liked it.
534
00:20:15,556 --> 00:20:16,889
They liked it a lot.
535
00:20:16,891 --> 00:20:19,992
It even brought lightness
to a place that was not.
536
00:20:19,994 --> 00:20:21,527
Sean...
537
00:20:21,529 --> 00:20:23,862
Hey, when you're done
pretending to be a plant,
538
00:20:23,864 --> 00:20:25,531
maybe I could give you a kiss.
539
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,235
Narrator: 'Twas pleasant to be done
540
00:20:29,237 --> 00:20:30,603
with the fights and the rants.
541
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:33,739
The door was then open
for Christmas romance.
542
00:20:37,209 --> 00:20:38,376
What's this?
543
00:20:38,378 --> 00:20:39,977
It's my backup owl.
544
00:20:39,979 --> 00:20:42,579
I've had it since 1996.
545
00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:43,781
Just in case.
546
00:20:43,783 --> 00:20:46,216
Oh... Thank you, Arthur.
547
00:20:46,218 --> 00:20:48,552
What gift did you end up with, anyway?
548
00:20:48,554 --> 00:20:51,388
I got Phil's improvised poem.
549
00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:54,324
I wasn't finished, by the way.
550
00:20:54,326 --> 00:20:56,193
(Narrator voice): Phillip was interrupted
551
00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:58,107
but stood brave and stood tall
552
00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:02,009
to wish merry Christmas to one and to all.
553
00:21:02,034 --> 00:21:03,733
Ooh! That was good, right?
554
00:21:03,735 --> 00:21:07,111
Can I sleep here tonight?
I cannot drive home.
555
00:21:07,136 --> 00:21:10,805
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
556
00:21:10,855 --> 00:21:15,405
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