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1
00:00:01,755 --> 00:00:03,622
Charlie, I can't believe
2
00:00:03,575 --> 00:00:06,009
we stayed out
until 5:00 a.m.
3
00:00:05,937 --> 00:00:08,504
Hey, what do you say
we go home
4
00:00:08,427 --> 00:00:10,293
and nap all day long?
5
00:00:10,247 --> 00:00:11,681
I'd love to,
6
00:00:11,652 --> 00:00:14,352
but I kind of have to
run New York City.
7
00:00:14,269 --> 00:00:17,703
You are so cute
when you're responsible.
8
00:00:17,590 --> 00:00:19,457
Have a good day
at work.
9
00:00:19,409 --> 00:00:20,609
Have a good day
10
00:00:20,591 --> 00:00:24,257
at taking some time off
to find yourself.
11
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:25,666
Oh, and you really think
the sideburns work?
12
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:27,600
Oh, yes.
13
00:00:27,550 --> 00:00:30,316
People are going
to love them.
14
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:35,042
Whoa, direct
from Beverly hills,
15
00:00:34,956 --> 00:00:38,388
it's Luke Perry.
Ha ha ha ha.
16
00:00:38,276 --> 00:00:41,509
Hey, welcome back,
kotter.
17
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,046
Hey, leave Chester a. Arthur
alone.
18
00:00:45,969 --> 00:00:48,470
[LAUGHING]
19
00:00:48,426 --> 00:00:50,693
He was the 21st president
of the United States.
20
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:51,897
Ha ha ha ha.
21
00:00:51,875 --> 00:00:54,842
He had huge sideburns.
22
00:00:54,748 --> 00:00:56,314
You guys
are just jealous
23
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,146
because unlike you,
I had fun this weekend.
24
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,600
Hey, we had plenty of fun.
25
00:01:00,526 --> 00:01:03,426
Yeah? I'll bet I can guess
what every one of you did.
26
00:01:03,336 --> 00:01:04,536
Okay.
27
00:01:04,517 --> 00:01:07,450
Took a vita-bath
and listened to dido.
28
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,491
Ha ha.
29
00:01:09,433 --> 00:01:11,699
The same.
30
00:01:13,104 --> 00:01:15,703
Made prank calls
telling people to come
31
00:01:15,626 --> 00:01:18,526
pick up free big-screen tvs
in Atlantic city.
32
00:01:21,595 --> 00:01:26,429
Rented a u-haul,
drove to Atlantic city.
33
00:01:26,256 --> 00:01:28,056
Good morning,
everyone.
34
00:01:28,012 --> 00:01:30,778
What do you think of
Charlie's new style?
35
00:01:30,693 --> 00:01:33,494
Well, it looks fine to me.
Thank you, sir.
36
00:01:33,406 --> 00:01:35,107
Of course,
he would look better
37
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:37,301
if he were on the cover of
a grand funk railroad album.
38
00:01:37,237 --> 00:01:39,237
[LAUGHTER]
39
00:02:12,386 --> 00:02:15,186
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
40
00:02:15,099 --> 00:02:16,399
Hello?
41
00:02:16,376 --> 00:02:19,242
TRACY: Hey, baby.
We're on our way up.
42
00:02:19,153 --> 00:02:22,386
I hope you are so psyched
to party all night,
43
00:02:22,281 --> 00:02:25,116
because I got us vip tickets
to kaboom.
44
00:02:25,027 --> 00:02:27,893
Oh, I'm so psyched.
45
00:02:27,805 --> 00:02:29,438
I've been dying to get
into that place.
46
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,600
And we are going
to party all night.
47
00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:33,406
So, are you having f...
see ya.
48
00:02:37,572 --> 00:02:39,073
Hi. Kaboom?
49
00:02:39,041 --> 00:02:41,241
This is Charlie Crawford,
deputy mayor.
50
00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:43,214
Yeah, we got
to shut you down tonight.
51
00:02:43,159 --> 00:02:47,259
Your kitchen's in violation
of a city health code.
52
00:02:47,118 --> 00:02:48,417
No kitchen?
53
00:02:48,394 --> 00:02:50,761
All right, I'm going
to level with you.
54
00:02:50,694 --> 00:02:52,527
I'm with the vice squad.
55
00:02:52,481 --> 00:02:54,348
We need to use your club
to stake out
56
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:57,334
the seedy establishment
across the street from you.
57
00:02:57,237 --> 00:02:59,870
Yes, the Christian science
reading room.
58
00:02:59,791 --> 00:03:00,925
Charlie.
59
00:03:00,908 --> 00:03:02,975
Charlie, we're worried
about you.
60
00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:04,219
You've been out every night
this week,
61
00:03:04,197 --> 00:03:06,396
and you look exhausted.
What's going on?
62
00:03:06,335 --> 00:03:08,036
Nothing.
63
00:03:07,995 --> 00:03:09,528
I'm having a good time.
64
00:03:09,496 --> 00:03:11,796
You're obviously having
an early midlife crisis.
65
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,130
I mean, I'm roughly
your age,
66
00:03:13,103 --> 00:03:15,303
and you don't see me
dating 23-year-olds.
67
00:03:15,242 --> 00:03:17,409
That's because
they're repulsed by you.
68
00:03:17,349 --> 00:03:18,815
Oh, that doesn't hold up.
69
00:03:18,785 --> 00:03:21,453
So are 50-year-olds,
and I date them.
70
00:03:21,371 --> 00:03:24,804
Charlie, as your friend,
71
00:03:24,691 --> 00:03:26,558
I feel compelled to tell you
72
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,410
that those sideburns
really do come off
73
00:03:28,362 --> 00:03:30,830
as a desperate attempt
to cling to your youth.
74
00:03:30,757 --> 00:03:33,024
Kind of like the way
you shave your head
75
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,960
so people won't see
your bald spot?
76
00:03:34,907 --> 00:03:36,039
Ha ha ha.
77
00:03:36,023 --> 00:03:37,557
Good one, Charlie.
78
00:03:37,525 --> 00:03:40,425
At least I don't look
like the third Duke of Hazzard.
79
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:42,301
If you guys don't mind,
80
00:03:42,249 --> 00:03:46,882
I need to get ready
to go out.
81
00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:47,885
Charlie,
why don't you accept
82
00:03:47,867 --> 00:03:49,168
that you can't
keep up with Tracy?
83
00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:51,178
So I'm a little tired.
84
00:03:51,124 --> 00:03:53,390
That's what happens when
you're having a good time.
85
00:03:53,326 --> 00:03:55,226
You wouldn't know.
You're too busy playing bingo
86
00:03:55,177 --> 00:03:56,211
with Tracy's dad.
87
00:03:56,199 --> 00:03:58,766
Hey, bingo is very hip
these days.
88
00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:00,823
Besides,
when I close down a bar,
89
00:04:00,765 --> 00:04:03,030
at least I don't do it
over the phone.
90
00:04:02,967 --> 00:04:05,200
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
91
00:04:05,138 --> 00:04:06,338
Hey, Charlie.
92
00:04:06,319 --> 00:04:07,520
Hey, Caitlin.
93
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:08,800
Hey.
94
00:04:08,777 --> 00:04:10,743
So, ready to go
to kaboom?
95
00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:12,492
Yes.
96
00:04:12,448 --> 00:04:14,115
You want to come?
97
00:04:14,076 --> 00:04:15,843
Really?
98
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,700
Yeah, I mean,
you are dating my dad,
99
00:04:17,652 --> 00:04:19,852
and you have been trying
to get to know me better.
100
00:04:19,791 --> 00:04:21,090
All right. Let's go.
101
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:23,534
Where are you guys going?
I want to go.
102
00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:25,729
Sorry, I can't get
any more people
103
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,665
on the vip list,
and you'd have to wait in line.
104
00:04:28,570 --> 00:04:30,036
Yeah, Paul, I'm sure
you got better things to do
105
00:04:30,006 --> 00:04:31,873
than wait in the freezing cold
for six hours
106
00:04:31,825 --> 00:04:34,026
trying to convince some bouncer
you're worthy of getting in.
107
00:04:33,965 --> 00:04:37,698
Should I wear jeans?
108
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:47,936
Oh, my God.
109
00:04:47,915 --> 00:04:49,182
That's Martin Davis.
110
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,194
He's the biggest art dealer
in the city.
111
00:04:51,139 --> 00:04:53,072
I'm guessing
he's also gay.
112
00:04:53,023 --> 00:04:55,156
Why, just because
he's dressed well?
113
00:04:55,098 --> 00:04:58,664
No, because you're
sucking in your stomach.
114
00:04:58,545 --> 00:05:00,979
I'll admit it's true.
115
00:05:00,908 --> 00:05:03,042
I've had a little crush on him
for quite some time.
116
00:05:02,983 --> 00:05:04,616
He just looks like
one of those
117
00:05:04,579 --> 00:05:06,912
stuffy, pretentious,
high-society snobs.
118
00:05:06,846 --> 00:05:08,812
I know. He's perfect.
119
00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:14,287
Sir, what was
Martin Davis doing here?
120
00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,154
He invited me to a fund-raiser
he's throwing tonight.
121
00:05:16,103 --> 00:05:18,070
I bought a few seats,
but I'm not going to go.
122
00:05:18,019 --> 00:05:19,652
It's for
predominantly gay men.
123
00:05:19,614 --> 00:05:21,048
I don't think I fit in.
124
00:05:21,019 --> 00:05:23,186
Sir, you were the grand marshal
at the gay pride parade.
125
00:05:23,127 --> 00:05:24,193
You seemed comfortable.
126
00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:26,647
Yeah, but I was
high above the crowd
127
00:05:26,574 --> 00:05:29,041
in that leaning tower
of pisa float.
128
00:05:28,969 --> 00:05:30,768
That wasn't
the leaning tower of pisa.
129
00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:33,724
That was a giant...
no.
130
00:05:33,629 --> 00:05:34,729
Sir...
131
00:05:34,715 --> 00:05:37,147
I think it's very important
that you attend.
132
00:05:37,077 --> 00:05:39,277
Martin Davis could be
a very influential supporter
133
00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:40,382
of your administration.
134
00:05:40,366 --> 00:05:42,399
Well, that's certainly true.
135
00:05:42,344 --> 00:05:43,911
Tell you what...
I'll go along to help out.
136
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:47,577
That's an excellent idea,
Carter. It's a date.
137
00:05:47,452 --> 00:05:49,019
Wait, if people
see us together,
138
00:05:48,985 --> 00:05:50,951
they may get
the wrong idea.
139
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:54,032
Stuart, why don't you come?
Oh, I'd love to, sir.
140
00:05:53,931 --> 00:05:57,298
Great. It's a threesome.
Nothing gay about that.
141
00:06:00,955 --> 00:06:04,122
You're really gonna go?
Why wouldn't I?
142
00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:06,120
Because it's going to be populated
by the gay elite of this city.
143
00:06:06,063 --> 00:06:07,196
You don't belong.
144
00:06:07,181 --> 00:06:08,847
I take you to
straight events.
145
00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:11,441
That's because you know women love gay men.
You use me as bait.
146
00:06:11,362 --> 00:06:13,029
Oh, you figured that out?
147
00:06:12,990 --> 00:06:14,857
I don't care what you say.
I'm going.
148
00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:18,310
Going where? Where are you guys
going? I want to go.
149
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:21,761
It's a fund-raiser. The mayor can
only put 2 people on his guest list.
150
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,608
Aw, come on.
I never get included.
151
00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:24,924
I wanna be on the list,
152
00:06:24,898 --> 00:06:26,898
and I don't want
any lame excuses.
153
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,112
Well, the truth is,
due to the building codes
154
00:06:29,048 --> 00:06:31,681
and the way the chandeliers
are hung in the ballroom,
155
00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:34,168
they're only allowing a
certain number of guests in
156
00:06:34,092 --> 00:06:35,324
with your... Height.
157
00:06:35,305 --> 00:06:37,972
Well, can't get around
safety.
158
00:06:37,891 --> 00:06:39,558
Thanks anyway, buddy.
159
00:07:11,793 --> 00:07:13,260
Hey, Charlie,
160
00:07:13,230 --> 00:07:16,130
I think we're gonna head over
to house of noise now.
161
00:07:16,038 --> 00:07:17,404
Is it open this late?
162
00:07:17,379 --> 00:07:19,312
Are you kidding?
Things at house of noise
163
00:07:19,262 --> 00:07:21,930
don't even get started
till 1:00.
164
00:07:21,849 --> 00:07:24,282
Charlie, you were right.
This is really fun.
165
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,411
Oh, you don't
have to tell me.
166
00:07:26,350 --> 00:07:28,883
I've been doing this...
12 nights in a row.
167
00:07:30,564 --> 00:07:32,431
I've got kamikaze shots.
168
00:07:32,383 --> 00:07:33,383
Yeah!
169
00:07:33,374 --> 00:07:34,340
Yeah!
170
00:07:34,331 --> 00:07:35,297
Yeah!
171
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:38,322
[UNENTHUSED]
Yeah.
172
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:39,525
On the count of 3...
173
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:41,036
1, 2, 3.
174
00:07:46,813 --> 00:07:48,945
Ah.
175
00:07:48,887 --> 00:07:50,654
I'm going to go
crowd surf.
176
00:07:50,612 --> 00:07:51,944
All right.
177
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:56,728
Incoming!
178
00:07:56,645 --> 00:07:59,279
Whoo! Yeah!
179
00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:01,465
Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
180
00:08:01,401 --> 00:08:03,202
Charlie,
this is not fun.
181
00:08:03,158 --> 00:08:05,390
Just admit you'd rather be
at home sleeping right now.
182
00:08:05,328 --> 00:08:08,428
And miss partying
with my woman? No way.
183
00:08:08,329 --> 00:08:10,229
It's so loud you can't even
talk to your woman.
184
00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:13,381
Say these words.
"I'd rather be in bed."
185
00:08:13,277 --> 00:08:16,043
Would a guy
who'd rather be in bed do this?
186
00:08:19,215 --> 00:08:21,481
Incoming!
187
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,417
[THUD]
188
00:08:40,763 --> 00:08:42,063
Carter.
189
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,207
I'm ready to go
mingle with the gays.
190
00:08:45,104 --> 00:08:46,838
Any tips for me?
191
00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:48,896
Okay, tip number one...
192
00:08:48,839 --> 00:08:51,706
don't use the term
"the gays."
193
00:08:51,617 --> 00:08:53,617
Sir, you're a very witty
and interesting man.
194
00:08:53,564 --> 00:08:55,697
Just be yourself. I'm sure
you'll charm their pants off.
195
00:08:55,639 --> 00:08:59,439
I don't want
their pants off.
196
00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:02,077
Hey. So, you making any headway
with Martin?
197
00:09:01,991 --> 00:09:04,525
It's going well,
but every time I get on a roll,
198
00:09:04,451 --> 00:09:06,516
his friend interrupts.
199
00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:08,461
Do me a favor.
Strike up a conversation
200
00:09:08,408 --> 00:09:10,075
with the friend
so he's out of my way.
201
00:09:10,037 --> 00:09:12,937
Are you asking me
to be your gay wingman?
202
00:09:12,846 --> 00:09:15,379
Can we not point out the depth
to which I'm sinking?
203
00:09:15,303 --> 00:09:16,871
Look, I wouldn't know
what to say.
204
00:09:16,836 --> 00:09:18,469
Just talk to them
like you talk to me.
205
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,165
I'm gay. You've lived
with me for six years.
206
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:22,224
All right,
I'll try it.
207
00:09:25,615 --> 00:09:28,848
Hi. I'm Stuart.
208
00:09:28,744 --> 00:09:30,144
Martin.
209
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:31,382
Some turnout, huh?
210
00:09:31,361 --> 00:09:34,228
Oh, yes, we had
over 200 rsvps.
211
00:09:34,139 --> 00:09:36,438
Wow. What did you do,
212
00:09:36,373 --> 00:09:39,774
tell them you were going
to raffle off a pink miata?
213
00:09:39,661 --> 00:09:41,828
[LAUGHING]
214
00:09:48,057 --> 00:09:49,656
So...
215
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,520
You're having fun?
216
00:09:51,473 --> 00:09:52,940
A blast.
217
00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:54,609
How much longer
do you think it'll be?
218
00:09:54,569 --> 00:09:56,336
Not long.
219
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:05,551
That's cool,
220
00:10:05,519 --> 00:10:07,719
'cause things don't even
get started here until 2:00.
221
00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:09,525
Tracy, I've had
a great time,
222
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,044
but I think I'm going
to head home.
223
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,277
I'm glad you came out.
224
00:10:12,255 --> 00:10:14,588
I'm heading home.
Want to share a cab?
225
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,587
And miss hearing
more techno remixes
226
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,033
of last year's
Latin hits?
227
00:10:18,958 --> 00:10:20,291
Not a chance.
228
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:23,068
Charlie, your lips
are blue.
229
00:10:22,982 --> 00:10:25,348
Blue with fun.
230
00:10:25,279 --> 00:10:28,379
Besides, things here don't even
get started until 2:00.
231
00:10:28,281 --> 00:10:29,947
You heard bungee.
232
00:10:29,908 --> 00:10:34,676
Fine. Knock yourself out.
233
00:10:34,505 --> 00:10:35,805
Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Paul.
234
00:10:35,782 --> 00:10:37,282
Where have you been?
235
00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:38,950
I stood on the wrong line
for six hours.
236
00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:40,343
Long story short,
237
00:10:40,315 --> 00:10:43,682
who's up for "lord of the dance"
next Tuesday?
238
00:10:43,571 --> 00:10:46,304
Hey, since we're going
to be here for a while,
239
00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:48,154
why don't we
spark it up?
240
00:10:48,104 --> 00:10:50,271
Give me that.
241
00:10:50,211 --> 00:10:53,278
Relax. Charlie,
it's just a joint.
242
00:10:53,181 --> 00:10:55,648
Yeah, well, it happens
to be a controlled substance.
243
00:10:55,606 --> 00:10:56,907
Hey, guys, news flash...
244
00:10:56,883 --> 00:10:58,649
I'm the deputy mayor.
245
00:10:58,607 --> 00:11:01,440
I can't be seen
with this stuff.
246
00:11:01,352 --> 00:11:03,319
MaN: You there
with the sideburns...
247
00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:06,267
Put your hands in the air.
248
00:11:06,173 --> 00:11:09,007
Just the old guy.
249
00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:23,226
All right,
what's going on here?
250
00:11:23,157 --> 00:11:25,157
Hi. Charlie Crawford,
deputy mayor.
251
00:11:25,104 --> 00:11:27,104
I go to various nightclubs
around town
252
00:11:27,052 --> 00:11:28,885
teaching kids
that drugs are bad.
253
00:11:28,839 --> 00:11:30,205
Is that right?
254
00:11:30,178 --> 00:11:32,145
Yeah. Let me just
wrap up this seminar.
255
00:11:32,094 --> 00:11:33,728
Kids...
256
00:11:33,691 --> 00:11:36,657
Drugs are bad.
257
00:11:36,564 --> 00:11:40,830
Thanks, mister.
We've learned our lesson.
258
00:11:40,681 --> 00:11:43,115
Hey, you wouldn't mind if I took a
look in his backpack, would you?
259
00:11:43,044 --> 00:11:46,311
Sure. We got
nothing to hide.
260
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,929
Okay, part two
of our seminar...
261
00:11:54,856 --> 00:11:58,856
introduction to the inside
of a squad car.
262
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,352
The first lady says, "you've
seen one, you've seen them all."
263
00:12:08,264 --> 00:12:10,930
The second lady says, "yeah, but
this one's eating my popcorn."
264
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:13,716
[LAUGHING]
265
00:12:13,627 --> 00:12:14,927
Hey.
266
00:12:14,904 --> 00:12:17,337
If you were
a "sex and the city" character,
267
00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:20,365
which one would you be?
I'm definitely Miranda.
268
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:23,033
I'm Charlotte.
I'm so Carrie.
269
00:12:22,948 --> 00:12:25,548
As Carter was talking,
I had to wonder...
270
00:12:25,471 --> 00:12:28,270
could these three guys
be any gayer?
271
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,300
Heh heh.
272
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,258
Hey, siegfried,
273
00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:33,639
I hate to tear you
away from Roy,
274
00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:35,077
but you want to skip over
to the bar
275
00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:37,547
and pick up something fruity,
or maybe a drink?
276
00:12:37,473 --> 00:12:39,740
I love this guy.
277
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,764
Carter.
278
00:12:44,688 --> 00:12:45,655
Uh...
279
00:12:45,646 --> 00:12:46,745
I was, uh,
280
00:12:46,731 --> 00:12:48,398
waiting for the two of us
to be alone.
281
00:12:48,359 --> 00:12:49,926
I had a feeling.
282
00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:51,858
There's something
that I want to ask you.
283
00:12:51,807 --> 00:12:53,740
There's, uh, something
I want to ask you, too,
284
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,690
but you first.
285
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:55,880
Okay.
286
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:58,261
Um, is Stuart
seeing anyone?
287
00:12:58,191 --> 00:13:00,425
I would love to. What?
288
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,930
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are the two of you an item?
289
00:13:02,853 --> 00:13:03,853
No.
290
00:13:03,842 --> 00:13:05,342
It's just...
291
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:07,744
His honesty
is so refreshing.
292
00:13:07,673 --> 00:13:10,440
He's delightfully vulgar.
293
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:12,488
He's unlike any gay man
I've ever met.
294
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:14,629
That's truer
than you know.
295
00:13:14,567 --> 00:13:16,968
Would you let him know
I'm interested,
296
00:13:16,898 --> 00:13:18,364
be my wingman?
297
00:13:18,335 --> 00:13:21,668
Yeah. Why not?
298
00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,692
So, what's your
favorite musical?
299
00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:25,368
I hate musicals.
300
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,426
Good one, stuey.
301
00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:29,570
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
302
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:32,174
Hey, who's the wingman
of the year?
303
00:13:32,094 --> 00:13:33,693
You idiot.
304
00:13:33,658 --> 00:13:34,858
Martin wants you.
305
00:13:34,839 --> 00:13:37,040
He finds your vulgarity
refreshing.
306
00:13:36,978 --> 00:13:39,577
Finally,
someone gets me.
307
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,167
This is serious.
308
00:13:41,129 --> 00:13:42,595
He asked me to come over here
and set you up with him.
309
00:13:42,565 --> 00:13:44,465
Ha ha ha.
310
00:13:44,416 --> 00:13:45,416
What's so funny?
311
00:13:45,406 --> 00:13:47,806
* he likes me better
than you *
312
00:13:47,736 --> 00:13:50,603
what's the big deal?
313
00:13:50,513 --> 00:13:52,280
I'll just tell him
I'm not gay.
314
00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:54,870
You can't tell him you're straight.
That would only humiliate him.
315
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,224
Hey, what's going on?
316
00:13:56,196 --> 00:13:57,695
Martin has the hots
for Stuart.
317
00:13:57,664 --> 00:14:00,865
Hey, congratulations,
buddy.
318
00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:02,195
Look, I'll just leave.
319
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:03,332
Whoa, no, no, no.
320
00:14:03,314 --> 00:14:05,348
You can't leave.
That would be rude.
321
00:14:05,294 --> 00:14:06,995
Martin Davis is
a very important man.
322
00:14:06,954 --> 00:14:08,787
I can't risk
offending him.
323
00:14:08,742 --> 00:14:09,975
Sir, what are you saying?
324
00:14:09,956 --> 00:14:11,789
Well, I'm saying
you led him on,
325
00:14:11,743 --> 00:14:14,410
he fell for you,
find a way to make it work.
326
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:20,651
Maybe we're overreacting.
Maybe he's not that into me.
327
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:23,222
Stuart, I just requested
a slow song.
328
00:14:23,139 --> 00:14:26,405
Would you care to join me
out on the dance floor?
329
00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:43,401
Okay, guys, wake up.
330
00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:44,481
I talked to the police.
331
00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:46,596
They're going to let you
all off the hook
332
00:14:46,539 --> 00:14:49,372
'cause this is a first-time offense,
but it's going to be on your record.
333
00:14:49,283 --> 00:14:53,283
And you... your father and I
are very disappointed,
334
00:14:53,147 --> 00:14:55,380
so take a good look
at your friends,
335
00:14:55,318 --> 00:14:57,351
because you are grounded,
mister.
336
00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:59,196
I don't need this
right now.
337
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,783
Look, if it makes you
feel any better,
338
00:15:00,744 --> 00:15:02,278
I couldn't handle
last night, either,
339
00:15:02,245 --> 00:15:03,512
especially
all those shots.
340
00:15:03,491 --> 00:15:05,623
Those were brutal
going down.
341
00:15:05,564 --> 00:15:07,664
I was throwing them
over my shoulder.
342
00:15:07,608 --> 00:15:10,108
Me too.
343
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,101
Are you finally ready
to start acting
344
00:15:11,088 --> 00:15:13,021
like a normal guy
your age?
345
00:15:12,971 --> 00:15:16,337
No, because
I'm not a normal guy.
346
00:15:16,227 --> 00:15:17,561
I'm the wild guy,
347
00:15:17,536 --> 00:15:19,703
the fun guy,
the guy who's up for anything.
348
00:15:19,643 --> 00:15:22,743
I'm not accepting this.
349
00:15:22,645 --> 00:15:24,077
I am the same guy
I've always been,
350
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,782
and that's never
going to change.
351
00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:27,608
Charlie,
it has changed.
352
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,727
You have to accept that
you're not a kid anymore.
353
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:30,901
I don't believe that.
354
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,413
Hey, Charlie,
it's only 5:00.
355
00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:37,005
We could still make it to Jack's
for a rock-'n'-roll breakfast.
356
00:15:36,882 --> 00:15:39,181
At Jack's, breakfast doesn't
even start till...
357
00:15:39,116 --> 00:15:40,950
stop saying that.
358
00:15:40,904 --> 00:15:42,571
I'll tell you
what's started.
359
00:15:42,532 --> 00:15:45,232
Tuesday,
five hours ago.
360
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:47,083
What is wrong with you?
361
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,133
I thought you liked
to party.
362
00:15:49,076 --> 00:15:51,709
Yes, Tracy,
I liked to party.
363
00:15:51,629 --> 00:15:53,330
In fact,
I partied for so long
364
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:55,790
that now,
I like to sleep.
365
00:15:57,376 --> 00:16:00,044
The thing is,
I've done all this.
366
00:15:59,962 --> 00:16:02,029
I've bar hopped,
I've crowd surfed,
367
00:16:01,973 --> 00:16:04,773
I've partied
all night long.
368
00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:07,320
And you want to know what a real
rock-'n'-roll breakfast is?
369
00:16:07,241 --> 00:16:10,241
A shot and an egg
with Keith Richards.
370
00:16:10,145 --> 00:16:12,112
Who's Keith Richards?
371
00:16:12,061 --> 00:16:14,228
Oh, God.
372
00:16:14,168 --> 00:16:16,168
You're right.
373
00:16:16,116 --> 00:16:19,216
I'm 1,000 years old.
374
00:16:27,576 --> 00:16:28,610
I can't believe it.
375
00:16:28,597 --> 00:16:29,863
Oh, me either.
376
00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:32,742
They're like a regular
Fred Astaire and...
377
00:16:32,652 --> 00:16:34,518
Fred Astaire.
378
00:16:34,472 --> 00:16:36,205
The problem is,
sooner or later,
379
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,430
Martin's going
to figure out
380
00:16:37,408 --> 00:16:38,774
that Stuart's not gay.
381
00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:41,316
Not necessarily.
He can string him along
382
00:16:41,239 --> 00:16:43,472
for a couple of years
without sex.
383
00:16:43,409 --> 00:16:44,810
Worked for my ex-wife.
384
00:16:44,782 --> 00:16:46,849
I know what to do.
385
00:16:46,794 --> 00:16:47,861
I'll go over there
and ask to cut in,
386
00:16:47,847 --> 00:16:49,680
and when I'm dancing
with Martin,
387
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:50,902
I'll turn on
the old Heywood charm
388
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,346
and steal that man
away from Stuart.
389
00:16:55,795 --> 00:16:59,563
Ah, the best damn party
I've been to in months.
390
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,230
Excuse me.
May I cut in?
391
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:09,488
Okay.
392
00:17:09,299 --> 00:17:11,098
What the hell
are you doing?
393
00:17:11,055 --> 00:17:13,155
I don't know. I thought
you came to save me.
394
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,632
I did,
by dancing with Martin.
395
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,590
It's not my fault if I get
Martin's engine running.
396
00:17:18,493 --> 00:17:20,493
Oh, please.
397
00:17:20,441 --> 00:17:22,140
You might be good
for a one-night stand,
398
00:17:22,101 --> 00:17:24,301
but you could never hold on
to a man like that.
399
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,307
Carter, calm down.
400
00:17:26,251 --> 00:17:28,684
Why are you getting so crazy
about one guy?
401
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:31,279
'Cause I haven't
met anybody in a long time,
402
00:17:31,198 --> 00:17:33,599
and when I finally do,
you screw it up.
403
00:17:33,529 --> 00:17:34,929
I'm sorry.
404
00:17:34,903 --> 00:17:36,968
But you got
nothing to worry about.
405
00:17:36,913 --> 00:17:38,280
You're a catch.
406
00:17:38,253 --> 00:17:39,986
Oh, you're just
saying that.
407
00:17:39,946 --> 00:17:41,712
Oh, hey, look at me.
408
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,936
I could get any guy here...
409
00:17:43,872 --> 00:17:46,305
And I'm dancing with you.
410
00:17:54,598 --> 00:17:57,598
I'm sorry things didn't
work out for you and Tracy.
411
00:17:57,503 --> 00:17:58,603
That's okay.
412
00:17:58,589 --> 00:18:00,856
It wasn't going
to last, anyway.
413
00:18:00,791 --> 00:18:03,891
She just got cast
on "the real world Chicago."
414
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,892
It's probably
for the best.
415
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,069
I guess.
416
00:18:07,049 --> 00:18:09,682
Whenever we went out,
Tracy would have a blast,
417
00:18:09,602 --> 00:18:12,569
and I just wanted to go home
and watch "sportscenter."
418
00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:13,742
That's never happened
419
00:18:13,721 --> 00:18:16,587
in my 20 years
of dating 23-year-olds.
420
00:18:16,497 --> 00:18:18,065
You know, Charlie,
421
00:18:18,029 --> 00:18:20,329
just 'cause you don't want
to stay out till dawn
422
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,432
doesn't mean you don't know
how to have fun.
423
00:18:22,372 --> 00:18:23,739
You're right.
424
00:18:23,712 --> 00:18:25,512
I shouldn't be
so hard on myself.
425
00:18:25,468 --> 00:18:29,001
I'm basically the same hip,
cool guy I've always been.
426
00:18:28,884 --> 00:18:31,451
MAN: G-46.
427
00:18:31,374 --> 00:18:34,440
Bingo.
428
00:19:23,456 --> 00:19:25,123
[MAN] Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
429
00:19:25,124 --> 00:19:26,924
[BARKING]
430
00:19:26,925 --> 00:19:29,392
Moo.
431
00:19:29,442 --> 00:19:33,992
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