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1
00:00:00,555 --> 00:00:01,989
I've got a tape
I want you to see.
2
00:00:01,954 --> 00:00:03,620
Ooh, I hope it's
that croc hunter.
3
00:00:03,573 --> 00:00:06,373
I tell you,
that guy's nuts.
4
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,140
Actually, it's
from "New York one."
5
00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:10,485
Citizens are not happy about
your relationship with Claire.
6
00:00:10,404 --> 00:00:13,371
What do you think aboutthe mayor conducting an affair
7
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:15,596
with a married womanat Gracie mansion?
8
00:00:15,518 --> 00:00:17,052
I think it's a disgrace.
9
00:00:17,011 --> 00:00:18,778
I mean, the taxpayers' moneypaid for his home.
10
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,360
I think it shows no class.
11
00:00:20,314 --> 00:00:23,381
The man has no conceptof dignified behavior.
12
00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:25,370
That broad
needs to get some.
13
00:00:26,415 --> 00:00:28,281
T-that's ridiculous.
14
00:00:28,225 --> 00:00:30,824
Claire's just waiting for
her divorce to be finalized.
15
00:00:30,735 --> 00:00:31,835
I wouldn't put stock
in these.
16
00:00:31,815 --> 00:00:33,382
What kind of people
hang out in central park
17
00:00:33,340 --> 00:00:34,839
in the middle
of a workday?
18
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,101
Look who we have here.
19
00:00:36,072 --> 00:00:37,705
Amy!Hey, what do you say?
20
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:39,693
Paul, what do you think
21
00:00:39,629 --> 00:00:41,796
of the mayor bringing a marriedwoman back to Gracie mansion?
22
00:00:41,727 --> 00:00:44,326
I think it's terrible.Can you believe it?
23
00:00:44,236 --> 00:00:46,636
I mean, the guy's takinga public building,
24
00:00:46,555 --> 00:00:48,789
he's turning it intoa Roman bathhouse.
25
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,716
Of course, this isoff the record.
26
00:00:50,654 --> 00:00:52,554
Actually,this is on the record.
27
00:00:52,496 --> 00:00:54,329
The camera'sright over there.
28
00:00:57,896 --> 00:01:01,362
This might be a good time to
tell you about my twin brother.
29
00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:28,009
So, how was your weekend?
30
00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:31,414
Terrible. I went on three
dates... all disasters.
31
00:01:31,285 --> 00:01:34,185
I'm starting to wonder if there are
any quality single men in this city.
32
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,347
I'm single.
33
00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:37,453
Quali single men.
34
00:01:37,383 --> 00:01:40,050
I'm sorry,
I didn't hear that part.
35
00:01:42,023 --> 00:01:44,355
Why do I think
that meeting some guy
36
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:46,211
is going to
complete my life?
37
00:01:46,151 --> 00:01:48,151
You know,
I am tired of guys.
38
00:01:48,090 --> 00:01:50,490
I say that all the time.
39
00:01:50,408 --> 00:01:54,741
Then I watch Brad pitt in
"fight club" and I'm back in.
40
00:01:54,569 --> 00:01:58,370
Caitlin, your problem is that
you don't understand men.
41
00:01:58,224 --> 00:02:01,190
All they're interested in
is sports, booze, and women.
42
00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,649
Wow, you even got
the order right.
43
00:02:05,911 --> 00:02:09,144
Caitlin, can I give you
a little advice?
44
00:02:09,024 --> 00:02:13,391
No. And to top it off, I have to
go to a baby shower tonight.
45
00:02:13,218 --> 00:02:14,817
What's wrong with that?
46
00:02:14,775 --> 00:02:18,342
Everyone there will be married
with a family except for me.
47
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:22,106
I'll go with you. But I have to
be back home by 10:00.
48
00:02:21,954 --> 00:02:22,921
Why?
49
00:02:22,907 --> 00:02:25,207
"Fight club" is on.
50
00:02:26,369 --> 00:02:29,870
Every paper has a negative story
about us at the mansion.
51
00:02:29,737 --> 00:02:31,836
Don't they have anything
else to write about?
52
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:34,070
Yeah, don't they know
that crime is up?
53
00:02:33,994 --> 00:02:35,794
Turn the page.
54
00:02:37,551 --> 00:02:40,652
There you go.
55
00:02:40,538 --> 00:02:41,872
Sir, if I may,
56
00:02:41,841 --> 00:02:44,474
maybe you and judge Simmons
should find some place
57
00:02:44,382 --> 00:02:47,115
other than Gracie mansion
to spend your couple time.
58
00:02:47,019 --> 00:02:49,719
It's the only place we can go
to get away from reporters.
59
00:02:49,624 --> 00:02:51,424
If we go to my place,
they're there...
60
00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,937
If we go to a restaurant,
they're there.
61
00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:54,762
People are always
chasing after us,
62
00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:55,807
just like that
poor princess.
63
00:02:55,787 --> 00:02:56,920
Diana?
64
00:02:56,899 --> 00:02:58,565
No... Leia.
65
00:03:01,950 --> 00:03:04,283
Sir, we are in the middle
of an election.
66
00:03:04,205 --> 00:03:07,672
It might be wise to take some
time off from each other.
67
00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:09,574
I don't think we should
let public opinion
68
00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:10,644
dictate our relationship.
69
00:03:10,622 --> 00:03:12,522
I mean, what's the worst
that could happen?
70
00:03:12,465 --> 00:03:13,932
The mayor could
lose the election.
71
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,827
Fine... then he'd
have more time
72
00:03:15,769 --> 00:03:17,935
to focus on his
driftwood sculptures.
73
00:03:19,835 --> 00:03:22,367
Just go with it...
she digs artists.
74
00:03:25,617 --> 00:03:28,984
Randall, whatever you decide,
I'll support...
75
00:03:28,858 --> 00:03:31,724
whether you're the mayor
or a sculptor
76
00:03:31,622 --> 00:03:34,521
or even if you go back
to being a Navy seal.
77
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:39,714
Bye.
78
00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:43,920
I've used that one.
79
00:03:45,789 --> 00:03:46,989
[CLEARS THROAT]
80
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:50,097
So, sir, can you and Claire
spend some time apart?
81
00:03:49,982 --> 00:03:53,916
Charlie, I've waited a long time
to find a woman like that.
82
00:03:53,763 --> 00:03:57,330
The wine of my love
has been uncorked.
83
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,838
I've got to let it breathe.
84
00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:03,384
Well, sometimes you
appreciate wine more
85
00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:05,627
if you haven't had
a drink for a while.
86
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:09,616
What if she goes looking
for another vintage?
87
00:04:09,456 --> 00:04:11,790
Something more fragrant...
88
00:04:11,712 --> 00:04:13,279
With a larger penis?
89
00:04:16,318 --> 00:04:19,018
I've said too much.
90
00:04:18,924 --> 00:04:20,823
[CLEARS THROAT]
91
00:04:20,766 --> 00:04:22,133
Yeah.
92
00:04:25,117 --> 00:04:26,985
Guys, there's someone
I'd like you to meet.
93
00:04:26,929 --> 00:04:28,829
This is Shelly,
my publicist.
94
00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:30,771
You hired a publicist?
95
00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:32,543
Well, after that
"New York one" experience,
96
00:04:32,488 --> 00:04:35,154
I decided it was time
to improve my image.
97
00:04:35,061 --> 00:04:36,994
I want the public
to know the real me.
98
00:04:36,935 --> 00:04:40,369
Paul, the fact that people don't know
the real you is your strongest asset.
99
00:04:41,828 --> 00:04:44,694
Starting tomorrow,
we'll take this town by storm.
100
00:04:44,592 --> 00:04:49,026
Oh. Check out
the getaway sticks on blondie.
101
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,591
Paul... I can't believe
I'm going to say this...
102
00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:54,768
you're too big
for this guy.
103
00:04:54,693 --> 00:04:56,027
Shelly's gonna make me
104
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,230
one of the most
recognizable men in this city.
105
00:04:58,156 --> 00:04:59,323
How much are you paying him?
106
00:04:59,301 --> 00:05:00,733
I give him 5% of my earnings
107
00:05:00,698 --> 00:05:03,898
and I drive him
to the doctor twice a week.
108
00:05:09,784 --> 00:05:11,116
[DOOR OPENS]
109
00:05:11,086 --> 00:05:13,720
Sir, I need your signature
on this letter.
110
00:05:13,628 --> 00:05:16,228
I really miss Claire.
111
00:05:16,137 --> 00:05:19,970
It's been eight hours.
112
00:05:19,822 --> 00:05:22,356
That's like
three full workdays.
113
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,223
Oh, it's almost 2:00.
114
00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:28,557
RADIO D.J.: Next up,I've got a special request.
115
00:05:28,431 --> 00:05:30,931
Running a cityis a lonely job...
116
00:05:30,846 --> 00:05:32,712
especially without your lady.
117
00:05:32,657 --> 00:05:35,156
So this one's going out fromthe mayor of love town
118
00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:38,237
to judge Claire bear.
119
00:05:38,121 --> 00:05:41,421
BREAD:
* baby, I'm-a want you *
120
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,797
* baby, I'm-a need you *
121
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:49,112
* you're the only one I careenough to hurt abo * t
122
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,456
nothing tugs
on your heartstrings
123
00:05:51,368 --> 00:05:53,967
like a group of men
singing like women.
124
00:05:55,466 --> 00:05:58,132
Sir, I don't want you
to be unhappy.
125
00:05:58,039 --> 00:06:00,472
If you have to see Claire,
just be discreet.
126
00:06:00,390 --> 00:06:03,522
Maybe take her out of town
or go to a friend's house.
127
00:06:03,407 --> 00:06:07,741
That's good advice, Charlie.
I feel better already.
128
00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:09,937
* ...Used to be my life was justemotions passing by *
129
00:06:09,857 --> 00:06:12,757
* emotions passing by
130
00:06:12,652 --> 00:06:14,185
I'm gonna go now, sir.
131
00:06:14,145 --> 00:06:19,845
* feeling all the while,but never really knowing why *
132
00:06:22,627 --> 00:06:25,561
mmm... Peaches and apricots.
133
00:06:25,454 --> 00:06:27,821
No, wait... peaches
and strawberries?
134
00:06:27,741 --> 00:06:28,841
Right!
135
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,321
Oh, good.
136
00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:32,949
Okay. Now your turn.
137
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:38,953
Mm! Mm! Mm!
Could be squash.
138
00:06:38,828 --> 00:06:40,962
Hmm, there's
a hint of fennel...
139
00:06:40,893 --> 00:06:43,760
With a white truffle
infusion.
140
00:06:43,657 --> 00:06:45,724
It's stewed peas.
141
00:06:45,658 --> 00:06:47,958
I was getting there.
142
00:06:47,883 --> 00:06:50,516
Okay, now let's
open the gifts.
143
00:06:50,424 --> 00:06:52,858
[BABY TALK] Look at
the little baby booties.
144
00:06:52,775 --> 00:06:55,141
Look at the little,
little...
145
00:06:55,062 --> 00:06:56,795
What happened
to my friends?
146
00:06:56,745 --> 00:06:59,246
They used to be intelligent,
independent women.
147
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,093
They get near a baby and
they lose all ability to speak.
148
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:04,487
Ooh, look at the baby booties,
booties, booties.
149
00:07:04,401 --> 00:07:06,236
Baby booties, oh.
150
00:07:06,180 --> 00:07:09,048
If I ever talk like that,
you have permission to slap me.
151
00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:10,778
I have to go to
the ladies' room.
152
00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:11,989
Can you hold Jackson?
153
00:07:11,962 --> 00:07:13,462
Oh, I don't know
if I'm comfortable...
154
00:07:13,424 --> 00:07:15,057
oh, you'll be fine.
155
00:07:16,664 --> 00:07:18,731
Oh. Oh, you know what?
156
00:07:18,665 --> 00:07:21,533
I don't think he
likes me very much.
157
00:07:21,429 --> 00:07:23,729
You want me to take him?
That's a good idea.
158
00:07:23,653 --> 00:07:24,886
Oh, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute.
159
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,061
Oh, my gosh.
160
00:07:26,036 --> 00:07:27,436
You're smiling at me.
161
00:07:27,401 --> 00:07:29,234
Yes, you did!
162
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,781
Yes, you did!
163
00:07:31,690 --> 00:07:34,490
Oh, what a little cutsie,
wootsie baby!
164
00:07:34,391 --> 00:07:36,324
I'll slap you when you
put the baby down.
165
00:07:36,265 --> 00:07:40,232
Oh, he's such
a little angel. Oh.
166
00:07:40,077 --> 00:07:41,543
I'm back.
Thanks, Caitlin.
167
00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:42,973
No, I'm fine.
168
00:07:42,936 --> 00:07:44,402
No, really,
I'd like him back.
169
00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:46,832
Oh, you get him
all the time.
170
00:07:46,748 --> 00:07:48,548
That is a gorgeous baby.
171
00:07:48,495 --> 00:07:52,228
Thank you.
Thank you.
172
00:08:04,062 --> 00:08:07,461
And... Baseball.
173
00:08:07,334 --> 00:08:10,467
[CROWD CHEER]
174
00:08:16,451 --> 00:08:18,251
[DOORBELL RINGS]
175
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:27,560
Sir, what are
you doing here?
176
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,508
Remember when you
said Claire and I
177
00:08:29,444 --> 00:08:32,477
needed to be more discreet...
maybe go to a friend's house?
178
00:08:32,367 --> 00:08:35,367
Yeah.
179
00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:41,010
Hey, friend.
180
00:08:43,803 --> 00:08:45,402
What's rags doing here?
181
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,960
I thought he was shooting
a dog-food commercial.
182
00:08:47,870 --> 00:08:49,302
Carter stormed
off the set
183
00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:52,100
over
creative differences.
184
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,866
Rags isn't going
to play second fiddle
185
00:08:54,763 --> 00:08:56,763
to some...
Taco-eating chihuahua!
186
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,801
You know
what rags needs?
187
00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:01,135
A good publicist.
188
00:09:01,053 --> 00:09:02,686
"Shelly hallerman...
189
00:09:02,641 --> 00:09:06,008
"for all your u.S.O. Needs.
190
00:09:05,882 --> 00:09:10,448
Our performers
will fly to Korea."
191
00:09:10,265 --> 00:09:12,098
Keep it.
192
00:09:13,315 --> 00:09:16,682
Hey, Charlie, how about
that game last night?!
193
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,723
I didn't see it.
194
00:09:17,699 --> 00:09:19,500
The mayor came by
with Claire
195
00:09:19,447 --> 00:09:22,247
and "Claire bear" wanted
to watch the food network.
196
00:09:22,147 --> 00:09:24,281
But don't talk about
the game... I taped it.
197
00:09:24,212 --> 00:09:25,912
Oh, Charlie, Charlie...
198
00:09:25,864 --> 00:09:29,165
Claire and I really appreciate
you letting us hang out
199
00:09:29,041 --> 00:09:30,574
at your place last night.
200
00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:32,199
My place is your place.
201
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:35,154
Great, 'cause
I had a key made.
202
00:09:35,044 --> 00:09:36,445
Oh, listen...
203
00:09:36,411 --> 00:09:40,244
by the way, I had your security
code changed to my birthday...
204
00:09:41,049 --> 00:09:42,982
Easier for me to remember.
205
00:09:42,923 --> 00:09:45,090
When is your
birthday, sir?
206
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:47,753
Oh, Charlie, you don't need
to get me anything.
207
00:09:47,657 --> 00:09:49,924
I'm already staying
at your place.
208
00:09:51,119 --> 00:09:54,185
Carter, thank you for coming
to the baby shower with me.
209
00:09:54,073 --> 00:09:55,973
You didn't want to go and you
ended up having a great time.
210
00:09:55,916 --> 00:10:00,050
But it was more than that.
It really made me think.
211
00:09:59,887 --> 00:10:01,920
In fact, I've got
some big news.
212
00:10:01,857 --> 00:10:03,823
Is it bigger than
the mayor and his girlfriend
213
00:10:03,763 --> 00:10:05,130
moving into my apartment?
214
00:10:05,097 --> 00:10:07,197
I'm having a baby.
215
00:10:07,131 --> 00:10:09,263
So, yes.
216
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,905
You're pregnant?
No.
217
00:10:16,851 --> 00:10:19,652
Phew!
218
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,851
Why are you so relieved?
We never had sex.
219
00:10:21,775 --> 00:10:24,574
Force of habit.
220
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,726
Caitlin, when did
you make this decision?
221
00:10:29,654 --> 00:10:31,121
When I was holding
Jill's baby,
222
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:32,917
it made me realize
what I'd been missing.
223
00:10:32,863 --> 00:10:34,395
Drool?
224
00:10:34,355 --> 00:10:38,088
'Cause if that's what you're
missing, just go wink at Stuart.
225
00:10:37,944 --> 00:10:40,811
So, you're planning to have
a baby by yourself?
226
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:43,675
Why should I hold up my life
for some man I may never meet?
227
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:44,834
There are other options.
228
00:10:44,806 --> 00:10:46,473
Yes, there are.
229
00:10:46,426 --> 00:10:50,660
And I want you to know it would
be an honor to impregnate you.
230
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:55,588
I can assure you the experience
will be fast and efficient.
231
00:10:55,449 --> 00:10:57,249
Your pleasure
will be minimal...
232
00:10:57,196 --> 00:11:01,530
And I will only be as
excited as is necessary.
233
00:11:01,358 --> 00:11:02,758
I'm flattered.
234
00:11:02,723 --> 00:11:05,324
But it's my
responsibility as a woman
235
00:11:05,234 --> 00:11:07,600
to make sure you
never reproduce.
236
00:11:09,331 --> 00:11:11,132
Point taken.
237
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,546
I think this is wonderful.
238
00:11:12,508 --> 00:11:15,009
Imagine... being responsible
for another person,
239
00:11:14,922 --> 00:11:16,955
feeding them,
cleaning up after them,
240
00:11:16,892 --> 00:11:18,958
laying their clothes out
in the morning.
241
00:11:18,893 --> 00:11:22,327
I have that now with the mayor.
It ain't that great.
242
00:11:24,104 --> 00:11:28,171
So, Carter, I'm not crazy, right?
I can do this. Absolutely.
243
00:11:28,011 --> 00:11:30,245
I've just never taken care
of anyone before.
244
00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:32,371
Why don't you take rags
for a couple of days?
245
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,533
He might give you a sense
246
00:11:33,507 --> 00:11:35,273
of what it feels like
to be a parent.
247
00:11:35,222 --> 00:11:37,089
How?
248
00:11:37,033 --> 00:11:39,600
If you can take care of him,
a kid will be a breeze.
249
00:11:39,511 --> 00:11:41,877
Fine. Hand him over.
250
00:11:41,798 --> 00:11:43,232
Great!
251
00:11:43,196 --> 00:11:45,463
These are his medications.
252
00:11:45,389 --> 00:11:49,022
Now, the green one
gives him a healthy coat.
253
00:11:48,883 --> 00:11:51,382
The yellow one
is for his eyes.
254
00:11:51,297 --> 00:11:53,764
And the red one
is for his tooth.
255
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,974
Shelly and I just closed
a major deal this morning.
256
00:12:00,858 --> 00:12:03,626
By this time next week,
every bus in this city
257
00:12:03,527 --> 00:12:06,294
is gonna have a 5x10-foot photo
of my face on it.
258
00:12:06,196 --> 00:12:08,495
So it'll be actual size?
259
00:12:08,419 --> 00:12:11,254
Ha ha, what, are you jealous,
Mr. small potatoes?
260
00:12:11,151 --> 00:12:12,752
You're looking
at the spokesman
261
00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:15,308
for the department of
education's new ad campaign,
262
00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:17,951
and look... This is my first check.
How much?
263
00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:22,288
I will put it in terms that you
can understand, Stuart.
264
00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:24,178
It's roughly 35 lap dances.
265
00:12:24,113 --> 00:12:26,812
$723?!
266
00:12:27,988 --> 00:12:29,621
Here comes the choo-choo.
267
00:12:29,577 --> 00:12:32,610
Chugga chugga chugga chugga,
chugga chugga chugga chugga.
268
00:12:32,499 --> 00:12:34,666
Why won't you eat?
You're acting crazy.
269
00:12:34,597 --> 00:12:37,497
Yeah, the dog's
the crazy one.
270
00:12:37,392 --> 00:12:38,858
Lower your voice.
271
00:12:38,821 --> 00:12:40,988
Why?
Rags is finicky.
272
00:12:40,918 --> 00:12:42,684
He won't eat
if there's too much noise.
273
00:12:42,633 --> 00:12:45,967
Are you kidding me?
The dog is deaf.
274
00:12:45,842 --> 00:12:49,109
Those ears are
completely decorative.
275
00:12:48,988 --> 00:12:50,121
Watch this.
276
00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:53,875
Aaaaaaaaaaaahh!
277
00:12:53,784 --> 00:12:56,484
[SILENCE]
278
00:12:59,089 --> 00:13:02,723
Stop it! You don't know what
I've been through with this dog.
279
00:13:02,585 --> 00:13:04,851
He wouldn't take his bath,
he won't take his pills,
280
00:13:04,776 --> 00:13:07,509
and now I can't get him to eat.
Eat, rags, eat.
281
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,412
Keep it up... he won't call you
when he gets to college.
282
00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:10,750
It's not so easy.
283
00:13:10,717 --> 00:13:12,750
You try getting him
to do something.
284
00:13:12,686 --> 00:13:15,886
I'm sorry I'm not being
that understanding.
285
00:13:15,768 --> 00:13:19,401
Thanks to the mayor,
I haven't slept in two nights.
286
00:13:19,262 --> 00:13:20,795
The guy is totally
in my space.
287
00:13:20,754 --> 00:13:24,488
Charlie, you have to talk to him
before it gets out of control.
288
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,677
It's the first time the guy's
been happy in years.
289
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,034
Do you want me to crush him
in the middle of an election?
290
00:13:28,951 --> 00:13:30,551
[PAGER CHIMES]
291
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:32,175
That's probably him
paging me.
292
00:13:32,129 --> 00:13:34,361
I got a meeting to go to.
293
00:13:34,288 --> 00:13:35,821
Where's my pager?
294
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:39,014
Oh, it was on
the table next to rags.
295
00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:44,000
[PAGER CHIMES]
296
00:13:46,709 --> 00:13:50,243
I've got an emergency.
My dog just swallowed a pager.
297
00:13:50,109 --> 00:13:51,876
Are you sure?
298
00:13:56,875 --> 00:14:00,308
[PAGER CHIMES]
299
00:14:00,178 --> 00:14:01,878
I'll get a doctor.
300
00:14:03,579 --> 00:14:06,911
Oh, God, please be okay.
What happened?
301
00:14:06,787 --> 00:14:09,453
Oh, well, I had three horrible
dates last weekend,
302
00:14:09,359 --> 00:14:11,459
and I went to this baby shower
with my friend Carter,
303
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,727
and I thought I wanted a baby,
so I took rags,
304
00:14:13,649 --> 00:14:16,016
and Charlie screamed at him,
and then he ate a pager,
305
00:14:15,936 --> 00:14:17,669
and now I'm never going to be
a mother!
306
00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:19,720
Dogs swallow
things all the time.
307
00:14:19,653 --> 00:14:21,353
Doctors will get
that out in minutes.
308
00:14:21,304 --> 00:14:23,737
Now, just take
some deep breaths.
309
00:14:26,927 --> 00:14:28,194
That helps.
310
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,966
When I was in law school,
311
00:14:29,914 --> 00:14:33,181
this guy ate the passenger
seat to my v.W. Rabbit.
312
00:14:33,059 --> 00:14:34,692
Really?
313
00:14:34,647 --> 00:14:36,881
So you're a lawyer.
314
00:14:40,683 --> 00:14:42,949
That restaurant was great,
Charlie.
315
00:14:42,874 --> 00:14:44,608
Well,
the night isn't over.
316
00:14:44,559 --> 00:14:48,991
Are you interested in some soft
music and a little wine?
317
00:14:48,816 --> 00:14:53,250
No, but I'd like
to fool around.
318
00:14:53,073 --> 00:14:54,906
Let's go with yours.
319
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,128
CLAIRE:
Hey, Charlie.
320
00:14:58,091 --> 00:15:00,091
You're just in time for
some cheese fondue.
321
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,196
It's a lot of fun.
322
00:15:02,126 --> 00:15:04,360
But what a mess, huh?
See?
323
00:15:05,588 --> 00:15:07,189
That keeps happening.
324
00:15:07,145 --> 00:15:09,279
Charlie, I have
to get up early.
325
00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:13,010
Why don't I go and you stay here
and hang out with your parents?
326
00:15:12,863 --> 00:15:15,097
They're not my parents.
327
00:15:15,024 --> 00:15:16,724
Good night,
Mr. and Mrs. Crawford.
328
00:15:16,676 --> 00:15:17,943
[DOOR CLOSES]
329
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:21,448
Hey, pull up a seat...
we'll start a new jenga.
330
00:15:21,314 --> 00:15:23,648
No, I think I'll just
go to my room
331
00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:26,136
and watch the tape
of last night's game.
332
00:15:26,048 --> 00:15:29,348
Was that labeled "yankees/
Red Sox, do not erase"?
333
00:15:29,224 --> 00:15:32,724
Yes, it was. Why?
334
00:15:32,591 --> 00:15:35,558
Well, we accidentally
taped over it.
335
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:38,450
But if you want to watch "Dawson's"
later, you're good to go.
336
00:15:38,341 --> 00:15:41,108
Get out.
What?
337
00:15:41,009 --> 00:15:45,842
Get your stuff, get your fondue,
get your jenga, get out.
338
00:15:45,648 --> 00:15:47,449
Charlie, it was just
a baseball game.
339
00:15:47,396 --> 00:15:50,695
It's not just the game.
It's my apartment.
340
00:15:50,572 --> 00:15:55,039
This isn't city hall.
This is my home.
341
00:15:54,861 --> 00:15:57,694
I've got hot cheese.
342
00:15:57,593 --> 00:15:59,559
Put the cheese down, Claire.
We're leaving.
343
00:15:59,499 --> 00:16:01,198
All right.
344
00:16:03,597 --> 00:16:05,330
You can have
your keys back.
345
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,347
I won't be bothering
you anymore.
346
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,753
[DOOR CLOSES]
347
00:16:15,509 --> 00:16:17,176
I feel like
such a failure.
348
00:16:17,129 --> 00:16:19,796
All I had to do was take care
of rags for one day,
349
00:16:19,704 --> 00:16:20,804
and I couldn't do it.
350
00:16:20,783 --> 00:16:22,949
Who am I kidding?
I am not ready for this.
351
00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:24,280
Don't give up so easily.
352
00:16:24,246 --> 00:16:25,913
You had one crisis.
You handled it well.
353
00:16:25,866 --> 00:16:28,433
When I was at the hospital,
I was freaking out and...
354
00:16:28,345 --> 00:16:31,144
and there was this really nice
guy that helped me through it,
355
00:16:31,045 --> 00:16:33,312
and it made me realize
that when I have a baby,
356
00:16:33,236 --> 00:16:34,470
I don't want to do it alone.
357
00:16:34,443 --> 00:16:37,410
Okay. No, I-I-it makes...
it makes sense.
358
00:16:37,302 --> 00:16:38,936
What's wrong?
359
00:16:38,891 --> 00:16:41,057
I got to admit...
360
00:16:40,987 --> 00:16:43,854
I'm a little disappointed.
361
00:16:43,751 --> 00:16:46,619
I thought if you
had a child,
362
00:16:46,515 --> 00:16:50,581
I could do everything
that a father does, you know...
363
00:16:50,422 --> 00:16:55,090
Take the kid to the salon...
364
00:16:54,902 --> 00:16:57,502
Dance class, shopping...
365
00:16:57,411 --> 00:17:00,811
And if it was a girl,
I could learn.
366
00:17:00,684 --> 00:17:04,350
Carter, have you ever thought
about having a baby yourself?
367
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:07,043
It's crossed my mind.
But it would never work.
368
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,342
I mean, I'm single,
I have a career.
369
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:12,560
Besides, do you know how hard it
is for a gay man to adopt?
370
00:17:12,437 --> 00:17:15,272
Those are just excuses.
You're a born nurturer.
371
00:17:15,169 --> 00:17:17,169
Right now there is
a kid out there
372
00:17:17,107 --> 00:17:19,708
who would be so lucky
to have you as their dad.
373
00:17:19,617 --> 00:17:21,284
You really think so?
374
00:17:21,237 --> 00:17:23,537
Of course.
You've had enough practice.
375
00:17:23,462 --> 00:17:24,761
You treat that dog
as if it were a child.
376
00:17:24,731 --> 00:17:27,599
One time, I made him
little pants.
377
00:17:32,006 --> 00:17:35,940
Hello, Charlie. I want to apologize
on behalf of both of us.
378
00:17:35,787 --> 00:17:37,854
Sometimes Randall can be
a little insensitive.
379
00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:39,155
Hear! Hear!
380
00:17:39,122 --> 00:17:43,122
He grew up with a silver spoon,
and quite frankly,
381
00:17:42,966 --> 00:17:44,500
he can be selfish.
382
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,726
Guilty as charged.
383
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,765
People give, he takes.
384
00:17:47,699 --> 00:17:50,300
And takes... And takes...
And ta...
385
00:17:50,209 --> 00:17:51,842
let's wrap this up.
386
00:17:53,165 --> 00:17:55,265
Charlie, I really am sorry.
387
00:17:59,199 --> 00:18:04,032
Charlie, I really meant...
Everything that Claire said.
388
00:18:03,838 --> 00:18:06,871
I guess I should
apologize, too.
389
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,261
I did overreact last night.
390
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:12,742
If I was bothering you, why
didn't you just say something?
391
00:18:12,606 --> 00:18:14,173
I mean, you of all people
392
00:18:14,132 --> 00:18:17,098
know how oblivious I am
to other people's suffering.
393
00:18:16,991 --> 00:18:19,757
It's not my style
to complain...
394
00:18:19,658 --> 00:18:21,425
especially to my boss.
395
00:18:21,374 --> 00:18:23,841
I'm not just your boss,
I'm your friend.
396
00:18:23,757 --> 00:18:26,922
And friends should be able
to tell each other anything...
397
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,006
even if it's bad.
398
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:30,881
Now, come... come on.
399
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:34,443
Tell me something
I don't want to hear.
400
00:18:34,303 --> 00:18:37,637
Let's not go
down this path.
401
00:18:37,511 --> 00:18:40,778
I'll go first. Um...
[Clears throat]
402
00:18:40,657 --> 00:18:44,989
Charlie, sometimes you go
a little nuts with the hair gel.
403
00:18:44,818 --> 00:18:47,118
Okay.
404
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,909
See? Ha ha.
405
00:18:49,806 --> 00:18:51,440
Sir?
406
00:18:51,395 --> 00:18:52,661
Uh-huh?
407
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:55,433
"Furthertheless"
is not a word.
408
00:18:56,764 --> 00:18:58,563
Stop using it.
409
00:18:58,511 --> 00:19:02,611
You breathe too loud.
410
00:19:02,449 --> 00:19:06,783
I don't like it when you
talk to me at the urinal.
411
00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:09,211
You come in late every day.
412
00:19:09,121 --> 00:19:11,788
That's you.
413
00:19:11,694 --> 00:19:14,627
Oh, yeah.
414
00:19:14,522 --> 00:19:16,222
I don't think
this is helping.
415
00:19:16,174 --> 00:19:18,473
No, this is good... as mayor,
I'm constantly surrounded
416
00:19:18,397 --> 00:19:20,598
by people who tell me
what I want to hear.
417
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,860
I've got a million friends...
418
00:19:22,781 --> 00:19:25,314
But not a lot
of close friends.
419
00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:29,149
I was hoping you could
be one, Charlie.
420
00:19:29,072 --> 00:19:31,472
I'd be honored.
421
00:19:31,390 --> 00:19:34,723
And I'll try
to be one, too.
422
00:19:34,598 --> 00:19:35,965
Hey, buddy.
423
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:40,120
Tell you what...
424
00:19:40,094 --> 00:19:42,661
I'll buy you a drink
at my favorite cigar bar.
425
00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:46,205
Uh, to be honest, sir,
cigar bars are pretty lame.
426
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,434
Crawford, I'm your boss.
427
00:19:47,401 --> 00:19:49,767
I'll see you at
the Cuban room in 20 minutes.
428
00:19:51,341 --> 00:19:54,840
Charlie,
Carter has big news.
429
00:19:54,707 --> 00:19:57,340
Is it bigger than the mayor
and Claire leaving my apartment?
430
00:19:57,249 --> 00:19:59,883
I'm gonna have a baby.
431
00:19:59,791 --> 00:20:01,457
I gotta stop asking
that question.
432
00:20:08,399 --> 00:20:10,399
Oh, what is with
the hat?
433
00:20:10,338 --> 00:20:13,670
I'm incognito.
Why?
434
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,980
When the buses with my face
on it hit the streets,
435
00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:18,650
I'm gonna be
an instant celebrity.
436
00:20:18,597 --> 00:20:21,597
You're gonna wish
you were me.
437
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,643
Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
438
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:31,357
(BARKING)
439
00:21:31,358 --> 00:21:33,825
Moo.
440
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:38,425
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