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1
00:00:02,444 --> 00:00:04,977
Would your friend Alyssa
like this bedazzled bong?
2
00:00:04,979 --> 00:00:05,978
For a bridal shower?
3
00:00:05,980 --> 00:00:06,623
Yeah.
4
00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:08,184
You were thinking of
a bachelorette party.
5
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:08,865
Yeah, well...
6
00:00:08,881 --> 00:00:10,914
See, this is how it starts.
7
00:00:11,116 --> 00:00:13,050
Alyssa's the first to get engaged.
8
00:00:13,201 --> 00:00:15,167
Now it's nothing but
bridal showers and weddings
9
00:00:15,169 --> 00:00:16,224
for the rest of my 20s.
10
00:00:16,241 --> 00:00:18,209
I'm not even close to
being in a relationship
11
00:00:18,211 --> 00:00:19,643
let alone one that
would lead to a marriage.
12
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:20,607
So what?
13
00:00:20,639 --> 00:00:21,939
Marriage is the boringest.
14
00:00:21,941 --> 00:00:23,458
You have to wake up
next to the same person
15
00:00:23,483 --> 00:00:25,708
for the rest of your life, yech.
16
00:00:25,733 --> 00:00:28,535
Do you know how many different
ways I woke up this week?
17
00:00:28,537 --> 00:00:31,570
Monday, I woke up next
to an investment banker.
18
00:00:31,572 --> 00:00:34,173
Tuesday, I woke up
next to our mailwoman.
19
00:00:34,175 --> 00:00:37,109
Tuesday afternoon, I woke
up next to our mailman.
20
00:00:37,111 --> 00:00:38,210
You get mail twice a day?
21
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:41,045
Yeah, if they know I'm home, we do.
22
00:00:41,061 --> 00:00:42,861
Girl, this is the era of fluidity.
23
00:00:42,863 --> 00:00:44,998
There are seven billion
people on this planet.
24
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,099
No repeats.
25
00:00:46,101 --> 00:00:47,300
Well, you know, statistically,
26
00:00:47,302 --> 00:00:49,035
six billion of those people have STDs.
27
00:00:49,037 --> 00:00:50,903
Ewf, HPV's the new black.
28
00:00:50,905 --> 00:00:52,553
Are you sure we can't
just skip this party?
29
00:00:52,578 --> 00:00:54,216
Oh, I can't not go.
30
00:00:54,241 --> 00:00:56,525
I've been friends with
Alyssa since, like, forever.
31
00:00:56,550 --> 00:00:58,575
What's that Mama J, how you living?
32
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,866
Heightened and enlightened.
33
00:01:00,373 --> 00:01:02,466
I love seeing you girls in here.
34
00:01:02,491 --> 00:01:03,638
You know what?
35
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:07,619
I have something very special
for my two favorite customers.
36
00:01:08,506 --> 00:01:09,943
Lube.
37
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:11,793
It has weed in it.
38
00:01:11,818 --> 00:01:13,621
- Ohh...
- Oh, you shoulda started with that.
39
00:01:13,623 --> 00:01:17,159
Now this is not your
ordinary everyday weed lube.
40
00:01:17,662 --> 00:01:18,625
No.
41
00:01:18,627 --> 00:01:23,163
This legendary lube is made
from a rare Egyptian plant.
42
00:01:23,357 --> 00:01:26,168
And it gives you a
high that is so amazing,
43
00:01:26,193 --> 00:01:28,239
you are able to connect
with your inner self.
44
00:01:28,264 --> 00:01:29,732
Mm-hmm.
45
00:01:29,734 --> 00:01:34,826
Powerful women from Cleopatra
to Coco Chanel to Amy Poehler
46
00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:36,934
have used its effects to guide them.
47
00:01:36,936 --> 00:01:39,236
Wow, I've heard of one of those women.
48
00:01:39,238 --> 00:01:40,472
Mm-hmm.
49
00:01:40,474 --> 00:01:43,374
Uh... it comes with two warnings.
50
00:01:43,376 --> 00:01:45,442
Important warnings.
51
00:01:45,444 --> 00:01:46,574
One:
52
00:01:47,179 --> 00:01:50,248
Only use a tiny drop.
53
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:51,883
And two:
54
00:01:51,885 --> 00:01:54,416
Don't feed it after midnight.
55
00:01:56,421 --> 00:01:59,457
Okay, three warnings, got it.
56
00:01:59,459 --> 00:02:01,562
57
00:02:06,748 --> 00:02:08,747
Hey, hi!
58
00:02:08,749 --> 00:02:11,183
I'm so glad to see you!
59
00:02:11,186 --> 00:02:12,152
Congratulations.
60
00:02:12,154 --> 00:02:14,320
- Oh, thank you, hey, Jordan.
- Hi.
61
00:02:14,322 --> 00:02:16,122
Oh, this whole bride
thing is exhausting.
62
00:02:16,124 --> 00:02:18,057
Everyone is so happy for me
63
00:02:18,059 --> 00:02:19,727
and toasting me and giving me presents.
64
00:02:19,729 --> 00:02:22,263
I mean, the thank you notes, eh!
65
00:02:22,265 --> 00:02:23,531
How are you?
66
00:02:23,533 --> 00:02:24,698
Are you dating anyone?
67
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:25,733
Well...
68
00:02:25,735 --> 00:02:27,634
I can't imagine what
it's like out there.
69
00:02:27,636 --> 00:02:30,303
It seems impossible to meet someone.
70
00:02:30,305 --> 00:02:34,206
Listen, I'm trying really hard
to find enough single guests
71
00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:35,475
to make a table at my wedding.
72
00:02:35,477 --> 00:02:39,011
But if I can't, are you okay
sitting at the kids' table?
73
00:02:39,013 --> 00:02:42,783
I mean, it's just that
no one else is single.
74
00:02:42,785 --> 00:02:43,967
Yeah!
75
00:02:44,786 --> 00:02:47,354
Oh, the caterers put the
strawberry brownie kebabs
76
00:02:47,356 --> 00:02:48,763
in the wrong order.
77
00:02:49,424 --> 00:02:52,850
It's brownie, then
strawberry, then brownie!
78
00:02:54,105 --> 00:02:55,084
I mean...
79
00:02:56,699 --> 00:02:59,498
She is awful!
80
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,668
If you call her a friend
and you call me a friend,
81
00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:04,069
I want a new title... Captain.
82
00:03:04,071 --> 00:03:06,039
Well, there's no way I'm gonna
make it through this party.
83
00:03:06,041 --> 00:03:07,341
(whispering) How much weed do you have?
84
00:03:07,343 --> 00:03:08,741
Ah, dammit.
85
00:03:08,743 --> 00:03:10,743
Literally, the first time
you've ever asked to get high
86
00:03:10,745 --> 00:03:13,313
without it being my
idea and I'm not holding.
87
00:03:13,315 --> 00:03:15,481
Your captain has failed you.
88
00:03:15,483 --> 00:03:18,085
You can demote me back to friend.
89
00:03:18,087 --> 00:03:21,129
Oh, wait, I forgot
about our special guest.
90
00:03:21,405 --> 00:03:22,878
Desperate times.
91
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,158
I don't feel anything!
92
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,061
Me neither, we need more.
93
00:03:35,063 --> 00:03:37,096
Mama J said just a drop.
94
00:03:37,098 --> 00:03:38,865
Yeah, but that is for
normal people, Paige.
95
00:03:38,867 --> 00:03:41,369
We are professional drug
dealers, we need way more.
96
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:43,233
Well, don't use all of it.
97
00:03:55,707 --> 00:03:58,940
Ooh, I feel like that weed
lube's starting to kick in.
98
00:03:59,145 --> 00:04:01,212
Oh, my God, I'm so high.
99
00:04:01,214 --> 00:04:03,314
Paige, Paige?
100
00:04:03,316 --> 00:04:04,982
What did you do to me?
101
00:04:04,984 --> 00:04:07,385
Paige, can you
overdose on weed lube?
102
00:04:07,535 --> 00:04:10,172
Paige! Are you there?
103
00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:14,299
Jordan, I don't mean to sound
104
00:04:14,324 --> 00:04:15,894
full-on "Bananas in Pyjamas" here,
105
00:04:15,896 --> 00:04:18,377
but I think I just got so
high that I can hear my...
106
00:04:18,402 --> 00:04:19,363
Vagina?
107
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:20,694
Me too.
108
00:04:20,696 --> 00:04:22,328
Isn't it awesome?
109
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,131
I can't believe we finally get to talk.
110
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:27,033
Me and my OTP living the dream.
111
00:04:27,035 --> 00:04:29,401
There is so much
I wanna tell you!
112
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,104
Where do we even start?
113
00:04:31,106 --> 00:04:32,706
- Ahh!
- Oh!
114
00:04:32,708 --> 00:04:33,863
(screaming)
115
00:04:33,888 --> 00:04:35,164
Ahh!
116
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:38,074
(all screaming)
117
00:04:38,099 --> 00:04:39,690
Say baby what's your name?
118
00:04:39,715 --> 00:04:42,518
Are you the one,
Mary? Are you Jane?
119
00:04:42,542 --> 00:04:44,418
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
120
00:04:44,419 --> 00:04:46,285
Jordan, what is going on?
121
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,420
Did you hear Alyssa?
122
00:04:47,422 --> 00:04:48,588
It's impossible to meet someone.
123
00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:49,425
What if she's right?
124
00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:50,616
We should Tinder right now.
125
00:04:50,637 --> 00:04:51,511
No, go to a bar.
126
00:04:51,536 --> 00:04:53,415
Let's Tinder at a
bar right now! Go!
127
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:54,543
Dude, calm down.
128
00:04:54,568 --> 00:04:56,034
You can hear mine?
129
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,510
Can we go be alone somewhere?
130
00:04:58,512 --> 00:04:59,543
(gasping)
131
00:04:59,545 --> 00:05:00,979
I can hear yours.
132
00:05:00,981 --> 00:05:03,347
This is Grandma Agnes.
133
00:05:03,349 --> 00:05:05,010
She's very tired.
134
00:05:05,035 --> 00:05:06,697
It's usually her nap time.
135
00:05:06,722 --> 00:05:09,087
If you had an all-night
orgy at Twilight Meadows,
136
00:05:09,089 --> 00:05:10,589
you'd be tired too.
137
00:05:10,591 --> 00:05:14,092
Five orgasms but no one could
remember the Goddamn safe word.
138
00:05:14,094 --> 00:05:17,128
What was it? Giraffe? Bagel?
139
00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:19,662
(all) We can hear hers?
140
00:05:21,066 --> 00:05:22,166
I wanna grow my hair out.
141
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:24,168
What's in, landing
strip, disco bush?
142
00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:25,783
Why aren't we wearing underwear?
143
00:05:25,808 --> 00:05:27,139
It's freezing in here.
144
00:05:27,141 --> 00:05:29,074
Great, another party
with all girls.
145
00:05:29,076 --> 00:05:30,575
Is a penis ever
gonna come to visit?
146
00:05:30,577 --> 00:05:32,577
It's been 37 days, we're
definitely pregnant.
147
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:36,971
Nice, another party
with all girls, score.
148
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,517
(all) We can hear everyone's.
149
00:05:40,638 --> 00:05:42,439
You knew this was going to happen?
150
00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:44,674
Of course, I did, my loves.
151
00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:47,177
You shoulda heard
yourselves this morning.
152
00:05:47,179 --> 00:05:49,480
You need to take advantage
of this opportunity
153
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,482
and listen to your true inner voice.
154
00:05:51,778 --> 00:05:52,682
I mean, okay,
155
00:05:52,684 --> 00:05:54,419
but why do we need to
hear other women's...
156
00:05:55,395 --> 00:05:56,420
areas.
157
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:57,754
Other people's?
158
00:05:57,756 --> 00:05:59,290
That's not how it works.
159
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,792
How much did you use?
160
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,038
Half a bottle...
161
00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:03,456
each.
162
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,763
And maybe we fed it,
but not after midnight.
163
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:07,831
It's always after midnight.
164
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:10,400
Ladies, there were only two warnings.
165
00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:12,636
This is uncharted territory.
166
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:15,206
Hang up! We were masturbating.
167
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,641
I gotta go, I was masturbating.
168
00:06:17,643 --> 00:06:20,052
Damn, I love that woman's honesty.
169
00:06:20,077 --> 00:06:22,311
Jordan, I cannot make it
through the shower like this.
170
00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:24,280
Is that a dog bowl?
Is there a dog?
171
00:06:24,282 --> 00:06:25,098
Do you know what it's like
172
00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:26,145
when a dog nose comes
right up at you?
173
00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:28,428
You're wearing a romper!
Oh, God, oh, God!
174
00:06:28,453 --> 00:06:31,220
Oh, my God, no wonder
you're stressed out.
175
00:06:31,222 --> 00:06:32,622
Paige?!
176
00:06:32,624 --> 00:06:35,391
It's almost your turn to
spin the Bride is Right wheel.
177
00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:36,740
Coming!
178
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,730
Don't worry, it'll
probably wear off soon.
179
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:40,645
And in the meantime,
180
00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:42,331
I'm gonna go catch
up with little Jordie.
181
00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:44,167
(loud sigh)
182
00:06:44,169 --> 00:06:47,704
Shall we? After you.
183
00:06:47,706 --> 00:06:50,442
And even though the lasagna
was completely burned,
184
00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:53,553
he still ate the whole thing
and pretended that he loved it.
185
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:54,130
Ohh...
186
00:06:54,155 --> 00:06:55,353
And I just knew I wanted
187
00:06:55,378 --> 00:06:57,946
to spend the rest of
my life with this man.
188
00:06:58,177 --> 00:07:01,605
And then we spent all night
with his perfect penis.
189
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,197
There's a perfect penis?
190
00:07:03,199 --> 00:07:04,666
We've never seen
a perfect penis?!
191
00:07:04,668 --> 00:07:05,552
Shh!
192
00:07:05,577 --> 00:07:07,353
Paige, you're up.
193
00:07:10,574 --> 00:07:12,401
Ooh...
194
00:07:13,243 --> 00:07:15,098
Land on sex toy gift bag!
195
00:07:15,123 --> 00:07:16,863
I don't care what I land on.
196
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:21,750
Proposal story, again?
197
00:07:21,752 --> 00:07:22,661
(laughing)
198
00:07:22,686 --> 00:07:26,564
Okay, so we were having our
usual Sunday picnic at the park.
199
00:07:26,589 --> 00:07:30,224
Next thing I knew I was
surrounded by puppies
200
00:07:30,226 --> 00:07:31,028
and all of his co-workers...
201
00:07:31,053 --> 00:07:32,286
You're next.
202
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:35,697
Soon, we'll be doing
your wedding shower.
203
00:07:35,699 --> 00:07:38,597
Oh, stop, she has plenty of time.
204
00:07:38,622 --> 00:07:39,967
She's got a month
before those ovaries
205
00:07:39,969 --> 00:07:41,503
start to look like Detroit.
206
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,512
She's right, you should just
burn me down for the insurance!
207
00:07:44,514 --> 00:07:47,089
I'm fine, I'm still
young, I'm in my early 20s.
208
00:07:47,114 --> 00:07:48,770
Mid-20s!
209
00:07:51,313 --> 00:07:53,481
Honeydew? Hot toddy?
210
00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:56,145
No, that was our
Christmas orgy safe word.
211
00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:59,071
Cheers to all the good times.
212
00:07:59,288 --> 00:08:01,356
To that Uber driver
with the piano fingers
213
00:08:01,358 --> 00:08:03,323
who earned his 4-1/2 stars.
214
00:08:03,325 --> 00:08:05,460
To the WNBA chick who
didn't fit in my bed.
215
00:08:05,462 --> 00:08:07,130
So we called her tallsey.
216
00:08:07,155 --> 00:08:08,536
To Megan Fox.
217
00:08:08,561 --> 00:08:10,723
This is actually what I
wanted to talk to you about.
218
00:08:10,748 --> 00:08:13,477
I'm tired of the constant
parade of partners, Jordan.
219
00:08:13,502 --> 00:08:14,868
It's nonstop.
220
00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,333
Wait, you're kidding, right?
221
00:08:16,358 --> 00:08:17,505
We're living our 20s
222
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:19,417
the way everybody dreams
of living their 20s.
223
00:08:19,442 --> 00:08:20,909
You're my vagina.
224
00:08:20,911 --> 00:08:22,216
It's the best gig in the world.
225
00:08:22,241 --> 00:08:22,888
Is it?
226
00:08:22,913 --> 00:08:24,503
Remember that guy
from the surf shop
227
00:08:24,528 --> 00:08:26,254
who was taking all
those garlic pills?
228
00:08:26,279 --> 00:08:28,355
You wouldn't kiss him, but
you let him stay down here
229
00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:29,946
breathing on me for an hour.
230
00:08:29,948 --> 00:08:32,888
Oh, now I know why that took us so long.
231
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,036
It's like a revolving
door down here.
232
00:08:35,052 --> 00:08:36,217
I don't know who's coming at me
233
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:37,853
or what's coming at
me half the time!
234
00:08:37,855 --> 00:08:38,927
Okay, calm down.
235
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,500
I'm a delicate (bleep) flower!
236
00:08:40,525 --> 00:08:41,957
I need a break!
237
00:08:41,959 --> 00:08:42,957
Okay, I'm...
238
00:08:42,959 --> 00:08:44,560
I'm sorry, Va-Jordan, hey.
239
00:08:44,562 --> 00:08:46,095
I had no idea.
240
00:08:46,356 --> 00:08:48,262
I'll... I'll be more considerate.
241
00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:50,917
Okay, cool, thank you.
242
00:08:50,942 --> 00:08:52,566
I'm really glad we
talked about that.
243
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:53,738
Me too.
244
00:08:53,935 --> 00:08:55,746
You're my sis.
245
00:08:55,748 --> 00:08:56,847
Do you wanna go back in there
246
00:08:56,849 --> 00:08:58,649
and listen to some other poonanas?
247
00:08:58,651 --> 00:09:00,250
Can we park next to Grandma Agnes?
248
00:09:00,252 --> 00:09:01,784
Course, obviously.
249
00:09:01,786 --> 00:09:05,054
I wanna know what that safe
word was at Twilight Meadows.
250
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,022
What if it takes us
too long to find a guy?
251
00:09:09,024 --> 00:09:10,990
And we marry too late
and we can't have babies?
252
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,002
What if we can have babies?
253
00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:16,453
Oh, God! You want me to push
a human body through my face?!
254
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:18,861
Shut up! Shut the (bleep) up!
255
00:09:20,229 --> 00:09:22,863
Oh, hey, Lindsay!
256
00:09:22,865 --> 00:09:24,765
Nice to see you.
257
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:26,492
Hey, girl.
258
00:09:27,336 --> 00:09:28,836
She's totally acting weird.
259
00:09:28,838 --> 00:09:29,947
She knows what we did.
260
00:09:29,972 --> 00:09:31,748
She knows we slept
with the groom.
261
00:09:31,773 --> 00:09:34,075
Oh, my God, we shouldn't
have come today.
262
00:09:35,088 --> 00:09:36,205
(gasping)
263
00:09:36,230 --> 00:09:37,410
(gasping)
264
00:09:37,748 --> 00:09:38,816
(gasping)
265
00:09:39,113 --> 00:09:41,849
It's time for the
relationship advice cards.
266
00:09:42,191 --> 00:09:44,987
So, think of your past
relationship experiences
267
00:09:45,012 --> 00:09:48,645
and write down your best
piece of advice for the bride.
268
00:09:48,973 --> 00:09:50,323
We know what she did!
269
00:09:50,348 --> 00:09:51,547
We have to tell Alyssa.
270
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:52,748
I can't.
271
00:09:52,749 --> 00:09:54,816
Honey, you don't have
to full out the card
272
00:09:54,818 --> 00:09:56,402
if you don't know what to say.
273
00:09:56,410 --> 00:09:57,976
I can tell you what to write.
274
00:09:57,978 --> 00:09:59,309
I can tell you what to write.
275
00:09:59,311 --> 00:10:00,711
Shh... sure, sure can.
276
00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:04,393
My sister Ellen never married.
She had a very full life.
277
00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:05,182
Oh?
278
00:10:05,184 --> 00:10:07,502
Until she choked to
death in her apartment
279
00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:10,121
because there was no one else
there to give her the Heimlich.
280
00:10:10,123 --> 00:10:11,556
Just her cats.
281
00:10:11,558 --> 00:10:13,692
Can't you see you're making Paige upset?
282
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,752
She has to be around all this happiness
283
00:10:15,777 --> 00:10:17,432
and reminders that I found love
284
00:10:17,457 --> 00:10:19,559
when she hasn't even been
in a serious relationship.
285
00:10:19,925 --> 00:10:21,965
That must be awful.
286
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:24,759
You don't have to write one.
287
00:10:25,404 --> 00:10:27,707
(scoffs)
288
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:36,566
_
289
00:10:50,663 --> 00:10:53,162
Hey, I like those sausages.
290
00:10:53,164 --> 00:10:54,699
But I'm in the mood for something
291
00:10:54,701 --> 00:10:57,133
a little more attached to a person.
292
00:10:57,135 --> 00:10:59,235
What are you doing after
this party wraps up?
293
00:10:59,237 --> 00:11:00,705
Say, 4:00 in the afternoon?
294
00:11:00,707 --> 00:11:02,588
Number, please.
295
00:11:05,244 --> 00:11:06,713
(beeps)
296
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,382
(sighs)
297
00:11:11,384 --> 00:11:13,174
Really? What the shit, Jordan!
298
00:11:13,199 --> 00:11:14,118
What?
299
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,485
Did our little talk
mean nothing to you?
300
00:11:15,487 --> 00:11:17,135
I told you I needed a break!
301
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,783
Easy, V.
302
00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:20,284
You're never gonna change.
303
00:11:20,309 --> 00:11:21,375
I'm sick of this.
304
00:11:21,377 --> 00:11:22,743
It's over!
305
00:11:22,745 --> 00:11:24,193
I don't understand.
306
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,682
No, seriously, I don't understand.
307
00:11:27,684 --> 00:11:29,240
What do you mean it's over?
308
00:11:30,987 --> 00:11:32,653
Girl, what is happening?
309
00:11:32,655 --> 00:11:34,054
You can't just break up with me.
310
00:11:34,056 --> 00:11:35,269
Wait, can you?
311
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:36,427
Hello?
312
00:11:36,452 --> 00:11:39,319
V! Don't be mad.
313
00:11:39,344 --> 00:11:40,944
Don't you touch me!
314
00:11:41,064 --> 00:11:44,527
(Whitney Houston)
And I...
315
00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:47,194
P! I need you to talk
to my vagina for me.
316
00:11:47,196 --> 00:11:48,329
No?
317
00:11:48,331 --> 00:11:49,105
Please!
318
00:11:49,130 --> 00:11:50,565
She's giving me the silent treatment.
319
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:51,957
Tell her she can't break up with me.
320
00:11:51,959 --> 00:11:53,092
What... how did you...
321
00:11:53,094 --> 00:11:54,026
What am I supposed to even...
322
00:11:54,028 --> 00:11:54,957
I don't know.
323
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:58,103
You're just better at this
relationship stuff, please?
324
00:12:00,128 --> 00:12:03,202
Hey, Jordan's, little Jordan?
325
00:12:03,204 --> 00:12:05,603
Listen, your person is
a really good person.
326
00:12:05,605 --> 00:12:06,832
Oh, you don't have to be weird about it.
327
00:12:06,857 --> 00:12:08,156
You can stand up and talk to her.
328
00:12:08,168 --> 00:12:09,699
I do not have time for this right now.
329
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,293
I am freaking out, okay?
330
00:12:11,316 --> 00:12:13,183
I just did something awful.
331
00:12:13,185 --> 00:12:15,036
I heard from Lindsay's...
332
00:12:16,464 --> 00:12:18,587
...vagina, that she
slept with the groom.
333
00:12:18,589 --> 00:12:19,449
And I wrote it on all of
334
00:12:19,474 --> 00:12:20,660
Alyssa's relationship advice cards.
335
00:12:20,685 --> 00:12:22,516
And now she's gonna read
it in front of everybody.
336
00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:24,769
Yeah, thanks, that makes
me feel a lot better.
337
00:12:24,771 --> 00:12:25,971
We gotta get that card back!
338
00:12:25,973 --> 00:12:27,650
Yeah, you gotta get that card back.
339
00:12:27,675 --> 00:12:28,791
Shit!
340
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:29,975
Shit!
341
00:12:29,977 --> 00:12:32,103
And I...
342
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:34,578
Hey! What about me?!
343
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:37,716
My vagina broke up with me.
344
00:12:37,718 --> 00:12:41,861
(chatter)
345
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,182
Hey, ladies, they're about to play
346
00:12:44,207 --> 00:12:45,994
How Well Do You Know the
Bride in the living room.
347
00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:47,505
Better hurry.
348
00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:51,441
There are prizes, good luck!
349
00:12:51,910 --> 00:12:53,941
Bye.
350
00:12:58,301 --> 00:12:59,424
"Don't go to bed angry."
351
00:12:59,449 --> 00:13:00,568
"Don't go to bed angry."
352
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:03,573
Don't these women have one
piece of original advice?
353
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:04,419
Oh.
354
00:13:05,209 --> 00:13:06,875
(Alyssa) We're about to
read the advice cards.
355
00:13:06,877 --> 00:13:08,255
(gasping)
356
00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:13,415
Ahh!
357
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:14,637
Oh!
358
00:13:15,719 --> 00:13:17,265
What are you doing?
359
00:13:17,977 --> 00:13:19,012
Uh...
360
00:13:19,817 --> 00:13:22,450
Seriously, in all caps, WTF.
361
00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:23,625
A bird.
362
00:13:23,627 --> 00:13:24,659
What?
363
00:13:24,661 --> 00:13:27,401
A bird, a bird flew in that window
364
00:13:27,426 --> 00:13:28,378
and knocked over this candle.
365
00:13:28,403 --> 00:13:29,324
And then before you knew it,
366
00:13:29,349 --> 00:13:31,683
all your advice cards
were on fire and...
367
00:13:31,691 --> 00:13:32,991
I really tried to save them
368
00:13:32,993 --> 00:13:35,120
but you'd be surprised
at how flammable paper is.
369
00:13:35,145 --> 00:13:37,213
But don't you worry.
370
00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:39,893
You need new relationship advice cards.
371
00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:41,453
I am on it, girl.
372
00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:44,420
Ladies!
373
00:13:44,422 --> 00:13:46,377
Where's the bird?
374
00:13:54,164 --> 00:13:56,480
Yes, Shane, tonight's the night.
375
00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:58,901
Uh, my place, I guess?
376
00:13:58,903 --> 00:14:00,902
I have my dorm room
to myself this weekend.
377
00:14:00,904 --> 00:14:02,805
Can't we just go to the movies?
378
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:04,316
I don't think I'm ready.
379
00:14:04,722 --> 00:14:07,433
Okay, see you tonight.
380
00:14:08,312 --> 00:14:09,113
(beeps)
381
00:14:09,138 --> 00:14:10,472
(sighs)
382
00:14:10,801 --> 00:14:13,534
Hey, can I give you some advice?
383
00:14:14,082 --> 00:14:17,116
If there's any part of you
that doesn't feel ready,
384
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:19,800
you should listen to that voice.
385
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:23,497
Trust me, you don't want
your vagina to be made at you.
386
00:14:28,385 --> 00:14:30,353
What happened to the
card I already filed out?
387
00:14:30,355 --> 00:14:31,988
It had really good advice.
388
00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:33,800
"Never go to bed angry".
389
00:14:33,825 --> 00:14:36,058
A bird blew in the window
and knocked over a candle.
390
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:38,061
Really? That's so strange.
391
00:14:38,063 --> 00:14:39,327
What did it look like?
392
00:14:39,329 --> 00:14:41,531
A bird?! That's
what we went with?
393
00:14:41,533 --> 00:14:44,705
Um, it was white, big
wingspan, yellow beak.
394
00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:46,069
Sounds like an albatross.
395
00:14:46,071 --> 00:14:48,504
Yup, exactly, that is
what it was, thank you.
396
00:14:48,506 --> 00:14:51,740
How did it even get in here?
All of the windows have screens.
397
00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:55,144
Lies, all lies! I
think I'm gonna puke.
398
00:14:55,146 --> 00:14:57,345
Um, it... well, you know, scratch that.
399
00:14:57,347 --> 00:14:59,648
It was actually a much
smaller inland bird,
400
00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:00,886
um, kind of like a bat.
401
00:15:00,911 --> 00:15:03,150
Ew, gross, bats have diseases.
402
00:15:03,175 --> 00:15:04,687
She's right, was it near the food?
403
00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:06,355
My triple berry cake.
404
00:15:06,357 --> 00:15:08,258
I had to preorder it five months ago.
405
00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:09,725
That cake has rabies!
406
00:15:09,727 --> 00:15:11,494
Throw it out, throw all the food out!
407
00:15:11,496 --> 00:15:14,364
No, I'm, I'm the bird,
the bat, I mean...
408
00:15:14,366 --> 00:15:16,499
There's not a bird or a bat, it was me.
409
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:18,000
I burned the cards.
410
00:15:18,002 --> 00:15:19,402
Why would you do that?
411
00:15:19,404 --> 00:15:20,013
It just...
412
00:15:20,808 --> 00:15:22,538
God, seeing all of this
413
00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:24,173
and everything you have going for you.
414
00:15:24,175 --> 00:15:25,886
I don't know, I kind of lost it.
415
00:15:26,378 --> 00:15:30,432
There is a huge part of me
that is so happy for you.
416
00:15:30,457 --> 00:15:31,781
But then there's this whole part of me
417
00:15:31,783 --> 00:15:33,182
that's kind of freaking out,
418
00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:35,933
and to tell you the truth,
I wish I was a bigger person.
419
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,920
I'm sorry.
420
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,388
I'm sorry I took it out on you
421
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,855
and ruined what should be a
truly special day in your life.
422
00:15:42,559 --> 00:15:45,095
I hope you can forgive me
because you are my friend,
423
00:15:45,097 --> 00:15:46,860
and you deserve your happy ending.
424
00:15:46,885 --> 00:15:48,498
Well, you have a weird
way of showing it.
425
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,699
Hey!
426
00:15:49,701 --> 00:15:51,167
Paige is being very brave.
427
00:15:51,169 --> 00:15:53,036
Okay, she is being honest.
428
00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:54,656
I think a lot of us try to pretend
429
00:15:54,681 --> 00:15:55,571
that everything's perfect
430
00:15:55,573 --> 00:15:58,041
when on the inside, we
feel like we're a mess.
431
00:15:58,043 --> 00:16:00,601
Some of us are unsure
about our relationships
432
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,142
or can't remember our safe word.
433
00:16:03,167 --> 00:16:05,557
Some of us know we're just
a 1:00 a.m. booty call,
434
00:16:05,582 --> 00:16:07,450
but we're afraid that
we can't do any better.
435
00:16:07,452 --> 00:16:08,811
You can.
436
00:16:09,254 --> 00:16:11,488
Some of us can't remember
when sex used to be fun,
437
00:16:11,490 --> 00:16:14,031
and others of us have
like way too much sex.
438
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,292
And then others of us have
non-vagina related problems
439
00:16:17,294 --> 00:16:18,827
I'm not aware of right now.
440
00:16:18,829 --> 00:16:21,431
But the only thing we're
doing wrong is thinking
441
00:16:21,433 --> 00:16:24,532
that we have to go through
all this stuff alone.
442
00:16:25,336 --> 00:16:26,534
You're right.
443
00:16:26,536 --> 00:16:29,571
I brag about my perfect
life but the truth is
444
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:31,251
I'm terrified.
445
00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:35,176
In one month I'll stand in
front of everyone and say I do.
446
00:16:35,178 --> 00:16:38,133
When really... I don't know.
447
00:16:38,616 --> 00:16:42,428
Wow, it does feel really
good to finally be honest.
448
00:16:43,931 --> 00:16:46,557
I'm so sorry, Paige.
449
00:16:47,092 --> 00:16:49,624
(all) Aww...
450
00:16:49,626 --> 00:16:50,978
Oh.
451
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:53,368
I cut the size tags off my jeans
452
00:16:53,393 --> 00:16:55,190
and switch them for smaller ones.
453
00:16:57,845 --> 00:17:00,029
I've stolen 42 towels from my gym.
454
00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,978
You're getting some for your wedding.
455
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,047
I tell everyone my dog is a rescue.
456
00:17:05,049 --> 00:17:08,009
I need people to tell
me I'm a good person.
457
00:17:08,509 --> 00:17:11,520
Sometimes I don't like
people's Instagrams on purpose.
458
00:17:11,522 --> 00:17:12,921
I like what's going on in,
459
00:17:12,923 --> 00:17:15,727
in everybody's lives, but I
don't want them to know it.
460
00:17:16,528 --> 00:17:17,861
I slept with Mikey.
461
00:17:17,863 --> 00:17:19,173
(all gasping)
462
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,758
Right after Dion and I broke up,
463
00:17:22,783 --> 00:17:24,181
it was only one time.
464
00:17:24,493 --> 00:17:26,227
It was that month
when you guys split up.
465
00:17:26,229 --> 00:17:27,557
I didn't know you were
gonna get back together.
466
00:17:28,097 --> 00:17:30,725
I feel terrible, I'm so sorry.
467
00:17:33,141 --> 00:17:34,302
I know.
468
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,888
He told me months ago.
469
00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:37,404
Oh.
470
00:17:37,406 --> 00:17:41,175
We got past it and... I forgive you.
471
00:17:41,177 --> 00:17:44,246
Not the most ideal timing, but...
472
00:17:44,248 --> 00:17:46,201
I'm glad you were able to tell me.
473
00:17:50,586 --> 00:17:53,453
(all) Aww...
474
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:56,458
Aww...
475
00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:59,129
We're Vagina Whisperers.
476
00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:03,927
So, you don't mind if we wait?
477
00:18:04,504 --> 00:18:05,260
Cool.
478
00:18:05,773 --> 00:18:07,906
Oh, I'll totally still do that.
479
00:18:08,095 --> 00:18:10,100
And that thing you did on the ski trip?
480
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:13,045
When we were in the hot tub all night...
481
00:18:13,047 --> 00:18:15,547
Hey, where should we meet up later?
482
00:18:15,549 --> 00:18:17,650
Sorry, dude, I can't.
483
00:18:17,652 --> 00:18:19,384
Did you suddenly get 4:00 p.m. plans?
484
00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:21,120
Yes, I did.
485
00:18:21,122 --> 00:18:22,860
With someone very special
486
00:18:22,885 --> 00:18:24,774
and I'm letting her call the shots.
487
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:27,633
So, plans are whatever she feels like.
488
00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:30,285
That sounds not at all made up.
489
00:18:32,657 --> 00:18:34,031
Did you mean that?
490
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:35,063
Of course.
491
00:18:35,688 --> 00:18:38,201
Listen, Venetian, I'm sorry.
492
00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:42,438
I hear you, I do, I'll change, promise.
493
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,829
Let's just never fight again, okay?
494
00:18:44,854 --> 00:18:45,680
Okay.
495
00:18:45,712 --> 00:18:47,244
I just wanted to be heard.
496
00:18:47,246 --> 00:18:48,579
And I'm not saying no sex.
497
00:18:48,581 --> 00:18:50,452
But you know, let's be picky.
498
00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:52,515
Yeah, like every other person.
499
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:54,607
Maybe every third person.
500
00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:55,579
Meet in the middle.
501
00:18:55,751 --> 00:18:56,918
Hey, when we get home,
502
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,297
I'm gonna make you the
sickest bubble bath.
503
00:18:58,306 --> 00:19:00,547
Girl, you know I love
them purple bubbles.
504
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:03,374
Oh, it's gonna be nothing
but purple bubbles for you.
505
00:19:03,399 --> 00:19:06,311
You're gonna be smelling
like lavender for weeks!
506
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,248
Paige?
507
00:19:08,657 --> 00:19:10,655
Oh, no, you're fading.
508
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,890
It's wearing off.
509
00:19:11,915 --> 00:19:13,389
You did good today.
510
00:19:13,414 --> 00:19:15,710
And I've decided I'm
not worried about us.
511
00:19:15,735 --> 00:19:17,102
There's plenty of time
512
00:19:17,110 --> 00:19:20,038
and so much love to
experience like Italian guys.
513
00:19:20,063 --> 00:19:20,734
(gasping)
514
00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:22,926
Can we please try out
some Italian guys?
515
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,093
We're gonna be fine.
516
00:19:24,095 --> 00:19:25,718
We'll find our perfect fit.
517
00:19:25,743 --> 00:19:27,874
Like Cinderella and her slipper.
518
00:19:27,899 --> 00:19:29,921
Only don't put a shoe
up me, that's gross.
519
00:19:29,946 --> 00:19:32,473
I will ever put a shoe in you.
520
00:19:35,438 --> 00:19:36,313
Ready to go?
521
00:19:36,329 --> 00:19:38,890
Hey, you know, maybe
monogamy isn't the poison
522
00:19:38,915 --> 00:19:41,118
laced bear trap I always thought it was.
523
00:19:41,142 --> 00:19:42,809
I mean, you and I have
been together for a while,
524
00:19:42,811 --> 00:19:44,258
and I'm not sick of you yet.
525
00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:44,993
Was that a proposal?
526
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:46,648
If anyone proposed it would be you.
527
00:19:46,673 --> 00:19:47,872
In what world? You
528
00:19:47,897 --> 00:19:49,602
would totally propose to me.
529
00:19:50,259 --> 00:19:52,692
You know, I'm actually a
little sad the lube wore off.
530
00:19:53,282 --> 00:19:54,694
I miss her.
531
00:19:54,696 --> 00:19:56,328
They're still with us.
532
00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:59,833
They'll always be right here.
533
00:19:59,858 --> 00:20:02,158
534
00:20:02,183 --> 00:20:04,183
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
535
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:08,783
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37875
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