All language subtitles for Marry Me s01e14 Dead Me.eng

Sorry, babe.

Ugh! Janet kept me late again.

Can we still make
our dinner reservation?

Oh, no.
I don't think so, sweetie.

It's 4:00 A.M. wow.

What... why are your pants on
inside-out?

Oh. I caught that mid-day,
but I was too busy to fix it.

Babe, this is the third date
night is a row you've missed.

I know, I'm sorry.
It's just that we're redoing

the entire place.

I mean, you don't just
snap your fingers

and create a stunning yet
understated European-style hotel

with rooftop vodka bar,
smoking grotto,

- and clothing optional spa.
- Jugs.

It's just... this job is a lot.

No, I get it. You know,

that's the beauty of my new job.

Punch in at 10:00,
I crunch some numbers,

I'm home by 5:00, you know?
Do I know what I'm crunching?

No. You know, should I have
been there at 9:00?

[Chuckles] Probably.

But, it's all chell.

- Chell?
- Yeah, chell.

It's a cheller way
of saying "chill."

- Oh.
- Babe, work is supposed to be

something you don't care about,
that ends early enough

so you can get home and just...

Chell?

Yeah, now we're cooking
with jazz.

But I don't want to chell, babe.

I mean, I have aspirations
and dreams,

and if it means I have to
work till 4:00 A.M.,

- so be it.
- You know what?

That's what makes us tick.
Right?

You live to work,
I work to live, you know?

But together, we... lurk to wiv.

We're... oh, I had it, I had it,
I had it. I lost it.

The point is, is I just want
to hang out with you.

Me too. But hey,

date night doesn't have
to be over.

We still have
plenty of time to...

[Cell phone ringing] Crap.

What? Oh, no.
There's always time to crap.

No. It's Janet. I got to...

No. No, no, no.
No. It is date night.

Or morning, okay?

So, now I'm going to
reheat that tub,

skim the hair off the top,

and put on the sleepless in
Seattle soundtrack.

Deal. [Phone ringing]

Oh, my god. The landline.

Wait. We have a landline?

I always thought that was
a hipster cookie jar.

I got to answer it. It's Janet.

No.

You're right. You're right.

You're right. Date morning.

You go do that weird tub stuff,

and I will open up
a bottle of wine.

Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

[Laughs] Bip. [Jazz music plays]

- Ooh.
- Ahh.

- [Snaps fingers]
- Yes.

Careful.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Are you... just walk in.

- I'm just gonna go.
- Okay.

Careful.

[Knock at door]

Janet, what are you doing here?

Annie, I need you.

All the work you did
caught on fire.

- What?
- Well, not really.

But it was so bad
I should have burned it.

Come on. We gotta go
to the fabric mart.

It about to open.
If I lose any more chiffon

to gay Tony, I'm going to,
uh, freak, uh!

- What day...
- Come on, let's go.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, uh, Annie,
I found a snake in the bathroom,

but, um, he seems
pretty friendly.

[Chuckles] Annie?

(Singer) [Whistling]

-
Oh, no

Mmm. I'm sorry,
but this card is also declined.

Oh. [Chuckles]

Really? Okay, how about... ew.

Give that one
the old college try.

- Declined.
- Ah!

Oh, Jake.
don't worry about it, buddy.

We'll wait while you call
your bank.

You know, if I don't
keep switching this damn thing

from pocket to pocket,

my back starts scoliosin'
something fierce.

So, Kay, I don't get it.

You brought us here
to meet some girl?

I thought you were
dating Hailey?

I am. Which is why I need to

break it off with all these side
salads I've been nibbling on.

I wanted you guys here
in case she flips out.

When you take the Kay away,
they go a little cray.

Human operator. Human.

- Human.
- Oh, my god, there she is.

Act like you're asleep.
Oh, that won't do anything.

- Brianna!
- Hey.

I am so glad that you ca...
Who the hell is this?

Just a friend. Not gay.

Well then, who's that lesbian
on the phone over there?

Oh, that's just Jake.
Although, he does have a bit

of a Rachel maddow vibe
cooking today.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

I think... that was mine.

Okay. All right. Oh, perfect.

Well, thank you so much.
All right, bye.

Well, my identity's been stolen.

- Damn it.
- Why would anyone

want to be you? No offense.

How... how would I not
be offended by that?

Now I gotta restore my credit,
unfreeze my bank account.

My yogurtland punch card
is probably invalid.

I could fix that all for you.

- You can?
- I don't know.

Did I hack the network firewall
for Chicago one bank

in under ten minutes? [Chuckles]

[Chuckles] I-I don't know.

- Did you?
- Depends. Who's asking?

You.

You're asking.

Yeah. I'm a programmer.

I can do anything
in three keystrokes.

(Both) Mmm.

Listen, girl, we need to talk.

Oh, about you
clearing up my identity.

Preferably before giving
or receiving

any big relationship news.

Yeah. Anything for a friend
of my little Kay.

I'd take a freight train
to the face for you, baby.

Oh, that's sweet. Right, Kay?

- Fine.
- Okay. Okay.

[Laughter] - Oh, my god.

It's like, stop staring,
hungry Barbie.

She's not into you.

Oh, man.
This video game is so realistic.

I mean, if I had a Camaro
and a baseball bat,

this is exactly what I would do.

Dude, don't you have
to get to work?

- It's 11:00 A.M.
- ah, no one's gonna notice.

Yeah. I'm one of 400 employees
on my floor alone.

What I do is I put a jacket
on the back of my chair,

and then people think I'm there.
It's the perfect gig.

Man. I gotta get back
in the corporate game.

Any news on that resume
I gave you?

Oh, you're in the system, buddy.

Hr says you're next in line.

Well, then actually let me
give you my new resume.

It's on card stock.
My kinko's guy says

it's the same paper
people use to apply to be

President of the United States.

Well, that's 100% not true.

Hey, guys.
My boys, my fellas, my dawgs.

- Woot, woot.
- Oh, no.

Kay, what did you do?

Nothing.

I just, uh, thought I'd come by

to see if you happened to get
your identity fixed yet.

- No, why?
- No reason.

Just, uh, Hailey and I
bumped into Brianna.

Made me think of it. No big.

Wait a second.
Brianna saw you with Hailey?

- Was she pissed?
- Short answer is yes, but...

Oh, terrific.

So I gave my social security
number to a crazy,

jealous hacker who probably
has a vendetta against you.

don't worry about it.
She said she's gonna take care

of your whole
identity thing anyway.

- She did?
- Yeah.

As she was storming off,
she turned around,

she touched all of her
fingertips together, and said,

"don't worry. I'm gonna take
care of your friend's identity."

And ended it with a pretty
standard "mark my words"

sign off, and then
just laughed and laughed.

- Uh-huh.
- It'll be fine.

Ah, somehow I don't believe you.
[Phone chimes]

Oh.

Here's a little news you
might be interested in, Kay.

Apparently there's been
a death at my company.

- Oh.
- Yeah. In my department.

- My god.
- On my floor.

- Jesus.
- In my seat.

We got to get you
a new chair, buddy,

- in case that one's haunted.
- It's me.

Somehow your crazy ex-girlfriend
made me dead.

[Horn honking ringtone]
(Gil) Oh, my god.

I just got an email
from CLM Solutions too.

A temp position just opened up.

Best day ever! [Laughing]

Okay, look, wait a second.

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www.addic7ed.com

So, Mr. Schuffman, comma, Jacob,

(ellen) It says here in the
system that you are deceased.

Now, that's a bummer.

Well, obviously, that wrong.

Because I'm here
talking to you, right, so...

Ooh, it's just...
It's out of my hands.

Once you get your whole identity
situation straightened out,

just come back in,
and then we can fill out

the proper paperwork to prove
that you are "alive."

I am alive. There's no need
for the air quotes.

"Okay." [Chuckles]

But in the meantime,

you are gonna have to
vacate the premises,

for insurance purposes.

I mean, can you imagine
if you were injured

while on the job
while you were dead, you know?

Paperwork nightmare
for old Eugene.

- Are you Eugene?
- I wish I were.

It looks like
standard operating procedures

are already in effect,
so flowers are gonna be sent

to your next of kin,
and there's gonna be

a small memorial for you

at the next
weekly staff meeting.

Well, can't you just stop that?

Hey, that's an idea.

But, no, there's nothing
I can do.

Well, thank you so much

for literally not helping me
at all.

You're welcome.

So, we needed a short-term temp,

that's you, because we bumped
everyone up the ladder.

We had a death in accounts.

A man named Jake...

- Schuffman?
- Hey!

Someone's done their research.

Hey, keep this up
and maybe this "temp"

could become a "perm."

You know, according to
teen vogue,

I have the perfect bone
structure for a perm.

[Laughing] Hey...

It's been tense around here
since Jake died.

Thanks for giving me permission
to laugh again.

[Cell phone ringing] Hey, babe.

(Annie) Oh, hey. Just
a quick question.

No big whoops,
but did you happen to die?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I should have called you
earlier, my bad.

Uh, you might be receiving
some flowers from my company.

Yep. I got 'em.

(Jake) Kay's crazy ex-girlfriend
somehow convinced the world

and every computer in it
that I'm dead.

Okay. Well, just a heads-up.

This is on that list of things
you're supposed to

immediately call me about.

That and if you see Lamar Odom.

It's weird that he's still
your hall pass.

Why is the bathroom key
wet again?

Oh, I gotta go. Janet's here.

Annie, these patterns
are all wrong.

Oh, but they're exactly
what you asked for last night.

Well, last night
I was on Percocet for my...

I don't know, ear pain?

Sure. Let's go with that.

Now this means we gotta
come in on a Sunday.

And by "we," I mean "you."

And by "you," I mean "ugh. You."

Okay. No problem.

Who's this? CLM Solutions.

Condolences. Ah, who's Jake?

Um, that's my fiance,
but it's not...

Your fiance died?
What are you even doing here?

You should be at home,
lousy with grief.

Really?

Maybe I sh...
Maybe I should be home.

I am feeling pretty grieve-y.

And I've been trying
to work through it, but...

Oh, I'm so sorry,
you poor thing.

Oh, and I've been
so hard on you.

And that explains why your work

has been so subpar and
childlike.

Okay. I'm gonna go.

Human operator. Human.

Oh, no, babe.
What are you doing?

That was the
social security office.

Jake, stay dead.

Because as long as you are,
you don't have to go to work,

I don't have to go to work,

we can finally have
a date night.

We can have a whole date week.

So just forget about this,
and kiss me

- with your corpse mouth.
- Oh, yeah, baby.

I'm gonna shove my dead tongue
down your living throat.

Oh, yes, please.

Ooh.

You know, we're just not
these kinds of people.

No, no.
We eat off this thing, you know?

- It's not sanitary.
- It's so low with your back.

Yeah. Soft bed in the other room
right there waiting for us.

Yeah. Just gonna brush my teeth.

- I'll be right in.
- All right. Very good.

Wow, Annie, this hotel
is so chell.

I can't believe
you designed all of this.

Thanks, babe.
I couldn't have done it

without Janet screaming at me
and taking credit for my work.

Ah, she just sucks
all the joy out of my job.

I'm really glad we came.
Seeing everything I created

really reminds me of how much
I love this stuff.

Yeah. And I'm glad
Brianna killed me.

Otherwise I'd be stuck
in a sterile cubicle

instead of straight up chelling.

- Yeah.
- Correct me if I'm wrong,

but didn't you say
that this euro-spa is...

- Clothing optional?
- Uh-oh.

Hide your field mice,
the snake is loose.

Yeah. And thirsty.

- don't be gross.
- Uh, no, no.

I just meant can you
grab us a few more drinks?

Oh, yes. Of course. No problem.

Two more Moscow mules, please.

Oprah and Gayle love them,
so do I.

Annie?

Janet. What are you doing here?

You hate interacting
with clients.

Yeah, true, but I had to
drop off these lobby designs

because you were supposed
to be at home grieving.

Yeah, I was,
but I can't stay in that house.

Not... not the house that
we shared as lovers.

I had to come here to get away
from the sadness

and the memories...

Oh, and the drinks?

Yes. Yes.

Just pouring one out
for my homie.

R.I.P., Jake. R.I.P.

Annie, what's the 411
on those drinks?

I want to wet my whistle
while I wet my Willy.

Oh, Annie,
is this naked guy with you?

Um, yes. Yes

this... put this on.
This... this is Jake's brother,

Ja... Jezz. Jazz. Jazz, Jazz.

This man's name is Jazz.

Jazz, I would like for you
to meet my boss from work

Janet l'amour of "Janet for
Janet l'amour designs

by Janet l'amour."

Oh, Janet.
Annie's told me so, uh,

little about you.
Yeah, because we...

We don't really see
much of each other

and know much of each other
because I was in Afghanistan

and my brother, Jake,
did not support the troops,

which vis-a-vis was me, so...
[Chuckles]

We had a falling out, you know?

So, it's hot there, you know?

A lot of people don't know that
about Afghanistan.

Okay, that's good.

So, the two of you
came here together?

- To a nude spa?
- Yes, because we...

We both feel that Jake
would want us to be nude...

- Yep.
- As a symbol of rebirth.

Yeah. This is for you,
big brother.

- And we miss you a lot.
- Ahh.

No, no, wait.

Well, it's real nice of you,
Jazz,

to come all the way
from Afghanistan

to support Annie here.

And, um, hey, you know,

if you need another shoulder
to cry on,

I just want you to know
that my door is always open,

and the clothes are optional.

- That's a joke.
- [Chuckles]

(Jake) That's... whew.

Thank god I took
those military improv classes.

- Yeah. Those really helped.
- Right?

I can't believe Janet was there.

I didn't think
this thing through.

I mean, what am I going
to tell her

when I have to go back to work,

and she sees that I'm still
planning a wedding with you?

Okay, here's the deal.

Jake stays dead.

Jazz steps up,
does the honorable thing,

marries his brother's widow.
[Grunts]

- Old school.
- She's gonna figure it out.

Babe, Janet doesn't think twice
about what you do

in your personal life.

Besides, you know she's just
gonna Percocet it and forget it.

Jacob, emergency powwow.

We need our key back.

If you'll excuse me, I have some

cry-heaving to do
in the bathroom.

Whoa, Gil,

you're wearing an outfit
that actually makes sense.

- What's up, pal?
- I need advice.

I'm doing the announcements
at this week's staff meeting

at CLM Solutions, which involves
a five-minute memorial segment

on the deceased, vis-a-vis, you.

They're only giving me
five minutes?

Hey, I had to push for five.

They wanted to give you
a hard two.

- What?
- But anyway, I want to

make sure it's really awesome.

Oh, thanks, buddy.

- So I can impress Hank.
- Ugh.

Now think for a second.

What's a better song to go with
pictures of dead Jake?

Is it I Will Remember You
by Sarah McLachlan,

or Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega?

Is that a joke?

You want to play a song
to pictures of dead me?

- It's obviously Lou Bega.
- No, that's what I thought.

But I wanted to run it by you
out of respect.

Who is this Hank guy
you're talking about?

Hank. He's the office manager.

He works right next to Barbara.

Oh, I'm drawing a lot
of blanks here.

Babs. Her daughter just got
out of rehab

for that crippling
bath salts addiction.

They did a story about her.

She was running through the
streets eating people's faces.

At CLM?

- She ate a face at CLM, yeah.
- She ate a face at CLM?

Bring-your-daughter-to-work day,
she ate a face.

She ate Earl's face.

Earl, he organizes
the trivia night.

Trivia night?
I didn't know they did that.

I love trivia. Especially when
it's cloaked by the night.

Yeah, it's pretty chell.

Wow.
That does sound pretty chell.

It's hella chell,
if I'm being honest.

You know, I don't know why
you always said

they're some big nameless,
faceless corporation.

We're a family.
A big, 10,000 person family.

We're like mormons, except
we get to drink coffee.

[Knock at door]

- Who's that?
- I don't know.

Annie's boss Janet!

Jazz. What are you doing here?

Janet, you are here,
and that is neat.

Yes, that is neat.
And, uh, this is my friend, Gil,

from the war.

- I'm Jazz.
- Hmm.

- I'm rock and roll.
- Annie,

- may I have a word?
- Yes.

I think it's pretty clear
why I'm here.

Well, I don't think it's clear
why any of us are here.

I mean, the universe, right?

- We were once fish.
- Pfft!

All right, you probably noticed
that Jazz and I

- really hit it off at the spa.
- Huh?

Please. I mean, the chemistry
was so intense

you could hear my egg drop.

So, I came over here to tell you

that I'm going to
actively pursue him.

- Huh?
- And since I like to pounce

when they're at
their most vulnerable,

I'm gonna have to go ahead
and attend that funeral, okay?

The fun... yes, the... the funeral.

Well, the tragedy continues

because we aren't having
one of those.

- No funeral?
- Oh, well, there is gonna be

a memorial service
at his office, if that helps.

I don't want to get
ahead of myself,

but a lot of people
are calling it

the memorial service
of the fiscal quarter.

I will see you there. [Chuckles]

Oh, and I never wear underwear
to memorial services,

so let's just say there's not
going to be a dry seat

- in the house.
- Oh, let's not say that.

All right, well, see you there.

- Hey.
- Hey, cool guy.

What's up with
the hat and the shades?

Hat-and-shades Thursday
isn't until next Tuesday.

We had to reschedule it
'cause some guy died.

- I don't know.
- Me, Gil.

I died.

Just trying to keep a low pro

because I'm not
supposed to be here.

But Jazz is.

I'm Jazz.

And I'm rock and roll.

We've already been through this.

Ooh, I gotta go say hi
to my friends.

They're having a tough day.

The toner didn't come in.

Hey, hey. [Mimics exploding]

Look at all those
sweet handshakes he's doing.

- Ahh!
- Oh, Annie.

Annie, right here.

You might need to move.
Annie, come on.

I have to go sit with her.

I'll stay back.

Oh, isn't Jazz going to join us?

Uh, he's scared of powerpoints,
you know?

- Because of the war.
- Oh.

I like it. A fixer-upper.

[Chuckles]

Oh, you're gonna wear that?

Yeah, obviously.
I'm already here.

What the hell are you two
doing here?

We wouldn't miss
your funeral, buddy.

Besides, Barbara made her
famous deviled eggs.

Hey, babs.

And Hank's taking everybody
bowling after.

He's really good.

Wait, so you two are hanging out

with Barbara and Hank now?

God, I feel like
I'm in one of those movies

where Nic cage learns what
his life could have been like

if he just made a couple
of different choices.

All right, let's get started.

Our buddy Gil's gonna take us
through the announcements

starting with a very special
powerpoint to commemorate

the passing of one of our
team members: Jack Chuffman.

[Applause]

- Get it, Gil!
- [Barking]

Thank you.

His death brought us together.

But my powerpoint
will lift us up.

This was Jack Chuffman.

Oh, come on.

This is sadder than I thought
it would be,

but in a different way.

You gonna get up there
and say a few words?

This song says it better
than I ever could.

Annie, the least you can do
is get up there

and say a few words
about your dead fiance.

Hey, all due respect, Janet,

I'll grieve in my own way.

Thank you.
You don't need to tell me

what to do here.
We're not at the office.

Well, somebody should
'cause you're mourning wrong.

You know what?
I am gonna say a few words.

A little bit of Monica indeed.

I'm Annie. I'm Jake's fiance.

And it's been a weird 48.

But if I have learned anything

from this whole
"Jake is dead" thing,

it's that life is short.

And that is why, Janet,
I'm done. I'm done.

- I quit.
- What?

I quit, too.

- And I quit.
- No, no. No.

No, I'm sorry,
I don't work here,

so it's not like
a Jerry Maguire thing.

- Never mind.
- Second that.

Sorry, we're all just such
team players here.

And that's a team
I want to be part of.

Hi, I'm Jack Schuffman...
Jake Schuffman.

And I'm not dead.

And if I have
learned anything from what

Annie has learned from this
whole "Jake is dead" thing,

it's... life is short.

You know, when I worked here,
I wasted every day

thinking about the second
I can get home and chell.

- Chell?
- But what I learned is...

That you need to find
a new career that inspires you.

What? No, no.

What I learned is I can just
chell out here right at work.

I'm just realizing what an
amazing group of people you are.

The problem was me.

And CLM was the solutions.

(All) Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!
Oh, okay.

Oh.

Stop it.
(All) Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!

- Whoo!
- No, no, no, no.

You know what?
I learned something

even more important today, okay?

There is a half a sheet cake
in the kitchen.

Now let's go in there
and eat the [Bleep] out of it!

[All cheering]

Jazz! You're alive.

I heard the terrible news
about Jake.

So I left the war
to make love, not war.

You gonna fire off your musket?

Oh, what? Musket?

That's old-timey.

No, I use M16s and things like that.

Other things, okay.

- Like handguns of some sort.
- I know. Sorry.

- But, uh...
- Should we start again?

Yeah, should I go out? I don't wanna...

You know what? No.

We're just not these kind of people either.

Who role-plays?

- Too confusing for me...
- Right?

To be so historically accurate.

Just... and it's a lot to think about...

- I know.
- Instead of thinking about

what, you know, what we really want to do.

I'm thinking about a backstory.

Yeah. I wrote a backstory.

- I know.
- I'll tell you,

I'm glad that Jake has his identity back.

- I am gonna miss Jazz.
- Well, he's a real war hero.

Yeah, he fought for our country.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

So, babe, how are you feeling about

this whole new job thing?

Have you figured out what you're gonna do?

I decided I am gonna go out on my own.

Annie, I am so proud of you. That's great.

Thanks. And I'm so proud of you

for figuring out how to...

Brrr, what, goof off at work?

I don't know what your lesson was.

You better be a good dad.

Yeah, I hope I am.

More importantly, I'm very excited

that we finally get to have a date night.

Aww.

Well, actually, you know,
I'm gonna have to work.

Because starting your own company,

it is very time consuming.

Oh, wow. Your new boss is a real bitch.

She's the worst.

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