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1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,735
(Jake) That ballet was awesome!
2
00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:03,769
You know what
my favorite part was... oh!
3
00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:05,871
(Annie) The bar. We
had a lot of drinks.
4
00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:08,173
(Jake)
We killed three bottles of wine.
5
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,309
Look, look.
I'm a ballerina lady.
6
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,044
Leapy thing. First position.
7
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:13,278
Oh, hey, hey, hey, ooh.
8
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:15,147
What if you and I
do a first position?
9
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,215
Like, with sex.
10
00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:17,983
[Laughs] Oh, okay.
11
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,755
[Man clears throat]
12
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:24,623
You're gumming up my spokes.
13
00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:25,791
- Oh.
- Oh, hey.
14
00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:27,059
Atlas, right?
15
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,861
Sorry about that.
We're just in love.
16
00:00:28,895 --> 00:00:30,362
Sometimes it gets on things.
17
00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:31,864
Yeah, we didn't mean
to mess with your bike.
18
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:34,299
It's not a bike.
It's a penny-farthing.
19
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,301
- Ooh, excuse me.
- Oh.
20
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,636
[english accent] Didn't mean to
mess with your penny-farthing.
21
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:38,637
Sorry.
22
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:39,605
Uh, okay.
23
00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:41,507
- Sorry.
- Ow, ow!
24
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,741
Okay, bye, sorry. [Strums]
25
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:43,709
[Both giggle]
26
00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:44,877
Oh, my god.
27
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:46,645
- That guy is so pretentious!
- Yeah.
28
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,614
Leaving his old-timey bike
in the lobby?
29
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,682
Having an old-timey bike
in the first place?
30
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,018
Yeah, and what non-renaissance
human plays the lute?
31
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,486
I love this apartment,
32
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,355
but some of our neighbors
are uh-not great.
33
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,589
Oh. Case in point.
34
00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,024
"Building art show"?
35
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,926
- Oof.
- You know what we need to do.
36
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,628
[Laughs] Of course I do.
37
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,029
It's not my first barbecue.
38
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,197
Eh, pen please.
39
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,666
- There you go.
- [Chuckles]
40
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,501
- Okay.
- [Laughs]
41
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:10,569
There.
42
00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:12,404
Oh, my gosh. It's brilliant.
43
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:13,439
We're brilliant!
44
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:16,942
So clever. So important.
45
00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:19,611
I have never been
more in love with you.
46
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:21,146
(Singer) [Whistling]
47
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,548
-
Oh, no
-
hey
48
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,984
can't hold me back
49
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,554
(Annie) Ugh, I'm so hungover!
50
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,955
Despite how badly
we're suffering for it,
51
00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:31,423
last night was fu-u-un!
52
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:32,758
So fun!
53
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,760
I think I passed out
with my finger in your...
54
00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:36,028
-[Man clears throat]
- Dads?
55
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,663
Uh-oh, I suppose you two forgot
56
00:01:37,697 --> 00:01:39,531
that you invited us
over here for brunch.
57
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,599
Oh, my god. I'm so sorry!
58
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:41,967
I totally forgot.
59
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:44,903
This feels more like
a pants-on conversation.
60
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,171
So I guess the frittata
you promised
61
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:47,640
won't be making an appearance?
62
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,108
You expected food?
63
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,010
Sweetie, you literally said,
"come hungry."
64
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,378
Why do you keep listening to me?
65
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:53,712
Well, we have good news
and bad news.
66
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,647
The rsvps for your wedding
are all in,
67
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:56,615
and the good news is,
everyone's coming!
68
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:58,183
[Squeals]
69
00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,518
The bad news is,
everyone is coming.
70
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:01,186
What?
71
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:03,088
In this case, the good news
and bad news are the same.
72
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,490
Yeah.
73
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,058
People keep adding plus-ones
and plus-twos,
74
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,659
and who are we to tell
aunt Karen and uncle Teddy
75
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,627
that they can't bring
their boyfriend?
76
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:09,828
What?
77
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,063
Oh, aunt Karen's in a throuple.
78
00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,131
(Annie)
People are writing in names?
79
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:13,499
This is a wedding invite,
80
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,300
not a political ballot thingy!
81
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:17,136
- Have you ever voted?
- Yes.
82
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,570
- Have you?
- Mm-hmm.
83
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:20,105
Who'd you vote for?
84
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,540
I voted for myself
for class president.
85
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:23,309
Anyway, we are one away
86
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,611
from the venue's capacity,
but do not worry,
87
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,312
we have come up with a solution.
88
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,348
If Dennah, Kay, and Gil
all agree that only one of them
89
00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:31,050
can bring a plus-one,
then we're okay.
90
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,351
And they're all still single,
aren't they?
91
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,819
- Oh, god, yes.
- [All laugh]
92
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,721
[All laughing]
93
00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:36,755
Who's gonna tell them? Not it.
94
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:37,723
Oh no, I can't. I love them.
95
00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:38,924
don't worry.
96
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,392
We will take care
of that for you.
97
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,627
We'll call that
our wedding present to you.
98
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,328
Aw! Thanks, dads!
99
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,930
Along with
a real wedding present, right?
100
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,832
Yeah, we were expecting
something substantial.
101
00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:48,834
Thought we were paying for the
wedding, but sure, yeah.
102
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,302
- [Doorbell rings loudly]
- [Annie and Jake groan]
103
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,670
Why are they making bells
so loud nowadays?
104
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:52,971
Let's get 'em a new doorbell.
105
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,173
- You want to?
- Mm-hmm.
106
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:55,441
- Ay-yi-yi.
- Building alert!
107
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:56,408
Aah!
108
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:57,843
Oh, hi, Julie.
109
00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,745
And for what would you
like us to apologize today?
110
00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,747
Listen, I don't have time
for your humor jokes.
111
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:04,149
I am here to inform you that
there is an emergency meeting
112
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,984
because there has been
a hate crime in our building.
113
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,219
Poor Mr. kwan!
114
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,587
What? No, it's not Mr. kwan.
115
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:10,589
Oh, no. It's Mrs. rubenstein.
116
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:11,724
- No.
- Fat Olga?
117
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:16,220
The mad Greek? No-legs Jenny?
118
00:03:16,255 --> 00:03:17,588
No, her legs... she has them,
s-it's just Benny. K benn?
119
00:03:17,623 --> 00:03:19,423
Annie, sweetie,
just stop guessing.
120
00:03:19,458 --> 00:03:20,792
You're kind of digging a ditch.
Guys.
121
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,261
I need everybody
to focus up here, okay?
122
00:03:23,295 --> 00:03:25,463
George in 8a is putting on
the building's art show,
123
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:30,034
and some hate monger defaced
his sign with the f-word.
124
00:03:30,068 --> 00:03:31,469
[Whispering] Fart.
125
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,437
[Laughs] But that's such
a hilarious word.
126
00:03:33,472 --> 00:03:35,106
How could that be a hate crime?
127
00:03:35,140 --> 00:03:36,340
Hilarious?
128
00:03:36,375 --> 00:03:39,777
George is a longtime sufferer
of ibs.
129
00:03:39,812 --> 00:03:42,013
- Irritable bowel syndrome?
- Okay.
130
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:45,016
It's a debilitating disease that
should not be taken lightly!
131
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,485
He can't spend more than
15 minutes away from a bathroom!
132
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,719
How was he going to do
the art show?
133
00:03:48,754 --> 00:03:50,088
- Quickly!
- Yeah, no, that stinks.
134
00:03:50,122 --> 00:03:51,322
All right.
135
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,824
I mean,
that's a crappy situation.
136
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,192
I get it. It's a play on words.
137
00:03:54,226 --> 00:03:56,427
Oh, god, I'm having diarrhea
of the mouth.
138
00:03:56,461 --> 00:03:58,730
Save it for the funny pages,
Calvin and Hobbes.
139
00:03:58,764 --> 00:04:01,699
I didn't mean any of that!
I didn't... oh.
140
00:04:01,733 --> 00:04:03,067
You meant all that, right?
141
00:04:03,101 --> 00:04:04,869
More than anything
I've ever meant.
142
00:04:04,903 --> 00:04:08,072
So all the rsvps are in
for Annie's wedding.
143
00:04:08,106 --> 00:04:10,274
We crunched all the numbers,
did some maths...
144
00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:11,909
Did you know that there's
a calculator on my phone?
145
00:04:11,944 --> 00:04:13,544
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
146
00:04:13,579 --> 00:04:15,346
And there's only one plus-one
left, which means
147
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,181
only one of you gets to bring
a date to the wedding.
148
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,749
Oh, my god! Gil, Kay.
149
00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:21,668
I'm so sorry you guys
can't bring someone.
150
00:04:21,702 --> 00:04:23,136
What?
Why would you get the plus-one?
151
00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:24,171
There's nothing more pathetic
than being single
152
00:04:24,205 --> 00:04:25,238
at your best friend's wedding.
153
00:04:25,273 --> 00:04:26,239
I can't. I mean, I won't.
154
00:04:26,274 --> 00:04:27,641
I can't, I just can't.
155
00:04:27,675 --> 00:04:29,276
My mom can't be right.
156
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,445
It's way more important
for me to bring a date!
157
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,846
I'm divorced.
Everybody thinks I'm a loser.
158
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,414
Exactly!
159
00:04:34,449 --> 00:04:35,782
One wedding's not gonna
change anybody's mind.
160
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,617
Look, you guys
can fight for this.
161
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:41,021
I don't mind going stag.
More single ladies for me.
162
00:04:41,055 --> 00:04:43,824
I am a playa, and my instrument
is the ba-Gina.
163
00:04:43,858 --> 00:04:44,925
Kay nasty!
164
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,259
Yes, I am. I am nasty.
165
00:04:46,294 --> 00:04:47,661
Mm!
166
00:04:47,695 --> 00:04:48,628
You better know it.
You better know it!
167
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,397
Huh!
168
00:04:50,431 --> 00:04:51,498
You don't even know what I do.
You don't even know!
169
00:04:51,532 --> 00:04:53,166
Ha!
170
00:04:53,201 --> 00:04:54,835
So to settle this, I thought
we would just flip a coin.
171
00:04:54,869 --> 00:04:57,604
Which we did, and I won, so
I got to decide how we decide.
172
00:04:57,638 --> 00:05:00,874
And I decided
it's a wedding date duel-down!
173
00:05:00,908 --> 00:05:03,543
And the only rule is
there are no rules!
174
00:05:03,578 --> 00:05:05,178
I always wanted to say that.
175
00:05:05,213 --> 00:05:07,080
And now you have,
so don't ever say it again.
176
00:05:07,115 --> 00:05:09,116
So, Gil, Dennah,
177
00:05:09,150 --> 00:05:10,884
rustle up
your prospective wedding dates.
178
00:05:10,918 --> 00:05:12,285
Come over to our house tomorrow,
179
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,254
and we will decide
180
00:05:14,288 --> 00:05:16,723
which couple is wedding-worthy.
181
00:05:16,757 --> 00:05:18,692
A date by tomorrow? That's fast!
182
00:05:18,726 --> 00:05:19,993
[Laughs] I mean...
183
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,728
Not for me.
184
00:05:21,762 --> 00:05:22,996
Gil, are you scared?
185
00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:24,798
- Only for your mom.
- What?
186
00:05:24,832 --> 00:05:26,566
I know she just had
that break-in recently.
187
00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:27,868
Will you tell her
I'm thinking of her?
188
00:05:27,902 --> 00:05:29,803
Mm, she'll be fine.
189
00:05:29,837 --> 00:05:31,972
(Annie) So we'll just walk
into this meeting and confess.
190
00:05:32,006 --> 00:05:34,508
I'm sure it's just Julie doing
her Julie overreacting thing.
191
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:38,345
I'm sure nobody cares
about this "hate crime."
192
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:39,513
Who would care?
193
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:42,082
[Overlapping chatter]
194
00:05:42,116 --> 00:05:43,450
Did you hear?
195
00:05:43,484 --> 00:05:44,851
No, what's going on, Mr. Davis?
196
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,286
Oh, please. Call me black Benny.
197
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,587
Oh, I don't feel comfortable
with that.
198
00:05:47,622 --> 00:05:49,256
The co-op board
is out for blood.
199
00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:51,591
They say that whoever did this
is gonna get a strike.
200
00:05:51,626 --> 00:05:53,260
- Oh, a strike?
- As they should.
201
00:05:53,294 --> 00:05:54,361
[Both chuckle]
202
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:55,495
- A strike.
- Yeah.
203
00:05:55,530 --> 00:05:56,496
Three strikes
and you get evicted.
204
00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,031
We already have two strikes.
205
00:05:58,065 --> 00:05:59,666
I take responsibility
for that mail room fire,
206
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:02,169
but I maintain that dog
I rescued was not a wolf!
207
00:06:02,203 --> 00:06:03,203
(Benny) They will pay!
208
00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,504
(All) Yeah!
209
00:06:04,539 --> 00:06:06,039
You know,
confessing is overrated.
210
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,641
You know what's underrated?
211
00:06:07,675 --> 00:06:09,209
Cowering out of a meeting
like little tiny bitch babies.
212
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,243
Totally agree.
213
00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:13,467
Sync and corrections by squallounet
www.addic7ed.Com
214
00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:15,621
Hey, babe.
215
00:06:15,655 --> 00:06:17,056
Why are you so out of breath?
216
00:06:17,090 --> 00:06:18,691
Did you get scared
in the trash room again?
217
00:06:18,725 --> 00:06:20,926
I told you, there is no
such thing as a garbage Gollum.
218
00:06:20,961 --> 00:06:22,761
I have seen things
in that chute.
219
00:06:22,796 --> 00:06:23,929
Why won't you believe me?
220
00:06:23,964 --> 00:06:25,431
But no, I took the steps.
221
00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:27,099
I couldn't face our neighbors
in the elevator.
222
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:29,201
Well, you're gonna have
to face them tonight
223
00:06:29,236 --> 00:06:33,672
at Julie's carefrontation.
224
00:06:33,707 --> 00:06:35,741
"Let us come together
to end the hate.
225
00:06:35,775 --> 00:06:37,509
Renters not welcome."
226
00:06:37,544 --> 00:06:38,744
Annie, we can't go to this.
227
00:06:38,778 --> 00:06:40,379
As soon as they see my face,
228
00:06:40,413 --> 00:06:41,347
they're gonna know
that I'm the mastermind
229
00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:43,115
behind the f-word, okay?
230
00:06:43,149 --> 00:06:44,583
And then they're gonna give us
a third strike and evict us!
231
00:06:44,618 --> 00:06:48,087
Look at me!
Do I look innocent to you?
232
00:06:48,121 --> 00:06:49,388
- [Gulps]
- Hey, hey, hey!
233
00:06:49,422 --> 00:06:51,657
We have to go
to this carefrontation thingy,
234
00:06:51,691 --> 00:06:53,559
or we're gonna look guilty
as all "hurl"!
235
00:06:53,593 --> 00:06:55,394
Okay, it's why killers
go to their victims' funerals,
236
00:06:55,428 --> 00:06:56,962
to throw people off the scent.
237
00:06:56,997 --> 00:06:58,530
But won't Julie know that,
238
00:06:58,565 --> 00:06:59,665
and she'll be looking
for the guilty person
239
00:06:59,699 --> 00:07:01,066
at the carefrontation?
240
00:07:01,101 --> 00:07:02,635
No, because she would know
that the perp would know
241
00:07:02,669 --> 00:07:03,836
that she would be
looking for them there,
242
00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:05,938
so only a not-guilty person
would go!
243
00:07:05,972 --> 00:07:08,440
I am working on, like, six
different levels here, buddy!
244
00:07:08,475 --> 00:07:09,508
Please keep up with me.
245
00:07:09,542 --> 00:07:10,976
Wow, that was impressive.
246
00:07:11,011 --> 00:07:12,811
You know a lot about crime.
247
00:07:12,846 --> 00:07:14,847
I'm, like, drained from that.
248
00:07:14,881 --> 00:07:16,949
You're like a regular
Sherlock Holmes with great jugs.
249
00:07:16,983 --> 00:07:18,817
- Thank you.
- I calls 'em like I sees 'em.
250
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,052
And speaking of which,
may I seize them?
251
00:07:20,086 --> 00:07:21,987
- Absolutely.
- Whip 'em out!
252
00:07:22,022 --> 00:07:23,355
(Wes) Very nice.
253
00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:26,525
And let's go into side plank,
please.
254
00:07:26,559 --> 00:07:29,228
- Oh, wow.
- Namast-hey, girl!
255
00:07:29,262 --> 00:07:30,863
[Chuckles] Um...
256
00:07:30,897 --> 00:07:32,565
You know how you
offered me private lessons?
257
00:07:32,599 --> 00:07:33,666
I was thinking maybe we could
258
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,067
just have a relationship
instead?
259
00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:36,936
Yes!
260
00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:39,405
I've felt a spiritual connection
to you for some time, Dennah.
261
00:07:39,439 --> 00:07:42,041
In fact, I send you
deep tantric vibrations
262
00:07:42,075 --> 00:07:43,542
that you may not even
be aware of.
263
00:07:43,577 --> 00:07:45,144
My god, I think I felt them.
264
00:07:45,178 --> 00:07:47,146
Like, I've had
this tingling and chills
265
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,214
and a slight rash.
266
00:07:48,248 --> 00:07:49,615
I was told it might be shingles.
267
00:07:49,649 --> 00:07:51,083
No, that was me.
268
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:53,953
And let's all go
into up dog, please.
269
00:07:53,987 --> 00:07:56,388
Up dog, very simple pose.
270
00:07:56,423 --> 00:07:59,358
No, Dennah, not like that.
Like this.
271
00:07:59,392 --> 00:08:01,660
You're doing it right, I just
didn't want them to be jealous.
272
00:08:01,695 --> 00:08:02,828
Oh, thank you.
273
00:08:02,863 --> 00:08:04,597
You know, in my mind,
274
00:08:04,631 --> 00:08:07,199
we've been in a relationship
already for about three months.
275
00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,068
I feel so close to you,
and it's not
276
00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,237
just because I can feel
your thing on my leg.
277
00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:13,172
And let's all close our eyes
278
00:08:13,206 --> 00:08:15,507
and mind our own business,
please.
279
00:08:16,743 --> 00:08:17,877
Cassie.
280
00:08:17,911 --> 00:08:19,645
What are you doing
at my office, Gil?
281
00:08:19,679 --> 00:08:21,480
I already told you, you're not
getting custody of the parakeet.
282
00:08:21,514 --> 00:08:24,183
I know, this is not about
Meredith Baxter bird-ney.
283
00:08:24,217 --> 00:08:26,252
I get it... a child
needs to be with its mom.
284
00:08:26,286 --> 00:08:28,053
I already changed her name,
anyway... it's now Larry bird.
285
00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:29,555
I thought we agreed
that's too on the nose.
286
00:08:29,589 --> 00:08:30,956
If we were going
to change the name,
287
00:08:30,991 --> 00:08:32,258
it was supposed to be
feather Locklear.
288
00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:33,759
I don't think
she's classy enough.
289
00:08:33,793 --> 00:08:35,761
- I don't like that actress.
- Okay, relax!
290
00:08:35,795 --> 00:08:37,396
That's not why I'm here anyway.
291
00:08:37,430 --> 00:08:41,464
I came here to ask you
if you would attend
292
00:08:41,498 --> 00:08:42,865
Jake and Annie's wedding
293
00:08:42,899 --> 00:08:43,933
what? No way.
294
00:08:43,967 --> 00:08:45,334
I hate them, and they hate me.
295
00:08:45,369 --> 00:08:47,136
Please, please, please.
I'm desperate.
296
00:08:47,170 --> 00:08:49,405
I already asked
every other woman I know
297
00:08:49,439 --> 00:08:52,174
and some who were just looking
to buy a futon on craigslist
298
00:08:52,209 --> 00:08:54,844
that I listed
under false pretenses.
299
00:08:54,878 --> 00:08:56,679
That is how we met.
300
00:08:56,713 --> 00:08:58,447
Please?
301
00:08:58,482 --> 00:09:00,149
- All right!
- Hmm?
302
00:09:00,183 --> 00:09:02,251
- I'll go, I'll go!
- Yes!
303
00:09:02,286 --> 00:09:04,654
Little hitch...
First, you are gonna have
304
00:09:04,688 --> 00:09:06,422
to come to Annie's dads' with me
305
00:09:06,456 --> 00:09:08,291
and prove that
you're wedding-worthy.
306
00:09:08,325 --> 00:09:09,725
- What?
- And while we're there,
307
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,027
do you think you could go
308
00:09:11,061 --> 00:09:12,128
against all
your natural instincts
309
00:09:12,162 --> 00:09:13,696
and act like you like me?
310
00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:15,631
Well, I did do that for
the last year of our marriage.
311
00:09:15,666 --> 00:09:17,099
[Laughs] All right.
312
00:09:17,134 --> 00:09:19,402
Free at last! Free at last.
313
00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:22,305
Thank god almighty,
we are free at last!
314
00:09:22,339 --> 00:09:23,439
[Applause]
315
00:09:23,473 --> 00:09:24,640
Thank you. I wrote that myself.
316
00:09:24,675 --> 00:09:26,576
- She didn't write that.
- What?
317
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:27,710
(Julie) Now George would
like to say a few words.
318
00:09:27,744 --> 00:09:28,844
Keep it short, George.
319
00:09:28,879 --> 00:09:31,681
No one wants to hear you
drone on.
320
00:09:31,715 --> 00:09:33,983
I would like to thank you
who came here tonight
321
00:09:34,017 --> 00:09:35,851
to support
irritable bowel syndrome.
322
00:09:35,886 --> 00:09:37,219
I'm really glad
I passed out these candles.
323
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:39,121
It adds to the authenticity.
324
00:09:39,156 --> 00:09:40,823
I don't know, Annie, I'm feeling
kind of weird being here.
325
00:09:40,858 --> 00:09:41,958
- Maybe we should go.
- What?
326
00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:43,993
Calm down.
Nobody suspects a thing.
327
00:09:44,027 --> 00:09:46,996
I know you did it.
[Annie and Jake scream]
328
00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:48,564
- That... that's crazy.
- Oh, is it?
329
00:09:48,599 --> 00:09:49,966
Or isn't it?
330
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,001
We found this
at the scene of the crime,
331
00:09:52,035 --> 00:09:53,970
so we know the culprit
loves cheese blams!
332
00:09:54,004 --> 00:09:55,571
Congratulations, Julie.
333
00:09:55,606 --> 00:09:56,672
You've narrowed it down
to the whole world!
334
00:09:56,707 --> 00:09:57,940
Oh, really?
335
00:09:57,975 --> 00:09:59,609
Well, then,
why is Jake the only one
336
00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:02,011
who ate from my cheese blams!
Bowl trap I set?
337
00:10:02,045 --> 00:10:04,013
Tonight wasn't
a carefrontation at all.
338
00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:05,514
It was a carefrontraption!
339
00:10:05,549 --> 00:10:07,083
[Laughs] Good one, Julie!
340
00:10:07,117 --> 00:10:08,284
You've got nothing on me, lady.
341
00:10:08,318 --> 00:10:10,619
Oh, I've got something.
342
00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:13,589
I've got this cheese blams! Bag,
my tiger-mom intuition,
343
00:10:13,624 --> 00:10:15,458
and a strike
with both of your names on it.
344
00:10:15,492 --> 00:10:16,959
Oh, I'm gonna getcha.
345
00:10:16,994 --> 00:10:19,929
And when I getcha,
you're gonna get gone.
346
00:10:19,963 --> 00:10:21,497
Bye-bye.
347
00:10:21,532 --> 00:10:23,799
[Crunches loudly]
348
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:25,534
I want to assault her.
349
00:10:25,569 --> 00:10:27,169
Is she on something?
350
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,374
Annie, we need to confess!
351
00:10:31,408 --> 00:10:33,076
And then maybe
Julie and the board,
352
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,144
they'll be easy on us,
and they won't evict us
353
00:10:35,179 --> 00:10:36,412
and throw us out on the street!
354
00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:38,114
The streets? You need sleep.
355
00:10:38,148 --> 00:10:40,183
You're sleep! We gotta confess!
356
00:10:40,217 --> 00:10:41,517
We have to confess!
357
00:10:41,552 --> 00:10:42,819
- Ah!
- Sorry! I'm so sorry.
358
00:10:42,853 --> 00:10:44,020
I tried to throw a drink
in your face
359
00:10:44,054 --> 00:10:45,455
to calm you down,
but the glass slipped.
360
00:10:45,489 --> 00:10:47,090
There wasn't even water
in the glass!
361
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,591
Well, maybe if you weren't
freaking out so much,
362
00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:50,259
I could pay attention
to what water was in what glass.
363
00:10:50,294 --> 00:10:51,828
I'm sorry!
364
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:53,596
Apology accepted.
365
00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:56,432
I just don't want to get evicted
because of some silly prank.
366
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:58,701
I feel like
we're the real victims here.
367
00:10:58,736 --> 00:11:00,536
[Gasps] Wait, that's it!
368
00:11:02,373 --> 00:11:03,973
People of this building,
come quick!
369
00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:05,475
We're victims of a hate crime!
370
00:11:05,509 --> 00:11:07,343
What a horrible, accurate slur!
371
00:11:07,377 --> 00:11:10,012
(Jake) Oh, the vandals have
certainly struck again!
372
00:11:10,047 --> 00:11:11,948
As alcoholics, we're offended!
373
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:14,083
Who, who would do this?
374
00:11:14,118 --> 00:11:15,418
I mean...
375
00:11:15,452 --> 00:11:18,421
What do you...
What do you make of this?
376
00:11:18,455 --> 00:11:20,690
Think you've got what it takes
to get the plus-one?
377
00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:22,158
Huh. We'll be the judge of that.
378
00:11:22,192 --> 00:11:25,027
Today on
wedding date duel-down...
379
00:11:25,062 --> 00:11:26,195
Ooh, that was a good take.
380
00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:27,330
Yeah, you're on fire.
381
00:11:27,364 --> 00:11:29,098
- Thanks, sweetie.
- Mm-hmm.
382
00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:31,000
- You're filming this?
- Well, just for posterity.
383
00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:33,136
But if it happens to turn
into a reality competition show
384
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,104
that ends up on bravo, so be it.
385
00:11:35,139 --> 00:11:37,974
Yeah, this is crappy enough
to be a real show.
386
00:11:38,008 --> 00:11:39,809
Right? Couple one, couple two,
dazzle me.
387
00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:41,377
I know it's only been two days,
388
00:11:41,412 --> 00:11:43,946
but Wes and I feel like
this is so real.
389
00:11:43,981 --> 00:11:45,815
(Wes)
Yeah, to a yogi like myself,
390
00:11:45,849 --> 00:11:48,184
time has no meaning, so two days
391
00:11:48,218 --> 00:11:50,186
is the same thing
as an eternity.
392
00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:51,320
Yeah, I know what you mean.
393
00:11:51,355 --> 00:11:52,555
It took you five seconds
to say that,
394
00:11:52,589 --> 00:11:54,090
but it felt like forever.
395
00:11:54,124 --> 00:11:56,659
- Slam!
- Come on, girl.
396
00:11:56,694 --> 00:11:58,428
Cassie, Gil,
you've already failed
397
00:11:58,462 --> 00:12:00,730
the preliminary round...
Aka your marriage...
398
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:02,432
So why go to this wedding
together?
399
00:12:02,466 --> 00:12:05,201
Well, we're just one
of those cool divorced couples
400
00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:08,004
that still hangs out,
waters each other's plants,
401
00:12:08,038 --> 00:12:09,572
shares dating stories.
402
00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:12,241
Yeah, like recently, I did it
with an uncircumcised guy.
403
00:12:12,276 --> 00:12:13,910
It was fun.
404
00:12:13,944 --> 00:12:16,479
See? I love that story.
405
00:12:16,513 --> 00:12:19,115
This is working for me. Points!
406
00:12:19,149 --> 00:12:20,216
- [Rings bell]
- What?
407
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,451
Wes and I have sex stories!
408
00:12:21,485 --> 00:12:23,619
Yeah, one time
we were in my yurt...
409
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:25,655
I'll give you points
to not finish that story.
410
00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:27,123
[Scoffs]
411
00:12:27,157 --> 00:12:29,092
Dennah, you want this?
Then you gotta work, bitch!
412
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:30,560
Wes! Chair pose!
413
00:12:30,594 --> 00:12:32,462
You got it.
414
00:12:32,496 --> 00:12:34,764
Our bodies are one.
He's my chair!
415
00:12:34,798 --> 00:12:35,732
- Do something!
- Points!
416
00:12:35,766 --> 00:12:37,467
- [Rings bell]
- Yes!
417
00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:40,269
Whose uncircumcised penis
did you have sex with, Cassie?
418
00:12:40,304 --> 00:12:42,372
- You remember our dry cleaner?
- Oh, that reminds me.
419
00:12:42,406 --> 00:12:44,574
(Both) We gotta get a kosher
option for our wedding.
420
00:12:44,608 --> 00:12:47,143
Jinx, mani-pedi.
You owe me a mani-pedi, yes!
421
00:12:47,177 --> 00:12:49,512
I gotta say, I have never
been happier to be single.
422
00:12:49,546 --> 00:12:52,115
You know what?
I've made my decision.
423
00:12:52,149 --> 00:12:53,149
Gil and Cassie.
424
00:12:53,183 --> 00:12:54,450
- What?
- Oh, no, no way.
425
00:12:54,485 --> 00:12:55,818
They failed before.
They'll fail again.
426
00:12:55,853 --> 00:12:57,487
Well, Dennah's gonna die alone.
427
00:12:57,521 --> 00:12:59,522
True, but Gil's gonna die soon,
so what does he care?
428
00:12:59,556 --> 00:13:00,823
- We're right here.
- Hey!
429
00:13:00,858 --> 00:13:02,058
- Mm-hmm?
- I'm gonna die soon?
430
00:13:02,092 --> 00:13:03,426
Yes, you are.
431
00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:05,028
Kay, it looks like
you're the tie-breaker.
432
00:13:05,062 --> 00:13:06,095
Which couple do you pick?
433
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:07,397
- Me?
- Yeah.
434
00:13:07,431 --> 00:13:08,865
What do I know
about relationships?
435
00:13:08,899 --> 00:13:09,866
You don't have to decide now,
baby girl,
436
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:10,833
just take your time!
437
00:13:10,868 --> 00:13:12,435
Go on home, think about it.
438
00:13:12,469 --> 00:13:13,903
(Gil) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take your time.
439
00:13:13,937 --> 00:13:15,571
Hey, stay cool. [Blows on her]
440
00:13:15,606 --> 00:13:17,640
Ugh! Wet garbage!
441
00:13:17,675 --> 00:13:19,175
Ooh, I'm out!
442
00:13:19,209 --> 00:13:20,410
- I love your hair.
- Perfect.
443
00:13:20,444 --> 00:13:21,711
Cliffhanger!
444
00:13:21,745 --> 00:13:23,479
Andy Cohen's gonna love this!
445
00:13:23,514 --> 00:13:25,081
Oh, I forgot to press "record."
446
00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:26,649
Oh, Kevin.
447
00:13:26,684 --> 00:13:29,193
You're right, "hate" is
the real four-letter word.
448
00:13:29,228 --> 00:13:31,696
My god, this is going
even better than I hoped
449
00:13:31,730 --> 00:13:34,399
all the heat is off us, and
that lady with the man's haircut
450
00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:35,400
brought us a sympathy kugel.
451
00:13:35,434 --> 00:13:37,035
It's a Jewish lasagna.
452
00:13:37,069 --> 00:13:38,603
I don't know, Annie.
What if they don't buy it?
453
00:13:38,637 --> 00:13:40,038
- I don't buy it.
- Oh, we're caught!
454
00:13:40,072 --> 00:13:41,839
Sorry, I was just finishing up
a call.
455
00:13:41,874 --> 00:13:43,975
$200 for a nanny tracker?
456
00:13:44,009 --> 00:13:46,110
I didn't buy it.
I'll track her myself.
457
00:13:46,145 --> 00:13:47,412
At any rate,
how are you guys feeling?
458
00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:48,680
Are you all right?
459
00:13:48,714 --> 00:13:50,014
Well, you know, comes in waves.
460
00:13:50,049 --> 00:13:51,649
It's a low point for us,
certainly.
461
00:13:51,684 --> 00:13:53,351
Yeah, I mean,
to be hated this much,
462
00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:55,253
I just... I can't imagine.
463
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,654
That must be tough.
464
00:13:56,689 --> 00:13:58,056
You sure you can't imagine it?
465
00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:00,124
Nope, I'm trying,
but I... I just can't.
466
00:14:00,159 --> 00:14:01,559
- Nothing's coming?
- No.
467
00:14:01,593 --> 00:14:02,827
- I'll let you know.
- Keep me posted.
468
00:14:02,861 --> 00:14:04,662
Just so beloved
in this community.
469
00:14:04,697 --> 00:14:05,797
- Are you?
- Really?
470
00:14:05,831 --> 00:14:07,131
Yeah. I'm like a white Oprah.
471
00:14:07,166 --> 00:14:08,499
That's what
I've been told, anyway.
472
00:14:08,534 --> 00:14:10,301
At any rate,
once I realized you were victims
473
00:14:10,336 --> 00:14:12,270
and not suspects,
I thought about it,
474
00:14:12,304 --> 00:14:15,473
and I remembered that weirdo
atlas always calls you "lushes."
475
00:14:15,507 --> 00:14:16,741
Not like the rest
of the building,
476
00:14:16,775 --> 00:14:18,409
who calls you "drunks."
477
00:14:18,444 --> 00:14:19,644
Tough but fair.
478
00:14:19,678 --> 00:14:21,412
So I did a little
snoop-doggy-dogging,
479
00:14:21,447 --> 00:14:23,781
and sure enough,
atlas's adult big wheel
480
00:14:23,816 --> 00:14:26,184
was covered
in orange cheese blam! Dust.
481
00:14:26,218 --> 00:14:27,986
He's obviously the one
that done did it.
482
00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:29,253
- Really?
- Wow!
483
00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:31,055
Yeah, so any-be-woozle,
484
00:14:31,090 --> 00:14:33,458
the board's going to meet
to discuss atlas's eviction.
485
00:14:33,492 --> 00:14:34,892
- Oh.
- Just wanted to let you know.
486
00:14:34,927 --> 00:14:36,527
[Whispers] Congrats. Okay.
487
00:14:36,562 --> 00:14:38,062
All right, everybody,
Annie and Jake
488
00:14:38,097 --> 00:14:39,464
have gotten enough attention.
Let's go!
489
00:14:39,498 --> 00:14:41,366
- One last dig.
- Thank you all for coming.
490
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,634
- Thank you.
- Please leave your mugs.
491
00:14:42,668 --> 00:14:43,701
Give peace a chance.
492
00:14:43,736 --> 00:14:45,236
That's all we're saying!
493
00:14:45,270 --> 00:14:46,905
Hey, that was
my cheese blams! Dust
494
00:14:46,939 --> 00:14:48,640
on atlas's stupid
penny-farthing.
495
00:14:48,674 --> 00:14:50,942
- Yeah, I know!
- Hee, hee, hee, yes!
496
00:14:50,976 --> 00:14:52,810
- [Laughs]
- We're in the clear, baby!
497
00:14:52,845 --> 00:14:54,812
Now let's celebrate,
like the lushes we are.
498
00:14:54,847 --> 00:14:57,248
So atlas gets a strike.
Who cares, right?
499
00:14:57,283 --> 00:14:59,150
That guy deserves
at least ten strikes
500
00:14:59,184 --> 00:15:00,585
for composting in his apartment,
501
00:15:00,619 --> 00:15:02,720
practicing urban falconry.
502
00:15:02,755 --> 00:15:04,122
Ah, justice is served.
503
00:15:04,156 --> 00:15:05,623
- Yeah.
- You were right, Annie.
504
00:15:05,658 --> 00:15:06,924
Thank god we didn't confess.
505
00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:08,459
Jake, we need to confess.
506
00:15:08,494 --> 00:15:10,628
[Gasps] Unexpected twist.
507
00:15:13,344 --> 00:15:15,178
We can't let an innocent guy
get evicted!
508
00:15:15,212 --> 00:15:16,679
Innocent?
509
00:15:16,714 --> 00:15:19,415
No grown man who wears
saddle shoes is without blame.
510
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:20,750
This was fine
when it was a victimless crime,
511
00:15:20,785 --> 00:15:22,118
but now there's a victim,
512
00:15:22,153 --> 00:15:24,087
and his stupid, stupid name
is atlas.
513
00:15:24,121 --> 00:15:25,688
Confessing is
the right thing to do.
514
00:15:25,723 --> 00:15:28,091
Oh. Do we have to?
515
00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:29,426
Can't we just blame
somebody else?
516
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,861
- Who?
- Black Benny?
517
00:15:31,896 --> 00:15:34,097
Jakey, don't make me try
to throw a drink at you again.
518
00:15:34,131 --> 00:15:35,632
Mm, I don't want you to do that.
519
00:15:35,666 --> 00:15:37,333
- Nobody does.
- Mm-mm.
520
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,770
- Fancy meeting you here, Dennah.
- Oh!
521
00:15:40,805 --> 00:15:43,806
Say, are those perchance
chocolates to bribe Kay,
522
00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:45,542
so she'll give you the plus-one?
523
00:15:45,576 --> 00:15:47,544
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
524
00:15:47,578 --> 00:15:50,347
I borrowed chocolates from Kay,
and I'm just returning them.
525
00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:51,848
You're a big fat sneak.
526
00:15:51,882 --> 00:15:53,349
I need this plus-one more, Gil!
527
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:54,884
High school friends
will be at the wedding.
528
00:15:54,919 --> 00:15:57,554
You're the real sneak,
bribing Kay with...
529
00:15:57,588 --> 00:15:58,955
A pi?ata? Really?
530
00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:00,223
I don't know what she's into.
531
00:16:00,257 --> 00:16:01,858
-Yeah, obviously.
- [Indistinct chatter]
532
00:16:01,892 --> 00:16:03,726
Oh, Kay's got a girl over.
533
00:16:03,761 --> 00:16:06,629
They're coming!
Hide, hide, hide, hide!
534
00:16:06,664 --> 00:16:07,864
Oh.
535
00:16:07,898 --> 00:16:09,499
don't go.
I hate it when you leave.
536
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,167
Ooh, me too, Kay-bay.
537
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:12,802
But I won't be late,
538
00:16:12,837 --> 00:16:14,370
and I'll bring you
some pot stickers home
539
00:16:14,405 --> 00:16:15,705
from the restaurant.
540
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:16,973
Ooh, nummy!
541
00:16:17,007 --> 00:16:17,974
Ooh, and can you grab
some toilet paper?
542
00:16:18,008 --> 00:16:18,975
We're almost out.
543
00:16:19,009 --> 00:16:20,677
Ooh, another sexy errand.
544
00:16:20,711 --> 00:16:22,011
Mm-hmm.
545
00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:24,247
Ooh.
546
00:16:24,281 --> 00:16:25,882
Miss you, shmoo shmoo!
547
00:16:25,916 --> 00:16:27,650
Catch my kisses!
Catch my kisses.
548
00:16:27,685 --> 00:16:28,651
- Catch my kisses.
- Got it, got it!
549
00:16:28,686 --> 00:16:29,652
Catch 'em, faster!
550
00:16:29,687 --> 00:16:30,720
Got it, got it!
551
00:16:30,754 --> 00:16:32,055
Now... one fell, one fell.
552
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:33,356
Oh, oh.
553
00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:35,191
Five-second rule!
554
00:16:35,226 --> 00:16:38,528
[Giggles]
555
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,096
(Both) You have a girlfriend!
556
00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:42,932
[Gasps] Heart attack!
557
00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,235
(Both) [Singsong]
Kay's got a girlfriend!
558
00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:47,003
No, I don't. Quit it, you guys.
559
00:16:47,037 --> 00:16:49,873
Fine then, this lady
who isn't your girlfriend,
560
00:16:49,907 --> 00:16:51,541
how often is she staying over?
561
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:53,777
And can she get pot stickers
for other people?
562
00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:55,111
(Dennah)
Yeah, and when's the last time
563
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:56,279
that you went out
with someone else?
564
00:16:56,313 --> 00:16:59,082
Oh, pfft. You know me.
565
00:16:59,116 --> 00:17:02,952
Hit it and quit it, girl.
I am a player of the ba-Gina.
566
00:17:02,987 --> 00:17:06,856
I am a concert ba-ginist
in the pleasure symphony.
567
00:17:06,891 --> 00:17:08,458
We've been together
for two months.
568
00:17:08,492 --> 00:17:10,226
She sleeps here every night,
she asked for a drawer,
569
00:17:10,261 --> 00:17:12,128
and I brought her a dresser...
It's bad.
570
00:17:12,163 --> 00:17:14,230
I don't get it.
Why don't you want the plus-one?
571
00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:16,533
You're the only one of us
in a real relationship.
572
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,601
No way... asking her
to my best friend's wedding
573
00:17:18,636 --> 00:17:19,936
makes it official.
574
00:17:19,970 --> 00:17:21,938
So that's great. You like her.
575
00:17:21,972 --> 00:17:23,573
That's the problem.
I like her too much.
576
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:25,041
What if she rejects me?
577
00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:26,976
This is my healthiest
relationship so far.
578
00:17:27,011 --> 00:17:29,045
Yeah, remember that woman
who used to steal your urine
579
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,780
and make tea out of it?
580
00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:32,549
But if you don't make it
official, you might lose her.
581
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,083
Take the plus-one.
582
00:17:34,118 --> 00:17:35,552
I'll just tell everyone
that my boyfriend died,
583
00:17:35,586 --> 00:17:36,820
and then everyone
will feel sorry for me.
584
00:17:36,854 --> 00:17:38,254
Damn it, I was gonna say that.
585
00:17:38,289 --> 00:17:39,289
Well, you snooze, you lose.
586
00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:40,890
You guys would do that for me?
587
00:17:40,925 --> 00:17:42,725
Only if you come out
of the relationship closet.
588
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,462
It might be hard at first,
but, Kay, it gets better.
589
00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:47,163
Yeah.
590
00:17:47,198 --> 00:17:49,599
I don't think straight people
are allowed to say that.
591
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:50,733
You're probably right
about that.
592
00:17:50,768 --> 00:17:52,569
Yeah.
593
00:17:52,603 --> 00:17:54,637
Now, I know it's not in the
budget to have a building jail,
594
00:17:54,672 --> 00:17:56,973
but be great to have somewhere
to punish people.
595
00:17:57,008 --> 00:17:58,475
Stop, stop...
Everybody, stop the presses.
596
00:17:58,509 --> 00:17:59,843
Hold the presses.
597
00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:01,611
Annie, Jake,
this is a closed meeting.
598
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,646
We're very sorry, but we have
something important to say.
599
00:18:03,681 --> 00:18:04,647
Yeah.
600
00:18:04,682 --> 00:18:05,749
[Clears throat]
601
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,283
Dear distinguished
board members,
602
00:18:07,318 --> 00:18:08,852
we have made an error
in judgment,
603
00:18:08,886 --> 00:18:11,521
and so we apologize
to this congress,
604
00:18:11,555 --> 00:18:13,990
to the olympic women's
volleyball team, and also,
605
00:18:14,024 --> 00:18:15,191
to my wife of 15 years.
606
00:18:15,226 --> 00:18:16,760
What?
607
00:18:16,794 --> 00:18:17,961
I'm sorry, I copied the apology
from the Internet.
608
00:18:17,995 --> 00:18:19,829
Okay, hey. We wrote the f-word.
609
00:18:19,864 --> 00:18:21,931
We were drunk, and we had
no idea about the ibs,
610
00:18:21,966 --> 00:18:24,367
and then we hate-crimed our own
door to protect ourselves.
611
00:18:24,401 --> 00:18:27,704
We are so sorry.
Please don't evict us.
612
00:18:27,738 --> 00:18:29,272
Guess I won't be
needing this anymore.
613
00:18:29,306 --> 00:18:31,641
Well, we appreciate you bringing
the truth forward,
614
00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:34,778
but I'm afraid the board
must reject your confession.
615
00:18:34,812 --> 00:18:36,146
- What?
- Can you do that?
616
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:38,014
Order! Order!
Everybody sit down!
617
00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:39,883
Look, we have bigger fish
to fry.
618
00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:43,553
Okay, yes, you are awful
tenants, but atlas is way worse.
619
00:18:43,587 --> 00:18:45,522
The circus bicycle's
a real eyesore.
620
00:18:45,556 --> 00:18:48,158
He's always wearing a top hat,
which I find offensive.
621
00:18:48,192 --> 00:18:50,226
He keeps trying to pay his rent
in bitcoins,
622
00:18:50,261 --> 00:18:52,462
whatever those are,
his gluten-free muffins
623
00:18:52,496 --> 00:18:54,697
taste like a bunch of sand,
and his ferret
624
00:18:54,732 --> 00:18:56,666
scats all over the place,
even when it's wearing
625
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,401
those little Capri pants
he made it.
626
00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:00,070
The board's been trying
to get rid of him for months.
627
00:19:00,104 --> 00:19:02,539
We don't understand him.
Therefore, we hate him.
628
00:19:02,573 --> 00:19:04,374
Well said, Walter.
629
00:19:04,408 --> 00:19:07,043
I-I'm sorry, but isn't that
the definition of hate crime?
630
00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:09,012
Point is,
he makes one more slip-up,
631
00:19:09,046 --> 00:19:11,014
he and his loom,
out on the street.
632
00:19:11,048 --> 00:19:13,716
In the spirit of confessions,
I don't have ibs.
633
00:19:13,751 --> 00:19:15,552
I just said that
'cause of the time I tooted
634
00:19:15,586 --> 00:19:17,220
in the elevator
and you freaked out.
635
00:19:17,254 --> 00:19:19,889
Oh, too late, George.
You have ibs.
636
00:19:19,924 --> 00:19:22,725
See what I gotta deal with?
All right, get out of here.
637
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,060
What just happened in there?
638
00:19:24,095 --> 00:19:26,429
Evil triumphed,
the good guys lost,
639
00:19:26,464 --> 00:19:28,598
and George definitely farted...
I smelled it.
640
00:19:28,632 --> 00:19:29,866
Yeah.
641
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:31,401
- Hey!
- Hey, atlas.
642
00:19:31,435 --> 00:19:33,403
Hey, we just want you to know,
we're on your side.
643
00:19:33,437 --> 00:19:35,572
Yeah, we know what it's like to
be outsiders in this building.
644
00:19:35,606 --> 00:19:36,840
So if you ever need a friend...
645
00:19:36,874 --> 00:19:38,942
Can you get your hand
off my frock coat?
646
00:19:38,976 --> 00:19:42,846
The oil in your fingers
stains the suede.
647
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,047
Thanks.
648
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:48,985
- So he's got it coming, right?
- Let him burn.
649
00:19:51,222 --> 00:19:52,555
And this piece is called
650
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,457
my neighbor
doesn't have curtains.
651
00:19:54,492 --> 00:19:56,693
Great use of paint.
652
00:19:56,727 --> 00:19:58,895
Hey, that's you. Nice scar.
653
00:19:58,929 --> 00:20:00,930
How'd you get that?
Appendicitis?
654
00:20:00,965 --> 00:20:03,366
Chupacabra? Shark bite?
655
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,101
Sorry, Madeline.
656
00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:07,303
Since when do you even care
about your building or art?
657
00:20:07,338 --> 00:20:09,606
Well, we plan
on being here a long time,
658
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,107
so we figured,
why not get involved?
659
00:20:11,142 --> 00:20:13,543
Yeah.
Plus, Julie's blackmailing us.
660
00:20:13,577 --> 00:20:15,145
She's got eyes everywhere.
661
00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:16,146
(Dennah) Hey, guys.
662
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:17,280
(All) Hey.
663
00:20:17,314 --> 00:20:18,948
So, terrible news.
664
00:20:18,983 --> 00:20:20,984
Wes and I have decided
to take a spiritual break.
665
00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:23,386
So you dated and broke up
with someone in two days?
666
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:25,255
- That's our girl.
- Yeah.
667
00:20:25,289 --> 00:20:27,457
And I've decided
to go to the wedding alone.
668
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,159
That's where I'm at,
and that's okay...
669
00:20:29,193 --> 00:20:30,727
is the name of the book
I've been reading
670
00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:32,662
to get me to feel good
about going to a wedding alone.
671
00:20:32,696 --> 00:20:34,320
(Both) I never liked her anyways.
672
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,001
Jinx, you owe me a mani-pedi.
673
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,270
But if the plus-one's not
going to Dennah or Gil,
674
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:39,872
then that means...
675
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,041
Ladies and gentlemen, I would
like you to meet Hailey,
676
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,476
my girlfriend!
677
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,678
What? Oh, my gosh!
678
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:48,881
Sorry, Kay insisted on introducing me
679
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:49,882
like it was my quincea?era.
680
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,350
Oh, my god, Hailey!
681
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:52,551
I hope you know we are
gonna be best friends.
682
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,119
So you're definitely Annie.
683
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:55,454
Tell us everything we
need to know about you.
684
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:56,855
Where did you grow up? What do you do?
685
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:58,857
- Can you get me a 30% discount?
- Off what?
686
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,692
- What's your karaoke song?
- What's your favorite flower?
687
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:02,628
Is it azaleas? Is it azaleas?
688
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:05,063
- Say it's azaleas.
- I-it's azaleas.
689
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,665
[All cheer]
690
00:21:06,698 --> 00:21:07,699
Yes!
691
00:21:07,749 --> 00:21:12,299
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