All language subtitles for Marry Me s01e10 Spoil Me.eng

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Babe, I'm home.
Let's watch this damn show.

I can't believe I made it
a whole week without spoilers.

Full radio silence,
full media blackout.

Ugh, I know.
Do you know how many emails

I've had to ignore?

Sorry, amex fraud prevention.

Did I spend six grand
at a Zara in Lisbon?

We'll get to the bottom of that
after the season finale of...

(Both) The moors!

- Yes!
- Ha, the moors!

Oh, man. You were so right

- about having a show together.
- Right?

I mean, it cannot be overstated
how much a television program

about social hierarchy
and sexual atrocities

in 19th century England
has elevated our love.

I'm loving how much
you're loving this,

and you used to watch
your violent shows.

You had your romantic goopy-gop.

But with the moors,
we finally found a genre

that's perfect for both of us.

Romantic violence.

The passion, the pageantry.

- Ah, the stabbing, the nudity.
- Oh, the nudity.

You know, I heard that
entertainment weekly's

latest review is just
a link to banana Republic

so people can replace
the pants they crapped.

[Laughs] Oh.

Uh-oh, looks like someone
got into our post-show

chocolate covered pretzels.

Wasn't me.

Well, it wasn't me.

[Both laughing] Okay, babe.

Hey, to one hell of a season.
It sucks that it's almost over.

And to one hell of a life
together,

because it's just getting
started.

- Oh.
- I love you, Annie.

I love you too. Mwah.

All right, the moors.
[Chuckles]

(Both) What the hell?

Recently watched?

You watched "the moors" finale
without me?

No, no, I didn't watch it.
You must've watched it.

I can't believe you watched
our show.

No, no, no, no.
And I kind of feel

like you're accusing me
because you watched it.

Okay, we're in a genuine bind
here because I'm me,

and I know that me, Annie,
Annie, I did not watch it.

Okay, "me Annie."
Me Jake knows what me Jake does

at all times, and me Jake
did not watch the moors.

One of us is lying, and unlike

your little chocolate pretzel
pig out...

- Didn't touch 'em.
- I'm not letting this one go.

Neither am I.

Million dollar listing?

- Fine.
- Fine!

(Man on TV)
We could find the house that we really wanted.

(Man on TV) Our budget is...

(Singer) [Whistling]

-
Oh, no

Oh, my god, oh, my god,
oh, my god.

What was your favorite part
of the moors finale?

How 'bout every damn second
of it?

Guys...
(Kevin 2) When lord Musgrave

overheard father Thomas
overhearing Rupert the second

overhearing Pippa Popplewell

talking to herself
in the fog on the bog?

Their fog budget must be insane.

Guys, we have not watched it.

Uh, actually, Annie watched it,
but she won't admit it.

What? No, Jake watched it,

but he won't admit it.

Oh, not true!

Kids, what is happening?

When we went to watch it
last night,

the DVR said...

[Whispering] Recently watched.

[Gasps] Betrayal!

(Kevin 2)
Having a show together is a sacred contract

wherein you vow
to wait for each other.

- Thank you.
- Like how lady Drood

waited her entire life

for sir Royston Munt
to return from sea.

And when he finally did,

they made love
for three straight days.

Before she lit him on fire.

- Stop! Not listening!
- La la la la la la la la!

- Not listening. Ah!
- Sorry, sorry.

The point is, your father and I
have had shows together forever

and we have never,
ever broken that bond.

- Thank you.
- Or, you know,

it could be one of those
relationship things

that's just better off
forgetting about,

like the time I caught Kevin
masturbating to Lincoln.

Spielberg's Lincoln?

McConaughey's Lincoln.

- Lawyer?
- Car commercial.

Gross, gross, gross.
But we've all been there.

All night, all night, all night.

Wait, isn't it possible
that the watcher

was one of your friends?

They all have keys
to your place.

Yes! Yes, totally!

There's your answer right there.

Mystery solved.

They're always meddling
in our affairs.

That's gotta be it.
All right, end of "discush,"

- "hallelu"!
- Halleluj-a-guy in ten days.

Halleluj-ual suspects.

Halle-the mirror has
two faces-uj.

Doesn't work for every movie.

Yentl-uj?

Moors- themed foggy happy hour!
$3 shots of virgin's blood!

Ugh, I'm so glad this season
of the moors is finally over.

It's everywhere,
and quite frankly, I hate it.

Disagreed. I'm all in.

I love being part
of cultural conversations.

Wardrobe malfunctions,
hanging chads,

gangnam style.
I'm still into that one.

[Scoffs]

Oh, no, a ticket? Pigs!

[Police siren chirps]

(Gil) What the...

Freeze!

I should warn you, I'm armed...
With boobs.

This girl's gonna get us
all killed.

Well, then, be prepared
to get frisked... with hands.

[Both giggle]

Do you think we're all
gonna get kisses?

It's cool, guys.
This is my new steady,

Gary thick, Chicago pd.

We were just on our way
to talk some idiot off the ledge

at the Wrigley building,
but I couldn't resist

a classic abuse of power bit.

The other day, he took me
to the evidence room,

told me I could pick out
anything I wanted.

So what'd you get?

- Really high.
- [Laughing] Yeah.

[Laughter]

Whoa. Parking ticket?

I don't think so,
not if you're thick's chick.

Babe, so long as we're
doing stuff below the belt,

consider yourself above the law.

(Gil) Awesome.

Gary, we should really
get to that jumper.

Hey, everybody, this is
my partner, detective Matata.

Please, call me Laguna.

Sorry, your name's
Laguna Matata?

You making fun of my name,
civilian?

What? No, no, no, no.

Hey... no worries.

[Laughter] You're funny...

In a gun-wielding
authority-figure kind of way.

Well, you're funny
in a expendable

human-shield kind of way.

[Police radio chatter]

Ooh, be right back.

Yo, she is into you,
my nincompoop.

Oh, she's just being nice.

- Gary, there's a...
- All right,

just give me a second.

All right.

Let's go save that jumper.

- He's dead.
- Let's go get a hot dog.

So, good news... we are
no longer at war

over who watched the moors.

Oh, thank god.

When I thought Jake watched it,

I was like,
"do I even know this man?"

And I was like,
"is this the monster

that I've chosen
to fill with babies?"

[Both laughing] Yes!

But now that we know
it's one of you,

you know, 'eryting is irie, man.

Wait, one of us? Wasn't me.

Wah TV like everyone else
in the world: On my phone,

in traffic, weeks after its
original air date.

And it definitely wasn't me.

The only thing I hate
more than the moors

is more moors, the post-moors
talk show hosted by Jay Mohr.

Look, I use your place
for plenty of things...

Let's keep it vague.

Mid-city pooping... (Both) Ugh.

But watching TV is not
one of them.

And why would we lie about it?

But if you guys
didn't watch it...

(Both) I knew it was you!

Guys, listen,
Gary has a polygraph machine,

and it works. He used it on me

to find out if I really loved
his John Krasinski tattoo.

He has a tattoo
of Mr. Emily blunt?

On a horse.

Okay, but seriously,

are you guys really gonna go
lie detector on each other?

I've got nothing to hide.

Well, I've got "nothinger"
to hide.

Call Gary. Let's get it on.

Yeah, give Gary a ring.

(Annie) Yeah. (Jake) Call Gary.

Gil...
[Whispering] I'm super busted.

- What?
- I'm saying I'm super busted.

You watched the show?

You watched the moors
without Annie?

It was an accident!
So I'm in sports authority,

and you know how they're doing
their crossbow

cross promotion with the moors?

Well aware. I'm saving up.

So they're showing it
on every screen, man.

I... everywhere I'm turning,
the moors, you know?

I'm only human, I got sucked in.

It's the moors, baby.
What am I gonna do?

There's no way I'm gonna pass
that lie detector test.

So tell the truth.
It's just a TV show.

No, Gil, it's about trust.

I didn't watch it on our TV,

which means she definitely did.
She's lying to me.

But you are also
technically lying.

Yes, yes, yes,
of course I'm lying,

but she doesn't know
that I'm lying,

which makes her lie even worse.

Okay, so if you're so sure
she's lying,

then all you got to do is make
her take the lie detector first.

Of course.

She fails... game over.

Wait, now that I know
you've seen it,

can we take two seconds
and download about the finale?

I mean, that horse!

What was that horse thinking?

Okay, who's ready to get
their polygraph on?

Oh, you ready? Okay, great.

Uh, liars first.
Oh, I'm sorry, ladies first.

Oh, my gosh, honey, after you.
Let's...

Well, no, I'm a gentleman.
I'm an honest gentleman.

Oh, you can both go
at the same time.

We brought Polly and Jonathan.

Polly is what we call
our polygraph machine.

Jonathan is what we call
our second polygraph machine.

And Gary's what we call
our sex machine.

[Both laughing]
Oh, two, great, all right.

Well, we can get to the bottom
of this quicker, right?

I want to know the truth.

You can't handle the truth.
Well, I can...

Okay, let's go, bitch boy.

Okay.

Okay, well, you guys have fun.
Bye, Gil.

I'm just going to walk myself
to my car alone.

Okay, bye. Hey, take care.

Drive home safe.
Lot of maniacs out there.

Yo, that hot lady dick
is way into you.

- That's very graphic.
- Oh, come on.

Have you been on one date
since Cassie?

Go, ask her out.

Can you please
stop pressuring me?

Gil, it's time. Trust me,

once you get some balls,
the bitches will come running.

It's like my grandmother
used to say,

"once you get some balls,
the bitches will come running."

She was a dog trainer.

Still a crazy thing to say.

Laguna? Laguna matata.

Look, I'm gonna
ask you something,

and you're gonna say no...

I'd love to go out with you.

None taken. I get it.

You smell like flowers,
I smell like ranch.

Not cool ranch, either,
horse ranch.

Gil, we're going out.

Call me. My number's 911.

[Laughs] I'm a little ticklish.

All right, you sure you want
to do this, Annie?

Because once the noise
has been brought,

it cannot be unbrought.

Oh, bring the noise,
and honestly,

bring the funk as well, because
I am looking forward to this.

And, she is telling the truth.

About the funk as well?

Especially about the funk.

But we should ask
a few more questions

to make sure it's calibrated,
so please state your full names.

Annie Evita Fletcher.

Jacob Herbert Schuffman.

True.

- Favorite food?
- Cheese fries, duh.

Caesar salad... dressing.

True. Very true, by the way.

[Both chuckle]

Do you approve
of my dating choices?

- Of course.
- Thank you, girl.

And we are calibrated.
That was a lie.

(Dennah) What? (Annie) Oh...

But we do believe
you'll find love one day.

Another lie. We're hot, people.

- Tough evening for Dennah.
- Okay, Annie,

as long as we're here,
am I the best lover

you've ever had?
Am I the biggest?

Have you ever cheated
in your heart?

Have you ever cheated
in your mind?

Have you ever actually voted...
And I'm not talking about

for the color of an M&M
or American idol.

This is really sad.

Yes, yes by an inch,
no to that cheating run,

and yes, I voted
for the black guy...

In Buzzfeed's
"who's your favorite

happy endings character" poll.

Wow, all true.
She's on the level.

Okay, enough, enough... let's get
to the main event here.

Did you watch the moors?

Oh, that was fast.
Right out of the gate.

Okay, sure, fine. You ready?

[Breathes deeply]

No.

And... dancing needle.
He's lying like a Spaniard.

(All) Oh!

Wait, hold on a second.
Let me be clear here, okay?

I've watched all four seasons.

We've watched all four
seasons of it, okay,

so you need to be a little bit
more specific, babe.

Did you watch the finale?

Yes... the first two seasons,

and the entire third season,
which many people think

is a 13-part season finale.

- True.
- Next?

Did you watch the season four
finale of the moors on our dvr?

No, Annie, I did not.

He's... not lying.

- What?
- Wow.

He's sweating like a big lady
on a small plane,

but he's not lying.
Well, now my hands are clean,

so before we go any further,
let me urge the liar,

whomever she may be,
to come clean

and avoid a public humiliation.

Let's dance.

Did you, Annie,
dare to have the audacity

to watch the moors finale,
without me,

in our very home,
under my very nose?

No.

[Machine writing]

She is telling a...

- I knew it.
- Truth.

- (Both) Yes!
- Oh!

- Whoo!
- That was misleading.

You know what? She's lying.

Come on, people can beat
this things, right, Gary?

Yeah, people can
beat these things,

people that lack empathy,

like psychopaths
or serial killers,

or hamburglars.

- Oh, my god.
- Is that what you think I am?

You think I'm just
some heartless liar?

don't... don't answer. don't.

- (Annie) Answer me.
- Answer her.

- (Gary) don't.
- Okay.

The question is, do I think that
you're a heartless liar

like the hamburglar? No.

Uh, inconclusive.

You are unbelievable.

You know what, I need a...
I'm just...

(Gary)
Easy with the... That's high tech gear.

This Catalina pizza chicken
is gross.

It's like, all bad bites.

But I am loving this
being-above-the-law-thing.

Jeez, D. (Kay) Dennah...

It's cool, above the law.
I'll bring 'em back later.

[Whispering] No, I won't.

Dennah, you can't just
take those.

(Kay) What? Watch out!

[Tires screeching]
[Honking horn]

(Man)
Hey, what's wrong with you?

Damn, D, you just littered,
stole,

and jaywalked
without breaking stride.

Gil, you're gonna love
dating a cop.

Dating?
We haven't even gone out yet.

And honestly, I'm so nervous,
I may just fake my own death.

Oh, Gil, lord love you,
but you can't just go

faking your own death
through life.

Why don't we make it
a group hang?

That'll take the pressure off.

Thanks, guys.

You know, despite
what I always say and think,

you're really good friends. Aw.

Aw, I'd do anything
for you, buddy.

Just don't screw this up,
because I am loving these perks.

Keep a-walking, sister.

Actually, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Jakey time.

- Ahh!
- Ahh!

What the hell are you...
[TV clicks off]

I mean, you're always welcome
in our home, sir.

But like, what's up, Kev?

- Um...
- Wait a second.

The chocolate pretzels,
the dvr...

[Gasps] It was you!

You were watching the moors.
That's why, at brunch,

you were, like, telling us all,
"let it go, let it go."

Because it was you all along.

What? No, Jake,

you are as delusional
as old viceroy Grimmelsby.

Yeah, well, that guy's syphilis
had him all out of sorts,

but the point is,
is it was you, Kevin.

[Sighs] All right.
Come on, man, it's the moors!

Look, I usually watch it
on my secret iPad,

but I broke that
while stargazing.

Listen, you cannot tell Kevin
about this.

If he knew that I watched
the show without him,

it would break his heart.

Afr all that talk.
I can't believe you.

That is cold, brotha!

Oh, I immediately regret
both the wording I used there

and the vaguely urban accent
I put on it, so...

Wait a second.

How did you know that Grimmelsby
had syphilis-induced psychosis?

- What's that now?
- That was a huge twist

in the finale that no one
could have possibly seen coming.

Was it?

That was in...
That was in the... the finale.

The only time it was ever shown
or talked about

was in the finale.

That plot point was
in the finale?

Yes. It wasn't in the TV guides.

Well, uh... oh, fine!

Fine, I watched it, okay,
but not on purpose.

I tried to look away but my eyes
kept pulling me back in!

My god, it's the moors, baby!

It's the moors,
you gotta understand.

Oh, my god, I've been accusing
Annie of lying this whole time,

and she's completely innocent.
I am the worst.

Okay everybody, please,
settle down, settle down

so we can discuss
the moors season finale! Hat?

Okay, now, I know we all watched
it here live, as we always do,

but due to the gut wrenching
twists and turns,

many of us were not
in the emotional

or even physical shape
to take part

in our usual
post- moors post-postmortem.

Poor Lenny had a stroke,
so be sure to sign the card.

I don't know that he's
ever gonna read it.

So I know the moors is taking
some heat in the press right now

for its gratuitous use of
the "overhearing" plot device.

Shall we start
the discussions there?

You know what, I'll start.
I loved it! I just loved it.

So you're really just
making a day of it?

- Eh, might as well.
- Guess what?

Annie did watch the moors, okay,
just not at home.

That's why she passed
the lie detector test.

She's been watching it
at work, and get this...

She's been watching all season.

Oh, man, she's good.

I'm sorry, did you say
lie detector test?

Can I borrow it?
It's for a friend.

She's the one who's always
made such a big deal

about it being our thing,
you know?

I mean, we made t-shirts,
really good cotton t-shirts,

and now, the fabric of our lives

turns out to be
the fabric of our lies.

You understand what I did there?

I turned "lives" into "lies."

"Lies" and "lives."

- It's pretty good, Jake.
- Thank you.

Look, I've been TV-cheating
on Kevin for years.

He may know, he may not know,

but at this point,
we're smart enough not to ask.

But why do you do it?

Kevin loves to ask questions
while we're watching our show,

and I love not beating him
to death with a hammer

because he interrupts
every five seconds.

- Sure.
- It's our thing,

even if it is
a little bit of a lie.

I don't know man, I just don't
feel right lying to each other

before we even get married.
You know, I want our love

to be built on truth and trust.

And I really want this win.
You know what?

Tonight, the charade ends.

Forget it Jake. It's the moors.

So this punk is running
his little heart out.

He actually thinks
he's gonna make it.

I'm like,
"not on my watch, pal."

So I gun him down
from about a hundred feet away,

just as he was getting home.

Man, I love your Chicago PD
softball league stores.

[Both chuckle]

And I love how they all
purposefully sound

like stories
about police brutality.

[Laughter] Yeah!

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

Gary tells the best stories.

Aw, thanks, babe.

(Dennah) Ahem.

Did y'all just kiss?

What the hell, Gary?

Look, that was our inelegant,
and open mouthed way

of trying to tell
you guys something.

You know Laguna matata and I
are partners, right?

Right, got that.

Well, not just on the force.
Also in life.

- Gary and I are married.
- What?

And we're allowed
to date other people.

We kinda like to think
of ourselves

as being above the laws
of marriage.

Gary, I thought we were serious.

You took my mom to a play.

Susan loved Brigadoon.

This is insane.

Every couple has their stuff.

I mean, some have
secret bank accounts,

some have their own
separate hobbies,

your friends have
that show they lie about.

- That's not the same.
- So, what do you say?

Let's have a couple mimosas

and see where
the mid-morning takes us.

Maybe it takes us
to a courtyard by marriot,

and maybe we drain the mini bar,
and then each other.

Have you seen the courtyard
since the renovations?

Is this something you guys do
on a regular basis?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, no.

I am not down
with whatever this is.

Yeah, even I think
this is weird,

and I've been
to a cat barmitzvah.

So what's the soup here?
What's good?

Gil, let's go.

[Sighs]

[Sighs] Gil, let's go.

- Damn.
- Damn, right?

(Dennah) That was horrible.

What are you so happy about?

I technically just went
on a date.

I'm back out there.

[Both laughing]

Yeah, atta boy. I told you.

[Gasps] What the hell?

Oh, already?

The law, her teat doth
dryeth quickly.

[Loud thud]

Oh.

Annie, we need to talk.

- Yeah, we do.
- Listen...

Jake, I thought about it.

This is crazy.
We're fighting over a TV show,

albeit a modern masterpiece
that makes game of thrones

look like a Florida teenager's
real world audition tape.

You're digressing.

I'm sorry that I got so upset.

I just... I love
that you love something

that I introduced you to.

And I just...

I love watching you love it,
I guess.

What were you gonna say?

Uh, well, I was gonna say...

It was your dad.
Yeah, he was in...

In there, and he was eating
our chocolate pretzels

and watching our moors.

- What, my dad?
- I know.

Wait, which dad?

Well, I could beat
around the race bush, but...

- I got it.
- Right.

Oh, my god, dad?

It's crazy how some couples
need to lie

to each other
just to make it work.

God, I'm so glad that's not us.

Me too.

Now, what do you say,
since neither of us

have seen the season finale
of the moors...

- I haven't seen it.
- I haven't seen a frame of it.

We put on our T-shirts
and we make a night of it?

I'd love to.

Ahh, finally.

Finale.

(TV announcer)
Previously, on the moors...

[Dramatic music playing]

Where did she come from?
Why is she wearing that coat?

What else was she in?

The drawing room,
it's cold out, hunger games.

- This show is pretty good.
-Mm-hmm.

Oh, you know Chris
from Evidence?

- Mm-hmm.
- We're going to Jamaica for a week.

You got to check out the
cliffs at Montego Bay.

[whistles] Majestic.

- Just admit you love the show.
- Come on, it's great, right?

Are you kidding me? No.

And the celebrity cameos
totally take you out of it.

In what world is Venus Williams
a Victorian-era executioner

I buy it.

[dramatic music continues]

So glad we waited.

So worth it

Oh!

- Wow
- And he's gone.

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