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I found this article
on the Internet
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00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:06,439
describing the six stages
of a romantic relationship.
3
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,341
I had no idea
there were stages.
4
00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:11,611
But according to this article,
there's the courtship stage,
5
00:00:11,613 --> 00:00:13,646
there's the romance stage,
6
00:00:13,648 --> 00:00:17,116
then there's disillusionment,
distress, reconciliation,
7
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,618
and finally, commitment.
8
00:00:18,620 --> 00:00:20,853
Now, look, folks,
I've been married twice,
9
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:23,155
and I thought
maybe there were three stages.
10
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:27,827
And they would have been
meet, struggle, and destroy.
11
00:00:27,829 --> 00:00:30,696
And for me, the sex was always
better during the destroy phase.
12
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,499
I don't know about the rest of
you, but maybe that's just me.
13
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:36,202
Anyway, the point is,
according to this article,
14
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,803
these stages can stretch out
15
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,640
over the period
of months or years,
16
00:00:40,642 --> 00:00:42,308
but I'm here to tell you
17
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:45,978
that I went through all of them,
all six, in a weekend.
18
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:50,049
And her name... Was Jen.
19
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:52,552
Whoa!
20
00:00:52,554 --> 00:00:54,554
Some girl just sent you
a picture of her vagina.
21
00:00:54,556 --> 00:00:55,821
What?
22
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,057
Yeah, look...
Right here on the screen.
23
00:00:58,059 --> 00:00:59,325
Wow.
24
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,193
That's a nice one, huh?
25
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,895
Yeah. Great minoras.
26
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,364
What is... what is that?
Minoras?
27
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:06,999
The majora and the minora.
28
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:08,167
Hold on.
29
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,336
"Dear Marc,
my name is Jen Ryan.
30
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,171
"We met last month
in San Francisco.
31
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"I brought you an apple pie
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00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,074
after your show
at the punch line."
33
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:16,742
You remember her?
34
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,911
I don't know. I get a lot
of baked goods from fans.
35
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,179
Thank you.
36
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,347
That's so sweet.
37
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:22,515
Thank you so much.
38
00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:23,516
Aww.
39
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:24,350
Hello, ma'am.
40
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:25,418
All right.
41
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:27,353
What have we got here?
42
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,021
On all levels.
43
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,524
I got to stop talking
about food on the podcast.
44
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,192
"I don't ordinarily do this,
45
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,861
"but I think we really seemed
to connect after that show.
46
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:38,197
"I just got out of
a long-term relationship
47
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,066
"and I haven't had sex
with a lot of guys.
48
00:01:40,068 --> 00:01:41,601
What? "I think you're hot,
49
00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:43,536
"and I want to have sex
with you.
50
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:47,039
"I'm not gonna have
this 28-year-old body forever.
51
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:49,408
"I know you're gonna be in
Phoenix for the comedy festival.
52
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,211
I thought we could hook up
and have a sexfest."
53
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:55,081
Dude, you're gonna get laid!
54
00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,415
Come on, man.
55
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:57,583
I don't have sex
with every stranger
56
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,051
that sends me an e-mail.
57
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:01,387
You mind if I, you know,
just e-mail this my way?
58
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:02,588
Do what you got to do.
59
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:03,623
Thanks, brother.
60
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,262
Won't fall for it
61
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,599
you can't see
62
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,935
and you can't tell
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00:02:15,937 --> 00:02:20,640
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
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00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:23,743
holy shit.
65
00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:25,111
An innie.
66
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:28,280
You're not thinking
about doing this, are you?
67
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,482
Why not?
68
00:02:29,484 --> 00:02:31,250
Well, I think
at the top of the list,
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00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:34,086
she sent you a picture
of her vagina.
70
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,755
I know, but that's
a thoughtful thing.
71
00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:37,256
You know
it wasn't the first shot.
72
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,091
I mean, there's lighting,
there's composition.
73
00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,260
These things don't always
photograph that well, man.
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00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,762
Did you check her out
online?
75
00:02:42,764 --> 00:02:44,430
Yeah, nothing...
No Facebook, no Twitter,
76
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,132
no linkedin... nothing.
77
00:02:46,134 --> 00:02:49,301
Yeah, what kind of 28-year-old
abstains from social networking?
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00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,770
I don't know... a smart one?
79
00:02:50,772 --> 00:02:52,605
Dude, you don't know that!
80
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,106
What if she's crazy?
81
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,941
Yeah, but what if
she's one of these
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00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:58,010
post-feminist, pro-porn,
empowered girls?
83
00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,613
Come on, man! The old Marc
would have done this.
84
00:03:00,615 --> 00:03:03,015
Oh, the old Marc is the reason
the new Marc is broke.
85
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,316
Look, this is a big weekend.
86
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,185
Everyone's gonna be there
hanging out.
87
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,787
The industry's
gonna be there.
88
00:03:07,789 --> 00:03:09,455
Industry? Come on. Get real.
89
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:12,124
It's a comedy festival
in Phoenix, Arizona, man.
90
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,627
And you're gonna be stuck
with her for three days.
91
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:16,796
I just think
it's a bad idea.
92
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,936
It's definitely a bad idea.
93
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,139
I'm gonna do it.
94
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,340
Oh, you got to do it.
95
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:29,542
I know, right? Yeah.
96
00:03:29,544 --> 00:03:30,976
Come on. Look at this thing.
97
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,079
It's a fun hole.
98
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:46,926
Oh! There he is!
99
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,495
Marc maron! Hi!
100
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:50,663
Hi.
101
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,331
It's Tammy.
I'm the festival rep.
102
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,365
Tammy! Yes.
103
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,700
Oh, thank god.
104
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,502
I wish everyone
was so happy to see me.
105
00:03:57,872 --> 00:03:59,572
By the way, Phoenix is very hot.
Mm-hmm.
106
00:03:59,574 --> 00:04:01,207
Make sure that you're drinking
a lot of water. Got it.
107
00:04:01,209 --> 00:04:02,575
Right. Mm-hmm.
108
00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:03,843
Even if you're not thirsty.
Okay.
109
00:04:03,845 --> 00:04:05,511
I've already had
three glasses today.
110
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,413
They say you're supposed to have
six to eight glasses a day,
111
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,348
but I think it needs to
be way more, right? Okay.
112
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,984
Marc. I have been
looking for you everywhere.
113
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,555
Hi.
114
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,691
Jen Ryan, Marc's publicist.
115
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,526
Oh, there you are.
116
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:21,927
I'm so glad you're here.
117
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,732
Um, I have to get you to that thing.
Yeah.
118
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:29,535
So do you mind if I steal him
from you for a moment?
119
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:30,870
Sure.
120
00:04:30,872 --> 00:04:32,872
Well, promise me
you'll drink that water?
121
00:04:32,874 --> 00:04:34,073
I promise. Okay.
122
00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:35,741
- All right, Tammy.
- All right.
123
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:36,876
Oh, hey! Horrendous.
124
00:04:36,878 --> 00:04:38,210
Thank you for saving me.
125
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,545
No problem.
126
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,380
So, you're Jen?
127
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,215
I'm Jen.
128
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:44,416
Great.
129
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:45,417
All right.
130
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,919
I haven't checked in yet,
131
00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:49,221
but do you want to grab
a bite to eat or something?
132
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,756
Let me check your schedule.
133
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,091
Hmm.
134
00:04:52,093 --> 00:04:53,559
Oh, shoot.
You're all booked up, see?
135
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,060
Something right there.
Sexfest.
136
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,762
Oh, right there. Yep.
The sexfest. Yeah.
137
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,230
Yeah, you see that?
138
00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,732
So, I think
that it's starting right now,
139
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,401
but if we really hurry,
I think that we can make it.
140
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,736
So, s-should I check in?
141
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:05,271
No. There's no time.
142
00:05:05,273 --> 00:05:07,239
Yeah, you're right... no time.
We've got to be someplace.
143
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:08,240
Yeah.
144
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,576
Hope you like the venue.
145
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:12,912
How long have you been here?
146
00:05:12,914 --> 00:05:14,246
A few hours.
147
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:15,748
Wow.
148
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:16,916
Okay.
149
00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:18,617
You want a soda
or something?
150
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,653
Yeah. Soda sounds good.
151
00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:21,821
Okay.
152
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,293
I like what you've done
with the place.
153
00:05:27,295 --> 00:05:28,761
Nice.
154
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,933
Ahh.
155
00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:35,935
Good warm soda.
156
00:05:35,937 --> 00:05:37,069
Oh.
157
00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,299
Jen?
158
00:06:05,301 --> 00:06:08,202
Well, hello,
sleeping beauty.
159
00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:14,208
How long was I sleeping?
160
00:06:14,210 --> 00:06:15,876
Couple of days.
161
00:06:15,878 --> 00:06:18,212
Crushed some Ambien
in your water.
162
00:06:18,214 --> 00:06:19,680
Are you serious?!
163
00:06:19,682 --> 00:06:21,815
No! Silly. I'm kidding.
164
00:06:22,885 --> 00:06:25,386
Oh.
We're there already, huh?
165
00:06:29,325 --> 00:06:31,825
The body
was decomposing for months
166
00:06:31,827 --> 00:06:34,828
before anyone
found its remains.
167
00:06:35,998 --> 00:06:37,698
Jesus.
What are you watching?
168
00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:39,666
Oh, I love murder shows.
169
00:06:39,668 --> 00:06:41,468
So compelling.
170
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,172
Wait... you're not
gonna kill me, are you?
171
00:06:45,174 --> 00:06:47,040
Thinking about it.
172
00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:49,643
Wow. This is moving
really fast.
173
00:06:51,012 --> 00:06:52,413
Where are you going?
174
00:06:52,415 --> 00:06:54,348
I'm gonna go down
and check into my room
175
00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:56,350
before they give it away.
176
00:06:56,352 --> 00:06:58,519
Oh, I'll go with you.
177
00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:00,988
I want to get
some fresh air anyways.
178
00:07:03,091 --> 00:07:04,858
Wait for me!
179
00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:05,859
Great.
180
00:07:08,197 --> 00:07:10,130
It's kind of scary.
181
00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:21,408
Do you mind
holding on to this for me?
182
00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:23,777
I'm always losing
these things.
183
00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:26,280
Sure.
184
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,622
Welcome to Phoenix.
Are you checking in?
185
00:07:35,624 --> 00:07:38,125
I am.
Should be under "maron."
186
00:07:39,961 --> 00:07:41,395
Yeah. There you are.
187
00:07:41,397 --> 00:07:43,063
Marc maron. That's it.
188
00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:44,898
Three days and two nights.
189
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,099
Mm-hmm.
190
00:07:46,101 --> 00:07:47,568
You must be here
for the sexfest?
191
00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:49,403
Sexfest?
192
00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:52,105
Yeah... the comedy fest?
193
00:07:52,107 --> 00:07:54,141
Are you performing?
194
00:07:54,143 --> 00:07:56,810
Yeah. Right. The comedy fest.
Yes, I'm on it.
195
00:07:56,812 --> 00:07:58,145
Ah.
196
00:07:58,147 --> 00:08:00,080
Do you have any room requests,
Mr. maron?
197
00:08:00,082 --> 00:08:01,782
Yeah, my assistant should have
called ahead and talked to you...
198
00:08:01,784 --> 00:08:04,084
He'd like a non-smoking room.
Those days are behind him.
199
00:08:04,086 --> 00:08:06,787
And nothing on the 5th floor.
He hates the smell of chlorine.
200
00:08:06,789 --> 00:08:08,989
You said so on your podcast.
I did.
201
00:08:08,991 --> 00:08:10,657
Just a feather.
202
00:08:10,659 --> 00:08:12,459
It must be from the pillows.
Yeah.
203
00:08:12,461 --> 00:08:13,927
And how many keys
do you need?
204
00:08:13,929 --> 00:08:14,928
Two, please. Just one.
205
00:08:14,930 --> 00:08:16,597
Uh...
206
00:08:16,599 --> 00:08:18,765
You have a key to mine.
I should have a key to yours.
207
00:08:18,767 --> 00:08:20,767
Okay. That's fine.
208
00:08:20,769 --> 00:08:22,102
There you go.
209
00:08:22,104 --> 00:08:24,771
Um... Okay.
210
00:08:24,773 --> 00:08:26,607
So, you said you were
coming down for air.
211
00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:27,808
Is that still happening?
212
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,142
Oh. Right.
213
00:08:30,613 --> 00:08:32,279
All set.
214
00:08:32,281 --> 00:08:33,447
Okay.
215
00:08:33,449 --> 00:08:34,615
Thank you. Yeah.
216
00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:35,949
No, seriously... thank you.
217
00:08:35,951 --> 00:08:37,117
Oh, our pleasure. Thank you.
218
00:08:37,119 --> 00:08:39,319
Enjoy your stay. Thanks.
219
00:08:39,321 --> 00:08:41,288
Wow!
220
00:08:41,290 --> 00:08:42,856
This is really nice!
221
00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:44,791
Well, what do you mean,
it's really nice?
222
00:08:44,793 --> 00:08:46,293
It's the same as you room.
223
00:08:46,295 --> 00:08:47,528
No, it's bigger.
224
00:08:47,530 --> 00:08:49,963
No, it's just not
covered in clothing.
225
00:08:49,965 --> 00:08:53,367
And the water pressure's
better.
226
00:08:53,369 --> 00:08:56,203
Hey, maybe
I should cancel my room.
227
00:08:56,205 --> 00:08:58,205
Why would you do that?
228
00:08:58,207 --> 00:08:59,506
I don't know.
229
00:08:59,508 --> 00:09:02,543
Just seems silly
to have two rooms.
230
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:07,814
I heard about what happened
to boomer at the vet.
231
00:09:07,816 --> 00:09:10,984
Did he get his meow back?
Did Kyle give him his meds?
232
00:09:10,986 --> 00:09:11,985
Yeah.
233
00:09:11,987 --> 00:09:13,820
Uh, hey, Jen? Yeah?
234
00:09:13,822 --> 00:09:16,323
I-I know you listen to the show
and you've seen my stand-up,
235
00:09:16,325 --> 00:09:17,691
maybe you've read my book.
236
00:09:17,693 --> 00:09:18,825
Twice.
237
00:09:18,827 --> 00:09:20,160
Okay, well, it's just that
238
00:09:20,162 --> 00:09:21,495
you know all these things
about me.
239
00:09:21,497 --> 00:09:22,696
I don't know anything
about you.
240
00:09:22,698 --> 00:09:24,665
Mark, this is sexfest.
241
00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:26,166
Let's not ruin it
with baggage.
242
00:09:26,168 --> 00:09:27,868
Yeah, and I love
what's going on here.
243
00:09:27,870 --> 00:09:30,337
I just think maybe we should
slow down, pull back a bit,
244
00:09:30,339 --> 00:09:32,172
put some of that shit
back in your purse.
245
00:09:32,174 --> 00:09:34,541
Why don't you just relax
246
00:09:34,543 --> 00:09:39,012
and try not to have
one of your freak-outs?
247
00:09:39,014 --> 00:09:41,181
I know you like this.
248
00:09:41,183 --> 00:09:42,916
What episode
did I say that on?
249
00:10:18,086 --> 00:10:19,886
Marc! Hey!
250
00:10:19,888 --> 00:10:21,922
Are you drinking your water?
Do you need a water?
251
00:10:21,924 --> 00:10:23,590
No, I'm good.
I could use some coffee.
252
00:10:23,592 --> 00:10:24,591
Who's that guy?
253
00:10:24,593 --> 00:10:26,226
Oh, that's Wesley mann.
254
00:10:26,228 --> 00:10:28,395
He's an international
comedy booker.
255
00:10:28,397 --> 00:10:30,063
Really? What does he book?
256
00:10:30,065 --> 00:10:33,400
England, Denmark,
Australia, Beijing.
257
00:10:33,402 --> 00:10:35,068
There was a gig in Poland.
258
00:10:35,070 --> 00:10:38,071
So, like, the entire planet
other than America?
259
00:10:38,073 --> 00:10:40,107
Oh, yes. I guess so.
260
00:10:40,109 --> 00:10:41,408
Well, maybe
that's my market.
261
00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:42,909
You know bill Hicks...
262
00:10:42,911 --> 00:10:46,079
Yeah, I know... huge in england.
I know. I know.
263
00:10:46,081 --> 00:10:47,314
I know you wouldn't assume
264
00:10:47,316 --> 00:10:49,416
that Finland has
a huge comedy scene,
265
00:10:49,418 --> 00:10:50,584
but they do.
266
00:10:50,586 --> 00:10:52,152
And they love American acts
267
00:10:52,154 --> 00:10:54,921
that's what they grew up on.
The Finns love conan.
268
00:10:54,923 --> 00:10:57,424
In Finland, don't all the chicks
that look like Heidi Klum
269
00:10:57,426 --> 00:10:59,092
come from Finland?
270
00:10:59,094 --> 00:11:00,761
What do you care?
You only like Asian kids.
271
00:11:00,763 --> 00:11:03,096
No. No. No. That's Sweden.
272
00:11:03,098 --> 00:11:06,099
And I have a two-week run
in Sweden and Norway.
273
00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:07,634
Anyone here been to Norway?
274
00:11:07,636 --> 00:11:09,169
Not in person,
275
00:11:09,171 --> 00:11:11,271
but I come from a long line
of Jewish vikings.
276
00:11:11,273 --> 00:11:13,106
Hey!
277
00:11:13,108 --> 00:11:15,442
Wow. Jewish vikings? What?
278
00:11:15,444 --> 00:11:16,610
You should open with that.
Uh, yeah.
279
00:11:16,612 --> 00:11:17,844
All right. All right.
280
00:11:17,846 --> 00:11:19,112
You know,
I'll take that Sweden gig
281
00:11:19,114 --> 00:11:20,681
if you can pay me in pussy.
282
00:11:20,683 --> 00:11:22,949
Sounds good.
We'll put it in your rider.
283
00:11:22,951 --> 00:11:23,950
That's kind of gross.
284
00:11:23,952 --> 00:11:24,951
That's a lot of pussy.
285
00:11:24,953 --> 00:11:26,019
Like, in a bucket?
286
00:11:26,021 --> 00:11:27,320
A bucket of pussy? Yeah.
287
00:11:27,322 --> 00:11:29,122
Where do you come from?
Bad places.
288
00:11:29,124 --> 00:11:30,490
Yeah, I bet.
289
00:11:30,492 --> 00:11:31,825
Think about how much pussy
that is.
290
00:11:31,827 --> 00:11:32,826
I'm in demand.
291
00:11:32,828 --> 00:11:34,528
Hello?
292
00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:35,862
Slow down.
293
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,800
No, I didn't see
your earring.
294
00:11:39,802 --> 00:11:41,835
No, I swear to god,
I just had them, okay?!
295
00:11:41,837 --> 00:11:43,837
I took them off
when we showered together,
296
00:11:43,839 --> 00:11:46,239
and now I cannot
find them anywhere!
297
00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:49,142
Are you sure you didn't
throw them away or something?
298
00:11:49,144 --> 00:11:52,145
Look, I'm in the middle of something.
I got to call you back.
299
00:11:52,147 --> 00:11:53,880
You know how that goes, right?
Oh, yeah.
300
00:11:55,217 --> 00:11:56,550
Don't even...
301
00:11:56,552 --> 00:11:58,151
Wait. Oh. Hold on.
302
00:11:58,153 --> 00:11:59,686
What?
303
00:11:59,688 --> 00:12:02,155
Don't you ever hang up on me
like that again!
304
00:12:02,157 --> 00:12:04,324
Do you know
how disrespectful that is?
305
00:12:04,326 --> 00:12:07,494
Look, I'm sorry
if I was disrespectful, okay?
306
00:12:07,496 --> 00:12:10,831
I'll be up in a few
to help you find it, okay?
307
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:12,199
Okay.
308
00:12:13,502 --> 00:12:15,024
What'd you lose, Marc...
Your balls?
309
00:12:16,004 --> 00:12:18,238
Okay, fellas. Good. Good.
310
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,349
These earrings
were a birthday present.
311
00:12:29,351 --> 00:12:31,852
All right. All right. All right.
Enough. Enough. All right?
312
00:12:31,854 --> 00:12:33,720
I-I-I don't want to do this
anymore.
313
00:12:33,722 --> 00:12:36,189
What? I'm gonna have to
find them at some point.
314
00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:37,991
Not the earring... this!
315
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,394
All right, I just can't deal
with this shit.
316
00:12:41,396 --> 00:12:43,196
What?
317
00:12:43,198 --> 00:12:45,198
Are you breaking up with me?
318
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,533
I got a lot of stuff to do.
319
00:12:46,535 --> 00:12:48,201
I got a podcast
to prepare for, all right?
320
00:12:48,203 --> 00:12:49,636
Maybe we should take
a breather.
321
00:12:50,705 --> 00:12:52,205
Yeah, okay, fine.
322
00:12:52,207 --> 00:12:54,374
All right, so, we cool?
323
00:12:54,376 --> 00:12:57,644
Yeah. We're cool.
324
00:13:00,548 --> 00:13:01,948
Look, I'll look for it.
325
00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:03,550
I have your phone number.
326
00:13:03,552 --> 00:13:05,218
If I find it, I'll call you.
327
00:13:05,220 --> 00:13:07,854
Yeah, great. Thanks.
Here's your room key.
328
00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:32,813
Really great stuff tonight, Marc.
Okay.
329
00:13:32,815 --> 00:13:34,748
Any chance I could get you
to do my podcast?
330
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:35,782
What's it called?
331
00:13:35,784 --> 00:13:37,083
"Tub time with tom."
332
00:13:37,085 --> 00:13:39,252
Uh, we do it
from my claw-foot tub.
333
00:13:39,254 --> 00:13:40,253
I'm tom.
334
00:13:41,990 --> 00:13:44,491
Oh, god.
Look at those sycophants.
335
00:13:46,294 --> 00:13:47,294
Oh, shit.
336
00:13:47,296 --> 00:13:48,461
What do you say, Marc?
337
00:13:48,463 --> 00:13:51,097
You'd be my first episode.
338
00:13:51,099 --> 00:13:53,099
Wait... so, you want me
to take a bath with you?
339
00:13:53,101 --> 00:13:55,435
Yeah. I mean, is that weird?
340
00:13:55,437 --> 00:13:56,636
We'd record it.
341
00:13:56,638 --> 00:13:57,938
Or not.
342
00:13:57,940 --> 00:14:00,373
No, man. I'm not doing that.
343
00:14:04,478 --> 00:14:05,478
Hey, man.
344
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:06,813
Hey, douchebag.
345
00:14:06,815 --> 00:14:08,148
Can I talk to you
for a second?
346
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:09,850
Classic maron.
347
00:14:11,953 --> 00:14:14,287
What are you... what...
What are you doing?
348
00:14:14,289 --> 00:14:16,289
I was talking to Anthony.
349
00:14:16,291 --> 00:14:18,458
Yeah, I could see that.
What, are you with him now?
350
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:20,126
You said that you wanted
to take some time apart.
351
00:14:20,128 --> 00:14:21,461
Yeah.
352
00:14:21,463 --> 00:14:23,964
And I said that I wanted
to have a sexfest.
353
00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:26,633
Yeah, but that was
a me-centric sexfest.
354
00:14:26,635 --> 00:14:27,801
Jenny.
355
00:14:27,803 --> 00:14:30,470
Hey, Wes. Do you know mark?
356
00:14:30,472 --> 00:14:32,172
The Jewish viking.
357
00:14:32,174 --> 00:14:33,306
Okay. Yeah.
358
00:14:33,308 --> 00:14:34,841
Hi. How are you?
359
00:14:34,843 --> 00:14:37,077
Jenny tells me you sold out
the Steve Allen theater.
360
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,146
For a month straight.
361
00:14:40,148 --> 00:14:41,314
Impressive.
362
00:14:41,316 --> 00:14:43,149
Fancy a meeting
back in L.A.?
363
00:14:43,151 --> 00:14:45,151
Yeah. Absolutely.
364
00:14:45,153 --> 00:14:46,152
Great.
365
00:14:46,154 --> 00:14:47,520
I'll see you soon, then.
366
00:14:47,522 --> 00:14:49,656
Wow. Okay.
367
00:14:51,326 --> 00:14:53,159
What...
Did you bang him, too?
368
00:14:53,161 --> 00:14:54,861
Yeah... twice.
369
00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:57,330
No, stupid. I ran into him
at the bar, and we hit it off.
370
00:14:57,332 --> 00:14:58,832
Well... well, thanks.
371
00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:00,533
That was, uh, very nice.
372
00:15:00,535 --> 00:15:02,168
No, not nice.
373
00:15:02,170 --> 00:15:04,671
He has a huge cock.
All right.
374
00:15:04,673 --> 00:15:06,840
There was nothing nice
about it.
375
00:15:06,842 --> 00:15:08,508
H-he's British.
How big could his cock be?
376
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:09,509
I mean, let's be honest.
377
00:15:09,511 --> 00:15:11,011
Mm-hmm. Look, I...
378
00:15:11,013 --> 00:15:12,846
I was hard on you earlier,
and I'm sorry.
379
00:15:12,848 --> 00:15:15,015
You had a lot on your mind.
380
00:15:15,017 --> 00:15:17,350
No, seriously, I was a dick.
381
00:15:17,352 --> 00:15:20,020
And you...
You didn't deserve that.
382
00:15:20,022 --> 00:15:22,522
Does this mean
you like me again?
383
00:15:22,524 --> 00:15:24,724
Yes. Y-yes.
384
00:15:24,726 --> 00:15:26,860
Tell me. I like you again.
385
00:15:26,862 --> 00:15:28,028
How much?
386
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:30,096
Uh...
387
00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:31,531
About that much, really.
388
00:15:31,533 --> 00:15:32,966
But that's not bad.
389
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:36,436
You want to get
some ice cream?
390
00:15:36,438 --> 00:15:37,570
Is that code?
391
00:15:37,572 --> 00:15:39,439
Yeah, for getting
ice cream...
392
00:15:39,441 --> 00:15:40,740
And sex.
393
00:15:40,742 --> 00:15:42,208
Great.
394
00:15:44,713 --> 00:15:46,046
'Sup, maron?
395
00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:47,380
Dave.
396
00:15:47,382 --> 00:15:48,548
Jen.
397
00:15:48,550 --> 00:15:49,883
Jen, Dave.
398
00:15:49,885 --> 00:15:51,718
Ahh. This is Jen.
399
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,086
Yes. Hey. Nice to
meet you, Dave.
400
00:15:53,088 --> 00:15:54,220
Yeah, nice to meet you.
401
00:15:54,222 --> 00:15:55,288
Mm-hmm.
402
00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:56,957
Everything matches.
403
00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:59,092
Yeah, we're...
I think we look great together.
404
00:15:59,094 --> 00:16:00,894
Am I right? Oh, yeah.
405
00:16:00,896 --> 00:16:02,395
Yeah, you look
great together.
406
00:16:02,397 --> 00:16:03,930
Good, man. All right.
I'll see you back in L.A.
407
00:16:03,932 --> 00:16:05,732
All right, don't do
anything crazy, you two.
408
00:16:05,734 --> 00:16:06,733
All right.
409
00:16:06,735 --> 00:16:09,069
Talking about anal. Yep.
410
00:16:09,071 --> 00:16:10,937
Totally naked?
411
00:16:10,939 --> 00:16:12,105
Yeah.
412
00:16:12,107 --> 00:16:13,907
How many listeners
do you have?
413
00:16:13,909 --> 00:16:14,908
None.
414
00:16:14,910 --> 00:16:16,309
But there is hot water?
415
00:16:19,748 --> 00:16:21,481
Day 2's still going strong.
416
00:16:21,483 --> 00:16:23,283
I know. It's crazy.
417
00:16:23,285 --> 00:16:25,919
Honestly, I thought
I was too old for sexfest.
418
00:16:25,921 --> 00:16:29,089
I mean, I thought it'd be maybe
a one-event-a-day festival.
419
00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:32,759
I mean, main-stage events,
but definitely one event a day.
420
00:16:32,761 --> 00:16:35,428
I thought all performances
were pretty awesome.
421
00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:37,731
Aww. Thanks.
422
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:41,267
Hey.
423
00:16:41,269 --> 00:16:44,704
What did that guy mean when
he said that everything matched?
424
00:16:45,673 --> 00:16:47,273
Oh, Dave?
425
00:16:47,275 --> 00:16:49,376
I don't know.
He's a weird guy.
426
00:16:51,112 --> 00:16:52,178
Did you...
427
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:54,614
What?
428
00:16:54,616 --> 00:16:55,782
Oh, my god.
429
00:16:55,784 --> 00:16:57,283
What?
430
00:16:57,285 --> 00:16:58,985
Oh, my god.
You showed that guy my picture.
431
00:16:58,987 --> 00:17:00,353
What picture?
432
00:17:00,355 --> 00:17:04,190
The picture that I sent you
of my vagina!
433
00:17:05,626 --> 00:17:07,627
You did!
434
00:17:07,629 --> 00:17:09,129
Yeah, I did, okay?
435
00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:10,830
I showed Dave
because some strange girl
436
00:17:10,832 --> 00:17:12,298
sent me a picture
of her pussy.
437
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,967
I didn't know you then.
438
00:17:13,969 --> 00:17:15,468
Guys have been
sharing pussy pictures
439
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:17,137
since there have been
pussies in pictures.
440
00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:18,838
Oh, my god!
Who else did you show?!
441
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,306
Nobody!
442
00:17:20,308 --> 00:17:23,143
Well, Kyle saw it,
'cause he opens my e-mails.
443
00:17:23,145 --> 00:17:24,978
But he doesn't know what to do
with that information.
444
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,713
If he does,
you're helping him.
445
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,016
Asshole!
446
00:17:30,018 --> 00:17:32,152
Oh, come on!
447
00:17:32,154 --> 00:17:34,020
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
448
00:17:34,022 --> 00:17:36,489
You know what... I hope
you a enjoy those pussy pics,
449
00:17:36,491 --> 00:17:38,725
'cause that's all
you have left.
450
00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,128
God damn it.
451
00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:44,998
You still want this?
452
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,800
Hell yes, I want it.
453
00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:54,674
Hit me
with the whipped cream.
454
00:18:01,350 --> 00:18:02,717
This is
your 8:30 wake-up call.
455
00:18:02,719 --> 00:18:04,753
I don't want to get up!
Leave me alone!
456
00:18:04,755 --> 00:18:06,221
I'm sorry.
I thought you requested...
457
00:18:06,223 --> 00:18:09,558
Oh. I thought
you were a machine.
458
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:10,926
How's everything?
459
00:18:10,928 --> 00:18:12,194
Fine until you yelled at me.
460
00:18:12,196 --> 00:18:15,030
Okay. I'm sorry. All right.
461
00:18:15,032 --> 00:18:20,135
The night is so cold
462
00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:29,010
the night is so cold
463
00:18:30,546 --> 00:18:37,219
the night is so
464
00:18:37,221 --> 00:18:39,788
well, I guess it's funny
465
00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:43,191
how it all went down
466
00:18:45,061 --> 00:18:46,728
don't you know the way
467
00:18:46,730 --> 00:18:51,566
people love to talk
in this town?
468
00:18:51,568 --> 00:18:58,568
so they'll be plenty of blame
to go around
469
00:19:05,648 --> 00:19:08,450
it was supposed to be a fun
weekend, no strings attached.
470
00:19:08,452 --> 00:19:11,086
I thought I could handle it,
but what I learned is,
471
00:19:11,088 --> 00:19:14,122
you can have sex with a stranger
once and walk away.
472
00:19:14,124 --> 00:19:15,757
But a weekend with her,
473
00:19:15,759 --> 00:19:18,293
how was I supposed to not
get emotionally involved,
474
00:19:18,295 --> 00:19:21,096
at least just a little bit?
475
00:19:21,098 --> 00:19:22,464
But I'll have you know,
476
00:19:22,466 --> 00:19:23,965
I respected
all pussy-picture etiquette.
477
00:19:23,967 --> 00:19:26,334
All right, yeah, I showed Dave,
and Kyle saw it,
478
00:19:26,336 --> 00:19:28,003
but did I forward it?
479
00:19:28,005 --> 00:19:30,272
No, I did not.
480
00:19:30,274 --> 00:19:32,908
Now, what the hell am I supposed
to do with this earring?
481
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:36,278
No English?
482
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,946
Got it.
483
00:19:37,948 --> 00:19:39,147
All right.
484
00:19:39,149 --> 00:19:40,749
Thank you.
485
00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:52,160
Hey. How are things going
with the chick, buddy?
486
00:19:52,162 --> 00:19:53,662
Oh, man.
487
00:19:53,664 --> 00:19:54,796
That bad, huh?
488
00:19:54,798 --> 00:19:56,164
Well, I told you
not to do it.
489
00:19:56,166 --> 00:19:57,365
No, you didn't.
490
00:19:57,367 --> 00:19:58,967
And the whole
"hey, it all matches"...
491
00:19:58,969 --> 00:20:00,302
What the hell was that?
What were you thinking?
492
00:20:00,304 --> 00:20:02,470
Oh, come on.
She didn't pick up on that.
493
00:20:02,472 --> 00:20:04,639
No, she did, stupid.
And it didn't end well.
494
00:20:04,641 --> 00:20:06,007
All right. I'm sorry.
495
00:20:06,009 --> 00:20:08,009
But, uh, it's not like
you're gonna marry her.
496
00:20:08,011 --> 00:20:09,844
Maybe I did you a favor.
497
00:20:09,846 --> 00:20:11,646
Oh, great. Well, thank you.
498
00:20:11,648 --> 00:20:13,315
I guess a thank-you is
in order, then? Yes.
499
00:20:13,317 --> 00:20:15,483
Okay. Yeah, I get it.
500
00:20:15,485 --> 00:20:16,484
Hey, Marc.
501
00:20:16,486 --> 00:20:17,819
Hey, Wesley.
502
00:20:17,821 --> 00:20:19,521
Wanted to make sure
you had my card.
503
00:20:19,523 --> 00:20:21,523
Oh, thanks, man.
504
00:20:21,525 --> 00:20:22,824
Call my assistant.
505
00:20:22,826 --> 00:20:25,327
I want you to do
the sweden/norway run.
506
00:20:25,329 --> 00:20:28,863
Wow. Great.
Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.
507
00:20:28,865 --> 00:20:30,398
That'd be great.
Appreciate it.
508
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,334
And, uh, say goodbye
to your girlfriend for me.
509
00:20:32,336 --> 00:20:34,169
Okay.
510
00:20:34,171 --> 00:20:36,037
Did you get your nose
out of his ass yet?
511
00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:37,405
You want to open for me
in Norway?
512
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:38,740
Yeah. Yeah.
513
00:20:38,742 --> 00:20:40,008
All right, buddy,
I'll see you back in L.A.
514
00:20:40,010 --> 00:20:41,009
All right.
515
00:20:41,011 --> 00:20:42,177
Idiot.
516
00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:44,079
Thank you. No, thank you.
517
00:20:51,187 --> 00:20:52,254
Hey.
518
00:20:53,856 --> 00:20:55,357
I thought
you took an early flight.
519
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,093
Flight got delayed.
520
00:20:59,028 --> 00:21:03,064
I, uh, found your earring.
521
00:21:03,066 --> 00:21:04,432
It was under the bed.
522
00:21:04,434 --> 00:21:07,202
I looked under the bed.
523
00:21:07,204 --> 00:21:09,037
Thanks.
524
00:21:09,039 --> 00:21:11,773
How you doing?
525
00:21:11,775 --> 00:21:13,875
I'm okay.
526
00:21:13,877 --> 00:21:17,612
I guess it wasn't as easy
as I thought it was gonna be.
527
00:21:19,548 --> 00:21:21,116
Yeah.
528
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So... What do you do
for a living?
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