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1
00:00:00,142 --> 00:00:02,228
What's up? Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
2
00:00:02,229 --> 00:00:04,397
Today, we're gonna talk
about code-switching.
3
00:00:04,398 --> 00:00:06,372
That's when you adapt the way you act
4
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:07,840
to match the people you're with.
5
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,475
For example: Obama.
6
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,577
When dignitaries would
visit the White House,
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00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,779
Obama would be like,
"Hello, Prime Minister.
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00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,567
It's a pleasure to make
your acquaintance."
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00:00:16,361 --> 00:00:20,166
But when LeBron won the championship
and the Cavs came to the White House.
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00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:20,804
Barack was like
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00:00:20,805 --> 00:00:22,758
"Yo, what up, 'Bron, 'Bron?
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00:00:22,759 --> 00:00:25,027
It's your boy, Barack."
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00:00:25,028 --> 00:00:26,629
Me? I don't code-switch.
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00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:28,898
I'm just me 24/7.
15
00:00:28,899 --> 00:00:29,965
Know what I mean?
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00:00:29,966 --> 00:00:31,934
[coughs]
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00:00:31,935 --> 00:00:33,802
? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ?
18
00:00:33,803 --> 00:00:35,704
? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ?
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00:00:35,705 --> 00:00:37,439
? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ?
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00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:42,443
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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00:00:42,612 --> 00:00:45,114
[hip-hop music]
22
00:00:45,115 --> 00:00:47,516
Okay, so does this dress say
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00:00:47,517 --> 00:00:49,785
"sophisticated, independent woman"?
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00:00:49,786 --> 00:00:51,820
More like "Eat at Sizzler
25
00:00:51,821 --> 00:00:54,823
and smash in the back
of a Dodge Stratus."
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00:00:56,593 --> 00:00:59,662
This is your dress, Yvette.
27
00:00:59,663 --> 00:01:02,698
Well, that's how I know what it says.
28
00:01:02,699 --> 00:01:05,367
I can't believe you got
into the Avalon Society.
29
00:01:05,368 --> 00:01:07,803
I've been on that club's
waiting list for three years.
30
00:01:07,804 --> 00:01:10,506
Now you can put in a
good word for your girl.
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00:01:10,507 --> 00:01:12,074
- Yvette.
- Mm-hmm.
32
00:01:12,075 --> 00:01:13,409
I'm not in yet, okay?
33
00:01:13,410 --> 00:01:16,145
It's just a mixer for
potential new members.
34
00:01:16,146 --> 00:01:18,380
But how exciting would that be, right?
35
00:01:18,381 --> 00:01:20,216
Work connections, new friends.
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00:01:20,217 --> 00:01:22,251
I really need to expand
my social circles.
37
00:01:22,252 --> 00:01:23,285
Me too.
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00:01:23,286 --> 00:01:24,687
We could do so much better
39
00:01:24,688 --> 00:01:27,056
than each other.
40
00:01:27,057 --> 00:01:28,958
Wait, you're bringing Marlon,
aren't you?
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00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,894
That would be a helluva no.
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00:01:31,895 --> 00:01:35,130
The Avalon is a group of
sophisticated, mature people.
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00:01:35,131 --> 00:01:37,866
Who prefer married couples.
44
00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:40,002
I've done my research,
and I don't blame 'em.
45
00:01:40,003 --> 00:01:42,104
Can you imagine bringing all of this
46
00:01:42,105 --> 00:01:45,574
around all those well-to-do husbands?
47
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I'm like alimony in heels.
48
00:01:47,677 --> 00:01:49,812
[laughing]
49
00:01:49,813 --> 00:01:51,213
But trust me.
50
00:01:51,214 --> 00:01:52,712
You'll have a better chance of getting in
51
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,782
if you bring Marlon.
52
00:01:53,783 --> 00:01:55,384
Ashley, check it out.
53
00:01:55,385 --> 00:01:58,487
I just taught Zack how
to save a fart in a jar.
54
00:01:59,589 --> 00:02:01,724
Yeah, leave his ass home.
55
00:02:01,725 --> 00:02:03,192
Hey, remember, let that mature
56
00:02:03,193 --> 00:02:04,727
for two to three weeks,
57
00:02:04,728 --> 00:02:06,161
then let it out somewhere special
58
00:02:06,162 --> 00:02:08,697
like Mommy's room.
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00:02:08,698 --> 00:02:10,966
What was y'all talking about?
Leave me home from what?
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00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:14,036
Oh, I'm just going to a
soiree at the Avalon Club.
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00:02:14,037 --> 00:02:15,237
That's their word, not mine.
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00:02:15,238 --> 00:02:17,139
Hey, I'm down for a soiree.
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00:02:17,140 --> 00:02:19,441
I don't know what it is,
but as long as it don't mean
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00:02:19,442 --> 00:02:21,710
putting fingers in weird places,
I'm like...
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00:02:21,711 --> 00:02:24,146
Uh, thank you very much,
but I'm fine on my own.
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00:02:24,147 --> 00:02:25,748
Ashley, I'm sure you're aware
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of the Avalon's long-standing tradition
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of favoring couples over singles.
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00:02:29,252 --> 00:02:31,153
See? Even Stevie knows.
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00:02:31,154 --> 00:02:34,189
And he don't even know
how to comb his hair.
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00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:35,943
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:02:35,944 --> 00:02:38,193
What does an unemployed 40-something
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00:02:38,194 --> 00:02:40,396
who lives on another man's couch
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know about the Avalon Society?
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00:02:41,998 --> 00:02:43,932
A few guys from my Howell University
76
00:02:43,933 --> 00:02:45,601
a cappella group are members there.
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00:02:45,602 --> 00:02:47,403
The Lil' Treblemakers.
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00:02:47,404 --> 00:02:48,837
[chuckles]
79
00:02:48,838 --> 00:02:50,439
I have an open invitation.
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00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,940
I'm on the waiting list,
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00:02:51,941 --> 00:02:55,644
but they're gonna let in
your Top Ramen-eating ass?
82
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:59,682
Ramen is the most traded
item in prison, so...
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00:02:59,683 --> 00:03:03,218
there's a fact for you.
84
00:03:03,219 --> 00:03:04,486
Ashley, why wouldn't you bring me?
85
00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:05,654
Listen, if being a couple
86
00:03:05,655 --> 00:03:07,156
helps your chances of getting in,
87
00:03:07,157 --> 00:03:08,557
let's tag team this.
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00:03:08,558 --> 00:03:10,492
Come on, you know I'm
a natural icebreaker.
89
00:03:10,493 --> 00:03:12,194
I also know that you
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00:03:12,195 --> 00:03:15,164
are entirely inappropriate
in social settings.
91
00:03:15,165 --> 00:03:16,965
Inappropriate. You name one time
92
00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:19,268
- I was inappropriate.
- Marley?
93
00:03:19,269 --> 00:03:21,904
Wait, what are you gonna bring
the babies into this for?
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00:03:21,905 --> 00:03:23,072
What did Daddy do
95
00:03:23,073 --> 00:03:25,040
when you won the
spelling bee last year?
96
00:03:26,643 --> 00:03:28,377
"That's my baby.
97
00:03:28,378 --> 00:03:33,048
I told y'all she ain't dumb."
98
00:03:33,049 --> 00:03:35,117
First of all, I didn't
stand in the chair,
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00:03:35,118 --> 00:03:36,452
because somebody was in it.
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00:03:36,453 --> 00:03:39,755
I was on somebody's lap.
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00:03:39,756 --> 00:03:41,256
And it was "Oh, no,
102
00:03:41,257 --> 00:03:44,860
I told you my baby
wasn't a stupid ass."
103
00:03:46,429 --> 00:03:49,365
And that's just called
parental support.
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00:03:49,366 --> 00:03:50,866
Okay, but I can be appropriate.
105
00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:52,267
I have levels.
106
00:03:52,268 --> 00:03:54,470
[laughs]
107
00:03:54,471 --> 00:03:57,473
What you have is no impulse control.
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00:03:57,474 --> 00:03:59,074
You can't notice a bald guy,
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00:03:59,075 --> 00:04:00,509
a pregnant woman, or a little person
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00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:02,544
without saying something inappropriate.
111
00:04:04,147 --> 00:04:06,448
Exactly. I don't discriminate.
112
00:04:08,351 --> 00:04:11,019
Marlon, this club is important to me.
113
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:13,188
And if I get in, it could be very big
114
00:04:13,189 --> 00:04:15,023
for my design business, okay?
115
00:04:15,024 --> 00:04:18,093
You know, the fact that you
don't think I can control myself
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00:04:18,094 --> 00:04:22,431
for a few hours is...
is quite insulting.
117
00:04:22,432 --> 00:04:24,600
Now can you pass me that jar?
118
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:27,102
I got a rumbly in my tumbly.
119
00:04:27,103 --> 00:04:31,039
?
120
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,842
[classical music]
121
00:04:33,843 --> 00:04:35,878
Good evening, I'm Ashley Wayne.
122
00:04:35,879 --> 00:04:36,879
Ah, yes, Mrs. Wayne,
123
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,614
your plus-one is already here.
124
00:04:38,615 --> 00:04:40,682
I'm sorry, my what?
125
00:04:48,425 --> 00:04:50,392
Hello, darling.
126
00:04:50,393 --> 00:04:53,729
What an appropriate time
for you to arrive.
127
00:04:56,566 --> 00:04:59,301
?
128
00:05:00,628 --> 00:05:03,201
Marlon, what are you doing here?
129
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:04,590
I'm being appropriate.
130
00:05:04,591 --> 00:05:07,727
You look like the black Professor Plum.
131
00:05:07,728 --> 00:05:09,695
Board game humor? [chuckles]
132
00:05:09,696 --> 00:05:12,265
It's inappropriate in a fine
establishment like this.
133
00:05:12,266 --> 00:05:15,201
Okay, Marlon, go home.
134
00:05:15,202 --> 00:05:17,870
Listen, I realize I wasn't
the most appropriate guy
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00:05:17,871 --> 00:05:18,838
during our marriage.
136
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,573
Or before, or after.
137
00:05:21,574 --> 00:05:23,008
Thanks.
138
00:05:23,009 --> 00:05:24,442
And I'm sorry about that,
139
00:05:24,443 --> 00:05:26,111
but see, I know this is
important to you,
140
00:05:26,112 --> 00:05:28,880
so I'm gonna help you
get into this chichi club.
141
00:05:28,881 --> 00:05:32,918
Marlon, you are the last
person I want here tonight.
142
00:05:32,919 --> 00:05:34,252
Stephandre J. Noggle.
143
00:05:34,253 --> 00:05:36,688
I'm on the list.
144
00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:40,926
You're the third to last
person I want here tonight.
145
00:05:40,927 --> 00:05:41,993
[clears throat] Excuse me.
146
00:05:41,994 --> 00:05:43,495
- Oh!
- Hi.
147
00:05:43,496 --> 00:05:45,334
Why are you treating
my night at the Avalon
148
00:05:45,335 --> 00:05:46,930
like UberPool?
149
00:05:48,234 --> 00:05:50,936
Yvette wanted to enjoy
the finer side of life.
150
00:05:50,937 --> 00:05:54,773
And Stevie wanted to enjoy
the freer side of food.
151
00:05:54,774 --> 00:05:56,207
Ooh.
152
00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:58,310
- Okay.
- Mmm.
153
00:05:58,311 --> 00:05:59,377
[gasps]
154
00:05:59,378 --> 00:06:02,447
Oh! It's Karen Sinclair.
155
00:06:02,448 --> 00:06:04,082
Who?
156
00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:06,051
She is a design mogul,
157
00:06:06,052 --> 00:06:07,485
a personal hero of mine,
158
00:06:07,486 --> 00:06:08,853
but more importantly,
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00:06:08,854 --> 00:06:10,488
she heads up the membership board.
160
00:06:10,489 --> 00:06:12,390
Oh.
161
00:06:12,391 --> 00:06:14,359
Stay.
162
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,162
Karen, hi, I'm Ashley Wayne.
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00:06:17,163 --> 00:06:18,596
I'm a prospective member.
164
00:06:18,597 --> 00:06:20,865
Oh. Well, nice to meet you.
165
00:06:20,866 --> 00:06:22,968
I have to say, your throw pillows
166
00:06:22,969 --> 00:06:24,703
this season... just magnificent.
167
00:06:24,704 --> 00:06:27,505
Yes, that's all she ever talks about.
168
00:06:27,506 --> 00:06:28,840
I'm sorry, forgive me.
169
00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:31,509
I am Marlon, Ashley's husband.
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00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:32,544
Oh.
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00:06:32,545 --> 00:06:34,045
Enchant�.
172
00:06:35,781 --> 00:06:38,283
Thank you.
173
00:06:38,284 --> 00:06:40,452
You are a delightful couple.
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00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:42,854
[chuckles] Not nearly as delightful
175
00:06:42,855 --> 00:06:45,223
as that fetching dress.
176
00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:47,792
I'm sorry, was that inappropriate?
177
00:06:47,793 --> 00:06:50,161
Not at all.
178
00:06:50,162 --> 00:06:53,398
Mm. Not at all.
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00:06:56,235 --> 00:06:57,836
Let me introduce you two
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00:06:57,837 --> 00:06:59,838
to some of our other board members.
181
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,139
Okay, excuse us one second.
182
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:03,842
She's gonna introduce
you to white people.
183
00:07:06,912 --> 00:07:09,514
Okay, fine, you can stay.
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00:07:09,515 --> 00:07:11,049
She thinks we're delightful.
185
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:13,084
But don't touch nothing,
don't ask for nothing,
186
00:07:13,085 --> 00:07:15,322
and do not embarrass me
in front of these people.
187
00:07:15,323 --> 00:07:17,922
Damn, you sound like my
mama at the grocery store.
188
00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:20,692
Okay, okay.
189
00:07:20,693 --> 00:07:21,659
- All right.
- Okay.
190
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,661
Oh, hi, can I have a glass
191
00:07:23,662 --> 00:07:25,663
of your best moscato?
192
00:07:25,664 --> 00:07:27,332
Yvette, allow me.
193
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,034
Je voudrais votre meilleure bouteille
194
00:07:29,035 --> 00:07:32,637
de Jacques Selosse
Grand Cru Avize Extra Brut.
195
00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:34,606
Hold up.
196
00:07:34,607 --> 00:07:39,344
Did you just order French
champagne in French?
197
00:07:39,345 --> 00:07:42,047
Oui.
198
00:07:42,048 --> 00:07:43,314
We don't need menus.
199
00:07:43,315 --> 00:07:44,916
We'll have the beluga caviar
200
00:07:44,917 --> 00:07:46,885
and oysters Rockefeller to start.
201
00:07:46,886 --> 00:07:48,686
Excellent choice.
202
00:07:48,687 --> 00:07:50,088
Oh.
203
00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:51,823
Oysters and caviar?
204
00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:53,158
[laughing]
205
00:07:53,159 --> 00:07:56,828
How do you say "hot sauce" in French?
206
00:07:56,829 --> 00:07:58,129
Sauce piquante.
207
00:07:58,130 --> 00:08:00,698
Well, I've got sauce piquante...
208
00:08:00,699 --> 00:08:03,001
in my bag.
209
00:08:03,002 --> 00:08:04,969
This space is such a lovely balance
210
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:06,738
between traditional and modern.
211
00:08:06,739 --> 00:08:08,940
I always say
there's nothing more elegant
212
00:08:08,941 --> 00:08:11,142
than marrying old with new.
213
00:08:11,143 --> 00:08:15,513
I couldn't agree more, Karen.
214
00:08:15,514 --> 00:08:18,216
I hope you stocked up on the blue pill.
215
00:08:19,318 --> 00:08:22,420
What in "The Green Mile"?
216
00:08:23,422 --> 00:08:24,556
Oh, excuse me one moment.
217
00:08:24,557 --> 00:08:25,857
I need to say hello to someone.
218
00:08:25,858 --> 00:08:28,259
- Okay.
- Give them our regards.
219
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:31,296
So between the May-December
couple and the big guy,
220
00:08:31,297 --> 00:08:33,164
you must be ready to blow.
221
00:08:33,165 --> 00:08:34,365
Who, me?
222
00:08:34,366 --> 00:08:37,669
I hardly even noticed.
223
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,237
Oh, God.
224
00:08:40,739 --> 00:08:42,774
You know, a less appropriate fellow
225
00:08:42,775 --> 00:08:44,193
would feel compelled to say
226
00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:45,410
those three gentlemen
227
00:08:45,411 --> 00:08:49,614
look like three newborn baby mole rats.
228
00:08:49,615 --> 00:08:51,816
I have no such impulse.
229
00:08:51,817 --> 00:08:53,251
Ashley, Marlon,
230
00:08:53,252 --> 00:08:54,219
meet Mark...
231
00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:55,487
- Taylor.
- Taylor.
232
00:08:55,488 --> 00:08:56,754
I've read all about you
233
00:08:56,755 --> 00:08:58,156
and the charity work that you do.
234
00:08:58,157 --> 00:08:59,557
It's very impressive.
235
00:08:59,558 --> 00:09:01,693
Well, I'll let you all get acquainted.
236
00:09:01,694 --> 00:09:03,194
Marcus.
237
00:09:03,195 --> 00:09:05,463
Are you active on the
charity scene as well?
238
00:09:05,464 --> 00:09:07,132
Ah, fairly active.
239
00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:09,701
Whenever somebody sends me those
cute little address labels,
240
00:09:09,702 --> 00:09:11,636
I always throw 'em
a little something-something.
241
00:09:11,637 --> 00:09:13,471
[laughs]
242
00:09:13,472 --> 00:09:14,839
I'm sorry, I wasn't clear.
243
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,041
I meant, are you on any committees?
244
00:09:17,042 --> 00:09:19,677
Ah, well, actually,
we're founding members
245
00:09:19,678 --> 00:09:22,247
of the Stephandre J. Noggle...
246
00:09:22,248 --> 00:09:25,750
Habitat for Homeless
Middle-Aged Black Men.
247
00:09:25,751 --> 00:09:27,185
I haven't heard of it.
248
00:09:27,186 --> 00:09:28,953
Really? You haven't heard our slogan?
249
00:09:28,954 --> 00:09:31,022
"A financially strapped Negro
250
00:09:31,023 --> 00:09:33,558
is a terrible thing to support."
251
00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:35,660
- Hmm.
- Yes, it's everywhere.
252
00:09:35,661 --> 00:09:37,562
In fact, we're having
a fundraiser next month.
253
00:09:37,563 --> 00:09:38,897
You should join.
254
00:09:38,898 --> 00:09:40,231
That would be great because, you know,
255
00:09:40,232 --> 00:09:42,834
if we can motivate just one
256
00:09:42,835 --> 00:09:45,270
homeless middle-aged black man
257
00:09:45,271 --> 00:09:47,205
to get a job
258
00:09:47,206 --> 00:09:51,142
or perhaps his own toilet paper,
259
00:09:51,143 --> 00:09:53,178
that would be something, wouldn't it?
260
00:09:53,179 --> 00:09:54,179
Sounds very special.
261
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:55,546
Yes, it is.
262
00:09:58,117 --> 00:09:59,250
Thank you.
263
00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:00,749
Now I have to fake a fundraiser.
264
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,086
Ah, that's the easy stuff.
265
00:10:02,087 --> 00:10:04,255
That ain't gonna be
the first thing you faked.
266
00:10:05,691 --> 00:10:08,793
Where are all these bald-head
dudes coming from?
267
00:10:10,095 --> 00:10:11,129
- Beluga.
- Mmm.
268
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:12,964
You are in for a treat.
269
00:10:12,965 --> 00:10:14,999
Well, I'll try anything twice.
270
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,568
[laughs]
271
00:10:16,569 --> 00:10:17,569
- Okay.
- Ah-ah-ah.
272
00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:19,137
Use the mother-of-pearl spoon.
273
00:10:19,138 --> 00:10:21,039
Ooh.
274
00:10:23,776 --> 00:10:25,977
Okay.
275
00:10:25,978 --> 00:10:27,912
It's like the beach and crackers
276
00:10:27,913 --> 00:10:29,247
are popping off in my mouth.
277
00:10:29,248 --> 00:10:30,281
[laughing]
278
00:10:30,282 --> 00:10:31,282
Excuse me, miss,
279
00:10:31,283 --> 00:10:32,584
I don't mean to interrupt,
280
00:10:32,585 --> 00:10:34,018
but I've got a bit of business
281
00:10:34,019 --> 00:10:35,687
with this Lil' Treblemaker.
282
00:10:35,688 --> 00:10:37,956
[laughing]
283
00:10:37,957 --> 00:10:39,891
[plays pitch]
284
00:10:39,892 --> 00:10:41,292
Both: ? The
285
00:10:41,293 --> 00:10:43,995
? Hallowed halls of Howell ?
286
00:10:43,996 --> 00:10:47,465
? Howl of how we'll win the day ?
287
00:10:47,466 --> 00:10:50,301
A gourmet who can sing,
288
00:10:50,302 --> 00:10:51,703
speak French,
289
00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:53,738
and look good in an ascot?
290
00:10:53,739 --> 00:10:55,240
Shoot, Stevie.
291
00:10:55,241 --> 00:10:58,576
You could fool around and catch it.
292
00:10:58,577 --> 00:10:59,811
What the hell am I saying?
293
00:10:59,812 --> 00:11:01,579
That caviar got me twisted.
294
00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:04,983
Both: ? The voices of our bells
will whisper ?
295
00:11:04,984 --> 00:11:07,952
? How we'll find the way ?
296
00:11:07,953 --> 00:11:09,887
? Howell ?
297
00:11:09,888 --> 00:11:13,358
? Oh, how we'll stay ?
- ? How we'll stay ?
298
00:11:13,359 --> 00:11:16,327
[Marlon improvising last note]
299
00:11:17,196 --> 00:11:20,331
One of us is off.
300
00:11:20,332 --> 00:11:21,566
I think it's you.
301
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:23,101
?
302
00:11:23,102 --> 00:11:24,369
Our 10-year-old, Harper,
303
00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:26,471
was just issued his very first patent.
304
00:11:26,472 --> 00:11:28,406
- Oh.
- Yeah.
305
00:11:28,407 --> 00:11:30,441
So you mentioned you have two children?
306
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:32,143
Yes. Marley, our daughter,
307
00:11:32,144 --> 00:11:34,145
she's top of her class at Oakley.
308
00:11:34,146 --> 00:11:36,147
And Zack, our son, he's...
309
00:11:36,148 --> 00:11:38,116
- Uh, Zack, he's... he's...
- Uh...
310
00:11:38,117 --> 00:11:40,251
- He's... he's special.
- Yeah.
311
00:11:40,252 --> 00:11:41,886
- Quite special.
- Uh-huh.
312
00:11:41,887 --> 00:11:44,822
He's actually conducting
a scientific study
313
00:11:44,823 --> 00:11:48,593
where he traps inert gases
in cylindrical containers
314
00:11:48,594 --> 00:11:51,029
and observes their long-term potency
315
00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:54,465
and the effects on the nasal cavity.
316
00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:56,801
He's actually been tapped
for the space program.
317
00:11:56,802 --> 00:11:59,637
Yes, he's "inflatuated" with Uranus.
318
00:11:59,638 --> 00:12:02,273
[laughing]
319
00:12:02,274 --> 00:12:04,575
- Uh, Marlon.
- Yes?
320
00:12:04,576 --> 00:12:06,110
Will you excuse us for a second?
321
00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:07,478
Will you join me, please?
322
00:12:07,479 --> 00:12:09,480
Oh, absolutely.
323
00:12:10,849 --> 00:12:13,351
Um, what are you doing?
324
00:12:13,352 --> 00:12:14,519
First a fake charity,
325
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,454
and now Zack's gonna be an astronaut?
326
00:12:16,455 --> 00:12:19,390
Come on, tell me that
boy ain't a space cadet.
327
00:12:19,391 --> 00:12:20,958
This is important to you.
328
00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:23,795
I'm here to support you
and grow your business.
329
00:12:23,796 --> 00:12:25,930
I want to do this on my own.
330
00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:28,733
All right, fine. Fine.
331
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:31,399
I'll just go find a smokers' lounge
332
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,271
and some tobacco
333
00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:34,638
and a pipe that don't blow bubbles.
334
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,043
Marlon, what I'm saying is,
335
00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:40,012
go home.
336
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:46,085
Oh, Ashley, there you are.
337
00:12:46,086 --> 00:12:47,686
Mark was just telling us
338
00:12:47,687 --> 00:12:49,822
he's hosting a wine
tasting this weekend.
339
00:12:49,823 --> 00:12:51,290
You and Marlon should come.
340
00:12:51,291 --> 00:12:52,825
And bring your aunt.
341
00:12:52,826 --> 00:12:55,361
Aunt Eunice?
342
00:12:55,362 --> 00:12:57,963
No, Diana Ross.
343
00:12:57,964 --> 00:12:59,498
Marlon said you'd be shy about it.
344
00:12:59,499 --> 00:13:01,133
Both: Mm-hmm.
345
00:13:01,134 --> 00:13:02,601
What else did he say?
346
00:13:02,602 --> 00:13:05,237
That he helped create "Candy Crush."
347
00:13:05,238 --> 00:13:06,572
And that he once got in a fistfight
348
00:13:06,573 --> 00:13:08,540
with Morgan Freeman.
349
00:13:08,541 --> 00:13:09,875
Yeah...
350
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,176
none of that is true.
351
00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:12,211
Here's the thing.
352
00:13:12,212 --> 00:13:14,012
Marlon and I are divorced,
353
00:13:14,014 --> 00:13:15,414
but we're still really good friends,
354
00:13:15,415 --> 00:13:16,749
and he just said all that stuff
355
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,083
to help me get into this club.
356
00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:20,319
My life has been about
pursuing my career
357
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,955
and raising two kids,
and it's not very exciting,
358
00:13:22,956 --> 00:13:25,090
but I'm hoping that this place
359
00:13:25,091 --> 00:13:27,760
gives me a fresh start.
360
00:13:30,363 --> 00:13:32,698
Wonderful.
361
00:13:32,699 --> 00:13:34,700
I'm gonna get another drink.
362
00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:36,034
Would you excuse me?
363
00:13:36,036 --> 00:13:38,637
- I think we'll join you.
- [chuckles]
364
00:13:41,274 --> 00:13:42,307
Wow.
365
00:13:42,308 --> 00:13:43,709
Guess I said the wrong thing.
366
00:13:43,710 --> 00:13:45,611
Oh, no, not at all.
367
00:13:45,612 --> 00:13:47,312
They're just not used to
people who are starting
368
00:13:47,313 --> 00:13:49,148
a new phase in their lives.
369
00:13:49,149 --> 00:13:51,750
The Avalon's more for people
who have already...
370
00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:53,485
arrived.
371
00:13:53,486 --> 00:13:55,220
Totally.
372
00:13:55,221 --> 00:13:56,922
That makes sense.
373
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:57,890
If you'll excuse me.
374
00:13:57,891 --> 00:13:59,424
Of course.
375
00:14:01,227 --> 00:14:03,429
Oh, hell no.
376
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,496
?
377
00:14:05,838 --> 00:14:07,584
Hey, Ash.
378
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,252
I thought you left.
379
00:14:09,253 --> 00:14:12,155
I was hiding behind
"Blind Side" over there.
380
00:14:12,156 --> 00:14:13,990
Listen, I heard what Karen said,
381
00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:15,325
and I don't think you should leave.
382
00:14:15,326 --> 00:14:17,460
Marlon, I showed them who I am,
383
00:14:17,461 --> 00:14:20,363
and they'd rather hang out
with Diana Ross' niece.
384
00:14:20,364 --> 00:14:22,397
Yeah, so would I.
385
00:14:22,398 --> 00:14:23,632
I mean, it's Diana Ross.
386
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:25,100
She created a whole legion
387
00:14:25,101 --> 00:14:28,971
of little lovable light-skinned people.
388
00:14:28,972 --> 00:14:31,707
You could be one.
389
00:14:31,708 --> 00:14:34,076
It's true, medieval
doctors prescribed caviar
390
00:14:34,077 --> 00:14:36,345
to cure male impotence.
391
00:14:36,346 --> 00:14:38,313
Stevie, all this time,
392
00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:41,883
I had no idea you were so cultured.
393
00:14:41,884 --> 00:14:43,552
When you're ready. No rush.
394
00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:45,654
Oh, we're invited guests this evening.
395
00:14:45,655 --> 00:14:49,024
I believe everything is gratuit.
396
00:14:49,025 --> 00:14:50,993
Well, the hors d'oeuvres
are complimentary...
397
00:14:50,994 --> 00:14:52,661
- Uh-huh.
- But the items you ordered
398
00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:55,030
were off menu.
399
00:14:55,031 --> 00:14:57,432
Mm, mm.
400
00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:58,934
Mm.
401
00:14:58,935 --> 00:15:01,770
Um...
402
00:15:01,771 --> 00:15:04,806
I'll get the next one, s'il vous pla�t.
403
00:15:04,807 --> 00:15:06,708
That's French for "please."
404
00:15:09,412 --> 00:15:13,115
I always knew your ass was trifling.
405
00:15:13,116 --> 00:15:15,650
And that's English for "trifling."
406
00:15:17,086 --> 00:15:19,488
How the hell you run
up a bill like this?
407
00:15:19,489 --> 00:15:21,256
When given the opportunity,
I order the best.
408
00:15:21,257 --> 00:15:22,758
It's how I was raised.
409
00:15:22,759 --> 00:15:25,060
Well, this is how I was raised.
410
00:15:25,061 --> 00:15:27,396
When you can't pay, you run.
411
00:15:27,397 --> 00:15:29,798
Au revoir, sucker.
412
00:15:37,774 --> 00:15:39,474
If this is important to you,
413
00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:41,009
I don't understand why you're leaving.
414
00:15:41,010 --> 00:15:43,712
Marlon, because I'm not
like these people, okay?
415
00:15:43,713 --> 00:15:45,447
They all know who they are.
416
00:15:45,448 --> 00:15:46,648
They have their lives together.
417
00:15:46,649 --> 00:15:47,716
They've arrived.
418
00:15:47,717 --> 00:15:48,717
Girl, please.
419
00:15:48,718 --> 00:15:49,651
Look at all these people.
420
00:15:49,652 --> 00:15:50,886
They are fronting.
421
00:15:50,887 --> 00:15:51,887
Come on, listen.
422
00:15:51,888 --> 00:15:54,489
I've worn enough gold chains
423
00:15:54,490 --> 00:15:56,325
that turned my neck green
424
00:15:56,326 --> 00:15:58,226
to know fakes when I see 'em.
425
00:15:58,227 --> 00:15:59,294
Okay, come with me.
426
00:15:59,295 --> 00:16:01,697
Come here.
427
00:16:01,698 --> 00:16:02,698
Oh, Karen.
428
00:16:02,699 --> 00:16:04,032
- Karen.
- Oh.
429
00:16:04,033 --> 00:16:07,636
You know, your name fascinates me.
430
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:09,071
However do you spell it?
431
00:16:09,072 --> 00:16:10,071
With a K.
432
00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:11,239
Mm.
433
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,876
Is that with one R or two?
434
00:16:14,877 --> 00:16:17,079
Just one. Excuse me.
435
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,816
- Yo, Karen!
- Yes?
436
00:16:20,817 --> 00:16:23,585
Oh, snap.
437
00:16:23,586 --> 00:16:26,755
Look who answers to "Karen."
438
00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:30,158
"Carr-en" does.
439
00:16:30,159 --> 00:16:33,662
Oh, Marcus, old chap.
440
00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:36,465
You say you're from Connecticut.
What part?
441
00:16:36,466 --> 00:16:38,633
- That would be Westport.
- Interesting.
442
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:41,903
You know, I noticed a very
distinct wave pattern
443
00:16:41,904 --> 00:16:43,638
in your hair,
444
00:16:43,639 --> 00:16:45,374
one that can only be achieved
445
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:47,142
by using pink lotion
446
00:16:47,143 --> 00:16:49,411
and what they call in the hood...
447
00:16:49,412 --> 00:16:51,646
a do-rag.
448
00:16:51,647 --> 00:16:52,647
I don't know what you mean.
449
00:16:52,648 --> 00:16:54,149
[chuckling]
450
00:16:54,150 --> 00:16:57,586
I see the indentation
along your forehead.
451
00:16:57,587 --> 00:17:00,989
How many days have you
woke up lightheaded
452
00:17:00,990 --> 00:17:02,858
because the tie was too tight?
453
00:17:02,859 --> 00:17:06,328
Yes, I know. I know.
454
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,462
What did your mama tell you to do
455
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:08,797
before she came home from work?
456
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:11,066
Take the chicken out the freezer.
457
00:17:13,169 --> 00:17:14,803
Oh.
458
00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:18,240
So you're not from Westport, are you?
459
00:17:18,241 --> 00:17:19,941
I'm from Harlem, son.
460
00:17:19,942 --> 00:17:21,610
125 and St. Nick.
461
00:17:21,611 --> 00:17:23,178
Same place where Puffy
rapped about a chick
462
00:17:23,179 --> 00:17:25,213
named Tondalea, man.
463
00:17:25,214 --> 00:17:28,417
Damn, that felt good, son.
464
00:17:28,418 --> 00:17:29,518
Keep it real, dog.
465
00:17:29,519 --> 00:17:30,719
- Keeping it real.
- All day.
466
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,654
- All day, every day.
- All day.
467
00:17:32,655 --> 00:17:34,456
- You know that.
- You know what I'm saying?
468
00:17:34,457 --> 00:17:37,793
My... my dude.
469
00:17:37,794 --> 00:17:40,529
And what can I say
470
00:17:40,530 --> 00:17:44,165
about Bobby and Suzy?
471
00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:46,401
Oh, the perfect parents
472
00:17:46,402 --> 00:17:47,702
with the perfect child.
473
00:17:47,703 --> 00:17:49,671
Never does anything wrong.
474
00:17:49,672 --> 00:17:53,175
- He sets things on fire!
- Damn.
475
00:17:53,176 --> 00:17:56,044
I'm sleeping with my secretary.
476
00:17:56,045 --> 00:17:59,815
You may have overshot that one, Bobby.
477
00:17:59,816 --> 00:18:00,949
You see?
478
00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:04,186
We are all faking the funk.
479
00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:05,754
Look at this hostess.
480
00:18:05,755 --> 00:18:07,656
She's probably putting
herself through school,
481
00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:09,691
working overtime here.
482
00:18:09,692 --> 00:18:11,760
Yeah, right.
483
00:18:11,761 --> 00:18:13,028
Watch this.
484
00:18:13,029 --> 00:18:14,696
Make it rain.
485
00:18:14,697 --> 00:18:17,632
[beatboxing]
486
00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:19,434
?
487
00:18:19,435 --> 00:18:22,537
A stripper!
488
00:18:23,773 --> 00:18:25,473
Even I...
489
00:18:25,475 --> 00:18:27,309
yes, I know you look at me and say,
490
00:18:27,310 --> 00:18:31,480
"Look at that smart, dapper rascal."
491
00:18:31,481 --> 00:18:34,516
But alas.
492
00:18:36,185 --> 00:18:38,753
This is nothing but a...
493
00:18:38,754 --> 00:18:42,424
leg from my dirty sweatpants.
494
00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:44,626
You're all a bunch of pretenders,
495
00:18:44,627 --> 00:18:46,628
but you know who's not a pretender?
496
00:18:46,629 --> 00:18:48,597
Ashley.
497
00:18:48,598 --> 00:18:51,299
She's the real deal,
498
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:55,737
and you all are crazy if you
don't want her in your club.
499
00:18:55,738 --> 00:18:56,671
Come on, Ash.
500
00:18:56,672 --> 00:18:59,341
Let's get out of here.
501
00:18:59,342 --> 00:19:00,809
Ooh.
502
00:19:03,246 --> 00:19:07,082
Go ahead.
503
00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:11,820
You look like the last
three eggs in a carton.
504
00:19:11,821 --> 00:19:12,889
?
505
00:19:15,277 --> 00:19:16,617
[both laughing]
506
00:19:16,618 --> 00:19:18,000
I can't believe you put
507
00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,635
that nasty sweatpant leg
508
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:20,669
around your neck.
509
00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:23,672
I Febreze'd it first.
510
00:19:23,673 --> 00:19:25,340
Oh, Karen texted me.
511
00:19:25,341 --> 00:19:28,043
Apparently, they're still
considering my membership.
512
00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:30,746
Oh, wow. Nice.
513
00:19:30,747 --> 00:19:32,915
Yeah, Mark hit me up.
514
00:19:32,916 --> 00:19:35,417
Told me he wants to get
a spades game going.
515
00:19:35,418 --> 00:19:37,286
[both laughing]
516
00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:39,121
Thank you, Marlon.
517
00:19:39,122 --> 00:19:41,623
I know you were trying to help me.
518
00:19:41,624 --> 00:19:42,824
And I'll admit,
519
00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:45,661
as inappropriate as you can be,
520
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:49,631
I admire your ability
to always be yourself.
521
00:19:49,632 --> 00:19:52,234
I guess if I was more appropriate,
522
00:19:52,235 --> 00:19:54,803
we'd have never gotten divorced.
523
00:19:54,804 --> 00:19:56,972
Marlon, if you were more appropriate,
524
00:19:56,973 --> 00:20:00,142
we never would have gotten married.
525
00:20:00,143 --> 00:20:02,044
Sometimes I just want to hug you.
526
00:20:02,045 --> 00:20:03,245
[laughing]
527
00:20:03,246 --> 00:20:07,983
You say all the right things, boo.
528
00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,985
[laughing] You're so silly.
529
00:20:09,986 --> 00:20:13,021
Hey, so what happened to you two?
530
00:20:13,022 --> 00:20:15,157
We dined and dashed.
531
00:20:15,158 --> 00:20:16,925
I think Yvette and I
532
00:20:16,926 --> 00:20:18,827
learned a little something
about each other tonight.
533
00:20:18,828 --> 00:20:20,829
Yeah, that your ass is broke
534
00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:23,098
in any language.
535
00:20:23,099 --> 00:20:26,034
Well, either way, it felt
good to stick it to "The Man."
536
00:20:26,035 --> 00:20:27,869
Yeah, well, sorry, Bonnie and Clyde,
537
00:20:27,870 --> 00:20:29,204
the Avalon called.
538
00:20:29,205 --> 00:20:31,239
Seems like "The Man"
539
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,041
has your IDs at coat check.
540
00:20:35,377 --> 00:20:37,379
You know what?
541
00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:39,881
- It was your idea to dine and dash.
- You broke-ass... shut up!
542
00:20:39,882 --> 00:20:40,983
Get out.
543
00:20:40,984 --> 00:20:43,151
Get out of Ashley's house.
544
00:20:43,152 --> 00:20:44,519
Get out!
545
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,088
Can you believe that?
546
00:20:46,089 --> 00:20:48,190
Hey, we ain't aiding
and abetting no fugitive.
547
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:51,026
You get your ass out too.
548
00:20:51,027 --> 00:20:52,394
Ashley.
549
00:20:52,395 --> 00:20:53,573
I got two kids.
550
00:20:53,574 --> 00:20:55,605
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551
00:20:55,655 --> 00:21:00,205
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