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1
00:00:02,266 --> 00:00:04,834
Imagine yourself on a beach.
2
00:00:04,835 --> 00:00:05,869
Probably the Hamptons.
3
00:00:05,870 --> 00:00:07,337
It doesn't have to be the Hamptons,
4
00:00:07,338 --> 00:00:08,505
but something fabulous like that.
5
00:00:08,506 --> 00:00:10,340
The Hamptons... let's choose the Hamptons.
6
00:00:10,341 --> 00:00:12,408
Let's do that together.
7
00:00:12,409 --> 00:00:13,543
Mmm...
8
00:00:13,544 --> 00:00:15,612
Now feel the sand under your feet.
9
00:00:15,613 --> 00:00:17,914
Dana: Okay, Dana. Let's do this.
10
00:00:17,915 --> 00:00:20,283
Beach, sand, it's under my feet,
11
00:00:20,284 --> 00:00:23,987
and now it's in my bathing
suit and somehow in my mouth.
12
00:00:23,988 --> 00:00:26,422
How does it even get there? Dana, focus!
13
00:00:26,423 --> 00:00:27,924
Peter: Why did I agree to do this?
14
00:00:27,925 --> 00:00:29,926
I can think of a hundred
other floor activities
15
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:31,394
that would be better than this.
16
00:00:31,395 --> 00:00:33,897
If any thoughts come up,
just let them fade away.
17
00:00:33,898 --> 00:00:35,398
Now relax.
18
00:00:35,399 --> 00:00:36,566
Dana: Relaxing.
19
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:38,234
Not a thought in my mind,
20
00:00:38,235 --> 00:00:41,704
except the fact that there's
not a thought in my mind.
21
00:00:41,705 --> 00:00:42,935
How's Peter doing?
22
00:00:43,056 --> 00:00:45,008
No, it doesn't matter 'cause
it's not a competition.
23
00:00:45,009 --> 00:00:47,343
Don't look.
24
00:00:47,344 --> 00:00:49,245
Damn. He's good.
25
00:00:49,246 --> 00:00:50,714
[Snoring]
26
00:00:52,948 --> 00:00:55,951
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
27
00:01:00,624 --> 00:01:02,892
Can I help you?
28
00:01:02,893 --> 00:01:04,294
Oh, I'm Dana.
29
00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:05,528
Good for you, honey.
30
00:01:05,529 --> 00:01:07,230
I'm Peter's girlfriend.
31
00:01:07,231 --> 00:01:08,565
And...?
32
00:01:08,566 --> 00:01:10,768
That's the first time
I've said that out loud.
33
00:01:10,769 --> 00:01:12,335
And I was there.
34
00:01:12,336 --> 00:01:14,304
Geez Louise.
35
00:01:14,305 --> 00:01:15,839
Hey. There you are.
36
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,307
Hey. Mwah.
37
00:01:17,308 --> 00:01:19,409
Here, give me just a minute
to send a couple of e-mails,
38
00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:20,443
and we'll get out of here.
39
00:01:20,444 --> 00:01:23,246
Peter: Slash close this online poker window
40
00:01:23,247 --> 00:01:24,247
I have open.
41
00:01:24,248 --> 00:01:25,748
Hey.
42
00:01:25,749 --> 00:01:27,517
Got a surprise for you.
43
00:01:27,518 --> 00:01:29,586
Aw.
44
00:01:29,587 --> 00:01:32,589
- "Almost famous"?
- "Almost famous."
45
00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:34,557
Yeah, they're having a screening
at the Nitehawk on Sunday.
46
00:01:34,558 --> 00:01:36,526
And I know it's, like, one of
your favorite movies, right?
47
00:01:36,527 --> 00:01:39,762
I can't this weekend. I have a thing.
48
00:01:39,763 --> 00:01:40,530
Oh.
49
00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:41,798
Dana: Just lie.
50
00:01:41,799 --> 00:01:43,299
It'll never come back to haunt you.
51
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:44,267
It's work.
52
00:01:44,268 --> 00:01:45,602
Ohh. Conference.
53
00:01:45,603 --> 00:01:47,303
Way out of the city.
54
00:01:47,304 --> 00:01:49,839
- Really? Where?
- Like, Rhinebeck?
55
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,341
Rhine... Rhinebeck? It's
beautiful up there!
56
00:01:51,342 --> 00:01:53,610
So, listen, if you're up there all weekend,
57
00:01:53,611 --> 00:01:55,345
I mean, I'm not doing anything.
58
00:01:55,346 --> 00:01:57,313
He said suggestively,
59
00:01:57,314 --> 00:02:01,417
waiting for Dana to take the hint.
60
00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:05,618
Then... she said,
61
00:02:06,423 --> 00:02:07,724
getting the hint...
62
00:02:07,725 --> 00:02:08,691
Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:10,994
You should come.
64
00:02:10,995 --> 00:02:11,858
Great.
65
00:02:11,859 --> 00:02:14,260
Peter: Hotel sex!
66
00:02:14,261 --> 00:02:16,896
Dana: And it came back to haunt me.
67
00:02:16,897 --> 00:02:18,030
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
68
00:02:18,031 --> 00:02:19,399
When did you start doing this again?
69
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,000
I never actually stopped.
70
00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:23,236
But you told me that you
quit after college.
71
00:02:23,237 --> 00:02:24,871
I know. I'm sorry. I lied.
72
00:02:24,872 --> 00:02:27,774
But it's just... it's
part of who I am, Amy.
73
00:02:27,775 --> 00:02:30,877
Well, how do you even find
those people to do it with?
74
00:02:30,878 --> 00:02:31,811
Oh, it's easy.
75
00:02:31,812 --> 00:02:33,813
There's these websites with these...
76
00:02:33,814 --> 00:02:34,914
I can't. [Babbles, laughs]
77
00:02:34,915 --> 00:02:36,883
No. Save it. I shouldn't have asked.
78
00:02:36,884 --> 00:02:38,885
Peter: Why is hotel sex so great?
79
00:02:38,886 --> 00:02:40,887
Oh, because you can't
see the people's faces.
80
00:02:40,888 --> 00:02:41,988
You just hear their voices.
81
00:02:41,989 --> 00:02:43,756
So you have to imagine what they look like.
82
00:02:43,757 --> 00:02:45,158
And in your mind, they're the...
83
00:02:45,159 --> 00:02:47,493
See, I was talking about having it.
84
00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:50,062
Oh. Maybe because someone
else does the cleaning up?
85
00:02:50,063 --> 00:02:53,032
I'm holding in my hand...
86
00:02:53,033 --> 00:02:54,133
A fax.
87
00:02:54,134 --> 00:02:54,967
[Both groan]
88
00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:56,202
Yeah.
89
00:02:56,203 --> 00:02:57,837
So it's either from grandma Toby...
90
00:02:57,838 --> 00:02:58,838
Nope. Well, it's not blank.
91
00:02:58,839 --> 00:03:00,139
So... oh, Coach Reisner.
92
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:01,040
- Coach Reisner.
- Yep.
93
00:03:01,041 --> 00:03:02,475
It's that time of year again, boys.
94
00:03:02,476 --> 00:03:03,509
One hour of sheer hell
95
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,144
with your former high-school coach
96
00:03:05,145 --> 00:03:06,913
and 75 tournaments' worth of trophies.
97
00:03:06,914 --> 00:03:09,115
Oh, come on. Coach isn't that bad.
98
00:03:09,116 --> 00:03:11,484
Compared to what, an industrial accident?
99
00:03:11,485 --> 00:03:13,853
[Monotone] Yeah, this event is
my favorite time of the year.
100
00:03:13,854 --> 00:03:15,121
I just can't wait for tomorrow.
101
00:03:15,122 --> 00:03:16,856
Tomorrow? Oh, crap. I'm
gonna be out of town.
102
00:03:16,857 --> 00:03:18,424
What?! No, you have to be here.
103
00:03:18,425 --> 00:03:20,126
Coach is never gonna buy trophies from me.
104
00:03:20,127 --> 00:03:21,761
Peter was the golden boy.
105
00:03:21,762 --> 00:03:23,396
Peter always got on base.
106
00:03:23,397 --> 00:03:24,864
Peter never dropped the ball.
107
00:03:24,865 --> 00:03:26,899
Peter knew how to keep
his emotions in check
108
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,734
during "the star-spangled banner."
109
00:03:28,735 --> 00:03:29,936
Look, guys, it'll be fine, all right?
110
00:03:29,937 --> 00:03:31,871
I'll get on the phone, and
I'll work my charm from afar.
111
00:03:31,872 --> 00:03:33,372
And, uh, it'll be like I'm here with you.
112
00:03:33,373 --> 00:03:34,874
Why doesn't dad just handle this?
113
00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:36,142
Because if there's one person
114
00:03:36,143 --> 00:03:37,743
that coach hates more than David, it's Dad.
115
00:03:37,744 --> 00:03:38,945
He used to stand there
116
00:03:38,946 --> 00:03:40,913
and scream different
plays from the sideline
117
00:03:40,914 --> 00:03:42,014
until he got banned for life.
118
00:03:42,015 --> 00:03:43,783
He had to watch my championship game
119
00:03:43,784 --> 00:03:45,785
from across the street
with a pair of binoculars.
120
00:03:45,786 --> 00:03:46,752
William: Word to the wise...
121
00:03:46,753 --> 00:03:48,788
don't sit across from a
school with binoculars.
122
00:03:48,789 --> 00:03:50,056
Thank God I got arrested.
123
00:03:50,057 --> 00:03:51,924
I think that mob would have killed me.
124
00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:54,293
Hey, ready to bring it
home with coach, Peter?
125
00:03:54,294 --> 00:03:56,424
Actually, dad, I'm not gonna be here.
126
00:03:56,425 --> 00:03:57,196
Well, we're dead.
127
00:03:57,197 --> 00:03:59,131
Oh, thanks, dad. Thanks for
the real shot of confidence.
128
00:03:59,132 --> 00:04:00,299
Dad, don't worry about it.
129
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:02,835
I'm gonna get on the phone
and butter coach up,
130
00:04:02,836 --> 00:04:03,870
and David can close this.
131
00:04:03,871 --> 00:04:05,872
[Inhales sharply] "David can close this."
132
00:04:05,873 --> 00:04:07,273
They're coming back.
133
00:04:07,274 --> 00:04:09,415
The bad feelings are coming back.
134
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,043
Hey, buddy, don't go to that dark place.
135
00:04:11,044 --> 00:04:12,211
Here, you want your busy ball?
136
00:04:12,212 --> 00:04:14,147
Yes. Huh? Here, get your busy ball.
137
00:04:16,316 --> 00:04:17,850
That's emasculating.
138
00:04:17,851 --> 00:04:19,852
What's so important that you
can't be here tomorrow?
139
00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:21,821
Dana and I are going up to
Hudson Valley for the weekend.
140
00:04:21,822 --> 00:04:23,389
Oh. Oh, yeah. Time for a little hotel...
141
00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:24,524
Dad...
142
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,125
Uh, room service.
143
00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:27,727
Seriously? I am 24 years old.
144
00:04:27,728 --> 00:04:29,328
I know that people have sex.
145
00:04:29,329 --> 00:04:30,763
I even have...
146
00:04:30,764 --> 00:04:31,797
[all shout indistinctly]
147
00:04:31,798 --> 00:04:34,166
- Get out of my head.
- No, no.
148
00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:35,868
Yeah, I love Rhinebeck.
149
00:04:35,869 --> 00:04:38,638
It feels like a little pop-up book.
150
00:04:40,807 --> 00:04:42,775
Wow.
151
00:04:42,776 --> 00:04:45,144
Hey, so, you know, we made great time.
152
00:04:45,145 --> 00:04:47,346
If you want, before your meetings,
153
00:04:47,347 --> 00:04:48,281
we could go antiquing...
154
00:04:48,282 --> 00:04:49,115
Peter: Sex.
155
00:04:49,116 --> 00:04:50,116
...or hiking...
156
00:04:50,117 --> 00:04:51,450
Sex... Or sex.
157
00:04:51,451 --> 00:04:52,818
Sex!
158
00:04:52,819 --> 00:04:54,020
Yes. On all of those.
159
00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:55,888
But before any of those...
160
00:04:55,889 --> 00:04:57,423
- Mm-hmm?
- ...Um...
161
00:04:57,424 --> 00:04:58,991
There's something I have to tell you.
162
00:04:58,992 --> 00:05:01,494
There's something that
you don't know about me.
163
00:05:01,495 --> 00:05:02,862
Okay.
164
00:05:02,863 --> 00:05:03,996
Oh, my God. She has a kid.
165
00:05:03,997 --> 00:05:05,898
And she brought me up
here to the countryside
166
00:05:05,899 --> 00:05:07,500
to soften the blow.
167
00:05:07,501 --> 00:05:08,868
I'm gonna show you.
168
00:05:08,869 --> 00:05:10,436
I think that would be better. I'm gonna...
169
00:05:10,437 --> 00:05:11,837
- Show me.
- ...Show you.
170
00:05:11,838 --> 00:05:12,905
Kid's in there.
171
00:05:12,906 --> 00:05:14,340
Oh, she's gonna bring him out right now.
172
00:05:14,341 --> 00:05:16,075
- Are you ready for this?
- Uh...
173
00:05:16,076 --> 00:05:18,244
This is all happening. Can I do this?
174
00:05:18,245 --> 00:05:19,345
Can I be a dad?
175
00:05:19,346 --> 00:05:21,847
Yeah, I'm ready for...
176
00:05:21,848 --> 00:05:24,417
Almost anything, I think.
177
00:05:29,957 --> 00:05:31,190
Oh.
178
00:05:31,191 --> 00:05:33,426
No way I could have called that one.
179
00:05:35,762 --> 00:05:36,762
Spock?
180
00:05:36,763 --> 00:05:38,864
Elf.
181
00:05:38,865 --> 00:05:40,199
Oh.
182
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,868
Be rational about this,
like Spock would be.
183
00:05:42,869 --> 00:05:46,272
That is why I came out here this weekend.
184
00:05:46,273 --> 00:05:47,740
I'm a larper!
185
00:05:47,741 --> 00:05:49,075
I'm so sorry.
186
00:05:49,076 --> 00:05:51,110
Or, hey, that's great.
187
00:05:51,111 --> 00:05:52,778
Do you want me to explain what that is?
188
00:05:52,779 --> 00:05:54,046
Please.
189
00:05:54,047 --> 00:05:55,748
That will save me a fake
trip to the bathroom
190
00:05:55,749 --> 00:05:57,049
so I can Wikipedia it on my phone.
191
00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:59,285
Okay, "larp"... uh-huh.
192
00:05:59,286 --> 00:06:01,887
...or "larping," as a verb,
193
00:06:01,888 --> 00:06:05,157
is a live-action role-playing.
194
00:06:05,158 --> 00:06:07,293
Oh, okay.
195
00:06:07,294 --> 00:06:09,095
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
196
00:06:09,096 --> 00:06:10,930
No, no, okay. You've
seen "Game of Thrones."
197
00:06:10,931 --> 00:06:13,432
Yeah. Boobs and blood.
Never miss an episode.
198
00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:15,868
Right. It is just like that,
199
00:06:15,869 --> 00:06:16,836
except so much better
200
00:06:16,837 --> 00:06:18,237
because we actually create the characters,
201
00:06:18,238 --> 00:06:19,739
and then we go and act it out.
202
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:21,807
It is like being dropped
into a "Harry Potter" movie.
203
00:06:21,808 --> 00:06:23,309
That sounds pretty great.
204
00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:24,343
It really is.
205
00:06:24,344 --> 00:06:25,811
I guess I'm kind of a geek.
206
00:06:25,812 --> 00:06:27,947
Now I don't have to hide it from you.
207
00:06:27,948 --> 00:06:29,749
Come on, it's charming. Seriously?
208
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,851
You know, now that I'm getting used to it,
209
00:06:31,852 --> 00:06:33,786
it's a little sexy.
210
00:06:33,787 --> 00:06:35,421
Oh, whoops. Okay.
211
00:06:35,422 --> 00:06:37,857
Did I kill the mood?
212
00:06:37,858 --> 00:06:38,824
Did I kill the mood?
213
00:06:38,825 --> 00:06:41,561
[Chuckles]
214
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:47,500
Wait, what day is it?
215
00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:49,835
Saturday. I have a meeting.
216
00:06:49,836 --> 00:06:51,837
Ah. Thought I was losing days again.
217
00:06:51,838 --> 00:06:53,272
Again?
218
00:06:53,273 --> 00:06:55,274
So, what's this big meeting?
219
00:06:55,275 --> 00:06:57,476
Peter and I have this stupid baseball coach
220
00:06:57,477 --> 00:06:59,478
who comes every year and orders, like,
221
00:06:59,479 --> 00:07:01,180
a million different trophies.
222
00:07:01,181 --> 00:07:02,882
And Peter's not gonna be there!
223
00:07:02,883 --> 00:07:04,784
So you'll handle it.
224
00:07:04,785 --> 00:07:07,086
Okay, Coach Reisner is
this terrifying figure
225
00:07:07,087 --> 00:07:08,354
in my life, okay?
226
00:07:08,355 --> 00:07:10,790
My first game in high
school... my first game...
227
00:07:10,791 --> 00:07:12,124
I drop one ball,
228
00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:14,760
and coach yells at me in
front of the entire school,
229
00:07:14,761 --> 00:07:16,896
"you don't belong on a field in a uniform!
230
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:19,732
You belong onstage in a pair of tights!"
231
00:07:19,733 --> 00:07:22,334
So, who cares about what
happened back then?
232
00:07:22,335 --> 00:07:23,869
Come on.
233
00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:25,871
So you don't bond over sports.
234
00:07:25,872 --> 00:07:27,873
You are a confident, fascinating man
235
00:07:27,874 --> 00:07:29,909
with a thousand different interests.
236
00:07:29,910 --> 00:07:31,777
Like what?
237
00:07:31,778 --> 00:07:33,245
Well, you're a hell of a dancer.
238
00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:35,181
You got a wicked sense of fashion,
239
00:07:35,182 --> 00:07:37,983
an encyclopedic knowledge of musicals.
240
00:07:37,984 --> 00:07:39,485
Wait, do we need to talk?
241
00:07:39,486 --> 00:07:41,821
About what? How much you've helped me?
242
00:07:41,822 --> 00:07:43,022
Because you haven't, really.
243
00:07:43,023 --> 00:07:44,924
Sorry.
244
00:07:44,925 --> 00:07:46,892
Thanks for trying. Love you.
245
00:07:46,893 --> 00:07:49,162
Love you!
246
00:07:50,764 --> 00:07:52,966
I hope I lose this day.
247
00:07:56,436 --> 00:07:58,871
How long have you been doing this?
248
00:07:58,872 --> 00:08:00,439
Um, I mean, I've actually been playing
249
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,941
the same character since college.
250
00:08:01,942 --> 00:08:04,844
She started as a scullery wench,
251
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:07,847
and now she is Queen of the lower realm.
252
00:08:07,848 --> 00:08:09,882
Wow!
253
00:08:09,883 --> 00:08:13,819
Surprisingly good job
mobility in the Elvin world.
254
00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:15,755
Hir, Kayla, adon vereen.
255
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:16,957
Ohh...
256
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:20,426
I like that guy.
257
00:08:20,427 --> 00:08:24,627
Everyone, I would like you
to meet my squire, Peter.
258
00:08:24,798 --> 00:08:26,232
Of trophyville!
259
00:08:26,233 --> 00:08:27,733
I'm not acquainted with that realm.
260
00:08:27,734 --> 00:08:29,068
Oh, I was just...
261
00:08:29,069 --> 00:08:30,770
so, you want to join in?
262
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,071
I mean, I could.
263
00:08:32,072 --> 00:08:33,939
Peter: ...Not imagine myself doing it less.
264
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:34,907
You could be a mage.
265
00:08:34,908 --> 00:08:36,008
I don't think
266
00:08:36,009 --> 00:08:38,878
that he could be a mage. [Chuckles]
267
00:08:38,879 --> 00:08:40,746
Whoa, bro. I could totally be a mage.
268
00:08:40,747 --> 00:08:41,814
What's that supposed to mean?
269
00:08:41,815 --> 00:08:43,783
What is a mage?
270
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,786
Look... okay, all right, maybe...
you can be a fighter.
271
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:47,844
Yeah, super-strong.
272
00:08:47,845 --> 00:08:48,454
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
273
00:08:48,455 --> 00:08:49,822
The basics are you get hit in the limb,
274
00:08:49,823 --> 00:08:50,990
you can't use that limb.
275
00:08:50,991 --> 00:08:52,758
You get hit in the torso, and you're dead.
276
00:08:52,759 --> 00:08:53,759
You can... you can do that.
277
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,194
You know what? This is your thing.
278
00:08:55,195 --> 00:08:56,796
I'm totally cool just hanging out,
279
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:57,863
and we can grab dinner later.
280
00:08:57,864 --> 00:08:59,398
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
281
00:08:59,399 --> 00:09:00,800
All right, we can play it by ear.
282
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,868
Cool. It's an elf pun.
283
00:09:02,869 --> 00:09:03,502
[Chuckles]
284
00:09:03,503 --> 00:09:04,904
Uh, in the meantime,
285
00:09:04,905 --> 00:09:06,872
there's a spectators area right over there.
286
00:09:06,873 --> 00:09:08,340
All right. Uh, have fun.
287
00:09:08,341 --> 00:09:09,875
Never felt more secure
288
00:09:09,876 --> 00:09:11,977
leaving my girlfriend with hundreds of men.
289
00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:14,413
Hey. Peter. Hey.
290
00:09:14,414 --> 00:09:15,815
Oh. Hi.
291
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,383
Cheryl. First tournament?
292
00:09:17,384 --> 00:09:19,118
Yeah. You enjoying it?
293
00:09:19,119 --> 00:09:20,820
Uh, yeah... it's interesting.
294
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,521
Yeah, I just saw a guy fighting,
295
00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:24,757
uh, an invisible warrior out there.
296
00:09:24,758 --> 00:09:26,458
Oh, that was probably a bee.
297
00:09:26,459 --> 00:09:27,827
There's lots of bees up here.
298
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,895
These kids... they drink a lot of soda.
299
00:09:29,896 --> 00:09:30,496
Oh.
300
00:09:30,497 --> 00:09:33,399
How long do these things
301
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,900
usually last?
302
00:09:34,901 --> 00:09:36,936
Well, a quick game usually
goes 8 to 10 hours.
303
00:09:36,937 --> 00:09:38,871
But I have seen them go as long as 36.
304
00:09:38,872 --> 00:09:39,972
What?!
305
00:09:39,973 --> 00:09:42,908
Buckle in. This helps.
306
00:09:42,909 --> 00:09:44,109
What is that, hot chocolate?
307
00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:45,911
If the cops ask.
308
00:09:45,912 --> 00:09:47,746
So, who are you here to see?
309
00:09:47,747 --> 00:09:50,598
My son, Hans the despicable.
310
00:09:50,599 --> 00:09:51,424
Mm.
311
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,152
Well, he's not actually
on the field, though.
312
00:09:53,153 --> 00:09:54,053
He's in jail.
313
00:09:54,054 --> 00:09:56,355
He stole some orc's gold, so...
314
00:09:56,356 --> 00:09:58,757
So you drove your kid all the way up here
315
00:09:58,758 --> 00:10:00,826
just to watch him sit in jail?
316
00:10:00,827 --> 00:10:03,062
Yep. This helps.
317
00:10:03,063 --> 00:10:04,864
Hey, you wouldn't happen to know
318
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:07,733
where I could get better
cellphone reception, would you?
319
00:10:07,734 --> 00:10:09,035
New York City.
320
00:10:10,737 --> 00:10:12,037
All right.
321
00:10:12,038 --> 00:10:13,439
No, no, that's all you.
322
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,276
You need it more than I do.
Your kid's in jail.
323
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,780
Looking good, sweetie!
324
00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:24,450
Art thou friend or foe?
325
00:10:24,451 --> 00:10:25,484
Friend?
326
00:10:25,485 --> 00:10:27,953
You're trespassing in my kingdom.
327
00:10:27,954 --> 00:10:30,756
Before you shoot, I have to warn you...
328
00:10:30,757 --> 00:10:32,125
[sighs]
329
00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:36,096
Why do they always make speeches?
330
00:10:44,504 --> 00:10:46,239
Dana!
331
00:10:48,341 --> 00:10:51,143
[Grunts] Hey.
332
00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:53,045
How's it going? Are you scoring points?
333
00:10:53,046 --> 00:10:54,813
Whoa! Did you just kill that guy?
334
00:10:54,814 --> 00:10:56,815
Good job, babe.
335
00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:58,817
Peter, you can't be here.
Hey, is there a halftime?
336
00:10:58,818 --> 00:11:00,452
'Cause I've got this really
important phone call,
337
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:03,088
- and there's like negative-three
bars in... - Halt!
338
00:11:03,089 --> 00:11:06,926
Lady Kayla, who is your strange escort?
339
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:10,796
He is but a humble towns person...
340
00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:12,164
Passing through.
341
00:11:12,165 --> 00:11:13,165
[Cellphone rings]
342
00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:14,400
Oh, thank God. Finally!
343
00:11:14,401 --> 00:11:16,480
Okay, look. Sorry, guys,
I got to take this.
344
00:11:16,481 --> 00:11:17,419
- It's work.
- No, Peter, you can't...
345
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:18,871
The barbarian wields a glow rock.
346
00:11:18,872 --> 00:11:19,838
[Chuckles]
347
00:11:19,839 --> 00:11:22,808
Perhaps you should leave
the field of battle
348
00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:26,979
before thy conjugal bed is denied you.
349
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:28,147
Okay. That I understood.
350
00:11:28,148 --> 00:11:29,515
W...
351
00:11:29,516 --> 00:11:31,016
Lady Kayla, I apologize,
352
00:11:31,017 --> 00:11:34,119
but I must accompany you
and your traitor to jail.
353
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,545
Buddy, you're about to see someone
354
00:11:35,546 --> 00:11:37,626
go barbarian on your ass if you
don't give me my phone back.
355
00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:39,358
Peter! Please, you are making it worse.
356
00:11:39,359 --> 00:11:40,826
It's a glow rock 6. It's many moneys.
357
00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:42,828
Peter: Am I really gonna
let myself get bullied
358
00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:44,397
by a dude wearing guy-liner?
359
00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:50,269
Come on. Come on.
360
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:51,737
Coach is here. Get Peter on the phone.
361
00:11:51,738 --> 00:11:53,038
He's not answering!
362
00:11:53,039 --> 00:11:54,406
What do we do?
363
00:11:54,407 --> 00:11:55,650
Okay, I'm gonna suggest something.
364
00:11:55,651 --> 00:11:57,980
It's gonna seem a little extreme,
but just go with me for a second.
365
00:11:57,981 --> 00:11:58,844
We get some gasoline,
366
00:11:58,845 --> 00:12:00,045
we burn this place to the ground,
367
00:12:00,046 --> 00:12:01,535
and then we collect the insurance money
368
00:12:01,536 --> 00:12:03,105
and we live free of fear
for the rest of our lives.
369
00:12:03,106 --> 00:12:04,407
Chloe: Coach, they're right in here here.
370
00:12:04,408 --> 00:12:05,779
Stupid Chloe!
371
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:06,785
Shh! I knew she'd betray us.
372
00:12:06,786 --> 00:12:11,003
- Oh! Reisner.
- Coach.
373
00:12:11,004 --> 00:12:13,493
What's with the J.V. team? Where's Peter?
374
00:12:13,494 --> 00:12:14,827
What does J.V. team mean?
375
00:12:14,828 --> 00:12:16,862
David.
376
00:12:16,863 --> 00:12:18,030
If you mean genius visionaries,
377
00:12:18,031 --> 00:12:19,798
we're standing right in front of you.
378
00:12:19,799 --> 00:12:20,966
"Jood" one.
379
00:12:20,967 --> 00:12:23,236
It's spelled with a "G," David.
380
00:12:24,888 --> 00:12:27,525
All right, man, come on.
This is not a joke.
381
00:12:27,526 --> 00:12:29,509
I really need to get my phone back, okay?
382
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:30,442
Nothing.
383
00:12:30,443 --> 00:12:32,277
Oh, hey, Hans.
384
00:12:32,278 --> 00:12:33,979
Your mom says hi.
385
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:36,081
[Sighs] Just calm down.
386
00:12:36,082 --> 00:12:37,483
We're gonna get out of here eventually.
387
00:12:37,484 --> 00:12:38,884
Or we could get out right now, okay?
388
00:12:38,885 --> 00:12:40,386
Okay, 'cause I've seen tighter security
389
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:41,520
at a ball pit at McDonald's.
390
00:12:41,521 --> 00:12:43,445
I mean, this is just... this is one rope
391
00:12:43,446 --> 00:12:45,480
and an out-of-shape accountant
392
00:12:45,481 --> 00:12:47,582
who is wearing women's yoga pants.
393
00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:48,983
Sorry.
394
00:12:48,984 --> 00:12:50,986
If you need to lash out,
that's on you, man.
395
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:54,122
Look, I just really need to
call in to this meeting, okay?
396
00:12:54,123 --> 00:12:55,491
This is actually important.
397
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,060
Dana.
398
00:12:59,061 --> 00:13:02,664
Did somebody cast a silencing spell on you?
399
00:13:02,665 --> 00:13:05,433
You're so oblivious to
what an ass you've been.
400
00:13:05,434 --> 00:13:07,068
I'm sorry, but when I
pictured this weekend,
401
00:13:07,069 --> 00:13:09,237
I didn't picture dressing up
like an extra from "The Hobbit."
402
00:13:09,238 --> 00:13:11,572
Thank you. That wasn't a compliment.
403
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,174
Nobody dragged you out here,
404
00:13:13,175 --> 00:13:15,410
and I thought you, out of
anyone, would get this.
405
00:13:15,411 --> 00:13:17,078
It's just like your comic books.
406
00:13:17,079 --> 00:13:18,680
Graphic novels. And is it?
407
00:13:18,681 --> 00:13:21,049
So, are you saying that it's better to just
408
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,317
read about something
409
00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:25,053
rather than to go and
actually experience it?
410
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,755
It feels like a trap.
411
00:13:27,756 --> 00:13:29,390
Be careful.
412
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:32,527
In my opinion... Yes?
413
00:13:32,528 --> 00:13:34,629
You'd rather lie on a couch
and watch pro football
414
00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:36,297
than actually be a pro football player.
415
00:13:36,298 --> 00:13:37,398
Is that what you're saying?
416
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,100
It was a trap!
417
00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:41,569
I'm just getting him on the line right now.
418
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,929
Just a small technical difficulty.
419
00:13:42,930 --> 00:13:44,238
Just bear with me for one more minute,
420
00:13:44,239 --> 00:13:46,007
and then we're gonna get started.
I promise.
421
00:13:46,008 --> 00:13:50,011
He never really was a
game-day player, was he?
422
00:13:50,012 --> 00:13:51,779
Come on, there's more to
life than sports, Reisner.
423
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,147
Is there?
424
00:13:53,148 --> 00:13:54,749
You know there's not.
425
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,050
Answer, answer, answer!
426
00:13:56,051 --> 00:13:58,986
[Cellphone rings]
427
00:13:58,987 --> 00:14:00,488
Peter, hey. Where the hell were you, man?
428
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:02,123
Schnel!
429
00:14:02,124 --> 00:14:04,293
Na-vi Mae gin veduli chai
grolshelen cee mitzryan!
430
00:14:07,129 --> 00:14:09,230
Annan agoreg pellannas.
431
00:14:09,231 --> 00:14:11,466
Lethio nin pitar!
432
00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:14,135
Did you get all that? I'm
a little, uh, rusty.
433
00:14:14,136 --> 00:14:16,104
This is not a game to me.
434
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,405
This is literally a game.
435
00:14:17,406 --> 00:14:20,007
Well, it's a game that I
can actually be myself in.
436
00:14:20,008 --> 00:14:22,143
Queen Kayla from the lower realm?
437
00:14:22,144 --> 00:14:23,077
Yes.
438
00:14:23,078 --> 00:14:26,013
And she's amazing. She's part of me.
439
00:14:26,014 --> 00:14:28,516
I have spent years crafting this character,
440
00:14:28,517 --> 00:14:31,152
and I know it sounds really silly to you,
441
00:14:31,153 --> 00:14:32,687
but I've worked...
442
00:14:32,688 --> 00:14:36,023
Very hard at it.
443
00:14:36,024 --> 00:14:37,692
And I love it.
444
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:39,160
You know what? You're right.
445
00:14:39,161 --> 00:14:40,762
You're totally right. I'm sorry.
446
00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:42,096
You know what it is?
447
00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:44,165
I got jealous 'cause they
wouldn't let me be a mage.
448
00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:46,167
'Cause I would be a great mage.
449
00:14:46,168 --> 00:14:48,069
Watch this. Sorcerer.
450
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:50,539
Lady Kayla, you are to go
with these adventurers.
451
00:15:00,282 --> 00:15:01,282
Where are they taking you?
452
00:15:01,283 --> 00:15:03,685
Back to the game.
453
00:15:05,554 --> 00:15:07,255
See you at the hotel, yeah?
454
00:15:07,256 --> 00:15:09,257
Yeah.
455
00:15:11,992 --> 00:15:14,027
Uh, hey, man, could I get my phone?
456
00:15:14,028 --> 00:15:15,128
It's kind of an emergency.
457
00:15:15,129 --> 00:15:16,394
My brother really, really needs me.
458
00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:17,596
You'll get it back soon.
459
00:15:17,597 --> 00:15:19,189
Kayla has been sentenced to death.
460
00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:20,637
Oh! Excellent!
461
00:15:20,638 --> 00:15:22,299
Okay, cool. So the game's almost over.
462
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:23,335
- Yeah.
- Great.
463
00:15:23,336 --> 00:15:24,748
So we'll have time to lock down dinner,
464
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,817
and she can just get them next time.
465
00:15:26,818 --> 00:15:28,119
That's not how it works.
466
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,286
After the sacrifice,
467
00:15:29,287 --> 00:15:31,422
her spirit will leave these lands forever.
468
00:15:31,423 --> 00:15:34,058
What, so she can't just, like,
start over or something?
469
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,059
No, not as Kayla.
470
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,727
Dana's gonna be crushed.
471
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,395
Look on the bright side.
472
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:39,964
What's that?
473
00:15:39,965 --> 00:15:43,667
I'm hooking up with a wood sprite later.
474
00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:46,770
She is of loose morals. [Chuckles]
475
00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:49,740
Oh, ye olde high five.
476
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,876
Uh, so, in conclusion,
477
00:15:51,877 --> 00:15:55,079
uh, we make... really good trophies
478
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:59,150
because we're the best at t-trophying.
479
00:15:59,151 --> 00:16:00,351
Thank you.
480
00:16:00,352 --> 00:16:02,853
Wow, that was crap.
481
00:16:02,854 --> 00:16:05,789
I cannot believe you and Peter
came from the same father.
482
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,926
And, actually, I can't believe
he's related to you at all.
483
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,394
All right, uh, uh, Reisner,
484
00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:12,129
uh, Peter will be here on Monday.
485
00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,831
We'll get him on the horn, and...
486
00:16:13,832 --> 00:16:16,133
- Oh! Are you telling me how to do my job?
- No.
487
00:16:16,134 --> 00:16:18,002
Oh, because you did that once before,
488
00:16:18,003 --> 00:16:19,103
and it didn't end well.
489
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,771
Hang on a second.
490
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,707
Now, I know I don't have
Peter's athleticism,
491
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:25,709
but I'm gonna win you over, coach.
492
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:27,615
I sincerely doubt that.
493
00:16:27,616 --> 00:16:28,464
You're wrong.
494
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,881
Something's changed within me.
495
00:16:30,882 --> 00:16:33,884
Something's not the same.
496
00:16:33,885 --> 00:16:36,320
I just have to trust my instinct,
497
00:16:36,321 --> 00:16:39,190
close my eyes... and leap!
498
00:16:39,191 --> 00:16:40,324
Should I do something?
499
00:16:40,325 --> 00:16:41,659
Is your something better
than his something?
500
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,371
It seems like it would almost have to be.
501
00:16:43,372 --> 00:16:44,028
Well, then...
502
00:16:44,029 --> 00:16:45,763
Our trophies...
503
00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:49,300
And you together are unlimited.
504
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:53,337
Together, we will be a great team.
505
00:16:53,338 --> 00:16:55,339
Come with us, coach.
506
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:59,443
It's time for us to defy gravity.
507
00:16:59,444 --> 00:17:03,047
And no one can pull us down.
508
00:17:03,048 --> 00:17:05,783
'Kay, first of all, don't touch me.
509
00:17:05,784 --> 00:17:06,784
Sorry.
510
00:17:06,785 --> 00:17:09,954
Second of all, not bad, Cooper.
511
00:17:11,256 --> 00:17:12,456
That is my boy.
512
00:17:12,457 --> 00:17:14,892
Does he give a hell of a
motivational speech or what?
513
00:17:14,893 --> 00:17:17,761
That was not a motivational
speech, you dimwit.
514
00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:20,030
That was the song "defying gravity"
515
00:17:20,031 --> 00:17:21,799
from the musical "wicked."
516
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:22,933
How do you know that?
517
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:24,201
I'm a huge theater fan,
518
00:17:24,202 --> 00:17:26,437
and I'm glad you finally took my advice.
519
00:17:26,438 --> 00:17:28,138
Wait, what?!
520
00:17:28,139 --> 00:17:29,807
You mean you meant that whole
521
00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:32,343
"get off the field and get
on the stage" thing...
522
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:34,678
In a good way?
523
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,714
Yes, you were a garbage ball player,
524
00:17:36,715 --> 00:17:39,183
but you always had sort
of some sort of panache.
525
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:42,319
Wait, are you buying
trophies from us or not?
526
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,788
[Sighing] Yes, sure.
527
00:17:44,789 --> 00:17:47,691
[Laughs] That was... anticlimactic.
528
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,326
So in the end, you're gonna
give us your business
529
00:17:49,327 --> 00:17:51,028
because I was true to myself,
530
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,731
and that's more important
than being a star athlete.
531
00:17:53,732 --> 00:17:55,299
Oh, no. Oh, God, no.
532
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,235
No, I'm doing that because I'm
completely loyal to Peter.
533
00:17:58,236 --> 00:18:00,938
And as long as Peter works here,
534
00:18:00,939 --> 00:18:04,008
then Cooper and sons can have my business.
535
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:07,911
I cannot believe you never saw "Wicked."
536
00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:10,814
I think I just saw "wicked."
537
00:18:10,815 --> 00:18:11,849
Ohh!
538
00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:12,984
[Both chuckle]
539
00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:16,787
Hey, jailer.
540
00:18:16,788 --> 00:18:19,456
Kid in here has a pretty bad stomachache.
541
00:18:19,457 --> 00:18:21,725
I fear it may be the plague of rivins-bin.
542
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:22,760
I know it well.
543
00:18:22,761 --> 00:18:24,662
Do you guys have a medic
or a... like a healer?
544
00:18:24,663 --> 00:18:26,631
Hang on a sec.
545
00:18:34,139 --> 00:18:35,272
My sword!
546
00:18:35,273 --> 00:18:37,241
And that's not all.
547
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:38,842
My keys.
548
00:18:38,843 --> 00:18:40,844
Don't be a hero.
549
00:18:40,845 --> 00:18:41,845
Yeah.
550
00:18:41,846 --> 00:18:42,780
And you.
551
00:18:42,781 --> 00:18:44,014
Hans, run!
552
00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:46,684
Be free!
553
00:18:46,685 --> 00:18:48,118
Oh, and, dude,
554
00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,923
don't let your mom drive
after she drinks her cocoa!
555
00:18:59,664 --> 00:19:01,199
Ambush!
556
00:19:04,336 --> 00:19:07,004
[Scottish accent] 'Tis I,
Peter, son of William,
557
00:19:07,005 --> 00:19:12,117
House Cooper, and all-around
sword-wielding... guy.
558
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,744
[Normal voice] Look, you
must release the queen,
559
00:19:13,745 --> 00:19:15,012
or you will die by my hand.
560
00:19:15,013 --> 00:19:17,119
- Not bad.
- Yeah, it is.
561
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,415
Look out!
562
00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:21,318
[Groans]
563
00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:23,994
- You should yield. She hit your sword arm.
- Nuh-unh.
564
00:19:23,995 --> 00:19:25,376
- Yep. She hit your sword arm.
- Did she really?
565
00:19:25,377 --> 00:19:27,331
- Yeah, she did.
- Oh, man.
566
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,900
I'll have you know that the
sooner I can dispose of you...
567
00:19:29,901 --> 00:19:31,468
Peter! [People gasp]
568
00:19:31,469 --> 00:19:33,904
...the sooner I can go back to the inn
569
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,206
with my queen for some inn sex.
570
00:19:36,207 --> 00:19:39,343
Whoa, she's your sister?
571
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,378
No, inn sex.
572
00:19:41,379 --> 00:19:44,047
Two words, man. Inn... sex.
573
00:19:44,048 --> 00:19:45,483
It... forget it.
574
00:19:46,851 --> 00:19:48,952
No! Ohh.
575
00:19:48,953 --> 00:19:50,988
Man: Bravo!
576
00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:51,822
[Cheers and applause]
577
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:55,026
Are you not entertained?!
578
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,962
Ahh. [Chuckles]
579
00:19:58,963 --> 00:20:00,964
[All cheer]
580
00:20:00,965 --> 00:20:03,433
Come on, this was pretty awesome.
581
00:20:03,434 --> 00:20:04,968
[Scoffs] Whatever. Nerd.
582
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:06,837
Elf.
583
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:10,173
[Crowd aws]
584
00:20:10,174 --> 00:20:12,876
So, what happens now? Am I, like, a knight?
585
00:20:12,877 --> 00:20:14,945
Are you gonna knight me? Give me powers?
586
00:20:14,946 --> 00:20:17,548
Wow. Peter, House of Cooper...
587
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:18,815
Yeah?
588
00:20:18,816 --> 00:20:21,885
...I'm afraid your fate
is somewhat different.
589
00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:23,253
What's going on?
590
00:20:23,254 --> 00:20:25,956
I'm trading you for six
of my men held captive.
591
00:20:25,957 --> 00:20:28,825
Oh, what? What's gonna happen to me?
592
00:20:28,826 --> 00:20:31,161
They'll probably kill you, is my guess.
593
00:20:31,162 --> 00:20:33,997
Yeah. I mean, you did take
out a bunch of their guys,
594
00:20:33,998 --> 00:20:35,832
and six is very flattering.
595
00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,834
All right. Okay.
596
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:40,971
Die well, treacherous worm!
597
00:20:40,972 --> 00:20:42,740
I'll see you at dinner.
598
00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:49,947
Sorry again about sending
you to your death.
599
00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:52,950
Oh, it was a glorious death
for a warrior such as myself.
600
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,818
Hey, have you seen my ears?
601
00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:56,486
Every time I close my eyes.
602
00:20:56,487 --> 00:21:00,123
Ready for bed, milady?
603
00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:02,359
Ohh, say it in that sexy way.
604
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,828
[Speaking Elvish]
605
00:21:04,829 --> 00:21:06,263
[Moans]
606
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:07,831
Yes!
607
00:21:07,832 --> 00:21:09,333
[Laughs]
608
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:11,868
If you ever tell anyone how
much this turns me on,
609
00:21:11,869 --> 00:21:13,036
I will divorce you.
610
00:21:13,037 --> 00:21:14,171
I understand.
611
00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:15,472
Okay.
612
00:21:15,473 --> 00:21:16,541
[Laughs]
613
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:23,284
Subtitle sync and corrections by
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614
00:21:23,334 --> 00:21:27,884
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