All language subtitles for Man Seeking Woman s02e07 Cactus.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,341 --> 00:00:02,022 [percussive music] 2 00:00:02,107 --> 00:00:04,491 Good morning, Rosa. 3 00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:06,409 Whoop, whoop, whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop! 4 00:00:06,495 --> 00:00:07,744 It's the caffeine police. 5 00:00:07,829 --> 00:00:10,363 You have the right to a cup of coffee. 6 00:00:10,415 --> 00:00:11,998 Oh, thanks. You didn't have to do that. 7 00:00:12,034 --> 00:00:13,366 Hey, that's what friends are for, 8 00:00:13,452 --> 00:00:16,753 and, uh, the lady likes extra soy, right? 9 00:00:16,838 --> 00:00:18,505 [sobs] Mm-hmm. 10 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,141 There's also almond milk. I could go back for almond. 11 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:22,943 [sniffles] I'm sorry. 12 00:00:23,011 --> 00:00:24,544 Oh, my God this is so embarrassing. 13 00:00:24,613 --> 00:00:27,080 Um. [chuckles] 14 00:00:27,115 --> 00:00:28,615 [inhales sharply] 15 00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:31,418 Uh, I broke up with my boyfriend last night. 16 00:00:31,453 --> 00:00:33,620 You what? 17 00:00:33,672 --> 00:00:35,255 [whispering] What? 18 00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:36,256 [sighs] Yeah. 19 00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:37,290 What? 20 00:00:37,376 --> 00:00:39,376 Oh, my God. 21 00:00:39,461 --> 00:00:40,594 [whispers] Yeah. 22 00:00:40,629 --> 00:00:42,462 I am so sorry, Rosa. 23 00:00:42,514 --> 00:00:46,132 [feet tapping] 24 00:00:46,218 --> 00:00:49,185 You sure it wasn't just, like, a bad fight? 25 00:00:49,271 --> 00:00:50,937 I mean, I'm... I'm just floored. 26 00:00:50,939 --> 00:00:53,625 You guys are so perfect together. 27 00:00:53,745 --> 00:00:55,858 It always seemed like that. But... 28 00:00:55,978 --> 00:00:57,477 It's over now. 29 00:00:57,529 --> 00:00:58,645 [feet tap] 30 00:00:58,697 --> 00:01:00,146 If there's anything I can do, 31 00:01:00,198 --> 00:01:03,033 anything at all, just let me know. 32 00:01:03,118 --> 00:01:04,150 - Thanks. - Sure. 33 00:01:04,236 --> 00:01:05,485 That's really sweet of you. 34 00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:07,454 Hey, stay put. I'll get you a tissue. 35 00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:11,408 [Irish jig] 36 00:01:11,493 --> 00:01:12,626 Here you are. 37 00:01:12,661 --> 00:01:14,828 - Oh, thanks. - Sure. 38 00:01:14,913 --> 00:01:16,162 Appreciate it. 39 00:01:16,214 --> 00:01:17,831 [feet tap] 40 00:01:17,883 --> 00:01:20,900 [downtempo electronic music] 41 00:01:20,969 --> 00:01:21,801 42 00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:23,303 Ah! 43 00:01:23,338 --> 00:01:26,506 44 00:01:26,558 --> 00:01:28,675 [squeaks] 45 00:01:28,727 --> 00:01:30,226 46 00:01:30,312 --> 00:01:31,761 [growls] 47 00:01:31,847 --> 00:01:37,498 48 00:01:39,134 --> 00:01:43,952 Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com 49 00:01:44,776 --> 00:01:47,027 [phone buzzing] 50 00:01:47,112 --> 00:01:49,579 Mm. 51 00:01:49,665 --> 00:01:50,697 Mm. 52 00:01:50,749 --> 00:01:52,248 [buzzing continues] 53 00:01:52,334 --> 00:01:53,366 [sighs] 54 00:01:53,418 --> 00:01:54,868 Hi. 55 00:01:54,953 --> 00:01:57,203 The thing about love, Liz, is that sometimes 56 00:01:57,255 --> 00:02:00,173 fate is the ultimate matchmaker. 57 00:02:00,208 --> 00:02:02,208 - Mm-hmm. - Think about it. 58 00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:05,428 The girl of my dreams comes to work in my office 59 00:02:05,514 --> 00:02:09,265 at the exact same moment that I have worked on myself 60 00:02:09,351 --> 00:02:12,602 and am ready to enter a serious, long-term relationship. 61 00:02:12,688 --> 00:02:14,187 That's really great. 62 00:02:14,222 --> 00:02:16,222 You've had a crush on her for a long time. 63 00:02:16,308 --> 00:02:18,975 Oh, no, no, no, no, this isn't just a crush, Liz. 64 00:02:19,061 --> 00:02:20,610 We're soul mates. 65 00:02:20,696 --> 00:02:23,063 Rosa loves coffee; I love getting her coffee. 66 00:02:23,148 --> 00:02:25,031 Rosa loves Junot D?az; 67 00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:27,150 I, for a long time, 68 00:02:27,235 --> 00:02:31,287 have really wanted to read something by him or her. 69 00:02:31,373 --> 00:02:33,039 [snoring] 70 00:02:33,075 --> 00:02:34,708 I know Rosa isn't flashy 71 00:02:34,743 --> 00:02:37,494 like the "Maxim" magazine type most guys are into, 72 00:02:37,579 --> 00:02:39,412 but that's kind of what I love about her. 73 00:02:39,498 --> 00:02:42,832 It's like I'm the only one who can see how special she is. 74 00:02:42,918 --> 00:02:44,634 Uh, I got to go. 75 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,971 Hey, hey, man, uh, what are you guys all waiting for? 76 00:02:48,056 --> 00:02:49,806 This is the line to ask out Rosa. 77 00:02:49,891 --> 00:02:51,925 What? You guys all want to date Rosa? 78 00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:54,477 What I like most about her is that she isn't flashy 79 00:02:54,563 --> 00:02:57,147 like the "Maxim" magazine type most guys are into. 80 00:02:57,232 --> 00:02:58,765 I guess we're all just the only one 81 00:02:58,850 --> 00:03:01,101 who can see how special she is. 82 00:03:01,186 --> 00:03:04,070 Gentlemen, I need one straight line here. 83 00:03:04,106 --> 00:03:05,438 We're gonna get as many of you guys in 84 00:03:05,524 --> 00:03:07,607 to ask Rosa out as possible, but for now, 85 00:03:07,692 --> 00:03:11,277 I need you to remain in line till she's ready to date. 86 00:03:11,329 --> 00:03:13,113 Also, gentlemen, please stop using 87 00:03:13,198 --> 00:03:15,448 the Starbucks bathroom down the street. 88 00:03:15,534 --> 00:03:17,951 Starbucks has informed me they will press charges 89 00:03:18,003 --> 00:03:21,421 if you continue to do what you've been doing in there. 90 00:03:21,456 --> 00:03:25,375 I need order; I need respect. O.R. 91 00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:27,177 Hey, no cutting! [all groaning] 92 00:03:27,262 --> 00:03:29,212 He's cutting the line! What are you doing? 93 00:03:29,297 --> 00:03:30,680 - Hey, man, when... - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 94 00:03:30,766 --> 00:03:32,182 When... when... when do you think 95 00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:33,466 they're gonna start letting people in? 96 00:03:33,552 --> 00:03:35,185 First off, I need you to back off 97 00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:36,636 and keep your hands to yourself. 98 00:03:36,721 --> 00:03:38,104 - I w... - If you touch me 99 00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:39,856 with your hands, I have the authority to tase you. 100 00:03:39,941 --> 00:03:41,858 Jesus Christ. Uh, okay. 101 00:03:41,943 --> 00:03:43,893 Uh, but what do you think, ballpark? 102 00:03:43,979 --> 00:03:45,528 Could be a little while. 103 00:03:45,614 --> 00:03:47,530 You know, Rosa's still dealing with the heartbreak. 104 00:03:47,616 --> 00:03:48,898 I think right now she just wants to be 105 00:03:48,984 --> 00:03:50,483 - with family and friends, okay? - Yeah. 106 00:03:50,569 --> 00:03:52,068 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 107 00:03:52,154 --> 00:03:53,486 - I'm a friend. I'm a... - Sir, your hands. 108 00:03:53,572 --> 00:03:54,954 Okay, I know, yeah, my hands. 109 00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:56,122 - Gotta keep 'em. - Gotta keep 'em. 110 00:03:56,158 --> 00:03:58,491 I'm a friend. 111 00:03:58,543 --> 00:03:59,492 You're her friend? 112 00:03:59,578 --> 00:04:00,493 Yes. 113 00:04:00,545 --> 00:04:01,494 What's your name? 114 00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:03,797 Josh Greenberg. 115 00:04:03,832 --> 00:04:06,332 Hold on. 116 00:04:06,384 --> 00:04:08,334 Yeah, got a guy here says he's a friend. 117 00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:10,336 [babbling] 118 00:04:10,388 --> 00:04:13,973 Josh Greenberg. 119 00:04:14,009 --> 00:04:16,176 That's Golf, Romeo, Echo, Echo... 120 00:04:16,261 --> 00:04:17,677 - Check. - Yeah, you got it. 121 00:04:17,729 --> 00:04:19,512 - [babbles] - Okay. 122 00:04:19,564 --> 00:04:20,897 - [babbling] - Okay, are you sure? 123 00:04:20,982 --> 00:04:22,315 [babbles] 124 00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:27,437 5'10", 145. Maybe 5 1/2, 6. 125 00:04:27,522 --> 00:04:29,355 - [babbling] - Okay. 126 00:04:29,407 --> 00:04:30,907 All right, fine, I'll let him know. 127 00:04:30,992 --> 00:04:32,525 Stevie? Take one of these. 128 00:04:32,611 --> 00:04:34,527 Put that on. 129 00:04:34,613 --> 00:04:35,745 - Let's do it. - Follow me. 130 00:04:35,831 --> 00:04:37,864 Hey, cool, cool. 131 00:04:37,949 --> 00:04:39,532 [all groaning, booing] All right, come this way. 132 00:04:39,618 --> 00:04:40,917 - This is a friend, guys, relax. - Sorry, sorry, sorry. 133 00:04:41,002 --> 00:04:42,118 It's a platonic friend. We got Greenberg. 134 00:04:42,204 --> 00:04:43,586 Sorry. 135 00:04:43,672 --> 00:04:45,255 [elevator bell dings] Coming through. 136 00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:46,706 - Platonic friend coming through. - Sorry, sorry, guys. 137 00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:47,957 Look out, friend coming through. 138 00:04:48,043 --> 00:04:49,259 - I need you to move. - Sorry, sorry. 139 00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:50,210 - Purely platonic. - I'm a friend. 140 00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:51,845 I got one of these. 141 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,296 I don't make the rules. I don't make the rules. 142 00:04:53,381 --> 00:04:55,548 - You can go right that way. - Thank you. 143 00:04:55,634 --> 00:04:57,050 Hey, Rosa. 144 00:04:57,102 --> 00:04:58,852 Hello, Josh. 145 00:04:58,887 --> 00:05:01,054 How's the scanning going? 146 00:05:01,106 --> 00:05:02,555 Tedious. 147 00:05:02,641 --> 00:05:05,475 Just got to do these and those, 148 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,726 and then I am done. 149 00:05:06,778 --> 00:05:08,144 - Oh. It's okay. - Oh! 150 00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:09,479 - Oh, shit. - It's okay. It's okay. 151 00:05:09,564 --> 00:05:11,564 - Oh, my God. - Ahh. 152 00:05:11,650 --> 00:05:13,816 [light instrumental music] 153 00:05:13,902 --> 00:05:15,902 Oh, no. 154 00:05:15,954 --> 00:05:16,903 I had to do it. 155 00:05:16,988 --> 00:05:18,872 I'm so sorry. 156 00:05:18,907 --> 00:05:22,876 Uh, have... have a good weekend. 157 00:05:22,911 --> 00:05:24,627 Yeah, I hope so. 158 00:05:24,713 --> 00:05:27,247 I just found out I have to move out of my ex's on Saturday. 159 00:05:27,299 --> 00:05:28,915 Oh, no, seriously? 160 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,416 - Yeah. - That sucks. 161 00:05:30,468 --> 00:05:33,052 Uh, do you... do you want a hand? 162 00:05:33,088 --> 00:05:34,754 Moving? 163 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:36,973 You don't have to do that. You would do that? 164 00:05:37,058 --> 00:05:38,591 Yeah, that's what friends are for, right? 165 00:05:38,643 --> 00:05:39,976 All right, thanks. 166 00:05:40,061 --> 00:05:41,010 All right, I'll just... 167 00:05:41,096 --> 00:05:43,096 Yeah. 168 00:05:43,148 --> 00:05:44,597 I'm a friend. We're best friends. 169 00:05:44,649 --> 00:05:45,932 I will shoot. [Taser crackling] 170 00:05:45,984 --> 00:05:47,317 I told you guys to stay in line! 171 00:05:47,402 --> 00:05:48,735 Bunch of freaks. This is what happens. 172 00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:52,659 Ow, ow, ow, ow. 173 00:05:52,744 --> 00:05:53,910 - Got it? - Yeah, yeah. 174 00:05:53,995 --> 00:05:54,961 Ow. 175 00:05:55,047 --> 00:05:57,080 [upbeat music] 176 00:05:57,165 --> 00:05:58,331 Whoo! 177 00:05:58,417 --> 00:06:03,136 178 00:06:03,221 --> 00:06:04,421 [box clatters] 179 00:06:04,473 --> 00:06:05,755 [rug thuds] 180 00:06:05,807 --> 00:06:08,391 181 00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:11,261 So what's your favorite guilty pleasure movie then? 182 00:06:11,313 --> 00:06:12,262 "Titanic." 183 00:06:12,314 --> 00:06:13,847 Mm-mm, no, 184 00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:16,316 because any movie that's won an Academy award... 185 00:06:16,401 --> 00:06:17,517 - Yeah. - Can't be considered 186 00:06:17,602 --> 00:06:18,818 a guilty pleasure. 187 00:06:18,904 --> 00:06:21,855 All right, uh, then, uh... 188 00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:23,606 if pressed... [clears throat] 189 00:06:23,692 --> 00:06:27,160 I would say that I have a passing affinity 190 00:06:27,245 --> 00:06:30,413 for, uh... "Must Love Dogs." 191 00:06:30,449 --> 00:06:31,664 Are you serious? 192 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:33,283 You asked me. [chuckles] 193 00:06:33,368 --> 00:06:35,118 - I love "Must Love Dogs." - No. 194 00:06:35,203 --> 00:06:36,953 I've never met anyone else who loves "Must Love Dogs." 195 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,788 You really love "Must Love Dogs." 196 00:06:38,874 --> 00:06:40,957 Yeah, like, you give it a chance, it's actually... 197 00:06:41,042 --> 00:06:42,292 both: Surprisingly not bad. 198 00:06:42,377 --> 00:06:43,593 - Yes! - Yes. 199 00:06:43,628 --> 00:06:45,011 And John Cusack is just... 200 00:06:45,097 --> 00:06:46,963 both: Doing his best with the material! 201 00:06:47,048 --> 00:06:48,348 - Yes! - Hey. 202 00:06:48,433 --> 00:06:50,133 [laughs] That's it. 203 00:06:50,218 --> 00:06:52,769 - Yay! - Yes! 204 00:06:52,804 --> 00:06:55,472 That is a television for watching programs on. 205 00:06:55,524 --> 00:06:57,974 [laughs] Thank you. 206 00:06:58,059 --> 00:06:59,309 Yeah, of course. 207 00:06:59,361 --> 00:07:02,695 I really appreciate all the help today. 208 00:07:02,781 --> 00:07:05,648 My pleasure. It was my... no, I... 209 00:07:05,734 --> 00:07:08,151 actually had a lot of fun doing it, so... 210 00:07:08,203 --> 00:07:10,370 Me too. Yeah. 211 00:07:10,455 --> 00:07:13,823 [indistinct chatter, laughter on TV] 212 00:07:13,909 --> 00:07:16,159 Yeah, okay, uh, so I'll split then. 213 00:07:16,244 --> 00:07:18,795 All right. Um, I'll see you on Monday. 214 00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,713 - Yeah, Monday, all right. - Yeah, Monday. 215 00:07:20,799 --> 00:07:22,382 - Yeah, Mondays. - [laughs] 216 00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:23,383 - All right, so... - All right, so... 217 00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:24,884 Great story, Bob. 218 00:07:24,970 --> 00:07:25,835 Well, that's it for the local news. 219 00:07:25,921 --> 00:07:27,754 Both: Yeah. 220 00:07:27,839 --> 00:07:29,005 Stay tuned for tonight's late-night movie, 221 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:30,390 "Must Love Dogs." 222 00:07:30,475 --> 00:07:31,508 [dogs barking] Are you 223 00:07:31,593 --> 00:07:32,592 - Holy shit. - That's scary. 224 00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:34,177 That's... [both laugh] 225 00:07:34,262 --> 00:07:35,311 I didn't plan this. 226 00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:36,813 - Yeah. - [laughs] 227 00:07:36,848 --> 00:07:39,682 Um, I mean, should we... 228 00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:41,267 Oh, just watch, like, the first scene. 229 00:07:41,353 --> 00:07:42,769 Or watch until the part where the... 230 00:07:42,854 --> 00:07:44,354 both: Dogs pull her into the pond. 231 00:07:44,406 --> 00:07:45,522 - Yes. - Oh, my God, all right. 232 00:07:45,607 --> 00:07:47,190 - So that's clearly... - Yeah. 233 00:07:47,242 --> 00:07:48,608 - What's going to happen. - [laughs] So sudden. 234 00:07:48,693 --> 00:07:50,109 All right. both: Ching ching. 235 00:07:50,195 --> 00:07:51,361 [laughs] 236 00:07:51,446 --> 00:07:53,530 [puppies squeaking] 237 00:07:53,615 --> 00:07:55,448 [sweeping orchestral music] 238 00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:57,333 [dog barking] 239 00:07:57,369 --> 00:07:59,536 man: I don't know why I didn't see it sooner. 240 00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:02,505 I don't know why I waited so long to kiss you. 241 00:08:02,541 --> 00:08:03,923 Woman: Stop talking about kissing 242 00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:05,375 and just kiss me already. 243 00:08:05,427 --> 00:08:08,628 [groans] 244 00:08:08,713 --> 00:08:10,346 [dog barking] 245 00:08:10,382 --> 00:08:11,881 246 00:08:11,933 --> 00:08:15,768 Boy, these two sure do love dogs, don't they? 247 00:08:15,854 --> 00:08:17,971 [whispering] They love those dogs. 248 00:08:18,056 --> 00:08:19,889 249 00:08:19,975 --> 00:08:22,609 [dogs barking] 250 00:08:22,694 --> 00:08:23,977 [dramatic musical fanfare] 251 00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:25,395 We interrupt this broadcast 252 00:08:25,447 --> 00:08:26,863 to bring you some breaking news. 253 00:08:26,898 --> 00:08:29,032 An asteroid is headed towards Earth 254 00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:31,317 and will destroy the planet in exactly seven minutes. 255 00:08:31,403 --> 00:08:32,735 - What? - What? 256 00:08:32,821 --> 00:08:34,988 Oh, my God, look! 257 00:08:35,073 --> 00:08:36,372 Mother of shit! 258 00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:38,575 [people screaming faintly] 259 00:08:38,627 --> 00:08:40,159 Asteroidologists have advised 260 00:08:40,245 --> 00:08:41,961 that you all remain right where you are 261 00:08:42,047 --> 00:08:44,881 for these, our last seven minutes on Earth. 262 00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:46,883 We also advise that if there's something 263 00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:49,586 you've been meaning to do, even something a little risky, 264 00:08:49,638 --> 00:08:53,089 to use these last few precious moments and go for it. 265 00:08:53,174 --> 00:08:55,758 We repeat, this is your last chance 266 00:08:55,844 --> 00:08:58,428 to do that thing you want to do. 267 00:08:58,513 --> 00:09:00,980 Uh... [grunts] 268 00:09:01,066 --> 00:09:03,816 Uh, Rosa, I've been thinking about this all night. 269 00:09:03,902 --> 00:09:05,485 There's something I need to know. 270 00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:07,570 Um... 271 00:09:07,606 --> 00:09:11,991 [asteroid rumbling] 272 00:09:12,077 --> 00:09:15,194 What is the name of the actor that plays a veterinarian 273 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,664 in the "Must Love Dogs"? 274 00:09:17,749 --> 00:09:20,783 [rumbling continues] 275 00:09:20,869 --> 00:09:22,335 I don't know. 276 00:09:22,420 --> 00:09:23,703 Yeah, no, we'll figure... we can... 277 00:09:23,788 --> 00:09:25,204 We'll figure it out later. We got... 278 00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:26,256 We got five minutes to figure that out. 279 00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:27,874 Yeah. 280 00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:30,176 Again, we cannot stress enough, 281 00:09:30,262 --> 00:09:31,177 do that thing you want to do. 282 00:09:31,263 --> 00:09:32,712 [dramatic music] 283 00:09:32,797 --> 00:09:34,547 Oh, what the hell. 284 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:36,849 [romantic music] 285 00:09:36,935 --> 00:09:38,434 Bret, I wanted you to do that for so long. 286 00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:40,436 Oh. 287 00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:43,106 I couldn't not do it. I'm a man, after all. 288 00:09:43,141 --> 00:09:44,524 Yeah, you are, Bret. 289 00:09:44,609 --> 00:09:46,526 Yeah, yeah. 290 00:09:46,611 --> 00:09:48,978 291 00:09:49,064 --> 00:09:50,697 Rosa? 292 00:09:50,782 --> 00:09:52,448 [sighs] Yes, Josh? 293 00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:55,068 Um... Ah, what the hell. 294 00:09:55,153 --> 00:09:56,452 - Whoa. No. - Oh. 295 00:09:56,488 --> 00:09:57,620 Oh, oh. No, no. No, no. 296 00:09:57,656 --> 00:09:58,821 - I'm so sorry. - [groans] 297 00:09:58,907 --> 00:10:00,156 I'm sorry I gave you that impression. 298 00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:02,575 I think you are so great... 299 00:10:02,661 --> 00:10:04,661 - Oh, good. - And so sweet... 300 00:10:04,713 --> 00:10:06,045 - Thank you. - And so funny... 301 00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:07,163 - Thank you. - And so... 302 00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,499 But I want to be your friend so bad. 303 00:10:09,551 --> 00:10:11,134 - Yeah. - Because that's, like, 304 00:10:11,169 --> 00:10:13,636 the highest level of intimacy, really, if you think about it, 305 00:10:13,672 --> 00:10:15,588 and I'm... I'm really sorry. 306 00:10:15,674 --> 00:10:17,056 No, stop. Would you stop? 307 00:10:17,142 --> 00:10:18,725 I'm sorry. I'm the one... I'm... 308 00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:20,059 I'll tell you what. 309 00:10:20,145 --> 00:10:22,345 Uh, at least we won't have to have 310 00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:24,430 that awkward conversation at work on Monday morning... 311 00:10:24,516 --> 00:10:26,065 - Ah. - You know, 'cause... 312 00:10:26,151 --> 00:10:27,233 [rumbling continues] 313 00:10:27,319 --> 00:10:29,268 We'll all be dead. 314 00:10:29,354 --> 00:10:31,604 [dramatic musical fanfare] 315 00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:34,073 Some heroes have successfully exploded the asteroid. 316 00:10:34,159 --> 00:10:35,658 The Earth is saved. [sighs] 317 00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:37,026 We'll all be able to go to work on Monday. 318 00:10:37,112 --> 00:10:38,778 [bleep]. 319 00:10:38,863 --> 00:10:39,946 I think we'll remember this moment 320 00:10:40,031 --> 00:10:41,447 for the rest of our lives... 321 00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:42,782 where we were, who we were with, 322 00:10:42,867 --> 00:10:45,418 what they tried to do to you. 323 00:10:45,503 --> 00:10:46,953 We now return to "Must Love Dogs." 324 00:10:47,038 --> 00:10:49,622 [goofy music] [dogs barking] 325 00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:51,007 So, yeah, I'm... I'm gonna take off, I think. 326 00:10:51,042 --> 00:10:52,091 Okay. I... 327 00:10:52,177 --> 00:10:53,209 - Okay. - All right. 328 00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:54,427 Wait, Josh, I'm... 329 00:10:54,512 --> 00:10:56,379 Yeah? 330 00:10:56,464 --> 00:10:58,548 [gentle music] 331 00:10:58,633 --> 00:11:01,801 Thank you so much for helping me move... 332 00:11:01,886 --> 00:11:03,770 - in today. - Yeah, no, you're welcome. 333 00:11:03,855 --> 00:11:05,605 Um... 334 00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:13,196 335 00:11:13,231 --> 00:11:15,064 [bright instrumental music] 336 00:11:15,116 --> 00:11:16,899 [people cheering] 337 00:11:16,951 --> 00:11:19,035 Yahoo! 338 00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:20,153 Whoo! 339 00:11:20,238 --> 00:11:23,239 [upbeat whistling] 340 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,408 341 00:11:25,493 --> 00:11:27,326 [fireworks booming] 342 00:11:27,412 --> 00:11:29,462 343 00:11:29,547 --> 00:11:32,548 [upbeat whistling] 344 00:11:32,584 --> 00:11:34,133 345 00:11:34,219 --> 00:11:35,468 - Whoo, whoo! - Whoo-hoo! 346 00:11:35,553 --> 00:11:38,554 [upbeat whistling] 347 00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:41,057 348 00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:02,668 And then she flat-out turned me down. 349 00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:05,844 It was, like, maybe one of the worst moments of my life. 350 00:12:05,930 --> 00:12:08,347 Bummer, man. Oh, can I have a chicken burrito? 351 00:12:08,432 --> 00:12:11,934 It's just not fair, you know? I put in the man hours. 352 00:12:11,969 --> 00:12:14,270 All right, I got her coffee every morning. 353 00:12:14,305 --> 00:12:18,190 I listened to her problems about her stupid ex-boyfriend. 354 00:12:18,276 --> 00:12:20,442 I-I helped her move, for God sakes. 355 00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:21,944 Michael, I helped the woman move. 356 00:12:21,979 --> 00:12:23,946 What... what more does she want from me? 357 00:12:23,981 --> 00:12:26,031 For real. 358 00:12:26,117 --> 00:12:28,784 You know, plain truth, 359 00:12:28,819 --> 00:12:30,619 girls just don't want to date nice guys. 360 00:12:30,655 --> 00:12:32,488 Never have, never will. 361 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:33,872 For real. 362 00:12:33,958 --> 00:12:36,375 Like, why... why isn't it 363 00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:41,380 just that you date the guy who's nicest to you? 364 00:12:41,465 --> 00:12:43,165 There should be a law. 365 00:12:43,217 --> 00:12:46,335 For real. 366 00:12:46,387 --> 00:12:48,504 For real. 367 00:12:48,589 --> 00:12:52,808 And then she rejected me on the very couch 368 00:12:52,843 --> 00:12:55,928 that, earlier that afternoon, I had helped her move, 369 00:12:56,013 --> 00:12:59,398 so I ask you, please consider my bill, 370 00:12:59,483 --> 00:13:02,184 because in my America, fair is fair. 371 00:13:02,269 --> 00:13:04,186 Thank you. 372 00:13:04,238 --> 00:13:06,989 So you want us to enact a law 373 00:13:07,024 --> 00:13:11,026 that would require women to date nice guys? 374 00:13:11,078 --> 00:13:13,529 Yes. 375 00:13:13,581 --> 00:13:15,164 Interesting. 376 00:13:15,199 --> 00:13:17,199 Seems rather reasonable. 377 00:13:17,284 --> 00:13:21,086 Nice guys being rewarded for being nice guys. 378 00:13:21,172 --> 00:13:23,288 And the girl would get something out of it. 379 00:13:23,374 --> 00:13:25,541 She'd get to be with the nice guy. 380 00:13:25,626 --> 00:13:27,793 That doesn't make any sense. 381 00:13:27,878 --> 00:13:30,679 Just because a man is nice to you doesn't mean you... 382 00:13:30,715 --> 00:13:34,049 Good point, Louise. 383 00:13:34,101 --> 00:13:35,718 - Now a question for you. - Mm-hmm. 384 00:13:35,803 --> 00:13:37,553 Hypothetically, if a guy was very nice 385 00:13:37,638 --> 00:13:39,888 to, say, another judge, 386 00:13:39,974 --> 00:13:43,142 was always complimenting her on her good points, 387 00:13:43,227 --> 00:13:46,362 would that mean that she would have to date that man? 388 00:13:46,397 --> 00:13:48,147 Absolutely. 389 00:13:48,232 --> 00:13:49,648 From this day forward, 390 00:13:49,734 --> 00:13:52,067 if a guy is really, really nice to you, 391 00:13:52,153 --> 00:13:53,819 he gets to be your boyfriend. 392 00:13:53,904 --> 00:13:56,405 The "Nice" law is officially passed. 393 00:13:56,490 --> 00:13:57,873 [triumphant music] 394 00:13:57,908 --> 00:14:00,659 That isn't even how we pass a law. 395 00:14:00,745 --> 00:14:02,795 Another good point, Louise. 396 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,297 397 00:14:05,383 --> 00:14:06,915 Yeah! 398 00:14:07,001 --> 00:14:10,002 [upbeat techno music] 399 00:14:10,087 --> 00:14:17,810 400 00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:21,847 Shake it 401 00:14:21,932 --> 00:14:29,154 402 00:14:31,358 --> 00:14:33,776 Mm, thanks, man. 403 00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:35,527 [line trilling] 404 00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:37,112 Hey, this is Rosa. 405 00:14:37,164 --> 00:14:38,163 I'm away from my phone right now, 406 00:14:38,249 --> 00:14:39,114 so please leave a message. 407 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,332 Thanks. 408 00:14:40,418 --> 00:14:41,917 - Hey. - Oh! Jesus! 409 00:14:41,952 --> 00:14:44,787 Oh, sorry, you just... you scared me. 410 00:14:44,872 --> 00:14:46,088 I didn't mean to scare you. 411 00:14:46,123 --> 00:14:47,956 I just wanted to say you're welcome. 412 00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,258 What? 413 00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:50,843 I held the door open for you out there. 414 00:14:50,928 --> 00:14:53,929 Oh, yeah, uh, that was very nice of you. 415 00:14:53,964 --> 00:14:56,765 You're welcome. 416 00:14:56,801 --> 00:14:59,802 Hey, hey, hey, oh, whoa, what are you doing there, man? 417 00:14:59,887 --> 00:15:01,470 Just following the law. 418 00:15:01,555 --> 00:15:04,189 If a guy's nice to you, he gets to be your boyfriend. 419 00:15:04,275 --> 00:15:06,141 Okay, okay, okay. Very good. 420 00:15:06,227 --> 00:15:09,061 I now see where you might've gotten a little confused. 421 00:15:09,146 --> 00:15:12,147 All right, I came up with that law... 422 00:15:12,199 --> 00:15:14,116 because there was this girl named Rosa 423 00:15:14,151 --> 00:15:16,151 that I was very nice to... 424 00:15:16,203 --> 00:15:17,319 Like how I was nice to you. 425 00:15:17,371 --> 00:15:18,487 And I really liked her. 426 00:15:18,572 --> 00:15:19,822 Like how I really like you. 427 00:15:19,874 --> 00:15:21,707 Okay, mister... 428 00:15:21,792 --> 00:15:23,459 Chainsaw. 429 00:15:23,494 --> 00:15:26,712 You seem like... you seem like a nice man, 430 00:15:26,797 --> 00:15:29,631 but I really think we would be better off as just friends. 431 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,502 Oh. 432 00:15:33,554 --> 00:15:35,087 [melancholy music] 433 00:15:35,172 --> 00:15:37,339 I get it now. I get it now. 434 00:15:37,424 --> 00:15:39,842 Just because I was nice to Rosa 435 00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:42,895 doesn't mean she has to sleep with me. 436 00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:45,063 She has the right to sleep with or not sleep with 437 00:15:45,149 --> 00:15:46,849 whomever she wants; it's up to her; 438 00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:48,650 and I just have to live with it. 439 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,737 Wow, sounds like you really learned something today. 440 00:15:51,822 --> 00:15:54,857 I think I really did. 441 00:15:54,942 --> 00:15:56,825 Okay, let's go before my balls explode. 442 00:15:56,861 --> 00:15:58,026 [zipper buzzes] Oh, my God. 443 00:15:58,112 --> 00:16:00,162 Wait, help! Help! Help! 444 00:16:00,197 --> 00:16:01,196 Is everything okay in here? 445 00:16:01,282 --> 00:16:02,781 Oh, thank God. 446 00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:04,750 Officers, you came just in time. 447 00:16:04,835 --> 00:16:07,202 This... lovely man... 448 00:16:07,288 --> 00:16:09,788 - Chainsaw. - This man, Chainsaw, 449 00:16:09,874 --> 00:16:12,541 in a bit of irony that is not lost on me, 450 00:16:12,626 --> 00:16:15,427 has just proven to me that a law I came up with 451 00:16:15,513 --> 00:16:18,597 was actually a really horrible idea. 452 00:16:18,682 --> 00:16:20,599 Sounds like you really learned your lesson. 453 00:16:20,684 --> 00:16:22,384 Good. Phew, good. All right. 454 00:16:22,469 --> 00:16:25,771 Uh, so can things just go back to how they used to be? 455 00:16:25,856 --> 00:16:29,057 Absolutely, yeah, yeah, once the law is repealed, 456 00:16:29,143 --> 00:16:32,060 which, as you know, is a lengthy and complex process. 457 00:16:32,112 --> 00:16:33,395 You know, you can start by writing 458 00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:34,863 to your local congressman. 459 00:16:34,899 --> 00:16:36,732 Thank you. 460 00:16:36,784 --> 00:16:39,451 - Well, have a good sex. - Yep. 461 00:16:39,537 --> 00:16:41,236 - Thanks, officers. - Thanks, guys. 462 00:16:41,288 --> 00:16:42,571 [light instrumental music] 463 00:16:42,656 --> 00:16:46,625 I... do you like to make out a bit, or... 464 00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:48,844 Sort of. You'll see. 465 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,921 Hey, babe? 466 00:16:56,007 --> 00:16:57,540 Yeah? 467 00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:00,626 I was kind of thinking Belcourt for brunch 468 00:17:00,711 --> 00:17:02,344 because they have those great Bellinis. 469 00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:03,762 Yeah, okay. 470 00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:06,632 And then maybe swing by the flea market. 471 00:17:06,717 --> 00:17:09,051 Wait a second. 472 00:17:10,972 --> 00:17:13,973 "Nice law repealed." "Nice law repealed." 473 00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:16,976 Chainsaw, you and I... 474 00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:18,811 are officially broken up. 475 00:17:22,066 --> 00:17:23,449 What about Jackie's wedding? 476 00:17:23,534 --> 00:17:25,651 What? So... okay. 477 00:17:25,736 --> 00:17:28,871 Uh, we just won't go then. 478 00:17:30,741 --> 00:17:33,325 Well, we already RSVP'd for two. 479 00:17:33,411 --> 00:17:35,794 You can't back out on RSVPs. 480 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,580 They paid ahead for each person. 481 00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:38,797 [chuckles] 482 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:41,884 Yeah, right. Um... 483 00:17:41,919 --> 00:17:47,256 Okay, so, we... we'll go, 484 00:17:47,308 --> 00:17:51,310 uh, but we'll go as friends. 485 00:17:51,395 --> 00:17:52,344 Friends. 486 00:17:52,430 --> 00:17:53,812 Yeah. 487 00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:56,815 [tense string music] 488 00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:58,317 [voice breaking] I'll see you at the wedding. 489 00:17:58,402 --> 00:18:00,069 Yeah, it doesn't have to be like that. 490 00:18:00,104 --> 00:18:03,989 491 00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:05,407 I gave you everything! 492 00:18:05,443 --> 00:18:07,159 [door rattles closed] 493 00:18:07,245 --> 00:18:09,995 You know, I'm happy he's gone, 494 00:18:10,081 --> 00:18:12,498 but that guy made the best boot stew I ever had. 495 00:18:12,583 --> 00:18:14,867 Mm-hmm, those were some fun dinner parties too. 496 00:18:14,952 --> 00:18:17,119 But the main thing is, Rosa and I are back to normal. 497 00:18:17,171 --> 00:18:18,621 I actually even invited her to... 498 00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,756 - Hey. Hi. - Hey, there she is. 499 00:18:20,791 --> 00:18:22,291 - What's up, Josh? - Hi. 500 00:18:22,376 --> 00:18:24,543 - Rosa, this is my friend Mike. - Hi. 501 00:18:24,629 --> 00:18:26,178 Friend Mike, this is my friend Rosa. 502 00:18:26,264 --> 00:18:27,680 - Nice to meet you. - You too. 503 00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:30,099 I'm gonna go get some chips. I'll be right back. 504 00:18:30,134 --> 00:18:33,135 You know, I just want her to be happy, you know. 505 00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:34,887 I... so I'm saying it. 506 00:18:34,972 --> 00:18:36,772 Rosa should date whoever she wants. 507 00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:38,941 For real. 508 00:18:41,562 --> 00:18:44,480 [Mr. Dream's "Palace Complex"] 509 00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:47,566 [upbeat rock music] 510 00:18:47,864 --> 00:18:51,374 Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com 511 00:18:51,701 --> 00:18:54,250 512 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:58,850 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35486

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