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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,212 --> 00:00:01,512 Whew. 2 00:00:05,397 --> 00:00:07,168 - Oh. Oh, yeah. - Yep. Take that. 3 00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:09,002 Okay, if you want to visit Newton, 4 00:00:09,003 --> 00:00:11,582 I know he'd be happy to see you. 5 00:00:11,583 --> 00:00:13,222 Yeah, okay. 6 00:00:13,224 --> 00:00:14,824 We never finished Carniv?le, 7 00:00:14,825 --> 00:00:17,602 so if you want to finish the last two episodes... 8 00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:19,079 - I don't. No. - You don't. Okay. 9 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:22,715 - I don't. - So, we can be buddies. 10 00:00:22,716 --> 00:00:23,917 - Yeah. - Yeah. 11 00:00:23,918 --> 00:00:25,623 - In time. - In time, yeah. 12 00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:33,009 - Uh, all right. - All right. 13 00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,326 (door locks) 14 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,098 ("Not in Love" by Crystal Castles plays) 15 00:00:40,838 --> 00:00:42,272 (thunder cracks) 16 00:00:42,273 --> 00:00:44,312 And we were lovers 17 00:00:44,313 --> 00:00:47,757 Now we can't be friends 18 00:00:47,758 --> 00:00:51,131 Fascination ends 19 00:00:51,132 --> 00:00:53,543 Here we go again... 20 00:00:53,544 --> 00:00:54,578 (bird screeches) 21 00:00:54,579 --> 00:00:55,579 (thunder rumbles) 22 00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:57,415 (bird caws) 23 00:01:01,590 --> 00:01:03,424 (bird screeches) 24 00:01:03,675 --> 00:01:06,601 Man Seeking Woman - 01x01 Lizard 25 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:31,226 sync and corrections by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 26 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,631 MAN: No, no, no. 27 00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:41,936 Fat, fat. 28 00:01:41,937 --> 00:01:44,508 Ugly, fat. 29 00:01:44,509 --> 00:01:45,512 No. 30 00:01:45,513 --> 00:01:46,983 Yes. 31 00:01:46,984 --> 00:01:48,718 Does that thing actually work? 32 00:01:48,719 --> 00:01:50,955 - Sex partner found. - Oh, my God. 33 00:01:50,956 --> 00:01:53,896 - Hey, where's Wolcott and Cermak? - It's, like, eight blocks away. 34 00:01:53,897 --> 00:01:56,036 (sighs) I can usually get it within five. 35 00:01:56,037 --> 00:01:57,372 Your place is remote, man. 36 00:01:57,373 --> 00:01:58,807 Uh, I'm sorry? 37 00:01:58,808 --> 00:02:00,675 You got to get on this thing, bro. 38 00:02:00,676 --> 00:02:03,081 I mean, it's just weird to think 39 00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:05,984 about being with anybody else... we were together for six years. 40 00:02:05,985 --> 00:02:07,677 - I thought four. - I count the two years 41 00:02:07,679 --> 00:02:09,959 we kind of e-mailed each other before we kissed. 42 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,294 - There you go. - No, n-n-n-no. 43 00:02:11,295 --> 00:02:12,628 He's on a very specific diet. 44 00:02:12,629 --> 00:02:15,200 There's tons of vitamins in pizza, man. 45 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,038 He eats bugs and little fruit. 46 00:02:17,039 --> 00:02:18,205 You should go to Torch tonight. 47 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,473 What? 48 00:02:19,474 --> 00:02:20,541 - Here, wear this. - What is this? 49 00:02:20,542 --> 00:02:21,876 Robert Graham, contrasting cuffs. 50 00:02:21,877 --> 00:02:23,513 You will crush gash. 51 00:02:23,514 --> 00:02:24,815 What an awful... 52 00:02:24,816 --> 00:02:26,752 Every gash is somebody's daughter. 53 00:02:26,753 --> 00:02:27,820 Here, wear this. 54 00:02:27,821 --> 00:02:29,490 That's not bad. 55 00:02:29,491 --> 00:02:31,729 It's easy... just go up to them and be, like, 56 00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:34,101 "Hey, what's your deal?" Wh-What does that even mean? 57 00:02:34,102 --> 00:02:36,224 Doesn't matter, dude. You read The Game? 58 00:02:36,226 --> 00:02:39,309 You got to give them little trinkets, you got to pinch them... it works. 59 00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:40,812 You got to wear a Jamiroquai hat. 60 00:02:40,813 --> 00:02:43,218 Well, to be honest, I, uh... 61 00:02:43,219 --> 00:02:46,189 I actually have my own plans this evening. 62 00:02:46,190 --> 00:02:48,893 Yeah. Yeah, my sister's setting me up with her friend 63 00:02:48,894 --> 00:02:50,294 from Sweden. 64 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,829 Holy shit! 65 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:53,230 Yeah, I'm pretty psyched about it. 66 00:02:53,231 --> 00:02:57,569 - Liz says she's, uh, confident, funny. - Congrats, what's she look like? 67 00:02:57,570 --> 00:02:59,404 I-I-I don't know. 68 00:02:59,405 --> 00:03:01,975 You didn't ask to see a picture? 69 00:03:01,976 --> 00:03:03,977 I talked you up, okay? 70 00:03:03,978 --> 00:03:06,013 - She's so well-read. - Oh, good. 71 00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:07,716 This is, like, a woman of substance. 72 00:03:07,717 --> 00:03:09,952 Oh, good. That's-that's what's most important. 73 00:03:09,953 --> 00:03:12,188 You know, all Mike wanted to know was, (low voice): "What does she look like?" 74 00:03:12,189 --> 00:03:15,528 - That guy is disgusting. - He's so gross. 75 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,164 But this girl tonight, what does she look like? 76 00:03:17,165 --> 00:03:18,398 - Oh, there she is. - What? Oh, no. 77 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,898 - Wait, where? - She's right outside. 78 00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,132 See? She's in the Dumpster. 79 00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:23,000 (snorting) 80 00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:24,904 She's that thing across the street in the garbage? 81 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,729 She's right there, see? In the Dumpster. 82 00:03:27,731 --> 00:03:29,578 Oh, my God. 83 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,841 Something wrong? You said she was from Sweden? 84 00:03:33,842 --> 00:03:36,010 She was born in the Scandinavian forest. 85 00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:37,630 - Right. - She moved here last year 86 00:03:37,632 --> 00:03:41,119 so she could run her nonprofit. And live underneath the Wabash Bridge. 87 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,687 Does that mean she's a troll? 88 00:03:42,688 --> 00:03:44,253 I'm sorry, is that a problem? 89 00:03:44,254 --> 00:03:46,190 No, no, no. Just, um, uh... 90 00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:47,793 She's drinking antifreeze. 91 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,130 Uh, okay, cool. 92 00:03:49,131 --> 00:03:50,366 No, I just... I'm saying... 93 00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,669 Um... she might not be my type. 94 00:03:52,670 --> 00:03:54,639 Joshua, want to have a little look-at-yourself moment? 95 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,807 No. No, this is... 96 00:03:55,808 --> 00:03:57,108 - Do you go to the gym? - Nope. 97 00:03:57,109 --> 00:04:00,446 - Do you have a job? - Yeah, I-I... I'm a temp. 98 00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:03,883 - Okay, well, how does that sound to a lady? - If she's a temp, she'll like it. 99 00:04:03,885 --> 00:04:05,619 - She keeps barking at strangers... - Josh, 100 00:04:05,619 --> 00:04:08,454 this woman has brought herself up from nothing. 101 00:04:08,455 --> 00:04:10,523 - Why are you crying? - I just really like her, okay? 102 00:04:10,524 --> 00:04:11,957 I think you guys would be cool together. 103 00:04:11,958 --> 00:04:13,158 I appreciate this so much. 104 00:04:13,158 --> 00:04:15,592 This is a mitzvah you've done. I just, uh... 105 00:04:15,594 --> 00:04:18,929 Josh, there's, like, so many guys like Mike running around. 106 00:04:18,930 --> 00:04:19,963 You're such a good guy. 107 00:04:19,964 --> 00:04:21,897 - I love you. - I love you. 108 00:04:21,898 --> 00:04:25,199 I wouldn't have set you up with Gorbachaka if I didn't think it was a good match. 109 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,567 - Okay? - Thank you so much. 110 00:04:26,568 --> 00:04:30,736 I noticed you were, uh, rummaging around in the, uh, garbage, there. 111 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,940 I-I-In my temp job, 112 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,807 I actually have to deal with garbage quite frequently. 113 00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:38,543 End of the day, I go around to everybody's desk 114 00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:43,517 and take all the little bags of garbage and put them in one big bag of garbage. 115 00:04:43,518 --> 00:04:45,517 Pretty cool. 116 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,719 (sniffs) 117 00:04:47,024 --> 00:04:49,089 Can't wait for that bruschetta. 118 00:04:49,091 --> 00:04:50,523 Flower for the lady? 119 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,190 Yeah, why not? 120 00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:53,359 Twelve dollars. 121 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,531 Twelve dollars?! 122 00:04:57,999 --> 00:04:59,467 Here you are. 123 00:04:59,468 --> 00:05:01,421 Here's a flower for you. 124 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,366 Mmm. 125 00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:07,943 (spits) 126 00:05:08,143 --> 00:05:09,676 (grunts lightly) 127 00:05:09,678 --> 00:05:13,007 I know, I know... roses. 128 00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:16,018 You ever seen, uh, Carniv?le? 129 00:05:16,019 --> 00:05:17,257 Huh? 130 00:05:17,259 --> 00:05:19,752 This is, uh, it's kind of nice. 131 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,921 Sort of sitting here, getting to know each other. 132 00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:24,989 My friend Mike... 133 00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:26,858 he's just obsessed with these, uh... 134 00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,758 these dating apps. 135 00:05:28,759 --> 00:05:31,893 This guy spends just hours trolling the Internet... 136 00:05:31,894 --> 00:05:34,161 - (squeals) - Oh, my God. 137 00:05:34,162 --> 00:05:36,293 Oh, my God, no, no, no. I didn't mean it like that. 138 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,830 I'm sorry. Ow, ow! Ow! 139 00:05:38,831 --> 00:05:40,434 Ow! Ow-ow-ow-ow... Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 140 00:05:40,435 --> 00:05:42,703 Ow! 141 00:05:44,602 --> 00:05:45,770 (screams) 142 00:05:45,771 --> 00:05:47,007 (growls) 143 00:05:51,941 --> 00:05:54,341 No. No. No. No. 144 00:05:55,843 --> 00:05:58,278 Mom, they're so adorable. 145 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,460 He's wearing the sweater. 146 00:06:01,682 --> 00:06:03,719 No. 147 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,890 Please. Oh, for God's sakes. 148 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,537 Is everything okay? 149 00:06:10,539 --> 00:06:11,759 No, it's not. 150 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,725 Josh, you're not making a great impression here. 151 00:06:14,726 --> 00:06:16,895 Well, I don't care... this is clearly not gonna work. 152 00:06:16,896 --> 00:06:20,136 - Why not? - Because she's an ugly slimy troll! 153 00:06:20,137 --> 00:06:21,404 (gasping) 154 00:06:24,024 --> 00:06:25,091 Oh. 155 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,243 Uh... I... uh, sorry. 156 00:06:27,244 --> 00:06:29,847 I just got out of a long-term relationship. 157 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,880 I-I don't know what I'm doing. 158 00:06:31,881 --> 00:06:33,849 I... I'm sorry, Liz. 159 00:06:33,850 --> 00:06:36,655 I'm not the one that you should apologize to. 160 00:06:37,554 --> 00:06:39,487 Yeah, fair enough. 161 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,095 I'm sorry, Gorbachaka. 162 00:06:43,931 --> 00:06:46,000 (snarls) 163 00:06:48,403 --> 00:06:50,273 (sighs) 164 00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:56,146 Oh, my God. 165 00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,381 Ugh. 166 00:06:59,382 --> 00:07:01,618 (sighs) 167 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,533 MIKE: Robert Graham, contrasting cuffs. 168 00:07:10,534 --> 00:07:12,102 (distorted, echoing): You will crush gash... 169 00:07:15,104 --> 00:07:17,841 (techno music plays) 170 00:07:21,313 --> 00:07:24,115 (music slows) 171 00:07:31,624 --> 00:07:32,892 Oh, yeah. Yep. 172 00:07:38,563 --> 00:07:40,299 - $20 cover. - 20... 173 00:07:43,972 --> 00:07:45,905 Hey, how are you? 174 00:07:45,906 --> 00:07:47,806 Yeah, I'm just at this club, it's really nice. 175 00:07:49,609 --> 00:07:51,545 Hey. (sniffs) 176 00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:53,012 Uh, what's your deal? 177 00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:54,679 Sorry. Excuse me? 178 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,680 Uh.. what... uh... 179 00:07:56,681 --> 00:07:58,247 Uh, wh-what's your deal? 180 00:07:58,248 --> 00:08:01,148 One second, there's this weird guy. He just asked me what's my deal. 181 00:08:01,149 --> 00:08:03,017 You're making people uncomfortable. 182 00:08:03,018 --> 00:08:04,720 Oh, I'm sorry. 183 00:08:04,721 --> 00:08:07,423 I'm not the one you should apologize to. 184 00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:09,157 He's wearing a Robert Graham shirt, I mean... 185 00:08:09,158 --> 00:08:10,559 I'm sorry, ma'am. 186 00:08:13,831 --> 00:08:15,763 Right this way, sweetheart. 187 00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:17,030 (growls) 188 00:08:34,618 --> 00:08:36,319 What... oh, man. 189 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,088 - MAN: Joshie. - WOMAN: Hi, Joshie. 190 00:08:38,089 --> 00:08:40,291 - JOSH: Hi, Mom. Hi there, Tom. - Ooh, look at that nice shirt. 191 00:08:40,292 --> 00:08:41,692 - TOM: Oh, that-that's fantastic. - MOM: That's smart. 192 00:08:41,693 --> 00:08:43,127 That's nice, I like that. 193 00:08:43,128 --> 00:08:45,965 - Thank you, thank you. I... - When are you coming to visit? 194 00:08:45,966 --> 00:08:47,633 T-Tickets are very expensive this time of year. 195 00:08:47,634 --> 00:08:49,467 Well, put it on the Discover Card. 196 00:08:49,468 --> 00:08:51,903 I told you, Mom, I'm not-not using the Discover anymore. 197 00:08:51,904 --> 00:08:53,004 Why not? 198 00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:54,605 It's pretty pathetic. 199 00:08:54,606 --> 00:08:56,741 I'm 27, I should probably have my own credit card by now. 200 00:08:56,742 --> 00:08:58,881 - Ugh, here we go. - You're 27? 201 00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:01,185 - It's not your fault you're broke. - It's not. 202 00:09:01,187 --> 00:09:03,314 - You... - Everyone is struggling in this economy. 203 00:09:03,315 --> 00:09:05,414 Everyb... But your sister's a special case. 204 00:09:05,415 --> 00:09:07,484 TOM: Promotion after promotion. 205 00:09:07,485 --> 00:09:08,987 It's insane. 206 00:09:08,988 --> 00:09:10,955 - How'd it go with Gorbachaka? - Ooh. 207 00:09:10,956 --> 00:09:12,787 What? How do... You know about that? 208 00:09:12,788 --> 00:09:15,357 You know, your mother and I met on a blind date. 209 00:09:15,358 --> 00:09:16,826 But with different people. 210 00:09:16,827 --> 00:09:19,095 Oh, yeah. No, I know... it's-it's a terrific story. 211 00:09:19,096 --> 00:09:20,429 MOM: Our tables were right next 212 00:09:20,430 --> 00:09:21,797 - to each other. - Right. 213 00:09:21,798 --> 00:09:24,803 And when our dates went up to go to the... 214 00:09:24,804 --> 00:09:26,840 215 00:09:35,519 --> 00:09:37,087 Josh? 216 00:09:37,088 --> 00:09:38,592 Uh, M-Maggie. 217 00:09:38,593 --> 00:09:40,595 M-Maggie, hey, it's-it's-it's me. 218 00:09:40,596 --> 00:09:42,698 Sorry for, uh, calling out of the blue like this. 219 00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,201 So great to hear from you. 220 00:09:44,202 --> 00:09:45,102 Really?! (stammers) 221 00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:46,938 I mean, yeah, no, me, same. 222 00:09:46,939 --> 00:09:47,906 Me, same. 223 00:09:47,907 --> 00:09:49,207 You should come to my apartment. 224 00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:51,110 What... uh, now? 225 00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:53,047 Yeah, I'm throwing a huge party. 226 00:09:53,048 --> 00:09:54,182 You should stop by. 227 00:09:54,183 --> 00:09:55,349 I mean, if you're out. 228 00:09:55,350 --> 00:09:57,529 Oh... I'm out. 229 00:10:05,557 --> 00:10:07,324 Forty dollars. 230 00:10:07,325 --> 00:10:08,893 Do you take Discover Card? 231 00:10:08,894 --> 00:10:11,697 Uh, I think Maggie's code is four something. 232 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,829 JOSH: Pound, four-three-four-two. 233 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:17,066 Pound, four-three-four-two. 234 00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:19,036 MIKE: Josh, this is Aja. Aja, Josh. 235 00:10:19,037 --> 00:10:20,204 JOSH: Oh, mazel tov. 236 00:10:20,205 --> 00:10:21,706 Hey, how'd your date go, buddy? 237 00:10:21,707 --> 00:10:23,342 Oh, let's just get up to the party. 238 00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:24,644 Is that champagne? 239 00:10:24,645 --> 00:10:26,111 It's, uh, Prosecco, Maggie's favorite. 240 00:10:26,112 --> 00:10:27,776 Ah, you know, I think it's pretty cool 241 00:10:27,777 --> 00:10:29,010 of you to come tonight. 242 00:10:29,011 --> 00:10:30,479 It's gonna mean a lot to them. 243 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,082 Uh, th-them? 244 00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:34,718 Dude, you know she's seeing someone, right? 245 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,120 No, I didn't know that. 246 00:10:36,121 --> 00:10:37,752 How long has this been going on? 247 00:10:37,753 --> 00:10:39,522 Uh, at least a month. 248 00:10:39,523 --> 00:10:41,693 I'm sorry, I thought you knew. 249 00:10:41,694 --> 00:10:42,761 Who is he? 250 00:10:42,762 --> 00:10:44,160 This guy, Adolf. 251 00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:45,494 - His name is Adolf? - Yeah. 252 00:10:45,495 --> 00:10:47,129 L-Like Adolf Hitler? 253 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:48,399 Oh, cool, you know him. 254 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,836 I-I know of him. I thought he died, like, years ago. 255 00:10:51,838 --> 00:10:53,772 Nah, he faked that. Yeah. 256 00:10:53,772 --> 00:10:56,942 He's been hiding in Argentina since, like, the '40s. 257 00:10:56,943 --> 00:10:58,443 I know he's got a weird rep, 258 00:10:58,444 --> 00:11:02,214 and people think he's sketchy or whatever, but in person, he's actually pretty cool. 259 00:11:02,215 --> 00:11:04,450 Like, this one time we did karaoke. 260 00:11:04,451 --> 00:11:05,985 (laughs) What? 261 00:11:05,986 --> 00:11:09,454 He was hilarious. He did Tina Turner, Gladys Knight. 262 00:11:09,455 --> 00:11:11,658 (distorted): He did a monologue from Precious, 263 00:11:11,659 --> 00:11:14,361 which wasn't even in the karaoke book. 264 00:11:14,362 --> 00:11:15,663 Blew all our minds. 265 00:11:15,664 --> 00:11:18,466 He just had it memorized. 266 00:11:18,467 --> 00:11:19,634 (normal voice): You okay, buddy? 267 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,136 I-Isn't there, like, 268 00:11:21,137 --> 00:11:23,071 a pretty big age-age difference between them? 269 00:11:23,072 --> 00:11:24,369 I mean, Maggie's only 27. 270 00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:26,070 - Somebody's jealous. - Yeah. 271 00:11:26,071 --> 00:11:27,741 I'm not jealous, Aja. 272 00:11:27,742 --> 00:11:30,311 I-I just don't like Adolf Hitler. 273 00:11:30,312 --> 00:11:32,313 He-he murdered millions of people. 274 00:11:32,314 --> 00:11:34,616 You don't like him because he's dating Maggie. 275 00:11:34,617 --> 00:11:36,453 True, but you don't think it's a little strange 276 00:11:36,454 --> 00:11:39,189 that she's dating him, of all people? 277 00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:40,823 I'm Jewish. 278 00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:42,856 He famously hates Jews. 279 00:11:42,857 --> 00:11:45,494 - Oh, that is a real stretch, Josh. - Don't make this about you. 280 00:11:45,495 --> 00:11:47,899 - I think I'm just gonna go home. - MAGGIE: Josh! 281 00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:48,935 (chuckles) 282 00:11:48,936 --> 00:11:50,303 Hey. 283 00:11:50,304 --> 00:11:51,905 (muttering) Oh, my God. 284 00:11:51,907 --> 00:11:52,808 - Yeah. - How are you? 285 00:11:52,808 --> 00:11:54,344 Good, how... I'm good. 286 00:11:54,345 --> 00:11:56,179 - Hug, come on. - Yeah, hugs, come on. 287 00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:58,515 Oh, is that, is that Prosecco? 288 00:11:58,516 --> 00:11:59,884 Oh, yes, it is. Would you like some? 289 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,755 Um, that's okay, actually, 290 00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:03,722 'cause Adolf just opened some Ch?teauneuf-du-Pape. 291 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,089 - Oh, shit. - Yeah. 292 00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:07,254 - Oh, hello. - Oh. 293 00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:08,221 Hey. 294 00:12:08,222 --> 00:12:10,656 This is prewar. 295 00:12:10,657 --> 00:12:12,590 There-there is plenty for everyone. 296 00:12:12,591 --> 00:12:13,691 Delicious. 297 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,026 Yeah. Hey! 298 00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:17,227 Hey, A.H. 299 00:12:17,228 --> 00:12:18,728 - That's the man. - That's you. 300 00:12:18,729 --> 00:12:20,096 That's the man. 301 00:12:20,097 --> 00:12:21,830 (laughs) What's up? 302 00:12:21,831 --> 00:12:22,896 - Hi. - Hey. 303 00:12:22,897 --> 00:12:25,228 Adolf Hitler. 304 00:12:25,229 --> 00:12:26,763 Uh, Josh Greenberg. 305 00:12:26,764 --> 00:12:27,831 - Greenberg? - Yes. 306 00:12:27,832 --> 00:12:29,402 Uh-oh! 307 00:12:29,403 --> 00:12:31,202 (laughter) 308 00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:32,670 Uh-oh! 309 00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:33,871 Uh-oh. 310 00:12:33,872 --> 00:12:35,374 Uh-oh! 311 00:12:37,578 --> 00:12:39,378 There's a Jew at Hitler's party. 312 00:12:39,379 --> 00:12:42,682 That's right. That's right. There's one in our midst. 313 00:12:42,683 --> 00:12:44,784 Um, you can just throw that down 314 00:12:44,785 --> 00:12:45,819 - over there. - Oh, good, yeah. 315 00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:47,454 I've heard so much about you. 316 00:12:47,455 --> 00:12:49,691 - Oh, yeah, good. - So much about you. 317 00:12:49,692 --> 00:12:52,560 I'm fairly well-versed in you. 318 00:12:52,561 --> 00:12:54,296 - Wikipedia. - Yeah. 319 00:12:54,297 --> 00:12:55,931 There is a compact disc player. 320 00:12:55,932 --> 00:12:57,166 Oh, good news. 321 00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,169 We have, um, R&B, 322 00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:01,104 young-young-young music. 323 00:13:01,105 --> 00:13:03,607 - Yes, yeah, yeah. - Oh, no Wagner? 324 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,343 No, there's Wagner. 325 00:13:05,344 --> 00:13:06,857 - Oh, good. - Yeah. 326 00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:09,582 Mwah. 327 00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:11,951 Little dirty man. 328 00:13:11,952 --> 00:13:13,219 - Don't make it awkward for the Jew. - No, I'm sure... 329 00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:14,822 Nice-nice to meet you. 330 00:13:18,592 --> 00:13:21,820 (laughter) 331 00:13:24,496 --> 00:13:28,542 MIKE: Tinder is like Facebook, but it's just, like, straight to smashing. 332 00:13:28,544 --> 00:13:30,174 To smashing? Yeah. 333 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,210 ADOLF: When I was in Austria, 334 00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,812 back in that era, I would say "That one," 335 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,512 and my bodyguards, 336 00:13:35,513 --> 00:13:37,479 they would take her and they would put her in my bed. 337 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,015 - Really? - They would burn the house down. 338 00:13:39,016 --> 00:13:40,184 MIKE: That is cool. 339 00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:41,353 That was my Tinder. 340 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,889 - Oh, yeah. - That's the good old days. 341 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,709 That's the good old days. No apps for that. 342 00:13:44,711 --> 00:13:46,225 Yeah. (chuckles) 343 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,996 - I wish I was there with you. - You'd be dead if you were there. 344 00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:51,117 - Oh, I know. - You don't want to be dead. 345 00:13:55,137 --> 00:13:56,505 Would you like some wine? 346 00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,306 Um, I think I'll switch to beer. 347 00:13:58,307 --> 00:14:00,072 Oh, what kind of beer would you like? 348 00:14:00,074 --> 00:14:01,341 Anything German. 349 00:14:01,342 --> 00:14:03,346 ALL: Aw. 350 00:14:03,347 --> 00:14:04,313 ADOLF: Be right back. 351 00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:05,548 Okay. Okay, all right. 352 00:14:05,549 --> 00:14:06,749 There you go. 353 00:14:07,851 --> 00:14:09,184 There you are. 354 00:14:09,185 --> 00:14:10,252 - Hey. - Hey. 355 00:14:10,253 --> 00:14:11,486 We still haven't caught up. 356 00:14:11,487 --> 00:14:13,254 How's everything? 357 00:14:13,255 --> 00:14:15,655 I miss you. 358 00:14:15,656 --> 00:14:16,723 (laughs) 359 00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:18,658 Oh, Josh, you're drunk. 360 00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:20,427 I'm not drunk. No, I-I, uh... 361 00:14:20,428 --> 00:14:23,098 Why, uh... 362 00:14:23,099 --> 00:14:25,433 Why-why are you with this guy? 363 00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:28,470 I mean, I-I know he's, um, more successful than me. 364 00:14:28,471 --> 00:14:30,503 My relationship with Dolfy has nothing to do with you. 365 00:14:30,504 --> 00:14:32,837 Okay? We're-we're just two people who fell in love. 366 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:34,370 He's 150 years old. 367 00:14:34,371 --> 00:14:36,073 He's 126. 368 00:14:36,074 --> 00:14:38,313 I can't believe I'm defending myself to you. 369 00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:40,684 I still have Isaac Newton. 370 00:14:40,685 --> 00:14:42,285 Isaac Newton. 371 00:14:42,286 --> 00:14:44,285 This-this little reptile. 372 00:14:44,286 --> 00:14:45,886 Remember, we said, 373 00:14:45,887 --> 00:14:48,156 we were gonna nurse him back to health together. 374 00:14:48,157 --> 00:14:49,623 We were on mushrooms. 375 00:14:49,624 --> 00:14:51,191 You should free that thing. 376 00:14:51,192 --> 00:14:53,227 I love you. 377 00:14:53,228 --> 00:14:54,395 (laughing): Josh. 378 00:14:54,396 --> 00:14:55,929 Don't you still love me? 379 00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,898 - Josh. - I'm better than Hitler! 380 00:14:57,899 --> 00:15:00,169 (crowd gasps) 381 00:15:01,871 --> 00:15:03,903 Hey, uh... 382 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,503 I think maybe you should head out, buddy. 383 00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:07,174 Let things cool down a bit. 384 00:15:07,175 --> 00:15:08,442 Yeah. 385 00:15:08,443 --> 00:15:11,942 Fair enough. Uh, I'm sorry, Maggie. 386 00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:14,548 I'm not the one you should apologize to. 387 00:15:16,186 --> 00:15:17,836 I'm sorry, Hitler. 388 00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:21,393 He couldn't hear you. 389 00:15:21,394 --> 00:15:23,397 I'm sorry, Hitler! 390 00:15:23,398 --> 00:15:24,765 What? 391 00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:27,172 I'm sorry, Hit... 392 00:15:28,172 --> 00:15:30,173 Oh, hey, do you think you guys 393 00:15:30,174 --> 00:15:32,041 could drop me off in Pilsen? 394 00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:36,378 Isn't your place north, babe? 395 00:15:36,379 --> 00:15:40,039 Uh, sorry, man, we're going in opposite directions. 396 00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:46,387 (thunder rumbling) 397 00:15:48,924 --> 00:15:50,427 (bird screeches) 398 00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,501 (mouthing) 399 00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,872 It's a good thing it's the weekend. 400 00:16:43,873 --> 00:16:45,326 What? 401 00:16:45,328 --> 00:16:46,610 Uh, it-it's the weekend. 402 00:16:46,611 --> 00:16:47,877 Good thing. 403 00:16:48,803 --> 00:16:49,813 What? 404 00:16:49,814 --> 00:16:51,715 A good thing it's the weekend. 405 00:16:51,716 --> 00:16:53,037 Oh. (chuckles) 406 00:16:53,039 --> 00:16:55,219 Yeah. 407 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,487 TGIF. 408 00:16:56,488 --> 00:16:57,955 Yeah, exactly. 409 00:16:57,956 --> 00:17:00,225 Or I guess it's more like 410 00:17:00,226 --> 00:17:01,392 TGIS. 411 00:17:01,393 --> 00:17:02,594 Um, because it's Saturday. 412 00:17:02,595 --> 00:17:04,629 - So... - Right, TGIS. 413 00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:05,931 Yes, yes. 414 00:17:05,932 --> 00:17:07,498 - Saturday. - Saturday, yeah. 415 00:17:07,499 --> 00:17:09,867 Oh, um, 416 00:17:09,868 --> 00:17:12,504 are you coming? 417 00:17:12,505 --> 00:17:13,671 Uh, this is going south, right? 418 00:17:13,672 --> 00:17:15,504 Oh, no, it's going north. 419 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,897 That-That's the direction I'm going in. 420 00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:28,747 Uh, what-what class did you say you were in again? 421 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,015 Oh, '07. 422 00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,082 - '07. - Yeah. 423 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:32,449 Um, '07, '07. 424 00:17:32,450 --> 00:17:33,652 Uh, do you know, 425 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,522 uh, Ted Kasden? 426 00:17:35,523 --> 00:17:37,390 No. 427 00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:38,958 He might have been '08, actually. 428 00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:41,696 What about Jake, uh, Jake Barnes? 429 00:17:41,697 --> 00:17:43,164 I knew a Jake Franklin. 430 00:17:43,165 --> 00:17:45,500 No, I don't know that guy. 431 00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:47,736 There's a lot of Jakes. 432 00:17:47,737 --> 00:17:49,840 Well-well, Chris Schifrin. 433 00:17:49,841 --> 00:17:51,110 Chris Schifrin? 434 00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:54,280 Oh, Chris Schifrin. Yeah, I think I had an anthro class with him. 435 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:55,381 - Oh. - Are-are you friends with him? 436 00:17:55,382 --> 00:17:56,414 Not at all. 437 00:17:57,683 --> 00:18:00,019 Uh, I know his brother. 438 00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:01,855 I'm an acquaintance of one of his brothers. 439 00:18:01,856 --> 00:18:03,624 Oh. 440 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:04,925 Um... 441 00:18:04,926 --> 00:18:07,628 Wow. 442 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:08,929 It's a... 443 00:18:08,930 --> 00:18:10,531 small world. 444 00:18:10,532 --> 00:18:12,869 Yeah, hugely small. 445 00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:13,970 (bell dings) 446 00:18:13,971 --> 00:18:15,204 Oh. 447 00:18:15,205 --> 00:18:16,671 This is my stop. 448 00:18:16,672 --> 00:18:18,507 - Oh, okay. - So, um, well, 449 00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:20,010 - it was really nice meeting you. - Yeah. 450 00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:21,609 - Josh. - Oh, Laura. 451 00:18:21,610 --> 00:18:23,278 Hi. 452 00:18:24,514 --> 00:18:26,383 Hey, do you want to go out to dinner sometime? 453 00:18:26,384 --> 00:18:29,488 What? Would you like to go out to dinner sometime? 454 00:18:29,489 --> 00:18:32,023 Oh, sure. 455 00:18:32,024 --> 00:18:34,629 Uh, how, uh... 456 00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:36,897 Oh, um, I have a business card. Sorry. 457 00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:38,698 It's old-fashioned. 458 00:18:38,699 --> 00:18:40,902 Well, I'll, uh, I look forward to doing business. 459 00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:42,970 Oh. (laughs) 460 00:18:42,971 --> 00:18:44,271 - Okay. - Okay. 461 00:18:44,272 --> 00:18:45,906 - Okay. - Um... 462 00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,376 (bell dings) Here I go. 463 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,010 - Okay. - Okay. 464 00:18:49,011 --> 00:18:50,478 (bell dings) Okay. 465 00:18:52,948 --> 00:18:54,814 (sniffs) 466 00:18:57,384 --> 00:18:59,252 (phone buzzing) 467 00:19:01,486 --> 00:19:03,221 Hello. 468 00:19:03,222 --> 00:19:04,724 MAN: Good morning, Joshua. 469 00:19:04,725 --> 00:19:06,391 I'm calling from the MacArthur Foundation. 470 00:19:06,392 --> 00:19:08,624 I'm pleased to announce that you shall be receiving 471 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:09,891 one of our annual rewards. 472 00:19:09,892 --> 00:19:12,364 Wait, you mean the genius grant? 473 00:19:12,365 --> 00:19:13,600 Uh, for what? 474 00:19:13,601 --> 00:19:14,967 For picking up Laura. 475 00:19:14,968 --> 00:19:17,404 Oh, right. 476 00:19:17,405 --> 00:19:19,473 The MacArthur board members were all wondering, 477 00:19:19,474 --> 00:19:20,974 how'd you manage it? 478 00:19:20,975 --> 00:19:22,972 Did you use a line or something? 479 00:19:22,973 --> 00:19:25,008 No, no, I just, uh, saw her 480 00:19:25,009 --> 00:19:27,279 and struck up a conversation. 481 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,215 Well, what did you say to her? How did you start it? 482 00:19:30,216 --> 00:19:33,552 Uh, I-I said something about, uh, how it's the weekend 483 00:19:33,553 --> 00:19:36,289 and how it was cool that it was the weekend. 484 00:19:36,290 --> 00:19:39,358 Uh, then I found out she found went to Bard, 485 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,359 and I knew some people that went there, so then we started talking about that. 486 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:46,662 Knew people at Bard. Talked about people who went to Bard. 487 00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,866 Really can't believe you actually did it. 488 00:19:48,867 --> 00:19:50,901 Neither can I. I've, like, never done that before. 489 00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:53,836 Just walked up to a random girl and been like, 490 00:19:53,837 --> 00:19:55,873 "Hey, let's go out." 491 00:19:55,874 --> 00:19:58,978 I did it once, back when I was reading law at Cambridge. 492 00:19:58,979 --> 00:20:00,981 Saw this young woman I recognized from section, 493 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:02,483 and I asked her to have lunch with me. 494 00:20:02,484 --> 00:20:04,252 Uh, that's a bit different. 495 00:20:04,253 --> 00:20:05,852 You did already know her from section. 496 00:20:05,853 --> 00:20:07,686 I know, also it was just lunch. 497 00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:09,254 Dinner's a bigger deal because it's at night. 498 00:20:09,255 --> 00:20:10,421 Exactly. 499 00:20:10,422 --> 00:20:12,322 Okay, uh, we'll be in touch. 500 00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:13,391 - Josh? - Yeah. 501 00:20:13,392 --> 00:20:14,393 (phone rings) 502 00:20:14,394 --> 00:20:15,494 Hello. 503 00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:16,862 Oh, finally. Josh Greenberg? 504 00:20:16,863 --> 00:20:18,264 - Mr. President? - Uh, congratulations. 505 00:20:18,265 --> 00:20:20,834 - You are an inspiration to men everywhere. - Thanks, buddy. 506 00:20:20,835 --> 00:20:23,167 - I really appreciate that. - When I met Michelle, 507 00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:24,834 I was rocking a Jamiroquai hat. 508 00:20:24,835 --> 00:20:27,072 - Oh. - Honestly, it was a crutch. 509 00:20:27,073 --> 00:20:29,473 Uh, you proved the old-fashioned way still works. 510 00:20:29,475 --> 00:20:31,011 This Tinder stuff, 511 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,744 I just don't get it. I'll let you go. 512 00:20:32,745 --> 00:20:34,713 JOSH: Thanks, buddy. 513 00:20:34,714 --> 00:20:36,517 (shutters clicking) 514 00:20:36,518 --> 00:20:37,785 - Wow. - Right here! 515 00:20:37,786 --> 00:20:39,719 Wow, this is so cool. 516 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,553 Hey, hey, wow, sorry. 517 00:20:41,554 --> 00:20:44,053 (reporters shouting) 518 00:20:48,357 --> 00:20:50,493 Josh! 519 00:20:50,494 --> 00:20:51,762 Joshie! 520 00:20:51,763 --> 00:20:53,197 I'm Tom, T-O-M. 521 00:20:53,198 --> 00:20:54,432 This is Patti. 522 00:20:54,433 --> 00:20:55,899 Mom, proud mom. 523 00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:57,933 Hitler ain't got shit on you, dude. 524 00:20:57,934 --> 00:21:00,035 Okay, thank-thank you. 525 00:21:19,552 --> 00:21:21,685 sync and corrections by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 526 00:21:21,686 --> 00:21:23,889 (screeches) 527 00:21:23,890 --> 00:21:26,225 (Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" playing) 528 00:21:26,226 --> 00:21:28,694 (moaning) 529 00:21:28,744 --> 00:21:33,294 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36029

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