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1
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:04,620
What's this? Nothing to do with you.
It's got my name on it.
2
00:00:04,660 --> 00:00:08,660
Adoption certificate?!
3
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:20,100
JAUNTY THEME TUNE
4
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:36,580
Blimey, this sounds like
the worst day out of all time.
5
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,940
Steam museums, country walks...
You'll bore your friends shitless.
6
00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:43,420
They're not my friends. As I've
tried to explain countless times,
7
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,460
they are my children.
"My children!"
8
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:50,500
It's like he owns you, innit, girls?
I do own them. I created them.
9
00:00:50,940 --> 00:00:53,820
Yeah. They're robots.
You built them in your mad shed,
10
00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:56,500
did you, Professor Plinkplonk?
11
00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:59,740
I need a wee. What a surprise(!)
Take your sister to the toilet.
12
00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:01,780
Do I have to?
Yes, and hurry up!
13
00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:05,820
We've got a lot to cram in today. I
don't want to go to a boring museum.
14
00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:09,300
Come on, then.
15
00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:12,020
I dunno what the hell's wrong
with that child. Brian,
16
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:15,260
you're going to the library later.
Books aren't for the weekend.
17
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:17,500
They're a last resort.
Why aren't you in your shop?
18
00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:20,060
Isn't Saturday your busiest day?
Never mind about me.
19
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,581
What we gonna do with these girls?
20
00:01:21,661 --> 00:01:24,100
Maybe we could go to the pub
for a couple of cheeky gins.
21
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,740
I didn't wanna be this direct,
but I'm going to ask you.
22
00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:30,180
Do you know what a child is?
DOOR BANGS
23
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:34,220
Well, you're not gonna believe this.
Here we go.
24
00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:37,420
Adopted? Adopted?
Adopted!
25
00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:40,980
All these years!
I knew something wasn't right.
26
00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:43,900
I told you! I told you I didn't
belong in that weird family.
27
00:01:43,940 --> 00:01:46,700
AH, GOD, I'M LOST!
Oi!
28
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:50,180
There you are! We've been looking
for you all night!
29
00:01:50,220 --> 00:01:53,180
Why would you be worried about me?
You're not my mother.
30
00:01:53,220 --> 00:01:55,860
You stayed out all night!
Not my business,
31
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:58,340
but if you'd been my lad,
I'd have run you over
32
00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:00,700
and fed your shattered body
to the crows.
33
00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:03,100
Well, do it! You may well BE my dad
for all I know.
34
00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:05,500
Or did you use a sperm donor?
35
00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:09,540
Daniel! Oh, your dad would be
so upset to hear you say that.
36
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:13,660
He had more than enough sperm!
37
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:17,180
Too much, in many ways. You've got
the wrong end of the stick,
38
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,980
as usual! You are not adopted.
What?
39
00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:22,860
Well, tell him, Polly.
40
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:26,020
We TRIED to have you adopted.
41
00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:29,580
You...tried?!
42
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:32,940
Yes. Your dad and I were very young,
43
00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:36,780
and we found a couple, but they...
44
00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:39,420
They gave you back.
HE GASPS
45
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:43,460
Could I say something?
46
00:02:43,940 --> 00:02:47,940
I think...that is the funniest
fucking thing I have ever heard.
47
00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:53,020
ALL EXCEPT DAN SNORT WITH LAUGHTER
48
00:02:54,180 --> 00:02:58,180
ALL LAUGH
49
00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:02,460
THEY CONTINUE TO ROAR WITH LAUGHTER
50
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,060
Lucy!
51
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,700
LAUGHTER STOPS
52
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:11,340
ENGINE COUGHS
Daniel! Don't be so silly.
53
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:15,380
What does it matter?
ENGINE MISFIRES
54
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:26,740
Come on, Dan! It's good news.
You're not adopted.
55
00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:28,900
Yeah, but now I'm gonna be haunted,
aren't I?
56
00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:31,420
What would my life have been like
with them?
57
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:34,860
I have to ask them, Jo.
Dan, you just have to let that go.
58
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:38,380
It's like my mum always says,
why ask what shape the world is?
59
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:42,420
It doesn't matter. It's just one of
those things we will never know.
60
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,620
I've got their address, though.
They live in Southend.
61
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:51,660
No way!
I've never been to the seaside!
62
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:55,220
Girls! Fancy ditching him
and going to the seaside?
63
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:58,260
BOTH: Yeah!
No! Absolutely not!
64
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:01,420
Yes! We're going to the seaside,
we're going to the seaside!
65
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:04,100
It's round, by the way.
66
00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:06,100
The world.
67
00:04:06,140 --> 00:04:10,140
CHILDREN CONTINUE TO SHOUT
68
00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:14,420
I mean, what's the damn point?
You're going to America soon.
69
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:17,380
To right wrongs, of course.
70
00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:20,620
Don't you see?
I've got the wrong destiny.
71
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:23,940
I can't go away without finding out
what might have been.
72
00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:27,580
All I see is your insanity
ruining my day.
73
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:29,620
Well, the kids don't seem too upset
about it.
74
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,109
It's almost as if they'd rather go
75
00:04:31,189 --> 00:04:33,660
to the seaside than have their
own father murder-bore them!
76
00:04:35,220 --> 00:04:37,700
I know what this is about, you know.
77
00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:41,220
I know why you don't wanna go
to the seaside. Say it.
78
00:04:41,260 --> 00:04:45,260
Say it! I will not tolerate sand
in this vehicle, all right?
79
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,300
I just won't!
Thank you.
80
00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:50,140
Got boyfriends?
BOTH: No.
81
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:52,900
Don't leave it too long.
Your biological clocks are ticking.
82
00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:56,940
I'm only four. My pet guinea pig
had 14 kids by the time she was two.
83
00:04:56,980 --> 00:05:00,980
Think on! Lucy, you're very short,
but you can cheat that.
84
00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:04,780
Two words - hairspray, back-combing.
Get the hair big,
85
00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:07,340
accessorise with whatever
you can get your hands on,
86
00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:10,180
your scrunchies,
your clips, your corsages.
87
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,740
A fascinator made of tinfoil.
Better than being ignored.
88
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,380
They're children!
89
00:05:15,420 --> 00:05:18,740
I need a wee. Absolutely no chance!
We're only an hour away.
90
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:20,265
Brian, we both know my bladder.
91
00:05:20,345 --> 00:05:22,740
You throwing numbers at
it will only make it panic.
92
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,940
I need a wee, too! Now look what
you've done! Urine dominoes.
93
00:05:25,980 --> 00:05:29,980
Well, I'm not taking her.
94
00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:35,820
Please tell me
you're not reverse-parking.
95
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:39,860
You'll thank me later. Brian,
you're the high priest of boring.
96
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,140
Come on! Quick as you like!
97
00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:53,460
Oh! Whoa-whoa-whoa there, Ian Beale!
Is there a problem?
98
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,780
There is. You're not going into
the girls' toilets!
99
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:58,620
I'm taking my daughter in. You're
not, I'm afraid. It's not right.
100
00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:01,820
What - a single parent accompanying
a minor into the restroom?
101
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:04,780
You're not a female! If you'd like
to go through gender reassignment,
102
00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:07,300
I'll be delighted
to give you access.
103
00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:10,740
This is ridiculous. Ridiculous?
I'll tell you what's ridiculous.
104
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:14,780
Having to wake up at 4:00 AM
to do security at a service station
105
00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:18,220
70 miles from your own home
106
00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:22,260
because you've got a wife
that can't stop buying candles!
107
00:06:23,820 --> 00:06:26,220
Where's Lucy?
108
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:29,660
Christ, that child! Take Daisy in,
please. Don't forget her hands.
109
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:32,340
What's your beef, Brian?
I've used the ladies' before.
110
00:06:32,380 --> 00:06:36,380
And Ian Beale doesn't have a
moustache. HE DID WHEN I WATCHED IT!
111
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,700
Come on. We're leaving.
112
00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:44,100
I'm not there, mate.
They've got everyone -
113
00:06:44,140 --> 00:06:47,460
Larry, Lance, Laura,
Matty, Mark, Joe.
114
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,740
They've got everyone. There's no Dan.
115
00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:53,340
I've been erased!
Christ, does it matter?
116
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:56,460
I'll just pick one.
117
00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,500
There. I'm Preston now.
118
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,900
Do you think
they might've called me Preston?
119
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:07,060
I don't care!
120
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:10,940
I'll just get a few.
121
00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:12,540
Jo!
122
00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:15,340
Don't worry.
This time I remembered the hands.
123
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:17,500
What possessed me?
That's all coming off.
124
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:20,220
Your mother'll lose her mind.
Can we just go now, Dad?
125
00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:23,540
No, we cannot! I have to make your
sister look less like a prostitute.
126
00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:27,580
Come back here. Lucy!
127
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:31,900
Oh, they sell wellies! Wellies...
128
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,980
Looks like Ian Beale's kids
have gone off the rails.
129
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:39,780
IT'S TIME TO PAY THE FERRYMAN!
130
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:42,020
It's OK, Lucy. Easy mistake.
131
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:44,740
I didn't find out about money
till I was 20.
132
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:46,820
Brian'll sort it.
Jo,
133
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:50,460
I've got the strangest feeling
about what's gonna happen next.
134
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:54,500
I don't think I can stop it, either.
135
00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:03,460
What you doing? Get in the back!
136
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:06,740
Brian, you're not gonna like this.
But, honestly...
137
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:08,780
it's bigger than me.
What?
138
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:12,540
Well, you're gonna wanna go home now,
and...
139
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:16,580
I know you're gonna be mad, but...
140
00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:19,380
..we've decided
we're taking the Scenic,
141
00:08:19,420 --> 00:08:21,500
with your kids still in it.
142
00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:24,340
Go to Southend without you. No!
HE RATTLES HANDLE
143
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:28,380
You can't!
I know. It's weird, isn't it?
144
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:32,540
Oh, and, Brian...
thanks for reverse parking.
145
00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:37,380
Girls! You're not part of
this mutiny, are you?
146
00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:40,980
HE TAPS AT WINDOW
147
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,980
HORN BEEPS
148
00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:48,020
No!
149
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,060
Don't look so worried!
150
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:58,380
He's gonna tell Mum. He's so boring.
151
00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:01,380
He doesn't mean to be, Luce.
It's just grown-ups.
152
00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:04,020
We can make up some games,
if you're bored. Like what?
153
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:07,780
Let's pretend. I used to pretend
I was a robot. It was wicked fun.
154
00:09:07,820 --> 00:09:11,820
I got kept out of normal lessons
for nearly a year.
155
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:19,460
Funny to think
they might be in there now...
156
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,660
SEAGULLS CRY
..huddled round the fire,
157
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:25,060
talking about the day
they gave me away.
158
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:28,820
Do you want us to come with you?
No. I need to do this on my own.
159
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:32,860
There's gonna be some high emotion
when we talk about...the lost years.
160
00:09:33,460 --> 00:09:36,700
No worries. We'll go to the beach.
Can we have a ride on a donkey?
161
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:40,340
I've just been researching them.
Half dog, half horse!
162
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,700
What's not to like?
I like the seaside!
163
00:09:42,740 --> 00:09:46,740
YEAH! YEAH!
We're going to the seaside!
164
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:56,500
Can I pull the big horn?
No! No problem.
165
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,460
HE KNOCKS
166
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:02,220
Mum, Dad...it's me.
167
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:05,220
I'm home.
168
00:10:05,260 --> 00:10:08,180
Mum, Da-...
Hoi, lanky! What you up to?
169
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:11,060
Oh! Sorry.
I was just looking for the owners.
170
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:14,300
They're out! Down the pub.
171
00:10:14,340 --> 00:10:17,540
I see. They're broken, aren't they?
172
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:21,460
Haunted by bad decisions,
ghosts from the past.
173
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,780
Drinking to forget.
174
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:27,580
No. There's an Irish band on.
175
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:30,940
They're Irish?
Yeah. Who are you?
176
00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:32,980
Of course they're Irish!
177
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:37,020
Oh, kiss the smooth, ancient surface
of the Blarney stone, I'm home!
178
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,660
HE GASPS
I love Guinness!
179
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:42,940
I always dance
with my arms by my side!
180
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:45,260
Where is this tavern, wise old man?
181
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,820
Down there on the left.
182
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:49,940
Look, who are you?
183
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:53,260
IN IRISH ACCENT:
Well, am I not their boy?
184
00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:57,300
Their own true lad, home at last!
Oh, yes!
185
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,580
What?
DROPPING ACCENT: Don't matter.
186
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:04,660
I'll call the police. No, I'm going.
Mary, call the police.
187
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:08,700
I've finished!
188
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:11,660
It's fucking massive!
189
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:14,740
Can we paddle?
What?
190
00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:16,940
Don't you know what paddling is?
191
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:20,980
Is it...
192
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,460
CHILDREN LAUGH
193
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:27,380
No, that's not paddling, silly.
It's where you go into the water
194
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,980
and you splosh around
in your welly boots. Oh!
195
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:33,260
Wicked!
Come on!
196
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:34,980
IRISH BAND MUSIC
197
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:39,020
When he went to sleep,
me being young
198
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:43,540
When he went to sleep,
out of bed I did creep
199
00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:48,060
Into the arms of
a handsome young man
200
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:52,300
I found his falorum,
faliddle aye oorum
201
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:58,100
I found his falorum,
faliddle aye ay
202
00:11:58,780 --> 00:12:02,780
I found his falorum,
he rang my ding-doorum
203
00:12:02,940 --> 00:12:06,940
So, maids, when you're young,
never wed an old man
204
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:12,260
ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD
205
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,300
Who's next, then?
Cathy!
206
00:12:14,340 --> 00:12:17,900
No, no. Not for me, boys.
ALL SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT
207
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:20,980
ALL APPLAUD
Oh, right, right, right.
208
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:24,860
ALL CHEER
209
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:26,780
BAND STRIKES UP MELODY
210
00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:30,820
Oh, who will plough the fields now
211
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:35,940
And who will sow the corn
212
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:41,220
And who will watch the sheep now
213
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:46,340
And keep us from all harm?
214
00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:50,060
What can I get you?
215
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,260
IN IRISH ACCENT: I'll have a pint
of the black stuff, so I will.
216
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,300
DROPPING ACCENT:
I'll have a Guinness, please.
217
00:12:56,340 --> 00:13:00,340
# Since Johnny died
for Ireland's pride...
218
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:06,900
What do you do, Jo? For a job?
Well, I've got special needs,
219
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:10,740
so, my shop. Oh, yeah.
Dad said it wasn't going too well.
220
00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:14,500
It's not. It's all right.
We don't have to talk about it.
221
00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:16,060
SHE SIGHS
222
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:18,700
We're at the seaside.
We can just have fun!
223
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:21,260
Yes! Well, let's start having fun.
224
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,180
You can start by telling me
what the hell that is.
225
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:28,060
It's a crab.
Don't you know what a crab is?
226
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,860
That is a mental, massive
sea spider, is what that is.
227
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:35,900
CHILDREN LAUGH
228
00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:42,340
Bastard!
229
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:47,100
I love it here. It's wicked!
230
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:50,820
Look, Jo!
Can we go in it?
231
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,700
I don't think it's a good idea.
It'll be fun!
232
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:57,740
I can't swim.
I don't think it's very sensible.
233
00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:01,860
That's what Dad would say.
234
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:05,140
IN FEMALE IRISH ACCENT:
I can't believe I gave you away.
235
00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:07,740
IN MALE IRISH ACCENT:
Ah, yer all reet. I forgive yer.
236
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,780
Oh, you're a lovely boy.
237
00:14:09,820 --> 00:14:13,180
HE SIGHS HAPPILY
238
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,940
Hello, you child-abducting fuck!
239
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,580
Brian!
Yes, Brian. Where are they?
240
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:21,380
They're at the beach with Jo.
They're fine. They're what?!
241
00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:24,300
That's like leaving a tiger
to look after some pork chops!
242
00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:28,300
Brian, they're fine!
Listen, it all makes sense now.
243
00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:30,340
I'm Irish.
244
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:32,700
What?!
Seriously.
245
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:35,220
I think I've spotted my parents
in there.
246
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:38,780
All this time I've been living life
as a small British failure,
247
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:40,820
when, deep inside,
248
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:44,860
there was a brave Irish heart
just trying to burst out!
249
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:48,100
Give me my keys, you idiot. I can't.
They're in my coat in there.
250
00:14:48,140 --> 00:14:51,780
Well, go and get them.
I can't do that, Brian.
251
00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:54,140
I'm about to sing.
252
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:56,460
What? You don't even know
any bloody Irish songs!
253
00:14:56,500 --> 00:15:00,500
Oh, don't be so fucking naive!
They're not real songs!
254
00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:03,460
They make them up!
They sing from here!
255
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,180
Now, get out of my way. Brian!
BRIAN GRUNTS
256
00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:08,420
Oh!
BOTH GRUNT
257
00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:10,660
Don't you crush my Dublin spirit!
258
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,540
IN IRISH ACCENT:
You will not crush my Dublin spirit!
259
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,460
Get away with you!
260
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,500
And keep us from all harm
261
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:25,020
And the stack
that's in the haggard
262
00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:29,780
Unthrashed it may remain
263
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:34,500
Since Johnny, lovely Johnny
264
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:39,620
Went to fight the King of Spain
265
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:45,340
ALL APPLAUD
Who's next? Come on!
266
00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:48,420
IN IRISH ACCENT: Oh, I'll sing!
Brilliant, man. What you doing?
267
00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:52,020
Oh. Er...
268
00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:54,500
Gilligan's Pony.
I don't know that one,
269
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:58,540
but if you sing it, we'll back you.
Yeah!
270
00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:01,940
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
271
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:05,980
Ohhhhhhhhh...
272
00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:12,860
I really rued the day
that I got on Gilligan's pony
273
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:19,140
People say that I can't ride
but those people don't know me
274
00:16:20,820 --> 00:16:23,380
I touched his mane,
I touched his hoof
275
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:24,620
That lovely little horse
276
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:28,340
And then I went down the pub and
I had a pint, of course, of course...
277
00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:29,940
Come on, you eejits!
278
00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:32,340
I really rued the day
279
00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:36,180
That I got on...Gilligan's po-...
280
00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:39,020
Gilligan's...
TOTAL SILENCE
281
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:42,340
FAINTLY: His pony...
282
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:45,260
What the fuck is that?
Yeah, what the fuck IS that?
283
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:48,260
For me mammy and daddy. You were
just making that up, you bollocks!
284
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,860
Go on! Boo! Get out!
ALL SHOUT AND JEER
285
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:54,100
I think you're all made up!
ALL SHOUT
286
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,940
You fuckin' eejit!
You make them up!
287
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:59,060
ALL SHOUT
288
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,420
We need to get out of here.
Oh, no! What?
289
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:05,300
Oh, no way. The girls!
Oh, my God, the girls!
290
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:08,740
Brian? Brian!
ALL CONTINUE TO SHOUT
291
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,380
If anything's happened to them,
I'm gonna kill you!
292
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:13,860
I'm sorry! I was just -
You were just being yourself!
293
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:17,780
An ocean-going bell-end,
an Englishman with an actual mum!
294
00:17:17,820 --> 00:17:21,460
Christ! Jo can't even swim!
295
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:24,020
Is that them?!
Oh, my God, they're miles out!
296
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:27,580
I'll call the coastguard.
297
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,940
There's no time for that!
298
00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:33,980
HEROIC CELTIC-STYLE MUSIC
299
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:53,580
FLOUNDERING / SPLASHING
300
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:58,460
JO LAUGHS
What's he doing?
301
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:02,060
Jo! He thinks
you've all been swept out to sea!
302
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:05,620
He got a text from Lucy! You said
you were just taking photos.
303
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,660
I just did it for fun.
304
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:11,700
Brian! BRIAN!
305
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:16,020
HE ROARS
I reckon...
306
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:20,060
this is the end of my day out.
You think?!
307
00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:24,980
Were you the young man
that was asking about us in the pub?
308
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:30,740
I just don't know why
you would've given me back.
309
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:33,420
Ah,
it wasn't anything to do with you.
310
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:36,140
Was it, love?
No!
311
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:40,180
I mean, you were
a strange-looking baby, but...
312
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:44,740
Ah, Jesus, you were so long,
like a disgusting octopus!
313
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:49,220
Like a tiny Mr Tickle!
All right!
314
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:52,700
We just realised that
we didn't need anyone else.
315
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:56,740
Didn't we, Mum? We knew we were
happy, and we always would be.
316
00:18:56,820 --> 00:19:00,820
It wouldn't have been fair to have
a little boy we'd no room for.
317
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,940
It wasn't you, lad.
And we were right.
318
00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:07,460
We've had the most wonderful life,
haven't we, my sweet?
319
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:10,940
It's been perfect.
Couldn't have been better!
320
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:14,980
Ah, you've made me so happy.
THEY LAUGH
321
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:16,980
HE SIGHS
322
00:19:17,020 --> 00:19:19,180
I think that's brilliant!
323
00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:23,020
All I'm saying is, couldn't it
have been more brilliant with me?
324
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,340
Couldn't WE have had fun?
325
00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:29,380
HE SIGHS
I dunno! I mean...
326
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:32,980
..maybe we could've formed
a family band together,
327
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:37,020
toured Ireland.
I mean, you've heard me sing.
328
00:19:38,620 --> 00:19:40,700
I just...
329
00:19:40,740 --> 00:19:44,220
I just feel like...
we should've always been together,
330
00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:48,260
having the craic,
just the three of us.
331
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:53,780
Maybe...
332
00:19:53,820 --> 00:19:57,820
Maybe we still could.
333
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:09,740
CHILDREN SHOUT AND LAUGH
334
00:20:11,820 --> 00:20:15,820
Well...they're both dead.
335
00:20:16,140 --> 00:20:18,140
What?!
Yep.
336
00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:22,180
Pretty sure
they both just died of happiness.
337
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:31,220
Fucking typical, right?!
338
00:20:31,260 --> 00:20:35,260
POLICE/AMBULANCE RADIO CHATTER
339
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:39,900
Why me? Incredible, right?
Even by my standards.
340
00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:43,940
It's not that uncommon, apparently.
You still got your real mum, Dan.
341
00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:46,100
HE SIGHS
And daddy. I told you,
342
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:49,220
he's not my daddy.
343
00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:53,100
Right, then. Shall we?
DAN SIGHS
344
00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:56,860
Straight home, right? I guess
we're not gonna tell Mum about this.
345
00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:58,940
None of it!
I thought we should never lie.
346
00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:02,300
There are exceptions. And anyway,
you can worry about that later.
347
00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:04,820
No, we're not going home just yet.
348
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:08,100
You can't come to the seaside
and not go to the funfair. No way!
349
00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:10,180
Yes!
Come on, girls.
350
00:21:10,220 --> 00:21:13,780
Whoa! Come on!
Brian?!
351
00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:17,820
You amaze me.
352
00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:27,780
Brian's gonna fly!
353
00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:35,940
ALL SHOUT AND CHEER
354
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:41,580
I don't like it! No! Please!
355
00:21:41,620 --> 00:21:44,340
POIGNANT MUSICAL INTRO
I said hey, boy
356
00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:46,660
Sitting in your tree
357
00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:50,540
Mommy always wants you
to come for tea
358
00:21:50,580 --> 00:21:53,700
Don't be shy,
straighten up your tie
359
00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:57,580
Down from your treehouse
sitting in the sky
360
00:21:57,620 --> 00:22:01,140
I wanna know just what to do
361
00:22:01,180 --> 00:22:05,180
Is it very big,
is there room for two
362
00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:08,460
I got a house
with windows and doors...
363
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:12,140
Hold your faces, hold your faces!
364
00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:14,620
It's on video. It's on video, Jo.
365
00:22:14,660 --> 00:22:17,540
Gotta let me in
366
00:22:17,580 --> 00:22:21,580
Hey, hey, hey
367
00:22:21,620 --> 00:22:25,620
Let the fun begin
368
00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:29,100
Hey
369
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:31,580
I'm a wolf today
370
00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:34,900
Hey, hey, hey
371
00:22:34,940 --> 00:22:38,100
I'll huff, I'll puff
372
00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:42,140
I'll huff, I'll puff,
I'll blow you away
373
00:22:42,580 --> 00:22:44,460
Say you won't
374
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:48,100
Say you'll do what I don't
375
00:22:48,140 --> 00:22:52,140
Say you're true, say to me
376
00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:57,220
C'est la vie DOOR CLICKS
377
00:22:58,060 --> 00:23:01,300
MURMUR OF WAVES
378
00:23:01,340 --> 00:23:04,660
SEAGULLS CRY
379
00:23:04,710 --> 00:23:09,260
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