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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,399
Hello! Dan. Hello... again.
2
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,559
Sorry to interrupt.
Ssh! My sister's on nights.
3
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,479
Sorry. Just working through
the old list, as you know.
4
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:20,480
Dan, I have asked you not to
keep coming... If I may.
5
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:24,039
When we split up
you cited several reasons,
6
00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:27,039
one of which was, we didn't
have much fun any more.
7
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,879
We didn't in the end, did we? What
about the helicopter penis dance?
8
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,880
What? The helicopter penis dance -
I did it one night when we came back
9
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:39,040
from the pub and you said it was, I
think I'm quoting here, hilarious!
10
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:43,240
Things like that can't sustain
a relationship, Dan.
11
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,639
Was it funny? Have you been reading
that self-help book again?
12
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,640
Was the helicopter penis dance funny
and as a result did we have fun?
13
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,999
Well...
14
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,000
on that isolated occasion,
there was an element of fun.
15
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:02,039
Thank you! I will address
other issues as and when.
16
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,999
Slip, slide. Goodbye.
17
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,039
Sorry, one more thing.
18
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,039
Please try and remember
all the compliments I've given you
19
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:15,040
and when I took that box of veg to your mum
because she had that bad eye thing.
20
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:44,741
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
21
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,039
Jump, Morris!
22
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,039
Jump, Morris, you pussy!
23
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,639
Jump, Morris!
24
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,159
Sir, Morris won't jump.
What do you want me to do about it?
25
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:58,159
Well, let's see, we've spent
45 minutes jumping off a table
26
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,719
whilst you scribble in a pad.
Maybe you should teach!
27
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,559
Oh, maybe you should take your
little girl mask off, Rose West.
28
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:09,159
Jump, Morris! Dennis, calm down.
29
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,879
Honestly, why are you so angry?
30
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,519
I'm not!
31
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,839
He kills bees in his bedroom, sir.
No, I don't!
32
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,359
Breathe. Breathe.
33
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,199
Right, Morris, jump.
34
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,519
I can't do it, sir. I'm scared.
35
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,759
Mate, this is a bog standard
trust exercise.
36
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,199
I've been doing this shit for years.
You're safe as houses. Jump.
37
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,200
I can't, sir.
38
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:36,159
Morris, we need to try and get
the space captain's missus back.
39
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,399
What if she doesn't want to
come back, sir?
40
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,359
What the fuck are you talking about?
41
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:44,360
Perhaps she changed her mind. Perhaps she's
realised the space captain is an idiot.
42
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,239
She hasn't. She loves him.
43
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,439
The space captain's been
really kind to her.
44
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:54,039
He's given her loads of compliments
and he took that box of veg round
45
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,039
to her mum when she had that
leaky eye thing, so...
46
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,239
Morris, jump.
47
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,439
But, sir, I don't like heights.
48
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:06,440
I don't imagine the space captain's missus
likes getting banged by an alien, Morris.
49
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,359
You're safe.
50
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,160
I promise.
51
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,879
He'll be fine.
Just walk him round for a bit.
52
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,119
Mr Davies. Ah, Miss Lipsey.
53
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,719
What's wrong with Morris?
Nothing. He's become a man.
54
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,239
I want my mum!
He's calling for his mum.
55
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,759
Good.
56
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,559
Man mum.
57
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,039
Right.
58
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,479
I came to remind you about the heads
of department meeting tonight.
59
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:42,039
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry,
I can't come. Dan!
60
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:46,040
Come on, Emma. My life's in tatters,
you know that.
61
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:50,559
I started crying yesterday. Do you
want to know what I was doing?
62
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,199
I was watching Time Team.
63
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,519
Yeah.
64
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,559
You don't want this level
of sadness in a meeting.
65
00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,039
This is the last one.
66
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,799
You're a head of department.
You've got to attend meetings.
67
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:06,800
I will. I promise.
68
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:11,040
Nice arse.
69
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,039
What?
70
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,639
Nothing.
71
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,640
What did you say, Dan?
72
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,519
That was embarrassing.
73
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,520
Jog on, four eyes.
74
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,039
Ah, hello, Shakira. I'm fascinated.
What's in this special?
75
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,359
Egg.
76
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,439
Just egg? Yeah.
77
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,440
Can that be a special,
just the word "egg"?
78
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,719
I'll get Bob if you're going to muck about!
Just a cup of tea, please.
79
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,799
Shakira, what a delight!
80
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,800
Egg Circus? Yes, please.
81
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,680
All right, super tash? Very much so.
82
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,999
Brussels, here I come.
83
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,039
"Have a great time, Brian.
84
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:23,039
"Enjoy the tour you booked
of the EU headquarters."
85
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:27,040
When did I take us to Laser Quest
that time for Naomi's birthday? Why?
86
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,679
I'm making a list of
all the good times.
87
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,359
Dan, you can't solve a relationship
problem by listing the past. Why not?
88
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,119
I don't know where to start.
I'm not the one to solve this. You need to talk to a woman.
89
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,119
What up? Not that woman.
90
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,519
Urgh!
91
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:44,520
I'm shagged. This thong is going
in the outside bin when I get home.
92
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,159
What is this nonsense?
93
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,319
Sweaty salsa. I'm training to get
my instructor diploma.
94
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:54,320
Who's that ratified by?
The University of Scambridge?
95
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,839
Anyway, it's wicked fun. You should
come, Dan, now you're single.
96
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:02,039
Loads of women, no blokes.
It's only Raul, the teacher.
97
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,719
I think he might be gay.
98
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,720
Number one, I'm not single.
Number two, I've met Raul, of course he's fucking gay!
99
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,919
Number three,
salsa's for middle-aged losers.
100
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,039
You're 40 and live with
your parents.
101
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,959
And you've got a tiny little head that looks
like David Seaman's, all shrunken and vile.
102
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,279
Dan, please come.
103
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:22,159
Sign up for one class and I get
a free massive plastic flower for my hair.
104
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,119
No. I think Dan has more
basic needs to address.
105
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,039
Yes, like...
106
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,399
what am I going to cook Naomi for
our get-back-together meal tomorrow.
107
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,039
She hasn't agreed to come.
This meal's in Dan's Head.
108
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:37,040
Bollocks! I've done a deal
with big Dave Bowers for the meat. It's going to be awesome, mate.
109
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,159
That, coupled with my programme
of nostalgia...
110
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,079
Christ! Hasn't it occurred to you
to try and change?
111
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:47,080
Change what? You know... little
things. Get your car seat fixed.
112
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,239
All right. I'll get it welded up
at Mad Nobby's tomorrow.
113
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:54,240
There you go. Why is it your
instinct's to have your car fixed by a man called Mad Nobby?
114
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,839
Mad Nobby's awesome. Thank you.
He does live in Towford though.
115
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,479
Which is 15 miles away.
Go to a local garage.
116
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,519
No. Nobby's the cheapest.
And besides, I've got a plan.
117
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,279
You follow me to Nobby's tomorrow,
we drop the car off,
118
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,519
we go back into town,
I pick up some meat,
119
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,519
you drive me back to Nobby's,
I drive my car back home,
120
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,519
I cook us a meal, I put on some
soft music, Naomi comes round,
121
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,519
she likes the mince, next thing
she knows, she's married to me.
122
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,279
We try and have children, we can't,
all my sperm are dead,
123
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,639
but it doesn't matter, too late,
she's trapped.
124
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,519
Dan, four o'clock tomorrow, I'm going
to be on the Eurostar with my wife.
125
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:30,319
I'm not missing out on a mini-break
to go on a meat run.
126
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:34,320
Da-da-da-ra-da-ra-da-da-da-rah.
127
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:40,520
Hurry up. I need the plate.
128
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,439
Daniel! Don't start.
129
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,319
I've been cleaning out the garage.
130
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,359
Well done. I'll nominate you
for a Pride of Britain award.
131
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,519
Just doing my bit.
132
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,520
Your mum and Mrs Wigmore
are doing a deep clean of the house
133
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,559
so I tackled the garage
134
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,560
and guess what I found.
135
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,039
Oh, no.
Remember this? It's wonderful!
136
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,359
Mimples!
137
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:18,360
Come and have a quick knock about.
No, because unlike you, I don't have fond memories of the old days,
138
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,640
and I have no desire to have a swingball
smashed into my nuts on purpose.
139
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,319
- Not on purpose. Always on purpose.
- Mimples!
140
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,199
Always on purpose. Goodbye.
141
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,959
Daniel...
142
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,960
please?
143
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,759
Look...
144
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,839
what are you up to?
145
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,840
God, you're so suspicious!
146
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:06,039
See?
147
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:10,040
Just like the old days.
148
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,439
I told you. I'm not going to play
if you're going to be stupid.
149
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,759
Daniel, your service.
150
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,199
Mimples!
151
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,279
Dad, I can't find Mimples.
152
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,959
Urgh! Daniel...
153
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,159
that's not the swingball.
154
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:44,039
But I... Mr Davies,
have you seen Mimples?
155
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,040
Oh, no... wait.
156
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,559
Arrgh! He killed Mimples!
157
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,319
No! He threw it at me.
158
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,039
Daniel, I was throwing Mr Mimples
for you to catch,
159
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:02,040
not to smash into a wall and kill.
160
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,079
What's going on?
Dad, he killed Mimples.
161
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,039
Oh, no... Mr Stevens.
162
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,279
You sick fuck.
163
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:14,280
Wait. That's it Dad, kill him.
Kill him like he killed Mr Mimples.
164
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,159
Ya murderer! No, please!
165
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,959
Please! No, I didn't mean to.
166
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,040
I didn't mean to!
167
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,559
I'm sorry, I cannae do it.
168
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,439
Hang on. What's going on?
169
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,559
Sorry, Daniel.
It was your dad's idea.
170
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:38,199
Oh, Daniel, you sad little girl.
171
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:42,119
He's wet himself.
172
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,120
Daniel, Mimples was already dead.
173
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:51,160
He starved to death.
I forgot to feed him.
174
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,800
This is sick. You're all sick!
175
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,719
What's all this noise around here?
176
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,720
Mrs Wigmore.
177
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,600
What have you done? Oh...
178
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,799
Arrgh!
179
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,839
Daniel, you monster.
180
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,840
Erm... Phone an ambulance.
181
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,039
Well, the paramedics think
she'll be fine
182
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,999
but they're keeping her in
for a couple of days.
183
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,439
What were you thinking, putting
a space hopper on the path?
184
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,719
Because none of that was Dad's
fault, was it, you mental old crone?
185
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,279
Your dad never touched
the space hopper.
186
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:37,039
And why are you wearing those
awful jogging bottoms again?
187
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,919
Mainly because my trousers
are covered in my piss.
188
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:43,920
Are they? Well, you had better go
and get them so I can wash them.
189
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:48,039
I don't want you visiting Mrs
Wigmore tomorrow in mucky trousers.
190
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,039
I'm not going to visit Mrs Wigmore.
191
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,719
She's your cleaner. She'll want
to see your little walnut face.
192
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:57,039
I can't. I'm busy.
I've got a relationship to save.
193
00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:01,040
What are you doing? Nibbling some
shortbread, stroking a plant?
194
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,039
Oh!
195
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,040
All right, I'll go and visit the
cleaner in hospital. Good boy.
196
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,039
And make sure you take a present
too.
197
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,374
Christ!
198
00:12:15,557 --> 00:12:18,516
Most people would spend the morning
of a holiday packing.
199
00:12:18,517 --> 00:12:22,517
Brian, we're on a wicked little
road trip. It's exciting.
200
00:12:29,557 --> 00:12:32,956
What the hell is that?
It's Nobby's version of a receipt.
201
00:12:32,957 --> 00:12:36,957
Jesus, I thought Mad Nobby was just
an affectionate nickname.
202
00:12:37,077 --> 00:12:40,236
Should you have left your car
with him? He's genuinely unstable.
203
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:43,316
Nobby's awesome.
He knows Tinker from Lovejoy.
204
00:12:43,317 --> 00:12:46,556
Have you put any thought into
what you're buying Mrs Wigmore?
205
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:50,396
Have I put any thought into it? What
should I take her, a cooked lobster?
206
00:12:50,397 --> 00:12:54,397
My uncle was killed by a lobster.
Oh, yeah? Was he allergic? No.
207
00:12:58,157 --> 00:13:02,157
There is something I need to do
before hospital.
208
00:13:05,277 --> 00:13:08,036
It's permanent marker.
I've tried to get it off
209
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,916
but I think you can see
I've just made it red.
210
00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:13,556
I don't want to know why you have
a tick on your head,
211
00:13:13,557 --> 00:13:17,556
I just want you to stop coming
round and telling me odd things.
212
00:13:17,557 --> 00:13:19,756
What do you want me to say?
213
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,716
That is up to you.
214
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,556
OK.
215
00:13:23,557 --> 00:13:27,597
I'm pleased you're having your car
seat mended and that you're visiting your mum's cleaner in hospital.
216
00:13:28,477 --> 00:13:30,876
Thank you. Would you like to
come for a meal tonight?
217
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:33,756
Dan, we've split up.
I know, we're on a break.
218
00:13:33,757 --> 00:13:37,556
We've split up. But I will come
round later to pick up my stuff.
219
00:13:37,557 --> 00:13:40,156
Lovely. I'll have a home-cooked meal
waiting for you.
220
00:13:40,157 --> 00:13:43,636
No, I'm coming to get my things.
I'll be round at five.
221
00:13:43,637 --> 00:13:46,356
A bit early for a meal. Dan...!
222
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:50,357
Look, I can see you are trying.
I'm addressing everything you said.
223
00:13:50,557 --> 00:13:54,036
"All you ever do is go down the caff
with your silly friends", you said.
224
00:13:54,037 --> 00:13:56,196
Not any more.
I'm really getting out there.
225
00:13:56,197 --> 00:14:00,076
Visiting a cleaner and mending a car
seat are not "getting out there".
226
00:14:00,077 --> 00:14:03,556
That's not all I'm doing. What
else are you doing? Activities.
227
00:14:03,557 --> 00:14:06,916
Fascinating activities. I'll tell
you about them at the meal tonight.
228
00:14:06,917 --> 00:14:10,917
I'm coming to collect my possessions
because we've split up!
229
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,556
Yes, and while you're there, we'll
have a lovely meal and I'll tell you
230
00:14:14,557 --> 00:14:18,557
about all the interesting things I'm
doing in my spare time. Slip slide!
231
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:28,397
One more drop off, mate.
232
00:14:36,477 --> 00:14:40,477
What do you think? Oh, my God!
You look wicked.
233
00:14:41,077 --> 00:14:42,796
Yeah? Yeah.
234
00:14:42,797 --> 00:14:45,356
They feel a bit tight.
They're supposed to be.
235
00:14:45,357 --> 00:14:49,356
Don't worry about that.
Stick a Pepsi Max bottle down there.
236
00:14:49,357 --> 00:14:51,316
Shit, he's going mental. Let's go.
237
00:14:51,317 --> 00:14:54,556
Shall I tell Raul we're coming next
week for the salsa class?
238
00:14:54,557 --> 00:14:57,036
I'm not actually going, am I,
you twat?
239
00:14:57,037 --> 00:15:00,276
I just want this to fool Naomi
into thinking I'm doing stuff.
240
00:15:00,277 --> 00:15:04,277
Grab my clothes. I've got to get
Mrs Wigmore a present.
241
00:15:06,357 --> 00:15:08,036
Dan!
242
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:12,037
Dan! Get in the bloody car. Nearly there.
Wigmore, butcher's, Mad Nobby's.
243
00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:16,196
We're on schedule, Brian.
I'll have a meal ready by five easy.
244
00:15:16,197 --> 00:15:20,197
I've got tickets for the Eurostar at
four. Stop keeping me talking, then.
245
00:15:20,277 --> 00:15:24,277
Tick-tock!
246
00:15:29,557 --> 00:15:30,756
Mrs Wigmore.
247
00:15:30,757 --> 00:15:32,556
Daniel...
248
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:36,396
how lovely of you to visit. There
was no need. I'll be home tomorrow.
249
00:15:36,397 --> 00:15:39,516
I've brought you a present.
Sorry about the spacehopper.
250
00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:42,756
Right, get well. We'd better be off.
251
00:15:42,757 --> 00:15:45,036
Come on, Jo. Vegetables?
252
00:15:45,037 --> 00:15:48,516
No-one bring vegetables as
a present, son. It's weird!
253
00:15:48,517 --> 00:15:51,956
What's that tick on your head?
It's a welding receipt.
254
00:15:51,957 --> 00:15:55,036
And everyone likes a box
of vegetables.
255
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,236
Right?
256
00:15:56,237 --> 00:16:00,237
It's the thought that counts. You look like
prostitutes, one gay and one straight.
257
00:16:00,717 --> 00:16:01,956
What?
258
00:16:01,957 --> 00:16:04,356
Oh, thanks. Just salsa.
259
00:16:04,357 --> 00:16:08,437
My grandson bought me an audio book.
That's a proper present. Can you drop it? She likes her vegetables.
260
00:16:09,837 --> 00:16:13,837
Let's see some of your salsa.
We'd love to but I'm afraid we've got things to do. We're in a rush.
261
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:18,716
So... enjoy your present.
Get well, everyone.
262
00:16:18,717 --> 00:16:22,356
Show us a move. We haven't got time
to do a fucking salsa dance, guys.
263
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:25,196
What's all this fuss? Young Daniel's
brought me some vegetables
264
00:16:25,197 --> 00:16:27,996
and they're trying to bully them
into doing a salsa dance for us.
265
00:16:27,997 --> 00:16:31,997
Oh, that would be lovely. Is anyone
listening? It's not happening!
266
00:16:32,277 --> 00:16:36,277
Are you in too much of a hurry to do
a little dance for our poorly friend?
267
00:16:36,917 --> 00:16:40,917
Yes, I've got to go.
Where? What's so urgent?
268
00:16:42,037 --> 00:16:44,676
I've got to... cook some mince later.
269
00:16:44,677 --> 00:16:45,916
I see.
270
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,756
No, the thing...
How's the pain today, Joan?
271
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:51,556
Awful. I'm not surprised.
272
00:16:51,557 --> 00:16:55,557
We've had to remove the best part
of your bowel.
273
00:16:57,557 --> 00:17:01,557
Maybe she should've eaten
some fucking vegetables, then!
274
00:17:01,677 --> 00:17:05,677
We haven't got any music.
275
00:18:02,317 --> 00:18:04,517
That's not the fucking salsa.
276
00:18:12,517 --> 00:18:16,517
Where the hell have you been?
In the company of some very selfish old people.
277
00:18:17,037 --> 00:18:20,276
Look at the bloody time. Sorry.
We'll go straight to Nobby's now.
278
00:18:20,277 --> 00:18:23,556
Thank you. After we pop into big
Dave Bowers' to get some mince.
279
00:18:23,557 --> 00:18:27,557
Jesus!
280
00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:37,556
Great. Goodbye!
281
00:18:37,557 --> 00:18:41,557
Let me just check it's ready.
It doesn't matter if it's ready or not, I'm going to the Eurostar.
282
00:18:42,277 --> 00:18:46,277
Come on, mate. Ten minutes.
283
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:54,397
Why do we do anything for him?
He's going through a really hard time at the moment, Brian.
284
00:18:55,037 --> 00:18:58,556
When have you ever known him not
to be going through a hard time?
285
00:18:58,557 --> 00:19:01,796
Once he gets Naomi back...
He's not getting her back, is he?
286
00:19:01,797 --> 00:19:05,756
Look at what he's planning on
cooking her! Mince is nice.
287
00:19:05,757 --> 00:19:07,556
Not on its own!
288
00:19:07,557 --> 00:19:11,597
"Mmm, make yourself comfortable while
I go and make you a massive plate of unaccompanied cooked mince."
289
00:19:13,677 --> 00:19:16,036
Stop it. You're making me hungry.
290
00:19:16,037 --> 00:19:19,236
Nightmare. I haven't got any money.
Oh, for God's sake!
291
00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:23,237
You've seen these salsa trousers.
I've barely got room for a cock and balls let alone a wallet.
292
00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:27,556
I've only got travellers' cheques.
Give me one of those, tick-tock.
293
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:30,556
Dan, I know this guy's called
Mad Nobby, but he's hardly going to
294
00:19:30,557 --> 00:19:33,276
accept a travellers' cheque
for a minor welding job.
295
00:19:33,277 --> 00:19:35,556
At least let me try.
296
00:19:35,557 --> 00:19:37,916
How much is it? 12 pounds.
297
00:19:37,917 --> 00:19:41,796
12 pounds?!
Christ, how does he make a living?!
298
00:19:41,797 --> 00:19:44,556
I told you, he's cheap.
They're in euros.
299
00:19:44,557 --> 00:19:48,036
Please, Brian.
Nobby is already wound up.
300
00:19:48,037 --> 00:19:52,037
We'll have to give him a 15 euro
travellers' cheque.
301
00:19:53,557 --> 00:19:57,557
You can tell him he's making
a tidy little profit there.
302
00:19:59,557 --> 00:20:03,556
Brian, you're quite cross now,
aren't you? No.
303
00:20:03,557 --> 00:20:06,476
You look cross. I'm not cross, Jo!
304
00:20:06,477 --> 00:20:10,477
You've got that vein in your
forehead - it's all wonky.
305
00:20:14,037 --> 00:20:16,556
He won't take a travellers' cheque.
306
00:20:16,557 --> 00:20:19,796
Ask Mad Nobby...
307
00:20:19,797 --> 00:20:23,276
if he'd mind dreadfully
you taking the car on trust.
308
00:20:23,277 --> 00:20:27,196
You could pop back tomorrow
with your 12 pounds!
309
00:20:27,197 --> 00:20:31,197
I'll give that a go.
310
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:35,997
Brian... Don't talk!
311
00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:47,797
He went a bit weird but he says
I can have the car and he'll take the money a different way.
312
00:20:48,277 --> 00:20:52,277
Right. Jo, would you mind getting out
of the car, please?
313
00:20:58,437 --> 00:21:01,276
Dan...
314
00:21:01,277 --> 00:21:05,277
..would you mind taking your two bags
of mince?
315
00:21:10,197 --> 00:21:11,796
Brian!
316
00:21:11,797 --> 00:21:14,356
Get me one of those massive
Toblerones!
317
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:18,197
Do you think Brian's cross?
318
00:21:30,037 --> 00:21:31,556
Well...
319
00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:35,557
Nobby appears to have deducted
his costs.
320
00:21:46,797 --> 00:21:50,556
I'm sorry I'm late.
I've had a few issues.
321
00:21:50,557 --> 00:21:54,556
Nice outfit.
322
00:21:54,557 --> 00:21:57,556
How much mince do you want?
323
00:21:57,557 --> 00:22:01,557
I think I can really get into salsa,
you know? We should go some time.
324
00:22:01,637 --> 00:22:05,356
Big Dave Bowers has given me far too much
mince. I can feed the whole town.
325
00:22:05,357 --> 00:22:09,357
Dan.
326
00:22:18,197 --> 00:22:21,476
I don't even like mince.
327
00:22:21,477 --> 00:22:25,116
Right.
328
00:22:25,117 --> 00:22:27,796
See you.
329
00:22:27,797 --> 00:22:31,797
Look after yourself.
330
00:22:37,757 --> 00:22:39,676
Wait.
331
00:22:39,677 --> 00:22:42,516
Erm...
332
00:22:42,517 --> 00:22:45,196
..remember this?
333
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:49,196
Whoa! Helicopter.
334
00:22:49,197 --> 00:22:53,197
Whoa! Helicopter.
335
00:23:25,757 --> 00:23:52,040
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336
00:23:52,090 --> 00:23:56,640
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