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1
00:00:03,189 --> 00:00:04,755
(whispering): Come on, come on, come on.
2
00:00:06,192 --> 00:00:07,558
Come on, come on, come on, come on,
3
00:00:07,593 --> 00:00:09,527
come on, come on come
on, come on, come on...
4
00:00:09,562 --> 00:00:11,462
Yes! (door opens)
5
00:00:12,532 --> 00:00:14,698
Hi. Professor Chris Parish,
6
00:00:14,734 --> 00:00:16,100
history department.
7
00:00:16,135 --> 00:00:17,535
Yeah? I know who you are.
8
00:00:17,570 --> 00:00:18,936
We've met, like, ten times.
9
00:00:18,971 --> 00:00:20,838
Look, my classroom is sweltering
10
00:00:20,873 --> 00:00:23,207
and I've left several messages
about turning down the heat.
11
00:00:23,242 --> 00:00:25,576
I'm sorry, I'd love to
help you out here, pal,
12
00:00:25,611 --> 00:00:26,877
but, um...
13
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,533
it's 5:00.
14
00:00:29,248 --> 00:00:30,581
It's 3:00.
15
00:00:30,616 --> 00:00:32,183
That clock says it's 5:00.
16
00:00:32,218 --> 00:00:33,717
You set that clock forward.
17
00:00:33,753 --> 00:00:35,352
It's not whatever time you say it is.
18
00:00:35,388 --> 00:00:37,755
It kind of is.
19
00:00:37,790 --> 00:00:39,423
(chuckling): Well,
20
00:00:39,458 --> 00:00:41,091
turn down the heat or I'm
gonna have you fired.
21
00:00:41,127 --> 00:00:42,092
Go ahead, pal.
22
00:00:42,128 --> 00:00:44,228
A lot of people have tried.
23
00:00:44,263 --> 00:00:45,462
Anyway, I'll see you Monday,
24
00:00:45,498 --> 00:00:48,065
I got travel plans.
25
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,700
Okay.
26
00:00:49,735 --> 00:00:51,202
Bye.
27
00:00:51,237 --> 00:00:53,604
"I'm a big-time history professor.
28
00:00:53,639 --> 00:00:55,472
"I'm gonna have you fired.
29
00:00:55,508 --> 00:00:57,608
Uh, do you think my classroom
is a little too hot?"
30
00:00:57,643 --> 00:00:59,844
(yelling): I don't know, I
have no opinion on the matter!
31
00:01:04,617 --> 00:01:07,618
(fife and drums playing)
32
00:01:11,290 --> 00:01:13,257
(electronic whining)
33
00:01:13,292 --> 00:01:14,925
(whining grows louder)
34
00:01:16,629 --> 00:01:17,828
(horse whinnies)
35
00:01:17,864 --> 00:01:20,865
36
00:01:30,042 --> 00:01:33,077
(Deborah laughing)
37
00:01:33,112 --> 00:01:35,679
I'm so glad that you were in town.
38
00:01:35,715 --> 00:01:38,983
I've never had that much fun
at the harvest festival.
39
00:01:39,018 --> 00:01:42,019
Oh, Deborah, I am, like,
obsessed with the harvest.
40
00:01:42,054 --> 00:01:44,088
(giggles) Will you show me
41
00:01:44,123 --> 00:01:45,756
how to do that dance
you taught everyone?
42
00:01:45,791 --> 00:01:46,857
- "The Bartman"?
- Mm-hmm.
43
00:01:46,893 --> 00:01:47,925
It's so simple.
44
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,526
It's just... back, front.
45
00:01:49,562 --> 00:01:50,928
- Do "The Bartman."
- (laughing)
46
00:01:50,963 --> 00:01:52,129
Halt!
47
00:01:52,164 --> 00:01:53,998
- Who goes there?
- Halt to you, good sirs.
48
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:55,766
DEBORAH: Oh, no, they're
British soldiers.
49
00:01:55,801 --> 00:01:57,501
Oh, okay. I'll handle this.
50
00:01:58,571 --> 00:02:00,271
Let's talk bro to bro. Oh...
51
00:02:00,306 --> 00:02:02,406
Give me a good reason why I
shouldn't kill you right now.
52
00:02:04,644 --> 00:02:06,143
We have ham.
53
00:02:06,178 --> 00:02:07,678
My God.
54
00:02:09,649 --> 00:02:10,981
I've never seen one in person.
55
00:02:12,051 --> 00:02:13,918
It's beautiful.
56
00:02:15,054 --> 00:02:16,153
Let's go! Come on.
57
00:02:16,188 --> 00:02:17,955
(sighs)
58
00:02:17,990 --> 00:02:19,857
Those soldiers come in,
steal a woman's best ham.
59
00:02:19,892 --> 00:02:22,192
This world's gone crazy.
60
00:02:22,228 --> 00:02:23,460
When did those British
soldiers get here?
61
00:02:23,496 --> 00:02:24,728
Last night.
62
00:02:24,764 --> 00:02:27,064
Last night? And no one
rode around on a horse
63
00:02:27,099 --> 00:02:28,332
screaming, "The British are coming,
64
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:29,566
the British are coming"?
65
00:02:29,602 --> 00:02:31,135
No. No?
66
00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:32,469
What about-- what about the king?
67
00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:33,637
People hate the king, right?
68
00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:34,872
Last time I was here,
69
00:02:34,907 --> 00:02:36,640
everyone was talking about, like,
70
00:02:36,676 --> 00:02:38,709
an "American Revolution."
Does that ring a bell?
71
00:02:38,744 --> 00:02:39,977
(laughing)
72
00:02:40,012 --> 00:02:41,478
This is why I love you.
73
00:02:41,514 --> 00:02:43,814
Who else would talk
politics with a woman?
74
00:02:43,849 --> 00:02:46,684
Deborah, I have to go. I...
75
00:02:46,719 --> 00:02:49,186
I think I need to fix
something very important.
76
00:02:49,221 --> 00:02:51,355
Where is it that you always go?
77
00:02:51,390 --> 00:02:54,191
To infinity...
78
00:02:54,226 --> 00:02:57,061
to infinity and beyond.
79
00:02:57,096 --> 00:02:59,396
Byesies. Byesies.
80
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:04,268
What an amazing, mysterious man.
81
00:03:04,303 --> 00:03:05,869
(electrical whining)
82
00:03:05,905 --> 00:03:07,905
83
00:03:17,483 --> 00:03:18,716
What are you eating?
84
00:03:18,751 --> 00:03:20,584
Um, fish and chips.
85
00:03:20,619 --> 00:03:21,885
Fish and chips?
86
00:03:21,921 --> 00:03:23,387
That's what British people eat.
87
00:03:23,422 --> 00:03:24,421
Oh, my God.
88
00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:28,559
John Hancock showed
89
00:03:28,594 --> 00:03:31,028
an incredible amount of bravery. How?
90
00:03:31,063 --> 00:03:32,429
Signing his name
91
00:03:32,465 --> 00:03:34,698
that big on The Declaration
of Independence.
92
00:03:34,734 --> 00:03:36,600
It would be like using your own name
93
00:03:36,635 --> 00:03:39,136
in an Internet comments section.
(laughter)
94
00:03:39,171 --> 00:03:40,304
(chuckles awkwardly)
95
00:03:40,339 --> 00:03:43,140
History isn't made by remarkable people.
96
00:03:43,175 --> 00:03:45,409
It's made by unremarkable people
97
00:03:45,444 --> 00:03:47,244
doing remarkable things.
98
00:03:47,279 --> 00:03:50,447
How are you going to make history today?
99
00:03:51,450 --> 00:03:53,117
(school bell rings)
100
00:03:55,087 --> 00:03:56,787
Excuse me.
101
00:03:58,190 --> 00:03:59,156
Chris.
102
00:03:59,191 --> 00:04:00,657
Chris!
103
00:04:00,693 --> 00:04:02,092
I have questions about
colonial Massachusetts.
104
00:04:02,128 --> 00:04:03,494
It's urgent.
105
00:04:03,529 --> 00:04:05,562
You have urgent questions
106
00:04:05,598 --> 00:04:07,297
about colonial Massachusetts?
107
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:08,465
Yes!
108
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:09,733
So, what would've happened if
109
00:04:09,769 --> 00:04:11,101
Paul Revere never took his ride?
110
00:04:11,137 --> 00:04:13,437
Oh, well, the ride would
allow the colonists to
111
00:04:13,472 --> 00:04:14,304
surprise the British.
112
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:15,973
DAN: Tea.
113
00:04:16,008 --> 00:04:17,408
Not coffee, tea.
114
00:04:17,443 --> 00:04:18,809
You have to come to my house right now!
115
00:04:18,844 --> 00:04:20,277
But I'm, like, so busy.
116
00:04:20,312 --> 00:04:22,479
I have artifacts that you need to see.
117
00:04:23,783 --> 00:04:26,083
DAN: It's a bunch of colonial stuff.
118
00:04:26,118 --> 00:04:27,451
You're gonna flip your wig.
119
00:04:27,486 --> 00:04:29,086
Everything's in the garage.
120
00:04:29,121 --> 00:04:31,455
I'm not going in your garage!
121
00:04:31,490 --> 00:04:34,691
You got a pile of dead
squirrels on your counter.
122
00:04:34,727 --> 00:04:35,492
Those were a gift
123
00:04:35,528 --> 00:04:36,794
from my girlfriend.
124
00:04:36,829 --> 00:04:37,961
Look, I'll go in your garage,
125
00:04:37,997 --> 00:04:39,129
but only if you give me a knife,
126
00:04:39,165 --> 00:04:40,330
'cause if you try anything,
127
00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:41,465
I am gonna stab you.
128
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,500
Fair enough.
129
00:04:49,975 --> 00:04:51,975
Prepare to have your mind blown.
130
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:58,148
(container lid opening)
131
00:05:01,554 --> 00:05:04,721
A really big duffel bag?
132
00:05:04,757 --> 00:05:05,789
It's a time machine.
133
00:05:05,825 --> 00:05:07,391
I go to the past every weekend.
134
00:05:07,426 --> 00:05:09,860
Sometimes on Tuesdays.
135
00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:11,962
Get in. I'll zip you up.
136
00:05:11,997 --> 00:05:13,897
Never. No.
137
00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:15,799
Why not?
138
00:05:15,835 --> 00:05:17,968
What story starts with a guy
getting in a duffel bag
139
00:05:18,003 --> 00:05:20,370
in a garage and has a happy ending, Dan?
140
00:05:20,406 --> 00:05:21,405
Our story!
141
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,240
The one that begins right now!
142
00:05:23,275 --> 00:05:24,975
Look...
143
00:05:25,010 --> 00:05:26,743
something screwed up the
American Revolution.
144
00:05:26,779 --> 00:05:28,479
You must have seen the changes.
145
00:05:28,514 --> 00:05:30,013
Uh, what changes?
146
00:05:30,049 --> 00:05:31,482
The kid eating fish and chips.
147
00:05:31,517 --> 00:05:34,151
Starbucks has advertisements for tea!
148
00:05:34,186 --> 00:05:36,320
(softly): Okay, uh,
149
00:05:36,355 --> 00:05:38,088
you're insane.
150
00:05:39,558 --> 00:05:41,391
How do I have all this
colonial junk then, man?
151
00:05:45,965 --> 00:05:48,198
This a vintage postal
rate chart from 1775.
152
00:05:48,234 --> 00:05:49,199
Yeah.
153
00:05:49,235 --> 00:05:51,535
Look at the date!
154
00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:53,337
What are you doing? Stop!
155
00:05:53,372 --> 00:05:55,672
Are you eating it?
156
00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:57,040
I don't care!
157
00:05:57,076 --> 00:05:59,376
I could get so much more of that crap!
158
00:05:59,411 --> 00:06:00,944
What about this? Huh?
159
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,547
- This classic colonial pipe.
- Okay, all right, Dan...
160
00:06:03,582 --> 00:06:04,615
- Wha--
- (pipe breaking)
161
00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:05,716
(yells)
162
00:06:05,751 --> 00:06:07,117
Stop! Okay, okay.
163
00:06:07,153 --> 00:06:08,385
- Dan, Dan...
- Look at this clock.
164
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:09,419
It is priceless!
165
00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:10,621
What are you doing?
166
00:06:10,656 --> 00:06:11,855
I'm offering you a chance
167
00:06:11,891 --> 00:06:14,725
to start the American Revolution.
168
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,761
If there's even a .00001% chance
169
00:06:17,796 --> 00:06:19,263
that I'm right about this,
170
00:06:19,298 --> 00:06:21,665
don't you owe it to
yourself to find out?
171
00:06:22,835 --> 00:06:25,802
CHRIS: This is so stupid.
172
00:06:25,838 --> 00:06:27,971
- What's at my feet?
- Ham.
173
00:06:28,007 --> 00:06:29,439
You can eat it, trade bites for favors.
174
00:06:29,475 --> 00:06:30,874
In the 1700s,
175
00:06:30,910 --> 00:06:32,276
ham was pretty much like
diamond-covered heroin.
176
00:06:32,311 --> 00:06:34,311
(electrical whining)
177
00:06:37,783 --> 00:06:40,584
(rooster crowing)
178
00:06:40,619 --> 00:06:42,286
(colonial music playing)
179
00:06:42,321 --> 00:06:44,955
(horse neighs)
180
00:06:48,861 --> 00:06:50,994
It's real?
181
00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:52,396
Yeah, I don't know why
you're breathing so heavy.
182
00:06:52,431 --> 00:06:53,463
It's not like we ran to the past.
183
00:06:53,499 --> 00:06:54,565
We were just lying down,
184
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,600
okay? (retches)
185
00:06:56,635 --> 00:06:57,601
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
186
00:06:57,636 --> 00:06:58,802
the past smells like poop
187
00:06:58,837 --> 00:07:00,103
because there is doody everywhere.
188
00:07:01,119 --> 00:07:03,420
(colonial music playing)
189
00:07:07,041 --> 00:07:09,141
This is amazing!
190
00:07:09,177 --> 00:07:10,543
What, that alcoholic eating a pumpkin?
191
00:07:10,578 --> 00:07:12,211
(rooster crows)
192
00:07:12,247 --> 00:07:14,981
No, man, we're, like, in the past!
193
00:07:15,016 --> 00:07:15,982
Yeah.
194
00:07:16,017 --> 00:07:17,517
(retching, spitting)
195
00:07:17,552 --> 00:07:19,719
You invented time travel!
196
00:07:19,754 --> 00:07:21,020
Yep.
197
00:07:21,055 --> 00:07:22,855
Well, sort of.
198
00:07:22,891 --> 00:07:24,524
Either way,
199
00:07:24,559 --> 00:07:27,026
welcome to April 21, 1775.
200
00:07:27,061 --> 00:07:29,829
Just so you know, I think the
guys in red are British.
201
00:07:29,864 --> 00:07:30,897
This is really bad.
202
00:07:30,932 --> 00:07:32,231
The American Revolution
203
00:07:32,267 --> 00:07:33,466
was supposed to start two days ago.
204
00:07:33,501 --> 00:07:34,901
What have you been doing back here?
205
00:07:34,936 --> 00:07:37,003
I don't know. Stuff.
206
00:07:37,038 --> 00:07:38,604
So, fix it.
207
00:07:41,109 --> 00:07:42,708
The Founding Fathers,
they used to gather
208
00:07:42,744 --> 00:07:44,176
at this place called Buckman Tavern.
209
00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:45,478
- I know Buckman Tavern.
- Yeah?
210
00:07:45,513 --> 00:07:46,979
Last time I was here,
I got trashed there.
211
00:07:47,015 --> 00:07:48,347
You like to party?
212
00:07:48,383 --> 00:07:50,850
Been known to have a
white wine or three.
213
00:07:50,885 --> 00:07:52,285
Oh, my God, this is gonna suck.
214
00:07:53,388 --> 00:07:55,555
CHRIS: Are we close to Buckman Tavern?
215
00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:58,224
Yeah, we're close. I just got to
see my girlfriend real quick.
216
00:07:58,259 --> 00:07:59,926
Wha-- you're dating someone in the past?
217
00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:01,928
Look, I told you, I'm
really popular around here.
218
00:08:01,963 --> 00:08:04,664
We have to start the
American Revolution!
219
00:08:04,699 --> 00:08:06,098
It already didn't happen.
220
00:08:06,134 --> 00:08:07,199
What's the difference
if it doesn't happen
221
00:08:07,235 --> 00:08:08,668
for another ten minutes?
222
00:08:08,703 --> 00:08:11,037
Now, could you please, like,
give me some privacy?
223
00:08:11,072 --> 00:08:13,005
I don't want her to see you.
She'll be here any second.
224
00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:14,607
Where am I supposed to go?
225
00:08:14,642 --> 00:08:16,709
I don't know, it's the woods. Burrow!
226
00:08:17,812 --> 00:08:19,712
(gasping): Daniel!
227
00:08:19,747 --> 00:08:21,280
Daniel.
228
00:08:21,316 --> 00:08:23,349
Deborah.
229
00:08:23,384 --> 00:08:24,584
I've missed you.
230
00:08:24,619 --> 00:08:25,851
DAN: I've missed you, too.
231
00:08:25,887 --> 00:08:27,019
DEBORAH: Here.
232
00:08:27,055 --> 00:08:28,421
- Oh, what is this?
- A gift.
233
00:08:28,456 --> 00:08:30,256
It's nothing, really.
234
00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:31,457
I just was thinking about
235
00:08:31,492 --> 00:08:32,458
how cold you must be,
236
00:08:32,493 --> 00:08:33,459
so I made you a hat.
237
00:08:33,494 --> 00:08:35,361
Put it on.
238
00:08:35,396 --> 00:08:36,929
Oh, yeah, let...
239
00:08:36,965 --> 00:08:38,197
Okay.
240
00:08:38,232 --> 00:08:39,198
I disguised myself
241
00:08:39,233 --> 00:08:40,800
in a female bear carcass
242
00:08:40,835 --> 00:08:42,602
and then slaughtered the male
243
00:08:42,637 --> 00:08:43,903
when he became aroused.
244
00:08:43,938 --> 00:08:44,904
Wow. (laughs)
245
00:08:44,939 --> 00:08:46,238
Whoa.
246
00:08:46,274 --> 00:08:49,375
Um, I didn't get you anything, but, um,
247
00:08:49,410 --> 00:08:50,743
I wrote you another song.
248
00:08:50,778 --> 00:08:52,578
Oh.
249
00:08:52,614 --> 00:08:55,915
Every night in my dream
250
00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,383
I see you
251
00:08:57,418 --> 00:08:59,952
I feel you
252
00:08:59,988 --> 00:09:02,922
That is how I know you
253
00:09:02,957 --> 00:09:04,924
Go on
254
00:09:04,959 --> 00:09:06,158
Near
255
00:09:06,194 --> 00:09:07,293
Far
(branch snaps)
256
00:09:07,328 --> 00:09:09,996
- (gasps, yells)
- (yelps)
257
00:09:10,031 --> 00:09:10,830
Who are you?
258
00:09:10,865 --> 00:09:12,098
Deborah,
259
00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:14,367
this is, um...
260
00:09:17,038 --> 00:09:18,671
...Queequag.
261
00:09:18,706 --> 00:09:19,939
He's going north
262
00:09:19,974 --> 00:09:21,173
and I'm helping him.
263
00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:24,310
- CHRIS: Hello.
- Hi.
264
00:09:24,345 --> 00:09:25,311
Queequag is from the West Indies, so
265
00:09:25,346 --> 00:09:26,579
the only word he knows is hello.
266
00:09:26,614 --> 00:09:27,780
Oh, well, then
267
00:09:27,815 --> 00:09:29,181
he must speak some Dutch.
268
00:09:29,217 --> 00:09:30,449
Queequag...
269
00:09:30,485 --> 00:09:31,951
(speaking Dutch)
270
00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:34,320
Queequag got ran over by a bunch of...
271
00:09:34,355 --> 00:09:36,255
loose mules,
272
00:09:36,290 --> 00:09:38,257
- and it kind of scrambled him.
- Oh.
273
00:09:38,292 --> 00:09:39,258
So...
274
00:09:39,293 --> 00:09:40,259
How do you speak Dutch?
275
00:09:40,294 --> 00:09:41,494
That's amazing.
276
00:09:41,529 --> 00:09:43,029
You're the amazing one,
277
00:09:43,064 --> 00:09:44,964
helping this halfwit
278
00:09:44,999 --> 00:09:46,365
to freedom.
279
00:09:46,401 --> 00:09:47,833
(sighs) Well, I should go.
280
00:09:47,869 --> 00:09:50,002
My parents will be looking for me.
281
00:09:50,038 --> 00:09:51,003
Byesies.
282
00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:52,338
Byesies.
283
00:09:54,075 --> 00:09:55,675
Don't make fun of the byesies thing.
284
00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:56,942
You know how couples get
285
00:09:56,978 --> 00:09:58,177
when they're in that "in love" stage.
286
00:09:58,212 --> 00:10:00,513
What are you doing?
287
00:10:00,548 --> 00:10:01,981
What?
288
00:10:02,016 --> 00:10:03,816
You travel back in time and
then pass yourself off
289
00:10:03,851 --> 00:10:05,785
as some male Celine Dion?
290
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:07,119
No, it's just... these colonial people,
291
00:10:07,155 --> 00:10:08,487
they don't know any better.
292
00:10:08,523 --> 00:10:10,556
Sometimes I use things from the future
293
00:10:10,591 --> 00:10:12,224
to make 'em like me more here.
294
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,060
Oh...
295
00:10:16,664 --> 00:10:17,997
Super pathetic.
296
00:10:18,032 --> 00:10:20,032
CHRIS: The Buckman Tavern.
297
00:10:20,068 --> 00:10:21,467
DAN: If the American
Revolution started here,
298
00:10:21,502 --> 00:10:22,835
we just need to restart it, right?
299
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:24,236
- (indistinct chatter)
- CHRIS: Oh, my God,
300
00:10:24,272 --> 00:10:26,005
some of the Founding Fathers are here!
301
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,808
That's James Swan and Joseph Warren
302
00:10:28,843 --> 00:10:30,342
and William Dawes.
303
00:10:30,378 --> 00:10:31,744
I am gonna give a speech
304
00:10:31,779 --> 00:10:33,479
that will rally a revolt.
305
00:10:33,514 --> 00:10:35,014
I've been here a lot,
306
00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:37,049
I'm not sure these people
are gonna listen to you.
307
00:10:38,511 --> 00:10:40,411
I think I got it.
308
00:10:45,193 --> 00:10:46,192
(Chris clears throat)
309
00:10:46,227 --> 00:10:48,027
Pardon me, gentlemen.
310
00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:49,228
Slave! Slave!
311
00:10:49,263 --> 00:10:50,896
Who brought a slave in here?!
312
00:10:50,932 --> 00:10:54,433
Wow, good to see Boston hasn't changed.
313
00:10:54,469 --> 00:10:56,569
Ezekiel, we've talked about this.
314
00:10:57,464 --> 00:10:58,897
Sorry.
315
00:11:00,074 --> 00:11:03,509
Taxation without representation!
316
00:11:03,544 --> 00:11:05,544
(man booing)
317
00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:06,679
Boring!
318
00:11:06,714 --> 00:11:10,216
Well, how long must we live
319
00:11:10,251 --> 00:11:12,718
with King George's boot upon our necks?
320
00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:14,253
(chairs moving, guns cocking)
321
00:11:14,288 --> 00:11:17,389
MAN: Hey! That's our king
you're talking about.
322
00:11:19,761 --> 00:11:21,260
(whispering): Try
something from a movie.
323
00:11:23,831 --> 00:11:25,197
(as Chris Tucker): It's Friday.
324
00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:26,799
You ain't got no job,
325
00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:28,901
and you ain't got nothing to do.
326
00:11:28,936 --> 00:11:30,770
DAN (whispering): A white movie.
327
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:35,141
Show-show me the money.
328
00:11:35,176 --> 00:11:37,710
Show me the money.
329
00:11:37,745 --> 00:11:39,044
Show me the money!
330
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,280
Show me the money! (chuckles)
331
00:11:41,315 --> 00:11:42,782
- ALL: Yeah!
- Show me the money!
332
00:11:42,817 --> 00:11:43,816
(laughter)
333
00:11:43,851 --> 00:11:45,785
Show me the money!
334
00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:47,086
- (laughing and shouting)
- Show me the money!
335
00:11:47,121 --> 00:11:48,454
Show me the money!
336
00:11:48,489 --> 00:11:50,923
Show somebody the money!
337
00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:53,325
- Money.
- DAN: Show me the money!
338
00:11:53,361 --> 00:11:55,060
Show me the money!
339
00:11:55,096 --> 00:11:56,996
Ezekiel, show me the money!
340
00:11:57,031 --> 00:11:59,064
Show me the money!
341
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,633
(chuckling): Show me the money.
342
00:12:00,668 --> 00:12:01,967
Dan, what the hell was that?
343
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:03,235
That's 1775.
344
00:12:03,271 --> 00:12:04,670
Hey, I was thinking,
345
00:12:04,705 --> 00:12:06,639
maybe we just go talk to
my friends, John and Sam.
346
00:12:06,674 --> 00:12:09,074
They seem like pretty big
players around here.
347
00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:13,012
Are you talking about John
Hancock and Sam Adams?
348
00:12:13,047 --> 00:12:15,281
Oh, yeah.
349
00:12:21,622 --> 00:12:24,423
- Show me the money.
- (both laugh)
350
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:26,025
I don't know why I like that,
351
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:27,293
but I do.
352
00:12:27,328 --> 00:12:28,761
So have you two heard anything
353
00:12:28,796 --> 00:12:30,663
- about fighting the British?
- HANCOCK: Mm.
354
00:12:30,698 --> 00:12:32,998
A month ago, it was all
anyone could talk about,
355
00:12:33,034 --> 00:12:35,100
but then Paul Revere sort
of fell off the map.
356
00:12:35,136 --> 00:12:36,635
ADAMS: I haven't seen
him in a few weeks.
357
00:12:36,671 --> 00:12:39,171
So he's probably dead.
358
00:12:39,207 --> 00:12:40,472
Dead?
359
00:12:40,508 --> 00:12:42,441
Which might be a boon.
360
00:12:42,476 --> 00:12:45,544
At our meetings, he would
just keep talking and talking
361
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:49,014
and talking until everyone
agreed to do whatever he said.
362
00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:52,985
HANCOCK: Anyway, would you
like to try Sam's new beer?
363
00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:55,354
Yeah, absolutely.
364
00:12:55,389 --> 00:12:58,324
Thank you.
365
00:12:58,359 --> 00:12:59,625
- (gulps)
- You like it?
366
00:12:59,660 --> 00:13:01,994
(stifled laughter)
367
00:13:02,029 --> 00:13:03,295
That is...
368
00:13:03,331 --> 00:13:05,164
that is really good.
369
00:13:05,199 --> 00:13:06,699
Oh, really? Yeah.
370
00:13:06,734 --> 00:13:08,467
- You think it's good?
- Yeah.
371
00:13:08,502 --> 00:13:10,035
Because you just drank
372
00:13:10,071 --> 00:13:13,405
- from the chamber pot!
- (laughter)
373
00:13:13,441 --> 00:13:17,076
(pounding the table)
374
00:13:17,111 --> 00:13:19,478
(Chris coughs)
375
00:13:19,513 --> 00:13:20,512
Oh, my God!
376
00:13:20,548 --> 00:13:22,815
Oh. Don't worry,
377
00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:24,650
We've all fallen for it.
378
00:13:24,685 --> 00:13:26,218
(laughing): These guys are the best.
379
00:13:26,254 --> 00:13:27,519
ADAMS: Daniel, tell me.
380
00:13:27,555 --> 00:13:29,521
Is it true that you've been...
381
00:13:29,557 --> 00:13:33,225
courting Deborah Revere, you sly cad?
382
00:13:33,261 --> 00:13:35,661
Your girlfriend is Paul
Revere's daughter?
383
00:13:35,696 --> 00:13:38,397
No. (stammers)
384
00:13:38,432 --> 00:13:39,732
What else are you guys doing tonight?
385
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:41,000
ADAMS: Eh, some of the churchmen,
386
00:13:41,035 --> 00:13:44,370
uh, get together for a wild Satanic orgy
387
00:13:44,405 --> 00:13:46,672
in the woods that we all
deny in the morning.
388
00:13:46,707 --> 00:13:48,073
HANCOCK: Well, I'm gonna amble down
389
00:13:48,109 --> 00:13:52,111
to the creek, take a
sip of the cool water,
390
00:13:52,146 --> 00:13:53,913
contract a parasite,
391
00:13:56,943 --> 00:13:59,831
CHRIS: Since you want to be such
a puffy-faced idiot and date
392
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:01,667
Paul Revere's daughter,
now it's up to us
393
00:14:01,702 --> 00:14:03,502
to get him back on track, all right?
394
00:14:03,537 --> 00:14:05,304
Here's a little bit of backstory on him.
395
00:14:05,339 --> 00:14:06,638
His father was a French
Huguenot named...
396
00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:09,508
Got it. God!
397
00:14:09,543 --> 00:14:11,543
(metal clanging)
398
00:14:16,350 --> 00:14:18,283
(whispering): That is Paul Revere.
399
00:14:18,319 --> 00:14:19,451
I know.
400
00:14:19,486 --> 00:14:20,852
Take a selfie with him.
401
00:14:22,323 --> 00:14:23,355
(camera shutter sound)
402
00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:25,657
Yes?
403
00:14:25,693 --> 00:14:28,293
Uh... he... he had something
404
00:14:28,329 --> 00:14:29,995
he wanted to tell... Tell him.
405
00:14:30,030 --> 00:14:31,863
Um, we-we are, uh, good,
406
00:14:31,899 --> 00:14:34,166
ordinary, common folk
407
00:14:34,201 --> 00:14:36,335
who are thinking about waging
war against the British,
408
00:14:36,370 --> 00:14:38,036
- and we thought that you...
- The British?
409
00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:40,305
(scoffs) The British?
410
00:14:40,341 --> 00:14:42,040
Have you any idea
411
00:14:42,076 --> 00:14:44,543
what's going on in my life right now?
412
00:14:44,578 --> 00:14:46,578
No.
413
00:14:46,614 --> 00:14:49,581
Uh... oh is... is that-is that pewter?
414
00:14:49,617 --> 00:14:53,318
I arranged for my daughter Deborah
415
00:14:53,354 --> 00:14:55,754
to marry a blacksmith for quite a dowry.
416
00:14:55,789 --> 00:14:58,757
Then I find out she's
sneaking around with some...
417
00:14:58,792 --> 00:15:00,559
blaggard.
418
00:15:03,097 --> 00:15:04,529
Your daughter
419
00:15:04,565 --> 00:15:06,064
is probably a...
420
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:09,368
What do you know about my daughter?
421
00:15:09,403 --> 00:15:11,036
Ham?
422
00:15:11,071 --> 00:15:14,039
(metal clattering)
423
00:15:14,074 --> 00:15:15,440
The British can wait
424
00:15:15,476 --> 00:15:18,777
until I find and kill Deborah's suitor
425
00:15:18,812 --> 00:15:21,580
with this weapon I've been forging.
426
00:15:21,615 --> 00:15:22,914
DAN: Cool.
427
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,516
That's cool, that's a-that's a...
428
00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:26,051
You should get-- you
have a patent on that?
429
00:15:26,086 --> 00:15:28,253
Um, but if you do change your mind,
430
00:15:28,289 --> 00:15:29,921
I'm Tom Cruise.
431
00:15:29,957 --> 00:15:31,189
- This is Magic Johnson.
- Yep.
432
00:15:31,225 --> 00:15:32,457
We're the Blues Brothers,
433
00:15:32,493 --> 00:15:34,726
and uh, let's keep a line
of communication open
434
00:15:34,762 --> 00:15:36,728
just in case anything, like-- good-bye!
435
00:15:36,764 --> 00:15:38,130
(door slams)
436
00:15:38,165 --> 00:15:40,198
(whispering): They're not brothers.
437
00:15:40,234 --> 00:15:41,800
CHRIS: You have got
438
00:15:41,835 --> 00:15:43,235
to break up with her.
439
00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:44,436
What are you, out of your mind?
440
00:15:44,471 --> 00:15:46,638
Paul Revere wants to kill you.
441
00:15:46,674 --> 00:15:48,473
Wow. Is this all a big joke to you?
442
00:15:48,509 --> 00:15:51,076
Toying around with the
history of the world
443
00:15:51,111 --> 00:15:52,511
so you can have a girlfriend.
444
00:15:56,150 --> 00:15:57,949
She's not just a girlfriend.
445
00:15:57,985 --> 00:15:59,484
I am in love with her.
446
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,053
Deborah is a brilliant
447
00:16:01,088 --> 00:16:02,454
and intelligent woman who is treated
448
00:16:02,489 --> 00:16:04,890
like garbage in 1775.
449
00:16:04,925 --> 00:16:06,958
You're tricking her with
the Titanic soundtrack.
450
00:16:06,994 --> 00:16:09,161
I am using those things to...
451
00:16:09,196 --> 00:16:10,996
help me tell her how special she is
452
00:16:11,031 --> 00:16:12,397
when I can't find the words.
453
00:16:12,433 --> 00:16:15,500
In 1775, I have an amazing girlfriend.
454
00:16:15,536 --> 00:16:18,103
In 2016, I'm, like, a colossal screwup.
455
00:16:18,138 --> 00:16:19,571
You're not a screw up.
456
00:16:19,606 --> 00:16:21,506
You invented time travel.
457
00:16:21,542 --> 00:16:23,842
If anything, you're, like, the
smartest dude in the world.
458
00:16:29,183 --> 00:16:32,451
I didn't exactly invent time travel.
459
00:16:32,486 --> 00:16:35,253
I discovered it. What's the difference?
460
00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:37,622
I discovered it amongst
my father's possessions
461
00:16:37,658 --> 00:16:40,192
- after he passed away.
- I should've known.
462
00:16:40,227 --> 00:16:41,993
Dan, you brought me back here
463
00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:43,662
and asked, "What do I do?"
464
00:16:43,697 --> 00:16:45,263
Here's what you do.
465
00:16:45,299 --> 00:16:46,832
Break up with Deborah
466
00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:48,767
and clean up this selfish
mess you've made.
467
00:16:48,802 --> 00:16:50,168
- I'm selfish?
- Yes!
468
00:16:50,204 --> 00:16:51,470
You teach history.
469
00:16:51,505 --> 00:16:52,804
I brought you back in time.
470
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,272
You haven't even said thank you.
471
00:16:54,308 --> 00:16:55,607
Thank you for what?
472
00:16:55,642 --> 00:16:57,209
All that's happened is I puked,
473
00:16:57,244 --> 00:16:58,944
I had an axe thrown at my head,
474
00:16:58,979 --> 00:17:00,779
I was treated like a slave,
475
00:17:00,814 --> 00:17:02,447
and I drank
476
00:17:02,483 --> 00:17:05,317
John Hancock's urine!
477
00:17:05,352 --> 00:17:07,853
He is my idol, Dan!
478
00:17:07,888 --> 00:17:09,454
My number one.
479
00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:10,889
And I drank the pee of the man
480
00:17:10,924 --> 00:17:12,691
who is my number one!
481
00:17:12,726 --> 00:17:15,527
Well, I don't think it was
just John Hancock's, FYI.
482
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:17,671
I think everyone had a squeeze.
483
00:17:19,245 --> 00:17:21,812
You get treated better
than me in this time.
484
00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:24,459
DEBORAH: And there's this house
I think we should look at.
485
00:17:24,494 --> 00:17:25,894
It's five dollars.
486
00:17:25,929 --> 00:17:28,797
I'm just not ready for a
commitment right now.
487
00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:31,700
What commitment? There's
a flu going around.
488
00:17:31,735 --> 00:17:33,702
We'll be lucky to live
through the winter.
489
00:17:33,737 --> 00:17:35,570
You should probably
marry Blacksmith Gish.
490
00:17:35,606 --> 00:17:36,838
He's a good man.
491
00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:38,206
He can provide a life of stability
492
00:17:38,242 --> 00:17:39,741
and various kinds of steel.
493
00:17:39,776 --> 00:17:41,176
He's a dunce.
494
00:17:41,211 --> 00:17:42,477
I once saw him challenge
495
00:17:42,512 --> 00:17:44,312
a bag of grain to a duel.
496
00:17:44,348 --> 00:17:45,680
But didn't he win that duel?
497
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,515
No.
498
00:17:47,551 --> 00:17:49,184
Why are you doing this?
499
00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:51,753
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
500
00:17:51,788 --> 00:17:54,089
You owe me the chance.
501
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,560
This is gonna sound crazy.
502
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:06,534
I'm from the future.
503
00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:08,670
(chuckles softly)
504
00:18:08,705 --> 00:18:10,205
I am.
505
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,840
I'm from the future.
506
00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:13,675
2016.
507
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:16,111
And I was bored there and lonely,
508
00:18:16,146 --> 00:18:18,513
and living in the shadow of
my father, so I found a way
509
00:18:18,548 --> 00:18:20,515
to travel through time.
Every place I went,
510
00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:21,750
I tried to become someone else.
511
00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:24,419
Until I met you.
512
00:18:24,454 --> 00:18:27,889
But, unfortunately,
513
00:18:27,924 --> 00:18:32,794
us being together has changed
some things in history.
514
00:18:32,829 --> 00:18:34,396
It's just breaking my heart.
515
00:18:40,237 --> 00:18:42,270
It's okay if you don't believe me.
516
00:18:42,306 --> 00:18:44,606
- I believe you.
- It's...
517
00:18:44,641 --> 00:18:46,574
- You do?
- Yes!
518
00:18:46,610 --> 00:18:49,377
It all makes sense now.
519
00:18:49,413 --> 00:18:53,448
Your odd language, your...
wondrous songs,
520
00:18:53,483 --> 00:18:55,216
and how you believe
everything that I say
521
00:18:55,252 --> 00:18:56,818
that others call nonsense about
522
00:18:56,853 --> 00:18:59,254
women being equal and everyone
deserving opportunity.
523
00:18:59,289 --> 00:19:00,822
You're so ahead of your time.
524
00:19:00,857 --> 00:19:03,158
It's happened in the future.
525
00:19:03,193 --> 00:19:05,060
Women can even die in war.
526
00:19:05,095 --> 00:19:07,662
- That's so wonderful.
- It's fantastic.
527
00:19:07,698 --> 00:19:10,932
I can't imagine my life without you.
528
00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:12,801
You're... tender
529
00:19:12,836 --> 00:19:15,103
and caring and sensitive,
and almost feminine
530
00:19:15,138 --> 00:19:17,605
in a way that the men of 1775
531
00:19:17,641 --> 00:19:19,507
never allow themselves to be.
532
00:19:19,543 --> 00:19:22,344
And you always know just what to say.
533
00:19:22,379 --> 00:19:23,678
Deborah,
534
00:19:23,714 --> 00:19:27,482
you complete me.
535
00:19:27,517 --> 00:19:29,517
And you had me at hello.
536
00:19:29,553 --> 00:19:31,653
Aw. You had me at hello, Deborah.
537
00:19:31,940 --> 00:19:32,607
Mm!
538
00:19:32,609 --> 00:19:34,389
CHRIS: Take your hands
off me, you miscreant!
539
00:19:34,391 --> 00:19:36,591
- Queequag!
- Something's happening.
540
00:19:36,626 --> 00:19:38,827
- CHRIS: Get off of me! Let me go!
- (soldier calls out indistinctly)
541
00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:40,195
- CHRIS: Hey! Hey!
- (horse whinnies)
542
00:19:40,230 --> 00:19:42,197
BRITISH SOLDIER: You shut your face.
543
00:19:42,232 --> 00:19:43,164
Dan!
544
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,467
Deborah! Help me!
545
00:19:45,502 --> 00:19:47,502
They'll kill him. We
have to get him back.
546
00:19:47,537 --> 00:19:48,837
Yeah, I guess we do.
547
00:19:48,872 --> 00:19:50,138
CHRIS: Help!
548
00:19:52,142 --> 00:19:53,508
(horse whinnies)
549
00:19:53,543 --> 00:19:56,311
CHRIS (high-pitched): Help!
Someone help!
550
00:19:56,346 --> 00:19:58,146
DAN: We're losing 'em.
551
00:19:58,181 --> 00:20:00,548
We can head them off this way.
552
00:20:00,584 --> 00:20:02,717
CHRIS (high-pitched): Dan!
553
00:20:02,753 --> 00:20:04,900
Deborah! Help!
554
00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,705
Someone help me!
555
00:20:09,926 --> 00:20:11,726
(grunting)
556
00:20:11,762 --> 00:20:13,495
I loved you, Jeremy.
557
00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:16,231
(screams) A woman?
558
00:20:16,266 --> 00:20:18,900
That's right, a woman.
Don't act so shocked.
559
00:20:18,935 --> 00:20:21,569
Yeah, ride away, you sexist pig.
560
00:20:21,605 --> 00:20:23,405
(softly): Oh, my God.
561
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,739
I love you, Deborah.
562
00:20:24,775 --> 00:20:28,176
Girl, I love me some Deborah.
563
00:20:28,211 --> 00:20:31,045
- Oh, my God, that was an amazing shot.
- Untie me, untie me, untie me.
564
00:20:31,081 --> 00:20:33,748
It's a miracle. Queequag speaks.
565
00:20:33,784 --> 00:20:35,250
Deborah, I'm sorry,
this is not Queequag.
566
00:20:35,285 --> 00:20:37,419
This is my friend Chris from 2016.
567
00:20:37,454 --> 00:20:39,654
He came back with me to
help me fix things here.
568
00:20:39,689 --> 00:20:43,057
Oh, so in 2016, black people
and white people are friends.
569
00:20:43,093 --> 00:20:44,058
- Yes, exactly.
- Not at all.
570
00:20:44,094 --> 00:20:45,093
What? You don't think so?
571
00:20:45,128 --> 00:20:46,394
Look, I have a plan.
572
00:20:46,430 --> 00:20:47,896
You guys go back to 2016,
573
00:20:47,931 --> 00:20:50,398
leave me behind. What? Why?
574
00:20:50,434 --> 00:20:52,534
I'm gonna start the American Revolution.
575
00:20:52,569 --> 00:20:56,337
So, I get to leave this miserable time.
576
00:20:56,373 --> 00:20:58,106
Deborah, are you sure
you're ready for this?
577
00:20:58,141 --> 00:20:59,841
You know, in the future,
578
00:20:59,876 --> 00:21:02,076
I'm... I'm not some
special guy, I'm just...
579
00:21:02,112 --> 00:21:05,213
I-I can't imagine anyone,
anywhere in time
580
00:21:05,248 --> 00:21:07,449
more special than you.
581
00:21:07,484 --> 00:21:08,883
Save it for the duffel bag.
582
00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:11,786
Okay? And Dan, I apologize.
583
00:21:11,822 --> 00:21:13,688
I misjudged you.
584
00:21:13,723 --> 00:21:15,590
Well, Chris, I was right about you.
585
00:21:15,625 --> 00:21:17,759
You're the type of guy that
can help save history.
586
00:21:17,794 --> 00:21:19,394
Here. Take this.
587
00:21:19,429 --> 00:21:20,962
What's this?
588
00:21:20,997 --> 00:21:22,397
(whispering): Weed.
589
00:21:22,432 --> 00:21:23,998
(whispering): Makes sense. Let's go.
590
00:21:25,669 --> 00:21:29,404
(bag zips up)
591
00:21:29,439 --> 00:21:31,206
You ready to go to the future?
592
00:21:31,241 --> 00:21:32,440
(chuckles)
593
00:21:32,476 --> 00:21:33,808
(switch clicks, powers up)
594
00:21:33,844 --> 00:21:37,045
(whirring and buzzing)
595
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,181
(loud boom, powers down)
596
00:21:50,827 --> 00:21:52,794
(sniffs, then chuckles softly)
597
00:21:52,829 --> 00:21:54,963
It smells wonderful here.
598
00:21:54,998 --> 00:21:56,998
Does it?
599
00:22:00,370 --> 00:22:01,603
Where you going?
600
00:22:01,638 --> 00:22:03,671
Wait.
601
00:22:06,209 --> 00:22:08,743
DEBORAH: "Chris Parrish, killed
at the Battle of Lexington,
602
00:22:08,778 --> 00:22:11,179
April 24th, 1775."
603
00:22:14,384 --> 00:22:16,751
That's tomorrow.
604
00:22:16,844 --> 00:22:19,047
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
605
00:22:19,097 --> 00:22:23,647
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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