All language subtitles for Mad About You s02e25 With This Ring 2.eng

- What?
- Happy anniversary.

- The same to you.
- You want your present?

- In other words, you want yours?
- I really do.

All right. Here you go.

Yeah, well, that seems fair.

You go first.

No.

- Yes?
- Yes.

For God's sake!

- Look what I got!
- It's a Swiss Army Knife.

That's funny. I was actually
thinking of joining the Swiss army.

- You can take it back.
- What are you talking about?

It has a can opener, a corkscrew
and a nail file.

And scissors, and tweezers,
and a fish scaler.

And a saw, a toothpick and a little thing
to punch holes in your belt.

Why would I want to punch holes
in my belt?

The guy made it sound really important.

He also said it was great for camping.

Sure. It's got a little thing
here for trapping bear.

- You really like it?
- How could I not like this?

If you don't, it has a little thing
that comes out and stabs you.

This is very cool. Thank you.

- Okay. My turn.
- Your turn.

- I got it.
- All right.

It took her 45 minutes
to wrap this in the store.

- Wow!
- You like it?

I do.

- It's a cotton candy machine.
- I see!

- Get it?
- No.

Second anniversary.
Cotton anniversary.

That's good. That's really good.

The guy said it'll pay for itself
in six months.

Now we don't have to go
to the circus all the time.

- No, really. I love it. I love it.
- Yeah? Want to try it out?

- For breakfast?
- What the hell, it's our anniversary.

Remember, we're having
three lunches today.

Why does everybody
want to take us out?

Don't they realize we're only fun
when we're alone?

- Swear to God. You like this?
- I do. I love it.

- Really?
- Really.

- Me too. Mine. I love it.
- Good.

- Look who's here! Happy anniversary.
- Thank you.

- You can't keep a secret in this town.
- These are for you.

- You don't have to do that.
- It always was a big day for us.

- I know.
- It's fine. It's okay.

All I want is for Fran to be happy. If it's
without me, fine. If it's with Ira, so be it.

If Buddha's testing my patience,
zei gezunt.

- What can I get you guys?
- Just some sugar.

We have sugar, we have onions,
we have Aspergum and Yodels.

- You have Yodels now?
- Where's the sugar?

Sugar on the shelf, onions by the door.

Who's looking for onions?

Tell me how we did this. How did we
get three lunches in one day?

It would have been four
but I consolidated our sisters.

- Hello. How are you today?
- Good. How are you?

Any day now. Oh! A little kick.

Just right now?

Here.

Come here.

It's like a whole little person in there.

You know, if you were not pregnant,
this would be so inappropriate of me.

- You didn't find the onions.
- What is it with him and the onions?

- Do you have children?
- No, not yet.

When?

- I think maybe soon.
- Not for some time.

Kim said you wanted onions?

I never heard you use those words
before. "Maybe soon"?

- It's not like we've never discussed it.
- We never discussed "maybe soon."

- Is this level?
- Like the horizon.

- We always said after a couple of years.
- Yeah, a couple of years.

Well, we have now been married
a couple of years.

Do you believe I bought the onions?

A couple doesn't mean two.
It means two, three, 10, whatever.

- Not 10.
- I'm not saying 10. Whatever.

- Sometime between two and 10?
- Yes.

When?

- Closer to 10.
- No. Wrong.

Then pick a number.
You think we're ready now?

No, not now, but sometime soon.

- Maybe.
- Maybe soon.

When you say that,
it sounds so soon.

This isn't working.

We used to be together on this.
Suddenly you changed the rules on me.

This isn't something I decided,
it's just something I'm starting to feel.

Well, cut it out.

Feel something else.

Don't you think we should wait
until we both feel the same way?

This thing takes confectionary sugar?

- What is this?
- Regular sugar.

- What's the difference?
- I don't know.

That's why we couldn't have kids.
What if they ask us a question like that?

- What are we gonna say?
- That's why we can't have kids?

I want to know more.
I don't know any...

When I was a kid,
my father knew everything.

- Like what?
- He knew how to build a bench.

He knew why the clouds move so quick.

- Why do they?
- Something about the way they're made.

- So you can learn that.
- Well, I haven't.

- But you will.
- I'm just saying, don't rush me.

- It doesn't have to be tomorrow.
- Hey, forget tomorrow.

I'm saying, I want to start
talking about this.

- We will.
- When?

Maybe soon.

It's a simple contract. Just use
the standard form, you'll be fine.

I used to have the exact same one,
but in red.

- I wasn't this good, but...
- Honey.

We could use some bread here.
Hello?

Ursula, some bread?

Oh, no, thanks.

- Not interested.
- Honey, that's not a toy.

I'm just having lunch
with my brother and his wife.

- And me.
- And Noah.

- And me.
- And Lisa.

Yeah, that's the one.

Okay, okay. Bye.

I'm so sorry, it's just so crazy.

Two years married to my brother.
How does it feel?

- I think the most wonderful thing...
- Oh, God, excuse me.

- She's very busy.
- Hi, honey.

Uncle Paul, how do they make crayons?

How do they make crayons?

You know how they get wax from bees?

So it's the same kind of wax...

...and they take that wax and they color it
with crayons they already have.

Hey, Noah. Can you do this?

You know what that is? Condensation.

- You're making this up from nothing.
- He's not our kid.

Honey, how can I? I have Noah.

I want to sit next to Aunt Jamie.

Did you schedule
the parent-teacher conference?

No, that's next Wednesday.

- Noah, want to play a game?
- Yeah.

Okay, let's see how long we
can make our spoons be quiet.

- I lose.
- Okay.

Honey, we can't do it Saturday,
that's Ricky's birthday party.

- I'm bored.
- Mingle.

No, that's no good,
he's got Little League.

- Billy Goodman called me a spaz.
- Are you a spaz?

- No.
- So, what are you worried about?

You know, I don't think that's
really helping right now.

Honey, just call the school
and coordinate, please. Thank you.

- I want to sit next to Uncle Paul.
- And who wouldn't, huh?

And Aunt Jamie.

- Why don't you slide over.
- Sure.

No, I like to sit next to Jamie.

You may sit next to Uncle Paul
and Aunt Jamie...

...but you have to eat your hamburger.
- I'm not hungry.

- You're gonna be hungry later.
- So get me a hamburger later.

You are never going to Disney World.

- How did you ever learn how to do this?
- My first kid.

When are you guys gonna start trying?

- Not for a while.
- Maybe soon.

See the way he laughed when I put
the bread in my mouth like a walrus?

I was very proud.

That kid loves me. When the milk
comes out of their nose like that...

That means they love you.

No question about that.
I had a good time with Noah.

- A Salisbury steak didn't land in your lap.
- That was your sister who threw that!

What are you staring at?
You've never seen a couch?

Call your mother and tell her
we're gonna be late.

I don't want to call my mother.
She'll know from my voice I already ate.

Who said you don't need arms, huh?

Know what I think? Having a kid
is not going to be all that tough.

Seriously. It's like Murray,
but with overalls.

- Oh, my God!
- I don't think it's really that hard.

Did you see what your sister
was going through?

She didn't get to eat.
She has FAO Schwarz in her purse.

Her hair is thinning.

- Her hair is not thinning.
- It was thinning while we sat there.

- You're the one who wants to have a kid.
- I said, I think I want to have a kid.

- I didn't say that I know I wanted one.
- I'm just saying, keep thinking.

All right, all right. Enough already.
Here, take the diaper bag.

- I got it.
- That's the activity bag.

Then somebody took a poop
in the activity bag.

Walker, stroller, blankie,
highchair, car seat, porta-playpen...

- Porta-playpen, isn't that in Spain?
- No.

- You got the green horsy?
- I got it.

- Ready to go to Grandma's?
- All ready.

- Where's the baby?
- I'm not bringing the baby.

We've got too much stuff.

This is not exactly our only lunch today.

- What? You're not hungry?
- It's just delicious.

- Maybe you'd like mooshed potatoes?
- What's that?

When he was little,
that's what he called them.

"Ma, are we going to have mooshed
potatoes? I love mooshed potatoes.

- Ma, can we have mooshed potatoes?"
- Ma, I think she gets it.

- Pauly, look! The potato moosher.
- It's adorable.

Yeah, moosh, moosh, moosh, moosh.

Why don't you quit the floorshow
and sit down and eat something.

I will, I will.

I've never seen her sit at a meal.
Why do we have a chair for you?

- Can I get you something else?
- I'm stuffed.

How often do you get a good
home-cooked meal?

- Ma, no kidding around, sit down.
- All right.

Try it. Huh? What do you think?

- What?
- Two years.

- That's right.
- Who would've thought it?

- We thought it.
- I was 19 when I married his father.

How long before Paul was born?

- Sharon was 2.
- Was he planned?

- In what sense, honey?
- Did you decide to have kids, or...?

Let's not go there.

- What? I'm interested.
- Really?

Well, actually, it was during
your father's vacation.

- Back when he used to take vacations.
- Where did you go?

Who could afford to go anywhere?
We were just getting started.

We had just gotten this apartment.
We were each other's vacation.

We'd go to Coney Island.
We'd go to the movies.

We were kids. We didn't know
you had to go somewhere to have fun.

Get to the part with me.

We'd gone to see Gigi at the Loews...

...and we were sitting here sharing
a frappe. I made my own hot fudge.

Your father was doing his
Maurice Chevalier, like in the movie.

- You know how I love Frenchmen.
- I actually don't, but go ahead.

He was dancing around.
I was laughing, and...

...that's when it happened.
Right here in the kitchen.

- No!
- Yeah, I'm saying. On the table.

I forgot to put out the coleslaw.

- What do you mean? On this table?
- Yeah.

- This table I've eaten at for 18 years?
- What? I didn't wipe it off?

I wasn't allowed to put my elbows
on this table!

It's rude!

I've never seen so much food in my life.

This is how I grew up. No meals,
just food until you lie down and cry.

Murray, why do you put it in a place
that you're unable to retrieve it from?

- What's wrong?
- My first two lunches just collided.

- Where are you going?
- To put on my fat pants.

You know what? I'm going to actually use
this belt-hole puncher.

- I can't believe your mother.
- On the table they did it. Believe that?

On the table. Now, for the rest of my life,
I will not be able to not know that.

- Your mother is a striking woman.
- Where are you going with that?

She's beautiful. You have her eyes.

Maybe our kid will have my eyes
and your smile.

- And my forehead.
- What's the matter with my forehead?

- Nothing.
- Why shouldn't our kid have mine?

Fine, he'll have your forehead.

Your forehead, and your eyes,
and your smile. My ears, maybe.

- Your ears are kind of droopy.
- Is that true? Are they really?

It doesn't matter, because either way,
we're going to love it.

Love it, love it, love it, love it...

Moosh, moosh, moosh.

- Honey?
- What a beautiful baby.

Yeah, but, honey? He's a monkey.

He's a beautiful monkey!

I don't want to belabor the point...

...and far be it for me
to speak ill of any child.

- But he's a monkey.
- But he's our monkey.

See, you're emphasizing the "our" part.

I would like to highlight,
if I might, the monkey portion.

- Our monkey.
- He's cute and he's smart.

He can do a triple axel
off the jungle gym.

That's all good. May God
strike me dead for saying this, but...

- Every baby is beautiful.
- That's true. Yes, they are.

But this one's a monkey!

- I can't believe it's two years.
- Leave us alone with the two years.

- When are you going to have kids?
- When are you going to get married?

All right. Truce.

- How are you doing, Ursula?
- Hi, Bill. Hi, Dave.

Okay, once again. It's Ira. Paul.

You guys crack me up!

A couple of Rolling Rocks,
a club soda and a Zima.

I'm curious.

Things are so good between us, why
not? Then again, why mess with it?

- Have a kid.
- What do you mean?

- You've got to do it.
- Why?

Like Europe, it's a big pain in the ass,
but you've got to do it.

Sweet Richie is 4 years old. Norman
says it costs him 40 grand a year.

Maybe the kid's embezzling from him.

I'm serious, the kid goes through
over, like, 3 G's a month.

He's got a nanny, a shrink,
he wears corrective shoes...

...he goes to private school, he's got
some kind of allergy medication...

...he goes to summer camp.
And dig this:

He drives a Schwinn. That's not cheap.

Forty grand a year for one kid.

You can get them cheaper.
You gotta know where to go.

Ursula, what's happening
with these drinks?

- You guys were serious?
- What did you think?

I thought you were pulling one of
your Bill-and-Dave things. Okay.

Hey, Kim, what have you got
for nausea?

Depends. You want to get nausea
or not get nausea?

- Not.
- I got Pepto, Bromo, Alka-Seltzer.

- Let's take all three. One for each lunch.
- There you go.

Can you break a 50?

I can get smaller.

- What is it?
- It's my back.

- Should I call the doctor?
- Where's Mark? He was a doctor.

Sit down. Get something
we can use as a pillow.

As a pillow? I got flour sacks,
I got marshmallows, I got paper towels.

- Hey, you guys!
- Mark! Thank God!

What's going on? Where does it hurt?

- My back.
- You're probably in labor.

- In her back?
- Yeah.

Very often, labor pains are experienced
as severe back spasms, especially...

...if the baby's in a posterior position.
- A regular delivery boy wouldn't know.

- Should we get her to a hospital?
- No. You got hours.

Kim, you know what you do?
Take her for a walk, relax.

Go to a movie. Play with her nipples.

- What the hell is the matter with you?
- No, no. It stimulates labor.

- Let's go.
- Let's go.

Was that true about the nipples?

- How do you know that?
- A friend of mine...

...her doctor told her husband
to bring her to orgasm.

- Oh, jeez.
- What?

Like the guy doesn't have
enough things on his mind?

Hey, Jamie.
Is this a tomato or what?

- It's a beauty.
- Yeah, tomato. What a great idea.

Congratulations!

I have a market, I have a wife,
I have a daughter.

- A baby girl!
- Hello!

- This is Rose.
- She's beautiful.

- Your husband was just here.
- He was?

He came by to see the baby,
but she was sleeping.

- Here.
- Really?

- How many years did you go to college?
- Four.

- And med school?
- Four.

- How long were you an intern?
- One year.

- And then a resident?
- Two.

Good. Give me a pound of grapes.

- I'm gonna go see the baby.
- Jamie's inside.

Look what I got.

- This must be Rose.
- Isn't she sweet?

You're a very, very tiny person there.

Smell that. I love that baby smell.

- So you were here before?
- Yeah. I stopped to smell the rose.

- You look very good with one of these.
- I do?

Hi, Rose.

I think she wants you.

You handle most of the complaint calls,
don't you?

Bye, Rose.

Come on.

- You think we should buy something?
- For what? Just for sport?

I think it's rude to just come, hold
their baby, and not buy anything.

You're a very nice person
is who you are.

- Honey?
- Coming.

Triple Chocolate Chunky Chip. That's
just a flavor for the sake of being one.

I want to be pregnant.

Listen, you let me know
if there's anything I can do for you.

I will.

- Any idea when I'll be getting this call?
- I'm not exactly sure.

- Tell me again why I'd be doing this?
- Because you're in love with me.

That's what it is.

Of course. Sure.

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