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1
00:00:00,749 --> 00:00:09,781
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
2
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Louie, Louie, Louie
3
00:00:15,162 --> 00:00:19,548
Louie, Louie,
you're gonna die
4
00:00:19,633 --> 00:00:20,499
Louie...
5
00:00:20,584 --> 00:00:22,334
(laughter)
6
00:00:22,386 --> 00:00:23,836
I haven't had--
I never had any really--
7
00:00:23,921 --> 00:00:25,504
I haven't had a pet
since I've been a grown-up.
8
00:00:25,556 --> 00:00:26,839
I was thinking about
getting into beekeeping.
9
00:00:26,891 --> 00:00:28,340
I got interested in beekeeping,
10
00:00:28,392 --> 00:00:30,426
so started thinking about that,
11
00:00:30,511 --> 00:00:31,677
and I looked into it.
12
00:00:31,729 --> 00:00:35,064
The problem is
it's just too many bees.
13
00:00:35,149 --> 00:00:39,184
Just way too many bees involved.
14
00:00:39,236 --> 00:00:40,519
So, what I did is--
15
00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:42,644
What I'm doing is
I just keep one bee.
16
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,851
I just have one bee.
17
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:49,126
It's like depressing,
it's like 42 years old.
18
00:00:49,246 --> 00:00:50,946
Just, like...
19
00:00:51,032 --> 00:00:52,364
stays home all day,
20
00:00:52,416 --> 00:00:54,867
and I'm like, "Hey, why
you got to 'bee' like that?"
21
00:00:54,952 --> 00:00:56,668
(laughing)
22
00:00:56,704 --> 00:00:58,370
Yeah, you hated that,
didn't you?
23
00:00:58,456 --> 00:00:59,538
Thanks a lot, folks.
You've been great.
24
00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:00,589
Good night.
25
00:01:00,674 --> 00:01:02,291
(cheering and applause)
26
00:01:04,929 --> 00:01:07,596
Give it up
for Louie C.K.!
27
00:01:07,681 --> 00:01:09,298
Huh?
28
00:01:09,383 --> 00:01:10,849
Oh, my God!
29
00:01:13,721 --> 00:01:15,354
What's up, man?
Oh, my God.
30
00:01:15,389 --> 00:01:18,307
Uh, that bee joke was hilarious.
31
00:01:18,392 --> 00:01:19,391
Oh, thanks, man.
32
00:01:19,477 --> 00:01:20,776
Thank you.
So funny.
33
00:01:20,861 --> 00:01:22,277
You're like, "Yeah,
I want to be a beekeeper,
34
00:01:22,363 --> 00:01:23,228
but it's just..."
35
00:01:23,314 --> 00:01:24,279
What is it?
36
00:01:24,365 --> 00:01:25,397
Too many bees.
37
00:01:25,449 --> 00:01:26,698
Too many bees!
Yeah, yeah.
38
00:01:26,734 --> 00:01:27,733
That is hilarious, man.
39
00:01:27,818 --> 00:01:29,535
Oh, thanks, man.
Thank you.
40
00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:33,288
And there is no better way
to say I'm ready, okay,
41
00:01:33,374 --> 00:01:36,202
than some hard nipples
just staring at you.
42
00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:38,077
Hey, have you heard
his bee joke?
43
00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:39,745
Uh, no, I haven't.
It's so funny, man.
44
00:01:39,797 --> 00:01:41,914
He's like, "Yeah, so I want
to go into beekeeping, right,
45
00:01:41,999 --> 00:01:43,800
"want to be a beekeeper,
but I just feel like,
46
00:01:43,884 --> 00:01:45,801
"I don't know, there are
so many bees involved,
47
00:01:45,886 --> 00:01:48,754
and I don't think I can
really handle that, you know."
48
00:01:48,806 --> 00:01:50,127
It's really hilarious.
No, no, no.
49
00:01:50,141 --> 00:01:51,757
And then the next part,
he's like,
50
00:01:51,842 --> 00:01:53,842
"Yeah, so maybe I feel
like one bee,
51
00:01:53,928 --> 00:01:54,888
"that's gonna be easier,
52
00:01:54,929 --> 00:01:56,395
"so, you know,
I'm just gonna--
53
00:01:56,430 --> 00:01:57,846
I'm gonna keep
one of 'em," right?
54
00:01:57,932 --> 00:01:59,014
Well, I kind of go, I just say,
55
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,100
"So, I've been looking
into beekeeping,
56
00:02:01,152 --> 00:02:02,601
"but as I looked into it,
there was, like, too many--
57
00:02:02,653 --> 00:02:04,103
"just too many bees.
58
00:02:04,188 --> 00:02:06,271
So, I'm just gonna keep one bee."
(chuckles)
59
00:02:06,357 --> 00:02:08,240
What was the--
And then the next part.
60
00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:10,442
I got to-- I got to--
I got to-- I got to go upstairs.
61
00:02:10,494 --> 00:02:12,111
I'll see you later, man.
Nice talking to you.
62
00:02:12,163 --> 00:02:13,278
(cheering and applause)
Yeah, you're a good crowd.
63
00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:15,581
So, welcome to the stage
64
00:02:15,616 --> 00:02:18,333
Crazy Glazy, everybody.
65
00:02:18,419 --> 00:02:19,618
Come on!
66
00:02:19,703 --> 00:02:22,621
(cheering and applause)
67
00:02:22,673 --> 00:02:24,123
68
00:02:27,795 --> 00:02:28,710
Achoo!
69
00:02:30,347 --> 00:02:32,464
Achoo!
Stop that.
70
00:02:36,637 --> 00:02:37,970
Hello.
Hi, Louie.
71
00:02:38,022 --> 00:02:39,021
How are you today?
72
00:02:39,106 --> 00:02:40,472
Good. How are you?
All right.
73
00:02:40,558 --> 00:02:42,641
This one has a 3:00...
Okay.
74
00:02:42,693 --> 00:02:46,111
appointment/checkup-ey thing.
Okay.
75
00:02:46,147 --> 00:02:47,980
Okay, you can sit down.
We had a-- Okay, good.
76
00:02:48,065 --> 00:02:49,815
Come on.
77
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,568
Can't believe we're on time.
78
00:02:52,653 --> 00:02:54,536
Hi, how are you?
79
00:02:54,622 --> 00:02:56,488
Hello.
80
00:02:56,574 --> 00:02:57,823
She's not very friendly.
81
00:02:57,875 --> 00:02:58,771
Shh!
82
00:02:58,891 --> 00:03:00,077
Well, she's not.
83
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,031
Well, you're not.
84
00:03:04,665 --> 00:03:05,664
I mean...
85
00:03:08,836 --> 00:03:10,586
(receptionist) Jane?
86
00:03:10,671 --> 00:03:11,837
Hey, I want one of those.
87
00:03:11,889 --> 00:03:13,555
No. No way.
88
00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:14,673
But you're having one.
89
00:03:14,758 --> 00:03:16,975
So what?
It's bad for you.
90
00:03:17,011 --> 00:03:18,010
Thank you.
91
00:03:18,095 --> 00:03:19,478
(receptionist) You're welcome.
92
00:03:19,513 --> 00:03:22,347
Mmm. None for you.
93
00:03:26,693 --> 00:03:28,020
Yahey, Jane.
94
00:03:28,105 --> 00:03:29,905
Yahey, Doctor.
95
00:03:29,990 --> 00:03:31,356
What is that?
96
00:03:31,408 --> 00:03:33,325
It's "hello" in Navajo.
97
00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:37,079
Yahey, Doctor.
Yahey.
98
00:03:37,164 --> 00:03:38,413
So, what's going on with you?
99
00:03:38,499 --> 00:03:40,499
She's had a few little issues,
100
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:43,252
so we thought we'd just
have her, you know...
101
00:03:43,337 --> 00:03:45,037
Jane, what's going on with you?
102
00:03:45,122 --> 00:03:47,956
Well, I had a really bad
rash here on my arm.
103
00:03:48,042 --> 00:03:49,925
See? Like,
right along here.
104
00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:52,261
Try to imagine
big, red, blotchy spots.
105
00:03:52,346 --> 00:03:53,545
The skin's all pink,
and it itches.
106
00:03:53,597 --> 00:03:55,180
Mm, I think I can imagine that.
107
00:03:55,216 --> 00:03:56,265
Seems like it cleared itself up.
108
00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:57,933
Yeah, Skip, it was,
like, two days.
109
00:03:58,018 --> 00:03:58,898
It was only there
for--
110
00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:00,636
It lasted about a month.
111
00:04:00,721 --> 00:04:02,721
It lasted for two days, honey.
112
00:04:02,806 --> 00:04:03,889
There wasn't--
113
00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:06,358
I don't know.
Might have been longer.
114
00:04:06,393 --> 00:04:07,476
How long did it last?
115
00:04:07,561 --> 00:04:10,696
(clears throat) Like a month.
116
00:04:10,731 --> 00:04:12,114
What else?
117
00:04:13,054 --> 00:04:17,083
Well, I have this
weird thing in my head.
118
00:04:17,331 --> 00:04:19,238
Yeah? Your head?
119
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:20,239
Yeah.
120
00:04:20,291 --> 00:04:22,374
It's like...
121
00:04:22,409 --> 00:04:25,744
I get this weird feeling
that I'm sweating
122
00:04:25,796 --> 00:04:28,215
but on the inside of my face.
123
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,882
And then I get this weird thing
124
00:04:30,918 --> 00:04:32,217
where my eyes are all weird
125
00:04:32,253 --> 00:04:36,054
and I can see electricity.
126
00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:38,257
Like, I can see green lines
127
00:04:38,342 --> 00:04:40,425
going from, like, a light bulb
128
00:04:40,477 --> 00:04:43,595
to all around.
129
00:04:43,647 --> 00:04:47,649
And then I can see that
everything is just electrons
130
00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:52,070
colliding and floating
and playing.
131
00:04:52,106 --> 00:04:56,441
And then I feel like
if I just take one deep breath
132
00:04:56,493 --> 00:04:58,493
and then just wish hard enough,
133
00:04:58,579 --> 00:05:00,912
I could just vanish
134
00:05:00,948 --> 00:05:03,582
into nothing
135
00:05:03,617 --> 00:05:06,785
like I was before I was born.
136
00:05:06,837 --> 00:05:08,453
I think you could use
a glass of water.
137
00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,756
Sounds to me like
you're dehydrated.
138
00:05:10,791 --> 00:05:13,091
Okay.
What else?
139
00:05:13,127 --> 00:05:14,793
Mm, that's it.
140
00:05:14,845 --> 00:05:15,971
Good.
141
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,296
Don't you wanna take a look at her?
142
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,789
I am looking at her.
143
00:05:22,269 --> 00:05:24,636
Okay.
Thanks, Doctor.
144
00:05:24,688 --> 00:05:26,388
Come on, let's go.
145
00:05:26,473 --> 00:05:28,056
146
00:05:28,142 --> 00:05:29,558
Have a good--
Yeah.
147
00:05:29,643 --> 00:05:31,860
(scoffs) Where are we going?
148
00:05:31,945 --> 00:05:34,896
We're picking up Lilly
at her sleepover.
149
00:05:34,982 --> 00:05:36,815
Lilly's lucky.
150
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:37,816
Why?
151
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,368
Well, she has friends.
152
00:05:39,453 --> 00:05:40,569
I don't have any friends.
153
00:05:40,654 --> 00:05:43,488
You have friends.
154
00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:45,457
Uh, Melissa.
Melissa's your friend.
155
00:05:45,492 --> 00:05:48,377
Um, she hates me now.
156
00:05:48,462 --> 00:05:50,379
But you guys were so close.
157
00:05:50,464 --> 00:05:52,798
Well... (scoffs)
158
00:05:52,833 --> 00:05:54,166
What do you mean she hates you?
159
00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:56,718
Why do you say Melissa
hates you all of a sudden?
160
00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:58,587
Well, you see,
she wrote this thing,
161
00:05:58,672 --> 00:06:00,389
like a petition,
162
00:06:00,474 --> 00:06:02,057
and it said,
"Who hates Jane?"
163
00:06:02,142 --> 00:06:05,177
And every single person
in the class signed it.
164
00:06:05,262 --> 00:06:06,261
(woman) Who is it?
165
00:06:06,347 --> 00:06:09,064
It's Louie coming for Lilly.
166
00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:10,682
(buzzing)
When did this--
167
00:06:10,734 --> 00:06:14,436
Who's Melissa to write
some shit like that?
168
00:06:14,521 --> 00:06:15,404
Oh, hi.
Hi.
169
00:06:15,489 --> 00:06:16,855
Hi. Come on in.
How are you?
170
00:06:16,940 --> 00:06:17,906
Lilly's just getting it together.
(doorbell rings)
171
00:06:17,991 --> 00:06:19,157
Stop it. Stop it.
Hi, Jane.
172
00:06:19,193 --> 00:06:21,193
I know.
Stop it. Cut it out. Sorry.
173
00:06:21,245 --> 00:06:22,277
Hi.
174
00:06:22,363 --> 00:06:23,745
Jesus.
175
00:06:23,831 --> 00:06:24,996
Lilly?
176
00:06:25,032 --> 00:06:26,948
Hi, Dad.
Hey.
177
00:06:27,034 --> 00:06:28,083
Get your stuff, okay?
178
00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:29,418
Okay.
Okay.
179
00:06:29,503 --> 00:06:30,369
Did you have fun?
Yup.
180
00:06:30,454 --> 00:06:32,287
Okay, good.
181
00:06:32,373 --> 00:06:33,705
They didn't keep you
up all night or--
182
00:06:33,791 --> 00:06:35,123
No, no, they were great.
183
00:06:35,209 --> 00:06:36,875
Okay.
She's so great.
184
00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:40,629
Hey, um, could you help me
with something?
185
00:06:40,714 --> 00:06:42,431
Yeah, wha...
186
00:06:42,516 --> 00:06:43,765
What do you need?
Uh, I just--
187
00:06:43,851 --> 00:06:45,851
Well, I'm just trying
to get the apartment together.
188
00:06:45,886 --> 00:06:47,386
You know, there's
so little room.
189
00:06:47,438 --> 00:06:49,388
I thought that when--
when Jack left,
190
00:06:49,473 --> 00:06:52,774
that suddenly there would be
all this extra space, but...
191
00:06:52,860 --> 00:06:54,559
Um...
192
00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:57,145
could you help me
move this fish tank?
193
00:06:57,231 --> 00:06:59,398
Oh, uh, move it to...
194
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,400
Well, I was-- I was gonna
try it in the living room.
195
00:07:01,452 --> 00:07:03,568
You know, I just can't
sleep with it in here.
196
00:07:03,654 --> 00:07:04,986
Oh, I-- I can't.
197
00:07:05,072 --> 00:07:07,706
I-- I mean, I can't just--
I can't just move it.
198
00:07:07,741 --> 00:07:09,074
No?
199
00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:11,243
No, I mean, it's a hu--
Look at it. It's huge.
200
00:07:11,328 --> 00:07:13,078
I mean, that's--
I'd have to--
201
00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:15,547
That-- That's a--
You'd have to drain it mostly
202
00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:18,467
and then take some
of the fish out and...
203
00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:21,169
Yeah, it's a professional...
204
00:07:21,255 --> 00:07:22,421
You'd have to...
205
00:07:24,141 --> 00:07:25,307
(crying)
206
00:07:25,392 --> 00:07:26,391
Oh.
207
00:07:28,228 --> 00:07:30,011
Oh...
208
00:07:30,097 --> 00:07:31,975
(crying)
209
00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:36,837
- Sorry.
- No, sorry, I can't anymore.
210
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,802
I can't. It's just too hard.
211
00:07:38,922 --> 00:07:40,939
I keep trying and trying
every day,
212
00:07:40,991 --> 00:07:42,107
and I can't do it all.
213
00:07:42,192 --> 00:07:43,775
I can't. I just
can't do everything.
214
00:07:43,861 --> 00:07:45,994
(sobbing)
215
00:07:46,079 --> 00:07:47,446
Well, I'm sorry I...
216
00:07:47,498 --> 00:07:50,248
I can't.
I just can't.
217
00:07:51,752 --> 00:07:53,118
(sobbing loudly)
218
00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:55,036
(clears throat)
219
00:07:55,122 --> 00:07:58,089
Well, uh, listen, I'm--
I'm really sorry you're--
220
00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:01,960
I'm really sorry you're
going through that, but, um...
221
00:08:02,012 --> 00:08:03,345
You know, I don't...
222
00:08:03,430 --> 00:08:04,713
I don't really know you,
223
00:08:04,798 --> 00:08:06,318
so I feel like this is
a private thing,
224
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,516
like I shouldn't--
225
00:08:07,601 --> 00:08:08,967
I shouldn't stay while you're...
226
00:08:09,019 --> 00:08:10,969
(sobbing continues)
227
00:08:11,054 --> 00:08:13,855
Okay? So, you know,
cheer up.
228
00:08:15,609 --> 00:08:18,310
Just... No, it's okay.
Just take, you know...
229
00:08:18,362 --> 00:08:20,278
(sobbing intensifies)
230
00:08:21,865 --> 00:08:23,532
Just...
231
00:08:23,617 --> 00:08:25,867
Just-- Well, nah.
232
00:08:25,953 --> 00:08:27,118
Just...
233
00:08:28,989 --> 00:08:30,872
Okay.
234
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:32,707
Lilly?
(sobbing)
235
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:38,663
So, how was the sleepover?
236
00:08:38,715 --> 00:08:39,998
It was okay.
237
00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:42,968
Micah's brother smells.
238
00:08:43,003 --> 00:08:44,336
What'd you guys do?
239
00:08:44,388 --> 00:08:45,504
Nothing really.
240
00:08:45,556 --> 00:08:46,588
I mean, we ordered pizza.
241
00:08:46,673 --> 00:08:48,089
We-- We talked.
242
00:08:48,175 --> 00:08:50,258
(gasps) We saw this
really good movie.
243
00:08:50,344 --> 00:08:52,177
Oh, really?
Oh, my God, it was so good.
244
00:08:52,229 --> 00:08:53,345
It was really
interesting and--
245
00:08:53,397 --> 00:08:55,096
Those are real lobsters?
246
00:08:55,182 --> 00:08:57,015
Yeah.
247
00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:59,401
It's inhumane to put them
in this little tank.
248
00:08:59,486 --> 00:09:00,852
It's all right.
It's okay.
249
00:09:00,904 --> 00:09:02,737
What do you mean it's all right?
250
00:09:02,823 --> 00:09:04,573
Just 'cause it's--
It's not.
251
00:09:04,658 --> 00:09:05,824
Imagine if you were in there.
252
00:09:05,859 --> 00:09:07,659
But that's not somebody.
253
00:09:07,694 --> 00:09:09,194
That's just--
That's food.
254
00:09:09,279 --> 00:09:12,197
Those-- Those
people are food.
255
00:09:12,249 --> 00:09:14,115
Anyway, so it was really good.
256
00:09:14,201 --> 00:09:15,700
It was-- It was
about this guy,
257
00:09:15,786 --> 00:09:17,035
and he wears all white,
258
00:09:17,087 --> 00:09:18,787
and, like, a bowler hat,
259
00:09:18,872 --> 00:09:20,338
and he goes around,
260
00:09:20,374 --> 00:09:21,873
and he beats people
up with his gang,
261
00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:23,758
but then he gets caught,
262
00:09:23,844 --> 00:09:25,010
and they try to make him
a better person
263
00:09:25,045 --> 00:09:26,177
by, like, prying
his eyes open--
264
00:09:26,213 --> 00:09:28,129
You saw "A Clockwork Orange"?
265
00:09:28,215 --> 00:09:29,848
Yeah, that's what
it was called. Yeah.
266
00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:31,716
Lilly, that's like
the most horrible,
267
00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:33,134
violent movie ever.
268
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:34,141
It-- It wasn't
that bad.
269
00:09:34,187 --> 00:09:35,937
You saw "A Clockwork Orange"?
270
00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:37,055
Yeah.
271
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:39,057
It was-- It was,
like, artistic.
272
00:09:39,142 --> 00:09:42,027
273
00:09:54,825 --> 00:09:56,875
(both laughing)
274
00:09:56,910 --> 00:09:57,876
Shh.
275
00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:03,415
(groans)
276
00:10:13,343 --> 00:10:15,594
(sighs)
277
00:10:15,646 --> 00:10:17,512
(chatter)
278
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:22,901
Hey, how long was I asleep for?
279
00:10:22,936 --> 00:10:24,769
Dad, you fell asleep
in the taxi,
280
00:10:24,821 --> 00:10:25,820
and then we came home,
281
00:10:25,906 --> 00:10:27,606
and you went
right back to sleep.
282
00:10:27,658 --> 00:10:29,107
Really?
283
00:10:29,159 --> 00:10:30,108
Yeah.
284
00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:31,493
I don't remember that.
285
00:10:31,578 --> 00:10:33,612
(knocking on door)
286
00:10:33,697 --> 00:10:35,363
Oh, no.
287
00:10:47,761 --> 00:10:50,795
(screaming)
288
00:10:50,847 --> 00:10:52,380
Aah! Aah!
289
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:01,261
(Crazy Glazy)
Fine, and I will call the owners,
290
00:11:01,338 --> 00:11:03,305
and I'll say, "Put your dog on.
291
00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,960
"You hang up the phone.
I don't care about you.
292
00:11:05,085 --> 00:11:07,953
"Put my friend on.
My best friend.
293
00:11:08,038 --> 00:11:09,538
My best friend
in the world."
294
00:11:09,623 --> 00:11:11,590
Now, look, here's
the other thing I'm trying.
295
00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:12,905
I kind of figured "I'm gonna try
296
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,459
getting into
beekeeping."
297
00:11:14,545 --> 00:11:16,761
Now, here's the thing
I realized about it though.
298
00:11:16,797 --> 00:11:18,680
There's way too many bees!
299
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,265
There's so many bees!
300
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,267
And they're stinging.
It was like, "Ooh! Oh!
301
00:11:22,302 --> 00:11:26,188
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh!
Ow! Ooh!"
302
00:11:26,273 --> 00:11:28,390
Huh? What I'm gonna--
Here's my take.
303
00:11:28,475 --> 00:11:30,892
I'm gonna just do one bee.
304
00:11:30,978 --> 00:11:32,024
Just one bee.
305
00:11:32,144 --> 00:11:35,460
You know, like sometimes it
gets a little sad, lonely,
306
00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:39,166
and I just got to...
"Why you gotta bee like that?".
307
00:11:39,286 --> 00:11:40,402
(laughter)
308
00:11:40,487 --> 00:11:43,288
Thanks very much.
I'm Crazy Glazy.
309
00:11:43,323 --> 00:11:45,207
(cheering and applause)
310
00:11:51,164 --> 00:11:54,216
(emcee)
Keep it going for Crazy Glazy, everybody!
311
00:11:54,301 --> 00:11:55,917
(cheering intensifies)
312
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:57,052
What's up, dude?
313
00:11:57,137 --> 00:11:58,097
Hey, man, what the hell?
314
00:11:58,138 --> 00:11:59,387
What are you doing?
What?
315
00:11:59,473 --> 00:12:01,923
That's my-- That's my--
That's my bee bit.
316
00:12:02,009 --> 00:12:03,308
Yeah, that's yours!
That's right! Yeah.
317
00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:05,010
That's so f--
It's so funny, man.
318
00:12:05,062 --> 00:12:06,144
It's so funny.
319
00:12:06,179 --> 00:12:07,429
Dude, you don't--
You did it.
320
00:12:07,514 --> 00:12:08,980
You don't do my bit.
321
00:12:09,016 --> 00:12:11,483
...feel good. I need you
to make me feel good, baby.
322
00:12:11,518 --> 00:12:14,019
(laughter)
323
00:12:14,071 --> 00:12:15,770
That's a lot of pressure
for my cat.
324
00:12:15,856 --> 00:12:17,906
(laughter)
325
00:12:17,991 --> 00:12:20,191
I know, it's so funny.
It's so funny.
326
00:12:20,277 --> 00:12:21,610
Yeah, but that's stealing.
327
00:12:21,695 --> 00:12:23,745
You can't go onstage
and do somebody else's bit.
328
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,030
...Louie C.K.!
I know, it's like, it's your bit,
329
00:12:25,115 --> 00:12:26,948
and it's, like,
now I'm doing it.
330
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:29,668
It's so funny!
So funny, man.
331
00:12:29,703 --> 00:12:31,620
(cheering and applause)
332
00:12:39,046 --> 00:12:40,879
333
00:12:47,154 --> 00:12:48,770
I don't know which one.
334
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,889
I don't know which one.
335
00:12:50,974 --> 00:12:52,607
I don't know which one.
336
00:13:04,189 --> 00:13:05,820
Don't!
337
00:13:05,906 --> 00:13:07,906
Don't do it.
338
00:13:07,991 --> 00:13:09,457
I'm telling you.
339
00:13:11,828 --> 00:13:14,245
(groaning)
(screaming)
340
00:13:20,554 --> 00:13:22,837
Oh, my God!
341
00:13:22,923 --> 00:13:24,255
Oh, my God!
342
00:13:24,341 --> 00:13:26,007
All right, this next guy
is really funny.
343
00:13:26,093 --> 00:13:28,259
Please help me welcome
Louie C.K.!
344
00:13:28,345 --> 00:13:29,266
(cheering and applause)
345
00:13:29,346 --> 00:13:31,229
Oh, my God!
346
00:13:57,174 --> 00:14:00,342
(cheering and applause stop)
347
00:14:00,427 --> 00:14:03,128
Hi, this, uh, sar--
sel-- selfin,
348
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:05,463
self, selfin, selfin...
349
00:14:05,549 --> 00:14:07,849
(audience groaning)
350
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,434
Moww.
351
00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:10,769
Moww.
352
00:14:10,804 --> 00:14:12,470
Aah! Aah! Aah!
(laughing)
353
00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:14,356
(screaming)
354
00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:24,175
Are you all right?
355
00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:27,011
Yeah, why?
356
00:14:27,097 --> 00:14:28,763
Well, you look tired.
357
00:14:28,815 --> 00:14:31,266
And very ugly also.
358
00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:33,184
Stupid. Unfunny.
359
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,569
What's wrong, stupid?
360
00:14:34,604 --> 00:14:35,570
(sighs)
361
00:14:35,605 --> 00:14:37,109
Just not sleeping,
362
00:14:37,425 --> 00:14:40,534
- I got nightmares.
- What kind of nightmares?
363
00:14:40,654 --> 00:14:43,570
It's just scary shit that
scares the shit out of me.
364
00:14:44,197 --> 00:14:46,114
And then I wake up,
and I'm in a cold sweat,
365
00:14:46,199 --> 00:14:47,782
and my heart is racing.
366
00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:50,368
Your face is ugly,
brain doesn't work.
367
00:14:50,453 --> 00:14:51,452
Nightmares are the worst
368
00:14:51,504 --> 00:14:52,787
'cause that's coming
from the inside.
369
00:14:52,873 --> 00:14:53,955
You can't defend
against that shit.
370
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,673
That's exactly
the thing about it.
371
00:14:55,759 --> 00:14:57,342
Well, you should try melatonin.
372
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:59,043
I don't want to take stuff.
373
00:14:59,129 --> 00:15:00,295
I don't like taking stuff.
374
00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:02,096
Well, then, try hypnosis.
375
00:15:02,132 --> 00:15:03,131
I don't like that kind of thing.
376
00:15:03,183 --> 00:15:05,466
I'm not into that sort of thing.
377
00:15:05,518 --> 00:15:07,268
Well, then, don't complain!
378
00:15:07,304 --> 00:15:08,353
I mean, if you're
not gonna try something
379
00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:09,520
that might help you out,
380
00:15:09,606 --> 00:15:10,605
don't sit here
and bitch about it.
381
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:11,639
Sorry.
382
00:15:13,143 --> 00:15:14,275
Everyone hates you.
383
00:15:14,311 --> 00:15:15,560
I got to go.
384
00:15:16,897 --> 00:15:19,197
Where's my coat?
385
00:15:19,282 --> 00:15:20,365
Did you see my coat?
386
00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:21,900
Brown--
My brown coat?
387
00:15:21,985 --> 00:15:23,451
I didn't see it.
Nah.
388
00:15:23,486 --> 00:15:26,166
Where is it? What did
I do with my coat?
389
00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:30,491
Hey.
390
00:15:30,577 --> 00:15:31,542
Hey, what's up, man?
391
00:15:31,628 --> 00:15:33,661
You're wearing my coat.
392
00:15:33,747 --> 00:15:34,579
Oh, yeah.
393
00:15:36,231 --> 00:15:37,966
Dreams don't really
mean that much.
394
00:15:37,967 --> 00:15:40,101
Some people think it's
something in your subconscious.
395
00:15:40,220 --> 00:15:42,220
Some believe it's your brain
396
00:15:42,305 --> 00:15:43,504
sorting out memories,
397
00:15:43,590 --> 00:15:45,506
throwing out what you
don't need anymore.
398
00:15:46,792 --> 00:15:50,871
Some think it's a kind
of a... moral correction.
399
00:15:52,766 --> 00:15:54,315
Way of punishing yourself.
400
00:15:54,351 --> 00:15:55,650
But the truth is,
401
00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:57,068
you just have to let them
run their course,
402
00:15:57,153 --> 00:15:58,436
get on with your life.
403
00:16:01,191 --> 00:16:02,857
Ah, shit.
404
00:16:02,943 --> 00:16:05,360
Yeah, sorry.
405
00:16:05,412 --> 00:16:06,778
(groans, screams)
406
00:16:06,863 --> 00:16:08,446
Aah! Aah!
407
00:16:08,531 --> 00:16:10,248
(groans)
408
00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:12,033
(sighs)
409
00:16:12,085 --> 00:16:14,585
Oh, Jesus Christ.
410
00:16:14,671 --> 00:16:16,871
Please...
411
00:16:16,957 --> 00:16:19,624
just stop!
412
00:16:19,709 --> 00:16:22,961
Please out there, in there,
413
00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:24,712
just give me a break.
414
00:16:24,798 --> 00:16:26,214
(sniffles)
415
00:16:28,635 --> 00:16:32,186
Okay, I'm going back to sleep.
416
00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:36,557
Please don't be scary now.
417
00:16:36,643 --> 00:16:38,309
Okay?
418
00:16:38,395 --> 00:16:40,778
Please just be nothing.
419
00:16:40,864 --> 00:16:42,730
Okay, here I go.
420
00:16:45,285 --> 00:16:47,235
(drumroll, cymbal crash)
421
00:16:47,303 --> 00:16:49,120
422
00:17:01,501 --> 00:17:04,802
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
423
00:17:04,888 --> 00:17:06,804
(gasps)
424
00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:10,091
425
00:17:10,176 --> 00:17:12,060
Prah. Prah.
426
00:17:12,095 --> 00:17:15,563
Prahhh....
427
00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:17,181
(warbling)
428
00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:22,770
429
00:17:22,822 --> 00:17:25,940
(warbling)
430
00:17:25,992 --> 00:17:27,825
431
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:39,787
Ah...
432
00:17:39,873 --> 00:17:40,955
(gasps)
433
00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:42,673
(panting)
434
00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:44,509
Ah, shit!
435
00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:46,961
God damn it!
436
00:17:49,727 --> 00:17:51,477
Can I get one of
these cannolis please?
437
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,645
(woman) Sure.
438
00:17:54,149 --> 00:17:55,982
Thanks for coming out.
I appreciate it.
439
00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:57,650
It's all right.
440
00:17:57,735 --> 00:17:59,452
I acted weird on purpose
when I left
441
00:17:59,487 --> 00:18:01,204
to make Andy suspicious.
442
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:03,039
Why?
443
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,907
I want to-- I want to make her
think I'm cheating on her.
444
00:18:04,993 --> 00:18:06,605
She's getting too confident.
445
00:18:07,189 --> 00:18:09,054
But I'm actually too old to do anything.
446
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,547
What are you doing?
You haven't paid for that yet.
447
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,050
I'm not gonna steal it.
448
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,802
You know what that
filling's made of?
449
00:18:15,837 --> 00:18:17,837
What?
Raccoon jizz.
450
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,172
How do they get it?
451
00:18:19,257 --> 00:18:21,641
Got a guy out back
with a rubber glove.
452
00:18:21,676 --> 00:18:23,726
(whistles) They jerk off
right into the pastry.
453
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:24,927
Nice.
And there they go.
454
00:18:25,013 --> 00:18:26,179
That's good.
455
00:18:26,264 --> 00:18:27,930
Still having those nightmares?
456
00:18:28,016 --> 00:18:29,098
Every night.
457
00:18:29,184 --> 00:18:31,901
I get PTSD from going to sleep.
458
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,186
It's like the opposite
459
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,520
of what sleep is
supposed to do for you.
460
00:18:34,606 --> 00:18:37,440
Well, at least
you get some sleep.
461
00:18:37,525 --> 00:18:38,858
You're not sleeping at night?
462
00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:40,359
Well, I fall asleep no problem,
463
00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:42,078
but I wake up
exactly two hours later,
464
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,362
like, every night.
465
00:18:43,448 --> 00:18:44,363
And you can't get back to sleep?
466
00:18:44,449 --> 00:18:45,615
No!
467
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,200
I'm ordering stuff.
I'm buying stuff.
468
00:18:47,285 --> 00:18:49,669
I have, like, 14
porcelain dolls at my house.
469
00:18:49,704 --> 00:18:51,370
(laughing)
470
00:18:51,456 --> 00:18:52,788
So...
471
00:18:52,874 --> 00:18:53,956
let me ask you something.
472
00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:56,042
What?
473
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,594
What do you think is
causing these nightmares?
474
00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:03,799
Whoa, whoa.
You all right?
475
00:19:03,885 --> 00:19:05,134
Yeah.
476
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:06,302
You sure?
477
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:09,639
I-- I want you
to ask yourself this.
478
00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:11,357
What was going on in your life
479
00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:13,226
when you started
having these nightmares?
480
00:19:16,064 --> 00:19:17,146
481
00:19:17,232 --> 00:19:18,781
(knocking at door)
482
00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:22,702
Hey, Barbara.
Oh, hi. Hi.
483
00:19:22,737 --> 00:19:25,288
Um, I came to help you
move your fish tank.
484
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,456
Got some stuff
for the fish tank.
485
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,875
Really?
Yeah.
486
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,409
Come-- Come on in.
Okay.
487
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,915
(woman)
I fear they'll come again
488
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,385
If I go to bed
489
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:43,339
I wish that something else would
(coughing)
490
00:19:43,424 --> 00:19:46,759
Be in my dreams
491
00:19:46,844 --> 00:19:50,748
Here come
those little monsters
492
00:20:26,943 --> 00:20:37,366
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
493
00:20:37,416 --> 00:20:41,966
Repair and Synchronization by
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