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♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie, Louie Louaaa ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie you're gonna cry ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie, Louie Louaaa ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie you're gonna die ♪
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♪ Louie, Louie, Louie
Louie... ♪
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I just think
there's people that--
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00:00:52,858 --> 00:00:54,856
If your life, you know,
12
00:00:54,904 --> 00:00:56,327
if it's good enough,
you should just shut up.
13
00:00:56,394 --> 00:00:57,995
There's just some people that
complain when they don't--
14
00:00:58,062 --> 00:00:58,974
they shouldn't.
15
00:00:59,094 --> 00:01:01,558
I have two kids and I think
about them sometimes
16
00:01:01,678 --> 00:01:04,601
and that-- like, I got two
little white girls in my house.
17
00:01:06,404 --> 00:01:07,805
That's a reality.
18
00:01:07,873 --> 00:01:09,281
These are two little white girls.
19
00:01:09,401 --> 00:01:12,110
On paper, they're doing awesome,
20
00:01:12,177 --> 00:01:15,179
just by who they are
and where they are,
21
00:01:15,247 --> 00:01:18,250
so when they complain,
it kinda drives me crazy,
22
00:01:18,318 --> 00:01:20,344
because I know what the world is
like around them.
23
00:01:20,464 --> 00:01:21,963
They have no idea.
24
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:23,599
I gave my daughter
medicine the other day.
25
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,000
She had a fever, so I gave her
Tylenol
26
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:27,469
and it's
bubble-gum flavored,
27
00:01:27,537 --> 00:01:30,001
so that she'll take it.
28
00:01:30,261 --> 00:01:33,580
What kind of an
upside-down society is this?
29
00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:35,811
Oh, how are we gonna
get these children
30
00:01:35,879 --> 00:01:39,214
to take these miracle drugs?
31
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We better add candy to it.
32
00:01:44,654 --> 00:01:45,921
I gave her the bubble-gum
medicine,
33
00:01:45,988 --> 00:01:47,223
she goes, "Ew !"
34
00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:50,326
I'm like, ( bleep ) you, ew!
35
00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:53,262
Are you shitting me?
36
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,498
That's medicine!
37
00:01:57,521 --> 00:02:00,171
Most kids in the world
don't have medicine,
38
00:02:00,238 --> 00:02:02,182
they just don't have it.
39
00:02:02,302 --> 00:02:04,876
When they get sick,
they just-- they die on a rock
40
00:02:04,943 --> 00:02:06,511
with a bear eating their face,
41
00:02:06,578 --> 00:02:09,661
that's how most of
the world handles that.
42
00:02:15,655 --> 00:02:16,823
No, he's got a sniffle,
43
00:02:16,890 --> 00:02:19,025
ring the bear bell
and put him outside.
44
00:02:22,163 --> 00:02:25,065
You're a white kid eating
bubble-gum medicine.
45
00:02:25,133 --> 00:02:26,367
You're wearing clothes
46
00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:28,969
made by children your age,
professionally.
47
00:02:33,409 --> 00:02:34,237
Sorry.
48
00:02:34,357 --> 00:02:38,046
Americans only buy things
that come from suffering.
49
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,182
They just enjoy it more
50
00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,117
when they know someone's
getting hurt.
51
00:02:50,294 --> 00:02:51,728
Try in here?
52
00:02:54,665 --> 00:02:55,765
( woman ) Hi.
53
00:02:55,833 --> 00:02:57,467
Trick or treat!
Hi, trick or treat!
54
00:02:57,535 --> 00:02:59,903
Oh, my God, they're so cute!
55
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:00,804
What are you?
56
00:03:00,872 --> 00:03:02,272
I'm a fairy.
57
00:03:02,339 --> 00:03:04,907
Oh, nice, a fairy,
have a candy, here.
58
00:03:04,975 --> 00:03:06,375
Thank you.
59
00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:08,110
And what are you?
60
00:03:08,178 --> 00:03:10,179
Frederick Douglass.
61
00:03:11,949 --> 00:03:14,317
She read a book
about Frederick Douglass.
62
00:03:15,819 --> 00:03:17,286
Okay.
63
00:03:17,354 --> 00:03:19,222
Thanks, girls.
64
00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:21,224
Bye!
Bye, thank you ! Thank you, bye-bye.
65
00:03:25,696 --> 00:03:27,030
What are you doing?
66
00:03:27,097 --> 00:03:28,698
I'm just taking one, come one.
67
00:03:34,838 --> 00:03:36,539
Daddy, my beard itches.
68
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:37,707
Here you go.
69
00:03:39,243 --> 00:03:40,410
All right, go on in there.
70
00:03:40,477 --> 00:03:41,544
Trick or treat!
71
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,079
Trick or treat!
72
00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,417
Ugh...
73
00:03:47,484 --> 00:03:48,785
Guys, we gotta--
This is it.
74
00:03:48,852 --> 00:03:50,519
We're late
and it's time to go home.
75
00:03:50,587 --> 00:03:52,288
Let's go home now, okay?
Aw, come on, Daddy.
76
00:03:52,355 --> 00:03:54,056
Can we please stay out
a little longer?
77
00:03:54,124 --> 00:03:56,125
I can't have you
out here in the dark.
78
00:03:56,193 --> 00:03:58,528
But Mommy always lets us
trick-or-treat after dark
79
00:03:58,596 --> 00:04:00,763
when it's her turn to
have us on Halloween.
80
00:04:00,831 --> 00:04:02,064
Jane, I know that's not true.
81
00:04:02,132 --> 00:04:03,566
No, it isn't.
82
00:04:05,402 --> 00:04:06,569
Daddy!
83
00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:07,870
What?
84
00:04:07,938 --> 00:04:10,373
Can we please stay out
a little longer?
85
00:04:12,409 --> 00:04:13,776
All right, let's hit
a few more stores.
86
00:04:13,844 --> 00:04:15,144
Yay!
Yay!
87
00:04:15,212 --> 00:04:16,445
Yes!
All right, come on.
88
00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:17,646
Crazy.
89
00:04:22,552 --> 00:04:24,419
Daddy, these people are scary.
90
00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:26,688
Baby, they're just costumes,
let's just get home.
91
00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:27,822
We'll be okay.
92
00:04:29,858 --> 00:04:32,893
( laughing maniacally )
( screaming )
93
00:04:32,961 --> 00:04:35,396
Jesus, thanks a lot, you asshole!
94
00:04:35,463 --> 00:04:37,464
Girls, girls, it's okay,
it's okay, it's okay.
95
00:04:37,532 --> 00:04:38,698
It's okay.
96
00:04:38,766 --> 00:04:40,834
Listen, girls,
let's just get home.
97
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:42,435
None of this is real,
you understand?
98
00:04:42,503 --> 00:04:44,070
None of it's real.
99
00:04:44,138 --> 00:04:45,973
Let's get home and brush all
that sugar out of your teeth.
100
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,374
Come on, come on.
101
00:04:47,442 --> 00:04:48,375
Let's go.
102
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,345
You know, someday
you girls are probably
103
00:04:51,412 --> 00:04:53,781
gonna dress in scary costumes.
104
00:04:53,849 --> 00:04:56,284
You know, when you're teenagers.
105
00:04:56,352 --> 00:04:58,653
It's-- it's like
scary movies.
106
00:04:58,721 --> 00:05:00,589
People like to scare each other.
107
00:05:00,657 --> 00:05:02,024
Yeah, exactly.
It's just fun.
108
00:05:02,092 --> 00:05:04,894
It's just fun,
baby, that's right.
109
00:05:04,961 --> 00:05:07,596
Halloween.
Right.
110
00:05:07,664 --> 00:05:09,164
( man laughing )
111
00:05:09,232 --> 00:05:10,866
Daddy?
112
00:05:12,469 --> 00:05:14,003
It's okay, don't worry about it.
113
00:05:14,071 --> 00:05:15,738
( man ) Hi.
114
00:05:15,806 --> 00:05:17,973
Daddy, why are we walking faster?
115
00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:19,307
( man ) Hi!
Just, let's go.
116
00:05:19,375 --> 00:05:21,543
It's all right.
It's okay.
117
00:05:21,611 --> 00:05:24,446
( man ) What's wrong, Daddy?
118
00:05:24,513 --> 00:05:25,914
( Lilly ) It's just pre...
119
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,203
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
120
00:05:47,271 --> 00:05:48,605
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
121
00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:51,608
I think we lost 'em.
122
00:05:51,675 --> 00:05:54,044
I think we lost 'em.
123
00:05:54,111 --> 00:05:56,312
It's okay, come on.
124
00:05:56,380 --> 00:05:58,280
We'll go to bed, we'll be fine.
125
00:05:58,348 --> 00:06:00,115
( girls screaming )
126
00:06:00,183 --> 00:06:01,049
Jesus.
127
00:06:01,117 --> 00:06:02,451
( girls screaming )
128
00:06:02,518 --> 00:06:03,718
( man laughing )
129
00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:05,887
We came around the corner
and scared you.
130
00:06:05,955 --> 00:06:07,890
We scared you.
131
00:06:07,957 --> 00:06:09,992
Daddy, this isn't pretend.
132
00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:11,693
This is scary.
133
00:06:11,761 --> 00:06:12,794
Oh, no, no, no, it is pretend.
134
00:06:12,862 --> 00:06:13,929
These guys are pretending.
135
00:06:13,997 --> 00:06:15,931
We are?
136
00:06:15,998 --> 00:06:17,432
Yeah, you-- you--
137
00:06:17,499 --> 00:06:19,334
They're pretending and they're
gonna let us go, right?
138
00:06:19,402 --> 00:06:20,702
They're just gonna let us go.
139
00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:22,871
We're gonna let you go?
140
00:06:22,939 --> 00:06:23,839
Let you go?
141
00:06:23,907 --> 00:06:25,841
Well, what if we don't wanna?
142
00:06:25,909 --> 00:06:28,677
Yeah, what if we don't--
what if we don't wanna?
143
00:06:28,744 --> 00:06:31,412
What are you gonna do, Daddy?
144
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,714
Oh, girls, your daddy is brave.
145
00:06:33,782 --> 00:06:35,816
He is brave.
146
00:06:35,884 --> 00:06:38,185
He doesn't want to show it,
but he's scared inside.
147
00:06:38,253 --> 00:06:42,489
He's-- he's frozen, like--
he's frozen like a lollipop.
148
00:06:42,556 --> 00:06:44,124
Come on, man, you don't wanna--
He's frozen.
149
00:06:44,192 --> 00:06:45,391
You don't wanna hurt these kids.
150
00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:46,459
You guys are better
than that, right?
151
00:06:46,527 --> 00:06:47,894
I mean, you--
Oh, no, no--
152
00:06:47,962 --> 00:06:49,029
These are two little girls,
you know?
153
00:06:49,097 --> 00:06:50,864
I don't-- I don't want to
hurt any kids,
154
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:55,436
you're right, I don't,
but-- but Giant here, he's...
155
00:06:56,939 --> 00:06:58,306
He's scary.
156
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:03,512
( crying )
157
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:06,748
I think I'm about to do
something bad.
158
00:07:06,816 --> 00:07:08,684
I think I'm about to
do something real bad
159
00:07:08,751 --> 00:07:11,586
to these people.
160
00:07:11,654 --> 00:07:14,890
Hey, stop it!
161
00:07:14,958 --> 00:07:18,260
Being scary is not nice!
162
00:07:18,328 --> 00:07:20,762
Halloween's for fun!
163
00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:22,030
You're supposed to
have a nice time,
164
00:07:22,098 --> 00:07:23,966
dress up and get candy!
165
00:07:24,033 --> 00:07:25,592
It's not nice to scare people.
166
00:07:25,968 --> 00:07:28,871
( Jane ) And you shouldn't scare my
daddy, either!
167
00:07:28,938 --> 00:07:32,275
Stop it right now!
168
00:07:32,343 --> 00:07:34,277
Girls, go over there.
169
00:07:34,345 --> 00:07:35,345
( Lilly ) Daddy, don't!
170
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,880
Daddy, don't!
171
00:07:42,453 --> 00:07:46,022
( alarm blaring )
172
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,295
You okay?
173
00:07:52,363 --> 00:07:53,563
What do we do now?
174
00:07:53,631 --> 00:07:55,665
We're gonna wait for
the police to come,
175
00:07:55,733 --> 00:07:57,967
we're gonna tell
them what happened
176
00:07:58,035 --> 00:08:00,837
and we're gonna pay
for the window.
177
00:08:00,905 --> 00:08:04,007
Whoa, Daddy, how did
you know to do that?
178
00:08:08,445 --> 00:08:10,412
You were very brave.
179
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,314
I'm happy you're good, too.
180
00:08:23,892 --> 00:08:24,926
It's okay.
181
00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:26,060
It's all right.
Daddy.
182
00:08:26,128 --> 00:08:27,295
It's all right.
183
00:08:31,016 --> 00:08:34,385
( all talking )
184
00:08:41,393 --> 00:08:42,694
Hey, hey, everybody?
185
00:08:42,762 --> 00:08:44,163
Everyone?
186
00:08:44,230 --> 00:08:45,698
Hi.
187
00:08:45,766 --> 00:08:47,567
Hey there.
188
00:08:47,634 --> 00:08:50,536
I want to thank
all of you for being here
189
00:08:50,604 --> 00:08:54,174
for the round-table rewrite
of "Out of Here."
190
00:08:54,241 --> 00:08:56,476
I'm Eddie Faye
and I wrote the script.
191
00:08:56,544 --> 00:08:59,213
This is Jordan, who's directing.
192
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,415
We start principal
photog in about two weeks
193
00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:05,418
and we're basically here to
try to inject some funny
194
00:09:05,486 --> 00:09:07,086
back into the script,
195
00:09:07,154 --> 00:09:10,422
which was sapped out by all
the notes and story fixes.
196
00:09:10,490 --> 00:09:11,957
You're all here
197
00:09:12,025 --> 00:09:14,160
because you're funny and you
were all willing to work
198
00:09:14,227 --> 00:09:16,162
for the favored
nation's 5,000 each
199
00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:18,131
plus croissants and jelly.
200
00:09:18,199 --> 00:09:19,866
Okay, page one.
201
00:09:23,705 --> 00:09:25,739
"Interior: bedroom; morning.
202
00:09:25,807 --> 00:09:29,477
"Angle on alarm clock,
it reads 6:59 a.m.
203
00:09:29,544 --> 00:09:31,746
"It changes to 7:00
and the alarm goes off.
204
00:09:31,814 --> 00:09:33,781
"It's a loud, annoying buzz.
205
00:09:33,849 --> 00:09:35,183
"A hand appears from offscreen
206
00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:37,686
"and fumbles to
slap down on the snooze bar,
207
00:09:37,753 --> 00:09:40,689
"we follow up the arm and land
on its owner, Mike Bradsky,
208
00:09:40,757 --> 00:09:43,726
"a cop in his 30s.
209
00:09:43,793 --> 00:09:47,396
"Mike: 'Ugh, not another
one of these.'
210
00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:49,864
"As Mike rolls over on his
side to go back to sleep,
211
00:09:49,932 --> 00:09:52,801
"his dog comes over
and starts licking his face.
212
00:09:52,868 --> 00:09:55,270
Mike: 'Come on, boy,
give me a break.'"
213
00:09:57,239 --> 00:09:59,941
All right, anybody got anything
for page one?
214
00:10:00,008 --> 00:10:01,709
I had instead of
"not another one of these,"
215
00:10:01,776 --> 00:10:03,878
something like, "39 years of
shitty days,
216
00:10:03,945 --> 00:10:05,246
22 years to go."
217
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,380
( group chuckling )
218
00:10:06,448 --> 00:10:07,614
That's pretty good.
219
00:10:07,682 --> 00:10:09,283
What if he says,
like, what are--
220
00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:10,651
You know, when his dog's
licking his face,
221
00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:12,453
what if he says something
like, "Come on, you mutt"?
222
00:10:15,624 --> 00:10:19,293
Or he's like, "What do I look
like, a Gaines-Burger ?"
223
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,098
All right, um--
224
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,100
Do we really need another movie
225
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:28,002
with the alarm clock close-up
226
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:29,670
and the dog's
licking the guy--
227
00:10:29,738 --> 00:10:31,839
I mean, come on, everybody.
228
00:10:31,907 --> 00:10:34,575
This is like every
bad cop movie I've ever seen.
229
00:10:34,643 --> 00:10:36,410
It's just lazy.
230
00:10:36,478 --> 00:10:37,578
Thank you.
231
00:10:37,646 --> 00:10:39,713
Thank you for the teardown, Evan.
232
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:41,949
But folks are here so they
can add ideas,
233
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,984
so you got a better way to start?
234
00:10:44,051 --> 00:10:45,519
Not really.
235
00:10:45,586 --> 00:10:47,820
Just saying it's lame.
236
00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:48,821
( Eddie ) Okay.
237
00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:50,523
Page two.
238
00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:52,758
What if the dog stops the alarm?
239
00:10:55,028 --> 00:10:56,128
That's not bad.
240
00:10:56,196 --> 00:10:58,098
How does he wake up?
241
00:11:00,835 --> 00:11:04,171
I don't know, maybe he doesn't.
242
00:11:04,239 --> 00:11:07,509
I mean, like, if you see
the dog's paw
243
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:09,378
hits the alarm clock
244
00:11:09,446 --> 00:11:13,049
and then-- then you see his
face and he's sleeping.
245
00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:15,985
And then you go back to the
clock and then time goes by
246
00:11:16,053 --> 00:11:17,620
and it's now like 11:00,
247
00:11:17,688 --> 00:11:20,557
and then the guy wakes up
and smiling,
248
00:11:20,625 --> 00:11:22,058
'cause he has
no idea how late it is.
249
00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:23,526
That's funny.
250
00:11:23,594 --> 00:11:26,029
He's like, why do I feel so good?
251
00:11:26,097 --> 00:11:28,031
Then he realizes what time
it is, he screams,
252
00:11:28,098 --> 00:11:30,500
he jumps out of bed, except he
forgets he sleeps in a loft bed
253
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:31,667
and he falls down the stairs.
254
00:11:31,735 --> 00:11:32,936
( all laughing )
255
00:11:33,003 --> 00:11:34,270
Yeah, yeah, now,
maybe this is too much,
256
00:11:34,338 --> 00:11:36,139
but at the bottom of the stairs,
257
00:11:36,207 --> 00:11:38,008
maybe he's
knocked out cold, right?
258
00:11:38,076 --> 00:11:40,644
And he lays there sleeping
even longer.
259
00:11:40,712 --> 00:11:43,081
Maybe that's where
the dog licks his face.
260
00:11:43,149 --> 00:11:45,784
And now he wakes up again
and he's even later.
261
00:11:45,851 --> 00:11:48,721
We could do,
like, an action montage
262
00:11:48,789 --> 00:11:52,091
of him rushing to the station,
he puts on siren,
263
00:11:52,159 --> 00:11:55,094
you know, big chase,
chase, chase, chase, chase.
264
00:11:55,162 --> 00:11:57,663
People run out of way because
he's late for work, maybe.
265
00:11:57,731 --> 00:11:59,899
What if, like,
he's in his car, right?
266
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:02,501
And he drives into a truck or
whatever, and he's like,
267
00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:04,236
"I'm getting
too old for this shit."
268
00:12:04,304 --> 00:12:06,071
You've got to be kidding me.
269
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:08,439
Not like-- not we're, like,
we're actually saying that line,
270
00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:10,508
it's like a joke on the fact
that we're using--
271
00:12:10,576 --> 00:12:12,476
it's like we're making fun
of the fact of how lame it is.
272
00:12:12,544 --> 00:12:13,945
You could keep bringing
this dog back
273
00:12:14,012 --> 00:12:15,546
and the dog could keep
screwing up this guy's life
274
00:12:15,614 --> 00:12:17,215
and he's not even aware of it.
275
00:12:19,952 --> 00:12:21,220
That's funny.
276
00:12:21,287 --> 00:12:22,855
But it changes our whole opening.
277
00:12:22,923 --> 00:12:24,190
I mean, that's a lot to produce.
278
00:12:24,257 --> 00:12:26,058
Go ahead and write it, Eddie.
279
00:12:26,126 --> 00:12:29,062
We'll find the money.
280
00:12:29,129 --> 00:12:31,497
Okay.
281
00:12:31,565 --> 00:12:34,701
So...
282
00:12:34,768 --> 00:12:36,402
what happens after he wakes up?
283
00:12:43,242 --> 00:12:44,309
So do you have, like, a method
284
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:45,410
for coming up with a good joke?
285
00:12:45,477 --> 00:12:46,244
I don't know what to
tell you, kid,
286
00:12:46,311 --> 00:12:48,079
I let the jokes come to me.
287
00:12:48,146 --> 00:12:50,080
Hey, man, nice job.
Hey, thank you.
288
00:12:50,148 --> 00:12:51,382
Thanks.
289
00:12:51,449 --> 00:12:53,050
Good work.
Thank you.
290
00:12:53,118 --> 00:12:54,451
Funny stuff, guy.
291
00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:56,287
Thanks, thanks.
292
00:12:56,355 --> 00:12:57,989
Hi, I'm Ellie.
293
00:12:58,056 --> 00:12:59,256
Hi, I'm Louie.
294
00:12:59,324 --> 00:13:00,992
You're a comedian.
295
00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:02,327
Yeah.
296
00:13:02,395 --> 00:13:04,629
Can I buy you lunch?
You know what?
297
00:13:04,697 --> 00:13:05,864
I gotta pick up my kids
at school,
298
00:13:05,932 --> 00:13:07,266
so it's not
the best time, but--
299
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:08,434
Well, get a sitter.
300
00:13:08,502 --> 00:13:10,203
This is your future, honey.
301
00:13:10,270 --> 00:13:11,537
Hey, Ellie.
302
00:13:11,605 --> 00:13:12,571
What's up?
303
00:13:12,639 --> 00:13:14,340
Did you read my script?
304
00:13:14,408 --> 00:13:15,374
No, of course not.
305
00:13:15,442 --> 00:13:17,709
It's only your job!
306
00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:19,411
Let's go.
307
00:13:19,478 --> 00:13:20,811
Okay.
308
00:13:28,761 --> 00:13:30,586
Hi, Ms. Bormer.
Hey, Harry.
309
00:13:30,706 --> 00:13:32,599
Lunch for two?
Yeah.
310
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,642
So first of all,
do you know who I am?
311
00:13:43,710 --> 00:13:45,310
Uh, no, not really.
312
00:13:45,378 --> 00:13:48,488
I mean, your name is Ellie
and you're a producer or--
313
00:13:48,608 --> 00:13:51,683
I'm a vice president at
Paramount Pictures.
314
00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:53,284
Oh.
Yeah.
315
00:13:53,352 --> 00:13:55,152
I have a discretionary budget
and I can green-light.
316
00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:56,755
Do you know what that means?
317
00:13:58,625 --> 00:13:59,925
Yes, I--
318
00:13:59,993 --> 00:14:02,127
Are you interested
in making movies?
319
00:14:03,697 --> 00:14:05,432
Yes.
Yes?
320
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:08,768
Uh, yes, I-- I am.
321
00:14:08,836 --> 00:14:10,003
Okay.
322
00:14:10,071 --> 00:14:12,606
Let's get started.
323
00:14:12,674 --> 00:14:13,674
Okay.
324
00:14:13,742 --> 00:14:16,978
Listen, I am a person...
325
00:14:17,046 --> 00:14:19,980
who knows when
someone can do things.
326
00:14:20,048 --> 00:14:22,483
I know talent when I see it
327
00:14:22,551 --> 00:14:25,420
and I need you to know
that when I find someone,
328
00:14:25,488 --> 00:14:27,422
I don't mess around.
329
00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:30,593
Louie...
are you ready?
330
00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:32,328
Because after today,
331
00:14:32,429 --> 00:14:34,163
nothing is going to ever
be the same again.
332
00:14:39,903 --> 00:14:43,438
I bet you've got 50 movie ideas
sitting in that brain.
333
00:14:43,506 --> 00:14:44,906
Yeah, I have ideas.
334
00:14:44,974 --> 00:14:46,975
Let's make all of them.
335
00:14:47,043 --> 00:14:48,176
Okay.
336
00:14:48,244 --> 00:14:51,313
Tell me the best one now.
337
00:14:51,381 --> 00:14:53,248
Yeah?
338
00:14:53,316 --> 00:14:55,483
All right, well...
339
00:14:55,551 --> 00:14:57,552
well, you know how movies,
there's always a guy
340
00:14:57,620 --> 00:15:00,055
and his life is, you know, okay?
341
00:15:00,122 --> 00:15:01,790
And then something happens,
342
00:15:01,858 --> 00:15:04,793
like a conflict
and he has to resolve it,
343
00:15:04,861 --> 00:15:06,595
and then his life gets better?
344
00:15:06,663 --> 00:15:08,564
Well, I always
wanted to make a movie
345
00:15:08,631 --> 00:15:11,066
where a guy's life is really bad
346
00:15:11,134 --> 00:15:13,669
and then something
happens and it makes it worse
347
00:15:13,736 --> 00:15:17,272
but instead of resolving it,
he just makes bad choices
348
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:20,676
and then it goes
from worse to really bad,
349
00:15:20,743 --> 00:15:22,612
and-- and things just keep
happening to him
350
00:15:22,679 --> 00:15:24,513
and he keeps doing dumb things,
351
00:15:24,581 --> 00:15:26,481
so his life just gets
worse and worse
352
00:15:26,549 --> 00:15:28,183
and, like, darker and--
353
00:15:28,251 --> 00:15:31,520
Like-- like he has-- lives in
a little one-room apartment,
354
00:15:31,588 --> 00:15:33,990
he's not
a very good-looking guy,
355
00:15:34,057 --> 00:15:36,693
he has no friends
and he lives--
356
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:39,195
he works in, like,
a factory, where they--
357
00:15:39,263 --> 00:15:42,599
like a sewage-disposal plant,
358
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:44,268
and then he gets fired,
359
00:15:44,335 --> 00:15:47,338
so now he doesn't even have his
job at the shit factory anymore
360
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,939
and he's-- and he's
going broke
361
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:51,676
and he takes, like,
a trip and it rains,
362
00:15:51,744 --> 00:15:55,013
like, just stuff, just shit
keeps-- horrible.
363
00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:56,548
But then he meets a girl
364
00:15:56,616 --> 00:15:58,484
and she's beautiful
and he falls in love,
365
00:15:58,552 --> 00:16:00,853
so you think that's gonna be
the thing, the happy thing,
366
00:16:00,921 --> 00:16:04,257
but then she turns out to
be a crook and she robs him,
367
00:16:04,324 --> 00:16:05,959
she takes his wallet,
368
00:16:06,026 --> 00:16:07,794
and now he's, like, stuck
in the middle of nowhere
369
00:16:07,862 --> 00:16:09,630
and he's got no wallet
and no credit cards.
370
00:16:09,697 --> 00:16:10,831
Like what do you do?
371
00:16:10,898 --> 00:16:12,399
How do you even
get home or--
372
00:16:12,467 --> 00:16:14,968
Doesn't he have a cell phone?
373
00:16:15,036 --> 00:16:17,204
Well...
374
00:16:17,271 --> 00:16:18,405
Yeah, I mean,
I came up with this before
375
00:16:18,472 --> 00:16:20,173
cell phones were really--
376
00:16:20,241 --> 00:16:22,575
You know what,
Louie, this is amazing.
377
00:16:22,643 --> 00:16:24,610
I just-- I just need to go
say hello to some people
378
00:16:24,678 --> 00:16:26,812
who just walked in.
379
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,413
Give me a second, okay, hon?
380
00:16:28,481 --> 00:16:29,748
Okay.
381
00:16:29,816 --> 00:16:30,849
Oh.
382
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:53,638
When I was-- when
I graduated high school,
383
00:16:53,706 --> 00:16:56,941
all my friends went to college
and I didn't.
384
00:16:57,009 --> 00:16:58,877
I was a very bad
student and there was--
385
00:16:58,945 --> 00:17:00,278
No, I could have got into
some college,
386
00:17:00,346 --> 00:17:03,249
but why keep failing?
387
00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:05,618
Why just keep being in trouble
all the time
388
00:17:05,685 --> 00:17:07,086
and doing things badly?
389
00:17:07,154 --> 00:17:09,455
So I just figured, I'll just go
work and do things.
390
00:17:09,522 --> 00:17:12,758
So... I moved in
with my only friend,
391
00:17:12,826 --> 00:17:14,259
who I wasn't very good
friends with,
392
00:17:14,327 --> 00:17:15,761
but he also didn't go to college,
393
00:17:15,828 --> 00:17:18,130
so we got an apartment in Boston,
394
00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:20,232
and so we're both 18 years old
395
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,967
living in downtown Boston
396
00:17:22,035 --> 00:17:25,737
and we lived in one room,
we slept in the same room,
397
00:17:25,805 --> 00:17:27,406
this little tiny studio
apartment,
398
00:17:27,474 --> 00:17:30,943
and so one time, he started
making jokes about jerking off.
399
00:17:31,011 --> 00:17:32,979
He's like, "Do you
jerk off a lot, y'know?
400
00:17:33,047 --> 00:17:34,882
Do you want me to leave the room
so you can jerk off ?"
401
00:17:34,949 --> 00:17:36,583
Like, he kept saying that.
402
00:17:36,651 --> 00:17:39,620
"Hey, man, if you need me to
leave so you can jerk off,
403
00:17:39,688 --> 00:17:41,255
I'll do that," or whatever.
404
00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:44,292
And I was like, "Well, hey, what
about when you would jerk off ?"
405
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,461
And he goes,
"I don't-- I don't do that."
406
00:17:46,529 --> 00:17:47,796
And I was like, "What ?"
407
00:17:47,864 --> 00:17:49,932
And he goes,
"I never have done it."
408
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:50,967
And I was like,
"Are you serious ?"
409
00:17:51,034 --> 00:17:52,501
I was blown away by this.
410
00:17:52,569 --> 00:17:53,736
He said,
"I've never done it."
411
00:17:53,804 --> 00:17:55,104
He's goes, "I kinda wish I could,
412
00:17:55,172 --> 00:17:57,439
"but I just can't
bring myself to do it.
413
00:17:57,507 --> 00:17:59,041
"It's just too weird, like,
I get weirded out.
414
00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:00,810
I've never done it."
415
00:18:00,877 --> 00:18:02,078
And I was like,
"Really ?"
416
00:18:02,145 --> 00:18:03,279
And he said,
"Yeah, I never jerked off."
417
00:18:03,346 --> 00:18:05,481
And he told me that,
and I--
418
00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:07,617
That stuck in me for years
419
00:18:07,684 --> 00:18:10,586
because I thought, there's
folks that cannot do it,
420
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,921
because, to me,
this shit is just a plague.
421
00:18:12,989 --> 00:18:15,524
I'll never escape this shit.
422
00:18:15,591 --> 00:18:17,626
There's moments I've done this
423
00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:20,028
that I really
would like to take back,
424
00:18:20,095 --> 00:18:21,529
but I had-- it's just,
you know--
425
00:18:21,597 --> 00:18:23,931
Sometimes, I'm all packed,
ready, I got bags--
426
00:18:23,999 --> 00:18:25,833
And I go, "Uh, I gotta
sit down and jerk off
427
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:27,200
before I leave the house."
428
00:18:27,268 --> 00:18:31,004
There's-- it's just
a constant...
429
00:18:31,071 --> 00:18:33,773
insulin injection
that I need to get.
430
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,074
And I really hate it.
431
00:18:35,142 --> 00:18:38,177
I'd love to never have to
jerk off, and this--
432
00:18:38,245 --> 00:18:41,548
And I've always thought, I'm--
there's something wrong with me,
433
00:18:41,616 --> 00:18:45,085
'cause there is a dude
who was pretty normal
434
00:18:45,153 --> 00:18:48,122
who just said,
"I don't do it."
435
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:50,224
Anyway, I ran into him
about two years ago,
436
00:18:50,292 --> 00:18:51,726
and he said to me,
437
00:18:51,794 --> 00:18:53,628
"Remember when I-- when we
talked about jerking off ?"
438
00:18:53,696 --> 00:18:55,731
And I said, "Yes !"
439
00:18:55,765 --> 00:18:58,333
And... he said,
440
00:18:58,401 --> 00:19:00,102
"I don't know why
I was, like, ashamed to
441
00:19:00,169 --> 00:19:03,538
talk about it with you, but I
was jerking off constantly."
442
00:19:03,606 --> 00:19:06,474
He said, "I've been jerking off
since I was 11
443
00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:08,076
"and when we lived together,
444
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:09,744
"I used to go in the bathroom
and jack off all the time
445
00:19:09,812 --> 00:19:12,280
and I was
afraid to tell you."
446
00:19:12,348 --> 00:19:13,915
And I was like, if I could--
447
00:19:13,983 --> 00:19:17,118
if I could murder one person,
it would be you.
448
00:19:17,186 --> 00:19:18,620
If I could kill one guy,
449
00:19:18,687 --> 00:19:20,391
it would be you,
you piece of shit!
450
00:19:24,717 --> 00:19:28,840
When I was about
six years old, maybe,
451
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,589
I stayed home
from school one day.
452
00:19:30,656 --> 00:19:33,225
I had a single mom
and she worked,
453
00:19:33,292 --> 00:19:34,493
so when I stayed
home from school,
454
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,494
I just got to be alone
in my house,
455
00:19:36,562 --> 00:19:38,630
and so one day I was
alone in my house watching TV--
456
00:19:38,697 --> 00:19:41,232
I think I was about six years
old, maybe seven,
457
00:19:41,299 --> 00:19:44,969
and I went and got my pillow
from my bed and I sat on it
458
00:19:45,036 --> 00:19:48,471
and I farted into it,
and then I decided--
459
00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:49,939
I was sick in my stomach,
460
00:19:50,007 --> 00:19:52,508
so I was like, I'm just gonna
fart into this pillow
461
00:19:52,576 --> 00:19:54,143
for as-- just all day.
462
00:19:54,211 --> 00:19:57,246
I mean, I just kt
farting into that pillow,
463
00:19:57,314 --> 00:19:59,182
just over and over again,
464
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:03,153
like, at least more
than 200 times,
465
00:20:03,221 --> 00:20:05,990
just for hours,
466
00:20:06,057 --> 00:20:09,493
and then I told myself,
I'm gonna smell this now
467
00:20:09,561 --> 00:20:12,964
because I've been farting into
it all day.
468
00:20:13,032 --> 00:20:15,166
And I just-- I had
the pillow and I just said,
469
00:20:15,234 --> 00:20:17,435
I'm just gonna go all at once
470
00:20:17,502 --> 00:20:19,036
and I just shoved it in my face
and I went--
471
00:20:19,104 --> 00:20:20,571
( snarling )
472
00:20:20,639 --> 00:20:22,906
And...
473
00:20:22,974 --> 00:20:25,508
I have never had an experience
474
00:20:25,576 --> 00:20:27,177
like that again in my life.
475
00:20:27,244 --> 00:20:30,146
I really feel like
I overstimulated myself
476
00:20:30,213 --> 00:20:33,716
at six years old because it,
like, jaded me for
477
00:20:33,783 --> 00:20:35,751
every other thing
that's ever happened.
478
00:20:38,088 --> 00:20:41,758
I watched a bum eat a rat
479
00:20:41,826 --> 00:20:44,093
and I was like, "So...
480
00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:46,763
I smelled 200 farts
when I was six."
481
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:56,969
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www.addic7ed.com
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00:20:57,019 --> 00:21:01,569
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