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1
00:00:09,967 --> 00:00:13,169
♪ louie, louie, louie, louie ♪
2
00:00:14,839 --> 00:00:17,874
♪ louie, louie
louie, louaaa ♪
3
00:00:19,377 --> 00:00:22,545
♪ louie, louie, louie, louie ♪
4
00:00:24,048 --> 00:00:27,150
♪ louie, louie
you're gonna cry ♪
5
00:00:28,686 --> 00:00:31,621
♪ louie, louie, louie, louie ♪
6
00:00:33,457 --> 00:00:36,359
♪ louie, louie
louie, louaaa ♪
7
00:00:38,029 --> 00:00:41,264
♪ louie, louie, louie, louie ♪
8
00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:45,969
♪ louie, louie
you're gonna die ♪
9
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:50,674
♪ louie, louie, louie, louie ♪
10
00:00:50,741 --> 00:00:52,008
( crowd laughing )
11
00:00:52,076 --> 00:00:54,644
It's amazing how entitled
people think they are.
12
00:00:54,712 --> 00:00:55,712
People really
think that they have
13
00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:57,781
Shit coming to them, y'know?
14
00:00:57,848 --> 00:01:00,417
And people think nothing bad
should ever happen to them.
15
00:01:00,484 --> 00:01:02,319
For some reason,
you shouldn't even have
16
00:01:02,386 --> 00:01:03,987
Accidents happen to you.
17
00:01:04,055 --> 00:01:05,989
I was in a restaurant the other
day, this guy, they spilled-
18
00:01:06,057 --> 00:01:07,791
The waiter spilled
some stuff on his coat
19
00:01:07,858 --> 00:01:09,025
And he did that thing
we all do now
20
00:01:09,093 --> 00:01:10,360
When we get stuff spilled on us.
21
00:01:10,428 --> 00:01:17,000
He was like, "what is
the meaning of this?"
22
00:01:17,068 --> 00:01:18,468
"do you know
who I am?"
23
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:20,003
Yeah, you're the asshole
who was sitting there
24
00:01:20,071 --> 00:01:23,606
When that happened, so what?
25
00:01:23,674 --> 00:01:25,108
Maybe you'll get
hit by a car someday.
26
00:01:25,176 --> 00:01:28,878
Nobody gives a shit.
27
00:01:28,946 --> 00:01:30,480
You're not entitled to
anything in this world.
28
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:31,648
You have to realize that.
29
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:33,183
From the moment
you're born,
30
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:35,719
From the moment
the last of your body
31
00:01:35,786 --> 00:01:37,320
Leaves your mother's vagina,
32
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,423
From the moment that your
foot stops touching
33
00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:44,394
Your mother's vagina
for the last time, hopefully,
34
00:01:44,462 --> 00:01:48,164
Unless you later kick your
mother in the vagina,
35
00:01:48,232 --> 00:01:51,801
Which you should not do.
36
00:01:51,869 --> 00:01:53,403
Just my opinion,
but you should not-
37
00:01:53,471 --> 00:01:56,106
There are very few
legitimate reasons
38
00:01:56,173 --> 00:01:59,509
To kick your mother
in the vagina.
39
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,145
There's seven
of them, actually.
40
00:02:02,213 --> 00:02:05,582
But I'm not gonna tell you what
they are 'cause you'll-
41
00:02:05,649 --> 00:02:06,850
I know what you'll do.
42
00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:16,092
( horn honking )
43
00:02:18,629 --> 00:02:20,030
( tires screeching )
44
00:02:21,232 --> 00:02:22,899
( horn honking )
45
00:02:25,469 --> 00:02:28,004
That's my fare, that is
my fare! This is my man!
46
00:02:28,072 --> 00:02:30,940
Shit on you, shit
on you! Shit on me?
47
00:02:31,008 --> 00:02:32,242
Blah-blah, blah-blah,
blah-blah!
48
00:02:32,309 --> 00:02:33,343
Blah-blah-blah!
49
00:02:33,411 --> 00:02:34,878
You get in, sir.
50
00:02:34,945 --> 00:02:36,980
You gein,
come on, get...
51
00:02:37,048 --> 00:02:38,248
Oh, shit!
52
00:02:38,315 --> 00:02:39,282
Oh, shit!
53
00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:42,652
( men shouting )
54
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:43,920
I kill you!
55
00:02:43,988 --> 00:02:46,656
Ahh, ahh!
56
00:02:46,724 --> 00:02:48,324
Get in, get in!
57
00:02:48,392 --> 00:02:52,028
( screaming )
58
00:02:52,096 --> 00:02:53,863
( tires screeching )
59
00:02:53,931 --> 00:02:56,266
( screaming )
60
00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:58,668
So I'm going to the airport.
61
00:02:58,736 --> 00:03:00,336
Can you take the midtown
tunnel? ( man ) yeah.
62
00:03:00,404 --> 00:03:02,305
I don't like the bridges.
63
00:03:02,373 --> 00:03:03,440
Yeah, okay.
64
00:03:13,851 --> 00:03:15,251
You can't do this.
65
00:03:15,319 --> 00:03:17,220
I have a reservation.
66
00:03:17,288 --> 00:03:18,721
You can't do this!
67
00:03:18,789 --> 00:03:19,889
Goddamn it!
68
00:03:19,957 --> 00:03:22,325
You people are
pieces of shit!
69
00:03:22,393 --> 00:03:25,095
Damn it, I have a goddamn
reservation!
70
00:03:25,162 --> 00:03:25,995
( woman ) sir
- no!
71
00:03:26,063 --> 00:03:31,768
You had no right.
72
00:03:31,802 --> 00:03:33,503
I'd be glad to put you
on a red-e
73
00:03:33,571 --> 00:03:36,473
Ugh, cocks!
74
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:37,907
A reservation,
all right?
75
00:03:37,975 --> 00:03:39,309
Don't you understand that?
76
00:03:39,376 --> 00:03:41,511
You're greedy,
you're just greedy.
77
00:03:41,579 --> 00:03:43,012
The whole airlines
is just greedy.
78
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,648
You push people,
you push people until they-
79
00:03:45,716 --> 00:03:48,251
Until they can't take it
anymore!
80
00:03:48,319 --> 00:03:49,619
( chuckling )
81
00:04:11,108 --> 00:04:12,041
Hi.
Good morning.
82
00:04:12,109 --> 00:04:13,243
How can I help you?
83
00:04:13,310 --> 00:04:16,246
I'm going to birmingham
on the 11:40 flight.
84
00:04:16,313 --> 00:04:18,181
Okay.
85
00:04:18,249 --> 00:04:20,116
Where are you
flying to?
86
00:04:20,184 --> 00:04:22,185
Birmingham.
87
00:04:22,253 --> 00:04:23,887
What time is
the flight?
88
00:04:23,954 --> 00:04:25,688
11:40.
89
00:04:25,756 --> 00:04:27,857
Okay, do you have any
identification?
90
00:04:27,925 --> 00:04:29,692
Uh, yeah, right here.
91
00:04:34,498 --> 00:04:35,798
Great.
92
00:04:35,866 --> 00:04:37,800
All right, here is
your boarding pass,
93
00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:40,470
And it is gate 32.
94
00:04:40,538 --> 00:04:41,804
Great, thank you.
95
00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:43,673
Oh, can I just
ask you, is it-
96
00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:45,542
How's the flight doing,
is it on time or...
97
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,415
I'm showing th that
flight is canceled.
98
00:04:55,219 --> 00:04:57,787
It's canceled?
Yes.
99
00:04:57,855 --> 00:04:59,422
But you just
gave me a seat on it.
100
00:04:59,490 --> 00:05:02,525
Yes, that was before
it was canceled.
101
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,861
What, was it canceled
four seconds ago?
102
00:05:07,097 --> 00:05:08,298
Yes.
103
00:05:08,365 --> 00:05:09,599
Why was it canceled?
104
00:05:09,667 --> 00:05:12,335
Is there weather,
what...
105
00:05:12,403 --> 00:05:14,604
( sighing )
106
00:05:14,672 --> 00:05:16,773
I'm showing that
107
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,776
It was coming from
miami and it crashed.
108
00:05:19,843 --> 00:05:21,544
It crashed?
109
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,980
Jesus, was-
was it bad?
110
00:05:27,885 --> 00:05:29,552
I'm showing...
111
00:05:33,557 --> 00:05:35,191
... That everybody died.
112
00:05:35,259 --> 00:05:36,793
Except one baby.
113
00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,698
Do you want to go
standby on the 1:15?
114
00:05:41,765 --> 00:05:43,333
Yeah, sure,
that'd be great.
115
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:48,871
You think I'll get on?
116
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,803
Is this your bag, sir?
Yeah.
117
00:06:20,871 --> 00:06:22,305
I need to check it
by hand over here.
118
00:06:22,373 --> 00:06:23,640
Okay.
119
00:06:30,381 --> 00:06:31,748
Sir, what is this?
120
00:06:34,385 --> 00:06:36,085
That's lube.
121
00:06:36,153 --> 00:06:37,353
Lube.
122
00:06:37,421 --> 00:06:38,688
Yup.
123
00:06:38,756 --> 00:06:41,090
Sir, you can't
carry this on the plane.
124
00:06:41,158 --> 00:06:42,959
I don't- I don't
need it on the plane.
125
00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:46,462
I need it for later
in the hotel.
126
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:47,730
Well, sir, if you'd like,
127
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,732
You can go through again
and mail it to yourself
128
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,468
Or you can check your
bag with the lube in it.
129
00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:54,070
I can keep it
if my bag is checked,
130
00:06:54,138 --> 00:06:55,505
I can keep it in there?
Yes, sir.
131
00:06:55,572 --> 00:06:57,940
Why- but if it's
dangerous-
132
00:06:58,008 --> 00:06:59,909
Is it dangerous?
No, it's not dangerous.
133
00:06:59,977 --> 00:07:02,011
I'm saying, if you're
technically afraid of it
134
00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:04,681
In my carry-,
then why-
135
00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:06,816
If it's a weapon
in there, that-
136
00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:10,386
I'm just saying,
why is it okay underneath?
137
00:07:10,454 --> 00:07:13,323
Why is it less of a threat
in the belly of the plane
138
00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:14,924
If it has some sort of-
139
00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:17,427
I'm not saying
this is a weapon.
140
00:07:17,494 --> 00:07:19,262
Sir, what's
in this bottle?
141
00:07:21,498 --> 00:07:23,266
Lube.
Lube?
142
00:07:23,334 --> 00:07:27,103
Yes, it's lubricant
for masturbating with.
143
00:07:27,171 --> 00:07:28,638
It's technically
made for sex,
144
00:07:28,706 --> 00:07:30,807
But I have personally
never used it that way.
145
00:07:30,874 --> 00:07:32,942
I use it to masturbate with.
146
00:07:35,212 --> 00:07:38,514
It's easier to masturbate
if I use this lubricant.
147
00:07:43,454 --> 00:07:46,289
Let him keep it.
148
00:07:46,357 --> 00:07:47,523
Thank you.
149
00:07:55,566 --> 00:07:57,700
Yeah, I don't care.
150
00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:58,935
Well, you know what
you should do?
151
00:07:59,002 --> 00:08:05,174
When you go in there,
just talk to- ask for-
152
00:08:05,242 --> 00:08:06,609
Ask for anlaughing )
153
00:08:06,677 --> 00:08:07,877
Most of these situations,
154
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,212
They don't even know
what they're doing.
155
00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:11,114
Just play stupid,
you know?
156
00:08:11,181 --> 00:08:12,281
Uh-huh.
157
00:08:12,349 --> 00:08:13,916
Well, you...
158
00:08:13,984 --> 00:08:15,985
I mean, if you're betting
on the jets, you moron.
159
00:08:16,053 --> 00:08:17,520
Let me ask you a question.
160
00:08:17,588 --> 00:08:19,589
You think the jets really
have a chance of winning?
161
00:08:19,656 --> 00:08:21,324
Yeah, I do,
I think they have a chance.
162
00:08:21,392 --> 00:08:23,426
Who told you that?
Uh, mike.
163
00:08:23,494 --> 00:08:24,927
And where you
gonna go after that?
164
00:08:24,995 --> 00:08:26,396
I'm gonna go to the park.
Ahh!
165
00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:28,164
You know what, you gotta
do what you gotta do,
166
00:08:28,232 --> 00:08:29,932
But I don't think that's
gonna make a difference
167
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,501
Down there with those guys.
168
00:08:36,206 --> 00:08:37,473
( groaning )
169
00:08:44,047 --> 00:08:45,448
( sighing )
170
00:08:53,657 --> 00:08:55,892
( sighing )
171
00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,697
How you doin'?
Okay.
172
00:09:01,765 --> 00:09:02,999
Good.
173
00:09:06,537 --> 00:09:08,504
Can I have a glass
of water, please?
174
00:09:08,572 --> 00:09:11,007
( woman )
just a minute.
175
00:09:11,074 --> 00:09:12,708
Small plane.
Yeah.
176
00:09:24,421 --> 00:09:25,788
( man )
uh, ladies and gentlemen,
177
00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:28,291
This is your captain,
jeff taymor.
178
00:09:28,358 --> 00:09:30,092
Thanks for joining us to
birmingham this afternoon.
179
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,328
Uh, we're gonna have
a slight delay here
180
00:09:32,396 --> 00:09:35,264
Due to weather
in birmingham.
181
00:09:35,332 --> 00:09:37,066
Haven't got enough clearance
to take off yet due to
182
00:09:37,134 --> 00:09:40,603
Severe, uh, tornado,
hurricane, uh...
183
00:09:40,671 --> 00:09:42,271
Perfect storm.
184
00:09:42,339 --> 00:09:44,974
In addition to that, we have
a few maintenance issues.
185
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,742
Broken wing
and something's wrong with
186
00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:49,579
The, uh, safety-related
part of the plane.
187
00:09:49,646 --> 00:09:51,781
We'll be
getting on our way here
188
00:09:51,849 --> 00:09:53,483
In just a few minutes,
though.
189
00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:55,551
Should be to
birmingham on time.
190
00:09:55,619 --> 00:09:57,720
Thanks for flying with us, and
sit back and enjoy the ride.
191
00:10:05,629 --> 00:10:08,397
( rattling )
192
00:10:08,465 --> 00:10:09,499
Whoa.
193
00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:11,033
Yeah.
194
00:10:12,703 --> 00:10:14,871
( rattling )
195
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:22,912
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
we're hitting
196
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:24,747
And it should be
pretty rough going
197
00:10:24,815 --> 00:10:26,282
As we poke through it.
198
00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:28,351
Please, for your own safety,
stay in your seats
199
00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:29,685
With your
seat belts fastened.
200
00:10:29,753 --> 00:10:31,220
Nothing to worry about, though.
201
00:10:31,288 --> 00:10:32,755
We'll have you on the ground
in a few minutes.
202
00:10:32,823 --> 00:10:33,956
God have mercy
on all our souls.
203
00:10:35,526 --> 00:10:37,026
Flight attendants,
prepare for landing.
204
00:10:41,431 --> 00:10:42,565
Ladies and gentlemen-
205
00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:44,233
( rattling )
uh...
206
00:10:44,301 --> 00:10:45,368
Never mind, folks.
207
00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:46,569
I, uh...
208
00:10:46,637 --> 00:10:49,171
Uh... Oh, man...
209
00:10:49,239 --> 00:10:51,173
Ahh, ahh, ahh...
210
00:10:53,644 --> 00:10:55,611
Think we're gonna die
right now? I don't know.
211
00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:57,480
You think?
I don't know, man.
212
00:10:57,548 --> 00:10:58,948
Oh!
Ahh!
213
00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:00,116
( woman )
no, no!
214
00:11:00,183 --> 00:11:02,218
Jesus, god, no!
Jesus!
215
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:05,254
Jesus, god, no!
216
00:11:05,322 --> 00:11:06,822
That's the sound
somebody makes
217
00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:08,858
When you're about
to die. Yeah.
218
00:11:12,229 --> 00:11:15,631
( all screaming )
219
00:11:15,699 --> 00:11:18,367
Oh, shit, shit!
220
00:11:18,435 --> 00:11:24,040
( screaming )
221
00:11:30,514 --> 00:11:31,747
Oh, man, that was-
222
00:11:31,815 --> 00:11:34,317
Oh, boy.
223
00:11:34,384 --> 00:11:36,218
Well, so long, dennis.
224
00:11:36,286 --> 00:11:37,386
Take care, louie.
225
00:11:43,321 --> 00:11:45,055
( crowd laughing )
226
00:11:45,123 --> 00:11:47,124
Anyway, I...
227
00:11:47,191 --> 00:11:48,725
I feel pretty good
because I finally have
228
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:51,695
The body that I want.
229
00:11:51,763 --> 00:11:53,930
And it's actually- it's
actually really easy to have
230
00:11:53,998 --> 00:11:55,198
The body you want.
231
00:11:55,266 --> 00:11:57,601
You just have to want
a shitty body.
232
00:11:57,668 --> 00:11:59,136
( crowd laughing )
233
00:11:59,203 --> 00:12:01,905
( man ) hey, man, say
some shit about mobile.
234
00:12:01,973 --> 00:12:03,106
( man )
yeah!
235
00:12:03,174 --> 00:12:04,374
What?
236
00:12:04,442 --> 00:12:07,410
Say some shit
about mobile.
237
00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:08,979
Why?
238
00:12:09,046 --> 00:12:13,950
( man )
you in birmingham, buddy.
239
00:12:14,018 --> 00:12:15,552
Onna-
240
00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:17,854
I'm not gonna say some
shit about mobile.
241
00:12:17,922 --> 00:12:19,556
Oh, just say
some shit, man.
242
00:12:19,624 --> 00:12:21,158
( man ) come on, man! (
man ) just say some shit.
243
00:12:21,225 --> 00:12:24,027
I don't care about mobile,
I don't care about birmingham.
244
00:12:24,095 --> 00:12:26,363
If you really want my opinion,
you can take both those towns
245
00:12:26,430 --> 00:12:27,831
And shove 'em both
up your ass.
246
00:12:27,899 --> 00:12:29,566
Man, you suck!
247
00:12:29,634 --> 00:12:30,901
Suck!
248
00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:33,136
You suck!
249
00:12:33,204 --> 00:12:34,337
( man )
faggot!
250
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:35,639
( crowd jeering )
251
00:12:35,706 --> 00:12:37,107
Come on, man.
252
00:12:37,175 --> 00:12:39,509
I just want to
do my act.
253
00:12:39,577 --> 00:12:41,678
( man )
go back home, yankee!
254
00:12:41,746 --> 00:12:43,346
( man ) I paid good
money for these! Hey, man-
255
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,015
Okay, come on.
256
00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:49,853
( sighing )
257
00:12:57,995 --> 00:13:00,263
( man )
I like it.
258
00:13:00,331 --> 00:13:02,399
Alison, I have a little surprise
for you tonight.
259
00:13:02,466 --> 00:13:05,202
Instead of the usual thing
I get every single time,
260
00:13:05,269 --> 00:13:06,503
I know what I want.
261
00:13:06,571 --> 00:13:08,138
Where the hell am I?
262
00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:10,207
With the soup on it.
263
00:13:10,274 --> 00:13:13,276
400 times, never get it this
time but I'll get it tonight.
264
00:13:17,682 --> 00:13:20,851
Hi.
265
00:13:20,918 --> 00:13:23,186
You're that comedian guy.
266
00:13:23,254 --> 00:13:24,354
Um...
Right?
267
00:13:24,422 --> 00:13:26,389
You're that comedian guy?
268
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:27,657
Yeah.
269
00:13:31,329 --> 00:13:34,631
My sister's
a big fan of you.
270
00:13:34,699 --> 00:13:36,533
Oh.
271
00:13:36,601 --> 00:13:37,901
Great big fan.
272
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:42,072
Well, that's-
273
00:13:42,139 --> 00:13:45,675
She wants to meet you,
but she's shy.
274
00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:48,478
Do you want
to meet my sister?
275
00:13:48,546 --> 00:13:50,013
She's a great big
fan of you.
276
00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:51,615
Yeah, well, I-
she's right over there.
277
00:13:57,154 --> 00:13:59,422
Want to meet her?
278
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:00,824
You want to
meet her.
279
00:14:03,027 --> 00:14:04,160
Sure.
280
00:14:04,228 --> 00:14:05,295
Okay.
281
00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:15,071
This is doreen.
282
00:14:15,139 --> 00:14:16,072
Hi.
283
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:17,407
She's a big fan
of you.
284
00:14:17,475 --> 00:14:19,075
Hi.
Oh, my god, hi.
285
00:14:19,143 --> 00:14:20,877
Hi, thank you.
286
00:14:20,945 --> 00:14:22,479
Hi.
Go on.
287
00:14:22,546 --> 00:14:24,180
Sit down.
288
00:14:24,248 --> 00:14:25,248
Go on.
289
00:14:25,316 --> 00:14:31,922
I'm a really
big fan of you.
290
00:14:31,989 --> 00:14:33,456
Sure, okay.
291
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:41,197
Hi.
292
00:14:41,265 --> 00:14:43,466
I... I used to
watch your show
293
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:46,403
And I've seen all your
comedy and just-
294
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,004
I think you're so funny.
295
00:14:48,072 --> 00:14:49,239
Thank you very much.
296
00:14:49,307 --> 00:14:50,607
Thanks, that's nice.
297
00:14:50,675 --> 00:14:51,875
You had a show
in town tonight?
298
00:14:51,943 --> 00:14:53,944
Yeah, I was at
the burkham theatre.
299
00:14:54,011 --> 00:14:55,378
I know, I wanted to
get tickets,
300
00:14:55,446 --> 00:14:56,680
But it was
too much, so...
301
00:14:56,747 --> 00:14:58,348
Oh, sorry.
302
00:14:58,416 --> 00:14:59,683
But I knew
you were in town
303
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:02,953
And we were sitting here
and you walked in,
304
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,755
And I said to curtis,
"oh, my god, that's him!"
305
00:15:05,823 --> 00:15:07,157
Oh, yeah?
306
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:16,700
So you guys are
from around here, or...
307
00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:18,435
Yeah.
308
00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:21,705
Yeah, just a couple of
nobodies from birmingham.
309
00:15:21,772 --> 00:15:22,906
Oh, don't say that.
310
00:15:22,974 --> 00:15:25,041
Well, you're
from new york.
311
00:15:25,109 --> 00:15:27,143
Yeah, well, new york
is full of nobodies.
312
00:15:27,211 --> 00:15:28,678
I mean, everybody's nobody.
313
00:15:31,148 --> 00:15:33,316
You're really smart.
314
00:15:33,384 --> 00:15:34,484
Not really.
315
00:15:34,552 --> 00:15:36,219
Yeah, you are.
316
00:15:36,287 --> 00:15:37,620
I just think
you're great.
317
00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:42,392
Your comedy is just
so smart and funny.
318
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:43,560
( sighing )
319
00:15:45,262 --> 00:15:47,764
Thank you, thank you,
that's really nice.
320
00:15:47,832 --> 00:15:50,834
She's a great big
fan of you.
321
00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:52,435
Can I say something
kind of weird?
322
00:15:52,503 --> 00:15:54,738
Sure.
323
00:15:54,805 --> 00:15:58,575
I mean, it's not weird,
it's just kind of-
324
00:15:58,642 --> 00:15:59,943
Well, I never
thought I'd meet you.
325
00:16:00,011 --> 00:16:01,511
I mean, I never even
imagined it,
326
00:16:01,579 --> 00:16:03,346
But here you
are and I just-
327
00:16:03,414 --> 00:16:06,916
I want to tell
you that...
328
00:16:06,984 --> 00:16:08,685
I think you're sexy.
329
00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:11,955
Sexy.
330
00:16:16,761 --> 00:16:19,963
Well, doreen,
that's really nice.
331
00:16:20,031 --> 00:16:24,768
And it was really nice
to meet yo but I...
332
00:16:24,835 --> 00:16:27,404
Oh, you're leaving?
333
00:16:27,471 --> 00:16:29,172
Yeah, you know,
I got a flight to catch
334
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,708
And so I should
probably go.
335
00:16:33,878 --> 00:16:34,878
I gotta go.
336
00:16:34,945 --> 00:16:36,413
It was nice to
meet you, though.
337
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,081
It was really nice
to meet you,
338
00:16:38,149 --> 00:16:39,482
Both of you.
339
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,194
It was nice to-
340
00:16:51,262 --> 00:16:52,462
It was nice
to meet you.
341
00:17:09,944 --> 00:17:11,878
So what's wrong?
342
00:17:11,946 --> 00:17:13,947
You don't like
my sister?
343
00:17:14,014 --> 00:17:17,050
She's a big fan of you,
but you don't like her?
344
00:17:17,117 --> 00:17:18,551
Hey, man-
345
00:17:18,619 --> 00:17:20,486
Hey, man!
346
00:17:20,554 --> 00:17:21,688
Hey.
347
00:17:21,755 --> 00:17:23,056
Hey, what?
348
00:17:23,123 --> 00:17:25,391
You think you're too good
for my sister?
349
00:17:25,459 --> 00:17:27,026
You don't want to
make out with her.
350
00:17:27,094 --> 00:17:30,029
You want to make
her cry instead.
351
00:17:30,097 --> 00:17:31,197
Listen, curtis-
352
00:17:31,265 --> 00:17:32,966
I told you.
353
00:17:33,033 --> 00:17:36,903
My sister is
a big fan of you.
354
00:17:36,971 --> 00:17:39,305
And she said some nice
things to you.
355
00:17:39,373 --> 00:17:41,474
And now you're gonna-
356
00:17:49,717 --> 00:17:51,217
Hey, thanks a lot
for that back there.
357
00:17:51,285 --> 00:17:52,318
That was pretty scary.
358
00:17:52,386 --> 00:17:53,886
Mmm.
359
00:17:53,954 --> 00:17:56,255
I never had anybody
point a gun at me before.
360
00:17:56,323 --> 00:17:58,091
Yeah.
361
00:17:58,158 --> 00:18:04,797
Well, it's a pretty regular
thing around here.
362
00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:11,270
Well...
363
00:18:11,338 --> 00:18:13,172
Here's your hotel.
364
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,474
Great.
365
00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:15,975
Listen, thanks,
thanks again.
366
00:18:16,043 --> 00:18:17,010
Sure.
Appreciate it.
367
00:18:17,077 --> 00:18:19,479
Sure.
368
00:18:19,546 --> 00:18:22,281
I guess I did
help you out.
369
00:18:22,349 --> 00:18:24,517
Yeah, you could
say that again.
370
00:18:24,585 --> 00:18:28,054
You know, sometimes when
someone helps somebody,
371
00:18:28,122 --> 00:18:30,289
They maybe get
something in return.
372
00:18:33,861 --> 00:18:36,596
Yeah, like- like-
like what?
373
00:18:36,664 --> 00:18:38,531
Well, like...
374
00:18:38,599 --> 00:18:40,600
Kiss on the lips
would be nice.
375
00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:50,510
Are you being serious?
376
00:18:50,577 --> 00:18:54,914
I'm not a homosexual,
don't get the wrong idea.
377
00:18:54,982 --> 00:18:57,483
I'd just like a kiss
on the lips is all.
378
00:19:00,954 --> 00:19:02,789
( sighing )
379
00:19:02,856 --> 00:19:05,224
Wow.
380
00:19:05,292 --> 00:19:07,126
The south
really is different.
381
00:19:08,796 --> 00:19:11,864
I mean, people
always say it
382
00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:13,332
And I always say, "no.
383
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,667
People are
the same everywhere."
384
00:19:14,735 --> 00:19:18,571
But, no, it really is very
different down here, man.
385
00:19:18,639 --> 00:19:21,007
Look, you go on
now to your hotel,
386
00:19:21,075 --> 00:19:22,675
You forget I said it.
387
00:19:22,743 --> 00:19:24,510
Listen.
388
00:19:24,578 --> 00:19:27,580
You really
helped me out tonight.
389
00:19:27,648 --> 00:19:29,315
I'm...
390
00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:32,618
I mean, I never kissed a man
on the lips before.
391
00:19:32,686 --> 00:19:33,953
But I don't-
392
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:37,523
I don't have a really
compelling reason why not.
393
00:19:37,591 --> 00:19:39,459
And... I don't know,
394
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,027
If it'll
make you happy.
395
00:19:57,411 --> 00:19:58,678
Thanks.
396
00:19:58,746 --> 00:19:59,545
Okay.
397
00:19:59,613 --> 00:20:02,415
Good night.
398
00:20:12,829 --> 00:20:17,301
Transcript by Addic7ed.com
399
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:20,861
( woman ) you're gonna
have to check that bag.
400
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,496
There's just no way.
401
00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:24,464
But I always
fly with this bag.
402
00:20:24,532 --> 00:20:26,166
But it's not gonna
fit in the overhead.
403
00:20:26,234 --> 00:20:27,434
You can see that.
404
00:20:27,502 --> 00:20:28,769
But I fly with
this bag all the time
405
00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,570
In this type of airplane
and it always fits.
406
00:20:30,638 --> 00:20:32,506
Ma'am, just let
me check the bag.
407
00:20:32,573 --> 00:20:35,008
No, no, it'll fit-
I fly all the time.
408
00:20:35,076 --> 00:20:36,143
Yeah, but it doesn't-
409
00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:38,578
That doesn't affect
the size of the bag.
410
00:20:38,646 --> 00:20:39,913
The amount that you fly
411
00:20:39,981 --> 00:20:43,417
Doesn't make the bag
smaller or that bigger.
412
00:20:43,484 --> 00:20:46,353
Just look at it, look at it
with your eyes.
413
00:20:46,421 --> 00:20:48,322
Your real eyes,
not the crazy eyes.
414
00:20:50,491 --> 00:20:53,160
www.addic7ed.com
415
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:57,760
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