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1
00:00:00,819 --> 00:00:03,522
One controversy can kill a product.
2
00:00:06,513 --> 00:00:07,794
Fix this.
3
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:11,803
Hey, Lori, you know,
4
00:00:11,869 --> 00:00:13,776
this is all a misunderstanding, okay?
5
00:00:13,801 --> 00:00:16,206
George, look, I can fix a lot of things.
6
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:17,908
Product delays, distribution jam-ups.
7
00:00:17,975 --> 00:00:20,053
FTC regulations.
8
00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,878
But I can't fix your
problem with Latinos.
9
00:00:23,111 --> 00:00:24,113
You have to.
10
00:00:24,179 --> 00:00:26,248
Yes, I know, Lori, all right? And I will.
11
00:00:26,315 --> 00:00:28,195
Just as soon as we go
out and have a nice...
12
00:00:29,151 --> 00:00:30,862
I'm on it. I'll do it right now.
13
00:00:31,426 --> 00:00:35,363
14
00:00:39,863 --> 00:00:40,887
Thank you.
15
00:00:41,381 --> 00:00:43,953
I mean, muchisima gracias.
16
00:00:44,249 --> 00:00:45,453
You know, Manolo,
17
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,007
this place has some of
the best beef tamales
18
00:00:48,061 --> 00:00:49,463
in all of Los Angeles.
19
00:00:49,504 --> 00:00:51,249
They're so authentically Mexican,
20
00:00:51,273 --> 00:00:54,209
like me, George Lopez,
authentically Mexican.
21
00:00:55,049 --> 00:00:56,366
Yeah, they're really good.
22
00:00:56,611 --> 00:00:59,003
Yeah, los gringos, they don't
know what they're missing.
23
00:00:59,174 --> 00:01:00,850
Especially that pendejo Donald Trump.
24
00:01:00,915 --> 00:01:02,250
People think you love him.
25
00:01:02,317 --> 00:01:04,363
Man, I still can't believe
you played golf with him.
26
00:01:04,457 --> 00:01:05,626
By the way, who won?
27
00:01:05,692 --> 00:01:06,694
[chuckling] That's right, Manolo.
28
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,894
Thank you for bringing that up
29
00:01:07,962 --> 00:01:09,564
and reminding me of who I play golf with.
30
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:11,132
I play golf with Salma Hayek.
31
00:01:11,198 --> 00:01:14,267
I play golf with Lee Trevino,
Chi-Chi Rodriguez, Cesar Ch?vez.
32
00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,570
Me and Cesar Ch?vez
played when I was little.
33
00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:18,265
We'd work in the fields half-day.
34
00:01:18,306 --> 00:01:20,137
And then play nine holes
the rest of the day.
35
00:01:20,162 --> 00:01:21,977
Isn't that right, Manolo?
36
00:01:22,568 --> 00:01:24,246
- Yes.
- Where's El Hector?
37
00:01:24,312 --> 00:01:26,067
I thought he was gonna meet us here.
38
00:01:26,107 --> 00:01:27,743
Oh, he's getting together with Lori.
39
00:01:28,042 --> 00:01:29,444
Oh, yeah, that's right. [nervous chuckle]
40
00:01:29,511 --> 00:01:31,646
Do you remember exactly what
they were gonna meet about
41
00:01:31,712 --> 00:01:33,830
or you can recall his exact works?
42
00:01:34,182 --> 00:01:35,492
Exact words:
43
00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:37,615
"Man, Lori is woke.
44
00:01:38,073 --> 00:01:40,061
I mean, she's lit, tight."
45
00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:41,641
Uh...
46
00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:43,978
[laughter]
47
00:01:44,044 --> 00:01:45,364
What's everybody laughing at?
48
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,217
[speaking Spanish]
49
00:01:52,198 --> 00:01:53,533
Hey, look, it's Platanito.
50
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,002
I love that show. Mommy does, too.
51
00:01:56,070 --> 00:01:58,105
She love Platanito as
much as she hates you.
52
00:01:58,171 --> 00:02:00,173
That's how everyone
around here feels now.
53
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,876
Yeah, well, excuse me for
wearing suits when I work
54
00:02:02,943 --> 00:02:05,446
and not a fright wig
with long, red shoes.
55
00:02:05,512 --> 00:02:07,346
Hey, jefe, maybe
you should go on Platanito.
56
00:02:07,413 --> 00:02:09,834
You can explain what happened
with the white supremacists.
57
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:12,368
Might get your Mexican
fans to like you again.
58
00:02:12,369 --> 00:02:14,002
[clears throat] You know, that
sounds like a good idea, Manolo,
59
00:02:14,069 --> 00:02:15,838
but, you know, you
don't know that Platanito
60
00:02:15,905 --> 00:02:18,407
and I, we have a little, you
know, we got a little history.
61
00:02:18,784 --> 00:02:20,823
Right, I forgot.
He thinks you're a sell-out.
62
00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:22,201
Yeah, I'm a sell-out, all right.
63
00:02:22,202 --> 00:02:24,137
I sell-out stadiums, huh?
64
00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:25,591
Smaller arenas.
65
00:02:26,014 --> 00:02:27,499
Right there in Hemet.
66
00:02:28,405 --> 00:02:30,575
I'll tell you something about
Platanito: You're his biggest fan.
67
00:02:30,642 --> 00:02:31,942
First time he saw me,
comes up, he's, like,
68
00:02:32,009 --> 00:02:34,279
"Hey, George Lopez." Got
a big smile on his face.
69
00:02:34,345 --> 00:02:36,480
"I'm so happy for you
and all of your success."
70
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,215
Then he stops. Smile disappears.
71
00:02:38,281 --> 00:02:39,816
He goes, "No, I'm not.
72
00:02:39,884 --> 00:02:42,487
Every time I see you on TV,
I think that should be me."
73
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:45,156
Huh? And even though he's a big success,
74
00:02:45,222 --> 00:02:46,490
he still has a problem with me.
75
00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:47,926
He thinks I don't respect his comedy.
76
00:02:48,243 --> 00:02:51,963
Wow, Platanito's a legend
and he hates your guts.
77
00:02:52,029 --> 00:02:54,498
Seriously? That's what you're
getting from this story?
78
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,908
[speaking Spanish]
79
00:02:57,567 --> 00:02:59,170
Eat your beef tamales.
80
00:02:59,237 --> 00:03:00,552
They're delicious.
81
00:03:01,902 --> 00:03:05,204
82
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,438
When I do my report on "Huckleberry Finn"
83
00:03:07,504 --> 00:03:09,573
I wonder if it's okay
if I just call him Jim.
84
00:03:11,975 --> 00:03:13,214
[whistle alert]
85
00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:17,058
Oh, my God, I get a hold of Olly, man.
86
00:03:17,083 --> 00:03:18,552
If this controversy keeps growing,
87
00:03:18,614 --> 00:03:20,921
it's gonna derail "Valleys,"
I'll never get it back on track.
88
00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:24,052
I donated to just about every
Latino charity in L.A., right?
89
00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:26,456
I've built half of the
sports fields in San Fernando.
90
00:03:26,522 --> 00:03:28,258
And the only thing getting traction
91
00:03:28,325 --> 00:03:30,826
are these fake news stories
about me... Look at this one:
92
00:03:31,288 --> 00:03:34,799
"Donald Trump is considering his
good friend and trusted adviser,
93
00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:38,269
George Lopez for the post of
Minister of Mexican Affairs."
94
00:03:38,336 --> 00:03:40,705
There is no Minister of Mexican Affairs.
95
00:03:40,771 --> 00:03:44,108
"Replacing Scott Baio who is
rumored to be moving to the UN."
96
00:03:44,175 --> 00:03:45,942
Yo, G, you got a crush?
97
00:03:46,009 --> 00:03:47,478
These flowers just came in for you.
98
00:03:47,545 --> 00:03:49,480
- From who?
- From, like, some fraternity?
99
00:03:49,546 --> 00:03:50,595
Fraternity?
100
00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:55,646
From the Brotherhood
of White Supremacists.
101
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,839
I saw those dudes. I
thought they were cholos.
102
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,188
They were skinheads.
103
00:04:00,064 --> 00:04:02,394
Pale cholos, they ain't no pale cholos.
104
00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:05,401
[George] Oh, my God, how
do we make this go away?
105
00:04:05,469 --> 00:04:06,769
George, I've been looking into it.
106
00:04:06,836 --> 00:04:08,771
The thing we need to do
is hire a crisis manager.
107
00:04:08,839 --> 00:04:10,039
No, I got a good PR person.
108
00:04:10,107 --> 00:04:12,543
Yeah, but this is like
a PR guy on steroids.
109
00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,545
Oh, he specializes in problems like this.
110
00:04:14,611 --> 00:04:17,026
The guy I'm talking to
handled Paula Deen...
111
00:04:17,051 --> 00:04:18,781
Michael Richards, remember?
112
00:04:18,848 --> 00:04:20,884
Basically celebrities who
bad-mouth Black people.
113
00:04:20,952 --> 00:04:22,452
But he's looking to branch out.
114
00:04:22,519 --> 00:04:24,854
That's horrible, and it sounds expensive.
115
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,356
It's gonna cost less than your career.
116
00:04:26,423 --> 00:04:28,758
- The network is not happy.
- Really? What did you hear?
117
00:04:28,824 --> 00:04:31,560
Not what she heard, it's what I heard.
118
00:04:31,627 --> 00:04:32,928
Yeah, Pfeiffer, what did you hear?
119
00:04:32,995 --> 00:04:34,897
Well, you're not gonna believe this.
120
00:04:34,964 --> 00:04:37,233
But, hold on, what happened
to my leftover Chinese food?
121
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,836
- Did you eat it?
- No.
122
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:41,271
Well, it didn't just
sprout legs and walk away.
123
00:04:41,338 --> 00:04:42,755
Well, I'm not lying.
124
00:04:42,755 --> 00:04:44,258
Wait, what, did you hear from
the network or from Rachel...
125
00:04:44,324 --> 00:04:46,894
Mom, what happened to the Chinese food?
126
00:04:46,961 --> 00:04:48,862
I threw it out, sweetie, sorry.
127
00:04:48,929 --> 00:04:50,497
- Oh, hi, George.
- Hi.
128
00:04:50,564 --> 00:04:52,199
- Can I make you a sandwich?
- Oh, no, no,
129
00:04:52,266 --> 00:04:53,767
- I'm fine, thanks.
- Why would you throw it out?
130
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,925
It was three days old and half empty.
131
00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:57,905
Half empty? I barely touched it.
132
00:04:57,972 --> 00:04:59,274
Okay, I had a little.
133
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,975
Jesus, do I have to write
my name on everything?
134
00:05:01,042 --> 00:05:02,444
I bought that with my own money.
135
00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:03,677
There's no way in hell you paid for that.
136
00:05:03,744 --> 00:05:05,345
- Mom paid for that.
- She earned it.
137
00:05:05,412 --> 00:05:07,180
- She brought in the garbage cans.
- Big deal.
138
00:05:07,247 --> 00:05:09,249
God dammit! What did the
network say, Pfeiffer?
139
00:05:09,316 --> 00:05:11,943
I'm sorry, Pf... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
140
00:05:13,025 --> 00:05:14,873
They said they're not happy about it.
141
00:05:16,825 --> 00:05:17,901
I'm sorry.
142
00:05:19,565 --> 00:05:21,660
Will you tell your mom... that I'm sorry.
143
00:05:21,699 --> 00:05:23,564
- You need to get an office.
- Yeah.
144
00:05:24,093 --> 00:05:25,265
I'll set something up
with the crisis guy.
145
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:27,550
Yeah? Where does he
work out of, a camper?
146
00:05:27,613 --> 00:05:28,736
Not a bad idea.
147
00:05:29,687 --> 00:05:33,518
Okay, see, then you have to
take this part and divide it.
148
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,861
And then into that part...
149
00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:36,243
Hey! What's happening?
150
00:05:36,311 --> 00:05:38,046
- We were studying.
- Okay.
151
00:05:38,829 --> 00:05:40,718
- George, this is my teacher, Wendy.
- Hey, Wendy.
152
00:05:40,743 --> 00:05:42,437
- Hey Wendy, nice to meet you.
- Hi.
153
00:05:42,498 --> 00:05:44,546
Wow, a teacher that comes to
the house; that's dedication.
154
00:05:44,571 --> 00:05:47,438
Yes, that's exactly what it
is, and, uh, he's an adult
155
00:05:47,505 --> 00:05:50,117
and there's nothing to
report to anybody, you know?
156
00:05:50,331 --> 00:05:52,108
Oh, jefe, there's something
I need to tell you.
157
00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:55,388
My mommy is planning on suing
you for stealing her grill idea.
158
00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:58,114
- What?
- [alerts play, vibrates]
159
00:05:58,597 --> 00:06:00,633
Hey, Hector says we gotta turn on GVN.
160
00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:02,501
What do you mean your mom is suing me?
161
00:06:02,568 --> 00:06:04,405
[Hector] You all have to listen up.
162
00:06:04,470 --> 00:06:06,653
Grab your phone and call right now.
163
00:06:06,653 --> 00:06:07,987
This grill is amazing.
164
00:06:08,054 --> 00:06:09,770
You gotta get it, you gotta buy it.
165
00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:11,330
Oh, my God, he's selling the grill.
166
00:06:11,397 --> 00:06:13,767
Lori's got him selling
the grill without me.
167
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,467
And all for 29.95.
168
00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:17,871
And he's humping the
product and the price.
169
00:06:17,938 --> 00:06:19,473
I guess he can just do it all, huh?
170
00:06:19,539 --> 00:06:21,775
Just grillin' and chillin'.
First you grill.
171
00:06:22,127 --> 00:06:23,275
Then you chill.
172
00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,878
That's probably what the
little meeting was about.
173
00:06:24,943 --> 00:06:26,313
Son of a bitch!
174
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:28,548
Hector's moving up in the
world. He's on the rise.
175
00:06:28,614 --> 00:06:29,682
Isn't that what you wanted?
176
00:06:29,748 --> 00:06:31,184
Yeah, but not with me slipping.
177
00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:33,286
She's giving up on me,
man, she's moving on.
178
00:06:33,562 --> 00:06:37,222
You know, 29.95 is a little
steep for a teacher's pay.
179
00:06:37,289 --> 00:06:39,806
How many payments you think
we could break that up into?
180
00:06:41,126 --> 00:06:42,585
That's a good problem for you.
181
00:06:43,597 --> 00:06:45,663
No, we're not that far yet.
182
00:06:46,519 --> 00:06:49,424
We got pollo, carnita, machaca...
183
00:06:49,449 --> 00:06:50,918
She's betting on Hector, not me.
184
00:06:51,218 --> 00:06:52,552
You don't know that.
185
00:06:52,619 --> 00:06:54,221
Well, I don't come up
looking like a winner.
186
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,605
I come up looking like a loser.
187
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,585
And she don't look like the
type of woman that's into losers.
188
00:06:57,652 --> 00:06:59,219
She's probably, like,
one of those directors
189
00:06:59,287 --> 00:07:01,054
that always has sex with the stars.
190
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,223
- Relax, jefe.
- How can I relax?
191
00:07:03,291 --> 00:07:05,026
Probably can't keep her hands off him.
192
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,561
Mm, I know I couldn't. [chuckling]
193
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,397
Because that boy is fine!
194
00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:11,899
Listen, be honest with me.
Give it to me straight.
195
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,501
Is he your jail wife?
196
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,102
- Traitor.
- Jefe...
197
00:07:15,169 --> 00:07:17,238
you're doing that thing that I'm
supposed to stop you from doing.
198
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:18,905
- Catasrophe...
- Catastrophizing?
199
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,708
- Yeah.
- That's because it's true.
200
00:07:21,189 --> 00:07:23,578
Every problem I got
comes from the same thing.
201
00:07:23,938 --> 00:07:25,137
That controversy.
202
00:07:25,534 --> 00:07:27,100
Screw it, man, you know what?
203
00:07:28,609 --> 00:07:30,704
- I'ma do it.
- What are you gonna do?
204
00:07:30,729 --> 00:07:31,897
I'm gonna go on Platanito.
205
00:07:31,963 --> 00:07:33,466
What's Platanito?
206
00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:35,668
Hey, whatever it is,
put some cheese on mine.
207
00:07:35,733 --> 00:07:36,922
[laughing]
208
00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:38,833
He's like the Mexican Johnny Carson.
209
00:07:38,899 --> 00:07:40,736
- Oh.
- Yeah, I gotta get hold of Lori.
210
00:07:40,803 --> 00:07:42,492
I think I can get this under control.
211
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,326
Man, I feel bad for my jefe.
212
00:07:45,391 --> 00:07:46,625
Yeah, me too.
213
00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:48,973
What type of bathtub you
think he's got upstairs?
214
00:07:48,998 --> 00:07:50,344
Let's go check it out.
215
00:07:50,377 --> 00:07:52,216
[laughing]
216
00:07:53,578 --> 00:07:55,584
The show that you wanna
be on is Platanito.
217
00:07:55,624 --> 00:07:56,891
But that's not his real name.
218
00:07:56,958 --> 00:07:58,427
No, no, but, it, it... That's brilliant.
219
00:07:58,494 --> 00:08:00,897
He's a combination of
Carson, Kimmel and Fallon
220
00:08:00,963 --> 00:08:02,898
all rolled into one,
and he's very authentic,
221
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,800
and he's very trusted by his audience.
222
00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:06,902
Wow, you really do know who he is.
223
00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,236
He has a makeup line.
224
00:08:08,304 --> 00:08:09,571
We were gonna make a deal with him,
225
00:08:09,638 --> 00:08:10,706
but we went with you instead.
226
00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:11,907
In retrospect, I just...
227
00:08:11,973 --> 00:08:13,207
What do you mean, in retrospect?
228
00:08:13,586 --> 00:08:15,785
In retrospect, I couldn't be happier.
229
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:17,155
Thank you. Now, come on.
230
00:08:17,221 --> 00:08:19,112
I mean, can we go back
to the way things were?
231
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:22,472
With me selling grills and
Hector as my sidekick behind me,
232
00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:23,857
not doing my job?
233
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:26,365
Wait... Are you jealous of Hector?
234
00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:27,471
Of course not.
235
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:29,001
Why would I be jealous of Hector?
236
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:31,669
Do I have a reason...
to be jealous of hector?
237
00:08:31,736 --> 00:08:33,383
- [alert buzzing]
- George, please...
238
00:08:34,145 --> 00:08:36,167
Do I have a reason to
be jealous of hector?
239
00:08:37,143 --> 00:08:38,493
- [Lori] I expressly told you...
- Lori?
240
00:08:39,278 --> 00:08:41,472
[door opens, closes]
241
00:08:42,581 --> 00:08:44,917
I do apologize, I... I
don't know where George is.
242
00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:46,285
He said he was gonna
be here a half-hour ago.
243
00:08:46,351 --> 00:08:48,687
Uh, never say you don't
know where you client is.
244
00:08:49,086 --> 00:08:50,355
Of course you know where he is.
245
00:08:50,422 --> 00:08:51,663
He's taking personal time.
246
00:08:52,193 --> 00:08:53,693
Oh, I like that, very helpful.
247
00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:55,226
Now, when we get him into treatment,
248
00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:56,694
we're calling it exhaustion.
249
00:08:56,762 --> 00:08:58,164
He only tells the truth to Diane Sawyer
250
00:08:58,230 --> 00:09:00,133
once the memoir deal is in place.
251
00:09:00,536 --> 00:09:01,577
Oh, okay.
252
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,008
Maybe your assistant didn't
explain to you our situation.
253
00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:06,028
So, George made some
comments that were interpreted
254
00:09:06,095 --> 00:09:07,896
negatively by the Latino community
255
00:09:07,962 --> 00:09:11,165
and positively by some
white supremacist groups.
256
00:09:11,231 --> 00:09:12,399
You know what we do?
257
00:09:12,466 --> 00:09:14,101
We do a public sit-down
with Al Sharpton.
258
00:09:14,168 --> 00:09:16,160
You know, cry, pray, laugh.
259
00:09:16,927 --> 00:09:19,640
Yeah, but why would George
apologize to a Black minister?
260
00:09:19,707 --> 00:09:21,761
There's a lot of overlap,
but, uh, point well taken.
261
00:09:21,786 --> 00:09:22,827
Yeah.
262
00:09:22,852 --> 00:09:24,989
Now, who's the Latino Al Sharpton?
263
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:28,248
Pitbull, Eva Longoria?
264
00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:30,164
Geraldo.
265
00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:32,099
- Hmm... maybe.
- [alert vibrates]
266
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:34,100
Oh! Ohh...
267
00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:36,104
George booked himself
on a Mexican talk show
268
00:09:36,138 --> 00:09:38,099
with somebody called Platanito.
269
00:09:38,594 --> 00:09:40,045
Well, that could fix everything.
270
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,503
I think we're done here.
271
00:09:43,301 --> 00:09:44,842
Okay, everybody, listen up
272
00:09:44,908 --> 00:09:47,386
'cause this will totally be on the test.
273
00:09:48,053 --> 00:09:51,535
Huck Finn and Jim travelled
the mighty Mississippi.
274
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,885
Sort of like the first
black/white buddy movie,
275
00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:55,219
like, um, "Stir Crazy"
276
00:09:55,286 --> 00:09:57,088
or "Trading Places", something like that.
277
00:09:57,668 --> 00:09:58,607
Uh-oh.
278
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,224
Uh, excuse me.
279
00:10:00,291 --> 00:10:02,560
There will be no note passing
in Miss Wendy's classroom.
280
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,163
I was just...
281
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:05,763
Uh, you were just about to
read it to the entire class.
282
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,431
No, Miss Wendy, no need
to embarrass anyone.
283
00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:09,108
Oh, I get to embarrass somebody.
284
00:10:09,145 --> 00:10:11,037
It's one of the perks of the job, read!
285
00:10:11,113 --> 00:10:13,105
"To my beautiful plump papaya.
286
00:10:13,171 --> 00:10:15,073
"I spend all class staring at you.
287
00:10:15,138 --> 00:10:18,342
"I just wanna kiss your
juicy lips and rub your feet.
288
00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:19,657
Love, Manolo."
289
00:10:19,948 --> 00:10:22,014
Oh, ew, do you have a crush on me?
290
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,399
Uh...
291
00:10:23,486 --> 00:10:27,258
Yes, un, yes, yes, he does.
He's got a crush on you.
292
00:10:27,283 --> 00:10:29,251
Look, everybody,
Manolo wrote a love letter
293
00:10:29,317 --> 00:10:30,486
to the pregnant lady.
294
00:10:30,552 --> 00:10:31,321
[laughing]
295
00:10:31,388 --> 00:10:32,555
What is wrong with you?
296
00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:34,423
Can't you see she's with child?
297
00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:37,495
Gross, the baby is throwing up inside me.
298
00:10:37,693 --> 00:10:39,762
- [school bell rings]
- Uh, dismissed.
299
00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:41,597
Especially the bald, perv guy.
300
00:10:44,597 --> 00:10:45,886
I'm gonna grab a smoke.
301
00:10:45,917 --> 00:10:48,520
But after that, I'm
totally up for making out.
302
00:10:57,662 --> 00:10:59,148
[knocking on door]
303
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:03,841
Ay, wey! Look who it is, Platanito.
304
00:11:03,841 --> 00:11:05,576
Hola, George, todo tiempo.
305
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,401
Platanito says, "Hello,
George, it's been a while."
306
00:11:08,496 --> 00:11:10,399
- Yeah, too long.
- [chuckling]
307
00:11:10,466 --> 00:11:12,601
[speaking Spanish]
308
00:11:14,102 --> 00:11:16,673
Platanito says, "Suddenly
you wanna be on my show?
309
00:11:16,739 --> 00:11:18,408
I've been trying to get you on forever."
310
00:11:18,473 --> 00:11:21,109
Yes, I know Spanish. I
don't need a translator.
311
00:11:21,177 --> 00:11:23,313
[speaking Spanish]
312
00:11:27,851 --> 00:11:30,886
He says, "You don't remember
how to speak Spanish anymore.
313
00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:32,421
You sold out to the Anglos."
314
00:11:32,489 --> 00:11:35,258
Wow, you really gonna make
me beg, huh, Platanito?
315
00:11:35,324 --> 00:11:36,691
Absolutely.
316
00:11:37,078 --> 00:11:38,077
Shit.
317
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:39,488
Jorge say "caca."
318
00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:41,263
Ew.
319
00:11:42,085 --> 00:11:43,667
Okay. You wanna do it?
320
00:11:43,692 --> 00:11:45,360
Let's do it. But we don't need him.
321
00:11:51,274 --> 00:11:52,575
Okay, look, I'm here...
322
00:11:52,617 --> 00:11:54,163
Shh-shh-shh-shh. In Spanish, por favor.
323
00:11:54,187 --> 00:11:56,023
I mean, this is the
problem with Latinos, okay?
324
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,258
You think because I don't
speak Spanish as well as you do,
325
00:11:58,325 --> 00:11:59,671
that we're less Latino, okay?
326
00:11:59,696 --> 00:12:02,165
I come in peace, Platanito.
I come to bury the hatchet.
327
00:12:02,735 --> 00:12:06,281
_
328
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:08,992
_
329
00:12:09,448 --> 00:12:11,717
That's Photoshopped. I'm
wearing a bathing suit.
330
00:12:11,742 --> 00:12:13,628
And he's got a jacket
with fur on the collar.
331
00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:16,408
_
332
00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:18,908
_
333
00:12:18,932 --> 00:12:20,932
_
334
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:22,956
_
335
00:12:24,155 --> 00:12:25,489
If you didn't want white success,
336
00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:27,091
you wouldn't have asked to be on my show.
337
00:12:27,157 --> 00:12:28,392
And you say no!
338
00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:30,161
Because you didn't wanna
take your makeup off.
339
00:12:30,228 --> 00:12:32,162
You were playing a lawyer.
That would look strange!
340
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,607
To your audience!
341
00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:35,664
Okay, Platanito, listen.
342
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,835
We both did what we had to
do to make it to the top.
343
00:12:37,901 --> 00:12:39,271
We're professionals.
344
00:12:39,295 --> 00:12:42,490
_
345
00:12:42,514 --> 00:12:44,514
_
346
00:12:45,843 --> 00:12:48,313
[giggling]
347
00:12:48,337 --> 00:12:50,337
_
348
00:12:50,915 --> 00:12:51,882
I never said that.
349
00:12:51,949 --> 00:12:53,427
I never said that, okay?
350
00:12:53,877 --> 00:12:56,280
If you respect my comedy, tell me.
351
00:12:56,347 --> 00:12:57,648
I do, I do.
352
00:12:58,035 --> 00:12:59,139
Say it.
353
00:13:00,683 --> 00:13:02,953
- I respect your comedy.
- Yes!
354
00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:04,888
[giggling]
355
00:13:05,481 --> 00:13:07,257
All right, now, can I do your show?
356
00:13:07,323 --> 00:13:08,958
[laughing]
357
00:13:09,025 --> 00:13:10,682
I'm gonna take that as a yes.
358
00:13:12,351 --> 00:13:13,964
Man, that was a close call.
359
00:13:14,257 --> 00:13:16,127
Manolo, we can't be seen together.
360
00:13:16,193 --> 00:13:17,495
Okay, got it.
361
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:18,662
You wanna come over to George's house
362
00:13:18,728 --> 00:13:20,198
and watch the shopping channel with me?
363
00:13:20,263 --> 00:13:21,925
No, I don't think that'd be a good idea.
364
00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:23,160
Why, you have papers to grade?
365
00:13:23,225 --> 00:13:25,561
Listen, we almost got exposed.
366
00:13:25,644 --> 00:13:29,176
If it wasn't for my acting
skills, I'd be toast right now.
367
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,163
So, we can't be
together? You'll be fired?
368
00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:32,999
Well, I work for the
Unified School District.
369
00:13:33,065 --> 00:13:36,001
I can't be fired. I mean, seriously.
370
00:13:36,478 --> 00:13:38,881
Teachers have dealt
drugs, sold stolen goods,
371
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:42,451
exposed themselves to students
and they never got fired.
372
00:13:42,841 --> 00:13:44,652
So, our love is worse than all that?
373
00:13:44,719 --> 00:13:45,883
No.
374
00:13:46,155 --> 00:13:49,092
I can't be fired, but
I could be reassigned.
375
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:51,093
And I can't go back to
teaching sixth grade.
376
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,761
I just can't do it. Those
students are monsters.
377
00:13:53,828 --> 00:13:55,939
And those girls are evil.
378
00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:58,135
They'll come up and make fun
of you right in your face.
379
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,536
And they'll just haul off and hit you.
380
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,156
I'm sorry, baby.
381
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:06,763
It's over.
382
00:14:09,828 --> 00:14:11,181
[car starts]
383
00:14:20,389 --> 00:14:21,453
Wow.
384
00:14:22,248 --> 00:14:24,794
Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino...
385
00:14:24,861 --> 00:14:26,561
That guy from that band.
386
00:14:26,862 --> 00:14:28,364
Sofia Vergara.
387
00:14:28,664 --> 00:14:30,466
Other lady, beautiful ladies.
388
00:14:30,532 --> 00:14:32,390
Who's that guy with the
big hat and the moustache?
389
00:14:32,415 --> 00:14:33,469
Oh, yeah.
390
00:14:33,535 --> 00:14:35,070
That was the president of Mexico.
391
00:14:35,136 --> 00:14:36,472
Wow, dang.
392
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:38,607
So, this Platanito guy
really has juice, huh?
393
00:14:38,674 --> 00:14:41,144
- Yeah, that's why we're here, Olly.
- Huh.
394
00:14:41,209 --> 00:14:42,664
I feel like I should've known.
395
00:14:43,045 --> 00:14:45,020
One of the most popular talk shows
396
00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:48,310
in the most important
emerging markets is a clown.
397
00:14:48,374 --> 00:14:49,308
Right.
398
00:14:50,170 --> 00:14:51,200
A clown.
399
00:14:52,339 --> 00:14:53,396
Yeah.
400
00:14:57,812 --> 00:14:58,886
Ah, it's crazy.
401
00:14:58,911 --> 00:15:00,378
They always put out
food but I can never eat.
402
00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:02,011
Free food is wasted on famous people.
403
00:15:02,066 --> 00:15:03,335
Ahh... I'm nervous.
404
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,387
Don't be nervous.
405
00:15:05,599 --> 00:15:07,113
Ay, wey.
406
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,141
The beast brought a beauty.
407
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,611
Oh, me? No, no, no, I'm just his...
408
00:15:11,779 --> 00:15:14,114
I don't... I'm not a beauty.
409
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:17,150
Do not apologize. I have
that effect on women.
410
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,385
[laughing]
411
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:19,485
[giggling and farting]
412
00:15:19,553 --> 00:15:20,953
- Oh, okay.
- [beeping]
413
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,622
Okay, okay, Platanito,
we get it; you're a clown.
414
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,190
Listen, I brought some good stories
415
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:26,909
that show my pride in
the Latino community.
416
00:15:26,933 --> 00:15:29,548
_
417
00:15:29,572 --> 00:15:32,365
_
418
00:15:32,710 --> 00:15:33,745
[laughing]
419
00:15:33,769 --> 00:15:35,350
_
420
00:15:35,374 --> 00:15:37,544
_
421
00:15:37,568 --> 00:15:39,568
_
422
00:15:39,951 --> 00:15:43,396
_
423
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,279
What, what is, what is he saying?
424
00:15:46,304 --> 00:15:48,239
He wants me to guest host the show.
425
00:15:48,306 --> 00:15:49,591
_
426
00:15:49,639 --> 00:15:51,008
Okay, I get it, I get it.
427
00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:52,342
He wants me to do it in Spanish.
428
00:15:52,407 --> 00:15:53,441
No.
429
00:15:53,466 --> 00:15:54,495
[laughing]
430
00:15:54,843 --> 00:15:58,014
My suits will fit you, they're baggy.
431
00:16:01,685 --> 00:16:03,553
- Ladies and gentlemen!
- [theme music playing]
432
00:16:03,619 --> 00:16:05,887
Welcome to the Platanito show!
433
00:16:05,984 --> 00:16:07,387
[cheering and applause]
434
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,916
Standing in for Platanito,
435
00:16:09,941 --> 00:16:12,327
it's Mr. George Lopez!
436
00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:16,107
[laughing]
437
00:16:19,472 --> 00:16:20,610
All right!
438
00:16:21,902 --> 00:16:23,171
[music ends]
439
00:16:23,237 --> 00:16:25,273
[laughing]
440
00:16:27,374 --> 00:16:29,509
Hey, Platanito could
not make it here tonight.
441
00:16:29,576 --> 00:16:31,412
So, you're stuck with me.
442
00:16:35,883 --> 00:16:36,849
[laughing]
443
00:16:37,147 --> 00:16:38,882
Was that my manager? Ay.
444
00:16:38,949 --> 00:16:40,517
So, I rolled over in bed this morning,
445
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:41,752
and I told Donald Trump,
446
00:16:41,819 --> 00:16:43,598
you gotta quit hogging the sheets!
447
00:16:43,598 --> 00:16:44,532
[laughing]
448
00:16:44,892 --> 00:16:46,259
You know, Donald Trump?
449
00:16:46,326 --> 00:16:47,927
Ay, wey.
450
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:49,985
Oh, my God, this is hard.
451
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:52,533
[laughing]
452
00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:53,879
Oh!
453
00:16:55,137 --> 00:16:56,752
Excuse me, I think...
454
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,407
the menudo's backing up on me.
455
00:16:58,474 --> 00:17:00,509
- [horn honks]
- [laughter]
456
00:17:00,576 --> 00:17:01,911
[horn honking]
457
00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:04,206
[laughter]
458
00:17:04,639 --> 00:17:07,678
Speaking of Trump, he's
a real son of a [honk].
459
00:17:07,754 --> 00:17:10,326
- [laughter]
- He can kiss my [honks].
460
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,366
When he said he was
gonna drain the swamp,
461
00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:13,969
I didn't know he was gonna take a [honk]
462
00:17:14,036 --> 00:17:15,837
all over the United States.
463
00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:16,970
[honking]
464
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,873
[laughter and applause]
465
00:17:20,742 --> 00:17:23,110
I didn't realize the
censor spoke English!
466
00:17:23,178 --> 00:17:25,013
- [laughter]
- [honking]
467
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,682
Oh, I scared myself, hey!
468
00:17:26,748 --> 00:17:28,650
All these pictures of me and Donald Trump
469
00:17:28,716 --> 00:17:30,786
vacationing together... [laughing]
470
00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:32,988
I might be a clown, ay, wey...
471
00:17:33,055 --> 00:17:34,622
But I'm not that big of a clown.
472
00:17:34,689 --> 00:17:36,324
And you know I've been
getting a lot of heat
473
00:17:36,391 --> 00:17:38,793
because I defended the first amendment.
474
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:40,661
- Freedom of Speech!
- [honking]
475
00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:42,430
How many of you like freedom of speech?
476
00:17:42,497 --> 00:17:43,899
[cheering and applause]
477
00:17:43,966 --> 00:17:45,700
So, if you like freedom of speech...
478
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:46,934
[honking]
479
00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:48,369
Listo!
480
00:17:48,436 --> 00:17:49,487
Get ready!
481
00:17:49,487 --> 00:17:51,056
Donald Trump is a Mexican, that's right.
482
00:17:51,447 --> 00:17:53,049
He's got kids from three different women
483
00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:54,873
and he doesn't pay taxes!
484
00:17:55,519 --> 00:17:57,721
[cheering and applause]
485
00:17:57,788 --> 00:18:01,525
486
00:18:04,243 --> 00:18:05,778
- [chuckling]
- That was great.
487
00:18:05,843 --> 00:18:08,246
Odd, disconcerting, but great.
488
00:18:08,313 --> 00:18:10,850
And it's already trending
across Latin platforms.
489
00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:12,451
- Really, oh, that's perfect.
- Yeah.
490
00:18:12,517 --> 00:18:14,919
In fact, Platanito's
producers approached me
491
00:18:14,986 --> 00:18:17,656
about the possibility
of you replacing him.
492
00:18:17,723 --> 00:18:18,925
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
493
00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:19,925
And makeup and all?
494
00:18:19,992 --> 00:18:21,227
Ah, I'm not sure I wanna do that.
495
00:18:21,294 --> 00:18:22,961
Oh, I am sure I don't
want you to do that.
496
00:18:23,027 --> 00:18:24,732
But this is really great for "Valleys."
497
00:18:25,027 --> 00:18:27,639
_
498
00:18:31,216 --> 00:18:33,111
Platanito, I'm not
trying to take your show.
499
00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:35,330
_
500
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,675
Do I even want a translation?
501
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,878
Just be glad you took
French in high school.
502
00:18:42,776 --> 00:18:43,618
Sorry.
503
00:18:43,642 --> 00:18:45,205
[speaking Spanish]
504
00:18:45,599 --> 00:18:46,734
Kiss my kiwis!
505
00:18:46,924 --> 00:18:48,092
How do you know I took French?
506
00:18:48,159 --> 00:18:50,418
- Now, come on, seriously...
- Come on!
507
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,133
[laughing]
508
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:55,929
Oh, man, did you see it?
509
00:18:56,234 --> 00:18:57,524
The clown act?
510
00:18:57,663 --> 00:18:59,024
Unfortunately, yes.
511
00:18:59,064 --> 00:19:00,027
Can you unsee it?
512
00:19:00,027 --> 00:19:01,795
No, George, you can't unsee things.
513
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,331
But, more importantly,
I saw grill sales go up,
514
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:07,278
and I like that a lot.
515
00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:08,512
[chuckling]
516
00:19:10,924 --> 00:19:12,353
We're all alone.
517
00:19:15,141 --> 00:19:16,986
Wait a minute, all
the customers are gone.
518
00:19:17,053 --> 00:19:18,810
As are all the employees.
519
00:19:19,109 --> 00:19:20,656
I sent everyone home.
520
00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:22,935
It's one of the, uh, perks of ownership.
521
00:19:29,554 --> 00:19:31,233
- It's nice.
- Yeah.
522
00:19:32,085 --> 00:19:34,594
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
523
00:19:34,644 --> 00:19:39,194
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