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1
00:00:01,125 --> 00:00:02,953
Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?
2
00:00:03,031 --> 00:00:04,836
Hey, stop right there, sir.
3
00:00:04,836 --> 00:00:05,914
Let me see some ID.
4
00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:08,002
ID? I'm George Lopez. I live here.
5
00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:08,987
ID, sir.
6
00:00:10,790 --> 00:00:11,898
Man, all right.
7
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,737
You wanna go viral? Film this.
8
00:00:14,625 --> 00:00:16,666
All right, Mr. Lopez,
your neighbors complained
9
00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:18,057
about reckless endangerment.
10
00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:19,733
Knives flying into their backyards.
11
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,511
I was just throwing them at the fence.
12
00:00:22,753 --> 00:00:24,006
And one slipped through.
13
00:00:24,452 --> 00:00:26,081
Oh man, Hector, come on, man.
14
00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:27,515
What're you thinking, dude?
15
00:00:29,253 --> 00:00:31,483
[sighing] Listen, he's staying with me.
16
00:00:31,516 --> 00:00:33,208
I'm trying to rehabilitate
him, help him out.
17
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:34,748
Why don't I make a... [clearing throat]
18
00:00:34,828 --> 00:00:36,195
a donation. Is it still...
19
00:00:36,665 --> 00:00:38,300
- Toys for Tots.
- Toys for Tots.
20
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,007
- Thank you, Officer.
- All right, thanks.
21
00:00:40,237 --> 00:00:42,220
22
00:00:42,530 --> 00:00:43,804
Unhook him.
23
00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:45,634
[siren whooping]
24
00:00:45,955 --> 00:00:48,182
25
00:00:50,469 --> 00:00:53,288
I simply don't get it.
I tweeted 32 great rants
26
00:00:53,288 --> 00:00:54,678
about e-cigarettes, and I've got
27
00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:57,876
a total of 32 likes, and
they're all from Hector.
28
00:00:58,548 --> 00:00:59,864
Got your back, bro.
29
00:01:00,357 --> 00:01:02,130
Damn, I gottafigure out a way
30
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,425
for more people to see my stuff.
31
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:05,793
George, I need some of your followers.
32
00:01:05,818 --> 00:01:07,591
Can you just retweet
me once every few hours?
33
00:01:07,654 --> 00:01:08,908
The people that follow me don't like you.
34
00:01:08,908 --> 00:01:09,951
But I tell you what, I'mma do it.
35
00:01:09,951 --> 00:01:11,342
'Cause you sound desperate.
36
00:01:11,342 --> 00:01:13,151
Hey, can't have a recap
of yesterday and be
37
00:01:13,151 --> 00:01:15,030
pissing the neighbors off, so, Manolo,
38
00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:16,422
your job is to keep him out of trouble.
39
00:01:16,422 --> 00:01:18,057
I'm sorry, jefe, but school's
40
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:20,145
kicking me in the
culo, I gotta study.
41
00:01:20,145 --> 00:01:21,899
Can you quiz me on the presidents?
42
00:01:21,924 --> 00:01:23,360
What makes you think I know?
43
00:01:23,391 --> 00:01:26,641
Hey, Maronzio is gonna
quiz you on the presidents.
44
00:01:26,641 --> 00:01:28,380
And both of you help him find a job
45
00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:31,200
because I can't have him
here exfoliating all day
46
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,157
and taking cat naps between
episodes of the "Gilmore Girls."
47
00:01:34,157 --> 00:01:36,859
It's hard for parolees to
find even a doo-doo job.
48
00:01:36,901 --> 00:01:38,641
Like when I was trying
to get on at Arby's
49
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,967
and they were like, "No."
50
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,463
And I was like, "Man..."
51
00:01:41,463 --> 00:01:43,551
You know who said that first? Mark Twain.
52
00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:45,638
Write that down. I'm going golfing.
53
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:48,096
Help him find a job, you two, all right?
54
00:01:49,087 --> 00:01:51,085
55
00:01:51,109 --> 00:01:53,175
Hey, Amir, what zip code is that?
56
00:01:53,562 --> 00:01:54,953
Hey, you're pretty funny, George.
57
00:01:55,359 --> 00:01:57,041
You ever think of doing comedy?
58
00:01:57,065 --> 00:01:58,806
Hey, wait 'til you guys see my new show.
59
00:01:58,806 --> 00:02:00,322
Hour-long drama...
60
00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:03,209
I play a scary son of a bitch.
61
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,509
- Oh, you playing a drunk?
- [all chuckling]
62
00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:07,075
Hey, I didn't know your kid worked here.
63
00:02:07,075 --> 00:02:08,501
Yeah. Mine did too.
64
00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:10,276
Hell, for the amount
of money we pay in dues,
65
00:02:10,276 --> 00:02:11,471
better hire our kids.
66
00:02:11,472 --> 00:02:13,828
That's right, they better hire our kids.
67
00:02:14,499 --> 00:02:16,273
Hundred bucks you make this one, Lopez.
68
00:02:16,273 --> 00:02:17,366
You're on.
69
00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:23,266
70
00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:28,486
It's actually so good
to be home actually.
71
00:02:28,541 --> 00:02:30,604
Glad you're back. Again.
72
00:02:30,915 --> 00:02:32,438
It's like America's gotten
73
00:02:32,468 --> 00:02:34,722
so small-minded and provincial.
74
00:02:35,015 --> 00:02:36,859
Seriously, all the rad towns
75
00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:38,352
I used to live in are dead.
76
00:02:38,352 --> 00:02:39,500
I had to dip out.
77
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:41,031
I ghosted Williamsburg,
78
00:02:41,031 --> 00:02:43,093
I ghosted Brooklyn, ghosted Omaha.
79
00:02:43,124 --> 00:02:45,317
So I was selling chronic in Boulder
80
00:02:45,317 --> 00:02:46,814
until that became legal
81
00:02:46,814 --> 00:02:48,554
and then I was driving for Lyft in Austin
82
00:02:48,554 --> 00:02:50,032
until that became illegal.
83
00:02:50,096 --> 00:02:53,119
Aww, they outlawed Lyft and inlawed weed.
84
00:02:53,146 --> 00:02:55,546
- An American tragedy.
- You're so comedy.
85
00:02:55,546 --> 00:02:57,251
So I thought, why not come home
86
00:02:57,251 --> 00:02:58,677
and let Mom enable me for a while?
87
00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:00,317
Hey, it's kinda like the old days.
88
00:03:00,341 --> 00:03:01,907
You at your computer doing nerdy things
89
00:03:01,907 --> 00:03:03,786
and me actually living my life.
90
00:03:03,786 --> 00:03:05,873
Hey, could you ghost
my room for just a sec?
91
00:03:05,873 --> 00:03:06,951
I've got a meeting with George
92
00:03:06,951 --> 00:03:08,448
that I need to prepare for.
93
00:03:08,448 --> 00:03:11,804
Mmm, Mom said I should
be your new assistant.
94
00:03:11,804 --> 00:03:13,469
It's not the worst idea, right?
95
00:03:14,587 --> 00:03:15,762
Mom?
96
00:03:19,774 --> 00:03:22,670
Wow, it's all green and stuff.
97
00:03:22,857 --> 00:03:24,631
It's like we're in nature or something.
98
00:03:24,656 --> 00:03:26,344
Hey, thanks for the
opportunity again, George.
99
00:03:26,344 --> 00:03:27,806
Okay, listen, take it easy, all right?
100
00:03:27,806 --> 00:03:29,407
Bring it-bring it down
a little bit, all right?
101
00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:32,189
You're not a Lopez, but
here you represent me,
102
00:03:32,189 --> 00:03:34,068
- George Lopez, okay?
- Actually, George,
103
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:36,067
I am a Lopez. I'm Hector Lopez.
104
00:03:36,537 --> 00:03:38,599
You are? Okay, well, listen.
105
00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,552
Probably let them know
you're not my kid, is one.
106
00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:42,725
But don't do anything stupid
107
00:03:42,725 --> 00:03:43,907
or say anything stupid, all right?
108
00:03:43,907 --> 00:03:45,195
And work, but don't talk.
109
00:03:45,195 --> 00:03:46,565
- Okay.
- All right.
110
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,701
Uh, what do I do with this?
111
00:03:49,027 --> 00:03:50,653
I got it. You have money?
112
00:03:50,678 --> 00:03:52,206
Uh, yeah. In your wallet.
113
00:03:52,259 --> 00:03:54,312
114
00:03:56,575 --> 00:03:57,641
Could you hurry up?
115
00:03:57,828 --> 00:03:59,985
I want to look good on my first day.
116
00:03:59,985 --> 00:04:02,559
Who gives a rats? It's only a trial.
117
00:04:02,559 --> 00:04:04,647
For you, this is just
something to pass the time
118
00:04:04,647 --> 00:04:07,711
'til you ghost off to Eugene
and open up a hula-hoop shop.
119
00:04:07,712 --> 00:04:09,973
Oregon? Gross. Too white.
120
00:04:09,973 --> 00:04:11,643
Well, it doesn't matter where you go.
121
00:04:11,643 --> 00:04:13,765
I'm only doing this for you
until you get on your feet
122
00:04:13,765 --> 00:04:14,952
and you leave again.
123
00:04:14,976 --> 00:04:16,915
This is my job and I
take it very seriously.
124
00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:19,191
You're really only doing
this because Mom threatened
125
00:04:19,221 --> 00:04:20,786
to kick you off the family phone plan.
126
00:04:20,786 --> 00:04:22,472
It's my office, so I need the...
127
00:04:22,472 --> 00:04:24,687
Okay, if you're gonna be my assistant,
128
00:04:24,726 --> 00:04:26,132
I'm going to call you Tagine.
129
00:04:26,164 --> 00:04:27,767
Your fake assistant?
130
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,893
Can you do an accent?
131
00:04:30,489 --> 00:04:31,801
[Cockney accent] G'day, mate!
132
00:04:31,858 --> 00:04:33,598
Could I get you a cup of coffee?
133
00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:36,172
Maybe Coca-Cola? A latte?
134
00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:39,130
Ow, was that Dothraki? Forget it.
135
00:04:39,130 --> 00:04:40,745
- I tried.
- No, do your voice.
136
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,666
So, uh...
137
00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:44,635
your Olly's sister?
138
00:04:44,635 --> 00:04:45,853
And assistant.
139
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,941
- I'm Pfeiffer.
- Hi.
140
00:04:47,941 --> 00:04:49,883
Can I get you a coffee, a water?
141
00:04:49,899 --> 00:04:51,951
They really need a Stumptown around here.
142
00:04:51,951 --> 00:04:53,774
Uh, no, I'm okay.
143
00:04:53,781 --> 00:04:55,360
It's my house, so I'm fine.
144
00:04:55,385 --> 00:04:57,995
[giggling] This job is so epic.
145
00:04:57,995 --> 00:05:00,117
Um, should we start the meeting?
146
00:05:02,378 --> 00:05:04,668
Pfeiffer, could you excuse us for a sec?
147
00:05:05,026 --> 00:05:06,070
Whatever.
148
00:05:07,496 --> 00:05:10,363
[groaning] Sorry, Mom made me hire her.
149
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,928
I work so hard just to get by,
150
00:05:12,953 --> 00:05:15,249
and everything falls into her lap.
151
00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:17,697
Jobs, dudes, most nights.
152
00:05:17,981 --> 00:05:19,436
- Okay.
- Sorry.
153
00:05:19,461 --> 00:05:20,881
Yeah, back to business.
154
00:05:20,927 --> 00:05:22,841
Everything's moving along
very well with "The Valleys."
155
00:05:22,866 --> 00:05:24,570
They love Coco, obviously.
156
00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:25,997
They're talking to writers.
157
00:05:25,997 --> 00:05:27,772
In the meantime, I'm going to scout
158
00:05:27,772 --> 00:05:29,345
a YouTube show this weekend.
159
00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:30,665
I think you should come.
160
00:05:30,703 --> 00:05:31,882
Why? That's horrible.
161
00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:33,447
Mmm, no doubt it will be.
162
00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:36,091
But these performers have
millions of followers.
163
00:05:36,091 --> 00:05:39,252
You could end up on one
of their live feeds and...
164
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:42,425
And be relevant. All right, I'll go.
165
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,678
[clearing throat]
166
00:05:43,956 --> 00:05:45,869
Got Hector a job at the country club.
167
00:05:45,869 --> 00:05:47,764
Trying to see if everything's all right.
168
00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:49,145
He told me he'd text me.
169
00:05:49,186 --> 00:05:51,657
How did you and I end
up taking care of people?
170
00:05:51,657 --> 00:05:53,744
It's not like we're
these selfless altruists.
171
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:55,165
We're in show business, for God's sake.
172
00:05:55,204 --> 00:05:57,150
- Maybe it's who we are.
- Yeah.
173
00:05:57,397 --> 00:06:00,141
Wait, do you think you always
have to take care of me?
174
00:06:00,166 --> 00:06:02,213
Why, do you think you always
have to take care of me?
175
00:06:04,206 --> 00:06:06,293
176
00:06:13,381 --> 00:06:14,630
Ooh.
177
00:06:15,859 --> 00:06:17,565
Yo, hold up. These are all for you?
178
00:06:17,981 --> 00:06:20,052
[exhaling] I'm still
drunk from last night.
179
00:06:20,077 --> 00:06:22,165
Why stop now? Woo-woo!
180
00:06:22,190 --> 00:06:23,860
Hey, block me while I pound these.
181
00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:25,967
Well, hurry up, I don't
want to get in trouble, man.
182
00:06:27,385 --> 00:06:28,776
[exhaling] Trouble?
183
00:06:28,801 --> 00:06:30,750
Aren't you the new
barback that was in lockup?
184
00:06:30,750 --> 00:06:32,535
Yeah, I'm Hector.
185
00:06:33,011 --> 00:06:35,099
Connor Hyundai, no relation to the cars.
186
00:06:35,099 --> 00:06:36,971
But I am rich.
[playing siren sound effect]
187
00:06:37,339 --> 00:06:38,739
How'd you know I was in jail?
188
00:06:38,764 --> 00:06:40,021
I found out everything.
189
00:06:40,053 --> 00:06:41,826
You were in jail and
still got a job here?
190
00:06:41,910 --> 00:06:43,193
That's thug.
191
00:06:43,214 --> 00:06:44,779
Well, look, man, George
Lopez is helping me out
192
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,171
and I really don't want to let him down.
193
00:06:46,171 --> 00:06:48,084
I hear you, es?.
My dad got me this gig.
194
00:06:48,084 --> 00:06:51,146
Did he give you that whole,
"fly straight, work hard,
195
00:06:51,146 --> 00:06:53,720
- "make connections" spiel?
- Yeah.
196
00:06:53,774 --> 00:06:56,298
Well, you made the numero unoconexi?n at this place.
197
00:06:56,331 --> 00:06:58,592
Nothing goes down without
me hearing about it, so...
198
00:06:58,592 --> 00:07:00,672
- [phone vibrating]
- Oh! Break time.
199
00:07:00,684 --> 00:07:02,180
- You got any weed?
- No!
200
00:07:02,205 --> 00:07:03,249
You want some?
201
00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:06,289
You sure this is okay?
202
00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:09,571
You know who I lit up with
in this very spot yesterday?
203
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,510
The number-one realtor in the Valley.
204
00:07:11,510 --> 00:07:13,980
He's gonna hire me to
DJ his Christmas party.
205
00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:15,337
- Yeah...
- That's a good connect.
206
00:07:15,337 --> 00:07:17,133
You bet your ass it
is. You stick with me,
207
00:07:17,133 --> 00:07:19,012
you're gonna be crushing
it too in no time.
208
00:07:24,937 --> 00:07:26,538
Country clubs are dope.
209
00:07:26,563 --> 00:07:28,359
Yo, sharing is caring,
man. Puff, puff, pass.
210
00:07:28,429 --> 00:07:29,611
Oh, yeah.
211
00:07:29,707 --> 00:07:30,995
212
00:07:35,991 --> 00:07:37,062
Who's this guy?
213
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,815
Mmm, I told you. Hector. He's new.
214
00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:42,467
What's up? I'm Bayleigh.
215
00:07:42,983 --> 00:07:45,376
- She's lit, right, sis?
- Sis?
216
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:46,997
Oh, we say that instead of "bro."
217
00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:48,761
It's more woke. My girl's lit.
218
00:07:48,806 --> 00:07:49,860
Tell me she's lit.
219
00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:52,131
She's your girl, dude. I mean, sis.
220
00:07:52,131 --> 00:07:53,641
It's okay, sis. Say it.
221
00:07:53,870 --> 00:07:56,019
- She's lit.
- She's lit?
222
00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:58,517
- Hells yeah!
- [all laughing]
223
00:08:00,576 --> 00:08:02,001
Hey, what's your tattoo?
224
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,821
Oh this? My whole squad
up in county has it.
225
00:08:04,821 --> 00:08:07,216
- I inked it myself.
- This dude is cool.
226
00:08:08,332 --> 00:08:09,747
- Let's keep him.
- Mm-hmm.
227
00:08:09,747 --> 00:08:10,965
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
228
00:08:10,995 --> 00:08:12,113
Yeah?
229
00:08:12,138 --> 00:08:13,258
Oh, okay.
230
00:08:16,644 --> 00:08:17,726
Hey!
231
00:08:18,202 --> 00:08:20,116
Where you been, dude? You
don't check your phone?
232
00:08:20,116 --> 00:08:22,204
- Everything okay?
- Yeah, everything is so great.
233
00:08:22,204 --> 00:08:23,890
I'm murdering it. This kid named Connor
234
00:08:23,915 --> 00:08:25,335
is showing me all the ropes.
235
00:08:25,335 --> 00:08:27,017
Oh, his dad's a bridge contractor.
236
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,605
The secret is to build
'em just good enough
237
00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:30,415
so you have to rebuild
them again in ten years.
238
00:08:30,531 --> 00:08:31,780
That's terrifying.
239
00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:33,873
- [phone vibrating]
- Oh, it's break time.
240
00:08:33,928 --> 00:08:35,216
Can't miss break time. Connor said
241
00:08:35,216 --> 00:08:36,817
that's when all the deals go down.
242
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:37,874
Let me have that drink.
243
00:08:37,904 --> 00:08:40,088
Ho-ho! What's crackin', hombre?
244
00:08:40,113 --> 00:08:41,365
You don't mind if I sit, do you?
245
00:08:41,365 --> 00:08:42,479
I do, but go ahead. That's cool.
246
00:08:42,479 --> 00:08:44,114
- Thank you, pal.
- Uh, listen,
247
00:08:44,114 --> 00:08:45,332
I'm working on my new television show.
248
00:08:45,332 --> 00:08:46,584
It's kinda really relevant.
249
00:08:46,584 --> 00:08:48,810
Edgy, cooler, younger audience.
250
00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:51,246
- Ah, for Netflix?
- Yeah, you know, like that.
251
00:08:51,246 --> 00:08:52,985
Uh, here's the thing
you probably don't know
252
00:08:52,985 --> 00:08:54,516
about television shows, it takes 'em
253
00:08:54,516 --> 00:08:55,686
a little while to get up and running.
254
00:08:55,718 --> 00:08:57,452
The shows you do, sure.
255
00:08:57,484 --> 00:08:59,432
When I'm selling on Great Value Network,
256
00:08:59,432 --> 00:09:02,195
I could do seven days a week if I want.
257
00:09:02,225 --> 00:09:04,193
There's a constant audience, buddy.
258
00:09:04,218 --> 00:09:05,749
Okay, listen. I don't think you heard me
259
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:08,120
where I said younger, cooler audience.
260
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,865
Au contraire, Georgie.
261
00:09:09,865 --> 00:09:10,894
Listen to me.
262
00:09:11,232 --> 00:09:14,389
Since "Shark Tank,"
everybody is into GVN.
263
00:09:14,414 --> 00:09:17,187
Young people, old people,
middle-aged people,
264
00:09:17,187 --> 00:09:19,797
hipsters, blipsters,
you name it, everybody.
265
00:09:19,797 --> 00:09:21,084
What's a blipster?
266
00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:22,384
Black hipsters.
267
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,614
I'm writing that down.
268
00:09:23,639 --> 00:09:25,518
Wait a second. Georgie...
269
00:09:25,518 --> 00:09:27,745
You should be selling something, man.
270
00:09:27,745 --> 00:09:29,763
Yeah, but it's gotta be
really difficult to land on
271
00:09:29,763 --> 00:09:31,328
the right product, though, right?
272
00:09:31,328 --> 00:09:32,546
All you do is come up
with something people
273
00:09:32,546 --> 00:09:34,042
think they're gonna use all the time,
274
00:09:34,042 --> 00:09:35,329
but won't take up too much space
275
00:09:35,329 --> 00:09:36,703
when they shove it in their closet.
276
00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:39,017
Like the ThighMaster. That thing,
277
00:09:39,017 --> 00:09:40,757
you could put that thing
in a glove compartment.
278
00:09:40,757 --> 00:09:42,844
- Can fit anywhere.
- Now you're talkin', baby.
279
00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:45,517
Huh? You talk, I type.
280
00:09:45,517 --> 00:09:46,880
All right, let's see...
281
00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:49,290
Now this won't be on the test,
282
00:09:49,315 --> 00:09:51,055
but I think you need to know...
283
00:09:51,374 --> 00:09:55,375
that I am a direct descendent
of Thomas Jefferson.
284
00:09:55,404 --> 00:09:58,450
Mm-hmm. I have family from that area.
285
00:09:58,475 --> 00:10:00,284
If you get a nickel, you'll be able
286
00:10:00,284 --> 00:10:01,432
to see the resemblance.
287
00:10:01,432 --> 00:10:03,868
Hey... Back off, homie.
288
00:10:03,868 --> 00:10:05,773
Sorry, uh, what kind of
perfume are you wearing?
289
00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:08,068
It's called chorizo,
no wonder you like it.
290
00:10:08,093 --> 00:10:09,972
Uh, Manolo, eyes on your own paper
291
00:10:09,973 --> 00:10:12,373
and the notes are right
here on the board, baby.
292
00:10:12,373 --> 00:10:14,559
Sorry, Miss Wendy, it's too far away.
293
00:10:18,775 --> 00:10:20,513
Wait a minute, man, you need glasses
294
00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:22,656
and you've been driving
me this whole time?
295
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,380
Hey, man, what's wrong with you?
296
00:10:24,405 --> 00:10:25,917
Dude, you just ran
through that stop sign.
297
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,491
Oh, I'm sorry, jefe.
298
00:10:28,144 --> 00:10:30,333
Jefe, I need some
change for the toll.
299
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,942
Change for the toll?
We're under the bridge.
300
00:10:33,413 --> 00:10:34,944
Why are we waiting here?
301
00:10:35,249 --> 00:10:36,686
Stop sign.
302
00:10:36,848 --> 00:10:38,344
That's for a yard sale.
303
00:10:39,678 --> 00:10:41,116
Now it all makes sense.
304
00:10:41,165 --> 00:10:43,252
I'm making you an eye
doctor's appointment.
305
00:10:43,277 --> 00:10:45,538
And I'm driving us to
that YouTube showcase.
306
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:47,974
Man, I love my new job.
307
00:10:47,999 --> 00:10:49,529
Thanks again so much.
308
00:10:49,529 --> 00:10:51,443
So everything went fine? No problems?
309
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:52,731
Yeah, man, no problems.
310
00:10:52,731 --> 00:10:54,639
Hey, do we have any LaCroix left?
311
00:10:55,062 --> 00:10:56,463
Check the garage fridge.
312
00:10:56,463 --> 00:10:59,838
Garage fridge? My life is badass.
313
00:11:01,229 --> 00:11:02,660
You're doing a good thing for him, jefe.
314
00:11:03,135 --> 00:11:04,534
You know, Manolo?
315
00:11:04,534 --> 00:11:05,786
I wish there was more people like me.
316
00:11:05,786 --> 00:11:07,004
I should take in more kids.
317
00:11:07,004 --> 00:11:08,614
I got four empty rooms upstairs.
318
00:11:10,783 --> 00:11:12,509
[woman on TV]
So what'd you do last night?
319
00:11:12,517 --> 00:11:14,362
Did you end up going out with that guy?
320
00:11:14,362 --> 00:11:15,712
[knocking on door]
321
00:11:19,223 --> 00:11:20,341
What's up?
322
00:11:20,366 --> 00:11:22,812
Uh, where's Connor?
323
00:11:22,819 --> 00:11:23,872
I don't know.
324
00:11:23,897 --> 00:11:25,326
How do you know where I live?
325
00:11:25,613 --> 00:11:26,859
I followed you home.
326
00:11:27,308 --> 00:11:29,274
Then I waited 'til your two dads left.
327
00:11:29,914 --> 00:11:31,311
So you gonna let me in or what?
328
00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:32,753
Uh, actually, um...
329
00:11:33,712 --> 00:11:35,948
I'm not supposed to have anybody over.
330
00:11:38,254 --> 00:11:39,614
And I'm grabbing to milk a cow.
331
00:11:39,639 --> 00:11:41,935
And I'm grabbing, like,
the cow's breasts, say what?
332
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,824
- [crowd laughing]
- Udders?
333
00:11:44,215 --> 00:11:46,119
I mean, I don't remember the
technical term for them...
334
00:11:46,143 --> 00:11:47,848
Hey, Olly, so I've been talking to Jake
335
00:11:47,848 --> 00:11:49,136
about getting some products together
336
00:11:49,136 --> 00:11:51,153
to take over to GVN.
337
00:11:51,153 --> 00:11:52,684
Great, perfect.
338
00:11:52,684 --> 00:11:55,468
It's very important to
diversify these days.
339
00:11:55,468 --> 00:11:56,963
Yeah, just to clarify,
340
00:11:56,963 --> 00:11:58,738
is this guy purposely
trying not to be funny?
341
00:11:58,738 --> 00:12:00,582
Who knows, who cares?
You know what I mean?
342
00:12:00,582 --> 00:12:02,182
But you should try to get on his feed.
343
00:12:02,182 --> 00:12:03,385
He's an engager.
344
00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:05,672
I'd engage with that fine piece of ass.
345
00:12:05,672 --> 00:12:07,237
He has nine-million followers.
346
00:12:07,237 --> 00:12:08,977
Nine-million followers?
347
00:12:08,977 --> 00:12:11,064
I gotta figure out a way
to get a piece of that.
348
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,743
Ooh, if you get one of your rants
349
00:12:12,768 --> 00:12:14,212
on one of these feeds...
350
00:12:14,237 --> 00:12:16,394
- [imitating explosion blast]
- [crowd laughing]
351
00:12:18,275 --> 00:12:19,667
How's it going with Pfeiffer?
352
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:21,198
Surprisingly, not awful.
353
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,972
She's really great with different brands
354
00:12:22,972 --> 00:12:24,642
of coconut water, and she started
355
00:12:24,642 --> 00:12:26,153
an Instagram account for my hats.
356
00:12:26,153 --> 00:12:27,275
How's Hector's job going?
357
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:28,762
Surprisingly, not awful.
358
00:12:28,762 --> 00:12:30,571
You know, he's making a
lot of connections at work.
359
00:12:30,571 --> 00:12:32,873
You know what? Go Team Lopez.
360
00:12:32,874 --> 00:12:35,309
[man] Hey, give it up.
Paul Logan, everybody,
361
00:12:35,309 --> 00:12:38,650
with nine-million followers.
362
00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:40,278
[all cheering]
363
00:12:40,946 --> 00:12:42,788
Now this next guy coming to the stage
364
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,284
is a special guest with...
365
00:12:44,309 --> 00:12:45,805
How many followers did you say you had?
366
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:47,337
Uh, 3,033.
367
00:12:47,337 --> 00:12:48,727
[chuckling]
368
00:12:48,972 --> 00:12:51,724
Ladies and gentlemen, Maronzio Vance.
369
00:12:51,756 --> 00:12:54,400
- [scattered clapping]
- 'Kay. That's okay.
370
00:12:56,939 --> 00:12:58,224
Thank you for that warm welcome.
371
00:12:58,249 --> 00:13:00,108
I don't wanna rant, but I have to.
372
00:13:00,498 --> 00:13:02,864
Look, I saw a guy today with a man bun.
373
00:13:02,864 --> 00:13:04,395
And I don't know what that was about.
374
00:13:04,395 --> 00:13:06,935
But he had a man bun and he had on
375
00:13:06,935 --> 00:13:09,237
a Pitbull: Live in Concert T-shirt...
376
00:13:09,316 --> 00:13:10,813
[crowd chuckling]
377
00:13:10,843 --> 00:13:12,478
...and he had on Crocs.
378
00:13:12,478 --> 00:13:13,800
Then on top of that,
379
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,002
what made it even more offensive
380
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:17,115
is he was screaming "I'm on it"
381
00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:19,053
- into a flip phone.
- [crowd laughing]
382
00:13:19,053 --> 00:13:21,454
Who still has a flip phone?
Can we just talk about
383
00:13:21,454 --> 00:13:24,233
how many ways this guy
is not "on it," people?
384
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:27,174
Numero uno, no
one should wear a man bun
385
00:13:27,175 --> 00:13:28,770
unless you're a samurai warrior...
386
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,636
[all laughing]
387
00:13:30,682 --> 00:13:32,595
Is that our network
executive right there?
388
00:13:34,196 --> 00:13:35,483
Yes. Jason.
389
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:37,014
Not Jason. I mean, Jason.
390
00:13:37,014 --> 00:13:38,788
But don't come over
here. No, that's cool.
391
00:13:38,788 --> 00:13:40,180
Actually, it's fine. Play it cool.
392
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:41,209
I'll follow your lead.
393
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:42,789
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
394
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,876
- Hi, hi, hi.
- Hi.
395
00:13:44,876 --> 00:13:46,263
We'll talk after.
396
00:13:47,247 --> 00:13:48,501
My name is Maronzio Vance.
397
00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:51,353
M-A-R-O-N-Z-I-O Vance.
398
00:13:51,353 --> 00:13:53,058
- Thank y'all very much.
- [crowd cheering]
399
00:13:58,069 --> 00:14:00,563
Yeah, Maronzio. Yay, Maronzio!
400
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:02,498
We know him. [giggling]
401
00:14:02,531 --> 00:14:04,653
You drink too much at
these industry things.
402
00:14:04,687 --> 00:14:05,975
Mm-mmm, mmm.
403
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:08,712
Alcoholism is the only
fun thing in our family.
404
00:14:09,802 --> 00:14:11,382
- Where'd your sister go?
- Huh?
405
00:14:13,121 --> 00:14:14,409
Of course.
406
00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:16,286
You know who else has
nine-million followers?
407
00:14:16,286 --> 00:14:18,547
Her, in her pants.
408
00:14:18,547 --> 00:14:20,242
- Can I just take that?
- Sure.
409
00:14:20,267 --> 00:14:21,624
Yeah, you'll be all right.
410
00:14:23,609 --> 00:14:25,249
So where we gonna do this?
411
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,635
Wow, no offense, but
you're Connor's girlfriend.
412
00:14:29,032 --> 00:14:30,563
I told myself if you didn't want
413
00:14:30,563 --> 00:14:32,274
to bump uglies, I wouldn't force it.
414
00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:33,563
I'm not a perv, sis.
415
00:14:33,563 --> 00:14:35,302
Whew, thank goodness.
416
00:14:35,302 --> 00:14:37,291
So onto my second place.
417
00:14:37,738 --> 00:14:39,360
I want a prison tat.
418
00:14:39,825 --> 00:14:41,459
I brought the ink,
419
00:14:42,818 --> 00:14:44,077
clean knitting needle,
420
00:14:45,078 --> 00:14:46,353
at least I think it's clean.
421
00:14:46,923 --> 00:14:48,631
I haven't done a tattoo in forever.
422
00:14:48,631 --> 00:14:50,391
These will help.
423
00:14:51,205 --> 00:14:53,258
Shrooms? Total ghetto.
424
00:14:53,258 --> 00:14:55,241
But it'll make it all magical.
425
00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:56,460
Like The Beatles.
426
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,638
- A'ight.
- Yeah.
427
00:15:00,129 --> 00:15:02,749
I crushed it, George. Like, I crushed it.
428
00:15:02,749 --> 00:15:05,418
I feel good. I didn't even take
the eight bucks for the set.
429
00:15:05,462 --> 00:15:06,854
- How much was it?
- It was eight bucks.
430
00:15:06,854 --> 00:15:08,437
So you're rolling in it, huh?
431
00:15:08,768 --> 00:15:10,577
Look, man, I got new followers.
432
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,799
I mean, the message and
the medium have finally met.
433
00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:14,712
Jefe, I saw this big light,
434
00:15:14,712 --> 00:15:16,174
so I called Mami to come down.
435
00:15:16,174 --> 00:15:17,565
Check out her new grill.
436
00:15:17,565 --> 00:15:19,270
What's that right there?
It smells delicious.
437
00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:20,766
I'll take two of those.
438
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:23,132
- Monies primero.
- [George] Seriously?
439
00:15:23,161 --> 00:15:24,623
That's why they're building a wall.
440
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:25,842
It's that kind of attitude.
441
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,914
- [rain falling]
- Lluvia!
442
00:15:28,977 --> 00:15:30,369
[speaking Spanish]
443
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,836
444
00:15:31,861 --> 00:15:33,633
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You
can't bring that in here.
445
00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:36,140
- That's a fire hazard.
- [whimpering]
446
00:15:36,165 --> 00:15:38,183
447
00:15:45,155 --> 00:15:46,651
What if somebody, like,
448
00:15:46,651 --> 00:15:49,017
invented an indoor Mexican grill?
449
00:15:51,193 --> 00:15:52,247
[FaceTime ringing]
450
00:15:52,272 --> 00:15:54,580
[woman on TV] I just read
a book and cleaned my...
451
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,916
Oh, Connor. 'Sup, Connor?
452
00:15:56,916 --> 00:15:59,745
Nah! Don't smile at me. Where is she?
453
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:02,189
She's gone, sis, chill. What's up?
454
00:16:02,214 --> 00:16:04,970
Bayleigh texted a pic of
your hands on her ass.
455
00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:06,292
I have no chill.
456
00:16:06,293 --> 00:16:08,102
She wanted a tramp stamp, all right?
457
00:16:08,102 --> 00:16:09,320
It goes above her ass.
458
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:10,885
Wait, you didn't like my work?
459
00:16:11,087 --> 00:16:14,330
Nobody puts angel wings
above my girl's ass.
460
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:16,966
You think you're hard?
I'll show you hard.
461
00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:18,575
[FaceTime hanging up]
462
00:16:18,634 --> 00:16:19,643
Connor?
463
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:22,789
[people chattering]
464
00:16:22,814 --> 00:16:23,955
Terrible.
465
00:16:25,244 --> 00:16:26,392
You guys didn't hear anything?
466
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:27,844
What the hell's going on?
467
00:16:27,844 --> 00:16:30,130
Well obviously, I've been vandalized.
468
00:16:30,345 --> 00:16:31,531
Not to point any fingers,
469
00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:33,249
but it's because of you-know-who.
470
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,004
You're literally pointing a finger.
471
00:16:35,651 --> 00:16:37,361
- Who?
- Knife Boy.
472
00:16:38,096 --> 00:16:39,032
Hector.
473
00:16:40,014 --> 00:16:42,014
I honestly don't think I'm
any more or less racist...
474
00:16:42,039 --> 00:16:44,474
than the average white
person or black person,
475
00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:46,840
but I'm certain that Hector and the...
476
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,284
element he attracts is in
some way responsible for this.
477
00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:51,989
[clearing throat] Well, first of all,
478
00:16:51,989 --> 00:16:53,794
there's no sliding scale of racism.
479
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,698
And secondly, how do you
even know Hector was involved?
480
00:16:57,071 --> 00:16:58,856
This was a bit of a tip-off.
481
00:17:01,569 --> 00:17:04,473
- Oh.
- Also, I have security-cam footage
482
00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:06,508
of a kid about Hector's
age caught in the act.
483
00:17:06,533 --> 00:17:08,700
You can't even make out who
that i... I'll pay for it.
484
00:17:09,118 --> 00:17:11,240
And please get Hector to
come clean it up tomorrow.
485
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,934
I'll be around from 1:00 to 3:00.
486
00:17:13,297 --> 00:17:14,569
I'll make him lunch.
487
00:17:19,253 --> 00:17:21,530
So Connor got the wrong place?
488
00:17:21,531 --> 00:17:23,234
Seriously? You think this is funny?
489
00:17:23,525 --> 00:17:24,870
Wait a minute, man. Are you high?
490
00:17:24,895 --> 00:17:25,954
No, no.
491
00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:28,357
I don't think Hector did anything wrong.
492
00:17:28,357 --> 00:17:30,444
He refused to have sex
with Connor's girlfriend.
493
00:17:30,444 --> 00:17:32,458
She asked for a tattoo
so he gave her one.
494
00:17:32,915 --> 00:17:34,127
Thank you for that recap.
495
00:17:34,307 --> 00:17:36,603
Listen, no more tattoos, okay?
496
00:17:36,603 --> 00:17:38,282
And stay away from that dude Connor
497
00:17:38,319 --> 00:17:39,857
and that girl whatever-her-name-is.
498
00:17:39,882 --> 00:17:42,492
I will. And thanks, George.
499
00:17:42,493 --> 00:17:44,128
You're welcome. Tomorrow I'll see
500
00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:45,833
if I can get you
transferred from the club.
501
00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:47,468
I'll talk to the manager, see
if he can put you in the...
502
00:17:47,468 --> 00:17:49,311
probably greenskeepers,
those guys are all
503
00:17:49,311 --> 00:17:50,982
from Guatemala, they don't speak English.
504
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:52,442
And I gotta keep you away from
505
00:17:52,442 --> 00:17:54,189
that destructive Asian influence.
506
00:17:54,214 --> 00:17:56,023
Here's what you do, you gas up the cars
507
00:17:56,055 --> 00:17:57,355
and I want you to wash the dishes.
508
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,980
And don't say that maid's gonna do it
509
00:17:58,980 --> 00:18:00,520
'cause she's already here
and I'm looking at her.
510
00:18:01,661 --> 00:18:02,986
[man moaning]
511
00:18:06,802 --> 00:18:09,151
What's your number?
512
00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:11,469
[Pfeiffer] Find me on Insta.
513
00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:16,436
[door opening, closing]
514
00:18:18,236 --> 00:18:20,017
What the hell are you doing?
515
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:21,920
That is the exec for George's new show.
516
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,161
Uh, good morning.
517
00:18:23,193 --> 00:18:24,584
No, what did you tell him?
518
00:18:24,584 --> 00:18:26,115
Does he know I live at home?
519
00:18:26,115 --> 00:18:27,680
Oh, you're gonna screw this up for me
520
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:28,724
like you do everything.
521
00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:30,148
Easy, tiger, don't worry.
522
00:18:30,195 --> 00:18:31,783
That dude never shuts up about himself.
523
00:18:31,808 --> 00:18:33,617
He kept going on and
on about his marriage
524
00:18:33,617 --> 00:18:34,905
even while we were doing it.
525
00:18:35,162 --> 00:18:36,607
Ugh, he's married?
526
00:18:36,632 --> 00:18:38,024
Not happily.
527
00:18:39,929 --> 00:18:41,679
You're... so...
528
00:18:42,558 --> 00:18:43,811
[groaning]
529
00:18:46,351 --> 00:18:48,433
[Manolo] I like how that grill's
coming along, jefe.
530
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:50,428
Yeah, me too, Manolo. I'm psyched.
531
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:54,292
Ah, your glasses came in, eh?
532
00:18:54,741 --> 00:18:55,809
Yeah, aren't they great?
533
00:18:56,109 --> 00:18:57,397
Yo, sometimes they slip down,
534
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,313
but you can push them
right back up again.
535
00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:03,154
Oh... that's quite a day for you.
536
00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:06,651
537
00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:21,538
[George] Hector?
538
00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:24,094
Oh, not Amir's wife!
539
00:19:24,766 --> 00:19:26,993
540
00:19:27,017 --> 00:19:29,623
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
541
00:19:29,716 --> 00:19:31,495
Next time, on Lopez:
542
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,363
Your sister's having sex with
Jason, our network executive?
543
00:19:34,388 --> 00:19:37,379
- That can't be good.
- Or could it be very good?
544
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:39,458
Baxter Levy is a great writer.
545
00:19:39,483 --> 00:19:40,904
I want "Valleys" to make some noise.
546
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,873
I think we'll take this
project to the next level.
547
00:19:42,898 --> 00:19:44,005
I wanna be honest with you,
548
00:19:44,036 --> 00:19:45,332
I hate everything you've done.
549
00:19:45,332 --> 00:19:46,285
Totally.
550
00:19:46,324 --> 00:19:47,811
But you don't have still
the grill to work on.
551
00:19:47,836 --> 00:19:49,887
This is the best shopping network on TV.
552
00:19:49,911 --> 00:19:51,390
They've been really
excited by your grill.
553
00:19:51,437 --> 00:19:53,035
- Who's my calls?
- Him.
554
00:19:54,054 --> 00:19:54,960
Me?
555
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,109
Him?
556
00:19:56,159 --> 00:20:00,709
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