Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com

(Thunder crashes)

(Grunts) Let me go, Daktron!

Hey!

Okay, we've gotta get out of here.

Daktron will reassemble and come back for us.

(Bell rings)

Cut! Nice scene.

- Thank you. - That's a quick ten, everyone.

Since we have a break, I'm gonna go find Maddie.

Ooh!

To talk about your first date?

Ooh!

Stop.

Actually, don't stop. I might do it myself.

I have a date. Ooh!

It is so no fun teasing you.

- Hey, Maddie. - Hey!

Big night tonight.

Yeah. It's our, uh... first date.

What are we doing?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Remember you beat me at Tree House H.O.R.S.E.

Oh, yes. How could I forget?

You are kind of adorable when you're frozen in fear.

Take that back.

I am totally adorable when I'm frozen in fear.

Yeah. (Laughs, snorts)

You won, which means you plan the date.

- Right. - Mm-hmm.

Yes. I'm planning the date.

Pfft, I mean you... you better not also be planning the date

'cause like I'm the... the planner.

Cool.

So, what are we doing?

Oh, well...

we are obviously having the best first date in the history of first dates.

Uh, you know, I don't usually do this before I do something awesome,

but bam! What?

That, my good sir, is a pre-bam, what.

Which I mean is, like, pretty much unprecedented.

Don't bam-what unless you plan to back it up.

Oh, I'mma back it up.

(Sing-songy) I'mma back it up, I'mma back it up.

Wait, are we break dancing or are we just backing it up?

Because either way, I am so in.

(Sing-songy) Now back it up, now back it up.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, Joey, Joey, Joey.

I need your help.

I love being helpful.

So... I need your help... planning my first date with Josh.

'Cause wh... what does a guy even wanna do on a first date?

Oh.

You've come to me as an example of masculinity?

Lemme just take a second to blush.

Okay. Okay.

The two of you just need some place where you can be alone.

Bonus points for working in kitties or a puppet show.

Thank you, Joe. That's good advice.

You gonna do the opposite of what I said?

- I am. - Whoo! I was helpful.

(Theme music playing)

Better in stereo

B... B... Better in stereo

- I'm up with the sunshine

- Let's go

- I lace up my high tops

- Oh no

Slam dunk, ready or not

Yeah, show me what you got

- I'm under the spotlight

- Holler

I dare you, come on and follow

You dance to your own beat

I'll sing the melody

When you say yea-ah-ah

I say no-oh-oh

When you say stop

All I want to do is go go go

You you, the other half of me me

The half I'll never be-e

The half that drives me crazy

You you, the better half of me me

The half I'll always need

But we both know

We're better in stereo

Ears up here, Porcu-Pipers.

Let's do the Liv Rooney number.

You know the song. Crack a smile, and let's sing along.

- Two, three, four. - All (In harmony): Hey!

You and me and the beat go great together

You and me and the beat go great together

(Off key) You and me and the beat go great together

(Off key) You and me and the beat go great together now

Me and the beat do not go great together.

But Show Choir is an easy A,

and this scientist needs one class he can coast in.

You know, aside from Statistical Thermodynamics.

That was porcu-perfect, Porcu-Pipers!

Well done, us.

Straight A's all around, am I right?

You are wrong!

Parker, you're off beat and off key.

But, uh, that's still an A, am I right?

More like an F.

An F?

But Mr. Bell, I can't fail a class.

That was the agreement when I was promoted to high school.

They'll ship me back to middle school.

I can't go back there.

They threw me a parade.

Well, if you want to raise your grade, you'll have to

perform a solo at the Porcu-Piper Pep Performance.

In front of the whole school?

No!

Then I guess you'll fail.

(Harmoniously) Wah, wah, wah, wah

A baseball game?

This is perfect.

Yeah.

I was gonna go for something, like, romantic and private-

but then I figured that was dumb, right?

- Oh, so dumb. - Yeah.

Announcer: It's a beautiful day for a ball game.

Who's ready for some Stevens Point Cheese Curds baseball?

Me. I'm ready.

Whoo!

Haha.

Yeah, and it gets better.

This is actually a charity fundraiser,

so there are some major leaguers playing with the Cheese Curds today.

And actually, starting at shortstop,

we have San Fransisco Giant Brandon Crawford.

- Brandon Crawford? - Yep.

Spit in my eye and call me a duckling.

He's an All-Star! He's won two World Series, he's my favorite player.

How did you know?

I mean, you know, I have my ways.

I've got to hand it to you, Mads...

you really know how to plan a date.

Say it. Say it!

Bam! What?

Yeah! I told you so.

Hey! Three hot dogs over here.

I'm so sorry. Did you want a hot dog?

- Mother. - Hm?

With Dad away, you obviously need a break.

- Oh. - So I'm taking over

the household chore that you hate the most.

- Cleaning the bathrooms? - Nope, that's gross.

Oh.

I am taking over grocery shopping.

- Really? - Yep.

I found an app that gives us deals on everything from apples to zucchinis.

- Uh-huh. - By the way,

I am not buying zucchinis because they are disgusting.

Well, thank you, Joey. I now have an afternoon free.

I guess I could do my nails or... oh, take a bath, or read a book.

I'm taking over grocery shopping, not listening to you yammer on.

Still love you, baby!

There you go, that's a G chord.

(Gasps) It's our first G chord as a couple!

Yep, right after our first bowl of soup as a couple

and our first sneeze and "gesundheit" as a couple.

Babe, this is our first recap as a couple!

(Chuckles)

I'm sorry, I'm just really, really excited.

It took us so long to get together.

I'm just enjoying every sweet, little moment we have together.

Farewell, Stevens Point.

I'm hopping a train.

From now on, the boxcar will be my classroom.

A toot toot!

Should we ask about this?

We're having us time, don't get sucked in.

Yeah, he just, uh, opened your fireplace.

I'm sucked in. Yo, Parker.

What's, uh, what's up, buddy?

Well, I have chosen to live the life of a wandering genius.

Solving crimes and science problems from town to town.

Wow, I would totally watch that show.

But, um, why?

Well, Mr. Bell's giving me an F.

What? How?

No one gets an F in Show Choir.

And I don't wanna be the first.

So, tell Mom I love her.

I'm out.

Okay, wait. What if Liv and I tutored you?

(Gasps) Babe, this could be our first talent makeover as a couple!

Oh. (Chuckles heartily)

Let's get that kid an A, Show Choir style.

Liv: All right, Parker, on the path to mastering show choir,

there are three 'P's.

What are those three 'P's, you may ask.

- Hm? - Well...

Oh, there's a song to help you remember.

- Both: When you feel

- Stop.

Yeah, this isn't gonna work for me if you're just gonna burst into song.

Ha! I mean, that's...

- Kind of... - Both: ...the point of show choir.

- But... - Well...

then if you'll excuse me, I need to hop on the 6:15 to Minnetonka.

- Okay. - Okay, okay, okay.

We'll just say it. Ugh.

The first 'P' is pizazz.

Wow.

You keep a sparkle hat in your case?

I got an A in Show Choir.

All right, the second 'P' is precision.

And the third 'P' is...

Put a sock in it?

No.

Look, I don't do this kind of stuff.

I'm a man of science.

Well, did you know that Einstein used to tap dance?

Yeah.

And that Steve Jobs used to sing in a barbershop quartet?

And Heisenberg, I think, did needlepoint?

I mean, scientists don't just do science, you know?

Great minds have diverse interests.

I made all that up.

But by the time Parker researches it,

he'll have caught the...

Show choir bug

I also got an A.

Maddie.

Seriously, I'm having such a great time.

Yeah, me too.

Announcer: Isaac Stone is at the plate, looking nervous.

But, with Crawford up next, it's now or never.

Here comes the pitch.

(Whack)

It's a base hit. This guy's on fire!

Next up is Brandon Crawford.

Get it, Brandon!

Here comes the pitch.

(Whack)

The ball is soaring towards the stands.

It's deep, it might be...

(Crowd murmuring)

It's coming right at us.

Yes!

(Groans)

It's a home run for Brandon Crawford

and some lucky lady has a souvenir.

What?

Yeah!

Oh! Best date ever, right?

Bam! What?

Joey, thank you so much for taking over the shopping...

(Gasps)

What have I done?

You gave birth to the greatest grocery shopper of all time.

Say hello to all this toilet paper.

Yeah, but why all this toilet paper?

Because it's a bargain.

The more you buy, the more you save.

You would not believe the price drop after 17,000 rolls.

Okay, just, get this toilet paper out of my kitchen now.

Okay. It may be a little tricky, but consider it done.

Question, where can I store the four barrels of kitty litter I have coming tomorrow?

Follow up question: could we get a kitty?

What's all this?

This is a little something that we like to call...

Both: Show Choir Camp!

Stop!

Traditional dance instruction wasn't gonna work for Parker.

No, so we put it in a language that he could understand.

Science.

(Gasps)

This is our first scheme as a couple.

Feels right, baby.

Uh, how is a period table of the elements gonna teach me how to dance?

Frankly, it feels disrespectful to the elements.

Just put your foot on the element that I say, okay?

Ready?

Iron.

Osmium. Platinum. Nickel.

Iron. Osmium. Platinum. Nickel.

Now jazz it up with some tungsten

Tungsten! And tungsten, and tungsten, and tungsten

And tungsten

Tungsten, and tungsten

All right, next station. What's wrong with these equations here, Parker?

Uh, they're all wrong.

Then erase them.

Quick, use both hands. Come on.

Oh! Whoo! Nice!

Yeah! All right, all right.

Now over to the beakers, they aren't gonna shake themselves.

Come on, shake, shake, shake! Shake, shake, shake.

Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.

Now put it all together.

From the top.

Iron, osmium, and platinum and nickel

- Iron, osmium, and platinum and nickel

Keep it up while erasing those equations there, Parker.

- Tungsten and tungsten

And tungsten, and tungsten

Big finish, shake those beakers, shake those beakers

Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.

Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake Now freeze!

(Gasps)

Parker, that, um, that was the Show Choir routine.

Wait, I did it?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I did it!

He did it

Stop!

- Hey. - Hey.

How'd that date with Josh go?

Not to brag, but it was pretty spectacular.

How is that not bragging?

Uh, 'cause I said "not to brag."

Duh.

Hey, Maddie.

Hey, Josh!

Still basking in our first date glow?

Oh, yeah. I can't stop replaying it in my mind.

Good.

Good, 'cause, uh, I actually got you a little something to remember it by.

Look at that.

A home run ball that my favorite player hit.

- Yeah. - Wow.

- You caught a home run ball? - I sure did!

She sure did.

- Whoo! - Uh...

Thanks, Maddie.

- Yeah. - Um...

Gotta film a scene, so...

- Okay. - I'll see you later.

Yeah.

Wow.

Dude, was that just me or did Josh seem, like,

really down when I mentioned our date?

Down? He seemed like he had a serious case of the bumskis.

Yeah.

I don't get it. Our date went great.

I mean, his favorite player hit a home run ball and I caught it.

Uh-huh.

And when you caught the ball, what was Josh doing?

Also trying to catch it.

- And you... - Shoved him out of the way.

- Yeah. - Oh.

Ugh. I ruined our date.

And then you preserved it in Plexiglass.

Well, I mean, I just caught the ball on instinct.

I mean, you know how competitive I am.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Remember how you got the last bowl of oatmeal this morning?

Shoved you out of the way?

Yes.

Yes, you did.

So, I had to eat a lemon.

Oh, what do I do?

I really, really like Josh.

Like, I really like Josh.

The last thing that I want to do is make him feel bad.

Well, maybe you should, oh, I don't know, be a teeny bit less competitive.

So... to be in a relationship, I have to give up winning?

You know, sometimes making somebody else feel good is the win.

Joe, did you just say something meaningful?

You know, I believe I did.

Excuse me while I... (Sing-songy) back it up, and slide.

Back it up, and slide.

Oh.

It's all gone.

See, Mother? I listened.

Good job, Joey. You solved a problem... that you created.

How'd you do it?

You know, they say we've only unlocked 10 percent of our brains,

but I say we've only unlocked 10 percent of our toilet paper usage.

That mug is way too hot for my delicate lady fingers.

But not with the toilet paper tea mittens.

Or you could just, you know, use the handle that's on the mug.

Oh.

What a great idea.

I think I'll jot that down... on my T.P. notepad.

So how'd you get rid of it? Did you return it?

They wouldn't let me return it, but I did exchange it.

For what?

800 bales of hay.

What have I done?

Follow up question:

can we get a pony?

What are we doing?

Uh, we are doing a first date do over with special guest...

Brandon Crawford.

No way!

Brandon Crawford!

Hey, Josh, nice to meet you.

Maddie, Brandon Crawford is standing right next to me.

Can I feel your muscles?

Don't be weird, Josh.

No, it's cool. Go ahead.

It's like he's smuggling a baseball in there.

Okay.

Hey, sorry about him.

You're just, like, his all-time favorite player.

Well, actually, I'm a huge Voltage fan. Could I get your autograph?

Easy, Brandon Crawford. Don't be so needy.

(Stutters) I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

Of course you can have an autograph. You can have whatever you want.

(Gasps) Know what?

Uh, here's my wallet.

Don't be weird, Josh.

Right.

Yeah, um, you know what, you can get his autograph after.

How's that?

After what? What's going on?

Uh, well... I... sort of robbed you of your chance

to catch a home run from your favorite player, so I just...

you know, wanted to give you a chance to catch one.

Maddie... this is really sweet.

Swing away, Brandon!

(Whack)

Yes!

Way to go, Josh.

Okay, what was that?

What do you mean? That was, you know,

you fulfilling a dream and me not getting in the way.

Brandon: Can I get your autograph now?

One second, B-Craw!

Well, you gotta make me earn it.

But I thought you were all upset because I was, like, too competitive.

That's not why I was upset.

I was upset because I'm just as competitive.

Every time we hang out, you beat me at something.

Basketball, Tree House H.O.R.S.E...

- Cowbell. - Almost forgot about that one.

I thought when you took me to the ball park,

I figured that was my moment to shine.

(Both chuckle)

Ooh, you wanted to impress me.

Yeah, I did.

- And I'm gonna. - Ooh.

But it doesn't count unless you're trying just as hard as I am.

Don't ever turn off your competitive fire.

It's one of the things I like most about you.

(Chuckles)

(Sing-songy) You like me.

- How cool is that? - (Chuckles)

But prepare to be crushed.

Swing away, Brandon!

(Whack)

Oh!

(Gasps)

Boom! Howdy!

"Boom! Howdy!"?

Yeah. It's my "Bam! What?"

- Yours is better. - Yeah, it is!

Ridgewood High, get ready to have

your backpacks blown off by the Ridgewood Porcu-Pipers,

featuring Parker Rooney!

Oh!

That's so sweet of you to record Parker's performance.

Oh, I'm not recording the performance.

I'm recording us watching the performance.

It's our first concert as a couple.

(Gasps)

- Feels right, baby. - That's right.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Now you're living life out loud

With your head up in the clouds

Yeah, it feels so right

Right now, now, now

Hey, you and me and the beat

Go great together

You and me and the beat

Go great together

You and me and the beat

Go great together

You and me and the beat

Go great together now

Ooh

- Hey! - Ooh

Hey!

Ooh

You and me go great together

Parker, Show Choir is all about pizazz, and that was pizazztic!

Pizazztic

You get an A.

Did you mean A or A-sharp?

Oh, Parker!

You're the clown prince of Show Choir.

Making us laugh

Stop!

Hey Buster, guess whose autograph I just got?

Josh Wilcox from Voltage.

Bam! What?

Josh: Boom! Howdy!

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