Original subtitles

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(Buzzer blares) Johnny Nimbus: Porcupines win! Orcupines win!

Well, do you believe in miracles?

Well, you better, because Ridgewood high

is your new Wisconsin girls' basketball state champs!

Oh, wait, where is she? Maddie Rooney!

I'm here with Maddie Rooney.

She sank that game-winning shot.

We won! Porcupines won state!

Bam! Champs!

She usually says, "bam! What,"

but she changed it because today's special!

State champs! Uh-huh!

Well, it is going to be a porcu-party

in Stevens point tonight! I'm not gonna miss it!

I'm Johnny Nimbus, signing off from the...

- bam! Champs! - (Cheering)

Bam! Champs!

(Theme music playing)

Better in stereo

b... b... better in stereo

- I'm up with the sunshine

- Let's go

- I lace up my high tops

- Oh no

- slam dunk

- Ready or not

yeah, show me what you got

- I'm under the spotlight

- Holler

I dare you, come on and follow

you dance to your own beat

I'll sing the melody

when you say yea-ah-ah

I say no-oh-oh

when you say stop

all I want to do is go, go, go

you, you, the other half of me, me

the half I'll never be-e

the half that drives me crazy

you, you, the better half of me, me

the half I'll always need

but we both know

we're better in stereo

Oh. Look who's on the front page.

What? (Gasps)

- That's me! - (Karen giggles)

This is so cool, mom.

My little girl is headline news.

I made that beautiful face in my baby oven.

(Thuds)

Parker, let's go. Victory parade will be here any minute

to take us to the... rally

Yeah, hold that thought.

Three, two, one!

- (Horns blare) - (Bell dings)

Freedom! My month-long punishment is over.

On my favorite TV show, Linda and Heather,

the rascally little brother turned his refrigerator into a time machine.

I tried to do the same thing to our fridge.

It did not go well.

It did not go well at all.

(Humming)

I had a half a meatball sub in there.

They found it four blocks away.

He still ate it.

Mom and dad punished me with a month of no TV, no computer, no video games.

Also, the government confiscated a good portion of my home laboratory.

Don't copy what you see on TV, yo.

Maddie, I'm really proud of how you battled back

from that knee injury. And now look at you...

my big sis, the state champ.

Oh. Thank you.

That means a lot to me, little bro.

Good. Bank that feeling, because I'm not going to your rally.

- What? - Linda and Heather's season ends tonight.

I have to watch the four episodes I missed before the finale airs.

If I don't, it'll be spoiler city at school tomorrow.

And you know the spoil makes me boil.

Yeah, dude, don't even worry.

I totally get it. I love that show.

(Laughs) Ooh! Wait till you get to the one where Heather's...

no spoilers!

I will rebreak your knee.

- (Doorbell rings) - Oh! It's the... parade!

Mom?

No.

But, Maddie, it's a parade.

Nope. Not a parade.

Just the boy who broke my daughter's heart.

Diggie is going away to be an exchange student again,

and it's actually why we broke up.

I bet he wants to say goodbye to me, but I don't think I could handle that.

Besides, I mean, there's a new man in my life, and his name is victory.

Hi, Maddie. Can I just have a minute...

hello...

Stevens point!

We are coming to you live from the home of coach Rooney

and team captain, slash, m.V.P.,

slash, folk hero, slash... I just like saying "slash"... Maddie Rooney!

Hey, champs, it's parade time! Let's get a move on!

- -Yeah! - (Cheering)

Let's go! You're a big fella, push these people out of my way.

All right, so I'll just... I'll just catch you later then, Maddie?

Ou can stay, but I'm n Linda and Heather mode, bro.

So I'ma need you to dance.

- (Beeps) - Pink, pink, pink

Girls, girls, girls, glitter, glitter, glitter

Twirls, twirls, twirls, together forever

We're Linda and Heather, best friends!

- (Walkie-talkie beeps) - Liv: Joey, are you there?

You are not using proper walkie-talkie etiquette, Liv.

Over.

Okay, Joey, the parade is going to be here literally any second, so...

All the more reason to use proper walkie-talkie etiquette, Liv.

- I... - Over!

Fine!

Lobby to porcupine pit.

Come in, porcupine pit. We need streamers.

Still didn't hear an "over."

- Get me the streamers! - We are a go for streamers. Over and out.

(Whimpers)

# 1 fan is in the house.

Dump truck, you're a fan of girls' basketball?

Hey, it's not girls' basketball.

It's basketball that happens to be played by young women.

You want a boys' black eye?

Who's this fuzzy wuzzy ball of cute?

- His name is fat neck. - 'Cause of his big fat neck?

- Are you neck-shaming my rabbit? - His neck is very handsome, sir.

I gotta go change into my porcupine fan gear.

- Will you watch fat neck for me? - Awesome!

You wanna hang with Uncle Jo-Jo?

Yes, you do-do.

- (Inhales sharply) - I hate it when people talk to pets.

You have a lot of rules that I am not up to speed on.

Well, here's the most important rule:

If anything happens to my rabbit, I will be irritated,

there-to-fore I will lash out at people, ergo, you.

I'll be right back, my fat fuzzy wuzzy!

- I thought you hated... - It's different when I do it.

(Chuckles) Don't you worry, Mr. dump truck sir!

Your bunny is in good... (Gasps)

Hands!

Oh no.

(Panting) I ran here as soon as I got your text.

I only use my phone to contact my mother and pediatrician.

But when I saw Reggie running down the street, shouting,

(Mimics) "I'm coming, Dr. p,"

it seemed prudent to follow.

You ready for a Linda and Heather marathon?

What do you think?

Both: Boom, chicken soup!

We get to have soup? Yes!

No, that's something Linda and Heather say on our favorite show.

My bad, dawg.

And mother just allowed me to start watching TV,

I haven't had the courage to do it yet, but today's the day.

Evan, all you need to know is Linda and Heather are besties,

and in the last episode Reggie and I saw,

Linda was invited to be the first teenager on the international space station.

Do you think she'll take Heather with her or her vampire boyfriend, Steve?

Reggie, she's not taking Steve.

Heather's her b.F.F., and b.F.F.'s have each other's back.

You know, like how you didn't watch Linda and Heather for the last month,

because I wasn't allowed to watch it.

Please! I gotta have my boy to watch my show about my girls.

(Both mimic explosion)

Okay, we have to watch all four episodes we missed before the finale airs.

No time for breaks, so our butts are stapled

to this couch for the rest of the night, but what if I need a drink?

My mom said I could only come over if I kept myself properly hydrated.

Please, you're in Dr. p's world now.

This is hooked up to lemonade...

Chocolate milk...

And guacamole for our chips!

We get to have chips? The forbidden fruit?

I was saving this for Christmas, but...

Today's more important.

(Christmas music playing)

God bless us, everyone.

Oh! Okay, the parade is coming.

Sticky tape down, people!

- (Cheering) - Come on, folks!

This victory parade just turned into a victory rally

on channel four! So don't dally,

- get down to that rally! - (Cheering continues)

Maddie! Maddie, Maddie!

Hey, I just... I have to talk to you for a quick...

Second.

- Hi, Liv. - (Clears throat) Diggie.

I have been... icing you out

in a show of sisterly solidarity.

Bet you felt that chill.

Why do you need to talk to Maddie so bad?

'Cause I made a stupid mistake when I broke up with her.

(Laughs) Yeah, you did.

(Sighs) What's up?

I woke up this morning, ready to go to Australia...

But it just hit me how hard being away from Maddie is gonna be.

I don't know if I should go.

What are you saying?

I want to get back together with her.

Whoa.

Okay, but, Liv, do you think that she'd take me back?

Because if she will, I'm not gonna leave.

(Laughs) No, I mean, Diggie, this is huge.

I can't answer that for you. You're gonna have to ask her yourself.

(Scoffs) I have been trying all day.

I leave for the airport in a half an hour.

What? Um...

Okay, you know what?

You just sit by the Paulie statue, and I will go get Maddie before you leave.

- Are you serious? - Yes.

- Okay, great. Thank you. - Oh! Um...

You're gonna fix your hair before Maddie comes back, right?

What? I thought it looked good.

You're gonna fix your hair...

Before Maddie comes back.

Right?

Okay.

(Cheering)

Let's go, porcupines!

Where's my bunny?

What did Joey do with my bunny?

Hippety-hop, that geek is gonna drop.

Nimbus over p.A.: Please welcome #4, brie martucci!

(Cheering)

Oh, good. Maddie, Diggie really needs to talk to you, and it is huge news.

Okay, Liv, I'm actually too busy celebrating

with people who want to be in my life to talk to somebody who doesn't.

Nimbus: #9, Kat Montenegro!

Okay, Maddie, I really, really wanted you to hear this from Diggie,

but he says he's going to stay if you tell him to.

Maddie and Willow: What?

Oh, Johnny just announced Kat.

You guys are talking about something else. Sorry.

Maddie! He wants to get back together with you!

I mean, obviously, if that's what you want, but that is...

What you want, right?

(Chuckles)

I mean, yeah, it was, but I guess I kinda gave up on that ever happening,

so... (Chuckles)

I don't know. Maybe.

Well, then, Maddie, you have to get out there and talk to him,

'cause he's waiting for you at the Paulie statue,

but he's gonna leave for the airport in 10 minutes.

Nimbus: #19, Samantha myman!

- Whoo! - Yay!

Okay, Liv, there is an entire townful of people waiting for me in that gym.

It's not like I can be in two places at the same time,

maybe there's a way that you can.

(Gasps) There is?

Nimbus: #8, Lacey sullenger!

I'll explain it to you later, sweetie, okay?

Okay. Maddie, give me your uniform and your spare pair of glasses,

I will go to the rally, you go get Diggie,

and, Willow, can you just stall so I have time to change?

- Got it. - Okay, great.

Nimbus: #44, Mrs. Joey Rooney!

What? They asked how I wanted to be introduced.

It's my big day.

There she is! And now, your team captain...

- Maddie roone... - Actually... (Laughs)

I think... before we bring Maddie out, I think everyone would

love to hear one of your famous weather poems, Johnny!

Oh no, no, I couldn't. It's not the right time or...

hickory dickory dock,

the temperature's starting to drop.

Hickory dickory dizzle, outside, it's starting to drizzle.

Thunder goes boom, lightning...

give it up for Maddie Rooney!

(Cheering)

(Thuds)

Oh! You... oh.

Hi! (Chuckles)

I would like to thank...

The academy...

Um, Johnny, how about another one of those weather poems?

Oh no, I couldn't. No one wants to hear...

roses are red, violets are blue,

the high on Tuesday was 72!

(Snapping fingers)

This episode is epic!

I can't wait for the season finale on the international space station.

Dare I say it? I'm a little giddy.

Wait until you see the end of this episode,

when the girls catch the phantom break dancer.

He's the b-boy that you can't see, boy!

(Chattering on TV)

Wait. How do you know how they catch the phantom break dancer?

(Gasps) You watched this episode without me!

I'm sorry. I watched all the episodes.

It's the phantom break dancer, Parker!

How could I turn away!

I thought we were friends.

Why should I be punished because you blew up your fridge?

I was building that time machine for us!

- Hey! - (Whimpers) Okay.

Did I not recently entrust you with the most precious thing I possess?

(Chuckles nervously) I mean, can you really possess a pet?

I mean, in some ways, they own us.

- Zip it! - Okay.

- Did you lose my beloved bunny? - Okay, I did lose him,

but then I spotted him, but then he went somewhere

where I could not get to him, so I was just...

Fleeing for my life.

What do you mean, you couldn't get to him?

He hopped into the girls' locker room.

(Laughs)

Fat neck, you sly dog.

Go get him.

Mr. truck, I can't just go into the girls' locker room!

Well, either you go into that locker room and you grab my rabbit,

or I go into your chest, and I grab your heart.

To the girls' locker room I go!

Okay. (Sighs)

What are you gonna say when you see him?

(Clears throat, high-pitched) 'sup?

(Clears throat, low-pitched) 'sup?

(Clears throat, normal voice) 'sup? That's the one. Let's go.

- (Door opens) - Joey: Oh. Oh.

Excuse me. Excuse...

ladies, I am not a sneaky-peeker!

I am just looking for my giant rabbit!

Joey, get out of the girls' locker room!

- (Shrieks) - (Banging)

Oh. Ooh.

Joey! What did you just do?

What? No, I didn't mean to do that!

You startled me, so I just jumped back like this.

(Angrily) Are you kidding me?

- Joey, I am gonna kill you! - Why are you so upset?

(Gasps) Oh, I found fat neck.

Hey, fat neck. I am saved.

Just gotta get him to dump truck.

Oh! We can't get out.

Now I get it. I'm gonna go ahead and say it. That's my bad.

(Cheering)

What on earth are you doing, Liv?

What? (Deeper voice) Liv?

No, mom. It's me, Maddie.

Really? Name one female sports star.

Umm... (Mouths)

Beyonce likes to soulcycle.

(Normal voice) Okay, fine, you got me.

Maddie and I switched so that she could

go talk to Diggie before he leaves for Australia.

He wants to get back together with her!

Well, a lie for love negates all of my disapproval.

But remember, you can never get one past your parents.

- We will always know. - Okay.

Maddie. You're up next!

I'm so proud of you, Maddie!

- (Chuckles) - Hey, Ridgewood!

Who wants to hear Maddie Rooney talk about that winning shot?

- (Cheering) - Huh? Oh!

- (Chuckles nervously) - Oh, these folks do.

Oh, I have to talk about the basketball-y stuff?

Okay. Willow, you go get Maddie.

Mama's got this.

You know...

Before Maddie speaks, I think it's time

for vice principal Rooney's state championship rally flag extravaganza.

Maestro?

(Dramatic music playing)

(Squeaking)

(Chattering on TV)

Reggie: Can I please watch Linda and Heather?

You saw this one already, traitor.

You've earned that bucket of shame.

So, friend who did not betray my trust,

who do you think Linda will take to the international space station?

Heather or Steve the vampire?

I'm afraid to express an opinion, for fear that I will get a bucket, too.

Mark my words, Evan, Linda will take Heather.

I know my girl, and my girl will take her girl...

Who is also my girl.

Heather: Linda, I shouldn't have lied to you.

Linda: But you're my friend, Heather.

Friends forgive friends.

(Gasps) Bestie hugs!

Wow. When the whacky hijinks end, this show makes me think about life.

Reggie, take that bucket off

and give me a Linda and Heather bestie hug, you big dummy.

Both: Besties!

(Grunts)

(Distant cheering)

Diggie is gonna leave any minute and I have to get to the Paulie statue!

Why don't you just text him?

(Scoffs, chuckles)

Because my phone is trapped inside the lockers that you just knocked over.

Shh! You're upsetting fat neck.

Maddie? Are you okay?

Willow! I have to get to Diggie, and I'm trapped in here. Please help!

- (Pounds) - (Grunts)

I'm sorry, Maddie. It's not budging.

It would take five guys to lift these.

Great! I can't believe you trapped us in here, Joey.

(Gasps) Joey's in there?

(Grunts, yells)

Thanks, Willow!

- Thanks, Willow. - You're safe now, munchkin!

Diggie! Diggie, am I too late?

- (Chattering on TV) - (Yells) We're back!

Shh! No talking!

It's the season finale! He's tense.

Heather: Linda, have you made your decision?

- Linda: I have, Heather. - (Gasps)

This is it! This is the moment!

Linda: The person I want to join me on the international space station is...

"To be continued."

Both: No...!

(Yells) What's happening?

Dude, we got cliff-hangered!

Evan, honey, sometimes a show ends a season with an unfinished moment

to bring viewers back in for the next season.

My mom was right! Television is a demon box!

Dr. p! What are we gonna do?

We are gonna sit on this couch until season three starts.

Boys: Boom! Chicken soup!

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