Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com

Dinner is served!

Hey, where is everyone?

Ah, who cares?

- More chicken bites for me. - (Karen giggles)

(Crunches)

(Whines)

(Spits)

Oh, great googa-mooga, what is this?

It's meatless soy-ken wings with compassionate cashew barbecue sauce.

Yup. Mom says meat's off the menu until I get my cholesterol down.

Why do you think everyone else has boycotted dinner?

Well, if the choice is saving dad or saving dinner, I vote dinner.

- I'm with Parker. - (Chuckles)

Give meatless a chance.

You haven't tried my simulated sausage snaps.

(Chuckles)

- (Rustling) - Who is that?

Huh.

(Gasps) Cindy Dippledorf.

What is that too-good-to-say-hello-to-me-in- the-grocery-store snob doing in my backyard?

(Rustling)

- Well, hello, Cindy. - (Chuckles)

What a pleasure it is to see you trespassing in my backyard.

Well, fix your front gate.

(Chuckles)

I just came by to give you your...

Whatever this hot mess is.

Oh, it's my "poet tree" for poetry.

You see, it's a clever play on the word...

I get it.

I thought the neighborhood needed a place for people

to express themselves, so I gave a dead tree new life

by inviting neighbors to attach poems to the branches.

And the poet tree was born.

(Laughs) The kids love it.

There once was a lady named mom... Who said poetry was, quote, "da bomb"...

She thought we'd be stoked...

To pin poems to the oak...

All: But she could not have been more "da wrong."

Good job, guys.

- I didn't think we could pull it off. - (Chuckles)

Now don't slay the messenger, sweetie, but the neighborhood

consortium thinks your poet tree is a horrible eyesore...

Second only to that unfortunate mustard color you painted your house.

So you just decided to rip it out of my front yard?

Thanks for understanding.

- (Stammers) - Toodles!

All: Ooh!

(Theme music plays)

Better in stereo

b... b... better in stereo

I'm up with the sunshine

let's go

- I lace up my high tops

- Oh no

- slam dunk

- Ready or not

yeah, show me what you got

- I'm under the spotlight

- Holler

I dare you, come on and follow

you dance to your own beat

I'll sing the melody

when you say yea-ah-ah

I say no-oh-oh

when you say stop

all I want to do is go, go, go

you, you, the other half of me, me

the half I'll never be-e

the half that drives me crazy

you, you, the better half of me, me

the half I'll always need

but we both know

we're better in stereo.

(Joey shouting) Attention...

Intergalactic council members!

Ro-bat has arrived!

- (Cheers, applause) - (Screeches)

The intergalactic council are like-minded individuals

sworn to uphold the purity of Sci-Fi and fantasy.

It's like Comic-Con, but we get together one Saturday a month,

because we cannot wait a whole year to put on our costumes.

(Mimics gas hissing)

Hear ye, hear ye, as all-powerful chairman of the Intergalactic Council,

Earth chapter, U.S. subchapter,

Wisconsin sub-subchapter, Stevens Point micro-subchapter,

I call this meeting to order!

I thank you all for gathering on this fine Saturday

where we can meet far from the judgmental eyes of our uncostumed classmates.

I bring magnificent news.

Our campaign of emailing, texting, and general annoyance

has finally brought Hollywood to its knees.

Wait, for real?

A movie studio is paying attention to our humble micro-subchapter?

Yes, we have won the right to choose a comic book character to make a cameo appearance

in "The Revengers II: Rage of Folton."

I open the floor to nominations.

I, Joey Rooney of house Rooney, on Crane Street, do nominate Ro-Bat:

Half robot, half bat, all awesome. (Screeching)

Joseph Rooney, I despise you and all that you stand for,

but we do share a love of Ro-Bat...

As well as candy bracelets and mondays in September.

So if there are no other objections...

(Distorted) Stay your staff, good sir.

I, Orion, defender of the emerald nebula, also have a nomination.

You dare challenge Ro-Bat, mysterious cloaked figure with filtered monster voice?

Which, by the way, is awesome.

How are you doing that, fella?

Reveal yourself, stranger.

(Gasps)

Tis I, Aubrey Banfield of house Banfield on fairhaven drive, just off Main Street.

It's near the gas station.

A lady walks among us.

Artie, put it down in the minutes!

- (Door closes) - What you doing, peeping mom?

It's the Dippledorfs.

Ugh! What did they dipple-do this time?

There is a catering truck, rented tables, flowers!

They are having another party that we're not invited to.

- (Laughs) That is so dippledorfy. - Mm-hmm.

Mom is not the only one with Dippledorf drama.

Yeah, in third grade, Holden Dippledorf stole my multi-colored

goodbye puppy pen, the one I used to write in my dream book.

I mean, sure, it's been seven years, but an elephant unicorn never forgets.

- (Gasps, chuckles) This takes the cake. - (Beeping)

Cindy is putting up an enormous bronze giraffe on her front lawn.

(Laughs)

Oh, sure, that eyesore is okay, and yet she takes down

my poet tree, a brilliant oracle of literary genius.

All right, you know what? Enough is enough!

We need to take the giraffe by the neck!

- What do you think we should do? - What I just said.

Take the giraffe by the neck.

Holden took my pen, Cindy took your tree, we're gonna take their giraffe.

(Shouts) You mean steal it?

All right, why don't you say it just a little bit louder?

I don't think the entire neighborhood heard you.

Sorry, sorry.

Let's do it. But for the record, if anyone asks, I tried to talk you out of it.

Okay.

You hungry, Maddie? We've got soy Turkey and soy chicken.

Mmm! Mom's meatless muck.

No thanks, dad. I think I'd rather just keep chewing on my pen.

Does it taste like real meat?

Give me that pen. Mmm! Mmm!

(Clanking, thuds)

Maddie, you won't believe this!

Can you ever just enter the room like a normal person?

No, I can only enter the room like an awesome person.

So I was installing new lighting to the Parker

tunnel to the garage, and guess what I found.

A life?

It's packed with bones down there.

I think they're prehistoric bird bones.

(Laughs, snorts)

That is one of the most ridiculous things I think I've ever heard in my life.

No, listen, there's a kid on the other side of town

who found archaeopteryx bones when his family was digging a pool!

Scientists came, validated the dig site, and he got a free trip to archeology camp!

- Are you serious? - Yeah!

I mean, he turned it down, because he has a pool, but still!

- Right. - But can you imagine?

What if archaeopteryx lived right here under our house?

- Like you do? - Exactly!

You wanna help me dig?

I can't, Parker. I mean, I've gotta do my algebra II homework,

I have to graph some parabolas, and... take me to the bones!

Speak your mind, lady Banfield.

Who is your nomination for "The Revengers II"?

My nomination is...

- Smoochbot! - (Boys gasp)

It's from the romantic graphic novel "that's my Smoochbot."

Okay, clearly, this is some kind of joke.

Smoochbot isn't even a real robot.

He's just a divorced guy pretending to be a robot nanny

so he can spend time with his kids. (Laughs)

There is no way the council will ever nominate Smoochbot.

Tell her, artisan!

Smoochbot? Me likey.

All in favor of Smoochbot, as put forward by the ravishing lady Banfield?

So say we all! Long live Smoochbot!

But this is our chance for intergalactic fame.

Are you saying you'd all just sell out your core values for a pretty face?

Yup, that's exactly what we're saying.

Fine. Then in accordance with council bylaws,

I wish to challenge Aubrey of house Banfield to a sci-fight.

But there hasn't been a sci-fight in this council for three semesters.

Challenge accepted...

Bat-boy.

Oh, it is so on.

Right after our scheduled...

juice break.

Okay. Whew!

Hoo! That's heavy.

That was completely irresponsible, but so much fun!

I was thinking the exact same thing.

- We should take tennis together. - Don't ruin this, mother.

Sorry, it just feels so good to get back at Cindy for getting rid of my poet tree.

- Dare I say it's poetic justice? - (Laughs)

Take that, you pen-stealing party-throwers.

- We totally got away with it too. - (Knocks)

(Screams) It's the cops! We're going to jail!

Do something, mom! Do something!

Okay, okay, okay.

- Get the door and be cool. - Okay.

Be... be cool?

How can I be cool when there's a stolen giraffe in our living room

and Johnny Law is knocking at the door?

Chill, baby. Mama's got a plan.

(Grunts)

Wow, Mom, a life of crime is coming surprisingly easy to you.

- Oh yeah. - Hello, officer.

- (Laughs) You're not the police. - Oh. Wait, Liv.

It's Holden Dippledorf, from across the street.

We didn't steal anything!

Oh! Holden!

(Angrily) Holden.

Yes! Hungry, hungry Holden who used to eat paste.

I thought you went away to boarding school.

Well, I'm back for the weekend, and I've cut my paste consumption way down.

(Both laugh)

Anyway, my mom has sent me over to see

if you guys have seen a giraffe statue around anywhere.

Why would we know anything about a giraffe? It's not like we stole it!

Of course you didn't, but you know how she is, and she's watching me right now,

so just violently shake your heads "no," and I'll be on my way.

Okay, okay, not that violently.

- I don't want you to hurt yourselves. - (Liv chuckles)

Gosh, we would sure hate to ruin your mom's big blowout party.

We're not having a party.

Oh, right, you just have a giant tent, caterers,

and everybody in the neighborhood but us.

- Actually, it's a wake. - Oh.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yeah, my Uncle died.

Oh.

The giraffe statue was donated by the nation of Cameroon

to celebrate his life's work of protecting wildlife.

- Oh. - (Laughing nervously)

Is that all?

So you could see why my mom's so distraught over losing the statue.

Of course.

Who would do such a wretched, wretched thing?

(Chuckles)

Well, not us, so we will just keep our eyes open

for any Cameroonian giraffes.

Thanks. And if you see one from Kenya, that's not him.

(Both laugh)

- It's nice seeing you. - We didn't steal anything!

Huh.

This is weird, but I am not finding any prehistoric animal

that ever existed with 12 knuckles per finger.

Whoa. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

That we are putting these bones together wrong

and that this animal never existed?

No, that we've discovered a new species.

Oh, I like your idea so much better!

We shall name our discovery the Parker-saurus.

Really? 'Cause I was sort of thinking more in the range of Maddie-dactyl.

Tell you what: How about whoever finds the skull gets to name it?

Okay, you're on. And guess what.

You're gonna lose, 'cause I'm gonna get to the tunnels first.

- No fair! - (Door closes)

You're so fast. How will I ever catch up to you?

(Scoffs) Amateur.

This is a three-round sci-fight.

Round one: Intergalactic thumb wrestling.

Begin!

Thumb wrestling is a sport of strategy and stamina.

The last thumb-wrestling duel lasted... oh, and Joey won.

(Applause)

Round two: Interstellar staring contest.

Blink and begin!

I could do this all day.

I do it every morning...

With a crow that perches on my windowsill.

That's super weird.

Thank you.

- (Blows) - (Whimpers)

He blinked! The loser blinked!

(Cheers, applause)

Okay, let's get this giraffe back.

The party just went inside.

All right. Again, mom, not a party, it's a wake.

Well, it still would've been nice to have been invited.

(Straining) All right, let's just count our blessings

he wasn't saving elephants, and help me pull.

Oh. Oh!

- Whoo! - (Grunts) Okay.

- Are we there? - Almost.

- Almost. - What you doing, guys?

(Women gasp)

(Thuds)

(Laughing nervously)

Hey, Holden.

- I can still see you. - (Sighs) I know.

(Women laugh nervously)

So I know this looks really bad, but I promise there is a good explanation.

Yeah, there is, and you should tell him.

- Okay. What? - I'll get snacks.

(Laughs) So what happened is...

You guys stole the giraffe.

Yes, we did, and, Holden, I am so sorry.

We had no idea that we were ruining your Uncle's wake.

Oh please. My mom's shadow-puppet tribute

to life on the Serengeti ruined that wake.

- (Laughs) - This is fun. (Chuckles)

- You're not mad? - You're not mad?

That's... kind of unexpected.

He's still a pen-stealing jerk.

He's just... kind of a cute pen-stealing jerk.

(Giggles)

My Uncle would've loved it.

Look, you gotta get that thing back before the wake ends.

Okay, can we have your help, though?

Come on, get in there, hot and hungry Holden. (Chuckles)

I thought it was "hungry, hungry Holden."

What? No. Yes, what it is.

That's your name. That's what I said.

Let's go!

Still no skull, but at least 15 limbs!

The Parker-saurus must have been a brainless stomach with claws.

- (Rustling) - What's that?

- (Crunches) - Dad?

Why do you have a bucket of ribs from fast Al's Greasy Food Hut?

And why are you eating it out here?

I can't take another bite of your mom's fakey food meat stuff...

So I'm sneak-eating the real thing out here.

Dad, are you...

Burying the bones to hide the evidence?

Dogs do it.

Huh! He's burying them right above the tunnel where I discovered

these prehistoric bird bones.

Huh! Which are beginning to look more and more like

chicken and rib bones that dad has gnawed clean.

For our final challenge to determine which character will get the cameo

in "The Revengers II: Rage of Folton," is the interplanetary mind meld.

(Snaps) Minions!

Aha! Who looks like a genius for making these in study hall now?

All right, I am thinking of a number between one and 7,600,058.

Aubrey, you and your perfect little turned-up nose go first.

- Four. - Correct!

You are the Victor! (Laughs)

Oh, wait, Joey gets a turn.

- Joseph. - Um... four.

Wrong! Aubrey is the winner!

- Smoochbot reigns supreme! - (Cheering)

Celebrate in my arms.

(Screeches)

Have you all forgotten why we became members

of the Intergalactic Council in the first place?

Because we believe in honor and loyalty.

Because we are the defenders of the fantastic!

Yeah, there are those who mock us, call us nerds, geeks, weirdos, like our

brothers, sisters, cool second-cousins, neighborhood crossing guards.

Pretty much everyone else.

But do you also want to be called "sellouts"?

I think not! And so I say to you today, stand fast and stand by Ro-Bat.

Because he would stand by you.

- Ro-bat! - (Chanting) Ro-bat, Ro-Bat,

Ro-Bat, Ro-Bat, Ro-Bat...

I just messaged the head of the studio.

He said, "we'll put Smoochbot in the movie.

"Never text me again."

Victory is ours!

(Weakly) But... we... Ro-Bat.

(Screeches weakly)

Sorry, Joey, can't win them all...

(Chuckles) Or in your case, any.

Don't you agree, Aubrey, winner of my six alien hearts?

(Mimics heartbeats)

Joey, I've been called weird ever since I was a little girl.

That happens when you have your own cloak of mystery...

- (Beeps) - (Distorted) And monster voice filter.

(Clicks)

So thank you for standing up for what it really means to be a true fan.

- (Chuckles) You're welcome. - (Both laugh)

But seriously, that monster-voice filter is the coolest thing ever.

Really? You think it's cool?

Does an electro-hyper-bot have two processing cores?

Uh, yeah, it does.

(Both giggle)

No! But... but... but I got Smoochbot in the movie!

You sure did, buddy. (Chuckles)

Minions! Record it in the minutes.

Artie is on team Smoochbot.

Walking-out-with-a-girl burn!

(Laughs, screeching)

(Wails) Joey...

(Calmly) Wait. I want to do that with my staff.

(Snaps) Minions!

(Wails) Joey!

- Careful. - (Grunting)

Just wanna get the giraffe on the pedestal here.

- Okay. - Hey, Holden,

thank you so much for helping us out of this jam.

I hope you don't think I'm a thief now.

Oh, I totally think you're a thief.

- Wha... - But it takes one to know one.

I believe this belongs to you.

- (Gasps) - Ooh, ooh, ooh! Two hands, two hands!

Sorry! I'm sorry.

Huh! What's this?

Some kind of multi-ink goodbye puppy pen that any third-grade girl

would cherish because of the dreams and adventures it would make real?

(Laughs) I forgot all about this.

(Chuckles) In third grade, I thought you were cute...

So I took your pen.

It made sense at the time, but again, I ate a lot of paste back then.

(Giggles)

Okay, less yappy-yappy, more ropey-ropey.

Sorry. Ooh!

- Ooh! Ooh! - (Thuds)

- You dropped this. - (Chuckles)

- Thanks. - (Karen grunts)

Liv, help!

Thank you all so much for coming.

It would've meant the world to my brother-in-law.

No, no, no! No, no! Wait!

- Karen Rooney? - Hey, Cindy.

We didn't steal anything.

That's my house across the street.

It was really nice walking with you.

Do you think you could say that in your monster-filter voice?

(Beeps)

(Distorted) It was really nice walking with you.

(Giggles)

I'm not gonna lie. I like the second way better.

You know, I just got the 12th punch in my Pretzel Pagoda card, and I was thinking...

Maybe you and I, the two of us, could...

(Branch snaps)

(Screams)

Oh! Joey.

Joey's friend. Carry on.

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