Original subtitles

- Po, wake up. - What?

Morning, sleepy head. You almost missed the meeting.

Meeting? [Gong crashes]

Gentlemen, welcome to the very first meeting

of what I hereby christen

the Brotherhood of malfeasance.

Our first order of business:

how best to obliterate the Dragon Warrior.

I say we burn him alive with a fire

that burns and flames like a thousand suns of flaming burn.

- Alive! - No!

I will bash his bones into dust with my own fists.

That would be nifty!

Uh, normally, Gary and me would totally be

into obliterating the Dragon Warrior, but...

[Clears throat] that usually, like,

- just makes him mad. - Enough jibber-jabber.

Let's deep six that black-and-white buffoon already.

[Ominous music]

I can't believe I thought freeing the villains

- was a good idea! - I don't know. They seem nice.

[Roars] [Screams]

[All grunting]

See? Totally mad now.

- Ow! - Agh!

[Dramatic drum beats]

Oof!

Aah!

Hi-yah! [Grunts]

Ow!

Have you guys forgotten why we're here?

Oh, uh, you want us to help you stop

an evil sorceress from controlling the minds

- of everyone in China, including ours. - Thank you, Gah-Ri.

Pfft. Suck-up. [Crash]

I know you hate me.

But is that more important than saving yourselves

from having your minds zapped? We gotta stick together,

or Pangbing will pick us off one by one.

Look, when it comes to planning and thinking, I'm a total loser.

And when it comes to being productive members of society,

you're total losers too.

Uh, is this supposed to be a pep talk, guy?

Yes, because I know that together, we can be winners.

Together we can defeat Pangbing,

and together we can save all of China!

Now, who's with me?!

[All cheering]

Nice speech, panda. We're in.

Long live the Brotherhood of malfeasance!

[All groaning]

- Ohh! No. - No.

[Engine roars]

Taotie, this is amazing. Where'd you get this thing?

What self-respecting villain doesn't have

a secretly hidden emergency escape blimp?

True.

[Huffing and puffing] Guys, seriously. It's someone else's turn.

- So where are we going, boss? - The capital.

Are you mad, or are you mad?!

Lu's got to be in the capital when the eclipse starts.

It's gonna fill him with magical emperor mojo

so he can take out Pangbing.

I'm also hoping it gives me super cool kung fu powers.

Hey-cho wi-cha!

Wa-cho! Ya-ya-ba-ya!

Hoy, hoy, cho!

We cannot battle an entire city.

We have to, Temutai. Lu's the key.

No matter what, we've got to keep him safe.

- W-W-Whoa! [Screaming] - Lu!

- Did you have a backup plan? - Oh! [Grunts]

[All screaming]

[Dramatic music]

Tong Fo, man the rudder. Temutai, Hundun, spot me!

Hi-yah!

[Grunts]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Grunting]

[Screams]

[Grunts]

[Triumphant music]

- [Strains] Lu, you okay? - No, I'm not.

- Why? - Because that stupid riddle

is still driving me crazy.

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

It makes no sense!

- Bamboo! - No, I don't think...

Agh!

[All groaning]

We're alive. I love that!

[All cheering and laughing]

[Crashes]

Great teamwork, everybody. You guys know what to do.

You heard the panda. We have a witch to defeat!

They totally respect you now, Po. Shifu would be so proud.

- I just hope he and the Five are okay. - I'm sure they're fine.

[Ominous music]

[Laughs wickedly]

Looks like your friend is on his way here to destroy me.

But I'll be ready for him.

Bring me the first victim.

[Grunting]

Hoo-ah!

Take her down. We won't get another chance.

[All shouting battle cry]

Po: There's the capitol.

Looks pretty un-break-in-able.

What do you think, Lu?

I can see my imperial palace from here.

Oof! [Sighs]

We're ready. Where are the others?

- Boom! - Huh?

[Ominous music]

- Whoa! Lookin' good, guys. - Good?

My Tripods of trepidation are works of sheer genius!

[Roars]

I love it! [Laughs insanely]

[Grunts]

Why do we build machines for war

when we don't even have a plan for war?

Who cares?

When was the last time you went into battle and said,

"Man, I wish I didn't have so many war machines"?

[Laughs]

True.

Well, it just so happens we do have a plan. Po?

Tong Fo did some recon and found that the north gate was lightly guarded.

Fung and Gah-Ri will create a diversion here...

Ooh, we could do a scene from the opera I'm writing.

Darn it, Gary, keep it simple!

Allowing the war machines to enter here.

Total chaos ensues, and then Lu takes her out.

Uh, what do you guys think?

I'm grudgingly impressed.

- Unfortunately, I am not. - Shifu! You're okay!

You're keeping very disreputable company,

- Dragon Warrior. - Where are the Five?

We broke free and attacked Pangbing, but her magic was too great.

I escaped, but the others weren't so lucky.

Then we gotta move fast. Guys, man the war machines.

No, she'll expect a frontal assault. Stealth is our only hope.

- But I think... - Oh, oh, you think?

You thought you could handle being Lu's head of security.

You thought releasing these villains was a good idea.

It's time to leave the thinking to someone more qualified.

[All gasp] Whoa.

Your call, panda, but you better hurry.

The eclipse is about to start.

[Sighs]

We'll go with Shifu's plan. He knows better than I do.

That's the first sensible thing you've said. Follow me.

Why must we wear these stupid disguises?

I figured a little extra sneakiness wouldn't hurt.

Let's do this!

[Sneaky music]

I'll handle this.

Hello there, large man.

[Romantic music]

Like what you see?

- Um, not really. - Liar!

[Gong crashes]

Subtle.

[All roaring and grunting]

This way, quickly.

I totally make this look work.

[Doors creak]

[Suspenseful music]

Master Shifu, how'd you know this place was here?

No time to explain. Get inside the circle.

It's our only protection against Pangbing's magic.

But... Something's wrong here.

Quit blathering and do as he says.

Master Shifu?

- All hail Pangbing! - Huh?

[Roars]

Aah!

- Oof! - Agh!

[Stone crumbling]

Po!

[Groaning softly]

Wow, like, he just totally saved our lives.

I say we avenge him.

That wouldn't be smart.

- The Five! - Ah, man!

[Ominous music]

[Grunts] Keep fighting. Can't let her win.

How about it, boys? You can fight to save your friend,

like he just did for you... or you can go free.

Is this a trick? I'm just asking because

I wish to know the answer to my question.

You're of no consequence to me,

so leave now, before I change my mind.

Too bad, panda. You had spunk.

- Good-bye, and farewell. - Write me if you live.

- Kind of need to stay alive, guy. - Sorry, Po.

Uh...

- Eh. - Hmph.

Their minds will all belong to me soon enough.

- Hey! - You still lost, Pangbing!

I got Lu here in time, and when the eclipse starts,

he's gonna kick your sorcery butt!

You idiot. You did exactly what I needed you to do.

You said only Lu could foil your plan.

And he would have, if he wasn't here for the ritual.

- What? - For my powers to increase,

I need to sacrifice one of imperial blood.

[Gasps]

And that's just what you brought to me.

I would thank you, but it just seems too cruel.

But... No!

The eclipse is gonna make Lu super strong,

just like it did his uncle.

I may have misremembered that story.

[Stammers]

Then it's over.

I'm sorry, Lu. I failed you.

Leave him alone, horrible, nasty lady!

Mind-control me instead!

I would if I could, but your feeble mind can't hold

- more than one thought at a time. - Huh?

Po!

Any last words before you become my minion?

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Worst last words ever.

[All chanting] Ni-te-ga

kur-ta ba-e-de...

Ni-te-ga kur-ta

ba-e-de...

[Dramatic drum beats]

[Crowd shouting indistinctly]

- Are we ready to begin? - Yes, my master.

The people are assembled.

The great cannons are being loaded to celebrate your triumph.

And the eclipse has begun.

Excellent. Bring forth the prisoner.

[Crowd cheering]

Help! Anybody? Emperor in peril here!

They can't hear you, fool.

As far as they know, they're just here for your ascension ceremony.

- Po will find a way to stop you. - I seriously doubt that.

[Dramatic music]

Hail Pangbing!

Say it ain't so, Po!

[Laughs]

And now the ritual begins.

[Music]

What's happening? I'm all tickly.

And not in the way I like. [Groans]

[Thud]

[Crowd screaming]

Time to pay the pipers, witch!

This is so cool! We're, like, 40 feet tall!

It's nice to see you smile.

Stop them!

[Together] Hail Pangbing.

[Grunts]

- Hi-yah! - Ugh!

- Hi-yah! - Ow!

Don't just stand there! Attack!

I hear and obey. Wa-ha!

Po, I thought you were hyp-Mo-tized.

Nope. Check it out.

I countered her mind zap by focusing on only one thought:

Shifu's riddle. [Screams]

Po!

Fire!

It is time.

Ni-te-ga kur-ta

ba-e-de...

[Echoing] Ni-te-ga kur-ta

ba-e-de...

[Gasps]

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Don't worry, everybody. I'll...

[Eerie shimmering tones]

Ah, man. [All grunting and growling]

Ow! Ooh!

Ye-ow-ow!

[Whimpering]

The final victory is mine! [Laughs wickedly]

[All grunting]

Gotta stop Pangbing... Yah!

[Dramatic music]

[Groans]

[Screams] [Laughs]

[Screaming]

Darn it.

Aah... Oof!

[Gasps, groans]

Okay, okay. [Groans] Yah!

[Whimpers]

[Grunting]

Aah!

[Screams]

[Grunting]

[Groans]

Is it...

[Groans]

Uh, one second. I just gotta... catch my breath.

Wah!

Hi-yah!

[Grunting]

Whoa!

I'm coming for you, Pangbing! Oof!

[Screams] [Heavy thud]

Po!

[Groans]

[Grunting]

Yours is the only mind left, panda. Give it to me!

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?!

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?!

That riddle can't protect you forever.

What do you put in a barrel to make it lighter?!

Save yourself, Po! Play dead!

Climb a tree! Jump in a hole!

What do you put in a barrel... Hole?

[Gasps] Hole!

Hoo-ah! Kitah!

[Laughs wickedly]

[Groans] Ohh.

[Laughing]

Crowd: Hail Pangbing. Hail Pangbing.

Hail Pangbing.

What?

No!

No. I waited so long.

No!

[Peaceful music]

It worked! Whoo-hoo!

Yes!

What happened?

You figured out the riddle, Lu.

I did? Huh. That doesn't sound like me.

Well, you helped me figure it out.

To make a barrel lighter, you put a hole in it!

Of course! And it's funny because it's true.

[Gasps]

[Triumphant music]

Panda, you did it. I was wrong.

You are a thinker when you want to be.

- I'm very proud. - Thanks, Master Shifu,

But I couldn't have done it without... Whoa!

- Guys... - Hey... Oof!

After all we've been through, you guys were gonna smash me?

Uh, just looking for a return to normalcy.

- Of course. - That's right.

- Yes, normal normalcy. - Yeah, nothing personal.

Hi-yah!

- Uh-oh. - What?

[Forced laughter] Sorry we can't stay.

We have a previous engagement... with evil. [click]

[Taotai laughs wickedly]

[Explosion]

Fung: Darn it!

And stay out!

Crowd: Lu Kang! Lu Kang! Lu Kang!

Lu Kang! Lu Kang!

- Guys! - Not bad, panda.

[Laughs] Not bad? The big showoff just saved all of China!

The main thing is, is that we're all together again.

Unfortunately, our time together will be brief.

Po is still Lu Kang's head of security.

He'll be staying here in the capital.

[Sighs]

Sorry, guys. The Emperor needs me.

Master Po, as your Emperor, I have this to say to you:

- you're fired! - What?

I do need you, Po, but China needs you more

at the Jade Palace.

So get out of here, you knucklehead.

- Woo-hoo! - Yeah!

- All right! - There he is!

Hey, everybody, let's hear it for the Dragon Warrior!

Huzzah!

Crowd: Huzzah! Huzzah!

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

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