Original subtitles

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1 'Mrs Vohra, you are to bear the penalty of a 500 dollar fine.'

'That you complete an alcohol rehabilitation program'

'in any of the state-run AA institutions'

'to commence immediately.'

'The truth is, I need your help'

'for Gogu,'

'for Sunny, for Jaspal,'

'and for myself.'

'Anyway, how do you know that I work here?'

'The other night when I was putting on my clothes,'

'I saw your work clothes in the closet.'

'I get into my work clothes in exactly 33 and a half minutes.'

'My very first adult video with a male performer,'

'which will be with Nate exclusively.'

'I am not feeling well.'

'I am going to my room.'

'Bubbles, what happened?'

'Has she been drinking?'

'She hasn't.'

'She's been sober for at least three weeks now.'

'I was nervous'

'because my boyfriend was planning on telling his sister'

'that her fiancé is cheating on her.'

'You guys have no proof.'

'We might have no proof.'

'But I have a gift...'

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to ROFL with Rusty!

What's up, guys?

My name is Rusty as you can tell from the accent,

yes you are correct, you are correct…

I am a cunt! Yeah!

No. I promise, this accent is real, folks!

I actually grew up here

because many years ago my father actually moved to America,

met my mother and fell in love with her green card!

What can I say…

Now before I begin,

do you guys wanna hear clean jokes or dirty jokes?

Dirty jokes!

Well, I don't know any!

But what I do know is a girl,

who is married to a guy named Dirty.

You guys wanna hear about her?

All right. Well, let's get on with this shit!

'2004, Los Angeles'

Where are you? I am waiting.

Alright, fine. Hurry up.

Hi sir, what can I get you?

Excuse me,

what is that drink that Carrie Bradshaw

has in 'Sex and the City'?

Cosmopolitan.

Thank you.

I would like a Cosmo, please!

Sure, sir!

What was that look about?

Well, maybe because Cosmo is not much of a man's drink!

And 'Sex and the City' is not much of a man's show.

Oh!

Does that mean I have completely blown my chances

of making a good impression on you?

Well...

Here you go, sir. - I don't think that a drink or a show

is a testament of how much of a man you are!

Really, then what is?

Cut it!

You are looking constipated my friend!

That's because he is holding something in

and not letting it out!

Oh, no!

Sorry.

Look, you know that I know.

You need to tell me something and you are just not.

And that's the only reason I am getting irritated lately!

And I am irritated because you think there is something

when there is absolutely nothing!

Anyway, let's cancel the shoot today, I cant…

What do you mean you can't shoot.

Don't you know how much a shoot day costs?

I mean, just get it up and get in there!

What if I can't get it up, huh?

What if you...

What if you don't excite me anymore to get it up?

Well, maybe, we just have to get you a fluffer!

Thank you. Alright, alright.

Now, I wanna explain it to you guys what a fluffer is!

And before I do, is anybody here in a relationship

but you didn't bring your girlfriend or wife along tonight?

Yes. You sir, you hideous floral shirt guy…

Stand up, stand up!

Who is your celebrity crush?

Angelina Jolie!

Whoa! Trust me, bro,

even Brad Pitt could not pull off that shit!

'No way. There's no way.'

But now, I have gotta ask you a question!

Are there other times in your life,

in your sex life at home,

when you are banging Mrs Floral Shirt,

and you are thinking of Angelina Jolie?

Sometime!

Oh, you see! Thank you, guys. You see this!

But it's crazy, man.

But fluffers... Dude, people think these fluffers exist.

And according to urban legend,

fluffers are people on porn sets who keep the guys excited.

You know they are ones who show them videos and pictures,

in-between takes,

like you need to be excited to watch shooting a porno!

Really? This is ridiculous, man.

That's why no one has ever heard this or seen this.

But apparently, they exist.

Which is why my ex's ex was so confused

when she brought up the concept of a fluffer!

What the fuck are you talking about this fluffer shit?

Well, somebody is gotta help you.

Obviously, I am not making it happen for you!

Nate, meet Joni,

who's been keeping you out of work for long hours

and helping you get it up!

What are you doing here, Joni?

Fucking you, literally, for a change!

Hey, I didn't know you were coming home!

You found out!

Where's mom?

She is up in her room!

Mom.

You are here!

Your wedding dress has arrived from your maternal grandparents.

I know you won't wear it as it's an English wedding

but just check it out.

'That hug.'

'For some reason, Nate and Karen's wedding being called off'

'was one of the best things to have happened to our family.'

'As it was after a long time'

'that mom saw Karen as nothing else but just her daughter.'

'And then came the year 2008'

'when once again,'

'things turned upside down for our family.'

And welcome to the AVA Awards 2008

and I am your host, and you do not wanna miss this…

Hi, are you guys having a good night?

I am having a fantastic night.

Oh, look!

Jimmy, if I were to ask you,

who your ultimate male co-star would be

to have sex with your gorgeous wife Rita on screen?

I don't mind anyone

as long as his gun is not bigger than Jimmy's.

Oh, Jimmy. And Rita, if I ask you?

Interesting.

But if I would like to pick one, I would say Sunny Leone!

Oh!

And now, we have Sunny Leone,

who is nominated for various awards this evening

including the Best Debut

in which she nailed with her co-star and former flame.

'Sunny Loves Nate'.

Although, it should be called 'Sunny Loved Nate',

if you ask me.

Aren't you a darling?

I am sorry. I am sorry.

You're still contracted with Vivid,

for two more films.

What's the status quo on those films, Sunny?

Well, those are definitely happening!

With Nate? - Hell no!

So who is the lucky guy, Sunny?

Well, you're gonna have to stay tuned to find out!

Well, I will see you next year. Stay tuned for insights.

Now that I met... Hey. - Sunny!

Hi!

I am good.

I am sorry.

I heard about Nate... - Oh my gosh!

Don't you start too.

Everybody is talking about Nate and feeling sorry for me.

And if you start it too, I am going to strangle you.

Wow, you are in the angry moving on stage!

Yeah, it's about time!

Great, which means she is ready to have some fun!

Yes, totally. - What!

What's wrong with you guys?

What, just changing hairstyle is not going to help you move on!

You need a proper distraction!

Rusty! Rusty! - I like my hair.

Oh my god, what are you doing…

Come on, girl. You deserve some fun

and Rusty is the school of fun!

Hey, guys! - Hey!

Sunny, this is Rusty.

Rusty, this is Sunny.

Hi! - A girl way out of my league!

Why would you even introduce us, Jenna?

I mean I know you are nominated for Best S&M Video tonight,

but this is sadism, you know, beyond my recognition!

Imagine, he gets paid to talk shit like this…

Rusty's actually a stand… - I know he is a comedian.

I have been to one of your shows, and you are really funny!

Oh, thanks. You know, I have seen all your films

and they are really good!

I am Sandeep, her brother!

Oh shit, you are her brother.

Sorry about that, bro!

Thank you. Thank you.

Have a seat.

And now to present the next award, the yummy milf,

Jenna Madison and the dapper daddy

Aiden Shaw.

Good evening, everyone.

It feels great to be here!

To honour the hot

and hard-working professionals of this industry,

who go out there with a single-minded purpose,

to make this world a happier place!

A big round of applause for all of them, please!

Which brings us to our next category,

Web Babe of the Year!

And the nominees for this category are...

Kagney Patric,

Alexis Haze,

Carol Wang,

Sunny Leone.

And the winner is

a very good friend of mine, Sunny Leone!

"Time comes and goes."

"I've looked over my shoulder."

"My hands are worn down,"

"my feet all tired and swollen."

"Are you here for me?"

"Are you here for me?"

"I tried to help everybody, the hours moved so fast."

"I put the pieces back."

"The best I know, the best I can. Are you here for me?"

Hey! - Hey!

What happened, do you know that guy?

No, I don't know!

Then why did you leave?

I came to get a drink!

Hey! - Hey!

Hey!

Is the gig by the Disparrows over yet?

Yeah!

Does anybody actually know

why they are called the Disparrows in the first place?

I don't know man, why don't you go and ask them?

I am actually here to ask your sister out!

Do you wanna maybe go outside and get a drink?

Dude, there is an open bar here!

Leave the jokes to me, bro!

So?

Actually, I will get a drink with you!

Karen?

I will see you later. Okay?

"Go... Go..."

"Go... Go..."

"Go... Go..."

"I can't get you out of my head."

"I can't get you out of my head."

'While your eye has been on me all evening,'

'your lips clearly have been on someone else.'

'I don't know,'

'just feels like some weird sort of connection.'

'Wait, you can hear me?'

'Not you, just your thoughts.'

'Nonsense. You don't even know me.'

'I do. You're Sunny Leone.'

'Web Girl of the Year.'

'I guess that's all you'll ever know.'

'But I only know one thing for now.'

'No one is ever going to know you the way I will.'

So, I was a rebound

and you guys know how that works out.

It doesn't!

Now, imagine

that you've gotta play your first match against Roger Federer.

You think you would be able to get it up?

The racquet! The racquet, right?

That's exactly what happened to me

the first time I was with that porno chic, man!

I just could not get it up!

And it was crazy.

It was terrible!

You know and to make matters worse,

I started imagining, I started having these visuals

that she was gonna ask me to be in the porno films,

the way she did with her ex-boyfriend.

I mean I know the camera adds 10 pounds.

But can it add ten inches?

I don't think that's gonna work, right? It's ridiculous, man!

But yeah, you know!

She is dating again.

After that, she broke up with me!

That guy who was dating that girl,

the Disparrow's guy, he broke up with her!

And now, they are together!

And they are just out there, doing porn!

And giving each other happy endings on camera,

for the world to see!

If only I had lasted 45 seconds…. Ah!

Hey. What the fuck!

Who the hell are you, man!

Karen's ex. - Who?

The porno chic you keep talking about in your gig, man.

Sunny? - Yes. Sunny.

Hey, listen to me, man.

You have made a fool out of me in my friend circle.

If you don't stop talking about me or Sunny,

I will whoop that black ass of yours, you understand!

Do you understand? Say it.

Yes, I mean but it is...

I guess but dude, it is not black. It is like more brown!

I am sorry about that, baby. These fans, you know!

Like they are just...

Excuse me.

Hi. Can I have the virgin mojitos with bubbles, please?

What will you have?

Can I get poison?

Sorry?

Nothing. I'll have... What were you having?

Virgin mojito - Yes, same.

Thank you.

What kind of a test is this, Tanya?

Balwant, this is the ultimate Bubble's test.

But you know, I have been a good girl

for the past few weeks at least.

I know.

I don't know why I feel like having a bubbly today.

Well, I think it is because your daughter went to the AVA Awards.

AVA Award?

What is that?

It is... Balwant, I am so sorry,

I really need to pee.

I'd be right back, okay?

Excuse me.

What is AVA Awards?

Sorry?

Nothing. Thank you

'Search, AVA Awards'

'AVA Awards'

'Best Oral Sex'

'Best Threesome'

'Web Girl of the Year'

Balwant.

Do you need an actual drink?